Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Resurrect-Ed

Episode Date: August 20, 2025

Henry & Eddie reunite to bring you this week's weirdest stories and wildest news - Henry fills in Ed on The Silent Man, The Mini Lights, & Asensual masturbation THEN - the United Flight cancelled over woman's "biohazard" diarrhea, Aussie Prisoners caught stealing/eating Guinea Pigs from Animal Shelter, Love triangle ends with a violent shootout at Detroit senior citizen home, Colorado Couple lived with dead throuple partner's body for over a year, Listener E-Mails, Last Podcast's New Halloween Project is finally revealed, and much, much, more!Sign up for our Newsletter NOW to be one of the first to get your claws on "Fright Jannsen's Revolting Repository of Ghastly Sounds Vol 1 and 2" on limited vinyl! For Live Shows, Merch, and More Visit: www.LastPodcastOnTheLeft.comKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Last Podcast on the Left ad-free, plus get Friday episodes a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. 

There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. Now, I'd like to announce today a miracle has happened.

Yesterday, I went to the tomb, and the rock was still in front of the entrance. But I still smelled the distinct, distinct smell of pork. Coming from behind the rock, so I knew someone was cooking in there. The piggy lives! The piggy lives! Oink, quink, quink! Zee! That's right, baby. My biggest joke of the year, everyone laughed at it, is proven to be false.

Yes, your biggest joke of the year was pretending I'm dead. Yeah. Unfortunately. Thanks. Yeah. Thanks a lot. That's where we're at. Man, so, you know, it's interesting.

You, you know, I didn't get a chance to listen to the show, not a fan. But the, I was. But it's interesting, just, you know, existing. And then people just like, DMing me, R-I-P. Yeah. I love it. I love it, dude. It's a good, honestly, it's nice.

for you to see the outreach before you die. Yeah. Because nobody you will never know. You'll never know how many people love you when you die. Yeah, people mildly cared that I died. They actually sort of were concerned. Yeah. I mean, they don't believe me. Obviously, they shouldn't.

No, why should they believe you? But also, it was fun. I got to feel, it was nice to miss you. Mm-hmm. You ever do that with Julie? What? Pretend she's dead? No. Like, when you go, away from each other, and it's nice, because it's nice to miss. Yes.

You and I are joined at the penis. It is, um, it is a, it is a bit much in the, the amount of time we spend together. We spend so much time to the point where I forget, you're there. Yeah, no, it is one of those things. Yeah, we're just there. I just go like, Ed, like in my home. Yeah. I go, Ed.

And you're not in my home. No, thank God. No, God, because if you were, there's something going on. It is interesting. No, I will say, like, ever since, like, we've started spending this much time together, we have been spending less time at each other's homes. Oh, I don't see you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, we work. No, we hang on the road. On the road, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll get back to it. We'll get back to it. We'll get back to it. This whole thing will end at some point. Welcome to side stories.

My name is Henry Zabrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. I am alive. He is alive and it is good. Resurrected. Yeah. Put the erect and resurrect. Ed's erected.

You like that? No. Resurrect. Resurrect. Thank you. Put it on there. That's Adela of the episode. It's already done.

It's called writing on the fly, punching each other's up. Now, we got a couple of, I don't have any updates. I'll catch you up. No updates. Well, I heard the guy was back in the road. Well, we talked a little bit about the silent man from the UK. I fucking love this guy. He's back.

I got a lot of messages after talking about his resurgence and his reclaiming the title. of the most silent, fattest man in England. And a lot of people said they think David Hampson might be trying to rig the system. What? And I was like, what? Because everyone's like, no, he's just doing it to get three hots and a cot. Yeah. Right?

He's just trying to eat. That's also not that great. No. Well, this is the thing. Think about what they serve the free citizens of the UK. I know. Can you imagine what they serve in the UK? high jail. When they get their

tribbons, you want a poiler trebins. I'm sure that it's real blood in the pudding. You want some white. I've got a bucket of white. I've got a bucket of cry. Like, that's all David Hampson is. Maybe he wants the chip beef from the UK prison system. Maybe he's got a taste for it.

What do you think? Forty-five pounds on that head? Oh, buddy. At least, right? His lips alone are like seven pounds. And he's got the fattest eyelids have seen on someone that's not a professional fighter. He looks like butterball, by the way. That's not chatterbox, butterball.

Yeah, I know, I know. Butterball's a centibite. He also does look like butter bean. He does look like him. Who's butterball? The turkey? From the centibite from Hellraiser, he's the fat centibite. Oh, he does. He'd be great at that. That guy doesn't talk either. At all. That's amazing. He should do this. I'm calling. I'm calling

Hollywood. I'm calling Hollywood. Hello Hollywood. Are there Jews in? Let me ask. I got a silent fat guy for you. I got butterball on the phone. You got the pot. You're the fattest most silent thing I've heard on the phone all day. Yeah, it's amazing.

But yeah, we talked about him. I think the other big update we made was, what was the other big one from last week? You talked about the mini lights, which technically just gators, yeah. Have you heard about the really quickly in St. Pete, Florida? There is a cryptic known as the mini lights. Have you heard about this at all? No, but I know that gators lights, eyeballs light up when you shine a light on it.

We pretty much assume that it's alligators at this point. I talked about it with Natalie last week. Is it like two little red lights all over the water? It's little white lights. And they say, well, largely it is the homeless slash more of like essentially on the lower, on the economic side people of St. Petersburg, Florida. Yeah. That they say that they would hear these mini lights, many lights don't come out tonight.

They would do this thing where they would say this rhyme to each other. and that apparently you could say it at the, you could call the mini lights to you, and they would warn them to not let the kids out near where all the drainage, like, little areas were. But it was more of a way to scare people. Sounds like gators. Yeah, I was trying to get children away from the allocators.

Did they make the gator noise? You know how to call? No, no, it's, oh! If you want to call gators late at night. Oh, that's what Sasha Gray was doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I didn't know. I didn't know she was making gator noises.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's a big gator fan. Big gaiters, apparently. She could take three gators at once. Miss Sasha Gray, where are you at? Dude, when was the last time you've seen an alligator's erect penis? It's a, Rob, please pull it up. What time is it? Yeah, please.

Oh, I think it's been at least a fortnight. Yeah, we're going to need an image search. Look at that puppy, dude. Look at that fucking thing. I hate that, man. You know what it is? I don't like a. penis that when it's out, it's covered

in blood. Yeah, no, it is one of them. It is one of them. It's not supposed to be out. It's supposed to be in. And those fuckers, they fucking real dude. I'm mad. Yeah, get mad. I don't want to see this. Look at them. Look at them balls, dude. I don't fucking like them on men. Dude, can we

actually, you know what, I don't think I've ever, like, really seen an alligator vagina. Can we do that real quick? Sure, why not? At this point, why not? It's a definite, it's an audio extra. Very similar. Wow, that takes it, huh? Yeah. I can't believe that. Hey.

Looks like a regular Barbara Bush. Those poor ladies. I've seen that on a couple of first ladies. Oh, yeah. Right there. That's a coach purse right there.

That's a reptilian envelope. I just downloaded it by accident. Yeah, great. Good. Good, great. On the work computer? Awesome. Go, yeah, set it as the background.

That's going to really help. It's just he's the only one to use this. It's true. Yeah, he just had to stare at yourself every day. Me like, am I at work now? Oh, not until I see the alligator,

pussy. Also, Grand Gordon last week, On the biggest reveal of the week, what do he says he doesn't look at porn anymore. He just masturbates by sensation. Really? Which is sick. Yeah, what is he?

Bob Ross? I think it's what's holding him back career-wise. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I said this to him on the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But this is actually, I got some emails on this. I've heard, I talked to one guy about porn, and he was like, he was like, what's your Google search? I was like, boobs?

Like, I don't know. Like, what are he talking about? Sometimes I'll have a specific, you know, there's an idea. that I'm looking for. There's a thing I want to complete. There's a story I want to see. He said he searches love. That's the saddest.

I was like mad. That's the saddest most. I was like really mad. I was like, love is the one thing I have. Can you imagine? I got nothing else. Go on Pornhub.

Honestly, do it right now while we're looking this up. Look up love on Pornhub and see if there's just one beautiful story on there. I just don't want to like, when I'm watching porn, I don't want them to like make eye contact. No, I like it to be, I like it to be nice.

Yeah, no, of course. I don't want them, like, choking each other or anything, but like... No, this is just pornography. Romantic date with sex. Yeah, get that off of there. That's fucking stupid. I think it's usually when you write the word love. It's a code for the people are more attractive.

That is more homosexual than gay porn. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely, yeah. All right, but this... I got a very interesting email from someone, from an asexual person. Okay. Because they talk about how asexuality, it happens in about one to two percent of the population. Yeah.

And this person actually... You still got to jerk off, I imagine. Well, this is. person actually said this, that it was interesting. It's actually the same percentage as redheads and people born with serial killer tendencies, right? Oh, thank God. But, you know, it's prevalent. It's in there. You're telling me there's as many serial killers as

redheads? Yeah. Yeah, buddy. True redheads. Not like me. No. You are. I'm more of a strawberry blonde, but if you look downstairs, you see it gets pretty brown. Oh, brown and gray. Yeah. Real brown.

Yeah, the only the most upsetting colors. Oh, yeah. Worst ones. Senator Brown. Yes, it's a dandruff color. It looks like an old pair of World War II socks color. How come pubes don't get dandruff? Side stories L-P-O-T-L at g-Mell.com. Don't send picks if they do.

No, actually, if you could, that'd be great. So we have your, so asexuals say here, they lack sexual attraction, but they can have a libido. Okay. And I don't think this person was talking about they started having this, like, feeling, right? So it wasn't until I stopped trying to imagine. sexual things that I began to be able to achieve orgasm. They said that it kind of felt like I'd randomly be turned on and not know what was causing it. This person didn't start masturbating until they were 19 because a friend made fun of me for never touching myself in the shower.

Like a 13-year-old who just discovered his penis, I flicked the bean to a wide variety of porn. Nothing did the trick. Oh, it's a female. Yes. The first time I took acid, I convinced myself my vagina was going to start talking. I didn't realize I was just horny because I rarely felt that way. So this was, this is what they realized. It wasn't until I stopped trying to imagine sexual things.

I listen to music and focus on sensation instead. Now, I can come from all sorts of fantasies, such as turning into a bird or becoming a glowing orb of light that glows brighter and brighter. My go-to for the past decade, this is really interesting, is a real weird one. I turn into a man and get fatter and fatter and fatter until I climax. Was that what you do? I would have come so many times My body would be coming to stop me My body would be coming

We're like, okay, it's good How many times do we do this So we start losing weight? Say when! You know? I mean, that's kind of advanced, if you ask me. It's deeply advanced. I think it's expert level masturbating.

Yeah, because like, you know, anyone can jerk off to cocks and boobs, you know? Any fucking piece of shit can jerk off to a wet vagina just dripping, you know. But like this lady, you know, she's flicking it to being a bird. I mean, that's just something else. Super Native American of her. The gift of flight is something to jerk off to. Absolutely.

And the first thing I think of is me. I'm a giant eagle. I'm soaring amongst the Rockies. I look down and I see a family eating a wonderful, wonderful picnic lunch. I'm going to say legally, come on a family. Scla! So there is a name for this, by the way. Oh, okay.

It's called autosexuality. Autosexuality. It's the act of sexual orientation where the person experiences sexual attraction primarily or exclusively towards themselves. No, this is not attracted to themselves. They're saying that they experienced phantom horniness and had to figure out how to masturbate without thinking about sex with another human. I think it's all connected. I mean, hey, hey, we're going to get to the bottom of that. People who jerk off to themselves, those are assholes, right?

No, unless they're Madonna. Madonna said she jerked off to herself. I would, too, if I was Madonna. But old Madonna. Old Madonna. Well, not new old Madonna, old Madonna. Old, old, time-wise. She's still an effervescent woman.

Yeah? She's absolutely chocked to the rim with botulism, but she is still dancing out there. Do you remember when those people shot up the Ariana Grande concert? Oh, I do. And then, like, two weeks. And then I think it was like two days later, Madonna, like, did a show, like, in the same town.

And she brought out two, like, McAllic, AK-47s and started pointing them at the audience. No, I remember. I was like her. You know, Madonna still got it. She still got it. She's just bat shit insane. She's having sex with a 26-year-old dancer. But you know what?

You go on, girl. Yeah, no. Why should she not? No, absolutely not. I'd be doing the same thing. I think, like, you know, these ladies need to be taking back the thing that dudes have been holding for all this time, which is, you know, if you're an older person who's got no relationship, go ahead, date a young man.

Let an older woman discover that young men have nothing to talk about. Yeah. The way that men discover that younger women have nothing to talk about. Dude, I went to this 420 party once. It was a high times party back in New York, and Susan Sarandon came in. Look, and fucking hot. Yeah. And she had, like, a 20-year-old on her arm, and he was.

gorgeous. Good for him, dude. And I was like, you know what? Fuck yeah, Susan Saran. Cash and checks. Get that shit. Bring this little pool boy to the weed party. I'm fucking all about this. No, I love you, Susan Sarandon. It might have been a grandson. Let's go and cover this first story. I hope it wasn't. Yeah, because of the way they were interacting. The opinion changes if it was a grandson. Yeah, Jamie Lee Curtis is doing good too.

Yeah, does she have a young boyfriend? All right. No, no, she's on Christmas to talk about when. makes is horny. Now we're just looking at everybody's talking about it. I will say I'm glad we were talking about old broads getting horny. Let's cover this first story.

Live from your grade. Now speaking of old broads, now this story made me laugh quite a bit because I obviously got this many times from all of you because you're all immature. And I blame you.

United Flight canceled. over woman's biohazard diarrhea. Oh, well, that happens. But you know what I like about this is that it happened to a woman? Only just because... Yeah, she needs the fucking issues. So is so easy.

No, it's because, like, obviously, when I first saw biohazard diarrhea, I assumed I was going to be looking at a clone of me. Yeah. But it's nice because it was actually a cute woman. Megan Renertzen, she had landed from Portugal. So she went on to her connect. connecting flight.

And apparently she was not feeling very good. She looks normal. She looked utterly normal. She seemed to have an undercooked hamburger. And then she said she did a thing, everybody's doing TMI. She looks Midwest. Oh, she's got a Bengals shirt on.

Oh, she's a chili girl. Oh, well, she's a she living in a chili life. Well, you'd think her stomach would be able to handle it, but it didn't. So she said she felt something brewing and things were all bubbling Anna and a poppin inside of her. We all know that feeling. you know that dreadful sound that you know and you're like

oh no I have 28 seconds I have flight ending diarrhea yeah yeah yeah and so this 30 minutes she said into the flight she made to the bathroom

oh so the plane was in the air yes she said she was in the room for 90 minutes in the bathroom for 90 minutes and she said she had more diarrhea than any human should ever have in her life she started screaming she's throwing up uncontrollably

shitting out of her pussy crying and and she's yelling at the flight attendants don't let anybody else in here don't let him in here and the flight attendants said you're right so they allowed her to stay inside of it yeah and they had to

she had to hold on to the sides of the bathroom as they landed that's how much fucking crazy slippery duke was sliding out of her man and then everybody got deborted except for her she had to be

carried out in a stretcher, right? So the plane technically made it. So it made it. It made it. They blew this out, they blew this up a bit in the headlines. Oh yeah, come on. This isn't even a gotcha. This isn't even a story. Well, the problem was, is that really was the aftermath, which was that. So she's wheeled

out, and they are now, she's listening to them to tell the flight, the people there that are waiting for this plane now to leave with them, and they say this plane is no longer in use. We're going to have to wait for another plane. They said that her duky lumps made the plane uninhabitable.

I would, but she's only like 130 pounds. Women can do it too. But how much shit could possibly be in you that you take down a fucking 737? Side stories LPOTL at gmail.com. I want the skinniest woman to email me about the biggest shit she's ever taken. I mean, I've, that's what I want. I, this is, I feel like United. I want skinny under 100 pounds.

Skinny, that's skinny? 10040. 140. And longest, biggest shit you've ever taken. Yeah. If we could. But that's, you know, that's fine, you know, and all good. But I think really the article here should be United couldn't take a woman's worth of shit on their plane and had to get grounded.

Why is she taking the heat when their fucking toilet can't handle one woman's amount of shit? Sounds like a woman just got herself a Duky lawyer. Yes. This is fucked up. United to even, like, claim that, cloblo up her spot. Well, again, this is Vice and New York Post. Yeah, see, I, all right, full pooh-poo disclosure. People hate this stuff.

I was coming back from Africa, okay? Oh, I think we even heard this story. I've told you this story, but I don't think I've told it on the show before. Well, you just got, well, I mean, you can don't have to go into the full detail because a long story short. I shit 16 times on a 15. hour flood. See, and that's a guy, that's normal, though.

But you didn't even ground the plane, and I've been in the bathroom back to you. I mean, we were over the ocean. Yeah. So there is that. They could have released, too. I guess we're over the ocean. No, I don't think they released like that. Apparently, that's a myth. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Apparently, but no, you were, to me, I find that interesting, is that I've been

in the bathroom after you. And this wasn't a take on Africa. I got sick off of the food at the airport. Yes. I was there for a full week, eaten like tripe in Soweto and nothing happened to me. I had one fucking beef patty at the airport

and I was done. Well, you, it shows, because I find that interesting because being in the bathroom after you is not unlike being in the bathroom after I would imagine a Sasquatch.

Yeah. And what that would be like. Especially on my worst day. Oh, I can't even imagine. I stopped going back to my seat. But sometimes... I just started like going

for bathroom to bathroom and just like going, I got to go to this one now. I'm not going to go back to my seat. No, You're good, good. But this lady, I feel like, you know what's interesting is that sometimes, like, a cute lady can end up being the grossest person you've ever met in your life and you don't know. Oh, yeah, sure.

They get away with stuff easier. Yeah, this is the type of lady that's, she could be eating a triple bacon eater at the Wendy's and sucking it down with the milkshake and she just burns it off at a second by doing nine Pilates classes in a row. You have no idea what her interior system is like. I will say putting on a shirt that reps the city of Cincinnati. that it does not make you seem like you have a clean asshole. Well, you're just drinking a lot of beer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a chili-based society.

It's where I go for my ham salads. No, I know. It's a society that has ham salad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They have different names for their sausages there. I know. They have Mets. That's what they call their sausages.

I want to get that. I want to go back. Yeah, we will. I'm going soon, but, you know, it's good. I'll bring you back something. The Geta. Yeah, see, it's all poo-pooh. foods. Well, you know, I just

say good luck to her. I hope United gave her some credit. She's blowing up. Her TikTok's going crazy. She got 2.2 million likes on... Oh, great. Oh, she got that for her diary. She's going to hop two of this shit. Hey, I hope so. I hope she does a do a hawkpua. Yeah, she can be that would be amazing. Hockdua.

Yeah, yeah. I hope so. Speaking of Hockpua. Shit on that shit. Put some shit on your shit. You can sit inside your shit. This was, I thought, was a really funny story. her. I do like her. I'll want her on the show. Can you come on the show? I'll get her up.

What's her name? Invite her to, I'm doing a show in Cincinnati in a couple weeks. At the Ryan Rheist's brewery. It's sold out, but I love her to come. Yeah, we'll make sure she has a toilet. And I won't blow up her spot. I'll let her do that in the bathroom. Fuck yeah! Shitfield pussy! Hell yeah, let's get a couple IPAs in this chick.

Oh, yeah. That lady needs some broccoli all right, here we go. Now, this is over in Perth. The other side of the world. Worrelu prisoners. The girth? From Perth. Now, they're apparently, so Worralow Prison Farm allows these guys to kind of come out and do these sort of like, I guess, volunteer work programs. Yeah.

And so the prisoners here were a part of the Worroloo Prison Farm Section 95 program. Great. Minimum security prisoners participate in supervised work programs in the community. They said, and they started working, I guess, in this area around an animal shelter. Okay. And they thought that they was, we thought it was kind of interesting that they were going and they were working in and out and out. And then they found, after the fact, there was a shed that these guys had been stealing guinea pigs out of the animal shelter. Yeah.

Butchering them, fucking cutting their guts out, bringing them back into prison and cooking them. Okay. And they were all eating the guinea pigs. And they're all saying, don't take the guinea pigs from them. They're delicious. I mean, I've heard guinea pigs are of the... the rodents, the one you'd want to eat? Well, they were first. I did a little bit of research.

So obviously, the Department of Corrections in Perth, they're all like, oh, can't believe this, this is absolutely terrible, harrible behavior. And you're like, you know, I understand, I actually find it's more of the stealing the animals from the animal shelter. Yeah, Perth is there, Florida. Yes, yes. It is as outback as you can get. It's the straight, they call them Perthlings for a reason, right?

And so these guys were all like, you know, according to them, they said the prisoners said it was quite tasting. And then someone was talking to one of the other police officers involved. He said, eating guinea big is a surprise. But any of my section 945 prisoners, we don't encourage them eating off-site and give them anything. In this case, there was a deal. Don't offer you slay that will come up in the investigation. So what they're saying is that they were peddling guinea pig meat.

It's like, because in prison, everything becomes money. Yes. No, like, yeah, like salt and pepper is like worth so much fucking money. You know, like paper to write on books. I went to go visit my buddy. And he pulled out a shampoo bottle full of salt and pepper And he's like, this is worth like $150 in here Yeah, it's huge

I was like, holy fucking shit So, but guinea pig was actually first, it's horrific Guinea pigs were first raised as edible things Okay They were supposed to be food to eat There was mostly in South America It's got to be a lot of bones, yeah It's in South America's a lot of bones

And they said that it's very, I guess now It's more in the indigenous populations It's a way more like an old school thing Well, I was kind of reading various Peru subredits where they talk about how, like, you'll probably have guinea pig once as a sort of like, you know, oh, what a fun novelty. I don't think they need to keep the head on when they cook it. This is the, I feel like it's the presentation as that makes it the worst. If that was just the legs. Oh, if it was carved up into a taco, if it was shredded into a taco, you wouldn't know the difference.

You eat just frog legs and you don't fry an entire frog. Well, it's because all the guts and shit. See, this is like, yeah, it's smiling at me. I'm looking at this thing, and it is, like, in America, we are deeply appalled by this because it's a pet, and we view it as a pet. But in certain places of the world, they don't view it like a pet. And apparently, it doesn't taste all that bad. No, I've heard it tastes good before. And that fried guinea pig is the way to eat it in which they just pop the top, they scoop out its guts, they'll fry it for and all.

I don't really have a problem with people eating guinea pig. Oh, none. I have no problems eating guinea pig. I have a bigger problem with people eating real pig. Well, yeah, I feel like there's a lot of people. There's more, there's more of an argument to stop eating pigs. Pig pig. Yes.

Yes. Yeah. Because guinea pigs are literally just two pigs. Do you have the beep then? But guinea pigs are just fucking two pays that shit. Yeah. Right? Like there's nothing to it.

My, I guess what you're saying is the same is that I just think it would be so bony. And I don't like, like, I've had skate and I don't like skate. What's skate? Skate? essentially like a, it's a ray like fish. It's not manta ray, but it's something like it looks like this. Oh, okay.

And it's annoying. I didn't realize that. Yeah, it's fucking annoying me eat because you got to scrape the meat off of the fucking bat-like dendrils in it. Yeah, it's a pain in the ass. And I feel like guinea pigs is kind of the same way. Fucking pull the guinea pig. I don't know why it's not stewed. I think guinea pig would be much

tastier, stewed, braised. Like, they do raccoon. Yeah. But what do I know? I don't think that I don't have a problem with people eating guinea pig none and I think that I think the main problem was like stealing it from the animal they were stealing it yes yes and if they were breeding them to eat them that's something the prison should be doing anyway well I also wonder they weren't breeding them to eat they were pets they were guinea pig pets because in this part of the world like in Australia they don't eat guinea pig yeah you know they really only eat guinea pig casually in South America it seems like in South America Like, like, what do you, if you get, like, someone who's hoarding guinea pigs, what are you going to fucking do with them? You're going to kill them anyway. The guinea pigs. Yeah.

Because, like, all right. So, like, Julie just started volunteering at the shelter because she's a good person. And they're on her first. She's the one. She volunteers to do the euthanasia, right? Yeah, yeah. She's just there to actually, to watch them go down. Cool.

Yeah, but she's like, don't worry about the gas. Don't worry about that. I got my two hands. I joke them. I will look at them. They call them the garots. But, oh, ew, ew. But, oh, man.

But on her, that's a fucking rough one, dude. On her first day, they found a hoarder who had over 200 hamsters. Okay. So it's like, what the fuck you're going to do with all these hamsters? I don't know. What are you really going to do with these hamsters? I don't know. They're going to end up just killing them.

Hamsters spread plague. Yeah. But, you know, if it was like someone who's hoarding a bunch of guinea pigs, instead of just gassing all the fuckers, why not feed the prisoners? Well, side stories L-P-O-T-L-G-Mail.com. I'd actually love to know people's opinions that if we do found, let's say we found 200 hamsters.

I just want to run this by people. Yeah. You found 200 hamsters, and there's an opportunity Gordon Ramsey arrives. Yeah. He's like, this absolutely exceptional, absolutely wonderful. I'm going to bring this to my restaurant.

And what he does is that he turns those hamsters in the most delicious, curried hamster you've ever had, and we bring it to the homeless population of the city. I mean, you bring it to me, baby. No. You have enough. We bring it to the people who need. If we get rid of

excess hamsters in our shelters and feed them to the homeless, is that bad. Side stories, L-P-O-T-L and Gmail. I think the hard thing would be just shaving all of them. Well, you don't got to. You ever see... What do you mean you don't got to?

You can't just... Nair them. Oh, yeah, dip them in chemicals before you cook them? The guinea pigs, they fire, they fry them hair and all. Really? Yeah. It's gross. Oh, and it just like falls off. It's an oil. Have you seen a Peruvian guinea pig? Oh, yeah. Oh, Peruvian guinea pig. So tasty. Yeah. Like, fucking David Lynch or something.

Yeah, they're very attractive. Yeah, we're going to get a lot of email on this. People are going to get mad. But it's not, it's not. I mean, as meat eaters, though, I mean, like, why not eat guinea pigs? Oh, as a meat eater, I have no problems with it. My main issue is just that, like, Because, like, I don't think I want to eat hamster. The only reason why I eat in a hamster, it just, again, it doesn't sound appetizing. But, again, Gordon Ramsey, he shows up and he makes a wonderful hamster et tufei. You know, like, I'll try it. One time I was in Gainesville at a pet store, and they had, like, a thing of bald hamsters.

Like, and they just looked like little scrotums and shit. Yeah. And they were just running around. I picked one up. It felt really weird. It was fucked up. They looked really scary. Did you eat it like a boa constrictor?

No, I ate nothing. But you could eat, if I was going to eat a hamster, I'd prefer it to be a bald hamster, you know? And then like, you know, but also, no one bothered me about the bald hamsters was one of them was like bleeding, you know, and it would like cut itself on the like the wheel or something. And it's just like, man, this is gross. So horrible story.

I know, I think it was just facts. Is this a bald hamster? Yeah. You want to eat that? You can eat this little. guy. It's just like a ball sack. I mean, I'll eat it. Again, if it tastes good, I'll eat it, I don't care. The only thing

I have misgivings on his dog, only because I got two. Yeah, I like them too much. But also I also feel kind of, this is where Natalie will divorce me. It's sea mammals. I don't want to eat sea mammals. I'm only not eating dog because Natalie will truly divorce me. If I went to a part of the world place where they have like the dog festivals. And they raise dogs for food,

I probably would try it. Yeah. Because I'm there. Okay? It's because I'm there, and I don't want to be insensitive. Yeah, you don't want to be an asshole. No. What do you think is the tastiest dog? I'm a, I think golden retriever. Yeah. I think golden retriever. Because I feel like...

Because if it's sole. Yeah, I feel like things that are loved tastes better. Always. Free range, you know, you know, that kind of thing. If you treat it with love, you're going to be more delicious to eat. That's why Jeffrey Dahmer couldn't finish any of those drifter sex workers, because in the end, their lack of love. Yeah, they weren't loved. It fucked up the meat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, let's go to this.

I bet Michael J. Fox, even with his condition, is delicious. You know, God, if only, if I get a chunk of that. Well, then that's the story. Well, you remember the conspiracy theory that he got it from eating pigs that ate dead sex workers. That's right. For what's that guy's name? Robert Picton. Yes.

Wow. He's the Picton victim. I still think that's utterly the truth. Yes. All right, so we have an, I got two stories featuring. And the reason why I'm the reason why I'm. like this. I think we need at least one story that's not going to make people upset. These two. These two should be fine. All right. Now, this one is about, it's, these are both

senior citizen drama. Yeah, people don't care about old people. No. Yeah. And so this is senior citizen drama. This is like, it's too much for all these guys. I have no idea why they're getting to this much trouble. Well, they got too much time in their hands. They regress. They turn back into teenagers. Yes, I guess. So this happens in my fucking one of my favorite cities in the country, boogie down Detroit. Oh, hell yeah. Senior citizen shootout. Whoa!

Detroit Love Triangle lands four in the hospital. They lived. Dude, oh yeah. So four men and a women who live in a Detroit senior citizen apartment complex. We're all recovering in the hospital. After a love triangle that turned into a violent shootout, right, the very beginning, right? So the cops came because there was a noise complaint from the building next door. All of a sudden, they're called over to the other place saying,

Somebody just got shot. Okay. And so they went from like, oh, we're thinking that this problem was going to be this big old, like, party that was happening. It was like, no. The problem was at the senior citizen center. They had to go over there. So there was a young man, all right, he was about 70, he's in his early 70s. Okay.

So he's the youngest. He was upset that his love interest, 65-year-old woman who they have identified as Johnny. Cradle robber. Yep. I know. Disgusting. these age gap relationships disgust right Johnny was dating a new man

at the senior center a man in the 70s in a wheelchair and that made the suspected shooter a man his early 70s really angry and jealous so he showed up they got into a verbal altercation he pulled out a gun shot him so old people could be in cells too so this guy he shot the guy right the suspect was then grabbed at

he then shot two other people people, and then Johnny, the lady, took the gun from the original shooter and didn't shot him. Whoa. And they all lived. And everyone lived. And they're all in the hospital, dude. It's a bad ad for the gunmaker.

Oh, dude. And this guy, you can't kill old people? A witness said this, right? I love this. A baby gun? He's like, I've been here six years. I know everything that's going on. It was a love triangle.

He said he was going to kill him, and that's what he said he was going to do. I don't mess around like that, right? We're senior citizens. We're supposed to retire. We're supposed to have a good time. Drink our dairies, said Clark. But, well, you know, there's a lot of going on things here, and I'm surprised it's the first time the cops ever came.

Wow. And it's like, what the fuck else is going on in there? Dude, how hot is Johnny? Johnny's got to be very attractive. I'm actually going to say Johnny's probably about a medium rare. I don't know what Johnny. I don't know how thick the pickings are. Yeah, well, yeah, it is, you know, Michigan.

Well, it's the Detroit area. You know, it's back. It's coming back. Oh, very much so. And there's a part of this that kind of like, it's the energy of old heads. And it's good to have. It's good. They've got that feist in them.

Think about that. You still care enough about a girl. That kind of makes me sad almost in a way, though. You get so worked up over some other lady that you'd shoot a man. I think you and the other man got to figure out, let's ladies playing us against each other. we need to be gay. Whoa.

Because you're fucking early 70s and you never once. Yeah. Who cares anymore? You're not a man or a woman once you hit 70. It doesn't matter at all. You're not, there is stuff in there.

Yeah. You know, it doesn't matter. You can be anybody your kissing's the same as anybody else. I imagine the butts get looser too. Oh, yeah. I also told him the idea of her choosing the man. I feel like he was really insulted

because his legs were. And he was mad that the man in the wheelchair took his thunder from him, but I don't think he understands that women like a man who listens. Yeah, and you could take care of them. Yeah, he ain't going nowhere. He's in a wheelchair. Well, they're all being taken care of by a staff of people.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But the guy, the walking guy, who flipped out and shot everyone, he must suck. That's the thing. He must fucking suck. To get broken up with at the Detroit Senior Center. Also, I know old people love their guns, like, but at the Senior Center. Why are they allowed to have guns? There should be no guns at the senior center.

Maybe I don't want to, again, you know, we hate liberty here. That's one of our main tenants at the show is that we hate liberty. So we want to take these septuagenarians guns away. But I think that in this case, it's warranted. Yeah. I think that you shouldn't have it at a retirement home. If you can't have a driver's license anymore. If you're not in the reserves.

Yeah. Right? Like, honestly, I actually think that there is even a place to rearm the elder. in order to fight our new wars. After an eye test. No, not even. I think a vision test, matters.

Imagine if we can finally roboticize the entire army. We're going to go fight Iran, we're going to fight Africa, and we're going to fight China, right? That's all going to happen next, right? So I think what we could do

is have a mixture of mech warriors, old people-led barriers. They're slow. Exactly. They're in front, absorbing the front wave of bullets. their kids get money from the government.

Yeah. Neck warriors roll in. Apply liberty. I think that with the modern warfare, if this was the civil war, I think that... There's nothing civil about war. Oh, you're right. If this was the revolutionary war... There's nothing revolutionary about war, man.

Back then there was. And I think if it's back then and, like, there was like, they still did the line. thing, this would make sense. Well, yeah, but then we would need them. We need an able-bodied young men. No, we just need someone to, the first line dies. Yeah, normally you put, that's where you put, like, the general son,

that's where he put all the people who don't belong. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The first line, that's the old people, that's what you, but now with automatic weapons. That's where I'd go in the new wars. Yes, yeah, yeah, I don't think that this is a good tactic to win the wars, but... I'm just trying to get rid of some seven-year-olds. I mean, it seems like they're doing it themselves.

No, they aren't fast enough, Eddie. They are simply not doing it fast enough. They must kill themselves off faster. I can't believe that four old people got shot and lived. And lived. This is crazy. Honestly, great. It's a really good sign for the health care of this country.

I guess so, yeah. Not really, though. If you could help an elderly person survive a gunshot, not bad. Let him go. So the guy in the wheelchair didn't get shot. Yeah, he did. Oh, he did? Yeah, he was stationary.

Okay, so how many people... Four people got shot. Four people lived. Two random. Johnny didn't get shot. Johnny did not get shot. Fucking Johnny's a badass. This is what I'm saying.

Johnny's the problem. Johnny's your fucking only real soldier here. I think Johnny's whipping all these guys up. I'm blaming the woman. Oh, I like Johnny. Yeah. I think Johnny's cool. No, I'll meet her.

Let's get her on the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I want her and Hockpoo a girl to talk. Hock Poo. we get Hock Pooie in here We get her in here I say we have a whole called One Hit Wonders of Reality

We bring them in and then we take them out in the back We shoot them in the hands Right? Because then they'll hit their peak Once they're here I agree with this Right from your grave Alright here's another love triangle

This is two old people Love Triangles in a fucking week Oh wow So this is again Polycules are for the young They're too complicated for boomers Yeah Couple live with dead threesome party's body

Even after quote Chihuas began chewing on him And they love to chew My little babies love to chew One time I passed out drunk at my buddy's house And this is back in college And his chihuahua was I woke up And he was like literally chewing

The rope necklace off of my neck That's cute Yeah it's cute And also the chihuahua was right I shouldn't be having a fucking rope like necklace Yeah but he loved you I think he liked eating my sweat and I'm lucky it wasn't my throat.

Yeah. So these guys were married. James David Agnew and Suzanne Ruth Agnew. They were married and they happened to be living with, I guess, their fuck tripod James O'Neill's 62. Okay. Now, they see... Wow, an older third. Dude, it's very...

I have no idea what's going on here. He must have had the money. Oh, he definitely did because they were arrested for stealing a social security checks. There you go. See, the thing is, is that they said that they don't believe... God, he looks younger than them. It is... This is a rough...

trio. They are. But you notice that's a previous mug shot. Oh, that's his previous mug. He has a different crime. Yes, so James O'Neill, who died, they say that they don't think that there's actually anything suspicious about the death itself. Oh. They're just saying when they

showed up, this starts as a financial crime. Oh, because they were just, they kept collecting his check after he died. The body stayed in the house. And nobody was looking for. No. So they just started cash in the checks. So James, he had been charged with theft by larceny over $2,000, over $2,000,

unauthorized use of a financial transaction device over $2,000, and two counts of introducing contrabanding to correctional facility. Oh, no, that's the other guy. I'm sorry, let me take that. They're both named James. God damn it. Oh, wow. Yeah, James David Agnew and James O'Neill.

Maybe she just did know the difference. Yeah, so whose crimes are we talking about here? The OG James. James Agnew. Okay. James O'Neill is dead. So James Agnew was charged with all of these things. I thought that that was the previous charges from James O'Neill.

So they went to go look for him, right? So they investigated that he was missing. O'Neill's brother requested a welfare check. They hadn't heard from him since 2021. It's a very long time to wait until they managed to hit him up. When authorities attempted to get- They were cashing the welfare checks. There we go.

Very much. When authorities attempted to get in contact with O'Neill, the Agnew's Lakewood home, a male who identified himself as James. but didn't say his last name. So all this features in. Yeah, on James. Yes, was told his family who's trying to contact him. The man allegedly said,

he knew they were trying to reach him, but he did not wish to have any contact with them. But when O'Neill's brother saw photos of the person authorities spoke with, he said it wasn't O'Neill. The person in question was later identified as James Agnew, who agents said appeared to be implying he was the missing man. When authorities returned to the scene, they say Agnew's first denied O'Neill,

ever lived there. Yeah. Never did. Don't know what his dick looked like. He's taking big and swings. I've never seen his come on my wife. Yeah. I've never seen him fuck my wife. I've never been on vacation with him, my wife. We never had a beautiful time in the south of France. How do we know that they're fucking and they're not just roommates?

I think that we'll get there. At the most of they didn't know where he was, they put him in the system as a missing person. So this is when they started cash in the checks. They ended up finding that they were using James O'Neill's card and they were following him.

They built a whole case against these guys. They know that he was in there because the way they described their relationship was essentially a like a polycule. They were a thruple. A thruple. And so he was there, I guess just providing Dick

living rent-free the dream. Yeah. Until you die, of course. And then they just left them there until the chihuahua started making them a snack. You know, I almost don't care about this. Well, that's why, like, it's mostly a financial crime. If they killed him.

Well, they were lying to the family. I think one of the big problems here, obviously, is that they lied to James O'Neill's family. Whether or not he wanted to see them or not, they were looking for him. Yeah. And they did not actually have expressed sentiment from James O'Neill that he didn't want to see them.

Send an email from him. What are they doing? The thing is that that happens. They're bad. I don't think these guys are good at technology. This is very meth-y. Very meth. Very, very.

They covered up his body with a deflated air mattress in the home. The chihuahuas began chewing on him. Eight chihuahuas in the room. I'm going to say that... That's a lot of chihuahuas. No wonder they're stealing money. I have two, and we're full. That's full, yeah.

We are... I think you could do three. Don't. I think you can get a third one. Don't you fucking say it. Aw. Yeah. No.

Nope. No. Totally could pull the third one off. No. I will not do it. because then I might as well have a child At that point I might as well have a child Nah

Child's so worse I mean way worse Yeah when if a dog dies You know No I'll be devastated If my child died Yeah but the cops don't come If your child dies

You go to prison Well yeah but only if I did it Or if they can prove I did it Or if you're no if they die of neglect You go to prison Child kids will die lots of stuff Yeah They die cancer they get shot randomly

They blow themselves up with fucking gasoline, they get molested and dumped in a river. You should get a child. Kids die in many ways. Yeah. That are no fault to anybody's except for the fucking fake god. Yeah. This is a good story.

Yeah, so these guys, I guess I was trying to stick up for him, but I guess that is a crime. Yeah. Yeah, once you start like fucking with the family, if no one was looking for him, that's different. Take his money. I mean, if he's just a drifter, he'd want you to have his money.

Yeah, absolutely. And we've seen many cases like this. If I die early and you can hide my body and collect money off of it, do it while you can. Get it. Oh, yeah. Get that fucking cash. We've seen this happen multiple times.

This is by far, like this is one of those running themes on side stories where you always have an elderly couple. They will sort of like have a third. When the third dies, they kind of, like this idea of a, we're just going to kind of act like it didn't happen. Yeah. and move on. It's like, I understand.

I also understand sometimes they say that we're like, well, he said, you can have my social security chicks. And it's like, yeah, he might have said a lot of stuff when you guys were fucking smoking crystal two weeks ago. And then when he died in his sleep, from Crystal math, it might have negated the verbal contract

that the MET had said in the first place. I don't know if, I think technically, because there is that. They did get his, if they were using his debit card, then they must have gotten his PIN number. Yeah, it's probably. That's a level of trust.

Dude, he's a fucking, I'm just going to say, I don't think it was that complicated. I think it's one, one, one, one. Or it's his birthday. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's easy. What's yours? I know this trick. I don't know this fucking trick.

It's for 2060. Yeah, baby. Sucking that dick. At night birthday. That's what I think every time I go to the, Bank. Well, that's really, that's what I got. These are the stories I got, Eddie.

No, I mean, yeah, I feel like those are great stories. I appreciate you, uh, you've taken the extra time and doing this thing. Fuck you! Hey! That's time for listen to some letters. Let's listen to some letters. Do we have a new riff? I can get one, yeah.

Let me pull one up. Yeah, we might as well, except I'm going to miss the old one. I already missed the old one. But we need to move on to other riffs and we'll bring it back. Yeah, no, that one is winning. That one's my favorite. a prize, but if there was a prize, there's no price. It's winning. No more

prizes. No more prizes. Did we ever send out the shirts? I believe we did. I didn't send anything out. No, Madeline was working on it. I believe. Madeline was working on it. If we didn't, if we didn't send your shirts, yell at us. Literally ping me. We are literally working on this. Yeah, yeah, we've been busy lately.

But no, literally, I know Madeline was, had taken upon herself to work on it. Okay, good. All right, so here's a fresh one from Evan Turner. Okay. A penis of it costs about 19 months 19,000? This is not a child wedding. Oh, great.

He did it with his man-tenths and his belly. Whoa. Blu-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-lissiners. All right, let's go. How's fun? Yeah, I like that. That was Evan Hunter. Evan Turner.

Evan Turner. Good. Good work. Yeah, I like it. Did he send in an email or just the music? Just the music. You didn't see any goals. You didn't see any ghosts or anything?

No, I got nothing. No. Bring more to the table, Evan. I need more from you. Here we go. I got rabies. Oh, thank God. I thought you said, I thought you said, I thought you said the other R word.

I was like, this isn't the bail. We shouldn't be reading. I got rapies. I got the rapies. It was the summer of 2011 and southern Oregon. The jeans were skinny. The vibes were emo. I was on a walkie.

with my boyfriend at the time, and we found a bat on the sidewalk. The poor little guy couldn't fly and was obviously sick. Don't touch the bat. That's from Henry Zabrowski. Yeah, and you love bats. I love bats. I tried to move it into the shade, and it bit me. I didn't think

much of it. I was 15, naive, and I thought that rabies symptoms were more immediate. Nope. Nope. Take a couple months sometimes. Up to 90 days, I believe. A week later, I started to get sick on my best friend's mom scared me into going to the doctor. I went to the ER and I've never seen such genuine fear on the nurse's faces.

Yeah, because you were dying. You were to be dead. Your brain was cooking. Besides feeling nauseous and stomach crampy, I felt fine. They had to call the state to get the protocol on how to deal with me. All the while, my dad and I watched a televised trial, the Casey Anthony trial. She ended up getting acquitted while I was in the ER. Hey. While she finagled her freedom, I ended up getting so many shots in my bitten finger that it blew up to it four times its normal size. I also had to keep going back to get the rabies vaccine, which made me super sick each time.

Yeah, it's like once a week or something. Oh, yeah. My boyfriend dumped me shortly after because he thought I would give him rabies. What an asshole. It was not a very good summer. It's not how it works. What a fucking piece of shit.

What a fucking asshole. What a weak bitch that he would do that to you. I can't, but you really dodged two bullets there. You really did. Yeah. Obviously, they lived or they would not have been able to email. Yeah, no, yeah. usually when you can tell you have rabies you're already dead yeah so that's insane very

very scary also want to say thank you to ever send us this molasses thing says it on the thing oh yeah uh cheers from justin cheers from justin i had no idea why i made this until i heard the episodes yes i am from boston no i did not include molasses this is a problem this is a problem here just i like the jar but i'd rather have the molasses we need some molasses so if you can now send us some molasses Yeah, or if anyone else has molasses to put in such jar. Yeah. That'd be really cool because then we can really take turn swiggin out of it. Yeah, it'll be good for our Winnie the Pooh cosplay.

Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Here's one more. Do you know bats are the most, how you get rabies most often? Sure. And they say that usually when a bat bites you, you don't even know. that it bit you and sometimes it doesn't even leave a mark

because their teeth are so small and that they actually like will crawl into your bed and then like slowly like flop through the sheets and like bite your leg that's happened many but well there's the vampire bat that does that they bite your

toes they look for exposed flesh there's also but they have like but they're cute most of the time if a bat's flying around you it's not going to have rabies it's when it's grounded and very visibly sick. Yeah. That's one to not fuck with a fucking bat.

Yeah, get some mittens or, you know... Call an animal, like, handling agency. Yeah. Like, call an expert. You know, rabies is very rare. Oh, I know. Yeah, this person is extremely unlucky. Well, technically, they're very lucky.

Yeah, still. They should have bought a lottery ticket. I guess so. I don't believe in that, though. It's next. On their most recent last podcast stream, Henry, Marcus, and Carolina reacted to a video of what was thought to be baby's ashes inside of a doll

only be relieved to learn that the ashes were actually those of a cat. Well, unfortunately, this is a subject I am intimately acquainted with. Okay. From 2010 to 2015, I was an employee at one of the largest Build a Bear workshops in the country. And that time, I was asked

to put all manner of things inside bears, including the ashes of several animals and people. I will never really understand why people thought it was appropriate to ask teenagers in a busy mall to handle their dead love one's remains, but it happened enough that the company has official

policy on how to handle the situation. What is it? They did not say. Either way, rest assured, I can guarantee personally that there is at least one dead baby in a bear out there somewhere. Oh, because they did that? Yes. They're literally like talking about putting the dead

child's ashes in a build-a-bear. It doesn't bother me. You know what it is? I think it's better than an urn. You can hug a builder bear. But then it's going to go poof. No, it's in a bag As long as you're not too crazy with it

You know If you're just giving it a little hug Like what like taking it on a roller coaster Yeah Like taking it out when I'm going to I'm going to fucking Across the room Well yeah

Sometimes you're mad at life though Yeah You don't have the dog get at it No But I guess Eddie My main issue is Man imagine that You fucking build a bear

Fill with your child's ashes And you leave the house And your dog rips it open And it's everywhere When you get home Imagine that emotional Imagine that emotional, like what you have to do? And then I have to cremate the dog and put that in a builder bear because the only thing that has my ashes of my dead son or inside my dead dog.

And then your wife's going to tear it up and you growling. And I got a fucking, the cycle begins again. Yeah. But this is a, I just don't like the corporate middleman part of it. Yeah. That's what I don't like. You don't like build a bear getting involved. You want someone to like build a bear.

Do it off Etsy. Eddie, couldn't have said it better. Yeah. That's what I'm thinking. locally sourced, soft urns. That's what I'd call them. Make it in the glass.

It's like I would just say, truly, this is, we're seeing this here now. Now that this has come up enough, we should talk about this with David Dustmouchin. Yeah. A huggable urn. A huggable urns. Huggable urns could be one of the,

I think this is huge. Yeah. I think that there is a gap here. There can be an entire industry just on things that you can, that are tactile that you can hug, that you can put the loved ones of ashes in. Yeah, that's not a bad thing. I think that this is like, where is this?

I don't know. Yeah, now we've got to do it. I mean, at least, like, I feel like there could be stuffed animals of Yumi and Marcus. That's so, yeah. That people could put their friends in, and, uh, because lots of people who listen to the show have died. What I would do is generic. I would do generic animals first, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, bear.

You test it out. Whale. Yeah. Spider. Yeah. A spider? I'm just trying. No one gets a spider-stuffed animal.

Who has he? I got a turtle. I got a whale. I got a doodong. Oh, yeah, the fake manatee. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Australian manatee. I got one of them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone sent me my baby tugs, a care bear, which was very nice. Yeah, that would be a good one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Care bear. Or a puffin. Yeah, a puffin's a good. But I think a, I think a care bear is the perfect thing to stick your child's ass.

Because then you can put their face on the belly. Yeah, and then you stare at it. All day. Yeah, you can't care bear stare. You can take it to the airport. You can take it... Oh, man, you could take it anywhere you take your... You know how many people love taking to their garbage?

They always bring their... Like, I find it honestly, that's like a deeply repellent thing that I find when people bring their, like, pajamas and pillows and stuff, animals onto a plane because a plane's so fucking filthy. A pillow on an airplane? It's disgusting. It skeaves me out. Only, like, your pillow from home

on an airplane, neck pillows are gross. All of it's gross. Just just neck, even, I've tried the neck pillow thing, it doesn't work for me. Disgusting. Yeah, but like, even like, you know,

I want it, if I'm going to use a pillow, I'm going to rip it out of a bag. Yes, and then leave it there. And then leave it, yeah, never see it again. Throw it in the ocean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I say. Mm-hmm.

Throw it in the fucking ocean. But I think that we're on to something, many. Yeah. So live every day knowing that all you got to do is transfer your pain into something you can make money on. I think you can love your day. You can love because when you do what you love, you never work a day in your life. And I love jamming the ashes of strangers into little stuffed bears that I'm going to sell for big time money.

Right. And I am going to- mediocre money. Oh, no, especially. Even for that, I'd love it. I'd have to laugh my way to the goddamn bank with all my dear loved one ashes money. And I'm going to take that money. Guess what I'm going to do with it? By people would burn them?

Yes. Oh, yes. And thank you to everybody who came out to Midsummer Scream to see our big time announcement. We are putting out a Halloween sound effects album. I can't believe this. It is such a cool thing that we're doing. When we did, when we interviewed David Dalsmalti in a while ago, we brought it up during the show and it fucking full on made it reality. I made it or goddamn reality.

Fright Janssen. revolting repository of ghastly sounds volume one and two. The pre-order code is going to be coming out very soon. We are selling it's an original vinyl. There's going to be a limited amount of these vinals are going to come out. They're going to be black and orange, and one's going to be slime green. But then there will be a digital download

that will be available for purchase as well. How many are we making like 500? I think like a thousand. Okay. But maybe cassettes too, right? But who knows? Down the road. All I want is to get this batch sold and then I will make more. But this is a... I need at least three. But it's us,

sound crafters that is a local like a real sound mixing studio that made Robocop that worked in all the John Carpenter films work on Inter the Spider Some of the best sound effects of all time by the way Robocop

Amazing shit We also are working with Newberry comics They're the ones that are releasing the record And because it's not going through Spotify It's not going through any of the fucking dumb shits It is going directly to the people Who made the fucking album And the people that are putting it out

So that is also one of those things that I'm loving about this. So you have to buy it to listen to it. From the Newberry Comics website, you will have to purchase it. And then we have a brand new song written by a Halloween dance hit written by Ash Gordon, who has been

nominated for Tony with Isaac Hasson and me and Marcus Parks wrote this goddamn song. So it's pretty fucking sweet. So you got it once we, that pre-order code will be coming out in the next couple of weeks. So as soon as it comes out, we will let you know.

subscribe to our newsletter to know for sure and also go check out our interview with Zach Kreger Yeah that was amazing An old buddy ours Go to the movie too Weapons fucking rocks

Go see that shit in the theater And we are not getting paid No No we I paid to see the movie Yeah I didn't even get a screener I went I went on my day off And well I mean that's what you do

You go to the movies on your day off Yes You know so yeah But it was work technically But check it out on YouTube Watch the video watch the interview. It's really cool. Also, Henry and I we're going. If you're in Kansas City, Missouri, we're doing our side story

show on September 21st. There's still some tickets available. Over at the Truman, it's going to be a fucking blast. We're having so much fun in these side story shows. They really are like a fucking blast, dude. I'm losing my mind with you on stage. It's really, you're incredible up there. We're having so much fun. Also, we're going to be October 24th. We're going to come back. our first repeat show as the side stories. Yes, that's right.

To a place. We're coming back to the Mateel Community Center in Redway, California. It would be a completely different show than last year, except for the fact that it is Austin, Billy Wayne Davis. So make sure you go check that out. And then, of course, November 30th, Columbus, Ohio at the Newport Music Hall, Henry and I are fucking doing that shit up. Come see us live on the road.

Do it. Go to patreon.com slash last podcast. I love to watch us do it. And please take a second. I want you to subscribe on all of our horseshits out there. We have so many things cooking, and they're cooking, and they're cooking, LPN RPGs coming out. We filmed that episode of that last night. It's great.

Go to LPN TV on YouTube and subscribe. Go to someplace underneath and subscribe LPN Romancey, the Foreign Report. It's free. Just click on that thing. We were providing content for free. For all of you dirty fucks. Yeah, you don't have to pay us. No.

I'll take it, though. Which is crazy. You know, the amount of shit we do for free. We're doing a lot, but it's also, it's because,

honestly, we love our goddamn audience and we want to entertain you. Yeah. They're only... Never starve for attention. I need it. I desperately need it.

And that's, I feel like at this point, that's an innocent want. Yeah. All I want is your laughter. Yay. And your money. When you can give it to me.

Yeah. And your barbecue. Oh, yeah. And anyone who could prove they gave a gun to an old person gets an half price. Yes. You absolutely.

Show me a picture of the gun. Show me a picture of the gun. Show me a picture of the old person. If you could, take a picture with them being like, I just gave Grandma, she's, Grandma's packing. That'd be great. All right, hail Satan everything. Hail you, buddy.

Hail you. You're the best. Thanks for killing me last week. Fuck yeah, dude. Now you back.