Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Leverage

Episode Date: July 10, 2019

Ben 'n' Henry break down this week's true crime news: Jeffrey Epstein, a Facebook group plans to rush Area 51, the Sheboygan Toilet Clogger is captured, and MORE. TRIPLE L.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk. On the left. Side stories. Love your glids. That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yeah. You know what? I fucking love our listeners so much. Yeah? Because I will say. Are you gonna say something negative? Because usually when you say something like that, then you say something mean right after. Absolutely not. Honestly. Okay. Since fetching about my beehull problems last week. First of all, I want to say thank you for the concern that I actually got from many, many people. And it's true because Kissel, because it's the one true problem you don't have, like you don't have butthole problems.

I have no idea. I went to the doctor yesterday and he was amazed, as a matter of fact, that I don't have butthole problems. But literally the people that reach out are, they are akin to a brother and sisterhood. It's people just being like, I got you. I get it. The main, I want to say the conclusion. The conclusion of their studies that they sent to me is that for long term plane rides, especially over 10 hours, people a lot of times use, they use padded bike shorts under their clothes. So you want to go on a plane looking like, you know, just slamming cliff bars. You got to bring a bike on the plane because otherwise everyone is just going to know, that's a fellow sensitive butthole boy. I got to get the little clip on shoes that go onto the bikes and you'll be like, sorry guys, I got on my bike gear with me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm just going on to the, I'm going to the meat. Is there a meat coming to the desert? I think the tour de pants is down the street. It's a sports diaper. Well, honestly, you need it buddy. You need that extra padding. You got that Polish behind. What's up everyone? Welcome to Side Stories. I am Ben Kissel. We got Henry Zabrowski there as well in beautiful Los Angeles. Los Angeles is fine. Yeah, you know, it's hot as hell here. Do you want to talk about the weather? Have we immediately, I immediately started this show in Old Man Uncle Corner.

You did it. It's hot. But yes, it is hot because it's the summer and that's the way things work. Yeah, buddy. Yeah, it's called, it's fucking July. It's New York City. Yeah, it's a hot place. I know. I understand. I understand. I will say killing puffin. Los Angeles just became a little bit safer. Now that Jeffrey Epstein is finally zapped man. Wow. We really got him this time.

Yeah, there's no way he's going to get pardoned or somehow have a massive defense team come and swing everything around. Or the president that is heavily implicated in all of his multinational crimes is going to immediately pardon him. There's no fucking way. Maybe. No way. If you do research, I guess, you know, like Jeffrey Epstein has been a boogeyman of the conspiracy theory world for so long. He is a financier, whatever the fuck that means. I know he works for a hedge fund in his own company. He used to work for Bear Stearns.

He broke away due to, he says he wanted to run his own business, but there's a lot of, there's a lot of rumors about why he left in terms, goes all the way from insider trading to raping a secretary. And then he formed his own company. He loves the company of very young women. Very young, of course. This is this story. It's so vast. We're going to focus more on the conspiracy angle for the purposes of this show. There's also a huge political story, multiple political stories. The political fallout is going to be huge. So I'll talk about that on Abe Lincoln's top hat. But yeah, man, this is going to get, and this already is absolutely disgusting. It is disgusting, and it's massive, and it's the, it's a view into what the real Illuminati is, which is these groups of vaguely,

because Epstein wanted to be anonymous. He loves being as private as possible, calling him elusive and mysterious, all this fucking bullshit. Remember the Vanity Fair article about him called The Talented Mr. Epstein? They did. It was, it's very, very interesting about, but she talks about how he skirted all of these child prostitution charges in the mid 2000s in Florida, because a man named, I believe it, what's his first name? Is Eric Acosta? His name, no, it's Alex Acosta. I think Eric Acosta is an activist. I do think that Eric Acosta, I think I was in an audition with Room, Room with him the other day. That's unfortunate. Alex Acosta, who is now, of course, our Secretary of Labor, he was the man in charge over there in Florida, and he gave Epstein the sweetheart deal 13 months in prison, but in jail, rather, and it wasn't even 13 months in jail,

because he got six days of work release every week. It's almost like he's so interconnected to so many different slush funds and so many different politicians, that if you were to arrest him for his crimes, he could release a hellscape onto everybody. Because it's everybody, it's connected. It's the Clintons, fucking get him. It's Trump, fucking get him. It's all of the people attached to it. It's Ray Fiennes. Ray Fiennes. Now, what is this Ray Fiennes thing you mentioned? Did you remember the black book that Jeffrey Epstein opens up at some point? It's gonna make, do you remember Heidi Fleiss?

Yes. That was like the Hollywood Madame, and that story in the 90s, the innocent, innocent 1990s. We're like, Charlie Sheen likes prostitutes? What? He goes, oh my goodness, and that Hugh? It's Hugh. No. He had sex with a sex worker? Wait a second. Do you mean to tell me Hugh Grant of Notting Hill made love to a sex worker that wasn't his wife?

Oh my God, that was a story in the 90s. Fast forward, 2019, it is going to get so nasty. That black book is full of names, like Ray Fiennes. Ray Fiennes, I don't even know how to say his name, but how the hell does he know Jeffrey Epstein? He's in the little black book with a circle over around his name. All of these weird codes that he has, all these written things, it's super suspicious. Kind of like what led us to Pizza Gate. All these weird kind of conspiratorial, what they believe to be. Like this is the problem, right?

Is that this is how the quote unquote spook worlds work for a long time. Is that you put bits of misinformation deep inside of real information. So if anything ever comes out about it, you are then labeled a crank or something ridiculous. Like Pizza Gate was kind of folded into the center of the story to discredit the entire fucking, the entire belief system. And the idea that there is a series of child prostitute rings that are used as secret keeping techniques used world over. And it's been going on since almost the beginning of authority. That these using blackmail systems in order to keep people in check at all times. And Epstein is a working cog in that machine.

Yes, absolutely. And of course with Pizza Gate, obviously that is not a thing that is true. But when it comes to what Henry was talking about with having leverage over someone. If you watch the movie Battlefield Earth, John Travolta mentions leverage about a thousand times. Which is also like you're an alien with dreads and superior firepower. You don't need leverage. It's all about leverage. But that's what they do in Scientology as well. Where they're like, sit down, tell me the worst parts about yourself. In no way are we going to use this against you. I only keep secrets. Tom Cruise is gay.

I only keep secrets. But also going back to what you were talking about with the circles and the names in the book. It reminds me of Jimmy Savell as well, right? Or Savile. Savile. Because didn't he have like a whole like code if they did. This is disgusting. But if they had anal sex or oral sex. It's called licking the stamp. And then if it was fucking just sucking his penis, it was called raising the bridge. It's like all these kind of things. It's disgusting.

We are almost in threat of though. It's because of the constant news cycle. This shit's just going to disappear. Like what happened when the Paradise Papers were revealed too. Another gigantic view into what the quote unquote Illuminati is. Where you're just these gigantic billionaires tied into the hedge fund world, tied into the finance world, tied into the corporate entity world that are running our entire fucking reality right now. Yeah, I mean absolutely. There's going to be a lot to unpack. And we'll follow the story as it goes on because I'm sure, I mean I know Alan Dershowitz, which is so weird. He's like really disgusting. And Kenneth Starr, like those were his two lawyers before.

I mean so Kenneth Starr of course, the Starr report, the 50 Shades of Grey for political nerds that came out in the 1990s. Yes, yes. Yeah, there's just, it's going to get really, really nasty. Who knows the names. But I mean, I would assume like Ray Fiennes for example. First of all, how many people, because you're out there in Hollywood? Highly weird, we like to call it. A little off-center. A little weird. But how many people do you think in Hollywood right now are currently on the toilet,

crapping their self, themselves? One in 15. I'm going to say if you are, if you live anywhere with between Brentwood, Beverly Hills, I'm going to say some parts of Santa Monica. You are really, really nervous right now. Because you've at least been at a party where there was a couple of girls dressed as the Lollipop Guild and they told you that they were little people. And you're like, they are little people. But I don't know if they're capital L, capital P, little people.

I, well you know, and the elite parties that you know what we've never been invited to, except for one. The Heidi Klum Halloween Party. That's the only one. And everybody was a full-breasted woman and a full-dicked man. I watched, there was no children there. Because I've always thought about this shit. If you showed up, they always, they all say the same shit about Epstein. And all these parties being like, we showed up and Trump had a 14-year-old Chechnyan blind girl on his knee. And I was like, and they were all serving hors d'oeuvres.

And while they were dressed as a little, like, they were all dressed as Hershey's kisses. Well, everyone had trays of little sandwiches. And it's like, honestly, I can't imagine walking into a party that is after 9 p.m. Where everybody else is suits and there are children in the room that are staff. I would say, you leave, you get the fuck out of here, you call the police. I would be, I would go like full mayor from Streets of Rage. I would just like start spinning around with my arms extended and just be like, no. And I would just try to take out as many people as possible.

But of course, then the headline would be a podcaster Ben Kissel hammered at a party. It scored it out like tranquilized by an elephant gun. And then it would be like, I think Ben's really losing it. And then I have to be like, no. I was trying to stop a pedophile ring from actively happening. And all of that is you outside of a cop car with a fucking bag over your head getting fucking slammed to the side of it. I just don't get it because I think kids are bummers at parties. Well, it's not where they belong.

Anyway, they should be playing their video games. So yes, Jeffrey Epstein, it is going to be nauseating. And so anyway, we'll follow that as it continues. Yeah, and we'll see what happens. Obviously, this is just, it's so hard because it's a conspiracy theory. I mean, right now, this is just, we are just, I think what I'm going to say, this is the wackiest time period you can remember, right? I mean, we weren't around in the 60s. So I feel like the 60s and the 70s were pretty wacky.

And then things kind of fucking died down a little bit. I'm not sure. Well, it feels like the wackiness of the 60s and 70s and today. But it seems like the wackiness was like, let's get off the grid, let's go to the middle of nowhere. And now the wackiness is like facial recognition. The wackiness is like everyone's connected. I kind of like the idea of, you know, the get off the grid concept that the 60s seem to sort of, you know, we're just cultivate. I feel like to do it now is truly a life choice.

I know people that go off the grid and it takes a lot of fucking prep and you need cash. Yeah, you can. Of course you can. I actually thought I want to turn the room into my house into a black box. Like you can do that where you can make it so no signals get in and out. It costs money and you have to get proper equipment. It's a whole thing and then it's very difficult. We're in sconce in the world.

You and I are unfortunately for everyone else, public figures now. So what that means is that we kind of, you sacrifice a little bit of privacy because we are out there all the time. So they can fucking zap us anywhere we go. When we went to Australia, like you saw how actively the CCTVs were being used where in the United States, it's a little bit more covert. We're there, which I actually kind of appreciate that it's more open, that they fucking, they take your picture, your face, you're walking through. Because every airport has the little fucking mouse maze that you walk out in Australia where they take fucking seven pictures of you on various angles so they can pick you out in a crowd. Yeah, and they can see your face as you're farting and be like, as you can see, the fart begins here and it ends. Nice.

The heat signatures coming out of your butt. But we are currently in a dystopia. But for my thing is, if we're in a dystopia, who are we going to be, right? My goal, honestly in the end, perfect dystopian character, perfect dystopian role for the person who really only likes to laugh, Michael Cain and Children of Men. If you can go into the back area of being a weed dealer in the semi-future with cool stereo equipment, then you got it made. Well, let's talk about stereo equipment, what plays on stereo's music. And we're also going to talk, I love these, this is the, I'm just so good at this. You're so good.

And also we mentioned facial recognition. So who's on the front lines against facial recognition turns out insane clown posse. In my face. This is awesome. Apparently Juggalo makeup, it's worn by all the fans. Obviously you've seen it. It makes facial recognition cameras completely useless because all they see is a good time party people. Certain types of facial recognition technology.

What it does, they're certain types that just measure the width between your eyes, like basically your eye structure and your jawline. And what it seems that Juggalo makeup does is a lot of it, especially with the mouth accentuation, is that it fucks with the computer's assignment of your jawline. So it bumps it up, it makes your face look really tiny so they can't recognize you. But people like the, with the face lock, this bullshit on the iPhone, it uses that perception. So it can still work, you can have Juggalo makeup on and it would still recognize your face on an iPhone. Yes, but yeah, that's right. Apple's Face ID, they got it figured out. But Juggalo makeup is also one way to draw attention to yourself because the FBI has also classified the Juggalos as quote, a loosely organized hybrid gang.

They've been talking about this for years. I have no idea what that means. What's a loosely organized hybrid gang? It is not a gang, that is, leave the Juggalos alone, what do they do? I think they legitimately set up the Juggalos as a terrorist group so then they can say like, any fan of anything like hip hop wise is a terrorist group. I think that it's, we'll say vaguely racist as a way of being like, no we got one group of white people here, but then we could use all the rest of them. We could fucking zap them one by one. Could be, I'm just so happy.

Honestly, if you are undercover, when we were in Australia, we had a great opportunity. Simon was our tour manager, loved him. And one of his buddies was a former undercover cop. He was telling us all these stories were incredible. But can you imagine being FBI undercover, you're at, you know, a Juggalo festival, you have to start butt chugging Faggo because they threw you on the stage. And they're like butt chug, butt chugging. You're like, oh, oh, oh, just covered in strippers. Honestly, I feel like you joined the fucking family.

You have to. At some point being like, this is too sweet. This is too fucking sweet of a deal. I get to be a part of this. What is that? The big fat guy. The big, big, big, big fat guy. Which one?

The guy in the, in Insane Clown Posse? He's not in Insane Clown Posse. He has a house in Florida. That's like, I want to say. Kim.com? Is that Kim.com? Big overhanging gut. It could be Kim.com.

Or is he dead? No, he's in jail. But there was one guy who had a big overhanging gut. And he had skinny legs and skinny arms and his skinny head. And he had all these like, sex workers and like, strippers with him everywhere. And they're always like jumping. They're rubbing their butts on his gut.

I don't know. But what strange fantasy is the problem? Honestly, it could be Kim.com. I think that is Kim.com. Let me look it up. I think so. Yeah, check that out. That is not Kim.com.

Ah! All right. Here, look. It's fat guy. Strippers? This is where you have to Google. All right. I missed at home.

Okay. Fat guy. Strippers, ICP. Google that at home. So the man I just discovered, the man is a, his name is Big L.A. And he is, he did a thing called, he had an Orlando based full service party organization headed up by the nephew of celebrity and actor, legendary madman, Gary Busey. Oh!

Yeah. I guess it was, so the nephew of Gary Busey, a guy named Mike Busey. Um, this is my, I guess this is him. This is Mike Busey. Okay. Very cool. Good for him. Good for him.

I suppose so, as long as everyone is well compensated and of age and protected. Well, now I am immediately looking up to see Big L.A. crimes. Yeah. Are there crimes that he's done? Nah, dude. I don't know what this fucking guy, I don't know what this guy's deal is. All right. Um, nonetheless, yes.

So get out there, juggalos, you're on the front lines of the war against facial recognition. Although again, ugh, it's all, it's all in there, but talking about that. Oh, I do want to talk about the, uh, so let me say another reason why we're in the middle of, we're in the middle of a fucking sci-fi story right now is this whole story about the US Navy being listed as an assignee on these several radical aviation technologies, according to thedrive.com patented by an aerospace engineer working at the Naval Air Warfare Center Aircraft Division, NAWCAD headquarters in Potunksett River, Maryland. Ooh, that's where you want to be.

One of these patents describes a hybrid aerospace underwater craft claimed to be capable of truly extraordinary feats of speed and maneuverability in air, water, and outer space alike thanks to a revolutionary electromagnetic propulsion system, which they are basically working on to catch up with the Chinese that are developing something just like this. So this sounds like an alien spacecraft. This sounds like a UFO or something. Yes, it sounds like they are back engineering a UFO and then maybe China is already be working on the same thing, which is, which is now heavily in the news because Bob Lazar came out on, on

Rogan and he did a huge interview mixed with his documentary Bob Lazar UFOs and saucers on Netflix that also came out directed by Jeremy Corbel. And it is very interesting. His story is, is, is interesting. He seems as if, if you know anything about Bob Lazar, you know for a fact that he worked at a place called S4, which was next to Area 51. And one of his jobs was to back engineer one of several UFOs that were kept in a hangar there. And his job is to figure out how their gravitational engines worked and which was just a sphere on a box.

They essentially had a, like a lid to and would work. If you just put the lid on it, it would emit these fucking gravity rays, which were officially discovered in 2016, which he's been talking about since the fucking 80s. And they say, and apparently it works as this giant pewter UFO, this huge molded piece of thing that you, the only way things work is they have to all sit inside. They have to sit in specific places. And so Bob Lazar has this very ornate story that was covered by George Knapp very extensively. He has both been torn apart by the press and exonerated everything.

He's lived the life of torture. Every whistleblower does. And this story is about whether or not you believe Bob Lazar actually does believe in these detailed stories. He obviously does, but is it true or is he completely schizophrenic? Yeah, it's interesting. I watched a little doc on him and he's really, he seemed very hesitant to talk about it, which I thought was made him seem a little bit more trustworthy. I do definitely believe he believes what he's saying for sure.

And speaking of Area 51, apparently Facebook is really organizing a lot of people, but not to go ruin elections. It's organizing around 120,000 alien hunters. They're planning to storm Area 51 to discover the truth. One dude tried to do this about last year, I think, and got shot. So I think this could really end up, I don't know what they're going to find. You know, my concept is I think the energy is misdirected. I think there are other places we could storm and like, and take.

And then I think would really be helpful. But I wouldn't be fucking surprised if they don't put out. Because you know, Canada, they revealed all those sound weapons. Oh, yeah. That they use against protesters and I would not be surprised. Oh, if it does happen. Because I don't know, like, because I'd like to see it happen. But the, I'd like to see what happens when they do it.

But I imagine they will be repelled in some way, shape, or form. I'm not going to be, I'm not demeaning anyone, which of course means I'm about to demean some people. Yes. But when I think about alien enthusiasts, alien hunters, I don't think about athleticism. I don't think, like, starting off at the foot, like, it's not, it's not, what was that movie with Tom, with Tom Cruz where they had to go plant the flag.

And it was like, we're getting our stake of land. Flyaway wagon, something like that. What? Flyaway home? Flyaway home, yeah. Is it like that? It is because they're all going to start and then they're going to be like, go, and then they're all going to run.

And it's going to be a bunch of... Flyaway home is the, flyaway home is the Anapaquan vehicle with the, with the geese she was trying to save. With Jeff Daniels. I don't know. No, the one, wayward hat. The last samurai? No, not the last samurai.

He was the last samurai in that. Yes, well, I... He was white. Yes. I know. You know that Tom Cruz is gay? I went to one of the Scientology... I heard you say that earlier.

...fucking senators. That's the first thing they sent me. That's the first thing they sent to me. Far and away. This is great. That is the name of the... Anyway, so it's just going to be a bunch of like alien enthusiasts, scampering as fast as they can to get to area 51.

And don't be surprised, one falls down on the front. Next thing you know, it's like a Michael Jackson concert. He's getting sampled, stopped to death. And now we have a casualty on our hands. I'll tell you what, man. I mean, I do the elliptical. I got my cardio tight. I can get in there.

If we could set up, I really do feel like actually what you're saying is while insulting, it actually is illuminating to what the real problem is, is that we actually do need to have some sort of training program for all the people going through. We need some kind of like bow flex system, some kind of like we need somebody to get in there teaching these guys how to sprint, how to do obstacle courses. Billy Blanks. Billy Blanks action in this because they are really going to need to know how to duck and cover.

Because for me, the way to really do this maneuvers, you got to run serpentine fashion. You got to run like a lightning bolt, like running away from alligator. Yes, that's just like a lightning bolt, not like a drunk man just desperately trying to find his car. That's what you did. I was here somewhere. I was here somewhere. I shouldn't be driving it if I could find it.

You can't find it. You shouldn't drive it. I know it's what they're going to find. It is fun though. If it does work out, I will say kudos for just, it'll be a blast for these guys to all get together and gals of course. To be honest, it's wasted energy because this is the kind of shit that should have happened in the 80s because now everything's been moved out of Area 51. Because now that Area 51 has become public, there's no fucking way it's going to actually house all of the secrets. It all moves to another fucking place.

They obviously have secret aircraft, but it's not the secret aircraft we want to find. But what if they're overthinking that thought? You think it's like the Sicilian and the Princess Bride? Yes, it is. I don't think it is Forty Chest. It really could be. Honestly, I don't even know. Speaking of which, and I'm going to mention this because I believe Travis will be on Top Hat with me this week,

but evidently Forty Chest just triggered when, because everyone's like, oh, Donald Trump plays Forty Chest. Sure. Some of his supporters, and this is, we're not going to get hyper political here, but some of his supporters after seeing the pictures of him with Jeffrey Epstein are like, he was working undercover. He was working undercover to crack the case. And I'm like, what is going on here? Oh my god.

For Area 51, it's more likely that they have an active alien working as a janitor. Donald Trump was undercover. I imagine there are several Mexicans working at Area 51 without paper. I hope so. But honestly, there is, this is all, we are, again, back to wacky times. It's just how much news can we take in one cycle? Like the UFO disclosure that is happening right now, it seems to be purposefully directed. Same thing with the exposure of Epstein, it's all of this shit that is all kind of coming to the surface,

but if they're letting this shit come to the surface, what is submerging? What's the stuff that's, why are these, because the news companies are attached to the advertising companies, all this shit all depends on each other. They depend on the stock market. They depend on all this shit holding. Why are they giving up certain things? Right. Because that, for me, just means they're making other shit private.

Well, also, you know, at some point, you just age yourself out of the power that you once held. You're old, like, I just, the cover of news, or not news week, whatever. The Clintons don't have any more power. They're gone. They're gone. It's like done. So, yeah, when all your, when all your powerful buddies are no longer in power, I mean, obviously, not mentioning Trump, because he's still there, but yeah.

And we have this fun story that I received from several listeners. I think it's really fun. Virginia Dad fires 39 shots at naked devil, quote, unquote, who broke into family's home on first night living there. This is according to Fox News, so we'll see what it says. A Virginia Dad on Thursday fired 39 warning shots, 39 warning shots. And brawled with a naked woman who called herself the devil after she allegedly broke into the family's home on their first night living there. The violent confrontation happened in Chesterfield County on the evening of the 4th of July. So this happened on the 4th of July.

A female suspect who was naked and with blue hair and a pony tail broke into the family's home and refused to leave, telling them, I'm the devil, I'm the devil. This is fun. The dad of the family then fired 39 warning shots, but she was undeterred. You can see the pictures here of these so-called warning shots. I think he was just a bad shot, because I never heard of 39 warning shots before. He pulled a Yosemite Sam and just went like, whew, whew, whew, whew, whew. Brawl broke out between the woman and the family, including the 12-year-old son.

They're all fighting this woman to get her out of the fucking house. If this woman was naked the entire time, they just moved in. They're just like, honey, we finally did it. Our family home is finally with us. I'm the devil, I'm the devil. Here son, now's your time to finally wrestle a warranted naked woman. Go get her, go get her, get that pain, get that pain. Honestly, the 12-year-old did end up ending the fight because he hit her with a wrench in her neck.

She grabbed a wrench, this 12-year-old boy grabbed a wrench and hit her in the neck. And then she went down, and this is all happening. They're trying to sleep. They're trying to have one nice night alone. It's the 4th of July, and their garden is down. They said trying to pin her down, she had the strength of four grown men. The father later told the station. But the dad and the intruder were hospitalized, and I guess a GoFundMe account is set up to repair the damage to the family's new home.

Honestly, I feel like it was like demo day. They did need to actually knock out a bunch of fucking, like all these, they had to get rid of the cabinetry. They had to knock down the wall to give it the open floor plan. So he just started like... Just to fucking give it an excuse. And despite the fact one person was hitting the neck with a wrench and fired at 39 times, no one was injured. No one was hurt seriously here, but they did non-life-threatening injuries anyway. So I guess technically it's a happy ending.

And now that you mentioned Demolition Day, demo day with guns, Fixer Upper needs to come back. Fixer Upper needs to get on a massive AR, like whatever those huge gas guns are. I would watch that military demo destruction. What I do love though is to then delve into the, I love this, delve into the Fox News comments underneath it. Logic Before Reason says, fired 39 warning shots, proceeded to get beat up by a naked woman, saved by his 12-year-old son. My wife would divorce me if that was the best offense I could mount. Then a needs range time in a hurry. And then NW Milamo says, you never fire warning shots.

The person is in your house, you aim center mass and put bullets in the target until they stop moving. Oh, the Fox News comments section. It's a lot of tough guy. That's Alphas. That's tough. These are Alphas. I know what they are. I'm aware what they call themselves when they scream it to you after five PBRs. I know. Alright, well that is an interesting tale. Let's talk about another interesting tale here. And I believe it's time for Hero of the Week. Alright, let's do Hero of the Week. Recordings of number stations. I love listening to them. It is. It can't be.

So now we're going to go to my home state of Wisconsin and the Hero of the Week, it is the Shaboygan, Wisconsin law enforcement community because they finally caught the serial toilet clogger and he was sentenced to 150 days in jail and three years of probation. This guy is a 35-year-old man. Yes, I really go through this story because it's interesting. It says that I don't feel bad for the man. The man just was governed by forces that we don't understand. The dude, Patrick D. Beeman. He was charged with 12 misdemeanors of criminal damage to property. Seven of those charges were dismissed. As conditions of his probation, Beeman will have to serve 150 days, pay more than 5,500 in restitution, and again, be not allowed to have any alcohol or controlled substance and complete 100 hours of community service,

which you know what, I gotta say, isn't that what he wanted? Because he's just going to have to go to all the public parks and go to all the bathrooms and he's going to be, public service is going to be very difficult for him. I think he might reoffend. I think it's possible because he says that he was led to, so his, what he did was that he went into women's bathrooms and he lodged plastic bottles into the holes into where the dookie goes, the dookie tunnels. He would lodge the dookie, he would fucking fill them up so that women would go to poop or pee in them and then the poop and pee would overflow onto their feet or would go up into their shoes or it would touch their butt. Yes, it's horrible. It's horrible.

I mean, it is horrible. It's very specific. It's very bizarre. It was that he didn't understand his own impulses. He was like, I don't know what drives me to do weird things, but I did them and I just, there's a lot of other things I could have done, you know, I mean honestly though, right? Like I definitely could have come in all the mayonnaise, but I didn't do that. Oh yeah, you didn't do that. No, that's actually, that is, oh did you do that? No. No, but you're saying no like yes.

No. Should I put the sandwich down? I have a lot of impulses. Oh. That's, I do understand that, you know, he is, he needs help. He needs a little bit of reach out here, but it's also shows you really need to follow your temps around. Because they didn't really, because he was from a tent, he's a temp at all these offices. Right.

So they were noticing that these toilets would get plugged up at each, you gotta be real Sherlock Holmes to figure this guy out. Oh, absolutely. You had to put together the pattern to see that he was doing this in multiple locations. And yeah, I guess he's not going to get picked up for that temp service for at least another six weeks. Oh, I think you'll have to get out of jail anyway first. Yeah, he said he just would go through the garbage, he would find bottles. And so I think you also enjoyed the scavenger aspect of it, like he was playing Borderlands in real life. No, it's like Marcus was looking for records.

Where Marcus doesn't like- Yeah, it's just like that, but you can't plug a toilet with a record. I don't know what he does in a home. He listens to the records. I know he listens to the records, but I don't know what he's done when he's done with them. You'll listen to them again after you put them back. Honestly, it's his home. If him and Carolina have a fucking arrangement where he shoves up and he stuffs the toilet so the Duke would judge Carolina's butt,

then I'm certain that that's a thing they must have discussed before they agreed to get married to each other. Uh-huh, I don't think that he does. And yes, if they did have that, I would hope that would be really a long discussion. They would have to agree that that would be okay. We got a lot of reach out, too, about my questions about the BDSM community and actual forms of people to send and to each other, like contracts over what is appropriate in kink play, and I found it very interesting. Like, basically, the thorough discussion that's going to it, especially when it's supposed to be the rape fantasy or these things that are supposed to be anti-your-will fantasies, which are very interesting.

You gotta be very careful. Well, did you want to read any emails before we wrap up? I do. Uh, but this was, but what a great story. Good for Zherboygan Police for putting together. Zherboygan Police. They put the clues together. They did. They got it all figured out. So you're the hero of the week because, you know, oftentimes we make fun of law enforcement on this show when they make mistakes,

but when they do something right, we gotta say congratulations. Good job. The city is safe or the toilets are cleaner. And dare I say, there'll be less Duke on the floor. Which is a good thing. It is a good thing, but I do think, I agree with you. I think he's gonna fucking offend again. He's gonna do something weird. But I think hopefully it's something like rubbing a bunch of bananas with his butt.

But hopefully in public, like it's like one of those where it's not directly like violent or anti-social. It's just weird enough for the cops to pay attention to you. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Um, alright. So last week's episode, we talked, we told a story about a man who took a bit of a peepee over a bridge and ended up peeing on a series of people causing a bunch of injuries. And Henry and I, we both said it must be a man because there's no way a woman could do it. But as we try to, all the time we grow, Henry, we grow. I always grow. I always grow.

My love handles, my love handles are turning into love wings. I'm turning into a giant fucking pterodactyl of amore. But I do. New information came to light and we have learned a lot. Okay. So we got a message from a lovely woman named Vex Voltage that she says this, which I thought was very interesting. Hey, I'm an adult actress and I actually film a lot of solo piss porn. I love balancing myself upside down and seeing what sort of stream I can get. After filming a lot and doing different things with it, I found out, at least for me,

that wherever the urethra is aimed is where the pee will go. Knowing that I can use abdominal push force to determine how far and how much of an arc I can get. My favorite is balancing myself upside down on my shoulders and pissing into the air. I call the bitch Bellagio. Oh, I love this. I hope this answers the piss question. I really like that. I mean, honestly.

It really does. It does. I mean, honestly, thank you. Thank you for that. I have another peepee story that relates to fucking tourism that I wanted to tell people. All right. I am just going to say, Henry told me this one before. I'm not going to hand out gold stars.

This isn't a gold star, but this story is freaking disgusting. That's all I'm going to say. So be warned. You're going to feel gross after hearing the story that must be told evidently. I guess so. This comes from C. Quick story of the time I peed in the glory hole. An unfortunately named rock formation, and I believe is Wachita National Forest, which is O-U-A-C-H-I-C-T-A.

A name I only included to hear Ben and Henry fight about how to pronounce it. Mm-hmm. Thank you. What do you want me? I have no idea. I have no idea. It's Wachita. A couple of friends and I hiked into the glory hole since we were determined to see it after

laughing like sixth graders at the trail map. We got to the top of the glory hole, which is basically just a giant hole through a limestone rock shelf. I started peeing, and of course shouting, I peed in the glory hole! I peed in the glory hole! One of my friends had hiked on to below the rock shelf and then came sprinting back. He started silently shushing me and carrying on, so I stopped yelling. Due to my careful hydration strategy while hiking, I found myself unable to stop the flow.

There was a family down below admiring the lukewarm trickle, and the daughter had her put her hand in it while my friend looked on into the hole. That is so disgusting. That story is so much worse than the pee on the boat story that started this entire bizarre series of events of stories. I got stuck in a thunderstorm under the rock shelf with the family for an hour. Okay, good. Well, at least they got a thunderstorm to wash everything off. Oh, my God. That story is so nasty. It's fucking awful.

But worse things have happened. Honestly, they have. Yeah. Jeffrey Epstein, I mean, honestly, those people, that other girl would have been paid at least. If Jeffrey Epstein was involved. Actually, I don't think so, I think. I think it was very he had a lot of money and he didn't spend that much on all that. It was anyway, 100% disgusting, but there it is. This week's side stories.

Thank you all so much for listening. And don't forget we got some tickets available still for San Diego. And we have a little bit of a couple of tickets left for Oakland, too. So please get on that shit. I wanted to give you a little bit of thank you to some people that have sent me some beautiful things. Carly Jerome, thank you so much for the live laugh love. Embroidery. Embroidery.

We have so much of this. I do love it. I don't know, can we be sued for this shit? For triple out? Live laugh love? No, that's not. I don't think it's catchphrased. Yeah, no one said anything to it. I haven't got enough fucking. Because it's like, I imagine who'd own it at somebody like Oprah. Yeah, no, live laugh love, man. That's universal. That's like the happy birthday song. I want to say thank you to Max.

Well, the fucking birthday song was owned for a long time. Well, it's not anymore. It's not anymore, but it was. So does somebody own it yet? Live laugh love is going to be okay. No, it's not owned again. Do we need to own it? No, we don't need to own it. I don't want to own it. I believe that every idea should be free. Okay.

I don't want to own it. All right. Okay, so this comes from Max. He sent me a wonderful pop-up cardboard of the only baseball player that exists, Bobby Bonilla. But he did send it from when he played with the pirates, which is not as fun. And that's fine, though, but thank you so much for that, Max. It was very, very nice. And I just want to thank Isaiah for the evil ashtray that you sent ahead of your letter,

which was just a scary ashtray with the fucking Baphomet and the fucking Anton Leveille symbol in the center of it, just in a box that was sent to me several weeks ago, which I loved. But we didn't know who it came from, so I want to say thank you for Isaiah for sending that to me. Absolutely. Thank you all so much for listening. Also, did you notice shit in Australia? You know what's one thing I wanted to talk about that I think that I won true cultural thing that I wish we could get from Australia? You check out those fucking trucks.

Yeah, the trucks? Yeah, the fucking four by fours in Australia. Fucking dope. You look at these things. I thought you were going to say how amazing they are when it comes to women construction workers. That is interesting. That was the only cultural difference I actually noticed was the construction workers. Well, they said it's a hipster job there.

Construction is like a hipster job there. Where here it's like it's anybody who takes it. But I think honestly it's a great hipster job. It's a great job because it pays good money and it's fucking physically active. And we need smart, good, fucking willing people to do those jobs because fucking Los Angeles buildings just fall apart. I'm watching these people. Oh my God, be careful out there by the way.

I'm watching all the, you know, I consume and consume information. I know. This earthquake stuff is a nightmare. Man, we went through our first reel. That was the first real earthquake I've ever fucking experienced. We were watching Midsummer. So we're in Midsummer. Oh, no kidding.

Seriously, I had eaten like 40 milligrams of fucking edibles. It had just all kicked in. I just gave it, but it was just starting to rock. It just says they arrived at the Colt. The whole fucking theater just starts going. So I didn't realize you actually got, you felt the shakes? Dude, it went for like fucking 20 seconds. It was like a long, it was like a long one.

We're sitting there thinking like, oh, if someone's kicking my chair, all of a sudden the whole theater's moving. It moved a bunch of shit around my house. But apparently, because it was 7.1 in LA, that was the fucking earthquake that fucking did crazy damage in Mexico. That's the same size. That's how much LA has changed is that like if this was the 80s, it would have ripped up the city.

Right, right. But it scared the fuck out of me. That shit's scary. Like get a Velcro patch on your bed, sleep in like a Velcro suit. Like astronaut. Like an astronaut. But no, anyone out in that area, be careful, get your kits, have your kits ready.

I think our boy Eddie from Brighter Side, I think he's got a kit coming. It's just gonna be full of toilet paper and a whole series. I love that. It's just a bottle of fucking Jack Danielson. He just waits until his belly's vibrating. And that's when he knows the earthquakes. Honestly, that's how you do it.

Because in an earthquake, when you're half drunk off of Jack Daniels, you're sober. Because the whole thing is going crazy. Man, I got this all figured out. You'd be great in an earthquake. Honestly, you would be because you could hold the structure. You have to be like Hodor. Hodor, hold on.

You grab the sides of the building. Oh, my friend. This building's my friend. Right. Well, you know Hollywood, just this is a reminder to Hollywood. Tall people also have good voices usually. And for some reason in Hollywood, they all sound like they can barely breathe. But I don't know.

I'm so kind of tall guy. I'm so kind of tall guy. Oh, my goodness. But yet, so guys, especially out here in the land of shaky knees, that's what I'm called in Los Angeles. Shakies for the boys and the girls. You got to love every day like it's your last, because you never know when that chasm is going to fucking open up

and swallow your entire family and everything you've ever known. It's going to happen any day now. You got to live. Live. That's it. That's live with a bunch of musical notes underneath it. And a bunch of eyes. Yeah, that's what you like.

And you got to laugh. Because again, you never know. You just never fucking know when the whole world is going to fucking betray you. When literally the ground beneath you is going to betray you. So all you can do is eat another 40 milligrams of edibles. If I could have a couple of bourbons, which I had directly after the earthquake, just to show my side of that. Absolutely.

You got to prepare. It definitely, it's scarred Wendy. She is not a survivor. No. She's a dog. She is a dog. Anyway. No, but fucking Puffin's a survivor.

Puffin, yes. He's low to the ground. Well, so is Wendy, but he's sturdy. He's like a bully ball. Yeah, he's sturdy. You're raising him right. I hope so. All right, everyone.

Thank you so much for listening. Take care of yourself in the Los Angeles area. Be safe. Hail yourself. Hail Satan. Magustalations. Hail me. You fucking dirty pig.

You dirty pig. Help me. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.