Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Sad Stories

Episode Date: April 5, 2023

Ben 'n' Henry bring you this week's weirdest stories and true crime news including the Missouri headshop owner arrested by the FBI for sex trafficking, Police issue search warrant to track down a 9 year old’s fostered goat (which was then auctioned off for community barbecue), the West Virginia Legislator who spent $500,000 trying to have his dead child cloned, Sex Doll company sells out as motorists are purchasing dolls to use carpool lanes, Man drunkenly called Budget Dumpster Company and left a message asking for a hit to be put on his son; goes to jail, Serial Road-Rager caught in undercover hitman sting, a Hero who just doesn't want to be milked, spooky potato stories, and MORE!

There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk on the left side stories. That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. Whoa. Kizzle wanted to open today's episode talking about how you have to make sure you have to really do the guiding line of how well you treat children and how because number one you can't especially if you got Fogelface. Fogelface. Fogelface. There's a story with a dude who has Fogelface. It's what we're calling people who do horrible things and also pitch sandwiches. Oh yeah. Eat sandwiches. If you're in a salted meat like living if that's like

what you do to make a living also you got to really be careful. I actually would prefer you to have an eye patch and we were saying it's it's preferable to be mean to children. Yes of course then well the meanest thing you can do is to be it's not being nice to do the other thing that's being mean as well. It's being for a predatory and that's not nice anyway. Yeah I didn't say that. No but you didn't infer if you it's better to be mean to children than do the other thing but that would infer that that would be nice but that would also be very mean to you. Jared Fogel also spent all the time showing everybody his pants. Fogelface. You know it is hard out here to have a flat face. Do you have any idea how hard it is to have a flat featureless almost Lego cylinder like head

and how everybody projects crime onto you. I actually come back all the way around like think about that. Think about guys that just look like pedophiles. Absolutely. That is such a sad lot in life because sometimes it's unavoidable. Sometimes you are a person with a 46 inch waist you know what 24 inch inseam and you have a head the shape of a pair. I do understand that there are certain people and I know that they're nice people but sure look and maybe it's an amalgamation of all people who've done horrible crimes but sometimes someone is just that they are the Christ figure head of all weird people that have done horrible things. Oh yeah and they could be they could work they could be taking care of everyone they could be taking care of our grandmother they could be

they could be very sweet a lot of times they are they've actually worked their way into systems where they actually get trust implicitly and then no welcome to side stories everyone. I you did mention salt been hanging out with Henry you did mention salt and meats and this is where I want to say boar's head sucks. I don't care come at me great come at me. I don't care. Here comes all the roast beef army. Yes indeed. And they're all they're honestly they need to watch their salts. You do need to watch your salts you have to be careful with this lunch meat. There was a guy it's in Phelps County that's why we were talking about this he opened up a thing called Skater Die. He's got fogal face. Have you said man eyes too tiny a smile around children that no one should

have. That was the point you want to have constantly kind of a grimace knowing that you will be broker after you see the child because you have to buy them food otherwise they die. Yes. Oh I'm hungry I'm hungry and it's like I gotta keep you alive. Oh my god. You should yeah you definitely should be easy with money but definitely no child should sit anywhere past like the top of the knee cap. Yes. So it's this dude and I believe his name is Scott Mickey. He was the founder of the peace of mind head shop. Oh yeah I don't like any of that. No last name Mickey either. Again that's just that is just programming to a children. Yes that's all they get they're completely indoctrinated with with Mickey impulses as soon as they see the name

Mickey they're like oh that's safe. It was a roller shop where they sold skateboarding gear in a peril. It opened in March of 2022 but it closed very quickly after two teenage brothers were like that guy's a horrible piece of shit and indeed he has been arrested in Phelps County. It's not good. Now interestingly enough if you look at the Rola school board because that's where it's at is Rola. There's a guy running for school board. Do you know what his name is? Scott Glasscock. Oh yeah. Come on buddy that is a name that you gotta be. If you have glass cock but it's incumbent glass cock it means there is true transparency about your sexuality and I think that's really important is to really make sure everybody's on board

especially the kids. Only weeks after its founding skater died was shuddered in the wake of Tyler died. He died because of a fiddle drug overdose. Now nearly a year later the world has turned upside down for Tyler's family. This is a terrible story. Speaking of pretending nothing happened Mickey again the man he was the owner of this head shop. Back here. Again sexually assaulting people horrible person. He was arrested by the FBI on March 24th and he is charged in federal court with one kind of transportation of a minor to engage in a criminal sexual act. And how presidential. How presidential. The one thing I'm so pissed off about is that usually people that do this are like they have like a clothing store or like a dress like they do

something good. This is a cool ad or perceived to be good. Right. Why is the clothing store. No like a like a like a like a it's a nonprofit or something. It's like a nonprofit. Sure. Sure. Sure. They want to be around young vulnerable people. Yes. But this guy he's bringing in wheat. He's got a head shop and it's like he's bringing in water pipes. You don't want to get him in trouble. That's true. Well he's in trouble but you know it's like this is supposed to be a safe place for 17 18 year olds. This is really where our safe place is is the back of a head shop. You're supposed to trust this guy. I saw a lot of it's really not good. There was a place called why be normal. That was like somewhere near where I grew up. Right. We're in court. No this is a

head shop and I think you saw a lot of tips of penises you weren't supposed to see. But mostly it was supposed to be like curious. Hey you're curious which I don't think goes but you know what I'll say you know who's brave who showed the whole world that they weren't a bunch of like Jared Fogle's right. They want to make sure that they knew that they told a child to go fuck itself. It is the Shasta district fair. Have you done any research Shasta district fair. So a nine year old girl befriended a goat that for was a part of a it was a part of this. This is like a 4-H program but the Shasta district fair. They know the kids are supposed to go and like you know you raise a goat and you learn how to do that. You know the other shit and then you go through the whole

process. But you you sell the goat for meat in the end of it. But this little girl the little girl became obsessed with the goat and they got really close with the goat because both of her parents grandparents had just died all this kind of shit. But so they finally they sold it and was supposed to go to slaughter and the father went did everything possible to say hey listen I know this is supposed to be like a lesson we're teaching her kids like about how farming works like but literally how farming works. No the lesson is everything you get close to is definitely inevitably going to be slaughtered in front of your eyes. It's a good lesson to learn. But she already learned that because she lost both of her grandparents. Yeah but that's just

time slaughtered them and that's who's going to get the rest of us. I actually disagree with this to controversial opinion okay. Can you see their chickens they can't even. I don't give a fuck. Make them one big tit no brain. I appreciate it. They don't know that they're alive. Yeah I'd rather just breathing hunks of meat but their story goes so she goes to sell the goat. They're like they finally the father tries to stop it's like hey listen I know that this is breach of contract but I'm going to go I'm going to pay you the money that we sold you for the goat. We're going to try to do this and then they try to not give bring the goat back but apparently they decided to make an example of this child. They sent the sheriff to the kids house where they took the

screaming goat from the child's hands talking back to the farm where they fucking slaughtered it. Basically said because the big note that came from this like county fair thing is that youth get everything they want now and we have to make sure we show this tick tock generation that if you sign a contract you have to fulfill it. Dude more kids are they're getting shot all every day. They don't understand literally like they run active mass killer drills let the kids have to go let them smoke let them fucking you know when we need to bring back 32 ounce sodas. Oh there's I say if we if there's another 100 shootings this year we should no I know New York they phase a lot of it out kids are not allowed to drink it as much anymore. I think that was

pushed back. I think these kids these kids they need double downs let them be fat let them be homebound because you know that's where they'll be safe except that their parents kill everybody in the house. The next war it's going to be fought with drones and the other and guess what the war after that will be fought with sticks and stones. Don't fucking bring magnets into this I hate that shit. It's like what did that ass who was that Einstein or something. Yeah more like Einstein's Island. Pocahontas was wrong. So anyway the father wrote my daughter sobbed in her pen with her. Oh this is sad. It's incredibly sad. A lot of the stories this week I'm going to fess up a lot of these stories I kind of hacked you we're going to have to vamp quite a bit because

I was going to the fact there's a lot of sad fucking stories. He says my daughter sobbed in her pen with her goat. The barn was mostly empty at the last minute. I decided to break the rules and take that goat. Yeah so he did steal a goat who cares. Also it's like if you I'm not playing this game dude. I'm not playing the game where it's like get emotionally attached to your goat and then we slaughter it if I'm a motion it should not have been just like the idea is one or the other. It's like you have to constantly message to your child like you know not blaming them but you know technically you try to breach a contract but listen we're going to slaughter this goat. It's a whole farming thing. It's a whole farming thing and then next week we're slaughtering your

brother. Fucking arm detectives drove 500 miles. It is wild. On goat case at some point in that 500 miles did they look at each other and be like this is why we got into the academy. No I know better than dragging a pet out of a screaming child's hand. Stealing a nine-year-old's pet freaking goat. Also we have enough food in this. I can get goat meat right now. We don't need this one goat. It's a tiny goat and it's like I do understand contracts but like again these kids are all fucked. They're all fucked. That kid already lost three years to COVID. The name and now we're losing the goat. The name of this goddamn sanctuary where it was staying. Deputies believe Cedar was staying at Bleeding Hearts Farm. A sanctuary in Napa County. You don't understand they call it Bleeding

Hearts there because what they mean is stabbing a heart with a knife. I think that that was supposed to be the good place and then they stole it from there. You know it's just at some point law enforcement I know every letter of the law. No one's above the law even a nine-year-old girl. What the fuck are you doing? No you're gonna go back to your wife. Oh it was a hard day we had to steal a goat from a nine-year-old today. We set examples by arresting our elected officials not by stealing a goat from the hands of a nine-year-old. Cedar, name of the goat, as Henry said, taken and slaughtered. I think every politician should be arrested once. I think of every single one like you know if you're asking for Adolf Hitler. Fuck it no I know all of them. I say all of them just they

should see the system just once just run them through just so they have an idea even if it's cosplay. Even if we hire a bunch of people to sort of act it out for them. You get a guy named Scuzz to fucking dunk their head in a toilet bowl calling them a bitch. Like I think it would really help them all to see what they what we're all subjected to. Yeah well that is a good point we'll see what happens regarding Dumpy Donnie. Oh yeah right so anyway that's for a whole other show. Check out Abel against Toppat. This is the saddest thing ever so according to Ryan Gordon an attorney with advancing law for animals which I'm going to say for the most part Ryan we're probably not going to agree. I've thought everything although I mean I can't be a hypocrite

look at my puffin look at my little puffin. I will literally yes I would do anything I would love breaking it whatever super max prison Wendy is in to get her out. So I understand it but it's also like cows do they need the right to vote? I if they could just say my name if they could say bam I'd be like you have the right to vote. I mean yes they haven't gone past M they haven't I mean they're anyway. They don't even say move they just make a noise. I know we say they say move because we have to hear it in a way that we can understand what they're saying because their real sound is like yeah like that's not a word. They do get set and this is why I also believe in everyone hates lions and when you see the animals in the lions waiting for slaughter that's worse

than getting slaughtered. Oh the lion is the lion's worst yeah shoot him with a machine gun. Ninjas I want every cow should all animals should be killed by surprise so then you don't know oh no because then they have the glorious of life and they're like oh I'm just eating grass and it's like whoosh and then they're dead and then they come back as podcasters. What we do is oh because that's what we were we must have been. I was a cow. I was a farmer. Train. Do you remember the thing when they do I think it's in kill bell where they have to steal the bell. Oh yes so if you have a farmer train in ninja like skills. Farmers are not ninja like though. They're silent. No they're big and loud. They're gross. No but they're very no taciturn certain faced beat their wife. They're

out there. They don't do that. They don't always beat their wife. Have you met a farmer's wife? Farmer's wife beat him. I hope. In Mother Russia farmer's wife beat him. They are great but the idea of like then he could super silently and quickly kill all the sheep. No I agree but I'm just saying why don't we just hire more people that are into the jujistic jujits to ours and then they can get because it's about job creation. It is. And also not having these poor animals have to wait in line for the slaughter because it's like oh what am I at Disney. So according to Ryan Gordon he says it's shocking. It's a little girl's goat not Pablo Escobar. I mean it's true though. It is again why are we doing this because then everyone's making. Oh my god the dad says it wasn't

just two grand. Our daughter lost three grandparents within the last year and our families had so much heartbreak and sad. You know what. Fuck the police. Fuck the police. That's what NWA was singing about. Yeah those fellows with attitude knew. Let the goats alone. Leave the goats alone. Once a nine year old once a nine year old bonds with anything you really just can't take it away from you. You really can't because just let them have it. It's just a fucking goat. I don't understand it but you know who knows what happens. There's an overcorrection but no one's gonna see any consequences. Welcome to America. There's another story that then also shows me who does need to be in jail. Where do the cops do need to get involved? Absolutely because they do. We need them.

We do. In many ways. This is a guy. Trevor Dole. Have you done any research into this story? Every night I think of Trevor Dole. Every god damn night. So this guy we covered the beginning of this. He in a road rage incident. Trevor Dole. Now it was over two days. He's a 25 year old moron from Noblesville and he's the exact opposite of Neville according to what he did was which I've also recently I just suffered from this recently where I had someone do road rage at me. I've never escalated road rage. Yes you have. No I have not. I've never gotten out of my car. I've only ever done a tutu. I've done a couple of middle fingers. Yeah that's called escalating road. Several people old bitch. Yeah that's escalating it. That's what they get. Not escalating is literally just like

all right. No it's conversation. No conversation. We're all just literally said something and improved that you were like. The human experience is an ongoing conversation. Well it is but that's not a conversation. That's yelling at some Trevor Dole is bad because Trevor Dole number one he's got like talk about focal face. He's another type of guy. Maybe it's a focal face. He's got like Dan Crenshaw cock. He's got something going on where you know something. He doesn't have it. There's not a lot of light behind the eyes. No no no very mean guy. So he got in a road rage incident wearing man. Okay. He was hovering at a stop side. Trevor Dole pulls up behind him. He says that he wasn't taken too long. So he pulls away around. He basically cuts him off

at a stop sign and the guy give him a little toot of the horn. Right. Sure. And so they continue on. Trevor Dole then waits for him as he drives past him. He then catches up to him in his car. He cuts him off pulls out a gun and shoots up the whole side of his car. That's not an escalation. Right. And that's more of an escalation than flipping the bird. It's more of an escalation. It'll be like it'll be. But it's also something that will happen to you if you do the middle finger. I do understand that's why I have fast car. I also understand what you have to do is you can only go so fast on the highway. Use the car as a weapon. And so that's always use the car as a weapon. If you see someone pull out a gun, you don't hesitate because you can get

insurance in the car. You hit their car with your car. You knock them off balance. Knock the gun out and then you just keep moving. You stay in the car or they'll never get out of the car. And so that's my guide to proper road rage. It's really not good. So he, this guy, he shot, he shot this dude in the leg. He then proceeded to go on and fire his gun again in a road rage incident. Right. So he's caught. They are a couple days, Aaron Hernandez. And they put him in jail at a million dollars bail, which is really important because they're like, all right, this guy's a fucking psychopath. Right. So from jail, this is a rash of news that I got this week of people, again, not listening to us, which is their first mistake. And their second mistake is

not understanding. There is never, ever such a thing as a hit man because from jail, this fucking moron got his buddy who turned out to be a informant, a police officer. Well, but wouldn't, I mean, anyway, whatever you say on a jail phone is recorded. It's recorded. Right. You are, you're technically your own inform also remember that to the second you are inside of a police station. You are on camera. They watch you. And then they use that to pin you. No matter what it is, they're going to come for you. They're looking for any indication of your behavior that you're guilty. And don't forget about our tactical bath page. You're on camera a lot earlier than that. Oh yeah. But he, so he called and he said, basically, we got to do this in code. I need to

whack these prisoners. I have to whack these witnesses that are going to come against me, including his girlfriend. Oh, wow. That's, that's great code. I wonder what whack could mean. Well, he said the code. He had to come with a code and they said, we'll call it bedroom renovation and bathroom renovation. That's really smart because one was for his girlfriend. Now X, they broke up. They did. Yeah. I guess that's what happens. That's what happens. This is one of those deal breakers. And then also to kill their child. The second one was to kill a child of that also was a potential witness that he thought would go on the stand. And he said that what he was hoping to do is to knock this out by his trial that he would go and quote unquote, I don't care

if she comes back. And I also don't care if he doesn't come back. We wanted to charge four and five grand again, not enough, ever enough. It's a minimum 25 Gs already to kill somebody that is more certain. Right. So again, he'd pys into four and five. And he said the main thing he said, he's like, all right, so well, when you want these renovations done, he's like, I want the renovation to be done by this day, which was the day of his trial. And then he said, what do you, how do you want, like kind of direction? Do you want to go in it? And he said, I'd actually prefer if we gutted the entire thing, if you know what I'm talking about, literally said, if you know what I'm talking about, yeah, shiplap, you're going to want to get some shiplap in there.

And shiplap means you, you drown. Yeah, it's possible. So that's a, so that's a dumb guy there. Oh yeah. Trevor Dole is not good at it. Here's another story. Have you seen the story here? It's Desmond Ramsey. Well, now this story is interesting because he's a father and he's a little bit older. So perhaps he doesn't have the ignorance of youth on his side. Desmond Ramsey, 58 years old will spend 18 months in jail after pleading guilty to aggravated assault charges in connections with calls he made to a budget dumpster company. And he didn't call them to come and remove some trash or no, he called them because he thought that they would make perfect hit men. And I actually think that what he did was stereotype dumpster people and dumpster company

people and the garbage and the garbage. You are guilty. I am not of demeaning garbage people. Well, mostly janitors and janitors who are the front lines without the janitor putting the trash in the garbage, the garbage. If we could raise a penisless janitor in a lab, I think that everyone will be safe. Most people of my ilk, who maybe we didn't get along with all of our teachers, the janitor was their saving grace. Yeah, because he was grooming you. No, he was not. No, janitor Bob was not having his dick was shot off in Vietnam. I think that was the problem is he was trying to see maybe just maybe this little boy will be the kick to get to me grow with my balls. No, it was not. He would smoke cigars and chew tobacco. We gave you a bunch of

pornography. No, he didn't. That was Marcus's janitor. You even fucking know what we're different people. We're all the same. That's a full one right there. We're allowed to make fun. We're allowed to make fun. So anyway, Desmond Ramsey, he called the dumpster company because he said in his mind, it was better. Let's just say I was intoxicated and that I made the wrong night. He thought it was the wrong number. He thought he was calling his friend Jesse, right? So when he called, he identified his name as Tommy and he left three message. And so this isn't one of, this is, this is a couple of the sentences from one of his calls on the, he left me his voicemails. It's a five grand hit on him. I don't give a fuck where he's at or what he's doing or who

will be with you. Kill that bitch. Ramsey's second message. It was blank. And then the third message said, it's business, this business, this ain't bullshit. I need you to call me back ASAP. And he said that he called his buddy who said was in a motorcycle club. And his buddy was like, I don't know why he's calling me. Motorcycle, people in motorcycle clubs, by the way, now they're just in motorcycle clubs. It's no longer the Hell's Angels, which by the way, they mostly just fucked each other. But the Hell's Angels, they are legit. So our Hell's Angels, listen, I just want to say thank you so much for your all new. I used to see, I used to see the head of the Hell's Angels on second. I remember him. Hey, hey, hey, boy, remember when we were

dangerous and it's like, you can finger your throat. So no, I don't. I think most men that can finger their throat are dangerous. Not new. He can't just run away. You go 10 feet away. He can't get you. Well, you think they go, he's on his motorcycle. So he says, anyway, so the budget dumpster employee who we get is already just like, we're not even the dumpster company. We're the budget dumpster company. Yeah, exactly. I don't want to be here. Big buckets. So anyway, they hear the messages. Ramsey had caller ID, all that information. They're like, uh, Kayahoga County, common pleas, uh, the Kayahoga County. They're like, uh, we got some dude. He called us wanting to think that we're hit men. Oh yeah. We're, uh, we're dumpster people. But Ramsey quickly

walked us back, right? Cause he said, okay, let's just face it. I got into a bit of an argument with my son recently and I was, I had been drinking a little bit. I made the calls and he says, uh, that you did never have happened. Number one, first of all, never should have happened. Number two, I can admit, I was not being a father. I'd never hurt my children and you know, I'd die before I'd let anything happen to my children. That's my baby boy. I would never do that. That's not me. I would never do that. I actually think that's very sweet. And you know, God knows being a father of even just Jerry, he's a Beagle Chihuahua. And sometimes I'm just like, dumpster company, I have a fucking pickup. Um, yeah, but Jerry's different. He's my son. He's, he is your

son. And I believe if you didn't see him coming out, you're his mother, you wouldn't believe it was yours. Yeah. Well, no, actually I shouldn't. That would be kind of implicit. That's disgusting. So anyway, um, Ramsey, and you know, also it's nice is that it shows he's not pedophile because he'd rather kill his own son than fuck him. Well, of course. I mean, um, so I actually think that he was, yes, they got into a fight. You get drunk, you get angry, you're peaked, drunk. I mean, this is not a sober move. Again, no, no, no, no, no, absolutely not because you would at least have called the like an extermination company, like even a pest exterminator would have, would that at least be closer? Yes. Um, according to, uh, the Cleveland police,

the, uh, budget dumpsters vice president, he was less than helpful. He, uh, yeah, I think that he might say, because also again, the dumpster president, the president of the dumpster company, I think that he is, it's like also probably not to malign our dumpster community. No, maybe a slightly wary of the police getting too intimate with the details of this business when you're in the budget dumpster, your job is to, is to create a place for people to put things they don't want to see anymore. I mean, we learned that we learned that over COVID. You got to put these bodies somewhere. You got to put them somewhere. Cause if not, they just hang out and they don't just disappear. This ain't resident evil three. No, it isn't.

But by the way, resident evil four is out. I haven't played it yet, but I've heard it's going to be fantastic cause it's my favorite video game. All right. Here's another sad story. I don't know if we should do, even talk about the story with the grandmother killing the two kids. No, that one's too sad. No one likes that. Why don't we do something a little bit less deathy? What about trying to bring somebody back to life? Oh, now it's interesting for all the things that, you know, what are the Democrats bad at? Everything. And what are they also really bad at cloning children? Because, but because it's really sad, right? Cause we all have somebody we wish we could get back. If you could go back and clone one person from your personal life.

I mean, obviously we want to get Kevin back, right? But then what? That's not Kevin. It's not, you know, because they wouldn't know anything about birds or horses. I'd be like, remember horse illiterate? I'd be like, but that's not Kevin. That's not Kevin. So I don't know if I would even want to disrupt wherever he is in booty, but heaven. And I, uh, my grandmother, no, I bring her back. I bring back my pop pop. He was a good guy. He was chasing after your fucking grandfather for three years. Yeah. Well, good job. Cause my grandfather died comfortably in bed in the year 2000. So whatever. This guy, his name is Mark Hunt. And he's, he's a Democrat. He's in the West Virginia. He's doing good. We got technically,

I guess we need him. I don't know. I don't know. Uh, hunts baby boy, he's dead, right? And so he died 10 months old and he would have been 18 years old in October. And it was very sad, right? He's, uh, his son died of, uh, it was, uh, it was like 17, it was 17 years ago, right? Yes. It was a long time ago, but he put a lot of money. They're trying to smear him now because he put, I think it's something like $500,000 into this. Uh, it's, it's his own money. It's his own money. And to a company called clone aid, which I did not even know was like, I just, sometimes I could, there's like 10 glays. Cause I know you don't like these signs that the future is like coming down like a fucking freight train. But I, this is the tough

stuff that gets my sci-fi like dick hard. Like the concept of the clone in children, I think it's awesome. Yeah. So you, I think clones are awesome. So as a person who actively rails against children, I mean, our friends have children and you like, you like throw up when you hold them. No, I've seen, I've touched them. Yeah. Um, but you want more children and you, but you want cloned children. I just think this is, this is the village dude. This is like, this is hellacious. No, honestly, I think most, most of them get flushed once they, once they pop, right? Once they make them, the cells go, they flush it, right? I'm just saying the concept of cloning, I think it's interesting. It's just this, this story, the fact that they, that his,

him trying to clone his son is hurting his politics cause everyone's like looking at it. But then they, they also don't want to bring up the dead son. Like the Republicans desperately want to shame him, right? They desperately want to shame him for putting money into the cloning company, but they're also like the problem is his numbers goes up every single time we talk about his dead kid. Well, I think it's a fucking assholes. I think it's slightly above politics and more into the realm of what are we doing here? It's interesting. Hunt served 14 years in the house of delegates. Obviously it's a local state house there. And he says, my son died. We would have done anything to save him. We would have done anything to create a twin of him if it were

possible. We tried, we broke no laws. We spent our money. It's his money. He's allowed to do it. And maybe we were taken advantage of by people, but finally we had to let him go. So technically, the crime here is probably with clone eight because it sounds like Gatorade and it's, but it's not. And they will aid you in cloning, but they promised that they were going to be able to do this. And then they didn't. Well, yes. And I don't know what the fuck. It's highly theoretical. And we don't know whether or not, because this is what they're saying here is that there, there was a baby Eve was cloned in 2002. They claim, we don't know made bigger news, dude. We cloned that goddamn sheep. Man, that was a big deal. Remember that down real quick. No,

but that sheep, that clone sheep, they cloned that sheep. Oh, I remember. Yeah. Scotland. And then of course, there's also the story now where they want to reclone or clone the woolly mammoth. Are you seeing that now? Cause they think that they think that they would be fun for the woolly mammoth. It would come back and be like, Oh, you've destroyed my entire, my entire life is gone. This is hellacious. There's not enough food for me to eat. And you guys are just going to kill me. You see what they did. What? There's this new thing that are developing. As I said, a part of like, yes, before we make a full living mammoth, they are developing the fiber strength, the protein fibers from mammoth like DNA. I guess they have

developed literally a meatloaf's worth of mammoth meat and they're marrying people to eat it. Hey, Barry, you seen my lunch, man? I had, I was a sloppy Joe. Oh, if to the sloppy Joe's there, then what am I eating? $5 million worth of mammoth meat. But I mean, you know, I'm interested. I think that would be cool. It's a way, you know, it's a good interesting way to eat people. I mean, to eat four people for people to eat, to have food to eat. Better than bugs. Although again, if you're the woolly mammoth, then it's like, come on. I just know that we technically, we hunted the mammoth into extinction essentially. So it must taste good. Yeah. All right. Hunt also, interestingly enough, in order to maintain his, his a little democratic power there,

he's publicly neutral on presidential races. So not really taking a stand. Oh, interesting. But he does take a stand on wanting to get his son back. But now I think he's done. And I think he realizes that the boy ain't coming. That's a fucking, that's a fucking horror movie too. It would be so much more interesting if he just showed up and then announced his son is the cloned version of the dead version. I feel like people have tried to do that. As a matter of fact, Madeleine can, of course, the baby that went missing out of the, out of the little thing there out of the hotel. Very European vacation. They all went on. Yeah. Julia Wendell, 21. She says that she was Madeleine. We can, but no, she's not in judging by the pictures. I'm sure the

parents aren't like super sad that that's not their daughter. I just feel like in the end, they would love some closure, but it's going to be very, very difficult to get. It really is. But that's a, that's more of a UK story that didn't, it got some press out here. It got some, but not quite in the UK. That was like Casey Anthony odd times 10. Oh yeah. It gets quite. You remember we did some, I did some Madeleine can joke on stage in the UK and man, it bombs. Oh, people got mad. People got really upset because it hits a nerve. Oh, it was a pretty, pretty big. It also just shows that you just can't let the European beautiful sun, sunshine. You know what I mean? You can't let it in. Well, interestingly enough, let's go to, let's go to British. Let's

go to British. Oh, you want to go to British? A local British police department is saying it's helped save Easter for fans of the chocolate egg. A man was arrested in England after allegedly stealing a semi truck that contained 200,000 Cadbury cream eggs. Do you like Cadbury cream eggs? I love them. Do you like the ones with the yolk? Yes, because I like to lick it out with my tongue. As I've gotten older, I've realized that they are quite a lot. Oh, yes. But I will say in the UK, they're candy. It's different. It's better. Cadbury is much tastier in the UK because we just honestly, we'd put too much sugar and I hate to even say this, but the US candy is too much sugar. It is. You want a little bit of that, you know, saltiness because that's actually what's

good. Yes. So a man whom the Associated Press identified as 32 year old Joby pool and oh, you, if you can't trust a Joby, who can you trust? A Joby. Joby. I never heard that name before. I've never heard that name. He was stopped, Bond Joby. He was stopped on the highway in Telford, town near central England shortly after the theft pool allegedly used a metal grinder to break through a gate and get into the truck and then he stole. What is he going to do? He said apparently the, the, the, the C chocolate would be worth something like 48 grand, 48 grand, but then he's got to, he's got to unload. So it's like, fence this chocolate to where? What's the underground? I know, like in the world of art, I know there's like channels. You can go through

it. Yes. And Jules and I got $48,000 with the Cadbury. I don't move this shit, but everyone else is like, well, why'd you do that? Cause I actually didn't mind buying in the store. See, I feel like this is the end of a story of a, a soon to be divorced father. Like he's in the divorce proceedings, right? And Easter's coming up and he's trying to figure what to do. And obviously he's trying to make up for like 15 years worth of like being a bad father. And he's just like, I know what I'm going to do this Easter. I'm bringing the Easter miracle to my family. $48,000 worth of Cadbury. And he just thought in his head, he's got that kind of like weird, like, you know, some kind of meth fuel concept of like, they're all going to cheer when

I pull up with this Cadbury truck. I mean, all of the kids are going to be like, daddy, daddy, we want you back. Daddy, daddy, we know we all yelled the last time you were home, but now we want you to come back and sleep in the same bed as mommy. And then mommy would be like, Oh, Joby. Oh, no, that you brought that $48,000 worth of fake yoke to all party here in the park here. Oh, can't wait to have you in me, Cliff. Well, you never know what British romance is like. So anyway, so that's not good. No, well, it's fine. It's not the of all the crimes we've covered today. You know, if all of the like, you know, the grandma killed the two babies out of negligence, which we're not even covering like all that kind of stuff like that, this is a much nicer crime.

Yeah, he's going to be sentenced next month, I guess. But yeah, I mean, overall, I mean, he should be forced to sit in each eat all of those Cadbury eggs. They could see how sick you get. It is interesting though, because it's like, he knew what he was doing because you figure, Oh, that's a big truck. I bet you that's one of some that's really expensive. But he knew it was going to be Cadbury eggs. I feel like it should have been TVs or something. Something you could resell for a little bit. Yeah, because having all because yeah, what do you do with you sell it to a supplier? But how could you sell it for a supplier cheaper than Cadbury Ken? I don't know. It doesn't work. No, it's stupid. It's also, I guess you could sell it out of your

but then you're selling Cadbury eggs and they get melty very fast. I you know what I'm thinking, Joby didn't put a lot of thought in this plan. I don't think that he did, but he did enough. He definitely thought enough to have a chainsaw. You have all those just a lot to steal a truck. Like, I mean, obviously it's jewels, things. Well, yeah, jewels are hard, man. I don't know how to sell a jewel. Well, you would have to have a right middleman with most of those guys are cops too. You know what I would probably do? I could pass because you know how much people hate paying for fucking shoes, undercut shoes. Oh, well, that's different. You remember that story? I actually bought there was a pair of shoes are stolen from me. Oh, yeah. Sure. Do you know that

you remember that story with the guy that was like the head of development like nephew for Nike? And then he was going in and stealing all of the concept shoes and selling them out to his fucking friends and shit. Like it was this whole thing because you know how like, I don't know why these shoe companies do this where they put out their like model of the shoe. Right. They advertise what the shoe could look like. And the model always looks so much cooler than the shoe actually comes out to look like. Yeah, I know. There's something with the process when it actually has to get done. And then all the children that make our shoes are like, we can't do that. Okay, just make them like all the other ones. Nike's, they've done better. Nike's done better. But

it's also like, I think it's, it's, it's why there's more slaves in the world today than there ever has been in human history. Let's move on. I just wish that you would sometimes wake up. I don't, I wake up. I'm awake. Oh, I've heard. Yes. Sure. People in Melbourne are getting away with their, they're hanging out in the high capacity zones because they're using sex dolls that are about five grand and put them in the passenger seat. And they're saying that's my buddy. So I'm allowed to do that. So that's happening. I missed the Gwyneth Powell trial. I love the way I'm so happy that for the way I missed that for us. Where the fuck was my, where, where was all the accolade coming? For me, when I stood up for Gwyneth, when everyone else was attacking Gwyneth,

and I stood by her and then yeah, the jury of our peers said Gwyneth, you're innocent. Thanks for showing your boobies. She has no peers. Yes, she does. And that's the jury. And then the guy gets on the stand and says, we need to start arresting. Oh, that's the one thing we didn't get into. You psycho. And Gwyneth is a victim of, I don't even internet insanity. No, it's, I, we did not get to cover that at the very end of the trial. But Gwyneth, if you know, or don't know, Terry Sanderson again, was suing her for a scheme run accident very, very in they're taking like he's last little bit of like the trials wrapping up the very end. Terry Sanderson is like, and that's why we got to keep these celebrities in check.

Because if not, they go to their islands and molest. And as he hit the word molest, the whole everyone's like object like his own people were like, objection. Let's all just, okay, let's think about this. Terry, inside thought, Terry, we can talk about this in the briefing room. But then yes, but then you saw also why Gwyneth Paltrow then lost points again. Why? Because I, why you saw the parting shots. She leaned over and be like, we, I think she said, I wish you well. What the fuck is wrong with that? She, she basically said like, sleep with the fishes. No, that is what I wish you well. In that case, I wish you I wish you well in Gwyneth Paltrow speak as I bless your heart. Oh, you know, go fuck yourself. But

okay, let's get back to sex dolls. Look at that sex doll. 5,500 bucks. And if you have, and for those that don't, first of all, it's sold out. So don't even bother trying to get this one. And you don't want, you don't want the returns with the fucking dick sucking machines in China. Or that's where they're beating us because those dick sucking machines that they got women and the men are very lonely and sad, but the dick sucking machines work. I feel like again, that's another thing that we should be sending out to these things. We send the fucking dick sucking machines to the pedophiles thing that I need exported other than every other literal thing that we get in our lives from China. I need the Japanese butt game where they just put

the butts and it was like, nah, that's, that's my life. And there's something almost sweet about that. But anyway, apparently in the, uh, transit lanes with the people, they're putting the sex dolls in the thing to do. They're snitching. They're calling me like, yeah, they got a fake guy in there. Everybody's got too much time in there. Kind of lame person. I mean, I don't really care. I don't go in the HUD lane when I don't earn the high occupancy vehicle, the Havlain, which took me forever to figure out what the fuck that meant by the way. What? Hove. Yeah. It's a high occupancy vehicle. Yeah. But it's mostly just means you got two people in the car. Yeah. That's all you need. I know. Yeah. You should go in there. But I see

someone. If a cop pulls you over, would you do the thing? We're like, I'm eating for two. Well, you saw the head that they did that. A pregnant woman got away with that. Yeah. And she should. Sure. Cause she got something swimming around her fucking guts. Some kind of alien. All right. Well, I almost think it's time for hero of the week. I think we did it. A cow attracted sympathy across the globe for pretending to be asleep to get out of being milked. That is literally his whole life. That's Castle's entire life. He's constantly avoiding being milked. Doris. Oh, she's part of a 200 strong herd on an Isle of White Dairy Farm. An Isle of White Dairy Farm. W.I. G.H.T. Not Yeet. I don't know. The video was shot and it turns

out this cow is really funny because it's been faking sleeping every time it's supposed to get milk. See, I thought that this was Castle. I was so excited. I thought this was right on the money free. I know that all changed when radio one DJ Greg James played the audio on his breakfast show the following day, thousands expressed sympathy for Doris. And one person said, I identify as Doris. What's the world coming to? They say that that cow was their spirit animal. So yeah, Doris, the cow who fakes to be sleeping so it doesn't get milked. The same thing I used to do to avoid having to go to first period in eighth grade. And my mom was very sweet to me and she let me go to pigly wiggly with her instead. So Doris, you are hero of the week, not necessarily because you're

super heroic, but because literally no one has done anything. No one's done anything to be good. It was a slow, fun news week and a slow, slow week. Yeah. It's been crazy. I mean, yeah, obviously there's, that's the problem is that there's only one story, but it's truly not to be anything. The most boring fucking story. Well, it even got to one news story right now. Interestingly enough, the UK, it made it to CNN because there's nothing, there's nothing to cover anymore. It's because there's one story that only one story that anybody thought we're about to go into a World War III land, your land war in Europe. But, but according to Jeannie Moose, interestingly enough, I think it's most, but she has that really, I'm not going to say it's annoying. I'm going to

say it's her segment on CNN. She did it. She covered this. So that's, that's really good. Yeah. So the only, this is why the only truly unique coverage that we have here, the last podcast on the left side, so recent general is from the listeners themselves. Absolutely. John Brody of the farmhand, you know what he says about the cow, Doris has a fantastic personality. She's definitely more person than cow. We need to check out what that guy's doing with Doris. Oh yeah. If he's saying that she's way more of a lady than a cow, then he's not good. All right. Well, that's hero of the week Doris. Thank you. Thank you Doris for your service. Now here's a couple of listener email. Great. I grew up about

five minutes away from Oak Island in Nova Scotia. You know, also work on the island for a summer in the museum, but mainly my job was driving the fat people around in a golf cart who couldn't walk the tour around the island. Oh, that was what we gave to our football coach her senior year. Cause he ate himself out of walking. I'll always remember when it was me and Casper Kelly, we both obviously lost weight since then, but after our first, uh, both of us were kind of on our, our bigger side. It was a Casper Kelly's one of the greatest. You're pretty face going to hell. And I remember that one time after it was after an adult's swim function, they put the two of us together in a petty cab for the guy to take us to the next party.

And the man looked really, really sad. Um, because we were both on the bigger, we really gave him a calf workout that day. Yeah. I could imagine. Oh yeah. It was a petty cab. Oh yeah. No, no, no, no. He had to do it. He had to hoof it. Yeah, it was, uh, now while growing up in Oakland, I've always known the legend of six people dying, looking for this treasure trip. And once this seventh dies, the treasure will be revealed. Captain kid's treasure or Shakespeare's manuscript, some garbage, the show on history channel, it's just a ploy for investors. This says there is a whole like a show based around this island. Okay. Um, but working on the island with the show crew, people who run the actual

treasure hunting was insane from what I've experienced. Okay. The island is haunted, like really haunted. There was a DOP lady who told me the islands about the islands black mass and her experiences. One that I really remember was her talking about how it was about her and another person from the production crew sitting in a truck waiting for something to do with the film. It was later than usual as it was getting dark, but it wasn't completely night yet. Right. So while they're waiting in the truck, that she sees a huge dark cloud flashed by the front of the windshield in which she goes to turn on and face the other person to ask that they had seen it. She sees it swooped down from the passenger side of the truck, watching it slam so hard to

the passenger side door that it shakes the entire truck. This is like a black amorphous cloud. Oh my God. She said it felt like it was going to tip over confused. They get out and they check the truck and they don't say a dent or a scratch. She continues to see a black cloud floating around them from time to time, but a black cloud that it was tangible enough to shake the really weird island isn't my favorite place. It gives off this completely sinister and negative energy that I can't put my finger on where it was coming from. As someone who was terrified of ghosts and things that go bump in the night as a child, but now fascinated as a 26 year old, looking back on the one legit ghost experience I had there makes my blood run cold each time. I was about 18 or

19. My coworker and I had the idea to try and talk to the ghosts as a joke on a slow and gray, rainy day. You gotta know. So this is the one thing about people with sense of humor. Sense of humor is very diverse. A lot of people think something is funny and a lot of people will say that's the most atrocious thing I've ever heard. That's my half of my life. So you've got to know like what is this? What's the ghost background? What's the ghost want? Or he is going to not care because eventually you just have to. You have to make yourself laugh. But at the same time, like if we had to go, I actually think we would do well with our live show in prison. I think that we could four prisoners. Oh, not that we're in prison having to do a live show.

No, you don't get PowerPoint. No, no, no. Our live show would suck. Yeah. It's very difficult. Mark. No power. I'm shocked having to draw everything. You're going to love our side stories live and Beverly Hills. This Saturday, boy, they're going to minimalistic art, minimalistic art. Now the time now we said joke at the ghost. So we're going to joke. We said I'm evoking a fake Ouija board using a bottle cap as the plan chat asking a few questions, waiting, but nothing happened. And we felt silly. So I slid the capture. Goodbye, tore up the paper we used as our Ouija board. Now I'm still trying to mess around because nothing felt off in the moment. I grab one of those flashlights. You have to click on the front of it in place for it to turn on. I said out loud,

is there anybody here with us that wants to communicate? Can you turn on the flashlight with the flashlight pointed towards my coworker? Her face turned white as she looked down and the flashlight in my hand that was on and was clicked into the on position without hearing or seeing it move. I turned it off. I tried not to cry and I said, I'm sorry for bothering you ghost. Have a good day. My coworker and I were silent for the rest of the day. So you know, the worst thing about having a ghost audience is of course the only thing they say. Wow. See, you saved that for the popsicle sticks. I am just gonna, where is fucking popsicle stick money? By the way, it's my legend. What kind of,

what kind of drink does a mythical cow like legendary or something like that? People already, yeah, it's already all over. People have said that people have been using that joke for years. No, no, I came up with it. I came up with that. And I just came up with, whoa, what would it be like if the ghosts were in the audience? I mean, that is true. You did just say it out loud. You did say it, buddy. I have come up with the majority of things that people just think are in pop culture. I know. Tell me about it. I know. You can't invent it. Steve Urkel. Steve Urkel's still in pop culture. Oh yeah. To kids like him. Jaleel White. Yeah, he's like having a massive, he's having a moment. I would love, I love him. I love him.

Apparently he's very nice. Also, I just felt like what they did with Stefan, Steve was fine. Stefan was, yeah, it's great. I love Laura. I love the whole family. We all did. We all did. Great show. Great show. One last story. Ghost potatoes. My wife and I were away from our home. I had to work and she was with her family. We were gone for most of the day. She got home before me around 5pm and I got home around 9pm. It was when I got home that she noticed this strange pile of flaky white powder next to my side of the bed. She called me in thinking I knew what it was and I was playing a prank on her. I, whoever I had no idea what it was, she thought it might be a big pile of meth. You live around some addicts and other sketchy people. I mean, that's a big jump.

Being a rationalist, I was just like, I got closer to it and I did what every man, any man could do. Right. Taste it. You taste it. Which you should have done. That's very brave. You don't know what a powder is. You should be careful. Try it on the bird. A pigeon bird. Sure. Right. It was not meth. It was too bland. So I went to Google and I looked up pictures of white flaky powder. Salt is meth. No, you're going to want a little more pepper in that meth. And I stumbled onto pictures of instant potato flakes. No, again, I did what had to be done. I scooped up a small amount of it. I put some water on it and a microwave. And surely enough, I had a steaming pile of mashed potatoes. Again, I had a little taste.

We needed butter, but it was definitely potatoes. See, after that, to be safe, my wife and I assumed that a person is hiding in her home. So we strap up with our pistols and shirt the house. I'm top to bottom. There's a lot going on. It's a really intense household. Okay. It's a really intense house. But there was what he was there. Now we have no idea who the hell left these so-called potatoes. A wife, someone broken, that they left only a small pile of them and did nothing else. I know. No, don't say that because they're both back. With who? The potato fucker? The guy who brings his own instant potatoes to fuck other people's

wives. I don't know. Mr. Was it fucking Tubercuck? Mr. Tubercuck took too long to put together. Really good. This is where my pet theory comes in. My mother died three years ago. Great. And we live in a house where she died. And the night she died was when she still was mildly conscious. And I asked her to, if she could do some good stuff while she was gone, right? And there must have been several things since then. They nearly convinced me she's still around enough to make me seriously question whether it was her or not. But that's another email. It's just so happened the day we found the potatoes was my birthday. So I'm thinking my dead mom made a mess on the floor to wish me a happy birthday if only because I refuse to

believe someone broke in to leave a small pile of instant mashed potatoes next to the my side of the bed. Well, there is a lot there. There's a lot there. In no way will I insinuate anything going on because it seems like they live in an area that they, well, they know meth and good. And, you know, be safe. Mr. Tubercuck, he comes around and Mr. Tubercuck, you better love the fact that, guess what? Sure. You don't maybe don't love the fact that he's making love to your wife, but you love the fact that you're tired and Mr. Tubercuck can take care of it for you. And you can just sit there. I get it from that perspective because the best part is that you laugh as you're eating your scallop potatoes. Yeah. As you're eating your potatoes, a gratin.

As you're eating your potatoes, my mother used to do this thing, which we loved. She used to cut up the potatoes. She was used to cut up the potato until like long, like put, like cuts up into it and put butter and stuff inside of the slots. So she cut it up like a loaf of bread with butter in between each other. So it looked like a long accordion. And then she put cheese on the top. The cheese would get all crispy on the top. She was killing you. No, no, no, no. She was keeping us home. And you can, you can laugh eating that while Mr. Tubercuck is railing your wife in the other room. Cause again, you're not doing it and live, laugh, love. You're going to have to live maybe having to raise Mr. Tubercuck's son. But at the same time, you're going to look

at that. You're going to look at Spud. You're going to look at Spud every day and just think of that. Mmm. That dreamy, dreamy, fully loaded baked potato soup that Mr. Tubercuck made right before he came on your wife's throat. Well, in front of you and on camera. Well, isn't that fun? You know, at Mr. Tubercuck, wherever you are, you leave my wife alone. But I hope you keep visiting this other man's home. Well, indeed. All right, everyone. Thank you so much for listening. Perfect. We'll be there April 8th. We're going to be, check it, check us out. I don't, maybe just refrain from drinking for two hours. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I need you to buy this booze. We got booze. It is for sale. Okay. It is coming. We got a couple of good guests. We got Ed

fucking Larsen. It's going to be there. Henry and I are going to be blabbing about 45, 55 minutes. Let me remind you. Jackie will be there. Jackie's going to be there. She's going to be yelling, filling up time. We're going to, it's going to be a full ass show. Kissel's leading a Q and A, just telling them that he didn't know that. I didn't know that. No, he's leading a QA afterwards. It's an a 45 minutes right there. So we're going to be there a total. We're going to be there for a total of two hours and change, but they can be buy booze ahead of time at this website. We're in the living fuck. Yeah. This is your website. Oh God. This is the, this is, this is the most organized show. It's not. And no, no, no, but you know what I like about this

show is that it's a vintage experience because everyone is used to our super pro. We got a road manager. We got a whole crew, but this is literally just bad for us 15 years ago. For 15, 15 years ago, we would say, Oh, thank God we don't have to do, do it like that anymore. Now that we're professional, I just, it is not necessarily used to putting the other live events. And when I, I do have a website. I literally get it made. Okay. We almost needed flu music slash. Thank you. Thank you. Wow. W W dog. Get it made LA slash special dash dash events. This is how long this is my God. No one's. P slash beverages. P isn't pussy buy booze now because I am going to need you fucking hammered. All right. At this show, I'm going to need your

patience. I'm going to need you seeing, but guess what you get to see? Cause we're, oh, you're so used to us. Just so gussied up up there. Yeah. But you get to see us real. And when it's like to really be in the room with us, cause you're going to be in the room with us shows completely sold out 450 people arriving this way. And it is not going to be a mess. I swear. Wow. All right, everyone. Thank you for listening. We'll see you on Saturday. Also, I have some hail yourself dates coming out here. I will be announcing really soon. So we're still doing it. We're going to give you, Henry and I can't avoid the stage for two. We cannot. We miss you. We're going to fucking have a really good time. I can't wait. We do miss you.

All right. Everyone. See y'all soon. Hail yourselves. Hey, we'll say congratulations. Everybody be safe. Don't hire a hit man. Don't because it never is unless that's why you got to kill your own children. All right.