Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Prison Pigeons

Episode Date: March 23, 2023

Ben 'n' Henry bring you this week's weirdest stories and true crime news starting off with some updates as beloved former Hero of the Week Abra-Clam-Lincoln is Debunked! ALSO Ohio Deputies murder pet zebra after it attacks owner, Drug Smuggling Pigeons under investigation after another pigeon wearing a tiny backpack for smuggling drugs has been found at a prison, Denver goes to war with Geese, Buffalo Wild Wings in hot water over false "Chicken Wing" claims, a woman gets slapped in the face with a slice of pizza in Florida, while another Florida Man poses as Safeway employee to steal nearly half a million dollars worth of crab, a runaway NYC Cow becomes a hero, and much, much more.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last time on the left side stories That's when the cannibalism started I did see biden's up 40s. I'm just like fine. I don't know. I can't talk. He's half fucking. He's fine He's old. He's doing the dot art. He's a dot art. He's doing what he needs to do He's fine. He's doing what he needs to do. He's standing up. I don't care. Yes. He's got Sometimes he falls. Sure. Look, you fall. Hey, you know, wait till we're all that old just fall down They can't put him in a wheelchair yet What they need to do is need to hit him with an oar or somewhere recording if they were hit biden with an oar and we

Put him in a wheelchair. We might like him more, but that's again That's a whole other episode a whole other classic residency now Uh, kissal. Yes, I know what you want to talk to me about. Obviously you have seen me and my changes over the last several weeks and what As you can see your blood pressure went down, but your doctor still yelled at you. Yep They always do they always do they don't think you go and you pay them how much money how much money just to be bullied Literally, but I understand. I told you that story I just told you before the show a doctor looked at me after I got off the scale

And he said have you ever seen someone over 60 at that weight? And I said no and then he said that's because they all die Yeah, and I was like, I got it. Thank you. Thank you. Yes, and then I was sad and I had to go to Applebee's You know what happens a lot of times they die from having too much sex But so obviously, you know, uh, you've seen my journey a lot of people follow me on my journey They know that I'm brave. I'm a brave blood pressure warrior or soldier I'm fighting a war against the blood pressure I guess my which apparently is driving up my blood pressure just fighting a war of it. Well, you're not taking the right approach This is a war. You actually want to win with peace. Yes, which is I've heard

God needs the 12-year-old girl Gandhi was actually very controversial really was It was controversial every you always find that out But I think what I think I know what the issue is and my doctor obviously didn't see this, right? You're not spending enough time with me. You know, you know, you know, we have fun here We have a lot of fun here. We've a mandated four hours a week. We have to spend time But also we do spend our time outside of the mandated hours. Sure. But I I think that I'm coming to an awakening That I'm a star seed

What is that an angel? You're an angel much like why would an angel have high blood pressure because of our concern Yeah, but empathy that we have angels dying earth angels. They're not just empathetic They can't be empathetic, but they can also be harbingers of doom. Exactly. So I am both. I'm a warning. I am a I'm not only warning. I'm a comfort. I'm a balm, but I'm also a prophet. Wow, and I feel too much Did your mother tell you this? No, I haven't spoken to her in weeks. No, the doctor refused to acknowledge that Like I said, I want to look in my blood and I want to see the sprinkles of angel matter

Yeah, of course, right? Why wouldn't you and that's again, but again, they won't let me look at the panels because they're so afraid of my Potential and I'm getting held back and that is the reason why I think my blood pressure is so high It's because I'm a frustrated angel in the body of a perfectly made in a lab podcast Made in a lab that is again that Frustration is that you guys are all in the human race in general is just sort of holding me back and not allowing me to Hold you back people holding me back and not helping me try to champion the ultimate alien based presidential candidate My president Mary Ann Williamson. Oh my goodness. She's abusive to staff. We covered it on top at who would have thought

Someone who's a guru on self-help might be insane It's because she's too much of an angel for the rest of us Welcome to side stories everyone been hanging out with the newly endorsed Mary Ann Williamson's Candidate Henry Zabrowski. I'm coming out from it's me and Mary riding up big dubs I'm hoping that we could get Mary Ann William. Mary Ann Williamson Snoop Dogg No, no, I can't be you don't want to be on the ticket. No, no, no, no I have too many things my hollywood deals will fall apart. I have too many, you know, my I have to sell my three farms

My apaca farms I'll have to sell because that's obviously, you know, it's a conflict of interest What the fuck is an alpaca? I mean, I've seen it But you don't eat it. I know that you wear that you can wear the clothes But isn't it one of those animals that is just not it's there. You know what exists, but also what the fuck What have you have you ever seen an alpaca? Yeah At the zoo. Yeah, the zoo or something like that. They got a moped exists. Yeah, they use it for They're working animals. I believe that they're working animals. They're fucking animals. Oh, I'm sure well That's why they're still around. Yeah, you can train now

You can train an alpaca to eat pussy in like two afternoons. Oh my goodness Well, you can do anything with peanut butter, but I just there's a learning curve I'm sure that there is and be careful. You want to have a stunt? Um, you want to go to the porn store and be get one of those stunt torsos The key is you got to get you got to start don't start with oats pressed against the labious Have the carrot stick all the way out from the very front so it slowly munches in and that actually brings us to our first story Because I guess this might have been a fucking sex training gone wrong with a zebra You want to do the zebra story first because I have to make an apology. Oh, whoa

I wrongfully named a hero. Wow. I can't believe wow. This is again. We're all different now. Maybe it's my Presence maybe it's the fact that I am useful. I am an ancient spirit trapped inside of this this dough Right. I'm just trapped inside this pitiful dough and that I'm Making you grow. I'm making you spiritually evolve You know what Mary? Just radiating off of me like my vaccine particles. It's working. So Last week I said that there was a clam. It was a hero of the hero of the week We talked about it and I did technically at the time I tried to shoot you down But it wasn't because I knew the science. It was just because I hate to see you smile. Well, uh,

anyway, uh, Abraham Abraham Lincoln Turns out it might be a fraud it is However, uh, I don't know because then there's also people saying it's not a fraud But anyway, that's it coming in from the Tallahassee Democrat Tallahassee Democrat, which is at the forefront. I know you've never been to Tallahassee Do you not know that their capital building looks like a huge dick and balls? Is that right? And that is why they're at the very tip of the foreskin of the news and the truth

Because this is it's a marine scientist because again, I'm gonna say let's just go on here They're all trying to jump on this abracram. This abraclam Lincoln bandwagon because Guess what? Nobody cares about marine scientists. All right. I'm sorry guys because dolphins haven't fixed everything yet And when they do once a dolphin fixes one thing once an octopus Fixes one fucking thing throw them and figure out how to figure out fusion, right? If they can figure it out A marine biologist should be president All right, but now you're coming for abraclam Lincoln. Well, anyway, you're coming for our heroes and how How few heroes do we have left? We don't have this fucking life and you want to be the John Willis booth

Fernando can we get abraclam Lincoln? That's the idea. You're leaving mariclam, bitch. Thank you. His gay wife. You're missing his fucking gay wife back then. She wasn't gay. He was gay. I have to remember that I am a potential The potential I have to change the world is unlimited unlimited Uh limited by you know genetics and biology and your inability to fly and things like that

Anyway, the clams in florida. They didn't really arrive until the 1980s or early 1990s So this clam is at best my age and that's fucking horse shit So anyway, abraclam Lincoln was a goddamn farce It's not 214 14 years old and the man who found it, uh, dan c morelli He's committed suicide. You look at his face. Yeah, he's since committed suicide He's got an honest face. Do you think what happened? Do you think trust anyone when he shot down abraclam Lincoln? Yeah, abracram abraclam. Do you think when he shut down our former president? Like a reputation, right? Yeah, if he do you think that maybe

Big clam came to wipe him out because you know who big clam is run by who rosey o'Donnell Whoo, we're in fun. All right. Let's get out to zebra. All right. Talk about eating pussy zebras are a man s I actually don't know if that's true. I think most zebras are fine, but not in ohio I think that zebras are Frustrated they used to be honored. They used to be worshiped. I didn't be a lot more of them The zebra I think is an animal that is misunderstood. It's so cool that it exists. Why it looked like that We don't know. I don't know. It's just kind of fun. Also. Did you know that really the zebra? I believe is actually I think it's uh, well, I don't want to go down the road

We don't know where they come from I know where they come from they come from ohio because a wildlife expert at the columbus zoo Holy hell, they had a zebra there and I'm gonna say this much like dogs the dogs Personality is representative of how the owner has trained it and this zoo guy He really didn't do very well with this goddamn zebra Well, I was talking with ed larson before the show and he brought up a good point that ohio's the same place Do you remember the guy that committed suicide and let all the animals out? Oh my god. Yeah, it's the same It's the same place. So it's strange. Ohio has really quickly become the strangest state in the midwest

It's like by the midwest. It really is. Yes. They are really out of pocket right now. Wow Like I'd ask you like Side stores lpotl a gmail.com. Do you know anybody with exotic animals in ohio? Why? And why and how does it come back to lebron james? It's cold there leave the zebra alone What a horrible place to be in a zoo. So this guy this is in circleville, ohio. What a fascinating place It must be will name it circleville. Well, well, well most buildings are square, but let's try to be different Oh, so it's kind of fun. It's in pick-away county. It's pick-away county. You got this on your face pick away No, this was around 5 30 p.m. Uh, they came and they found a man. I'm not seeing where is this man's

Name the name may have been redacted. I think the name has been redacted because of the nature of the crime But the incident reports about dispatch learned that there was a victim who said he's getting his arm bitten off by a fucking zebra Okay, now this is my question number one. Why are you so close to the zebra number two? What the fuck are you doing with the zebra and number three zebras? They can stand their ground because again, what the hell was this man doing? Some people very much sexualized the zebra. I I you know, I I feel like you know, we're headed into libel area But no, you can put a couple of cans on a zebra. Of course. I think that yes theoretically You could do whatever you want to zebra if you own it in the privacy

Not legally, but you can theoretically theoretically now, but we don't know what happened This guy was raising a zebra and they had several other there were female zebras there. There's a male zebra And so apparently the zebra attacked the owner after a period of time and they don't know why But the thing that really was that was weird to happen It chomped on his arm to the point where it was down to the tendons, which I didn't know a zebra could even fucking do I didn't know that that was possible. Yes zebras are absolute They are when they want to be, you know, they're like that's oh, it's almost well. I'm scared of horses It's well, of course, they're huge and they'll bite your dick off

But the thing about a zebra is they're like, I'm peaceful just don't mess with me But you mess with the zebra and my god, they're gonna chew you up like that zebra gum Oh, yeah, well, because they didn't land on Plymouth Rock Plymouth Rock landed on them. They were brought over here Right there was like I'm pretty certain the zebra came on on the ark Yeah, you're right the first slave ship Yeah full of animals But the uh So he was attacking them they're saying that they think what happened was that something happened with the behavior of the zebra and

Women that way so female Zebras was horny. They get yes. It was horny the female zebras squirt out like a mush They squirt out like a spray and they get them all riled up or whatever And so the zebra was coming for we don't know what happened It bit this man But the thing that happened afterwards is that after they called the police is zebra kept attacking the police Now they don't know then what happened they try to chase it off So they shot guns in the air

They were like banging things together trying to chase off the zebra They gave the zebra more patience than they do most people Well, yeah, what happens I guess what happens is the zebra charged the police and then they shot the zebra and killed it And I guess it came from aiming at the black part Okay. Well, there you go. Kind of a political satire there according to dan beat them Oh, don't get caught with a name like that. He's the director of animal management at the wilds He says they're definitely wild animals and still have like all of those wild instincts and behaviors Oh, yes, he says male zebras are territorial super territorial

Their job is to get and hold a group of females that he wants to breed like our kelly. It's called slavery. It's called It's called capturing somebody and not letting them leave Kidnapping is the term I was looking for he goes on to say and he'll be very protective Of those against any kind of challenger. So he saw the man as a challenger again. He did. I'm not victim blaming whatsoever We don't know the man's story But it seems as if the zebra maybe thought that the guy was trying to get too fresh with one of his babes And he had to go full

On protective mode and say you better get out of here. I'm gonna bite your right arm off Well, I'm a star seed, right? And so I communicate naturally with animals new personality And so part I speak with animals all day long It's like they won't fucking shut up all they never sleep all year as kakara my bird I'm a dog I'm a cow, you know, I mean all day long That like just children of left toys at my home, right? Um, but I Wonder like what would make a zebra jealous? Uh having a obviously horizontal stripes

Oh, we're making a fly make them flip out. That's uh, I just maybe being near his his little cadre of women I think might do that because a zebra a part of a part of what it is that they're trying to I believe Maybe I'm incorrect But maybe a part of it is that they're trying to spread their seed to as many willing cloacas That they can go to get up inside of it's because then what that does is create a variance in the gene pool It's really possible that what you just said is completely and utterly true Uh, so zebras apparently they're aggressive due to their protective nature. This zebra had five or six female zebras So the guy is laying on the floor, right? He's like, I'm dying here

Yeah, I'm dying officers and then the officers they didn't turn their back on the zebra because they understand that It attacks in amounts. Yep, but then finally the guy on the ground as he was bleeding out was like The officers were like, can we shoot it? He's like And so now that zebra is freaking dead for trying to protect its babies and its ladies and I thought chivalry wasn't dead until now Yep, and that fucking zebra got shot in the head So pick away county sheriff Matthew Hafe He says the zebra had already shown aggression and speaking with the family members and friends apparently This zebra has been aggressive in the past. It was being it like to uh, he was

You know nose your crotch a lot barking all the time. I don't know what horses make. I don't want zebra noises are You know, but it was being it was really really nuts. I mean, it was it was being crazy It was being a fucking uh, tom seismor. I also well, all right, p not yet. Not really. No, he is dead Is he dead? Yeah, he finally died. He's the one who died. I always get him and that other one confused Which one michael madson? Yeah, I think he's also dead. I don't fucking care Um, so he told uh, so that so uh, the the pick away county sheriff He told the deputy that he fully supports what he did. You got to protect the people I'm just starting to think it's your zebra

He bites off your arm. You got to take care of it. Oh, sure. Sure. Sure. Come on. But let me kill it You gotta kill yourself farmer. You want to kill it. You want you raised it that way? Yep Also, why do you have zebras in Ohio? I this is I did side stories LP ot l gmail.com. I believe it is for either Literally petting farm Purposes just just to have them. I think it's a part of it and maybe milk zebra milk is big But apparently if you just keep tugging and tugging on a zebra, you're gonna get something either way Well, let's stick with the animal news. Oh, well, I want to do a little bit of an update before another update Okay, I got a good update. So I got a several emails from people are some of our baton rude

Okay, um, which I said apparently we gave baton rouge a much more favorable review Then most people would give baton rouge. It sounds fun. It sounds like they are a good clam chowder. Good drink Oh, yeah People say it's a fun time ladies loose lips. Yeah, the downtown area. It's not quite as extensive as New Orleans But you can still have yourself a little bit of time. I don't need not everything has to be normal It doesn't have to be it can't be if it wanted to be can't be no not everything has to be Vegas But yourself sure now what that man with the story of the man that was found wrapped up in the rug That they didn't know how he died now

There's a toxicology report that is supposed to come back that they believe will probably come back Showing that he died of an overdose. So what they have they found out where he went Okay, so a lot of people said when the first what soon as we cover that story our listeners were like well Where where he was found because we said like maybe got drunk and wandered somewhere because he was found in a shed in the middle Of nowhere and they're like you would not like Casually find yourself in that area much like outside of New Orleans. There is a thing with Swamp people not just they they're not the friendly people you see on the show

You don't watch the movie never ever fuck with swamp people. Oh, I absolutely would not I respect the swamp person They live the life alongside the alligator and they live in peace. They live in peace. They live they are alligators Absolutely, and so they said basically you would not find yourself in this area Wheelingly normally unless you were from there. So that kind of to be like where do you get this? So it turns out they have figured out kind of what happened to that dude that night So we know he was in town for a work function And he went to an LSU basketball game and then he went down to a downtown bar with this guy Sounds like a great day so far. It was the man was named was Nathan Miller

Okay, and now we have an arrest made by a man by the name of Derek Perkins That was the guy that they believe dropped off the body. So now what they think that happened So so that night he went he parted with his party with his client Sure, and they went and then apparently so it seems that what happened was that he met a man that Oh, it seemed to be I'm gonna say compatriot a drug selling compatriot. Okay the name of stanka Oh stanka stanka sold him some drugs. You can't buy drugs from stanka You know, I prefer anything that anything provides a smell. I don't want involved in my drugs When we got the best mushrooms we ever had it was from a guy named trippy. That's perfect

Sure, absolutely because he can't even remember his name. Oh, it was fantastic. He was growing them in an apartment in Bushwick So Derek Perkins was this so-called stanka now stanka He went and got him his drugs and it seems that then the man mr. Miller died accidentally of a drug overdose because he had not been Which is kind of often you see wasn't hydrated enough That was the issue is that definitely you definitely need gatorade when you're doing cocaine. You don't know the new gatorade cocaine Oh, I can't wait. Yes. It's super hydrating. It's just it's just the electrolytes. It's just piles of salt um, but uh This actually happens a lot people that were hard core users of a drug

Oh, yeah, once you start up again, so you stop right like and you get clean So they're saying that Nathan Millard had spent some time getting clean and you'd fix up his life So the problem is that what tends to happen is that if you relapse what you what could happen Is that you try to do the same dose that you were doing at the top of your use? And it causes sometimes accidental overdoses. So this guy dropped out of the goddamn blanket basically So it seems that stank up Do you really? react

Cool In the scenario so someone overdoses honestly what you got to do is you got to go to the hospital You push them out of the car and you drive away. It is good. That's the least you can do That's the least you can do. Or it's like honestly if you're a drug dealer these days have some Narcan Think about customer service for a goddamn second Henry. I don't think stank help was really concerned about it I think that yes, but you judge stanka But I wonder because I will say stanka be better do better. I would not trust the drugs give it's tough It's tough to know again. Just have you have your testers on hand folks

But we also you're gonna go get crazy We've have known friends that as soon as they have like three beers in them They turn into another person, right? So I think that that kind of what happened here. He became baton rouge Nathan Which is like he wasn't ready for him. So he dropped dead in living drugs. Was it we I don't know I think it might have been some combo of yeah, let's just say speedball Right, and so he dropped dead and they uh, the guy Couldn't figure it out like so he freaked out so they wrapped him up in the rug I tried jerking him off. I tried touching his balls. I tickled his feet. I tried everything

I did every I put lipstick on him. I put a whole bunch of blush on him. I put him in a dress I stood him up. I danced with him all night. Uh, nothing woke him up the next thing I know someone filmed me It was made into a lovely tom petty music video You remember that Mary jane is referring to marijuana. So he they wrapped up a panic did know what to do So he put him in the back of his car And then just drove around with him a bunch of days until he started smelling And then he just dropped him off. Yeah, he casey Anthony. Yeah. Well, that's interesting. Well, he ends up all wrong And uh, I'm sure that uh, the officers will have some conversations with him

I kind of wish that he just stuck to selling like sandwiches. He should have stank Stank of sandwiches might work a little bit of fart on each bread. You know what's supposed to do Substance of all time. Yes. So that's what they should be doing more if you guys think about like no one calls Oh, mr. Hershey's the pusher man As they should, man. Hershey's is killed. Two stones in his eyes. I agree Hershey's has killed more people than cocaine could ever wish. It's gonna kill the two of us Way faster than anything that we do drew. We'll quit drinking and food is definitely it is waiting. I'm a savory man I like my savory. I know savory's kill us even faster than the sweets. No

Unless you're already pre-diabetic, we're already gonna do it like that man. We're just this is uncle This is full uncle territory, but you gotta hear children You got to hear children what it's like What we go through is growing adults is what's gonna happen to you too. You go from an edgelord to a man on the edge Of diabetes. Well, that's called growth. What's more edgy than that? Well, speaking of animals and drugs, this is kind of a cute story from a bc prison british columbia, of course Now pigeons. I've actually been a pigeon apologist for a long time. I've been talking a lot about pigeons It's come up a lot. I've even been shat on by a pigeon and I was like, oh, that was my fault pigeon

You know, it's a little bit annoyed. Let's let's be honest Have you ever had a hawk shit on you? No, no, no. We were outside the other day and I saw a big hawk, man And I saw the dump come out of this you saw it. Oh, yo Really splash It was fucking I'm sorry. I spit all over the table dude You know what's so great about being a bird is that you really get to just do that. Yeah, dog You can shit right anywhere you fucking want. There's a story of Hillary and Chelsea clinton We're at a Broadway show and a dude sat to do chat

Next to him and they didn't smell it But yeah, it's because it's so used to the smell of shit from the upper lips Got him Got you, Hillary. I think this is pretty pretty funny story to be honest but anyway, so there's a pigeon and They're smuggling drugs on these little backpacks because pigeons are very smart and they were the original mailman and so ponies were So officers discovered that there were a bunch of birds wearing backpacks inside of the motski

Institution and that was during a routine search. Are they just getting into high-piece gear? I don't know. Well, I'm not exactly sure What's going on the backpack possibly made of cut-up jeans was empty Leading guards to believe the bird might have still been in training Which means these prisoners train these adorable little birds to go be drug smugglers According to John Randall, not the football player Oh, Pacific regional presidents of the union for Canadian correctional officers and by the way Well, if some correctional officers news a little bit later on when it comes to these ladies Getting the horned up in the penitentiary. He says

Uh, it was actually inside the institution where they actually found the pigeon again wearing a small fabric like backpacks See, that's cute and honestly, I feel like yes, they're distributing drugs, but they're in jail Let them have a little bit of drugs to be honest Can't we just give out weed? Can't we just blow weed into the vents? I make some of them paranoid, obviously And then I but then this all the rest of them just chill them out because honestly The most wholesome part of this whole story is imagining these inmates sitting and making these little pigeon backpacks They're literally make the pigeon backpacks. That's cute as hell. They teach the pigeons they go And that's how they talk to the pigeons. See that's cool. See to me. That's where the focus should be. All right

They like these pigeons. What can we do with these pigeons? Maybe we could do something where they give each other macaroni and cheese That would be nice. Again, you know, like something nice something that they could go get back and forth They could start an entire um homing pigeons delivery service and put amazon drones right out of business So home homing pigeons. They've been used to smuggle drugs and into prisons for decades Oh, yeah, well, we call them kites. Does he use to fling those around? Well, those are actually totally different But so they're valued for their ability to fly long distances and return to their home Which is why they're called homing pigeons, but I don't know how that works. I think that this is true

I mean, they committed crimes. That's why they're in prison. Well, yeah, the pigeons the pigeons are they're going They're doing hard time for sexual assault I do know it's a diverse group some insider trading Some just straight up fevery But nonetheless their pigeons were arrested by the pigeon police and then they had to do the perp walk And most of them these guys are all going to flip because they're going to go right to their CEO and the first thing that it goes Whoa stanka stanka you're busted now So this is what's so interesting according to randall. He says we've been dealing with drones

We've been dealing with throwovers. Oh, yeah throwovers. We've been dealing with smuggling throwovers is when a woman's browser Her browser in the wash and her titties are in all and she got to throw them over them shoulder There you go So we've been dealing with smuggling and now we have to deal with the wildlife aspect Which is completely new to us. Well, they're gonna have to get changed. Isn't it nice? So it's going back to nature. You know what they need cat cops cat cops versus pigeon smugglers Yeah, the cats would indeed be aggressive. I'm pitching that to netflix next fucking week

It may have already been picked up and it's starring chris katan Chris katan by the way has earned my respect because he broke his neck and still worked an entire year on snl Because he was so scared that lauren would fire him. He was an underrated player on set alive And now there is a revisionist history saying that he was corny, but we all loved mango Yeah, it was fine. I mean that was just slightly out of my In love phase. Yeah, sure. Sure. But yes, he had no problems with it. He's good. He's got a lot of energy So randall says it kind of looks like right now that what was happening is they're trying to be trained And then they have food in the area. So there's training them to be a food

Yes, and I don't know where to go back to pigeons like prison food. They do. Well, well, I think someone has to I actually saw Do you know what it was carrying? What? crystal meth Damn, I wouldn't want to be on meth in prison. No, I would like to be according to larry laughton Uh, he's a he's got a great youtube page He says acid was the drug that prisoners likes because oh, yeah, because in your mind Yeah, exactly. You could just kind of like live in a world in your own head. That makes a lot of sense acid is the drug of choice in prison. I think that that's also an entire

Avenue of thought that should be explored the idea of hallucinogens and jail timothy larry actually did a lot of stories about recidivism with Crime and how it's affected by hallucinogens and it was brought down But then he was shut down because the cia hated with the people were selling their drugs for him Did you hear that one story? Uh, about a year ago They were trying to figure out a drug that would make eight hours of time seem like 50 years Yeah, and then they were like it's called boredom. It's called work. It's doing spreadsheets your whole fucking

And that'd be weird. Also. I have a friend who really wants me to do dmt and no we've been getting pressured I've been getting a lot of dmt pressure recently. He's one of our better friends and he's I mean, he's into crypto So we can trust we can I think a part of what I'm I wonder if then I'll finally unleash and be the star So you don't need to be I don't know if I take the dmt because well It's only 20 minutes So 20 minutes, but you know a lot 20 minutes can fucking change a lot of things in your life You can ruin everything in 20 minutes so easy. Oh so easily. It's actually a big part of my Anxiety is realizing it's so difficult to build so easy to destroy so easy to destroy

I but I think that dmt might help us both we did together, but we need to do it with a coach Right, we need somebody there We we know like we don't need somebody like outside the room like with like a kitchen knife like poking against the glass saying I'm a fucking kill you bitch. I don't like that. I feel like that's not good. That won't help We'll listen to some pan flutes. I already have a whole play. I don't think I list the pan flutes I think dmt is a whoa. Whoa. Wow. Would you see that's what you listen to on dmt? I think have you done multiple hallucinogens at once sure because you know I remember back in the day like Do a little bit of ecstasy mushrooms and all that kind of goes together

So I feel like you can't be that different from that, but I have to prep myself spiritually. You're gonna want to fast You're gonna want to purge. That's the thing everyone's like purge the up top you want to purge the bottom You puke you shit and then after that It's great. I don't want to do it. No, I don't want to do but promise you have to pop open your own hole And push the poop back up back, but then you pop your finger back out the poop just falls out Well, I just I just don't know if I need to do that Okay, so according to this now Interestingly enough the local union. This is back to our prison story involving pigeons

They're working on a plan to increase searching and increase observation because clearly This is a new problem and I would like to point out the author of this great article. Her name is rihanna schmunk So you you know, she's got some good. She's a good journalist rihanna schmunk. Is that a durable that come to life? I don't know. What kind of name is schmunk? She works for cbc news and she does all pigeon related events and that's my feet. That's a pigeon beat And she's really doing good From your play Well, I also speak we're just gonna do a lot of food today. Well, well because this story is another one

I want to talk about like kind of unpacking What is this crime? Why why was this man? Well, not even I know why this one. I know why this one's a crime, but it's more like Why why are we doing this? So this takes place in seattle Now he did the crime happened from florida, but it was it then happened in seattle, but it started in florida Okay. Well, that's an interesting transition. It's dumb david subil He's now been indicted in seattle for uh, I guess it's on interstate transportation of stolen property charges Now, it's really weird now. He posed as an agent of safeway and albertins, which is not albert sins

Which is what we have in florida. There is a it's albertin, which is another grocery store and that he put in an order For 432 grants worth of russian king crab and a polio crab Now he he tried to do this. I mean, honestly, you could probably flip it and make quite a bit of money But he did he rented a truck. It was a 26 foot long truck to go pick up the crab And the crab never fit went through because he basically set up a payment because what do you'll do right? He sent an invoice for the crab. Normally what would happen is that you get a certain amount You got to pay for the crab

But it would like kind of you'd pay for either a percentage of it or like upfront But the crab never got paid for and so when he was he's already been this man has been arrested a couple times For driving under the influence. So but I don't know if that's got anything to do with it. No, I mean, you know He perhaps he had too many the influence of crabs But he so he this all about when it went bust, right? They found out that he wasn't paid for it He bought the truck, but then he bought a ticket to sell a one-way ticket to Colombia To escape the charges

For this crab based offense. Now my thing is yeah, who is who does he owe money to what giant sea creature? Does he owe money to That he needs to go and get the crab. I don't know what's going on. What is he like? I guess is it just about boom flip it flipping these crabs I think it might be the guy's name is david subil and he looks like a man who everything he does somehow He makes it illegal and I don't know why because sometimes you can just make money legally So he ordered nearly half the million dollars in crab again It's a lot of crab to just think it's going to go under the radar

I ate a place called like vinny v's over in charlotte crab is very expensive crab is very these days So they say yes again. He stole 432 thousand dollars worth of crab. Now. This is a big deal because it is a Real theft because he sent fake money and fake purchase orders and did a whole ruse and then deputies from snow homos county They are like, oh my god They located subil at a weigh station And then subil was arrested again. I just don't understand

And this is like again like I'm going to see how much How much the problem is subil booked a one-way ticket from miami international airport again as henry said to columbia But you cannot flee via Air anymore. It's very difficult. You got to fucking go to the ocean You have to go to the go to the ocean where obviously you are you're still maybe shine If he's like an eco terrorist where he's trying to like a slide all that crab back in the water I don't know if that's good. I don't know that helps anything

um Well, anyways, wow, there's immediately while there's a lot of numbers jumping around because according to msn.com It's 700 k worth of crab which I think they're just trying to trump them up Yeah, subil has no known connection to columbia based on the experience of his recent activities Uh, they believe that the last minute travel was booked in order to flee the country from potential crab Prosecution, okay international transferred. All right. So now this is like this is really strange You know if you look at the picture of how much crab it is. It's not that much crab. It's not that much fucking crab

It's only about seven or eight box box is a crab. No, it's a person standing there. Okay. It's a person standing there I mean, it's still like What do we do? How are you keeping all this crap that looks like you should I just feel like It's you know to use the term half baked. I think it's a half baked plan because you got this this you got the truck You got the crab Where does he all go? Where's the refrigeration? Where you do it because now all that crab is going to go back It's he's just trying to joy ride convoys style with a thing full of crap

And so that when people pull him over and they ask him what what you're hauling you can go crab and not just in my pants You know laugh. We'll have fun. Is that the whole thing is he just committed to the bit? It looks like he put $2,500 $2,500 down and it's just on this little thing be like I'll pay you later So it wasn't I don't think they ever should have given him the crab I just feel like this guy's going about it all wrong if you want to get into the crab business get to know a goddamn walrus Because the walrus would take you where the fucking crabs are go and find a fucking like and then bring a magical flute Played for fucking the little animals there and they'll fucking to sell out their friends because everyone knows it's sea life for a bunch of traders Yeah, they couldn't give a fuck dude

Also in crime news and food related a florida man slapped his wife in the face with a slice of pizza Why we do that's not that's not a way to get rid of the grease. You're just gonna put it in your skin Apparently the crime scene was splattered in sauce. This is no joke unbelievable slapping her with pizza What are we an italian dictator? He's a florida man Well, yeah, this was in Marianne County in response to a 9 11 hang up upon arriving to the home Or tell you all 9 11 hang up they hung up Oh a 9-1-1 hang up for some reason about like a 9 11 hang up like he's like still bummed even like we know It's been 22 years though. It is still sad though, isn't it and according to or tell you Alfonso 39

He was in a verbal altercation with his spouse and the cops came Yeah, and then that then it turned violent He was telling officers that she was telling officers that Alfonso grabbed a slice of pizza and slapped her in the left side Of the face with it and the woman said that they'd been arguing. So this is not a laugh But my question is how did he slap her was it because there's a distinct difference between if you have a slice of pizza And the full meat of your hand and then you clocker on the side of the head like the Dana white event I that's different because that's just hitting with your hand and pizza is just in the middle there Slap it somebody with a slice of pizza. I think you just grabbed you you grab the crusty

Only happens in european parliament well interestingly enough only to have big issues to solve Remnants of pizza were in her hair and her ear area and one officer reported I observed there to be pizza sauce on the walls and the ceiling of the kitchen And they further corroborated the victim's statement, but usually when you think I mean obviously it's not good They don't need to be they should not be together. He pelted my butt with a garlic not right after Okay, well Alfonso it's very sad. I feel bad for the woman. She's no one no woman should get hit with pizza You should only be eating it. That's right because carbs are life He says he did not physically strike the victim with his hands just

That's the foot pizza and then when it comes down to it blame the pizza Well, imagine that there's no pizza if you want to google that it's a fantastic song by herman kane But anyway, so this guy the world's slowest smile. It's still gonna be uh, it's still very bad Yeah, yeah, of course get anybody with anything But I do find that the idea of like I feel like this was like put out by like big soup or something Where someone could say like not to always blame soup. Well, yeah, but it takes Oh, I actually think soup might be the most dangerous because also every single forensic files. They poison the soup Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah all the time. I just watched one where this guy was

They changed it though. Yeah, they made it salty. Mm-hmm. They made it. Ooh savory cooling. Nice. Yum. Yum. Ooh roast beef cool. Yeah, I was just watching one of those shows and the guy was just dropping so much of these chemicals in this woman's soup I was making soup last night and I'm not talking about diarrhea. I made actual soup good for you The thing is my my issue is and it's my issue with all soups is that a lot of times I make a more of a stoop In a soup. Yeah I like things in it, but I like noodles and chicken in it and vegetables more than I like the soup Well, you're not Gwyneth Paltrow. You're not just drinking bone broth. I mean, yeah, that's good. That woman is she looks very skinny See, you know, you know, who needs a slap of pizza to the mouth. It's Gwyneth Paltrow. Yeah, I don't

She's Hollywood royalty and Man, you know, I just had such a love affair with her, but then she's just so insane, you know, it's you know, it's she's just in charge of you it takes a special type of brainworm to give up The super fun life of just being an actor where all you have to do is show up You get to play pretend for a living like truly like not to you know, it's an art blah blah blah, but it's like it's a fun life You wanted to become like some weird health Like billionaire like that takes something that takes an illness you have to have that

I don't know that takes something that takes an illness. You have to have something inside of you don't want to do that Yeah, well, I guess to continue on with the food. Let's talk, but let's do this We've got to talk about a while. Well, this is you say let's do this like we're resigned to do this We have to do this because our audience We were the ones that broke to our audience about the protein flake in the so-called tuna of subway, right? We were the ones to talk about how Jared Fogle paid for people to watch He paid for videos where women were getting fucked by dogs. We broke that story in the sandwich front, right? We were always on the water

We're like the Walter Cronkites of dog fucking stories, right? And that's why people come to us but the reason why they come to us is because we Hold the line about food justice And this is the only time that I really do believe that maybe the customer was not completely right in judging a corporation Because bdubs is coming under fire. I agree buffalo wild wings has responded to a lawsuit claiming its boneless wings Are actually not wings at all. In fact, they're basically just chicken nuggets. They are just nuggets, right? They are just nuggets. It is they are not just nuggets number one They're delicious. I like bdubs and when Eddie used to work for bdubs

He used to just fucking max that shit out dog I used to go drop him off at his piss mandate that he had to take for his parole And then I'd drive him back to work and he'd make me a super extra spicy set up tendies, right? My boneless chicken wings. That's what they are chicken tendies Aiman Halim alleges in the lawsuit against buffalo wild wings and franchisor inspire brands What I think of inspire I think of a big brand That boneless wings are indeed just slices of chicken breast meat deep fried like wings

And that customers would either pay less for boneless wings or not purchase them at all Well, I think that this person knew what the product actually was. No, the thing is Again, I'll bring up ed larson because he's my chicken wing expert. He understood. Do you have any how disgusting it would be? To make a boneless chicken wing to suck it out to suck those bones out And you have those little flappies of meat and then you ball it up into some loose like handmade It's like again, I love the but b-dubs, but if ed larson at the time that was a one He literally just got out of jail for a felony and he was He never was charged with the felony what he did was a felony, but he was never charged

But yeah, but the idea like, you know, like these people are making you're like, you know, like it's disgusting I'm like it's just very literal But b-dubs came out and said very sarcastic They're the sarcastic this is what I actually like so this is b-dubs response and this is why you know It's fun because they're also b-dubs is it's a jocular restaurant. Oh, they're happy and they will say they will stand up for themselves They said it's true Our boneless wings are all white meat chicken. Oh, our hamburgers contain no ham Our buffalo wings are zero percent buffalo. You got me again buffalo wild wings

Money ascertained. Yes, indeed as a result. Mr. Halim suffered a financial injury as a result of defendant that's what he's saying and deceptive Of eight dollars and ninety nine cents Now I wonder if this guy also thinks that a black and blue burger is when they take you back beat the fucking shit out of you And shove a hamburger up your asshole Well, you never know what's gonna happen And so the complaint cites a news report stating that the restaurant started selling boneless wings about 20 years ago Can you even imagine a long time coming? Can you imagine a world without it? Well, I ate them almost predominantly because I like I like a wing. I do love wings

But I like it boneless too. I like attendee if I'm being lazy, especially if I'm like If I have to go do a work function, right? Because it's nice about attendee is I don't get it all over my face Chicken wings are for my family. It's messy. It's my intimacy. I eat that because it's what I'm eating like nobody's watching Yeah, because I want to be covered in sauce. I want to do the thing because I did I learned because I did I got Shame the last time I posted a wing eating post I did once I'm a buffalo and I got I got flamed because I didn't clear them I didn't clear the wings What do you mean you didn't clear the wings?

Well, I now know what to do is how you you got to use your teeth and you bite the end of the flat, right? You can leave a little bit of meat on the bone. It's fine. It shows. Yes, obviously He must be doing well if you leave meat on the bone But that's why when it comes down to Chicken wings and buffalo you got to be doing real good You just got to suck all that meat down But now I know I have learned the areas the areas of my way, but it's it is interesting I wonder how this will hold because I do think I'm gonna hold

I think a bundle of wild wings will come out victorious I heard they've just been working with the murdoch defense team. Great. Well, I think they're going to do really well They're gonna go there. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I do the clear. I do the clear Yeah, the wings are not on trial I just can't imagine how miserable that man's life is Where he had to sue buffalo wild wings because he didn't think that they were advertising correctly I think the biggest crime of all is probably how he treats his family I want to talk about this story as well. Henry. This is a story just quickly food and animals

This is gonna be our fun. There's a lot of food and that's a whole episode. It just kept it just kept coming Next week. I'll even do more on star seeds. You'll see Denver is doing something That is uh, fascinating So geese Canadian geese. We don't like them sully sullenberger try to kill sully sullenberg along with hundreds of other people No, they were coming for sully. They're mean. They are beautiful However, in colorado, they're like emily radikowski. What's her name? That's right Uh, in the city of Denver, they have a new motto geese are not friends. They're food So what's happening with the geese problem in in Denver is they're they're crapping all the geese

Yeah, they're killing them and then they're turning them into food for needy families. Oh, this is not interesting There's a thing about this bad or good. I okay. I think what this is This is one of those issues that I think is truly going to like divide our audience because we have some people That like love geese no matter what obviously, you know, we have the vegan persuasion people that believe that no animals are Be killed there's needy families. The thing about these geese is that there that's an invasive species This thing has shown up it's eaten It's eaten all the food and taken up all the resources of the the things that belong there. So you got this geese Oh, does this attack people? Yeah, so it's essentially as far as I'm concerned

It's kind of like killing and eating a bunch of alcatas And it's like if we had when he like, yeah I'm sure a lot of people would be mad if we found out that we were using all the dead bodies of alcada members Grinding them up and then feeding them to I thought you were saying cicadas. No, you're talking about alcada Yeah, I'm talking about alcada the terrorist gurus, right? We don't want to be eating people, but I but at the same time I could see how but You'd want to eat goose but I could see how you'd be like goose but this is wild goose So the usda says because they gotta be just filled with like used condoms and shit

Whatever. I mean the usda says goose meat is safe for people. Yeah, sure. What's so interesting is it's very dark meat Have you ever had goose? I've never had goose So they say it's got some problems because it's over grazing and it eats all the ornamental plants and agricultural Crops and then it also has diseases attacks humans and it has It's messing with the swimming areas docks lawns and recreational area So there's an estimated 5000 geese living in the city and my friend This is gonna be bad for the geese. Maybe if it's because you know that they're talking Oh, the geese are like, I think bad things are about to happen to us change gonna couple

What if there's like geese queue members they're like Storms coming Like their version of what's happening right now is their version of like if remember, um, what was it uh project jade? What was the the project x it was the thing that brock obama was was uh brock who's saying obama Was doing a jade helm was doing military exercises to prepare the united states of america for military takeover That he was gonna take over everything and he did like kind of the exact opposite, but then they went like it is it Maybe that's what the goose thinks. I don't know what the goose thinks. I think the goose is about to Their version is completely real and they are coming for each one of them

I don't think you can gas them. I think you just gotta chop their heads off All I know is so you're gonna see whole arms of goose tube get shut down. That's where it starts They start de-platforming these birds. Yeah, um, I can't believe that what they're gonna do with gull talk Goal talk has already been a lot of advertisers are hemorrhaging at a goal talk So the project to kill all these goose it's gonna start this month because that's when they're most vulnerable They molt around june and july and then they can't fly So when they're on the ground, so we're just gonna come with a weed wacker. You just whack off all these fucking Gays whack them off. It means kill in that however interestingly enough canadian geese are protected under the migratory bird act

Uh, but Denver parks and recreation in terms of obtained authority to say fuck that. Whoa, they got like an act of war Yeah, they call like condoleezza rice Denver is I don't know who is that bootage each Just bootage each do that. Who is which who who's in charge of geese maintenance? You know how they tried to deal with the goose before How they oiled up their eggs They oiled their eggs so someone some perv ready to go around with a bunch of fucking oil and go and go deep into And massage your bunch of oil into a bunch of bird eggs

They tried goose management tactics including oiling their eggs spraying repellents and creating visual barriers to discourage geese I mean, that's weird. None of it worked. Why are you oiling the eggs? Yeah, does it work? No, we've got to kill them now Now we're just gonna shoot them in the head. Yeah, is this unfortunate. I can't tell if this is maybe that's why my blood pressure is so high Is that because now that I know that I'm ascending star seed and then my connection to each one of Gaia's creatures because I am one But I obviously I'm a better one because I'm a star seed. I'm bum. I'm pass all of you And I'm better than indigo child because most indigo children is that just the color they turn right before they die to sins Or it's like I'm a person now. I am completely like Maybe that's what it is and I mean bombarded with the sort of like

Chaotic vibes of this death screams of all of these geese that are now being harvested for food for I believe a set I mean like no, this is gonna go to or people To needy people. That's what they say again. I gotta better get used to eating goose I guess I I'm very conflicted on this. What are we gonna make with all the goose Scott Gilmore says there's so many complaints Because people they bring a blanket right and they put it on the grass. Yeah, and they're sitting on goose shit Yeah, of course, I don't go shit. I'll fucking park some goose. It's fucking toilet. Wow So yeah, at least like maybe this is the prep to see how we react if they said instead of geese like homeless people Maybe that's a way to kind of prep it and see and like all right

We did one full mass genocide But now they're loving it. They're loving they can't get enough of these geese. I don't know about any of that there But anyway, so geese are gonna be the new cuisine They're in Denver. So I have fun with it. Um, all right. I just gotta smoke a lot of cheap To get down on some G man Horrible it's just goose is not tasty. It's just wild goose. It's gonna be very muscular I just mentioned grind up in some sort of meal I imagine it's like gonna be like a goop that you could form in a nuggets and patties

It's better that they're gonna be food. Yeah, of course I guess it's if they're at least at least they're not just being like Murdered and put into a pile. We're using them. Yeah Yeah Well, what a day it's gonna be for someone who really hates geese. Oh, yeah, finally they get to wake up being like I knew One day because like a geese like you know, oh, they did a lot of stuff kill the pilot of that was their grandfather Who knows?

All right, everyone. Let's do hero of the week Yeah, you have to do a new one because the last one was fucking bust dog Brooklyn, New York not a place you'd like to expect to see a cow Oh, so there's a video Video posted on social media It captured a host of people chasing a renegade black cat through the neighborhood What do you think? What is honestly? How does it get in the middle of Brooklyn? Included a man in an apron who tried to tug on the cow's tail to stop him to no avail. Was that the butcher?

I don't know but the guy's the witness the hero here the witness the cow the witness was viny fontana Oh, sure. Sure. And he says it was running down Rockaway Parkway all the way. Well, I know I was looking at this fucking guy and I know for a fact He was a snitch, but you know where it escaped from a slaughterhouse and that's why I think this this cow needs to live Yeah, he does. I mean if I do think that they because remember how we talked about how back in the old days with prison Yeah, how if you escaped and this is like in the frontier times if you escape they just let you go I think that that's a fair thing. So

uh The cow powered past the tail tugging man and then juked another guy And then it turned down avenue l around east 96th street. Oh, wow It was deep in brooklyn really was a man was seen still chasing the animal as it ran down the street at one point a local pizza shop Worker waved his apron like it was a man like he was a matador. I mean new yorkers have too much fun They are not handling this well. Um, the cow eventually was captured by workers near near the

original pizza place Um breaking cow on the loose cow on the loose. That's fine. That's fine. Now. What happened to amity live Well, the cow was actually lassoed Whoa, it is fun to see the city slickers out there I've seen a couple of like guys dressed in cowboy uniforms in brooklyn from the most part They're going to go have sex with each other. Yeah. So apparently this has happened once before in 2017 from the same slaughterhouse In park slope, which I didn't know existed. Whoa. I thought slaughterhouse was like an indie rock venue Yeah, exactly and um

A sort of they have a slaughterhouse in park slope beef. Yes, and in 2017 Uh, there there was a cow captured by authorities and it was taken to an animal sanctuary in new jersey So I think it might be okay I think that you could release it back because I think when it comes down to it, man Again, it fought and it won and it's so difficult because when you fight against the law most of the time you lose man And the fact that it got out of there. I think that needs to I think he Did I think you know who could use them the new york giants after their poor showing They're actually doing all right. I just need some acknowledgement that i'm trying to understand you

You did it. All right, henry. Um, all right, so your turn. I got to thank you. Listen emails Now I got some good feedback from our female prisoner Guard, would you like to know even huge contingency? It was like we got like 25 emails great like people we talk about this Uh, and it was mostly kind of because we asked a question like how is it a crime? When a prisoner has sex with a prison guard and it's because legally they are not allowed to give consent They're called a person in our person of our care in our care the poc And so technically they are not legally allowed to give consent because obviously it is very sticky to restick his situation They have no more rights

And so they are not allowed to say yes to sex which is unbelievable But uh, but still at the same time they can then be treated differently in jail. They can get favors It's not as if sex doesn't exist. No, but I got um a lot of messages and again, this is not my opinion Right, this is how this is an opinion I got from female prison guards Your lady guards there's a lady guards that I got this mostly Pretty much across the board about how it is becoming an increasingly larger issue in jails That there is a women are horny. There's women are horny. They like to get dug out, right? And and then there's nothing there's no deeper dugout you're going to receive then from a man

That is currently in jail and you have five minutes to do it in right? You got five minutes to do it in one little cameraless corner of the jail You are going to you are going to get up in them guts, right? You're going to slap a cervix or two Sure So there is a little of that because but it is it's interesting that but they were talking about like it is it seems to be And you kind of notice it happening where you'll see like there was one one guard told me the story of a Young woman that came in because I was asking about hiring practices. So it's like yeah

They used to I had one long-serving prison guard say that originally When they first went and got the job they had one week of training and then you just thrown into it You're thrown in there. Okay. You're gonna have to figure it out now It's about five weeks of training you go into week three is when they discuss fallatio and how to do it all quick How to suck them fast, right? Yeah, but they talk about how like it was a one-story of a woman that like Began to sort of court a group not it wasn't just you find a lot of these people too are not just sleeping with the prisoners They're also sleeping with co-workers and They're having they're having it is not nailed down

Yeah, they are and they said one woman they tell they could tell was because they kind of did that You know what you see classic when when they you could tell a woman's getting divorced on instagram Once that or something once the man starts disappearing from the pictures absolutely And slowly but surely they're wearing sexier and sexier outfits up front Dressing a little nicer taking better care of themselves and revamp. They're looking for love new post Henry Linda not to put my mom in there, but you don't mean like the concept of the so you saw a woman Just kind of slowly start to get dressed up and you're like, uh, you're a prison guard. Why are you wearing heels today? Hey, why are you all done up because again, you're getting in there. You're getting that grout refurbished. All right

That's one. I just find it interesting and like I'm so glad we have such a big Co Absolutely, a lot of them talk about just how seriously out of the obviously very serious job And the goal is to really try to figure out how to find some humanity in a very Inhumane set of circumstances because we are we hear last podcast a really big rehab We believe that people should be rehabilitated. They should be allowed to get up and out of these bad cycles And but wait, it's not going to happen as if you start eating that but Well, you want you want to be careful. All right, and then there and I got a little let me see if I get a little spooky story

My girlfriend is a special education teacher and I work from home Today I was enjoying a late lunch break playing some video games When I heard the distinctive loud sound of our deadbolt unlocking Followed by the front door opening and closing the sound. I've heard hundreds of times before I told my teammates that I have to go log off in a minute because my girlfriend must have just gotten home Yeah After that, I didn't hear anything for close to five minutes. I decided to investigate I found two of our cats asleep in our guest room like nothing had happened

But our black cat was awake and freaked out now He wouldn't stop running between my legs which is his typical behavior and he kept visually scanning the hallway leading past My office to the front door wondering what's got my cat all riled up I picked him up and walked to the front of the house Nobody was there. No one I called for my girlfriend and she was not there there She's gonna break up with you. Unfortunately. That's unfun. I'm not I don't know. We just don't know this is gonna be scared. She told me that she hadn't been home yet She went straight to see her sister after leaving school and that's when I started panicking

I told her about the door and she gave me the five minutes to search the whole house before she called for help Now, obviously didn't find anything. They didn't know what's going on It was just a classic freaky thing But the reason why I brought this up is this this happened to me last night. Yeah, I did this Natalie and I earned bed Mm-hmm. I just rocked her world. Yes. I'm sure you did indeed rocked her to sleep Yes, indeed She took right to the breast. Oh, I guess she was full of milk ready to sleep and then I um

It was real, you know, we're about to go to sleep and I swear to God the door did the thing where it goes like boom like it was a And uh, we had to do the thing we're not This like looks at me and she's like the doors make it a funny noise. It's like, yeah she's like Somebody should go check that out and I was like send Wendy. So I was like, I'll go I was like your trade because we've always yoked in our home where I'm the first wave. Yes, of course My goal is to tire out the murderer. Well by them killing. Yeah, they kill me

Which is tiring. Yeah, and that cleans it up because she's an athlete. Yeah, she coming I take care of it. And again, she's more precious to the world the eggs eggs inside. Okay, right? I am I but I I did the thing where I walked up and I was like I hope they this ain't fucking ghost face like I had to go like and I'm like open the door or nothing there I must have been some kind of seismic shift. Maybe again. It was just my It was just the shaking of the entire house where my balls refill It really might be the powerful semen reload that you have Now that's what I like to hear man. So live every day knowing for a fact. Yeah, your balls are empty right now

But unfortunately, they're gonna get filled again. So you're gonna have to Always do more again. Yeah, all right. But you know what? some of us they we laugh through that process to you're laughter while masturbating No, I don't think try I don't think so. The other day I was like try to do it because like people talk about like it's a way to kind of open up your butthole a little bit It's like to relax the idea of like laughing Oh

So do you make noise when you masturbate? I don't think so you should try it more often try to like honestly layer it in there Like a siren noise. I'll give it a shot. Like what would you use? Yep, and laugh and love No, that's what Missile into the Death Star coming out of his dick Slowly fades away. I can't wait and he goes up there Yeah, you know what cuz when you take his soul, you know, I need you to do man. What's that? I need you to kiss Stevie Ray Vaughan for me

Because I miss him and the world never got one of him back dog. No, he's David Ray Vaughan man I'm a whole missing from him. I could see him being a stinky boy. Yeah. All right everyone Thank you all so much for listening. Hail yourself. Hail Satan. Magus Dalatians everybody. Be safe. Don't kill cows I eat some geese. I guess I guess I don't know This show is made possible by listeners like you thanks to our ad sponsors You can support our shows by supporting them for more shows like the one you just listened to go to last podcast network.com