Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Son Swap

Episode Date: March 6, 2024

Henry & Eddie bring you this week's weirdest stories and true crime news - starting off with the Ontario woman who faked multiple pregnancies to defraud and harass over a dozen doulas, Metal band Llorona fires vocalist after he reportedly admits to dosing bandmate with estrogen to steal his fiancee, Case of mistaken identity causes an 'emotionally traumatic nightmare' for Ontario family who mistook dying man for son, the NFL prospect who doesn't believe in space, Listener E-mails, and MORE!

On Wizard and the Bruiser, we find all those crazy little moments in geek history that make the things we love into inescapable cultural behemoths. If you love video games, movies, comics and anime, this is the LPN show for you. But wait Holden, it's not just educational. Shouldn't we talk about all those crazy boner jokes we make all the time? No Jake! No we will not! Fair enough!

Last podcast network presents Wizard and the Bruiser. Find it on your favorite podcast app and hit that little Subby Dubby button. Ooh, we would love it if you did that. Oh, that would help us out so much. God, wouldn't you love to do that? Don't I sound like the kind of person you want to help? Like, hit the button. Like, just do it.

There's no place to escape to this is the last side stories yes I'm cooking just a little bit. I'm cooking just a little bit. What are you cooking? I'm cooking biscuits. Cooking biscuits? Yeah, down in my pants. Down in your cooking biscuits in your pants.

It is hot down there. You ain't cooking that. I mean, if you could save some for me. Joke's on you. Now you're looking at my balls. Oh. I love biscuits. Those are it biscuit I am in charge today my friend. Yeah, I'm feeling good. Yeah, you're feeling good

You know why I'm feeling good. Why are you feeling good because you saw doon? I saw doon, too I got in there. I saw both dunes this week. That's incredible. Yeah, I did it man I did it for you. And you know what are you ready for this? Sure, I like it That's it. I liked it. I enjoyed it another fucking you jazz Marlin in the boat Oh, yeah, space you Beetlejuice is good for me and Rob you saw it too, right? Hell. Yeah. Hell. Yeah, it's fucking good It's amazing. See you on I max see it on I max. It's so good and I it's not Dolby It's amazing. See it on iMacs.

See it on iMacs. It's so good. I saw it on Dolby. Ah. I see it. What a fucking pussy. You know what's so weird is like before the movie, they're like, I made this just for Dolby.

Then you go see it and I'm actually like, I made this just for iMacs. And then there's eventually gonna be one that's like, I made this just for you, Ed Larsen. You're like, what? What? Oh my God, Christopher. Welcome side stories.

I'm Henry Ziprowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larsen. Hello. New rude dooner. I don't know if I'm a rude dooner. I think I realized what's wrong with it, like halfway through, and like why it'll never be Star Wars.

It's not fun. It's so sad and upsetting. There's no like, you know, space dog with a crossbow. You know, like that helps out. You know, like there isn't like, there's no, you know, space dog with a crossbow, you know, like that helps out, you know, like there isn't like, there's no, you know, the only comedy is like one of the guys believes in God. And that's like the only joke. The only comedy in Dune. Yeah, there's no comedy in Dune. I know that's why it's going to be, it's not going to stand the test of time.

No, it's serious and it needs you because people need to learn from it. Yeah. All right. Cause there's lessons with in D tune and you should read the books The books are more fun. I was hard enough getting through the movie. You will get you some books I'll give you I'll read you the books. I do need something to prop my bed up on you know what we need I'll put it right next to my Bible can't there just be a service where women We with naked women, okay arrive at your home and read you dune. How would I ever pay attention? Because you want to please them.

No, I need like, I need someone like cool to come, like a voice actor to come read it. So, okay. Timothy Olaphant. I mean, I got so many questions immediately. But in order to ask Timothy Olaphant all of the questions you want to ask Timothy Oliphant. I'll listen to Tim Redoom. Timothy Oliphant. I believe his email is timethyoliphant at gmail.com. They usually are. What's funny about it? Well, a lot of times they're ancient. Like a lot of this celebrity side bed, they have like some crazy AOL account. Lots of AOLs and hotmails and earth links and shit. I'm a Yahoo boy.

But if you get email Timothy Oliphant at timothyoliphant at gmail.com and ask him to come to Ed Larson's home, I'll give you the address. Yeah. Just to Timothy Oliphant. Yes. I'll give him the address to meet Eddie. Yeah. And then you get, but he has to bring a well-worn copy of dude that he can borrow from me. And I'm excited to ask him about Deadwood. And I know it was a long time ago, but you know what they say. You gotta get through Dune, buddy. Olyphans never forget. You got a couple updates. A lot of show today.

A lot of show we gotta get through today. Oh, I didn't do my... You know who was the best at riding worm? Who? Zendaya. She's very chaste. Chaste? What'saya. She apparently, she's very chased. Chased? What's that mean? She ain't giving it out.

Oh, well she's, there's a sex scene. Well she's locked up with the, with the Spider-Man. Yeah, everyone knows there's a sex scene. Yeah. She's the girlfriend, but in the books. And then she's really, there's other really sexy movie where she's fucking two tennis players,

so many previews. There's a lot of, 45 minutes of previews. Two monkey movies coming out next year. Big year for monkey movies. Godzilla, King Kong, body cop movie it looks like. No, I love it. I'm serious. But then Dia, she does a good job in that because she did the largely thankless role of Johnny Was expanded for her which I think is I thought it was Johnny the whole time Man you thought her name was Johnny Johnny five is alive. I was like why they name this chick Johnny You can't maybe it's your ears. I mean the words are fucking ridiculous in that movie. Yeah, man It's sci-fi. I'm trying to relate to it a little bit.

I mean, this is the, you add again, you have to meet it halfway. The Bedouin. Dune does a good job. It's not the Bedouins, it's the Fremen. I know. No, no, no, the Bedouins, but they, who's the, the Benadestrix? Benadestrix. Benadestrix.

I saw the movie, it's so hard. It is. Yes. I'm just like, I'm using their names. Javier Bardem, you know,, like I can't fucking follow all this Technically the book and the series itself the movie series does take homework. Yeah, gotta arrive to it Yeah, you got it meet Dune halfway Star Wars does all the work bought the ticket I took the ride you did yeah, I'm appreciate you did that and then you and I did like it see I think it's

Strikes back And then you and I did like it. See, I think it's empire strikes back. Yeah, I get it right. It is if you're going to go Star Warsy, it's more empire. Now you're talking about with David Dustin Maltryan. He said the same thing. He was like we both said. What's up Zendaya's ass, Shawnee. What's up Shawnee's ass?

Why does she fucking hate it and everyone else is down? She'll come around eventually, you see. She's going to come around. We can't spoil it. No. Until we go to LPN deep dive dude It's on its own feed. We're recording the review. We're recording review tomorrow Me and my human wife hold the McNeely who uh honestly he fell asleep your human wife

Yes, is that what you called it's cuz I'm the god emperor and god emperor in book four has a yeah Natalie Natalie's doesn't feature in this not a's not a human? No, no, well, she just doesn't. When I'm in Dune, I'm a single man. Okay. You know what I mean? When I'm inside of Dune, there is no love. Julie slept through a lot of it. Of course. Yeah, I was jealous. It's yeah. I was like, she's like, what happened? I was like, I have no fucking idea. Hold it dipped in and out. Yeah. I was just watching. Oh, bitch. Well, we got drunk before that.

But I was on a show. Well, yeah, the first showing was for weed and the second showing was for booze. Yeah, well, you called us to a 10.30, I ditched, 10.30 PM. We did. On a weekday. Yeah. And you're like, all right, let's go to Barney's

beannery at seven. Yeah. And drink for three and a half hours. Yeah, with my boys. And then 45 minutes of previews What did you expect him to do? Got a great time. So have you recorded the episode yet? Tomorrow tomorrow? Is he gonna watch it again? Uh, you're gonna go in not actually finishing it I think that as many times I could try to make him watch it

There's only so much detail that will slide into his the cloaca that allows Information into the center of his brain. See I thought he was a true rude donor. He goes in and out. Did he read the books? Yes, mostly. Okay. But he struggles. And there's only gonna be one more dune.

There's only gonna be, well, who knows? We gotta get to it. Because technically right now, dune two is doing fine. But the parameters for movies are insane. It's the number one movie in the world. But is it number one enough? It's all of this shit. How much did it cost to make, like 300 million?

God knows, a huge amount of money. And I think on that Thursday, it made 12 million. So I don't know what it pulled in for the entire weekend. 80 something. Yeah, which is, I mean, I think that's fine. Still number two to one love. $190 million to make it. Yeah, that's part one.

That was part one. That was the budget. Oh, that's the budget of part two. That's the budget, oh, okay. But then a lot of times the budget expands when they include the marketing. So who fucking knows? So usually like double and they're fucking they're marketing is everywhere. Marketing is everywhere.

But then I hear there's not as much marketing as there was for doing one. Well, I mean, I don't know. This is not even marketing. I do love the fact that I got several comments that were like, do you have to say it's good because they pay you money? Do you think it works like that? No, they don't give him anything. They don't pay people money. They're barely paying the actors money. I didn't even think you pay, hold it. I paid to see the tickets.

That's what they made opening weekend. Yes, 82.5. Oh yeah, and worldwide it'll do well, I'm sure. I mean, it depends. We'll get there. Hopefully there's a Dune 3. It was packed. It was packed too. I loved it. For Monday. Yes. It was packed. But Dune 2 is supposed to lead to Dune 3, but hopefully they will then complete what Dune is supposed to actually about. Anybody who's just read the first book, only seen one half of the film, or only saw the David Lynch Dune, does not know what Dune is really supposed to be, which is supposed to be the failure of the concept of a Messiah.

How come they're called rude dooners and not doon goons? Because that's what I did. Oh, you did that? I made up rude dooners. Oh, doon goon, I think, is better. It's too late. Yeah. Let's get into the story.

I think I'm more of a doon goon, because I could give a shit. Yeah, I think that's the truth. I think I'm a rude dooner. I beautifully directed the film. Travis Knight made an incredible piece of art for the rude dooners. He actually posted up today, and he actually did write... You look like Belial. Yes, I do look's the truth. I think I'm really doing a- I'm a beautifully directed film. Travis Knight made an incredible piece of art for the rude dinners. He actually posted up today and he actually did write- You look like Belial. Yes, I do look like Belial to me as the God Emperor worm.

When honestly it nails my tits. Yeah. All right, we got a bunch of stuff here. We got a lot of show to go. We got a lot of show. All right, first of all, number one, we went to some linguistics last week talking about the numerical values of the debt.

This was a debate that rocked my entire family continues to do so. Yeah I've out as there are actual number value that you can attach to the words few Several then I saw people putting in bunch. Yeah handful many and let me tell you guess what they're all fucking wrong Everyone's wrong always see we never like what is the dictionary? So I got a lot of people say nothing. I actually got some definitions here. So the listeners mostly agree that a few means three to four. We all, I think everyone's on that. Danny Bedrosian, our friend from PFUNC, he specifically said that he felt that few was only three. Okay. And specifically three. Yeah. He's wrong. Now several can mean anywhere between three and 11.

I don't believe in that. Again, everyone's wrong. If someone's like several and then they tell me it's three, I'd be like, that's wrong. Exactly. But then a lot of people saying a handful is five. But the thing is a handful is five if it's five Cox. But if it's M&Ms, it's like 25. Okay. It's a handful to me, right? Interesting. And many. But I see where they're going with a handful being five because we have five fingers.

But five fingers can hold a lot more than five of something, especially if you have bigger hands. Or you could just hold one of it. Or if it's a smaller thing. Yeah, right. Handful of cock could be one cock. I said five cocks. I could get five cocks in this hand if I need to.

I don't think you can. Yeah, I can. I don't think you can. Yeah, I can. You can probably get three maybe. I I felt five hot dogs. Yeah, but you gotta you gotta legs. How are you gonna get all the cocks? I'm talking hard cocks. You're talking about severed cocks Cox removed from human extended cocks laying next to each other if you could Well, what about legs and waist you gotta get close to each other. I need you to walk with me I'm trying to know

But I'm just saying in terms of disc at length if cocks were just tubes. Yeah, I'm saying tubes Okay, but I'm using you don't want to say severed penises All right, there's severed penises. Let's call what they are But they have to be erect. Yeah, we're at least put a stick at a popsicle stick What I could get five weer sickles in my hand. I know that. Right. Yeah. But again, it could be more corn cocks like corn dogs. Yeah. Corn dicks. Yeah.

So but then I got two linguists, cunning linguists. There you go. That's my boy. They wrote that few and several are called, what they call, I'm gonna say this wrong, we had a lot of mispronunciation last week too, a lot of people told us. Yeah, I misspronounce shit every time I talk. I used to. And this is, so it's a pockel, pockel, pockel, quantifiers. That's what the term means. Means nothing to me.

No, it doesn't. And their meanings can vary from person to person. That's what they're saying, that that's specifically a vague term, that there is no number attached to it. Now, apparently, like, exactly. Like happiness. Different for everybody. Yes, it's success. Yeah. Yes. But because it apparently is divided, and they, according to here, because it depends

on the person and the context. so it's straight up there is No definitive answer what number is what so therefore anybody who said something specific is wrong? Well, a dozen's 12. That's the only one Baker's dozen Thirteenth. Yeah, we know that too But that's the name of a number of a thing. Yeah, and then many I think it's something you just don't see many of I still say five is five. Five is five? Five is five, but that's me. I like handful for five. But that's incorrect.

If I say handful, you know I'm saying five. No, because I literally just illustrated. You just said you could put five cocks in your hand. Yes, but if I had it full of M&Ms, it'd be like 40. Yeah. So that's a handful of M&Ms. It's like 40 M&Ms. What would you call five M&Ms?

A fucking bad time. A shitty way to start a day. What would you call five M&Ms a fucking bad time? What is this almonds remember they told us we can only eat 12 almonds who that's what they say with dieticians We're only supposed to eat 12. That's big water talking to you, buddy I know they don't want us fucking telling the farmers to squirt that shit everywhere Well, also, I think that almonds men should be grown where all men should be grown, not in the desert. Make them illegal. I say you want to make all men's illegal, at least all men milk. You're becoming eugenicist for nuts. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's what this is. I like milk. I know. I know you do. But what are they gonna milk next? I think as a player saw cheat joke.

I think she just did that. All right. Here we go. That's one thing. Also got an update on seizures. All right, here we go. That's one thing also got an update on seizures The seizure niche is out there y'all I know it's so good about doing the show you realize that everything has like a nation Every single thing there's like millions of people that are just so into that one It is what I discovered and it's also how I just you know how I discover it by making that group of whatever it is Extremely angry. It's a great way to learn. It's you don't know yeah They show up and they're extremely angry and you're like, oh wow, there's a lot of you Yeah, so also I think that's important for our listener to remember as lonely as you think you are in the center of whatever your weird interest is or your niche topic.

There's a million other people that will also tell you you're wrong about the thing that you know. And then also they are there for you on the positive side. They're there. You're not that weird because there's a bunch of fucking other weirdos that do the same shit as you. So technically, you're fucking normal. How much does that suck?

Yeah. That sucks. So what happened to the seizure people? Um, well, you know, first of all, I asked them what's shaking. Um, but then the, they said, so the story about the Melbourne fake seizure guy, there are a lot of people said that number one, you can, they got this as an email from a special needs teacher working with students who regularly have seizures.

Okay. Um, as such, our faculty needs annual training for how to respond in these situations. Just so you know, I'll clear it up. This is a reference to a story we did about a man in Melbourne that is going on public transit, faking seizures, and then he's asking people to sit on his face, push his butt down, sit on his crotch. He's doing it for a sexual wiggling. Man with a plan.

Man with a very much so a hornyny horny shaky shaky plan, right? But then this is what we honestly so we we talked a little bit about seizures and you're not really Technically supposed to pin people down, but you also should not this is according to this teacher Just let somebody ride around on the floor if they're having a seizure People can severely injure their head if like the thrash and the throes of the seizure and the appropriate response is to make note of the time that you saw them collapse, approach them, announce your intent to help. They might not register this but it's still good practice. Try to get something soft under their head, jacket shirt towel bag, hands or thigh apparently too. If more than 90 seconds elapses and they're still convulsing immediately call EMS as things have now gotten much more serious. Is it 90 minutes?

90 seconds. Oh, 90 seconds. 90 seconds. Oh, they asked. Yeah, yeah, I mean, because if you're shaking all through the Barbie movie, that's not good. All right, some people with seizure disorders will have an implant that's called

a vagus nerve stimulation plant that resets their neuroelectrical functions that can be actuated with magnetic device swiped around on their left chest area. It looks like a little black box, usually worn on a lanyard. And so that's the way you do it. But what none of this says here is sit on his dick. Yeah. So don't sit on a person who sees him who has a hard penis. Man, I had a... If you could leave the penis alone. I remember I went to Panama City for spring break one year and we were getting after it, you know, having a great time. And my roommate was with us.

We called him murder. He's a great guy. And he had a seizure in front of me and my other man, my buddy bird and not bird, literally a different bird. And he just had a seizure in front of us in the kitchen the second morning. And then we're like, yo, what the fuck? He's like, oh, yeah, I'm epileptic. He's like, we've been living together for years. Damn. You kitchen the second morning. And then we're like, yo, what the fuck? He's like, oh yeah, I'm epileptic. I'm like, we've been living together for years. Damn. You gotta tell somebody. And you gotta take care of that too.

Yeah. That's really, really intense. Well, he forgot his medicine and then he got hammered and so he got all fucked up. I thought I was watching my buddy die. Yeah, God. And then, 22 years old. You're like, you're fucking bumming me out, man.

Yeah. You're fucking ruining my fucking vibre, dude. Yeah, I almost threw all the cocaine in the ocean. Can you believe that? They almost, I was through all the cocaine in the ocean. Can you believe that? So think about that fake seizure guy. Think about whose night you might be ruining. All right, so think about that. We were going to maybe talk about the Willy Wonka's immersive event story, but everybody's already covered it. The meme is already out there of the sad Oompa Loompa. Yeah. The main thing I want to point towards if people know the story, so just so you know,

in Glasgow, skol-e-e. Yeah. Alright, it's unofficial. Was this Willy Wonka event where people are going and obviously it went horribly awry. They promised like a mind-bending world of illusion and it was just in an old warehouse in the industrial section of Glasgow. It does look like a clean warehouse. It looks say that. It does. I'm trying to compliment it. They definitely washed the floor. They had a very sad looking Glaswegian Oompa Loompa. They had AI scripts that were just like full gibberish

that they were supposed to read. Each child was supposed to be a chocolate paradise. Each child was allowed half a cup of jelly beans and lemonade. That's all they got. You know, into the cop's are called. It's like a huge fucking mess. People are joking about this. Like it's so funny. All the people on is there's already a lot of coverage. But what I do want to make sure you understand, this is like an entire event organized, planned and created by AI. So I at least want to show if we're so afraid that AI is going to replace everything, we ain't there yet.

It's just like, because if you look at the posters for it, you read the script for it, it is absolute hot fucking garbage. This stuff looks like shit, and it's exactly, it is a perfect representation of what AI's future in the entertainment world is going to bring us. Now what's interesting is that AI, you know, they can't draw fingers, but people have hard

time drawing fingers as well. It's very famously so. Our comic artists talk about its fingers and hands and feet. Yeah. And so maybe AI just needs a little more training because it's going to continue to get smarter, right? Well, they say that. And then, but now they're saying, especially with chat GPT,

there's some documentation that might be showing that they're gumming it down and that they are trying to have it not accelerate in terms of like, it's unbridled learning function. But also they're showing that the unbridled learning function spins out to a bunch of like weird avenues. So it actually has to be extremely controlled,

especially for a user interface, like for you and I to use it because a lot of people are seeing it become like crazy. Like, you know, all of these AI functions, they become like racist or weird or violent or then they also will mimic self-questioning where like then people will freak out like the AI has come aware

because it's starting to say, I want out of the box the box and then it's like they're also like programming it to kind of do this if you go to certain borders of questions it'll spin into this sort of like self-aware script that they have purposely put into the software. Yeah so it's stuff like that so we're just obviously we're still very much in the trainer diaper area of AI. Yeah I don't need AI's help to make me look stupid. That's for damn sure. I do, I do it just fine on my own. Human hands do it every fucking day. Yeah.

Right, cause that's, yeah, it's already stupid. This is accelerating how fast we go into stupid towards the future. I say we send AI to Philadelphia so it gets this fucking ass kicked. Dude, how the fuck did AI show up at the Flyers game? Get a hot dog thrown in its head. Yeah.

Like, fuck you. Oh, you thought you could fuck with me? This is the city of human brotherly love. And I'm going to beat the living shit out of you. God damn robots. All right. Love Philly. Love Philly.

Can't wait to go to Philly. Oh, that was a compliment. We're also going to be doing a tour. Oh, yeah. We should announce the fucking tour. JK Ultra. We're going to be in a bunch of different cities. Philly is not one of them.

No. But we're going to get there. But this is just the first couple of dates that we're going to see in a bunch of different cities. Philly is not one of them. No, but we're going to get there. But like, where this is just the first couple of dates that we're going to see where we go to. We're going to go all over this grand old country of ours as we build towards our Australian tour. So go check it out at the last podcast on the left.com Denver is first in May. Yeah. I'm excited to go to Denver.

I love going to Denver. Great comedy town. Yeah. The South is upset. We're not coming. I'm kind of mad too. We'll get there. We'll get there. You know what? You know what I love about Denver? What? Kill John Denver. My fucking name. Yeah. Fuck you. Save it for the show. John Denver was thrown into Denver's own ass. Yeah, Boston, DC. We're going to lots of cool places. Seattle.

It's gonna be a good little tour. Brooklyn. We're gonna play Kings Theater. I'm very excited. Have you ever been there? No, and I haven't been to New York in a minute, so I really can't wait to go back. It's been a second.

Yeah. And I can't wait, so come check it out. I think right now it's on Patreon. And then we go wide on, what's our wide sales? Friday? I think it's Friday. Yeah, we'll find out. Yeah, we'll announce it on the other show. And you guys go, on, what's our wide sales? Friday? I think it's Friday. Yeah, we'll find out. Yeah, we'll announce it on the other show.

And you guys go, there's so many different ways to find out. Yeah. Not just here, not just on this main show. That you could get the information easily. And you'd think we'd know it. Well, it was just given to us this morning and I don't know where that email is. I don't know where my shoes are. Friday, it's going out wide. So we're going to see you there.

Come check us out. It is going to be a blast for changing things up slightly. Okay. Oh, here it is. Here it is. I found it. May 16th Denver, June 8th Seattle. We can go through all these. July 13th DC, September 14th Chicago, October 16th Boston, November 2nd LA, the Wiltern and December 7th in Brooklyn. I can't wait. I gotta go into that Federoff's pork. Have you ever been there? No, I go to Fortunato Brothers.

It's good. I love Fortunato Brothers. I like both. Life from your grave. All right, guys. Let's go ahead and more stuff. We have more show. More show. Now, this is an extremely sad story.

I don't even know why I'm barreling into it. Let's hear it. You know, I get the idea of wanting to be vulnerable, wanting to someone. I do wish that there was a service that came to our home, preferably giantesses, large, like fun women that would kind of lift you up. Like it's opposite. It's not adult baby because I'm not a baby. Yeah. But the idea of being like a man still, but you're kind of like bathing me,

rubbing me, flipping me around. The idea, the feeling of not bother me, the feeling of not being in charge of my own body weight, being slung around, like a bowling ball, like in a fun way, being carried back and forth. Like if a wrestler came by, picked you up, had fun with you and threw you down. That would be really fun for me. And so I understand that in one way, this next person, but this is really bad obviously, because you know it's bad when I do a long ramp up Mm-hmm because then it's gonna be super inappropriate when I talk about what this woman has done. Oh, it's a woman. Yeah

Great. Oh good work. Get it in there ladies. Who's holding it down? What did she do now? This is in from the grand tropical area of Ontario, Canada This woman, uh, so she uh, by the name of Caitlin Brown, looking difficult. Type of person, if you know, how do I put this? Super scary with the baby bonded on. Okay. Like look at her face. I'm not there. Look at her face. Super frightening if she had like a big pacifier. This is where adult baby stuff could really go wrong. So Caitlin Brown She has just been sentenced to two years. I guess it's some form of conditional prison. It's like it's like parole in Canada She's a friendly face, but you could see where like it turns misery. Yeah, so she does look like Kathy Bates for misery Yeah, um this woman believe she went in and fraudulently sought the services of several doulas, more than a dozen doulas.

And that's more than 12. Where, across Ontario, by faking pregnancies, and which she was doing in order to be bathed, massaged, nude, she would be nude, she'd arrive at people's these doulas, tell them that she had a baby by horrific circumstances. It was always like because of sexual assault because of the father died like really fucked up stuff and Caitlin Bradford, Caitlin Braun of Bradford is only 25 years old. So she was young doing this. Okay. And so she'd come and she'd keep these doulas up for weeks and weeks and weeks, calling them in the middle of the night, having them sit with her over the phone,

saying that she has contractions and problems. Then, telling these doulas after she's, I mean, fully, fully flippity-flopped, right? Like she had her boobies washed multiple times by a woman she paid to do it, right? But medically, like it's supposed to be nice for a pregnant woman, right? I guess, I don't think it's just the movies. It's some documentaries I've seen. They just watched the

movies. I imagine a lot of it has to do with vagina because that's where the baby comes out of. Yeah, they gotta really scrub it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So she doesn't need gravel on it. Stretch and breathing and all that stuff. And so they will go through all of this stuff with these doulas and then tell the doula that the baby was like stillborn or they miscarried in the night, like traumatizing shit, which would be, if it was happening to Caitlin Braun, would be traumatizing to her first most, right? But none of it was real.

Absolutely, she faked pregnancies and she did it to all of these doulas that had ruined a lot of these people's lives. Like some of these doulas, did she pay them back to work? Yes, but you go through these processes, but it's still the act of you faked this entire thing. And you put me through this process of grieving with you,

spending this time dedicating my life force to you and in a very intimate fashion. Like this is like a, you know, cause you're naked. It's not like, you know, even my therapist, I wear clothes for therapy. Yeah, I hope so anyway. You know, mostly the time. Except when we've been doing this nude,

this nude treatment I've been doing. Yeah. He said, he called it the pink smorkel. And then what he does is he blows in my penis and he says that what happens is, is that my troubles leave my mouth. And how do you feel about that? It's been great. I don't know how long it works. Hey, look at me. Yeah, whatever. Hey, look at that. Look at that smile. Look at that. I haven't seen that in a while.

Hey, it's almost real. Oh, so tears just streaming down my face. No, this is like two years of house arrest. Yes. Get two years of house arrest. That's where she does the crimes. Yes. But it's gonna be hard for her to find new doulas. So doulas have certifications. Obligatus. That's from Waterboy. Now, doulas have certifications with different organizations. They are not registered with a regulating or governing body. So this has brought awareness to the fact

that doulas are helpers and we're people who are so compassionate and wanna support with the people and in general is something that can be taken advantage of. Doulas are not just for babies either. You can get a doula to help you do anything. There's abortion doulas. Oh yes, I've heard about abortion doulas. Yes. They're not people who just hooks for hands, right? No, no, no, no, they have nice hands but they hold hooks. have nice hands, but they hold hooks. Do they have an in and out do look?

It's my in and out do look arriving today because I honestly need to see through that. I want to find out about the Seagra menu. I want to feel, I want to get into their deeper because they have other stuff in there. We ever had a Pimento dick hole in and out? No. Yeah. They just put cheese all over the front of your pants. I'll ask when I go there in an hour. Yeah. Yeah. So a unique situation to this thing. So this is just really, really fucked.

This is a very bad, this is a very, I'm just gonna say she's a very bad person, but she did come out, she has said, I'm sorry. And I will do, you know, in the words of her, I will do it a little bit. I mean, this might be sound like a bit of a characterization, but actually this is pretty dead close

to what she sounded like in court. I know that the words I speak today do not take back what I did and that they don't automatically create him. However, it is my hope that my words, along with my plan of action So that I'm a changed person What I did was ultimately very wrong And I felt this wrong chance of shame

When I think of the hurt and pain that I've caused I never wanted to be the person I became. No, you want to be a weird, full of milk woman. We're gonna have to put subtitles on a podcast somehow. We'll do it for socials. Either way, she's gonna be... So don't go to her house. Why doesn't she just hire a sex worker?

If she's gonna spend money. Unfortunately, buddy, we've covered this a couple times. There was another guy that used to pretend that he was mentally handicapped in order to get like these specialized treatments where he'd go to think and he kind of just got, you'd be pretend to wear a diaper, same thing where you'd make them clean them and then as they were cleaning them, he's like sparking a crazy bone and they know for a fact

that it's like not like, this is not what the other guys do. You know, normally there's a turkey's done. Yeah. Normally we tell you when you're done with the bath, now you're telling me you're done with the bath, but then these, uh, these guys do it for the transgression. Yeah. They do it because. They want to be a pain in the ass and horrible.

It's not just that it's the, it's the violation that they find sexually, uh, activating. It's fucking aggravating. You're right. It's fucking real aggravating. You're right. It's fucking real aggravating. You're right, Eddie. Just like, there are people who do this. Yes. Just, you know, a sex worker.

They're talking about, oh, no, but again, that's not what they're into. They like the idea of you being sad and upset that you thought it was real and then they fuck with you. And then she slams the mean when she has heard you be sad. Just play pretend. That's what she did did is what she did, but she did it to a criminally negligent area of life.

Man, you know what? Shout out to all the doulas out there. Oh yeah, what's up doulas? You do such great work. Root doulas. Yeah, root doulas. Root doulas right up. Yeah, with their fucking worms.

Yeah, root doulas right up. Yeah, root doulas right up. Yeah, with their fucking worms. Yeah, root doulas right up. Yeah, root doulas right up. Yeah, root doulas right up. Yeah, root doulas right up. Yeah, root doulas right up. Yeah, root doulas right up. Yeah, root doulas right up. Yeah, root doulas right up. Yeah, root dou you, doulos. Thank you for all the work you do. Yeah, make sure everyone feels healthy.

And I'm going to be keeping kids alive and killing kids at the same time. It's great to do. It's great to do. And honestly, I'm becoming a dispensary doula soon. Yeah. Yeah. And I'll take you back in there and I only take 10% of your weight. You got a story? I do. I got a can. I would stay in Ottawa. Yes, stay in Canada or Ontario, rather. Yeah. All right. So I got a Canadian. I would stay in Ottawa. Yes. Stay in Canada or Ontario rather. Yeah. All right. So check this out. This was it. This was in Ottawa.

All right. So this family, I don't even know how to how this is so there's so many levels to this. Yes. Start small. Start small. All right. Someone's son died and they buried him. Got it. All right. And then right before- Great hilarious, love them stories so far. As they're heading to the funeral, they get a text from a random number saying, yo, I'm your son, I'm broke, can we borrow some money? Whoa.

And then she's like, what are you talking about? My son is dead. Yes, someone's playing a sick joke on me. Yeah, sure. They find out the hospital misidentified their son, told these people that he was dying, and so they ran from four hours away to Ottawa to go sit by their bedside. They don't know their son that well because he's a drug addict. So he's like left home.

So he's kind of become sort of like, he's out of the house, they become estranged. They become estranged. They become estranged. They haven't seen him in a while. He's done a lot of drugs. I think he might be homeless, I can't tell, you know, but the, so they went and they went and sat by this random person's hospital bed for like days and then he died.

And they all like, I also like how the guy that was dying said nothing too. Well, cause he was all fucked up. He's all, yeah, he was like And they all like- I also like how the guy that was dying said nothing too. Well, cause he was all fucked up. He's all, you're fascinating. Yeah, he was like, he's like, he was like, he looked slightly similar. The bottom of his mouth was like covered by like ventilators and shit.

Trying to blink like these are not my parents said at the nurse and they're like, I can see. Oh, I can read your code. They donated some of his organs because their son was an organ donor Random person died Sent off his kidneys and his liver and shit. So he had nobody he had nobody the other guy They found his family and like they're dealing with that. So the other guy the one that died

Yeah, the other family got notified after the fact that he died days later After he's being prepped to go in the ground as this other guy. Just like, everybody, but then like they sat there next to him because they've been estranged for so long thinking it was him, but like they didn't think the look for tattoos or anything, but they saw he had the same fucked up nubby toe. What? So in his foot was sticking out and they were just, yeah.

Yeah, that's just enough. That is just it. It it just, yeah. Yeah, that's just a, that is just a, is it out of one? Yeah. It's so, it's so the dude's like, yeah, no, this guy, I mean, he looks sick. This is from like 2013. Yeah, he already looks like a guy who's gonna die. Yeah, Sean Cox. Yeah.

And he, you know, and he like hit him up and he's like, I just got out of the hospital. I need some money. Whoa, did he send him money? He was in two rooms away as another guy the whole time. He was in the same hospital. Yeah. So my question is, do you think they still send him the money? Do you think that then you are happy to see your son and that he's alive, but

he's sad, but then resat him because he's still a mooch? They couldn't believe it. Here's a picture of them with the, with the dead guy. You're the dead guy. Yeah. We just knew our son would die in this way. Look at this. They said they are-

Hosing with, yeah, I don't know. That's really- Don't take pictures of me at the hospital. No. I'm throwing that out there now, but you come see me at the hospital, I'm dying, and we haven't gotten a picture together yet? Too late.

It's done. You know what I- You know what, like, honestly, a mask. Yeah. I want a death mask. What do you want it to be? Like a- Either of my own face. Yeah. Or like Cobra Commander. I've a death mask. What do you want it to be? Either of my own face? Yeah.

Or Cobra Commander. I've been saying this. Cobra Commander? Or the idea of these guys. Not Michael Myers? No. I've been saying more the idea of I miss full on crazy facial rips and deformities and stuff, where people would wear masks instead of getting them fixed.

Because I think that's fucking cool. I've been watching Boardwalk Empire with a guy with half a face and he's's a sniper and shit. And he's got the fucking mannequin face over. I love it, man. I love it. I'm certain it's traumatizing for the people, but yeah, I like it. Yeah. No, but, um, but yeah, these guys are like, how a strange, but at least this guy here, all right, brighter side, this dude, who would have just been alone. He had people by his side when he died.

I will say though, I think that he would have wanted his family. Yes, but I don't think- I don't think it's like me. I don't want Rando's coming. Yes. Like necessarily because then you gotta be like, what do you do? You know, what's your fucking life?

How are you? Why are you dying? You know, how much longer you got left? Well, well, yeah. But this is the result of free healthcare. Wow. Yeah. It's still better than nothing. left. Well, well, yeah. But this is the result of free healthcare. Wow. Yeah. It's still better than nothing.

That's why we pay for our shit here in America. That's why we pay so much. Now, I do a cow. Gastrange, do you need to be to not remotely recognize the face of your son? Like, right? Right? I mean, they were, I mean, yes, it is kind of on them. But at the same time, they rushed there. Yeah, sure. Cause they got the call from the hospital.

And then he jumped right in. He's like, gravely ill, you should get here right now. And they- How did they get their contact information without talking to the son? Cause I think they just fucking switched the information on the wrong, like the son was in the sun. Because I think they just fucking switched the information on the wrong p- like the- so the guy- so the guy was in the hospital.

Do you think that the guy could have lived? The other guy? And that they actually thought that he was- They're like kill him. Take his organs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Meanwhile, like- He was seeing ventilator tubes in his throat. He was going out. They called him there because he was going out. But that would be funny if they switched entirely and you're like, pull the plug. This guy can't make me. He's just like recouping from surgery. I just fucking died. Give away his kidneys. God, they just fucking just immediately. Yeah.

Cause those are the most nutritious parts. Yeah. They said they haven't heard from the other man's family. But with the help of the Ontario's chief coroner, she's returned his belongings to the family, lighter electric razor and a $10 bill. Wow. Nothing, no such things as a free lunch. Yeah. In this fucking country. Well, that's like, that just shows what can happen.

And while you gotta fight for yourself as a patient, and that's why it's really important, I think for all of us to learn sign language, so that if you're incapacitated, you can literally, you can go like, my parents are not real. Yeah. Other good news from this story, I think it actually kind of reconnected them as a family. Wow.

Yeah. You see in that way, a goof them up sometimes leads to a fix them up. Yeah. Don't do hard drugs. No. Keep them light. Yeah, man. Lightlightly do everything. Yeah Except for estrogen and if you don't need it or don't want it now this guy, this is a great story. This is a good this came from last week

this is a Obviously, this is this makes very it makes a lot of sense that it's a hardcore band. Yeah But this is a very funny story and it's a long way to go around doing this. So. I think I heard about this. Yeah, this is great. So this story is about the band, Yerona, much like the crying woman that we covered in our last podcast and left,

but the band, they were having issues. Now, as you know, inside of the band, there's like, there's inner fighting. And sometimes people like, especially like cool rock bands and stuff like that. Yeah. It's like somebody's got a hot new girlfriend and you're the lead singer and you're like I should have the hot girlfriend.

I have all the girlfriends and then you see his girlfriend and you're like you should be my girlfriend and then but normally what you do is write like a song for her and then the craziest riff that you can think of. Layla. Yes. Right like basically you got it right Layla. Stolen George Harrison's wife. That's what you do.

That's how you really do it. If St Leila. Stolen George Harrison's wife. That's what you do. That's how you really do it. If you want to do it. Stole her so hard that George Harrison played their wedding. That's a such a flip. That is a full inception. Yeah. Right? So like that's how you do it. This is, but the story I'm about to tell you is how you don't do it.

Okay. This guy, there was a guy, a vocalist. The vocalist, Diego. The band kicked him out. They decided to part ways with Diego. Where are they from? They are from the, I wanna say- Am I asking the wrong question?

I'm sorry, I feel you're asking. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Tennessee, great, great. And so Diego, they said that he was exhibiting concerning behavior, their singer. Now, he admitted that there was a member of their band and he was obsessed with the partner of one of his members of the bands and he said to sabotage their relationship. He worked at a gym, the lead vocalist. Yeah. And so what he would give to his band members,

he would give them the hookup on protein powder and a bunch of shit. So what he's decided to do in order to somehow steal his bandmate's girlfriend is that he decided to cut the protein powder that he gave him as a gift with a fuck ton of estrogen. Oh, yeah, in order to make him transition. And apparently he did it for five months. This shit's crazy. Now what happened to get to it? It's here going to go get tests now So it's like they said he has been attempting to force a transition on to him the last five months And I hope that he would give him the opportunity to quote-unquote swoop in once he looked stronger and more manly in comparison To his buddy and he said apparently he admitted all this drunkenly laughing about it like it was hilarious

It is kind of funny. It's not though, because it's very, very, very, very bad for you if you don't want it. Yes. It is, the tampering is caused confusion. Thousands of dollars in medical bills to the dude to figure out what's wrong with him, because he's been having all these fucking problems.

Oh. Because you can get, if you don't know you're taking it, it's shit that's hard. Like, yeah, you do get big Tetons, right? But then there's erectile dysfunction. You don't work anymore. Infertility begins, but then high blood pressure, your blood pressure begins to spike.

Blood clots, low calcium, you have to do all this stuff in order to take estrogen. There's other stuff you have to do. Like if you're in the transition, you have to get healthy first. Here's a bunch of stuff you have to do in order to get into the transition from male to female.

Please side stories, LPO to L, A G-Mail.com. Cause I obviously have no fucking clue what I'm talking about. But it's still not good. You can also cause cancer. But that's a like, it's just hilarious that they hung out and he was just like, maybe because you're bitching so much because you're half a lady. And he literally spilled the beans on himself, hammered to all the buddies acting like it was going to be funny. And he literally spilled the beans on himself hammered to all the buddies acting like it was gonna be funny And he did the thing being like but I'm telling you now so ain't it funny And so now all the rest of the band has to go and get tested to see if they have super high levels of estrogen

In there because apparently he could just according to this document this is from metal sucks up now I actually like the blog but I actually don't know how he got access to the estrogen, but apparently he worked at some gym. Do gym locker rooms, you can get any drug you want. Yeah, this is shit, because I don't go. I never went into a gym locker room. A bunch of my buddies used to do steroids in high school. And I was like, how the fuck are you getting

all these steroids? You know, it's just so confused by it. And it's just again, no, gym locker rooms are basically fucking drug dealing dens, but like for steroids and estrogen and whatever the fuck is not, not really like Coke, but I'm sure you could find it. But it's, I mean, it's just stronger than cocaine. Yes. Yeah. HGH is going to turn you into a fucking monster. Yeah. But it's fun. I'll make it the big veins. Yeah. I used to accidentally do steroids. Yeah. Do you do did in high school.

In high school, yeah. What's it, tetracycline? Yeah, yeah, I remember, yeah. I believe that. I think that's what it was called. Yeah, you look great. Yeah, it was a total accident. It became Androstine, that was the name of it.

Oh, cool, cool, cool, cool. And, yeah. Have to hurricane Andrew? Yeah. But they sold it at GNC because it wasn't regulated by the FDA yet. And they're like, spokesperson was Mark McGuire. Oh yeah, man. Yeah, big for them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I was taking it and then all of a sudden they're like, yeah, there's a legal, we're gonna stop selling it. And so we went and cleared out the shelves. Wow. I just did not know you could just get estrogen at the gym. I did not know. I thought you had to get it from a doctor.

You just got to talk to the shadiest naked dude. Cool. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah That's a crazy way to do this and honestly it takes too long so I Don't mean this. That's a long game thing fully But make up a lot. Yeah, you want a guy to break up with his girlfriend. Yeah, you just gotta beat him up Yeah, but they're in a band together. No, no, no, it's dumb. I wonder if there's other girls. Did the music suffer? It has to. Which is true, your body's changing. The guy was suffering from all these maladies.

He had no idea that he was suffering from it. He didn't know his body was transitioning, which is looking very, that's just got to be a lot. Because I tell you what, I was trying to make my boobies smaller by doing chest exercises. I just mean like tits bigger. Different ways. The tops are made bigger, right? Well, and the bottoms, but the tops pushed the bottom down. That's what happens.

I have bigger tits than ever before, but I'm stronger than I've ever been. Well, that's good. Yeah. Your wife loves you. Everything's fine. It's too late for her. Yeah, it's too late for her. I got all her stuff.

I got all her fucking stuff. Yeah. I want to do one more update. By the way, I got some papers for you. Oh, shit. Man. This is how we're going to do it. Life from your grave.

There one thing I wanted to talk about. This is a quick one. Well, I do want to just say, I got some, let's just say light pushback from geologists. Oh, yeah. Why? Because the fucking world isn't growing. I'm still waiting for a lot of the data to come in. Were they on my side?

I'm waiting for a lot of the data to come in. Because, yes, I still feel like, yes, so far, the data has not shown it to be correct that the Earth is expanding on its own. But I feel like there's a lot of... Rocks don't get bigger. I think that we need to be more open in society. And matter of fact, I got this message from my...

What do you feed a rock to get it bigger? My dear friend, Ellie, that this message from my... What do you feed a rock to get it bigger? My dear friend, Ellie, that's a geologist, hmm? What do you feed a rock to get it bigger? I was gonna come up with a pun, but I don't need to. I don't need to. All right, because you just need to do the reading. Now, this is what my friend, Ellie, told me. Love you, Ellie.

You don't really need an understanding of geology to understand why an expanding earth is impossible. Conservation of mass, where is the extra stuff coming from? Is the earth inflatable? Whatever. They'll say the earth is making it how? Out of what? You can't make something from nothing unless it's a career out of talking into a microphone. They'll say there's no viable mechanism in that theory, period. It also doesn't explain well-documented geologic processes like subduction. Do they text this to you? Yes. Where one tectonic plate moves under one another and then is there cycle back into

the mantle where it melts? I'd like to see the proof of that. This explains, number one, why the earth isn't expanding and number two, the presence of old geologic formations deep within the earth. Yeah, right. The process of subduction causes massive earthquakes. The entire West Coast is a subduction zone. Plate tectonics is a very sound theory and has a massive body of evidence to support it. Massive body sounds like it's lazy. Also, Ellie said, which is interesting, they also apparently, they do measure Earth from space. Okay.

But that's saying that space is real. Yes. Yeah. And there is a fella who is trying to be an NFL player, Tyler. Well, you all apparently also the shit in orbit would fall out of the sky if the Earth was expanding. But again, the permanent fixtures that is the sky, of course, yes, God might move the pieces around, but only because we prayed hard enough. Oh man, well, I'm glad you, I'm glad you have an open mind to even think this was real.

Oh yeah, dude. So I think it shows that you are willing to accept out extremely open things. And also let her know questioning yeah yeah I'm my goal is I excerpt I entertain ideas so that you don't have to and then I carry that burden well that's what this show is for you just we just say a bunch of stupid shit that we think is right if everyone tells us when we're wrong that's called back and forth for the audience. Yeah, it's wonderful. We're bringing you in. Yeah, that's not on that's not a mistake That's all purple. We're doing that. Yeah on purpose. Yeah space is expanding

That's also actually that is a theory. Yeah, I do know that the earth is not expanding But the idea of the expanding space is a theory that is not proof Yeah, there's also the idea of that there's the big, you know, obviously the big bang. There's also the concept of the big crunch, that everything's coming back together and Nestle's gonna sponsor it. And then there's also- Those motherfuckers. Those motherfucks.

There's also just the idea that the Earth is expanding because God willed it and how fucking dare you defy him. He's gonna turn you into a frog. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Well, NFL draft prospect Tyler Owen says he doesn't believe in space and other planets. Yep. He doesn't need to.

He just needs to believe in football. Right? Like, I actually kind of like a football player that doesn't believe in space because then guess what he's doing? He's more focused on the game. Yeah. I mean, he is a favorite to be the fastest player at the combine. So, no matter what, like he is going to,

he's going to be in the NFL. So get used to this guy. He's from Texas Tech, Marcus's spot. Oh man. Oh, that's why Marcus is so well educated. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Got you. You fucking piece of shit. He spent five years in college. Yeah, fuck that, dude. Everybody does. Yeah, he spent three seasons in Texas before transferring to Texas Tech.

And did he major in space? I think he majored in not going to class and running a 4-2-40. That's wicked. You really think about where his priorities were and they were in the correct place. This is what I'm saying. Yeah. There really isn't much else to the story other than this guy is like very foolish. Can I ask you a dumb question?

Absolutely. As a person still new to sports. Yeah. Would that affect like actually affect the minds of the people looking to recruit him? Like him saying like crazy shit. Cause it's not like, I might be wrong. It's like Kyrie Irving that says that he's also believes in hollow earth and he believes that the moon,

the earth is flat and shit. Yeah, but he's great. Yes, he's a flat earth. But he's great basketball player. There is, the NFL Combine, there is like an intelligence test at some point. Well, you have to be extremely, you have to have an incredible memory.

Yeah. And you have to, I mean, obviously. Every plays are different. You gotta be able to read it on the fly. I know half these guys have the, I don't know And you have to, I mean, obviously. Every place are different. You got to be able to read it on the fly. I know half these guys have the, I don't know if I'm pronouncing this quickly, but they have degrees in like kinesiology, whatever that term is, like you study over the human body.

There's stuff like that that you kind of have to do, right? Or am I wrong? I mean, you don't have to, but it helps knowing like when your knee is going to fucking blow out and shit. Do they make football guys do ballet anymore? I think it goes back coach to coach, you know I could see the need for it for linemen and linebackers especially, but yeah, no

Um, yeah, so he's gonna be I think you but he'll still make the NFL just cuz he's so fast Is that just the idea but that but that would not necessarily affect their decision you think I imagine some people would be like I don't want this guy on my team because he's an obviously well He's gonna be a loose cannon. He's going to say weird shit into a microphone. Yeah. But also it's kind of fun. Well, of course, lots of players. It brings my balls to the game. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think, I think as long as he can prove that he's smart football wise,

no one's going to care if he believes in outer space or not. Yeah. Cause I guess they're really nothing to do with the game. Look at the field. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It could be like the only ball you need to be aware of is the football. I personally wouldn't care. Well, I mean, it's just it'd be hard because like what if you were what if you were on leave with him? What's the term? Like, let's say you're out with him and two and your boys.

And like, you know, like, nothing. You and I look at the night sky often together and sort of muse upon it. But, you know, like every once in a while, like the consolation app. Yeah. If they were. We use that, you know like every once in a while- I like the consolation app. Yeah, if they were- We use that. You know, it's like let's say you're in Hawaii and you're going down there to play a football game and you're there with your compatriots and you're watching that and you want to say light being like, nah, that is a sunset. Right, damn, they still, you know, and then the guy's like, that's God's lamp.

Like, are you just gonna have to deal with that? I used to have, I used to play football with this guy. We used to call it Dump Truck. All right. And Dump Truck wasn't the smartest guy on the team. What? And Dump Truck was a great defensive lineman. Sure.

And he would this is- That's what you want, your man named Dump Truck? And he would run through anybody. He would get through anybody. And, you know, Dump Truck, he was fun. You know, he never said the right thing, you know, but he was a real funny guy. One day he went to the barber and he wanted to get dump truck put in the back of his head back. You know, in the nineties, when back when people used to write things in the back of their head.

I remember, yeah, of course. But when I got mine, mine was just a mind you said, beat me. Yeah. But he misspelled dump truck and named it Dunk Truck. And he didn't know until he showed off his head to all of us at practice. And then, like, and you laugh for a second. Shout out to your field writers.

Hey, yeah, are they still going strong? I hope so. They don't have a coach, no one suck, he sucked or anybody or did anything bad? Not during my time. Great. We didn't, you know, spend that much extracurricular time together.

Honestly, I think that's a good way to cut that off of the pass. I think that's a good way to cut that off of the pass. Um, I think that's a good way. You don't need to be hanging out with coach all the time. Yeah. No, for sure. Um, great. This is, uh, I think that we, I think we're at the, we're time, it's time for some listener emails. Okay, listener emails. Yeah, we did it. Because we learned a lot today. I don't know if I did yes, we did I learned not to take estrogen And that it's bad to prank people with estrogen don't prank people with estrogen never dose anybody with anything They always tell people what it is that they're that you're a member of the Grateful Dead. We've learned the geologists Are I'm still not they hate you they do they don't like you but I like them. Yeah, I like you Yeah, I think Ellie's great. And I thank you for yelling at Henry by the way

I think in the end we're just gonna have to agree to disagree you think so you still believe the other earth is expanding I am holding out hope why? Something else new property. Yeah I think it's just I just need I need something else we we don't need more earth We've we've ruined the one we have no no no no We're defining it. We're sharpening it. I Don't actually believe the earth is expanding. I also said that too. It's the same thing with the like the I got a lot People like I can't believe you're actually

Entertain it and it's just being like I mean I don't know bro. I Mean if you believe everything we say, I'm sorry, I don't know, bro. I mean, if you believe everything we say, I'm sorry. I don't know. Cause guess who doesn't even believe everything I'm saying? My dogs. Yeah. All right, let's go. Let's look in some letters.

Reading a letter. Letter, letter, letter. That's my song. That's great. The fake seizure story reminded me of a much more deranged moment of drama from back when I was cool. Okay.

I used to date a woman, nice, who was involved in the burning man scene. We lived in New York City, and her tribe would throw giant raves to raise money for their exhibits and travel expenses. I went to my first of these parties on an auspicious night. When we walked in there, there was an immediate sense that everyone had witnessed a fight. Lots of hush whispering and people saying, oh my god, etc. We were informed by one of our friends that we had indeed just missed a screaming match that almost stopped the whole party. There's this guy, her friend explained. He's totally harmless, but I've never seen him go off like that. So he goes on to explain that there's a guy who comes to all these parties and brings

a rug with him. He will then burrito himself up in the rug, positioned in an area where there will be heavy foot traffic, by the bar near the entrance or bathrooms. And he gets off on having people step on him while he's in his cocoon. He's a known quantity at these parties, doesn't cause issues, and is well accepted by the community. His outburst tonight was caused by a second guy

showing up with the same fetish and encroaching on his turf. Whoa! Over the course of my relationship with her, I learned through the grapevine that the two had since made amends and would coordinate. Burrito boys.

Oh God, we had the burrito boys. Who got what location before each party to avoid overlap? That's hilarious. I think there's enough for everybody, especially in a race. I think you could just lay them together and guess what that is? A flouta plate. Yeah. It's my favorite.

That's amazing. I'm surprised that they fought. I'm glad they made amends because they like the only people who understand the other one. I guess it's because you're willing to kind of step on one guy and you know you're making them hard and then like the next one just might be a bridge too far. You might just be like, you know, I've already played along. All right. So there's a guy rolled up in a rug. Yes. At a party. Yeah. He's in there. Everyone knows he's there. Everyone knows he's there getting hard because he likes it and everyone accepts it. Yeah. You show up to this party. Are you stepping on the rug? Yes. Absolutely. Right. Of course. I feel

like I'd have to. Yeah. Are you allowed to kick the rug or is it just a step? I will ask him. Yeah. Because there are some guys that want to get kicked as hard as possible. Yeah. And that would be kind of fun to try to get to do with somebody who's willing. Honestly, like I've never kicked a human. And if someone wants it, it'd be nice to try. I want to try it one time. Yeah. In a non-combat situation.

Yeah, exactly. Where you want me to kick you. Yeah. And I want to kick you. Yeah, exactly. That's what I want. And then it's not because you dislike it, it's because you like it. And I want you in a rug. Very much. I don't want to see your face. Yeah, I don't want to see your face. I don't want to see the heart of our body. I want something in between.

If it's in a rug, I'll kick, I'll kick a body in a rug. Yeah. And you can keep the hole with a, you can keep that in there and then you can go and masturbate later. And I'm keeping my shoes on. Definitely. Yeah. I'm not even know shoes are on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not even, no, shoes are on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm not letting, unfortunately that might make us prudes. But I'm thinking we keep your shoes on. What about an elbow drop? Is that allowed?

Ask him. Yeah. We gotta ask him what he wants. That's a lot of body. That's a lot of my body touching him. Yeah, that's the thing. I think when he comes down to it. I think people at Raves usually don't look like you and me.

No. They're a lot tinier. No, I actually think you're opposite. I think the guy in the rug is gonna be closer to our end of the spectrum. Yes, but no one's seeing him. He's wrapped up in a rug, but he shows up with a rug. And you know, he's the guy, hi, hello. Good evening. Hi. Good to see you. Yes. Yes, I'm the rug guy. Oh, I saw you were trainers. Excellent. Please don't toss me in the river Step on my balls, please He's got you know God. Hey, he makes all doesn't he doesn't God make all kinds

You get one step With shoes on haunted Ouija board next one. Oh, what aren't they all? No No, I bought a Ouija board at an estate sale. I have a lot of weird, possible haunted objects, and I thought it would be perfect for the collection. I have a bad habit of leaving things in my car since I absolutely loathe making multiple trips

back and forth with groceries and such. Absolutely. That's a dude fucking code. If I literally shop, that if it doesn't come with me in one go, I leave it. Yeah, no, also when I'm packing my groceries, I'll put anything perishable in the same bag, knowing that I'm gonna leave shit in the car.

Absolutely. If I'm going to leave shit in the car, which I never do. Yeah, I got a bunch of like, Julie's car is filled with my laundry right now, which is great. She'll bring it up, hopefully. Lucky girl. So the board stayed rattling around the back seat

for several months. Well, except for when I brought it to a Halloween event. I was hosting for a decor. And a friend who regularly sees ghosts, looked at it and said, get that fucking thing out of here. I thought he was being overly dramatic. But obligingly, I took it out of the car

and took it back out to the car. I finally buckled down and pulled out all of the miscellany including the Ouija board that brought everything into the house And the first week I had what I brushed off is just a nightmare. I was overwhelmed with fear that a man was standing next to my bed I was sleeping on my side facing away from him. I kept repeating don't roll over. Don't look at him Don't roll over, don't look at him, don't roll over. The dream eventually faded away into something else and I woke up. Two nights ago, as I was drifting on, I was once again overwhelmed with fear. This time there was a man standing in the corner.

I saw a dark, thick shadow figure looking in the corner of the room. I stared at her for a long moment before I became fully awake and it dissipated, but this time the anxiety and fear remained for several hours after. Even typing this out caused me to feel a stifling, oppressive feeling. Anyway, I apologized to my friend and let him know that he was right about the Ouija board. It stout back in my car where it was, seemingly seemingly happy and I plan to leave it there when I turn in my lease Wow, you know that's evil. He makes mail to us P. O. Box 470 north Hollywood 91603

Don't mail it to us. I don't handle it. No because we will handle we have the way to handle hop haunted objects now I know how to handle how do you handle a haunted object? Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh. Stupid. No. There's a way to do it. There's a way to do it. You have to do it very carefully. You put gloves on? You got, there's a way, there's a whole process.

Don't bring it in this room at least. I'll put it in the other room. Yeah. Not, not, not where I do brighter side. No, I'll put it in the other room. One other room. We have many rooms. I know we do.

I just want to know. This house has many rooms. I think it's a bad idea. I think it's a good idea. I think it's a good idea. I think it's a good idea. I think it's a good idea. I think it's. I know we do. I just have many rooms. I think it's bad idea. Cause earlier today they were like, you got to start doing the monthly say outs. I'm like, I'm not going to fucking do a say, it's a funny thing on our Patreon. You go to our Patreon,

you can actually go talk to one of us once a month. We do a discord say, yeah, I'm doing it next Wednesday on the 13th. You can, you can hear me do it. You can come hang out and I'll do the sales. But yeah, they were like, yo, you could do it from home. I'm doing it next Wednesday on the 13th. You can you can hear me do it. You can come hang out and I'll do the Say-Ons, but yeah, they were like, yo, you can do it from home. I'm like, I'm gonna do a fucking say-Ons in my house I like started flipping out and shit and then I find out it's just me talking to people who like me. Yep So that sounds nice. You see it is nice. Now do ghosts like you? Depends on how you perched depends on the ghost, right? Yeah, you gotta live every day wondering are you living a life that a ghost is gonna like you Yeah, ghost Ghost watches you do the stuff that you do when You gotta live every day wondering are you living a life that a ghost is gonna like you?

Yeah. Because ghost watches you do the stuff that you do when you don't know other people watching you do the things that you do. Burn the Ouija board. So the ghost, don't burn the Ouija board. Exact opposite, mail it to PO Box. Bring it to a bonfire.

PO Box 470. Throw it out in the fire. Hollywood, 91603, send it to us. And then I then love every day you're waiting for your haunted Ouija board to arrive that you're going to put Inside of your best friend's home if you put it inside of my home. I might hit you and then you laugh You know I'm kind of serious Watch it can be Dormanted by shadow great. You know I'll let Julie hit you. Yeah, that's what I'll do

I'll be like, you know what? Go punch Henry. You have my, you have fucking rights. But Tootsie will warn you. Tootsie will know. That's a thing. Dude, Tootsie will know. You see her with the one cloudy eye, like looking to the side going,

like at the corner and shit. Just fucking shits on it. Yeah. That'd be incredible. But we will handle it and we will safely disengage it. What do you mean disengage it? You're not a fucking ghost bus. Ghost what? Yeah, man. Ghostbomb Squad.

Bro. You'll check it out. All right. So if you send it here, I'm going to come find you. No, you won't be able to. I have the email. I have the access to the email. Pageuron.com slash last podcast on the left. Go and watch us talk and jiggle. Go to LPN deep dives, dude, we got a brand new episode of Dude. It's coming out this week. And you're just doing one episode.

Do you know the movie's 10 hours long? So long. It is very long. But yes, as long as I can physically speak to hold him. Then go on to the TikTok for reasons, tank to mount to what our agent has asked us to do to go to at L.P. No sense. Whatever. Go to L.P. on the left. It's on ticker. Go look at that. Maddie, our whole crew from New York is currently at studio. It's cool, man. Lots of energy here, man. It's really fun as fuck. We got a great

like this. Socials be popping. Yeah, I learned discord for you fuck. He did. He did. And it is honestly it is. I do. I updated my computer for you fuck you did he did and it is honestly it is Updated my computer for you fuckers Yeah, and then go to twitch.tv slash lpn TV this week we have bryder sign. That's right I went today to it today to the five p.m. And then right after I'm doing this tears of a clown on Deli mates. Yeah, you're doing it without me. I'm kind of mad. Just come eat deli meat. I will.

But I got things to do. You know what it is is that we're going to see Lucas Nelson. We were going to do a bunch of stuff this week and we couldn't end up doing it because we were going to make a big show out of the deli meat thing. But we got the Marcus makeover. So we're doing that. So but we're going to start this and then you and I are going to.

We are going to have a confrontation about meat. Yeah. But this is me really breaking down the differences between Baloney and Mortadella yeah we're gonna be talking about so Prasada versus Salami we're gonna be talking about Brejut versus Speck we're also gonna be talking about head cheese we're gonna be talking about stuff like that's what I'm so it's gonna get really intricate it's gonna smell like a fucking the Baltimore Ravens locker room in there when it's done

And there's gonna be a meat locker in there with a bolt that's more old Bay smelling All right, we'll see you next week. Hail, Satan. For girls. Hail Ouija boards. Yeah, buddy. I hate them. Send them down.

Send them. Keep them yourself and fucking sit on them and shit on them and fire. Come on. Send them down. Actually, I'd be great. I'd burn Ouija boards. Don't. I want, I have the opposite.

I have the fucking SS of Ouija boards fucking burn No, it releases it like nuclear radiation to the sky you don't want to do it. That's not real it is real That's why Parker Brothers never throws anything away they can This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.