Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Space Poltergeist

Episode Date: April 30, 2020

Ben 'n' Henry break down this week's true crime and paranormal news: the Pentagon formally releases UFO footage, police capture a man dismembering his wife, and MORE.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last stop on the left side stories That's when the cannibalism started Side stories, yeah That was from something ESPN at Sports Center, yeah Oh, you are so I gotta make a man out of you boy I'm going you know, you know, it's the only person who's closest to making a man out of me Ina Garten Ina Gardner

Ina Garten. Who is that? That's like a girl She is this she's this broad from Food Network, right? Her whole life is all she does is pleasure her husband Jeffrey She goes if you want to talk about the barefoot Contessa barefoot Contessa, of course. I know her I've been following her recipes I made a roasted eggplant parm to die for made my wife and my wife stopped heading me For a second, which is really very nice because I mean chased all around the house Maybe your hands were a little sore or something the non voluntary Spanx Uh-huh. Do not do not talk about your weird pig is in the oven sex. I don't want to know You scream there's a pig in the oven and she knows out like she's the mom right to the right to the bedroom

Oh, yeah, she knows no But honestly, we have been making love a lot. It's nice great. Welcome to the welcome to side stories everyone I am Ben with apparently the recently laid I don't want to think about the disgusting You're you're already whatever you get excited or mildly hot you turn pink So I can't even imagine the california ham that you turn into after you have sex with your wife But we're not talking about that you should see the spirals that just decreases Spirals of my body that form like a sweet sweet succulent virginia. Uh, one one could say she should be arrested

I heard all right, so I got some information Okay, so the reason why I saw that bike the guy in a bike telling me acid Yes, was I guess there's a thing called bicycle day April 19th. It's like I guess it it stems from san francisco Is it supposed to be in the invention of acid the idea of like the guy didn't really start acid the guy who like proliferated acid and gave it to all the different bands in the same fascist And then since the scene he used to drive around drive around in a bike drives. It's interesting I was just watching a medical documentary about the person who figured out blood flow

And you live you imagine living in a time where people just didn't realize that your blood flows Hey, what did he do? Did he just like stab a bunch of women? It's amazing to see the crimson tears Well, why are there so many? Why do they stop scream? There is no more there is no greater goth than a 1400s Air quotes doctor who was just constantly in cemeteries trying to figure out the inner workings of the human body But what I'm saying is it's interesting to think about how someone had to teach us that It was it was a creation in some ways and when it comes to acid

I never imagined a world without it So this scientist it must have been a strange day at the office when he put his finger in his little in his little Uh in his little petri dish put up to his tongue. It's just like eureka. I see the rainbow excited I actually I don't know a single thing about the whole story. Okay, so but I'm not going to speak on it But maybe I'll start researching it to find out what is the origins of acid and how we could thank them The person that brought us sweet sweet acid because it if I I'm one of those I'm starting to think we need to dose Right the entire country. Listen. Oh, okay. Well now I'm now I'm on board This is it's a hard time for a lot of people right people are really freaked out, but

What if we give them a reason to be freaked out? Where if they start if their nightmares come alive meet your nightmares in a way, you know, in a twisted psychedelic fantasy Yeah, see you still live once the acid goes through your system. Everybody's system. It's systematically. It's like we're creating Herd bravery, right? So what you have just described is literally the villainous plot from scarecrow In in christian bale's batman the first batman So you just want to make everyone hallucinate horrible horrible visions of demons and then that will help what again? I'd be a cute version of jigsaw

If scarecrow scarecrow was wrong about the roll out of his plan Oh, that was the problem. I don't think that he was wrong Necessarily about what about being curious about the human mind. You know what the capabilities of the human mind I actually completely agree with you on that front. I watched TMNT recently. I'm never going to stop talking about it At least for the next month because I love you just yeah You've been brought it up several times But all scarecrow did was organize his own version of the foot clan I'm just sick of these villains biting off a shredder shredder figured it out so perfectly that no one has been able to match him

In quantity of theft they try and they try but let's be honest if it wasn't for those damn turtles in that petty Dirty rat shredder would be president of the world right now. You're pro shredder stances. What's gonna hurt our show It's gonna hurt the show But also I would go as far as to say shredder was not the og dude Jengus con What's the og supervillain? You're going with you're you're showing respect for jengus con. I am not showing respect. I'm showing filthy All right jengus con if you listen to hardcore history, that's the way he makes sure you know that that's how it's pronounced. Yes, I understand

All right. Well, we have a few fun. I have several things. Yes. I got a bunch of things Wild responses on whether or not a woman can tell the difference between Her vagina smell and others. We have several women. I'm talking about a dozen women who said Because of their lesbian experiences and the things that they have experienced in their times Uh-huh. Yes. In fact, you can smell a different woman's snail trail On another man do not you want to if you're looking for it Obviously, you got to be looking for okay. You gotta get real close to the dick in the balls It is the odor of a woman's romance sponge. I love it. Yes. Do not be disgusted. I know. I love the juice

The juicer the juicer the better. I've seen these documentaries, but of course, that's where all the pheromones are This is the values of Merck's. Merck's a man. You know people always think about communication with with the eyes the ears the mouth But really the almighty nose as we learn from dirty work as we learn from chris farley in dirty work The nose is often the most powerful tool that there is They say in the land of the blind the man with one eye is king But the land of the skunks the man with half a nose is king. There it is All right, so thank you all so much for informing us that if you are out there cheating on your wife right now Number one that ain't right. Number two. You best go and take yourself a bleach bath because she can't help

Let me smell your dick Listen to that song again, too It's really interesting just the idea of lifting up the head of a man's penis like it's a fresh loaf of bread Like your bell on their way to the library just like Uh, uh nice There's a strong show on your finger Um, well, this is obviously not the main news of the day. No seems like the main news of the day the day that I I imagine

Unfortunately the day that will not live an infamy the day where the pentagon has officially released three videos showing ufo's now This is according to buzzfeed news. We have a couple of these now these videos Which had been leaked and seen before I don't like using bud feeds news, but this is what we're doing. Yeah, yeah but they Have decided to come forth and declassify these videos that were actually leaked in december I believe of 2017. Okay, so henry. We were talking about this a little bit before we recorded We were discussing is this the biggest deal on earth I was like, did you hear about the new ufo stuff? And as you just mentioned

This is a bit of old news kind of repackaged What are people why the repackaging but what what do you what do you think people are supposed to glean from this? Or what do you think the government wants us to glean from this? Why are they throwing this out there right now? Well, according to their official statement what they are saying is that they wanted to clear the air And say and it's officially state that these are indeed videos from the u.s Navy because they are trying to get rid of the stigma on navy pilots from reporting Ufos, okay, they're trying to make it a nicer Friendlier place to report ufo's u.s. Navy and a part of this is showing hey

With the government's trying to say look how transparent we're being right. Yes. These were already released Yes, we already dealt with the blowback for them being released. Yes. We've already tried to discredit them Yes, we've already told you that louis Elizondo did not work for atip and all of his connections to the ttsa You're based on total lies. Yes. This is also Came from tom DeLonge, which makes the entire ufology world So upset So upset that these videos were sprung originally the more upset they get Uh with mr. DeLonge the more that I like him. I understand he's taking a lot of money away from them

But at the same time were they gonna get that money? I highly doubt it. They didn't get it for the past 50 years They're a little mad because he's eating up the bandwidth He's eating up the media bandwidth one thing about the ttsas. They're working on two separate programs, which we have not seen Hide ner hair from right? The one is this material science research, which they call the atom research project The atom stands for acquisition and data analysis of materials and it's the idea is they started this partnership with this company called earth tech international that is run by Harold put off and Harold put off is now seen ahead. It's a terrible name put off terrible put off. Yeah Put it off your lap put it on my ass

Oh my goodness get out of the strip club get out of the lucky double lounge. I work for the government probably Doctor put off. Okay. He actually worked for the nsa. He worked for stanford university He's kind of has a long list of various spook connections And he also was a level 8 Scientologist for a long time. Holy hell that he had he was fully Clear he was one of those and now how high is under the breller of ttsas? How high is level 8? My understanding is that's when you start to isn't that when you see zinu or Or you're forced to get anally probed or something like that? Is it level 8 about the top of the top?

It's it was and the the bridge keeps getting extended. Ah some reason it's constantly under under construction But OTA I think is when you can see a pair of breasts without vomiting Oh my goodness that gets to the point where you're not gay enough that you can even you can even Even hear a woman mention her vagina without striking her. Wow So the I so all right These videos were packaged by the ttsa. They came out in december 2017. It's three videos which we have now seen Quite a bit of one was called the uh, you have the tic-tac video Which we featured on our live show last podcast live.com

If you want to watch it this year during my ufo segment We show you footage that was a part of the release of december 2017 Yes, absolutely, and thanks to everyone who put the images on instagram and had all the nice words on twitter last podcast live Dot com you can get our special from last year We filmed it in nola and it was a hell of a time So, uh, hopefully that could help kill two hours of your life. They put out the videos. It's called fleer FLIR go fast as in one word and then gimbal g i m b a l These are the the videos they put out. Okay, and so these have been leaked

But since then they've done everything in their power to discredit them to discredit louis Elizondo and there's a lot of holes there and a lot of opportunities to discredit them And when you say they you're talking about the u.s navy specifically, right? Everybody i'm talking about ufology. I'm talking about various branches of the government all trying to say number one These videos aren't real number two even if they were real they they should have been out We shouldn't be watching them. These are if it's irresponsible And three like what is this shit even show? So it's only because they don't like tom de long though that they had this don't you think the don't you think these

Organizations would have been happy if if fat boy blurb bot would have released them on 4chan or something No, they they were never happy that these were out because what it does is confuses whatever messaging They're trying to say or they've been trying to say since the 1940s about ufos, which is we don't research them We are we did and it's done and or and we don't care anymore about them and none of us do We never cared and we still don't care and i'll never care again, and then you find out that x comes back This ufos those ufos are just there waiting twinkling and waiting for them, but the so Since those videos came out that was kind of the spearhead of the t t s a movement of it look We got our hands on all this kind of shit. We're going to start these research programs

We're going to take all of these meta materials of chunk of what was called arts parts, which is a series of weird like Chunks of metal and rock that art bell had accumulated over his years of hosts and coast to coast a m So they got a hold of a bunch of this stuff also some stuff from robert begal Oh, okay, and they they're they were supposed to start testing it They were also supposed to start building an app a big kind of aggregate Sighting app that was either called scout or i think here now they wanted to call vault Okay, right, so they were supposed to do all these things. They haven't done none of them So I think the reason why people were mad to begin with was because these videos came out

It started off this whole Kind of discussion of we are going to start taking this seriously Tom DeLong then started hiring a bunch of people that had a bunch of weird out like basically paying people to show up To be a part of the t t s a well I mean a lot of dubious connections that is just employing people But that's that's my thing is that what people are mad is that it just shows that if you you know you got to pay People to show up and do all of this research since they're not why happens to be very liquid. Yes. They're not doing it for fun They're not going out there. I mean maybe some of these people are but I actually think again

This is why ben kissle you can mark my words right now. I am over on team DeLong He's paying people at the very least these other folks are just like they should do it for the passion It's like you're making them pay for gas as you drive out to the middle of nowhere. No god They sound like you know the Pringles. No, yeah, the ufo just sound like ucb where they're like everyone should just perform for smiles Be thankful Yeah, and just be thankful for the opportunity where this is but I get it I I see why it muddies their waters for them because now right right they've got their tv show Unidentified inside america's ufo investigation. They have like it's got a lot of cool photo

It's got a lot of cool footage in it But you know a lot of it's kind of yackety schmackety a lot of it kind of makes them all dumb And you're kind of seeing how the tcsa was never truly that serious, but the research arm It seems that they're really really interested on moving ufologists to television And the problem is that there are people on the outside of that sphere that are not being included that are getting very Emotionally hurt. Oh my by the lack of inclusion. Well, it's almost like you got to do it yourself You can't trust anyone in this business because much like when I was in jail for 24 hours in mid conversation ben kissle Ah, goodbye. You don't say anyone

You just head towards the door as fast as possible. So this is what we made a memory But I gotta get out of here before you start looking at my in my asshole like it's an oasis There was a man crying on his phone for 25 hours get the lawyer dad. What are we paying our lawyer for us like you are making We are in jail, buddy. You are really doing it. You're making our entire people look bad But this is according to a defense department spokeswoman Sue gow. This is what she had to say regarding the release of these documents after a thorough review The department has determined that the authorized release of these unclassified videos does not reveal any sensitive capabilities or systems And does not impinge on any subsequent investigations of military air air space

incursions by unidentified aerial phenomena Uh, so the pentagon has reached their hands opens are the goods of the drama of the Ufology world right by basically saying like okay, you got us boom right declassified We don't know what they are. Congrats. We are now officially saying it, but it's it's kind of Perfunctory at this point. It is just them saying a thing They are coming on and claiming a thing because it was beginning to look more and more ridiculous Of them with them saying that these are not our videos and that they were doctored Right, it is a first and the fact that it is the government coming out and saying

Finally truly on the record This this is shit that we cannot explain But if you notice, right, they've got funny little terms, right? They call it unidentified aerial phenomena Right, so they're moving away from the vehicle stance. They're moving away from anything about it being a ship or occupants They're saying like sure. Yeah, it's they essentially got illegally where they can say like Yeah, if someone finally shows being like that's clouds or like that's a bird with the head on Like if they say that and they find out for certain

It's just a bird with the fucking fat suit now Well, we know what happened to the pigeons in Las Vegas many a pigeon died wearing those cowboy hats Absolutely. You just add that to the COVID death list as far as I'm concerned So so at any point If they are proven to not be vehicles Then you see but we just called an unidentified phenomena. We didn't know what the hell was it could be plasma It could be ball lightning It could be all the other things that could be swamp gas

If they figure out a way to pin it on it at some point I think I got to carry some ball lightning right now better go to the doctor My question to you, Henry, you believe that much of UFO experience is psychic So isn't it a phenomena term allowing that to be an interpretation of what these people are saying? The problem is there are a lot of people that don't buy the phenomena concept That was a big thing as I was looking into the TTSA a little bit on my own You really see how much of a stigma in the UFO world there really is against this idea of UFOs as a Co-pro between these psychic projections of us and other intelligences, right?

They don't like it Jacques Valais though now Jacques Valais on a fire because Jacques Valais falling under the umbrella of TTSA as well because there's a lot of people that hate the concept of The that they are not nuts and bolts crafts From another world to like literally a physical thing that leaves a space station that comes to this planet They don't like it because they can't replicate it in a lab and they can't prove it to those people I say is pizza food. Yes is Jell-O food. Yes Now can't these things co-create co coexist? Absolutely My other question it's not so much about any of the the this is just more of an emotional question

Or is the UFO community just annoyed that the government is even talking about it because doesn't that kind of take away a bit of the fun I'm with you on that. I honestly think there's a there's a lot to it because then the story is kind of over, right? They finally like great. Congrats. It's identified. It's it's unidentified. There you go. What are you gonna do? Because now you have a bunch of people saying like see And then all of this happens during a time period where people are the least concerned with UFO storylines They are they do not care. We have a super flow. It's easily buried underneath the constant ramblings of the administration And everyone's just general malaise and right here right now. So who gives a shit that you that's they finally said

Yeah, there are UFOs, which is the fourth first time But I also reason why TTTSA gets shit. It's called Harold put off. He's been calling for many years He's been calling UFOs space poltergeist Huh where he believes that it's the same phenomena as a poltergeist like it's all the same shit But what we're seeing is is like this is their example the US Navy has come out and filmed a bunch of these weird little blips We know that they are they have some sort of physical Hook we know that they are they got picked up by their weapons tracking technology. They have mass They are traveling. They they they are there

But then they disappear right then they immediately go away Which is a very difficult thing for the US Navy because they don't know why I also think it's interesting that all of this happened these videos were all taken during training sessions So what you're seeing is interesting Which is what I was talking about during the Rendlesham forest episodes. My belief is that it's some kind of phenomena Either intelligent or not that is mimicking us That is watching our planes and operating like planes All right. Well, I can see the audience member putting their gun up to their temple right now about to pull the trigger

So we better move on No, this is important This is important shit because yeah, we can't get a UFO in a net, right? Maybe not We can't get a UFO in a net, but for some reason we can get a UFO knot to take us up in the space and drain our Fucking balls against their will. What's the story with that? What is the story more to come? What's the story with that, Kusil? But I you know, I'm just I'm I'm already I'm just heated I know but it gives a shit man. I got to deal with this shit all the time. All right. I got people hitting me up all day

My goodness Henry. We got to get you back Henry. Whoo. All right So we will keep you up to date on any new information going on in the UFO world But I got a switch to a story here. That's a little bit more of earth. I have been shut down This has been this is the front. This is about the government isn't it? I just might my I got my um My uh, oh my goodness. I'm now. I'm trying to think of the baseball player that cheated And now I can't even do that. I can't even think of the team sports. I'm gonna roll longer to row Um, what there's a baseball team that cheated the Houston Astros cheated. He got a little buzzer

I think it's a toro is his name, but I think I'm wrong about that as well Anyway, what I'm saying is I'm getting a buzz by the government to tell you that we have to move on Can I can I ask a true question? Sure Why is there even anything considered cheating in sports because you have to have an even playing field? Otherwise, it's not fair, but but if you're smarter than the other person and you cheat and you win Isn't that just just another good win? That should count as a win technically makes you dumber because you have to cheat to win Why is that? It's actually the opposite. I thought I'm working smarter not harder Well, that's why you would be good in the military, but not good in uh, or maybe you could play for the new england patriots

But I mean, yeah, I'd be great. I'd be great at a new england. Well, would I be in the new england fucking patriots? I think even be you would just be the ball. You would they would put they would snap your little butt Hey guys, how about we do a little bit of the deflate thing first? I've been sitting in my ass for like six weeks Squeeze them send him to the squeezing room. It's just the corpse of you and erin hernandez Um, all right, so let's move on here. This is coming in from abc6. This is a local news story So, you know, it's going to be good runaway pig leads police in connecticut on a 45 minute chase Insert all the puns you want about the pigs chasing a pig and also the fact that this pig It took these cops 45 minutes to catch this pig. So this was it's hard, man

It's hard to get a pig. It's was it all greased up. I think it was just a pig. This was in stanford, connecticut Uh, the police struggled to take to get this pig the runaway pig led officers on a wild chase It took 45 minutes They even had the pigs surrounded at one point But the pig managed to slip through and get away stanford police posted a video of the pig chase on social media This is what the police had to say again. I hate cute cops because they're not cute. They'll shoot you Um, this piggy. This is according to their tweet This piggy officers were dispatched on a report of a loose pig in north stanford attempts to catch the pig led to quote

To uh, the video no officers or pigs were injured So they were able to take in the piggy, which I think is good without harm Although, you know, for a fact that those cops are currently, uh, they got toothpicks in there in their in their teeth Pulling out the bacon that they just ate That is this of course this hero pig So we got to say upon further investigation when we got seeing your pig back to the police station We did discover it was in fact Chris Christie of New Jersey That's fun. Oh, I could always go for Chris Christie jokes rereading the last book on the left

And thank you all so much for the for the great feedback on that and thanks for buying it I made about eight Chris Christie jokes. You did definitely it definitely Dates the book a little bit But also we can always make fun of that fat fuck because he was a horrible governor who belongs in very very big chains It just comes from a time period and we celebrate a time period. That's right. So eventually the officers How do you think they got the pig henry? What do you think? What are pigs like? um They like apples

They like ice cream. No, they like mud They like they like shit Trash, I think you are describing in a roundabout way trash So the cops put out a garbage trap and the little piggy was like that looks like a fun little And then they trapped it and they didn't kill it publicly But again, I'm sure that this pig is now bacon. So there you go That's a bit more of a lighthearted story in these crazy times and I think we need to know Um, I would have turned out that pig um turned out that pig was a rampant carrier of COVID-19

All those police they took back to the family and thus once again, senior pig has become patient number one Oh poor piggy, but otherwise Stanford police Not a bad day at the office although you know one of the officers that caught the pig is currently on a hell of a whiskey bender because It ain't easy being a cop on the streets during a pig. There's a lot of paperwork Yeah, but sometimes the things I see man. Just watching him kick his hooves against those anklets is one of the saddest sites I've ever did. I just wish them pigs. He was he was strong and young enough to get a job I would say he could have done it. I think so

Um, all right. Well, I have one other story that's a little more bloody, but you want let's let's hear from mr. Zabrowski's tale I have a couple of things one was the novice kosher police actually just put out a timeline of the They were did a little more research into the timeline that of the Horrible mass shooting the worst mass shooting the history of of Nova Scotia. It is. Yep when um I do notice that they all they very often refer to the uh, the guy is the gunman and so i'm gonna do the same thing As well so that we don't have to proliferate his name too often. Yep, uh, but he they there's some fucked up shit

That is coming out. We're gonna learn more and more, but he knew a lot of his victims Okay, because he showed up to their homes people let him in and then he shot the whole families and set the houses on fire But one of the ones that was really fucked up to me was that he Was in the squad car his fake squad car, but he had a radio So he was picking up police calls for him. So someone was calling for backup From the last shooting spree that he did and he showed up to the cop And the rcmp cop car rolls in and he thinks it's his like the guy his backup get out and he comes out being like Hey, what's up?

Like this is again the story last week Guy dressed up as a mountie with a mountie car drove around he killed 22 people in Nova Scotia This other mountie sees him get out of the car. He doesn't realize it guy just opens fire and shot The other cop the other cop run away thinking it was his buddy. Wow really fucked up So this guy had balls of steel in the pussiest of senses, but the but the fact that he would go to the scene He must have known that this whole thing was going to conclude with his own demise He wanted it. I think that he wanted it. I uh, I mean again We don't know anything about the shooter or why he did it. They simply have just taken down his very

Very crazy denture sign from his denture office. Have you ever seen anything a big pink Smile with big teeth on the side of it psychotic They took it all to honestly It's kind of fun until then he kills a bunch of people and then it becomes very menacing. I don't trust a grimace I don't trust a dentist. They're far too comfortable inside of people's mouths. They have the power of Not just you know remember Do you remember when sexual assault was just a plot in a sitcom when when Jerry Seinfeld went to his dentist And his zipper was always down and he I think the dentist was jerking him off

And it was more of a law raffle kind of situation. No, we're taking things more seriously in upcoming generations. Yes But yeah, it used to be really funny just imagining the idea There used to be a common laugh of a dentist putting you out then sticking his dick in your mouth Well, you were asleep But now we know that that's rape and you got to be really careful with doing that as a dentist This is a recharging our dentist. Yeah, you got a guy sleeping there And yeah, maybe he was kind of rude to you or a little bit or he didn't like to use jokes because a lot of people don't like a funny Dentist and no, but you have been since offended by it because he wasn't laughing and just jokes

Well, you had a fucking hook in his mouth and now he's asleep and you look at his big open mouth And you're all big and it gorge because all you could think about is sickening your fucking cock in there I'm gonna say to you. Hey Let's just think about how you'd feel. Hmm. If someone put A penis in your mouth while you were sleeping, you know what I would recommend and I don't know if this is possible But if I was a federal judge or even a local judge and I find out that someone gets hard because their patients are unconscious I would attach one of those fish. You know the fish take me to the river You know that fish the talking head fish that turns Billy bass Billy bass

Every time that that person would get a rouse and I don't know how I would orchestrate this But I would have a small trigger on his erection that would then trigger Billy bass to sink take me to the river And I would have it turn and look right at the dentist guaranteed boner eraser I wonder I hope it's not because but also or you start transferring your boner to the Billy bass Which is fine. Yeah, that's actually fine. It's gonna mess with the song But stop putting your penis like made spaghetti into another man's mouth and taking a picture of it dentist Stop doing it. I agree. I agree. I have this other I have another more simple story. Okay

This comes from the sun everybody's favorite paper in the UK. We know guys how much we know how much you respect it And we know how much you love it. Oh, actually. Oh, this is an old story, but I just want to say the headline Okay, the ghost of a masturbating ape haunts the hallways of a grand country estate endorse it Well, it can't be old if it's a ghost. It's timeless. That's what I'm saying Titalated tourists can often hear the saucy specter laughing while masturbating in anthill anthill hapton hall and dorset near door sister dosta Dorchester nailed it But apparently the lovable apes after life antics have helped the hall to be named as one of the most haunted houses in England

Have to be being listed on we buy any homes list of the nine most ghostly properties I just want to say this the estate's motto is he who looks at martin's ape martin's ape will look at him The 15th century house was originally built by the martin family who's crest featured an exciting an excited monkey sitting on a tree stump And ever since the horny ghost of martin's monkey is hunted, you know, that's not a tree stump. It's a full tree That is a tree But he is one tourist is inside of that monkey. He is it is he is it is up to his clavicle inside of it He said we heard that monkey We heard the martin the monkey who holds the house loves to scratch his privates while swinging around

We didn't see him which is a shame because it would have been a real sight Apparently he's not terrifying quite friendly is what we heard Yeah, because he's masturbating sure But according to local legend the unconventional martin family Did have a pet ape which is free to wander the halls And when one of the martin's daughters had an unhappy love affair and decided to kill herself The compassionate monkey began following her around when she climbed this head of hidden stairs through secret room The ape trailed behind and watched as she took her own life with the door bolted

By the time the family searched up the house and grounds eventually located the room the ape had starved the death next to her body I don't know if we came all over it. I'm not certain that was a part of the ghost story I don't know if it started masturbating when it was a an alive ape or was just so bored in the afterlife Why didn't the monkey just eat the the corpse? I don't know. I honestly do think that I think that it would have I think that there a lot of this is being cleaned up for radio Because I can imagine it was feeling just a small puff of air though Like when you go into the doctor and they try to see if you have uh, whatever that eye problem is when you go to the eye doctor

Try to see if you got the cloudy eye Glock coma Yeah, there's like Like I can just feel that on my face and be like masturbating ape Do not come on my face again This isn't one of your bukkake videos. I'm a man I'm a man and I will ask to become on and that's how I will receive it All right. Well, let's move on to a much more disgusting serious story here

Uh, it does involve death as we've talked about before this time period is driving a lot of people insane Perhaps they would have killed their spouses anyway. Maybe they wouldn't have I would I would air on the ladder Uh, this is coming in from new york a man accused of Man accused of killing wife was allegedly Dismembering her when police came to check on her now. I am a massive advocate for Innocent until proven guilty I will say this if you are found dismembering your wife Think we can get word of the word accused or allegedly we can just jump a few steps and say

The man who murdered his wife and the guy if he sees you you know You've murdered the middle dismembering your wife and then he gives you a snickers You know what I mean? Because then you're like it might get you were hangry Um, also that is very difficult because you can't be like I found her like this. No, you can't be although I think yes, I did in date. Yes. Her name is Deborah potato head of the potato head family and some of her parts do come off But the arms are not supposed to sir. No, and she is not a potato head. She is a person I do think the hangry would defense would work in dallas. There are big folk in dallas. We love dallas There are bigger people and I do think if you do not feed them regularly

Then they have the right to kill you. Yeah, this is definitely there's a lot of big people in dallas I love them for it. So new york state troopers. They went to check on this home. It's in the buffalo area families hadn't heard From her in days the victim in days, so they're like you better go check on her It was friday at 12 30 p.m Troopers were sent to the home in allen to check on the welfare of the resident police did not identify the resident in the release but her family has identified her on a gofundme page The end in news interviews as amber farron. That is the name of the woman troopers spoke to philip farron He's 52 years old who said his wife had quote left the area when troopers questioned him again

He then made admissions. He said this is according to the troopers further investigation reveals that farron had shot and killed The victim earlier in the week and was in the process of dismembering the victim's body When troopers arrived on the scene and then the real star here. Yeah They show a picture of this man and henry is the mugshot It is the least amount of face on the head He looks like a lego character made real. Yes, and I don't know how you do this I don't know what I don't know how a person looks like this. I have never seen he looks like an emoji Yes, that dismembers its wife. Yes. He looks like someone who

Just he's a chili guy. He's a chili burger guy. He's a chili burger guy. Yeah, you can see this right here It's a big ol alcoholics nose. Yeah big cool mustache You know who he is. He's he's the guy who goes when they find out there's finally hibachi restaurant in buffalo He's the first one in the door and he's yeah when I go I go with a big ol little cut shirt and then that shift goes up when he throws the shrimp between my burrows Yeah, I like hibachi. It's a show and it's dinner. I like going out. I like when we make a little volcano with the onions I would love to see you with a little shrimp between your titties What I am saying is yes, he would love the onion volcano almost to a fault

Uh, so these and his ears are lower than they should be everything is wrong Everything is yours are like back where my like the my glands are on my neck His eyes are really close together. I just I've just never seen a person where it's like if I hit him in the face with the board I wouldn't even give him a black eye. No thing I could give him was a black jowl And this is according so right now. He has been arraigned via skype Uh, he was arrested on second degree murder and first degree manslaughter charges He does not have a lawyer yet. I'm assuming at some point He will uh, if we still have a constitution in this country

Um, but as police continue to investigate amber's fan amber's family is feeling, uh, obviously devastated by the death This is according to her aunt bonnie, uh, minnow She said she was a sweet girl a big heart would do anything for anybody and for her life to be ended like this I'm assuming she would go on to say it's tragic. Her sister, ashley ryan told the outlet She would give the shirt off her back to anyone and then this happened. I just can't believe it. So very very sad and Thankfully the cops were able to get there But this is this is one of those difficult situations where you never know. What's the right time to call

Authorities when you haven't talked to someone 24 hours 48 hours 72 hours There was probably no way that they could have saved this poor victim Uh, because of course it was a domestic situation. Well, especially also during this time period Right where everybody is kind of it's hard because people are getting around but you know again We're all supposed to be home. So if you're like, hey police, I live with my wife. Where is my wife? That has got to be very scary. We got this time period. I'd be like, uh, yeah, where is your wife? She's supposed to be home Absolutely a lot of times they just run away because it's the first thing I say is like, you know, they always They're always fucking running away, man

Yeah, all right. It is time for hero of the week I'm gonna take a bit of uh, henry's responsibility here and actually read an email from um, a listener whose name I will say From pace I will say their name is pace. Uh, it's a short little email But I this more it's again. This is a hero that is a concept. The concept is giving Giving the email reads. Hi guys. I was in a group of five people and a masked man Cycled up to us and gave us each a bottle of bud with a quarter ounce of dynamite Weed taped to the shoulder of the bottle and a 10 pound note taped to the neck

He asked nothing did nothing and cycled off We met a few folk later on who had the same good fortune of running into this cat. PS We were all homeless. So there you go. That is very nice the phantom weed and bud light giver or bud wiser giver You are the hero of the week But it really is more about the concept than anything give to people give them a little bud light You know when you give uh people who are on the streets asking for cash money I say if you got a bunch of weed on you skip the middleman Just give them give them the weed give them the weed because again

They want the weed and the weed actually keeps them doing the pcp. I think I think that's absolutely true And then this week's runner-up. I do have a runner-up for hero of the week, but it comes it's it's from april 5th So this is a group of check nudists Um, they were scolded by police officers for violating the obligation to wear protective face masks No problem with being entirely nude. So funny, dude Because they just made that they just found out that kovat 19 doesn't you can't get it from kump No kidding. Yeah. Yeah a bunch of doctors. I guess like then took a bunch of loads And then they they that's how they know i'm not certain i'm not a scientist

Yeah, well then my belly button is totally safe Um The message is so this is according to the cops the message is very clear They're like it doesn't matter what you're wearing in public, but you got to wear face masks So i'm gonna say good job. They put the face masks on but they're still out there Be a nude in the beach and honestly i i'm kind of a never-nude, but i'm growing out of it I think that if you can't handle me in my fat, then you don't deserve me at my mildly thin Yeah, buddy

That's what i'm saying man My whole thing is that my body is a weapon for me to use against society So if i'm gonna i show people my body you have to accept it because now you get in trouble if you shame me for it That's so now you got to deal with you got to look at it when we're at the beach you're at the beach here with me Yeah, i got a beautiful wife. Yeah, you could look at her, but you're not going to be looking her. That's what's funny Right, even though she's got a hot body What's nice is that my body actually attracts more eyeballs So my wife actually feels more comfortable being out with me nude because people are unfortunately looking at the orangutan

Right, it's somehow Squirreled on a pair of little because you know, I wear the the tiniest swimwear you're very european. I know. Yeah, it's so that's my thing It's the difference. I protect my I protect Natalie. That's that's one way to say what you're doing It's like it's the difference between looking at a beautiful corvette driving down the highway and then looking at a car crash Folks always look at the car crash They always do it you look at the corvette for something like oh, that's a sweet ass corvette But if a car goes drives by on fire with a bunch of pigs with guns in it, you're like no, that's interesting No, that's a story. You gotta start following that. I agree. Um, but yeah, I'm so happy kiss will be nude not now

Not now. No, no, no The other day though, you did take me to the bathroom to pee When you were we were talking on the phone and you took me to the bathroom to piss into a sink No, not to I pee I peed in the toilet. Oh, I thought you were peeing in the sink Why would I you wouldn't let me off the phone until I showed you that I was shitting Why would I pee in the sink at my own house? Because you're a man with a very little I'm gonna say rules. I'm gonna say you're you're deregulated right now Without when you don't have any

You don't have any there's no oversight. Well, I could go for a few more environmental protections because uh my lord between puffin and I Whoo, we there is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Here we go. All right So I got some I got some emails and I wanted to you know, it's because they're fun And I love hearing from you guys side stories LP otl a gmail.com always emails reactions to stories more info Your funny little stories and this one comes to because we talked a little about eating pet peeves And we said we weren't going to name next week. We said last week I said we were never going to name the person that um was the most disgusting eater. We've never been around We can't eat anymore. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Everyone correctly guessed it

So you already knew Again, but I'm going to declassify last podcast that we're going to declassify the the information from last week Who is the most disgusting eater in the lpn family? And we're going to go ahead and say we're going to clear the air and let you know that it was in fact Holden mcnealy. Wow, you cannot Duplicate How he eats in a lab. No lies. No lies here. No, but this story Shows it honestly for some people. They just can't help but eat messy. Okay

I'm here in defense of messy eaters everywhere. Although that condiment thing that henry describes sounds fucking gross. It is Anyways, i'm a messy eater I moved around as a kid and it always became like a joke that I was a weird eater everywhere I went. It's fine I'm fine. However, my weird habits are a result of a significantly open bite that makes eating downright challenging at times I can bite into an entire piece of pizza and not actually make contact with anything because my teeth only actually touch In two places in the very back. What when I try to eat a sandwich I just get bites of bread and then all of the insides fall onto the plate I require like 600 napkins if I eat a burger

Or basically anything that you bite into I had years of orthodontic work done and the open bite always comes back because I pushed my tongue against my teeth when I sleep Anyways, I figure I can't be the only orthodontically challenged messy eater out there. So shout out brother fuck us Okay, so I am okay. So we have a situation where eating normal. How uh, I'm very confused. How doesn't It still isn't there a way to How does he survive? How did the genealogy survive? How did the genetics survive? If this person cannot eat in the easiest time to consume food in human history You can still fold it in your mouth. You can get the food in there. You got to be you have to be more

Careful and considered of you of your eating and also it's just you are eating. It's just messier than normal Can I just say this as a as a remedy? bigger food Just bigger food. I honestly like this move. Okay. I like this idea get more food in there if the food is physically larger You can get more in there. That's what I'm saying. And I think that's what we've been practicing since day one So let's all right. Here's because of the story. This is a coronavirus story All right, this coronavirus is making people fucking nutty out here It's a lot of people changing societal rules for no fucking reason because sometimes it's like yeah, man

I know we're in quarantine. But some shit doesn't have to break down. You can still wait You can still wave hello to your neighbor. You can say you could wave hello to your neighbor You don't have to recoil from them and also just fucking Just stick to what you do normally especially if you're an independent business person Just like this person talks about in this email I'm a 26 year old female for Richmond, Virginia And like other stoners, I've been heavily partaking during this trying time. Good. We have I have also a bit I've been fucking getting fucking high. I've been getting stoned a lot. I've been smoking a lot of weed

I got that autogrander from back in the day been grown. I like just roll my own joints just fucking blown through It's been great. Are you even attempting to pretend like you have increased your weed intake as opposed to you are just Continuing the process. It's exactly the same technically. It's just a natural ramp up Now I've been seeing my current weed man for around six months and I know this type of shit You know kissle. You got your guy. I remember my guy back in fucking back in the day You got to hang out with the guy. He's gonna talk about fucking soccer He's gonna play a Mario Kart trying to figure out when he's gonna leave I stopped getting the we delivery service many years ago because I gave the guy 60 the bill

I think it was 50 and my understanding and I don't have shit and you should be tipping them No, because this was a time I spoke to the leading editor the head editor at high times Oh, I remember that I remember we talked about this. Yes, and he said they deliver a 2.5 eighth So technically you do not have to tip because they're giving you about 30 dollars worth of weed The tip is baked in but then the guy tried to shake me down for the 10 I said keep it but at that point that $10 was quite important to me But anyway, I just stopped doing that But we talking about the thing that with the Yorkshire Ripper. Are we really looking for change?

We got these guys guys got change. I don't know the sex workers have changed. No, no one has changed Over these months. He has been slow. All right, so I've been current weed man, right? So over these months. He has been slowly escalating his manner of undress What he had mentioned once that he did some form of martial arts So eventually when I went to buy an eighth and he was when I was met with him wearing a neon blue speedo I just figured he was a weird college guy and brush it off So last night I arrived at his house to pick up. Uh-huh. He came out wearing a robe and insisted we smoke a blunt Very common, right? This is just what happens. Yes. He ties you into his being his friend. He's addicted. I hate it

He leaves in a he lives in a middle-class suburban neighborhood. So he opts to smoke in his car So I'm trying to get out of there as soon as possible. Sure. Yes I mean, I've been that you remember how many times we used to have to hide in florida. Yeah, but why would you smoke in the car? Where if you are busted smoking, you're not just getting busted for smoking weed You're busted for smoking weed within a vehicle and then you could get a DUI or something like that You're gonna hear a whatever. Okay. Whatever that's here. Whatever a DUI weed version is No, you're gonna find out that I don't think this was it wasn't just to hide from police. Okay, not from the smoking So I'm not trying to get out of there as soon as I'm trying to get out of there as soon as possible

And he's down for me that my weed is free. So I'm trying to be slick about it It's dark and he's rolling the blunt in his lap. So he asks if I could shine a light In the foreground blunt in the midst of being wrong In the foreground blunt in the midst of being rolled the background I see an open robe and a bare exposed penis I pretend not to notice him again pulling up pictures of various strains of weed and talking about which ones I wanted to grow So it's just fine. Everything's fine. We're at this point that he said, excuse me. I'm just gonna whips off the robe Get more comfortable. That's better. Well, that's not even comfortable being nude in a car is quite uncomfortable

Absolutely, you're fucking balls and your taint and your asshole stick to the seat I mentioned how we need to get going and we exit the vehicle and it's from this point that this man stands naked on his driveway At 3 30 a.m. Just dick out smoking a blunt for a moment until I say my goodbyes and leave the promptly and I block his number And it's just very interesting because he said it so many times It's like how would like because she said she's like I'm I'm five foot one But he was at an inch shorter than me and this curtain my driveway of in curtain driveway of his parents home

So this is one of those old school like suburbs weed dealer where he is just living at home I I have mentioned my boyfriend many times over the months and I've never in any way made him think I was interested Yeah, it's not about you know when you had nothing to do with this Yeah, I don't even know if it's fully sexual Well, I mean it does sound like it's vaguely sexual. Oh, yeah. Yeah, man. I don't think that he was deterred No, I think I think he was looking at porn hub not realizing those folks are paid actors and indeed he is not a porn star No, and there's a lot of people so she ends this with why are people so horny? Is there ever such a thing as free weed was I just sexually harassed? Yes, but there's never such a thing as free weed

No, there is never such thing as free blunt. There's always a tacit There is some form of arrangement whether you know it or not. You just need to be real up front for it But because if you're getting for weed for free You will be Paying something. This is why I guess once again legalize it No one should have to buy weed in this strain in in somebody's car as they unrobe like a Much less wealthy Harvey Weinstein and when Harvey Weinstein did it. He's you got an Oscar prison You also got an Oscar when he did it. This you're getting an eighth of stems and seeds

Neither worth it This is a disgusting story. Okay So years ago when I was on okay pupae so years ago when I was on okay. Cupid. It was the early days that he could still meet Hookups, right? I do like I do like okay pupae for pedophiles. Yes I met a girl we'll call Sarah we met up once and she talked to me about her hobbies She bred these big Flemish rabbits and was honestly a little too into them I got past that and we ended up banging on a fairly sanitary park bathroom Good work. This is great. I love I love that. I love this so far any port in a storm. He says

We wasn't a good time, but other than sexual attraction. We didn't have much in common. So we didn't follow up The mother so later I get a call. She's pregnant. Oh Oh, shit. I can't believe you fucking bear-backed in a sanitary a quote-unquote fairly sanitary park bath Yeah, it really isn't about the bathroom being fairly sanitary. You gotta you gotta wrap up the old ding-dong. You gotta wrap her up, right? Oh, shit, so she didn't want an abortion and I respected that so I prepared myself for unexpected fatherhood. Wow That's very nice. That's very nice very mature fast forward a few weeks and she texts me She had a miscarriage now. I had mixed feelings as one often does in this situation But what she told me next horrified me

She shared with me that when it happened she expelled what was pretty recognizably a fetus She went on to say that she didn't know what to do with it. So She just fed it to one of her rabbits. Oh my god. Stop this story. I'm gonna throw up Eventually what are you talking about? This is her reason everything. She said siblings often absorb the other twins So in her mind, it was poetic her rabbit child was getting nourishment From her human child Oh my god No, they never spoke again. Apparently apparently. Yeah, I understand and dare I say

You know what everything happens for a reason. Maybe this woman wasn't best to be best fit to be a mother during this time period of her life I think that is absolutely disgusting. It's like frickin It's like the it's like when in the movie Hannibal when the guy feeds the people to the pigs You can't be feeding any biological waste to your damn animals because they're gonna go crazy And now you know what these freaking rabbits want flesh flesh I can't imagine the honest when I first read the email I was Thinking it was gonna go more towards the angle of the rabbits are eating her pussy

And I actually was pleasantly surprised but the right turn that that angle took it's all about expectations I think is that weird how like that's that was the good one. You know what I mean? um I also wanted to read a little bit Of this story a couple chunks of the story. Okay This is one of those as This is one of those really

scary like haunted house stories um That I really enjoy but I just wanted to read it Agree a couple chunks of it because I thought it was interesting and I just love it. You know what I mean And the only person who died is so this this person lived in a house in superior, wisconsin. Oh, of course. I know superior It was originally an old farm home that was brought to town on a truck and set in a new lot when the town was first established So that's just straight up old school. Okay, the only person we knew dying in the house was my grandpa We died of a brain tumor before I was born

There's just some weird they said the whole family just saw a bunch of fucked up shit in the house There's a couple of examples I was in the shower when I was about 13 this bathroom was attached to a room where my grandpa lived And then died when he was very sick with his brain tumor The bathroom always gave me creeps no matter what time of day This day it was mid-morning I was home alone as I often was my parents own a restaurant and spend most of their time there I was renting my hair and I began to get a sick feeling

It is the undeniable feeling that someone is watching you. Oh, you are in danger Oh, I couldn't take another moment and I turn off the water and I peeked out of the shower curtain No one was there I get out of the shower turn on and I turn off the radio I had on And as I was drying off from outside the door, I heard a man's voice say Jessica Oh my god Luckily there were two doors of this bathroom. I ran out the other side

I called up my mom immediately. She insisted no one was home and probably just peering things. Thanks mom This this is the thing that creeped me out My bedroom had a closet door in the corner of the room that was painted red Under the red paint you could see the outline of the face Eyes with big drooping eyelids a big nose and big lips underneath I asked my mom about the face and she said her sister stayed in that room painted the face on eight years ago And even after coats and coats of paint the outline of the face still seeps through cool This door also did not have a handle the handle fell off years ago to open it

Which I rarely did because it scared the shit out of me. I'd use a screwdriver The only things I kept in there were extra blankets I avoided going near it at all costs When I've had when I would have sleepovers my friends would say that they felt like someone was watching them from that corner of the room The room would get so cold. We could see our breath So one night suddenly from inside the closet came a boom boom boom Knocked so hard. It shook the walls Then the door creaked open slowly only a couple of inches just enough that if someone was inside the closet could peek at me sitting on my bed

Oh my god, they seek us the sickest feeling went through me. I told my friend on the phone What had happened and she told me to run My parents didn't believe me. This is another fucked up story. This is a weird ass fucking nightmare One night she was having a terrible nightmare. I woke up and I was surprised to realize that I was Already sitting up in the corner of my bed facing the same corner of that room I shook off the sleep and realized my mom Was standing in that corner This did not look like an apparition. It was that see-through or foggy. It was my mother or so it seemed

She was wearing her everyday clothes, which I found odd as it was in the middle of the night Why wasn't she in? Why wasn't she in pajamas? She had a wide smile on her face and her head was slightly cocked to the side like the fucking strangers I stared at her and she smiled right back at me and finally I said mom. What is it? She didn't move. She didn't answer She stared my heart suddenly stood in a pound and I realized that's not my mother Suddenly she fucking vanished. Whoa. I scream

Bloody murder my real mom came running up the stairs thinking I was dying I told her what I saw between sobs and she said she was just scared Shit, no little girl. She would be making shit up like this As you'll tell her about this story to this day and it gives her chills, right? Why was it portraying herself at her as her? So there's a lot of other little stories here, but this is one of those Where I was like, uh Very cool. Thank you for that. I'm gonna say that spooky spaghetti territory right there That's very vewy vewy. Well, thank thank you all so much for listening to this week's side stories. Hope you enjoyed it

Uh, thank you all so much again for buying the book You can get the last book on the left go to indy bound support your local indie stores and our live show is out last podcast live Dot com we had such a great time last year traveling the world perfecting our craft and I think you'll enjoy Uh, I think you'll enjoy the humor I think that it's a better special than the last one we put out. Check it out last podcast It's fun to do there. You know if you're looking to be entertained. That's the one thing that we could provide Absolutely. Also go to last podcast merch.com. We have all new merch new sizes new stuff We're gonna keep up in it. We've already run out of some stuff

Which is amazing and again 6.66 of it is going to the charity one for one fair wage Um, where we are still doing that. We're gonna be doing throughout this whole fucking time And of course we'll be refilling the merch that has sold out So keep on checking regularly to see if the shirt that you want or the whatever You want is back in stock Hit us up if there's a type of merch you want to see We have Amy over at not bad luck who does incredible Yes, and we well

We're goal is to get some from her for the last podcast merch page You got you go if there is anything else you guys are into you guys want more patches the hats Let us know because the type of stuff being like we want y'all to get gigged up with the shit that y'all like because You are like us. We're merch people. We're merch people. Um, all right, everyone. Thank you all so much for less name And here's a little bit of a thing for me. Check out trollville. Yeah, youtube We put it up in the last podcast on the left youtube page. Check it out It's a love letter to the world of trolls, uh with uh, do they need a love letter? Do they need a love letter?

They need a reach out and I would say if you do If a one eye opening documentary was sent my way by a listener I was going on. Thank you so much for your letter fucking keep on keeping on bro Check out tfw. No gf based off the meme Uh that feel when no girlfriend it is an examination of angry young dudes And what they're going through and trollville is kind of a pairing to that knowing that Even you whatever reactions they get out of you on the internet. They are still a lot of times just lost fucking dudes Yeah, but they're also a bunch of assholes. Yes

And what we did with troville is do a very And we did a solid roasting of them and an examination from the inside out And of course if you were wondering henry plays the beautiful hero. No, no, no, no henry plays the troll I am the troll. Yes. I yeah a young atoby maguire Um, which is really fun. I love that. Uh, but guys live Live live That's the sound that we'll make when we can all go outside again. Yay

Love Find new interesting ways to make love. There's so many ways. There's zoom You could jerk off on zoom. Yeah, but does that make you jerk off on? Instagram live you can jerk off in front of all your followers. I don't think that's a good idea and then laugh with them All right, everyone. Thank you for listening. Never forget. Hail yourself. Hail satan magus deletions Indeed Oh, also if you haven't been watching you gotta watch the last dance the documentary about the bowls It'll motivate you and uh, it's really cool

What the last it's called the last dance. It's about the chicago bowls, henry Oh, I thought you it was I thought you said it was it's about like ballroom dancing. No, it's about the bowl It's not no. It's not the last waltz or no, it's it's called the last waltz is the band man It's a great documentary. I can't wait to watch it. MJ call me This show is made possible by listeners like you Thanks to our ad sponsors You can support our shows by supporting them for more shows like the one you just listened to go to last podcast network.com