Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Slovenian Hand Scam

Episode Date: September 17, 2020

Ben 'n' Henry break down this week's true crime news: Charles Manson's daughter orders tacos, mysterious seeds are being delivered to Americans, a Slovenian insurance scheme that gets a bit out of hand, and MUCH MORE.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last time on the left side stories So last night I got some seamless not the Bragg Wow, you mean your pants My pants are covered covered with seams just in case I get caught in them so I can bust them out I Got some food delivery and the delivery person calls me because normally I'm doing they'll leave at the leave outside the door I'll come and get it or whatever I didn't like it at first But now I kind of love it because it's like a little stork giving you something that's not a baby never Cuban sandwich instead in the same thing with those wafer fucking cabinets if I open up my seamless and the babies inside of it

I'm just gonna let the baby die outside baby better have a little hammer baby better help me put this furniture together We've talked about it before a baby better have some kind of dental degree or something If he's gonna join my family needs to start putting food on the table immediately I'm with you, but I got this delivery So the person calls and says like I'm I'm outside will you come and get the delivery and I was like totally cool Leave it out there. Just leave it. I'm gonna come and get it right now. She's like you Hmm come out come outside come outside. You gotta go outside. It's like all right. I go I put on pants Good I go outside and the woman is she she is dealing with the with the bag of food

And she's got a bunch of plums in her hands, right? And she's trying Sir come sir sir come here come here, and I was like yes She's like never forget the human connection Never forget and then she gave me a bunch of plums She gave me all these plums, and I was just like thank you for the plums But I'm really here. That's a real story. This is a completely real story. This happened last night What's the significance of the plum? I looked it up, but I said what does it mean nothing nothing nothing? I can't break. I won't give gift of plum

superstition Strangers like a tracking device. Did you keep the plums? They're just sitting on a kitchen counter. Yeah And then I was like I didn't want to say I'm not it's not that I'm afraid to eat the plums I don't know how they could be compromised. They might be full of blood I didn't know what they are, but they are gonna be like this seen from the golden child where they put the spoon in the Pudding in the rice pudding in bubbles with blood be careful. I I am not even a scaredy-potato. I'm not a scaredy-pants You're not you're not scaredy-potato But I would not even eat the plums

Don't eat the plums. It's just strange because the first of his Start the show. I didn't order plums. Okay. You know it's seamless. I don't get fruit from sea I don't know what people do LA Henry Zabrowski. You are a changed man with your green hair and your tidy pants Welcome to the show. This is side stories everyone. I am Ben with the The newly plumbed Henry Zabrowski every sense of the word I'm so fully plumbed. I don't know what to do with myself and honestly, I've been having time I've had tiny pants for like five years. Yes I know you have you always have tiny pants because you have no butt. What about a beginning of this

I'm gonna hand these plums. I'm thinking is this the beginning of like a Stephen King novel the plumbing like if I eat one Do I become a plum? Like will I be forever haunted if you don't eat one you may be cursed I think you actually now have come full circle. You might want to eat the plum Honestly, a strange woman gives you plums. I think you need to bite one of the plums But yeah, you could turn into a plum yourself or you could have forever life I was gonna maybe try to give a slice to Jackie And see how she reacts that is the plot from thinner and that is how he killed his beautiful daughter

Although the first half of the movie thinner if you just stop it there. That is the greatest Story ever. He's eating so much and he's like I'm still losing weight. I don't know what I'm doing that watch That is a kid and I was like this is so bad Is it but then he but then he never gains any weight again these days, but that's the difference We came from a fat mindset. Yeah, we're anything skinny is good and it is that you can you imagine a world now This might be actually a totally horrible dystopian dystopian hellscape, but where you had to eat to stay thin oh I better have my 12 chicken wing otherwise I'm going to gain some weight and now I know what a world

This is just another episode of Ben Kessel's edible fantasies But he wishes to be true. We have a lot of hot news today. We do have some hot news number one Possible alien farts on Venus. That's what people were saying. You're calling them alien farts They were also talking about perhaps it was just sort of a single organism kind of almost a molecule Not really an alien. Yeah, not I don't know everyone always says life on Mars or life on Venus And then they show you the picture and I'm like, I don't know. I don't want but I get it those cool We just recently interviewed Sarah Scholes on our patreon interview series and Sarah Scholes wrote a really good article Covering this and wired magazine and basically says the same thing. It's interesting because phosphine is the is the particle

that they've discovered and Largely, they've only seen it in places where either it's extremely high temperature like in the atmospheres of Jupiter Which Venus is actually a rock which I didn't fully understand because Jupiter is just like basically really fat Loided gas. Okay, so Jupiter is fat loided gas Yep, and then Venus is a rock and why am I paying this much money to go to Purdue University professor? This is what is the difference is that Purdue is we are actually a part of the chicken family So if you hit me with chicken questions, I know a great deal about different cuts of chickens Exactly how to get it up to 165 degrees, which is the temperature you want that meat to be at for a succulent chicken breast

If a university promised 100% a chicken job post-college I would do that in a freaking heartbeat Better than computer science you go to chicken University I honestly think there is a lot of jobs in the chicken world as long as there's chicken as long as they have wings as long as their sports There will always be jobs in the chicken business I don't know. I eat a lot of wings and watch anime, but speaking of speaking of watching things social dilemma Everyone's been chitchatting about the social dilemma. I watch this. I watched it. Okay, so number one Phones are bad. Phones are bad. Yeah, Instagram bad. It is not good. None of it's good. Twitter bad

It's all bad except Instagram sometimes gets me with like a shirt Sometimes they'll show they'll show us mad. Why is that though? But then also all my discover page is just shoes and then goff people bad, but all the shoes The white men that created an apologize for an hour and a half I don't want them to apologize on a documentary I want them to apologize in a bunch of stocks with dunce caps on covered in fucking feathers That's how I want to see my Mark Zuckerberg. Well, I would love Mark Zuckerberg not Apologizing no weird seems like he's very confident

He is very confident but social dilemma a lot of people chitchatting about it You will know 99.9% of the information that they talk about but it's good to get It's good to get it reaffirmed to remember and it might be something to sit your parents down or grandparents down and have them Watch it because I do think there's a generation that are being hoodwinked By social media and so it is interesting in that regard The reenactments are the single worst thing I have ever seen now. I want to see so it just it is fine But also don't be one of those people where it's like social dilemma. I was watching that It's like it's not that smart of a documentary the phones are bad

We know that the phones are bad and we're addicted to them and that's what it's about But I started watching the vow About nexium. This is the nexium documentary. Yes, so funny because Keith Ranieri the whole time. It's like Keith Ranieri Yes, I know the venereal. I mean he is kind of a venereal disease I view him. I view him as a venereal. My name is Keith Ranieri. Just amazing what a name can do He is shorter than me Is he? Yeah, he's tiny tiny little guy, but really he uh his whole thing was that he kept saying These people keep on telling us this is just some kind of Scientology ripoff and it absolutely is

The entire thing that's the all of nexium is bootleg white lady Scientology really isn't this thing is unbelievable when that and I are watching the docu series and the whole thing is just like Man, it's just amazing when you could just like white people yourself into well All of a sudden you're getting branded by fucking number four on the cast list from smallville She's not even that big of a get well. She's pretty important in the cult world Yes, of course is a big get nothing makes LRH look more like a fucking sexy grandmaster Oh my I don't think that's even remotely close to possible ever if you watch Keith Ranieri

LRH starts you're like actually all right. She's very handsome. No, there is no way they're both hideous But there's no way that Keith Ranieri is uglier than L Ron Hubbard when you say LRH his his personality is LRH had a beautiful singing voice as we've heard on the stream several times LRH also was a novelist. I'm so happy you don't want to be an actor anymore. Otherwise Scientology would be knocking on your door Scientology I would they don't have the fucking pole anymore They don't even have the pole, but if you look at nexium, it's like disintegrations as their versions of feyton's You got to integrate in order to get yourself at cause which at cause is clear They do a thing it's called like jumping the gap or something that it's exactly like going up the bridge

So they're just they're just bag cereal. They're they're fruit circles as opposed to fruitless At least Scientology incorporates money into the uniforms and all of you they're working out a hi-yet fucking conference rooms You are such a stupid nexium bullshit with the little sashes and the striped path that they called it That's horse shit such a mark such a mark for flair. I just such a mark for flair I am a mark for flair because also shows that the person's in charge takes their job seriously That is to some degree true. That's why my brother little brother works at McDonald's Those uniforms mean a lot. They do always keep some nice in clay. They do and especially once we start arming them I would love if they started arming big max. I think every big max should come with a gun

Maybe that's the the Travis Scott meal that you can get which is apparently just a quarter pounder But you know what it has Sprite and then it gives you a little and french fries, of course and then a little barbecue sauce on the side I can just do that on my own No, but that's what he gets and that's why but the sad thing is you mix the barbecue sauce with the sprite You circle that around you dip the fries in that's the Travis Scott That's disgusting. It could be that's me saying that that's disgusting speaking of people I want to quickly talk about if you want to just check out Charlie Manson's daughter

Charles Manson's daughter has a freak out in the Taco Bell just to kind of bridge Successfully from that story really his daughter. Who knows? It's just a woman calling a bunch of the white people that were at the store the n-word and then saying i'm charles Fucking Manson's daughter. I'm gonna come back and kill you. Okay. She kind of looks like charles mansons Well, this happened in Missouri and enraged Taco Bell customer. They were filmed always being filmed Got to be filmed That's why they're doing it. They're doing it to be filmed. It's a performative act all of the quote-unquote I even use in the term cairns and kens. I believe is the male version of it now

I guess all of these people are doing it to be filmed if they weren't being filmed They would just be doing that at home to their families I'm not saying that this woman had any right to freak out the way that she did Taco Bell It's she says that she was just fucking she got she she was surprised at the price of the tacos Well Taco Bell they have said thank you that commended the staff So maybe they'll get one more star fleet badge for their Taco Bell uniforms But footage of the woman's outbreak was first shared on reddit under the title Karen from Missouri freakouts Saying she was shorted tacos, but here's the interesting hook. She was not shorted any tacos

She had she had all the tacos she ordered has a Karen ever once been correct as a one as a person having a I'm gonna hate the term has a person having a public freak out besides me ever been correct I don't know in this case. She says give me my goddamn food you little I believe pussy Yeah, she said pussy. You know, well the way I in the video it's give me my goddamn foodie little pussy And she had a gravelly voice. She sounded like my impression of Charles mansion. She's just like you will give me My fucking bean burrito or I'll come back here and I will eat pussy until the world ends I think that was a great selection for Charles Manson. I think he would eat the bean burrito I am currently and this is a big thing for me to say

I'm protesting Taco Bell until they get the Mexican pizza back There's a lot of people who feel very strongly about the Mexican. I didn't realize that it was even close to being on the chopping block I guess you don't know what you got till it's gone. They're not listening to their proper constituents I get the Mexican pizza every time. I'm there every time I order every uber eats absolutely It is the single greatest thing on the menu. I've never had it the reason they're getting rid of it They say is for environmental concerns, but You're Taco Bell. Yeah. What is this for fucking? Yeah. Yeah. What are we doing here? What are we trying to protect us Taco Bell? Yeah, there's certain things. I understand the earth is dying

We are uh, we are the causes aren't the reason I'm with you. I still I believe this is just an example of corporate america Passing the environmental book To the american people saying that we're the ones not eating Mexican pizzas because it's helped to save the environment The only thing that even had the word mexican in their fake mexican restaurant was the mexican pizza taco That's spanish after some back and forth with the employee who called her actions very inappropriate Very good. I'm glad. Your employee reached approaches So the female employee approached her with the receipt. Okay, so she's like You didn't give my god damn food and she's like this is the receipt

And then she opened up the bag and she points out three burrito supreme's two soft tacos that comes to $15 which No, that's actually pretty good price. I ain't gonna diss them on that three burritos and two tacos for $15 is a quite a good deal Well, the burrito supreme too. We're not talking just your your pesky little burrito. Yeah, that's got penicillin in it It's got um, do you remember a game genie? It's got the codes in it I love the game genie never worked and I don't know why I bought that big-ass magazine I got the game my game genie worked Maybe I didn't put the codes in right also the glove I love the glove. It just was to promote the freaking movie. It was cool as hell. You got to press the buttons

Yeah, it's hardly no one knows what we're talking about the Nintendo power glove the angry woman expressed her disbelief at the cost of the order at which point the employees tell her She can leave or she can call corporate and then you're gonna be talking to king taco And you don't want to deal with king taco. It's a tape on kiss. I'll say correct. It's already taco. Absolutely She continues to scream punk bitch punk bitch. I'm bringing my husband in here Which is really the ultimate victim of all of this. Well, you can just see him out on his non gas filled riding mower That's now just become an outside chair sitting in his backyard his only moments of peace is when Old bertha goes to the taco bell and she gets her haul for the week and then she can come in and just

And the munch in silence next to a bog where she lives But then he has to come home and get this tirade be a night. No come down Because you know what green policy green policy is we always hear our revenge And what grandpa, but she doesn't understand that charles manson her father technically is One of the worst has one of the worst sense of timings Ever of any criminal so they'll probably show up at the taco bell once it's already become a burger king Absolutely, and then the only robbery is uh, no robbery at all because you can get a burger king burger for a pretty cheap price these days But you're back there just fucking absolutely

Maskering the corpse a bunch of the pregnant women operating the friars and that burger king. You don't understand. You're not even killing the right people Absolutely not. So the employee says go ahead get your husband and that's where she says it Watch me a little punk ass bitch. You're going down punk ass bitch. She says you're you fucked with the wrong mother fucker I'm charlie fucking mansons daughter. I wonder if that's a spiritual Hierarchy or if that's real. I'm just so surprised. I want some of her blood in the Yes, I want her blood. I I completely agree. I I want to make sure that she really is It's weird to have she left there at a tiny on a tiny horse or in a dune buggy I might believe her but it's just weird to have charles manson on the tip of your like mind in a

In what it seems to be a blackout drunk and blind rage situation for her to even summon The topa that is charles manson. It's kind of an interesting thing for someone to do It almost makes me believe is she we don't know she could pull it all the time though Who knows it could be always her go to because she does have a same sort of like squat Lady gremlin like face that charles manson had like if you look at charles manson when he shaved his face And you like grew his hair out. He looked like kind of like a horrendously gross-looking woman and you could see that in her Which I think he does have a daughter, right?

He I think that he does daughter and a son There like it seems to me like it's the bloodline that no one can figure out there Because isn't that guy who is like the musician still trying to be like i'm his son It's hard to I guess it's hard to substantiate. I I'm not quite certain It's the same thing with ted bundy's daughter being out there like that when that tiktok Wait until she's on dancing with the stars buddy But that person from tiktok There was a girl who put up saying i'm ted bundy's granddaughter and all that kind of shit

So who knows i'm certain that there is the progeny and then of serial killers everywhere Like btk's daughter who forgave him and is now just on a Weird anti-covid rant on twitter that she is just she is just I mean i i wasn't totally surprised We don't malign the daughters of serial killers. You've always had that as a rule Um, but i try to even talk to him my god btk's daughter Let's just say the apple don't fall too far from the tree not that she's a killer. No she can't she's a lot

She's not nearly horny enough to kill. No, she's not well speaking of dancing with the stars just briefly We don't even want to talk about the carol baskin Being cast you guys can figure all of that out. What kind of world we're living in is she a celebrity? I'm not sure don lewis 1997 obviously that was her then husband and he went missing To the point where they just said well must be dead, which that's not good No, his family put his 60 second ad on that show and i just thought that was very interesting It's very smart. It was very smart. We can't lose sight of don lewis. Who the hell killed him?

I mean these things matter and it would be good for the family He has daughters to uh to have a little bit of closure as they see a suspect for that murder Dancing with the stars. Also carol baskin can't be that good of a dancer I don't know why that's the just that is the hail mary of all hail maries for casting agents And uh, there'll be a steep price for them to pay perhaps if there is some kind of uh television hell I mean we also wonder why um, we sometimes think that the media is really happy and comfortable with where the world is Today, it seems to be that they um, they profit off it a great deal and really enjoy keeping us in a state of panic And genuine genuine unrest and now nelly dancing with the stars

Honestly, I would love to see nelly. Sure He is a real dancer. He's a performer at least he's technically a celebrity not just famous for potentially killing her husband This comes from tokyo all the way from tokyo Oh, this story is about um, the world's oldest porn star and how only corona virus can slow her down Also hurt ankles must be pretty weak. Hey, buddy. The nice thing about being a porn star You don't need to use the ankles too much. You're not standing up that often. You can be all torso Absolutely, you could lose the legs and the arms and still be the very successful porn star Especially if you can make it swivel apps and you know what honestly, you know

We sort of we we speak in jest this woman started doing porn at 79 But I think that's a very healthy thing for her to do and female and male sexuality doesn't just die Mr. Zabrowski when you have decided to stop looking at their boobies They still need to shake them sometimes when a woman's very very old It's kind of fun to look at a picture of her when she's very very young and kind of do kind of like intellectual like brain Photoshop and transcribe The young boobies onto the old boobies, and then it's kind of like you're having sex with the histories version of that Younger woman. This is what you were thinking about on all those dates, huh?

When you were on when you were on twizzler or whatever whatever. Yeah, I'm always going on twizzler dating site whatever the hell it's called but yuko aga sawara is uh 84 years young beautiful But she might age significantly when she gets into the adult film world because it is hard on the body It it really is but she got involved after uh essentially They were she was raised in world war two era tokyo Uh, it witnessed us about to destroy them many times. Um, and she didn't know if tokyo was gonna exist

She got into a sort of loveless marriage with a Man that she had three children with but she said she said he was a tough husband Over the 35 years until he died at the age of 59 He never once let me go out for a drink and lived without freedom. So when they Finally stopped horrible when they were not together. So at the age of 61 She opened what's called a snack hostess club in tokyo one of her female customers at the club Who is since which has since closed works as a freelancer in the industry doing hair styling and makeup The customer says an employee of a production company for jukujo films. Um, which which is the term for their

Guilf porn. Oh mature ladies, but like very mature. Okay, so they like the theorist She basically said do you know any grandma's looking to fuck on camera? And she was like yep, and she said the customer mentioned, uh, Augusto Ara who was skeptical at first However, that changed after she visited a shoot and noticed her potential male counterparts were handsome young men Well good for her and of course the craft services Uh would probably contain mostly plums Can imagine if she shows up with like a big nice like I'm trying to think what with Japanese grandma would make like some nice like Homemade grandma meals and she's fucking sucking that dick all day long

Lucky lucky day lucky day to be a cameraman her debut to release in 2016 She stars as a housewife who has to endure four sex four sex sessions with her husband per day She has appeared in about 10 other films This is very very interesting. It's just as bad as her marriage. It's really intense But then she said But then she immediately goes back to like war two veteran the number of people who live through the war is getting smaller and smaller She tells cincho I have a strong heart because I have been through hard times. Oh, she does

And now I got that wet ass pussy. Oh good for you Snapping and gripping and snapping and gripping but she's saying the only thing is the only cold in her back now is coronavirus Well, she does also recall an accident in which her head got sprayed with insecticide DDT, which turned her head white She says I had no bath So I washed my body in the river where the cow is bathed and look at her now 82 years old snapping that pee word on a bunch of other pee words and just having fun with it God bless it. Nice. God. God. Can you imagine your nana going at it? I can as a matter of fact my grandmother whenever we would visit her in the nursing home in florida

She used to talk about all the men she wanted to have sex with and she got in trouble for contraband gin Oh, yes, I remember this story. She had she had the she didn't drink She but she had a crater of gin. No, she used to deprive men. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So she was that kind of predator there in the She's r.i.p. Grandma love you But I get just the idea of going at it because going at it pro Is very different than just being a normal horny grandma Like you really have to be able to it's hard work to be in the adult film industry You got to be able to get your

Seriously, like you got to get that that your wet ass pussy is not just a fun term from car tv It is a technical adjustment You must get to a wet ass pussy You have to adjust it and then a wet ass pussy has to be maintained for like 10 hours Well, I don't even think you're giving nearly enough credit to those ding dongs that have to stay aroused Oh, I don't even want to think about that nightmare world. That is that's got to be hard because when it comes out You made a pun But it must be difficult. It is that to be hard for a bunch of hours. They don't even like sex anymore

It's like if you're a NASCAR driver, and then you're like, I don't want to drive Unless I'm working feel like sad I would hope that if you're in that world that you liked it enough that you want to do it for an extra 10 hours a day If you can look at Jay Leno, he's all he always saved it for the camera Because I was watching this You know jay just saved it for the camera. He doesn't want to be telling the jokes all the time No, you remember when we were in jersey When the guy at the comedy club at the Atlantic city and the guy was like Jay Leno was sitting right there

You won't even believe Jay. He's just like you guys. He's a funny guy. He came and he sat in there He took out his car magazines. Hey, he was flipping through them. Really guy. I nothing wrong with car magazines and jeans We always travel with the pouch of our old auto magazines. Well, you got to have fun Yuko was actually on the cover maybe not the cover but her photo debuted in 2016 at the av awards and I have to say Hey conservative dress. Yes, but um, oh, yeah, she's not showing. She's no. She's definitely not showing them She's very conservative. This is a porn magazine. This looks like the beginning of a bonsai tree catalog What is this? I don't know. This is their porn magazine. That is the debut. No, that's not her doing the they have class Henry. No, I know I know I know but the only thing is is that she looks very cute. She's doing a good job

I mean, she's maybe you're an 82 year old woman. She looks very good. Absolutely. She's beautiful My question is being like, I guess I'm just so used to adult like I'm just so used to American porn where I'd be like It would be a woman that looks like this But she'd be like lick in the bottom of her high heels with a cucumber inside of her. Yeah, that's because we're trash They were we are not class. I tell you what I've been fixing my algorithm every day by typing in new very wholesome things Very wholesome things into the search bar every day. Anyway, you got sometimes you got to she turns 85 in october Um, so she says what happens in life happens anything goes she says whether it is the coronavirus Or work in the av industry

They are the same. Not sure why I don't know. Not sure how sure but coronavirus and porn They're the same. Well, they're they are both. Uh, well They're both going on. Yeah, she attributes her longevity to the number of people who live through the war is getting smaller and smaller Yes, that's what she's saying. I have a strong that is uh, you gotta love her and she's a vet And yes, maybe she was on the wrong side of history then But how many times have we been on the wrong side of history and we have forgiven ourselves? So we can forgive them. I always do and speaking of someone receiving seeds from china. Oh my this story is insane Hundreds of Americans. This is very strange. This keeps coming up

This is going on since the beginning of the summer since the beginning of quarantine And now it is it is still raging and the u.s. Government is Is trying to stop the spread of these mystery seeds from china I mean this could be extremely dangerous. You know, we don't know what's happening Like if you look at australia, for example You can smuggle a bunch of heroin. They'll look the other way probably not true But you try to bring a pineapple into australia. You are fucked. You will go and you will be incarcerated for 50 freaking years You go to pineapple jail and yeah, the cops have fucking hawaiian shirts on but they're also looking up your asshole for pineapples pineapples

But the hundreds of americans reportedly planted the mystery seeds from china. Apparently we're planting them So over this year people have been receiving these kind of packets of seeds. Some of them have been identified according to the Fortune magazine. I was reading one article this at the usda has identified about 14 of these mysterious seed batches That are actually normal. They seem to be rosemary sage mint hibiscus But then other people are just planting these fucking seeds because wait, they're actually like it's jack and the beanstalk So someone got a random bag of seeds and they planted them. Yes. I don't know if that's what I would do with them No, I throw them out. Yes, you have to but do you know these some people are so curious and burn them people are just People are bored as fuck

So this is what people just are burying these seeds So one woman buried the seeds and she said that it killed her whole garden and then other people One they buried the seeds and it came out with this orange It was like it was a flower this white flower with some kind of orange fruit on it and she said as soon as that fruit came out I know I better throw this out because it's illegal and so she went and dug up the plant and and and got rid of it Okay So these seeds they're not coming from china We don't know the chinese government is now saying they prohibit the the moving of seeds and agriculture

Agricultural products through their general mail. So they're saying to america. We know where the seeds are coming from Send us the seeds back. They're saying they want the seeds back I want the seeds back well plant labs in utah and new mexico two beautiful places, by the way Stop making fun of everyone in rochester henry. I know so many messages. Jeez. I am gonna say i'm sorry to the people of rochester It there's so many messages people have been very very intense about their love of rochester I know you love a garbage plate. It's well garbage plates are great for hangovers Or just your random tuesday morning. They're good We will just you know what and I think that the next episode of arthur schockcross is going to really show the heart of rochester

Good Maybe you can be a little kinder then I think next episode will really see just how just how Good the red light district of rochester got hey, man All it needs is one lady of the night one red light and you've got yourself a district Plant labs in utah and new mexico. So they identified the seeds as henry said this is exciting am and randth rose Mint sweet potato. Yeah sweet potatoes. Oh sweet potatoes clovers

onions cucumber alfalfa Corn hollyhock. Yeah, there's a bunch of just pyramid and daisy seeds. This is actually really fun No, you're just saying words. No, i'm saying what the seeds are hollyhock I didn't even know what hollyhock was hollyhock is uh, it is a plant that actually can suck you off I don't know if that's certain. I don't know if that's I don't know if that's legal Uh, but they don't know what these seeds are I'm gonna say to you our dear listener if you receive a packet of seeds Don't plant them don't plant them unless of course they are hollyhock and uh, you haven't had love in a while

But you don't know what these are until you bite into them at the time I don't even know how they test what these things are. Well, they just do the tech We have the ability to we have like dna. We know what dna is Listen, I didn't go into hogwarts today to learn the magic of science Osama el-lisi that is of the usda's animal and plant protection program Osama el-lisi says we have we have not found anything alarming But you tell me if I plant a seed and an onion comes out of the ground I'll be pretty alarmed

But that's actually unless you were trying to plant onions I don't know. I don't know anything grows. I don't I don't know how it happens. Honestly Natalie and I have killed two cactuses so far. I don't even know that I didn't know that was possible. We killed the cactus Uh, jackie grows lots of peppers Jackie has more of a maternal instinct than than us. Yeah, her her ovaries work. Yes, and I think that's what keeps a plant alive I don't know. I've never kept a plant alive I I think the whole thing is a scam that they are meant to stay alive I think that everyone just constantly buys new plants and pretends like they've kept them alive

It's a bunch of lies. So we don't know if this is a scam or not. I don't even know what the scam would freaking into I don't know. I don't know. There's one. Don't eat. Don't plant the seeds. Don't eat the seeds Just throw the seeds away the deep conspiracy theory You said it is a long-form version of bio warfare from china, right? That this is this concept in the middle of a pandemic that came from china. Well, then it what we invited it with open arms here And it's like it's american, isn't it? It's like it's one of our neighbors now. We just invited it right in, huh? Oh But yeah, I don't know. I think that that's very far-fetched. I think that they

Would just straight up bomb us if they wanted to I think that war would be detrimental to both sides And let's hope everyone thinks that way. You know what I miss is clowns Why because seeds? Seeds are the new way that the kids are getting back at the man I remember this is about the seeds. Do you think this is rebellious teens? Well, apparently my I've deduced that it is just a game where some Perhaps overweight male in the basement is like You said you didn't see in sound now it's time. We'll see in onions all over the world

I don't know why I don't know the purpose of just sending onions to somebody. I don't know But also straight up if you're gonna send me seeds send me the plant Yeah, and yeah, did I just get nervous about plums given to me? Sure. Honestly, I agree with that That's not I know that you you know, we you're dealing with some ocd things, but that is normal Yes for you to be like no No, I don't want the plums. I'm surprised you took the plums into your home Well, what am I gonna do being like get these plums out of here you you woman they could be full of spiders I don't know. Oh, we're gonna wait till they hatch from your way. This story comes from Slovenia

Beautiful people beautiful Slovenia. You know what's nice about Slovenia is that if you need a hitman if you need a torture dungeon Fucking Slovenia's got you covered. Yeah, this woman needed some money So a Slovenian woman and her boyfriend have been sentenced to prison They attempted to do a bit of insurance fraud in the hardest way Possible she cut off her own hand in hopes of claiming more than one million euro It's about 1.56. It's about 1.56 million dollars in insurance payouts. She's only 22 years old Um, man, I am how difficult is it to get any money in Slovenia? Do they have they have to have money? Yeah, well, they have uber

So why in the world would this woman cut off her hand? She was then sentenced to two years and I have to say She cut off her hand. I you know, I give her you know, I give her two years so you can learn a lesson This isn't the lesson in the fact. She no longer has a hand. No, it's not a lesson. No, it's not a weak boyfriend The boy is like babe. What babe suits the babe if you put your hand off the moon I couldn't be able to go to the bear festival as we can babe if I cut my hand off. I can't jerk off What am I gonna do that? And then what happens when you're tired? What happens there and then I gotta rub it on the edge of the bed So the case dates back to 2018

They took out five separate insurance policies on herself She then at 22 years old. This is just you were just 20 then This is the this is just the dumbest version of the fish called wandi've ever seen They're doing an insurance scam when it's if you pile on insurance As a 20 year old, right? You are automatically put into a folder Oh, they're like watch this one where you keep going and saying like because who knows what I do with my hands Right She then sliced off her left hand at the wrist with a circular saw in early 2019

The boyfriend and her and his father brought her to the emergency room without the hand to ensure it would not be Reattached prosecutors said they claim she cut off while cutting tree branches What how does that even happen? I don't know. How do you because honestly, how long do you think does it take to saw through your own hand? I would say a minute. Well, well with one of those I mean, how yeah, even a bone saw we do have a little bit of experience with bone saws because of our friend Marcus It takes a second. It takes a second. It's not just one go. You would your arm would bounce off it. Maybe I'm wrong Maybe I'm fucking crazy. Tell me if I'm wrong side stories l pot l gmail.com because in my mind

She must have been hammered. You must have taken a second I mean, I'm just I feel bad for her in the same way I felt bad for the nihilist and the big Lebowski who had to lose a toe and they never got anything in the end either But she lost a hand and the way the big way they got her on the insurance scam is because she before she did it She looked up all these ways to get prosthetic hands Well, that's what the court found that her boyfriend had looked up artificial hands shortly before the amputation took place No, man, it's cool though. Don't worry. You got these artificial hands

They argued that this search history proved it was a deliberate act I think it was all the insurance That she piled onto her hands. She's not a concert pianist. I don't know but she is really upset This is what she told skynew. She says no one wants to be crippled. My youth has been destroyed I lost my hand at the age of 20 only. I know how it happened Very weird very weird and then she'll have two years in prison So ladies be careful who you love if your boyfriend is ever like I got a plan and it doesn't involve him Harming himself. You don't do it. No, never you never do it. You never do it

You come up with the idea first the thing about the dude is that you flip it on him You're the idea guy Then you always be I think the lady should always switch into the position of the idea person Yeah, I I agree get in there always be at the top of the food chain always be the brains of the operation because then you're never The hands and you do not want to be the one with the severed hand because your boyfriend's gonna leave you because babe I like it's kind of gross. It's kind of gross. It's your lopsided. Yeah, so I'm kind of like a chick with two hands, huh? It ain't gonna work out. All right. I think it's almost time for hero of the week Well, one thing I want to talk about real quick is a response to the realtors the people a bunch of us sent us

Email saying about the murder house. Yeah, did you need to disclose if there was a murder in a house? You are selling but it turns out it's different pretty much in every state Okay, everybody had a different answer various listeners who sent responses in in California You have to disclose if there's been any depth in the house within the last three years Okay in Texas you do not have to disclose up front if there was a murder in the house But if they asked you you had to answer truthfully what that was like, are you a cop? You gotta tell me you gotta tell me you gotta tell me apparently it's weird because most you don't have to disclose Any death from natural causes or accidents or suicide if the person buying the house asks someone died

Then the realtor has to disclose that information. Well, I mean and there's always a great chance somebody died There's a reason the house is up for sale It's normally tragedy and if it's too good to be true it really couldn't be too big. But you know what again Sage Bring a bring a spiritualist in there if you want to do that a spiritualist get a security system by a gun Yes, those things though. That's that's better than spirituality a gun. It's better than blind faith um But why are they always there? I don't think it's that bad. I think I could do it depending on the murder

But we've talked about that before Um, I think I can move I think I can move into a house. We know I want to I wish we could yeah Um, all right. Well, let's do hero of the week initially. I just wanted to make football hero of the week Um, but that's just you so happy because it's so nice to see you honestly seem more relaxed since football is back on It's just been an amazing week and I'm just so happy that it's happening and I'm just it feels like almost it almost feels Like we are normal people once again All right, but this story it's just funny enough and you know what I always love to do make a goat Also a hero so this goat honestly more

Your heroes are more often goats than they're not I know But anyway this goat it invaded a cop car. It trashed all its paperwork and it headbutted an officer It's bad and I feel bad for the officer, but it's a goat Uh, a rampaging goat hopped into a georgia police officer's marked cruiser last week before night on paperwork Which is actually good for the officer because you can be like a goat ate all of my homework, dude Like I'm not like I'm done dude. Yeah goat ate all the evidence. That's why I had a planet I am done now. I am done and I'm going home

Uh, it toppled over a beverage Which you know is a diet coke big diet coke along with a series of big mac wrappers because that's how you lose weight Always that's always where I'm on the D. I'm on a diet So finally the goat headbutted the startled officer to the ground which that's not good But the unidentified officer with the Douglas county sheriff's office was serving papers on the house at the time And left the door at the vehicle wide open. So if you are getting served papers, I'm not sure Perhaps it was eviction. We have a lot of people struggling. Yeah, but then this goat said not today No, no officer officials explained that she had made a bit of a habit of keeping the door jar

Because she's routinely chased away from homes by angry dogs and occasionally requires a speedy access to her cruiser That's according of course to the to the to the officer. Well still at the front door of the rural residence The officer turned and saw the goat head hopped into her driver seat She returned to the vehicle and repeatedly tried to nudge and coax the animal out That wasn't going to happen though when the creature finally stepped out the cop struggled to salvage some of the paperwork still dangling from its mouth Breaking the law breaking the law The scene ended with the goat launching into a Into a into the chuckling cop and knocking her over although she was knocked over to the ground

She was not physically harmed in the incident the sheriff's office said at the end of the day We all get a little laugh And we all hope you do as well. So there you go. Then we put six bullets Well the goat did live my understanding is the goat did live So anyway goat nameless goat you are hero of the week And you know what i'm we're gonna name you what your name Mr. Goat is You ready for it slunchers

Slunchers slunchers the goats. I love it. Whatever the first noises out of our mouth So we have some Man that song continues to work, huh? Look at that I reconnected with the person I used to work with way back when when I lived in Chicago She moved to la and became a psychic. She's been messaging me on the regular telling me about ghosts that she sees And how the illuminati was trying to recruit her good for her good benefits Oh, yes She said she woke up in the middle of the night basically in a fugue state and walked outside

When she got outside a black car pulled up and two tall men dressed in black emerged from the car and tried to take her She summoned a banishing spell and they left Whoa, hellish rebuke hellish rebuke. However, they still contact her She also speaks to aliens every night and they just get in touch with her because they just want to talk But they're not malicious or mean, huh? They're lonely in space Okay, just lonely ghosts like aliens My favorite story that she's told me well stories is that richard ramirez appears to her and then they are dating She said that he feels an enormous connection with him and they used to have like ghost dates around all of the haunted hollywood hotels

Okay, she also constantly reminds me that she was a pie that he was a Pisces just like me And that he was a sensitive old soul. I don't think that's true. Nicole brown simpson also appears to her with huge breastcovers and spiders All right, and I'll take I'll see it. Sure. Apparently, Nicole is unhappy in the afterlife. I wonder why yeah What happened? She's also told me that I am a psychic channel and then if I get into reiki I can unleash my true psychic energy. Don't come at me with the reiki My mom is super into the reiki. Don't I just don't is it working for her? I don't know. She needs hip surgery. She can't reiki her way out of the hip surgery

I keep telling her this I can unleash my true psychic energy I mentioned psychic vampires because I definitely think she is one. She also has told me that she is not from this planet Which honestly, I believe Did she just did she just order Taco Bell Do they just get her order? I'm charlie even fucking mentions daughter and i'm coming back for my i'm coming back for the the crunch supreme Hey, baby. That's a reason to come back from the afterlife. So here's another letter So I'm a marine my job is to work with the explosives that go on helicopters slider jets and stuff and the explosives have to be stored in concrete

Magazines bunkers way out in the middle of the okinawa jungle, right? So he's stationed in okinawa on kandana air force base there This the area is called the m un s area short for munitions storage area and basically every night at least one to two marines Have to stay on guard overnight at the magazines You basically sit in a chair under a small light and a little shack in the middle of this dense ass Jungle and you have to read them children's books because we want our weapons. We want our we want our bullets to be calm I want them to be calm. I want them to be rested jack in the beanstalk if you ask any marine who stood guard there They'll tell you the same eerie thing

You can hear children playing and babies crying in the jungle and the brush will seem to move and it's the scariest shit ever You'll hear footsteps behind you and around you or you'll hear a child calling out to its parents or something in Japanese or Playing it's terrifying and basically the story goes is that the voices babies crying are the dead okinawa children That were killed during the battle of okinawa in 1945 in world war two Jesus the Japanese would strap tnt or grenades to okinawan mothers and force them at gunpoint to surrender to american marines And basically explode them when we go to help them also They would give two grenades to each child and tell them to throw one at marines And then use the second one to kill yourself because the the americans were savages and that we would eat them

Well, just throw the other one though too thousands of okinawan Civilians were killed in the battle and my friends and I believe their souls still haunt the jungle Wow before fembots, you know, then it was just it was just uh suicide bombers, wasn't it? Fembots were never real. They weren't real. No, no, no, it's just a concept from a documentary. It's not a documentary It is a film starring Michael Myers Michael Myers Michael Myers Um, it's austin powers austin powers indeed. He's not british He's not he's canadian. Yes indeed. He's a fucking liar. He's a liar Now

And this is another story that I thought was interesting. I got this from a low-income So this comes from a teacher I'm a teacher in a low-income school and when when arthur charcross parents said to his school That since the problems were happening at schools that the school needed to deal with them It really resonated with me every time a kid gets in trouble or has some sort of issue or struggling in an academic case Or an academic class we reach out to their parents I hear that same message a lot of the time a lot of parents think that school problems should be dealt with by the school Whether they are academic or behavioral problems. It's intense. It's hard to be a teacher

It is hard to be a teacher because the kids that it's fluid You know like the kid at school or at like at home. It's like the same kid. Yes, you know So you want to kind of address those things? Um, wow, I'm just so happy. I'm so happy that there's so many great parents out there Isn't that nice? All right, everyone. Well, thank you all so much for listening to this week's side stories We have another great week for your uh for you here at lpm We try to pump us on the highest quality. Mr.

Oh, you can possibly have check out uh all of our other shows here at lpm fraudsters our new show with sened Gus Navi and justin williams. Absolutely. Check out whiz brew uh page seven ablenkens top pattern all of the All of the fun stuff start submitting now For listener pastas edition for halloween if you want side stories lpotl We're looking for your scariest of creations. Yes. We are read on the air We're very excited halloween is coming faster than I thought it was going to come because time doesn't fucking exist It's going to happen. Henry. Um, and we want to I'm just I need spooky I gotta feel spooky because right now I did a little bit of a spooky moratorium

I'm I'm giving myself a tolerance from spookiness break because I'm doing 31 for 31 for october So last night I watched the first mission impossible movie, which I've never seen no kidding now Why would you even go on a mission like that? It just seems to be honestly, it seems like Henry that's it You're not gonna triple l yeah, sure. Yeah, I'm sure you gotta live every day like your joe joe jorgensen You have forgotten what this three you for it live live live love love But I remember today because joe jorgensen posted today your favorite libertarian presidential candidate. Well, she is the only one

With the libertarian no, she was interested in interested interview But she said what was it? I think our whole world would do a lot a little bit would do a little better If we did a little bit more living laughing and loving and looking at it for president Wow So live every day like you are you live inside a crystal of your own awareness like joe jorgensen And you won't be affected by the outside growth and love the space inside of your own personal crystal Where you are king and queen and dictator and you can do whatever you want and do whatever inside's inside of your own Little personal crystal reality and then I want you to laugh sure scream with laughter because you're inside your own crystal

And no one can fucking hear you because they've been there they're in there They're trespassing and you are allowed to stand your own ground inside of your own crystal realm That is true guns are permitted and you can kill on your own property inside of your own mind Okay, so that's just you taking a nap and fantasizing about murdering people, but that's fine as well Have a little fun with it. It's fun. It's fun to just tell a story to yourself. Yes, it is. All right, everyone Thanks for listening. Hail yourselves. Hail Satan maghuz deletions. Help me indeed dirty Let me uh Rochester's a beautiful city honestly. I'm fine with Rochester. I don't even I've never even been to Rochester. Yeah, we've been

Let me go. No, I went there alone Just imagine me in a sidecar everywhere I go This show is made possible by listeners like you Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them for more shows like the one you just listened to Go to last podcast network.com