Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Monkeys Versus Dogs

Episode Date: December 29, 2021

Ben 'n' Henry break down this week's true crime stories: The Grinch destroys a woman's home, a fraudulent baby-man wants to be wiped, a war breaks out between monkeys and dogs, and MUCH MORE.Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0

Man, gotta love being stuck in an extended stay for many, many days. Extended stay? You're living the dream, buddy. Nice thing about the extended stay, when you do get a divorce, all the lawyers who are divorce lawyers advertise in the elevator. And they're right there already with you. Honestly, that's almost nice. It's like, I'm here, I'm wondering, we're at an extended stay, you may wonder why I

sound different. It's because of that. And what's nice is, you've got the burn marks on the wall, where all of the divorced dads burnt the last meal that they made before they committed suicide. And then if I want to help someone traffic a person, it's right out there. Well, I don't think that's a good idea. It's right out there. I can go right over there.

I can get a pub sub. I can go. I can get a garbage bag to hide her in. Wow, humans are not Christmas gifts. They are people. Don't traffic them. Hey, everyone, welcome to Side Stories I Am Ben. Don't traffic people, please.

Hanging out with Henry, the man who is just newly understanding the rights of people, not to be trafficked. We have a great episode for you all today. We hope you have just a fantastic Christmas. Wow. We could spend this whole day. We could spend this whole episode talking about the magic of Christmas and what an experience it was.

I have just been on such a sleigh ride. It has been such a fun thing watching your parents be super sick. You got to walk them through a window and then, yeah, that's fun. And then just the idea of being in beautiful Florida, where I had a woman call me a fatso on the street because I was walking down the street and then I wasn't moving fast enough for her fucking rascal or whatever. Her rascal was a fucking big fat person's van and she was in it and she was waiting there and then she said nice walk-in fatso because I had Einstein's bagel in a bag.

And you know what they brought me back? All the way to middle school. Isn't that nice? Well, it does seem as if people haven't quite evolved. From the middle school attitude out there in Florida, it does remind me a little bit of Ghislaine though, perhaps for the first time, Henry Zabrowski, you were attempted to be hunted because you say she had a van, fatso, perhaps that's code word for her. That's what my billionaire boyfriend likes, he told me to go get him a fatso.

And look at you. Listen, I want you to wrangle him fat. So by the time we get him through customs, they're skinny. Oh, you guys. You got to really do the waiting game on it. We also, we have a lot of updates this week. But follow Billard. We do.

I think it's Ghislaine because the deliberations are still happening, which is we both had a law, a lawyerly like discussion before the show about whether or not that helps or hurts a prosecution and you're just going to agree to disagree. Well, the thing is, Henry said he heard what he heard was it helps the defense and what I heard was it helps the prosecution. And again, we will just wait to see what the verdict is. The reason that I said that, though, by the way, is because then it tends to mean that one person is agreeing and there's there's there's one 12th angry woman being like what

she did was wrong. But who has not trafficked a minor for a man. And they're like, what, what, ma'am, ma'am, but no, I all I thought that it was the opposite because I thought that if a bunch of people, I thought that a lot of times it's quicker email, aside stories, lpotlgmail.com if you're a trial lawyer, if you fucking if you know what the hell we're talking about. But like, it feels like if you're going to be quickly innocent, it would happen very quickly.

If you're going to be innocent, it's going to be really quick. I guess I must also hold for guilty. I don't fucking know. Shoot us an email. All right. Well, Henry did mention we have some updates and, you know, we did talk about the lane here, but it's time to talk about something more important and serious. I don't know about more, but let's say more important.

Okay, sure. Poopy and everyone does it, but not everyone does it in a good will. No, Henry, I know that you were, you were like tirelessly working. This was your Matthew McConaughey moment. Yes. I know you had a bunch of series of defecation posters up and you were trying to connect the dots like, who could the mystery pooper be when it comes to this good will? I was all the way down the list.

I was all the way down the list to suspicious farters. You know what I mean? I went all the way being like, are you farmed in a place where you shouldn't be? Hey, let's think about this. So because it's like, you know, when it comes down to it, you know, but people have mixed feelings about good will. They've got some emails about it, but what it is interesting is the fact that you're still not a lot of legally poop in there and we covered this story right before the break

talking about this man. He was a mystery pooper. And of course, the day we published the episode, thanks to the tireless work of the employees at the good will, they fucking got him. They got him. This guy, Pennsylvania State Troopers, they are involved. They are. Apparently this is a state level crime.

It could be because he probably carried his intestinal poop across the state. Across state lines, across county lines. Therefore, he damn near got a federal offense, probably. This motherfucker apparently he's 71 years fun. He's an eerie man. They're not identifying him because apparently they're not charging him with anything. And they said that he he admitted, which has must have been the saddest afternoon of that 71 year old's life was he sitting there in the back of this fucking trooper car.

And they're all like, all right, now listen, did you do this? And he's going like, no, no, there's no way. No, I simply I can't poop even once a day. Honestly, my tubes are so clogged and they're like, sir, we have the documents. We've seen that we've seen the trail of evidence. Yes, I don't know. And then he's had it hanging. Yes, it was indeed me.

Because not only did he admit to that pooping, but also to one two weeks prior where he had pooped. But you remember that when he hid with the shovel, at least he tried to do some kind of cover up. Yeah, he shot under that same goodwill two times. He admitted it. And the way they got him was he came and he left another dump, right? And they watched him.

One don't too many. Yes, of course. Because you know what? It's like drug dealing because you either get arrested or you get killed. Sure. Serial pooping, it's exactly the same kind of someone saw the dookie, the little Hershey's kiss there, the ear and they saw him run. They got the license plate, set the cops after him, right?

Man, he fucking flipped like Simone Biles. There is no reason. He didn't hold out. He didn't call a lawyer. He just straight up said, yep, it was me. I done did it. I'm the pooper. And I am going to say, number one, thank you for your honesty.

So, I mean, maybe he can get the kind of help he needs now. Well, I don't think he needs any help, obviously his bowels are flowing very well. That's a sign of good health. I don't know. You know, don't do it in a goodwill. But if that dookie was going in the toilet, I'm sure every nurse would be happy with him. Number two, what else did he show?

Even the elderly. It's not about getting free coffee. It's not about, oh, I get half off at my Starbucks and I get a free bagel whenever I go into McDonald's. Sometimes it's also about sending a message to the youth that they still got it. They still got it. He's not the world's, he's not the greatest generation. He's the Korean War generation with was the forgotten war.

Oh, that's not Gen X. 71. I don't believe so. I don't believe so. I don't know. I don't know. He does, if they were to charge him, but as Henry said, they are not charging him perhaps out of the Christmas spirit.

I think that, yes, he's the last Christmas, the last Christmas pardon that came in this year. Yeah, absolutely. The turkeys and this guy, he does possibly face open lewdness, which is a third degree Mr. Meaner. Oh, God. But you know what I think? If you're going to punish this man, you just got to put him on toilet duty for a week.

You got a rubbish school? You got a rubbish face in it? Rub his nose in it. Hit him with a newspaper. Hit him with a newspaper. That's the only time I believe in corporal punishment is when it's for an old man. There you go. So that's an update from Pennsylvania.

So for all of those people who are locking your doors and cutting your hair as if it was the son of Sam era, you can breathe easy. Breathe easy. Unless you have COVID. I mean, you can't. But that's okay. It's going to be very difficult for you. Breathe easy in Pennsylvania for now because the mystery pooper, he has been found.

He's behind Ma. He's in Arkham Asylum. He's not. I'm not behind bars. He's going to do it again. You can totally do anything. So as a matter of fact, you don't have to lock the doors again, relock the doors. There you go.

Yeah. Now this other update comes from Louisiana and what I want to say is thank you to the incredible people at the Petit Grocery, which was the restaurant I ate in New Orleans. We got listeners on the staff. They fucking hooked it up for me. It was absolutely delicious and I wish I lived in New Orleans. I got to get back there. I fucking love that place.

I mean, I'll die there. Obviously, I'm not going to make it. I'm going to have a heart attack when I'm 55, but it'll be worth it. Now there's some people, people quit being an artist a lot of times because of harsh criticism. Right? But then you're not an artist, are you? This is right. This is what I'm saying is that there are people out there that your dreams get squashed

because people say no to you one time and then you don't understand, oh no, you actually got to stick up for your own guns because the life of the artist is nonstop knows. No, and absolutely, and being a writer or being a painter, just because maybe you're not published, it doesn't mean you're not a writer. You're not a painter. You could still be these things. You can do this. There are some people, this is what I'm saying is that there are some people that aren't

shut down by this type of criticism because they have a dream and they have something they want to do. I remember if you remember the man that was arrested for pretending to be a special needs adult and he tried to get a bunch of people to come over and be his nurse and wipe his bottom for him while he pretended to be a baby with Down syndrome. This is adjacent to our deeper, deeper guy, not a good thing. He got arrested in March of twenty twenty one. He was arrested already.

We've covered the story and he got got you got a gun in death. Rutledge D's his name is Rutledge. Don't forget about the fourth. He's Rutledge D's the fourth. He kind of has a toddler like head right where he's got a very big like his head is small like it's like a gray like he's got a small chin and a very, very big head and he's giving he's giving like a eyebrow raised like he's the rock. But the only rock he's got is the rock hard penis he has when he tries to get someone to

wipe him after he shed into a diaper. But he's been caught again by sending text messages is the second time in a year. He sent a text message to scam victims. The last time he was using official channels like he was putting up one of these like he went to like a website where you could put up a note of saying I need a personal nurse and he was posing as his guardian. This time he was directly text texting people and saying that he was engaged in an alternative mental therapy, which is that he offered to pay victims to change his diapers.

Now right. I think this is my question right before it definitely was illegal because he was talking to nurses and he was posing as a man with Down syndrome who needed to get his booty whole wipes. Right. Sure. But this one was chimch cutting to the chase and saying like, hey, hey, hey, listen, right. I need you.

I don't care what kind of degree you got. All right. I'm a big old boo boo baby. Right. Like I'm a boo boo Gaga. Yeah. I'm gonna need you to get in there. And the one thing about being a boo boo bing bong baby is that I need someone to change

my diaper and it's going to be you and like he offered money. You know, I think what we're talking about here is someone who has a sexual fetish that is going about getting that sexual fetish, fetish fulfilled in all the wrong places. He doesn't need to see a nurse. He needs to see a sex worker who is maybe maybe they show up in a hazmat suit that day and a whole series of different precautions must be in place. But what he is doing is just going all he's taking. It's like if you go out on Halloween and you're like, wow, I can't believe all of my neighbors

were French maids. I had no idea. It's a costume. See. The only thing you need to do is not get a real nurse. You need to get someone who is understanding in a nurse costume because they understand this is a sexual fetish. You don't have any mental illness or perhaps there's some mental illness in there, but

you don't have any medical problem. So he went about it the entire wrong way, almost like trying to find it's like hiring Harrison Ford to actually go on an expedition to find the hidden treasure. You're gonna die. I mean, well, the thing is that well, that's where you actually that's a weird example you use because Harrison Ford's also a pilot, but the thing is, he always crashes. He always crashes. You're going to die.

So he needs to find in this case, all he does is smoke weed. He's it. I mean, I love him. He's a genuine hero. And if I lose a little bit of weight, I kind of look like him when I was younger. But wow. You think that no people used to tell me that all the time. Really?

Chevy Chase. Yeah. All the time. Weird. I think Chevy Chase is because you're tall. Chevy Chase is like six one. Harrison Ford is like Sandy Brown. Ford is red as my underpants.

Get those checked, pal. So the guy, what I'm saying is he's just going down the wrong road. And because of that, he's going to find himself up cruising for a bruising when he goes to jail. Although now again, if you think about this fetish in prison, in jail, he can find someone for a book of stamps to change his diaper. No, it won't be a woman. But I mean, at this point, he's going to have to, you know, compromise and play along

with what you got. All I think is is that it's just like you're heading into the sort of super villain, like low rent super villain territory where you pose as a mentally handicapped person. Are you going to do that in jail? Because let's face it, Kissel. He obviously doesn't want to go the legit route because he has the money and he's offering money. Right.

He's offering money. Do we know how much he offered though? They say he offered money. What is it? Eight bucks. Eight bucks for all of them, which is why he's getting caught because when it comes down to it, if you offer the right amount of money, any RN might just be like, you know, who fucking gives a shit up and trying to quit this thing ever since COVID began.

And like you could maybe begin your a new life of scooping poop out of people pretending to need it. Right. But I think he's low balling people and he likes the disgust. He likes when people get all in a tizzy and they get all mad when he's just like, psych. He is being charged. He is being charged with human trafficking, I think because he recruited people over perhaps over state lines or county lines, whatever it may be, to Jefferson Parish in Louisiana.

But this is another point about patience because all he had to do was wait 40 years and he'll be getting that diaper. It's going to fill up and he's going to actually he just he just ruined his own end. All he had to do was just be like, the nice thing about this fetish is no matter what, I'm going to legally be able to get away with it. And they're actually maybe going to pay me to stay in hospice to get this done. Oh, yeah, dude. You know what else you could try to do?

You could try to unsuccessfully commit suicide and make yourself all jacked up. Right. And then all of a sudden you are the guy that needs the thing like you do the thing where if you're going to blow your you try to blow your brains up and it's like our space. You hold. Yes, exactly. You're going to like hold the gun to the side, you know what I mean? Or you try to choke yourself out with carbon monoxide, but set an alarm, have someone come

get you. Right. And you get out like, oh, I mean, you won't know that you're playing a scam on yourself anymore. But then you're or you're there. But you're there. Where you are. And guess what?

I bet you doesn't go away. I bet you now that you are actually legally mentally handicapped and you need someone to come and wipe your diaper, you're still going to get hurt because of the memories. And again, at that point, then people would have some empathy, mostly for the nurse again, who has to care for you, but you would not be in jail. So there you go. Well, just don't do that. Don't do that.

Please. And just go to that. Please. Again, if you have a fetish of being a baby, hire somebody, hire a good sex worker who's a good sex worker. It's a good actor. Of course, let them know what they'll be getting into before that. And I guess what, man, this is an employee's market.

All right. If you go out there, you just find you find the right amount of money. You don't know. People are looking to leave their corporate jobs. You know what you'll find out there if you're willing to really put up the money. Full benefits. Like someone will come and fucking scoop your butthole, I mean, honestly, for fucking health care.

Yeah, it could be. It could be. All right. Well, let's move on a little bit. Speaking of... Is that a corporate nightmare, what I just talked about? Is that like post post capitalism, like a dreary landscape of you having to suck the shit out of a man's asshole just so you can make your ends meet?

I mean, it definitely is like, whoa, I didn't have this in my 2022 bingo card. It's not yet. It's not not yet. No. I would hope that someone isn't suffering and struggling so much to the point where they felt as if they had to say yes to taking the job offer that would be wiping somebody's poop from their butt, even though that person is completely capable of wiping the poop from their own butt.

But again, just wait for time, father time, who is the ultimate prankster. He's the ultimate prankster, isn't he? And he'll make you shit yourself for the last five, six years of your life. Can't wait. Life from your grave. This next story is sad, but also just is it weird that it's cute in a sense, though, because it's about animals. What?

The story is about animals. Oh, this is... But it's also very sad. But it's also very sad. There's a lot of absolutely fucked up animal stories this week. Do you remember when we first invaded Iraq? Every day. I think about it every day.

And then, you know, as we just allowed a series of factions to take over because we didn't really fully commit. No, Kissel. We're just going to destroy everything with no building up process. Kissel, no way. There was no way that we were just in the hands of arms dealers and drug pushers and we trained them and then gave them weapons and then they fought against us. Yeah, there's no way, Kissel.

But do you saw some images of what people can do to each other and sometimes they throw people off of buildings? It could be really bad. But it turns out, it might not just be human nature, it might just be animal nature. Monkeys were very upset. This story takes place. This story is fucked up. Masha Lagan.

Okay, that's in India. And so this dog, he killed one of these monkeys' babies, right? Okay, sure. And then the odd dog, right? And then the monkeys got all mad. This is a real story. Don't so really know, though. You know what I mean?

Like, Cena's dog, Rumi, has become... He is now murdered. He's a serial killer. And was it the three? Yes. He's got three squirrels underneath his fucking collar. He is a dangerous little dog for squirrels, but he's the happiest little guy. He doesn't know what he's doing, though.

I do think he does because he brings them to Cena with a sort of glee in his mouth. And Cena celebrates it. Yeah, of course, because, you know, Cena is our kind of guy. Enraged monkeys killed over 250 dogs by dragging them to the top of buildings and dropping them off out of quote, revenge. Jesus Christ, one of the dogs killed one of the infants of one of the monkeys in the Indian village. The story is insane.

I just don't even know how they number one. How do they have that kind of memory? How do they know to go kill all the dogs? I don't know. Like, where did they get them memo? Get all the dogs. I don't know, but also you'd think that, like, in my mind, okay, a bunch of monkeys killing a bunch of dogs.

I imagine a group of monkeys all like attacking and biting a dog at once. The fact that they didn't like it, they were John Wick. The residents of this Indian village have been like, OK, it's literally raining dogs. We're the cats. In a way, except the thing is that it's cute in a cartoon. But when dogs are you just like and fucking exploding everywhere, like no one likes that anymore. So apparently all 250 dogs have been killed by the rampaging monkeys.

And now, evidently, there is not one single dog left in this entire Indian village. Holy shit. So I, you know what? Memo got, if I'm a dog, like I'm a dog, I get it. I got it. You know what we're going to do here? We understand. We got it.

Our guy, Rasko, he made a small mistake eating one of your baby monkeys, OK? Yeah, dude. Even in the mafia, they just do whack for whack. They just whack for whack. But I think these monkeys, they went ham, dude. The dogs are so cute and it's a brutal story. But anyway, so they need to get a dog negotiator in there and they need to talk to the two peak monkey and then you see Mr. Monkey that is in charge of all the other monkeys.

Please Lord, call off your troops. We will not eat another one of your babies. But we need a truce. Yeah. There's not too much war and dissension as it is. We need truce between the monkeys and the dogs because where's the rest of the internet content going to come from if they are too busy warring for us to film them? But also, what happened here is, again, in defense of the dog, maybe not the one that

ate the little baby, OK? Well, you got one bad apple. You got one bad apple. But apparently these monkeys have also been attacking people and there was a group of dogs that chased a group of monkeys away because they were harassing a local woman and her children. And the dogs said, no, these not on our watch because this is a. This is this is what like we talk about in our live show, Homeward Bound.

Yes. Homeward Bound for revenge. This is it. This is the animal movie, Invisible Life of Pets. What happens when we're not there? This is the movie. Yes. Monkeys are technically closer to us in genetics, sure.

But dog is man's best friend. They are. So we need to come together here. We need to figure this out because them just killing all these dogs is not going to ingratiate anybody to the monkeys. No, because they're killing young kids now, too. They're coming for us. But also this is a story that's about dogs that's also absolutely fucked up.

This is a guy in Lamedere, right? This is this is Lamedere where is Billings? I think it's Montana. Oh, Billings. A man was fucking torn apart by a pack of dogs. Wait, what? He this guy. This is one of these stories.

I don't think it's another dogs are bad. Yeah, dude. I do a lot going on here. So this is they're saying apparently there's they're having a problem with these packs of dangerous dogs. And what's interesting is that they still had to do an autopsy where they found a man who was absolutely torn apart by a bunch of dogs, right? And then they had to take the guy to the hospital and then the doctor look at it and be like,

all right, let's take a look at this. Yep. It was dogs. And it's like, yeah, it definitely was dogs. He's got a fucking he's covered in puppy hair and he's absolutely ripped to pieces. This is according to the Northern Cheyenne Indian Reservation, it's overpopulated with dogs and they're they're all over the place and apparently they keep attacking people. And so the problem is, is that they they I guess they said they found them.

Now they're trying to find they're finding every single loose dog that's out there and they're humanely euthanizing them. I think we're going to create a man versus dog war here now. There is a lot of revenge against the dog. But in this case, the man that was killed again, as Henry said, it was on, I believe it was on, it was on the North Cheyenne Reservation of Lame Deer in Rosebud County. He has got a great name. His name is Duke Little Worldwind, which I love.

That's a cool name. That's like you out of my mind, I don't want to say that was your name, little Whirland Dervish. Yes. And he was 58 years old and at 11 a.m. he went out, he went to go fix his bicycle and he never returned his bicycle and he never returned. I'm so scared. That's like one of those things where it's like, I always joke about that.

Like we always talk about like, what are the worst ways to die? You know, like we talk about that. I feel like that that's up there. Yeah. Being eaten to death by a bunch of dogs doesn't seem like it's super cool, but it's also like how isolated was this man because it's not a quiet death. No, although at some point, aren't you just like, oh, hey, Doug. And then I think they just grab your jugular and then just go, they pull you down first.

They can't just get at your throat because you can have one bicycle. He was on all fours. He was fixed on the tires. Maybe. See going on a force. What kind of slut is this guy? No, I mean, I feel like the dogs would start pulling on your leg because bigger dogs make me nervous too a little bit, but only like when they're really like nosing at your dick

and balls. Absolutely, you know, like that's the thing, the dog fucking, oh, because then I guess you got to get the peanut butter off your dick and balls. How many dogs do you think it would take to overwhelm you? Like if you feel like that, if you have like how many dogs are big dogs, like let's say it's a bunch of wild dogs like this, like like three dogs, three, yeah, that's it, dude. They're tough. Do you think you could kill a dog with your bare hands?

Absolutely. But then the other ones can come in and it's going to be talked about this. I think we have talked about this before, whether or not we can kill a dog with our bare hands. Well, again, only if need be. And of course. Yeah, I'm not trying to. In these two stories, it's very bizarre because I'm finding myself saying the dogs were kind

of in the wrong here because they killed this man, which is it's hard for me to wrap my head around that. But you have to be honest with yourself. What do you think it is? You can't let politics cloud your vision. Side stories, L-P-O-T-L-G-M-L.com. Let me know. Do dogs, because I've heard this, do dogs get a taste for human blood?

And do then they crave human meat? That is a yes. Well, my question is, it's like, why would the dogs go out of their way just to kill a random man if he wasn't doing something like going into a dog's territory, touching his puppies? I don't fucking know. I have no idea. What else said a dog?

All I know is more treats, perhaps. That's why you always have to go outside with a couple of treats in your pocket just in case. According to the corner. I know that the dingo is the most dangerous animal in Australia. The most deaths are attributed to the dingo. You learned that from Seinfeld. No, I saw that when I went to the zoo.

Oh. I went to the zoo there. And they said they were very dangerous, but you look at them, it's just this cute ass dog. It looks like a cuckoo in golden lab. It's this cute ass dog, and you're like, hey, it's the most dangerous animal you can even bear in. I don't know what's been like.

Others, a seven foot tall bird with two raptor claws, they're like, sweetest little babies they've ever been around. And I was like, what? I like kangaroos. So this is according to whatever I do. They're a marmot. That's what they say. There was actually a neighbor that just killed their other neighbor's kangaroo because it

said that that kangaroo, I don't know, hit on its wife or something. I don't fucking know what that's like in here and that's you. That's you. You're doing that. I have the kangaroo. It's a sexy beast. So all the dudes clothes were ripped off. And then this is what the coroner said, or this is according to the brother of the person

who saw or the sister of the person who saw Duke's body. They say the coroner said he was really torn up. So I guess they just went in and yeah, man, it's fucked up. That's a scary way to die. I don't want that to happen to me in any way, shape, or form. I want to be one with the dogs. This is why I travel everywhere by car. Yeah.

Apparently this is a, this is a very big problem in this town. I guess these dogs, Tom, Mexican Chian, a lame, dear resident of 40 years backed up claims that saying these attacks happen all the time. So I guess it's fucking scary. They got to figure something out because you shouldn't constantly be getting attacked by dogs. I feel like if you get attacked by dogs like all the time in your community, you got to get, you got to have it.

You got to address it. You kill every fucking dog in sight. That's very sad. That's got to be a sad job because I remember hearing the toll. You remember that we talked about this a long time ago that side stories episode where the guy committed suicide, but he had opened up his whole zoo, like his amateur zoo and let all the animals run. Yeah, that story was, I think there was a doc on that.

People got traumatized by having to kill all of these exotic animals because it's very, very sad to have to go and kill a bunch of dogs. Like in Chernobyl, what they had to go do when they had to go and kill all the fucking dogs after the meltdown. Like you already have all this, all this tragedy already and now you got to go kill a bunch of dogs. Well, this story is crazy because according to Tom Mexican Chian, again, he has said that the Bureau of Indian Affairs, they're supposed to do something about it, but then

he said, they're not doing anything about it. And then you know what he said? He said, well, you know what then? I'm going to shoot all these dogs myself and you know what they did? They arrested him. Yeah, of course they should. I don't know what's going on. I don't know.

It seems like there are, I don't know what's going on with these dogs in Montana. What if there is a dog mayor? Is there a dog mayor? Is there a dog lobbyist that's high up on the city council? There could be. There could be some places, small towns, all the cat for mayor, dog for mayor. I think I read somewhere that 12 dogs have been elected to mayor in America. That's kind of nice.

Which is incredible. But anyway, they did take pictures of the dogs and apparently they said they took them out of town and shot them, four of them because those dogs had blood on them. And they know those dogs had a partner. So then it was like, Jesus Christ, check and pause. Jesus Christ. What if it was jam? What if it was like my old German shepherd used to eat my mom's lipstick?

I don't know. Okay. I'm just saying. They got a posse together and they round up these dogs and shot them outside of town like we're in Robin Hood and the Prince of Nottingham got upset with villagers. I don't know what's going on. Most people's holidays got canceled this year. So let's give something for people to do.

This is a story. Let's move on to speaking of the what a glorious holiday it was. This is my favorite story of the week and it's not it's just because of the mayhem attached to it and it's innocent and it just makes me laugh. So this comes from the UK. So apparently there was a service. This woman saw online. Her name is Laura McGill.

She saw online. I think it was on Facebook where there was a local dude who was presenting himself as hire the Grinch to entertain your kids for Christmas, right? So like it was this dude. He was like he has a whole full body Grinch costume and he's like for eighty five pounds I'll come in. Well, like we'll do snack time with the kids to do pictures with the Grinch. You know, we can have some shenanigans and stuff.

And this woman's like, oh, right, that sounds nice to date. Oh, man. So does she know the history of the Grinch? No, I think that she thought in a way, oh, this will be some sedate man who'll come he'll take the pictures. He won't really be some entity of total chaos, but the man came. And then what he did was destroy her entire home. He destroyed everything.

If you look at the pictures from it, it is absolutely incredible. She saw on Twitter, like you saw the one shot where she like she did these like cute pictures. She showed like the one thing where she's like she did like a Grinch set up where she's like, here's my cute like little snack sensor at a bunch of grinch cupcakes, all stuff cut to the next picture. The kitchen is smeared with garbage, the living room and the television. The television is covered in candy residue and chocolate syrup. And then it cuts to the kids and the kids are covered in candy and marker in the defense

of the Grinch. You hired the Grinch technically had a great time. Oh, yeah. She's obviously complaining because she didn't expect the Grinch to show up. But the thing was is that you buy the ticket, you take the ride. You invited the Grinch into your fucking home and what do you think this guy was going to do? You think he was going to be all fucking like, no, man, like you find somebody boring.

I would hire this guy though. I want to find this guy who ever played the Grinch and I want to hire him to be a random ass Grinch because this is the other thing too, which I think that he is the Grinch only gets focused at Christmas time. Yeah. Grinch. He's around all the time. And I feel like the Grinch kind of like the Noid, right, could also be a fun symbol

of total chaos. You could use him in a lot of different aspects. You could take the Grinch, you can unleash him at Easter, take the Grinch, July 4th has the Grinch show up. I think that this mom, her name is Laura, which is my mother's name. So you know, she's a giggler. She's a sweetheart. Yeah.

Oh, that was a nice picture you took with your mother and your family. Yeah. That was the only one we got before everything fell apart. Yeah. Wow. So isn't that nice? But the problem is with Laura, first of all, in her defense, she did create a great memory for her child.

Oh, she did the best Christmas that kid ever had. But then sadly, because you know, she was like, whoa, that was a little overwhelming. That was like, whoa, that was a lot. I thought this was like, am I living in a cartoon hell? Am I in like one of these 1980s movies where it's like, you know, where are the credits so I can get out of this horrible scene? The problem is no one had any empathy for her because they all said you paid the Grinch to be the Grinch.

That's what I'm saying. And they came. And I just feel like sometimes if you go out, like you go to, if you get the most spicy chicken sandwich at Kentucky Fried Chicken, right? You asked for it. Yes. But it's also not supposed to fucking put you in the hospital. You asked for the most spicy chicken sandwich.

Yes. You want it. But there has to be. You arrived saying, I want the most single most spicy chicken sandwich that you can have. On this menu that has, it still has to be consumable, you know, and I feel like the Grinch, yes, he grinched it, but also like pump the brakes just like you went 11 for 10. Well, he's definitely went, he's definitely an unstable person.

Yeah. Like whoever did this, like, yeah, like it's not what you're supposed to do. The next time he does this, he's going to pull his dick out and start pissing on the couch, you know what I mean, like, this is not, this is the only beginning forever this guy is. He's going to turn into the Riddler. Yeah. But until then, it's a good time, but yeah, he should have done it.

It's like, in a way, like, yes, it's an inappropriate shirt. That's why I'm celebrating it because it's fantastic and it ruined a Christmas afternoon. Yeah. So every bit of food, all the cupcakes, thrown all over the place, and he destroyed all of the Christmas decorations. You know, it is just so absolutely funny. Yeah. Well, he poured a bunch of what appears to be liquid eggs all over the floor.

So funny, man. What the question is? My question is, is the Grinch known for home invasion? I don't know about that. And then also, I suppose this isn't a home invasion. It's not. You invited him in. You invited him in.

It's like the vampire. He can't arrive until you invite him in. Yeah. Well, I guess she learned a lesson there. Don't hire the Grinch to do anything. He is a villain. But it's just so funny, dude. The look on that kid's face, you gave him a fucking memory for a lifetime.

This next story brings us to beautiful sunny Florida where Henry is currently stuck. And it's fantastic here. And people don't have an attitude problem here at all. No one's like super pissed for no reason, even though they live in the absolute tropical paradise that is Florida and the weather is gorgeous and they have everything that they need and then they're just so sourfaced. Yeah, perhaps they've been poisoned. Who knows?

Well, there's a man. He was 34. His name is Patrick Florence. And do you know what? Just because it seems as if something may be. It not always is. No. He was a clear water man.

He was pulled over for drinking and driving and then he had a couple of, he had some weed on him. The thing is, he had cocaine meth as well as marijuana, but the cocaine and meth, which he claims was not his, it was wrapped around his cock. He was holding it for a guy. Yeah, he was holding it for a guy. Yeah, it's holding it for his friend. And of course.

But I liked that the cops were usually like, what's this? You know, the cops are like, this is all this coke and meth around your cock. What's this? What's this? There's something in your balls. What's this? What's this? It's coming down the halls.

It's not mine. Oh, of course. Free to go, sir. Yes. Okay. We're going to arrest you. And then he said, this package wrapped around my penis is not mine. And then they said, what do you think it probably is?

And then so they said, and then according to the cops, they say possession is nine. Well, this is according to the article. This is the Orlando Weekly and I want to shout out this joke from the Orlando Weekly. As a matter of fact, Alex Galbreth closes this little, closes this little article with quite a good, quite a good joke. He says, and they say possession is nine inches of the law. So that is just fantastic. I am giving up being comedian.

I'm giving it to him. Yes, indeed. I want him to do it. I want him to do the show. They also found a, a gun under him. He was having a lot of, like what a day. What happens when you wake up in the morning, sometimes put on your makeup, put on your clothes.

If you're us, you comb your hair or whatever it might be, you know, groom your beard. And this guy, I guess you have to pull your dick, get kind of hard, wrap it up and then just assume the best. Well, I feel like the man was maybe not in the right, most clear headed state of mind. I feel like he might have made a rash decision to wrap it around his dick and balls thinking that I don't know. I don't know what would possess them. I know that when Ed and I went into see Bruce Springsteen like fucking 15 years ago, Ed

also wrapped weed around his balls. His balls. To get into the thing. He's very huge balls. And so we've talked about this before, but he put his one header and the, the, the eighth, the tiny eighth of weed we had and he wrapped around with a hair tie around his dick and balls. So that was to get through the security there and he probably didn't even have to do that.

No, probably not. Because everyone was smoking weed. Everyone was smoking weed around us. This guy, I don't know, I think he was overthinking it. Yeah, overthinking it and underthinking it because I've heard when people do meth or coke, you know, you get a little bit more self aware, but this guy, he was driving around without the lights on. That's your telltale sign.

You just got to turn them lights on and then he'd probably still have that coke and meth wrapped right around his ding dong and he was so happy. Just one of those things where like one cop, you know, when you see a man driving with his lights off at night, this is the problem. It's never really that and it's never an innocent problem. Every single time I have done that, it is because I am too fucking hammered to be behind the wheel. You know what I mean?

I'm talking about back in the day. I don't do that anymore. But in college, there was no, there were no taxis. There was no Uber. And so you just do whatever. You'd be like, all right, it's just gonna run a party and then I'll just figure out my way back. And that was always the sure tell sign that someone should have stopped you from driving

when you realize you're like halfway home and you go, oh, and then turn your lights on and being like, I've just been ghosting this whole time. Right. Indeed. Well, maybe. I wonder why. Why under the radar. I just wonder why he decided to wrap it around his dick and balls.

I guess he thought he must have done that hastily. I guess. I guess. That's a lot of jokes at once. Do you really need coke and meth? You don't need either. You don't need either. I'm going to say.

Wow. Also be very careful. And weed now, which is just nefarious with no point. Good Lord. Yeah. What does it do? Jesus Christ, man. No, we just have to get weed legally federally across the entire fucking world.

Go to the last podcast. Go to the last prisoner project and if I can join the army, man, you got to get this federalized. I know that there's a lot of people mad, but yeah, indeed. Yes. Well, just last before we get to hear of the week in Idaho, you heard about this story, or this shit's fucked up. Yeah, this guy ate another man. We've had a lot of cannibalism in the news.

Why do you think? Honestly, why do you think that is? I was just thinking that. It goes in waves. It often goes in waves for some reason. Same thing with family annihilations. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's because there may be there's something attached to what people are consuming media

wise and things like you get the idea because this guy, he said that he ate this dude. They basically found a seven-year-old man on this man's property. They found him dead in a car and they called to the police and the police showed up and they found the guy. His name was. Jimmy David, James, aka Jimmy David Russell. Yeah, Jimmy David Russell kind of looks like an amateur cannibal. I don't know why I say that, but he kind of looks like it.

This is outside of Boise and he said that he had cut parts out of this man and ate them because he thought that it would help fix his brain. Well, I don't know if that was going to work there. I think that he apparently was, this is my question, I don't know whether he's insane or not, but they found this guy. I think he was, yeah. They found this old man. They found a bunch of chunks sticking out of him, right?

Like the guy had cut whole strips out of him in the house. The chunk that was supposed to be there. You're supposed to have those chunks. The only way a chunk is supposed to come out of you is filled with cancer. That's it. Otherwise it should, everything should stay in. And so they, they found in his house, they found evidence that he had been cooking the meat and they found a blender with meat in it and they found a stuff.

So I guess he was also, because it's cold in Boise, so he was using them as an outdoor fridge. He was using the car as an outdoor fridge for the guy. And I guess he was literally going from his house out to where the dead guy was in a car on his property and just literally cutting chunks off him off like he was a fucking halal bee. He was 70 years old and his name in this, in this world of people saying rude things. I'm sure this man had a lot of people making fun of his last name, which I do not think

is appropriate. The victim's name is David M. Flaggett and he just didn't need this. This is the last thing he needed to end his 70 year run was just to have somebody carving him up and keeping him in a car. I mean. It's like, I don't, I don't want to go this way. I don't think anybody wants to go this way because you know, and you think in your mind, I just want to be useful, but not to fix this man's brain because you're not.

And apparently when they went to go speak to this cannibal, he was like not recognizing what the, the Miranda rights. He was like looking all over the place and he was going, my brain's on fire, my brain's on fire. And then my thing is, is that I think he's insane. Sure. I think so. But he also could have been faking the whole thing.

I mean, he wasn't faking carving this guy up and eating him because the cops. Well, he might be trying to appear completely, totally insane. You know, if that's the case, good job. You passed. If that's the case, he actually passed. So the cops knew that something was going on when it comes to the pieces of flesh because they were able to have, they found a thermal artifact and this is so gross. So they found a bloody, they, they found bloody microwave and a glass bowl, which you know

what? I'm not okay. I'm going to channel the inner food you and me. Let's forget the fact that this is human meat, right? Sure. Have a little class barbecue. Have a little class. I mean, honestly, anything you're going to microwave human flesh, which is disgusting.

You know, that's disgusting. You know, it's the same thing as microwaving pork, unless it's pre cooked, but this is not pre cooked because it was raw. It was cold. So, and then they found a bloody knife in a duffel bag. And anyways, the cops really, they really figured it out. They figured it all out. They really fucking figured it out.

They really got to the bottom of the swamp that they just, that was laid out for them. Like it literally was just a crime that they were told about and then they went and the man was like, yeah, I ate him. And then they were like, all right. I guess it's good for a cop in a way because then they just, they get it done. Yeah. According to, according to the cops there, the guy was duct taped and then he was killed. And they say, there's a lot of facets we will never know.

It wasn't the bloodiest crime scene, but it's more of the psychological. What the heck is going on here? And she says, this is the officer Stella, he says, or he says whatever. No, this is, yeah, Philip Stella. He says, why am I picking up pieces? It's a walk down the dark path that we don't see very often. I hope not. I hope not.

Yeah. No, I hope not. Anyway, there you go. All right. It's really fucked up. It is really fucked up, isn't it? According to Robert Beers, they examined Mr. Flaggett's body. They say it was all happened, it all happened post-mortem.

So yeah. So yeah. He died of a head trauma. Yeah. So I guess it's better than just like slowly being like, can you stop, can you just stop eating me? Oh, oh, oh, oh. Please stop eating me.

Can we stop with the shaving, please, a little bit of the amateur butchery, can we take it down a scotch, please, Mr. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Merry Christmas, everyone. Let's do Hero of the Week. Shall we?

Fuck Christmas, man. I am not. You know what? Christmas is a neutral event, isn't it? It's really us that ruin it. It's just a day. It's just a day on the calendar. Hero of the Week.

Let's just give it to this guy. This guy, his name is Ralph Rotella. We covered this other dude who was a shoe dude and he killed a bunch of people, but this guy didn't because he's Hero of the Week. So he says, this is Ralph Rotella. He put shoes on the people that are in need of shoes. So anyone with feet, he said, I could never do it without you guys and all the people that bring donations this year was unbelievable.

So what he does was he has a rescue mission and he says, please give me all your shoes. And then people give him the shoes and then he puts those shoes on the feet of people that need it. That's cute. That's nice. And this all happens in upstate New York. It's very cold and people need them shoes. So that is really, really sweet of him to do that.

And he helps a lot of people out. So he's Hero of the Week and then also one more little Hero of the Week, which was really just more of a concept because it made me feel really happy. And that is because I just found out that there are people in Greenland that actually eat sugar and it makes them healthier. This is according to studyfinds.org so this is completely real. This is a lie. It's not a lie.

It's a lie from Greenland that they want. No, it's not. It's coming in from the University of Copenhagen. Oh, so. So you tell me. You tell me the universe. You go to the University of Copenhagen and you tell them they're lying. You literally have to have wooden shoes on in order to teach there.

So apparently there's people living in Greenland for over a millennia and their diet consumed is mostly sugar and people would say you must be really overweight. However, they have a genetic variation and they have a lower BMI weight, fat percentage, cholesterol levels and are in generally significant like healthier. They have less fatty fat and might find it easier to get a six pack. So anyway, I don't know why this is Hero of the Week, but the concept of eating sugar and losing weight is Hero of the Week as well. It is a nice idea.

Honestly, and Europeans are all old, all in better health than us. For some reason, even though they live, they leave the eggs out. Bro, I left. I had such great food in Italy and I felt like I was lighter because it was so much better. It was so good. It was healthy. Oh, God. So I'm going to get some listener emails.

Good. Good. The main thing I want to talk about is the main takeaway I got. We asked people like what are meth dens like? Was it where do you get your meth, right? And what people have said is it is interesting because which I believe we said in the last episode, meth heads are not all like scraggly spider people. Like there are very normal people who have it quote unquote together.

One might be your senator. Who knows? I mean, probably is because according to one, one guy said that he got his meth from a guy that got it from a judge. So it's like that does happen. Yeah. And then there are a lot of times that we ask like what's the normal meth then like? What's the atmosphere?

What's the fanciest place you ever got meth? Sure. So they used to get meth delivered to them to a fancy hotel room. They used to go and some used to come and bring it to them. Another person went to a guy's cool house where they went and he had like EDM music going and then everyone had a glass of wine and stuff. But it does mostly seem to be not like that. Okay.

Mostly seems to be kind of worse. So this is really interesting. All right. This is very, this is very dignity, right? So you guys want to know what a meth house smelled like? I'll tell you. I've been in many. It's usually a chemical smell.

One thing that you can't really put your finger on, but seems familiar. The reason being the ingredients to make meth are weird shit that shouldn't go into a human body. Right. Items like brake cleaner, tin foil, rubber hoses, acetylene torches, phosphorus, ammonia, et cetera. You mix all of these scents and all of these things burning together at the same time and voila, you got the smell of a meth house.

They all have other things in common as well. So meth makes you think you are concentrating really hard and thinking really well. But in reality, you now have temporary ADHD. So every meth house has an increasing number of renovations happening usually at night, but they never get finished. Also the people in them usually sweat a lot for obvious reasons. So there are a lot of fans everywhere and they're always running. Also there's a ton of extension cords laying around everywhere and it's usually because

the dude making it, he came up with this sort of genius idea to put his lab in a crawl space under his house or some shit and uses the extension cords to set it all up down there. That or they will randomly cook it all out in the shed they have out back and they all have a shed out back. Lastly, where I'm from, the labs are always, I mean always in a broken down vehicle somewhere or in a piece of shit trailer. So it's really interesting. So this is outside Asheville.

So if you're looking for it, it's outside Asheville. And then someone else, another reaction I got was that it smells a lot of V.O. I do believe that as well. Well, there you go. We'll just be very careful. I guess you're not into meth for the smell. No. Well thank you.

And I want to actually discover this, one thing I wanted to talk about, but honestly I want to talk about it with Marcus because maybe I'll bring it up for the next Relax Fit about the idea of Buddhist exorcisms and like there's some really, it's almost, it's too much information for me to even go through that is absolutely fascinating. But basically, long story short, there are Buddhist exorcisms like we covered last week, the way right before break we did an episode about deadly exorcisms where we expanded upon what we were talking about in the Annalise McKell series. It's very, very interesting to see how like pretty much every single culture has a form

of exorcism. Right, right. And in the Buddhist world, they believe in the idea that spirits can attach themselves to you. But there's also many different, there's different strains of Buddhism. There's also the idea like, you know, there's more like, what's this but like theological where they believe that the Buddha is like a God type dude. There are other ones that are just like there's nothing and we are just floating awareness,

right? And so they don't believe in any of that stuff. There's many different strains. So it is interesting. I will, I got a post somewhere. Check out the conversation that Keith Ranieri had with the with the Buddha. Really powerful stuff. Oh, yes.

Because you can really, well, no, they have the Buddha, the Dalai Lama, the Dalai Lama, who can be purchased, which is really interesting. You see that they just froze Mother Teresa's charity too. Oh, thank God. I think finally, yeah, they just froze her charity. So one day we will do our episode of Mother Teresa's charity. But this this week coming up, we got a UFO story, we got some true crime. And then when we go to all stations, including Spotify, thanks to the people over at Stitcher,

when we do that February 1st, we're a big old series coming on the fucking vibe. Can't wait. Well, everyone, Henry takes the sip of water before he tells you. To what? Before you tell them what? Oh, you want to live, laugh, love today? Oh, you think that's what the fucking holiday is about? I've never wanted to live, laugh, love.

Do you want to? You want to 2022? Are you getting rid of it? No, I'm locked in. Are you going to get rid of it? No. The people need it. They crave it.

Right? So live every day knowing for a fact you never know when every single flight that you're going to need to be on gets canceled. I know there is no place for you to go and you're kicked out of an Airbnb. It seems like you're getting a name. No way. And you're there with your family in five bags and you got a little dog and you're in Florida and the only way the only things that they think about in Florida of dogs,

they think big old fucking like mudhounds. Meanwhile, you got a six pound Chihuahua and no one will let you inside of their hotel. Maybe oh, you can live like that. And then you can love the fact that the one thing that you can do in Florida is get a gun really easily. Don't get weed though. No weed. No, no weed.

No, no, no, absolutely not. Nothing. Nothing enjoyable. Nothing enjoyable. Just all the stuff that can increase your agitation, alcohol and firearms. And it's really, really fun that way. Probably methamphetamine as well. Oh yeah.

You can laugh knowing that Disney's here and you can always go. You can always go there if you want. You can always go to Disney and just sit outside there and scream and scream and scream and never be able to go inside because honestly, now even a Disney, a Disney world here in Tampa in Orlando, you can't even really get on any of the rides unless you pre-book everything on an app that you have to download ahead of time. So if you don't do homework three days before you go to Disney world, you can't even see anything.

Man, that is a reason to just live last candle long. It really is. It really is. But next week is going to be a lot happier. That's great. Because it fucking better be. It has to be. We hope everyone survived this holiday season as well as possible.

Stay safe. Stay as safe as possible and don't let the haters bring you down. I learned never to man with them. No. I learned never to man with them. It's important, all right, and be careful because that army crime is everywhere. That's what they said. Be careful.

All right, everyone. Thank you so much for listening. Hail yourselves. Hail Satan. Mugustalations, everyone. Hail me, fucker. Yes. Can't wait to be with you in 2022.

This was the last episode of 2021. Last episode of 2022, 2021, and can't wait because it's 2022. This is the year. It must be. It has to be. It has to be. It literally has to be. I can't mentally handle another one.

This is the year. We got it this year. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.