Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Savage Creatures

Episode Date: April 21, 2022

Ben 'n' Henry bring you this week's true crime stories including a group of men arrested for sexually assaulting a monitor lizard in India, a family murder in Celebration, Florida, and much MORE!

There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk on the left, side stories, that's when the cannibalism started. Side stories, yes. Are we recording? Okay. Yeah. It feels good to be recording again, doesn't it? Yeah.

I mean, we do. Yes. But when was the break? Interesting. We had an almost full day off. No, I was away. I was in Florida. I went down there for Natalie's birthday.

We had a good time. Yes, it looked awesome. But I will say, there's a special magic. I haven't, it's been so long since I've been around a karaoke machine. Right. Yeah. Because I love karaoke. I don't do it as much.

You know. In these days, I just haven't done it. Aren't we all our own karaoke machine? Oh yeah, you're voice, yes. Who created the karaoke machine that's full of lies. Well, unless you have an absolutely rock solid memory for every lyric of every song you've ever wanted to sing. Little town, little town, may hold, but.

No, you know that. And you know Grand Old Flag. And yes, I'm mighty proud of that ragged old flag. But you know what's nice about your own private karaoke machine, your own private karaoke experience is that you forget that when you walk into a karaoke night, you are still performing for a room. And then maybe I feel the burden of different than others. Right.

I mean, this is, it's the most intense performance you can possibly have because everyone says, go have fun with it. But you know for a fact that they are very serious and if you sing a song poorly that they will judge you, they will not date you and they will hate you. I have ruined a night singing a poorly placed version of Pearl Jam's Jared. I have ruined everyone's good time. But you know what's nice about having your own machine is that I love bring your own gun karaoke, but you don't have to sit and think about everybody's choices.

So you know what I finally got to do, man? My fucking because I walked into the karaoke room, people were doing karaoke and I was like, you know, there's my time in the night. I get to do what I want to do. It's father's night at karaoke. Okay. You don't have a child, but it's probably you could tell it's because I went through every sad Bob Seeger song and I got to sing, I got to sing still the same.

I get to sing against the wind. No one listens to against the wind and carry because they can't handle the reality of what goes inside of a working man's mind. It's in it again. Not a father. And yes, we do work, but are we working men? I don't know. I don't want to criticize all those people who have calluses on their fingers as my fingers

are enormously soft. No, it's because our brains are filled with calluses, but it's just nice to sing sad songs at your family and they have to look at you. Welcome to Side Stories, everyone. I am Ben hanging out with Henry. That is awesome. Well, I'm so happy you had a great time. It was good.

Unfortunately, judging by the stories that we have this week, most people didn't have a great week, especially the entire animal kingdom. I don't know what happened. I don't know what they did to people, but they folks, human beings have had their revenge. Folks. On animals. Please. Okay.

We don't do trigger walk mornings here because the show is already triggering enough. Yes. Just our faces are triggering enough. But I'm covered in dog hair. You are. If you give you pay money to the Patreon, you could see that Kissel is in a Jerry costume. Did I get a phone call at 120 when we were supposed to record at one? Yes.

And was that my wake up call? Yes. And was I cuddling with Jerry at that moment? Yes. You were moulting right now, but this is the thing, man. This week, there's a lot of unfortunate animal news, and I'm going to laugh a little bit at it. We must.

Because again, that's us because we don't have any feelings. But also it's just like, wow, there's a couple of stories here and I'm going to start up with the big one up top. You want to start with which one is the big one because there's one that involves the number 183 animals, which we'll get to. But yes, let's start with the. This is number one because this is again, this is wild welcome to side stories. This is in the Maharashtra.

This is the area. I want to say that this must be in. This is in the Saidari Tiger Reserve near Guthane village. I'm saying it all incorrectly. No, no, no. This is Mahasharathra. Oh, man. It's India.

Fantastic. It's India. And so these guys, you go out there, you go and hunt, right? What I've heard about hunters, I've heard about hunters, they get horny. They get horny. They're covered in a lot of times the urine of the animal they're attempting to hunt. To disguise themselves amongst them. And then they also reek of natty light.

Is that why you smelled of piss and natty light throughout all of your twenties? Just to attract a leaky woman. But the thing about these guys is that they weren't just. A leaky woman. A leaky woman. What in the world? These guys weren't just hunting for meat. They were also hunting for love.

Oh my God. And now they are admittedly calling a shocking incident. Four men group raped a giant Bengal monitor lizard. Oh my God. Wait. What? Okay. No, it's obviously it's terrible.

The Bengal monitor lizard, it's an endangered species. Everybody's mad that these four men walked into the tiger reserve. They broke in. It was a tiger reserve. They weren't even hunting it. No, they walked in. That's not acceptable on any level anyway. But this is even worse.

They walked in and they decided to all have sex with it and film it. Oh my God. And this is the thing, they're saying it's shocking. And again, we're not going to remotely praise these perverts in any way, shape, or form. But the fucking balls it takes. I just watched Jurassic Park again. The balls it takes to go into a lizard's environment. You're going into a dinosaur's house to rape it.

Oh my God. What the hell is this? I know this is the first story. We should have caught this. We should have caught this. This is it. I know. The other story involves animals in a freezer and that's like hard and compared to this.

But the idea that you see this giant, a vicious predator. Oh my God. And the first thing your brain does is like that's what you want to do. You want to fuck a Komodo dragon? This must have been something that happened before because there's a wildlife protection act of 1972. And evidently because of set act, this is illegal. So before 72, no monitor lizard was safe.

I mean, I didn't even know they had holes. I swear to God, I know nothing about the lizard. They have a cloaca. So, okay, I'm not going to get into the end. Look, how did they do it? I'm sure it was disgusting. How do monitor lizards, I'm going to say first they have sex. I want to first know how they have sex.

Well, according to this document from the free press, the forest officials are quote perplexed. And I believe that that perplexed is like, yes, I would understand what is going on at our zoo. Also, maybe get some new security, hire the bears. There is a zoo, there must be animal security at all zoos. I think it would be kind of adorable. During mating, the male lizard climbs over the female lizard.

Then it connects its hemipenis into the cloaca of the female lizard and ejaculates the sperms into the cloaca from where the sperm swim up on the uterus of the ovoductin fertilize the eggs. Fantastic. Right? Now, this is what says here, this is really good, because we can use this as a teaching moment. So what does it mean if you see lizards having sex, if a person sees a couple of lizards

having sex, it is an indication that they will soon meet an old friend. That's according to this. Well, isn't that nice? Yes. So like we're on Groundhog's Day and we can see our friend that we don't want to see. And of course, we've forgotten their name at that point and then we have to have a conversation for 20 minutes and attempt to find the name without asking directly to get it figured out.

It is interesting because still, just within the nature of lizards having sex with each other, the male has to pin the female down by its neck, needs to press it against the rock and then allow its her penis to sprout lizards, wherever it is, then this better be correct. I hope so. This better be correct. And she pushes it down just to have sex with it. Right.

So that's not good. I feel like they all need to be cancelled. They need to have a meeting with HR. So if convicted, these guys face seven years in prison. What are you in for? We had sex with a monitor lizard in a zoo against its will. Do you get clout or do you get beat the shit out of immediately? I don't know what Indian prison is like, but I can imagine this isn't like the coolest

crime. I ain't showering with them. No. If he's that daring, like this is why this is the only thing I can't talk about it because I understand. It's four guys. We call you guys four guys. That's four guys.

Yes. They're cheating. This is a good straight up. I'm not. Yeah. It's why I don't get the whole bestiality thing. Right. I don't get the bestiality.

No. It's not a thing. It is not like a cool, like, no, I just don't get seeing the lizard and just being like, Hey, man. Hey, you seeing what I'm seeing? Another guy like, Oh yeah. She knows what she's doing. You know what I mean?

Like, like, no, she doesn't know what she's doing. She's a reptile and you're looking at it and also I have, I want to say, maybe alcohol is involved. Maybe. It's not cool. No, it's not cool again. And no fraternity is worth it. Don't do it.

If you do need to kill a lizard, a mixture of coffee powder and tobacco powder can be turned into balls and then you can give it to a lizard and they're going to result in their death. Just choke it. Just choke the freaking lizard. Cut its head off. What are you talking about? What are we doing here?

You're going to make a concoction to kill the lizard. I don't know. Just take the lizard and slam it on the ground and you kill the lizard. What are we doing? I don't know. They're not taking over the world. This isn't this thing called meanness.com. This is all, none of this can be correct.

I don't think any of this is correct. I don't think any of this is real. I'm just saying, what an unfortunate thing to happen. What an unfortunate thing to happen. And especially to an endangered species. That is honestly the worst thing. Isn't it? Because look at it.

It might take its own life with its little hands. Oh no. Although actually I don't know if it could. I don't think a lizard could commit suicide. I think a lizard could commit suicide. You can't hold a gun. It can't choke itself. It, I mean, this one died.

It did die. Wait, did it? I think it's still alive. Wow. Yeah. Which, you know. What a horrible, horrible crime this is. This is almost as bad as me reading the same creepypasta as I read eight years ago.

Oh, I remember. I saw those emails. I'm just going to read it again. Well, because we knew, we said up top, caveat, Kissel is looking at the first page of a creepypasta Google search. There is no way he won't. But isn't it on Google to change the first page every now and again? That's what I'm saying.

How much money do you have? All right. Well, speaking of animals. Do we want to do the other one? Because on the other one. I mean, it's just, we're just going to keep the hits coming. They also did the same thing to a tiger. I'll put you guys with tea bag and a fucking tiger.

What? Yeah, man. Be careful out there. If you're an animal in a zoo. Yeah. It's already hard enough. Also, it's just like they're there. They entertain us.

They hate being there. They're not there to be fucked. No, they're not. They're not there. They shouldn't really be there at all. Unless, of course, it's keeping them safe, which obviously was not the case. I'm done with everybody. I'm done with an Arizona man was arrested for having 183 dead animals in a garage freezer,

which he apparently, he put them in there when they were still alive, evidently. And you know how they found it? How? Which is, I guess, because now this is the responsible part of me that it sends a chill up my spine. It's because they were renting the house. They were doing it. And it wasn't until the guy who owned the house came and opened up the freezer and found

all these dead exotic animals in it. I'm sorry, buddy. If you're going to have 183 animals dead in a freezer, you're going to want to own dogs, turtles, lizards, birds, snakes, mice, rats, and rabbits, and rabbits, rabbits were reportedly found in the large size chest freezer. The pets corpses were discovered at the home of a 43-year-old dude named Michael Turland and his wife. Yeah.

So even this man, even this man was able to find a wife. Isn't that amazing? And his wife's name is, sounds pretty hot, Brooklyn Beck. Ooh. Absolutely. It is a hot name. It's a hot name. Yeah.

They previously rented from the property's owner, and then they were going to clean up. And then the dude found them, as Henry said. I just, we were so mad. We were like, because we rented the house, swept the floors, told him he's trying to make the house nice and clean. I can't even imagine. I felt guilty. I texted saying, oh, I left this just in the dishwasher, where it's like, I can't imagine

leaving 183 dead parrots. It's just a lot, right? Yeah. And sadly enough, why does it matter? Some people out there, cold, mean people would say, who cares about their little rabbi's and birds. Well, it was a woman that owned this home, and many of those animals, blonde, to her. Whoa.

Isn't that sad? He killed all the animals that were on the property? Yeah. When interviewed, Turland admitted to placing some of the animals in a freezer while they were still alive. The sheriff said, they were barely moving. Yeah. They were barely moving.

He was charged with 94 counts of animal felony, animal cruelty. That's good. He's going to have a hard time leasing a car after that. 94 counts of felony. His Airbnb rating is going to be fucking low. But he got 94 counts of animal cruelty, but there's 183 dead animals, so there must be some that they're just, they don't care about. Maybe it's the mice and the rats.

Yeah. Mice and rats, fuck that. Because you couldn't fucking, you could put 25 mice in a public's bag and fucking hit that with a hammer and there's nothing that impressive about that. But you got a bunch of anacondas in there. That's kind of, that's a news story. Well, and of course, mice, thank you for your service when it comes to science. And that is why there is a statue of a mouse.

Is that the hero, hero of the week? No, the hero of the week this week is actually a fraud, but you know, we're sticking with it. I like the idea. I was on Snow, I was on Snopes and Snopes and it's a mixture of true and false. Thank you, Snopes. So is everything. I know, exactly.

So all life. So 94 counts. You know what's the thing that really confuses me the most about this story is that Michael Turland, she got called in because the woman came in who was cleaning, was the next door neighbor of the house. She got called in. She called the police only because two of the snakes that were in the garage in that freezer were hers.

Because Michael Turland asked her to borrow them. And if that's the thing I don't understand is that why did they, why get, why were they borrowed? I'm going to need to see a script that definitely requires two alive snakes. And then you can say you're going to make it as a real movie. And then you can, you can have Harry and you can have a, you can have both of them, but number one, we need a day right. Absolutely.

Number two, they need a trailer. No, they need their own trailer. Also socials. They're going to have to go ahead and post the snakes as instant pages. I'm going to want at least one post on grid, 10 stories. The word socials makes me cringe. Every single meeting we've ever had with extremely intelligent business people involves, post it on socials.

And then we say, we know. Did we know? We have been in the rooms with people that make over a hundred thousand dollars a year whose jobs are, like you look at them, they are 25 year old, don't know where they went from. They came from some Ivy League college, their jobs are, they are like director of Twitter. And they're only thing they ever say. Post it on socials.

Have you thought about posting it on socials? Did you do the socials? And it's been like, so I'm just doing what I'm doing anyway. I have to listen to you. Your name's like Styler, some made up white woman name, I don't know how you got here. It's unique. Yes. It's unique.

My name is Ashley. It's spelled B-E-A-N. You gave them their participation trophies. Oh my God. I actually, I'm not going to go into that because you know what happens sometimes with families with families, especially that are members of, that have kids named Styler. A lot of times they get wiped out by the father. Oh no.

And there is this one story I did want to talk about that is a family annihilator. We have another one. This guy is so freaking creepy looking. This guy is very, it's very fucked up. He murdered his whole family in celebration Florida. Oh my God. Which is, if you know anything about celebration Florida, ask Jackie Zaprowski about celebration Florida if you want to because she was obsessed for a long period of time, it is highly controlled.

Basically it's a, what would you call it, it's a gaming community. They called it a planned community. It is. As opposed to an unplanned community. Which is called a homeless shanty town. This is a, there actually is a lot of planning that goes into a shanty town. Dude, I am so, I need to go camping because around Los Angeles there's a bunch of tents and I look at them like that's a nice tent.

I saw somebody get out of their tent the other day. You're the opposite of Joe Rogan. I saw somebody get out of course, always. I saw somebody get out of their tent yesterday and it looked like rimsicle because he like rubbed his eyes and he was like, ah, is it yawn? Yeah, yeah, no. Nice and cozy. It is nice.

It's your old joke. No, you're not homeless. You're home more. More. Always home more. A roast as dark as the night, perfect for fueling the cryptid research and mad ravings required for your podcasting. Don't mind the red eyes.

He's just trying to warn you of the bridge. The bridge. Finally, from the caffeine-addled brains of Spring Hill Jack Coffee and Last Podcast on the left, we bring you Mothman's Red Eye Blend. Yes, delicious Panama beans. Go to lastpodcastmerch.com to order yours today. But in celebration, it is a place, it is very, very expensive, live there. It is, I mean, it's right next to Disney World.

It's a horrible place and if you live in celebration of Florida, get out, you will be murdered by your father. Now, this guy named Anthony Todd, he's a former, the stress former, Connecticut physical therapist and his job, he had moving, but he and his family were moving back and forth from Connecticut to celebration and what appears to be him avoiding a bunch of fraud allegations. Oh, I see. He is defaulted in a bunch of loans, which is kind of what you happen to see a lot of

times with family annihilators, but it also came up across the same time period when him and his wife, Megan Todd, became obsessed with various YouTube videos that explained to them this concept of you're all going to die, we're all going to die soon. So the only thing that we got to do, and this is, I'm saying this to our Patreon listeners, so all of our listeners, it's really important to say, if you want to get good with God right before you go, you have to kill your family and yourself in a controlled, forgiven manner that allows all of you to enter into the afterlife together. You know, now, unfortunately, this is biblical, there is some biblical truth to this.

I feel like no child was safe in the Bible era. No. I feel like these parents really took it way too literally. And now their children are dead. And if you look at them, they look, monsters hiding in plain sight. Does he really? He looks fairly normal. He looks like the corrupt cop from the original Batman.

Well, in the mugshot picture, yes. But let's be honest, take a look at this picture of the kids at the beach as he's fantasizing about killing them. No, he is thinking about killing them immediately. You know, and he's a good father, well, before all the murders, because he's got one of those, he's got the sunglasses that say, I'm cool, but I'm also practical. No, he just looks like, it's that fucking Trump Oakley look. You know what I mean?

It's the guys, all those pictures, all the, it's the Twitter. Oh, he's an alpha. Yeah. He's an alpha. This guy is definitely an alpha. So he killed his, so it was a four-year-old, an 11-year-old, and a 13-year-old, and their dog, Breezy. What the fuck is, man?

Breezy was not happy about it. So this all happened fairly quickly. So Anthony, I watched, they put out, because again, what's awesome about Florida is the fact that they have the Sunshine State Laws, so we get everything. So I watched about an hour of his confession tapes, because he confesses the entire thing. It's very interesting to see, Anthony Tote started watching, so all of this happened. They believe somewhere around Christmas is when he killed all the kids. Oh my God.

They started watching the YouTube videos in April, right? They really got hooked in fast. Very, very fast. How the fuck did a YouTube video do? YouTube videos. These are grown adults. This is why it's very dangerous. It is.

How many people have we lost to YouTube videos, quote-unquote, doing your own research? Guess what? YouTube is not research. It's not. It's just a bunch of other people just talking. All I know is, right here, what do I have in my pocket? A lot of loose change. Oh, that's how this all started.

And you remember that. And when you, you're listening to us talk, we are not your research. We are two funny guys that come up with some stuff, and a lot of times kids who made the hero of the week was water last week. Yes, and I did have- I had some- I got reminded by my fucking rude dooners, Rise Up, that obviously water is a spiritual element to the dune books.

I want to say thank you for that. Got it. For reminding me for that. Yes, that's true. It's absolutely true. I know, but still. I did have one person who protested. They said, it would be nice if you got big to people, but you know what, my friend, aren't

we 98% water? The heroes choose themselves. That's right. This week's hero again. That's the thing. Each week they arrive, the heroes arrive, but okay. This guy is not hero. No, he's not hero of the week, but if you watch these videos, so the timeline was really,

really short. Oh my God. He then went to, he was already planning it, because so what he is not saying is, he's front-loading all of this religious stuff. He's saying, we've been watching the YouTube videos, we really got into this, me and my wife agreed, we need to kill the kids. We're gonna need to kill the kids first. And eventually the wife-

Sometimes, I thought marriage was about compromise. So wouldn't the wife say, that's funny you said it? One. One of the kids. Or, yes. I don't know, give them up for adoption or something like that, but anyway. No, well it's because the wife seemed to have been, she seems to be into it. She's got that sort of like, you know, is she an Elizabeth Warren or is she a Boebert?

You know what I mean? She's got that look, like she could be one, she could be the other. But they walked into this story, they got into this world, they fell into this world as a YouTube hole, and they decided, kids gotta go. But what it seems to be, is that three of them, oh yes. But it seems to be that the father's fraud allegations were also piling up, much to the non-knowledge of his wife. His wife wasn't really aware of how much trouble that he was in in Connecticut, which

is why they impromptu moved back to Florida. They went and they escaped Connecticut, he's had a lot of hot water, he just stopped paying his bills. Which again, we see normally, that is the number one seed for family annihilators, is that the money goes. Economic stress, yeah, this guy looks like a pop-zet, it really is. Now that I look at the mug shot again, and to be fair, who's taking the picture? It's not like it's very fancy, the mug shot, but he looks pretty horrible.

Natalie got arrested one time for a DOI that she did not do. And it all got expunged, all that kind of shit, but she went and she started crying at the mug shot thing, but this was in downtown, this was in the middle of Hollywood. And the photographer, they were like, don't cry, don't cry, all the starlets get their mug shots taken here. Paris Hilton got her mug shot taken here. What world are we living in? It's incredible.

Oh my God. To get back, so he went and he started research, so then he said he went to a website called Quora, which is my favorite website. It is replaced Yahoo Answers as the new place to ask your guileless, most vulnerable, like it's all like, does my dog love me? What would I be like when I'm old? But they also say basically, but would they also tell you what to put in your vagine and don't listen because unless it's unless you own a vagine and you put a bunch of fruit

up in there and you saw what it does to you. I got a lot of DMs about garlic. Well, garlic, you can put it. No one you're not supposed to. My friend said she put garlic up her vagina and it helped her do what? Become Italian? But I don't think so, but she said she liked it. I always love when you have a vagina that says when you're here, your family, but isn't

that also disgusting? It is. Watch the movie V, which is also a very good V-I-Y. But so he went and started, went to Quora around September looking up innocently because he said that the way because he knew that he'd get flagged because he said, if you look at certain terms on Quora, you only get a couple of times ago. So you can't say suicide. You can't say, how do I kill my family?

Right. He looked up the term knife handling tactics. Oh my God. Wait, hold on. He Googled knife handling tactics on Quora. This is actually one of the times you go to info wars. The man wasn't even on the right website for violence. Quora, the most amount of, they think sneezing is violence.

Quora is not a place to get answers about how to kill. He being led by God. God told him where to go. You have to go to the court. God showed him. God is wrong. And he learned always and God, and he learned that, I guess, because he found his way through he had to look.

He said, yeah, I'd use several methods that he used my iPad. I'd use my phone. Oh my God. Get locked out of accounts. He learned some way of stabbing them up through the stomach. He was like, it's incorrect. Whatever he learned was incorrect. No, he learned the same way that Artie Lang learned.

Apparently it didn't work. Yes. Because he stabbed, he ended up stabbing his wife in the stomach. It's all over the place. But then it didn't work. It's all over the place. So he said that they tried once. He said one time they tried to kill the kids by putting a bunch of Benadryl and sleep ease

in a Jell-O pie, in a freezer pie and feeding out to the kids, but guess what? Everybody just went to sleep. And honestly, it was kind of nice. But it was a failed murder attempt. And then the next time what he did was because then him and the wife decided it was time. They wanted to do it at Christmas because they felt that they were closer to God in a way that we could do it now for Christmas. You know, we can really pump this out.

The kids are already on vacation. And these are not young. I mean, obviously the child is Zoe. She's super young, but it's a 13-year-old and an 11-year-old and they're both boys. At some point, you're like, you think mom or dad are trying to kill his men? I mean, he says they floated it to the kids. He said that over the months leading up, he was asking them questions of like, how would you feel if mommy and daddy died?

What in the hell kind of parenting method is this? Well, they said they would ask him, like, how would you feel if mommy and daddy would die? And they all said, you know, like, we wouldn't like that. We would be very upset. But then they said, if we die, they kept framing it in a way that maybe they could get out of this. What if you could come with us to heaven when the kids are like, yeah, okay, yeah, I'm

going to heaven. Isn't heaven a place on earth? No. And wouldn't celebration Florida be the place that it would be? It's in a casket. Heaven's in a fucking casket. And so they went and the kids went, but I don't think they, because he said the kids all agree.

It doesn't matter. They agree. They wanted to be part of this process. They have no idea what they're doing. They obviously did not agree because each one had to be pinned down while he was suffocating them one by one by one. So if suffocated them, he tried to stab them in the stomach a bunch of times, didn't work. The wife then what took a bunch of bed and drill to get sleepy, stabbed herself in the

belly. Oh my God. This is according to him, stabbed himself in the belly, because there's also after, because originally he confessed saying the wife killed all the kids and herself and he showed up and went, what happened? Now, what in the world is all this? Yeah. But then he re, he reevaluated and he said that he came in, she stabbed herself.

She didn't die. So then he put his pillow on top of her till he died. Right. And then comes a moment of truth. So Anthony Todd, he's got to kill himself to go fucking, he's going to go to heaven with all of them. But he looked at all the kids and he looked at his wife and he's like, man, it looked like it really sucked for them.

Yeah. They're all dead now. And they were all like fighting and screaming, right? They're all fighting and screaming and running for me. No one seemed to be filled with the bliss of Jesus Christ. No. So he felt like, you know what, I better not do this. I shouldn't.

I didn't even have. Because there's any courage in that. But at this point. He basically said, no, he wanted to, he didn't do it because he said it definitely looked like it hurt a lot. He is such a bitch. Yeah. He's a bitch.

He couldn't even do it. He couldn't even go through with it. Yeah. He told detectives, he took all the bodies and placed them into the master bedroom. They believed that they were killed as Henry said around December, but now they were just recently found, which means this guy was just hanging out with corpses, a bedroom full of his family's dead bodies in celebration, Florida. So if you've ever been to celebration, Florida, you know what I'm talking about.

If you drive through those, that town, that horrible, horrible little Stepford wives community, if you drive through there and see what's going on, I want to know how many of those little houses have fucking rotting families inside of it. Yeah. We've been looking it up. I want to even see if you can see some of these, these pictures like it's just all like, it's very beautiful. It's all a beautiful quote unquote.

It's just all done like this in the past. It reminds me of a place in Wisconsin. It's called Germantown and everything is done in the style of Germany, but it was built in a weekend and a single, a strong fart could knock over most of those homes. I was just in Disney World. And if you do live in the vacation club at Disney World, eventually it does, it does suck. It's like driving insane.

You can't be there for forever. Look at all of this fucking shit. Look at all this, these McMansion garbage. And so how many of these have corpses in them? That's a great, that's a great freaking question. Yeah. Todd told his sister, Chrissy Kaplet in a taped jail house recording that he couldn't stop because he wasn't there.

I couldn't have been there. I couldn't have been there. Look at my Google calendar. Yes. I was at X-Men three. I had to think it was like the other show. They all like, try to say like, yeah, you know, we were compelled by X-Men. There's no way we could be there.

Yes. He says, when it comes to killing of the kids there with his wife, they said, there were multiple attempts just so you know, multiple attempts in the last over time frame. There's been attempts, which is why this time I was stuck. I was stuck down here trying to handle things. I don't know what the hell. Okay. Well, anyway, be careful and don't have a family.

Check on your neighbors too. Maybe, maybe just knock on the door, give them a pie or something like that. I don't know. I mean, we don't want to. How many times do we have to say it? Just abandon them. Just abandon them. I know that you are the loss of status in America.

That feeling that your status, the slides, right? The idea that you would go from being a middle rich to a low poor, right? I guess. If you go to that. It is for some reason within the American white male specifically, they cannot possibly imagine their status shifting. It's so fucked, man. All you need is a pillow and a tent and a good night's sleep and you'll be just fine.

The name of his physical therapist, little company there was Family Physical Therapy and Goldchester. It should have been the No Family Physical Therapy because nobody relaxes you like a physical therapist with recently no family. And of course, the landlord's family condo filed, the landlord filed an eviction notice. Oh, he, you're getting out of there. Oh, you can't be in here anymore and all that I see what you're doing. No.

Oh, no. So the prosecution arrested its case this past Wednesday here and I can't imagine that they had too difficult of a time because the man showed up and he had his entire dead family and there's really only one suspect here and it seems to be this corrupt guy Fieri looking fella. Well, I just, very strange. I just don't also, not that it matters, but why did they kill the dog Breezy? I don't know.

He said that he wanted to bring them to the other side. He wanted to bring Breezy on the other side as well and he strangled the dog to death. Oh my God. But he's got that. He's got very much when you do, if you do look at the picture of Anthony Todd, he has Arthur Shaw Cross body, he has Arthur Shaw Cross body with a very, very big belly. And so he just, he just did it the old fashioned big dude way and he just laid on top of him. Oh my God.

Same thing with the dog. He just pinned himself on top of the dog until the dog stopped moving. All right. So let's, let's move on to jerking off here because that's a little bit lighthearted. Thank you. More lighthearted here. It is. A man tore his lung from masturbate.

I mean, you got to, that's how you know you're doing it, man. I mean, I do it pretty sedate, but apparently this dude was just jerking off and he inadvertently had to spend a week in the hospital. This was in Switzerland. So it was a neutral jerk off there. He was a 20 year old dude. He ended up with air leaking into his chest after some innocent quote self love. No, they don't know what happened.

They just know that he started feeling pain when he was jerking him, but he said that he wasn't moving. He wasn't moving like that vigorously. There's no way. Honestly, when I masturbate, it's like the only way to describe it. It's like a subtle, just the subtle little shake. You know how I describe my masturbation? Medical.

Yes. Yes. No, it's just necessary. Just got to do this right today. It's once a week. It's procedural. I just got to rip the bandaid off and get this fucking done. Thanks.

So, yeah, since there was no literature on spontaneous, oh my God. Oh, you tried to pronounce it. Nomoma diastinium. Nomomediastinium. Anyway, usually you don't pop along when we might just be jerking off the pilots though. Usually when you're jerking off, you don't tear along. So anyway, you spend some time in the ICU, and again, that's an innocent story for us at this point.

I do like how, again, the doctors, my favorite thing about doctors is about how they're just not people. So immediately they're like, what's fascinating is that there's no literature on spontaneous Nomomediastinium associated with autoerotic experiences that we consider our case an unusual presentation of the entity. Isn't this exciting? Also in animal news, if you see a dolphin on the beach, you know, don't fuck it. Don't fuck it.

And don't ride it. Oh, yeah. I forgot that. Yeah, that's the story too. The fucking dolphin. I forgot that the dolphin's getting teabagged. Oh, my God. Yeah, the dolphin got teabagged.

It did. It did. And it's not the game. It's not the game. Halo. It's not fun. No. A dolphin shows up on the shore.

Maybe it's trying to evolve. Push it into the water. Just save its life. So now cops are looking for the people who rode the animal, and then it died, and this was on a beach in Texas. And if you're an animal, you're just like, who are these savage creatures? Leave me alone. Please.

Well, it's because the whole time you're like, oh, they'll save me. Oh, look, I need help getting back. What do you, what do you do? No. Oh, no. What's in his cargo pants? Oh, no. Them two.

You got massage balls in there. Oh, no. Come on. Why don't we do this in the water, huh? So these people, these assholes at this, at this beach, they were riding into the water and then anyway, um, so, um, the Marine Mammal Protection Act could lead to civil penalties up to $11,000. That's it?

I mean, yeah. For a hundred of dollars in investment, that's all you get? Oh, and up to a year in prison. Okay. So potentially a prison sentence there? Again, because I think that the sentence really is like, well, same thing with the guy that fuck, the guys who fucked the monitor lizards, where it's like, the sentence is being in jail and having to describe what you did to other people.

Well, because they get your paperwork. Oh, yeah. So they're like, why is this guy in here? He's my celly. I want to know, he's not a pedophile or something like that. And then what turns out, he just humped a dolphin to death, which I'm not sure what that penalty is. I think you get ripped.

Besides stories, LPOTL, a gmail.com, if you've served any time in the federal penitentiary, what do we do to this guy? I don't know. What's happening? Is he getting tossed around? You guys going to play the, you guys going to be like, you're going to start doing the he, lizard, lizard, lizard, lizard, lizard, lizard, lizard, lizard, lizard, lizard, lizard, lizard. Like that's it.

We're like, oh, it's time for him to. You just changed the terminology? They just got lizard. They, yeah, they might get beat up a little bit. According to the Texas Marine Mammal Stranding Network, which I didn't know there was an entire network. Wow. Are they taking content pitches?

That would be incredible. They said, if you, if a live dolphin or whale strands in Texas, do not push it back into the water. Do not push the animal back into the sea. Do not attempt to swim or interact with them. Why? And do not crowd them. Why?

Buddy. No, push it back. Texas Marine Mammal Stranding Network. Push it back. I think you're just supposed to look at it. Side stories, LPOTL, the G-Miles.com, explain to me why I'm canceled now from pushing the dolphin back because I'm pushing the dolphin back. Well, I thought that would be the right thing because it's from the water and you go back

to the water there. I would sooner help a stranded dolphin than a lost child. Yeah, of course. Because I don't want to have anything to do with a child's story. I don't. I, well, once you, once you have the lost child, then oh, where are the parents and then you have to. Well, once you engage in the process, if you leave the kid, now you're complicit.

Now you're just like, well, you left the kid. They say they were like a lost old person. I just watched that movie X last night. It's fucking so good. Is it good? The entire West movie. But yeah, man, you see an old person, the same thing, leave them. I know you're supposed to save them, but I give them a shout, be like, you're lost.

You still got a brain? And if they, if they don't respond, I'd call the cops on them, but don't engage. But with the dolphins out there on the beach, I'm going to push it back in the water. That's what you would think, but I guess apparently also sometimes when they're sick, they come to the land. But then how does that help? I don't know. Isn't that they're thinking they're going to the doctor?

Suicide. Whoa. It really could be suicide. Fucking metal. Yeah. Hey, what's up, everyone? How you doing? Ben Kissel here with Henry Zabrowski.

Yeah, it's me, man. Yeah, bro. Henry Zabrowski is smoking some of that sweet last podcast on the left. Go out there and purchase yourself some. I hope you enjoy it. We have sativa, we have indica, and we have a hybrid. And I have to tell you, from my personal experience, they are wonderful. Super tasty, live resin.

You really get the delicious, weedy taste, which is what I like. And three different experiences. You go to your local vape store and get it. Absolutely. Thank you all so much for supporting the show. We absolutely love you. Can't wait to see you on the road and get that vape, put it in your brain and have a good time.

If you want to set your favorite weed store, give them a call and ask for them by name. Last podcast on the left, it's weed. Hail yourselves, everyone. Hail Satan. All right. Well, speaking of, we mentioned God and we mentioned farts on this episode, South Africa. Thank you for Elon Musk. Thank you.

There's a pastor there, and this is really funny. He farts on people's faces to heal them, and I feel like if Cartman from obviously South Africa was real, if he was a pastor, this is what he would do. And so he farts on people's faces. It's a cure. He says it's a cure. Oh yeah, I bet. It's a cure.

For what? For everything. Wow. So his name is Christ Penelope. He's at the Sevenfold Holy Spirit Ministries. This is in South Africa. Is he fart no pants or fart full pants? Because how are you getting enough of the fart if you can't get it through your fucking,

through the pants? Sure. Kind of a mask debate there. I'm not sure. He's wearing pants in all pictures. So I don't really know. It went viral. It's created a lot of buzz for the church, and attendee visiting the church complained.

When we come to church, it's because we need prayers not to be farted on. So they want prayers, but they don't want to be farted on. Why are you coming here, man? Hey man, I'm here for prayers, not to be farted on. You came to the fart church, buddy. You really did do this yourself. Pastor Penelope has defended his methods, insisting that he is simply demonstrating. This is what I do.

The power of God. This is what I do. All right, do you go to the baseball stadium and say, uh, we're still playing football? Oh, you go to the hot dog stand and be like, hey, you got any salads? Like, no, man. You're at the fart congressional church. This is what he told the, uh, this is the pastor. This is what he told the African magazine drum.

He says it started with master Jesus when he stepped on Peter. It is the demonstration of God's power. No idea. What? I don't know what that means. I never heard that Jesus stepped on Peter. I don't know. Like an only fans?

Like a custom dude? I have no clue. He stepped on his face with like pantyhose on. I don't know if he B.T. Cade the situation. I don't know. He says, just like God made Adam go into a deep sleep, I don't know. Like a chokehold?

I don't know. They play the knockout game? He says it's a similar thing. God did anything with the body of Adam while he was on the ground in deep sleep, which he's a, I think he's accusing God of sucking sleeping man's penis or playing with his dick and balls while he's asleep. So he says, type stories, LPOTL, gmail.com. Do you like it?

Did God do that? I don't remember that verse in the Bible, but who knows? You can just add anything to it because it's all made up. So he says he was not feeling anything according to Adam. He said Adam wasn't feeling anything with Jesus or God. I don't know. Did what? What?

And then he says, the Bible doesn't say anything about Adam saying, God, you are hurting me. I don't know what. That's fucking weird. So according to the pastor. That's weird. But yeah. But also it says nothing about fart on people. No, it really doesn't.

So this is my point. Can I ask the problem? Does that say anywhere in the article, the process by which he farts on people? So he says, it says that the pastor will bring somebody close to him and he has to purposely fart in their, this is what they say, he farts in their nostrils and he says that quote is how you get the healing power and that's how it can enter the body so much like cocaine or crystal meth. We're going right through the nose there.

So does he like, do they go up in a line? Like you, like when you're getting like, when you go get the Eucharist, like you show up in line and then everybody bends over into his ass, but also how many farts does the man have loaded up? Well, he has what it is that God, that's how he knows God was talking to him. He has quite a bit because many people wait up to two months to meet him to get farted on. This is true.

Man. This is true. He'd love Marcus. Even, oh my goodness. Yeah. Don't even bring that up. That's PTSD. And even people, you know what they do with the farts, they collect them in little containers

and it reminds me of that Galu was selling her farts, but then she had an issue. She had an issue. She had too many farts and then the people were like, you got to stop farting so much. Anyway, according to Bishop Miso Mambanda, they say that they don't agree with this. He says, these are exactly the deeds the Bible warned us against. Oh yeah. Again, don't remember that. No, no, no, not once.

No, no, this was, this is outside the box. And he says, again, this, this counter pastor says, it said that the end of the world, there'd be people who do things that will shock us. And he says, my advice will be for people to make their way, to make their ways right with the Lord. Oh, you're going to get farted on? Or the end is near. Also, Pastor Penelope reacted to criticism and said, I don't fart on people, I heal

people. I can't. All right. I think, do we get to hear her of the week? I think that's the hero of the week. It's a lot of good. I really do like the idea of really, there's just something about using God just to fart on people because this is about him farting on people.

It really is. Obviously, some kind of sick fetish he has, and he must laugh. He must laugh. And you know, Joe Lose Dean looks at this like, I could have been doing that with my high fiber diet. Oh, anyway. All right. Here of the week.

Again, this story is only half true according to Snopes. Yeah. So don't fucking come at him. Don't come at him. With you. We were fucking corrections. All right. Kevin Burling is 29 years old.

He got 450,000 bucks because he was fired. But then he won this lawsuit with Gravity Dynamics because he said, I didn't really enjoy the workplace there. And apparently one of the things that happened was they threw him a birthday party he didn't want. Now, I'm a, I'm a solitude birthday man. But no, yeah, but this is a fake story. It's not entirely.

So managers started giving him a hard time for his response to birthday celebrations. And then he, they said, they actually accused him of stealing his co-workers' joy. I'm going to say this, if you have so much fun on your birthday, stay away from me. Quit your office job. Please God. Quit your office job. Don't go in that day. Fucking don't go in.

Don't go in, man. Just don't go in that day. Fucking never go back to an office ever again. So Burling, unless of course you want to, which is ironic, a lot of people do. Burling had a lot. Good luck. It's strange. People like Keurig.

They love Keurig. So Burling alleged that he asked his office manager not to throw him a party when he joined the company in 2018. He probably did sort of sound like, I must possibly request, please, no birthday parties. Well, then you better listen to the man because birthday is again for the dying. I do understand, but I'm just saying, why are we celebrating age like this? Also, it's an arbitrary number and we should be thinking on mothers on our birthdays. I didn't ask to be born.

None of us asked to be born. The manager subsequently forgot the request. And so I guess he's so horny. This is the thing, man. Is it really also, I get it, I think that they were wrong to throw him a birthday party. I do think that they were wrong because he asked, he asked to not have it. Unless you actively work in a Chuck E. Cheese. I don't want a birthday party around a bunch of strangers I'm forced to be cordial with.

But you know that he asks in such an annoying way that it just goes in one ear and one out of the other. My friend, this is our hero. So he said, he arrived and he said, happy birthday. And then he, and then he said, quote, he was forced to flee in his car. He was forced to flee in his car. And then he spent an hour trying to recover. So yes, he's a little bit of a bitch, but at the same time, he will not be, will not

be seen. I will not be engaged with Berlin was fired after he was not able to have fun in his own birthday party. That's fucked up though. He should never have been fucked up. And his boss, his bosses were worried about him being angry and possibly becoming violent. But my friends at gravity diagnostics, you're the ones who acted in a violent way by throwing an unwarranted birthday party, a man that was actively getting closer to death.

I'm glad whatever you got a settlement, but when it comes down to it, this is obviously a bad mix between company and employee because it sounds like they decided that the way to do this was to bully him. But then also I think is interesting is that why would you bully somebody that you're sure will come back and kill everyone? Well, that's when you have to fire them. Well, this is the problem is that if you know that somebody is going to kill everyone if you push their buttons and then you push their buttons and they're like, well, now I got

them riled up. We don't know what he's going to do now. This is the power of management, the ego of managers. Oh God. I just like you just leave because everybody has a person within their organization. I'm not going to name them an LPN. Sure. I'm not going to name them.

No, don't name them. But one person you wonder if they will be the one to kill everybody, right? Yeah. But you don't push their buttons. No, that's why we have... Because they're good at their job. We actually... Especially they're very good at their job.

You can't see it here at the office, but we have eggshells all over the floor. Oh yeah. So you get... So it was a 12-person jury and they unanimously awarded them 450,000. So I feel like if you got 12 people to go against their love of their own birthday, they must have done something kind of messed up to this day. Well, it's the firing him for saying that he was going to come back and kill everybody. Because he didn't want to have his birthday.

They didn't say that. They thought that they thought they thought he might. That's the problem. It's them saying, well, we don't want this guy to fucking know he had made such a big deal about the piñata. What if he's going to come back and kill Greg and Marcy? Well... You know, do you have to like...

If you do think that about your employee, you should probably... well, what do you do? Do you have a sit-down with a violent employee that you think is going to be violent or as you walk around going, give me some, what the fuck do I take what I need? Like do you have to sit... That's when you go, if you work at Newscore, like I did, that's where you go to the second floor. You get a phone call, come to the second floor and that's HR and that's where... I mean, I was escorted with security one time.

Rightfully so. Yeah, rightfully so. Yeah. I feel like a little Hannibal Lecter. It's kind of powerful. It's really kind of fun. So apparently the company is going to... They're going to appeal because they say they didn't agree with the verdict.

Of course they don't agree with the verdict. They said Burling didn't disclose that he had anxiety and also he had made threatening behavior to a female supervisor. Whoa. Now they're doubling down. So now, yeah, they're really getting in there and Gravity Dianostics said they have a commitment to zero tolerance for violence in the workplace and that employers are entitled to indeed take prompt action.

I think that they are trying to rewrite history when in reality they throw an unwarranted birthday party. I'm going to go as far as to say that this is actually a really complicated issue and I would not actually call this man a hero in any way, shape, or form. But it's kind of couched in it now. You are just saying that the concept to be celebrated here is the idea that if you don't want your birthdays... You get $450,000.

If someone celebrates a birthday that doesn't... I don't want it celebrated now. You give me $450,000. $450,000. So Kevin Burling, you're a cross-eye hero or maybe you're not. Well, you got a 40th birthday. We had a good time. I slept for 18 hours on my birthday.

No, but we had a party for your 40th birthday. So you did experience... It was Vegas. Yes. So we did. We did. But that was on your terms. That's right.

All right. That's important to remember. Never let anybody fucking remotely fuck with your terms. Unless, of course, your terms are absolutely asinine. No, they're my terms. They could be totally... They're correct. They could be completely crazy.

You're supposed to send her emails. I was completely floored when I heard you two talking about the cryptic messages found in food containers. I'm a quality manager at a large pet food manufacturing plant and have been helping to investigate these cryptic messages for nearly a year. Really? Here's a quick summary for my investigation. For those that don't remember, last week we covered this idea that there has been people

who've been finding these conspiracy theory notes tucked inside of food containers that say a bunch of word salad and basically all just say NFTs, the end of the world, blah, blah, blah. And it's creepy because you think that it's sealed, signed, and delivered for my tummy, but then all of a sudden I got a weird ass note. Where's this shit coming from? Exactly. So here's a quick summary from this person's investigation.

Contrary to your initial thoughts, we do not think that these papers are being placed into products at the factory. My parent company also manufactures human food at physically different locations. And I can confirm that these messages have been found in multiple products folded up and put in places like under the removable overcaps or shoved between flaps on corrugated container lids. I've been tracking the Reddit posts and see this message that's found in various items like yogurt and cereal not manufactured by my company.

We believe that this is happening on store shelves. Two, our first complaint was received in spring 2021, but the incidence race has dramatically increased since fall 2022. All complaints we've received have come through Southeast Pennsylvania in small communities north of Baltimore. Get listeners out there on high alert. Are they blaming the Amish for this? No, it's never the Amish.

How do they have the printers? That's true. You can see from the pictures that the messages have subtly shifted over time. You referenced NFTs in your episode, which is a new edition I haven't seen yet. This is some carefully curated content. Be sure to point out that random abbreviations, parentheses, capitalizations, and underline words. My girlfriend and I are obsessed with seeing if there's a hidden message.

My office looks like Charlie's wall from Always Sunny as I hunt for Pepe Silva. The creepiest thing about these messages is that they are all cut from the paper with such precision and folded with deliberate care. You can smell the crazy, but you have to respect their passion about getting this message out to people. I mean, I absolutely do. I think it's kind of fun. It's like hiding a cypher in a New York Times crossword puzzle or something like that.

I kind of want to get one, but I don't buy yogurt. It's just very, very interesting. Yeah. All right. I monitor our emergency line dispatch emergency services. This is in New Zealand, and I've had some insane night shift experiences, but I'm not sure if you'd be interested in. The main one I want to send to you scared the piss out of me.

Oh my goodness. It was pretty quiet, lonely night in the comm center, but it was pretty damn cozy. There's a storm raging outside, but I had my desk heater going and some hot chocolate to keep me awake. I might have actually been listening to you guys or some other crime broadcast. We talked to a lot of crazies in the overnights, which can range from entertaining to spooky. Remember that weird call we got in the bathroom at Fox Woods? Yeah, dude.

That was a trip. I took a call from a lady who was insisting that she saw this bright metallic object in the sky over her house at approximately 3 a.m. I gave her the, of course, we'll get right on at speech and send her off to bed. Next minute, another call. Another lady up who was up was pretty spooked about a very similar thing. She was miles away from the other caller. They both described it the same, a massive metal ship as long as an aircraft carrier

with lights blinking away, maybe about a kilometer off the ground. It was a little creepy from the so's to calls, but it shook it off as a coincidence. Then I'm hearing chatter from across the room. Some of the team joking about their own call. Hey John, this mental lady thinks that she can see a UFO. Now I'm getting a bit suspicious as we see calls popping up across the region. My hairs were standing straight up, such an eerie feeling. I take another, a group of young fellows having an after work session.

All pretty pissed, but pretty sure they're seeing the same craft. To her context, here is this almost directly above Lake Tuaupo in New Zealand. No airports or military bases with a runway for miles and miles, extremely remote, extremely rural. To tell you, I was on edge all night. We never really worked out what was going on. The calls all stopped. Any cops I asked to look up reported nothing, but for so many unconnected people across

a massive district, I figured anybody in the township might have been unable to spot it due to light pollution. That was my best guess anyway. Well, there you go. Very cool. Very interesting. An orb sighting perhaps. Or now this is larger than an orb.

It's a ship. It's bigger than an orb. It's bigger than an orb. Also make sure these, there are new big foot photos out there. I just want to warn all of you guys, it's a hoax. The host said, no, the guys came forward immediately and said we were making TikTok content and someone took the photos and put them out there. So remember.

A lot of times, because I've been getting good, our old friend, Anno, he sent me a video the other day that was like a good old fat, it was a great UFO video. And then we were all like, he was so excited, I was like, yes, this is exactly what I needed. And then immediately afterwards, the dude was selling an NFT of the same picture of the UFO. We're like, fuck, fuck you, NFTs. As soon as you try to make money off of ufology, I'm sorry, you're not legit. You're not.

You got to go broke. You got to lose your family. You got to lose all your friends. Live that free UFO life because it comes down to it fucking money. Your belief in it worth money, man. All right. You got to love the fact that when it comes down to it, you are going to be screaming at people for forever at bus stops, grocery stores, Thanksgiving dinners.

Once those go away, you can finally have the peace of the silence of your own inner truth. Your job is to know that what we say, I say this in the show all the time, how truth destroys love and you have to love your truth. Because when it comes down to it, it's only going to be you, a bottle of Jim Beam and your truth for the rest of your fucking life. And then you just laugh known for a fact that fucking maybe one day some chick or man will figure it out and figure out how to ride solo dolo with you and figure out how to get crack at the very bottom of this.

But guess what? No, probably not. Probably not. You're going to die alone. But you can laugh. You can laugh at known for a fact that you can do whatever you want at your funeral. And of course, dying alone. That is ideal.

Yep. All right, everyone. Well, thank you so much. Father, because that father decided to have everybody else die first. Yes. And then he was. He lived alone. He's a coward.

And hey, Kissel, he's a family annihilator survivor. And you should think about that. He survived. Oh God. That's killing. He was very easily, very easily. He could have gotten swept up in that mess as well. It's a dump.

All right, everyone, thank you so much for listening. We got some good things coming up. Yes, we do. Kissel and I will be live at the Avalon in Hollywood, the Avalon in Hollywood, May 6th for the Netflix as a joke comedy festival, come and see side stories. What are we going to do? Yep. Just in time.

Netflix just recorded its first ever loss in subscribers. That's how you know we're getting in there. That's how you know we're going to have a show. We are the kids. I'll never forget. I got past at comics comedy club on Friday on Sunday. Close. Yeah.

I was so excited. That's the same thing. You were just about to do our biggest show ever there at comics. Yeah. Fucking got close. I remember when Mervis, the very, the comedy incubator that brought you John Mulaney, Nick Kroll, Rafifi, this place Rafifi in New York, Murderfist finally got their monthly show. Fucking can't.

Close. The whole venue closed. The whole history is gone. It's great. So this is the last time Netflix, this is gone. As soon as they work with us, they'll be gone. So anyway, come and check us out on May 6th with no idea what the show will be. That's why, you know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to apply for a job at Twitter. We should just start going applying for jobs in places that we want to close. Yeah. Of course. I'll never forget when I saw a person take a liquid dump in San Francisco right outside of Twitter headquarters. And I thought that was a beautiful depiction of late stage, crony, corrupt capitalism. All right, everyone.

Well, thank you so much for listening. Hail yourselves. Hail Satan. Magustalations? Do I do that on the show? Yep. Okay. Hail me.

All right. You fuckers. It's been nice, hasn't been talking to you again. Hug your family. Hug your family. Don't kill your family. Right? This show is made possible by listeners like you.

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