Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Snake News

Episode Date: July 7, 2021

Ben 'n' Henry break down this week's true crime news: a snake is loose in Raleigh, a Slenderman stabbing update, a Durango man does an indecent thing to a horse, a shark heist, a broken penis, and MORE.Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0

There's no place to escape to. This is the last time on the left side stories Cannibalism started She's not wearing flowers those are just flowers on her head that is not clothes those are just branches Wrapped around a person. That's not clothes. We'll talk about this when we get to hero of the week That is just grass on his head. That's not an outfit It's not an outfit technically it is no an outfit takes something that doesn't look like you got trapped in an avalanche They're trapped in an avalanche Is this for a good cause or something? We have to start the show. We do have to start the show. No, this is a

Well, this is just for fun. This is yeah, this is it. I thought this was for charity We're gonna we're gonna talk about this for hero of the week, but guys covered in fish. That is just he literally just has fish Staple to him. That's not an outfit. That's not fashion. I guess it is. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm crazy either way Well, we'll get to that story. He looks like he got attacked by a bunch of birds That other woman just got a bird nest on her head. That's not what is it for? I make sir a hero She's covered in dirt. You're really spoiling here of the week this week. I'm sorry. I'm sorry Welcome to side stories everyone. I am Ben hanging out with Henry. Hope everyone is doing well out there Uh, what are we gonna start with today? We do have do we have an update on the on the Wisconsin girl the slender man

We do we do welcome to side stories again. We did it. They let the woman that didn't the young girl Who would the young girl neither of them killed of course? This was a slender man stabbing Took place in Wisconsin one of the gale. She is now 19 years old She has been released a Nissa wire a Nissa wire. She has been released from a a Psychiatrist psychiatric ward in Wisconsin and now she's on the loose But you know what? I think seven years or whatever. She was in there for three and a half years. No She served three and a half years as when I finally only came down That's when it finally all came down to it

She served total three and a half years, but a Nissa wire of the two was a Nissa wire and Morgan geyser Right a Nissa wire She was the one that was sort of the sub to Morgan geysers dominant personality Oh my goodness. That is which when they went in the Morgan geyser was the one who planned the whole thing She was the one talking to slender man to be fair. Yes. She was the She was the mouthpiece. She was she was the connect to slender man. Nissa got pulled in I completely agree with her getting released But I have a sneaking suspicion that if Morgan geyser gets released she will kill again. Oh my goodness

Well, I think that's because before we recorded you referred to her as Michael Myers and I don't think that she is as a Violent or malicious she didn't get far enough. She didn't get far enough. We don't know maybe I'm wrong We who knows I'd like to think that I'm wrong and maybe she'll be the Greta Thornberg of true crime But if that if she can fix things, that's great if she comes out and she's normal That's great, but I am worried about that girl. Well as long as she gets enough sleep That's my only concern a lot of these young superstars a Nissa wire. We are as Henry said now 19 years old Oh, do you feel old yet?

You feel old yet? She was originally sentenced to 25 years at the Winnebago Mental Health Institute Wow, which I can't imagine in the Winnebago mental welcome to the Winnebago Mental Health Institute Here's your here's your spotted cow and here's your bloody Mary with a beer backer That'll be from when we go that's called whisk-o rehab I just have you can have a couple of beers. Come on. You're trying to relax. Come on. We're trying not to get drunk here We're drinking beers. Absolutely. So the walk the walk the walk of Shaw County Judge Michael Bore Boren He gave state officials 60 days to draw up a release plan for her. So she's gonna be out September 10th

So who knows in May the day before our favorite day. Oh my goodness gracious 9-11 sad day for America The stabbing took place in 2014 Peyton play Peyton Lootner was the was the victim there. I wonder what she's the mother is still mad Yeah, probably. Yeah, the mother is still mad. She thinks that they should be in jail for forever But you know, I do believe that people can change. Yes, I believe that they can be rehabilitated But the style of murder I think that my time did in my mind style I'm keep you right. You're right. It was an attempted murder Morgan Geyser also in my mind

I know a lot of people will disagree with me on this I still think that she was aping the schizophrenic symptoms that her mother Exhibited I think that she was purposefully copying them. I think Morgan Geyser is what you know, I'd like to be proven wrong I hope that you are because that was one of the issues that I took with the judgment The act that it was so insane and I think it proved that they were children They are because of course, and they really believed in slender man because they were probably Aroused by that Jack Skeleton looking cryptid. I mean honestly, he's a girl. He's a 12 year old girl's dream come true thin tall I mean, it's a fake cartoon skeleton. Yeah, how could I compete with that? I don't know

I don't know eighth grade Ben Kissel. I guess it's that when you look at slender man And then like that's when all the girls love Johnny Depp. They like them fat now They like them fat once you get past 30. Yes, because then they're adults, too Because you look stable the bane of my existence. Well, I was talking about how they love slender man He's not that man Roger rabbit gave me hope That's what I when I watched him and then he was with Lisa rabbit and then I jerked off a bunch of Lisa rabbit for a while And I don't know why I kept doing of course That was the one it was that and what's her name from cool world?

Yes, of course. I don't know her name, but you know, I never did the cartoon. Okay interesting. I don't know I'm sorry. I guess I guess I just dropped that very lightly, but I feel like a lot of people experience this I think I'm all definitely definitely all right Wisconsin so Wisconsin lock your doors. That's what we're gonna lock your doors Gonna be scary out there big announcement Weed is in LA the last podcast we did in LA our vape carts are at a place called embers in van knives You can go and hassle them and say hey Where's my last podcast weed? Where is it? Where is it? I was there yesterday or on Saturday rather

this past weekend and It was so cool to see the little vapes up there and I was like are people coming in to buy them and then the lady was like Yes, and then the manager came out and he was like I'm a huge fan, so they were super sweet So go to embers get our vape. I really think you're gonna like it the reviews are Good, but like if it was if we were selling people soda It would be very bad because the vape they're like couldn't get off the couch for three hours, but in the vape world That's what you want compliment. I want prisoners exactly This oh my god. That's actually great. We're making our own little zombies, so then they have to listen to our show

But guess what they're so stoned. They can't turn it off We're not trying to make prisoners in jail because the opposite because we work with the last prisoner project I'm trying to make no prisoners, but we want you to be prisoner in your home in your brain in your brain This is fun. I like walking in and out of these horrible situations Mm-hmm. Yeah, um this uh, there's an update that we have to talk about. Oh, it's an update. Okay, then a mistake alert It's roaming North Carolina suburbs What do you mean from me? Is it smoking cigarettes hanging out at the 7-eleven? Someone needs to marry this Snake and get it chained up someone needs to put a ball and chain on the snake

Experts say one bite or spit may be fatal. This is in Raleigh. Why the hell is this snake in Raleigh? What's going on? How did it get there to the board of flight did it get a COVID test where he said it tested negative? This came from actually a listener letter this this is where the story was first broken to us But now apparently it is really spreading This is comes from the letter sent by a listener So my area went absolutely nuts for a couple of days over a zebra cobra, which is a deadly variety of spitting cobra So it's no rights going around Raleigh, North Carolina. You don't meet the swallowing cobra. Yeah Oh, you marry that one

Turns out there's an absolute moron nearby who owns a ludicrous number of venomous reptiles It seems to always be the source of every loose reptile. It's some guy that can lose one. It is just We talk about and I'm gonna say wrongly Unfairly cat women because if you're a snake man, you're truly lonely But I like a snake another kind of a snake woman doesn't tend to have a bunch of venomous snakes They have a bunch of like pythons like cool ones. Yeah, they take cool pictures with a raptor on their arms and stuff It's like guys by the way, of course free Britain. We've had that stance for a well over a decade up and talking about that We are driving to Vegas to free Brittany this weekend

Jesus Brittany we're here for you But we but snake dudes It's a lot of times it's when they bring a big fat juicy snake and then they put it on everybody at the bar And you're like, I don't like it They're not they're liar snakes are liars because they're not wet and they look wet and I've never trusted one sense But this listener wants to point out that this person the loss of snake is not respected at all in the reptile community In fact, he's frequently viewed as reckless Irresponsible and then experienced and it's not even his first incident

He was bit by his own green mamba within the last year and that's also an incredibly deadly snake Well, the sad thing is and you know, I like that the that the listener recognizes this He's just gonna get this freaking snake killed. Mm-hmm They're not gonna like try to coach it out with a bunch of candy and cheese They're gonna cut its head off with a shovel. Yeah, so he just basically got this Rare animal animal does not belong here. It's obviously not indigenous to the state It's not indigenous to the country zebra cobras and originate from Africa according to the African snake bite Institute The snake is usually shy. There's a whole Institute for that. I mean, honestly, it's a bunch of just be like that stem on me

The snake is usually shy and it will choose to escape although if it is corner It will quickly bite or spit much like John Rambo. Wow It's venom can cause tissue damage or even death according to this Institute, but it's not journal It is black vertical stripes. So if you're in Raleigh Look out for the snake and if you're someone that it's not maybe quick to kill the snake What you probably should be because if you corner it and try to get it It's gonna fight it's gonna sniff at you put it in some kind of tank I'm gonna take it to the take it to the the embassy take it to the snake embassy. Yeah, I think that's a great idea

According to Mark Pavlik, he lives in the neighborhood. He said it's pretty alarming Yeah, he goes on to say it seems like a pretty dangerous snake and dogs like to sniff in the grass and check things out It's an extreme worry. Yeah, that's what I do. I know I know We'll be very careful out there if you're in Raleigh because again that snake is on the loose and it's got nothing to lose It's got nothing to lose and it's new in town. Yep. So check again Not just Wisconsin Raleigh lock up your doors lock up your wife's this snake is out there and Again, they are they're much more muscly than you than you think about Oh, we don't really hear about we don't really hear too much about

coitus with the snake via the lady actually Email side stories LP ot lg email.com. Have you had a snake lick your pussy? Have you had a snake lick your asshole? Have you been a person that has had sex with some of you now in the bed? I'd actually like to know because they we now know that that's sort of an urban myth The idea that the boa constrictor lies next to you like people who sleep with the snake in their bed And that's a sign that the boa is strict boa constrictors planning on eating you really that's an urban myth. Is that a myth? I don't know apparently it is though, but this snake is around there to try to try to get it back home Let's get this snake. I don't normally a different home

Maybe because it doesn't sound like he has a good home there I think he needs to go back to its home country where it lives with his other snake friends. Wow. I don't mean I don't mean to be a little aggressive. I just want him to be back home up. This is Zionist movement before snakes I think you can find a loving family someplace in North Carolina I just really come up on a speaking of snake news just briefly here in Austria a dude went to take a piss At 6 o'clock in the morning. Maybe it was a dump as a matter of fact or maybe it was a sit-down piss He's an old man. He's 65 years old at that point He felt a nip in the genital area and it turns out as a boa constrictor his neighbor had let loose

His neighbor is 24, which I feel bad for the 65 year old The goal is to only hang out with people within your 20 year periphery. So if you're 65 and you have to hang out with a 24 year old either that 24 year old is real successful or you failed. Yeah But it wasn't immediate to figure out how the hell like police were like called and they're like what where to grab your Sir, and then they couldn't figure out what happened, but then he the snake just went through the pipes and It was in his own toilet. It was in his own toy. Oh, yeah He was definitely sitting because I remember we had a problem in our basement toilet growing up in Queens where rats used to come up in it And that's how my dad found out that he was downstairs in the bathroom shitter taking a dump

Of course, and he felt like a like a bump like a nose bump on the fucking on his balls He got a rat like it would like It was in there and then they had them from then on perennially We had to keep a paint kind of paint on the basement toilet because the rats would come up through there That's the most country story you've ever said, you know how country Queens gets you know Please said the neighbor he's a younger dude again 24 in this apartment complex. He's got 11 non venomous constrictor states Snakes and a get-go. That's a lot of snakes in an apartment It's just must like welcome to my place and like I gotta go

Can you imagine the odor? I feel like the snakes do they're stinky. They are stinky reptiles are stinky But I think it brings I think and then well immediately people say my reptile ain't stinky was because you wash your reptile I don't know how you wash it. I know what you do with it But I know that some people they see I have smelled the reptile smell before it was in college You go into a snake person's house and you just kind of reckless snakes everywhere It's also hot because you got all the heat lamps all the heat lamps Well, you know what it does it really creates a specific tunnel for anybody that's gonna love you Yeah, it creates a specific filter because they would have to come in they have to like a hot snake smell

Sure, they're gonna have to like and don't forget the gecko. They're gonna get goes there. He's the pervert I don't know what that gecko does other than live in total fucking hell straight up. Yeah It's like just laying in prison right now. Yeah, it's like sitting in there like well It takes for one of these motherfuckers to break out and I'm dead. Yeah, the guy better keep them fed But apparently they are nibbling on there on the neighbor's balls Hey, which is probably the most action is fucking the bottom is balls have gotten in a while 65 years old taking a shit at 6 a.m. And all of a sudden a snake nips on your balls You survive three world wars something like that just to take a shit and get bitten on the dick by a snake

Wow No, no neighbors are or don't I don't know some people don't want an animal to bite their dick and balls, right? And they actually are really upset when it happens But then of course here on side stories one thing that we just absolutely because we just love to cover and you guys also You I guess you guys love to hear it from us because we just another story where again some people Just they absolutely love When an animal dick when an animal sucks or bites their penis or or they do something with their penis to it This is a story about a Durango man. Oh Durango. This comes from Durango news. Where is Durango?

Is that New Mexico? I actually have no idea what so ever No, but this guy's making New Mexico sound more like Old Mexico Durango faces cruelty charge for alleged sexual acts with a horse Suspect being held on $5,000 bail at La Plata County Jail La Plata No, no the guy kind of looks like I've eaten at a Durango's. Oh well if Durango's sounds fantastic Kind of looks like if Jared Leto led himself even like if Jared Leto Wasn't at all successful. This is him in character. Yeah Um the Durango police department arrested Jonah Barrett. Let's go 26 years ago

Oh, he's on Monday for an alleged sexual act with a horse. They responded to a fairgrounds at about 10 p.m.. June 17th Oh my god at night call to after receiving a report of a man having sexual intercourse with a horse Obviously is a neighbor because how many times you got to deal with it You just drive it around and you just see some guy in deep in a field It was like is that some kind of fucking centaur and then you see that it's just one guy going whoa, whoa Whoa, whoa fucking a horse in a field. Oh my god. This dude is so crazy Well, let's go was in custody police detectives recovered text messages where let's go Admitted his sexual interaction with the horse and during subsequent interviews. Let's go admitted to the facts

Admitted to the acts now Do you think it's one of those texts where someone goes like you up and he says? He's busy and then it's eggplant horse Oh Yeah, my friend do bad. I'm fucking this horse. I'd love to come see fast and furious nine But I just got a nut yeah in this animal first. Oh my goodness I thought you were saying the horse would like to see fast and furious nine Which I think is kind of cool because if you think about the horse they were the first car

I think they would be jealous and see how quickly they were absolutely totally decimated and replaced by the Stalian vehicle we still we still Describe how fast a car goes by horse power. I find that to be antiquated and dumb. I think it should be tire volume Okay, well, please found so I'm sorry. I came hard for you are coming hard all over the place today. Wow get a mop and bucket Please found numerous burglary tour numerous burglary tools Including a grinder and some bolt cutters and evidently when let's go saw the lights. He freaked out so much He left his osprey backpack and his bike. Oh, I have an osprey backpack

Really what a good plug for osprey osprey backpacks. Do you want to fuck a horse? This will carry all your gear while your balls deep in a mare. That's awesome I guess he didn't do a very good job of hiding because at least four people contacted the police Wow, which means the cops in Durango their their message board was lighten up Do you think it's just because I he might have just been making noise Like you're just in a field and he's laying into the horse was probably making noise I don't know I think a lot of times horse stands silent because they're used to carrying the secrets of men

Oh, I think that when this man's going at this horse, you think it's this him going. Oh, oh Yeah, like it's just how do you build such a crowd? Well Jonah said the horse had given him indicate Oh my god, this is always this is always this they always say this they say the horse had given Indications to him based on its behavior that it was interested in participating in sexual activity when spread eagle and did the fingers Going like what do you think a horse does it? He didn't want to fuck like the landlord from kingpin. Yes as he's he vomits in the toilet But Jonah did not vomit in the toilet Jonah apparently took the horse up He said Jonah said he had never engaged in sexual behavior with animals prior to this incident

Why did he die? Well, how did he know then the science that the horse was ready to fuck? I think he probably fucked every animal. He's ever had He says it was because he had He was on drugs. Oh and a breakup and yeah, and then he had some personal Relationship issues. Yeah, it was a breakup. This is gonna get her back. Hey, honey. I'm in jail. Well, babe Fuck yeah. All right. You want to see my new girlfriend? This is off two thousand pound horse. It'll make you feel better as an ex though. It will because you're not a horse So no matter what you did. He was not gonna love you

No, because you are a human being you're a human being but the nice thing with horses if you put peanut butter in their mouth That's how you make them look like they're talking. That's what they did with mr. Ed I think that also when I think they also discovered the peanut butter is bad for horses Did they everything that they used to do prior to 1985 to animals and shit It's all criminal like you just found out that they were all were being poisoned for years. That's it like glassy I'm pretty certain they like oh, there's probably 30 lassies. Oh, yeah glassy We get hit by our car that have a new Lassie on set like you know how many times Actors, yeah, of course. Yeah, they're expendable because you just find another little blonde one a lot of times

That's why they hire twins because a lot of times they start as triplets. That is that is not actually just conspiracy No, that is 1000% true because they work them and work them and work them And then they turn into a little Corey Feldman's. Yeah, just so they can make their parents money Wow, honestly, that's the way you said that though when you said that that makes sense I do like the idea, but also you should have children because you want to take care of them Baby should be You use back they used to make kids as a work force You wait and see when all of our friends pop these babies out of them which ones are stars and which ones aren't that's gonna

They're gonna find that out when they're by the time they're six, which is very sad. I hope not Or here we go, this is comes from gizmodo. Here's another fun story. This is wild We love to cover this you this we love to cover. We love to cover this type of shit You know how much we love it We're in the middle of sort of like you could say a medical series on last podcast and left we've been covering black death Talking a lot about science now. This is some hard-hitting science news a man's penis broke vertically during Oh god, okay. What the hell does that even mean? How is it even possible? I don't know a man in the UK appears to be a medical first. Wow

Though probably not in the way he would have wanted this guy again comes from gizmodo His doctor says he's the first known person to have his penis broken vertically Despite the odd injury though the man is fully recovered now a broken penis Peanut peanut olfractors more penile fractures more accurately described as a tear starting from the tunica of vigenenia The protective layer surrounding the erectile tissue that pump bloods to the penis now The reason why it feels like a broken bone is that most injuries happen during sex and you broke your fucking penis Well, that's why it feels like a fucking broken bone because you did horrible damage to your penis absolutely So what happened here was and this is a message for everybody and it comes with a popping noise too

I remember everybody's like it pops. I'm sure it does So he was having sex with this gal and they were really getting it on she was on top She was in the most times that when penis are broken it's cuz someone's on top And they don't cuz you know when it slips out sometimes. Yes Calm take a breath. So the dude sir. He's 40 years old. I'm about to be 40 this could happen any of us I mean time and she's on top of him and then his this is a quote He says the penis quote buckled against his partner's perineum. That's a taint stopper that is the taint So he's and then boom you hit that perineum aka the taint, you know, it's just there's there's two other holes

That could happen there and he really he the crash landed and then his penis broke Vertically, which I still don't fully Understand I don't I'm not quite certain I think when he means a vertically that normally when it pops it's it's like this right like it's towards you Maybe it's towards you or maybe it's to the side. Maybe it's more of to the side broken to the side And maybe this time was prop it was broken up He said he didn't show many of the symptoms of a classic phenol fracture phenol fracture. He hadn't heard a loud popping I didn't develop a rolling sign

Which is when the skin of the penis can be rolled over a large bruise that forms on it. Oh my god Oh, his penis was only moderately swollen. Oh, and he actually didn't meet He didn't immediately lose his erection actually that's not I think the worst part of having a broken penis because I you get close Sometimes where you do like one little bump, right? And you go like oh, whoa, you're like what the fuck? But you don't lose it You don't fully lose the erection because she must God's like whatever he God's trap We don't know and then this is not an insult in any way, but we don't know the size of the gal She may have been coming in real hard. Maybe Yokozuna style slamming on that dick slamming on that dick

Oh, yeah, sounds fantastic, but one slam and next thing you know boom The head hits the taint and that's all she wrote But these doctors are really trying to say hey listen people are embarrassed often they talk about they break these penises right people are embarrassed Well, they break their penis. It's not the most embarrassing thing I haven't anyone I honestly think it's not remotely embarrassing. You are having sex. You are living a full wonderful life You sometimes injuries happen. You know, I mean I go injure myself the more I injure myself the more I work out Yes, because I'm in the mix. You're in the changing shit. It's like it's not like he if the guy fucking a horse broke his penis He should be embarrassed because then you have to figure out like why you covered it

Hey, if you're not one of the heroes of the week, we're about to cover. Oh Anyway, unfortunately the doctors didn't take any pictures, which I'm actually you know if I'm the guy I would just be like Are you gonna post that? Can you tag me in that? I think that's actually kind of nice Although they could have taken some pictures just for learning because again, I don't fully know what it means to break your penis vertically I'm not quite certain and I said that one of the biggest problems one of the biggest symptoms and risk factors for broken broken penis Is having sex doggie style and I tell you what if doggie's dad is wrong and I want to be right. All right That's nice of them fun. That is very fun. So be extremely careful there when it comes to having sex Make sure you know where you're landing that donger. Just be present sit think about for your second

You know be there be with your partner. That's what it is. I think we're rushing. That's what it is Could be it's because we're obsessed with getting to the a from a to b Well a to see right? I mean this be if we just go straight to a to see well, let's do this next story This is about a to D ass hold the dip His name is Robert Goldwitzer. He's 42 years old He got some chicken nuggets at McDonald's and they didn't have his dipping sauce. So the man just completely rational He decided to call the McDonald's and make a bomb threat Not realizing anything about human history or where we've come as a country over the past 20 years after 9 11

How the laws have you know really not loosened up? They've solidified. They've maybe solidified it So he made a threatened call to the restaurant That's not good and he called from just his phone and I guess he doesn't understand that like you know, there's there's a whole Bunch of ways. My name's um Rick Rigard Rigard And I just want to say that Honestly, this is the problem is that the Rick and Morty sesh one sauce like flip out that happened a couple of years ago

I I didn't I barely even looked into it because I thought it was so fucking stupid Yeah, but when people all got mad about that there was no sesh one sauce I think it's something something to do with Rick and Morty I'm not quite certain of the the base of it, but people started freaking out And we started dude McDonald's have sesh one sauce. It was this limited edition sauce. It's all shit It's all garbage you but people went and they flipped out They wanted the sauce and then people were punching cashiers in the face. They were fucking attacking managers They were flipping tables and shit. It's sauce make your own sauce. It's I sauce from the store

This is this is fucking pro tip from a sauce dude from a sauce man. I know Lord go and make sure that if you want a specific Condiment, this is a tip you buy to the store Well, you're never gonna get the right amount of ketchup or barbecue sauce You have to have your own stuff you keep it in the house and then you can slather up with whatever you want And then also you don't have to have all the judgment from everyone when if you eat something particularly strange like a little bit Like I like to do maybe a little bit of a mix of barbecue and mayonnaise Oh, that's fine. That's fine. My dad did the mayonnaise. He's German. I like mayonnaise I think mayonnaise is also much aligned in this country. Sure misaligned

I'm with you. So the cops question galt witzer and he admitted he called the victims and made threats and then he was arrested Yeah, it was me. I am a fact ridger Michelator. I was the guy. Yeah, you got me. So tell me you got that sauce though What a nightmare for this guy because his day would have just been so much better if he could have just let let it go Well, and who really gives a shit? I'm gonna go on the limb here and say it wasn't about the sauce It's like that. Everybody loves Raymond episode. It's not about the suitcase. Mm-hmm. It's about the power structure Okay Also update Lori Vallow was also finally indicted for the murder of her ex-husband Charles Vallow as well. She that's also that's come down

Okay, come down the pipe Which is good news. I still wonder because they're still saying Lori Vallow might not be fit for trial So we'll find out what do you mean because they're saying she's too crazy. I just really she just she is a cunning Devious person. Yeah, so she also While she might be a true believer Natalie and I are both torn about whether or not Lori Vallow is a true believer or not I believe that every cult leader always has a little back door in the very back of their head where they have they do Believe up to a point But at any point they're willing to bail if they could they would just bail on everybody and they would just because it's number

One is the only thing that matters, right? Yeah, but I think that Lori Vallow also saw that there was smart that there was a good tactic and sticking to her I'm a godhead story because the more and more she sticks to it the more and more crazy She seems even if you're faking it the faking it of sticking to it could also make you seem to be crazy Yeah, I mean she's Definitely playing some kind of game. Oh, yeah, she's she's been playing people for a long time She is a very good people manipulator people. She's I think she's manipulating courts right now Of course she is and speaking of cults just another small update

We mentioned how Alice and Mack was sentenced to three years But now we're starting to hear a little bit of the victim impact statements. This is a victim named Jessica Joan Jessica Joan she's young. She I mean not that it matters, but she's quite quite pretty. Um, she talks about how she was abused by Alice and Mack she calls her a sociopath. Yeah, man And she's a sociopath. She's a fucking villain and Joan actually said this is kind of a perfect sentence for like this Is like if you are like writing a roast joke as a victim impact statement This is like actually got joke structure to it. She's like this. She is the glane Maxwell to Keith's

Jeffrey Epstein. Yeah, so she hit that out of the park. He is though, but that's absolutely I think that's right out of the money. I think Alice and Mack is another dangerous person I think so as well Joan said When it comes to Alice and Mack her eyes looked dead It was very much after she looked into her eyes She personally branded somewhere around 50 people. Holy shit. That's a lot Ellison Mack is a dangerous person and she's going to get out in a year and a half Because she's gonna be you know, she's gonna do like we're whittling things for the troops from jail

Like she's gonna do something where she teaches acting classes like with in prison and stuff And they're all gonna call her some inspirational figure of rehabilitation. She's gonna come back out She's gonna get another acting job and then she's gonna fuck it up again. Something else is gonna happen I'm calling it. She's definitely gonna get a podcast So Joan is that the biggest crime of all? Kind of Joan says it was very much that feeling when it comes to looking at Mac She says it was very much that feeling of a sociopath where she wasn't actually able to receive what I was saying She also said that Mack is a monster who created so much harm and she goes on to say I respect the judges judge's decision

I know he had a lot to grapple with but me personally. I don't feel the remorse from her I do pray that one day she can see the light, but I don't think that was today She's only sorry that she's going to prison but talk about manipulation and I think that you're correct. It's Culturally you just look at this little blonde woman and just a judge Similar to what they similar to what the judge did with KC and Bundy though I was staying with head buddy where it's like it would have been an honor to work with you Oh, yeah, that's a culture. We just look at this girl and the judge it's like the judge It's probably like oh you kind of look like my niece like yeah, she has she cuz she's a shape shifter

Yeah, she's an actress like she's going in there. She puts her she does it She's got those big eyes like a bright smile. You just watching her like big eyes. Just like over you as she's Branding your pussy Jesus Christ. All right. Well, nonetheless the nexium saga Continues continues and ends all at the same time. I still have nothing but disdain for every single person That was the in the leadership including those assholes that made that documentary that tried to absolve themselves Of what they did I can't wait for I guess season two of the other one. Yeah, dude They're gonna talk about this one. I don't know about their new projects. It's gonna be about him being a DJ He's gonna have her new she's gonna have a podcast

The last story here that I think was kind of interesting you hear this story about this dude There's a Texas manhunt, but it's not for like a bank robbery. Oh man that movie heller high water is so good It's because these three dudes stole a live shark from an aquarium. Whoa, I think is actually that's the most dangerous heist of all when them when the The booty you know get you they did it. I'm gonna say this. I'm straight up gonna say it's an adorable way This story is a little bit old, but we're gonna go in the way way back machine to 2018 Just cuz I hadn't heard this one before so they were able to get the baby shark out by Or they were able to get the shark up and pretending it was a baby. They wrapped it to blanket and wheeled it away It was but it was returned two days later anyway, this is just sort of always returned was returned

But I like the idea of pretending something's a baby. That's always a very good tactic It really is because that's what they did in ET. Mm-hmm. That's what they did in DT That's also what they do with drugs Isn't that reason why they check the strollers really careful when you go through the airport because how many times you put a Little, you know get a little sack of cocaine you put a pacifier on there You put a little bonnet on there all of a sudden, you know, you got yourself a little Colombian baby. Yes, indeed Amen, Covino. He's the owner of the San Antonio aquarium He said we're beyond excited that the police found the shark and we have allowed us to and have allowed us to pick her up

And then he goes on to say and I don't really know what this means He says I don't know why someone would take a shark from the aquarium I think shark week might have had something to do with it. Isn't that something? Shark week got them all horny for sharks. This sounds like this is somebody from the ID channel or something trying to throw discovery under the bus Oh, maybe this is about corporations fighting each other. Anyway, so be careful if you got a shark lock it up Lock it up as the theme of today is lock your sharks up lock your doors up If you're in what was it? I believe it was North Carolina, Wisconsin and Texas three years ago Yeah, you should have locked your doors then. All right. Well, I think we can do hero of the week

Yeah, sure So what is this shit? It's not really I don't even know if they're heroes But the article and I want everyone to look at this it's from the Good News Network So is this the one that got 20 million bucks? No, it's not because this is what this has got seniors with fucking nests on their head It's not John Krasinski just selling the concept of good news and then abandon. Well, you're not reading the headline Are you playful seniors? We're organic materials to personify nature and how beautiful is this? So the first image is of a woman maybe 90 maybe 145 and she's wearing a little nest on her head It looks like Jesus's crown of thorns if it was done by a moron. Oh, isn't that nice?

It looks like the beavers were having some fun and they they made her a nice little cat that she could wear She just put sticks on her head now this other image of what is this for like what is the purpose of this? It's so that they can live another day and have a little fun. Is this just about this woman's covered in mud She's just in a pile of mud She looks like a she got an avalanche. Yeah, it was Rita Iconin and Carolyn short believe it or not It's a collaborative event. It took more. Yeah, of course because she's not piling that month on herself What do you okay? Well, I'm just gonna tell you they're Finnish and Norwegian. Okay? You know what? I'm now that makes sense. Yeah, so she was looking for a way to

reinterpret the tales of trolls and magic creatures So you might like that and she's intrigued so that's why for example this woman She kind of put a bunch of dandy lions or what now those seem to be maybe cotton just just on her fucking head Yes, so there's she's a lot of cotton and then this man is a part of a tree. He's got branches on He's got branches on him. I don't really know what it's most symbolize supposed to symbolize trolls apparently and then this woman That's just got seaweed on her. She's got seaweed on her stuff That's just and the featured models are imbued with eye popping organic connections to nature and the results each stunning portrait reflects a personal narrative Acknowledged and venerated rather than than a life story dismissed and forgotten

So these people are being remembered forever and take a look at this guy kind of looks like a beaver Yeah, he's got your dirt on his head. He's a good guy. Those are reeds. He's just got a bunch of dirt on his head It looks like he got found in a ravine looks like a porcupine Um, so anyway, this has been going on since 2011 and they've gone ten years Yeah, they've gone to Norway they've gone to Finland They've gone to Sweden Greenland Iceland the Czech Republic France and the United States Great Britain the Faroe Islands South Korea, Japan Senegal and Tasmania so they show up and they put stuff on their head They probably come for money because this is what these photographers and then this guy here

He is as we mentioned at the top of the show It's covered in fish and he kind of looks like if the little mermaid had had a had a brother that That must read he's covered in dead fish. Yeah, he's covered in dead fish But so how does that celebrate nature? You killed all these that one that guy? I think they just covered in dead fish He kind of literally got a raw deal and I actually don't because the rest of us just had like branches because he's like Why do I got to be the dead fish guy? Yeah, because we got a mud woman we got this guy We got three people with reeds on him. Well, this guy's part of a hill He looks like he died. He might be dead. He might be dead

That isn't that is a man covered in moss They were inner they were interviewed in CNN style only the best and they say we might be in Paris And you might be at an opera so ray evening and there I'm there might be an old lady dancing The last person on the dance floor and you just think who is this fascinating person? I have to meet you approach them and ask who are you and what are you doing tomorrow? What is CNN's deal? What are you remotely talking about?

Young man, he is just covered in river mud. He's just covered in detritus Extremely unsanitary Anyway, they're heroes in a way They are heroes in a way. You see an old woman just dancing alone What are you doing tomorrow? Who are you and what are you doing tomorrow? I ask every time I see an old lady dancing alone. I go up to her now. Who are you? What are you doing? God right. All right, it takes all kinds. Hey, then what do you do you go and you gather up a bunch of leaves? It should be like this. What are you doing tomorrow?

You just became a waste barrel filled with the stuff from the lawn clippings everyone wants to be mulch Everybody wants everybody wants to be mulch. Unfortunately. We all just eventually become mulch. Don't we? Yes, indeed. All right. So here of the week is Humans connecting with nature. It's the concept of humans connecting with nature is the hero of the week Those are words put together in a sentence. Absolutely. Here. We have some listener emails In an episode of side stories last year you talked about a guy who cooked a chicken in the hot spring About two years ago. I went to the we did okay. We did two years ago I went to the Arizona hot springs the water there isn't hot enough to burn you like the ones in your story

And so people treat it like it's an actual hot tub on the hike I saw a very concerning sign that I've attached to the email. It reads warning do not allow water to enter your nose negli area Fowlery an amoeba common to thermopoles may enter causing a rare infection and death. Oh Then in very faint sharpie someone has written 98% mortality surviving 2% have no quality of life They generously added a skull and crossbones to get the point across apparently this amoeba It goes up your nose travels through natural gap in your skull and then eats the neurons in your brain

Oh, causing symptoms such as a headache vomiting coma drooping eyelid seizures hallucinations loss of sense of taste and death So isn't that kind of fun? Well despite all that when we were still we were still there We saw people doing dumb shit like this It is a nude woman floating on her back inside of it She's on her back. It's not so bad. She just can't be on her stomach. You can't get it in the nose I feel like it's gonna go up the pussy. Yeah, I don't know. It seems like it likes the nose But I don't I know nothing about it. It sounds horrifying. I've actually Heard of those, you know, you hear about the brain worm all that stuff every now and again

Oh, yeah, it's like the scary issue. It was big in Georgia for a while I remember that was like when in Atlanta I was thinking the second see it sees in a pretty face. They were like messages saying messaging saying that there's cases of Flesh-eating bacteria. Yes, that's great. Yeah, I didn't have it at my 20 21 bingo. Oh, man I'm gonna play a new board game. Yeah, probably so when I was about six years old I moved into a house just outside of town with my mom her new husband and his son which we lived within for about three years Oh, it had an unfinished basement with vinyl wood floors and the typical 80s fall fake wood walls Hmm. There was also a workbench rec room on the very back of the basement with a room and half bath attached to said room

This was my room. I rarely slept as a child considering I was about six years old and I would wake up four or five times a night become restless enabled and be unable to fall back asleep Mostly if I'm myself falling asleep in the living room watching America's most wanted fuck yeah Oh, my room was very bland with a box frame and mattress lying on the floor with with a Primer white walls and only a single window in the very top of one wall those about two feet wide by one foot tall I never liked this basement It would I would have horrific nightmares because become anxious and upset if I was forced to stay down there and slept only in my

Room about six times so every time I was down there I felt uncomfortable like I was being watched upon entering the room I would feel threatened as and I feel very cold being a kid I thought nothing of it yet every time I went back upstairs I would sprint as fast I could up the steps feeling like someone was reaching for me as I left and there were times when I Would leave my favorite stuffed animal on my pillow and it would be on the floor across the room when I returned But again, I thought nothing of it fast forward to 2018 I was 23 and it moved out west to live on my own and was back to visit family for a week

While attending a barbecue at my mom's house We somehow got on the topic of creepy stuff that used to happen at the house and how much we disliked the basement as kids This is a fun barbecue conversation. Oh, yes. Yeah, my brother turned to my mom after a short period and answered He doesn't know My mom's face instantly turned white as she stared at him with wide eyes I didn't inquired what he was talking about and she looked at the ground Pulled me to the side along with my brother and said I was never gonna tell you this and I hope I never had to Before we moved into the house. There was another family living there. Oh, man, his kids and his wife

You stepped in never told me about this until after we saw you being uncomfortable down there She then started to tell me about how a few years before we moved in there There was a terrible storm the father took both kids and his wife into the far back room in the basement my room to be safe From a possible tornado. He then proceeded to murder Everybody well that seems like the tornado wasn't the problem and then he turned the gun himself looked like a more of a reason And then he decided hey, oh nice nice. Isn't that the premise of was it Jacob's ladder? No, is that well Ronald DeFeo killed everybody during the thunderstorm during the animeville case Yes, I'm thinking of a movie where the fragility

Frailty frailty. There we go. That's we that's one. Yes to this day I still can't sleep well and then have drove and passed that house once but felt an extreme urge to get as far away from the Property as I could cool. Well nowadays branded as a haunted house You're gonna sell it for double and this is a guy you got to look out for okay, but band Oh He's not I mean he's not around anymore. I think he might I think he retired all right I really hope he's done but banditine or whatever whatever he describes himself as this came from our discussion of the butt-crack bandits Right and how that's a common term that reporters use

I don't know what happened to my Instagram algorithm, but I got a bunch like there was just this guy It's a women would like bend over at a Walmart, right? Yeah, sure this guy would go up and smell their butt cracks and then they would look at him be like what the fuck Anyway, it was very bizarre. It's very strange out there. Be careful when you're bending over I guess I mean, I feel like those might be staged. I Yes, I don't know they might be Yes, they didn't might be staged because then they go they really sniffing there and that's just everybody's working But here we go

This is a local legend from a nearby town this guy got the nickname the quote-unquote butt bandit The name is a misnomer the name the name is a misnomer because he didn't actually steal anything but rather He would rub his whole ass with facile and then press it against storefront windows around town The best ass prints were the ones where he could lean a bit too far forward and leave a turkey neck Balls sometimes a little bit of dong smear It isn't in the story, but the cops eventually started walking around started waiting around through the night and caught him red-handed And all Vazel leaned up. Oh, he was apparently mostly active during the spring and summer and stopped when it got cold Oh, naturally

I guess when you could put your ass on a bear plate glass when it's 10 degrees out. It's not very plus, you know It's a honestly we caught we talked about people Tom Larvey was the man named 35 years ago Tom Larvey Tom Larvey Wow, we talked about people taking dumps on slides and taking public shit This is actually as far as it goes. You just gotta, you know, squeegee it off It's vaguely innocent. It seems to be closer to art closer. Do you remember penis man?

Which one the one in New Mexico the other one that was like, you know, penis man won't die I believe that was the term. Let me look this man won't die. Did he rub his penis on stuff? No, he wrote the word penis man everywhere. Oh, yes now. I remember this story, of course I'm trying to see if I can find it. I believe this came in. Yeah penis man. Maybe I'm correct mainly. I'm incorrect It's wait. Let me make sure I know this penis man Yeah, penis man. I'm how penis man won't die. But that was just It was yeah, it was art. It was art, but now this guy actually used his booty

Yeah, we haven't heard anything from Tom I'm trying to see if I found anything else from Tom Larvey. So Tom Larvey. I want to say he might be a one-hit wonder You know when it comes down to it It's so hard to come up, especially if you had that fucking that big old hit album. Well, we did find out 13 months in jail Alison Mack got three years. Three years. He said 13 months in jail for putting his Vaseline butt on things. She branded you when people were there It sounds like he did it tonight. Sex cult leader. All right. She got three years. Okay Well, be careful with the butt band at the male butt often penalized, but guess what if you take in your ass This is when you have to love about art

I'm gonna do it this way if you have to love think what I love about art is that if you covered your ass in paint You're dick in your balls or your pussy hole or whatever it is you have right you've covered that paint Put that on canvas. You had a love for a fact that you have the love for art and chose Yeah, then you couldn't laugh your way Yeah, all the way to the bank knowing for a fact that you made art just using your body and how easy it was Because it was right there for you the tools are right there the expression that you've searched for was always there But if you just randomly put your ass all full of paint out there in the world You have to live with the fact that you're now a pervert. Well, and that's I find it all what's the blinds here?

What are we doing here? I love this sort of like art for people in solitary confinement. Mm-hmm your butt is the art You are the artist if you have a butt. That's great Well, everyone listening is artistic in their own ways whether it be business whether it be art Etsy creation Yes, there's a lot of different types of art there really is it's almost an infinite amount almost infinite the only thing that does not have You know, I'm gonna say bailiff. It's really very little art to be a bailiff. There's very little art to be a court Alright, everyone. Well, thank you so much for listening. So we are ready to announce that we have dates on our patreon If you are a patreon member you get to see the first load Do the first drippy load of dates. It's coming out the presale is today Wednesday on patreon

It's coming to you. It's those goddamn tickets. We're gonna say you're fucking asses. It is a big load. I want to get you Yeah, we have about I think dang your 50 show. So we are gonna be busy boys Okay, I'm gonna be a real army hammer about our day. Oh, right. We are we are really excited to see everyone Thank you all so much for listening and yeah, hail yourselves Nails 8 magus deletions everybody see you in the hotels of America. Absolutely like your doors. Yeah Help me This show is made possible by listeners like you thanks to our ad sponsors You can support our shows by supporting them for more shows like the one you just listened to go to last podcast network.com