Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Mysterious Cattle Mutilations

Episode Date: May 3, 2023

Ben 'n' Henry bring you this week's weirdest stories and true crime news including an update on the Lori Vallow / Chad Daybell trial, mysterious cattle deaths on the rise as more cows are found bizarrely mutilated in Texas, the Christian cult leader in Kenya who convinced followers to starve themselves (to death) for Jesus, the UK man caught on tape sexually assaulting a local Herring Gull, alleged rapist and American fugitive Nicholas Rossi puts on unconvincing act to avoid extradition, a toe-hungry hero of the week, listener stories of hitmen and time slips, & MORE!

There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk. On the left, side stories. That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories, yes. Yes, yes she would be. I refuse, I refuse to acknowledge allegations that I'm Henry Zabrowski. I am not Henry Zabrowski. No, no. My name is Christanthemum.

Christanthemum. Stevenson. I actually like that name. I am not guilty of any podcast crimes. I kind of agree with that. Christanthium Stevenson can't be guilty of any crimes. I can't possibly, because the name is derived from... Christanthium.

Christanthium. Which I believe is an oil or something. I doubt it would defy me. I doubt it would defy me. Look, can I even walk? Look, I can't even... Oh! Look, I'll show you.

Look, I'm trying to walk. They can't see. Oh! Oh! Wow, you couldn't even walk. Oh! How could you commit massive amounts of crime? How could I possibly...

How could you kill a bunch of people? How could I possibly have killed them with laughter? Yes, indeed. How could I possibly have the same... Christanthium Stevenson? Well, be careful out there if you're driving, because that car might be driven by a corpse. People are dying of laughter because of Henry Zabrowski's great humor. Where is my apologies, British wife?

All right. Where is it? It's on your side stories, everyone. Ben, hanging out with the newly minted 39-year-old fresh Henry Zabrowski. Get a wheelchair. I'm not him. Wow. A wheelchair bound.

Well, you're about to be wheelchair bound if you can't pick yourself up. This is actually... Because you are actually in a very difficult pickle. You're in a predicament and get it as a podcast. We do film for Patreon, but you are down and now you are almost completely up. There you go. I'm dizzy because of that. I'm dizzy because...

I actually went fully horizontal. That was really good. Really impressive. It's called a reverse plank. Wow. That is fantastic. I learned it in childhood jail. Speaking of reverse planks, we do have one update.

Well, I just want to also explain the references that we were in here last week. Oh, yes. So I didn't get to do my Nicholas Alivari and impression. Sure. And that's what that was. That's good. If you have to explain it, it's good. Because at the time, it would have been fun.

And then I was going to do the bit where I had the oxygen tank. But it was just a lot at once. I was already tired. I'm hungover. It was my birthday yesterday. Absolutely. 39 and holding. You are hungover from both alcohol and it seemed to be cake? I eat. We went to the Madonna Inn.

Because you know, you have your frosting issues. I do. I know. We went to the Madonna Inn, which is one of our favorite places in the world. Nice. This is the Kitch Hotel. Is it owned by Madonna or is this just a clever name? Yes.

That's why the only way you can get in is if you're a 19-year-old background dancer. And you have to have washboard abs and be ready to have hardcore sex with a 65-year-old woman. Yeah, gilf. Madonna Inn is this cool sort of themed hotel where there's a bunch of different rooms. But what it's famous for are its cakes. You know what, buddy? Have you learned nothing over these past few years?

I will. You're going to go to a fucking esteemed place that has many different rooms. This is Mario Batali territory, pal. No, no, no. You need to be very careful because now you're out. So they want you young or someone old. So now that you're getting towards 40, you're going to be in a different kind of predatory market.

If you're a 70-year-old, you're going to be like, come to my hotel, show me your winky. And now you're going to make another decision? Well, we can all... Your pro career or anti-career? And I'm ready to make that decision now. I was too green before. I know. And now I know to make the proper decision.

Suck that producers, dick. Sure. Act like you like it for the five minutes that it takes and then you move on and you get that part and you get in top gun nine. Also, I want to say now that every single entertainment entity is going on strike. Kissel and Zabrowski, let's get our show off the ground. This is the time. It's going to be called scabs.

It'll be based solely on us breaking the picket line, giving them the middle finger. We're working for real cheap. Keeping those numbers low. We can't have these actors getting cocky with money. We just show what we do. It's like, we'll take a dollar. We'll do it for a dollar. We do it for a dollar.

We pay you to do it. No, we stand with the WGA because also the DGA is then going to strike and SAG is going to strike and it's going to be an entire year of no content. We're going to be only ones open. Well, I think if we stop making content much like I've said about porno, we could do a 10 year hold. I need to catch up. Yes.

That's all I fucking know. There's plenty of television. Oh, so to complete the story. Yes. So I went to Madonna and suck that producer's dick. Got the part went right on strike. I mean, I feel like actually kind of that was a part of the offers that he kind of knew that he had nothing off after I finished was just kind of sad.

That's another good point. If you are new to Hollywood right now, you made a producer. I can get you in that movie. No, you're on strike. This is not the time to get molested. You know, because there's no reward. None. Absolutely.

Except for the pleasure of making a cryptic old man smile. I guess so. But I went and ate a bunch of Madonna in cake. And when it sees these giant tiered cakes, they're full of whipped cream, but I know that that it fucks with my system. But guess what I did? What? Built that in.

So you had 12 hours carved out for liquid shit. Well, that was what my birthday really was for. When you go and like kissed your fantastic Japanese toilet before you left and be like, I see you soon. Be ready. Be ready. I feel like my toilet. It's like number one.

It does miss me. It does know that you're there when you're on it. Well, because it goes in the room because every time I walk in the room, it opens up ready to be filled. It truly does. Hungry. It's very weird. Hungry.

I think that you do need to put like a little fake teeth on it. Give a little googly eyes. Make it a little person. And then it might become sentient at one point. We just don't know. He's happy. Yeah. He seems to be, he's well fed because in one time as soon as I was done and it kind

of almost knew. Cause it was weird. Normally it opens when you approach it, but this time it opened when I opened up the living room door. When I came in the front door. It just knew. It just, I heard it. Ding dong ding.

Feed me bees. Special occasion. Yeah. Splattered all over. If you can be a reincarnated, just one of those guys who jumps down there in a porta body and swims in human shit. If you can come back as a Japanese toilet, what a life that'd be. And you know, porcelain ain't breaking for a while.

No, it is. And it won't. And I'm going to keep that fucking, that's what it's going to be around till after I'm dead. Well, speaking of toilets, just a quick update on the Lori Vallow daybell story. You guys really need to hop on. I, we, I don't know. We have no connection to lawn crime on YouTube, but they do great, great coverage.

I've been watching all of the court testimonial footage of this trial. It's fascinating. Crime is really good. I will say avoid anything on that Ashley Benfield seems to say, I don't even know who this woman is, but she's constantly defending Lori Vallow and it's like, what are you doing? Anyway, there has been a hair from Lori Vallow found on the duct tape that was used on seven year old Joshua, AKA JJ Vallow. What side of it?

I don't, it was her head hair. It was on her bush hair. Thank you, detective. But you have to, you have to ask the tough questions. That's what I'm here for. I always figure out, look, and I could tell by taste alone. Let me get it in. One of the best bush hair experts in the United States.

Just doing a little bit of floss. So you actually can tell the coarseness is that this is definitely inside the butt hair. So anyone who is still, it is interesting as we were talking about before the show, she just based on physical appearance alone will always have people that love her, but also so do many male mass shooters. Yes, they do. There are just fandoms of these people, but this is a big development in placing her at the scene of a horrific, horrific crime.

She banked on being held in an innocent gaze because of the way that she looks. For those of you that just so you don't know, quick sum up, Lori Vallow, as we've covered many, many times, was a young woman turned into sort of a younger milf, found a preacher by the name of Chad Daybell who believed himself to be a new form of funky on the street Mormon prophet. And they were part of a doomsday cult where they believe people were turning into zombies. They went on to kill on, kill Lori Vallow's children, JJ and Tylee, and then probably Chad Daybell's wife, probably there was an attempted murder of Lori Vallow's cousin.

Basically, so you know, there's a lot of bodies around these people. Forget the husband. Oh, of course. And Charles Vallow, who was shot by her brother, Alex Cox, it's a lot to unpack. Just a lot of bodies around between the Valos and the Murdochs. What are we doing with all these bodies? I mean, and they find that they rise to the surface. They really are trying to right now, they're diametrically opposing them in court.

So Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell are being tried separately. So now you can see, I really have learned a lot watching between the Murdoch case and this case, watching how these trials go and how these, how defenses are set up and how the manipulations are set up. It's very interesting. Because all they're trying to do with Lori Vallow is trying to say, well, she was different when Chad Daybell and her got involved. This is Chad Daybell's force that he was the one that really was the operating force and

she was just the hot kind of like masked head. I'm going to push back a little bit and say, I've seen Chad Daybell and he was so ecstatic that someone that looked like Lori Vallow was talking to him, he would have done anything for her. Let's just say both of them, let's just say both of them are probably no need to be around us at any, at any point in the near future. They're absolutely, I believe doubly, we're going to, you know, they're still innocent to the, until they've proven guilty, but they're, they're guilty.

I, they talked about, I listened for four hours of this, this guy, he was the corner talking about how when they went to dig up the bodies, because like the idea of like, you know, you learn a lot about how our crime was committed by how the body was buried. The bodies were also buried in a pet cemetery, a newly minted pet cemetery, according to Chad Daybell. And obviously that plays into the lore of zombie. But mostly they were kind of like, oh, you know, at first they were kind of played off, they were put in these sort of like, it was accidental and it was hidden away, this kind

of shallow grave, but actually found out it was put into this high, like the children when they were found, they were in an ornately constructed professional dig where they were, their roots were cut around in a square. And that's the least you can do. It's very difficult to do. The least you can do. Then they put the bodies down, they were all wrapped up, and then they cover them in gravel and then put boards on top of the gravel so that animals couldn't dig it up.

So they, whoever, they took a lot, they thought about it very thought. Well, we also know that Lori Daybell's brother's fingerprints were found on the plastic. Well, Alex Cox is a fucking serial killer and I'm glad he's dead too. Yes. Recovered with her son, JJ's remains. So it's a family affair in the worst possible way. Oh, and then let's get into the story. What is the story?

All right. We miss a lot of good news. We, I know. I mean, it's horrible. It's horrible news. But this is good news. Okay. It was interesting news.

So you find out why so many cow wives have recently been disappointed in the bedroom is because there's been some tongue extraction. Oh no. That's what I like to think about a cuddlingus from the cows cows are turning up dead with tongues and sex organs removed bummer alert. Yeah. Also, I don't care to call them sex organs. They are sex organs.

I know, but why can't we just call them genitalia? They are called genitalia and some of these sex organs makes it sound like that's like what a Wisconsin man calls that's a six organ that eating a cow is better than call it like a floofy and a dunger. You know what I mean? Also, what is the floofy the male or the floofy the female because the dunger can go either way. Floofy's pussy.

Oh, interesting. I actually had it the other way around. No, I imagine a floofy is imagine a big flowery cow pussy and that's the way it takes a lot of effort and true ingenuity to cut around it. Some of your first thoughts is a 39 year old. Wow. Actually, I don't want to talk about some of the first thoughts because mostly just been like, there's stuff for me to get rid of these devils.

I'm talking about myself. Yeah. I was just so happy as you saw you suck it down all that thing that you know you're allergic to, which is dairy. We always say she was like, I wonder if we're going to make sweet love tonight. You're just like, here's a husband tip across the board. If you're going to eat something, you know, it's going to hurt tummy. You hurt your tummy.

Fuck first. Fuck first. There you go. Now, this is real. Now, the reason why I want to do this story is because not very often do we see cattle mutilation stories put in the news. So you will kind of wonder why number one, like why are we covering this? There's a lot going on in the world, but it also shows that like this shit is a true mystery

and they don't know why these things happen. So now this is a recent bow. This is down in Texas. This was in Madison County near college station about 100 miles north of Houston. They found six cows that were mutilated. Now what they mean was that their eyeballs were removed. The half of their face, so they saw like one side of their mouth was removed and what they call a surgical fashion, which they does not look like.

It looks like it was knife cuts and it looks like it was not done by predators. Yeah. That's what the news says. A straight, clean cut with a parent precision. Yes. And that there was a, the tongue was also completely removed from the body. And the main thing here is that they also have no blood that these things are drained from blood.

They are not actively like so weird is really fucked up. And then also their genitalia to use your sex organs. They were cored out right in a way that is again being like, uh, what's the deal with these ain't boring machines? How do I have to do a subscription service for everything? Why do we think that the UFOs would be more intelligent than us? We don't. They might just be local yokel rednecks.

And that's why we're like, they take our dumbest. What if they think they're taking our smartest because they're really stupid and they're just out here pilfering our fucking cow dicks and pussies. You are not too far off from legit questions of like that idea of like, why, why, what if they are just like the, the ones that they sent on a boat because they're too dumb to be on island Clark Clark and then they just come here and now they're going to be extra stupid. There is a theory of like, so let's say you have this massive dying alien civilization

someplace, right? And maybe that's one of the ideas of nuts and bolts UFOs is that they're sending out these sort of like recon beams to kind of see where else they can go or they're, they're researching. So we assume they're sending their A team. They wouldn't because they need their A team if they were on a dying planet. They're probably like, well, we need these guys. Well, we could take the Roger Clinton of the Pleiadians and send him out because we're

not really missing him. And then if he actually figures it out, I mean, this is a whole Kevin James plot that we're not even allowed to pitch. Well, not right now. We're not even allowed right now. We stand with the union activists to them, not the, well, the unions are fucking over the people that are in the union. We stand with the people.

We stand with people. We stand with any person. We stand with people. I see people, any pencils. I'm right there. But you know what they say what's weird about these bodies is that they are also that this is the next level of mystery is they are not then being picked over by scavengers. That's the interesting thing.

They say they're leaving the meat under the removed hide untouched. So would this now then say this would not be the Chupacabra because wouldn't the Chupacabra like that meat? Well, Chupacabra makes tiny little bites and little sucks. But don't they take all the blood out of the, out of their victim? Yeah. But normally it's a smaller creature. It'd be a smaller group.

Unless they are. So we're thinking UFOs here. They're good. Well, this is the thing. Or does somebody have a cousin? We don't know because this, but this is a lot of cattle mutilation. Well, we see. So this is one, like we've seen this time and time again in Oregon, 2019, we covered the

same exact story. There was a group of cows felt the same, found the same exact way. They asked themselves, there are a lot of people saying, like, are these police officers are all asking themselves, like, why, like, what exactly is the purpose? You know, everyone's saying aliens. There's one guy that's saying that he thinks it's cold. Some kind of cold act too. Well, that would be interesting.

A cow related cult who they worship, perhaps the genitalia of said cow. Are they trying to make cows smile and then you cut out the thing or like, God, now he's smiling. You're laughing my jokes now. Cow. He's saying this is Jared Leto being meta for his next role as Joker. Is that your prediction here? He's actually would blame.

I blame most crimes on Jared Leto until proven it wasn't Jared Leto. I think that he's up there. I definitely put him in the top five possible. Where's Jared Leto first as the first question, Jared Leto, is he an Oprah's compound? He might be. Well, what's interesting as well is this is not unique to this area. Madison County authorities discovered five similar incidents in the border in Brazos and Robertson County.

Brazos, by the way, and Larson produced a little special out there where they roasted the border. Yeah. It means arms, right? Is that what it means? Brazos means arms. Arms County. You see, I think these commercials that I'm doing for Babel are really kind of catching

on. Integrate a market. You see, I know they won't pay. Technically, we should get paid extra for that for what I just did. We'll send him a message. Yay. Right in the middle of our commutation bit about is it Jared Leto or is it aliens? We also mentioned Babel.

You see, that's it. That's called. That's what it is. So this is according to the Madison County Sheriff's Office. They say the other cows were found in the same condition, lying on one side with the exposed side of their face cut along the jawline and the tongue once again, completely removed. What is the significance of this? I don't know.

I would say also, you got to take that meat. You got to be respectful. Yeah. Why lips? I don't know. I honestly. If all of the food I've eaten, I've never seen lips be offered once, except in my beautiful way.

Oh, but I've never once thought of that because, you know, there's a lot of conjecture here because maybe they go and they're they're interested in our like our kind of a way our animals are. Either way, their DNA is comprised. Who fucking knows? There's also some cow. There was talk about that was one of the contingencies of the data treaty. That Eisenhower signed a deal with the Greys when he went on that.

Yeah. The guy. I ate a treat. Yeah. They went and they see President Eisenhower as you could. So this isn't we got we got we got these quote marks over this, right? No, no. No, no, no.

Absolute fact. He went on to what quotes are was that President Eisenhower had an emergency dental surgery in Florida. But what that was was that he no, no, no, he had your look at his teeth. He didn't. Generous teeth. Yeah. What do you mean?

He wouldn't even allow surgery. When I think of generals, I think a good hygiene, good teeth. He can't be put under because he doesn't trust anything while he's asleep. He never slept. Look what happened to Joan Rivers. I was thinking about this the other day. Poor fucking Joan Rivers. Where where's the accountability on that?

Because I was watching spaceballs and she plays be bop bop bop. Technically, what is where the fuck is the where's the accountability? Probably the first thing that we could see about Kanye West's spiral downward was what losing his mother during surgery as well, was she was trying to get breast augmentation surgery and she died in while she was under anesthesia. I wonder if there's a way to do it where you just numb it. Yeah. All right.

I say what you should do is you should just fill them for a corn. He's gonna score corn in there. So anyway, what was I saying? You were talking about something really, the Gaeta treaty, which is completely real. And so part of that treaty was they think that, you know, they made an agreement with the grades. Yes. They made an agreement to testify in exchange for us giving them about 150,000 humans and

the animals every year. I don't know. But I didn't know if I didn't really get into the guts of the terms. To be honest with you. I like Eisenhower. He gave a great speech, leaving office, worried the military industrial series of things. Also it was it was a unique time, which would be called socialist by today's perspective. Even though he's like the most Republican man in the world, but he also tried to take

care of America. Times of change, haven't they? But now this is really an important situation that happened with him. Oh God. One of the most crucial moments in his entire presidency. I can't believe because you imagine if he, imagine if he got actually got sick on the soup and threw up in the lap of a gray, President Bush. I do.

He did it. It was funny. I'm 39 years old. Even War criminals choke on pretzels. That was a jail at Ohio. Two of the cows had their genitalia and anus is removed. So, so most of them, they're just going for the pussy or the dick and balls. But then a couple of guys are like, I'll take the butthole to do a double dip.

Is it one of those add-ons? Is that an extra side? Do you pay VIP? I'm talking. Yeah. Plus 50 bucks. VIP. I don't know.

But I do think that they, when you're coming back with it, you can be like, Hey, you asked me for nine cow pussies, but uh, want some of these assholes to I also have some assholes for you. Yes. They have a particular cut. The same precision. It is just weird, dude. They do say that farmers tend to be fairly happy.

But I can't imagine they're very happy when they see their cows be related. Which that's money, man. And also you get some sort of what they have like, you know, Marcus talks a little bit about it. There is an emotional contingent as well with your wife. So have the ability to kill them. Oh, they have to. Yes.

And they, but they also feel the same way. Think about their own children as they understand they could wipe them out and they could just make a whole new batch. And we'll get to that story here in a second. Since April in Colorado alone, 196 cows were found mutilated. That was in October of 1975. This is what started the entire cattle mutilation like fascination. So 75.

That's a long time ago. And we've seen 50 fucking years ago. We're getting old. There is. But there's been dozens since. So it is a mystery. We don't know why it is as such people like to blame aliens, obviously, because it's fun.

But at the same time, exactly qui bono. What are the aliens? Get out of it. What are the cows? Get out of it. I say very little. Very. Yeah.

If you're a cow, you're not getting much out of it. I think cows should go on strike. I agree. The cow. I agree. I also love that people are like, they blame cows for farting, but then cows are like, we're only here for duty. You put me here, dog.

In 1980, the FBI actually closed its investigation. Yes. I just said it was because of common predators, but that shows you for a deck for five years, the FBI had their weird little smoking man be like, what's going on with this? This is still FBI though. So these FBI guys are still like, I mean, that's the coolest job. If you're going to be in the FBI, the guy who's tailing me must be so bored. But like everybody, I like that's so fucking cool to be able to like that.

That's the X-Files. That is literally the X-Files. It's fucking awesome. If you can get that assignment, that would be so, but we want it too much. We want it too much. And I feel like in the end, that's where we would have been good in the FBI, but we would have been bad at the physical obstacle course. I would have failed a lot of the drug tests.

I don't think that I have the diligence. I don't like wearing a tie. Although you know what? When you do go undercover, you have to take the drugs. Oh yeah. That's the coolest part. If you're undercover with like a meth ring, you got to be like, number one guy. Yeah, dude.

What I need to do is go with like, if they could use me to go into like undercover of like Comic-Cons. And that'd be cool. And then just mix amongst the nerds and stuff. And the only drug I'm on is sweet, sweet pixie sticks. Absolutely. So we have no idea what's going on right now. But yes, the idea is UFOs, some kind of weird ass cult, or again, some weird ass cousin

came to town and he done what he does. He just don't do that. He hates lips. Right from your grave. Also, did you see that story? I don't really have the article or anything here, but that massive crop circle that pulled up. Well, there was a crop circle, but it was quite unique.

Marcus and I have a loaded topic, a last podcast topic that we're going to do called the sad world of crop circles, because it's hard to do, it is hard to do, but it is largely been debunked that most of them turn out to be most. But the ones that aren't are just some of like, I like them to stay kind of mysterious in a way because it's kind of cool to have that last bastion of true mystery that art can do. Art, if that is just artists and artisans doing it, it's fucking incredible. What's the 1% it's like a 99% could be fake, but what's the 1% also they're not fake.

It is really cool. When you see them do it in fast motion, you're like, yeah, we're working. No, it is cool. Yeah. But they are largely debunked unfortunately. Yes. Except for the ones that aren't. Except for the ones that aren't.

But still, they're probably soon to be bunked. They're currently bunked. 39 and losing your creativity, my friend. I know I have to. This is the thing. I'm going to start wearing power suits. It's all about investments now. I'm all talking about hustle and grind and house.

I'm going to talk about Nacho fucking Texas, my version of the NFTs are already out. Good. Good. Yeah. All right. Let's talk about this real quick. 39 bodies were found in the investigation of a Colton Kenya. Now, this is a group of people that have been following a guy by the name of Paul McKenzie,

who was moved out of a, because I guess there's an area of Kenya called, that's like tourist destination. That actually sounds beautiful near, it's called Malindi. And he was, he's designated as a cult leader. And what he's telling people to do are starve themselves in the name of God so they could see him faster. Now, and this is interestingly enough, I went to a church growing up called Good News Fellowship Church, and it may be in relation to this church that he is air quotes working for.

It's called Good News International Church or Gnick, if you want to be short with it. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. He says starvation is the way to God, which obviously it's not true because truly God said, if you do want to take it literally, eat all the shit that I gave you. You're supposed to eat all the shit. Like literally.

That's why I put it here. Yes. That's the whole point. The way to go to God is what Gwen Shamblin found out, because Gwen Shamblin also said you should be skinny for God. But what she found out the quickest way to go to God is to crash your plane on your way to a Trump rally. And that sends you right to, that's the diamond, that's the Delta Diamond Club going right

to God. What a stupid way to die. She sucked. She was another one that told people to starve. It's very similar because they call it fringe, but it's kind of like bolted into being humble for Jesus. Like, so it's about fasting and beating the living shit out of your children. It's kind of like what they focus on.

Absolutely horrible. According to Malindi sub-county police officer Jeff Kamboy, he said that there were more shallow graves that have yet to be dug up. Currently, the death toll is, as Henry said, 43, because they did find four further people who were dead, completely emaciated, and it looks like this man is again the reason for all of this. He's saying I'm not a cold leader. Why?

He's saying that they get off on watching people slowly suffer and die. Yes, yes, they do. I think that they like the fact that they'll do anything that they asked them to. Paul McKenzie basically said, I'm not a cold leader. I led a church that some people gave me grief for, but I close it down and now I'm just the man who lives in a village. But the thing is, what he's done is kind of brought people from all the neighboring villages around to this kind of like in the middle of nowhere, beautiful, idyllic, but very quiet

area of Kenya, that he's created these three villages named Nazareth, Bethlehem, and Judea. Oh my God. And he's the baptizing followers. And then just straight up telling them that they just got to stop eating, that God is going to make you live. But you'll see him by being super hungry, which is probably true, because you get fucking delirious when you're starving. Yeah, you start tripping balls.

You could also just take mushrooms, trip balls, and then follow that with a fantastic dinner. So yes, the followers that were starving at the pastor's instructions, police have said there were dozens of shallow graves. They have just really kind of started digging this past Friday. So who knows how many freaking people, because he has been arrested twice before in 2019 and in March of this year in relations to the death of children, and each time he was released on bond. How many times do this is the thing?

I'm like, you know, we got to be, I don't think people should be incarcerated because they can't afford to get out of jail. In this case, they probably could have kept him in there because it seems like he was killing a bunch of kids. I feel that there is a complicated relationship in this part of the world with religion. And as opposed to here, we really get it, but there is a there is a bit of that. We see that. The fellow chat daybo is actually really good example of it, of a bunch of cops not wanting

to get involved because they look at this as some odd, weird religious thing that we don't want to have to kind of put our jurisprudence into. We don't want to fucking mix with any of this because it gets complicated for us. Because they're being pussies and they don't want to face the ire of the church, even though the church is, I don't know what to tell you, like if the church was actually any good, it would tell you to do your job and find these criminals and get them out of our system. And the church is just the air quotes, the church is an amorphous. What is it?

Yes. And of course, evangelicalism, I believe, has been so polluted by politics and whatnot that, you know, it's just very interesting air quotes of the church. What does that mean to every different person has a different idea of what that means. And it's a highly complicated issue because of consent, because if you're over the age of 18, we technically, you're allowed to go do whatever you want. If you want to go and commit yourself to some man you just met and everybody's gonna starve themselves to death.

We talked about this with Heaven's Gate too. Go for it. You're absolutely not. I mean, I say, don't go for it. You can. Did you hear Cool Church, my least favorite of all churches in Cool Church, I actually like. It has like love, Christ and graffiti like makes me just melt in pain skating and God.

He was singing Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, like peaches, but he said Jesus instead like he was Bowser, but Bowser for God. Absolute garbage. Well, Henry, I want to, I'm going to tell you a story. I'm going to tell you a story. Oh God. This has animals, but there's no, there's no religion in this story. Oh God.

No, no, no. What? A Sunderland man. Sunderland. David Lee. It's 40 years old. You're one year away. He appeared in Magistrate because this takes place in, in the old South Shields.

He was charged with carrying out a sexual act involving a herring gull, which is a bird. Oh. And so he was fucking. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. From what I heard was that. No.

From what I heard. Well, let's, let's, this is an offense because there's an animal welfare act of 2006, which says, you don't fuck, you don't fuck. And so according to CCTV footage, which was played in court, the defendant was kneeling down in an alleyway around 1 a.m. with a wild bird between his legs. He has seen both his pants off and appearing to masturbate with the bird close to his groin while watching pornography on his phone before kicking the bird away and walking off. I think I'm glad we got, I'm really glad we got into that.

Isn't that interesting? You know, I, isn't that interesting? So anyway, the court heard that Lee was charged with the following on Thursday, August 18th last year. I'm looking up a herring gull because I want to just first we'll see, oh, wow, holy shit. They're huge. They are big and they are beautiful. Ooh.

Yeah. Look at the tits of that herring gull. Yum. Yum. Who doesn't want to have part of that big, titty herring gull? Have you been on that subreddit? No, I have. Big, titty herring gulls.

Man. Oh man. Some of the nipples on those, but then you wonder like birds aren't even supposed to have nipples. They're dinosaurs. This is AI. Another crime. Another AI-based crime.

They're dinosaurs. Lee, wantingly or unreasonably, did an act where he took a wild bird and undertook a sexual act where that caused unnecessary damage to the bird. Yeah. He calls it sounds like the damage is unnecessary. Yes. To the herring there. And around 1 a.m., the defendant was seen chasing the gull down the road.

The second piece of footage, the defendant found the, the bird and then did what he did with it there. He was chasing it around. Yeah. Yeah. These guys, he's bored. You know what he needs? A fidget spinner.

This really, if you do it in British accent, because I'm so used to hearing these stories and sort of a Florida accent or Texas accent or Wisconsin accent, but just hearing them go over the, these details are really, really fun. On Thursday, August 18th, last year, Sunday, Lee, wantedly, unreasonably did an act where he took a wild bird and undertook a sexual act. That's why unnecessary suffering would cause that animal. In the third piece of footage, it is clear that the defendant is masturbating. The defendant places the bird close to his groin and in between his legs, he goes back

to his phone and continues with the act. So I guess. Well, so he killed the bird in the process of masturbating with it. I don't believe he killed the bird. I think the bird just ran off and was just like, guys, you don't want to know what just happened to me. No, he just went, he just got treated like Brendan Fraser and Terry Cruz and he's going to go and he's going to stop the golden globes.

Please. The golden globes need to stop. They literally are fucking garbage and all you do is get pinched as if you're a buxom young man. Bring your personal issues into the episode. No, I'm just saying, I'm glad I didn't get groped by the foreign press, but I also know now if I could have just sucked one dick, I could have been James Corden. I know, buddy.

I've been. It could have been me. Like, can you believe what's this whole world coming to? They cancel James Corden. Did they cancel that? Yeah. Finally. Christ.

So according to, again, the woman, I believe this is one of the magistrates or something, they say he pulls his trousers up and gives a kick to the bird. He picks up his phone and starts to walk off. Yeah, man. So we jerks off, kicks the bird. I know. And I say, why are you going to kick the bird? You don't even give him any seed.

You don't going to kick the bird. That would have been even more gross. You're not going to hang out with this fucking. You're going to hang out with him. At this point, that's a date anyway, my question is, if you're jerking off with bird, why need pornography? Well, that's the thing. That's where I'm a little bit confused.

I mean, I'm confused about the whole thing. But if he was, did he just want a warm anything? There's no picture of this guy ruining everything. Yes. According to, again, Kay Gilbert, one of the chair of magistrates, he says the word bizarre has been used on more than one occasion. I do see that. Yeah.

You know that song? How bizarre. I think that's what this was about. Yeah. I really do think it might have been a man masturbating with a herring goal in an alley at one o'clock in the morning. We actually, this is a picture of the guy, you know, doesn't look like a bird fucker, but he is.

What does a bird fucker look like? Actually, now that I look at his face, he looks like a bird fucker. Well, he's definitely looks. Yeah. He's angry that he got caught bird fucking. Well, how do you, what do you say? I'd say I feel like if you're dating. Squawk.

If you're getting to call bird like that kids in the hall sketch with bird lady, I love bird lady. If you get a call from a significant other, I'm in jail. Now you're never going to be like, oh, what happened unless of course he's a hero, a vigilante who saved the day, but the cops don't quite know he's the hero yet. They arrested everyone. That's your best. But you think that's your best hope.

That's your best hope. Otherwise, DUI. Okay. I understand you're an idiot. Fine. I'll go fucking pick you up. Tommy, you moron. Look, there's her hair in goal.

Oh, I'm not calling Natalie. I'm calling you. I'm going to let you stay the night. You don't. You're staying the night. No, no, no, no. You don't call. That is not a call for a significant other.

That is a call for a sketchy friend, somebody who owes you money. I'm going to tell you one thing though, Henry, I'm, I will pick you up, don't even worry about it, but you are going to spend the night because I need you to have seven, at least just seven contemplative hours. Yes. And then we pick you up at eight o'clock in the morning. Yes. Sharp.

No, no, no. Just for the night because all these things like, well, I can't be trusted. No, because especially if I don't even dare put it on anything, but a Hitchcock movie, you know what I mean? Like the birds pornography, that movie was fucking scary, another bird based film. Oh, there's so much television. Well, any sort of, you know, the Ken Burns, the, the, the, the, those kinds of movie about the earth, those, those movies about earth, planet earth, whatever, save it up.

Oh. And as you can see, oh, glorious seals. Glorious. Did you remember that video we showed him the Fernandade? Everybody's so mad about the steel, the steel is fucking forts on itself on the penguin. Oh, rough day to have a tuxedo on. Indeed. All right.

Well, let's move on. I could cover a little bit more about Nicholas Rossi, but we covered a little bit. Let's go into that story that I did was doing the, I was lampooning him, but the Nicholas Aravarian slash Nicholas Rossi has a really good dateline out right now. And it really illustrates the students, the serial rapist that has been on the run for this for a long time. And he worked directly for the house of representatives of Rhode Island. And the man that was supposed to, in dateline, there was a fantastic mini interview with the,

one of the former house of representatives from Rhode, from Providence. And this dude, the cuts of this guy in a navy blue track suit with a big gold chain. It's like, there was the house of representative from Rhode Island and it was like, oh yeah, that's right. Our business manager, when you do that, anybody can be a house of representatives member. It can literally be. It's so easy to be one. Dude, George Santos just had to cast a crucial final vote.

I am just like, how is he still voting? How is he still doing shit? I think Nicholas Rossi worked hard because he lied about being, he, I mean, this is a very sensitive story. He lied about being sexually assaulted while being a foster kid. This is Nicholas Rossi. We know that he did, but they're, they're building up. He also then.

He's a serial criminal liar, everything wrong. He's a real criminal. Same thing with George Santos. These are actual, like God knows what other crimes that they have attached to that. I'm not going to put Santos into this, no, these are very serious charges. He also allegedly tried to say that he was unable to walk during the day. That's what I was the bit I was doing. So no, I know.

Yeah. When he, cause he would, he would say, you're kind of, if it's here, can you say I can't even walk? Oh. Oh. Oh. How can I, how can I possibly, if sexually assaulted if I can't even be stationed there? He can't even walk.

He can't even walk. It's this, you know, and if you look, oh, they say, oh, Nicholas Rossi had tattoos. As you can see right here, I pulled my forearm here. Good job. You can see. He said to use a new look at that, which is true because then he had his weird fucking helper, wife, woman, pain him pink. Oh, now I'm back in this position.

Oh yeah, buddy. You really need to try to get up. Yeah. There we go. Come on. Come on. Worm your way up there. Get your zippers down.

Uh, they also said, oh, you're penis. He told, uh, NBC, uh, again, it was difficult to hear him because he also bought oxygen mask. It was absolutely absurd. It's absolutely absurd. I am Nicholas Rossi. So anyway, he seems to be a very dangerous, dangerous man. He's going to be in jail soon.

They're waiting to extradite him from Scotland now and it's going to happen very soon. He cries. There's footage in this Daily Mail article and you really have to see it. He's wearing the oxygen mask. He doesn't need it. No, it's swapping off his face. It's incredible. It's the best bit I've seen.

Did you see when she tries to help him out and he's like, damn, it's, damn, it's part of me. It really helps by the pedals. Yes. It reminds me of, uh, I believe there's a character from Naked Gun who could actually walk or something like that. Oh yeah. I know exactly what you're talking about.

It's the guy that's from Harry Potter. Yeah. What's his name? That fucking incredible actor. Nuns on the run. Nuns on the run. That's the other movie he was in. Oh, fantastic.

But his wife is just, this is another fucking Miranda Knight who's just like, she's another troubling human being. He's going to be in a concrete square soon. Yes. According to Miranda Knight, she says, we were once a normal family, but thanks to the media. See the one with the picture of him with the top hat on? Looking like, oh God, I love this little fucking weasel bitch.

I love him so much. He's such a piece of shit. Just because if you look at, he's got, there's a picture of him in a full three piece suit with the oxygen mask on, it's connected to nothing and then he's got a bowler hat on. He is, he is a James Grand villain. Like if you found like a, it's the back serial version of James. I got you. Yes.

Look at the velvet suit. I do like the velvet suit. God, he's such a little wiener. He wants to be both Kevin Spacey in real life and in a usual suspects, uh, because again, he is faking this entire thing and his, wow, what are you weird? Well, because he just, I'm always surprised that these people have wives because he also faked his own death. Do you remember that story?

Cause he's faked his own death. And he put out a look when he was hiding from the first rape charges before going to Glasgow, he faked his own death. And I believe his final words that he had recorded were like, go then and face the light. It was some weird thing. He was so fucking great. In a bitch, we were dedicated to him, appeared online and several news outlets that he had died in February of 2020.

Obviously, that did not happen. You're a paltry, my death, a greatly exaggerate. Wow. So on Friday, October 28th, this obviously last year, the U S embassy in London issued a diplomatic notice for supplementary extradition requests, requesting the extradition of this D bag. Oh yeah. They're going to get them too.

They're going to get them. They're going to wrap them up. And these go all the way back. It's 2008 is the first sexual assault. He's a serial rapist and a very, he's a very bad person. Yeah. They say 2008 convicted sexual assault. Listen to proven guilty, 2017, he had fraud in Ohio, former foster mom in the same state

accused him of stealing $200,000 February, 2020. He faked his own death. December, 2021. He was arrested at the hospital in Glasgow. Yeah. Cause he was in fucking maybe he went for, cause for you had COVID. He got, he got hospitalized for COVID like right there, one of the only pro COVID moments I saw January, 2022.

He was ordered in custody. He was freed from jail and now of course, again, he is, um, he's still in jail at this time. They're going to get them. They're going to, we're going to get them soon. And then we're going to get them. We're going to really lump them up. And here's a little bit of a warning for you, for those of you who know, you guys near the

UC Davis area, apparently there is a, there is a stabbing spree going on right now that is kind of all coming together. They're kind of all right now, the witness of descriptions is that they're saying a light skin male, possibly Hispanic between 19 and 23 years old, five foot seven, five foot nine, long curly hair is saying he's stabbing homeless people instead, like brutally very, very, and a student, he stabbed the student by the name Karima boo, uh, najim, but it's very, very sad. And it's just really scary.

We covered last week that there are, uh, young men that are going missing in Austin, turning up dead. Chicago, we're also seeing a lot of reports, kind of the same MO people going to something like an Uber and then never getting to the location and people wandering off drunk, not getting back to wherever they are at. And it's, it's, it's just scary. It always was kind of intense to be young, but just make sure you know who you're partying with and you got, you trust the people that are driving you home.

Well, it is interesting, especially here because, uh, specifically in, uh, in Austin, I know it's mostly men. I think I believe it's all men that have been killed at that point. And I was watching now, I don't take it with a grain of salt because it did see it on Instagram, but it does seem as if there's blank spots of the cameras where the cameras are in Austin. And it looks as if the person is committing these crimes where they know there's, so maybe again, it always, I'm always like law enforcement, but who knows, but someone who knows the makeup of the city and understands how to get away with me and the, uh, very scary.

You'd be surprised. Sometimes people who work utility companies also kind of know those kind of, depending on where those stations are, where they're, where the cars are held, very, very good point. Because if I was, and this is my advice to the Austin PD, I'm here for you. Number one. Oh yeah. Thank you. Good.

I'm fine. Go to open mics because the thing is, you know, for a fact, if this guy does do comedy, like I killed three people last night and the hardest part about it was, oh, I forgot my shovel, like whatever. Oh yeah. He's got to tell a joke about it. Somebody like, is that, I hear there's some truth in comedy and then he'll, cause that's how these people, the serial killers and stand ups real close, real close.

So if you see a guy doing bits, right, the key is, cause every comedian also only ever really wants to talk about themselves. So if you just ask them, so how'd you come up with all the incredible material? I'll be the serial killer. They will just, it seems like you're really there. That's how you get them. That's how you get them. I'll see you.

All right. Well, I believe it's time for a hero of the week. I need a hero of the week. Okay. This hero, it's interesting because you might not think they're a hero at first. Oh, that's great. I love that intro. The man wakes up in horror to discover his puppy, his chewed off his big toe, but it

turns out indeed in a bizarre twist that the puppy chewed off his toe because he had two blood clots in it and it was about to go right to his brain. I mean, I, I, I hope it knew. This is why if Jerry starts sucking on my toes or puffing, do I just had to give a bath yesterday and I had to shave his butthole because the hair was getting too long and the poop kept on sticking in. Yeah. It's just like father likes son.

Yes. Indeed. He's sitting down under the toe. I say, well, you know what? Now I'm going to the doctor. He woke up. He woke, he woke up on the sofa and he looked at his right toe as a bloody stump. The 64 year old was like, Oh my God.

So he slept through his entire toe being consumed by a dog. Isn't that the dream? So he's 64 and he woke up in this seven month old puppy. It's a little bulldog named Harley. He was like, God damn it, dog. You ate my toe. You really ate my toe. You went to the doctor.

It turned out it was a potential lifesaver. This later said he lost feeling in his feet to the two blocked arteries in his legs. David was a granddad from Cambridge and he said, without that dog chewing on his toe, he never would have known and perhaps he would have died. You know, God bless. I don't know if you know if the puppy's always right, but I've heard this about dogs, right? I've heard this. That was like, someone said this.

I forgot what this is a very, you know, tele, game of telephone anecdote, but the idea of like someone was on a plane and dog was next to them going crazy and they found out it's because they had cancer. But it's like, again, I don't know how you know when a dog knows. Well, you might have asked, why did he sleep through this as you did, Henry? He says, um, my puppy had near, near enough chewed my big toe off. It chewed down to the bone and cracked it. But because of all of this, I discovered that my foot is completely numb and he can't feel

anything. So that is why he's like, Ooh, no, until the dog was fucking known on his appendages. I feel like I would know if my feet are numb, like, how do you walk on numb feet? Well, that is, this is, well, I was talking about this with Marcus on the phone yesterday, but this is how toxic masculinity hurts men as well. I know we talk a lot about how toxic masculinity hurts other people, but when it comes down to it, I saw some toxic femininity at the end of the Willie Nelson concert, a woman violently hit her man multiple times.

What did he do? I did DL and I said, you leave him alone. You leave him alone. But no, the idea that you don't go to the doctor because you think you're not worth it and you're walking around, he's not even thinking about his body. If your toes are so numb, I go to someone could chew them down to the bone. Yeah. If I, yes, if that, I am an immense, I have a hangnail right now that I feel.

So I don't need, I know my, my toes are not numb. No, no, no, you got to, you got to snip the hangnails because then they can grow into cancerous tumors. I go to the doctor vicariously through Marcus. I'm there all the time. I always do that. I was a guy when he goes in, I'm like, Hey, Marcus, can you ask about this little thing I got here too?

Take a picture of it. So anyway, doctors love that. His wife wrapped up his toe, rushed David to the hospital and Dave was put on antibiotics to stop an infection caused by the dog bites. I mean, you know, in the end, but he did find out indeed. God bless. You know, that is crazy. I can't believe that.

I mean, but you got to be careful. Again, check your goddamn toes. Yeah. I'm doing toe refurbishment right now. Oh, sure. I got ahead of you to use that. I have to use this. I have very bad.

This is a disgusting story. Sure. Great. But I was living with Ed Larson in college. We were in an apartment complex that had like, you know, we just, the fact that they just, they allowed us to even rent an apartment, there's another group of kids that they're allowing to live there now. I can't know.

They tore the whole building down. Oh yeah. Yeah. I can't believe we were allowed to stay in there. We destroyed an apartment and to the point where, so the shower that we had had about two to three inches of standing water at all times. Good. That's what you want.

I basically developed a permanent case of athlete's foot at one point and kind of just let her ride. Fungus. Yeah. So now my nails look like needles. Gross you are when you have athlete's foot, but you're like, you're not an athlete at all. I mean, I wasn't being, I'm going to say, I wasn't being seen by a woman at the time.

Yeah. I was really concentrated on drugs and alcohol and doing comedy. And I wasn't really thinking about the long-term, how many days, how many days do you think that same standing water would be in there? Never. Never left. Never left. Yeah.

The scum would kind of go and then I kicked it off. But by this point, I just didn't care. It was bad. It was bad. Oh, I know. And then I'm aware of what we all done, but yeah, but my nails begin. I look like you look bad. So now I'm painting them with this.

I got to get this anti-fungal varnish is great content. Yeah. And I covered there and they really, it's, but I got to say, newly some life, you're going to see a lot more of my feet this year, Kissel. Oh, fantastic. You're going to be fucking walking out. I've shown my feet for the first time since I moved out here. I've never shown my feet before.

I hate, I never wanted to, but now I'm taking the shame by its color and I'm kicking it out of Henry Zabrowski's house. Eddie is going through a phase of classiness. I'm going through a phase of trashiness because now I am Ed. What Ed was 20 years ago, I am now, and now of course, Ed is what I was maybe five to 10 years ago trying to be what people want us to be until you realize you're never going to be good enough. So just be you.

Be you. Hey, and sometimes you involves you being a total absolute fuckup. Also on a role mention, Josez, Zachareszka, Zachareszkwi, one of these Polish names, Zacharzewski. She was in a marathon, but she ended up driving her car most of the way. Oh yeah. That's a real hero. I love that.

Yeah. I just like that. There was also someone in the New York marathon that just took the subway the whole way. What do you want, man? It says we're like, yeah, they're all running. I win. It's a race. Yeah.

I won the race. What are you going to do? Guys, we don't train. So it's just fun news for us. Absolutely. Let's get some listener email. Now this is what we, again, it's time time has come up on the show, but this is a fun firsthand experience.

I was listening to this week's side stories when the topic of hit man rates came up. I had to write it. So one night several years ago, my parents told me and my siblings that we need to just stay with the relative for a few days. They hastily explained that there was an issue with our sewage tank and then we needed to leave the house immediately. Well it turned out that that was a strange excuse for a much more serious issue. Okay.

That day my dad had gotten news that there had been a hit taken out on him. Oh my gosh. I won't go into too much detail so I can keep it anonymous. Belong story short, my dad is an attorney, represented a client who sued this other attorney over a bad business deal. The other attorney lost that case and ended up basing 350 grand in sanctions. Investigators believe that this is what drove him to IRA hit man to kill my father for $20,000. Attorney on attorney violence.

Yes. It shows that hit man was a local contractor with a known criminal record. When he was approached by the attorney with the solicitation of the murder, he went along with it. Luckily for us. And this does happen a lot. We've seen a lot of this story too. When his CD passed, murder was crossing the line because it's true, we'll say this again

and again until when you murder something, it's like as soon as you murder, it's all over for you. It's all another thing. I completely agree that you have to be able to be forgiven for stealing drugs, all that kind of shit because we all go through horrible periods of life and we become the most horrible versions of ourselves and we have to have the opportunity to grow and change. And I'm talking murder here, not killing. I mean, you can find ways in life to carve out a good killing.

I mean, whatever, sometimes you got to sometimes, but this guy was like, you know, this is again, this is all over money. And then this guy saw this and it was nice because he really chose. He's like, I may steal, but I don't kill. I don't kill. So interesting. So where? How did you find the hit man?

So he doesn't say how he, because I think this is the details that make it, but so he met to the guy that he had the attorney hired to kill this guy's father. He met with his father and he said, guys trying to hire me to fucking kill you, right? And he told them that he does a murder for a higher plot out for you. And then they both went to the police. The police had the contractor wear a wire and then again, tire plan for the hit on tape and it was pretty much a wrap. But that's crazy.

You know, but the $20,000. So when we talked about it here, it doesn't seem like a lot for someone's entire life. And it seems to be, and according to this writer, that it has become a tense joke around the house about how little their father is worth, which is now you have a number. Yeah. And it was a number that didn't get followed through with. So at the very least that's it. I mean, we don't know if the guy would have been offered a hundred K. It also again, just

seems like an exacerbates your problems more than anything. Oh, yes. I would just say, just paid the 350,000 bucks going to bankruptcy. There's ways to get around it without killing your peer. Listen to every con man who's ever made it and just understand you just don't have to pay your bills. You don't. You do die.

You could outlast them. I suppose. That's the idea is that you just keep delaying. You have to pay your taxes and just continue to do your financial crimes. Don't murder. They just like, that's fine. Yeah. Any other crime you can figure out.

Yeah. Absolutely. No. Here we go. You sound like Epstein's lawyer. Oh, no. No, I'm Chomsky. What?

You know, no, I'm Chomsky. If a billionaire called me right now, I'm going to go visit him too. Because if he can knock off a million bucks, knock off me a million. You don't want to go out. You don't want to go out to eat with a million dollars. I'm checking my bonafide. It's my friend. Don't check my bonafide.

It's my bonafide right now. Whoa, I see it. No, that was interesting. The list of the Epstein list is fascinating. Very, very interesting. All right. Time slip. 2008.

I was in Manchester, England. We were there. We were there. And I believe that we, if this story is similar to the ones we've heard, I believe we actually visited it. Oh yeah. It's his 22nd birthday, which is Halloween. No, no, no, no.

We went to the Liverpool time slipper. Liverpool. Okay. I was with a good friend and a group of acquaintances. I didn't know very well. Things got pretty rowdy. At the end of the night, everyone was pretty drunk and the only person with a car offered to drive us back to our hotel.

I'd had a few drinks, but it was uncomfortable with the drunk person driving us. So I opted to walk. It was a one mile walk back to the hotel. Well, that is enough to get picked up and killed. Because Manchester's really crazy too. Can you get crazy? It really can. I love Manchester, but it's scary.

It was awesome. When we were on a busy street, I was feeling good and a walk at 1 a.m. on my birthday seemed kind of nice. A few blocks in, I noticed that most of the people that were loud in the street, it seemed to disperse and a fog had rolled in. I was alone. Except for this one guy who was walking uncomfortably close to me. I started walking faster and so did he.

At one point, I stopped at the intersection to look for cars, and I noticed that all of a sudden there weren't any. A seemingly busy street before I turned into a ghost town. It was just me and this person following close behind me, who was standing next to me at the intersection. He turned to me and had three words and said, three words I will never forget. Fancy a fuck? No thanks, I replied.

And then the most horrifying thing a woman can hear in this situation, I think you do. I started to cross the street faster and faster, him all the while keeping up with me. I looked around for anyone else, any help, any cars, and there was nothing. I started running. He started running. Then out of nowhere, a couple appears out of an alley. I run up to the both of them and I link into the girl's arm explaining what had happened. They were both dressed in 1960s styles clothes, but I didn't think any of it because that

night was Halloween. Halloween, of course. Sure. I walked with them for one block at the time, neither of them had said a word. We got close to my hotel, I turned back to look for the creep, he was gone. Then I looked back to thank the couple. They were gone. I noticed that the traffic and all the people that seemingly disappeared before had all come

back and the fog was gone. I was back on a busy Friday night street that I was on before. Now, even though that was horrifying, the wordest part was this, I beat everyone back to the hotel by 10 minutes. It was a mile away, a straight shot and I walked back faster than anybody else. I checked with my good friend and she was there and she is certain that the driver hadn't taken any side streets or back roads. I have no explanation for what happened that night until I heard a couple episodes about

time slips, especially because some of them happen jolly old England. All right, perhaps a time slip indeed, a bad era that she slipped into fancy a fuck. Very fancy a fuck. No, I don't. Very, very scary. No, I don't. I'm not a cow. I'm just going to make sure we're going to be out there live kissles out there.

Yes. I'll be in La Brea. Someday, May 7th at the brand bra that the brand improv, please come out, hang out with you. You're filming your crowd work special, right? No. I don't think so. Make sure you come if you got a goofy job or you got a weird fat body and you want him

to really roast the hell out of you show up front row. That's what he's doing, right? Yeah. Kind of. Well, you some kind of dump truck salesman. That's a good friend. That's a free line for you. Thank you.

That's going to be my opener. Yeah. That's fantastic. Yes. Brea improv. I believe the show's at seven PM. It'll be fantastic. We're going to hang out and it'll be a great time together.

What else do we got? The release, the butthole cut tours are out though. We got this date. So it looks about, but I do want to push our Australian dates. Yes. Remember that we're coming there live. We only got a couple of tickets left, but we want to be completely sold out by the time we arrive.

So we got Auckland in August, August 2nd, August 4th. We're going to Adelaide. August 6th. We're going to Brisbane. August 7th. Melbourne. August 10th. Sydney.

And August 12th. We're coming to see you fucking weirdos ever in Perth. There you go. And we can't wait, man. I can't wait to come back to string it all you. Absolutely. Get a new set. Let me get new boots.

Oh, get some new boots. That'll be fun to travel with those. Oh, that's what I love to do. I live every day thinking about with my little Australian boots. New shoes. And I wonder what it's going to be like to walk and talk and then say hello and hello chum and hello friend. Their right feet are on the left and their left feet is on the right.

It's crazy over there. And then I'm going to fucking laugh thinking about my student in Bhutan these nights. Better than my American boots. Oh, they don't get anything. Hey, I'm standing in the guide. You're up on this table. And then I'm going to fucking live. I'm going to love knowing for a fact I can kick anybody's fucking ass.

Yeah, you can. All right. That's great. Thank you so much for listening. Great to be back with you all. And yeah, that's about it. I'll see you all on Sunday. Can't wait.

Hail yourselves. Hail Satan. Magustulations, everybody. See you fuckers. Be safe. If you have a cow kiss it tonight, it might be dead in the morning. It might be dead in the morning. His lips will be gone.

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