Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Plague Doctor

Episode Date: May 7, 2020

Ben 'n' Henry break down this week's true crime news: a response from the homeowner involved in the Honolulu home invasion, another Lori Vallow update, the lawyer of Carole Baskins' missing husband speaks, AND MORE.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last time on the left side stories Man the dent on my couch is just getting so distinct Really? It's something about how and it's not like I have a memory foam couch No, thank God for the couch. It does not want to remember anything that's going on No, but you're on top of it. It's like a Vietnam vet if it I remember every single time I farted, but I It's weird. It's a normal material couch, but the longer I am parked on it, right? The more it grows

To my lower half well, perhaps you're becoming part of the couch very similar to Stephen King how he became part of the fern I think there was creep show algae. Yes, algae. I believe let's not get this incorrect because we're gonna be fucking rung over the Goddamn poles. This is from the it is Stephen King. I want to say deals from the crypt I think creep show. No, it is not to it is creep show. All right. I got it right the first one No, but I think it's the first creep show We got to get this fucking correct because I am not yes, of course it is because this was also the first time that Friggin I believe this is a Tom Savini film. I love also. This was a big deal Let me also make sure of that be sure of that buddy. I ran into Tom Savini at a Mexican restaurant in Los Angeles

He was entering the bathroom. I was exited in the bathroom He looked up at me as if I was Jason Voorhees and he had to make a prosthetic mask for my face in order to really Just feel comfortable even to be around me and I looked down at him just before he went to take a piss or a dump Whatever he was doing and I just said big fan of your work Mr. Savini and then I went over to his table and I showed him the Fangoria cover that we were both on the cover of because the last podcast on the left Right by his name and then it was a see and then he was like what do you want? And then his friend was like he wants to take a picture with you and then Tom was like oh

Okay, and then I took a picture with him and I was just like he doesn't want he did this is not the person He wants to be taking pictures with but that's okay. You don't have the right breasts. No, I don't I have them But not the right ones not the right ones and not the right height He but yes, I remember this because I've been watching and watched The last drive-in this weekend. What a fun thing to have love it during this time period Oh, we haven't insured the show we haven't because not yet, but we can get to it We I've been watching the last drive-in less like last two weekends. It's so much damn fun. Welcome to side stories everyone Yes, the last drive-in my god, you know, but the nice thing is with what we are dealing with in today's pandemic era

We got to go back in time to the drive-in Pandemic-free you sit in your own car you get to make out with Whoever I don't know whatever is happening or you just eat a bunch of food by yourself and you fart up your own car Eat Taco Bell, whatever you want to do and they won't yell at you like any like if you're in a movie theater eating Taco Bell Like they did with me. Oh, yeah, whatever you want in your own car. It's because I Am one I'm I'm with you. I do believe you could bring anything you want to a movie theater in the end I know you think of you if you successfully sneak it in you win Mm-hmm. I can't let one of these usher nerds come and take it for me

I've already won. Yeah, when I've seen you do this before we used to see movies together a lot quite a bit Sure, I remember you bringing full meals into the movie theater, but the one that still I'm still so I I don't know if it's impressed But the one that still shocked me the most was at the time that Ed Larson brought an entire Spanish-American was a Colombian meal of pernil roast pork with Spanish rice in a big Container and he brought it into the theater. It's like. Oh, yeah And I was like Eddie your whispering is loud you're just your whispering is I think is projecting throughout this whole theater and you are eating an entire abuelita style made

Feast I have no problem. You bring any food you want to into the movie theater Yes, it's gonna stink it up and I might even get annoyed with you But I do draw the line at silverware if you have to bring silverware you have to bring This is table cloth and napkins and a wine glass into the theater This is that food is off the table and that is for me But what's that's what's nice about quarantine is now I can do it all with my fucking dick out But you know what? I I miss the movie theater so much, but the last drive-in. I'm with you entirely I think drive-in should come back Joe Bob Briggs is killing it on the show

I'm again so cool to go back and see a bunch of classics through the lens of Joe Bob Briggs Yeah, his rants are so fucking funny Tom Savini was on the last Episodes, okay, cuz he because they did maniac and he talked about blowing up his own head But how they did they put the disco boy character into maniacs so they could do the very famous head explosion shot Which I agree is the number two best head explosion in film history What's the number one then the number one is scanners? For certain for certain because of Michael Ironside. He's got such a good explodable head But I always like to make sure we go over all these with a fine tooth comb because Thompson

Tom Savini is an interesting character and he used to talk about what a ladies man He was back in the day and you could tell by the leather jacket He's got on now when he's I think he's in the 70s. He's doing good though. Absolutely maniac the og maniac Not the one from 1963. It's the one from the 70s. I don't know the name of that actor I don't think he ever acted in any other movie. Yes, I don't know if he was an actor I am just about to blow your whole fucking world open. Okay, Joe Spinell played maniac Joe Spinell wrote and Conceived the maniac on his own. It was his baby. He was a character actor from New York I know what's funny is that I just forced Natalie to watch the Godfather Godfather 1 and Godfather 2 and she was fine with it

It's okay. You know, I'm not a huge mobster movie guy, but they're definitely they are not mobster movies I'm gonna say they are not mobster movies. They're they are fucking it is man law There's law of man deep inside of Godfather 2 It's a big it's a big deal. I rega I rega inspired from it I just love it and it's sad to watch Michael change and those films But Joe Spinell is in both of those movies Okay, and I want to say Joe Spinell's also in dog day afternoon He was in a bunch of classics and he is if he was a funny guy, he loved dressing a while close

He his favorite thing used to do when he used to travel for work when he used to go travel for shoots Is that when he'd first come down to the hotel bar to like party for the first night in town as we do You know, I you got to get used to a city. Sure, of course. You have to get drunk in a city That's the only way you know what the city is all about with the vibes of the city art That's the only way you know Joe Spinell used to bring a dress of his mother's with him at all times And he's a big fucking cuz you remember him from maniac He's such a great what a great I'm going to say this It's a good thing that he wrote and sort of created the movie maniac because I think he would have had a hard time being cast

Was that his first movie? No, absolutely not. Godfather. He even a bunch of movies He's a cheese one of those guys because those guys are all really close especially Francis Ford Coppola They were friends like they all kind of grew up in New York at the same time And they were coming up at the same time and he just has such an incredible face So what would he do with his mother's dress when he went down to the hotel bar? Would he wear it or just he would wear it just to freak everybody out But he was like a ladies man like because it was kind of peacocking where he'd show up in a fucking crazy old ladies dress But buy everybody drinks and he died alcoholism. Well, you know what? He's a nice guy

He should have bought more people drinks less drinks for him. That's what I always say 10 for them one for me Not the other way around, but that's how you gotta do it slowly But surely it does begin to even it does begin to even out absolutely Well, if you have not seen the og maniac check it out. It's very uncomfortable a lot of mannequins are used stapling There's some scalping going on and it is an unnerving film But you know what I think what I find it fun about those older like Classics of quote-unquote sadistic horror me like that type of thing is that nowadays? It's fairly tame Henry other than the fact he is so ugly. You don't see ugly people on camera

I love Elijah would love Elijah would we had to interview him I loved his maniac, but what's the difference between Elijah would and that he doesn't have the fucking Sweaty face and big bulging eyeballs, and he's just fucking great-looking He's just fucking great-looking. I love Joe Spinell, but yes I I'm not talking about just old movies to other good movies to check out during this time period There was a movie that I watched called one BR Okay, one bedroom. That's very good very serious very intense And then we watched a really good kind of vaguely teen horror movie last night called

I believe it's called the wretched that was also very good very well lit Oh, all right You don't often hear compliments on the lighting, but I guess that is that's the case with this film And so was I I mean it does sound like the one thing where you're trying to get approval from your parents And they went and they saw your senior film and then they have to come up with like one positive thing And they're like these the lighting was nice the costumes were fabulous It was like in a time machine or the accents was oh But I love the boots that the main woman was wearing. I do thanks mom

But a little bit of an update. I want to say we got One of the most wonderful things that happens when we do Just in this the nature of podcasts and the nature of our show is that when a story that we talk about on the on the show Like and the people that are centers of those story listen to the show and can respond and this was a we got a response From the episode we did I think it was two times ago the Pishrion episode Yes when Ezekiel Maya has broken to the home of a young couple in Hawaii We had the reddit user honeybee royale who originally posted this story to our true crime on reddit Okay, she posted a a response video to our episode to clear up some things

That were not in the original news article and some things that we weren't quite we just didn't know So she wanted to fill us in and it's not a lot, but I think it's important So let's just do a small recap. So the piss shrine that we're talking about There was a home invasion a person stayed in these folks homes for what was it five days something like that like a week Yeah, and let's just say made himself very comfortable I'm gonna go out and say a little too comfortable a little too comfortable I think that's safe to say they came in the house the sky was there living in there They chased him out he ended up turns out he had been living inside their home

And he had left a series of very detailed Documents on their computer. This is the main thing that came out basically saying he had been observing this this couple for a long time and he wanted to surgically alter them to become some form of Superior being that he was Right, I mean it's a lot and he'd well so one thing that she reveals number one He'd done a lot of research into the surgical part of it They found a lot of him watching which I didn't know that they are straight up YouTube videos showing you how to do anal

Reconstructive surgery which I'm gonna use now for my will you shut off the stream segments Are they are they hosted by dr. Dieter laser from human Centipede? Why so all right? P. What's IP Dieter laser? He's dead. When did he die? He died. He and I'm gonna show it. Yeah. No, yeah, and on Jula What in the hell? It's a bad day for pig skins everywhere. This is horrible. Just can't stay young forever No, you can't on Jula was 90 and I believe Dieter laser was hovering around that number as well RIP good doctor. Yes, your your methods were inappropriate But what if it did what if he did find the cure for cancer? What if it was just asked to mouth asked to mouth and that's how you cure leukemia?

Then who's laughing then who's the asshole then who is the maniac? It's us. It's society This is where your German means to an end Starts coming to the surface But so he so she said number one he had done a lot of research into this right He did a lot of research while she was there while he was there. He definitely wasn't there alone Good talked about how I talked about the domestic disturbance thing that was called on the house while they were out of the house Well, the couple that lived there was out of the house their neighbors who I guess didn't recognize that it wasn't them heard that people Screaming inside the apartment called police who showed up and they just went away because they just were told that we'll be quiet

um The man was who were the people screaming in there if it was a Zeke illness and whoever the person He was with no one knows so he did have a little he had a little buddy in there with him doing talked about this there We think that this might be some form of group. We have no we don't really know we've been now It's some kind of we'll get to the piss. Okay, so Number then he was spotted around the neighborhood with no shirt. No shoes No service During elementary school hours run around being like he was doing a funny little joke being like that's my kid

No, it's not. No, it's not No shirt. No shoes. I mean, I guess the police were like a you're gonna you're getting a little Hawaiian here. We're gonna need you to move along He was looking in people's homes and shit But the big thing like the big change of the correction they wanted to said it's like again about the piss Shrine, okay, originally when they spoke with reporters. They said that they found several things with urine Coating it. Yeah, maybe you're on it. Maybe some puddles of the urine. Oh bad day at the daycare They ran out of diapers pisses everywhere. Yeah puddles of urine the new elderly care Christian rock group. Okay

they went They but they they said these things because they said they felt that it was inappropriate to truly go into actual Detail what happened in their home? They said that they did find a little shrine, okay? That was a necklace that she had purchased honey B. Royale had purchased. I believe it a Buddhist temple Okay, she would a temple the guy went and built a little shrine Basing of the this thing that he found in their house right also turned out that it wasn't her her husband is Not a famous musician. Okay, not a famous musician like we thought the last time we thought that he might have been well-known But that's how he kind of singled them out and she said no

He's a touring musician. He is a professional musician, but he's not like famous for it But for some reason Ezekiel while inside the home Throughout all his memorabilia of his years of being in a band Well, I would say this if you are making money through the arts you're a professional artist and that is all we can ask for That is an easy and thing but I get when you want to be one and then you get triggered By breaking into the home of a professional musician and seeing all their flyers I could see how that would trigger you as a crazy person but again

There was that one area of pee pee and she said unfortunately, that's not really what was happening inside the home Unfortunately, it's Sam like many of their items to the point where they had to get rid of most of their wardrobe and furniture inside of the home Okay, was coded in several I'm gonna use the word dollops of seamen and that his man Ezekiel Myas came over many services items in their home things that they wore He obviously was wearing her her husband's clothes Well, all right and coming inside them while he was wearing them I gather you know It's never good when the story that makes it seem better is piss related when they're like well

We really can't tell the truth. We'll have to say everything is covered in piss It's never good when that's like the let's smooth it over We don't really want to tell the truth and how disgusting everything is so this man jerked off Probably, what do you think 30 times if you have an amount of semen that is actually that you can see we're not talking MTV Room Raiders, I don't think they had black lights going in No, no, no streaks of common everything like spider-man had a panic attack So that would require ounces upon ounces which would require multiple sessions Seven days masturbation seven days a week. I don't know whether or not

Huh does mental illness drive up your ability to be horny See if you're on medication, I know it drives it down Most of the time Ezekiel was decidedly not not on medication So maybe he did just channel his inner monkey at the zoo and just Yeah, just just coming coming coming coming coming coming coming coming coming coming and he went out there And he really let it fly to the point where they get rid of most of their home And what she thought was interesting is that when she found the videos that he was taking himself because we just we sort of Describe them as akin to the would-be assassin of Bjork

Oh, he made a seer horrifying series of videos, but she said that his videos actually were super calm Like it was like him going like what's up y'all Ezekiel here now Here's me telling me how we could not hey, what's up y'all Ezekiel here like and subscribe But just so y'all know today. We're gonna be going through how to surgically make you not down syndrome anymore So he was like super chill about it, but he was still he was still chasing the likes, huh? You got to I That's got to man. I mean honestly our manager and our agent would be very happy with him They would be like wow, he's really he's going out there. He's branding himself

He understands what it takes to be successful in this Kardashian era But I will say honey be royale you said that you have extended videos So if you have all the videos that he put up you super comfortable in there, but I would love to look at them myself Yes, if you don't feel like putting them up for public consumption, please send them to me at side stories LP OTL The gmail.com also, I have a feeling a house might be going on the market for a great deal Because I don't know if they can live there anymore I feel like I would have to leave not because of fear that it's going to happen again I think this is a one-timer. No, they got calls. They were already receiving calls from an unknown woman

Saying we want to see the kids all this kind of bullshit. Yeah, I mean I think that they have moved already I believe that they have already left their home and they probably should so is this so this is a gangstalking situation Is that what they're speculating? It's I mean, I don't know if it's it seems to me Some kind of art project. Yeah, something's gone horribly horribly arrived This is I will tell you what though kids sucks at art just tell them it's good Otherwise they become Hitler or becomes someone who breaks and enters and comes all over someone else's clothes They it's the only two options. That's it And what I will say though is that he does leave behind some incredible cuts of meat

Like and some bacon and some chicken and a good mix of it this this new invasive like butcher box Like we come to see what you like like technique. I honestly think it's really forward-looking for a company And yeah, I mean break into my home. Tell me what meat I need But please just come outside because the plants could use it, you know, I don't know what it does to a plant I would assume it doesn't hurt it though I don't know just imagine the mass shooter that Yoko Ono would have been if we turn down her version of art So be nice to these people who are struggling an artist because they are one One bad review away from being a home invader that ejaculates on everything that you own

And then you have to throw away your entire wardrobe Which sounds fun if you have enough money to buy a whole new one, but you know what a lot of people don't a lot of people Don't I will say that it's not just struggling artists. It's just artists in general We're all just on the verge speaking of artists and I think that I think it's safe to say that Carol Baskins is an artist Don't you think I mean, I think that she is definitely a artist of words She is in terms of she is a story teller about what happened to her first husband Don Lewis is her first husband and an attorney for Don Lewis is now coming out and Speculating on what the hell happened 20 years ago

The dude's name is Joseph Fritz, which is a it's a harsh name He says he says quote. I do have reason to believe he is dead, which yes we all do We all not you don't need a law degree to have the reason to believe that he is dead But this is what he goes on to say again regarding this is Don Lewis Who is the former husband of Carol Baskins made famous of course from from the Joe Exotic Tiger King docu series He says too many indications of foul play too many motives too many opportunities He wouldn't leave his family his fortune and his kids behind

There was enough motive and enough opportunity for something bad to have happened and it probably did so what the hell happened To Don Lewis well according to his lawyer Don Lewis he was strangled with an electrical cord and you know, I'm out of a plane Over the Atlantic Ocean. He was thrown out of a plane No, I'm sorry over over the Gulf not the Atlantic Ocean sure this is what Fritz alleges He says we heard he got strangled strangled with an electric cord in the backseat and was thrown out over the Gulf in My working theory one person was flying the plane and one person was strangling So this guy does make a few assumptions that are about as obvious as you could ever imagine because I would assume the person flying

The plane also didn't strangle him because he's not a villain from a from a James Bond film. Yes, but nonetheless, this is sort of a new development or new speculation According to the lawyer of Don Lewis. He says you like likable guy and he didn't want to hurt anyone But evidently someone wanted to hurt him. It's definitely a Thing he just made up It's definitely just an idea He had a what do you mean Henry? Did you not a lawyer? Don't you are you not trusting the unbelievable prestige of someone who worked their way through the United States?

Judicial educational process to tell us the truth and nothing but the truth I know a lot of lawyers and I also know a lot of them that love cocaine That's you I mean you got to you got to pass the bar. It's very very difficult But honestly if you're out there passing the bar right now God bless God luck you fucking whoo and please defend me please defend me for free when I need it Oh, and just lastly with with with this case with Fritz He says he doesn't know who the murderer is so he's not saying that Carol did it But he is saying that some you quibono

Look who benefits but he does not know but he does believe the killer will be caught one day And he says watch over your shoulder all the time revenge is best served cold Somebody is coming for them. Well, I just don't I don't understand it. I don't really understand it It's not it's technically there's no evidence But I still I you know what I believe it. I do just love I do love the revenge is best served Coldline because it reminds me when when I gave the fleshbot award to China WWE superstar. It's a large silver dildo. She got this award WWE was the mainstream that she did and then the porn was back toward of China too

because I guess somebody went back and She made a video for Vince McMahon that she posted on her YouTube page holding the silver dildo that I gave her and I love China But then she said Vince they say revenge is a dish best served cold and then she held up the silver dildo But I don't know if Vince really cared But anyway, that was just kind of that was her saying that and then this is him saying that so revenge I don't even know why it's just macho. I don't know why it's served cold But evidently that's the temperature of revenge. Is it just because the dildo was cold? I have no idea why revenge is served cold. It could also be served super hot

I don't know don't think you should put a cold-ass Unwarmed-up dildo up inside yourself isn't that uncomfortable unless you have like a snowman fetish? I There I don't know there's all stripes my palms are my palms are facing the sky buddy because I don't know I don't know don't know all right. Here's another update from Laurie Valot. This story just keeps Fucking going. What is going on with this damn thing, man? I don't know Laurie Valot has just been possibly named as a suspect in the Suspicious death of her sister who all suspiciously died. This is another person So I don't I'm not even gonna try to catch you up on the Laurie Valot story

Look up Laurie Valot Chad Daybell and just follow along After just pause and then come back if you don't know what we're talking about. Yes I want to tell you this little story. This came so this comes from people that came by Jeff Truzzell I'd about a year before her two still missing children disappeared Idaho mom Laurie Valot Apparently asked her future husband to gauge the children's purported dark and light spirits now We know the last time we talked about this she believed that they had become some form of soulless Zombies and that eventually these these according to their own highly specific religious beliefs Chad Daybell and Laurie Valot Believe that people are overcome with some form of deadness some form of zombie like activity that makes you know no longer a human being

You've become one of the other side either the devil's property something like that where you are now bad And you can tell that you're bad is if you gave them one star on their podcast Or at one point said that their podcast was a waste of time because there's over 500,000 podcasts still in the market It is so because they think that human beings can become evil zombies I guess they have no hesitation when it comes to murdering these folks because they're not people at all anymore if they're Honestly, though, if they were correct, they would be correct. You know what I mean? If they were as they were ash for evil dad, then yes, they would be heroes. They don't I just I mean the jury's still out I'm yes, we'll find out what we in the end when we all find out what the big book don't say I think so

So he Chad Daybell the author who captivated Laurie with his writing on religious doomsday scenarios Responded with an October 30th 2018 email writing to her here are the family history documents you requested now. This is before they were together This is when they were still courting each other. She said can you tell me if my children are light or dark? Oh, okay. The email was reportedly obtained by Fox and Phoenix, which first revealed its contents Daughter Tylee Ryan was listed on a chart as 4.1d Tylee's father Joseph who previously had died was listed as 4.3d and is quote-unquote

Now sealed away according to the chart. What what does that mean? I don't mean it's nothing son Joshua JJ Valo was listed as 4.2l. Oh Now according to this is farther down 2003s are fluid and can change sides during earth life Chad wrote in the document 4.1 and above have made covenants to their side. They rarely switch sides Seven months later. Laurie's then estranged husband Charles Valo scored as 3l Would be dead shot in alleged confrontation by Laurie's brother who was a 2l who claims self-defense, okay? So they they didn't make the cut so they're gone even though that we got the 2l in the 3l

So theoretically they could stick with the Valo side. They could go with the Chad Daybell side No, you didn't hear fully crossed over yet. No, you didn't hear no They are for they're over four. They are well long past any sort of help castle and they must be quote-unquote sealed away I'm getting confused by this dewy decimal version of cult killing I love how specific it is because you know, I love when cults get specific right, but it's it's so specific that it led to Them killing these children. I'm certain that these kids at this point if they were already labeled as I'm gonna go ahead and call them SP's because I might as well know the kids are not SP's the If you are thinking about no, I'm talking about from the interior log it look the interior logic of the cult

They are SP's so they got to go kissle I have to go I feel like the you know what I'm just gonna say they're wrong I'm gonna say they're wrong, but it's not thank you just the children and the ex-husband That the valo that Laurie Valo has now been accused of killing or suspected of killing Evidently the worst curse on the face of the planet could have been is being born within her family Because apparently she may have also now killed her sister Stacy Lynn Cox. She was 31 years old in 1998 She died of undetermined causes and no one knows what that all happened

This is this is going to be the best movie of all time. What director even put all this together I am so confused by this freaking story if a director can pack this into an hour and a half I will be very impressed. This is gonna be a movie. I'm gonna put out there. I'm gonna put this out to David Fincher Okay, I'm gonna put this out there David Fincher I'm gonna this is just this story is just keeps going and they are still they are being held on her for a million dollars bail Yes, they're still being held a chat day bill is not though chat day bills free to go So we have no fucking clue what the hell is gonna happen to these people and it seems to be it's just not enough to put them Quite fully to jail because you don't have bodies when we see that's if you can get rid of the actual victim

Then you're not actually there's no murder because there's no body I would assume they have the sister's body here. So maybe they're going to Exume the body and you know go through that whole process. This is according to journalist use that term loosely But Ashley Banfield she's a TV reporter for court TV This is what she had to say she says you can look at one death as a coincidence But these people have had a trail of deaths that seemed natural and are now under investigation This may be yet another one and that is the case. It's like, okay I feel like you get one if you're gonna get away with a murder and you can make it look natural

You get one but once there starts to be a trail of corpses as if your little red riding hood on your way to grandmother's house Oh better leave some corpses so I know how to find my way back It becomes a little bit more suspicious if you call dead children breadcrumbs I don't want to be your friend, but I also my whole you know I believe it depends on who you kill kissle if it's your kids. We can't do is it annoying neighbor like one This is going to be tricky to kill the annoying neighbor because I would There's a man across the street from my apartment building that plays the drums from 2 to 6 p.m

Every day. I don't know what this person does unless they are fucking Neil Perth's son or daughter I don't want to hear drums all the time. So I feel like that should be my freebie I don't know but aside from just her sister's death Apparently Laurie's sister of which is in 1998 her brother Alex cock. This is her sister's brother Alex cock Cox died in late 2019. His cause of death is still pending before he died He said he was responsible but not charged for killing Laurie's fourth husband Charles Vallow in 2019 Cox said he shot him in self-defense. All I know is I don't know what's going on with this family But maybe they shouldn't breed anymore. I think they're done

It's the true crime family that keeps on giving and I can't wait to see where it ends up I just hope that it gets to the White House You know if we could get them into the White House and cause some real mayhem that would be interesting Good Lord. It was two months after Cox shot Charlie, which was the ex-husband That's when the 17 year old daughter Tiley and the seven year old son Joshua went missing. It's just a lot There's just so much. There's just so much murder. This shows fucking why this this I called it a show this story is wild Yes, if all the world is a stage, but unfortunately unlike a real staged play these people will not be coming back for a second act I mean you don't know we did they get we do know what do you think?

See Anthony Casey Anthony was acquitted. Oh jay Simpson Henry not the people I don't care what happened. I hope that they rot in prison It seems like they may have killed up to six people. I Transitioned them seal them to the next life We're then they can be helped. That's the only way you can help them kissle Yes, indeed, and you're right. They did have a podcast. So go support and subscribe To that if it's still up. No, I'm still up only if it's unspotify only unspotify this next this next article We'll cut through. Let's let's just run through a couple of these. Okay, again coronavirus is going wild

You're fucking wiggity wiggity We're not seeing the slowdown of weird ass stories coming from people's haunted brains inside of the quarantine No, this comes from the independent UK Coronavirus please hunt for person taken daily walk dressed as terrifying plague doctor. I love this shit I want more. I miss more of this. I miss this shit because remember in 2016 with all the Wondering clowns. I always forget. I always loved it Seribbon residents as she saw strolling around in a full black suit despite warm sunny weather This comes from Zoe didman

Police are trying to find a person who dresses as a 17th century plague doctor on their walks during a coronavirus outbreak residents in Norwich Suburb have suburb have spotted someone strolling around the long black coat Hat and pointed beak like mask over the past few weeks creepy. They posted on a community Facebook page claiming the outfit could scare children Yeah, yeah, okay, but hold on a second Henry What are you gonna arrest him for fashion? And like is this literally the fashion please because he can dress however he wants I think it's good for kids that get scared a little bit if it's not by their like like father from just be in their father

I think if you could dress up as a plague doctor and scare a kid It actually would probably lead that kid to being like an author or our cartoonist or very other shattered person Absolutely, you do have to sort of break open the egg a little bit to make the omelette And in this case the omelette could be a career in the arts. I don't understand the controversy I really actually don't the guy is just and we have a similar case here in Florida as well A dude dressed as the grim reaper. Yeah, yeah, people are coming out dressed enough comic-con is cancelled So you got to do it somewhere and so just have a little fun with life But yeah, what are you gonna do they're gonna call the police on this guy

What are they gonna do the police are now their comment is officers have been made aware of an individual who's been seen walking around the Hell's an area wearing a plague outfit, although no offenses have been committed at this time Officers are keen to trace the individual in order to provide words of advice about the implications of his actions on the local community You mean inspiring them isn't I doing exactly what they were asking all of us to do I think that people should leave their houses in more Wonderful crazy insane perhaps frightening costumes as long as you got a mask You know what I because you know I just it's very uncomfortable. I understand we do these things whatever I want if I could get a really cool if I could get a Tom Savini style mask something I could wear full face

I mean, you know that would be the best of both worlds silver scream studios the production company that does all of the Art design for your pretty face is going to hell is selling these sort of like outer novelty use Mask things that you could put on top of your cloth masks that are very interesting. They're they're fun looking in there Good and creepy. Yeah, absolutely. Let's go some support silver scream studios and as I said Daniel who fielder he's a Florida lawyer. He is the one haunting the beaches in Florida He's wearing a black robe. He's got the whole grim reaper outfit on and to be fair in the sun This actually keeps you cool. Isn't that interesting? That's what we learned from desert peoples. That's what right

So I'll stick to my short shorts and my no shirt So people, you know, he's out there He's having fun and he's scaring some folks at the beach and I think whatever it makes for some cool pictures and And make it more aggressive get a bunch of your buddies to do the same thing and let them Let them see if they can arrest you if you guys all run in different directions. Yeah I'm really excited to see where this goes Here's a little less fun story. This comes from the New York Times dozens of decomposing bodies found in trucks at Brooklyn funeral home the funeral home director said that he used the trucks for

Storage after he ran out of space in his chapel quote-unquote bodies are coming out of our ears He said which they shouldn't be this was written by a doctor by is it by written by Alan Führer Ashley Selfel and Michael Gold. They I guess they were all contributing and to me. This is really about him improperly storing Goods, right? Well, it's human bodies, but yes, I I suppose so Nicole came in and shortly after 11 a.m On Wednesday a terrible stench was coming from a pair of trucks parked outside a funeral home on Utica Avenue in Brooklyn It's a rougher part of Brooklyn when the police arrived They made a gruesome discovery inside the trucks a u-haul rental which seemed to be a tractor trailer

There were several dozen Decomposing bodies the New York State Department of Health which regulates funeral homes was also called to the scene in the Bureau's flatland section To determine whether the funeral home was handling the remains Appropriately and it issued two summons so they got to worry they got a ticket. Yes, they did But of course the funeral home was also they were shut down. Obviously the bodies It had a bit of a stench. It's getting a bit warmer now in New York And if you've ever been in New York in the summer, we've got two seasons one's called trash and the other one's called too cold to smell it It must have been so poongins so

So bad is just a new truck you got your fucking Nanu in there Oh, she's turning in this Lodge. You got your pop-up He's in there turning into a sack of putrid bones and they're just because what it came down to is funeral homes they don't They don't do this shit for free. No, of course. I don't know exactly how it works I'd love some information on that But I believe funeral homes are either paid by the city in order to take things from them work and these guys were like yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, keep bringing them. Yeah, we got plenty room. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

Meanwhile, they just figured a like my mom does like my mom has three freezers, right? Sure We got the standard that's called being fucking Queens rich Which is you've got a fucking meat freezer and you got a refrigerator just for soda Oh, well, you need one because of all the soda that you're buying and you got all that soda and then you got all the Fucking cakes that my mom has frozen from every single holiday from the time I was fucking 25 years old Maybe you're all just frozen in there a few cartons of cigarettes because of course you keep them cold keeps them fresh longer Sure, my father was getting them illegally from Romania for a period of time Yes, they were stored in there and they were just filled with fiberglass and I remember smoking them

And I was like this tastes like I'm smoking like it's like in a bad way. I'm smoking dollar bills You're in where it's like tech paper that I'm smoking um, but the so they thought that they could maximize their storage space By just renting a u-haul truck and throwing all of these corpses in there What used to be people that humans loved another sitting in a rented truck that is it's 30 It was a total of 36 bodies and just to give some I Don't know let's just give a little scenery here It was right next to a check cashing place. So you imagine you got your stimulus check You're going you're you're tapping your toes down. You're going to get a sixer from the store things are turning up in your life

What that what the hell is that my grandma? It's my grandma decomposing in a second in a I know that smell This is I know that smell is that my grandma's Is that her ode a chunk of law? I saw I know that perfume mixed with sprouting flesh. Oh, that's delicious This is according to funeral director Patrick Kearns who says he has barely slept since the day he took charge of them So he's like literally liked the movie maniac. He has been haunted by the corpses in He should be he should feel the pressure of the 36 corpses waiting to be processed This is what he said. He says as he lies awake and this is so as he lies awake in the middle of the night He knows there will be more. This is what he says

He says it weighs on you having so many cases in your care. The death rate is just so high There's no way we can bury your cremate them fast enough. So he's just lying in bed Wide awake staring at the ceiling just thinking of all the rotting corpses in the U-Haul truck and more Rotting corpses to come the next day I he just got in way over his head. He overexpanded too fast as they might talk about on Shark Tank I'm I'm with you. I feel like he thought that they could I'm gonna use the term corpse ban with He had enough corpse ban with to get all of these things processed And it just didn't work out. No, what at what point do you just say hey?

We have enough bodies We're out like we're out of room. Why why are you doing this? I don't know whether or not it's out of necessity or if it's about trying to get more money Well, I mean he was trying to get more money. This is according to the New York Times article I just find this to be a funny sentence funeral funeral directors like mr. Carnes have found themselves in the middle of quote a log jam, which is one way to put it It's you know, all log corpses logs the Japanese or at World War two from that unit 731 or shit. Yeah Now mr. Kerns is a fourth generation funeral director

He thought of himself as quote a first responder to the neighborhood's families the the family has served him since the 1900s and Unfortunately, I do not believe that this will go on any longer So mr. Kerns performed some of 30 to 40 funerals, but in April alone he expected that number to be about 200 and that he said it was on top of the 150 more he was asked to do but couldn't because he lacked the energy and The equipment his supply of caskets a at times has run short So this you tell me the only thing between him and 36 rotting corpses in a U-Haul truck was like a red bull or a monster

Like he literally knew that he needed he just didn't have the backup energy to get to these corpses It's a hell of it. It's a hell of an ad for a five-hour energy drink a energy drink Apparently, yeah He was just feeling a little bit tired and he says quote my stress levels just keep on going up It's just if you are in the funeral business Technically, and I don't want to be too crass here, but this is actually a boom. Oh you're saying that this is the gold rush Welcome to the yeah, yeah, this is the non-new rush. You got how many have You got to be ready. You've got to get the infant or you got to get the warehouse space

They should have known something was coming But I don't know but all I know is I feel the pressure. I understand the pressure It feels like there's a low level buzz of anxiety during this time period so it understand feeling like oh, I Just can't even with all of these corpses I understand that feeling but the difference between me is that what I need to like sit and like My anxieties it's doing stuff like it's keeping me from writing the screenplay. I like yeah, it's like right It's keeping me from read the books. I'd like to read. It's not keeping me from processing the

pyramid of corpses I Have in my rented you all because also in my mind rent it I'm thinking about the u-haul in a way like in a way. Yeah, I'm 36 corpus are in there But what's you hold? I guess they're gonna charge me but then again I'm gonna be moving kissles look at a move. I'm looking at you imagine you're looking to move Why is this you? You holes because think about you holes I'm gonna get even deeper into this you holes in Long Island City. They've ever gotten a u-haul

And down by Utica. It ain't no down there to get one. I have They are run by a guy named like Tarzan who's got half a face who's just like he's smoking out of the other half of like an old-school pipe Just been like and now round people ring for me. I got low stars I've got real low stars on purpose. I hate seeing people and then you go down there And it's just like one new haul truck next to like a fucking gas pump that doesn't work anymore And you're looking around being like I guess this is my u-haul. I might steal in this fucking u-haul right now Yeah, it's that u-haul you're going down to get that one because there's a probably only even one maybe down there

Yeah, probably and you're gonna get this corpse juice fill Oh god to fill all of cuz you know how precious your two lazy boys are You don't want them to be all filled Oh god, they already basically are filled with corpse sweat at this point because I've been inside for so frigging long Yeah, it's like it's like your sweat dies, but Henry So just going back to mr. Kearns for a second because this story just gets crazier So he says he's lost 20 pounds. It's a hell of a way to lose some weight Hey, man, it's stress and he said quote on a recent evening working in his trailer

He tripped and smashed his head against a shelf after blacking out He woke on the floor among the corpses. His wife and business partner forced him to go home. Oh My god, what is this the fucking? Chris Farley movie called the fat mortician I don't know and then he said I'm looking forward to the end. That's all I can say No, oh my god, so anyway Um, oh anyway, all right. Well, wow, just if you I don't this is that's it's a tough It's a tough subject because you know, we don't expect to have an abundance of corpses in this way

But I feel like you got this is your job, you know, you got it. You got it. You call it a happy accident I don't think he has I'm pretty sure that this is This is gonna end the the career for him but what comes down to it is yeah the previous mortician He wanted extra freezers and they all call them the serial killer, right? But now you see that he was prescient and he was excited and prepared because that's what success really comes down to it's luck Opportunity meets preparedness Absolutely, you could have flipped this into making this a mortician chain if he had enough fucking Freezer space because you know what you do my whole thing you could do. Yeah, I do a lot

I'm in the corpse business. Yeah, right other times I'm in the pork business and I'll hold pork on those freezers when there's no corpses in there I don't know if that's a problem. That's probably got something to do the health department. Yeah You want to wash that out pretty you want to you want to do a little bleach run on there? Yeah, you're gonna want to give it a Swiffer. All right. Well, I think you know I just just just real quick here Just a cute little headline Louisiana cops search for aggressive chicken breaking social distancing Terrorizing baked patrons at an ATM. So there's a chicken on the loose in Louisiana kind of a fun little story That's about it. Yeah, honestly, and that's all we need. It gives me the hope to move on

You know what also gives me the hope to move on the story from the New York post about a woman from Kazakhstan Who is trying to take a cute selfie for Facebook? Celebrating the opening and releasing of the quarantine lockdown in Turkey She just plummeted off a fucking cliff trying to take a cute picture and I just it's funny Well, that's the Graham deaths are really funny to me That is too much freedom there. You want to stay on the cliff? You don't want to go flying off of it That's you're gonna want to grip onto that cliff and next week. We're running out of time here We should go into the hero of the week. Yeah, I'm gonna cover Nick Redford

It's got a lot of hot takes in the Rendlesham Forest UFO incident And I want to get into that with a little in a little bit more detail before I start speaking upon it because who am I triggered? You don't want to get any details wrong on that my god end our entire career. All right, let's do hero of the week This hero of the week out of the mouths of babes this kid is five years old right this guy is my hero of the week He's a five-year-old boy He had three bucks in his pocket and this five-year-old boy had a dream and that is really the overarching theme of this week's hero of the week Dreams dream big dream know what you want and go try to achieve it and you're not too young To dream no you're not too young to dream, but you might be too young to drive

So this boy said mommy mommy. I want a Lamborghini now his mother being yes a good mother, but also a buzzkill a buzz Fucking kill fuck you just give him a Lamborghini. Holy shit was like no we can't afford a Lamborghini also We are five you don't you're five you can't drive to Lamborghini's 250 grand three um no For stop just leave me alone. Yeah, like please just let me be a mom I gotta do I gotta live my life that didn't stop the kid from stealing the family SUV He went on the highway and he was going anywhere from 15 to 30 miles an hour So good conservative driving although dangerous because you actually want to go a bit faster than that He was pulled over by a state trooper. His name was Rick Morgan

The state trooper said how old are you you're five years old? Wow there? Where did you learn how to drive a car? He just said that he learned how to do it He said he was sitting on the front edge of the seat so that he could reach the brake pedal to keep the car stopped while standing there He must be a long-ass five-year-old He must be a long five-year-old the child told the trooper he intended to drive to California to purchase a Lamborghini himself Which is where you get a Lamborghini you go to the land of Los Angeles? There is a fuck ton of them out here, so yeah, you don't want to come up I am gonna say you're not gonna get a deal on them

No, and you're certainly not gonna get one for three bucks, which is all the kid had which is quite sad Morgan said no one was hurt and we'll be up to the local prosecutor to decide whether to file charges against the parents Who had left the boy in the siblings care? Well, they're away from home now. I don't know if anyone needs to be charged I think the five-year-olds do crazy five-year-old stuff here doesn't seem like malicious parents Well, it's also one of those sad things right where like Any other day? This was a normal day where the kid was just being watched by a buyer brother by his brother There by his five sibling like like you do and then now the kid just went off went ham took the car

But you know and now they might be in trouble for it again not fully a hero But what would I do like about the hero status of this little boy is that it's just about like I think he's gone Be a rice car driver. He could he he's gonna be an inventor because he went out there and he saw The solution to his problem right and he just went in got it He went in the car drive to California get the Lamborghini I don't even know what fast in the furious films this kid was watching to want a Lamborghini at five years old I want not you don't play set, but you don't need to be a member of the family to want a Lamborghini Lambos are hot. Yeah, they're fun

So hero of the week the five-year-old boy didn't hurt anybody and hopefully his siblings are not Grounded for the rest of their lives because those are really the kids who are Those are the kids who are really sweating it because once you realize you lost your five-year-old brother And he the SUV is gone, and then you're just looking at your siblings. We're like shit Well, I guess I fucked up. Yeah, I guess we're all going to foster homes I mean like you have that feeling like I didn't want to but I guess I did this by my actions All right, so let me do a couple of quick little stories here. I'm just gonna do these two little stories Okay, hey, I used to work for the biggest state prison unit here in Texas

We had three wings general population high security in the pay-me-oh unit, which was the criminally insane unit Oh, I worked in the pay-me-oh unit for about six months upon first hearing my job Upon first starting my job as a rookie. I saw some shit that will stay with me forever Man who made sculptures out of their own shit Man who stuck pencils in the are either is and broke them off and man who would cut themselves almost to the point of Death just to get out of their cell for a bit to go to medical get it Yeah, the story I wanted to tell is that a man was in his mid fifties and diagnosed with almost every mental illness in the book I don't know why he was incarcerated because we didn't get access to that info his officers. This man was absolutely sure

That he was just waiting to be rescued by George W. Bush Who would burst into the prison in a spaceship and take him off to the promised land? We all got hopes Yeah, sure sure on and on he would go about a go on about his plans once he left with Bush on a spaceship I bet they would oh, they would just paint and eat barbecue Yeah, it would be great, right? Everyone would laugh and laugh at their funny jokes and forget that he's a war criminal like they do Like they live they'll be hang out with Ellen. Yeah, just the coveliest ex-president in the world that war Right. Well one day my fellow CO and I came upon him literally Ramming into his cell wall headfirst like a ram. We stopped him, but it was too late

He had already busted his skull wide open and was bleeding profusely, but he was still coherent The only thing he said was Bruce told me he needed help getting inside. So I had to break the wall down The endless to say this gentleman died from his injuries. He's not hammerhead from the he-man series What's he doing? He did he wasn't thinking clearly Castle. I guess not This man stayed with me for the most of through the years I quit at the prison about a year after the incident working in a prison will change people I know it did me too Anyways, just want to tell you all my little prison story to give you all insight

It's what the kind of literal hell goes on especially in the criminally insane prison units. Thank you Yeah, absolutely Friday. Well, it ain't right the way we treat people either this story Fucking Cindy chill up my spine. Oh in 2003. We had just bought our house Our apartment was only a few miles away and our lease had a few more months on it So we were just taking our time slowly painting and prepping the house for us to move in One day I was at the house cleaning my wife is going to the apartment to haul over a load of items after work The phone rang it was my brother-in-law saying he was bringing by a housewarming gift and at that time My wife pops into the doorway in motions like who's on phone?

I tell her it's my brother-in-law and to my brother-in-law. I say I actually have to go help Carolyn unload the car I hang up and walk out outside. No Carolyn Just as I was about to walk back inside confused She turns onto her street her car turns on to the street a few months later I am home alone cleaning out the last of the boxes from her move Carolyn is at work The door to the room I'm in is blocked by boxes when I hear the back door open and Carolyn's voice talking to our elderly cat Tiger man

He was a very vocal cat and he would talk to us when we first came home Hearing this I clear out the boxes to open the door and walk out saying what are you doing home? Known as there except Tiger man who looks confused The door is locked. I am home alone. I panic thinking of stories about people dying and their spirits visiting their loved ones I call her at work. She is fine, but really wanting to be home This phenomenon is nothing new in her life I later find out from her best friend that when they were living together She would experience similar things and said that it was

Carolyn's Vederger my wife was adopted as an infant so until we took DNA tests a few years ago We knew nothing of her ancestry. She's mostly of Scandinavian and British descent a Vederger Is a creature from Scandinavian folklore similar to a doppelganger a Vederger? prepares the way for its subject and of email I Did a little bit of research into Vederger's there's a really interesting article written by L. David Lester Called the Vederger perhaps another indicator of the non locality of consciousness Who talks about this concept of sort of like an it's not deja vu. It's something else. It's somewhere. It's something

Consistent with an out-of-body experience or what they call here an ADC Which is called an after-death communication where oftentimes people see somebody show up after they've died recently Mm-hmm, and it's a day or saying maybe it's got something to do with the way our consciousness works There's articles are really cool breakdown He did a lot of research into this phenomena because there's not a lot of research put into it But it's just kind of fucking creep me out. Very cool. What's the title of the article so folks can find it? It's called The Vederger which is pretty spelled the V. A. R. D. I believe it's some kind of Scandinavian. Oh with a line through it GR cool. It's very interesting awesome. Well, thank you so much for those emails side stories LP o TL at gmail.com

Keep them coming. We like them scary and yeah, that's very interesting Maybe the cat. I mean I guess if you're the cat and you don't want to be left home alone It's nice to have a doppelganger owner because then you can always have someone to hang out with and then you can always be around Your cat unless they're trying to replace you that could be the case as well and destroy your family One by one by one. I think that's the movie us I think it is it is but it could be I could be real could be could be you know, I don't know All right, everyone. Thank you so much for listening to this week's side stories Check out last podcast live by our live special because we can't come to you right now

So come see what it's like see what our our cavalcade of jokes. Yeah, and see what that experience is like Can you handle it? I think you can And thanks so much for the great response to the book again You can go to Indiebound and get those books. Thank you so much three weeks on the New York Times bestseller list Marcus's little bone fingers are tingling with every purchase of that book. So thank you so much And so is his bone penis. Absolutely. Now also check out last podcast merch.com check out our merch site We got six point six six percent going to fucking charity. We got all new stuff. We've been hearing your suggestions for more merch We're starting to put them in action here and about grinders

here and about um, I mean who knows might be doing some flash shirt sales not ones that we show you titties But you could if you want hoggies and grinders hogies and grinders Maybe beans and so now guys you gotta live live every day in this fucking quarantine life Live through your TV and imagine you're what you'd be like if you were in Indiana Jones You don't need to leave use your imagination as a vacation. Okay, that's the that's what people tell you in solitary confinement Yeah, yes. Yes, so it might not work And you want to love Love whoever you can physically get close to because you got a bond

Some people started dating right before the quarantine thing and then you ended up moving in with that person like immediately Oh, wow, that may seem hasty and it might seem like a massive fucking mistake And probably is right now until this this fucking gets through it It's pretend just pretend this is your time and you know, you know, you pretend you laugh And everything they say just to kind of get through this especially if you're not paying rent or utilities, right? Because again, just fucking scam life Scam life all the time

You got to do it. All right, everyone. Hope you're hanging in there We can now wait to see you at some point You know in the grand scheme of time in the not so distant future so yeah, man You know what when it comes down to it all this is just gonna roll over in one day The the Sun will expand and consume our entire solar system. Yeah, so by then nothing will matter No, absolutely not. That's kind of reassuring in a strange strange way. I want to see it Well, I don't think you're going to see it. It's not gonna happen for quiet Maybe maybe you're great great great great great great great great great

I can't even imagine what they're gonna look like at that point, but that's unless I become a train a trans I'm gonna use term. It's transhumanist and I join with the robots. I know that's your number one goal I don't know if they're gonna watch you, but I Like it. I'll be so fun. You such a fun little R2D2 with a big hard cock in the front of it. Mm-hmm R2 pootoo Oh, yeah, I'm done. All right, everyone. Thank you all so much for listening. Hail yourselves. Hail Satan Maghustalations, everyone. How me? All right, and don't buy your kid the Lamborghini Lamborghini, that's the real year old the Lamborghini. Least it. Least it. Why not?

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