Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Poo-Poo Rain

Episode Date: May 24, 2023

Ben 'n' Henry bring you this week’s weirdest stories and true crime news including the bizarre phenomenon of feces raining from the sky, a Pennsylvania man kills neighbor - blames eldritch god living in his body - records YouTube Short, a seagull rips off sunbathing man’s testicle (mistook it for an egg), Demon Stories, a Kentucky man shoots his roommate over a Hot Pocket, a "real human" Hero of the Week, Listener Letters, and MORE!

There's no place to escape to. This is the last time on the left side stories. That's when the cannibalism started. Side stores. Yes. Pooh Pooh Rain. Pooh Pooh Rain. Pooh Pooh Rain. Pooh Pooh Rain. Pooh Pooh Rain. Do you think that there's more lady slapping in the filmed version of Pooh Pooh Rain? Pooh Pooh Rain. Than the film Purple Rain? I just wish that Prince had his cool as ice movie where, you know, like Vanilla Ice,

he was with that chick and then she was dating somebody else and he was like, if you want to drug that zero and get with a hero, let me know at any time. He did have a movie. Actually, I think Purple Wind is actually very similar to that plot. Is it? Yeah, very similar. Did he have a motorcycle? Yes. Okay. All right. What do I know? Pooh Pooh Rain. Whoa. Actually, so Vanilla Ice's movie and Prince's movie hit the same plot. What? 50-50, bro?

That's really, that's not good. That's not good. Someone should have looked at that. I don't think that Prince had a home reconstruction show on HGTV that he did so poorly that they were have to cancel it because it turns out Vanilla Ice, not very good at home construction. How incredible would have been though to see Prince trying to negotiate all these ladders in the pumps? Because he wouldn't dress down. He would never wear flats. I remember I was listening to, I forgot it was the Kevin Smith, that famous Kevin Smith story where he talked about how he got invited to Prince's house

to shoot a documentary and then he was like shooting for days and he didn't know why. And that Prince's handler kept telling him like, don't ask him why he doesn't wear sneakers. Just don't ask him. Well, you got to ask him now. Well, because that's the thing is then Kevin Smith went up to him. He's like, I couldn't help but notice the heels all the time. Yeah. And he does not enjoy that. He doesn't. Because he just very tiny.

He just views them as feet. I know. Welcome to Side Stories, everyone. Ben hanging out with Henry Pooh Pooh Rain. Pooh rain, Pooh rain. I think that he may have had a small complex given his short stature, although wasn't that one of the reasons that all the gals liked him? Yes. Because he's one of them. He's not a machismo kind of guy.

But he is because when he was dating Carmen Electra, I do remember her telling a story to one of these publications. But you know, he ain't pussy like I got him tornado. We don't know that. What? Because I think he was also very much like, yeah. Well, because he got, I think he was like witnesses stuff. Like he was. Yeah. He was born into it.

But he used to have Carmen sleep in full makeup and a dress and high heels. Strange. So I think that, yeah, I actually don't think he did eat pussy. And I love Brits. Me too. And I like, I'm sure he did at some point. I think that he, I don't know. To have raspberry beret. Raspberry beret is true.

He's at least seen it. Well, hemorrhoid, you know, that's really what raspberry beret is all about. I mean, it depends on what country you're in. Yeah. But I actually, let us know what you think. Please. We're going right to the crowd here. Sideshoreslpotlgmail.com. When did Prince start eating pussy and when did he stop?

I don't, I think he did. People do that. People do that. That's not ice cream. It's not ice cream. That's not hot though. And as we learned from varsity blues, yes, you can put different creams on.

You don't want to though. You don't want to. I know because you got sick. But anyway, what? The sugars. The sugars are bad. White purple rain. You got to be careful.

You out there, if you're out there right now, man, get yourself an umbrella because it is a rain. And then a dookie. Get yourself a diaper umbrella. This is one of those stories you can see. It's right here on my phone. I don't normally do it for my phone. This came in right under the wire as I was sitting here.

I mean it. I was like, I was all prepped for the show. Yep. I was ready to go. I have all the stories. Hours of prep. Hours, true. I mean, you know, and then I, this slid right in.

Can you even believe poo poo falling from the sky? Here's how often it happens. This is the beautiful city of Minneapolis. What the fuck? That's where Prince is from. Poo poo rain. It's a bird. It's a plane.

Nope. It's poop. A professional journalist wrote that. Wow. To begin. This is from CBS. There's no way chat GPT could come up with that. There's no way.

I think our jobs are safe here. Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's human shit. That's very easy to do. If you, well, it's a fine. Honestly, even zoomers don't even know that, what that tagline is from.

They didn't know what's going on. They're just here for the poo poo rain. On May 12th, residents of Burnsville, Minnesota, were waiting in line at a caribou coffee, which is fine. I don't like. You know what I'm going to say? I'm not waiting in line for it. No.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Never once. I am not waiting in line for any of these coffees. And then they said they were waiting for it. And their windshield was splattered with what they said could only be described as brown rain. The odor was so strong that the woman who was handing me my coffee noted how much it smelled.

Carissa Brown said. And you know how bad that has to smell to overcompensate. Caribou coffee. Oh my goodness. Because there's a Domino's Starbucks combo out here, which is really disgusting. And when you walk into Starbucks, doesn't it smell like shit? It does smell like shit, right?

Coffee smells like shit. There is a Domino's Starbucks combo. It's right on Lancasham. What is that called? The diarrhea store? I don't know, brother. They're sharing a building either way. All right.

So they said it's a poo poo. It's smelling bad, blah, blah, blah. They didn't know what was going on. And then she said, according to Carissa, I mean, my cat had something similar to it this morning. So I've had a lot today with the poop. This is just one woman's name. She said her cat had a lot to do with it this morning.

Don't cat shit in litter boxes. Do you look at it? This is a poorly written article by a robot that really should understand how humans talk. Right now, I had my ANP license. I went to school to be an aircraft mechanic. What the fuck do I give a shit? Talk about the poop.

And I didn't know if there was maybe a way you could release it mid-flight. So that's why I'm a little confused. I'm going to go and look into it myself. Well, maybe a Dave Matthews band. We don't know that he is performing again. And perhaps he's not just dropping stool from the boats anymore. And it turns out they got out.

Yeah, absolutely. Just liquid shit falling from the sky. Coated all these people's cars. And this is now, according to another, this is the next tag in the CBS News article saying, prior poops. Bro, I got one right here. I know. I mean, my whole life is one. In 2018, a 22 to 26 pound chunk of ice fell

on the physical Baddiel village in India. Some villagers, they went as far to think that it was an extraterrestrial object. And they even took samples of it at home. Very joker. Very joker. A sample of the projectile was sent out for chemical analysis. You know, he did the thing. He cut off a chunk.

No, I'm not numb. My God, it's not cocaine. No, it's not. What am I? It's covered in there and shit. This is shit. It's shit. It's human shit.

Hey, Bob. Bob, I think it's shit. Come here, big kiss. But according to the international aviation authorities, they strongly suspected that it was shit. Well, isn't this interesting? I didn't realize how common this is. It was also in India.

Another one in India in 2016. She suffered a severe shoulder injury, which he was hit by a football-chized chunk of shit that was shot from an airplane. That sucks. Well, also in 2018, in British Columbia, Susan Allen of Kalawana, they were driving with her mother near Peachland.

And they say it was a nice day, 64 degrees. They were stopped in a red light, and they had their sunroof open. And all of a sudden, they realized there's a really, really bad smell. That's when they were inundated. This is according to Vice, RIP. They were inundated with thysis,

which came from a plane above, and it smothered them in their own car. That's not supposed to do that. She said it was a blue-brown in color, grainy and smelled of chlorine and feces. She says, like a clean poop smell, if that's possible. She's people, even just trying to describe it. And so I go, this is 2012.

A Long Island couple were covered in quote-unquote sludge. I'm not going outside anymore, bro. You remember it? What was it, not taught me more, this eagle black shape. It was like covered in some kind of crud. It must be some kind of crud. Well, then you're going to be a millionaire. The first person to ever find white mud.

Right, yeah. In 2012, apparently, they were, it was a blue ice. It fell over their roof of their car and broke apart. They called it pungent blue ice. Indeed. Wow. I mean, we're going to jump in all over the place, but all the stories.

These are the same story. They are the story. According to Allen, again, she said, I'm telling you, when this hit our vehicle, there was so much that it felt like a whole pile of mud falling from the sky. Some kind of a funny smell of mud there. This is the same story.

She said, you could see it hitting the vehicle. And when it was hitting our faces, the first thing my son said to me was, it felt freezing cold and then it smelled like, pardon my pun, shit, but that's not a pun. Oh my, oh my God. She says, my son threw up and we had so much in our faces. Both of us, our faces were covered in poop.

She said, her eyes started burning immediately. Geez. Well, because that's the blue ice. That's a treatment. Because that is in the toilet. Because that's what allows it to kind of dissolve. Because normally what happens is that they're not supposed to, despite what we're talking about here,

they're not supposed to let these vats go, right? No. I said that they- It's very dangerous. Basically, according to this, there are some flights that are shittier than others. There's some flights where, how many times I've- Whatever flight we took from fucking Ireland

to go to wherever the fuck we were going. Liverpool. That's a poopy flight. That was a poopy, that was a very poopy flight. I've also like, I'm going to be honest, especially living in Atlanta from back in the day. Sure. When I'd be leaving from a,

it would normally be like some form of rap party, where I'd just drink as physically hard as I could for a bunch of hours. And then you got to sober up. So you go to the buffet, a bunch of salami. Yeah, a bunch of salami. I go right to the airport, right? Right. Especially in-

And I've definitely full-on shellacked three, a toilet in an airplane three times over a six-hour period. Buddy, back in the day, I used to see how long I could stay in the bathrooms, especially if you're towards the back of the plane. And really, no one bothers you. No. But the problem with sitting,

if you do get further more in the front of the plane, your first class, your business class- Everybody's a high turnover. High turnover. Because there's only the one- There's the one bathroom. Yes. But there's-

But anyway, this is- They said sometimes, though, if there is so much shit that has entered into the vats, because normally it lands ahead, they're supposed to empty out on what they call the honey truck. That's like what they call it normally. It's the honey truck that sucks all the liquid shit out of there. It's the plane at the very end of it.

That's great. But they said, apparently, it can hit the top, and then it can seep out of the top of the tank, and then just kind of leak out of the back of the plane. Yeah, great. But by the time it gets to you, it's supposed to be ice. Right. So the fact that they all got sprayed with liquid shit

and the actual story that we began with today- Yes. Actually shows it might not even come from a normal commercial plane. I think it comes straight from God itself. It really might be a God Duke. It's interesting, just lastly, going back to Canada. In British Columbia, there was a chick. She was sitting on her porch in Yellowknife,

and then she just got dumped on. They said it was sprays from above, but the biggest angle here, the biggest hook, she says Transport Canada, it's a government department. They organized a cover-up, and they've been saying, no one, everything is safe, but it ain't safe. Well, because this is a massive issue. I'm actually looking at this little article

from this robot wrote. Sewage, I guess. What the fuck did it take us eight years to get to these stories? These are just fucking- Look, this is just parameters that they've said. Sewage, I guess, it needs to be treated if it's going to be flushed. This is another cruise ship, right?

So what do they do with a cruise ship? Wait, why isn't it just- Why don't you just dump it right in the toilet, right in the ocean? Well, because you have to watch out where you're at. But don't fish like to eat shit. I don't think they're supposed to, but then we eat the fish. We don't eat the bottom feeder fish.

You don't know what we eat. No, but we don't eat the bottom feeder fish. I don't think. So they have to go to specific waterways and slowly dump out, which is kind of like how I've definitely full-on drive by sharded many people on various modes of transport. Oh, absolutely.

Where you just do an SPD down a line of 10 people. You ever see the- And you slowly release it. Do you ever watch the footage of what those get? Infrared, and then they take- They show when people are farting in public. Infrared footage, it's very funny. Because you believe-

It's all nanos, hot chicks. Oh, yeah. They're just farting all the time. Oh, yeah, because again, you've learned a lot, especially girls that are on their skinnier side with their butt cheeks don't completely touch. It just slides right out. And that diet, a lot of veggies often times.

A lot of veggies. And fish. But then cruise ships are supposed to like, splurge it out. And so they have this rule, I guess, that you can just, you can release shit, liquid shit out of a cruiser if it is treated. So if it has all the blue stuff in it,

up to three miles next to a coastline. It's water. Like, it don't just sit there. It don't just sit there. That's too close. And so they said, once you get to three miles, raw doggie, you can just leave raw, raw shit and just come out of the cruise ship and just go anywhere.

I don't think anything's ever been clean. Yeah, I've got it with you. This is truly a bomb, Michelle. This just happened. I had other stories I was going to line up and talk about. This is like, you know, when you give it. Oh, thank you, Satan. When you give it.

Yes, this is, well, I don't believe, I think it would be gurgling from the bottom if it was Satan giving us the Duke. This is indeed a sign that God exists. Waste from an airport, from an airplane. Apparently there's a little safety lock, right? But then they say mistakes do happen with the safety lock. No way.

And then so accidents literally occur. Yes. A blue ice. So be careful. Don't like the blue ice. Don't like the yellow ice. Look very a little ice. You know what you want? Unless that blue is shocking raspberry.

If you love a blue raspberry slushie, I do like that style of flavor. I like a white raspberry. I like a white raspberry too. It's very surprising. I don't know the last time I had a freaking slushie. If you had one now, you'd like throw up. Yeah.

It's a lot for the, for an adult gulping. I want to make some vodka, India. If you put vodka in it, then it's very, very good. Life from your clay. All right. Well, anyway, that was a great way to start. Hey man. A little boop boop right in there.

It's better than I had. It's better than what I had. Yeah. We just got a bunch of other stuff here also. So let's see here. You want, I got some. All right. Let me go, let's talk about some, let's do some true crime up top. We, we have a bunch of true crime that I do want to cover,

but we're going to wait a little bit because we're doing a true crime roundup for, with last podcast and left with Marcus this week. And we're going to have him talk a little bit about Jesse McFadden. We're going to talk a little bit about Leticia Stoutch, who very fucked up, very fucked up case. And perhaps a little bit on this co-burger case, which continues to slowly go forward, slowly roll out. The story taking place is in PA, Walter Zollner III.

Now this was a young man, 31 years fun. He was charged, he was arrested on Thursday for murdering his neighbor. Now he shot him up, he shot him in the, but the thing was, is that, that's how it started. We actually, they, they went and they, they figured out, right? So Gordon, this is the criminal complaint. He didn't go full Robert Durst, did he? He didn't chop him up into little pieces and claim self-defense.

No, no, no, no, no, no. It's, it's a little bit farther along on that. On May 5th at approximately 8 p.m. where police, police responded to the address for a report of a male, later identified as Potavani, found deceased with a gash on his head. So it looked like he was beaten to death while he was asleep. And so they found out, they, they, they executed the search warrant.

If they found out that they, they, they found the trail former, they broke in and it was his next door neighbor, Walter Zollner. Now, well, when they got to Walter Zollner's house, they found that the entire house was loaded with guns. Okay. And he had a couple of AR-15s. He was ready to go. He was, and he wrote a journal that basically said, Hey, I'm going to kill a lot of people.

I'm going to attack the police and I'm going to, I'm going to attack a lot of people. And then what happened was that it turned out that these were, these ideas weren't coming from him. They were coming from Cthulhu. Cthulhu, of course, a fantastic game series as well. There's something. Yeah. Cause they got him on Zollner.

They got, they got Zollner, they got Zollner on drug charges, but now they're seeing that it's actually, it was a much more serious than this. There's something so like lame about the journaling process where he's just like, I'm going to kill all the police. I'm going to kill everybody around me. Oh, I better write this down. Better write it down.

Better write it down to my little trapper keeper. See, you know, I don't know if journaling in this case helped. I find that I end up journaling like once every five years. Well, write a bunch of thoughts out. It is kind of fun to look back, but at the time it does know, it does nothing for me yet at the time. I guess, although man, one of them,

I think it was the beginning of the end of privacy. Privacy. When did we release Kurt Cobain's journal? That was really sad. Did you ever read that? I remember buying it and looking through it. I remember buying it so excited, being really excited and then reading it and being really sad as I was reading it.

Why am I reading this? I don't, yeah, he didn't want me to read this. No, it's going to work. But the day before his crimes, Walter Zollner, the third, he posted a YouTube short, which is what an innovative idea. But this is the content of it. This is according to his, this is his name,

Walter Zollner, the third, seven, two, eight. So he's journaling and YouTubing, and he wants to be a mass murderer? Hey, come on, choose a link. Good afternoon. If you were wondering, God is real, devils are real, and even ancient eldritch gods that can possess you are real.

How do I know this? Because I got tricked into selling my soul. Don't listen to the voices in your head unless it's God himself. Dude, how is he boring? How can you fucking have an entire kill journal and kill your neighbor? A Cthulhu's in your brain and we're still not like,

hey guys, like and subscribe if you want to hang out. Like, honestly, some energy. But no, he, what I don't like it as well, I'll continue the video a little bit, is the, it's the, ooh, ooh, ooh, no. Get fed up in a little bit of a business by a Cthulhu eldritch god there. Like, super cute about it here, all the finishing.

Yeah, play it. In which case, make sure you pay attention to the guy because he knows what he's talking about. Otherwise, if it's any of those other fallen angels or demons or they try to call themselves spirits, don't listen to them. They're full of it and they want your soul. I know this because I made a mistake

and I agreed to help formulate a god head. And now I have an old ancient god that I can't name possessing me. And I'm in a bit of trouble. So if you see this and you know anyone who can perform an exorcism, please get in touch with me. I'd really appreciate it.

Thank you. Okay, okay, he's absolutely full of shit. I feel like I wonder whether or not he's trying to set up for an insanity plea. No, because he's not insane enough. Because that's the most insane, insane thing I have ever heard. And he's boring.

Everyone knows if you do sell your soul to the devil. Obviously none of this stuff is real, but let's just say have fun with it. Jack Johnson, you get to play guitar really well. That's incredible. You get to become a megastar. You get to be Brad Pitt. Incredible.

You don't make a YouTube video. Technically, you're supposed, maybe, did he just sell his soul like for crackers? Oh yeah. Because usually you're like, yeah, I'll give you my soul, but I want a billion dollars. I want the hottest woman around

and I want a man's talent. And then the devil's like, here you go, sweetheart Ursula. It's a little mermaid. This guy didn't do anything in return. Do you think that's Melissa McCartney did? Melissa McCartney is apparently very rude in real life. I know some people who are worried

whether this surgery is very rude. Whoa, blind items. No, yeah, you could have gotten more out of this deal. If you're going to be talking, yes, if you are a member of the elder gods that's creating an unknown godhead, you really think you'd at least change your hair color to something more startling than a muddled brown.

He has a, he has sort of like an Orville Redenbacher hairstyle that I, again, unfortunate. Well, no, let's not demean Orville. I watched a great history channel because the history channel, because we're so fat in this country. Oh, it talks about his food now. So you're saying that this is now,

this is a, we're going after Melissa McCartney. I'm not going to go after her. But we're loving Orville Redenbacher. She's fine. I've just heard that she was quite rude on satin and very mean to people. That's all. I don't know.

Maybe she deserved, maybe they deserved to yield it. Objection. You're saying. It's a podcast. Everything we do is you're saying. Objection. I would like to think the defendant is too sexy. If you are possessed by the devil,

one of the things that I would like to think I wouldn't need is a tactical vest and survival gear. Because again, what did he sell his soul for? But it's interesting. This older thing. It's him doing this like, whoopsie do. It's a bit of a problem for me. This like TikTok sarcasm voice that has infiltrated

this group of people that I just like, I just don't understand. You are a murderer and you're annoying. And he's super, super boring. Exorcisms are up. According to Father Carlos Martins, he says that the Catholic church is getting a bunch of new exorcisms.

I got a really interesting email from somebody when we were talking about canonization last week talking about the processes that were like, it's extremely political. It's really strange. Sure. I can imagine. But yes, exorcisms really are blowing up.

Exorcism school in the Vatican is, it's massive. It's like a whole thing. It's like actual Hogwarts. Oh yeah. I can see. But with just, but the kids, they just run and scared. Well, and if the kids have warts, we need an investigation into these goddamn priests.

But I can see the alert. You're like, come hang out in the Vatican, take our exorcism classes. It's adding to like the thing of like, it's what's cool with God's warriors. So this guy, he says he's a participant in a bunch of exorcisms. He says one particular, this guy shot up backwards

in the air and he was hissing like a cat. That's cool. So why the fuck wasn't that guy backwards in the air hissing like a cat instead of whining on YouTube and journaling? Honestly, technically, he's just taking it to content, which is in 2023, extremely responsible idea. Yeah. Is it 2023?

Yep. That was funny. I was looking at the tags of my truck and it said 2022. And I said, oh, that's good. All updated. No, it's a year. Yeah, man.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You shouldn't say that. Dude, I actually do. It was funny. You just drive around without a registration. No, I haven't registered.

No, you don't because it's 2022. No, it's stupid little fucking sticker, bro. You didn't put the sticker on it. I looked at it and it was like, great, 2022 checks out. Yep. But it's 2023. Yeah, it's been a year. I also said the other day.

You got that in 2021. I was also, someone asked me how old I was and I said 37. You're not. You're absolutely not. Why are you just lying? No, I didn't. I just, I'm 37, but then I was sorry about it. I was like, wait, no, I'm not.

I'm 41. You're just time travel. Is that what you're saying or are you saying you're drunk? I think I'm possessed. Honestly, let's call an exorcist. Maybe they can help you because you are being inhabited by a 37 year old ghost that actually thinks that he's looking at the future.

That would be the saddest if you just get to be four years younger. Yes. You'd be like, yeah, I'm 70, but I'm 66. If you look at my ghost years, you know, I feel like, what's the difference between 38, 39 year old me and 35 year old me? They're both doing all right. Well, you're probably healthier now.

I feel like I've got a little bit more meat on the bone right now, but then I'll slowly lose it into my fifties. That's like make you a big piece of marble. Yes. Then make you a more intricate statue. Slowly lose it throughout my fifties. And then by the time you get to your fifties and sixties, then you slowly start to wither away and then you die.

Henry, this next story is for you because I could see it happening to you. I mean, I don't know. You have no shame. And nor should you. Physical nudity is something that you have exercised on stage in your personal life in front of all of us. On your Instagram, for example.

Absolutely. A seagull ripped off a dude's testicle. Well, he was sunbathing naked. See, I would never happen to me because my testicles actually fairly small. Inverted. Inverted. That's what they said.

Yeah. Yeah. They hide though. Experts fear that this bird mistook the man's privates for a couple of bird eggs, which is technically a compliment. Yeah. Yeah. How big and fluffy are his balls?

The man has not been out. He, I guess so. He was in Ipswich. How available do your balls need to be for a seagull to get up at? He has a set. Is he just lying, spread eagle at the beach? Even I feel like at a nude beach. Isn't there some decorum?

This is in Suffolk County because this is from the Suffolk. Are you sure we're full asshole at the beach? I mean, I'll ask side stories, LPOTL and gmail.com. If you're at the nude beach, how frowned upon is full pink? Not. It's nude. But I mean, yes, nude, but then sitting just like, spread eagle, letting people just see, letting them all just like. Yeah. Dude, I actually, I went to a nude beach,

which was a big deal for me. And it's funny because you see like chicken nugget bodies and they're cute. And then you see buff, buff people. Yeah. Like there are just some people who are like, I see why they don't got clothes on. Yeah, of course.

And then the other people, they're just like, may normal looking guys, you know. But I just don't understand. He's like, why am I opening my penis up to all these elements? Like the point of having the short is that it's keeping the, the snapping turtles away. It's keeping the fucking the seagulls away. Now that I know that seagulls, you can't trust the sky

because poop falls down from it. You can't, you definitely can't trust a brown cloud. And now you definitely can't trust your own nudity outside because these seagulls are looking to steal other people's eggs. So the dude was lying there on his patio in his, in his defense. And then all of a sudden, yeah, we're on his property. And then all of a sudden this seagull just swooped right down, grabbed his nut, and then they say it ripped it off

like it was a monster. This is my thing. I just, how, how does it pop off so hard? It's so easy. I don't think it, I think it ripped it off like a monster. You mean you really don't, I feel like- I think it fucking, well, you know- The second I feel like jumping in my balls,

I'm going to be grabbing at this fucking bird. I'm going to be pulling up and eating this thing. Dude, you know seagulls are scary. Yes. I fuck, birds freak me out. Mine, mine, mine. Mine. Those were mine.

Those are my testicles. Who is that? What movie is that from? I'm not quite sure. Disney movie? Yeah, maybe. Mine. Probably not legal to watch in Florida anymore.

No. So they rushed him to the hospital. His wife did. Because his wife was like, hey, those are mine too, you know. It's half hers, yeah. Yeah. And then- Yeah, that's Gran Ball Auto.

It really is. Grand Staff Ball Auto. Ball Auto. The hospital source, which I guess there's just a smoking man in the corner who was telling all the secrets of the hospital to the reporter here. Come here, come here, let me tell you one time, you wouldn't be surprised what rabbits can do.

He says nobody could quite believe it when the poor chap was brought in. There was a lot of blood and he was in agony, but he will feel better in a few weeks, not life-threatening. But I don't know what they're going to do with his fucking balls. I think he's just got one ball now. Where'd the seagull go? They said he was going to be able to have kids though.

Where'd the seagull go? It went to enjoy its lunch. So you mean to tell me this, it went straight for a man's dick and balls. And then just went to go live a free life? I guess so, dude. Like it's the Zodiac Killer? Yeah, I think that's what happened.

And so this thing was flying, no one else saw this thing flying around with blood dripping from its seagull mouth, holding a set of testicles. As a matter of fact, a spokesman for the research group Seagull Watch International kind of defends the seagull. They say, no, no, no, no, no defense, no defense. Everyone has a defense, John Adams. Eggs are full of protein.

It's why we eat them. After all, gulls will often steal other birds' eggs. Yeah, I like eggs too. So they say, so it's unfortunate that this man- They were attached to a man. How alabaster and spherical were his balls? They say it's unfortunate for this man that his private parts resembled a couple of eggs in a nest.

Yo, so they're just saying, oh, so they're blaming the testicles. Yes, and they say, oh, they're blaming the testicles. Well, they go as far as to say it is no doubt a young adult gull that is still learning to be independent. I will not allow the Zoe Deschanel explanation into this. People are defending the seagull. No, I'm not going to say that that seagull was too adorable to understand that the man's balls were not eggs.

Because that doesn't make any sense. Well, that's what his spokesman, that's what the seagull's spokesperson said. What's on top of the balls, the dick? What's on top of the dick, Bush? What looks like eggs? The balls. It's the little worm nestled between a couple of balls.

It's at the nude beach. Eggs. No, it's a patio. So it's actually also no mention on the fact that that's fucking trespassing. But that's the other deal. That's a man just, I just, I'm just, I can't believe it. There's no justice.

There's no justice, not in this world. All right. Not in this fucking world. All right. All right, I got some stories about forest demons. Great. I don't want to say thank you for Nando for reminding me about the story about Dave Matthews.

When he, I believe it's May 8th is the actual Poopoo anniversary. August 8th is the actual anniversary of when he, yeah, dropped the poopoo on the people. No shit. The human waste in Chicago. You know, five presidents. Dude, Dave Matthews did such a great job

at Willie Nelson's 90th birthday. He wasn't bad. The last, when I saw him with my girlfriend in high school, yeah, he's very, he's fine. South African. He is. He and Elon Musk. Great.

Now here we go. Forest demons. Are you real? Or people making up excuses? I don't know. Let's see. Here comes from, this is from Mysterious Universe. I love this story.

Now, people know, people are afraid of the forest. I'm one. I don't like the forest. I actively dislike nature. Oh man. I don't trust it. We stumbled upon one of those old burnt down houses in the middle of the woods when we were kids.

We used to party out there. It was fucking awesome. That's fun as hell. No, I do, I, you know, I exaggerate, but I get scared with her. I don't like it. I'm a city person. I like that.

Well, I don't think you've really been in. I'm walking. How many? I'm walking. I like hearing that. I like hearing that. Hot dog. Hot dog.

That's what I say. Hey, Garam masala. There you go. Well, yeah, I love the way they always sell spaghetti in the carts outside of the MSG. That's Indian food. Um, I don't know. But I don't think you've ever been in a forest.

I've seen them. I've seen pictures. Have you been in one? Like the black one. Like what do you mean? Like in a forest. Like, like when we were... I was a forest park in New York.

I've been to Central Park. No. I've been to Peanum Park in Atlanta. I've been to Trinity Bellwoods Park in Toronto. Those are parks. There's trees there. It's like a forest. It's just small.

Just simulating. Yeah, but I think it has to be bigger. Yes. You might be right. Now this is a story from my haunted life too. It comes from Jennifer Gosnell. It's a story that she put in here. She said that she walked along this trail.

She was wandering. She was like, oh, she was 15 years old. Her family lived in a rural property. And she just wanted to see. She weren't there. She was like, she was not expecting to see a demon. Right, because she was walking along. Also, do you know what I learned from Forrest Gump?

You know that kid in the beginning of Forrest Gump? The one that is him in the future? Yeah. Or the one that's his son. So he talks like Forrest Gump. Yes. Tom Hanks, they were like... But yeah, he made the accent out for the little kid.

So the kid did it. Yes. And then Tom Hanks just copied the kid. Yeah, it's a real actor. That's what actors do. She also, if you saw the screen test for it, he had no accent. And it's really weird to be like,

I dodged. She dodged me out of dance. And I dodged her out of dangle. Because you actually sound more touched by an angel if you say it in a normal voice. That she, oh, yeah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Because that makes sense. I just think the kid deserves more credit

because everyone gives it to Tom Hanks. He gave him credit. Did he? Okay. Yeah, he got points in the back end or something. Oh, right. No, she wanted to go back through. She said she walked along.

It was devoid of wildlife that day. Nothing stirring. She didn't even see a deer or a rabbit. She couldn't understand. She said the forest felt still and silent as if stuck in time. All right. And she should look at first and maybe,

oh, she saw this weird black thing standing near a tree line and seemed to stare at her. At first, she thought maybe it's a hunter. And then she had an idea that popped in her head. That was it a man in a gorilla suit? Why? And then she looked and she noticed that something else entirely in a certain dread

crept up on her. I was about 50 feet away from the tree line. Okay. From where it was, but it was staying so still now that I began to squint and look really hard to see what he was doing. Then as the sun shone down, I saw the dark red and the hairs all over the face

with its black, empty-looking eyes. The sun down clown. Staring back at me. And I suddenly realized there was no hunter in a moss suit. There was some kind of animal man thingy. And I was alone in a cornfield about three-fourth of a mile from my home with this thing. I picked up a clump of mud that tossed it

towards the creature without thinking and I yelled at it. You go. You go. If I was a demon, I'd tear her apart right now. This is when she dies. Yeah. That's, I don't know how she told the story. Well, she's ready to do that.

Yeah. That's when this thing moved for the first time as the clump of mud landed feet in front of it and stood up looking very menacing. And I realized it had been squatting this whole time and it was scary how tall it was. Sticking a demon shit. It's scary to be tall, right?

My heart was beating so hard. I knew it never I'd run it as fast as I could. And then I had no options. Let it a horrible scream. Then that just rumbled in my head like a base. I heard it from me. It's rumbled in my own chest from a speaker. And then it turned and began to receding

before screaming the entire time. So how do we know it's a demon also? Because it's bad because she went, she saw, oh, no, that is not some deer. I said, oh, maybe it's a deer. Maybe it a man in some kind of suit. And then I realized when he yell, when he tall and yell and he very, very tall,

I realized, oh, he a demon. Well, that demon's not even as scary as this guy Clifton E. Williams out of Kentucky. This guy shot his fucking roommate, didn't kill him. He's only charged with assault. But he shot his roommate for eating his last hot pocket. Oh, no, I have more demon stories. There's more demon stories?

Oh, yeah, this is even a better story. Well, I hope they're slightly more dangerous than the one that just ran away after taking a dump after mud was thrown at it. Actually, I think this story is the most interesting of all because it might actually explain some of what you've run into on your own Benjamin Kessel. All right, because you don't know how the shit is, right?

I guess, I'm not quite sure. This was on your ghost stories. This is a woman by the, she didn't give her name because she had a house. Which goes synopsis on horrible TV shows? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And so this woman, she said, she was using Minnesota, another Minnesota story.

It was Autumn at the time. And the mother would recently become a Catholic, just recently, brand new Catholic. Okay. And that's how you know that this is bad. This is Forrest Demons. You never think of someone becoming a Catholic. You think you're born into it?

It's a bad idea. Wow, they got a convert. I don't know why. Because she went and so she said, now that she's a new Catholic, she wanted to attend a Catholic conference, right? So one day the mother decided to take a stroll through a nature preserve area near the hotel

she was staying at for this Catholic conference. I wish she'd been informed, held numerous walking paths through the trees, which are changing color at the time and other glory. Because it's fun to see the foliage. It is. I want you to change from green to red. Some blueish hues.

Back to green, red. They do fall down. Purples, mountain majesty, right? She went to go look at these lovely leaves. Fast. There's not a lot to do with a new Catholic. And then she said, something got weird, right? She could walk back.

She noticed that things were very, very silent. Again, forests, strange and silent. No way that could possibly be anything normal because the forests make much noise. They don't. The forests make much noise. I cannot believe it gets silent. Now, as you know, it has to be a demon.

No, but you know birds, when it's about to rain, they chirp down. They still, you know, every animal, they used to tell the weather by animal reaction. I don't know. I feel like this waddling woman was almost victim of a forest demon. She realized she started feeling someone was watching her.

It was threatening. It's the church. She realized she was being hunted. Feeling uneasy. She started to pray. And then something she could not see breathing heavily in her right ear. She said it sounded like a gigantic beast

that had been running hard and was panting. I think she made the wrong choice in religion. Oh, she could also hear heavy footsteps crushing through the grass and dried leaves, right? She could see where the gleams were parted. She could see where the grass was going. She knew what was happening. And she suddenly increased her speed.

Oh, I got it. Sorry, running out. So running, she's really caught. Oh, yeah, she's, you know, she's caught. She's getting up to seven miles an hour there. Right? So finally seeing the people she had seen in the park earlier had gone home by then. She reached her car.

She took forever. She didn't know what was going on. She's just, oh, what? She got ready for bed. And she felt very shaken. Oh, my God. But she's like now. This is not even a story.

But Jesus Christ is going to protect me. No, she got scared in a forest, right? Is it demon? I watched the, I died and I came back. There was one from a priest who said he went to hell and he no longer is a priest anymore. Oh, fucking awesome. I don't know if the Catholic Church

is the right religious past. It's so metal. It's so metal. I love it. So she went to go to sleep in her hotel room. But the next day was Sunday. Right? So she set up her alarm to wake her for mass, right? Because she wanted to make sure she made it on time.

Yeah, you wouldn't be late. She went off the proper time. But as she sleepily reached out to quiet, she noticed that there was a second alarm clock in the room. One that she had not seen before. And there's an alarm clock at a different time. And according to it, she didn't need to get up for another hour. For some reason she chose to trust it.

She didn't change her clocks. No, no, no, no. She tried to trust it. It was a second demon alarm clock. Because the first one, it kept her on time. And then the next one, purposely lied to her. And what is more to see is more than a demon. So the demon brought an alarm clock into her room.

Wait, when she finally woke up, there was no sign of the mysterious second alarm clock. She missed mass. Yeah, she's an idiot. Because the demon corrupted her. This guy clipped it in Kentucky. She said she was affected. She sat alone in prayer.

And she became uncommonly sullen and withdrawn. All right, it turns out that whatever she had encountered in that forest had followed her home. And again, invaded the woman's thoughts and nightmares, exerting mysterious negative force. She seemed strangely altered. Her mood was troubled and solitary. I remember her spending a great deal of her time

sitting in her chair by the window praying rosaries with a pained expression in her eyes. She shouldn't have converted to Catholicism. I think it's ruined her entire life. I think she got scared by a deer. And it was assaulting her with these visions. And she said that it was assault her. Her prayers have become jumbled.

And within it was seeing images. She started saying cock. Oh, my. She started being like, oh, she says, Christ, I hope that you keep me in your mind every single time. Oh, you're fucking me in my front asshole. Which is like, oh, my pussy. Yeah.

Oh, Jesus, you're fucking my front asshole. Maybe early onset dementia. Sometimes you get a little more crass during the later years. All of this was trying to keep her from being Catholic. I don't think that's the case. You can be Catholic and do a lot of horrible things. You know what happens when you go to put a tampon in your vagina and it turns out you just shoved the tampon

in your butthole because of your vagina and your asshole be switched. That is a demon. If he switched to two holes. We've covered it before. That happens with a male genitalia. Yeah. There are four seams.

You've got to be careful out there. And that's why you don't go out there. Just go out there. It's totally fine. Clifton E. William, 64 of Louisville. So he got into a fight. I don't, yes, go on. She said, she stopped praying and the demon went away.

Because she's mentally ill. She's old and uh. No way. Fly from your grave. This guy shot his roommate as I mentioned earlier because he stole the last hot pocket. That is realer than a demon. This is realer than a demon.

But also he started throwing tiles at him, right? So then the roommate reportedly tried to leave, but then Williams went back into the house. They shared together, grabbed a gun, and then he shot the victim in his buttocks. So he shot him in the butt. Something to jump up and bit me. So there you go.

Something to jump up. That's my story. Is that the entire story? Yeah, it's not funny. So the guy ate his last hot pocket. Also he's 64 with roommates. You know, things have not gone great. No, yeah.

You see the mug shot of the dude. Yeah, he's smiling. He's happy as shit. He is loving it. Yeah, because he's not back in his room and he shot him in the ass. Well, I want to know what kind of hot pocket it was. Well, that actually proves your point, by the way.

We talked about this on open lines. There's a little bit of lumpy lord help you against a bullet. You shoot someone in the buttocks. They're fine. Oh, no. Well, but a butt shot is the kindest way to let somebody know I'm going to shoot you.

They don't say what the fucking, what was the hot pocket? Because that's my main thing. Is that like, I love a breakfast hot pocket. Yeah, if I'm going to have one, I don't like them. They're not good. I don't mind the taste. It's just there's no time or temperature that is appropriate.

They're either too hot. You can't get it right. It's too cold. And also they've been skimping on the fillings. Oh, yes. The first cycle of hot pockets. It's way more pocket than hot now. Yes.

And the first, I'm telling you, it's like when a new bar opens, they're like half off every day. You want to touch my balls? And the next thing you know, oh, you got to pay to do that now? Oh, it's like the guy who got me addicted to heroin, because drug dealers always give it away for free. Dare was completely correct. When he got me involved and he was like,

here's just a little sample. I was at Costco and he dropped that line. Honestly, it was much, because I've had nurses tell me I got good veins. Yeah. And so he dropped it right in. And honestly, I'm kind of thankful, because again, heroin's really what the friends you make along the way.

And of course, the ones you lose. But yeah, hot pockets, they lied to us as kids. The first ones had good meat chunks. The first one actually had substance to it. And now whatever we're in, this late stage crony corrupt capitalism. That's what this is all about. And also, lean pocket, just get a fucking hot pocket.

If you're eating lean pocket, it doesn't matter. We're just so deeply in denial. It's just fine. I am saying this as two facts. Two facts are telling you it's not real. It's not. Diet Coke is not helping either. It's not making your skin near.

It's not a workout anything. It's just filled with liquid petroleum. The lean pocket, it is a lie. And I watched Thousand Pounds Sisters. Just eat the hot pocket. And she was the bigger one, Tammy, I think, whatever. And she's lost weight now, though. She has.

And she looks just great. And as she was eating a bunch of chips, and she said, dang it. And then the other lady said, doesn't mean they're calorie free. We've been watching them die. I also talked a lot on, I guess it was the last to hail yourself, Nakato Avocado. He's eating himself to death.

Well, that's his gut. That's his job. Now, wasn't supposed to be. I think that he might. Have you seen the black? Yes. The lady. He's like, has a claw.

It's bad. I think he might be troubled. Yeah. Because all the comments are either like good looking great or why are you killing yourself, bro? Because he likes dichotomy. That's his audience. That's that's his brand.

It's a weird audience. And we have asked Christian. Yeah. Man, we talked a little bit about this. I think we talked about in the stream where they Christian, someone came and paid there fucking their bat there. They're out. You know what?

There they pay their bail. They are out wearing the sonnet shoe now. Like necklace just like I'm just beef. Juice is loose. Christian could probably probably just die You know that wouldn't be bad and I'm not until the trial because we need that content I don't even all right just lastly a dude But as naked at a UFC gym just started to attacking people at the gym

So that's kind of a weird thing to do because it's probably a fetish Is there not something scary the truly scary being attacked by a naked man? Oh, yeah, what's this but see that movie Naked man attacks naked man attacks five through seven. Yeah, some of those are incredible. Keanu believes isn't it believes? Keanu believes is amazing in those and his cock is 14 inches long. I can see it actually It's the one it's the it's a serious David Kronenberg movie when they're fighting in the men's like it's like the gym Or whatever they're all fighting each other. It's just great. He's just scary Fighting it is extremely difficult, but I also think it's kind of kind of advantageous because then nobody can get at you

They can't grab your clothes because you're slick as an eel Yeah, he was uh, he so he ran out of the UFC gym and then he started harassing a wheelchair bound man And then he clobbered him in the back of the head with a bag And then he had another citizen with a bag and then the cops arrived and he tazored him history of violence with Viggo Mordensen Oh history of violence. You know what? Maybe I just have to rewatch it's great movie I didn't think it was violent enough. Well, you get today There's a couple of scenes, but I was I thought but maybe you was in a different mood You might be confused with the other movie called a most violent year, which is the most violent thing that happens that movies like a cough

It is an extremely boring movie except it's got my girl Jessica Chastain and it yeah She's really aware that that she's your gal. She sent a bunch of letters back. I've been sending letters So anyway, this was in Miami and it was at 9 20 p.m. So have fun. Have fun with it. Have fun with that a seagull didn't bite by that guy's cock off. I just Nothing safe. Yeah, nothing's safe poo poo fall from the sky. Yeah, and that not a demon And that's crazy and the fact that seagulls think your your balls are eggs. I'm gonna teach you Where these seagulls and reading comprehension? I want to see these seagulls intelligence levels from other countries Mm-hmm. They think I've not heard another story from Japan where seagull thinks that somebody's balls are fucking eggs

I haven't seen this story in Europa. Nope. I haven't either Oh, also, there's a new weapon out there. That's that's used That they can take drones out of the sky with a kinetic attack with non kinetic attacks. Cool. So that's happening Very fun Man, I can't want a big weapon. You I don't want a little dumb gun I don't want a rifle, man. I want a drone dude. I would be fucking awesome All right, we get so much more work if we just had that leverage We could do single-handed draw warfare against the studios. We'll end that strike. Oh, yeah

Strike unit man. I'm striking. Are you striking? Oh, yeah. Well, isn't that I just wanted? Yes I voted yes to saying yes to that. We would say yes to striking democracy in action. I love it man. No, baby Big change what are you gonna do with all that free time? Superstores still on extremely business superstore. Don't you worry about all right? Let's do hero of the week I don't know if this really counts, but I'm calling it and it's gonna be a person. Whoa Oh, yes, this is a lassoer. He's a cowboy. I love a man with skill interstate 75 But barely there's a cow on it And it was in Holly, Michigan on Sunday and instead of just shooting the cow like cops with it

Who was a person they called in a dude who was a official cow wrangler? So and then he came and then he Lassoed the cow. Well, yeah, it's a job Oh, that's incredible though. I mean it is one of those things where you know, it's like when people say oh We were talking about John Cena. He's talking about how he doesn't want to have kids But because he's he's got the number one make-a-wish Like grants like oh, it's such a shame that you won't have kids But he's just saying hey just because the bare minimum. I don't hate kids. This doesn't mean I should be a father

Also the same thing here to his credit. He sees them all die like make-a-wish is very sad It's very hard It is yeah, I mean it's hard to do that. Yeah, because extremely difficult when you're making a way like things aren't good No, no, no, no, no, and again We've done this bit before the better the wish that you're being granted as a child the closer to death You know that you are be honest. They'll just wait it out. Oh, yeah, dude If you held in John roles in your hospital room, you only have days left. It's over and also with CGI You hit the big homerun. Just fake it

Just fucking fake it. Who cares? Who cares? You mean to tell me? At that point, who cares? That's where chat GPT's gonna come in and start taking jobs from people granting wishes for make-a-wish, but they're just gonna fake it. They take the whole World Series game. Who cares? It doesn't matter. Anyway, so the cow was going around and having fun and then this guy Lassoed him. The police say the bovine was not charged and is back in the pasture with a story to tell the other livestock Hey, I mean so they didn't give the name of the guy that last Yeah, they didn't even say the name of the guy that saved the day. It's a pretty shitty hero. I Mean, I actually know because again, he did his job. He didn't he didn't lasso it and then rape the cow

Oh, he didn't know he didn't like, you know, like he didn't take the highway hostage No, I say like no, he said is a that's a man that the tea arrived and he's a job He didn't brag. Actually, I think that makes him more of a hero than anything knowing for a fact that we don't know his name The man did his job and then he hopped on to a another horse Yeah, I think you're gonna win away and he's like a real cowboy. So that's a good work for you masculine man Oh Marvel man. Hope you quit Because you're gonna get them out. Oh, yeah, the final moments of the actual Marlboro man

They they hid that. Oh, no. No, yeah, he became a tumbleweed. Yes, he did. Here we go. Here's some listener letters Letters tangible. Oh, this just in pony express. Oh, let me get them there in my satchel So when I was in nursing school, we have to do clinicals Essentially going to a hospital as a student and following nurses around learning what a quote in the trenches At the end of every day of clinical the group would get back together and with our professor for the day talk about our day As a group share stories. Yes, this hospital in Bartlesville, Oklahoma Had a floor that was set to be renovated but was being used as storage for the time

So they're having us use the nurse break room on that floor for our meetings after clinical Okay, we frequently heard doors opening and closing during our meetings But we didn't think anything of it. They didn't they were just retrieving something from storage room somebody else one day Sure, however, what's different? We were wrapping up doing our meeting When a call light went off from one of the rooms and we could hear the bell ringing at the nurse's station This being the system patients can call to get nurses or staff through now again the floor is not being used So a call like going off was definitely on the street

This was an old system didn't have the ability to talk to the room like new ones that are basically like phones to the nurse's station This is creepy. Yeah, we canceled the call thinking was just a glitch or someone jumped the button We're retrieving supplies or we actually bumped the button while retrieving supply. Okay, we had made a five steps before the light went off again Several of us thought it was creepy. I thought nothing of it Is it possible that someone is actually dying a very no, there's it was no one was there. Okay. No there the system doesn't work anymore Okay, okay, there's a couple of our rough and tumble army medics Training to be nervous to say that they're gonna go check it out

They went to the room and opened the door the room was filled with hospital beds arranged like tetris blocks filling the room and across the room The call light was flashing nobody bumped it. It was literally impossible to get to No sooner had they stepped from the room, but the call light for every room went off at once Whoa station all 30 plus rooms in addition several rooms that were left open around the unit slam shut Including the door into the break room. We were using listening a scream from those who didn't want to who had one to Ridgely leave the room as well a huge solid corridor into the unit slammed open so hard It hit the wall behind it and left a crack in the sheet rock I'm starting to think having your weekly meetings or daily meetings abandoned hospitals very frightening and maybe ill youth very scary

Yeah, then slam closed so hard or we couldn't open it. We had a call maintenance to let us out We were stuck inside this the call lights all immediately stopped after the big door had slammed shut The door should have been able to do that. It was an automatic door that needed to code to even open It was on hydraulics. They got to get Patrick Ewing in there, dude This is extra three shit angel. We wrapped our meeting early that day hospitals in a hole are pretty creepy And into my time working as a nurse I've seen my fair share of movement at the corner of my eye doors opening or shutting without reason but nothing compares to that day Whoo, very very scary. They don't teach that in nursing school. No, they don't they just teach you how to save a life

They do or take one slowly without getting caught. It's you just learn that yourself. That's called a side hustle Yes, I mean seriously I would say one in five angels of death nurses that kill used to be great. Yeah. Oh, yes Oh, yeah, I think most of them don't get caught a lot of times or do they do it habitually do they do it a couple of times Also organ harvested. Oh very much so very absolutely corn comes in in September's Kidneys actually really good in spring. There you go. Now when you read this in vision my mom was Louie Anderson character mama baskets Because it's basically who my mother is. Okay. She's Midwestern nice and loves Costco. That's they tell me what she got there So my mom is half Swedish. She's born here immigrant parents

And she heard like the one ghostong that was about Satan and she was really excited, right? Because she found out that they were Swedish Oh, I've been sitting in a ghost for years because I love ghosts truly Disband love the game. So one man band but he hires people like yeah, it's one guy who is ghost Oh, no shit and he hires people out to go and concert with him But he makes all the albums. Yeah, I think he's got more of a collective band now But I like him some people kind of deride him But I like him as a full-on circusly satanic rock. Okay, you enjoy your

Tomes I do. Yes, I do now. I've been listening to ghost for years I never brought it up to her because I don't feel like being evangelized every time I go home She loves to do that, especially during Christmas. So I'm here for a random weekend. I'm wearing one of my ghost shirts And she's like, oh, I like that shirt. What is it? And they said it's my favorite band ghost and she's like, oh my god, that's devil music Right daddy showed them to me and then at first I was excited because they're Swedish But then they were summoned in the devil and God the ghost isn't allowed in my home Why do you like them? And I said mom stop nobody summoning the devil. It's just music

I'm pretty sure she's praying for my soul now and wishing she never took us to a non-denominational church Non-denominational church with the bad praise band and we laugh at the bad praise band My mom said I'm gonna kill you both when we get home and eat a bucket of KFC over your dead bodies Isn't that sweet? Yeah, I was getting more of a there was gonna be a more book buddy. Well, you know, I agree with the mom though I agree with the mom if you're gonna summon the devil music is a great way to do it It's a classic trope for a reason. It's also it's the devil's pavilion. Also. I think God likes music Everyone seems to like

He likes Covered music, but where they replaced the word jizz with God. Oh, yeah, like anything just replaced Oh, baby, baby, like that Amy crap some god on my back Lord There you go. Some god on my belly Christ my neck my back my pussy and my god. Whoa Yeah, cuz God made all that he did. He made that pussy. Hey, thank you God for making that wet-ass pussy Because that's why he made it get wet and when you look it down and you notice that poo-poo's wet We will look down. You know that pussy's wet. You better open it and poo-poo and then you can love the fact that thankfully my wife's vagina's not a but

And you can I mean, you know live Wondering whether or not it's gonna change you at any time and then live in that has I think that we've learned human adaptability I truly believe if we woke up tomorrow and buttholes were vaginas and vaginas were buttholes and our Shlong and ding-dong and our balls were on the other. I think people would just be like, oh, okay It's eventually we'd laugh about it. We would laugh at some point We would be like hey remember when buttholes were in pussies and then you had to back into each other Oh, yeah, do you remember like we were talking like yeah, that would be a bit like our grandkids being like What was that like? It's like well, you know, yeah, exactly. We used to see each other's faces

I wouldn't be able to have sex with your mother until of course our privates went on the other side And now we just bump into a bump butts And that's how you are about it now is I can have an orgasm at a certain city. Isn't that nice and give birth on your stomach? Okay, everyone. Well, thank you so much for listening. Hail yourselves. Really really really good. Really good I got spring hill jack coffee in hell Satan if he went with us relations Also, July 16th cops comedy club in San Francisco. I get out of San Francisco and so fucking long So it's been a minute man. It'll be interesting. We've got a mission burrito for me. Yeah I didn't even open anymore also mission burrito. I think it is a different connotation now. What? Yeah

Yeah, it's when you do the dirty dozen with 13 guys. All right, everyone. Thank you for listening dirty doesn't with 13 guys I actually that's incredible. Yeah This show is made possible by listeners like you thanks to our ad sponsors You can support our shows by supporting them for more shows like the one you just listened to go to last podcast network.com