Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Peacock Assassin

Episode Date: July 21, 2021

Ben 'n' Henry break down this week's true crime news: a lobster sabotage, the Hollywood Ripper, Project Moondust, a peacock assassination, and MUCH MORE.Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0

A roast as dark as the night, perfect for fueling the cryptid research and mad ravings required for your podcasting. Don't mind the red eyes, he's just trying to warn you of the bridge! The bridge! Finally, from the caffeine-addled brains of Spring Hill Jack Coffee and Last Podcast on the left, we bring you Mothman's Red Eye Blend. Yes, delicious Panama beans, go to lastpodcastmerch.com to order yours today! There's no place to escape to. This is the last spot.

On the left. Side stories! I love your glades. That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories! Yes! I saw a lot of good movies this weekend. Alright, I actually watched a few movies this weekend as well, what did you check out?

I saw the movie Pig with Nick Cage. He's crushing it. Is he the pig? No, but he might as well be because of his boorish behavior in the beginning of the film. Oh my god. But he grows. So this is a Nick Cage movie worth watching. Nick Cage, he can act whenever the fuck it is he wants to act.

Yes, absolutely. As soon as he says like, this movie I'm gonna act then, he does it, he crushes it. Pig is one of the most unique films I have ever seen. It's John Wick through the Portland fine dining world and it's very specific. And another movie that really surprised me called My Heart Can't Beat Unless You Tell It To, which is one of the most interesting retellings of a vampire story that I've seen in a minute. And it's just nice. There's so much stuff out there for the summer.

My heart won't beat unless you tell it to. Absolutely. You know, we don't, these tiny movies don't pay us to advertise for them, but honestly go check it out. Check them out. It's so good. What a very well-acted, creepiest fuck. I love it.

Movie. I love the unique title. Speaking of titles, welcome to Side Stories, everyone. I am Ben hanging out with Henry. I watched you. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. You're the truffle pick? Mm-hmm. I eat the mushrooms. I find them for my daddy. That's very nice. I'm all around and he let me get stolen.

I love you talking, Pig. He let me get stolen. You're one of the better talking pigs around. I watched a few movies as well. But I don't think we're going to take any money from people's mouths. Mortal Kombat. Oh, wait. Wait a second.

That's a little indie movie. That's a little indie Mortal Kombat movie, which I loved, by the way. I thought it was super fun. How was the Cheerleader Gapers? Cheerleader Gapers was fantastic. The way that they said one, two, three, Gap. Gap? And they all did it.

It's about classic. All classic movies are based upon one incredible scenes strung together. There's only been six songs ever written, isn't there? Every movie is just a repeat of another movie. Cheerleader Gapers, you know, because the first thing that reminded me of was Wizard of Oz. Absolutely. You think about how they all gaped on that set against their will.

All right. Never mind. Let's not talk about that. I also watched Kong vs. Godzilla and a little indie movie that I actually do want to plug. Not really something I watch very often. It is about stand-up comedy, but I put on a film called Too Late, and it was really good. Who's in it? Ron Lynch.

Ron Lynch is the main star. He plays a comedy club owner who's also a comedian, and he does some horrible things, and the whole cast is really good. And it's a, yeah, I don't know. It was just one of those surprise movies, super low budge, and very on the nose in the comedy scene. So I did have a few moments where I was like, because a dude runs a glorified open mic in a bagel shop or a coffee shop.

I can't go back. I can't do this anymore. But Alyssa Lynn Parris is in, honestly, and she's fucking hilarious, and so is Mary Lynn Rathschkub, who I worked with on that guest house show, and she's really, she's a lovely woman. So check out Too Late as well if you want to watch a little bit of a comedy horror that is fun and campy. We have a lot of updates, because, you know, we cover a bunch of shit here, and some things

catch up. Some things kind of like we get really into. There's apparently, because we asked for a moratorium on some of the penis breaking stories. Sure. Just what we've been covering a lot about people getting their penises broken, but this thing then came out, which shows how we're tapped into the zeitgeist. We are the Cronkite of podcasters, the Walter Cronkite. This is apparently men in Iran are purposely breaking their dick.

This is in the Zagros Mountains in Kermanshah, the largest Kurdish-speaking city in Iran, and apparently they're doing this thing where sound of men bending the top part of their erect penis to one side while holding the lower part of the shaft in place until they hear a click or pop. They're doing this on purpose. It's called ta-kwandan, which is Kurdish for to click, and they're doing it to get rid of boners. Some of them do it out of habit because they say they found it pleasurable, refreshing,

or they simply enjoyed the sound. That's just kind of a different form of masturbation then. I don't like it. Wow. All right. Well, stop breaking your dicks out there. And if you're going to do it, do it the organic way. Have somebody else sit on it all wrong.

Break your dick, people in Iran. You've had it hard enough. Stop breaking your own penises. Please stop breaking your penises. We love the Iranian people. So a story that we didn't really cover, but a serial killer nicknamed the Hollywood Ripper, which is also what you can nickname me in the bathroom. Yeah.

I actually did put my mask on. I'm not really thankful for the mask mandate, but this bathroom in the studio, it's nice. Yeah. Well, that mask is not a bend date. I'll tell you that much. Don't even get me going, but you are getting me going slowly anyway. The Hollywood Ripper, he has been sentenced to death. His name is Michael Gargulio.

How many people did he kill? So I can see a total of three here, but they say these killings could go all the way back to 1993 when he was just 17 years old. Jesus. And of course, you might know this story because it involves a famous celebrity as well, Ashton Kutcher, who did absolutely nothing wrong. He was potentially going to go on a date with somebody. But that person ended up being a victim of Gargulio.

And her name was Ashley Ellerin. Oh, this is the date that he was supposed to go on. And then he looked through the window and he saw like a puddle and he was like, I think she might have spilled some wine. Yes. And then he ran away because he had to get back to set. Ellerin, she was found brutally stabbed and it was 47 times. So this man, a total fricking psychopath, Michael Gargulio, he looks exactly like his

name. He does. He's got like a crooked nose and he's got the weird like idea. He looks like an absolute fucking great. Yes. Boy next door killer. All right. They're just throwing names around.

Yeah. They're just throwing names around. He's a father of two. He's going to head to death row at San Quentin, Los Angeles jury found Gargulio guilty in the August of 2019 killing of 22 year old Ashley Ellerin in 2001. And Maria Bruno 32 in 2005. Both women were viciously stabbed multiple times in their Los Angeles area homes. She was also guilty of attempted murder of Michelle Murphy, who was stabbed multiple

times in her Santa Monica home. It is very good. This man is off the streets. What a fricking nightmare. And the first murder charge that he potentially was a part of or one of the first murders he was potentially a part of, Trisha Pachaccio, she was found stabbed to death outside her Glenview home in 1993 when Gargulio was just 17 years old. This dude has had a long run of brutal, brutal murder.

I did not know that we were a capital punishment state in California to be honest. And I'm looking at this right now. I don't know. I didn't know that, but I'm looking at this now. And apparently they're saying that they're currently 703 inmates awaiting execution in California. Okay. And it's the lowest it's been since 2011.

And they said they're almost thankful the fact that it's the lowest because it's primarily the lowest due to suicide and COVID. Well, isn't that nice? So he has a long history of sitting in a cement cell staring at a wall contemplating the horrible things that he did. And I am not pro death penalty. As a matter of fact, I don't know the state is competent enough to know who is worthy of death.

However, they do it here by audition. They shame you to death. Yeah. What they do is they have you sit on a zoom call with an producer for five hours and they keep telling you how great you are for the part and how like they can't wait to see in Portland and how this is going to be like, man, what's like once we fucking connect or as you'd see some of these late night spots have already got licked up so we go after we're done shooting and then they tell you the next day how you didn't get the part and then you

just fall apart emotionally and you just die of neglect. And another suicide right here in Los Angeles. So anyway, there's a little update on that. Also we have an update on our lobster story. Well, it turns out that last week we talked about lobster sabotage because we guessed that it was sabotage last week and it turns out that we are correct. It turns out there is a straight up if you do look into this is from a report from the Cape Cod Times.

This is from 2015 for the Cape Cod Times. This is their spotlight. This is the biggest story ever. Actors need to come and see what they're doing. So when the art cast in the made for TV movie all about the lobster gate, you know what it's like. This is about fucking a man named Joe Vowdo who is the he is the one who has been sabotaging the lobsters all throughout Cape Cod.

This is because apparently he's been in several legal entanglements with the city. This is according to the Cape Cod Times. There is a seafood fight underway in barn stable superior court over accusations of embezzlement disputes about property and allegations of derogatory comments. Oh my goodness. So I got to say this. So the dude. So the guy that's involved in this, not just Joseph Vowdo, this dude, Scott Thayer.

He's the former boss at Joe's Lobster Mart in sandwich, of course, sandwiches where all of this takes place. They work together side by side, surrounded by crustaceans for 30 years. And you think that that would engender some trust? We're here at the bottom of the ocean. Can't we just, how if I can't turn to you and trust you, who am I going to trust these lobsters who I'm trying to eat? I think that maybe all of that cracking of the bones and the cooking of the lobsters

and all the crustacean odors, maybe it drove them insane. No fucking way. How dare you. It brings me more peace than opening up a crab claw or opening up lobster guts. That makes me, that's when I'm finally smiling. I know. And that's why you were so devastated when I told you that some countries are not allowing you to boil those lobsters alone in the last week's episode.

It's okay. So interestingly enough, the State Department of Public Health, they revoked Vowdo's license because apparently they found him guilty of receiving stolen lobsters. Yeah, man. I'm sorry. Not stolen lobsters, stolen oysters. And then he sold them at his business. Like illegal oysters.

He's the, there is all, I didn't know there were illegal oysters. Man, whatever business you're in, there is an entire black market dedicated to your business. I don't know why. SideStoriesLPOTL at GML.com. If you're in a hyper specific business where there is shit that is illegally happening in your business, I love finding out these like very specific fish crimes because this comes down to money.

It does. Joe's Lobster Mart. He was originally part of Joe's Lobster Mart. It was shut down. He and his partner, Thayer, they became, their relationship had become strange. They got a little rocky because, well, Thayer ended up buying the assets and the business in 2014 for 1.2 million bucks because they realized, because again, Vowdo, he has no contract anymore.

He didn't, but he continued to quote unquote help out at the store with bookkeeping. And in that role, he somehow managed to move some of the funds from the company to his own special because I think in his mind, he's just like, it's like, I just wanted to make sure that I could take a look at the funds of myself, make sure they're safe. Yes. And then it turns out, oh no, no, no, that's called stealing. Absolutely. And Kennedy would never steal Thayer.

I'm actually not, I'm not victim blaming, but I will say Thayer made a massive mistake by allowing this person who he had to have his resentment for. He obviously knew that things weren't up to code. He got his license revoked in the lobster seafood game because he was smuggling in stolen oysters, which sounds like when you have your testicles slightly hanging out of your shorts. Oh, I was saying up your ass. Yeah.

Up your ass. Smuggling oysters. Up your ass. No, that's dogs in a bathtub. That's dogs in a bathtub. God damn it. No, that's when somebody else does it. I don't know.

I feel like, you know, who knows when it comes down to, there's all, it takes all types. Either way, Thayer left Vowdo with a large responsibility, which again was the finances. So ended up stealing damn near $20,000. And then Theo was just like, well, that's not good. And then they went to court and the whole thing is a waking frickin nightmare. And it seems like one of these guys is going to die. You really think that something's going to happen? This is becoming again, it's uncut gems.

You literally have the high profile, high stakes, high pressure fight between two fish salesmen. Absolutely. And man, when this guy cut the power, the two coolers, it was worth $20,000. And apparently there was also $2,800 of cash was removed from a safe. So Vowdo, he caused a lot of damage. He really is going for it. He truly, truly is.

This is, I also, one more thing, Thayer, Vowdo accuses Thayer of destroying pictures in memorabilia, including one picture that is, that is, it's quote, awards won by horses and trained by Vowdo. Oh, it's just pictures of him and the horses that he trained. Awards won by horses, owned and trained by Vowdo. So whatever. So we just saw those pictures. Man, whatever, dude, that's, that's, I mean, there's a lot of bitterness in the world of

lobsters. I guess so. My goodness gracious. Life from your grave. So this week, I promised a little bit of a UFO update. There isn't a heck of a lot out there in terms of new because I was waiting for, because Lou Elizondo's supposed to be threatening new footage is supposed to come out. That really is the proper way to put it.

Threatening new footage. It is what it is. Yeah. I think that's a proper. Jeremy Corbel says he's got new footage. We're sitting here waiting, being like, show me the boobies. I don't even know why I'm saying that, but show me the boobies. I want to see, I want to see what they've got, but I had a couple of things to pop up

that I kind of wanted to float your way that are fun little thought exercises that you should research. Okay. One is about Project Moondust. Project Moondust is the program that the US government was trying to do, which is kind of a loose way to go into various other countries that we were in a cold war with, looking for crashed space shuttle material and like satellite material. I like the name.

So when stuff falls to earth, the top secret material that they send into space, into space, then crash to earth, their jobs were to go find the shit that crashed before other people would find it and steal the proprietary technology that you'd find inside of it. Sounds like they need to find themselves a truffle hug. Oh, ping. And then they took the ping. It was very sad. But there, one of the stories that came out was the story of this three ton cube shaped

satellite found in Sudan in 1967. And if you listen to this, this is really, really cool. This comes from a dump of DIA records that came out from like somewhere in the 90s. DIA records? DIA. The department. DIA. Yes.

It is very interesting. I'll read you this description of a thing that they found. Yes, please. Very cool. So this is a subject. Now, what you notice is when you look at old school confidential records, they refer to what now we are now generally calling UAP. A lot of times they would call them unknown helicopters and another common term was satellite.

They would say the word satellite and that was sort of a dog whistle to people within the covert world that this is about something they didn't know what the hell it was. And so if you read this, this is really, really interesting. Local press 17 August 67 reported that a satellite cube shaped weighing approximately three tons discovered August 3rd, five miles from Khutum. This is in Iran. I mean, it was described as made of soft metal, presumably light aluminum in oblong cubes measuring two inches by one inch tightly fastened together and covered by a sort of silky material.

The nationality is not identified as no inscriptions evident on outer surface. Local authorities have photographs and with difficulty cut samples, so they went and cut chunks of it. And we're seeing this more and more of these types of stories where people say, well, then Mr. Zabrowski, I must ask, where are the chunks, the chunks, Robert Bigelow, follow the money. The chunks are ballot arts parts for a while. These are these are the chunks that they have been talking about in terms of the disc the

current disclosure that we're in that they're trying to release. So this is actually laying a rational foundation then for the conversation that there might be chunks out there. There's a lot of talk that the big reveal will eventually be one day that they have chunks. Do you think it will come from arts parts? Do you think it'll come from a podcasters merch page? Is that out?

This is going to work out. I mean, it depends on how much money people make in the in the podcast wars of 2025. All right. But that is one story and you know, it's also I forgot about. So when we covered Project Moonshaft last week, Moonshaft, one of the things that we did, I forgot to cover was how Ted Phillips, when he went to go research in Slovenia, like where the supposed hill was, where they're going to go look for this fucking Gaper, they went out there.

A part of it was funded by Jackie Gleason. Really? I'll punch you all the way to the moon if you keep on talking. It's the best bit about hitting your wife that's ever been Jackie Gleason. What an icon. But Jackie Gleason, if you don't know, if you're a zoomer, Jackie Gleason is a big old fat guy that people used to love. He was, he was in the honeymooners, he's an old fashioned comedian guy.

Yeah. I think that's about nails it. That's about all the information I could give you on it. That's all that matters. That guy, the color of money is a great actor, but he was just one of those, he's an old school guy. But Jackie Gleason, the urban legend for years was that Richard Nixon had shown him an alien body.

Jackie Gleason and Richard Nixon hanging out to be a fly on that wall. Oh my. All nude. Just cut that tape, cut the tape. But Jackie Gleason apparently saw a UFO, he saw an alien body with Richard Nixon because it was like, they got hammered at the White House and he's just like, I'll show you Jackie, I got a shriveled one in the basement, I'm not talking about my penis. Whoa.

And they went down there, they looked at it, he went like, I'm going to punch this one's wife. Back to the moon. Yeah. But then that, maybe that was all, again, I'm going to use the word dog whistle again. I'm going to tell it to the moon Alice. To the moon. It's about his interest in going to space.

Isn't that nice and how wonderful that is he wanted to put a woman in space. That's what it's really about. And how nice is that? There's a lot of male astronauts and sometimes women would like to go to the moon as well. Sometimes they would. But apparently Jackie Gleason had had a UFO shaped mansion that he had, like they finally sold I guess it's a spherical wonderland, the comedic legend design as his getaway in Westchester County.

He called it the mother ship and it was built to look like a UFO and a bunch of people partied inside of it. It's pretty. That's dope. I would say, well, that does that buttons up our real estate corner, but that is a very nice house that looks like a UFO. I want that. Still not quite as cool as the pizza hut that has been turned into a residence because

you can smell the fresh bread now. Can you smell with the hood? Also, speaking of chunks, a bit of an update as well in Minneapolis. Adam Rich, Adam Richard Johnson. I just finally realized Richard. That's a tough one. Adam, they could come. Actually, no, those are really, those are three simple names.

No, I know I'm saying if you think about penis related terms, Richard and Johnson. It's a both coccyx. Yes. Adam Richard Johnson. He's 36 years old. He is being found scat and it's not good for him. He's been scattered all over Minneapolis. We covered it a little bit yet last week, but yeah, man, they're still finding chunks.

Evidently, they found the head. So I guess that's a big step in the right direction. I guess so. We also have zero idea why he was absolutely ravaged and torn apart. There's rumors. We're not going to speculate. At this point, they are just rumors. So we don't really know yet what the fuck happened.

Yes. We have no idea. It does seem like a crime of passion though. I mean, if you spend the time, you spend the time to cut him up and put him out in various locations, you're upset. It's like what we covered out, I'll say again, I don't know if people missed last week the woman that murdered her husband with the melted sugar is because he was molesting the whole family.

So that's like, so there was revenge in there as well. There's a lot of revenge this week. There's this story about the beloved McKinleyville Peacock, this neighborhood mascot who was found dead after a craigslist ad ordered the hit. They killed a Peacock? There was a national mascot? Oh, yeah. This comes from the Lost Coast Outpost.

The job is simple. Go began the ad posted to Craigslist. Someone needs to get rid of a Peacock. Of a Peacock? By any means necessary. Oh my goodness. So why? I want to get rid of the app, but I don't want to get rid of the bird.

The bird came here about four months ago. No one knows from where and no one here owns it. Please contact me so we can form a strategy to eliminate this bird and also to agree on how much you will be compensated. Apparently, he said it keeps waking him up at dawn with his noisy calls, so the man has gone completely fucking insane. He really did and the thing that Henry just said was actually written in the ad. Again, please contact me to find some kind of strategy to eliminate this bird.

So the birds waking him up early, again, side stories LPOTL at gmail.com, I have no idea if these birds are that loud, but on Wednesday, the bird was no longer loud because it was found dead, covered in its own blood with a gunshot wound to its lower breast. So it seems like this man killed the Peacock and I got to say, just can't you enjoy nature a little bit? I mean, he just can't handle it. He wanted revenge against his Peacock. He didn't like how proud it was.

According to Lost Coast Outpost, they're saying that they have the guy that posted the Craiglis ad, but they have a line on him, but they want to hear his side of the story and they don't want to come forward with it until they hear what he has to say because he has yet to be charged with the crime. Well, it seems as if whoever did this is very mean-spirited because the Peacock did have someone that loves it or some people. He was a neighborhood. People loved him in the neighborhood.

He was a neighborhood mascot. People would go and feed him. Absolutely. Melissa and Mike Glass, they named the Peacock Azul. They adopted them six years ago when he showed up at their house on a birthday for Melissa. And so this bird, he's just trying to have fun, trying to make friends. Melissa says he comes for the company, but stays for the extra treats. Are you wave?

That's how we got to be friends. Exactly. And then it's very strange to feel like that the answer is to kill it. Well, why would you? Where it's like you couldn't get it. You could go and have like all animal services or something. It seems like all the neighbors liked him. But I understand you not wanting to be woken up.

I understand how that must be infuriating. I'm not allowed to kill my neighbors. Oh my God. I'm not allowed to. We get woken up. You get woken up all the time. Yeah. I hate it sometimes.

Yeah. The first thing I see in my mind is me buying up houses in the neighborhood after winning all this money on the stock market and buying up house after house and bulldozing and watching the families cry and cry outside is like bulldozing. And then I don't even put up new houses. I just leave them empty. Leave them fallow. And I like the weeds grow.

And I just sit there and be like, do you remember when you had a home here? And then all of a sudden I'm like, oh, I didn't mean to become an evil industrial developer. But this is what happens when a reasonable man is pushed to do unreasonable things. Well, much like the end of There Will Be Blood, I think you're going to find yourself alone. That's how it is. And that's why I'm actually sad for you for that. But guess what?

That's why I always think that thought. And then I let it pass by me. It's a noisy cloud. Isn't that nice? And what a noisy cloud it was. Kelsey Radian and her daughter also knew the bird, as well as Radian said. She says, it was a very communal peacock. It makes the rounds and it says hi to everybody.

What's because it's talking? You know, wait a bunch of money. Like honestly, it's like, yeah, it's communal. It's eating. It's begging. No, it's not begging. It has fun. And it also, according to Radian, there was an elderly woman who would feed him cookies.

And then she says, my dad fed him sourdough bread every morning. And then this scoundrel. You shouldn't be feeding a bird bread, though, it's actually bad for a bird. Well, sourdough bread is always good. And then this scoundrel killed him, Henry. I'm mad at this guy. I'm mad at this guy. I don't think you should.

I said straight up at the top that you shouldn't have killed the bird. You should relocate the bird. We do that with priests. Yes. Relocate the bird. Oh my God. Also, the body was inspected by a dude named Mike Glass, who is the former Median. Mike Glass, he saw it.

He inspected the body. He says it was shot with a.22 or another small caliber gun. And then he says, the bird must have bled out slowly for a couple of hours. Jesus fucking Christ. This is sad. All right. They're all right. Now we're really getting all right.

They're kind of trumpeting it up. But this is what you're talking about. I do love if you go right to the comment section of this article, peacocks are noisy, horrid animals. Oh my God. Yes, they are beautiful, but I have a deep disdain for them. My neighbor owns several and they interfere with my ability to get peace and quiet at all hours.

A full night's sleep without earplugs is an impossibility. The roosters started before dawn, their calls are answered by the peacocks. I hate them. I hate them all. This article gives me a devilish pleasure because I think anyone who has peacocks is inconsiderate to the extreme. Well, follow whoever that guy is. He's the killer.

It says right here. Seriously. It's his account name. Fortunately, my asshole neighbor is within their rights to keep these animals because we are rural, but I'm filled with evil thoughts on a daily basis. Buddy, you got to figure it out. Therapy, deep breaths, according to Melissa Glass, it's quite a sticky situation because when her husband talked to Fish and Game, they were like, is it your pet?

Do you have a cage for it? And they're like, it's not really our pet. It's sort of like the thing. It's just kind of cool. Yeah, it's not a pet. That's a problem. It's hard to prosecute something when it doesn't technically belong to anything because what we learned from Pocahontas is that nothing belongs to anybody.

Absolutely. And what a great movie reference that was. They figured it was safer for Azul to roost in the nearby trees as opposed to have a cage for him. And then they also said, we get bears out here. But it turns out the bear, they were not the monster were they? No. It was man.

It was man, the ultimate predator. I also cannot believe a man read this article and then posted that comment. It's absolutely, it's immeasurable, it's absolutely untimely, and I absolutely move. I eat the peacock. Oh, the big fish. Oh man. Also, so they went to talk to the sheriff's deputy and then Melissa says it was discouraging because while he said we make a case, although he didn't think very strong, he was pretty

transparent that it would be lower priority given the backlog of cases, which I understand if you have real crime, but in my mind, if this man would kill the town peacock, he's going to break it into your home and kill your mother. He'll kill your mother. It's possible. Oh yeah. He'll do anything because he did it for no money. No, he just did it.

He did it for the joy of killing the bird. I mean, I guess I love sleeping, but I also get woken up all the time by my dogs and I remember once she thought about shooting them. Tell me, tell me about it, brah. Alright, anyway, so be careful. If you're a peacock out there, just be extremely careful because- If you're a peacock and you're listening to this email, side stories, LPOTL, the gmail.com and explain to me what it's like being you.

Oh, I would love to know. Also just briefly in animal news, on last episode, you know how I just contribute nothing but the best on last podcast. You truly do nothing, but you are the net, the safety net. Safety net. I did mention riding on a turtle's back and having it go into the water and then you die. Apparently, people, this is a true story. People tried to ride an endangered sea turtle while it was laying eggs on a South Carolina

beach. That's not good. They had been detained. I shall not be detained. They were though, a large group of people surrounding and sitting on a large sea turtle. When officers arrived- This is fucking stupid. The suspects fled and the officers have classified the incident as animal cruelty.

Right. Yeah, it is animal cruelty. It is. 77 eggs and the nest is under protection and people just stop sitting on the damn turtles. There's so many places to sit. Seriously stop sitting on the turtles. Don't sit on a turtle if you sit near laying eggs. Okay, they're sitting or laying eggs.

Yeah. And also Travis actually said this very pointedly before the show. Check it out. Check it out. Because if you look at it, you got to make sure it's not a snapping turtle because it will bite your fucking dick off. Maybe you deserve it. And this entire thing, you know where it happened?

In Horry County. Yep. H-O-R-R-Y County. Sounds like a real, sounds like it. Yep. The Horry County police have descriptions of several suspects, but no arrests at this time. I don't necessarily know if they need to be arrested, however they do need to be spoken

to by a turtle about how it makes them feel when they are used as a bench. Five from your grave. Now this is the man who also deserves to be arrested. This is, I think, is it sad to say it's my favorite story of the week, but it's also, it's fucked up. It's a bad story. Yeah. This is the story of a Colorado father who is convicted of killing his 13 year old son.

We're going to get into why, we're going to talk about why. Oh, his son is just like, just a little 6, 13 years old. He was a little boy, he was 13 years old. It was really sad, right? Mark Redwine, 59, was indicted in 2017 because his son was missing in 2012. So he went missing for five years. This was a... It definitely took him a little time to make the arrest.

Oh yeah. Dylan Redwine, he was reported missing on November 19th, 2012 while on a court-ordered Thanksgiving visit to his father's home. Oh my God, hold on a second. What a fucking nightmare. A court-ordered, I don't want to go see my dad at Thanksgiving. The court says you have to go. Maybe this was a problem with the court because it seems like the father wasn't really stable.

This is what happened. So Dylan Redwine's remains were found a few miles from his father's home in 2013 because Hikers found his skull in 2015. Hikers argued that Redwine, he killed Dylan in a fit of rage after they argued when he discovered photos of Redwine wearing women's lingerie and eating shit out of a diaper. You know, if you're going to eat shit, at least do it with a plate in the diaper. That is a shit plate, so that all kind of checks out. So just once again, Mark Redwine, the man who killed his son Dylan, Dylan is the one

who saw the pictures of his father eating human faces and wearing a bra, which is of course the least of the offenses here. So that to me, if you're Dylan, can't just, what a shitty time, what a bad time to know that's your father. What do you do? All right, side stories, LPOTL at gmail.com. You find pictures of your beloved family member because, you know, he obviously had a mental break.

He did, I'm not remotely excusing what the father did, but you're looking at your son who then sees a picture of you because you don't see the scene where like, you know, Dylan was probably looking around because that's how I used to look for like pills or whatever. In diapers? No, no, no. But it's like, I've been looking for like pills and shit, my parents like medical cabinet and the kind of stuff like, especially when I was home from college, just super curious.

And then I remember finding like the first time I found a big batch of Ruffrider condoms that my father used in my mother. Oh, your father was a Ruffrider guy. Oh yeah, because then I also remember those were the condoms he gave me in high school for me to use in my own girlfriend. Oh, I don't think you're a Ruffrider guy. No, no, no, but I used them. And then also I didn't realize it was the same condoms that my father used.

And so it's like a weird connection. It's like a tether together that really crippled me mentally for a hot second. Well, I wouldn't wear those anymore. I just, I just let all that slide pass and just let the trauma go past. But this is like you digging through like maybe you're looking for secrets. You find a picture of your father in women's underwear eating little shit out of a diaper and then he walks in and he sees it because in my mind, you know what I do? If I saw it, I'd be like, I didn't see it.

I didn't see it. I, uh, oh, this is a hilarious Halloween. I would just act. I would try to do my best to say like, dad, you're crazy. It's fun. This is a little wacky. And just kind of get rid of the picture. Try to maybe cut the tension because you can kind of see imagine his face becoming like

a frozen Rin and Stimpy, like still with just the eye twitching, like looking at his son going, Daddy, why are you dressed like mommy? Uh, I don't think that his mother dressed like that. Oh, no, they're divorced. Yeah, it seems like they stopped wearing lingerie for him for a long time ago. Well, it seems like he had a massive dookie fetish, which can really take a strain on a relationship. So Mark's defense again, that's the father here who loves to eat human shit, which he

might actually have a good diamond present. I'm sure he'll find someone to accommodate when it comes to making him that soft serve. Um, Mark, he said that his son Dylan, it was probably attacked by a bear or a mountain lion. Um, but the problem with that is it turns out that the son's blood was all over the house, um, including the love seat, it was underneath the couch, it was under the coffee table, uh, blood was found beneath the rug, uh, Redwine's girlfriend at the time. So again, he had a, he had a girlfriend.

Um, so that's a girlfriend and a wife. Yeah. I'm so upset. Um, his girlfriend in an attempt to protect her dookie loving, uh, boyfriend, uh, said that Dylan just cut his finger and must have bled in the living room. That's a lot because honestly, I've always covered the whole living room and boy, of course, three or four times a week. Yeah.

She said, don't worry about the blood. Dylan cut his finger and bled in the living room about a year before he disappeared. Yeah. So that's, you're going to want to say that's the reason why you would not just say, oh, it could be sharpie. Yeah. It could be, um, they alleged that he, oh my God, this is so fucking bad as if eating dookie out of it.

Well, again, anything with consent. Yeah. If you want to eat shit, I mean, we have to say this. I don't even care. I don't even care. Good. You want to eat shit? Do it.

Yes. Girl boss. The night girl boss. Yeah. Ooh. Boss baby. It's so weird. Um, boss baby shouldn't be bosses.

Let him just be out of capitalism until they're 18. Oh my God. That's when they bring you back in. That's when they force you in. Um, Mark Redwine, apparently he decapitated his son because he wanted to get rid of the evidence, um, that linked him to the boy's injuries. Why are you so ashamed of your dookie fetish, man? You're doing it.

You took a picture of it. Why? You should celebrate this. You should be standing there with his sons being like this. And that's why me and the other member of the father's chocolatier bureau, all of us that love the sweet, sweet lumps of that cocaio from the bottom, I want to say I'm here and I'm visible with my sons that know I like to do this. Sure.

This is a huge opportunity for everyone to grow. Well, I think also sometimes, you know, your fetishes don't need to be shared with your children. No, it's probably best. Um, apparently. It really certainly, like, it does affect them being like, because every single time you'd be like, dad, can I have the keys to the car this weekend? No son, I've told you, time and time again, you need a good job to pay for your own car.

Yeah. What about that time I saw that picture of you and mom's underwear eating shit? Just $1,000. There you go. Thank you. Um, so apparently Mark being the little weird ass, um, I'm going to say a tension horror that he is, he went on Dr. Phil in 2013. So that means on national television, we all watched a man probably the night before eight

human shit. Oh, well now he's nervous, he wants to fucking, he needs to calm down, he needs to go to his happy place. He killed his son. He also has, he has nobody watching him anymore. So now he's free to eat shit whenever he wants. The only motivation is Mark Redwine, as far as like who would want to kill this poor boy. And Dr. Phil just sat there, shook his hand and talked to him.

I'll tell you what, I've actually heard there's more and more stories of bears robbing people's homes and our children are in danger. They might be, doctor, according to Brandon Dylan's half brother, he says, quote, I figured Mark knows something, he goes on, I don't know what he knew, I didn't know he knew, I don't, I didn't know how he knew it. So I, I don't know, I, I don't know. It's a fucked up story, obviously, but also just like, man, there's something about that. I can visualize it so clearly that moment of the father seeing the son hold the pictures.

Oh, they're just sitting there. I don't want to visualize it. You just, guess, please email us. What you looking at? Oh my God. You know, we obviously, there is no such thing as a perfect parent, is there? It's impossible. It's, there's no manual.

There are a lot of manuals, but there's no actual manual trying to make money because it's all written by people who are like the worst parents. Yeah. Always. Because they, they took time away from, they stopped raising their kids to write books about raising them. It's like when you look on Instagram, you're looking at dog videos on Instagram and then you look down and say, I have two dogs.

So I'm going to play with my dogs. Yes. Exactly. Which I've done multiple, multiple, multiple times in my life. We're like, why am I looking at this dog? I mean, like it's cute. I'm like, I have two cute dogs. So anyway, if you are a parent and you have some, you got your wacky new fetishes, you

have a good time. Separate. Lockbox. Just honestly. Al Gore lockbox. I think that's good. Keeping a lockbox, keeping it under the bed because honestly, isn't that kinky too? You'll like that better almost because then it's even more like hidden and secret.

Was he the one wearing the diapers? Was it on? No, he was anyway. I'm going to say that the diapers were kind of just like an hors d'oeuvre that was like in front of him. Like it was guacamole and then he was just like, you could see the look on his face. Yeah. All right.

Well, we also have a story here that is, man, be careful out there. You know, speaking of the world's opening up, the more people are, they're really excited to get back out and doing water sports, having fun, being on the lake, doing all this type of shit. But you have to really watch yourself. It's been a while since you've been on a jet ski and mostly you've just been home for a while. I feel like you should walk a little bit, get some blood flowing before you just jump

into it. Maybe stretch. Stretch because if you don't, some bad things can happen to you. This is from our favorite newspaper, The Sun. And when we mentioned water sports, we're not talking about the poopy eating adjacent. No, no, no. We're not talking about the peepee. And obviously the peepee a little bit different than the poo poo.

We're talking about the actual idea of being in water for sport. This is just somebody, they had a dream on TikTok and I don't know what's going to happen to them. Woman 21 reveals horror internal injuries in jet ski accident. So she talks about this. She's on TikTok and she is a model. She obviously is a model. Very pretty, obviously.

She was on a jet ski with friends and she lost grip of the person in front of her, which is difficult because you're bouncing, you're bouncing and bouncing and you can't just grab onto the breath. Very dangerous, very hard to do. She fell backwards over the craft's water spray causing it to shoot up her bum. And according to her, this is her statement, the water jet showed up me bum and tore up all me insoles. Oh, okay.

Matilda, she is very beautiful. I'm not sure if that's how she sounds, but perhaps it is. Evidently, once the water shoved up her butthole, it was not a fun animal situation. Matilda, she said, I kept on vomiting every couple of seconds. And every time I vomited, I felt intestines coming out me bum. So she's vomiting and as she vomits, intestines are coming out of her butthole, which I can only imagine is cause for concern. She goes on.

You can just continue on because she really does let the world know what happened exactly. Once I got to shore, the paramedics came and they saved me. I woke up in the hospital 24 hours later and I found out they had perforated, mob bowel, my intestines and tore misfinctus. Sphinctus. I tore each one of misfinctus. They meant that all the contents of my bowel, when they saw my abdominal cavity, as well as some dirt and water from the light.

This is the scariest thing I've ever heard happen on water that doesn't involve a brain eating bacteria. I didn't know that water could go up your asshole like that because she's right up your fucking asshole. It's right up the hole. But how long was she ready? I don't know why. How did it get in there?

Well, she's skinny. What does that mean? She doesn't have a lot of meat covering the hole. So when they hold, it can't be fully protected like that. It goes right up in there and then it blows through the sphincters. And then I like her because then some of the comments from her fans saying, OMG girl, this is crazy. I've never heard of such a thing, but now that I know this can happen, I don't think

I'll ever get on one again. I've heard this kind of accident. It's kind of common. Sometimes it can be way worse and people lose some of their intestines. I don't need you to like woman-splain how it could have been worse to me. My intestines shot up into my stomach and I'm shitting them out. Maybe this is bad enough. I am happy that she obviously she's alive and she's recuperating.

This is going to help her TikTok account. I think that it's going to be big. She gets to be the poo poo in my butt is in my stomach now, girl. Yeah. And that's huge. Well, interestingly enough, she does say that this was my, she says, quote, this is my first and last time on a jet ski. Wow.

That's sad. Also the Aussie TikTok star, she posted a video, got more than a million views. This is what I'm saying. So there you go. It all worked out for her in the end, didn't it? It did. It worked out in her end. The picture of her lying in the hospital bed is kind of.

She put makeup on. She looks beautiful. You didn't get it. I mean, like, you know, she's definitely just going like, Mishfinked us with a thumbs up. Me, because then you blow out all your sphincters. It sounds horrible. It seems like maybe the first split second, you're like, oh, and then you see maybe a

cleanse you see. It happens so fast though. It happens too fast. I've vomited and I'll felt my tasteings come out me, boom. Okay. Okay. Oh, great. I think it's time for hero of the week.

Yeah. Let's do hero of the week. Oh, just, just, just right before I'll just read this headline from seven news. Florida man tries to throw live Gator onto buildings roof. All right. There you go. You did it again. Apparently a Florida man told police officers he was quote teaching the alligator a lesson

and you wanted to throw him on top of the roof. So that's a ridiculously stupid story that really doesn't matter. Okay, everyone, let's do hero of the week. This week's hero of the week are sanitation workers. Isn't that nice? Hey, man. I love sanitation. Shout out to our sanitation workers.

They cover up evidence, but they also help us every single day not smell like rotted feted flesh. I love sanitation. One of the most powerful unions there is in New York, sanitation workers, sanitation workers. They were quick thinking, this boy, he's seven years old. His name is Elias Quasada and he climbed in front of it. He climbed into a trash can, right?

But it wasn't just like a trash can, it was a big, one of those big dumpsters. The dumpster. It was a big ass dumpster, right? And then he was in there and then they were going to go dump the dumpster. Yes. And they were like, whole shit. I think we hear a child. We've seen that happen several times where they, if they didn't check and they've like

killed almost people inside of dumpsters. Absolutely. And so Elias, the boy, he was really scared when the garbage truck rolled up. He was like, oh shit. He started hearing the mechanical arm going and he said, yes, I was scared. I felt like I was going to be a mashed potato. That is cute. Which is horrifying.

That is very, very cute. No seven year old should ever feel like they're going to be a mashed potato. So these wonderful sanitation inspectors says, no way. Not today. You're not going to be a mashed potato. And then they saved the boy and then he said, it was a bad day for me. I was very scared. Oh man.

I'm glad he did good work. He's good sanitation workers. Yeah. Garbage people. Yeah. Absolutely. That was the sanitation workers quote. They're Waldo Fidel.

He was behind the wheel and he checked the surveillance video, managed to spot Elias and hit the stop button. That is huge. Honestly. That's very nice. Waldo Fidel and sanitation workers across the world saving children from dumpsters. You're here all the week. Tip your garbage man.

If you get in there, tip your garbage man. Honestly, this week. Do it. Give him $5. Give him a Starbucks card. I think they might think that you're hiding bodies. No. Give him a wink.

They like that though. At least they know they feel on their inside. They're a part of a club. They like to be a part of unions. I love it. All right. One thing that came up last week that I forgot because we talk about can you eat bat? And then I forgot obviously the whole like wet market in China thing with like the people

talking about whether or not. Sure. Is that a COVID? Is that the start of COVID? Or not? A lot of lab stuff there. We got one good, bad biologist letter that basically said, please stop eating bats. Just don't do it if you can.

And also get a bat house. Take care of bats. They get bats. Get a bad rap. And they're actually now suffering from a thing called white nose syndrome. What's that? It's a fungus. It's an evasive fungus.

So try to take care of a bat in your community if you meet one. Oh my God. Maybe they're doing cocaine. Batcane. Get that bat. Get them vandal strips. Right from your grave. Before I read these listener emails, I want to just put it out there that we are taking

not a break, but we are going to be putting up some stuff next week that is going to just be because we need some research time, so we have about a week of best ofs coming out for you. But it's one week. So don't worry about it. I don't even think you have to be defensive. I think it's fantastic. I'm just saying it's one week.

People are going to love it. But we're right back there. Because we work too hard to take the summer off. Why would we? Why give in to these European ideals? I don't even like the heat or the sun. So yeah, stay inside on the summertime and do a little bit of blabbing and working. It's fine with me.

There you go. This is a good story. The Void. Oh. It takes place in the fall of 2013 in El Dorado Hills. This is towards Tahoe. After getting off of work, I, 20-year-old male, joined my two friends, Jamie, 22, and Kevin, 20.

They go to a bonfire park. Okay. I like the names. Very dragnet. Yes, we did. Yeah. We were at a mutual friend's ranch property. We have to drive through the foothills of Placer County, which has the local law that

bans street lights on the main street to reduce light pollution. We are going around bends that increase our elevation at each turn with a weaning moon peeking through the heavily wooded terrain. The car is being driven by Kevin, with myself in the passenger seat and Jamie in the back. Okay. About 15 minutes from our destination, we came around to a corner to reveal a deep valley that we are high enough in elevation to look down into. In the valley, about a quarter mile away, we can see a service road in the middle of

a dozen or so lights lining the street that leads to some sort of manufacturer farming complex. Everything caches our attention, and we pull over and an overlook and step out of the car. The object that confused us seemed to be floating in between this service road, blocking some of the light from where we were looking. It was a massive, dark void, and like egg-like in shape. From our perspective, the lights from the road below became blotted out almost entirely, except for a fuzzy rim of dim light surrounding the unknown shape.

It was a dark night to begin with, but this object was the darkest thing we could see. Completely devoid of light, only to shimmer and fade toward the perimeter of its oval body as it slowly pulsed and hovered above the ground. We estimated the length was roughly a football field, but there was a weird visual parallax, making it difficult to perceive if this object was directly above the road a quarter mile away or actually a lot closer. Kevin and I had a rush of adrenaline. We tried to rationalize what we're seeing, but they both felt a deep fear in this thing's

presence. Jamie standing about three feet behind us, completely silent, until out of nowhere he starts frantically telling us to get back in the car. Having felt the tension in the air, we all get back in the car and drive back to the road. The car was silent for a few minutes as we nervously glanced at the object through the trees until we ran around another corner and when it went out of sight. Kevin would agree later that we both felt terrified to ask Jamie the reasoning behind

his reaction. Another few minutes go by, I mustered the courage to break the silence and ask Jamie why was he freaking out so much. He confessed to us that the moment he stepped out of the car he went into a paralysis. He started getting tunnel vision on the void object before he heard it call out each one of our names in his mind and tell us to leave. When that happened he described the feeling of getting snapped awake by a sudden shock and he had this panic attack.

We all became more unsettled as we collectively confirmed the same feeling of uneasiness and being unwelcome in the area. We continued to the bonfire where we attended to describe what it was that we saw. It's good bonfire conversation. It is. Yeah. With many skeptics dismissing us. Of course.

Of course. We felt disheartened, embarrassed and in shock. So we called it early and left to head home, but we had to take the same road. As the familiar valley comes back into view my heart rate starts to spike. Not knowing what the price might be for disobeying the void's request for us to leave. Instead the object was now gone. You could see the street lamps and all this kind of we could see the whole thing. We drove back to our homes for a night of no sleep.

Whoa. It's very interesting. I do love stories like that. Absolutely great story. Thank you so much for sharing that wonderful tale of weirdness. Hi. My name is Kat. My parents built the house I grew up in so I know no one ever died in it.

When I was little, probably six, my dad was out of town for a conference when I was sleeping in the big bed with my mom. In the middle of the night I set up awake very suddenly and saw someone I thought was my mom standing in a white nightgown brushing her hair in front of the mirror above the dresser. I asked mom and I heard a grumble from next to me. What are you doing? My mom rolled over and said groggily, sleeping.

I turned to see her next to me and look back up at the woman who is now looking at me. It was not my mom, but she did look similar. Darker hair, older style of nightgown. She set the brush on the dresser still holding eye contact with me and vanished. A couple of months later I saw her again during the day I was sitting on my bed where I could see through the office living her minutes at the kitchen. The woman was standing in the doorway to the kitchen wearing 19th century dress and examining the post-its on the door frame.

My mom walked through her and she vanished. A few weeks later I woke up to her standing in my room, gently smiling down at me from the foot of my bed. I was sleeping under a woven Christmas blanket that was dark green on the one side and white on the other. She reached down and flipped the blanket so the white side was facing out. She told me to always sleep that way because the light would protect me. This is probably that set my future in chaos magic into motion.

She sat on the bed to watch over me and I went back to sleep. I saw her a couple more times before my papa died. The night after he passed I saw him sitting pleading not to leave. He told me he wasn't ready for death. I was 7, almost 8 by this time and that was not an easy experience. I tried to tell my parents that papa was in my room very upset about being dead and my dad almost whooped my ass for upsetting my mom like that. I felt very ashamed, I didn't see him or the woman again, likely because that experience

made me afraid. But a few years later my Nima redesigned her dining room. New paint, new table and on the wall she hung up two antique painted portraits. One of Isaiah Clark and the other one of his wife Abigail Clark, my great-great-grandparents. The kind ghost lady in the house was the woman in the painting. I have so many stories like this, very, very interesting. Wow. Alright, well thank you all so much for sending in those fantastic, creepy stories.

I got a couple of other good ones I'm going to cover next week, these other stories down here. Alright. Very cool, scary. That's fucking scary man, we did this shit. So guys man, holy shit, just love every day not knowing your parents hidden fetishes. Yeah, they'll never know. You can live your whole life not knowing that your father likes to dress up as a bird and

have somebody fucking throw a food in his mouth or like your mom just wants her tits like turned into fucking cornucopia's like from Thanksgiving decorations. Who knows? I don't know what you want but honestly when it comes down to it I guess they can because they're adults and then one day when you get old enough you can just laugh with your parents about all the ways they love to come. Yep, and of course you might find yourselves having a similar sexual fetish and then you guys can laugh about that as well.

Really do it. Isn't that great. Okay everyone, well thank you all so much for listening, hope you're doing well out there. Hail yourselves. Hail Satan. Agustalations. Man, me.

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