Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: On the Road

Episode Date: April 22, 2026

Henry & Eddie bring you this week's biggest stories and true crime news FROM PORTLAND as the boys look back on the lovely horrors of Alaska & their journey to THE LAST FRONTIER - Singer D4vd is finally arrested and charged in the murder of underage girlfriend Celeste Rivas, a brutal family annihilation in Shreveport Louisiana leaves at least 9 dead, Dayton Webber IS NOT Henry's boy, SantaCon Scam Exposed, Listener E-Mails, and MORE! For Live Shows, Merch, and More Visit: www.LastPodcastOnTheLeft.comKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Last Podcast on the Left ad-free, plus get Friday episodes a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. Just another beautiful Monday morning.

Yes, it is, baby. You know, it's just so nice out here. Portland. I can't believe we made it. We made it through Alaska. We made it through the tundra. Through the Yukon. Through that.

We went over Canada. believe that we're here. I can't believe me is here as well, Eddie. Yes. If we were to stop there, they would have to change the name to you, you can't. You're the one. You're the one. Eddie, where are we? We currently are in Portland, Oregon at the wonderful, what's the name of the studio we're in? We're over at Robot Pirate Media. We want to say thank you guys so much. We have such a handsome operator here. Yes. I'm looking at him. Randall. God.

Randy, of course. Randi, yeah, you're making me Randy. Of course, your first name's Randy. God, I'm just picturing you naked. God, I just want to suck on your weird, hairy Portland knees. Oh, yeah, I bet you could tie your shoes with your penis. God, we love being here. But we're here for a special reason.

It's not just to smoke weed outside of our homes. No. That's right. Today is 420 to us. Pucka, puka, fucka, suck up. Move so high. I'm going to die, man. You're fucking, dude, I'm afraid of me, dude.

Yes. But that's why we do it. We smoke weeds so you don't have to hear at side stories. My name is Henry Zabrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. Hello, I feel big. You are big. And we have had truly one of the most wonderful

confluence of days and events over the last several day. I just can't even believe it. First of all, we got a lot of announcements. A lot of announcements. A lot of shit. Thank you to everybody that came out to those Alaska shows. Those Alaska shows were so much fun. Oh, my God.

We had over 400 people in Anchorage. I cannot believe it. I just want to say, we were even talking about it. I didn't know there were 400 people in Anchorage. They weren't. They were trucked in. Yeah, right? We had them bused in.

Boated in from Russia. Yes, they were. There was a lot of spies. Yes. And I just want to say thank you so much to the Russian intelligence agencies for sending Boris and Natasha to our show. We did see a Boris and Natasha. I absolutely saw Boris and Natasha. I saw a fat Russian man and then I saw a very skinny hot Russian woman and they were going

and they were yelling at each other and shit and they were plotting. Yes. In the airport. You and Natalie would make a great Boris and Natasha for Halloween. Honestly, it's a great idea. That's a good. Put it in the old bank. I will.

Fairbanks also had the first time I've ever seen a Russian grocery store and I did not know that Russia was... I have seen Russian grocery stores before. But I did not know it was famous for its groceries. No, it's definitely not. It just sold Pope's tears and click. Yeah, and it wasn't all free? What's up with that?

Isn't there a line you're supposed to get on where you can get your rough toilet paper and then you can go and get your grish-gorsh? You can get your hammer toes and you can get like all sorts of your baked quala. Your fish tails and your eyes. Yeah, and your bats do. I don't know what they eat over there, man. But I'll tell you what, it looked gross. And the man was not friendly.

No, he wasn't. I asked him if he sold alcohol and he's like, no. No, no. He's like, come on, bro. You're rushing. Whatever. Where is it? You spy.

Don't fucking lie to me. Some kind of fucking spy. Yeah, what do you? I mean, there's nothing to spy on in Fairbanks. Absolutely. Actually, there's quite a bit. There's Air Force Base. We saw all those black planes come in to the Fairborns International Airport.

That's right. Hart, right? Was that what it's called? It was something else. It was like a mag. Well, Harp is one thing outside of. What is harp? Harp is a, it's, well, they're obviously, they're controlling the weather.

They're controlling the weather. They are the space lasers. Then why is it warmer? It's because they're making it cold. so you think it's going to get colder, but it's not. It's actually going to get hotter. So they're changing it all up. It's actually run by, that's where the space Jews live.

They live in there and they zap their lasers from space down. Harp is very simple. Yeah, nothing's more Jewish than Fairbanks, Alaska. Oh, we could not believe. You could not believe it, but no, honestly, harp is a communication center that a lot of people have a lot of, there's conspiracy theories around it. They were doing weather manipulation.

But actually it's just... Let me in the door. That's what Jesse Ventura tried. But he did not make an appointment. But they are shooting laser beams off the ionosphere in order to attach information to laser beams. It's like a whole thing. But it doesn't do the things that conspiracy theorists thought it did. But one of the big things that, like I forgot about Alaska.

Obviously, we've covered a lot of true crime in Alaska. But we asked so many people like, normally when we go into town, we like Google, like town, true crime. Yeah, well, who's the killer from here? Yeah, to kind of like go into. Just to get to know people. Just to know what you like. Yeah, it's like what sandwiches are good, and then who killed people? Who killed people here?

And Alaska. Big list. I, right now, I have a list of just, this is just six serial killers that operated outside of Alaska. Besides, obviously, Robert Hanson, Israel Keys. But then there's James Dale Richie, John Fountainberry, Thomas Bunday, Charles L. Meach. That's just some of them. There's so much murder tourism in Alaska. Dude, during the show, I'm like,

How many people here know a victim of a serial killer? And about 20 people raise their hands. Way too many. That's crazy. That was way too many. I never thought that that would cross over. Like, that number would be that big. But I've never been in a more last podcast coded environment than Alaska.

Between the haunted, we went to a haunted hotel. We went to Captain Cooks that we talked about in our Haunted Alaska series. Yeah, we went to Captain Cooks and we went there. And I was just like, yeah, you know, I don't. believe in any of this shit. I go to the bathroom. I have a weird little incident. Okay, so we don't know. All right. So at this point... It's probably me just being paranoid. You got little eyeballs.

I got tiny eyeballs. But also... All right, so this is what happened. So Captain Cook, so for those that you don't know, in Anchorage, the Anchorage looks like like a city out of like a Soviet block. Like, it literally is, it has not been touched since the 1970s. Everything is... The streets are empty. But there's one big

major hotel in the center. Captain Cook has been there for fucking ever. And it's considered one of the most haunted locations in an extremely haunted city. It's very cool looking. Yes. And we ask people kind of like, oh, where are you from? Also, Alaska is a place where nobody's from Alaska. No.

Everybody's running from another place and has ended up in Alaska. We met a couple real Alaska people, but everyone else is like from somewhere else. From somewhere else. Yeah. And so we go to this. And that's a lie. That is, yeah, of course. Yeah.

They're always like, I was a circus doctor. and then I was, of course, I worked on the, you know, a pet railroad. I did that for a while, and then I just wanted to see what was going on Anchorage Way, and next thing I know, I got a little lady all full of my gunk. Now I've been here for 25 years. Four to one male to female. Dude. What is that?

It's a lot of man. That's like, that's just like, you know, I hate to do this to the guys there, but if you're a lady, get out. Get out. Get out or make more ladies. You got to make more women. Yeah, yeah, yeah, or like, you know, I hate to do. Try to find out a way to, like, trick them to get there.

Actually, I think some of the guys just need a switch. Yeah. They're going to do the Jurassic Parkway. We've met a couple. Life finds a way. All right, so Eddie, now tell your story. All right, so we're at Captain Cooks. We're having a nice afternoon drink.

We don't have a show. So we're like, yeah, let's treat ourselves nice. You know, we're sitting there waiting for Billy to get in town, nothing really to do. And I'm like, oh, you know, I've had enough. I want to go make a peepee. I go to the bathroom. I go downstairs. And the bathroom's completely empty.

no one in the bathroom. There's nobody in the bathroom. No one in the bathroom. No one in the stalls. Stalls are over. It's completely empty bathroom. And honestly, there was 10 people in this bar. Yes.

There was nobody at the bar. The whole place is empty. The entire city is empty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no humans there. But somehow a bunch of people came to the show. So I'm going to the bathroom and I'm taking a pee. And I look behind me.

I felt like a presence. I look behind me. There's like a dude in a red jacket. And he's just standing there right behind me. I was like, oh, all right. No problem. I'm in a bathroom. Other people, it's public.

bathroom, no problem. So I turned around, keep you, I turn back around. Gone. Didn't hear a door open, didn't hear nothing. And you've seen the most ghosts out of any other person I have ever met. Well, debatable, but yes. Yeah, but you of all of the people that doesn't believe in ghosts that have seen the most ghosts, it's you. Yeah, but so I go, I had this weird experience. I'm like, man, this weird thing happened to me. It's like, you know, this place is haunted. Yeah, and then what you're talking about, and then you were like, oh, maybe it was one of the employees, but the employees were all wearing Navy. Yeah, they're all wearing blue. Yes. And so there was like, if he wasn't,

because it was definitely an employee's jacket. Yeah, there was. It was like hotels, like Bellhop's jacket. I would love to know. Side Stories, L-P-O-T-L at email. I hope I'm stupid. Does somebody have pictures of any old employees that worked at Captain Cooks? Because that, like, I didn't see

anybody come out and I didn't see anybody walk into the bar that had a fucking red jacket on. Yeah, no. And half the people that came to that bar ended up at the show the next day. Yes. Yeah, so I don't even know what happened. I had no fucking idea what that was. It was very bizarre. It was very, very scary. That was one of the ridiculous things we heard.

We also heard about how, like, in Alaska, the mud will kill you. Oh, my God. All right. So, all right, here's, this was, we got a couple versions of the same story. And then I actually looked at, all. So here's the story that Billy told us about from Alaska. Dude, you're going to love this, Randall. So the- You're really going to like this one, Randall. So there was a couple. They were on their honeymoon in Anchorage. Which is, first of all, what a horrific mistake. Bad idea. Don't do that.

There's no, Anchorage, there's nothing there. There's so many places to go on honeymoon. Go to the woods, go to on a cruise. There's cool. There's like cold places that are nicer. Like Colorado. I mean, we love the Alaska. I'm not saying don't go to Anchorage.

I'm just saying if you want to get sexy, it ain't there. That's where your wife dies on the first day. Yeah, it's all 500 pounds, dude, and flip-flops at fucking 30 degrees. And that makes you a horny? God bless you. Yeah, honestly, please go there then. But they're on there. So they're surrounded by Anchorage.

is like these mud flats. And it's like instead of like beach, it's just mud. It's just thick, thick, dark mud. It's like thicker than quick sand mud. And so they like wanted to explore it. And so they started walking out in the mud. And I guess like she stood in one place too long. And then the mud started to like consume her.

And because of the suction of the mud, they couldn't get her out. And they're trying to pull her out. They're trying to pull her out. Yeah. She sunk up to her waist. Yeah. And then they couldn't pull it because she got stuck in it. So the story.

is that they're like all right they tried a helicopter rescue and they like tied her hands to a rope ladder and then the helicopter came and it was pulling her out and it was pulling around and it was pulling around and then it was so bad that it ripped her in half and then her legs were there and then like her fucking guts

are just like spraying out the bottom of her honeymoon and then obviously indigenous person came because they save everything and they pull up all the use all of it yeah they made wigs and they made rope so they were Like, they were like, that's what, that was the story we heard. Like, that's fucking crazy.

And then Billy told the story on stage. And then later on, during the meet and greet over at Beartooth Tub, got a Beartooth Theater pub, such a nice place. Seriously wonderful. Yeah, go see a movie there. Go see a show if you got a chance. What a great time. The pizza was great, too.

Surprise. Pizza was really good. So for Alaska, it was edible pizza. Yes. Yeah, I know. So, congrats. You did it. And reindeer sausage was awesome.

So we're talking to someone who knew the firemen who were there during the rescue. And then she's like, that's not a. how it went down. That's urban legend. I was like, oh, okay. What happened? She's like, well, the tide started to come in. Because that's what kills you. You get stuck in the mud, and then the tide comes, like, in the fuck, the Leslie Nielsen, like, Twilight Zone

fucking thing, what he did with Ted Dancin. Creep show. Creep show, yes. And so the tide starts to come in, and they can't get her out. They don't know what to do. Her husband's freaking out. He's holding her. And then all the firemen, they don't know what to do to this woman to get her out of the mud,

and they just have to accept that the ocean is going to drown her. And it's a very slow process. And so in order for her to not deal with it as much, or is like a last dish effort to try and like save her, they just fucking put a bucket on her head. Yeah, to like create like a diving bell like scenario they thought. But it did not work.

And then Eddie and I were both like, okay, I mean, obviously that's horrible. Extremely sad. So she just like sat there and waited. And waited to die with a fucking bucket on her head screaming. But I will say. In front of these firemen who had no idea, no idea what to do but to watch. Now they have like a whole system.

Yeah, there's old thing. So that is the brighter side of all this. They have like a hose that they stick in and it presses water and it shoot you out. Yeah, whatever. They have a way to get you out now. Yeah, of course. But if you think about this, as married men,

think about how upset Julie would be when you put that bucket on her head. Baby, I love you. There's no way to save you. Like, just going to, shh. She shush. Shush, shush. No, no, don't.

Natalie, no. Shish. No, it has to be this way. It was just like, it'd be so much. So you live? I just jump in the mud. If you so, yeah, no, but the guy did jump in the mud and it didn't take it. Yeah, it's because he was like laying down on it instead of like putting his feet.

Because dudes fucking rock. He was a little more buoyant. Yeah, yeah. No, I think that at that point, Natalie would be so mad. She would levitate out of the mud. Yeah, it would save her life. Yeah, I think. How mad the bucket would be.

If I plac- If I put the bucket on her head For her to go Shosh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-she-sh-she-sh-she-she-she-she-she- She would rise Super-Sand like Filled with rage Oh, I'm the one in the bucket

Oh, I'm the one in the fucking bucket! I imagine the bucket would just melt If I put it on Julie's head It would just like just Just the anger It's like the fucking, yeah Yeah, just been like you fucking bass I can hear it

You hear it from the shore You don't fuck him out of fuck up! You've been like I'm certain we're all going to have to get over this. You know, like, and the husband's back with the police

just being like, this has just been, there's no way I can get money back on the hotel, right? Like, this is that, you know, he's already kind of like formulating and he's just like,

because, you know, again, because we have to cope. Yes. Yeah, but that was the most, one of the most horrific tests.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's really fucking bad. I never heard about my entire fucking life. Yeah, it's Alaska, man. That's Alaska, man. I was describing Alaska. I was like,

it's so beautiful and white everywhere. It's just like, I was like, it's like, if heaven was hell, you know? It's just, it is stark. Yeah. It is stark. And we went to the world's most beautiful gas station. It's like that's the fucking stuff that have out there. Like, go see the most beautiful gas station in the world.

In the world. And I had a milkshake machine. It had a casual ass milkshake machine. It had a casual ass milkshake machine. When you get these like milkshake bullets and you put it in the machine. We shouldn't be in charge of the milkshakes. Milkshakes should not be so readily available. They've got to take time.

You should feel a little bit of guilt of ordering. There should be a line at the ice cream store. Everyone wants scoops and you're like, I want a milkshake and they got to sit there and slowly blend it. That's the pain that you should feel by ordering. I want more. I want it through a straw. I'm so sickened with myself.

I'm sickened with myself if I get a milkshake so thoroughly that I drink it alone in a car. Well, that's what these guys do. Yeah, well, that's different. They're doing that because they're driving dead sex workers around. You know, we had a milkshake type of machine when I worked at Dairy Queen. You know, it's just like fucking sludge that comes out of a jug that they make slightly colder. Of course. It's just thicker chocolate milk that they just make a little colder.

It's ice cream soup. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all it is. Yeah. Well, thank you, Alaska. You treated us right. Yeah, shout out to Pocololo. They hooked us up.

They were great. A little bit. We found. Brunch. weed consumption They made weed consumption lounge correctly.

Fairbanks, there is a weed heaven in the architect circle called the Pocaloko. Paca loco. Which is a Hawaiian name for weed.

I mean, I guess they are. You smoke in and there. They rent a gravity bong. You could rent a fancy gravity bong. That is one of the most perfect cannabis lounges. It was an all glass

like roar gravity bong. It was. I couldn't believe. I was like, this shouldn't be nice. So if you like weed... I shouldn't like this too much. Exactly.

And if you like weed, get up to Fairbanks. Like, straight up. I feel like it made us immune. It died delicious weed. Yeah. So much delicious weed. It was unbelievable. Shout out to legs, too.

Thanks for the joints. And, yeah, yeah. And also, we did... In Fairbanks, we did our show at this cute little place called the basement. It was below the best Thai food ever had my whole life. Yeah, Bon Thai. Yeah, but like... We ate it twice.

We ate there twice. But the basement, unbelievable, cool little theater spot. right in the middle of Fairbanks. They had a drag show with like a full set like next week. It's up to these little towns. I mean this. We've talked about the Senacra. Now we've going to a lot of places.

It's kind of up to you to build the alt scene you need. Like we walked in that room. We sold 200 tickets in Fairbanks. Half that room. Can't believe it. Half that room had never even heard of the basement before or even been to the basement. Go and make your scene alive. Yes.

That's how you do it. You go to this small place. Because you guys all showing up. is that makes it actually a cool place for people to come. And we want to be there more. Like, that's the idea. So if you've got a little scene, bring us to it. Side Stories, L-P-O-T-L at gmail.com.

We really love, like... We're totally down to check. Now that we saw that people will show up in Fairbanks, like, fucking, let's rock. You know, who didn't come to the show? The Just a Man. Just a man. Just a man. Just a man.

Just a man. So we were staying at this. Turn your back on the jester. Right outside of like the scariest fucking retirement home is the wrong word. Mortuary. It was a crematorial.

It was a giant cement rectangle that held dying people. Yeah and it was covered in snow and ice for us. And we're sitting there after our show smoking weed, watch the snow come down and a man in a jester hat. I think it's his hair.

I think it was his hair. It had bells. He had bells. He had bells on his little cart. I don't know. I think the bells were because he wanders on. Jesterman. Justerman. And the jester man walked around and he walked around and the jester man jingled jangled and the night

and he got covered with snow. The jester man so frightening. I feel like 20 years ago the jester man was frightening. Now he's just looking for a place to die. I'm so afraid of the jester man. I was so afraid. I didn't want to beat the jester man. And then he kept looking at us. It was like one in the morning.

Yeah, it was like, don't let the jester man come and get us No, Aedal, and the Chesterman come again! If I could cross this street physically, I would try and kill you. The curse that held me to this poking lock is what allows me. Do not murder you. A jingle, a jangle. Jingle, jangle. Jester man.

Well, if you guys know the Jester man, hit us up. Hit us up. Let us know. Tell him what I'm on the show. Live from your play. Anyway, got some updates. First of all, great news. Finally.

DeForvid. God is fucking ass. Finally arrested. You know what? I look at all these pictures. So DeForved, just to remind you, we've been covering this. DeForvid, his name is fucking David.

Yes. But DeForvid, which is what he calls himself, because I guess he's half a stupid fucking robot. He's finally been arrested for the murder of Celeste Rivas Hernandez. We know that her body was found in his Tesla. We've been covering this for a long time. But one thing I will say truly about him, now looking at all these pictures of him,

he really could have been more happy on these on these red carpets because I really think that if he had enjoyed himself more He really always frowning Are you worried about how sad DeForavid was? He's just always frowning. Yeah. He's just like, because I know all of his music was about choking

Celeste death, but it does seem like, you know, it'd be weird. You'd think he'd smile more. Yeah, he used to have it all, but now he just has everything. Wow. Are you Bradley Cooper? No, but DeForvitt is going to go to J. He's fine.

Finally, but I wonder what took so long. They just wanted to make sure 4,000% they were going to be able to put them away forever. Yeah, because obviously he had been grooming her for a long time and he had been, I honestly wonder if there's somebody else. I mean, he bought a fucking, what was it, crematorium? Is that what an incinerator? He bought an incinerator. He bought an incinerator for his Bel Air home. Yeah.

You know, not many incinerators in Bel Air homes. No, not unless you're Warren Buffett. You know what I mean? Like how many text documents. He's the one good one. He's the only good one ever. He's the one good billionaire. That's because his last name is buffet.

Yep. It's French for big fat fuck. Lay him out. I'll eat all. That's what he does. He's so nice that he gets naked and he puts a buffet on himself and that's how his servants eat. They eat off of him like that. Warren Buffet.

Just eating some turkey sausage discs off of. Warren Buffett's of his fupa pulling little pieces of beautiful chicken sausage out of the wispy hairs above the mound on his penis. Just wrapping sashimi around his tiny cock. Just pouring pancake batter in his mouth and having him fucking mama burn it back into my mouth. God, I wish it would be around Warren Buffett. I want to be inside him. His asshole is a glory hole. He's dead, right?

No. No. He's very much alive. He paid his taxes and then told all of us that the other billionaires paid our taxes that we wouldn't have to pay our taxes. No, I know. Warren Buffett's correct. Yes.

And also Warren Buffett then shut up. All right? If you're not to do anything about it. Go kick their asses, Warren Buffett. Go do something about it. Start fucking fight. You know, he tries to help. He does try to help.

We also have, oh, another heroism of fun. This is like a more fun story. Did you say this thing about sucking on King Charles's sausage fingers? Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah. So last week we talked about it. I didn't know how fat King, King Charles' fingers were?

Yeah, they're horrible. They're like three pounds each. Yeah, and each one is like a fiddled tempin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, each one of his fingers are like their own water weenie. And now a lot of people are like, oh, it's because he's sick. Who gives a shit? Yeah, I don't care.

He's the king. Fucking be sick. Fuck you're fucking ass. I hope you fucking die. I hope you woke up sick when you were born. I want the whole family to die. I want the whole family to be fucking wiped out by all of you. Yeah, I can't believe they've been fucking each other for so long and they're not

dumber than this. I can't believe Prince Harry has two eyes. It's ridiculous. All right? So fuck these people. So he has these big, thick old fingers. Everyone loves to make fun of them. Of course they do because he's their big, thick, crazy fingers.

And he's done not a single, because you know who should have big thick fingers? A blue collar man. Oh, they do. You know when you see those things? Don't worry. But that's from like alcohol. Oh, yeah. But you know when you see those Instagram pictures where it's like, his hands look like this.

So that mine can look like this. Yeah. Well, I remember my, uh, when my dad. was dying in Reno, this Uber driver I had one day. He's like scarred into my memory. He was driving me to the hospital and he had like, he had those driving gloves on and it was just like, but

out the top of the driving gloves were like the fattest King Charles fingers I ever saw and it was just like the whole time when he was driving, it was like, ah, ah, my hands, ah, ah, ooh, I was like, me should get a different job. Just, ah, ah, I'm just like driving me to the hospital to watch my father

die. I was still, it was I'll never forget that. Good Lord. But now there's a company that you can go get tobacco vapes. It's an e-cigarette company that look like his fat fingers.

It's very funny. So you can kind of suck on his fat fingers in the street and blow out your weird cherry vape. That's so funny. Why does he just cut him? off. Oh, man. He doesn't need... He looked great with hooks. He can't even sign. They have to, like, put the finger and put the pet in his hand and move his hand around. King only signs things. That's the only thing he does. Get him a stamp. Yeah. He can't even rape anymore. Not anymore. Is that sad for him? He can't even

do it anymore. He's too old. That's got to be... Ah, that makes me so sad for him. God, he used to be able to have so much fun. He really used to enjoy his life. What else we got here? We got some good stuff. There was a crazy, I feel like if we don't talk about it, it's bad. It's a horrific story. There was the Shreveport family annihilation, which they're calling domestic violence, which would be one of the largest school shootings of the year if it happened at a school. So Shemar Elkins, this was out of Shreveport, Louisiana. He murdered, not a happy place. No.

He murdered eight kids. He shot his wife, and he shot. So seven of the kids were his. one of the kids was also his but by another woman who we also shot as well now all of this seems to have started on Easter fucking Sunday when he called his mother who was estranged from him for a long time I estranged from him for a long time because she was a she had had him and she was like struggling with crack use and he was raised by a family friend but they kind of reconnected and so they kind of like became like an emotional like she was like trying to help him because he was like obviously extremely upset. And so he kept calling her. And on Easter Sunday, he calls his mother for the Easter call. And she says she can hear all the kids in the background. He's like, I'm going to fucking kill everybody. I'm about to kill everybody.

Which is said by lots of dads. Especially on Easter Sunday. Yes. I mean, we all got to get up. No one wants to go to church. Take this seriously now. You can't just like randomly say you're going to kill the family anymore. Not anymore, Eddie. And that makes me upset because that's my leverage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, so he goes out there and he tells his mom, he can do it. They're all like, don't do it, don't do it. He finally, it seems like, oh, he came out of it because he was like posting a hopeful prayer on Facebook,

which again, not true, that never means he's out of it. Yeah. Anytime you start, I actually feel like the second you start seeing prayers on the Facebook page. Yeah, because prayers are supposed to be between you and God. Yeah, and if you're putting it on Facebook, you're bringing Zuckerberg. No. I'll tell you that much. I don't know if God's real or not. I know he's not. He's not like, but if God was real, God would not be on Facebook. Absolutely not. He'd be on a kingster. What was that? That one that... Tender? He'd be

on Fat Life. Yeah, he'd be on Fat Life. He'd be dressed as a dog. He'd be leaving him around him with a dog leash. He'd be eating out of a bowl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He'd be one of those. Talking a little boys on AIM. Oh yeah, it's only a ESL. Too old. I'm God.

I'll make you of age in an instant. Bo boom! Now, your full-grown man, have sex with me. Boom, back to a child. Being a god Being God is wonderful I'm sorry back to this Horrific story

Yeah so this back to this horrific story So he um he did kill everybody And then he Shot a total of 10 people It's really fucked up Yes and it's really really fucked up But then he stole a cop car We stole a car

Yes And then was murdered by the police And then they got him in the end So that's really all the Fantastic comedy We can really work out of this It really isn't any comedy at all It's fucking horrible

No one knows how he got a gun. But you talk. Trying to figure that out. He sought mental health care in the past. He did. And he wasn't able to get it, which fucking sucks. That does suck. You know, maybe we should try to make that a little more available.

Maybe make a bit of a priority there. But also, you know, this is an example. You were asking before the show, what's the difference between this and like a mass killing or spree killing? Yeah, why is it just a mass shooting is kind of what I was asking? It seems, well, because there's so many different. wonderful, diverse types of murder and that each one comes from a different place.

So when you look at spree killing if he would have done this, if he killed the same exact people in a church, would have been a spree shooting or still a family annihilation? No, it would have been a spree killing. Well, if it was the same people,

it would have been family annihilation. It depends on who do you kill. The reason why he killed his family is because familial side and especially family annihilation amongst dudes because it was another guy that just did it, a former senator. Yeah.

There was this other, what was this? The congressman just did this. Just killed his family? Killed his, killed his. Why are we talking about this fucking guy? It's both. It's all of it. Don't worry.

It's all of it. Oh yeah. Former Lieutenant Governor also did this this week. Virginia's ex-Lutinent Governor killed his wife and then himself and he was obsessed. Well, I guess he was dealing with this, um, he had two separate allegations of sexual assault in 2019. A guy just in Fairfax. And he just never recovered. Because of how upset he was, they got him on those because all the slu's against him.

He just never recovered. So he killed his wife and himself. But again, the reason why that he does this is it's ego. Yeah. It's loss of status. Men kill their families because they view in the patriarchal view that they are the product of them. And they are theirs to dispose of and to do whatever they want with. And that they are just proxies for the, like, legacy of the father.

So that's why they do that. They do that to punish everybody. They do that to be like, none of you are now going to be here because I'm embarrassed. Yeah. And I don't want you all to be embarrassed of me so much. I will kill you. Man, it's so weird. Like, I've always, my whole life, I've always considered myself a little bit of a feminist, you know.

I'd say you're a lot of a feminist because you're fucking so fat. I'm so big. Yeah. There's not like I do about it. 260 pounds. Yeah, probably pound for pound, one of the biggest feminists. One of the biggest ones I've ever seen. Yeah, yeah, I'm up there. Yeah, I'm at least three lesbians. Yeah, oh yeah, stacked.

Stacked on the shoulders. I saw them in here. They're right here in Portland. Yeah, yeah, I've, oh, I've seen, I've seen one of those totem poles before. But yeah, no, I've, like, since doing this side stories more than the other show, I just, like, men out. Men are wrong all the time. You're right. They're always, it's always incorrect. It's always.

We're, because, well, we understand this because we also, we were kind of talking a little bit about this, like, with Billy. Like, we were talking about, like, the idea of, like, male privilege and white guy privilege is a part of that is you need to be able to, because of our power in this life, right? Because of what we get to, the, the things that we don't have to deal with, we can also take the shit from everybody and we should. The whole point of it is that. we can put ourselves in front of vulnerable people and other people and absorb the criticism

because we should be able to take it. A lieutenant governor should be able to take accusations of sexual assaults. And if they're not real, he will make them go. He will win in court and do the thing he needs to do to clear his name. And then it's over. You don't have to then go. Like the idea is that you have that power to take that. These people are coming at you because you may be abused.

your fucking power to rape them. And so it's this, we are, that's our job here. The lieutenant governor makes me like just as angry if not more angry than this guy. But this guy was like almost, like it's actually two ends of the coin, right? Because you have one end. Like this guy was kind of

both bad start, bad middle, bad end, right? He was in the military but he didn't really get much stuff out of it. He came like all of this. Like where was the military in this? Yeah. Why weren't they there like helping him with?

So that's one hand. He was kind of abandoned. And then the other dude, the lieutenant governor guy is essentially just like it's, it's an example of like, you just were such a pussy that you couldn't take the heat. So you killed your family. Yeah. You know, and like that's the, that's what it really comes down to is that you have to be able to take it. And then also understand that it's, I can fix me.

I have the abilities to fix me if I really want to. Yeah, he did the governor. This guy tried to. fix himself and they wouldn't let him. No. And, you know, not saying that, you know, he sucks. Yeah, of course. I'm not saying, I like this guy.

Again, we always say, you can always get in that car and drive to Mexico. Just leave. Just abandoning your family. A real man leaves. A real man abandons his family. He doesn't kill everybody, all right? You go and live in shame in a worse state. Yeah.

You live that. You leave, you go to, you know where you go? You know, it's great for it? Anchorage. Oh, Anchorage. We were just there. Fairbanks even better. Ship them up.

They love. There's so many lost dads there. Just go be alone forever? You can go work in an oil rig. Yeah. No one will ever know, dude. You know, after like 10 years, you know what's pretty? Walrus.

Walrus, real pretty after a couple years. You start going like, there's some softer. Look at it as a soft one right there. Mm-hmm. One I like right there, he's laying down. God, I won't comb your whiskers. Also, yeah, again, it's four and one. You just learn how to suck dick.

Yeah. You really should. Yeah. Just be gay. Just be gay. Just enjoy it. Come on. I'm sure they are.

Oh, yeah, all those guys. You know how it is. Henry and I signed our first top surgery. We did. That was pretty impressive. That was pretty happy with that. I was really, I was like, wow. I was like, I officially feel like I officially feel safe.

We're in there, man. It is feel like it is kind of nice, though. We can still, and we say horrible things, and they take it. Oh, my God. You know what else is horrible? Oh, good. Yeah. I don't even know.

I don't want to talk about it. it but I feel like there's another one it's so gross the rape academy oh god we just are not even i don't even know i don't i just don't comment on it i'm just disgusted with humanity yeah it's just all it's completely fucked up but i will say one thing i did not know was apparently this year which i guess a big get for the for the academy is that trump speaking at the graduation oh and i think that that's really kind of crazy for them i can't believe that they got him to come out because he never go he never leaves mara logg i guess they're doing it at mara lago yeah yeah the Lunditorian's going to be Brock Turner.

Yeah, yes, absolutely. That's how you get in. How you get in is that you write, you're in order to get into the rape academy. I heard you have to do an essay about Brock Turner, like your personal hero in the scene, like in the industry. Who's your, who are you building your career off of? You know, are you Bill Cosby? Yeah. Are you Jimmy Saville?

You know what I mean? One of those. But all those take money, guys. Yeah, so they're really upset because there's a horrible porn site that has the rape Academy with the subsex Z Z Z Z Z Z Z. It's just all just the worst shit. Guys drugging their wives. Yeah. And I'm doing it.

And putting it on there and people are they're teaching each other how to rape their wives. Yep. Which is fucking insane. Yeah, it's extremely bad. It's the most upsetting thing I think I've ever read about. Yep. It is. And it is, I'd rather read about the guy who kills his whole family. Yep. And it's like, I'll never be like

this. I'm saying this is entirely satirically, but nothing makes me want to draft more than the Raive Academy. nothing says to me like nothing makes me say send the 22 year olds to Iran more than the rape academy but I don't but I don't

62 million hits in a the month of the shortest month in the month of February 62 million hits Valentine's Day Valentine's Day Valentine's Day that sucks not President's Day oh well that's when he does it

yeah yeah only only 100,000 of the clicks were Trump that was it well he was just again he was just signed trying to see how his tweets were doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's because his hands can't reach all this stuff. He's always hitting the refresh and shit like that. Yeah, so, yeah, if you eliminate it, why is that not dark web?

Because, I mean, it is encrypted. And I do think a lot of it is, some of it is invite only. Some of it is kind of, like, loose. It's not just like a... 62 million don't sound like invite only. But, I mean, you actually be surprised. It's probably, you know, is it like people just like there all day? Actually, I don't quite know.

I don't quite know. I didn't fully go into it, honestly, because I just didn't fucking want to. The Disneyland website had $28 million. That's the difference. God. That's the difference. I can't even talk about this. How old is that fact?

Christ, more people went to the Rape Academy website than Disneyland. More than double. Like, people are just on there trying to, like, make reservations. Man, that, like, make reservations 90 days out. I got to say that lightning lane is really killing Disney. that's what this is about this is actually more this is more commentary on the lightning lane

people are not happy with that we none of us are Disney yeah and so we we know it's out there we obviously think it's the worst thing ever and I just don't want to even give it more press but I felt like we had to talk about it well it's just one of those things as dudes

it's another thing that we have to understand that is out there and if we ever see anything like that you call it out and you call them you call them a creep in a pervert and you tell everybody you know that that's a person that who's doing that. I mean, you literally just destroy them. That if you find out someone you know is

visiting this website, I think you're allowed to hit them. I think you should. I think it's, I think I go in there and say, do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think they're Nazi territory. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's in there. Yeah, yeah. I think they're probably pretty close. I will also say, can guys please stop sending me, not like

in a joking way, you know how many of you have, keep sending me like, they're like, oh, hey, your guy at it again. I was like, what do you mean my guy? They're like Dayton Weber, your guy, the quadruple amputee, right? They keep sending me more. They found a swastika on his belly. Oh, my fucking god. How does a guy with no arms and legs scrape a swastika into himself? Do you understand

that the Nazis really wanted. The Nazis would have put you in a basket. I want to throw you over the fucking wall into a chamber, dude. They would have fucked you up, dude. The Nazis wanted nothing to do with you, man. They would have fucking killed you. You throw a bag on wood. That's your whole career in existence. You made happen for you.

How don't you get full of yourself? But then he's cool because he taught himself out of shoot a gun. But then someone sent me the video of him doing the nub stand where he was doing, they put blow on a dollar bill and they put it underneath his face and he did the blow like in Tommy Boy. And then he came down from the nub stand, grabbed an AK-40. and Serger shooting it out the window. And it's like, what is this guy? What is even happening out here?

Man. It's not even Anchorage. I know you're upset about not having arms and legs. Well, yeah. But you also became a cornhole champion. You became a champion. Like, you won. Like, how are you not satisfied?

He's not satisfied. And maybe that's what the true strength of a champion is. God. Well, at least we know where he's going to be hanging out in prison. Yeah. God. Where? With the Nazis.

Oh, I thought you meant. in sort of like an area where he'd be like floating in a pool, like, or he'd be on a bunch of leaves, or he'd be nailed through a wall. You know those old jokes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's so short that he can not see him. All right, come on.

Come on. All right. He just got, honestly, he doesn't even have an arm band. He needs more of a uniform. Guess what they don't make? Belts. Yeah. God, it's fun to come.

It's God, it's fun to attack him. It's like you never get to make fun of someone with no, No, just it's only him. He's in there. That guy. Thank you, guy. He is your boy. He's not my boy.

He's not my boy. L.R.H. is my boy. You're allowed to say other guys are my boy. He is not my boy. He's just the guy. I thought he was, I liked him before he murdered him. Before I knew all this stuff. I liked him before.

When he was just a champion, he was. That's what I liked. He had the whole world in his, um, hmm. Sling. Yeah. His belly button. God, he's got to have a deep belly button. He uses it for soup.

Live from Northland. Oh, man. How about this? All right, this one, all right, so if you've ever listened to Roundtable, you know my fucking hatred for this organization. And it got a good serving of justice this week. Santa Con. I hate Santa Con. I worked in the bar business in New York for many years.

Does Portland have Santa Con? You guys have Santa Con, I'm sorry. It's the worst. It's an organization. If you don't know what Santa Con is, every December, one of the Saturdays leading up to Christmas, every fucking asshole that wants to be a piece of shit,

gets drunk. Yeah, every Santa Claus. Every frat boy fucking douchebag, and the whole fucking city goes out there. Anywhere there's a Santa Con, it fucking sucks. Yeah, it's always awful. They're always like puking on each other and fucking each other. But I did not understand that it was for charity, right?

So apparently that was kind of part of the whole thing. It started from a good place and was quickly ruined. And now we know why it's ruined. Yeah, Stefan. Pildas. Pildas. Sorry, I couldn't read his name. He's 50 years old.

You need glasses. He's from, I need lots of things. Let me give you some glasses. Please. You know what? I went to the eye doctor. He's like, you're fine. I'm like, I know I'm not.

I think you're bad. I didn't read the letters. Did you attack him? good job. And I'm like, what happened? You don't need it. You're too pretty to read. It's like, I need a better eye doctor. I got so mad. He's like, do you smoke? And I was like, no, well, I smoke marijuana. And he's like, and then he wrote, I smoke tobacco on my shit. I'm like, I don't fucking smoke cigarettes. It's not tobacco. It's not tobacco. Take it off there. He's like, you said you smoked.

There's no thing for weed. I was like, fuck you. Fuck you. I, man. You really yell on the sky. Fuck you eye, asshole. He's spray some shit. My eyes. I couldn't see. I couldn't see. I can't see it. Look at my phone. Then he was just trying to get rid of you. Steve was trying to keep me. Either way. Santa Cod. So Santa Cod, worst place in the world.

It's like, it's, it was such a nightmare every time. Like, they're always like, the hospital of one of the guys that worked with me ended up at the hospital that night because some chick he knew, or it was like his, it was like his girlfriend's roommate came home at 4 in the morning. She was covered in blood because someone broke a bottle over her head. And she was dressed like Santa Claus. And then he brings her to the emergency room. And then when he gets to the emergency room,

Everyone in the emergency room at 4 in the morning is dressed like Santa Claus. It's a fucking nightmare. It needs to be stopped. But they were running it for charities, so they let it happen. Turns out, Stefan, what's his last name? Pildes. Pildes. Fuck him, anyway.

He's from who he went in New Jersey, was arrested on Wednesday and is awaiting appearance in a Manhattan federal court charging him with wire fraud. He was stealing the Santa Con money from 2019. Can it to 2024? Can it stop now? $2.7 million he fucking stole. He stole $2.7 million.

He stole $2.7 million. Can this fucking stop now? Can this just fucking end now? It needs to end. It should have ended before. Now that we know the money's not even going to charity and the dude was stealing it, it's all evil. Get rid of it.

There's like children looking at these dudes dressed like Santa Claus, fucking puking all over their cocked. You and I are just the same, though, that we're both over, like, drinking-based holidays. I hate it. Halloween, I'm at home watching horror movies. I love Halloween, because Halloween's something else. It's more just St. Patrick's Day, New Year's Eve, Singo to Mayo.

Singo to Ma' all of these things are just like... Stupid fucking no reason to exist holidays. It's just one of those things where you can drink at a great pace on your own, all right? There's no reason to binge drink. You're gonna fuck your life up. Dude, when I used to have to run the village poor house during Santa Con, it was like an eight-hour fist fight for me. I just stopped serve like I left the kitchen

I was like kitchen only serving hot dogs I was like that's all you people deserve I was like I took the menu and I threw it in the trash for the day and I was like hot dogs that's all you get

fuck you you're ruining my restaurant and then I would literally have to go I saw some dude dressed like Santa Claus I couldn't believe the balls on this guy

right in front of me full hand comes down slaps one of my waitresses in the ass like hard as fuck I couldn't believe it. I just leveled

the guy and I threw him out of the bar, lunitune style, like a hand on the shoulder and a one on the belt and threw him out into the street. There was a cop outside. I was like, get this fucking guy out of here. He assaulted, you know? Like, and it was just like, that's what it is. Oh, I know. I went down to the basement one time.

There were two people dressed like Santa Claus fucking in my cooler. Like a raccoons. I was like, where the food is. I was like, get out of here. What do you do? It's a disaster. It needs to Well, now maybe hopefully they'll get this in the time. Fuck this shit, dude.

I hate this man. I'm glad you fucking stole and you got caught. It's pretty great. I fucking can't stand Santa Cod. End this fucking charade. But let's also, now that we did some bad news, let's do some good news, Eddie. I felt like that was good news. No, but there's another good news.

All right, what is it? Our friend of the show, Art the clown. Oh. He's just got engaged. Oh, yes. To Jada Christie. Art got engaged. David Howard Thornton.

I thought we were going to try. I was trying to sell Amber to him. I literally was like, what chick do I know can I hook up with this guy? Because when we interviewed him, he was single. Yeah, but now he's out there. So sorry, ladies. Art the clown. He's getting hitched.

Yeah, he was in full costume, and he got down on one knee, and he gave Jada Christi a ring, and she said yes, and they were all at the Huntsville Comic Con expo. Congratulations. Good work, boy. Congratulations, Terrify her client. We better be at that wedding. Dude, if the Terrifier clown could find love, anyone can find love. Yeah, and if, I mean, because he's a murderer.

Yes. He's a deep murderer. He's a scary dude. He's fueled by Satan's power. Yeah, dressed to the nines. She kissed him and took the ring. I mean, she knows what she's in for. She knows that she's a part of the art of the clown company now.

I mean, that's the safest place to be. Oh, yeah. I mean, that's why people fall in love with zero killers. Yeah. Because if you're fucking the guy that kills women, he might not kill you. But guess what? What? A lot of times they get to you.

Oh, man. Also, but you know who's sad? Another more sad news. Which one? Matt Schmidt of Schmit, Sasha's house died in a housefire. So our favorite sausage house in Columbus and Germantown, a wonderful Schmidt sausage house. It's been open for over 100 years, I think. One of the owners of it sadly died this week.

Shout out to the Schmidt family. You don't deserve this. You've been giving the town of Columbus, the city of Columbus, the state capital of Columbus, beautiful sausage. Just so good. Beautiful. A sausage is so good. Everything that you guys make is perfect. I'm so sorry that man had to go.

It's so good. He had many years of making sausage in his life and the future. Hopefully he's not the only guy making the sausages. But I do feel sad. I feel sad that he's gone and we love you and we loved your establishment and I wish I could have married into your family. Yes. And I wish that I wish I could have loved your. in a way.

They could have got us in there. I wish it I could have. I could have been a part of your family in a way. The fifth generation, Fifth Generation Schmidt, Matt Schmidt. Oh, my God, dude.

You got a pillar to the community. He really was. That was like, we had, it was really like a day that I was dreading. And that place made it such a great day. And that was a day. And that's just us that one day. We fell in love again.

They do it to hundreds of people every day, making them so happy with all their wonderful sausage platters. We sat. We made her sausages, Doc. Yes. We kissed and we shared a hot beer together. God. And that was really one of the best days of my life.

And I'm including my wedding. Yeah. Yeah. I'm including my wedding to my beautiful wife. Top 15 meals, I think I've ever had. Yeah, really good. Really good. Yeah.

Really good meal. I never expected it. Shout out to you. I hope. Do you think they'll make them in a one? if I was in a sausage. You better be telling me. Like a casket, like put a sausage casing around the casket.

Let's just pitch this. All right. You grind up his, listen. You grind up your father's body. And then the meat into a slush, put it into one big casing. How fun is that? Such a nice tribute. Ruined.

Just ruined immediately. I think just the casing around the coffin is fine. Oh, I think just the sausage casing around the coffin. Ground up. Ground up. We thought the same spice mix. And what if it's just him not ground up in a sausage case?

Well, then you just look like that. He just looks like his corpse has been put in a fucking glam-skin condom. Yeah. Like it's being used to fuck the ground. And you think you wouldn't like that? Actually, I would. Yeah, right in.

Side stories, L-P-O-T-L-Gmail.com. What food-based burial do you want you to be done to you? Honestly, I could be put in a bow bun. I could be putting a bow bun. That's because you're turning into one. Hey, I'm just, I'm just, I'm earning my stripes. I'm earning my stripes.

All right, let's get to some... I have some listener emails. Oh, okay. Oh, and shout out to the safari guy who said he'd rather be killed by an elephant than ever shoot one because he was killed by an elephant. And he got exactly how he wanted. Yeah, thank you.

Elephants started charging him, and he's like, I said it, and I'm going to hold two, and he was gone. He legitimately, he probably pulled up his gun, and then he did that. He didn't carry one. Do you remember was Nick Cage at the end of, what was that? When he's the angel. Oh, City of Angels?

Yeah, City of Angels. Like, I could see him just doing that like into the charging element. It wasn't him. It was Meg Ryan. Spoiler alert. Oh, yeah, that's right. Her fucking ass dies and that shit. He stopped being an angel.

He chose to not be an angel to have sex with Meg Ryan. And then the moment they had sex and she went on a post-sex bike ride as you do. Oh, sure. And then the truck took her and your father called it. We laughed. We had so much fun. But also, you know what I'll say about that? It shows you.

It's kind of fun after that. Then he gets to be single. Now he's single. You know? And I mean, I do wonder if Nick Cage would be really good at being, I don't know if as an angel. I don't know how much Riz he'd have at that point. But right after that, you get all the credit. Shout out to Gary Freeman.

We love you, buddy. Thanks for being good to elephants your whole life and taking one for the team and making us understand that you are right. I used to, and he was old. He was old enough. How old? He was like over 50, I think. That's not old enough, Eddie. We're 40.

You're old, we're there. We're there. We're at it. I'm 42. What do you think would be better for me to be killed by at this point? Football player, elephant, or orca? What's better for my identity, my last podcast identity? We all know the ham's going to take me.

You being thrown, you being torn apart by orcas, yeah. I feel like that's the way to go. Yeah, that would be awesome. You know, I got invited to an orca. party. I know. It's going to be on Earth Day. This comes out on Earth Day. Happy Earth Day, everybody. Do something nice for the planet? Do you get chum? I don't know yet. I will totally report back. There better be fish. Like, do you have to catch a seagull and drink its blood? So the Natural History Museum in Los Angeles has a new Orca exhibit and they're having the big opening black and white

orca party on the 22nd. And because I'm a new Orca celebrity, they invited me and I'm going to go. And I imagine it's like an eyes wide shut party. I got an Orca Mavis. I got an Orca Mavis. And then I think we're just all going to fucking kill a sea world trainer Bring me my fresh I just came from the University of Alabama From a marine biologist major Oh, this is going to come out after I go So you can't un-invite me

It's too late You already got in I already took my pictures with the president He's got your log jam He's got your logjam That's called A Little Bit of Hollywood Welcome to Hollywood Orca Party

All right, here's some listener emails All right, let's hear it Okay, here we go This one I actually thought Was very interesting This is about this This is about Zach Begans

Haunted Museum I'm gonna do this one Okay All right We're, you know We feel, we like him He's fine He's fine, he's fine

We have mutual friends I think I think I You know As far as like people who do this for a living, he seems okay. Yes. Sure. So two years ago, I went to Las Vegas

the first time, mainly to do a Spartan race and also check out the city. I love it. What's a Spartan race? Just a nude marathon? No, no, normally it's when you, as two men, you run with yourself inside another man. You carry them around your waist. Oh, okay.

Anyway, my sister said we should go to the Haunted Museum. Last time I had visitor in L.A., I wanted to go to the Museum of Death. Rock and roll, go see our picture. Yeah, we're in there now. I remember my sister saying she thought some stuff in the Museum of Death seemed disrespectful, blah, blah, blah, but she felt like that in the haunted museum. She thought that the me, because I guess there's like a bed with dried blood on it. I don't know. Yeah. So she went through the whole thing, got a t-shirt. It was fun. I went home a few days

later. Literally, as soon as I got home, one of my cats was dying. He was old, but he was circling the drain real quick. I had a family friend coming every day to check on him, though, and he just decompensated fast. I got home from the airport. and I had to take him to the vet and he got put down that day. When I woke up the next day, I had three weird and kind of deep scratches in the center of my chest. I didn't think much of it since I have cats, but it was pretty far down my chest. Like two days later at work, I was rushing to get something done before my ship was over, and I accidentally slammed a crane hook into my forehead.

It didn't hurt that much, but it busted my forehead open and blood dripped onto my safety glasses, and I looked in the mirror and was just like, oh, good. The next day, we usually have this little meeting when somebody gets hurt. But we usually don't know who it was. But, oh, look, she got a big head injury, right? So pretty soon after that, I started to develop symptoms of a UTI, but I just wanted to take care of it quickly. So I did a telehealth appointment, got the prescription,

picked it up after work. I ended up having a weird reaction to the medication. I felt feverish. Oh, my joints hurt. They got inflamed. These events happened quickly in front of each other and just wondering if I was cursed by the museum. By the sax-bags museum?

Yes, she was aged. She saged yourself afterwards, and then it stopped. No, I think... And she threw the t-shirt She got away from the museum. Well, did she, did you taunt, what is it, Betsy, Becky? What's the doll? Pamela.

Pamela. Yeah, a lot of haunted dolls named Pamela. Well, I know that Robert the doll, if you taunt Robert the doll, he'll fuck you up. He'll fuck you up. Peggy the doll. Peggy the doll. I don't know, if you taunted Peggy, you know, then maybe that's something. Maybe did you take a picture of Peggy that you shouldn't have taken?

Maybe think about that. Well, how'd you brought upon yourself? Yeah, maybe. Try writing. Peggy a letter and sending it to the museum apologizing and see if that helps. Honestly. Yeah. And if nothing else, you'll do it and you'll feel better, you'll feel like

you're trying a little harder. Yes. Yeah. Don't throw out the shirt. Too late. Too late. Well, I mean, you could always donate it. People like that kind of stuff. Yeah, honestly, you can ship it anywhere. Curse items are good to put through thrift stores. You know, we're sent here. Yeah. P.O. Box, 470, North

Hollywood, California, 911, 603. That's right. That's right. We'll take it. We'll take it. And this next one is one that's interesting. It normally, you know, like we have a bunch of different weird rabbit holes that people fall down. This is one I have never heard of before, but I just wanted to bring it to people's attention because I'm going to actually look into it a little bit. So this is a thing called the Gate Project, which is, I think that it's fake, but it's interesting. So I finish it's on TikTok, it's got to be real. Yes, of course, yeah.

So this comes from, this is the person writing a letter. I just finished the Mon Talk Project episodes, and it reminded me of the fact that, that now there's a bunch of Gen X women on TikTok who genuinely believe they were part of a similar mind control psychic power government program called the Gate Project. They all allegedly, they alleged that they were former gifted kids that were separated from their classes and they were given special classes that they were used to develop psychic powers and that they all would separately jump into an astral project into this. world called mall world, one word, that was this sort of like liminal spaces.

Made is B. Shep. Right. It's like, oh, there was a little part of me. I was like, so you're going to tell me that this is how fucked up. The astro plan is still going to the fucking mall. Are you serious? Like, I'm like, to Clares. Like, that's with the liminal spaces.

Immediately they're going to what Nordstrom rat? Now, I guess this is not just, this is, yes, it is on TikTok, but it's getting hundreds of thousands of likes. It's everywhere. People getting liberal Gen X women have this idea. like, because it's kind of like the indigo children. There's, there seems to be a lot of, because we were, I was put into a gives a class as a kid.

And that was like a thing, right? There was all, all of that was kind of, I had to take a special test, and I got put another room and I was told to, like, we could skip the grades and all that kind of shit. But my mom was like, no, don't do that because, like, obviously you will be socially maladjusted. Everybody's going to be the shirt out of them.

In Catholic school, it told me I was too big for gifted. They just let me take naps while they taught me the alphabet in fifth grade. he's going to die in a war don't worry about him we don't need to teach him to read okay he's going to die out there but that's the it's this huge thing but I do think so

one thing I watch and it's like people just desperately want to be special desperately want to feel special and I know that the gifted thing set up a lot of people for high potential and then they didn't do the

thing. You thought because you were in AP classes, you were eventually going to be rich and running a Fortune 500 companies. Yeah, and unfortunately, that's not really how it works. A lot of people are very smart, right? You just have to, you just don't get the stuff. It's just like we were putting gifted classes because they considered us and we thought we'd get bored. Yeah, college is full of all kinds of fucking idiots. Oh, very much so. You can still, the lowest person in any medical school that graduates is still a doctor. Yeah. You could be the fucking dumbest person in the world. if you pass those classes.

2.0 doctor. Oh, there's plenty of them. You probably just met. That's your optometrist. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what you just met. Oh, definitely. You just got a C gets degrees.

Optometrists. Why am I bending over? Yeah, and he's just like, this is good always go from the bike. He starts with brown eye and move up to white eye. This is what I call. Over here is where they deliver packages. We go from dock area in back.

Through the internal combustion. and we come up to the little globules in your head. They see all the ways the bullet will enter into your face. Is this good? Yeah, it's great. Is this radio? It's for the internet. It's for the internet.

You know what I mean? It's not for the radio. Guys, really good stuff this week. We didn't finish the thought. What do you mean? So what's the deal with these women? That's really it. It's like if you look into this, it's just a whole world that they,

It's almost like people saw the Montec project and they saw MK Ultra and then like Gen X ladies were like We want one. And then now they've made this new one where they go to the mall In their minds. I was like closing your eyes just to go to the mall It's extremely funny. Honestly like when they were like smart women have been manipulated like I'm like all right

I believe this. I believe this and they took us to the mall You're like you're a fucking god damn immediately To the fucking mall. What is the anti-Ns pretzels like in the liminal world. Also, there's a movie called out coming out. We met the guy. Kane Pixel. It's called the backrooms. You're just ripping off the back rooms, guys.

Yeah, man. It's not even fucking original. You didn't do it. You're just ripping off shit that already exists. Man, Alaska is all backrooms. Oh, if the backrooms exist, they are there. It's up there. It's up there. It's an anchorage. We walk through the back rooms. Yeah. To get to the venue.

Oh, my God, yes. You know, many times, and then, oh, man. Oh, the pet store that was just selling bird heads? I just bought it. I want to buy so many coil heads now. It's so funny that we went to a pet store that was only selling bird heads and we're like, we can't bring this in our luggage because I don't want them to check it, but give me your card. Yeah, because I want to, there was a basket of dried coil heads. And I just know that Natalie saw that basket. She'd burst into tears. I really wanted to get Harley one of those duckheads, but I didn't have the courage to put

in my luggage. No, we shouldn't, but we'll have them delivered to the office. Yeah. Yeah, good idea. to the office. If you have any duckheads, please send them over to P.O. Box 470, North Hollywood, California, 9-1603. Live every day like you know, it's going to be your last. All right?

I love the fact that it's your last day, so you don't have to go to work the next day. When you could laugh knowing that you're going to fuck over everybody wherever you're at, because today is your last day at work and in life. And you don't care what happens after you die.

This is the last year in the world. I know that for a fact. And you can watch HGX2 Season 2, the Blood Tournament, crowning of the Hamlord. Now on YouTube, YouTube.com slash at LPNTV. Go and watch it.

It has been, we've got the first episode of Season 2's out. Henry fucking crushes it. Jackie crushed it. We got Julia Razies in it. It's really funny. It's really fucking funny. We brought in an expert editor from Adult Swim.

We're literally made, we are going into a whole... We're making our own adult swim show. Yes. It is a full-on adult swim show. show. So please go check it out on YouTube.com slash LPNTV. It's right. It's going to be eight episodes long.

The first one's out now. They're about a half hour each. It's like wall-to-wall fucking jokes. It's so much fun. We took everything that was great about the first season and then just put it right into this and like we really tightened it up and made it fucking clip along. It's badass. I'm so proud of this. We have great guest stars coming up.

Billy Wayne Davis, Trey Crowder, Maggie May, Alex Hooper, John Milheiser. We got all kinds of great people coming by. My wife, Julie Rosen. Extremely funny. We literally, and we pluck everyone from the network, it's so much fun. Marcus shows up, Natalie shows up, Jackie plays multiple parts. Go watch it. Amber's amazing.

I fucking so proud of this. Please, please, YouTube.com slash at LPNTV. Go check it out. Hit me up. Let me know what you think about it. I want to know. And go see the rest of us at last podcast and left.com, go buy tickets to see us live.

That's right. This weekend. We're in Cincinnati. Cincinnati on April 25th at the Taft Theater. That's this Saturday going to be a lot of fun. Please come out, laugh really hard. I'm going to be screaming, hell Satan in front of my family. I need support. Yes, he does.

I need support. We're doing this. I'm taking some big swings. They're very, they're very. They like God. But guess what? We're going to sour among God. This is a hell of a way for them to find out.

I'm a staunch atheist. Yeah, they'll find out this way. But also, coming 426, Lexington, Kentucky over the Manchester Music Hall. We have very few tickets left. Very few tickets left for that. Please, let's sell this out. Let's have some fun in Kentucky. And then May 5th and Hollywood, Henry and I are going to be at Netflix as a joke festival

at the Avalon Theater at 945 or the late show. Do not go to stupid night of too many stars. You'll never meet those people. They don't give a fucking shit about you. They don't care. Yes, it's a benefit for autism, but they don't care about you. Give them money. You have what you?

Just send them money. You know someone who's autistic? Buy them ice cream. Buy them a sandwich. What are we doing here? Hey, get him a flashlight. Come on our goddamn show. All right?

The night of a couple people you might know. And you might meet them. We'll hang out with you. I'll hang out with you all night. I'll get your fucking address. I'll come to your fucking house. We have time. We do have time.

It's our six. We just went to fucking Alaska, all right? When the night of too many stars, when the last time John Stewart went to Alaska? Probably did some U.S. over. I guess you could guess where? The night always has too many stars in Alaska. That's right.

Because it's beautiful. Rochester, New York, May 30th sold out. June 28th, London, Ontario, still some tickets. Come see us there. That's going to be a lot of fun. And then, of course, I'm hitting the road. I got new dates coming out. I got my first comedy store date

on July 26th in the belly room, that's going to be a blast. You think you'll get past? I don't care. And that means yes, because I don't care. They'll pass me just to fucking make everyone who's worked for free for a decade really mad. You have the idea. But go to anytunes.com to check out all the shows I got coming up.

We got lots of fun. I got hitting the road hard this year. And honestly, thank you again to Robot Pirate Media. Thank you for all your help. You were guys super pros. So if you're in Portland for all your podcasting needs, check out Robo Pirate Media. That's right.

Rubit. Rubet. Rubit. Hells aiden. Fuck you, DeFourvet. See you in hell, DeFourbid.