Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Sky Penis

Episode Date: May 16, 2019

Ben 'n' Henry break down this week's true crime news: the sky penis investigation, crossbow murders, and MORE. TRIPLE L.

There's no place to escape to this is the last time on the left side stories That's when the cannibalism started stores Oh Dimi mm-hmm. No, I don't let them take of me Dimi. Yeah Oh, give me the push in the push Dimi, but you know, I am actually uber eats. I am not the priest. I am You know, I have your McDonald's here. Do you want the McDonald's? Thank you. No problem. I like the noggy I like the prince right? Pushing the tooth. Oh pushing the tush. I think that you just like this sentence pushing the tush and you've tried to work it into the

Show some how no You big man Hey, what's up everyone? How you doing? This is uh, this is side stories here. Oh, oh push of the tush I have to do is that like a deleted scene from the exorcist the orderly's version Yes, yes, I sometimes just have to give myself a nice vocal warm-up right to start the show, of course for me It's me encouraging myself. That's all that matters. I am Ben. That's Henry It would be interesting to see You know with uh, what was it Blair? That's the name of the gal that was possessed there in the exorcist Linda Blair

What if that's the name of the actress? Yes, what if you don't cure the kid and they just grow older with the demon inside of them And then they're in a retirement home and then technically they would have to get the forest enemas and all of that stuff Maybe the devil would just leave if they got to see how horrible we treat our elderly I think it's an incredible idea for me I think that there was a book that's based off I want to say that there's like my best friend's exorcism. There's a book that I believe Natalie was reading that's sort of like that Really? I love the idea of growing up

With the devil. Yes, like you are possessed by the devil and you guys have your relationship as it goes as it gets older and older And then you have to deal with like what happens when you age out of the workforce Exactly what happens when yeah when you're in the retirement home the devil screaming about automation at a vfw I mean, I mean then we just this just sounds like a commentary Upon what's happening to the boomers. It really is. Oh my god. Well speaking of Uh Dying people the baby boomers are dying off and dare I say we lost a good baby boomer There's not many out there, but we lost Stanton Friedman today and that was I didn't you broke the news to me Henry before the show

I'm surprised you weren't crying. I that's a little bit of a shock. Isn't it? I mean not that much I am feeling Definitely very mixed emotions because it's two two of some of my favorite people Stanton Friedman and Tim Conway died today No Dwarf Dwarf Dwarf is now in heaven Dwarf on heaven And it is incredible. I They we had them for so long Tim Conway Arguably one of the funniest human beings who ever been born sure you fucking have a problem with that you come at me You will catch these hands when it comes to thank you bronze strobin get these hands very good

Yep, uh, yeah when it comes to on your knees humor when it comes to scuttling humor Tim Conway was the best. He was maybe the funniest scuttlers of all time You are belittling him truly even than the punny version of the word belittling You're belittling a man who is a comedic genius. He wasn't just Dwarf. I know it wasn't just Dwarf I know but Dwarf. Yes was the crown jewel. Wasn't it? Yes, of course. It really was it was but if you Stanton Friedman were remembering you today uh the The biggest proponent of the nuts and bolts UFO theory He was uh someone who wanted hard facts. Yep

He he wanted To you wanted to convince the world that he knew the only way he could do it was was to do it with unmovable facts because that's how you get The the most stubborn Person on your side. Is it you're supposed to you know, like give them the the the full Plate the full fucking buffet loaded plate of the truth. That's what he was trying to deliver But he delivered to himself. He did and that's all that matters. And so here's a quote I want to give from Stanton T Friedman. All right, wherever you are right now Deep maybe in an alternative dimension. I know you didn't believe that so you probably would be pissed if he is

Yeah If he is he would be upset if he shows up and he's in a world of octopus That's under the water and that he is one. He's being like, oh, there's some kind of trip to the grocery store He says that again I could see that though because he's got the big bushy eyebrows. I think he would do well in that octopus world You know, he looks like an under the sea creature That's insulting. That's not insulting. You are low key Insulting these men. You're insulting these these wonderful men. I love both of them

Here is the here's a quote from him. And I just I just love it. It's also important to remember There is no doubt in my mind after 37 years of study and investigation that the evidence is overwhelming That planet earth is being visited by intelligently controlled vehicles whose origin is extraterrestrial There are no acceptable arguments against flying saucer reality Only people who either haven't studied the relevant data or have a strong will not to believe that earth is at the bottom of the Heaps sociologically and technologically in our local galactic neighborhood. I love it. You can see the eyebrows You're just purling as he speaks of also

You know, he didn't stop working this man worked until he died and you know, he worked until he died because he died at toronto's pierson international airport And uh, he was on his way to a speaking engagement in ohio. Is there anything worse than dying in an airport? That's I really because it's how we might go. I know how we might go. I know it could happen any time We're flying out again. We'll see in kansas city denver salt like city here this weekend But my god, I just feel like you never know where you're gonna go. I just wish That it's not an airport. I hope it's not for him. I think that he truly did enjoy the work He liked being the face of ufology, especially nuts and bolts ufology

He liked putting you like kissing babies and shaking hands and being a face for the world of ufology Somebody you can count on so I think in the end he died doing what he loved, but I think it's also important to remember Let's not work ourselves to death But as someone said on a twitter One of it because I posted about stanton freedman passing this morning and on twitter I had someone a comment that I thought was actually very apropos It's like basically he died the way a physicist lives which is as soon as they stop working They dying because that's what he said. I remember on our patreon interview with him. Yeah, he straight up said

I'm just about to retire. I am I am trying to get out. I'm trying to get out But they keep pulling me back in yeah, and they do because ufology needs people with credentials. That's one last actual stall one strong voice in the ufology world that is now gone Absolutely. Well, I've said it again and I've said it before and I'll say it again Stanton freedman is the donald glover what donald glover was in no is it donald glover What for what's the name lethal weapon? It's not donald glover Danny glover donald glover is someone that we know that's that's childish gambino We did know him. I don't know. He doesn't say he know us now

No, no, we did know him we did know him before he before he became a superstar And he's very talented Danny glover from lethal weapon. That's who I was referring to he wanted He just wanted to retire and he ended up. Uh, well, he didn't die in that movie. Stanton freeman is dead. All right. Well speaking of things here that are Speaking of sky things Henry, okay So on the last episode we said, oh, are you in the navy? Are you a seaman? Are you as any seaman out there? Let us know. Are there any seaman. Is there any seaman out there any seaman out there? Let us know if you've seen some kooky dookie stuff in the skies

Well, I had some people promise me some emails and then they never sent them So now so I want some I want some written down actual like I have one good email to read But I want some navy sightings because I've had several people send me dms Saying that if you like one dude sent a haunting dm that I forget the name of him He said that he was working on a battleship and he was on an all night duty That must have been a big duty A real sinker just seaman sitting on a duty I've done that before yep

It's called pulling a dany glover. No kid, which is really strange that coming on top of a lump of shit You never know what's gonna happen, but he said that he was on the prowl brow. Yes of his ship and One of the things was on the free men of his ship the beautiful brow, okay He said that he saw and him and two other guys on the boat saw this Black shiny onyx cube in the sky that they went to their commanding officer To go and be like hey, we're seeing some shit. What is this? They said that nothing had pinged on the radar. Okay, and they went back out to look at it and it was gone

All right interesting. They said they were in the the uh, china sea south china sea interesting Well, you might like this story henry. This one's going right out to you. It's actually from the navy times Oh, yeah Yes, the navy is currently it has a probe going on into what they're calling a sky penis Now this is 100 true. Uh, it was the e a 18g growler jet crew They drew a penis across the clear blue skies of washington state in 2017

And the story has never been told until right now very interesting. Yeah, it's finally coming the light But I guess apparently there has been, you know, several memes It was supposed to be it was put up right before the annual army navy games Uh-huh and people did not know the origin of this giant flying penis, but apparently now we do know. Okay, so It was the work. Thank god You know out of all the things that i'm happy the navy is getting to the bottom of not like what's going on with the Straight-of-hormuth what's happening with the iranians who made the sky penis Who did it see the the navy version of jonah jameson just being like get me a picture of that sky penis

I'm yelling at the two men and they're they're slick to the touch so if army navy uniforms Man, you definitely don't want to be a slick to the touch navyman It was the work of two junior officers with quote the zappers of electronic attack squadron 130 who had sky time to kill and noticed that the white contrails their jet produced were Particularly robust that afternoon so they never counted on those contrails lingering long enough for folks on the ground to see Their phallic rendering according to the copy of military According to a copy of the military's sky penis investigation obtained exclusively by the navy time

So this sky penis investigation They had like, you know, this isn't quite up there with like the muller investigation But it seems like it was like muller investigation and then there's one step down. It's like Okay Who made the sky penis and then it's just tax dollars were spent Looking for the origins of the sky penis because I got some people obviously a lot of people laughed But then unfortunately, uh, what do we deal with on an everyday basis? 30 percent of people are totally fucking lame. Oh, and so they were watching it and they were complaining

What about this? Yes, they were saying how am I supposed to explain to my child? What's going on in the sky being like it's a penis Yes, it is a it's a part of the physical anatomy and guess what if it's a six-year-old boy I'm just well aware of his penis already well aware of that lawnmower starter. That's for damn sure Well, I have two gay older brothers and I got to say my brother chris Um, you know when you go into the bathroom at his house here, it's all penis. There was well. Yeah, he's celebrating Well, yeah, I mean the the the towel hooks that's little penises and I'm not even like lying here There's like there's there's penises everywhere and we were just at a hotel as a matter of fact

Where was that hotel that had all the the boobs and the ears and the and the penis it was some art hotel Was that Cincinnati Cleveland Cleveland Cleveland? Yes. Oh my goodness. So the penises was that Cleveland? Oh my god, this is what we're turning into this is this is how our stories are going to be But yes, it was a shower. No, this is that had this embodied Don't body parts on it. Yeah, that is actually this is the new segment called was it Cleveland go on But I had like these fucking like what was like one just tit Made out of porcelain coming out of the thing being like am I supposed to be rubbing on this? Like they had a couple of mouths being like am I supposed to be using this for sex?

So according to crim to a local tv station They broke the news story after a woman snapped pics of the sky penis on november 16th 2017 Um, this is according to creme two. They said a mother who lives in Okanagan who took pictures of the drawing reached out to creme two to complain about the images Saying she was upset. She might have to explain to her young children what the drawings were the story of this I know like seriously if you can't describe a penis or you should not have a child if you're too immature to look at a fake Penis in the sky and I don't know how to drink every time we say the word penis unless you are driving in which case

Pull over and then do not get back in the car uber home and then drink Yeah, just stay at the bar just live there live at the bar live there think about how scared you would be if you didn't know What a penis was man or a woman number one is a as a man. What's this trunk coming out of me? That makes me do terrible things right number two Woman confronting or man confronting a penis for the first time in a sexual manner as even maybe as an older person And it's going oh as a thing gets bigger like it goes Like it's a fucking cobra Like it's so dangerous looking I think at that point where you're just like why did it get bigger?

Slap it down slap it slap it down and then it starts shooting blood on how scary would that be? Sounds like the story of andre chickatello's first erection Um, it also prompted this sky penis really got this is like the navy We have operated more missions that have killed more people than any other military in modern time And they are just devastated by this sky penis It prompted nervous commanders to file urgent communiques to navy leadership back in washington dc The red phone is blinking the red phone is blinking. What's going on? Oh, I have the north koreans finally launched a missile No, no, no, sir. It's not that big of a deal. It's much no no no sir. It's a much bigger deal

There's a sky penis stanton freedman's in there been like that's very well possible that the clouds could have formed some sort of rophallic arrangement, but there is no real explanation for why it is coming I have his I I want to talk about I want to go through that because a part of what has come out with this article Is the back and forth between the uh, the lieutenant and the pilot. Okay. It's pretty wonderful. All right, great Yes, so the lieutenant the guy in charge the first thing he says was Draw a giant penis. That would be awesome. Okay. The pilot joked. What did you do on your flight? Oh, it turned dinosaurs into sky penises You should totally try to draw up penis the ew advise the ew advice Uh, I could definitely draw one that would be easy the pilot posted

Like a basically draw a figure eight turn back around and come back I'm gonna go down grab some speed Hopefully get out of the contrail layer so that we're not connected to each other They theorize in the second order effects of their nascent skydiving. Dude, that would be so funny Airliners coming back on their way into Seattle and see this big fucking giant penis We could almost draw a vein in the middle of it too Soon the ewo reported that they were definitely marking They found the sweet altitude and the contrail sky penis was being born in their wake

Balls are gonna be a little lopsided the pilot advise Balls are complete I just got to navigate a little bit over here for the shaft. Which way is the shaft going the ewos? The shaft will go to the left. It's going to be a wide shaft that ewo noted I don't want to make it just like three balls. The pilot said let's do it Oh, the head of that penis is going to be thick Yeah, some like chinese worth of satellite right now is going to be like what the fuck chinese than the pilot the pilot surmise I just it's totally just loving it. It's brilliant to get out of this

I'm gonna like go down to the right and we'll come back over to the top and try to make take a look at it I have a feeling the balls will have dissipated by then his partner answered. It's possible Oh, yes, that was fucking amazing. The pilot said this is so obvious. That's a fucker ewos said Dude, I'm amazed at this state Yes, he's holding mcnealy from wizard of the bruiser in the navy and we didn't know about it and then another jet another jet ewo He radioed to them your artwork is amazing. Glad you guys noticed the pilot replied So within hours of the phallic rendering the squadron sent an alert to higher ups in the official information

Dispatched that reached the chief of naval operations. They say aircrew maneuvered an ea 18g aircraft in a pattern that resulted in contrails Depicting an obscene image when viewed from the ground. It warned media attention is expected Flying as zapper 21 the lieutenants responsible for the drawing took off From widby with another jet at about noon that day according to the investigation the squadron's commander officer would later praise the pilot As a shy introvert and quote a whiz kid who managed our training and readiness With higher efficiency and effectiveness than anyone else I have ever seen in a squadron So look at that these guys are on the front lines of the war against god knows what we're at war with currently

And they also have the ability to perform great artistic works in the sky They're just having fun I guess it's one of those stories where it just shows that the military is having fun But maybe we should also maybe at some point look into the millions upon millions of dollars of being funneled into our military budget Under the guise of like black ops budgets and all these kind of things that we can't look into And and stories like this sort of help cover all that up sure But otherwise it's fun. Yes. Absolutely. Um, there were some people who said quote my initial reaction was no bad That's what the pilot wrote in a statement after the incident, but for some reason still unknown to me

I eventually decided to do it their sky penis plan of attack was captured on their cockpit Now it all comes together The sky penis was captured on their cockpit video recording system a transcript Which was included which uh, henry just read so there you go sky penis The long time mystery that was is now solved and uh, you know, I hope these guys aren't punished for the sky penis And again, if you have a kid and you can't explain what a panacea or the anatomy of the human body What are you doing? Just talk to you. I honestly There are so many other hard things to have to figure out how to tell your kids and honestly

We already have such a problem with sexuality in this country as it is. We're such a puritanical society We can't seem to just say the words penis and vagina. I think they're saying it more often now I think kids are we don't know because you are the closest thing you have to a child is your beers And the closest thing I have to a child is how well I take care of all of my sneakers So I don't know what it's like to to speak to a child now And I don't know what they're telling kids But I do think they're trying to because I know like they're they're being informed more so about homosexuality And how like it's normal and saying that trans people are normal that they at least in brooklyn they are and I imagine

Los angeles they are Well, I don't I don't know. I'm not sure. You know what? I'm gonna say this and everyone should take great comfort in knowing that henry and I have not been in a elementary school room Since we were in elementary school because we don't have a lot. Yes, we're because we're adults Yeah, because I don't want to go in. No, I don't want to be anywhere near kids. I don't like vacationing near kids I was like we had our honeymoon. We're sitting in the spa, right? I wanted the spa because it's my honeymoon trying to fucking, you know, I'm trying to relax myself trying to unclench

I go into this I go in a back. So yeah, I'm nude Oh, right because I'm going from the various different hot rooms because I'm soaking up every every dollar I spent in that spa So I use everything when I go in the spa. I use the hair gel. I shave I cover myself in all the creams. I eat their little cookies I drink all those like the lemon water. I do all of it anything that's around I use every type of towel So you just let everybody know that you don't have a lot of money You're just one of those where they're just like, no, it's very obvious. This is the first time he's ever left

Scranton, Ohio My brain is god scranton. Ohio does not it's scranton pennsylvania Warren Buffett spends nine dollars a day on his egg McMuffin and his like walmart type That's the opposite. I think if they show up, you'd like that's a man who knows how to use his money If only they knew how frago flagrantly I spent it on other things and they'd see but I'm in the spa I'm coming out. I'm on a danglers out because I'm feeling confident because I'm an adult in an adult world Yikes, it's too 14 year olds are in there Watching me like I'm some kind of fucking cryptid coming out of a lake. Yeah, buddy. Is it not a 18 plus?

Place it should have been it was too nice for it to have not been wait, but I don't want these kids in there I don't think it's it's are you sure it was a nude uh spa No, is that anything about it not be a nude But did they say like nudie's welcome come on. Yeah, of course. They don't see it No, they try not to do they don't do that at a spa They don't like hey, what are you doing you pants off when you fucking pervert take this pants off It's not like that when you walk

Well, you know, I don't like the kids seeing me. They're sitting there looking at me like I'm like like I'm the creep Well speaking of lessons in anatomy, I'm sure that they were totally stunned to see like he doesn't have a butt But he's got like a gut And then he's just like this is what I got a front but yeah front butt And then I got all the penis that I need for my family And I've got I've got an interesting body I think you should look at it and understand that they could look like that too when they get older And then fortunately what they don't actually truly understand is that I look like this when I was 10

Absolutely, and nothing has changed Well speaking of horrible mysteries, okay, I That besides my body. Thank you. There is I love this fucking story I love this story and so it was sent to us by a couple of people and I love it I think that like this is like primo german mystery. Oh, that's not good three people Three people were shot to death with crossbows. Oh my god Then the police found wills according to the washington post. Wow Now this is a this story is very very interesting

It is a hotel worker in southern urmine Knocked on a door saturday morning and then the guests did not enter The vodka opened up to three bedrooms suite to find a grisly sea. Hmm one woman was dead on the floor Near a bed with a crossbow bolt in her fucking neck Before her a man and a woman were killed with a single bolt each to the heart and the head They died holding each other's hands Jesus now the deaths vex authorities in bavaria as they raced for clues And would appear to be there's some sort of triple slaying and they don't know it's because this was a nice

Little hotel. Okay, and pausa near the austrian border, which ultimately this getting up and all of us just fucked up So they found these three people. Okay. They apparently they showed up to the hotel the night before on the friday night. No backs Uh, they are identified as farina c Torsten w who was the man who was 53 and kerstin e who was 33 farina c was 30 So it's two younger women and an old dude They walked in all wearing black the woman with the women were wearing these black skin tight dresses and Torsten had a long white beard like a scent close when they walked into the hotel They checked in all they got with all they had was coax and waters

They went up to their rooms hours later when reception went home They went out to their car must have been apparently they have some surveillance video of them walking out to their cars Because they had no bags with them where they grabbed two double bags that had crossbows in them Geez they then I guess what it appears to be it was torsten and kerstin Held hands while farina seemed to bucka bucka shoot them in the chest and then they had with crossbow bolts And then apparently turn the crossbow on herself. Well, they didn't know who now. I don't even think hawkeye Uh from the famous marvel comics could kill himself with a crossbow. How do you know sad enough? How do you well? Yeah, he might actually be sad enough

Hawkeye is like considered to be like one of the sadder characters because everyone's like you are just a dude and he's like Yeah, that's right. Yes. I am a bisexual man But how would one kill themselves with a crossbow because you have to have distance For for the arrow to fly I feel like it's the same as cobane when he took off his own hat A part of it was that was that you have to get the angle you could do with your thumb They're they all they work with like a trigger like a Let me see the the model. Yes

I I've definitely seen if you go to a gander mountain you can see some crossbows that are like basically semi automatic You don't necessarily have to pull the thing back anymore like your rabbit hood No, it's fucking sweet, dude. It's well. They've been what they end up finding. They found fucking wills So now at first they didn't know what the hell this shit was going on. They had no clue what was going on With these uh with these murders. They just found three Dead people with crossbow bolts Fucking hanging out of them in this room and these crossbows look fucking sweet The prosecutors have said there were no signs of a struggle and there was no sign that anybody else

Uh was involved initial evidence appears to suggest that the younger woman first shot the other two And then herself german news agency dpa D dpa What a prosecutor as saying adding that it appeared to be a case of quote killing on demand or suicide Um the deaths have been linked to the deaths of two women found dead monday in the younger woman's apartment That is just well. This is this is the opposite So now so what they have now since come up

So when this first hit people didn't know what was going on about the story They so they just found three people dead with crossbow Bolton them They now found wills in the room for at least Torsten and Kerstin, okay, which shows that this was premeditated They think it was some kind of murder or suicide pact But in the apartment of Farina, right found two more dead women and 19 year old and I believe another like 40 plus year old 35 35 year old woman in her apartment that were also dead They don't know what the hell was going on. They don't know what's going on They were not murdered by crossbow. They're a myth. They're doing they have to the identities and connections to the victims and possible

Bavaria, they're unknown no one knows the full the hell the connections are going on we I'm fascinated by the story We were just getting into it apparently Torsten had multiple tattoos of medieval alchemists or natural philosophers and It said for the past five months. He owned a shop called Miletus Conductius, what does that mean? It's M I L I T E S C O N D U C T I U S Is that any word? I think it's called mom pick me up. I don't know. It's for medieval weapons So I'm not really sure that honestly sounds like a pretty kick-ass store It's sold swords axes knives legs and clothing as well as Henry. You're like this me There's the most disgusting of all the liquors. Have you had me that me one time?

Although I really want to do a rent fair. I'm like I just want to go and I want to get stones thrown at me Hopefully they're fake stones, but I want the chicken leg. I want the meat. I just want to see What would that do to me? No, it's weird. It's a weird drunk. I've had some ale too But it's you I think what I've had was too fucking sweet. Well, man these crossbows. I'm looking at this 10-point Nitro X acu-draw pro crossbow package. That's $2,000 fucking dollars this thing looks like it's sweet. I want one of these Geez, I don't think you can legally have it in Los Angeles. Evidently you can legally have crossbows in Germany, which is fine You're gonna be 18 plus you can't have guns, but you can if you're over 18 you can have a crossbow

Which fucking kills you just as that. Yeah, and I mean just it just makes you a cooler sniper This is this is according to the dude who did the autopsy He says we assume that no other people were involved in the deaths of the three So there's a total of five a total of five people dead and we don't know If it was like do you think this is a small a coven or a cult or like I mean seems to be I I mean my first reaction is that it's got it gives me a lot of like order of the solar temple vibes That was like the first thing I thought of was being like they obviously they've arc They've orchestrated this they have been thinking about this. This was heavily planned

Those other two people might have been killed probably because they were trying to stop them But they don't know how they were dead yet. They just found two dead bodies So, you know, it looks like they might have been poisoned, which is interesting. That is crazy. All of this is fun Absolutely, so that story just broke that just happened. We'll follow up on it I guess is the there's no one alive So it's not like we can really have court transcripts to go with here So hopefully they can give us a little bit more information. Do we know what's in the wills yet? Did they release that or they know we found these wills and they just said we found the wheel

We've said we found the wills. Okay. Well, I hope I look at these repeating crossbows. It's fucking dope Hopefully they will those crossbows over to somebody like a young Henry Zabrowski a young German Augustus Henry Zabrowski who is gonna be more than happy to receive his crossbows in the mail the base part about these crossbows as I Can't lose them to Harpoon so many sausages Yeah But if you look man, they look at these it's repeating crossbows rule. That's rifle crossbows fucking awesome

Have you seen any of these? No, I'm not looking at the same web page. You are it's got a site on it Yes, all right, Henry do your crossbow shopping when the show is over. Okay. Why because we have to do the show We can't this isn't just Henry looks on Amazon trying to find a crossbow hour This is the only thing that matters to me now Look at this Raven crossbow Raven R20 sniper package. It blasts bolts and speeds up to 430 FPS It's got a sniper scope. What does the FPS mean Henry? Frogs frogs per Science whoa, that's a lot for science. No, look at this

It's a ready to hunt crossbow deal with deadly downrange accuracy. Oh, right survive in the game You want to be a serial killer? You found the white right planet because we make it fun It's not we do make it fun But I will say you know what also someone sent to us in the mail that I will not read I try to read it And I almost fucking got sick with that someone sent us some last podcast and left What's it called X fiction? From yeah, like sexual shit Like sex stories

Here's it at there is one that involves me making out with you until you're into it What what mentally did you take to get to this? I don't know I was thinking about crossbows and then oh hi I don't know man. I saw the term cocked. I see Okay, very good. Well if you want a movie that has some really cool crossbow kills in it revenge Revenge is a great film under a good one. There's some pretty kick-ass crossbow kills in that. All right So, yeah, we'll see if there's any follow-up on what's going on over there in in my motherland of Germany Or maybe it's a great case closed who knows what the Germans do anymore. Um, all right Well, I got a fun little story here. We talked about penises before maybe we should just should we stay in the world of penis?

What have we ever left? So a woman was arrested after trespassing at CIA at the CIA headquarters three days in a row But that's not the only thing that makes this weird I would assume the CIA has some strange groupies that just kind of like go in and walk around But she had a specific request her request was asking for agent quote agent penis Places have filed a criminal complaint against a woman after she allegedly trespassed on CIA's headquarters four times since April 22nd Asking to speak with agent penis the woman 58-year-old Jennifer Hernandez had attempted to enter the agency three days in a row May 1st 2nd and 3rd and on April 22nd case files

Alleged that Hernandez walked into the CIA headquarters through the main vehicle entrance after she was stopped by a CIA officer She said that she had applied for employment at the agency and that her recruiter had told her to come to the complex what I I do all right the way I'm sort of maybe Postulating this story in my mind was that she is desperate for work. She saw some sort of fake Some sort of Craigslist Maybe for you too can work for the CIA or something and she filed She filed an application with them and then when agent I'm imagining his name was Rudolph Penis whoever decided to get back to her the fake email

They call them self agent penis where she was just so either desperate for work or mentally ill That she just decided that this was lit and I This was legit, and I could see the guy just gonna be like yeah, my name's oh Hidgin penis This one you know the you wins there some shit. I mean you know what the CIA needs I don't want to come by a Wednesday checker. You know your application really chucks out. So we're gonna move you on So Yeah, what's the only fucking good? Oh, yeah

Jennifer Hernandez perhaps she was a victim of a horrible practical joke gone wrong She arrived via lift and asked again to see the recruiter They said get out of here Then she came back in an uber the next day and she said I want to speak to my recruiter And then the officers were like leave and then finally on May 3rd Hernandez showed up asking for her North Carolina ID which officer did Unintentionally kept in storage and then finally on May 3rd Hernandez showed up asking for her North Carolina ID which officers had unintentionally kept in storage

She also asked to speak with agent penis, and now I don't know why they kept her ID card But evidently she did I think she just left it. I think she just left it. Oh Honestly, I think that she is an ill woman because a part of it was the her Showing up again and again and again. I mean that's what gets you arrested right where you just straight up keep Arriving at the CIA asking for agent penis, right? Um, the joke is not as some for some reason never really settled in Thinking that this could go somewhere. Also. I think what happened You could maybe even see because maybe she'll issue some sort of statement in the future Maybe but she probably interviewed she probably emailed him back saying like um age special agent penis

I arrived at your office, and they said that there's no such thing as a special agent penis And he's like yeah, it's cuz the CIA everything's a double double see it is and they can't even know my real real real name Or our real real real appointment time you make them listen you go back and you persevere and she's like all right special agent Penis, but it seems like they were pretty adamant. Oh, there was no age in penis And then she got got she did she was given back her North Carolina ID and the officers were just like go on the bus Apparently there was a bus when the bus arrived. She told the officers. Do you really think I'm going to leave? So then they arrested her and she was charged with class B misdemeanor offense and is currently being held at the Alexandria City Jail

So it's just a class B misdemeanor. I say leave this woman alone. She's just looking for agent penis She obviously doesn't maybe there's a perhaps a language barrier She where she doesn't quite get the joke, but I know CIA operatives and they have a very dark sick sense of humor So I bet you they thought this was very funny. Absolutely. Of course. They did it's why they they killed JFK. They thought it was hilarious Yeah, good laughs you can't trust them and also when it comes to this poor woman, you know There's a lot of people out there looking for an agent penis. All right. That's agent penis. I mean so much penis news this week It's crazy. You know when I was in seventh grade. I forget the name of the teacher. She was mean She was our home or our phys ed teacher. No

What health teacher and every time she would say the word penis during sex said I would laugh and then she would say penis Vagina and I would laugh and then she made me stand up in the class and I had to say penis vagina Over and over and over again, or maybe I just did that because people we're like you're laughing every time she's penis I'm like I can hear But now is it funny? I crushed it that was as easy as it gets when it comes to good seventh grade humor I'm just shouting the word penis in class and not really getting in trouble for it because no you were asked to do it It was a punishment. I know it. She thought that you could embarrass you. She thought that she could embarrass you but turns out

We are un-embarrassable Yeah, it's sort of a superpower except for the fact that also clicks us chase away everybody we've that anybody who's ever loved us Yep, that's the problem. All right. Let's see Henry What story do you want to go on to now because we actually have this this has been an interesting week? I think so I have a great letter from a listener. Okay that I could read cool. This is a letter I love these I mean, obviously. I love this kind of obviously. I love this type of shade. This is a guy by the name of David He sent us a great

Email about his father, okay, and an orb a few weeks ago I finished listening to your series on skinwalker ranch and something you described from it was exactly what my dad described seeing back In his childhood home of McAllen, Texas Ever since he was a teenager my dad has been obsessed with the paranormal And I think a lot of it is because of this incident in the second episode about 68 minutes in you described Tom Encountering a floating orb when my father was a young teen probably 13 to 15 living in McAllen He and his friends were playing football in the street late in the afternoon when they saw something rustling in the tree Oh

He then described this orb Emerging out of it and start moving in their direction He said the orb was a little smaller than a basketball and had a greenish blue glow Hmm. He said as it got closer it looked like there was a liquid slash vapor inside of it And it made a crackling sound. This is literally legit breaking from the letter Exactly what they described at skinwalker right right cool He said it looked like it had sparks of electricity buzzing around it like Tom describes in the episode My dad said it looked like it was intelligently moving

Hmm like it noticed them playing and went to observe He said it got close enough that he almost decided to throw the football at it But then it took off into the trees again and disappeared when you described that orb in the episode It was almost word-for-word What my dad has been describing and that story he has told me several times over at least the last 15 to 20 years Wow, I sent him that episode and he said it was freaky how similar your description was Anyway, huge fan of the show and he says a bunch of lovely things. Thank you David for your letter Oh, right. Well, that is awesome to have

Some kind of corroboration with our skinwalker ranch episodes. Thank you so much And of course you can email us at side stories LP ot l gmail.com with all of your spooky spooky tales Let's see here. Is it time for hero of the week or do we want to do one more story? I think it's time for hero of the week. We're getting to it. All right. Let's do hero of the week Recordings of number stations. I love listening to them and they is it can't be a good man for a son All right This week's hero of the week now Henry you're gonna love this guy this guy goes truly Maybe the best hero of the week. We've had so far wonderful a student has been crowned a

Legend after tasting KFC food for two years with fake data a 27 year old student was branded legend by social media after reports of the South African having been arrested for eating KFC free For over a year by lying that the head office Sent him to taste the food to see if it was up to a standard. This is what we're talking about here Entrepreneur this is the creative we need in this country you got to Think big outside of the box. Eps people have pay attention to people who say that they are members of an authority Group you just have to lie Always and say you're the boss. It's like when you work in retail

Yeah, and someone says I'd like to speak to your manager and then you could be like I am the manager I did that a couple of times when I worked at borders and it works every time because people don't know exactly Well, you know my story with that when I was when I was at the moxie hotel in Minneapolis And I the guy didn't answer the dog. I got there at 3 o'clock in the morning. It's pouring rain I got my luggage I'm like a homeless rat and I doesn't answer the door for 20 minutes and then finally he does and I'm like super pissed off and I'm Like he was like I was in the bathroom and I'm like well That was a long squeeze and then I said let me speak to your manager

He gave me the phone number and I dialed it up on my cell phone And I start and it's someone answers and I start screaming at the phone And then I look up and it was he that answered the phone right across from me and it was It was just the phone that was next to him and then he said yeah, it's me. I'm the manager and then I said oh and then and then I went to the casino instead so that is how you do it Oh god just be the boss. I feel like that's an important message for all all people remember You can always just be the boss if you just put on a boss's hat even if it's invisible absolutely So the student will now appear in court for fooling kfc

Employees around Durban. I would assume that's in South Africa Into thinking he was sent from the kfc headquarters He was so convincing that it took them two years to realize they were being robbed He had a name card from the head office and and he would dress very smart and also listen to this Henry He would arrive in a limo This guy is incredible He would arrive in a limo He's losing money on the limo

He's losing money on the limo to even do it even to just to get the three dollar chicken It is incredible. So if this is according to the part-time liver limo driver who was also his accomplice He says when he arrived we'd all try to act our best So we don't piss off the man from head office He was so convincing because he was so confident and even colleagues from other kfc stores knew him when he comes in He rushed to the kitchen and checks everything taking notes and then asked for samples of whatever he wants He probably worked for kfc before because he does know everything um this is just

And now it's just buckets of Kentucky fried chicken for him forever. I'm gonna say free this dude. This man's a hero Uh, he just free him man Let I honestly if they if kfc knew what the hell they were doing they'd hire him Absolutely, they were because they kept these people up to speed. I feel like this guy is the future of the company I agree quick thinkers. You need smart fingers It's like when people hire hackers that get into the pentagon to order to work like against the hacking You need these guys to figure out how to keep people in line because they were all suitably very scared of him Absolutely, he played the part of the boss so well that all those could go to the Kentucky fried chicken employees

They were shaken in their visors. He showed up waiting for him to come. He showed up in a limo like rick flair I mean, he literally dress you dress for the job you want. This guy's in South Africa. I'm gonna say Immigration go get him bring him to the states. This is the kind of entrepreneurial Attitude we need in this country. I love this man And honestly kfc When it comes to chicken, it's uh, you know, it's it's chicken. It's it's talked about this. Yeah pop eyes I know you like pop eyes is the one now pop eyes is the good one Uh-huh. Well, anyway, this unnamed hero is the hero of the week

This is ah god It's very inspiring because it really is it's like you got it You got to show up for the job that you want absolutely and he wanted to get that chicken man. Um, all right So, let's see. Let's do one more. Let's do one more creepy tale of true crime I just want to dip our toes. Okay. Okay, because this one I'm not I feel like this is gonna be a bigger story than we want to cover because also Another story that I do want to bring up eventually is that I think I talked about Chris Watts A little bit on the show the guy that killed his entire family. Yes. Yes

I watched a whole youtube video of I know listen. I see the doubt in your eyes. No, I listen to me youtube is where you find it Yeah I saw this video of the walkthrough of his house and it has some pretty good evp on it What do you mean evp like ghost voices? No, but I mean it's pretty interesting. Were they were they actually ghost hunting? No, but they someone took the footage of the police walkthrough of the home And did bump outs of some evp that they felt that they thought okay. It's pretty good. Okay. Well, yeah, let's look into that That sounds really it's very scary because god. It's good and creepy. It's good like Fucking blaze in a bong

Like while you're like Getting a little stoned while your wife is asleep, dude I'll tell you and you're in the other room jack from the shining would look at chris watson be like bro You need to go see a therapist something happened to that man And because that murder is freaking disgusting and I think he was always a psychopath I think he was always a very dangerous person. I think the way they got together was really Weird again It's just facebook has the worst emotional

Vampirism that exists. Yeah, that place is just a it is a cesspool like careful who you meet online always always remember that So this is a story break it up break up facebook. I'll talk about that enabling its top that we'd like to talk about breaking up facebook with a big old sledge hammer Break it. I'd love to see it. I'd love to see it Um, so this is a guy. Okay. There's a cape cod man who went by the name of sovereign who's who murdered somebody in the appellation trail They guess people had been warning them about him. This is a very interesting story. This is a very interesting story He was nicknamed sovereign Uh, he had been terrorizing hikers in the appellation trail with a knife so large it looked like a machete For the past several weeks hikers who had run into him posted warnings on social media or called the police

Because apparently he was going ape shit a 30 year old from west yarmouth. He had he had a history of arrests for unstable and erratic behavior Including an attack on staff at cape cod hospital in 2013 His brutal slaying in southwestern virginia sent waves of fear coursing through the close knit community of appellation trail hikers And they say that like they felt that this track they felt this attack was on its way Right the whole trail community is spook right now said one woman There's now this is it's very interesting. They say find the crime in the trail because the appellation trail is very scared of me Because like I don't like nature. Yeah nature scares me right of being out there for so long I can't oh my god. It's not just the animals. Obviously. It's the knife wielded maniacs as well

You got you got animals you got nature and then you have a crazy human being that could kill you It's the trifecta of death But this guy sovereign became like a character on the trail Which is like it is I guess it is over 2,200 miles long from main to georgia at the shitson say damn In one youtube video a couple described running into the man late last month as he hiked with a dog He had picked up on the trail the couple say they heard the dog yelp and the man tell the animal It's your fault. I had to punch you because you showed your teeth at me Oh, Jesus the name of the also threatened to rip the dog's legs off and eat them Jesus

The name of this guy is james l jordan Um on uh, this was recently Uh, jordan allegedly approached four hikers near the george washington and jefferson national forest Uh, that's according to a criminal complaint jordan was known to the hikers who had previously seen on the social media All this kind of stuff there as henry just said jordan was acting quote disturbed and unstable And was playing his guitar and singing when he approached the group What a long long time ago when i can still remember How that music used to make me smile

You like the guitar fill and i knew if i had my chance That i can make those people dancing maybe make them happy for a while Hey guys, I can't help but notice you're sleeping. Yeah, what if i poured gasoline on you and burned you to dance This is a different rendition of this No So later friday evening the group made camp near, uh, virginia with george washington and within george washington and the jefferson national forest when jordan allegedly began approaching the hikers tents making noises And threatening to kill them according to the probable cause statement through the tents jordan allegedly threatened to pour gasoline on them

Burn them to death prompting the hikers to pack up And leave i would say that's a pretty good sign. I think that's what you gotta get up and go But he worked on two of them and when he they laughed he chased two of them away And then he returned to the campsite two hikers were still there jordan argued with one of them and then stabbed him to death Oh, Jesus so the female victim ran away after right after watching the first victim fall to the ground But jordan caught up to her as well as she began to tire according to court documents She turned to face jordan raising her hands as if to surrender and jordan allegedly stabbed her Multiple times and there is a picture of this man and holy hell. He is um, he's got long blonde hair

He's white. He's thin kind of you. He's definitely uh schizophrenic in some ways. I'm sure well looks like he apparently There was a one thing is that One thing the way they caught him is other hikers they call police I guess he had been blocking people from crossing a road brandishing a machete and demanding that they give him a password And he said that what he was telling people is going through it was going to be a bad day For hikers on the trail It's going to be a bad day for you Oh, jordan. He was also slurring his words. He was charged technically when he picked him up with a public intoxication possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia

But I won't play him the weed. Oh, no, no this man has obviously going through a massive psychotic break The slain the slain was the first murder in the Appalachian trail a 2000 as henry mentioned 2000 Mile wilderness path and it was the first slain since 2011 when hiker scott lily Of south bend indiana was slain and left in a shallow grave So 2011 2019 That's actually not that bad of a record when it comes to the deaths on the Appalachian trail That's doing that to say it's actually a fairly safe place. Yeah, it seems like it Um, and of course the most infamous murder of the Appalachian trail happened in may of 1981

When the bodies of two hikers robert mountford jr. And laura susan ramsey both of main were found in their sleeping bags Mountford had been shot three times in the face. Well ramsey was reported repeatedly stabbed with a long nail Um, so my god, it is scary stuff Yeah, man. Be careful on the trail. You got to be careful out there We have a lot of we have a lot of listeners who are hikers and people that travel alone quite a bit Yes, you got to remember don't trust anybody. Absolutely. And by the way the person who committed those murders If you want to feel really safe randal lee smith, uh, he was arrested in the double homicide He was paroled in 1996 after serving 15 years of the 30 year sentence smith returned to the Appalachian trail in 2008

And was arrested for shooting and wounding two fishermen near where he killed Mountford and ramsey and you know, I'm like, hey, let's not incarcerate people for drug offenses non violence But I'm just gonna say maybe this dude Maybe he just kind of needs to stay away from trails and perhaps lock up might be the best spot for him I think that sometimes jail is good. I guess I don't know, but I does feel like these people are dangerous And I'm gonna say, you know what links all these guys. It's hiking. You know, I think maybe hiking Is the problem. It's it certainly opens up the doorway to discover a dead body That is because think about how bored you get when you're hiking. I like hiking. Yeah, but I look at trays

You know, I look at a flower for a while if a possums there. I'll look at the possum You know, like I'll do that. I'm fine with all that. That's fine I think it's boring after a while So it's certainly seeing people coming down the trail the opposite way Like I could see how if you're particularly disturbed or particularly bored you could think like, huh What if I just start pushing people over the ledge of this cliff because you know, it's fun You try to mix it up and honestly, but that's also intrusive thoughts when those are intrusive thoughts You're not supposed to work. You're not supposed to behave on those

No, you need your little you need your little brain bouncer to say get out of here intrusive thought You've had too much to drink time to close up the bar. Um, but of course the Appalachian trail I mean, it's huge even in central park you go in central park here in Manhattan You forget that you're in the city and it's relatively small Of course can compare to the Appalachian trail. So I think you just get out there You get to live like a wild person. You forget society even exists and Next thing you know, you're killing people But you know, it's nice about central park. You can get that dick sucked. I don't know about that

I don't the brambles the brand. I I mean, I got the I got a case of the runs when I tried to do a 5k marathon to help I think it was uh For ALS or cancer or something, but I would pay money to see you I lost a marathon. I lost a 5k. I was the last person to to finish the cross To cross the finish line in the 5k and I actually right in front of me was a special needs kid Um, who beat me because again, I had the runs. I had I drank some bad water I truly had a smart water and it gave me a bad bad case and then And so they were all did you retreat? No, that was true. That's true. That's such no that is 100 true

I drank smart. There's no way you got bad water. No, I did. It was smart water. It was the it was a flavored smart water I swear to god here is no I have no it never was there. It's not bottled in teal water. No, I don't know It's not like bottled from the the gunner of hey, buddy the bronx something happened in there I have an ex-girlfriend that we can talk to about it. I have multiple sources Anyway, as the child as the special needs kid was crossing everyone was applauding like wow and then here I come and then everyone stopped applauding and then just left and then it was

another moment in embarrassing Ben kissle running history I have never not finished last when we had to run the mile in eighth grade Always last it was me and because you're not built for speed. That's not what you're supposed to do That's not your purpose. No. No, it's not. No, you're supposed to be have big swinging arms You're supposed to do the like the whole door. I don't even know anything about game of thrones But the odor hold the door. That's what you're supposed to do your job technically one day is that you'll hold a finger in a hole in a dam That's what you were born to do. Hey, man, I'd save the day don't even worry about that

Um, but I think the brambles is still where you can have a lot of gay sex. Okay. Good. Well, I mean have a lot of fun You know be safe. That's all that matters Um, yes, we are quantum But remember this guys, please send letters if you were at the us yet if the us navy said that shit I want to hear more UFO stories. I want to read them. I need to we need to build The the giant heaving mounds of breasts that will be the UFO tails that will slowly Push the disclosure off the mountain. I don't know. I don't know. No, sure. That's that's perfect All right, everyone. Well, thank you so much for listening to live every day

Like, you know, you live every day knowing for a fact that when you get that limo You're on your way to get your free chicken free chicken. You gotta love That free ass chicken love your job, man. If you're doing what you're if you're doing what you're what you love You're never at work. Well, but you know what I mean? You just you still have to actually work though You think it's not work to hire the limo to show up to get all of the the you have to at least learn some of the lingo You have to learn all the lingo In order to talk about them talk to the bts and be in the bts of the bts world of kfc You got to know how the machines work. Absolutely. That takes a lot of footwork. Yes, it does

Love your job. That's what this guy did and laugh When you're sitting in the back of that limo You got some sparkling wine. You got that free ass chicken. Whoo You're the boss now, baby. Absolutely. And don't forget everyone. We're gonna see you in beautiful kansas city I cannot wait. I'm gonna get some barbeque And we're already having we're having barbeque delivered to the greener wonderful Can't wait to see you all there and also let's see. What else do we got? We got we got is this denver? We got denver. Yeah, sans salt lake city. Salt lake city. Is that this run? Yes, kansas city denver in salt lake city

I cannot wait I think I want an extra day in salt lake city because I like going to the I like the capital It's good exercise to get up there climb the capital steps Just so you can do that. I can do whatever I want. Yeah, I can you can you can you can do that You can leave anytime you want you can just stay there if you want Also, your pretty face is going to hell new episodes every friday on adult swim at midnight We got these next two are super funny and I hope that you enjoy them. Absolutely. Um, all right everyone Thank you all so much for listening. Hail satan. Thank you for you the job. Hail yourselves everyone

Hail me you bastard and let's do a maghustalations once Oh, I also I want to thank alana glazer. I should have done this up top. Oh, man I want to think a lot of alana glazer. Of course, you know broad city check out all of the work that she does She's phenomenal. She does not need us promoting her anyway, but she's a wonderful person She had a little shiva for kevin barnett and so I want to thank her for putting that together It was so great to see everyone and uh, you know this this year has been bizarre, but we're getting through it So I just want to thank her for putting that putting all of that together and a maghustalations everyone Absolutely live your life. Love your dreams

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