Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Raccoon Attack

Episode Date: December 15, 2021

Ben 'n' Henry break down this week's true crime stories: an old woman fights a raccoon, suicide by guillotine, a mystery pooper appears in Pennsylvania, and MUCH MORE.Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0

There's no place to escape to this is the last time on the left side stories Man, it's the most wonderful time of the year Is it though? I'm not a grump. I just did there's something about the imagery of Christmas the what it does give me a lot of anxiety I'm trying to get over it because obviously I'm very I'm I feel very happy this time of year I feel very thankful that's because of how we really had a nice second half of 2021 and I honestly hope that our listeners also had a sec a nice second half We did our best you know I mean

but Something about we were in this place in Seattle that had a full children's choir Every weekend and I honestly It was every afternoon and I felt like I was in the satanic version of Home Alone 2 I'm sitting there trying to like I'm trying to like get lunch because they have a little bar there I'm trying to get lunch and they're singing the Christmas carols and all I want to do is go Fuck you hail the sweet blood of Satan like I don't want to ruin everything everyone's sitting there going Huh, do you think that that would represent your people?

Well, do you think that would be make you a actual news story on side stories? Maybe that's a goal Maybe that's the actual goal, but I will I want to say thank you to Chad and Robin He took us to dinner it took us out to dinner in Seattle a place called radiator whiskey The chef there is a fan. What's going on, bro? Thank you. I ate the pigs eyeballs You did and the thing was is that it was after three It was after three Very thick whiskey I am gonna I have to push back a little bit before we start this show It seems to me like you are blaming the booze a little bit too much for your nasty foodie activities

No, I was eating that eyeball if you were totally a sober. I just should have ate it I should have ate it up top when it was hot. Yeah Because then we ate at the end of the meal It's like we've been eating nothing but boar face meat, right? I mean all this face meat. It's fucking absolutely delicious I did not by the way. No one ate it at the table. No one ate it. They give us tongs and I'm just digging to a tag Right, I don't know getting all the fucking chunks out of the sides of its cheekbones and I ate its smile Yes, you did awesome, but then you're a joker of you He left the eyeball sticking on a spoon sticking out of its fucking skull, right?

And the beginning it actually look kind of juicy and I should have eaten it But then when I fucking at the very end I saw it. I was like man That's the saddest thing in the world this pig got its fucking eyeballs plucked out I'm not gonna fucking eat it and so you were also probably you were also promised A free shot and we didn't get it, but I got a bag in a bunch Yeah, cuz we yeah, but honestly I fucking I Stuck it in my mouth not even thinking about it cuz I thought it was gonna pop we were talking about this I thought it was gonna like do some kind of burst

But to be honest who surprisingly solid and it sort of tastes like Bubble yum if it was made out of pure pork fat like it is just a lump of pork fat Which so it's technically kind of good. No, is it? I don't think it was bad. I think it was bad for my blood I don't know if my blood was happy with it, but I got a rush cuz it's total domination Well, welcome to side stories ever what I am been hanging out with Henry to continue that story when Henry says he got a rush He also means he had liquid Shits for the following day and I must say whatever came out of your body It expelled it with glee because I heard you go to the restroom believe it or not for those that are not entertainers

You think oh what a fancy life. It must be in the green room They send you to the bowels of the building and then the bathroom is just right there So you shit on top of each other basically I heard the quickest yet largest shit ever come out of a man's body It was it was like it was a torpedo coming off of a naval vessel It was a submarine rather it was which could be a naval vessel. It was a rock and roll, baby That's the sound of rock and roll you think and you came out but then you came out of the bathroom and said I think I just Shat pure fat. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's out of me. Thank God. Thank God to me But you know at the same time, it's the only way I know I'm living

Cuz you know I got a little bit of a little spicy going on unfortunately It did do you want to clarify what that means your little spicy you disgusting man This is a good way to open our Christmas show like this is our Christmas show. This is Christmas conversation to be honest I'm good. God damn it. You wouldn't want to believe it. I'm gonna see my ankles. They're swollen Here's your quarter. Why don't you massage my feet like, you know, it's just my my 15 year old niece You never do that never paid. Don't be that massage by your family. No, no, please Well, I just want to say thank you to radiator whiskey was fucking good. And I'll I love pork meat I can't wait to go back. All right. Well, truly. Thank you so much and to everyone that works at radiate radiator whiskey

Thank you for feeding the masses Seattle and of course, thanks to everyone who came out to the most recent live shows. Yeah, we're just a delight Speaking of the holidays presence gifts. What bigger gift is there and freedom? Freedom. Oh jimson just in time for Christmas. Just in time for him to perhaps kill again He's a completely free man as his parole in Nevada has officially ended the juices truly Finally loose. Yes, and now he can finally really spend the he can really devote the time to finding out who killed Those two innocent people back in the day. He's gonna find out who did it I bet you he's gonna steal more memorabilia. He might at some point

He might he is you saw that video that tick-tock of the very live white woman with the low-cut shirt at the bar going like And then he came and he tried to do a full-on mouth kisser. You know what I'm gonna say about that though It's also like Yes, was he a little bit old-school about like leading didn't be like I get the kids now Don't film OJ. If you see OJ don't don't engage him with him Don't engage because believe it or not when he feels like someone loves him It doesn't turn out great. You know what he'll do He'll fucking stab you to the point where you're almost fucking decapitated stop acting like it's fucking cute

Unless you're really gonna suck his dick and then you will then you become OJ's wife and you have to deal with it Well, everybody watches their watches wondering whether or not he's gonna fucking murder you and the meddling waiter That you've decided to pull into the triangle. Absolutely Malcolm Laverne He is Simpson's lawyer in Las Vegas. He says mr. Simpson is a completely free man now So there he's very scary, but you know who's not juicy Smollay He's not juicy. He's going to jail for a bit of time in order to because he Faked a maga attack on him late at night with his I think three gay lovers Had some fun before all the things before all the crazy improv everywhere went brought him I

Just don't particularly understand why I mean seemed like he was getting plenty of dick. He was working I don't really know why he wanted to do this except to try to try to get more attention He's trying to be a part of the national conversation Which he succeeded in I guess and now he'll get to be for unfortunately But yeah, but now he is going to be in a lot of movies with people like the guy who played Hercules Kevin Sorbo Oh, he's gonna be doing a lot of movies with Dean Cain The more conservative route perhaps

I it might be the only place that he would get work is because it's where everybody who flees To go somewhere to go on campus because like there are plenty of places that will put you on camera So the one thing that don't worry juicy you can find work But it's gonna it might not be on premier network television anymore You just might be the weatherman on OANN Oh, who knows or he and that's a good neutral position to be the late-night comedy host For one American was it one American news wherever the American news owned by AT&T an absolute right-wing psychotic network That is making our country dumber and worse off

It's kind of funny and then they act like they're super liberal because they'll like post some like thing about everyone should celebrate Christmas But then they created OAN isn't interesting. It seems like they're all in the same boat in a way It's almost like they have no team and they don't care about us. That's weird. Well, we'll keep you up to date on Jesse He'll go do some community theater and who knows what happens with his life and I always believe I really always believe in redemption stories as well So you're absolutely and truly the theater is there for him the theater because he could be in Manila, Monchah He could be in many things. Honestly, we'll see if he's just better be a good singer But also Josh Duggar got this fucking week, which is really good news Especially if you were a fan of someplace underneath they talked all about

Absolutely the Duggar family and all of the various incestual and molest crimes that they have done and how they just keep Not getting punished time and time again And I honestly also want to point towards the fact that they had plenty of money because they had a TV deal So allowed them to pay for a really really good defense team So what they did was they kept sliding out from underneath the the fucking fingers of the government But now they're back now. He's gonna be in jail We'll see how long that lasts because they're gonna appeal they're now The serious charges he'll be gone for 20 years you should he should be gone for at least 20 years

Well, the man is a notorious pedophile Of course the show was 19 kids and counting or nice still on TV Which is of course not good because he was counting The ages of children are counting the number of children underage that he wanted to have sex with the man was Absolutely disgusting and again as trap as Henry said he hid behind fame and Christianity Yep, and of course some often times when people do that as we see with Joel Osteen It means they're hiding something very nefarious that Joel Osteen stories also something We have to get into at some point to him hiding money in the walls all of these crooked motherfuckers that come out

It's always them It's always the ones that with them with the ties and the ventriloquist dummy hair coming out acting like everything's all chill Like they are the sweetest nicest people in the world They're the ones who are always sucking little kids dicks and hiding money in walls like the the fucking pedophile mafia And then we all and then we're the bad ones. Yeah, who eats pig eyeballs well who like who talks where you get his fucking ass Holy now sure absolutely so yes check out spun and then when it comes to Employee rights we talk a lot about what happened recently with Amazon and a candle factory on Abelgan's top at this week

You're gonna want to listen to that it gets we got a lot of changes to make but That is more serious than what we're about to talk about it is technically This is we want to kind of be a little bit light and this is a Christmas story that involves raccoons And I do also want to plug Travis Irvine. He has killer raccoons check out that movie It's a really fun movie and it shows that you can do anything you want on a budget and And make yes still a solid piece of art. So a woman 70 years young She was hanging up Christmas lights, which also call call someone to help you Yeah, I'm making don't die with putting up Christmas lights. It's not fun

Natalie's grandma is one of those women that is like she's in her 70s living in Michigan and she does everything on her fucking own She like fell and broke her leg and crawled Like out of her house to a foad and then she's like you're gonna want to come get me I fell it hurt my leg and they just got it like she's intense, you know, so there are I understand a hard scrabble 71 year old I and I do as well in certain amount of activity keep you young But other activity makes you a compromised when it comes to a possible a raccoon attack Especially in a war against street pandas. Yes, according to this is Donna Sanguinario sanguinario. She is a Massachusetts resident

She thought so she was hanging up the Christmas lights and all of a sudden out of nowhere boom Raccoon attacks and she said I thought it was gonna die. Oh this story. I fucking love this So the 70 year old woman this I mean this you just see all of this happening and then there's something about See, I love raccoons, but I respect the raccoon. It's scary like I am truly like if I see them I like their little hands. I like the way they eat there. They're cute. They take care of the trash Sure, great, but they are clever. They are clever. Yeah, they are clever and they will bite. They are not yeah, friendly They're not friendly necessarily you have to kind of train them kind of like a Ben kissle where this is something different

You got to feed them. You got to wash them. You got to bathe them. Thank you so much But here's this I love this breakdown. I really thought I was gonna die Alright, so the 70 year old woman that she said the only the only warning she had before the attack was a strange noise coming from the street I Turned around to see what the noise was about and she's staring at a huge raccoon about ten feet away Before I could do anything it jumped at me Where's nightmare of my life? Both me and the raccoon was screaming so loud And as I was screaming for help he fell off my arm but jumped right back on me to continue to attack

Oh, so after somehow tumbling to the ground. I got him in a headlock and wouldn't let go As he was biting me. I could hear bones Breaking in his neck. This woman is almost hero of the week. She is such a badass bitch There is something about like just seen the 70 year old woman just in with the Raccoon is still trying to kill her like she must have been like I am still the greatest generation Do not mess with me Also, what a what would be the scariest thing? We talked about like in Christmas vacation For example, there's a squirrel that jumps out of the tree, which is kind of funny

What animal do you think is the scariest that just other than like a lion? Let's talk like little pest animals like rodent animals raccoon squirrel What did you jump out at you? Just jump out at you. There was a couple ones I know when we were in Berlin they have those little like marmot looking things so it's weird little I think they're called like The Merlin's Martin's they might be called and these things fucking they are cute But you could tell they could rip your fucking nose off, right? If those would freak me out something like that to be honest squirrels seem to be nice for the most part But I don't know what happens if you rile them up. No, I don't know they jump an attack

And there's also something about their little teeth that must cause Horrible infection well, that's the thing so this woman she said once the animal fell silent Which means she fucking she's getting a lethal weapon She did the thing which she had to like she got it a headlock while it was thrashing and shit until it fell silent like she was an assassin So she went she went to the emergency room She received a bunch of shots for rabies and tetanitis because as Henry hit as Henry said raccoons Foxes bats and skunks are considered the primary carriers for raccoon for rabies rather and I think now that I see the word skunks I think it's scarier to get attacked by a skunk than it is a raccoon because the skunk you know

They are a powerful creature, and I love this is why evolution is so fun. The skunk has nothing They don't really have that many teeth either They just squirt and make you smell like shit and they're like that'll do for us. Thank you Like in the world of battlebot like is you think about human beings like bad or animals like battlebots like what a great defense It's this one, but you know what the thing is about a skunk too We've ever seen it with its skunk when like the stinky glands taken out of it No, there's people some people to have skunks as pets like they can raise them kind of like suddenly I don't know how you train a skunk to be a pet

But you take the stink glands out of it, and you've ever seen it like freak out I was watching some bullshit video on Instagram where I watch you go like And it tried to do this the squirt without having the glands in it where it just shows its butthole at you Oh, it's a little Jody Arias, and you're like whoa, whoa, whoa And then but you know nothing comes out because it ain't got no squirt You know what I disagree with taking the squirt away from it because again as I said that's its defense And if you are not taking care of your skunk then you're gonna get skunked and that just goes with the territory It's like if you have a dog and all of a sudden you're abusing it and it starts taking a shit in your clothes and stuff like I'm sorry

That is the dog's message to you And if you're gonna take away this the skunks words then I don't think you're worthy of being its parent see I don't know I do feel like I if I was gonna have the skunk in my house I Would de skunk it because we have now decided you're not a skunk anymore. You're a cat That's what we're doing if you're gonna have a skunk as a pet you've made it a cat It's not going to be you're not here to preserve the wildness of the skunk Right wanted to be in your house because you think it's cute because you've decided to manipulate This outdoor creature to come into your home because it should be out though. It should be outdoors

Absolutely a pet like I know that you can treat it up to it like I feel like you could feed skunks in your vicinity Right go and feed them outside. You're gonna encourage them to show up You're gonna create a bit of a skunk school dance outside of your house But then they'll be outside if you want to keep them normal if not that's stinky balls The stink balls got to come out of it and then you can teach it to shit in the toilet. What about Fragrance, what if you feed it things that make it stink actually fragrant and now all of a sudden Calvin Klein Calvin Klein and now all of a sudden you have a moving active glade plug-in

Animal that occasionally might get angry and make the entire room smell like roses but the problems you have somebody like Marcus who gets a singular granular molecule of Cologne in his nose and then he his body freaks out is that right like yes And so I feel like there are some people that are like that too where like it's a problem is that the skunk smell Might be just as bad as being doused with the finest perfume ears. Huh. All right. Well either way congratulations For surviving this woman did it and the nice thing is now she has something to talk about over Christmas Oh, yeah, she can say you wouldn't believe what happened and I'll tell you one thing if you are related if you are family To this wonderful 70 year old woman again

Her name is Donna you better show up this year Yeah, because she killed a raccoon so that you could have Christmas lights to look at so if you're even it even if you're long lost Even if you hated her as a mother if you're better show up this year Yeah, even if she molested you you better show up because she killed that skunk with her bare fucking hands And you know what they always go in high-fiving. Yeah, it was all in the name of Christmas That's what I'm saying about Christmas as it has an undercurrent of darkness Oh, the other holidays don't like I do feel like I feel like it's a lot of expectation during this time period I feel like that's what it is. It's all of the how happy all of the music is

What if you're not happy because I only times I've had Horrible time periods during Christmas and then you're like I'm not happy and you're just going me wish you a merry Christmas We wish you Merry Christmas being like how about we wish you a bloody Christmas and I'm gonna fucking try I'm gonna try I'm gonna turn this fucking mall into a fucking blood bath And I don't know because I actually have the so any time I hear overly positive music Maybe yes contrarian mind or my unbelievable ability for humor. I imagine the worst things happening always because it's always gonna happen Oh, dude, we were in that hotel is specifically it was in that hotel We were just at in Spokane the most Christmassy place I've ever seen all I can imagine is all of these grandparents not masked all

Inside gold slathering all over each other in front of the Christmas tree and just imagining Oh, man ripping through there like that's how I imagine the busting through the open doors Like doing doughnuts everybody literally So your your imagination was actually just a new story recovered well, so even I think you've lost the plot I need help This is the thing everyone I remember we also had a fan in Boise that said like you made me realize what intrusive thoughts were and I was like yeah Because it's like that. What do you do when it's all you have is a bunch of this dark imagery in the back You're fucking bad. Well, you just kind of sit there and smile and nod and everyone

Pretends like we're not constantly on the brink of a civil war or total chaos Here talk about this I want to do this grizzly story before we go into another fucked it before we go into another innocent story This is a fucked up story. Okay, this is like what we have We've had a lot of people send in information about the Missouri cannibals the Missouri cannibals I'm how like that. There's a lot of shit going on there that is slowly gonna get uncovered I think this is another one of these types of stories, but it's like Meth is so much fun in the fact that it adds Variety to people's lives that wasn't there before like some people get into hobbies because it allows you to meet new people and engaged in

Conversation outside of yourself. I think that does that as well But in a bad way. Yeah, and a crooked fun house mirror away Yeah, because it's like one of the things about meth is they often say someone will clean their entire house and it's like Oh, that that's good Somehow it's not because it's still covered in bloody handprints because you used the sponge that was gonna cut open your hands And then you just use nothing but Ajax and then all of a sudden your hand is bleeding then you're like, but it's so Always yeah, it's just you yeah, you literally could see the bones in your hands and you scream in the whole time But you think you're singing see this is this is kind of like that

So this was a human head was found in the Bay Area, right? This was just a it was a head that was completely stripped of flesh that had a wire attached to it, right? No one knew what it was and it's found at this it was outside of this abandoned house which had become a squat house for a bunch of meth heads and Basically what they have discovered that it was the result of a man's home-made Spike guillotine that he made to commit suicide Oh, buddy came and helped him remove the head and we'll get into this is really interesting. Yes So this was in Santa Rosa

They they found this head and the victim was identified or the man's head. I don't know if you're a suicide I don't even know if it's a victim. It's that you chose this, right? Right, right? So Robert anger. He's a homeowner in Henley Street He had built this guillotine. It was a large metal spike, right? Okay, and then after committing suicide apparently what it did was this is fucking wild The spike came down and just fucking went through the back of his head Right, and then his buddy who is a man by the name of Robert Melvin Ross the third You know that he's guilty because of how many names he has to the third

Oh, yes, very fancy. He went ahead and finished beheading him So he cut his head off apparently using wire to wrap around his throat He wrapped wire on his throat immediately and constricted and constricted it until he got it He worked it to the head. Did he learn that from watching the documentary act of killing? Do you recall when they were discussing how they just guillotine people with the wire? Well, that is use with an axe. That's what that is for the wire makes it so much more personal because it takes a while To do it. They didn't want to go to the store Honestly, I feel like I might come to that so the man that he was the one with the head and they have charged him

Which is interesting. He pleaded no contest Which is a felony charge of possession of a memento of human remains, which I actually didn't know was a crime I know that it is a crime to have a legal human remains, but I don't know that's what he would call it something like that and What I love is immediately the DA of Sonoma County said there's a lot of methamphetamine use involved in the story So the woman found where the this all started a woman had found the head while she was working in her brother's garden And they arrived the scene they found the skull and it scraped marks on it and a wire attached to it So it's all fucked up

So the last time this dude who this head belonged to was seen was this was in two years ago in July 2nd 2019 He had showed up at the home of a neighbor saying man. I think I fucked up, man. I'm fucked up He had bleeding from his head. He's bleeding from the back of his head and I guess that's where he was treated and he was released He was 62 years old wait, so do you think that he was? Did he try to guillotine guillotine himself before it was like I failed what a loser. I am Oh, I'll get the nerve one day again, and then two years later and try try try try again He actually did do it didn't he did it not this is about the American spirit You know what this really reminds me of is Amelia Earhart in what sense does that entrepreneurial?

Pioneer spirit of America And he this is what it's all about and so what happened was is that it's a 20 foot tall guillotine They found it was all in big which is also like fucked up to think that you could fuck up with it Once and then want to go back and do it again. That really shows that you are I don't know if it is the meth. It might be the meth So then he vanished right the guy that it was happened this guy had been seen from again But apparently what he did was that he told all of his meth buddies I'm gonna fucking off myself with the guillotine. They were like

Fuck yeah, that's a fucking best shit. I've heard what a fun idea sure y'all can have my house And so the guys just then took over the house and started paint plant and she started partying in there Where they also left his rotting corpse on the inside in a chair So they put his headless corpse in a chair, okay, and they just partied around it You know at least you know weekends at Bernie's at least he had a head the cult leader love Love wins or whatever at least she was fully attached. There's something more obviously again There's a lot of meth in this story But at some point like you're methed out and you look look over and like that's right

There's a torso with legs and arms over there and there's missing the head I mean do you just do you put a bowl on it? And that's where you dip your chips with guac What do I mean? I just feel like it would ruin the party for me I don't know I think that if you're on a lot of methamphetamine like let's say you arrive there because I think it's probably complicated because Maybe you're there to purchase methamphetamine, right? Maybe you showed up because I don't know to be honest if it's anything like buying a weed Because I've never purchased meth, right buy a weed back in the day for free

Yeah, I guess right but back at how back of the day how you used to just get weed was it used to have to meet? Somebody that can then introduce you to somebody else, right? Or like that one time I had a guy in a full like crazy like gold turbine hand me a business card in LA in New York That he said just call this number and I did and then a black car pulled up I had to get in the back seat of the car Give him the money as we drove around the block and then he threw weed at me at the back seat And then I got up and left so that's one way I got weed

It's just a lot of work to do something that should be legal for everyone, but yeah So yeah, of course so back and so I imagine for meth which is not anywhere near as close to the federal legalization Journey as weed is right Um, you probably have to go to a lot of questionable places and you roll up and you just in my mind if I did if I'm here to buy meth and I'm trying to go back to my job of being as Republican senator or I'm trying to go back to being a teacher or a truck driver What it would do then is if I saw headless corpse in there. I'd be like that's gotta be a mannequin Well, just trying to act like it's not because also I imagine both mess up meth houses smell the same

Well, I would assume there's a lot of smell of defecation urine and a whole series of Whatever smiles smell like well food rot food rot Stuff like who knows cuz I'd like maybe I'm wrong side stories LP otl a cop It tell me where tell me the classiest place you've bought man It could be the single cleanest place town in the entire village and also it could be one of those where it's like They're constantly repainting the outside of the house They get who knows very fancy. Yes, currently Robert anger what he did was he placed himself under the contraption

Oh, yeah, he manipulated he was killed and then while his boys were watching. Well, his boys were watching. So again, I Just you know, I don't if I'm there. I Just don't let him go through it But it is a lot and I'm going to assume as I'm gonna trust the sheriff on this one that there was just a lot of Of crystal meth. Well speaking of I am we had to have been I mean, yeah Because I again that's what allows you to ignore the present circumstances Which is why you're doing meth in the first place, right? You're doing it because you're trying to add some flavor It's like very like it's like adding the pacante

That's right Speaking of stinky things goodwill, you know, it's not goodwill towards men Sure, but goodwill is also a store and everyone who's ever been to college has shopped at Goodwill and anyone Shopping goodwill you always got a thrift thrift is actually a really good way It's you can get some of your environment. It is good and you can get some great clothes there. Unfortunately It's hard for me to find my sizes because my people we never die You never die or when you do die, they just bury you in whatever clothes are left and then they burn the evidence This is according to go eerie pooping problems state police seek to ID source of

Defocation at Summit Township Goodwill so this person rough you guys get the story this dude's walking in to the summit County Goodwill He's just taking a dump and then he's leaving and it wasn't the first time that this has happened Apparently this dude. He's a mystery pooper. He's going all around this town. He's now on Pennsylvania's crime stopper Wow crime stoppers They have no idea who this guy is the latest incident of I love that they use the term unauthorized defecation I guess is one of them as if the manager was like you better shit, and then it would be like authorized shit It's just weird. Yeah, how cops have to write crimes down like they have to come up with a way to declassify it You know I mean like until this idea that it's like I love unauthorized defecation. Yeah, normally you get a pass

You could yeah if you're a child perhaps So it was 230 in the afternoon which again seems like a this is doesn't seem like a daytime activity But that's why this person is indeed a mystery pooper. That's when I shit I guess so guy walks in he goes to the back where all the employees have their area Takes a dump by the row of cabinets, and then he just walks out I just don't understand of all the places that need fucking revenge done against them Well, it's not good will like that should have been done at an Apple store That should have been done at a Nordstrom

I I could not if it's going to have if it has to happen to save the human race Then yes do it at the Apple store. Please guys. Yes The man's Duke was found just a couple minutes after he left and it was behind a shovel and Then he returned to the store and he Pooped behind a shop behind a shovel or maybe he put the shovel there And then he came back to the store, and I think he just wanted to see all of the employees like hey Oh, dude. Wait hold on. Wow. Wow poop in the back, and he's just looking at cups I think that he might have either been

I'm gonna go out in the limb Maybe a little bit mentally handicapped. I don't know. Maybe you could have been sick He could have been sick, and then he went to go poop behind the shovel. I'm not got not Defend I'm just trying to defend this man. I'm play alright. I'm the defense. I'm the defense defense Maybe he was sick, and he needed to poop somewhere, so he did he did it and then he looked around Oh, what do I do? Oh, I don't want to put the stuffed animal on top of it Right because he could have done that you're gonna put a bunch of baby clothes on top of it But he said he did use a shovel to stop it and then did he come back with a change of outfit? No

I must dash on and a hat no I don't I think he just went and realized as he was going to defecate perhaps he passed a couple of great deals because I mean Goodwill has some great deals. Yes, and said well, I man. I should have bought that before I should I shouldn't be just using this as a public bathroom. I should be using this as a store. Yeah Well state troopers have said quote this man has committed this act several times in the past and he's yet to be identified I don't know how it's that hard to identify him Is there truly like isn't there DNA in dookie or is that gonna clog up there? Maybe that clogs up the system a little too much to be honest

We need to we need to take this to forensics, but at some point when does this escalate into he might have heard a This is one of those things what COVID-19 has done right is that which is like kind of freaks me out still like I'm still not used to groups of masked people right like it still kind of freaks me out Of course this idea. I'm not gonna lie to it, but that's where the mask helps That's a good that's where the mask helps you popped it on he obeyed That's that's the funniest thing when people are doing something like actively illegal But they obey like very bizarre abstract social laws. Yeah, social law So you think he was masked up when in there took the dump came back and went shopping. Yes. Oh, wow. Well

Another casualty I guess I don't know Police have said that they don't even know what he would be charged with but at some point don't you I mean There has to be some law that he's breaking and for those out there in this area He has a vehicle resembling they say a green Ford 500 So fix or repair daily in which I saw there is actually a big forward recall too So maybe he could have been mad about that. How many people live in this town That someone has to find it. Someone knows this man. So if you're out, oh, yes, he has a family. He's a family

He's someone's son. He's someone's brother And mostly I'm not worried about catching him. We can't catch him. All right. You don't want this thing. God It's one poop, you know, I think we should poops and one store. They say he's doing this all over town He might need to be stopped. Yeah, when does it well when does it stop? When does it escalate to the point? You know when it stops is when he does it at the fucking civil hall Or was it when he does a city hall? That's when it fucking stops because that's when it gets on the government's fucking dying Oh, good lord. All right. Well, anyway, unfortunately, I do Yeah, be careful where you step and where you're buying your shovels because you never know when someone's fucking pile the shit is on it

But also when you come down to it at least, you know, the at least oh, well, I could use the shovel for something There is I there is a lot of UFO news that I plan to cover after the break and this is a little bit of also remember We have a break next week. It's before the pagan Winter solstice that we're working for Christmas or whatever you're celebrating. So we're whatever And that is to give time with time with sure and it gives us like, you know, again It's gonna give our employees time to spend time with their loved ones such as whiskey and and marijuana But you and I are gonna actually be working pretty much the entire time But this this story is really interesting. There's a lot of UFO news

This is one of those that I love Who knows because we covered that weird cube on the moon story last week. That was cool, man It's really really cool. There is a big investigation going on right now The vice actually wrote a really interesting article about the UAP phenomena connected to people getting diseases Which is what I talked about a little bit in our stage show But this idea that the US government is monitoring the fact that they think that the you the UFO phenomena makes people physically sick and They say they're trying to some of the conversation about Havana sin Havana about Havana syndrome and stuff like that It might it might it could be it could be and they basically what they're saying is is that like oh

We are researching it because we we want to make sure we can help as many people as possible But the real goal here is to figure out how to weaponize the sickness that these things give people so that we could figure out How to do it to the Chinese and the Russians biological warfare Yeah, but exceptionally real in the war of the future. Oh, it is definitely going to happen more and more But what we will see here is a there's an interesting story. This comes from NASA NASA which is also they did a big info dump recently where they have acknowledged They search for the source of UAPs, right? But NASA they had this like big like dump of private files

Oh, yeah, but they're all redacted right, right of course and NASA has basically said within their own Within their own institution never a straight answer. They don't even really take the UAP thing seriously at all This is them talking amongst themselves But they're trying to figure out a way to ride the coattails of the UFO story so they could find ways to make more money For them to do space research. Yeah, because they are doing the kind space exploration Not like what Space Force is going to do is try to figure out how to blow up people from space Well, absolutely. The space war is happening right now. We're in a cold space war So that'll be extremely interesting and we'll follow that more obviously as we ongoing conversation

And it is it is just amazing stuff happening This is a really cool piece if you just look it up NASA has found NASA footage appears to show UFO that is crashed on Mars Yeah, and what it is is like this a man by the name of John Ward. Whoa, yeah, he's a youtuber He's on the forefront and he has got a ufologist's body Which means he is shaped like Winnie the Pooh without the friends Oh, he was going through footage taken by the Mars reconnaissance orbiter. He discovered this like weird thing This is the bottom of what is called the candor chasma

Which is a large canyon in the Mars vales mariners cool by ice Marineris system sounds like a valley of marinara send me there. I love a red sauce plate. Hello, right? And he said it's the planet's equivalent of the Grand Canyon It's actually apparently considered the largest known canyon in the solar system. Wow Besides fucking and so they've discovered someone's pussy choose someone's pussy Let's go with well, let's just we'll go with Ghislaine Maxwell. Yes. Yeah, he's also see that picture of her fucking She's she's stacked. She's got big old boobies Steve Jobs his wife that picture great analysis. Yeah, and

So they found wreckage is that correct? Yes, it looks like someone took the scoop out of the top of the peanut butter It does it's really interesting. It is this long Strip of like fucking it basically it's a streak It looks like someone gouge had a chunk of the canyon and then the very bottom of it You see what is to be honest a perfect saucer shape. It is a perfect disc that is embedded Inside of the planet now. There's a they are saying that you know, obviously kind of like what they talked about with the cube on the moon This must be some form of natural formation that we are We are the machine is saying it's a disc or they say it might be space trash

But whatever it is. It's a pretty intense collision With the planet Mars and it was nice to watch this kind of guy go through it and I don't I don't know what else is on his channel So I'm not going to endorse his channel But I will yeah, you you phology or ufology It can sometimes get when they get to in the weeds sometimes politically they can Jewish people for some reason Somehow they circle it back. They're like, I don't know how do we get here? But this this object crash on Mars is very fascinating. It's very woo-wee-woo. It's good imagery

To fucking smoke a bowl too and think about man because who fucking knows? I still believe there are a lot of people who talk about how Mars might have been habitable And who knows what was on that planet when it was Mars get your ass Mars who fucking knows Maybe if you went to look this thing up, maybe this thing is thousands upon thousands of years old Who knows maybe there has been some kind of gigantic wipeout event that like made a bunch of previous intelligent creatures Within our solar system extinct. Who knows certainly not certainly not a idea out of the realm of possibility If we look at what happened just here on earth NASA does fully subscribe to the idea that they do believe that they will find worms on Europa

Which is the one of Saturn's moons so they will find that underneath they they it's an ice of There's an iced over ocean on Europa that they think might have creatures in it. Cool. They've read it's the same thing Which is really funny. It's got fart bubbles. Oh That's how that it seems to be the first sign of all life is their farts will speak their waste products Absolutely. Well speaking of farts waste product and and shit. Let's talk rasslin This story is really interesting and I say that because we covered well, I don't think we did cover new jack But new jack got in trouble. He was a wrestler with ECW ECW ECW and he got in trouble for stabbing this guy named mass transit It was just a young kid and he went way overboard and they were thinking about pressing charges mass transit said

I'm not gonna press charges Because new jack is gonna train me how to be a wrestler new jack said great You're not gonna press charges and then you jack just left and skip town because he's a total scumbag When does a professional wrestling? I'll just call it a routine. When does a match become a crime? And that is an interesting question because of course, it's performance art. It's violent by nature. Oh, yes And sometimes The question is when are you going too far this wrestler? His name is Hannibal

He violently stabbed this ref with an iron spike and then after that he choked the ref out Now he says his name is Nicholson He says that the ref was there to bleed and they made an agreement that the ref was gonna get color So the which means, you know, please now, but isn't that normally isn't that under their direction? Like they supposed to be the ones who cut themselves. Yes, it's exceptionally rare that a wrestler cuts another wrestler It is always on 99% of the time. They'll have it in like their, you know, little tape on their finger a little razor blade They dabbed themselves in their forehead. That's where you get the good gush, but you're not really caught. It's superficial damage In this video, however, you see this ref and he is

Either a great actor or truly in pain But this dude Nicholson says I what happened was this referee was supposed to bleed from razor blade cuts I assume he actually cut himself with a razor blade. He gave me no indication And you people watch the footage zero indication to me in the ring that he wasn't just selling and was legitimately hurt now How except for all of the fucking screaming the male looks like he's in serious pain And then if you look at the wounds after the fact He fucking stabbed this man in the skull with an iron spike several times

And the way you're supposed to do that obviously is you hold it in your hand And you're supposed to hit the guy with kind of the fat of your on the bottom Yes, it's not supposed to actually pull exactly you're supposed to act for example He says uh, this is the wrestler. He says if he told me who was gonna get if he was getting hurt I would have stopped He claims he apologized to the referee and says the ref told him we're cool However, if you look at the footage I don't know if the ref and he are cool

No, I don't think they are ever needs to wrestle again And I say that because out of wrestler safety if you who would ever trust working with this man Similar to new jack where it's like the blurring the lines between fake and real and obviously I love some hardcore wrestling But of course, yeah, I like watching them bleed I like that I did because they don't really you feel the tension It's really intense especially the guys who know what they're doing and of course 120 percent into it And AEW like they're they're bringing like they're bringing back blood. There was an audience member who mentioned britt baker She bleeds all the time. She's a dentist character. She's really cool. John moxley. Omega all those guys

You can use blood to tell a story look no further than stone cold steve austin when he had the flip with bread heart That iconic image with the blood flowing down from his face If he's not if he's not bleeding that image is that's pretty cool It's kind of blood gives us something really powerful, you know Which shows how much he cares it shows how deep it goes like there's something about it. That's very interesting But this man he stabbed him and then he choked him till he was totally fucking unconscious And then he stepped over his unconscious body and continued wrestling other refs that I guess didn't know also I guess that he was supposed to bleed they're all supposed to be in on it

But isn't he like his character is supposed to be super evil, right? Yes, but his emphasis on the term character, right? Yes, and we think Marilyn Manson all these guys every single time somebody falls in love with themselves as a fucking evil person And even though like your name's brian warner Exactly when we were discussing Marilyn Manson on the drive and it's like yeah talk about someone who lost Site of who he really was your yeah your brian warner and as a matter of fact marcus mentioned iggy pop apparently He was going offstage and he was still pretending to be iggy and then it almost killed him So then he realized when he's offstage. He's I believe jim he has to be addressed as jim

Yes, because iggy pop can't live iggy pop is the same thing with alice cooper alice You don't guillotine people alice cooper just goes golfing. Yes alice cooper is just a normal six-year-old man Yes, indeed probably uh voting for some crazy things, but that's okay. Yes, I mean who knows I don't know what he does I mean the the ref lando del Toro There's images of him in the hospital and they are freaking brutal. You can see the wounds So he has they had a staple him shut. They had to staple his wound shut But um, they said the ref is recovering at home still a bit fuzzy and in pain Yeah, lots of pain, but he says I'll live. Thank you all for your outpouring of support

That poor fucker poor guy. I feel so bad. I feel so bad for him. Yeah, devin nicholson. That's the uh That's the wrestler there devin nicholson. He has 300 000 people on his On his youtube page and again wrestling is a beautiful sport. I absolutely love it But don't be stupid sport and an art exactly like the two together I think that's important. I think that when it comes to art is that especially in the I mean no, it's a younger man You always kind of want to be more extreme with your art Like you think that you want to like wield it like a hammer and you want to you want to like make a difference

if you want to like Fucking round people up you want to do this kind of shit But when it comes down to it you also have to find a sustainable way of doing it within your craft Like you have to be you got to be the cannibal and you got to be 110 percent the cannibal and you got to be believable It was the cannibal, but also when it comes down to it You still got to go back to the locker room with these guys You still got to go travel and work with all of these guys and it gets to a point where you know like wattain We talk about that band all time. They cover everybody been fucking blood and shit

But then I was getting emails from people who was to talk about how they're the chillest guys in the world And they're the ones going to be like sorry. We got blood and all your stuff It's kind of our thing, but you don't mean like there's the break they allow themselves to break character enough To like say like obviously this is our bet Yes, absolutely. You know and we're doing both. They're trying to try and we're trying to make the audience transcend themselves You have to maintain perspective. You have to maintain perspective. Yeah, absolutely Well speaking of people who got lost in their own bullshit This is just kind of a funny side quest with the alec baldwin story

Which obviously again immensely sad. I have no empathy for him. I just my all of my empathy goes to the poor victim Who didn't deserve to die on that set? I do feel bad for him But I also feel like he shouldn't have done that stupid interview that he did where he tried to say he did I did not inhale I don't feel bad for him because he tried to blame everybody else other taking responsibility as a lost art on this country Probably because it's so litigious But hilarious baldwin again a woman who how you say cucumber. She's a liar And you know the alec. He told me he told me he no shoot me believe

Right and henry makes that Impression because that's her impression that she was doing on a morning of herself. She tried. Anyway, that's the character She plays that's her character. Yes. She's a lifestyle coach, which means She does nothing nothing And she said that she knew that her and alec. We're not going to stay together talk about pouring A gasoline on the fire. She's not standing by her man to say the least. No, she is she thinks though This was done in jest. She thought that this story was funny alec baldwin fucking shushed her while she was in I don't think she did because she was on the phone

She said when my husband told me to shush during labor. I knew our marriage was over Alec shushed me while I was in labor with rafa. He was on the phone shush Can you keep it down? And then she says that moment he said it I realized he sounded like an ass and he and he cowered. So I think this is not She says I spared the I spare you the details of my reaction for now. She said but it never happened again And then she ended by adding a devil smile. I think she hates him I this is technically more page seven territory But the reason why we cover it is just because technically alec baldwin's now a murderer

So like we'll find out how this plays out. Technically he is. Oh, no, he's a he's I think you're a killer It's an accessory to murder. He's an accessory to murder. Uh, but then once it spots, uh, halaria at the very end She also said something about like danelle. No, I'm sorry. That's my malania. I'm mixing them up. Oh, wow Don't you know what he told me Alec goes going through very much ptsd right now, but it wasn't from the shooting It was something from a long time ago, which is also very horrible. So you're not even it's not even from the shooting Oh, this is page seven. We'll let them take it from here. We'll let page seven Jackie mj the crew

Um, they will take that so anyway Yes. All right. Well, are we let's do let's let's do hero of the week Let's do hero of the week. So this week's hero man. I love this story I like this because this is way this is way more in our wheelhouse. It's when we get more sincere That I feel weird. Mm-hmm. No, absolutely. Yes, indeed Uh, a mischievous cow he escaped from a brazilian slaughterhouse. So good for you. You get to live Like back in the day with what we used to do with prisoners who escaped they got to go They got to I think oh, yeah

I will take care of this cow if I'm in brazil I'd be like that cow's coming with me So it evaded its death and then it said, you know what? I got a second. I got a second chance at life I'm going to the amusement park to the water park He went on the slide and thankfully well It was only designed to hold 450 pounds, which obviously that's not gonna make no in america You're gonna have all the deaths on your hand. Okay, buddy Oh, yeah

Especially got a whole family on there gripping on to each other the animal he seemed happy and it had some freedom And it went on for 500 miles. Wow It went to Rio de Janeiro where the ranch owner adopted it and named it tobogo toboga Which is slide in portuguese So it was saved and good work cow. You made it And it's cute and it's so much fun And um, yeah, I don't know. Why not? So you're just here over the week and it just goes to show you when you're back against the wall

Take action. You gotta go shoot the gap shoot the gap shoot the fucking gap You know, I mean if you gotta get out of there get the fucking out get out of there You know, it's a good way to shoot shoot the gap. You know sweet and created those suicide pods I just saw the suicide pod That's even interesting. I am you know, I believe you have the right to die in this world, but I looked at the suicide pod How the hell is that easier than shooting yourself in the freaking dome? It's so much nicer. Apparently what you do is you get in the you get in the cabinet And it's you get it lowers the amount of oxygen in the room

So you actually don't feel like but the way they do it you go into hypoxia. I believe it's called Yes, where you add like nitrogen or something to the air and they get rid of the oxygen But it takes 10 f in minutes and there's an eject button. Yes. Yeah, you can leave at any time But what is I just shows if you really want to if you really want to go if you are sick and you're riddled with cancer Instead of dying No, I'm it should be coming a husk on a bed while your family all just sits and watches you become a human fucking paperweight You can go into this thing that can make you you you get giddy You start to fall like you laugh and stuff and then you get the d you get the dmt fucking

Like the the you trip out and then you just go to sleep and you don't wake up People have the uh people have the right to die with dignity. However, they choose I and it keeps asking you if you want to continue. Well, that's you know, that's You know when you see a infomercial and you're like, I don't need help putting on my socks. I just do this I feel like this is a product do we need it people even committing suicide since people I just feel like we figured out how to do it. Well, you just don't want a middleman in there I don't know. That's what you're talking about. You had a middleman making money off of this. It's true I mean that I understand that is

I don't know. It's also like how structured if you're such such a structured person that you're like I'm gonna commit suicide today and then you google What company should I hire? Are you are you really gonna commit suicide? That is the center of the the argument for youth in asia because some people want the freedom to say I want to die But I don't want to have to blow my brains out because it might be traumatizing to my family when they find me the Oh, fuck when they find you defecate in your pants They'll cover your own piss and shit your brains are splatter fucking everywhere

And then you write like a nice note on hallmark paper being like thanks for the memories like you just ruin their lives because you have to They have to find your body. They got to do all this kind of shit. We're like at least that it's like bye uncle Dave And they're all like they go like go say goodbye to it And then the the worst part is coming to get you and I don't know who comes and get you I don't know if that's a sanitation thing. I don't know if that's like who comes and scoops you out of the machine The better be covered in the cost of whatever it is. I remember when my grandfather passed away in hospice It was something similar. You just kind of go there and we said our goodbyes and then I think he died like two minutes after I left the room

um, so Yes, I get it. It's just I maybe it's a lot. Maybe I'm just too independent. So I say if you're gonna kill yourself. I just don't need it I just don't need any help. I got it. I get it. This is the one thing I can do Anyway, go on go on the cow is the hero of the weak toboga Here we go. Now. This is really interesting. We got a couple of we got great emails over the last couple days Uh, one thing it seemed to be is everyone talking about you remember the big poop with the nurse who was surprised The huge it. Yeah, that huge dump. Most people are saying they believe it came from a post-opioid

Constipation, you know what I did the sad. I don't know where my I don't know what this says about my brain I said, thank god. I thought you were gonna say it was fake Yeah, I know it would have been better if it was so so that was somebody who is doing opioids So compact and compact and compact and compacted and how many do they say how many weeks worth of shit that is? You saw that thing. It looked like two latakiera fucking burritos Blended up you've ever been to the latakiera in the mission district in san francisco. No, it's good name big So yeah, it was about that big probably about eight pounds of duke But then also I did the thing yesterday. I had a fucking in portland

Beautiful portland I went and I had we had a scale in the bathroom And I did the good old-fashioned take a dump and then weigh yourself take a dump and then weigh yourself And I had a I had a three pounder Okay, so maybe that was a 10 pounder 15 pounder then I don't know, but all I know is fishermen lie So here we go Other so here's from the bomb squad people asking we got a lot of good mentions People talk about from the bomb squad about what happens if you have a piece of artillery stuck up your ass Who gets called who takes care of it? Okay, so we got two different answers. Okay

All right So all right Now I can't speak for civilian police department's bomb squad, but I know exactly how the military would take care of a live Mortar round up a man's ass long story short to ensure the round doesn't detonate while trying to extract it The eod the military bomb squad would most likely strap the man down to something so he can't move Transport him to a facility where they then have to cut the man away from the bomb. Okay. Hold on. Hold on Uh, how do you cut a man away from the bomb that's inside of his asshole? Basically, he says that you would have to

Do this in open this is how we put it They can't pull the bomb away from the man It's safer for the man and the people working on him to handle the munition as little as possible So they're going to have to gape this dude's asshole on anything he's ever thought possible Yes, he did say his hearts will never make a sound again Um, and then they would pull it out Okay, so yes, that's one answer from the bomb squad. Okay The other answer from the bomb squad is also because it also had a lot of people saying they're pretty or certain

That it would be the leader to do it. Right. So here we go. All right Now let me just start by saying I'm not an eod technician But I was attached to an army eod company as intelligence support when it did contracting in Afghanistan And I learned a lot about how they do things and explosives First a little about mortars mortars have two parts the main body with the high explosives and a fuse that screws onto the top With more sensitive explosives that cause it to blow when it impacts after firing Oftentimes when insurgents get these shells, they remove the fuse They will then pack the nose where the fuse was with their own homemade explosive and a detonator hooked to a switch of their choice

So instead of it detonating would fired from a mortar tube They can set it off with the cell phone Anti-tampers switch or any number of switches they rigged to it, right? Right Because the eod doesn't know if this guy is a suicide bomber a trojan horse or just a pervert with a mortar up his ass They would first have to verify that there isn't an active switch in the device that could be set off There are a variety of ways that they could do this But I won't share them because technically because render safe procedures are kept secret So it's not to endanger future eod techs

Maybe flip his ding dong up and down a little bit to see if that would be like see what happens if it rustles around Sure, however, once it is verified, there is no switch. They could probably have the medical team pull out the mortar Since there is a very low chance it would explode with that it would explode without the fuse And we'll say that's still a high enough chance Yes, no matter what. Oh, yes, they would then take the mortar and transport it somewhere safe So if the bomb squad did indeed have to go in themselves It would have to be the team leader a team technically has a team leader and two lower-ranking members Who are getting experience to become team leaders themselves eventually

It's just nice to see unlike all the amazon warehouses and candle factory warehouses that Forced their employees to stay in those buildings and die It's nice to see a leader actually taking have to do initiative and have to do the thing that sucks It's like every single nurse will tell you that and I anyone who goes to the doctor knows the nurse does everything And there's not much shit. Yeah And then they leave and you're like, thank you Yeah, the doctor just comes in feels your testicles and say are these are kind of small That happened to you anyway. Yes. Yes. So here we go

This is the last question I'll do because these are just questions We have actually we have a really good emails this time But I'm going to save some for when we come back from break. Um, which is one week We'll be back the week after fucking christmas. Uh, but this is about melting corpses. Okay Now they say we asked first where do what happens your eyes melt first when you die And they say it's definitely not your eyeballs. I'm a former mortician And I also used to work at the whole body donation program in my state Externally your genitals go first

Men's tend to be grosser grosser and meltier They also tend to get something called hydrocele if they died at old age Hydrocele or hydrocele hydrocele is when fluid accumulates around the testicles The extra fluid plus the general level of bacteria in that area means the junk basically starts melting As soon as a guy dies and sometimes before Women's genitals also start melting, but it's less noticeable giving the lack of external surface area Right now normally the lower right quadrant of the abdomen goes first the spot where the dookie hangs out Typically, this is where dead first dead people first visibly start to turn green and it spreads from that spot

Long story short anywhere where there's a lot of bacteria melts first Okay, my husband takes out eyes and corneas for a living And he said there is always trauma regardless of whether it happens pre or post mortem But more so if it happens before so it's pretty hard to get a whole eyeball out of a socket It takes some doing they don't melt or fall out. Hmm I didn't that's interesting. I mean, I guess now you have eyeball experience Yourself and so I guess you can attest to them being a little bit stronger than perhaps we thought Oh, yeah, and this is another one. This is also and this one last one's about large poops

Now I used to be scared of my own poops as a kid, right? Because uh, they this person suffers from the constipation side of IBS So I used to be scared of my own poops when I was a kid because they were so large from being constipated I'd lay down turns the thickness of my own arm often. I think that's cool I mean, it sounds like it must have felt great. Yes, it's out Basically the poops would compact and the IBS prevents your guts from absorbing water into it So and the IBS prevents your guts from absorbing water into it and they form into these huge poops So when I was 11, I didn't poop for a few weeks. Maybe close to three weeks bad And it wouldn't come out

So I was taken to a hospital where it was confirmed that I did not have that I did not have a dangerous bowel blockage They basically gave me the stuff they give to colonis to coloscopy Col, uh, oh my goodness. Oh my fucking god colonoscopy colonoscopy patients. Jesus christ. We're gonna better better get used to saying it because I know I'm supposed to You should do it. You gotta leave me alone

Where you mix it into a large amount of water and guzzle it So eventually I pooped out the hugest turd I've ever pooped and oh god, it was so big It was like a foot and a half long and whiter than a soda can it can definitely Definitely not supposed to come out of a kid. So it's really interesting. So who knows maybe that's what it is The specialist at the hospital told me the more huge turds you retain The more the more it stretches out your bowels. So you basically make bigger and bigger turds So let's have fun. Good. I'm happy. I have a bunch of ghost stories and fun Encrypted stuff that I'll say for in the new year because that's when you deserve it

Right now. This is about how christmas makes us all feel. All right. So like for me You gotta live with the fact that christmas. Yeah, it does make it does make me feel with anxiety And as I say, I don't I'm not blaming the holiday. I am blaming it's more of a family thing, but that's okay Absolutely, and I am way more what I like to do is I love the idea of the pagan winter solstice And that's where I like to try to formulate it in my mind right. This is the winter solstice It's about gathering around with friends enjoying some of the harvest that you have saved for the dark times ahead Knowing that there's even darker times ahead because january, february, march suck They always suck everywhere you are if you're not in beautiful, so cal

Sure, this is fun. You know something you know, I mean or any other place. It's beautiful or any other place Beautiful as well. It's sure for some people. Sure. And that's why you gotta laugh sometimes and know for a fact that You just make other people. Oh, fuck. How do you laugh about it? Yeah, how do you have a lot of interest to hear this because you have You laugh when you get hammered and then you really hammered and you enjoy You enjoy the what's fun about christmas for me. Maybe you can your friends seeing your family You technically have a week off from everybody asking you for work So at least that's nice in america specifically. It's like everybody goes to sleep people stop going to work for the most part

For about two weeks. So at least that's nice. Even if you are like us Working throughout the entire holiday you can you can laugh when your father passes and he wills you his favorite pack of cigarettes That's fun. Thank you. That's funny The idea like what I hope my dad does what I would do when I die Eventually just leave a bunch of fun scatological things deep within what everyone's gonna have to go through You're like, why did dad have this? Why did he have this? So you're gonna put like your debit card and a bunch of shit and be like, that's your debit card But you think that's very passive aggressive. Okay. Okay, but also because I feel like I'm not trying to yuck

The yum that people have this year because I understand some people like christmas And I do feel like there's a lot of people like me that find this christmas find this Holiday to be somewhat overwhelming. Absolutely. It is and if you are overwhelmed out there hang in there. It'll be all right Have a good time. Yes. Yes, the wizard that desert wizard is probably not real But santa is Sure, better be good You know, because that pervert's been watching you shit and masturbate your whole fucking life Well, okay, whatever you want to believe just have fun with it and don't push your beliefs on others

If you're having a christmas, merry christmas and any other holiday that you might be Holidayine Whatever man, whatever, even if you're just celebrating not having to go to fucking work, which hopefully you don't have to Please god, but we want to announce speaking of not going to work. We want to put our listeners to fucking work So last podcast in the left. We are this is incredible. We got a new comic book coming out in spring It's done by the guys over at z2. They know what the fuck that they're doing It's the last comic book on the left and what we have here is a bit of a contest if you go to z2comics.com

Slash lcb otl which is stands for last comic book on the left that's for terms of conditions This is really really interesting. It's cool. Do you draw? Do you like money? Do you want to be a part of last comic book on the left? We want to we want you would invite you to participate in this contest. The rules are simple You submit a fully drawn 10 page comic at 400 dpi Right, you'll do we have the the actual specifics on the website right one lucky winner We'll get their story in the first issue of last comic book on the left and we will give you $3,500

Now to enter you have to tag your art with hashtag lcb otl and send your submission to lcb otl at z2comics.com that is the letter z and the number two comics.com by february 10th So if you want to do an illustration certain ones will be chosen as well for a $300 prize in addition So you just go to z2comics.com slash lcb otl and give us your bullshit Impress us make some money. Hell. Yeah, that is fantastic And uh, even if whatever just and you're also we have some good-ass comic book Artists that listen to this what's nice about this is that z2 is connected to some of the best fucking talent in the fucking comic book

World they are really good people to know so this type of place where it's like man. Come on. Let's see what we got See what you got motherfucker. Yeah, hopefully it can be a bridge for more work because god knows Being an artist it ain't easy. It's uh, I don't think people know how hard it is so that no one pays All right, everyone. Well, thank you so much for listening and again have a wonderful holiday Take care of yourself. Take care of others eat a bunch of food. Have a good time. Do your shit Do you do what you got to do that get out there? Don't kill your family Don't kill your family time of year because I think families get fucking wholesale massacre to every christmas Just remember world some people might be tight on money. They shouldn't be about fucking presents

That's the thing I hate most about this fucking bullshit is that it's not about what you can give It's about spending time Absolutely, you can Or fucking don't spend time with the fucking people you hate don't spend time with people you hate spend time with people you like There you go. All right, everyone. Thanks so much for listening and thank you so much for supporting us this past year And uh, yeah, we just really appreciate you Kill yourselves. Hail sweet Satan. Now. That's a good of you I'm gonna go to my goose delicious

And we're gonna see you in Birmingham this week can't wait to get here. We're gonna see you know Can't wait. I'm gonna have some shrimp. Yeah, you're gonna fucking have some shrimp you sassy woman How's it? All right This show is made possible by listeners like you thanks to our ad sponsors You can support our shows by supporting them for more shows like the one you just listened to go to last podcast network.com