Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Jurassic Pork

Episode Date: August 3, 2022

Ben 'n' Henry bring you this week's weirdest true crime stories including a series of updates on last week's news, a Florida man who attempted to break into Space Force Base to expose the intergalactic US Alien / Chinese Dragon war, scientists turning dead spiders into robots, pigs breathing through their buttholes, a Hero of the Week with a great sense of humor, listener stories of demonic orbs, and MORE!

There's no place to escape to. This is the last time on the left side stories Nice think that baby I Guess you think we got synced up because we spend so long together yeah in our poop We poop at the same time. I wish that we did Is that a good way to start I remember when five hole went west Absolutely welcome to side stories everyone and I'm gonna say welcome to side stories again because evidently on last week's episode It got so heated up top it did I forgot to introduce the show you did if we really flew right through it You got him right off because I was trying to start off complaining about the DB Cooper feet

Right, and then I just flew into this tantrum about Amelia Earhart because she's not as good as Amelia But deal you but then I realized unbeknownst to me She had a statue reveal in the in Washington, DC with all of the most powerful politicians on that day See she was in a full turbine. I was so proud of her She did a full she was dressed as a mummy isn't that really I don't know what culture was supposed to be for but then when she I can't believe that she could get up after being underneath without having access to her hands. It really difficult She did unleash. So this is unleash. That's the word. I'm gonna use yeah Unleash right the day that the I want you to understand this last podcast listener side stories listeners

I don't know if you listen to only side stories. That's weird That would be kind of odd. I'd be like if you're a woman who only wore it with like you only wore a bra I think I've seen that around Los Angeles at a time or two, but okay bra's a more uncomfortable half of my right lady I don't know gmail.com. What can we get rid of the man's ear? Absolutely, but absolutely as I love that show. I hope it makes it Seinfeld sign the show about nothing actually was about it quite a bit It was about him It was actually the pitch was it was about how a comedian finds his material isn't that wonderful and I love to hear so much about that

So anyway, you were saying Nancy Pelosi unveiled a beautiful sexy statue of American hero Amelia Earhart So what happens on our in this world of ours that we have generated last podcast network Is that we have a lot of synchronicities that seem to pop up when we do certain stories and it happens all the fucking time It happens all the time when we say inside stories literally the moment We release is when the breaking news of whatever it was that we were covering that week That's when it biggest news of the week always gets dumped absolutely the second I mean it might have been the second that Kessel was like You might have been saying those words as Nancy Pelosi

He used her mummy hands to pull the curtain from a brand new Amelia Earhart's beautiful stats It's all about and the whole statue is all about how great she was she did a fantastic job of being a statue However, the one thing the statue was missing should have been surrounded by coconut crabs Okay, so I learned that it was very possible that she was eaten by coconut crabs Which I can only imagine are the cutest of all the crabs because I'm a coconut and they play little coconuts I don't know why they're called coconut crabs. Maybe they like to eat coconuts. Maybe they have like fun little hairstyles I don't know. Are they big? They're nine pounds. Holy crap. If you look at a coconut crab, it's very big It reminds me of that's too big to eat. For my tower heads out there if anybody watched Dark Tower

Don't watch the fucking movie. Love Idris Elba, but what a waste of talent. Whoa Like you could go and like watch it. We listen. We're either Dr. Dark Tower series You know what I'm talking about the giant lobsters on the beach that he found and he shot and he had to kill Roland Had to do it, but so coconut crabs, right? Yeah, they come for there. They're a regularly they feed at night, right? Okay, like myself. They're a they're in a late-night eater Maybe they like to play Madden as well very similar. Apparently they have a very good sense of smell I mean they they'd have their crab smell We're not supposed to be talking about biology, but this does connect to a story

But the soft white meat of the coconut Forms the main part of the crabs diet. Also, it has to eat simple food stuff such as fruit and leaves But it says also more extreme items like Um crustacean exoskeletons that have been molted. Oh, but they need a lot of calories Yeah, we do right I suppose so and if we know anything about Amelia She had her calories in there because she had to go across the entire world apparently in 1940 You say she bulked up. She had to bulk up. It doesn't it's not easy to sit in a plane for that long Amelia Earhart way in 1940 research researchers discovered a fraction of a skeleton on an island that matched the description of Amelia Earhart

Now, I don't know how this fractured skull matched the description of Amelia Earhart I don't know what they say it did and then they could have had big ideas Interestingly enough they also say that it was eaten by coconut crab So perhaps that's what her final day was like if there's a 90 nibble on by a coconut crab It's very possible and there's a 90% confidence interval that includes the weight on her pilot's license said they believe that she weighed Somewhere close to 130 pounds. Wow a petite gal, but not for a coconut crab. That's a heck of a meal So there you go folks. She's that breaking news. Yeah, and there's a statue now. You can go high five Nancy Pelosi She did something important absolutely

$100,000 I went went into making that statue was well-spent. Oh worth it. I'm so glad that there was more than that Yeah, it was more than that and because what I wanted to actually bring attention is how many teachers have sent me email saying can you buy Me things for my classroom and then I just think about how Absolutely bonkers that is. No, I got a gun. I got a couple of DMs as well and to be honest with you I want to figure out a way to help we should honestly. I don't know I Devastatingly sad that we live in a world where the Democrats are currently giving 44 million dollars to the most crazy Republicans because they think it's gonna help them win

But meanwhile teachers have to go buy their own pencil Because it drives me absolutely I get filled with rage. It's infuriating. There's the thing called I guess there's donors choose which is a thing that you can do, okay? But still we're gonna figure out something we need to figure out something you kids still I don't even know like I would give kids a trapper keeper some crayons again And I was left out of the trapper keeper conversation I know because you didn't have a trapper keeper because your mother was very strange about that But do you remember the the most high-tech thing you could get 64 crayons? Oh, yeah, internal pencil sharpener

The internal crayon sharpener. That's what I was allowed. I was allowed to have as many crayons as my imagination could afford And if you could do that if you can get that you could make a weapon out of that sharpener And you can have a lot of fun in class you really can there's also the bishop that stole jewelry He apparently he stole 90k, you know when he did it when when he was running for Brooklyn borough president you know Oh, he did it back in the day. So what kind of money laundering did you do none? The only thing that I did was connect with my Constituent specifically one 90 year old woman who had dementia and I would call her and she would say hello And I'd be like hey, you know, how are you? Yeah, and then who she was voting for she thought you were a grandson She didn't vote. Oh, she didn't even know she I ended up speaking with her caretaker and then she was like, you know

She's very ill you couldn't even swing the phone of a dying woman. She wasn't able to get out of bed So anyway, that's maybe why I got 1.8% because I had a connection with like five people and I would robo call them again And they're gonna be like, hey, just check it in you do it. Okay. It became more of a care service than any $90,000 from some poor sap running for Brooklyn borough president So I'm going to say rarely do we condone any kind of thievery But this man is a scumbag and it seems like he had it coming. He did you gotta be careful Especially of your pastor. Absolutely. You're hot-stepping for the Lord. You're not expecting fucking some come check that shit There's nothing more hypocritical than a pastor covered in gold again

Teachers have to buy every single thing for their own classrooms. Isn't that something and now including firearms? Yes I was reading that and that's why we're gonna be our last podcast and left We're putting up with this great And we want to do a series of a training course for teachers where we're gonna put up like little like kids dressed as school shooters, right? So you can pop them in the head from distances like liberal protesters So you can nail them from a hundred yards with your crossbows because I do feel like when it comes down to it a gun So heavy a lot of these Crossbows probably heavier. No, but yeah crossbow you can leave on your desk

You might need to like holster it half the day and then what do we know about some of our teachers? They don't got time to hit the peloton. No, they don't fall and down So we know I don't want to embarrass our teachers as well No, we have to kill and of course you say this and I'm not sure I believe that is a little tongue in Cheek, but teachers are actively training for mass shooters So they are doing that exact thing that we talked about much like men in black much like Will Smith Do you hear his apology for the slap? I don't want to talk about much like Will Smith when he was training for men in black He had to shoot a whole series of people

But he didn't shoot the one monster because he said that monsters just cry So a teacher has to know if a student is crying because they're sad It's tough to be a teacher these days and honestly we do want to help out so we'll figure out someone to do that So if you meet a teacher give them $5 give them something please God Here I want to do all right. This has been we've been talking real serious up top here Oh absolutely, and now it's that's why I feel like it's actually time for us to get more serious Oh, wow even more serious than we've ever been before digging the serious hole. Yep, okay like a grave That's what a serious hole is who that ties into here of the week a pool is a fun hole

Fantastic um Florida man accused of driving to space for space in stolen truck to warn of aliens Do we know that this man isn't right? I don't know Now I did it's weird because I do feel like it's called a place He drove to it's called Space Launch Delta 45, which is like I'm ready to go there Like there's that's a good. I'm not saying buildings are asking for it But if you just say like hey right the big space building absolutely like they don't you couldn't just do it SLD 45 No one will know what's in there. Well, they named it Space Force. They put the damn logo from Star Trek on there They know exactly what they're doing. They just canceled the Space Force television show. That's how badly it's polling as a name

I think that they should they should make it after Orville Okay, so this guy is Corey Johnson He's 29 years fun and he said I got I know where the aliens are and I just feel like it's kind of a good day Well, if you work at this factory to know that this guy's coming. He's coming really fast He's acting a little bit like Randy Quaid in in That movie nowadays in 2022. Yeah, it's a Corey Johnson. He was he went independence day independence day Thank you. He went by the Patrick Space Force base But he said the main thing is that he was attempting to get on base and so they stopped him before he can get on base

Which is like good work But he was he said that he wanted to get there and he was mad that they won't let him in there because he said He was told by the president and the government was that there was US aliens fighting with Chinese dragons Oh my goodness. Can you imagine big if true? Um, and oh, I like of here It says Johnson allegedly took control of a Ford f-150 a little bit of a name drop for the Ford absolutely the f-150 I mean, you know what Ford stands for fixer a bird early I'm a Chevy guy and Calvin hates them. Absolutely. He urinates on them all the time Which of course is a fetish for mr. Ford. He's a wealthy man who had a lot of ideas

So what the what's the crime here other than stealing the car and then driving too close to a random building That's really the main crime and then it seems to be his ranting and raving as what allowed it to made it to the newspaper Then he said that I did this because Joe Biden, you know Told him specifically that US aliens like aliens working with the United States government Do you think that they would recognize our nationality? Do you think that they would care? I mean they're intergalactic and must it must be like so it must be like I said a peon idea Do you not remember anything from what we learned this summer about how the US government has gotten the US government? The CIA's in specific has gotten the aliens addicted to our marijuana and our cocaine

No, that was taken illegally from the cartels. No, this is completely real. Okay, okay They have taken they when they go and they do their big giant like drug busts for show and their pageantry of the war against drugs Right, which is over drugs one, right? They go and they take the drugs that they then get because what they're trying to do is in exchange for alien technology things like How incredible everything's going with the environment, right and just all the that the rail gun Microwaves if you see the new rail gun sure, I was just playing the boat. I was just playing GTA 5 I got my rail gun. I shot a bunch of different officers and things like that They shot over they spend over something like five hundred million dollars on the rail gun still can't use it when I batteries too heavy

Oh, they're want to get a lighter battery. Yeah So Put that on a drone that type of incredible technology that we needed to get from the aliens Yeah, we're gonna get that what they dead did was the old way Which we learned back in 1984 with little dare suitcase Yeah, they used to hand around in school where they taught you that they're like, you know what the first thing to do Yes, sometimes they give you a little cocaine just to get you addicted. Absolutely, right? They give you a little marijuana just so you get oh look. Oh, how about that color green? I haven't seen that

Whoa, you like jazz is now nice, right? And they get you addicted to it, right? Yeah, all these fucking aliens sitting around there fucking cuz even though they don't have lungs We don't have lungs because they're they're modern. They're they're built to last How do they have a logical entities? They are built to go. How do they inhale? I think they just shove it in their eye sockets or something or maybe they just let the smoke hit their eyeballs Maybe do you like maybe they need somebody like Snoop Dogg or like somebody come forward to breathe it on Oh weed in their faces. They're like like the caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland everybody knows. I'm high like But yeah, you get them high on the drugs, right?

So they're hanging out and so yeah now that I think you give them a little bit marijuana Give a little LSD right and all of a sudden they're listed in a jazz and like this is the most incredible music Mateo stories with the trumpet. Isn't that nice turns out but the notes you don't play as soon as the wood drugs were off They're like jazz sucks, right? What have I done like in fluid? Yeah? Yeah, yes, and then what we did was show then the but no you need these drugs Yeah, but you got them into the drugs you prove my point to it You prove my point when you do LSD when you take mushrooms when you smoke a lot of weed What is a border man? What is nationality? Aren't we all just Canadians? Aren't we all just Mexicans?

No, aren't we all one? We're all just Mexicans There's a quote in the airport and I forget which one but it's Garth Brooks It's a good to quote from Garth Brooks the Thunder rolls. No, and he's got friends in little places No, he says yeah, we're all one race the human race and that's a quote from Garth F and Brooks Okay, I know his middle name is actually really nice. Isn't that nice. It's Chris games But yeah, but you know marijuana makes some people real violent, you know, it doesn't I know I know What are you talking about? I'm talking about the fake war on drugs and what they say. Oh, I see now

We have us aliens that are obviously dragons, but they're fighting the Chinese dragons, which is awesome to be honest Let's make a movie out of this. I think technically this just is a women's soccer match. Oh, but it is uh, it's wild It's wild stuff. I love it, man I wish that this guy was able to get to the bottom of it real. Yeah, because I feel like that's a simpler problem I just think if you didn't steal the car, we really are looking at zero crime at all Yes, you're just looking at a man yelling out if you're gonna steal my car Yeah, do something with it like this No, take it to where the aliens are fighting the dragons do something cool with it

So when I get it back the car will have stories to tell me it has a story that car can go on the road that car It's like I'm making some money for you. Absolutely. Well moving on to more biological Situations here when it comes to piggies. Did you read this article in vice world news now vice world news is really taking on the biggest issue Of our time it is possible. We're on the precipice of a nuclear war, but Did you know pigs can breathe through their buttholes? No kiss. Well, I didn't and this is something very interesting take a look at this No, no, I'm looking at it. That's called med. Yeah, I'm looking at it It's called med magazine. There's a picture of a piggy This is the most fucked up thing I've heard just a sentence when deprived of oxygen pigs can breathe through their buttholes

Isn't that something the thing is maybe humans can't do that So you mean to tell me let's not experiment because it sounds like they're just choking out these pigs Yeah, and then seed of bubbles come out of their fucking assholes to quote another movie doesn't life find a way That's Jurassic Park that Jurassic Park Yes, but this is when it shows that they be all right, okay team of scholars in Japan Crucial educators They have found that pigs can absorb oxygen through the anus which actually then it out sounds like science This is unbelievable. This could save lives if we find out a way to breathe oxygen through our assholes

What if you what if you fall down face first in a puddle? You're absolutely hammered. The only thing to keep you alive is your butthole. What kind of fucking work in and out of a butthole? Fucking out of your butthole You're gonna have to be cognizant because then you're gonna have to switch the butthole breathing No, the point is to train your butthole. So even if your mind is fully aware Maybe again, you're passed out in the gutter somewhere. This could have saved River Phoenix's life. We just don't know so basically They pumped oxygen and oxygen and liquids through the animals buttholes

I hate it and it did it through and you all tell me I'm a fucking monster because I eat pork At least they're just dead at least you know the back of the head and it's dead You're not fucking putting tubes of its ass on me and like can you breathe yet? Like yeah, I'm just I'm not torturing it like I'm in unit 731 I was gonna say unit 731 But doesn't it show the progress of humanity because now they're trying this on humans Oh, no, I'm sorry. I'm pigs because in unit 731, they're just like well Let's just see what the intestines do if you put them inside of this vacuum sealer

It turns out they come out of their asshole Yep So anyway, they pumped a bunch of oxygen and oxygen and liquid through the animals butthole And then it went into their intestines and the researchers found that they could survive without breathing Through their lungs. This is actually very interesting. Yes, so this is according to Takenori Takebe It's so impressive because we never thought of breathing from the gut, but it's possible It's possible, but the it's again You have a thought you ever thought if you could never thought if you should if you should that's also drastic pork

That's absolutely fantastic But if you are an athlete for example now you're taking in double oxygen you're gonna be stronger you're gonna be smarter He had steroids so that he could do what a person should be Layered strong was just trying to compete with the fucking French And we know that for a fact and that is a public secret that no one wants to talk about is that he took that in order to Be asurated up as the people that he was against. I'm not entirely against him Okay, but I'm just saying he wouldn't have needed anything had he figured out how to breathe through his ass So now of course you would have to carve a little hole out in the seat so that the oxygen could reach the anus

But nonetheless shorts you should see the padded shorts that I just got for my exercise bike It's disgusting. It's a full roll-up diaper. I have to wear to use it and it is rough So yeah, I don't want to be breathing through my asshole if I'm on the in my mind It's not the circus away the bike at a circa. Was it called sir? the bike at a circa Inspiration can strike anywhere the scientists were inspired to explore the unconventional breathing method by by loaches now loaches It's a fresh water fish that can use its intestines to breathe. Why is paying so much attention to all this? I think it's going cool. There's something about it that I really like and I feel like we're gonna be able to save lives

I guess the port that really like kind of makes me shudder is the Depriving them of oxygen in the first place. So to test mammals to Eat a pig's eyeball in Seattle. They're dead in a second They literally will how do you think they killed the pig? Hey, they just kept it's just dead in a second But it's shot in the back of the head with a fucking the railgun big thing like no country for old men Yes, so they don't even know right so by the time I'm playing with its corpse It's been dead for years. It doesn't even know it to your credit. You did wait until you were pretty drunk

I was very drunk I Immediately was upset by it because I had liquid shit. Yeah, but also our lovely bookers out there They were wonderful. They were very sweet and but it wasn't there. It wasn't there They did set you up where you had to do it Well, what they did was they do say the thing being like well, we did pluck out its eyeballs You're not gonna read it and you're like, you're right. I guess you're right you you you're a maniac, but I love you Yes, but this is when they just the idea that they they first like I guess they put them under water

Like they stick their heads under water and then they stick oxygen gas in their fucking ass Yeah, so they can breathe. That's that's what that's insane and the four mentioned to Keebee the man who was quoted by Henry Zabrowski Interestingly enough he practices medicine at the Cincinnati Children's Hospital So isn't that funny? How sick is Billy Let's say we have a I think we have a way of curing them and they just lie right They just lie they'd be like we think that we can cure Billy meanwhile the whole time They're dunking his head in the fucking top and look at the tubes of his ass. I'll be like, can you breathe Billy?

It's it's it says that because of the membrane in the butthole it could help with blood clots It could help with bleeding it could help with COVID-19 That's just saying shit to get funding. How does it help with COVID-19? How does it remotely help? I don't know apparently because when you jam a bunch of oxygen in something's butthole like a mouse They said that the rodents survive longer. I mean they die, but they survive long You're doing it the science is doing it. This is not naturally happening. No one's never been I do I can you ever imagine being like I just don't understand the idea that you'd be stuck top first in a well Mucosa this is something that stops apparently it's in the butthole somewhere and it stops the butthole from taking in oxygen

So they real they removed this mouse is mucosa and then they said because he probably shouldn't go up there They said okay, this is what they said so they said the mouse the mice with their mucosa removed Stopped gasping for air out the all together and showed no signs of cardiac arrest. I mean there was a lot of mice that were just dying This is what happens in a children hospital Again They spent again 50 a million dollars on this this is what they also said they're kids that don't have they don't have an iPad Not yet learn to read not yet

They're just then they're just going straight out to vote multiple times with their parents They also say but given mucosal removal it might be uncomfortable for patients. Yeah, I bet it will So they they tried a different approach delivering oxygen in a liquid form So there you go That's even worse in a 50 kilogram pig when we provide this size of liquid oxygen to the butt They could survive 30 minutes even when experiencing lethal respiratory failure conditions They still die They're backwards farts. Yeah, they're backwards farts

We haven't cured cancer. I feel like there's a lot of things we got to keep our eyes on that's not this Yeah, I feel like this was at the bottom of some perverts list I never thought because this all came for me talking about an acting class We learned to breathe from our buttholes, but that was about relaxing absolutely So to keep he says to copy says they plan to start human clinical trials as early as this year to prove sign me up It's real life. Honestly. Does it mean I can't see you or read anything anymore because I'll be fine with it Do I just dunk my head into the water and then you just pump shit up my asshole? Honestly, if you're doing it out there, we please fiddle with my prostate a little bit

Well, it's just we're doing this make me come. Yeah, right because I'm not doing this without coming. Okay, mr. Doctor. Well, that's none of you. We get none of this snap That's up to you because what's nice about me too is that I'd be a great candidate for this because of how wide set apart my butt Cheeks absolutely gets right in there. You can see right to the hole. I have a really interesting Yeah, it is interesting. Yeah, it really is interesting. Um, I was there was some complications though with inflammation. Yeah, I bet okay Yeah, I feel like it's all the bad idea Roast as dark as the night Perfect for fueling the cryptid research and mad ravings required for your podcasting. Don't mind the red eyes

He's just trying to warn you of the bridge the bridge finally from the caffeine-addled brains of Spring Hill Jack coffee and last Podcasts on the left rebring you mothman's red-eye blend. Yes Delicious Panama beans go to last podcast merch calm to order yours today This next story is a This is a evergreen story that I wanted to bring up that was really interesting It's but it's about the disappearance and like Anjikuni I Got into this because I

Someone messaged and I think that they were correct that we should like what we should have some more spooky in there because I try to do The summer set man story to you and you seem none plus you didn't you didn't you weren't that into it You didn't think it was interesting that a man that an identified man Can show up and be dead and then you know know who he is Well, they did find out who he was not really. Yeah, it was an engineer. It's mystery You could never know because you don't know engineer. No, no, we don't know if that's just like in your past life You weren't you weren't Henry the eighth you were you were just some peasant you were just it's you're never gonna find a wealthy man Still yes, he is now. Maybe he might be identified

Okay, as Carl Charles Webb, but you didn't find an interesting which I understand. Okay, right, but this is actually very interesting Now in Lake Anjikuni, okay, this is in Canada's none of it region You never want to go to the all of it because it's just very overwhelming. Oh, you don't want to go down there We're having a fun day today. Okay. All right. So this is 1930 this a hunter named Joe LaBalla He was out hunting one freezing. It was a November day. I got this from a paranormal catalog dot net You know, I'd like to cite my sources Oh, and he went to so apparently during the Northwest in the Northwest territories of Canada It sucks, right? Like it's supposed to be very beautiful, but it's very harsh

Wintery land and people go up there to hunt, right? They go up there and they can do kind of shit It's like a lot of it's been purchased for oil rights now. Okay, and so you go up there and you they walk around I guess they're looking for for really bears. Maybe a beaver bears What do you hunt up there in the old? What do they even call it's not the outback? It's the upfront the UConn I think it is the Yukon. I think it is Yukon Yes, and so but they it's kind of scattered with the these Inuit villages now The Inuits are obviously they have adapted very well to the harsh the harsh environment, right? I mean, I bet you they would love to live in the city, but they don't know okay

Nothing a lot of it will know and I actually think a lot of them would find this city to be disgusting and actually Disconnected from the natural world. You know what? I want to get back to nature. Look at you. You're already half tree I do I am and I was what you know what I watched the other day. You know how you hate little houses Yes, tiny homes their trailers. I watched a show called van go But it was all about a man who decorates vans and then you can know you have the opportunity to live in your van Yeah, but he did say it's not forever. It's just for ever now and again. That's what I did. I lived in my it's called I lived in my car. No, you know in Brooklyn you did. Yeah, I'm talking about home. No, I'm talking about home I was in between I was quote-unquote in between homes live in my car

Yes, because you have to struggle to make it as in this in this entertainment business of ours Yes, I'll never go back unless you're a child born into it Yes, there's no way you could ever tell me that living in your van. It's not living in your car. No, it's living in your van It will I mean that's just part. That's just we're splitting hairs. That's the lifestyle anyway I'm saying is it's good to get back to nature. It is it is So we went out there and so this guy Joe LaBella To a lot of times when guys are out there hunting what they'll do is because it seems maybe I'm incorrect but it seems that the Inuit people are actually very sympathetic and

They help okay that come out there And so it's kind of known secret that you go out and kind of a go to one of these villages that are scattered amongst the really harsh terrain And a lot of times they'll hitch they'll probably take care of you. They might murder you. I don't know But we don't know those people because they didn't come back and they were out there in the absolutely So he stayed he came upon this place that was a village near Lake on jicuni And he said because he was like, oh, I'll go here. It's just near to where I was and then when he arrived Everyone was gone. He arrived at what appeared to be a fully functional village that had disappeared everyone inside of it Had disappeared that's creepy in mid-action, right?

He found the there was a bunch of like people making garments and they found the roll half done They were needles still in the in the fabric. They're all just like laid out Um charcoal black food like literally like food that had been burnt That was put over spits to be cooked was found is completely cooked up right to nothing Um, and he said one of the scariest things was coming across the sled dogs And they found seven sled dogs that had starved to death. Oh my goodness. They were just there And if they just eat the meat they were tied up. Oh, they were not supposed to honestly whatever happened everybody disappeared That's horrible and the most mysterious quality of this is at the very ends of the village

They found a dug-up Grave that had been what he said the way the Joe LeBella now There are some accusations that Joe LeBella might be exaggerating, but we don't know okay hunters have stories, don't they? Yeah, but I don't think they're like fishermen fishermen They're not alive of course they are always out there cheating on their wives with their best friend Absolutely, what happens in the water stays in the water eating gave we're not on land I've heard that before unless you know I was having sex with a man You got a pole in your hand and a pole in your butt you didn't gay it ain't gay at all

It's just double fishing, but I do think that hunters tend to tell the truth because they see with their eyes They know what they're looking at they and also they study scat And if you study scat there's something that's honest about you because you don't care how disgusting it is because you're looking for the truth You can read shit. You can read poop. Yeah, so you can do that impressive. It is I mean I don't know how people track things people like You can say over there. I see you on that bet popular branch over there. You must make use that's a biped That's a seven-foot biped absolutely biped Yep, I actually grew up on popular Street in Plover, Wisconsin for a little while. Wow

I reached only back into the back of your mind. I knew a little detail about your But he they said that how he knew that it was a so he saw this grave that was disturbed at the end of village And he said the way that he knew that it was human that was a human grave was that it was circled by these decorative stones and But the corpse whatever was inside of it. He was either built. It was either Dog to be filled. Yeah, it was emptied. Wow. There was nothing inside of it now. They lost an investigation What year was this? This is in the year 1930. Okay, they launched and they launched an investigation. They believe That the people yeah, and they believe that the people inside of the town have been missing for eight weeks Holy shit. Now. There is no explanation. That's very very weird and there's still some conjecture that the dude made it all up

Well, where's the people? Where are the people? They're not there no more Well then it must have been you a fuss No, I mean it could have been well There was tales of pulsing lights seen in the sky above the village We need to do our TV show. We can't wait. Oh my god. Can we go to nicer places? Actually, it's gonna be freezing cold if we go there We're gonna have this is a part of the TV show if we do it It's gonna be us being physically uncomfortable. Yeah, but if we go with it, but the story is very

So it was completely abandoned again They didn't know where all these guys went but they saw these lights above the village, right? They saw these hovering like kind of weird pulsing lights And so some people say like maybe this is an example of one of a big old-fashioned group abduction Yeah, right, but that's we don't see a lot of that Absolutely, perhaps that's where they got the technology to breathe from their assholes. I hope I think I think it would be complete. You know what I mean? I don't think we need to go through human trials if we got it from extra trust

I think if we start breathing through our assholes for long enough the butthole would develop a tongue and teeth and then Think about the opinions that come from there. Oh, yes There's a lot people say well What about the northern lights? Because they do have but there is a lot of Northern lights don't abduct entire tribes of people We don't know do we I say what we do is and maybe this is I'm talking off the cuff here And I haven't really thought about this completely, but great. I say we scud the northern lights You want to blow up the northern lights? I think that it's time for us to smart bomb the northern lights

You sound like they act like if they hold you want to act like oh you have dominance I thought America was searching for full spectrum dominance of the skies Yeah, but You can hear the northern light you can see the northern lights and if you're really tripping hard you can hear them Yeah, and they go like hey fuck you. Hey Hi northern lights go home. You left your fucking sink on but you can see them in America. Yeah, and sometimes yeah Sometimes yeah, they're getting closer. I hope so like the threat of terror every day You see Joe Biden stopped terror yesterday. I know thank God

He's not that himself 71 year old man. Not a day before cancer was gonna take him I do love that. They just like Jared. I do like the geriatrics are just killing each other Hey, I say you cute about it one last 70 year old. You feel safer. Do you feel safer now? Kind of yeah, it was I mean it's always fun. Yeah, it's always fun to get a good American kill in but it's just you know We're good. Hey, man. We're getting to pull. I don't want to get political For all I know I don't want to get political either trust me it is disgusted same the jetpack They also jetpack guys back because there was a little bit of a story that people try to say that it was a hoax And I was looking into it and they that guy isn't a hoax

He's up there with the jetpack or some people saying there was a balloon attached to a thing. What? Stupid no, it was definitely jetpack guy people giving up on the mystery But but the people that I the people that are really there people like me people high on indica If you would have said he's the moth man, I'd be like that's a bit of a conspiracy But he's a man in a jetpack. They said there was a Jack Skellington balloon attached to a drone Jack Skellington. Oh my You don't think I couldn't identify Jack Skeleton. I love Jack Skellington. We all do because he was the first He was the technically the first nerd with a huge dick He was the first guy that we knew was a super lanky guy with a huge cock

And then he has the the golf the got the girlfriend I had constructed by a man from out of town. He had a custom built he did Um, but yeah, sir pack guy is back. Okay, because they're saying that there was a new sighting of him this this Wednesday This like just happened. Okay, and he's up in there But we don't know again when we were covering last there was a lot through all of the summer time I know the rocket here It is a guy in some form of some some kind of jetpack that it's past commercial grade that is buzzing the LAX airport here in Los Angeles and we don't know who this motherfucker is

I hope he doesn't get sucked into an engine and take a plane down like those goddamn Canadian geese side stories So POTL a gmail.com. Are you the LAX jet pack seriously reach out? We'll keep your identity secret I actually think the technology is pretty cool The only thing that I've seen that that come similar is the thing that you can put in the water And then the water jet set up there. Well, that's brand new. That's awesome though I know, but then they're trying to do that. Now we wonder right because Jeremy Corbel released that footage of a Device something that looks like a nuts and bolts To bow dipping in and out of the ocean and now the US government is trying to say oh, that's us

That was our thing and it's again It's all about winking to the Chinese being like you didn't come you didn't come I know buddy and I got into a foreign balls the whole yesterday. It's scary times out there All right. Well, just lastly before we get to before we get to here of the week Um scientists are turning dead spiders into neck robots So that's kind of fun as well So a person saw a dead spider in the hallway and then they're like I bet you can turn it into a robot and then they did So anyway, that's happening. Yeah, man. It is. It's interesting was what they actually realized is that the limbs

Of the spider could be used to carry things much heavier than its own weight It's like it's like a stronger claw. No little micro things. It's that to me is interesting and fast. It's interesting But it's it's kind of creepy, but I also I love spiders. I don't hate them I now have learned to I pick up spiders with my hands and I put them outside I don't ever never kill a spider in your home. I don't kill a spider. They're very very helpful I've been dealing with bullet ants and the spiders have been very helpful. They are supposed to handle that That's why I say to you at home bring more spiders into your house Also in my in my new house between Jerry

Because he he follows all the squirrels. He says our fervor get out of here Yep, but he can't be in the front yard because he's going to escape because he's psycho I have a little black cat that's coming by and I love him. Have you been feeding him? No, I should though I think he's eating the mice Or she I mean, it depends on whether you got to look at its Vigenerals first of all first of all I kissle before you ever speak about this cat again You must identify if it has a pussy or if I find it. All right. I don't know if I've got a butthole I expect you to do that. All right, we'll do I'll let you know. I'll take a popsicle stick and check it out

Hey, what's up everyone? How you doing ben kissle here with Henry Zabrowski? Yeah, it's me, man. Yeah, bro. Henry Zabrowski is smoking some of that sweet last podcast on the left Go out there and purchase yourself some. I hope you enjoy it. We have sativa We have indica and we have a hybrid and I have to tell you for my personal experience. They are wonderful Super tasty live resin. You really get the delicious weedy taste, which is what I like and three different experiences You go to your local vape store and get it. Absolutely. Thank you all so much for supporting the show We absolutely love you can't wait to see on the road and get that vape Put it in your brain and have a good time and if you want to set your favorite weed store

Give them a call and ask for them by name last podcast on the left. It's weed. Hail yourselves, everyone. Hail Satan Okay, everyone. It's time for hero of the week. Who's it gonna be? 99 year old Katrina Orduna Perez Uh, she was a grandma as you can tell because she's 99. She was a grandma She was and she says I want a fun tombstone and her tombstone It's going to be a giant statue of a dick on top of her grave. I love this. It's very funny. You see the cock It's nice. It's pink. It's a good marble. Oh, it's five and a half It's a five and a half foot tall cock and the balls and balls and it weighs nearly 600 pounds

And it is there as a recognition of her love for life and her joy for life and I love this woman Uh, her grandson says she wanted to break the paradigm of everything Mexican Where things are sometimes hidden because of not having an open mind. I love how she was always very avant-garde Very forward thinking about things. This is great. Dona Cata an absolute legend And I guess it's like I guess the term is that It's the the the state right here is that there are a few words that mexican slang is dynamic as a verga Which is perhaps best translated in english as cock. Is that right? Cock. Hey, Fernando likes it. He understands Yeah, he teaches great. He has been on ounce praise. Verga can be a brutal insult

Tell us I'm gonna go fuck themselves. Maybe not a verga or that they're not worth shit. Vale's verga or it can be compliment Saying something is verga, which means cool. Look at that beautiful cock and I love the ridge I love the ridge. It's veiny and certainly if that thing could ejaculate It would it would go to the heavens wouldn't it just like her soul Hey, also again, I want to attack you again. It could be a dripper too. Not all men squirt They all do they all do if it's a dripper you actually need to go to the doctor It's actually very dangerous if it just drips out of you. No, it's very normal It's does it? Yeah, it can't just it can't only shoot

Yeah, I'm saying I think that you are incorrect I think that is new to me You are correct. That is new to me also just on and also just so this person got a big cock further tombstone Also, there was a dude who saved 42 dogs. So that was very sweet. Wow. When this is the third week nor you've had human heroes Oh, I know it sometimes humans do well And it's important because you could see the thing about us is that we try not to get in a rut We're always changing always mixing it up right here. Absolutely trying to keep it fresh. Absolutely keep our relationship fresh Trying to keep our

Oh, our bodies we're doing better. I'm working on it. You are and so you're looking great We get a before if we do if we do get a tv show, I gotta get a tv wait You could be way fatter. I could be way fatter benway fatter. You know what I'd say Girdles, you know what's so nice. I actually so I'm I bought a new I bought some new valir But I know I saw some new floors. Yeah. Yeah, I got some new valours and interestingly enough I got them from this company and it's very exciting Uh, they it's from sweatsito and the woman texted me

um What I wanted if I wanted topaz stones or something like that and then she said hail yourself So she's a fan. Oh, that's really nice. So sweatsito check them out. I'll let you know how these new ones fit Yeah, and honestly and you look you fill it out in a way that's good Not insulting that's great. Here we go. There's something that lists her emails Hi, my name is Kylie And I'm gonna cut it right into your problem Hi, I'm Kylie. That's great. Oh

I love her cosmetic line. It's just for me It's been several years since this happened. We've not been able to find any evidence. I think you guys can help It's 2016 I'm at my parents house in los angeles county and our friend marty comes over obviously weirded out and proceeds to tell us why Apparently marty was getting gas in monrovia when hispanic man parks a box truck on the street near him jumps out And approaches marty looking extremely distressed marty's equidorean So it makes sense that the man went up to him in a sea of tall whites and asians The man holds his phone and tells marty you have to help me man

There's something fucked up in that truck. It's a demon like a spirit like a bad one, man It got me caught up like in time and I got out but like I have it here so you can see would you go look please I need you to look yeah, I'm saying this crazy shit The man holds his phone up and holds out the photo app Marty can see a full page of recent photos and videos that have been taken from what looked like the driver's seat of the box fan The man then scrolls through Showing marty a video of him filming himself in the van and tells marty to look at the traffic outside The traffic appeared to be moving at an outrageous speed as the man spoke in the video at an unedited normal pace

He said this thing was in there floating around and it trapped him in slow motion Is what I love this is crazy marty is in his early 40s and works with computers So he immediately assumed that this was some kind of prank Marty's a very quiet intelligent empathetic individual his reaction was to continue to entertain the man kindly and that's a good lesson for all of you Absolutely crazy. Just say yes and and back away slowly, right? Absolutely The man then shows him multiple pictures and videos of some type of reddish gray pixelated orb like thing

Moving around the man in the cab of the truck the object moves strangely hovering over the man's right shoulder Pulsing towards the phone as if we're really investigating It's form only slightly distorts the man's face when it moves forward and covers parts of him The distortion is not pixelated but warped twisted and pulled so what it's just a fun snapchat filter at this point, right? The man desperately scurries through hundreds of other photos and videos of him in the cab of the truck Finding one last video to share this time the object floats at his shoulder Then suddenly lunges at the phone then back lunges again filling the screen entirely with this distorted mass Marty said this video was when he realized he had been looking at some form of face in this orb

The face became completely clear when it filled the camera now marty said the face was absolutely wildly realistic To monica's fucking super cool. Apparently it even hovered over the man's face as if it was some form of mask I'm forming perfectly to make his features its own cool, right? Marty asked if the man had seen this thing outside the truck or how it happened the man told him He was just driving a new truck for a company and happened two hours before but to him it was only 15 minutes Wow the box right the box truck was white with a few Chinese characters on the side Marty asked what the man was transporting. Hope it would be some kind of spooky shit It was noodles. Oh marty told the man

He would need an exorcist because the demon is real marty pointed the church across the street A nasty priest stood at the doorway giving goodbyes to all the people He just took a bunch of money from there being able to read a book out loud So the man raced across the street to the holy man marty watches the man motion wildly and gave the same performance with the photos and videos So the priest the priest ran inside gave the man a bible the bible and a flask of holy water. Okay And so we were all super excited about this incredible work of horror public performance art prank style Unfortunately since 2016 despite weekly then monthly internet searches for this awesome piece. We found nothing. I'm 27 I'm very keen ability for searching the internet

I would have I would have asked this your audience of your social media, but I think that shit is grody now as I Previously implied marty is a genuinely good person. He's not also a storyteller Hmm interesting also 2016 my understanding is the snapchat filter wasn't around Maybe it was the beginning. It was different then no different thing nowadays. Yeah, I actually think there was snapchat then No, I know there was snapchat, but now that the facial recognition filters I don't think we're quite as perfected as they are now. All right. No, probably not. No, um, I got all right So what I could do there was a good word. There's a there's a story about an evil butler. Oh, and there's a story about Uh farting let's do the evil butler. Yeah, because we knew a lot of farting

I will just because I did ask about the extended farting because of the episode that we did So we will I will bring that back when we circle back. We'll circle back. We'll circle back on that Put a pin in circle back business You guys were dead on about butlers being a massive pain in the ass I used to be a dominatrix and once got a submission through my website from a man who wanted to serve as my butler He claimed to have gone to butler school and he had the whole outfit tails gloves the works I thought it'd be fun to have him around for a party. Sure. All right. He did an amazing job

Organizing it all beforehand shopping for provisions taking people's coats serving drinks and bringing around snacks so far serve good, right? Yeah After this successful test drive he tried to suggest being my full-time butler Back then I'd have clients come to over to clean my toilet and scrub my floor But I wasn't about to let this weird man move in so I asked him to explain in detail How he imagined such an arrangement would work and he described something akin to a boot camp He'd call me at 6 or 8 a.m. To wake me up show up with breakfast at 7 Take me to errant's schedule my appointments and ensure I keep them make sure I stick to a bedtime

Basically every 20 year old's living nightmare. Yeah, so not to mention clear of what he said I guess the term here is topping from the bottom Which I believe is backseat driving Oh As tempted I was but the promise of her free daily breakfast I took our best The experience led me to believe that butlers are probably all power hungry perverts to some degree Well, indeed they are in control aren't they you look at elbert from the batman And he has a lot of power in the way and family doesn't yeah, but also not he can still be fired

Yes, and the most recent robert patinson batman. He does threaten to fire him. Yes. He says who are you to my dad? Yeah, but didn't be basically as he's raised you robert patinson. I love robert patinson. We love him. We love him City's eating itself. I love that movie So live every day wondering If I could breathe up my asshole, would I have bad breath? Isn't that a funny little road comic thought? Um, and then you can like laugh about it You can laugh just thinking like oh wouldn't it be funny because then my asshole, right? We'll be I could just think about my apology tour when I go up there to the press conference

And I say like hold on a second blue like and then drink from a bottle of water and then talk out of my asshole And so the the series Jim Carrick did that yes, you remember him. Yeah, remember what you remember him I do remember him. He's very famous very famous very successful You can laugh about that and then you can love knowing that Nobody can ever drown you because your buttholes you know and you Are also probably intrinsically flawed because of that and it's probably made you a bad person Well, I don't know about that but all right everyone will thank you so much for listening. I hope you're doing well out there Are you better me?

Hail yourselves! Magus Dalatians everyone. Hail me mother fuckers We'll see you this week with part two of sailing with shrines. Can't wait This show is made possible by listeners like you thanks to our ad sponsors You can support our shows by supporting them for more shows like the one you just listened to go to last podcast network.com