Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: JonBenét Was My Friend

Episode Date: September 12, 2019

Ben 'n' Henry break down this week's true crime stories: a missing undersea observatory, a missing penis, a toddler fights off a mountain lion, and MORE. TRIPLE L.

there's no place to escape to this is the last on the left side stories that's when the cannibalism started side stories yes sumptuous sumptuous parisian, Birmingham, UK. Yeah, baby. That's where we're at right now, buddy. Looking at the highway, you could smell the fumes. You could smell the fish and chips residue. Oh, yeah, man. In puddles in the street.

We're in working class England. Birmingham. Birmingham. This is where the great band Black Sabbath is from. This is where they got their dark sound. They were super dark. And it's not like in Norway where they get all their benefits taken care of and they live in a pristine society

and they have to figure out a way to rebel against it by becoming evil. They actually did. You could see now why Ozzy Osbourne was so somber. We're staring at a highway. And those cars keep on going by. Zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom. Isn't that exciting? You know what, too?

It's also just straight up, like you look at the in-room dining in the UK, and it's just got a different flavor. It's the way- What did you order today? What were you thinking about getting? Ooh, what I was looking at, one thing I was eyeballing

was the chicken liver parfait. And the steak und fritts, it was prime cut full face rump is how they call the meat here full face rum and they said this sort of pink oh you're gonna john benet ramsay's corpse oh my hey what's up everyone how you doing this inside stories i am ben i am staring at Henry. We are on the road, mildly exhausted, but of course it's always wonderful to speak with you. We want to thank everyone who came out to our show in Manchester. Manchester was a fun show, wasn't it?

It was unbelievable is what I would call it, Henry. Unbelievable. We spend our entire day spitting loogies into a bucket because Kissel and I got some mysterious drinker's disease. Marcus is fine. Marcus is fine, so I am wondering if it's all the sugary snacks, all the sugary drinks,

perhaps that's creating a coating of cancer on his endocrine system? Exactly. Basically, all of the weird oils and the fake weird bits and all of his onion-fl flavored snacks he's eaten all day. And then he tried to describe to me his way of eating them.

He's like, don't worry, Henry. I don't eat them all at once. I eat them little bits at a time and I let them just stay open in my bag. And I looked into his bag, his like carry on bag. bag and I looked into his bag his like carry-on bag. It's just filled with half stale fucking crusted over bags of

pickling onion. I think they're called like munchikins. I think they're called munchikins and they're absolutely I'm just gonna say disgusting. They are disgusting. They are gross. But of course we do have a lot of news stories from the UK. Speaking of chips, there was two news stories this week.

I am just... One... You're focused on this. This is a very, very big saga. Well, I have to say, so we're recording on 9-11, and there was zero, zero coverage here in the UK. They are letting it pass. They're letting it go.

They have forgotten. But they did cover something very interesting. There was a man who opened up his Heinz beans. And you know what there was in there? They're letting it go. They have forgotten. But they did cover something very interesting. There was a man who opened up his Heinz beans. And you know what there was in there? Nothing but the sauce except for one bean. And then they put him on the cover. And then today.

That was his 9-11. That was his 9-11. And then today, a man opened up a bag of crisps, which is what they call chips over here. Kissel, are you being really continental right now? I'm being very continental. And he opened up the bag of crisps which is what they call chips over here kissel are you being really continental right now i'm being very continental and he opened up the bag of crisps and you know what there was just one little fluffer in there he was so one little puffer the look on his face because it showed him with the one crisp right in that bag empty and him this triumphant look of like gotcha gotcha gotcha Like he's been waiting for this to fucking come down the pipe for him.

This is his ship. This is a European, this is a UK epidemic. Apparently there's someone working in one of these factories that's just putting one little puffer in the bag of crisps and putting one bean in the canister of beans. Beans. And here they eat a lot of fucking beans. They love the beans.

And I mean, honestly, I mean, I don't mind beans. It's just like sometimes I don't need the beans. We are both of the mind. You know, not that we don't always agree, but there are things obviously we differ upon especially when it comes to food. But both of us are like beans for me as a man. It's a situational thing I'm going to eat.

I like it during camping when you're playing hobo. I like them in Mexican food. Yes. I like them tri-tip mixed in at a barbecue restaurant. Sure. Even then I barely get them. Absolutely. Because I'll only eat three spoonfuls of it because I'm not trying to go full up on the fucking beans.

I'm trying to eat the meat. Absolutely. And so at breakfast here, slathering beans. It's all bean related breakfast. Like Ann-Margret's supple breasts from The Who's Tommy. Did you ever see that movie? I never did see Who's Tommy. Who is he?

You missed that boat. What was it about? It's about the blind deaf kid who plays pinball. You know that. Ah, that's what that song is based off of. Pinball Wizard. Yes. Alright. The Who's Tommy is a is based off of, Pinball Wizard. Yes. All right. The Who's Tommy is a very famous rock musical, rock opera, as it were, done by The Who. That's why it's called The Who's Tommy.

Technically, it's called Tommy, but it's written and produced by The Who. I thought it was Who's Tommy. No, it's like how Fast and the Furious presented Hobbs and Shaw. Right. The Who presented Tommy. But Tommy was fake. He's not real. As are Hobbs and Shaw. Right. The Who presented Tommy. Tommy. But Tommy was fake. He's not real.

As are Hobbs and Shaw. Isn't that sad? As is the movie Rudy about the life of a real person, Rudy Ruediger. But indeed, it is not nearly as romantic or as triumphant as they make it seem in that movie. No, because they wasted a bunch of people's football careers letting a mentally handicapped man blow a play. Just so everybody could applaud. And then he released him back to his home but what you don't understand is in the movie they're like oh my god they carried him off the field and it was so unbelievable that's a waste of time well you know it was a joke they were laughing at him and that's when they carried him off as a lark but in the film you know they disneyfied it anyway

but yeah we actually have some true crime stories to get to today yeah but i suppose because we are talking about food i mean when we're on the road together we do talk about food extensively well it's because we're here it's kind of funny to see the true differences between the two countries i know we have obviously we have a lot of listeners in the uk it's where we're traveling all over the uk so I imagine they're being variously insulted. But I think at this point, they're used to being roasted by Americans. On the last episode, though, we did

mention, this was the last Relaxed Fit episode, and we did mention beer meat. Bear meat. And I have to say, out of all the things we've ever talked about, whether it be 9-11, or JonBenetnet ramsey or now mormonism or mormonism i have never received as many emails not even exaggeration i'm gonna say

close to 500 between dms yeah mentions on twitter right mentions on instagram and just straight up emails right so we can't read them all, but I think the overall consensus is you can eat it. You can eat it. And people do eat it, but it's greasy. It's greasy. So they all say the same.

They all say the same thing in the emails. I want to again, I always send us the emails. It means so much to us when you reach out to you, especially when we specifically ask you for information. You guys fucking did it.

Thank you for that. Thank you. Now I, oh God, speaking of that's what made me think of that's what it made me do yeah i know you got a little burp in there but bear sausage yes it is commonly served in a sausage because of the texture and nature of the bear sausage there's also a thing called a blueberry uh bear or a blackberry bear which is bears that are supposed to be technically they do taste what like they do taste like what they just ate right

you're supposed to get them in the spring. There's all things I've learned from emails. You're supposed to get them from the spring because they eat the berries and their meat becomes sweet. Their fat becomes blue. You can also serve it. I've had people say that,

oh, I ate it on a stick. I had another guy say, I ate it in a steak. I had another guy be like, oh, my cousin makes it in a barbecue setting. You can do a lot with it. Oh, you got to have my cousin's bear jerky. And they all say the same thing.

It's mediocre. All right. There it is. So thank you so much for weighing in on that. We do have some stories. You can send us other emails now. You can. We got it.

Side stories, LPOTL at gmail.com. Shoot us emails about anything other than bear meat because We got it. Sidestories, L-P-O-T-L, at gmail.com. Shoot us emails about anything other than bear meat, because we got it. We got it. So we actually, this story was a little bit older. This is actually from last week, but we just didn't get to it. And Henry and I wanted to cover it today. We're going to go to Alabama. Oh, yeah? And this story is crazy, dude. So this is from BBC News. Alabama shootings. Boy, 14 years old, admits killing five family members. So this dude is accused of killing three of his siblings,

aged six months, five and six, and his father and his stepmother. He's being charged as a juvenile right now, but they might bump those charges up and make him an adult. Although, again, 14 years old, man, what the hell is this about, Henry? This guy, I mean, we'll get into some detail as to why he did it. He snapped because he didn't realize that his mother was his stepmother. Apparently, they did not tell him that his mother was his stepmother.

He tried to cover it up. It seems like they were kind of smart not to because they were like, maybe if we do, he'll kill us. I mean, I think that... All right, let's break this down. So he did this execution style in the middle of the night. He shot them one by one by one, including, I believe it was a five-month-old,

a six-year-old, and I believe... It was a six-month-old, a six-year-old, and I believe, I don't. It was five and six, a six-month-old, a five-year-old, and a six-year-old. And then his mother and father, stepmother and father. And they were all very young. The father was only 38 and the mom was 35. So this is a young, new family. This is a young family. He massacred the whole family.

I guess they just recently told him that his mom was not really his mom. It was his stepmom. I am not remotely blaming the whole family. I guess they just recently told him that his mom was not really his mom. It was his stepmom. Right. I am not remotely blaming the parents whatsoever. No. Because this is normal information. Also, don't you think, you do wait until they're around 12 or 13.

I guess it's tough. Honestly, I... It's hard to know when to tell the child. I think you tell a child as soon as they are able to understand. But maybe 14 is when the kid was going to be able to understand. Maybe this kid was like,

maybe the parents were like, you know, he's's a little emotionally immature let's wait until we think he can handle it i mean obviously he couldn't we're gonna wait to see what else comes out about this kid we haven't really i haven't seen any really other information about no the nature of this kid's emotions i don't know if they were going to talk a lot about that because he was so young but i think that you tell a kid as early as humanly fucking possible i think that you tell a kid four years old five years old explain that there are different kinds of families they're gonna know though they're not gonna understand you're it's very interesting the way you talk because you you're talking from the perspective of a boy that literally just had people just thrown in your house like you had

foster brothers there's none of that shit was explained to you. So you experienced this. So you were viewing this as like, well, I didn't kill everybody. Well, I certainly did not kill everybody. I was 12 years old. And then I learned very quickly that sometimes fathers have sex with their children

and it's disgusting. It's different. You learn these lessons. That's called hyperspeed adult hyper speed adulting yeah you're like oh i didn't know people did that yesterday i was playing with batman and today i'm learning about some disgusting things that adults do yeah exactly they mistreat their children and then sometimes those children are taken away by the state and given to your family but none of that was asked you weren't asked they didn't ask your opinion you just had foster brothers and sisters

right i'm you know i think it's beautiful what your parents did, but it would be nice now. A little clarity would have been nice. A little clarity would have been nice. I understand that. I agree with you on that. So I'm not saying that this is remotely warranted in any way, shape, or form, but whatever. But we're seeing here that this is very similar to the DeFeo family from Amityville. Oh, really?

In what sense? I mean, not remotely, but the fact that one dude killed all the rest of the family. In that sense, absolutely. But I think that. I don't think as much acid was involved. No. Although you never know. Maybe if 14 kids are dropping acid.

I mean, I was certainly drinking at 12. Who knows what he got a hold of or how he learned the idea of, oh, I'll just kill everybody. Well, that's the thing. the idea of, oh, I'll just kill everybody. Well, that's the thing, because you mentioned how it literally was like a Gestapo tactic where you just put a bullet behind the head. So he must have seen something where he's like, oh, that's how you do it. Wolfenstein. You're going to blame Wolfenstein.

I think what this is all about. You're going to blame a video game for this? This is Wolfenstein. Wolfenstein. It's a great game. All three of the new games are incredible. It is very, it's very scary to think that this kid automatically jumped to killing everybody instead of, because back in my day, when I was a kid, you'd run away from home.

Sure, it was the 90s. You could do anything. You could hitchhike. It was safer than hell. Well, you just have a, there are other weird adolescent ways to, and that's why i think what you said is correct i think it's going to find out this kid obviously had either a history of problems yeah or he he had some kind of emotional imbalance obviously but it's not even like the

adoption thing i understand because my you know i think a lot of siblings do that thing where they're like you know you were adopted and it was i mean obviously in my case my brothers tried to pull that off and my mom and I look exactly alike. Yes. And I'm also super tall like my dad. And I was like, you know what? I think it's probably, I probably can't remember. You're like, I know that pussy.

Yeah, right. That's exactly what I said when I was 11 years old. Yeah, that's what I screamed at my older brothers. But I understand like the adoption thing would be a little bit more like, damn, my entire life has been a lie. Who are my parents? But this is just a stepmom.

This is such a low-level thing that I feel like it's not that challenging to explain to a kid. I don't think it's... Judging by Pornhub, stepmoms and their children are doing just fine. I think that it's much different if you're like that Fritzl guy, like trying to explain to me that... Oh my God, Joseph Fritzl. There are different kinds of families. So your mother was also my daughter.

And I knew she had the sweetest vagina. Because I made it with my shemans, correct? So I went to see what kind of Russian doll I could make of a child with my shemans inside of the vagina in which my shemans make. That's a harder conversation. That is a harder conversation. That is a harder conversation. That's a disgusting conversation, Joseph Fritzl. I believe he's dead now.

It's filled with candor, though. Actually, he might... I think that he died. Did he? Let me check that out. Fact checker. Fact checker. Quick message back from the fact checker here.

Fact check. He is still alive. Joseph Fritzl the he is one of the worst human beings i would put fritzl and the toy box killer together is maybe the worst two people that we've ever talked about he is still alive he is 84 years old 84 years young he is old and he is living in a prison. He's incarcerated at Garston Abbey and evidently he still has a wife, Rosemary Fritzl. Anyway. Do you remember how everyone said he was like fun? They have a new Netflix documentary about him.

It wasn't new. It was like two years ago. It was about him. I forget what it was called. I think it was called like My Daughters, My Wives, My Banks, My Loves. It was something like that. I'm not sure. I hope not. Honestly, I hope not. I hope what I was called. I think it was called, like, My Daughters, My Wives, My Banks, My Loves. Like, it was something like that. I'm not sure.

I hope not. Honestly, I hope not. I hope what I said is not true. I'm sure that it is. So where are we leaving out with this story? More information is going to come out about this 14-year-old kid. Yes.

We're going to find out exactly what's going on with him, or not, because he's a minor. You might not. Yes. But now, this is the question, Henry, and this is always the question up for debate. 14 years old, he is a child.

He's a child. And he obviously, do you charge this person as an adult? I believe that we have a rule, and I don't know why we've been able to do this for so long. Same thing that happened in Wisconsin with the slender man stabbings. Those were 12-year-olds. It's like, if we want to have a standard of like,

you're an adult at this age, this is when you can give consent, this is when you can legally have intercourse, then I do not believe we should be charging minors as adults. He probably needs to be in a home. He needs to be in a hospital for a long, long time. I mean, jail is not going to help this kid. No, jail is going to make a 14-year-old a sociopath even more so, and he's just going to become hardened, and he's going to become this kid no jail is going to make a 14 year old a sociopath even more so and he's just going to become hardened and he's going to become like michael myers it's the severity of the crime and the way that they planned it he lied to the police he tried to tell them that somebody came in and broke in the house and so they they then realized like that was total fucking bullshit

so he immediately confessed the splendor man stabbings those two little girls i mean the one the main little girl technically planned the whole fucking thing which is all this like difficult weird gray area but prison does not rehab these kids and they are so young that you'd like to think that there was places for them to go but we we were just, I believe it's called Adam's Son, the documentary from HBO. It's either that or Mother of a, it's about- A sociopathic child.

Yes. It's kind of like that movie Children of Rage that we saw that came out like 20 years ago, where the problem though is that with the mental health issues that we have in America, we don't have the beds. We don't have the infrastructure to help these kids. And a lot of times we've got the private hospitals

that are the wealthy people can put their kids in there and send them away. But if you need to go to a state-run hospital, good freaking luck, because those have basically just become what prison is. We don't have good mental health care in this country. But there are good facilities, but most of it's like they got to get you before you do the crime that would put you in prison.

Well, that is an interesting conversation. So it's not bear meat. That's not the question this week. The question is, should a 14-year-old, regardless of how heinous the crime is, be charged as an adult? Side story, it's LPOTL at gmail.com. And bear meat, we know. We know. We know. It's thank youl at gmail.com. And Bear Meat, we know. We know! We got it.

It's thank you, again, for the information. Thank you. But I'm starting to feel like Forrest Gump talking to Bubba about all the different ways Bear Meat can be prepared. I want to talk about this story from Gizmodo. Large underwater observatory disappears without a trace, baffling scientists. This is crazy. This article was written by George Dvorsky. Hell

yeah, fellow Polak. A large monitoring station used to gather important scientific data in the Baltic Sea has mysteriously vanished. The underwater observatory, which had been on the seafloor since December 2016, the seafloor, so it's attached to the fucking bottom

of the ocean. It's on the bottom of the ocean. Is managed by the G.O.M.R. Helmholtz Center for Ocean Research, Kiel, and. Helmholtz Center for Ocean Research Kiel and the Helmholtz Center Gestalt. On August 21st at 8.15 p.m. local time, transmissions from the 300,000

euro, $330,000 station came to a sudden halt. Divers were dispatched to the site, only to find, much to their astonishment, that the entire structure was gone, save for a shredded transmission cable, according to a GMR

statement. So, do we know where SpongeBob and his friends were in the day of the thieving? I want a trial. I want a trial. I want to see SpongeBob. I want to see SpongeBob on trial. We were doing some research in Edinburgh. Our friend Neil, Marcus, he gave Marcus and I a personalized tour of Edinburgh.

And he used to do this thing in the center of town where they used to put a guy up on a fucking cross, right? And he used to tie up his arms up on the side of the cross. And they used to put this kind of head piece that would hold his head back. And they would gut him. And they would pull out his fucking intestines, right? And wrap it around his torso a bunch and then burn them and make them eat him and shit because that's i believe that's just called being drawn and then you're quartered after that oh okay that's the being drawn that's what should be done to spongebob do that to spongebob i don't know if he has intestines or not that that's up for debate how does he shit

that is another question up for debate but also up for debate is How does he shit? That is another question up for debate. But also up for debate is, how the hell did these people get down there to the ocean floor, and how did they do it undetected, and why would they do it? Back to the article. The observatory was in a restricted area off the northern coast of Germany. Boats, including fishing vessels, are not allowed into the area. Okay. That somebody or a group of individuals remove the observatory remains the most plausible explanation.

Other factors, such as a massive storm, heavy currents, or even marine animals, were ruled out as potential causes owing to the weight of the instrument. Okay, so a shark couldn't have done it. This thing's fucking huge. Don't blame the sharks. I'm not blaming the sharks. I love sharks.

No one has any fucking clue. They don't know why it. This thing's fucking huge. Don't blame the sharks. I'm not blaming the sharks. I love sharks. No one has any fucking clue. They don't know why it's gone. The station collected data about water temperature, nutrients, salinity, the speed of water flow, and concentrations of chlorophyll and methane. This data was used to evaluate

the health of the ecosystem in and around the southwestern Baltic Sea. Now, they say that there is evidence of other giant like underground shipwrecks gone missing yeah most time it's treasure hunters people stealing them to basically sell for scrap or sell for whatever they find if you steal this thing right theoretically you don't know how to use this and you don't really care about it you want to sell it on the black market this thing is the size of a small car and is this really that sought after of a of an object of a scientific object is what are you

going to do with this is it going to be sold on the dark web at this point i wouldn't be surprised if there's just two stoners sitting in their living room staring at it being like what the hell are we supposed to do put a bunch of ivy out of their hair. Thursday was fucked up. It's crazy, bro. Why did we fucking do this, man? What are we going to do with it? I got all the seaweed in my living room. The landlords are going to be so fucking pissed, man.

But the missing observatory consists of two racks, one weighing 250 kilos, 550 pounds, and the other 100 kilos, 220 pounds. The racks include a frame holding the power supply along with a heavy cable connecting the station to the coast and a frame to hold the sensors. Both racks were, quote-unquote, removed with great force from their position.

I would assume so. Now, they have no clue. They say the data that was collected was, quote-unquote, downright priceless, but they have no clue what someone would gain from stealing this unless it's some other state actor but they are also there's no evidence saying that unless also of course it is the great Cthulhu it could be Cthulhu oh let's blame it on the Russians why not uh very interesting and we will figure out hopefully they

will figure out who stole this 1,600 pound thing. You think that it wouldn't be that hard to find out? It was monitored by the government. No one has any clue what the hell is happening. But they got the data though. The ocean's scary, dude. The ocean's scary. The ocean's scary, dude.

If there's aliens, that's where they are. They're down there swimming somewhere. Ooh, Kissel, you're starting to absorb. I absorb. Like SpongeBob. Like SpongeBob, all full of shit. Don't think he poops. He better poop.

If you would, then every time he would squeeze, he would be squeezing out poop. You are. What do you think happens when you actually... I mean, I'm not so fucking marine biologist, right? No, we're not. I don't go to your fucking school. I didn't have time. I was busy to go to your fucking biology school.

You were playing Dungeons and Dragons. I wasn't busy. That's not being busy. That's actually being not busy. it's busy examining my imagination but i imagine if you take a natural sponge just from the ground and you squeeze it all that does come out of it is shit maybe again that's a toss-up for the audience do sponges real sponges do they have penises i don't know but you know that's a great segue into this story. Speaking of squeezing something, let's go to North Carolina, shall we? Please.

So, all the way to North Carolina, a woman was arrested after she tied up her husband, and you know what she did, Henry? She cut off his Johnson. She cut off his penis. You go, girl. I don't know what happened. You go, girl.

She must have been listening to Lizzo. I have no idea. She was feeling passion. She was feeling passion. Why men great till they gotta be great? You know, I've heard Lizzo now, and I think it's wonderful. I took a DNA test, and I'm 100% that bitch. Is that what

it says? Lizzo, man. Making fucking chicks cut their fucking dude's penises off, man. Maybe. Is that what it said when they caught the Golden State Killer? Then he took a DNA test and I'm 100% that bitch? Oh, yeah. So she, at knife point,

she tied up her husband. So her husband must have already been scared of her. Because he's just like, I don't even know. Like, if Natalie comes at you with a knife and she's like, I'm going to tie you up, I'm going to say, just really, I don't know. Like, don't? But it's toughalie comes at you with a knife and she's like i'm gonna tie you up i'm gonna say just really i i don't know like don't but it's tough to say it's really very tough to say because in the end i mean i don't want to be held a knife point but i feel i feel like we could negotiate but i feel like also at that point if i'm at knife point i i'd like to think i'm evaluating how'd we get here how did we get here, he did not seem to evaluate that very well

because he ended up getting tied up, not victim-blaming whatsoever, of course. Do we know what he did, what happened? Do we know anything about their relationship? Well, her name is Victoria Frabut, and his name is James Frabut, and a spokesperson for the sheriff's office released a press release saying when they arrived,

James, he's 61 years young, claimed that his wife pulled out a knife and tied him up inside. And I tell you what, I have no idea what it was about. No idea. No. It's because he don't listen. Well, apparently. I have no idea what this conflict is about. So he came home.

She pulled out the knife. She tied him up. She then cut off his penis and then the authorities they were able to recover it and they did put it on ice like a little like it's like you gotta put if your penis is on ice it's never good nobody never a good day not even if you're just because it's sore from fucking no it's not good no matter what and uh he was taken to the hospital, but we have no word if they've been able to attach

the Franken penis. Of course, shades of John Bobbitt come to mind. Now, the recent documentary series that came out about Lorena Bobbitt really did a good job of showing just how much abuse Lorena Bobbitt went through. John Bobbitt was such a colossal piece of shit.

And he has not stopped being a piece of shit. No, he's a horrible person. Yeah, so he's constantly capitalizing on what he believes is a funny version of fame. And because he lost his penis and he got it sewn back on. He's the O.J. Simpson of having his penis cut off. But I don't know why this, I mean, we'll see what happens here. Like, has this woman gone mad? Or is there a lot of reasons

why i can't help but think i don't know if you're getting your cock cut off not by a stranger because the thing is my stranger it's more likely we don't want to we have i'm gonna give the benefit of the doubt to the man who had his penis cut off at this point because this woman tied up her husband and cut off his penis so i'm not gonna be to be like, oh, my God, she's a victim here. I'm going to say the victim is the victim currently. Lorena Bobbitt was specifically a specific story about penis cutting off. That is a very specific story. And, yeah, watch the documentary if you haven't watched it yet.

Honestly, I get it. I understand why she snapped. It had to be done. But still, don't cut anybody's penis off. And then the sheriff, at least this man, they had a little bit more respect for his penis. They put it on ice like it's a fine wine. But with Bobbitt, the cop just stepped on it and was like, there it is. Nerda.

That's the penis. Oh, yeah, the big tall, like, pointing from the sky down. He just pointed because he didn't want to touch it because he thought it would make him gay. I get it. There's nothing like a severed penis that makes me so hard it makes me think about firemen sliding up and down a pole of course naturally so that is yet another story of a penis being cut off i feel like once a month we just get a bevy of stories like this so you know what be careful out there people are agitated people are agitated Be careful out there

But there's no reason to cut somebody's penis off Use your words Use your words Try to And you know what? Also, ladies Instead of getting the cock cut off Because then you go to jail, alright?

If you want to get banky to me You get that money Get that money Yeah, all you have to do is divorce him I don't know how much money the Fra Butt family had, but nonetheless. What about the Fra Butt family line of flat butt jeans? What about the flat butt jean legacy they're leaving behind? I love the flat butt jeans.

You can get them at Mill's Fleet Farm or Blaine's Farm and Fleet. Those are two stores in the Midwest. It was a family, and they got into a fight, Mill and Blaine, and then Mill got to call it Fleet Farm, and the other guy called it Farm and Fleet. Those are two stores in the Midwest. It was a family, and they got into a fight, Mill and Blaine, and then Mill got to call it Fleet Farm, and the other guy called it Farm and Fleet. I'm just glad they didn't cut each other's fucking cocks off. We don't know that yet. They do sell small

flat butt jeans, though. But this story, Henry, this is one you want to talk about. It's about the French beaches, because you're a beach baby. Yeah, I love talking about French beaches. Oh, they made beaches of frogs. Man, we're not exhausted at all. This is just great.

Fucking help me, man. But Henry, little do people know, Henry is a beach guy. You love the beach. You like to roll around in the ocean. I like subjecting other people to my body. You have no problem doing that. Because you know what's nice is that I saunter around. I have my fucking sexy hot wife.

She's in a bikini and then they have to see me next to her. I know. And you have to be like, it takes a little spoonful of sugar to make the medicine go down. You know, you are doing a good job rubbing off on me a little bit when it comes to body confidence. I like to stay fully clothed from head to toe almost like an amish person um but you really let it you let

your freak flag fly out there see my fucking handles see my back hair that's me that's the dream baby i made it to the beach baby you made it all the way to the beach but now the beach might kill you now this comes from the illustrious New York Post. Killer slime that can kill you in seconds taking over France's beaches by Jackie Salo. Now, we're living in a fucking trauma movie. Oh, yeah, this is. It's starting to happen.

We got Donald Trump as president, and now this shit, there's a flesh-eating virus that's happening in Florida. That's right. We've got this fucking bullshit. Listen to this. France's beaches have been inundated by lethal slime. Jesus.

With what experts say has the potential to kill sunbathers within seconds. What? It is a horror movie. It really is. If you look at the clip. Yeah, I did. The clip is fluorescent green slime washing up on the shore. It's like the blob.

It is the blob. Yeah. Fears have heightened and six beaches were closed this summer in Brittany as the killer slime took over the vacation destination. It's also from The Guardian. It's a shame this place is... Let me take it back so you guys can understand it. I want to set it in proper...

Set the proper tone. Okay. It's a shame this place has come to be associated with death, said Andre Alivrio, an environmental activist who warned that large amounts of green algae on the beaches can kill you in a second. That's horrifying. Piles of toxic algae have covered the shore on the northern coast

near Saint-Bleu, due to the over-fertilization of nearby fields draining into the ocean, according to the news outlets. The sludge, which releases poisonous hydrogen sulfide gases that can lead to loss of consciousness and cardiac arrest, has washed up on the shores for decades. But environmentalists say that the problem has worsened this summer due to exceptional weather.

And at least two people have died so far dozens of animals this is man we got the amazons on fire uh we got we got the we got the ice caps melting the world is changing this is the beginning of our future where all the oceans are going to start killing us they're rising up up to kill us. It's insane. But that's just... We are living in a cartoon dystopia. It is starting to come about. We psychically projected this onto ourselves. We wanted this subconsciously for some reason.

And now we're in it and we got to deal with it. I know. And speaking of dystopian future, we did get sent this article multiple times, but I have to debunk it. Marty the Robot, the headline was, was accused of sexual harassment. But Marty the Robot, it's a made-up story. And also, if you think about it, Marty the Robot has no hands.

No, he could just bump against you. He could bump against you, or I would assume at this point. But in order for you to be sexually harassed, right? I mean, I'm not trying to be too blue here. Your pussy would have to, like, be out. You know what I mean? I don't know. If you're going to be too blue here. Your pussy would have to be out. You know what I mean? I don't know. If you're going to buy Marty.

You'd have to be bent over, spread eagle, waiting for Marty. And then the blind or whatever, the half-headed grocer boy, he would have to have the remote controls and really point Marty towards your vagina. Marty doesn't have remote controls. He's allowed to willy-nilly wander around. But he goes towards spills. Okay, interesting point, and point noted. You remember that when someone recently wrote a picture?

When we were doing our meet and greet yesterday, it was, I will say, I love the culture. I love the people. I love the people of the UK. Our friends out here are the funniest group of motherfuckers they are great they are the best but uh yes women talk about uh we got a message from a fan saying oh my god i got to meet my heroes i was wetter than an otter's pockets and i have never oh here comes marty there he is spill on aisle the meet and greet line for the last podcast on the left.

All right. This story was sent to me by a listener by, I believe the name is, it is Carnix. Okay. All right, here we go. This was just, it sent a very interesting, interesting letter about their magical works and talking about a very scary experience they did while doing a binding, which I'll save for a later episode

because I want to be able to read the whole article. But they sent an article that I love. This is just right up my wheelhouse. Okay. Now, this comes from the Teos News. Is it Teos? I won't know, buddy. Or is it Taos?

Go with both of them. A Teos close encounter of the hunters and alien kind. Ooh. This was written by Stacy Matlock. Bow hunters Joss Brinkley and Daniel Lucero, dressed in camouflage gear, looked a little uncomfortable sitting in chairs at a local newspaper. Because they like to stand. Of course they do.

Why wouldn't they? The Santa Fe County residents had just come to Teos after several days in rugged terrain near Cerro de la Hoya, also called Pot Mountain, northwest of town near Ute Mountain. They had a strange tale to tell, and they weren't sure of the reception. We're a couple of guys that don't believe in much, but we believe now, Brinkley said. They went hunting for elk. They encountered aliens or something else so strange, they don't know

what else to call it. These are people, they are not prone to seeing things and they don't particularly believe in aliens. Opening morning of bow hunting season was Sunday, September 1st. The two men had gone a couple of days early to scout the area for elk. They set up along a tree line in the different sides of a field

and waited. After three hours and no elk, Brinkley became restless. It was about 9.30 a.m. See, that's the thing. They've got to wake up so damn early. It's hard to scare these animals to sleep. I take off walking, creeping around through the woods looking for elk, Brinkley said. He reached the top of the mountain

where there's a caldera, a type of wide bowl left behind by a collapsed volcano. Oh. He went to the edge of the southwest side, and as he walked to the edge, he noticed two figures. He thought at first they were hunters,

but they were very tall shapes, very tall shapes of these beings standing side by side, staring right at me. All right? When he got closer, he noticed the shape would be like their heads. It looked like they had huge hoods on. It looked like two ribbons coming off other side to a point at the top and bottom like a banana.

Weird. The right side was black. The left side was white and a little shiny. The torsos were kind of black. It looked like clothes in the middle of an oval. It was just gray. They had these weird shaped heads. He thought maybe it was the back of their heads. As it got closer, they

disappeared. They eventually go around the volcano and they find, long story short, they find this thing that's not unlike an encampment. They said it's this weird structure. They said they both work on movie sets. They end up going and they come to, I can see people working

that are hunters. they also will do set deck or also be literally set construction. Sure. And they said, we saw this big tent structure, like a circus tent, 50 to 60 feet tall. Coming off the left of it was a long building, almost like what you would build for an

archery lane for target practice. It was the third the height, but really long. Maybe a couple hundred feet. They were about a quarter mile away and couldn't see the bottom of the structure. They watched it for about a minute because they were driving, right? Trying to find a new location for elk.

And they're like, what is that? Is that a base camp for a movie? Are they building some kind of alien ship? They drove down a little hill. They lost sight of the structure for at most five seconds, Brinkley said. And when we topped the hill, it was no kidding that's very cool it's hyper hyper strange that's really the entire story i just like covering because i love those types of alien stories

where they are not just straight up greys or like straight up a ufo or lights in the sky that type of high strangeness where you see that there are perhaps many different alien species that are around us. What would you say that description was? What's the closest species that would kind of fit the description that those guys described?

It sounds like nothing I've heard before, but if you read anything with Jacques Vallée in Passports of Magonia and his works in Brazil, you see that there are many different types of what people say. It could literally be a gray. If we're talking nuts and bolts fucking UFOs, like they came from a specific planet and they arrived here, then maybe it's straight up a uniform. Honestly. Who knows?

Maybe it's a thing that they are wearing. Maybe it's new gear. They got new outfits. I don't know. JNCOs are popular now. Who knew? Who knew? Who knows? Maybe it's a thing that they are wearing. Maybe it's new gear. They got new outfits. I don't know. JNCOs are popular now. Who knew? Who knew? Who knew?

Well, hopefully those guys have a good hunting season. But maybe that explains why there was no elk out there. That's what they're trying to say. Because it does seem strange. If it is hunting season, usually it correlates with that being busy time for the animals. Well, that's why they kept moving location because they were really frustrated that they couldn't find any elk. It didn't really make any sense.

Yeah, that's fascinating. All right, well, let's just do Hero of the Week. And we have a new theme song coming in here. This theme song is by Rath Sheba. And I mean, I have to say towards the end of it, it might aggravate you, but you know what? It's a wonderful song. We like trying new ones.

So here it is hero of the week is a young child, an eight-year-old boy who was able to survive an attack by a mountain lion. He's picked up a stick and tried to jab it in the eye. So it's an eight-year-old boy in Colorado attacked by a mountain lion. He's speaking out about the incident. The name of the kid is Pike Carlson. His parents named him Pike.

That's a cool name. It sounds like an outdoorsy kid. It is an outdoorsy kid. So when Carlson's father first ran out, he saw his son's head in the mountain lion's mouth. Damn. But the mountain lion, it was not about to be his day because Pike fought back,

poked the mountain lion in the head and was able to survive. And so I just think this is a powerful story because it's a reminder that even when you are in peril, never give up, keep on fighting. Never fight, never surrender. We will fight them all the way, sir. We will fight them all the way, sir.

That's perfect. Absolutely. You're a regular old Winston Churchill. I have the same body. You do. I know. Not as much're a regular old Winston Churchill. I have the same body. You do. I know. Not as much of a war criminal, though, which I always like about you. What are you talking about?

Gary Oldman showed how cute he was. Oh, just like Dick Cheney was so cute in that movie. You're so cute and you're so charming. I know. No, Henry Kissinger, we could still put him in jail. We could still. Somebody could just hit them with his car. That's very possible.

Honestly, he lives in New York. That's maybe how he's going to die. Or a mountain lion attack. So this boy, Pike, congratulations. You're the hero of the week for once again reminding us, stay in the fight, do the best you can, and if you have the will to live, you very well may. Just destroy a mountain lion okay now we got

a couple of listener emails and i gotta say these are pretty cool this comes from a all right so here we go i wanted to tell you about my tumor last year after being sick for about six months and being told i had an intestinal blockage, I found out that I actually had a basketball-sized tumor on my ovary called a teratoma. If you haven't heard of this before, it's a type of germ cell tumor containing many different types of tissue.

It can be found on ovaries in women or testicles in men. Okay. Check your testicles. I'm checking. Hold on. Nope, still small. These types of tumors used to be thought to be reabsorbed twins or something because they can have hair, teeth, or fingernails. It's since been debunked. Oh. But most people still ask me that.

My tumor was mostly brain tissue. And it had about a dozen teeth scattered throughout it. And inside had a bunch of phlegm producing respiratory follicles is it alive sorta my doctor said it exploded with phlegm when they dissected it there are less there are less than 25 000 cases of this in the u.s every year and only about one percent are cancerous mine was super cancerous so it had to do a few months so i had to do a few months of chemo oh but i'm good now i have attached a picture of my tumor for your viewing pleasure i made my surgeons all take pictures of it for me while i was under nothing would bring me more joy than to hear you describe this picture

of my badass tumor on side stories okay and i'm looking at right now let's take a look you know what it looks like the fucking haggis i almost ate oh yeah there that is i cannot believe it looks like what's the um oh my god i'm forgetting what grade come to me yes it does look like total recall also basket case uh the movie basket case it's kind of cute it's got in there it looks like a big old brain but honestly it does you cover that in sauerkraut? I'd eat it. No, man. You did not tell me what that was, and that was in sauerkraut, and I had a big fucking mug of Paulaner. I would eat that. This is how you're going to accidentally eat human flesh. Yes.

Because you're just going to get tricked into doing it. Maybe even eat your own brain like the movie Hannibal. Because I'm a culinary daredevil. That's what they say. So this is not a twin, though. I didn't realize that had been debunked i thought that was like kind of the whole thing with like the teeth and the brain and all that stuff what else could it be what i don't know it's just a weird thing that grows i don't fucking know i don't fucking know oh my god you heard me before talk about how i'm not a biologist. No, I know that, but it's got a brain. Can it think? It's just made out of brain material. Yeah.

But I mean... Oh my. The body's just weird. We're a bunch of sacks of meat. We went to the surgeon's hall in Edinburgh, and you'd be fucking surprised just how much... Oh my god. We are just meat. Yeah, we're meat bags. Alright,

well, this is an email that i will read it comes in from jay and this is regarding john benet ramsey and the subject is john benet ramsey was my friend and of course we forget although she was very young six years old obviously she would have had friends so uh she writes i wanted to share a few experiences and a few memories of my early childhood that included john benet. She and I were in the same dance class at Rec Center in Boulder and we became friends during that time. She goes on to say, even at a

young age, she was really a top talent. She talks about how she had a memory of the dance instructor flipping through a CD on the stereo, listening to each song for a few seconds before hitting the next. The whole class was standing there in the way that most six-year-olds would.

They were just pretty bored, probably picking our noses and shuffling our feet, but not JonBenet. She would explode into dance during short bursts of music, switching between tap, jazz, hip-hop, and so on. I remember watching her natural skill at that moment, the way she was performing for no one, and how spot-on she was while doing so. Do you think they killed her to make room for taylor swift

well do you think that there had to be one you think it's like a highlander thing yep i think they both could have been very famous celebrities but that's a fascinating conspiracy theory um and it also this is kind of a sweet story yeah because apparently at one point after class um they were going to meet up with JonBenet and her mother. So a week or two before her death, JonBenet, her mom, my mom, and I were chatting after class. There was some mention of how I needed new dance shoes, to which her mom said something to the effect of,

oh, we just got a new pair for JonBenet for her upcoming performance. Why don't you guys come over soon for a play date and we'll give you her old pair. Let's set up after Christmas when we get back from our trip to Michigan. why don't you guys come over soon for a play date and we'll give you her old pair let's see it let's set up after christmas when we get back from our trip to michigan but of course and we got all these new neckties that we could try no that is horrible that's bad henry that's bad no they were being sweet they were gonna give a pair of shoes away so anyway and then that also attached to this

is a bit of a ghost story so So I'll just read this very fast. Jay writes, fast forward to high school. My brother and his friends used to longboard around Boulder after school. It was a group of four that day, and two of them, one being my brother, knew JonBenet during her short life. They returned to my parents' house after boarding and appeared genuinely stressed and confused by something that they had seen while passing her house.

The group was long boarding past her house as she lived on a pretty decent hill. All four of them claimed to have seen a fifth black shadow on the pavement that moved down her entire block with them, kind of positioned in the center of the group. It was there long enough that they were talking about it, saying, hey, you guys see that? What is that? They stopped at the end of the street to look around and figure out the source. The shadow slowed to a stop with them, and they all watched as it dissipated.

Who knows? Maybe she was playing with the kids on her street as she used to in life. Whoa. So thank you for that email. Very interesting indeed. And of course, RIP John Bonet. And we still have not solved this, right?

Because every year they're like, somebody's admitted to it, but we haven't, right? When we covered it, we all said like, I still vaguely believe that she was killed by an outside actor. I am not certain,

but now there's a lot of people who put it on Burke and people are very emotionally invested. Yeah, we don't want to accuse people or accuse people wrongly. So I have no clue who did it. But yeah, somebody did it. Somebody did do it. That is the one thing we can say here on Last Podcast on the left.

Somebody did it. Somebody did it. It's like Madeleine McCann, which is a bigger deal over here than it is in the States. It's so funny. We mentioned the name Madeline McCann for our live show. And in the States, a couple of people get it. But here, it's their Casey Anthony, I guess. But they also know Casey Anthony here.

But Madeline McCann's a very big deal here. Very big deal. Yeah. Just mentioning the name triggers a lot of reaction. People just laugh and throw flowers. They love it. They just eat it up. They fucking eat it up like a bunch of hogs. In a strange way, in our audience,

the way that we set it up, they do laugh. Yeah. Which is kind of fascinating. Alright, everyone. Well, thank you all so much for listening. We can't wait to see you on the road in Birmingham, in London, Stockholm, Sweden, and Germany. Germany. Cannot wait. Live your

life like you got a fucking gut full of full rump-faced steak, and it's been served pink, just like you like it. And maybe it was, like, weirdly stringy. Strange. Like bear meat. It's strange because steak's not supposed to be stringy, but I guess here it's normal. But live your life like that, like you like that.

Sure. Like that's to your taste, and you enjoy it. Love the fact that food here, when you taste it, it goes into your mouth and there is food in there. But there's no taste to it. And you can't do it. But you love that because you're from here and it's your palate. And love that you love it and other people are trying to judge you. But fuck that.

Who cares? Because you like your paste. And be like the kids from the movie Hook. Just make it in your mind. Make it the meal whatever it is you want it to be. And laugh. Laugh like you're three almost 40-year-old men in a van

traveling together knee to knee just talking about the countryside. And we do laugh, don't we? Oh, we laugh. We laugh. We laugh. We laugh. Yes. Nothing but laugh. That's what people say.

Oh, I bet you guys laugh all day. All day long. We do. That's all we do. That's all we do. Almost as if I've gone completely unhinged. I think that's possible. All right, everyone.

Thank you all so much for listening. Hail yourselves. Hail Satan. Magoos delations. Yeah, man. Let's go get some pink steak. Oh, let's get that pink steak. This show is

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