Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Prancer

Episode Date: April 14, 2021

Ben 'n' Henry break down this week's true crime news: Prancer the demonic Chihuahua, a man molests Elmo, a game of hitman musical chairs, a man attacks a traffic cop with his own feces, and MUCH MORE.PS - Some audio issues with Henry's mic on this one. Back to normal next week.Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0

There's no place to escape to. This is the last time on the left side stories That's when the cannibalism started side stories. Yeah Oh, I'm some kind of clown, huh? I'm some kind of clown who's here supposed to amuse you, huh? Yes, you are I Accept you except for this job Ever wanted to be a clown I never understood the people that were clowns early on and then became like real serious Then they started making movies that have like just colors in the name Being like don't you didn't you just love being the clown? Don't you just want to be there and toss up the balls and have a floppy hat on and have everyone just be like

Thank you. Thank you for your screams. Well, and as we learned from Francis favorite comedian Jerry Lewis Sometimes being serious gets your film banned forever. So don't bother Apparently the clown who cried it was barely serious. Oh, that there are full extensive comedic bits in it, which is a part of why it Didn't do as well because it was the Holocaust. Yeah. Yeah, but you know Roberto Bernini also did his stupid little hat That was a little life is beautiful. We will disagree about that forever I thought that was beautiful and I liked when he climbed over all the stairs at the Oscars It was the last time I cared what a celebrity did at an award show. It was 1990 whatever and that little Italian

Struck a cord and a fat Ben kissle midwestern heart and I said I just want to be like that man who survived the Holocaust That's true Italian one Italian. I'll let live Absolutely. Hey, what's up? Welcome to side stories everyone. I am Ben hanging out with Henry. Hope everyone is doing well out there I'm doing great because I've been doing nothing but looking at prison food videos evidently a lot of prisoners now have cell phones inside of the can and they show us what they're eating and I'm just gonna say it is not Chef's kiss well seen it looks to be like if Ratatouille was also a serial murderer

And he was also the head chef. It's not good We just have to do everything possible to not go to prison kissle Yeah, we have to do everything possible because you and I if we went in together We could have fun You would be together in the mess hall we would have fun I think that they would play nuts to butts with us and they would insert you into me and me into you fight Whatever vice versa, whatever the day was and then they would say master blaster And then you would have to get on my shoulders and now to have to pretend to be really dumb

But then you would also have to pretend to be very powerful and then that would be fun for you and tell we play Yeah, oh my god As a matter of fact that we play of mice and men and then you kill I don't like these games anymore The big man has been tormented for too long because you are too big by God's law And that's why you were always punished punished by society punished by nature. It's not my fault that I was born perfect Yeah, look at me perfect body breasts of a 25 year old influencer I've got the legs of a 60 year old man on a yacht. Yes, I'm the best I've ever been But let's I do think though, you know, we'd have fun in our own way if we went because I don't know if it's true or not

This is side stories LP otl the gmail.com if you have been a prisoner, is it good in prison to have a gimmick? Well, apparently I did get a dm from one prisoner Evidently I did talk about this on the Elcatraz episode when it comes to the bird man of Elcatraz when you are a snitch You don't go to protective custody per se you go to a separate unit So I did learn that I've also been watching a lot of EOS aka end of sentence on YouTube He did hard time. He's a white Crip and he's a white Crip He's a white Crip so they're allowed sometimes and he talks a lot about what goes on the inner workings of prison at the end of the day You know, the number one rule be respectful. Otherwise, you're going to be violently violently hurt

I know that game. I know what it'd be like. Yes, sir. Mr. Cannibal sir Hi. Hi. Hello. Oh, do you want to do hear my impression of the warden? That's how I get in I do impressions of the warden. I do everybody's favorite jail guard I go like move I do food reviews like oh, it's been like, uh, this is not even fit for chest on the molester And the molester is like at me. Oh, I'm the molester and everyone's like everybody's that guy, right? Let's go get the guest. Let's go get that guy today. Hey everybody Let's go band together and beat the fuck out of that child molester today, huh? Well either way I think I think you nailed it. Have you been watching the gasey documentary series on peacock? Yes speaking of clowns

I have watched a bit of the gasey documentary and I have to admit Even though we covered him even though I have heard about him for my entire life. I Still forget every time how brutal he was and it's interesting talking because there's a generation of boys Obviously, this is the late 70s. It's interesting talking or hearing them talk now as men Talking about very similar to how your mother talks about a son of Sam where she changed her hair color She changed her hair cut thing, but for the young boys They all talked about how this was the end of their innocence They realized the boogeyman was real and I think that perspective of the male

Young victim and how that translates for the rest of their lives many of them got into law enforcement because of it How that translates it was I liked it I thought there were some interesting new things in a very well-treaded story Gasey I realized because you know we covered him back in the day and There is a lot to sort of you know, we make fun of these motherfuckers He is a chubby face moron. Yes, but that is though this time upon rewatching and seeing just seeing him talk so much You just forget like man was he actually very dangerous very dangerous the bald face lies Him being able to sit there and up until he was executed fighting saying I didn't do this

I had nothing to do with this. It was somebody else Incorporating more and more of his very ornate very bald lies. Yep Like just couldn't be more of a pathological liar and you watch it mean like it doesn't even move the needle He couldn't access his own genuine self if he wanted to he would he had no access to emotions whatsoever, he was just this fear and The way he bet because even talk to me like they made a big deal about calling me saying that I was crazy when I went into Prison because the first thing they asked me they're like all we want to speak to mr. Gacy and I said oh do you want to speak to Gacy the clown?

Do you want to speak to Gacy the contractor? Do you want to speak to Gacy the undercover cop, right? What and it was like oh you told them you had multiple personalities You lied to try to get an insanity plea throughout all of this bullshit meanwhile you sat talk about also the Symbolism of control sitting on top of 29 bodies well not just that as well not just him I also didn't quite realize how big the parties were at his house They were talking about how they would have 200 people sometimes and this is when the crawl spaces were just starting to fill up So maybe you have 15 18

I mean there I believe there's a total of 26 there and a couple in the river It was 29 under the house, and then there was four in the river So there was not just he it was so many others and just a strange like you imagine y'all became complicit They all came the old party on top of a graveyard, but they became victims as well because of course You know and that that was another thing that I thought the documentary will get to a new story here in a second But I thought the documentary did a good job of extrapolating how like the it wasn't obviously the victims are key But then everything else that blossomed out the nuclear explosion that was John Wayne Gacy's life My god, it is fascinating. So check that documentary out on peacock

Although I wish try to pirate it try to try to pirate it try to download it I had I'm a peacock because I had to get peacock because they have WWE Network And they got me and I'm upset and I'm not talking about it because this is not kind of fun my wrestling show But when one they could have done ten minutes on the one boy that was inspired by his clowning though Where John Wayne Gacy showed up at an eighth grade birthday party and the guy and he clowned so good And a boy had one single teardrop and then that boy went on to vaudeville or went on to storm the capital on January 6th After being on mr. Show, whatever it might be. He may he must have inspired at least one Enter time like oh look, you don't have to have any talent to be a clown. Oh

You are I actually think he was quite talented because the reviews were in and the reviews were hot It sounded like he he put it on again All of his jokes sound like they were never actually very funny in the end. They were just well He's decided to do this. He is volunteering his time to be a clown So they're not gonna be like get out of here. You fucking talentless clown cuz technically he has arrived to make Cancer children laugh. But guess what? I don't think cancer kids even like clowns. I think they like women with huge breasts You know what bro? I'm with you on that baseball hit it on the head although cancer kids like women with huge breasts I suppose or John John Cena or any kind of professional wrestler and I have to say this if I wish I only wish I could be one

I wish I could be a celebrity athlete for one day to say cancer child I'm gonna make your wish come true said man. I hope you hit the three pointer at the buzzer I don't know why he sounds like puffin and I don't know okay young kid and I do it and then the cow would be Last memory and then I'm the final memory and the final thing that he experienced on earth was peer joy You know technically the flip reverse side of that is John Wayne Gacy Who was actually the last memory a lot of those little boys had but their last memories were total terror But it's also weird about you're wanting to control their last memory is a weird controlling impulse No, I don't want I want them to have fun for their last memory before they go off to the pearling

They should go on a roller coaster technically you should put all those kids in a roller coaster. Let them die on there That is one way to do it. And of course you can go to Six Flags now John Wayne Gacy check out the documentary Six Flags is open Self clap for Henry Zabrowski. I'm just gonna hop right into a new story here because we're talking about John Wayne Gacy Let's just I'm actually gonna keep it light to start because we've been talking about animal Or not animal stuffed animal rather Evidently this is not just about stuffed animals when it comes to people having sex with them This is not just about stuffed animals. This is not just about the characters from frozen

Evidently Elmo is also in the sexual mix. I want to know what Elmo was wearing in this room Nothing to be fair and he is demanding to be tickled But look at this. So this comes from the smoking gun. This story is just you know, why do we let anybody into our homes? I don't know this guy Kevin Wayne van Luven He's 59. He was arraigned this week on mr. Miener Charges Because he was found on camera. It was a camera in the home specifically where the infant slips and sleeps in the nursery and And evidently he was having sex with their Elmo doll and I again

I just put you by your own Is there something with somebody else's Elmo doll that makes it more erotic? Do you think because why not just go by a tickle me Elmo? I don't fucking know Kissel and I don't know why in 2021 how many months has it been for? I want to say this is the fourth story this year. I don't know covered and I that's why we're even bringing it back up because What is Happening last year with the family annihilators. This is people having sex with plushie dolls. Well, that's not as bad as family

Improving a little bit All right, so here we go. This comes from the smoking gun Well unaware he was being recorded by a nursery camera a Michigan home inspector Pleasureed himself with an Elmo doll Kevin Wayne van Looven 59 feel it not so fine was a rain yesterday on a pair of mr. Miener Charges, which is still I can't believe it's a mr. Miener Um I don't know dude. I think there should be a third category That says like a yeah time out. Yeah a yucky yucky crime department where you need a timeout

From anything good like you shouldn't be allowed to have a fried chicken sandwich No investigators say van Looven had been hired by the home's owners to inspect their property prior to sale So for you for if you guys are you know those of you that have a house or know like what you do is you buy a house And then or you're trying to buy a house and in the middle of that whole scenario you normally will have a somebody who comes and Inspect the house the inspect the house to make sure that it's up to code make it to kind of find out whether or not It's worth the amount of money that the people that are selling the house say that it's worth And you figure out all the kind of mold remediation all it's kind of bullshit

right my buddy and my buddy in Minneapolis just did that and believe it or not most home inspectors are there at the behest of the person who's about to be buying the house and it ends up they find a lot of problems air quotes problems and Then they slowly knock money off of the price and that is kind of the job of the home inspector Unless they or they in certain cases if they don't catch problems, then you find out you have like a massive Systemic problem in your house. You don't know until it's after you hone it That didn't just happen to me But with this guy he so the owners told the police that they led van Looven in with the buyer's real estate agent into the home Then the part of the residence during the March 12th inspection

While away from the property a 22 year old female homeowner They received you receive a alert on her phone that a webcam had detected movement in the residence nursery Which I imagine would be like you'd be very scared This is the beginning or the middle or perhaps the end of a lot of horror movies you have a nursery you detect movement You say I'm not in there. My baby's not in there What could be happening and then sure enough you look at your phone and you see a man inserting his penis Into your child's Elmo doll. No, I'm gonna say this. No, but it's I'm gonna say this No, let me say that apparently this there's steps here Kessel. Okay, he didn't just start with the Elmo apparently she turned on her phone

She watched him to start you started jerking off Solo standing in a nursery. Can I just say this about can I just say this about phones? Maybe have a talk back like I just want my if I'm watching somebody jerk off in my home I just want to hit a button and just be like and now he can hear me like sir Sir, could you sir? I see you sir, sir. Yeah, that would be incredible, but he'd go like yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He needed to so this is also I Don't have this power of imagination anymore I have to look at porn or look at something or look at kind of like I have to dredge up a memory If I'm gonna masturbate when it comes down to it, but this man just walked stood into a nursery pulled out his dick dry

Just started jerking off and then all of a sudden he looked at an Elmo doll sitting in the corner and he's like, huh Finally a helper. He picked up the Elmo doll and then had sex with the Elmo doll Afterwards, all right, so you might be wondering what is the fine for something like this other than the most Important fine that you can't monetize which is the fine of public shame and this is why bringing back the stocks Just bringing back. I suppose this is a version of stocks Yucky crimes where it's just let the world know the man doesn't belong in prison forever Whatever he is someone who is obviously very ill But just let the neighborhood know that if you have a toy lock him up when he's around and don't allow this man in your home anymore

That would you have some very selfish? I feel like you put the yucky crime division you put a guy in the stocks for a couple of days He's then forced to speak to some very self-serious Anchor right like like I'm trying to think someone who did everybody likes but also was like kind of mean like when creamer had to Apologize to Jerry Seinfeld and David Letterman for being racist Yes, like that very Awkwardly the audience kind of laughs at first and then Jerry has to be like no, this is serious. This is serious. No you need to have somebody like Somebody that maybe everybody likes or I'm like who's it good so Larry David? I think that Larry no, I think Larry

I think it's either him or like Rachel McAdams like a very beautiful face actor So we're all forced to see her reaction when you get the things out and she goes like why did you do this? Why Elmo do you are you sexually attracted to Elmo the child monster because Elmo's a child monster? He is I agree with you on that. Okay, but that might actually make other people masturbate I'm gonna take I'm gonna take it But I'm gonna give it to Octavia Octavia Spencer because I feel like her reaction would be Oscar winning which he's like What did you do? Okay, yes, the person that man the man looks as if he is like if butthead grew up and had sex with an Elmo doll in a nursery

That's what he looks like he is Being charged with aggravated with with malicious destruction of property under two hundred dollars now if I was his defense so If I was his defense lawyer, I would say was it malicious destruction of property? It's Elmo so that was the only I would push back a little bit on that with the big That's the big crime here is that he ruined a doll. I don't know if that's the crime here No, I think it was the the doing it in somebody else's home in their nursery And then yeah, erratically the kid would touch the doll if they parents didn't know this is why smell every single stuffed animal You have in your house single no put it nowhere near your face

Put it nowhere near your face. Just check it check it for crust to make things worse for this man He is in the Oakland County Jail where he's being held on twenty five hundred dollar bond And again, I'm watching a lot of my little prison documentaries on YouTube prison reform is the most important Criminal justice reform is the social issue of our lifetime slavery still yes It's in our prison system that being said when you go to prison They check your papers and they see if you're they call them a chomo child molester something like that You go in there and you have Fucked an Elmo doll. I don't know if that makes you the safest man in jail or the most

Prayed upon man in jail because I if I was in jail, I wouldn't know what do I beat you up? Or do I avoid? I don't know what to do with that. I feel like I feel like you could give the guy a solid shove Maybe like no you're walking around here and I'm staring at you I'm with you all time and then you kind of either because you could either do lean into the joke I mean like you know like Joe look I got something else from the commissary and you like bring out another stuffed animal like what's up? Like I'm like hey guys, it's funny been like yeah, I'm not that guy anymore I know those two weeks ago, but I'm not that guy anymore. Yeah, not that guy

Well, if things don't go well for him in court assuming they won't he faces up to two years in prison So that is I guess no pillow is safe. Don't he's gonna put in googly eyes on his bed and I I just don't worry this man still has his the man still has his defenders What I love is my fucking love the internet and just it's bottomless endless ability to I don't even know It's just the the takes that people have this is a comment on the article How could he be charged with indecent exposure? He was alone in a room. He didn't know there was a camera That seems to be an unfair charge does it

Is it is it bad? I think that might be that man It might just be himself with multiple accounts Just being like like with the emoji with your hands are up with your palms to the heavens in your face It's just like no Sometimes you just randomly get struck to fucking Elmo doll I just hasn't happened to us yet and maybe maybe we maybe you honestly, what if it just happens one day when you walk into your home I know you have some cool like you have some cool demonic stuff. What if all of a sudden you just walk into your room You get rock hard with the dune figure a figure that you got over Christmas when we did hidden presents

All of a sudden you look at your dune figurine you get rock hard and you just have to you have to do it I will go to a hospital I'll try I'll go to a hospital take me to hospital because you cannot tell Natalie No, no, you know me though. I would tell Natalie. I mean Natalie really knows she's on the lookout For when she has to call the hospital because I've given her full permission I was just like, you know at some point. Yeah, I'll be mad if they come and they grab me and I'm gonna be thrashing and shit But you know in the end I'm gonna be like, thank you For calling them because maybe I had lost perspective on my afternoon

Yes, well that'll be fantastic for all of us as we sit next to you at your bedside and you'll just be like did you How am I doing? How am I doing guys? You're doing great, Henry Because that's all I asked me like I obviously don't know how I'm doing So hope you guys can tell me that things are okay again, huh? Come on guys. It's just it's just me buddy It's me. I'm not that guy anymore either way. Well van Louvin He is looking at two years as I said, so we'll see what not the hero of the week No, he is not this week's hero of the week is actually kind of a surprise, but we will celebrate anyone who does anything good Even if they're not necessarily folks that we are

particularly close with but anyway, let's move on I just want to kind of briefly talk about the story just because I'd like to follow up with it when we know more about it But obviously things are opening back up and what has that led to immediately? It's led to mass shootings I think that there's been four in the last month Not no one's doing anything about it. I mean why rush well in Georgia You can register for a firearm online now, so there's oh great great But there is this one comes from former NFL player Philip Adams He murdered five people his neighbors and two children and then he killed himself this story

I want to find out whether or not CTE is connected to this or If there's something else, but he walked into a neighbor's house and he killed the whole family So what a whole family? Yeah, this was actually the doc. This was actually his doctor So it was his doctor and his wife and then of course their grandchildren that were killed by this man The guy's name is Philip Adams. I believe he had a six-year NFL career not that that matters Again, he killed five people in two including two kids And one of those people is himself as well. So he killed the family and he also Randomly killed a person who was just working on the home who was fixing there. I believe air conditioning

So he was just in the wrong spot at the wrong time He dipped out to his mom's house the cops followed him there or found him there a standoff ensued and he committed suicide So this I don't even know where it's very scary So this or he's just so sad. Yeah, it's very sad I also wonder because they feel like there's interest because he's a former NFL player and I think What I kind of know about NFL players is that it's very difficult job, right? Oh, I got so intense you have to be very smart to be an NFL player because you have to know all the plays and It's a shifting environment and you have to be able to do all these. It's a lot of memorization

It's a lot of work. It's a lot of prep going into each game And so again, that's a part of it is that you look at somebody like this How does somebody go from that? It seems to be like I mean even though we know the NFL is filled with a bunch of fucking mean Crazy monsters because everybody beats each other all day, but also like It's just well there are some this job where you have to you have to carry You have to like be able to carry yourself in a very highly Corporate world and then something like this happens

It's right, you know, and of course when it comes to the NFL, there's no guarantee usually and it's an extremely high-stress job But nonetheless his father Philip Adams father does say it was something to do with football He said the football ruined my son the CTE conversation is there But I do have to say there's a lot of people with CTE There's a lot of people with a lot of different brain issues that don't commit these crimes Yes, and you know when you get to the superstar level or when you get to the professional athlete level they are really disciplined and like the whole idea that they're like Per capita crazier than normal people isn't true, but it's so I don't even know what yeah

It's tough to make jokes on this one. It's just oh, no It's not it just a it's one of those I would like to see if there's any a follow-up to this Yeah, what the state of his brain was and I don't know if he shot himself in that I don't know if he shot himself in the head or not, but even if he did I guess we should probably be able to know if it's all Weird I also got into a YouTube hole of what happens when you actually get shot through the brain and that was kind of scary because it is scary There's a lot of different things Did you know the the bullet if it's from a far enough distance with a handgun can ricochet and just go all around your brain? Like it's on a gravatron and just goes on the circumference of your skull

And then it lands on top of your head like a little cherry on top and they know if it did that because they open you up And they're like oh, there's the bullet I remember that from the movie my blue heaven. There's like there's a movie. It's a talk the my blue heaven Is that what that movie is about? But there's a there's a scene in it where he talks he's like full of shit, but it on the jail He's like my buddy you like the 22 because he used to put up a get against a guy's head We like the baddest that the little bullet when it go inside the head Bounce all around

Brains into soup and it's like that. That's how I know that factoid Well, very unknown movie my goodness. That doesn't Hey, Kessel, this is from that movie. What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? Oh, what's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? You can't unscrew light bulb. You can unscrew a light bulb. Oh Yeah, I said it wrong Yes, you can unscrew a light bulb. Yes. Yeah, but I yeah, I think that's That's from that movie. Did they did they write it by what they saw on popsicle sticks?

Because isn't that like that's like a pretty old joke, isn't it? It was funny in the movie I like this movie and I honestly think that that movie got a lot of flak But that movie is Jack. That's a Zabrowski family movie We loved but Steve Martin and Rick Moranis is the FBI agent. That's a combo. You can't beat I'm with you my family's movie. I mean, we were Christmas vacation. We were a Christmas vacation. Oh Oh, absolutely Natalie and I talk about how we're the neighbors in our neighborhood all the time the two like Goth family neighbors with their shiny silver suits on but you're also the two making the loudest noise because I remember when Natalie

Put up her unbelievably great rig because she's very athletic She does all the rope training and they were very concerned that you were gonna be like the road manager for AC DC And they were like are you guys gonna have rock concerts in your backyard? And you got a lot of phone calls and the and literally they I know you don't live in an OHO a but they were about to form one to Kick you guys out Guess what though? They come from my fucking dead body if they want to come in this house They can pull me out of this house fucking kicking screaming if they want to come for me You know if you were a dog Henry despite the fact you're Polish you would be a Chihuahua

Because you're very territorial you're tiny. I am but I love who I love you love who you love And so don't be on the wrong side of Henry and don't be on the wrong side of a Chihuahua. This next story is just super cute This is one of those viral stories that came out, but it is really cute because Natalie also showed it to me This is a very it's very very cute It went people are trying to get they're trying to get this Chihuahua adopted and it is not friendly No, it is not friendly whatsoever. So this went viral on Twitter. There's a Chihuahua named prancer. It's being deemed a demonic Chihuahua Some people have said it is a Chucky doll inside of a dog's body and It seems like no one wants to take care of it

So prancer's current foster owner shared a post this past week here on April 7th of the two-year-old puppy and The dog. Let's just say has a lot of character. This is what she wrote She says I've tried for the last several months to post this dog up for adoption and make him sound palatable Not even like lovable just palatable just so you can handle it and she goes on to say the problem is He's just not there's not a very market There's not a very big market for neurotic man-hating animal hating children hating dogs that look like gremlins But he's so cute. I like his little gremlin face. I love this the breakdown, too Prancer came to me obese wearing a cashmere sweater with a bacon and egg cheese stuffed in his crate with him

I should have known in that moment this dog would be a problem He was owned by an elderly woman who treated him like a human and never socialized him Sprinkling a little genetic predisposition predisposition for being nervous and you've concocted an erotic mess a.k.a. Prancer His first week he was too terrified to have a personality as awful as it sounds. I kind of liked him better that way And just laid on the couch didn't bother anyone. I was excited to see him come out of his shell become a real dog I'm convinced at this point. He's not a real dog, but more like a vessel for a traumatized Victorian child that now haunts our home The woman that is writing this is she is going a little bit bloggy with it I it's still just a chihuahua. They are bad

But you know like I get it because Wendy bonds to Natalie right we have a chihuahua and I can see it They choose this dog only chooses women and cannot stand men in any way shape or form It doesn't seem like you could say to stand stand this woman either. Oh, so can you imagine knock knock knock knock? Doggy delivery and it's a little chihuahua and he's got his little bacon egg and cheese sandwich and he's just like I'm just moving in. I think he's very very fat You have to be very very careful about the obese animals, especially when they're small because it's a very bad for their little organs Oh, and now there's a meme with the chihuahua that says he's 50% hate and 50% tremble So please adopt this chihuahua if you can if you don't have kids

Probably if you're single and it seems like a female is probably needed for this chihuahua Maybe because it was abused by a male or whatever it might be sometimes dogs Just say they like what they like and maybe they like dog was totally pampered who knows Either way, so Adopt prancer you never know what you're gonna get and no matter You don't know remember when you adopt a dog that dog is yours and you can never return it and listen bites your child Then that's a whole system then that's a whole dog into did your dog over police I remember when my dog when polar bear he nipped a neighbor and

Yes, and my in my neighbor was like super sad, but he was a little bitchy kid I never liked that kid and then my parents were like, oh, no We're gonna have to put him down and then I cried and then I ran with polar bear to the woods for about an hour Until I got hungry and came back sure nobody should be if a tiny little nip You can't put a dog down for a tiny nip. It's an animal kids are annoying. They grab kids are bad They don't know they don't know how to handle a dog unless you train them or they know what it's like to be around a dog I think the way you a dog should be put down as if it rips the dick off a fucking beloved actor or if it attacks Um many many people in a row like if it's it's one of those where if it's an uncontained animal

And it's been trained to kill. Yeah, I would say then it's that's what it's hard That's how to bring them back if you have like Jean-Claude van paugh Then yes, you probably that's dangerous if you teach it the art of martial arts But my god most dogs you just got to give them a little bit of love and then they're gonna be okay Oh, how about this idea take the guy who fucked Elmo take demon dog cuz demon dog. Let's be honest It's probably got to go to the penitentiary Bored them together. Oh all of a sudden. He's so aroused by plush animals, but now He's gonna get beat up by the dog every day

Now all of a sudden the man is ballless after day three is dickless earless Yeah, noseless. He slowly dies. This is the solution. This is the solution Can you imagine you know if that I did just watch the entire Chucky series and that was a deleted scene where a person Breaks in and has sex with with Chucky when he has to pretend to be a doll and there's just the one tear out of Can you imagine that that's actually a really good deleted scene? I actually really like that idea of like Chucky being like it was never supposed to happen to me. Oh My god I

This next story is a I cannot believe that this story is real and I want this story I won't I cannot believe that this story is real and I really want to see this fucking movie This is this is legit and I couldn't love it more Okay, five hit men jail after each hired the other to carry out murder that was never committed This is incredible. It's comes from the independent six people have been jailed if they each hired another hitman to carry out a murder That was ever committed tan yuhui a real estate developer hired a hit man to kill a business rival for two million yawn, right? This is in China. Yes, which is 100 220,000 bucks However that hit man then subcontracted the work to another hit man

We passed it on to another hit man Oh my god gave it to another hit man who employed Another hit man who in turn engaged yet? Another hit man and then that last one instead of carrying out the hit went to the man that he was supposed to kill and asked him Will you help me fake your death? Then we will split the money It is so convoluted. I'm getting the feeling none of these people want to kill anyone at all And do the job that you say you're going to do or change the job that you have There is no such thing as a hit man. You have to kill your own people

I'm just gonna say that comes down to you have to kill your own people So listen to this shit tan who hired a guy to kill a man named mr. Hui right for the two million two million yawn That hit man he contracted another assassin that he said I'll give you One million yawn so half of what I have for you to do it for me and then up that's up front And then I'll give you one million lawn and win million on a completion of the hit So basically I get to keep 20,000 We I get to keep like 20,000 yawn on my own. Yes, I believe I think it's I think it's yen

With that with that money there, but I go good. So either way. I don't think it's yet. No, Japanese is the end I don't know what Japanese is yet. This is yawn Not it not it. I don't think we're pronouncing correct, right? But the next one is said, okay All I know is all I know is that the Canadian one dollar bill is called a loon. That's the only currency that I know Basically to put it each one degree to give the next one only half of what they have in order for them to do the thing When they finally got to the guy that talked to the victim Oh my god, okay. Listen what I need to do is let's just fake this the victim said, okay

And he joined in on the plot whoa, and he posed with his hands bound Then Ling could claim the feed like they took a picture of it. Okay act like you're killing me Okay, who had the 220,000 who had the two million before the first the first guy, okay? So now how has this money become diluted between six people? There is no money anymore like if I don't know I don't it is by the end. It was like by it was like 10,000 pot It was 10,000 Pounds by the very end This is so bizarre because there's a prison. There is a photo of them in court. They are wearing

Tan there just everything is gray. Everything is sad. They're wearing shorts They're all standing there in front of the magistrate handcuffed real estate developer and the and the and the others We're all sentenced to five years in prison. Well the hitman were well the hit men were given sentences between two and four years so Yeah, it looks like the dude who started it got double the time of every other idiot that he tried to bring into the fold Which yes, I guess makes sense, and I suppose it's a good story This is why it's a comedy because nobody's dead nobody died I don't know nothing happened. It was just this series of events. This is an episode of fucking threes company

But with here we're fucking hit man. Yeah, well either way again. It's never hit man It's always an FBI informant never I mean if you want somebody dead, you know, the best form of revenge is success so buster ass living well and then drive by their house or with your new bicycle and Or I know where they live You know we could do find out where he lives go to Tom go to the deli get the Tom Cruise special get a bunch of those fucking big Whole fish Go wait for them to leave their house

There is no evidence that he has sex with fish, but except for the fish You go you take these fish you put it up underneath the house so the floorboards That's a good way to get at somebody too, but you got to watch them for a while and find out what their schedule is Or steal their mail burn it. That's another thing you can do We used to do a lot of different tampering when we were kids be safe It's a federal crime. It is a time and the one thing we learned from the John Wayne Gacy documentary is it used to be a lot Easier people used to do a thing called disappear, but they can't anymore So you're gonna have to outsmart them. Maybe go who's hairy crumb route cut the cut the break

Fluid on the car, but does that even exist anymore? Also, they'll probably know because the car will be like intruder intruder. It's tough You got to think outside the box the best way to do it probably push them off a mountain Pose as their wife on Facebook create a fake account as their wife pretend like you're cheating on Ham right so you seed all the stuff create tender profiles of the person you're trying to get revenge is Significant other create it and then just start proliferating and just sending all this kind of stuff There's so many ways to get revenge. That's that murder. Yep. Absolutely. Well, I will say I look this up I'm not gonna get into a detail this episode because we did aliens last episode, but there is a there is a legit

Another UFO piece of footage that came out which is a gigantic pyramid UFO Which is this shit that they've been talking about for a year They're saying this picture of this pyramid UFO is going to come out and the Pentagon has confirmed Officially that it is real. Okay, there's a leak, but I also don't know what the hell It means when the Pentagon finally admits that something is real because then it comes down to it. They are they don't They will never come out of something with a losing Arrangement whatever it is that they're doing they're doing it to forward some agenda from the inside So them coming forward and saying death this pyramid

Picture that has been leaked is real Somehow plays into whatever the hell it is that they want anyway, but it's very compelling for it It is compelling footage It is and you have to wonder all the smoke screens going on around us and how interesting it is that Disclosure has just sort of rolled out. It's here and yet no one cares You can't believe it But if you can't believe these people or fee people do because Because you have to be highly critical of anything that comes out of Washington Washington

Absolutely, you have to look at it and understand like well, there are many vectors at work here It's not just oh this leaks like because they're there might be There might be a Fucking tack that says that the government is trying to be quote-unquote Transparent about this because it's like the one thing that they can be transparent about without getting all of the political blowback They want that like they're finally sick see look we're clear on this we're clear You know and then you know they are still probably full of shit They've been full of shit up to this point. So why would they all of a sudden be like good guys?

Well and speaking of full of shit great segue Henry that goes to this next story out of Edgewater this fella There's a mugshot of him. He's balding. He has a shirt on that says redneck nation with an AR-15 over his A breast pocket the man looks as if he is someone who is a sovereign citizen Which of course is great in theory, but in practice it can also lead to a lot of trouble He was pulled over in Culver County for speeding evidently. He was not too happy with that He told the cow you have like my car is my own country My country travels at whatever speed is the rules inside of my country and to me that is 75 miles per hour That's basically what he was saying

He was telling the cops to get the fuck away from me give me the fucking ticket the cops are like, okay Well, I don't think that's gonna work out. So they asked him to exit the vehicle He exits the exit's the vehicle and again talk about privilege We see what's going on in Minneapolis in a similar situation This man is that the very Walk out of his car. He just gets to do fucking whatever. I don't get it I don't get it except for the fact that it's just so it's white power gangs have taken over every single police department Well, certainly Minneapolis has a lot of work to do on that front

And hopefully change is near because it must be so he so this dude he's pulled over and he's getting all livid He has a little knife the deputies pull him out of the car He he kind of tries to stab a deputy, but it doesn't really work So then he's put on the corner and he's sitting there in handcuffs and it's when he is in handcuffs He takes a big old dump in his shorts and now this dump in the shorts. He starts digging around like a trouble It's a weapon. It becomes a weapon So he's digging around in his own asshole grabbing his own human shit putting it all over his hands And then he attempts to smear it all over the cops and he didn't somehow

Get shot isn't that in this scenario. I don't get it No, as a matter of fact a jail van responded to the scene and transported so hovich That's his name to the culvert County Detention Center where he was booked for speeding disorderly conduct resisting arrest and Being covered in human shit Is that a crime in this country? I think he being covered with shit to crime in this country I thought that this was a free place You can be covered in shit, but I think if you're covered in shit and start running after people in the town square being like well, oh Come and get your dookie hug

Then I think it becomes a crime half a art then has to be a crime Well, I I think if you walk into the museum, you're complicit and therefore part of the art if you are I don't need like if Yoko just started swinging singing Yoko on oh, she started singing on the street I would try to press charges, but if I go to the Met and I see her sing You asked that to myself. So I if you go to the mr. Dookie man exhibit at yes You or you probably would have to sign a release though that says I not only a Mokay with shit getting on me, but that is his extra artistic expression I hope to get shit on me. I completely agree. So Adam Paul so over here. So so hovich. So hovich Adam Paul so hovich

Um, yeah, just maybe don't speed so much. Also, um, don't cover yourself. Don't attack the police and human shit Also, I don't know how he lived through this scenario Um, and that seems to be the big problem here. Yeah, he tried to grab a knife and you again You can imagine so but speaking of comments. It is very interesting Because some people This is one comment from Jeff Thompson on behalf of the human family my sympathies to the police This piece of shit is clearly a lawless hating maladjusted

Democrat Again, he is wearing a t-shirt that says a red-necked nation with an ar-15 on it I don't know if he is a Democrat exactly, but that is of Oh my god. Oh, yeah, yeah looking at the comments just below are just so a choice because Everybody's so another person and broken and Marie Graham says don't be so quick to judge. It's possible This man was having a psychotic episode. Yeah, really? It is. Yeah, it is possible. It is possible And what are you gonna do with these guys? Also? Don't look up this story. We almost got fooled. The Florida's Amy

Oh, I know with the stripper shooting pussy juice all everybody gets wrong. It's not real, but we wanted it to be real Sometimes when things are too good to be true, they are just that I have that experience every time the mugshot of the goth guy with the big With the eye shadow on they are always like he's an undertaker and he found a bunch of babies and he killed a bunch of people You can't get any real news around here. Can you we can't anymore? But you know, it's real the hero of the week is real. It is real. All right. Let's do hero of the week Kind of on a left field or right field in this case perhaps But I am giving hero of the week to the LSU frat brothers who paid off a mortgage So scared of their lovely cook after 30 years, so they gave

Jesse Hamilton she was their cook. I guess at the house for a long time. They treated her well That's what she says. They paid her $51,000 ahead of her 74th birthday in celebration of all of her hard work And they dubbed April 3rd Jesse Hamilton day. This is what she had to say. She says they were my kids They still are they used to tell me they loved me and now they proved it during her time at the Fiji house from 1982 to 1996 Hamilton a single mother of three would start her days at 4 a.m To get a camp and they would give her oh my god. She just did everything for these people and she says I enjoyed doing it They loved my cooking. I was always there to talk things through with them

They'd come in the kitchen and sit on top of my counter and tell me their problems So this woman is hero of the week along with the LSU frat bros who paid off her who paid off her Home mortgage, but you know, it is just do you think that they still just it for the sake of it Went in there and played oaky-cokey like one last time. I Am not going to malign all of the Greek society, but yeah, it's possible I don't want to be an asshole on it I just never did the frat thing and if you need no the frat thing good. That's why I just never I cost it it costs too much money

It's why I didn't join UCB because I didn't believe in paying money for France Which now I didn't realize was a massive mistake in terms of your career But that's because that's what everybody does because they learned it from the secret schools They learned her from skulls and bones and literally the Illuminati system just crept its way him to Show business and just in general the entire world. So everybody knows you have to pay to play no matter what it's called the American curse But the LSU system, you know, like they did something nice They did something nice and that's what matters because everyone can do something nice And I know cultures are changing across the board and

Mm-hmm, and they're they're trying the frats are trying to clean up. I just don't know how much you can inherently Clean up. I mean cuz well, it's not not being bad. It's it's like they could still be drew They're still binge drinking and fucking making each other suck each other's dicks and stuff like that But that's fun. That's like what frats do. That's what they're that's what they're supposed to me It was always the the monetization of friendship. That was the thing that I was like, why would I pay for friends? But again, some people like more structure in their lives And I think that works for perhaps type A personalities or something Or if you're a legacy if you come from a long line of people that are into frats and then that's like a part of your family

That seems to be a big deal. And again, yeah, if you like seeing a bunch of guys cocks and you like That's like if I think that if you I think it's great. I think that if you like that, that's great All right, well the FSU frat boys and Jesse Hamilton The cook who provided inspiration and you know what honestly, she's a she's a black woman It's great like that. She I'm sure she gave some really good guidance and helped out a lot of people So Jesse Hamilton along with along with some of those FSU boys Congratulations your hero of the week Other work and honestly, and I know we'll receive emails, but it just wanted to say to our frat brothers out there fucking

Just go get it. Just be safe. Be nice. And you know the the it's all about connections But then again in life human interactions don't necessarily have to have a price tag and not necessarily know I would like to read a couple of listener lessons a couple of listener letters There is we asked a lot of questions about stalking last week and a lot of different responses And it seems to be because we talked about how difficult it is to create a Paper trail the paper trail that you need to create in order to show That someone's stalking you and how to talk to you some form of like whether you want to the police or not I don't know. Yeah, it's scary. Here's this letter. I

I previously worked in a pre-child release office for a city jail and now work court program administration think managing court related Court-ordered classes for non-violent offenders I've been digging through the nitty-gritty details of police reports for ten years And I also previously processed emergency restraining orders in my state stalking is defined as someone knowingly and purposefully Disturbs another person causes fear intimidation or emotional distress and a reasonable person Okay, this is this is only a misdemeanor unless the defendant has prior convictions for similar offenses Then it's a low-level felony with a maximum sentence of four years prison time If there are specific threats made or there has been an order of protection served and the defendant has priors

Then it bumps up to a maximum of seven years prison Needless to say there has to be a significant paper trail for these cases to be successfully tried And it's incredibly difficult for victims to get that paper work going because you need to know a lot of personal details To get a restraining order most importantly an address where the defendant can be served Also, the majority of the time you don't get a full order and you have to wait three to six weeks for a court date If you don't make the court date as the petitioner the case is thrown out There is not a documented parent and pattern of behavior many judges will not issue the order I have a question Henry, and I don't know if this is in the email

We can just toss this up to further along the conversation sides to his LP otl at gmail.com if you do file Do they know immediately and then yes, they have four to six weeks to kill you you supposed So that's a little go get served. Is it yeah a little bit scary there when you it's very scary Wouldn't that accelerate in some cases the the stock? Of course. Oh, it's very very scary This listener also said the National Center for Victims of Crime has a lot of great resources So you should look it up also that is a Upspot where you could probably figure out a little bit more about what's going on in your own specific state You know it's interesting as difficult as it is to get rid of to get away with murder

And I know Henry and I we're like oh we had careers plan nobody no more That nobody no really gonna work anymore That doesn't really work anymore because there's a whole bunch of trace DNA and all that stuff But you know what crime has certainly gotten easier as opposed to murder is stalking. Yes, be careful what you post I say this as I post pictures all the time of me, but it's mostly my lap Jerry sitting on it But we have mostly sacrificed our we've sacrificed our privacy up to a point because we are performers right anybody else It you know Unfortunately, we advertise where we are all the time and be not unfortunate because we want you to come see us

We want you to be able to like we want to do comedy for you Absolutely, but it opens us up to this type of crime Specifically and it is very very easy. This is here's another email. This is from a real attorney This is a family law attorney in St. Louis This is also a special prosecutor for order of protection violations Oh, since orders of protection usually involve domestic abuse between partners This falls into the family law realm more so than the criminal So we often go against criminal attorneys as prosecutors which provides a rare but interesting flash between the two styles

Basically when someone is doing something to threaten or harass you you can get a temporary restraining order against them Especially if you don't have any relationship with them the courts usually feel that if you don't have a child together You don't need to be around each other if there are any issues of abuse So courts will order them more frequently than you may think okay once the restraining order is in place if the respondent violates a Term of that order usually three hundred to five hundred yards stay away order and no contact Then it gets sent to us who can sentence up to six months in jail per Violation although we rarely do and typically pursue rehabilitation when possible putting together cases very difficult especially now since it's usually Cyber-stalking harassment. Oh, the standard of proof is not as high as beyond a reasonable doubt using criminal trials making it easier to prove things

So before you ask that it's constitutional because the sentence is under six months at most You can absolutely bust someone for scaring you in fact It's more of an issue to not get busted if someone thinks you're scaring them We have many cases brought to us that are frivolous as well But that's what they said to make sure that you get all the documentation going and I have another I had another email I'll just kind of sum up that's from a defense attorney that mostly worked with people that did stalking offenses And they said they had a stop working peep They had to stop working these cases because stalkers the one thing not stalkers like the main

contingent of thought seems to be The worst is when they don't actually know that they've done something wrong and they think that they have not done something wrong And no, what did they out in their own mind? They've created a validation of why what they're doing is not wrong because normally it's mental illness completely unchecked And you know who I blame for that John Cusack say anything you got a boombox outside of my door rock Martin your boy Roxanne Rapunzel this idea has permeated itself through our culture But the truth is so though if it's what's her name from the wwe that you like

Which is which one that one hot one there are many hot ones Uh, let's say like one the hottest one. I like E. O. Shirai Let's ease out there with the boombox you'd ask her it I Think that there is a massive difference between that and and although it's still honestly though if I open my curtains and no, you know what it's still be scary It would still be scary really a little bit a little bit. Okay, but all right. Yeah, that'd be a lot Be safe and please is the whole thing is so scary and that the horror is so real So if you are stalking someone right now stop give up give up now

They'll come to I promise you if you're a woman stalking a man if he likes you he will go to you and if a woman if a woman likes a Man, they will they will let you know. They'll let you know. They'll let you know if they like you or not They will it's not gonna be ambiguous. I promise up just um make sure that you just stop doing that All right, well be safe out there everyone is that your life only paying attention to yourself and your own life and your family's life I think that's important the opposite of stalking stalk yourself Don't you want to stalk yourself and give yourself some love give yourself the kind of thing that if you were a stalker Love yourself as a stalker would go in there buy yourself a couple gifts write yourself a creepy note and leave it on your car That's actually nice as you do it for yourself and then laugh at your own jokes because oh

Everybody's tired of it because we're in been in fucking quarantine for a year But guess what someone's got a lot of your jokes So put up a mirror in front of your desk and laugh at yourself as you were and then it's like you're being stalked inside Your own home and is it nice to feel appreciated? I think that is a fantastic idea Henry Why have windows when you can have mirrors? Yeah, your house will be a bit of a house of horrors But you know what that's that's your house and that's your house. You're stalking yourself I you know what Henry you have stumbled upon just something great take care of yourself and as I've said before and I've said this I think what past ten years?

Do not fuck any elmo dolls leave them alone leave them the balls in general I know that we had covered this person who said that they have a sexual predirection to a predilection for it But buy your own supply then that's it you it's got to be yours It's got to be yours and honestly to help the toy industry. Why not all right Keep in your house for the love of fucking Christ unless you're being paid for it on camera Well, that would still be in your house though. Yeah, I mean yeah, but get paid for it if I mean oh god I love that. I love the casting couch videos of elmo when he sits there and then they say turn around Oh, yeah, I don't have a child almost a child

Almost like 50 years old now also the man who played Elmo got in a bit of trouble, but anyway, all right everyone hail yourselves I'll say my goose deletions And me Be safe be safe be safe This show is made possible by listeners like you thanks to our ad sponsors You can support our shows by supporting them for more shows like the one you just listened to go to last podcast network dot com