Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Spanksgiving

Episode Date: November 22, 2023

Henry and Ed bring you a very special Thanksgiving Edition of Side Stories to reminisce on some of their favorite Thanksgiving memories and break down the story of the "diabolical" 2016 Thanksgiving-Weekend slayings of Joel and Lisa Guy.

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POTE POTE POTE POTE POTE POTE POTE Tourment! We want you awake, invitations, you give it. So try our new glare from Spring Hill Jack Coffee. Reptilion in the morning. Our proprietary blend of light-airosted Kokaiosks will have you immediately energized about emerging from the pain coacca with all your slippery new aims. Yee-eeh! Thanks, honey.

Now, have a heart-h not. I'm cold blooded. Mmm. Existing you, Jack, and last hot gas on the left. I'm ready to get out now and eat some babies. Get out of the way, Hillary Clinton. There's no place to escape to. This is the last hot gas on the left. Side stories? There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk on the left. Side stories.

Yeah. That's one of the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Thanksgiving around the corner. That's right.

That's right, Henry. Is this how we're starting? Wow. Wow. Wow, it's just the year, huh? This is NPR, you fucking piece of shit. Wow. You know what they say? Boar.

I'm just gonna cartalk. I'm watching Goddamn Pixar movie. And I'm just like, what is this year? Just flew by, huh? Yeah, well, you just turn around, thanksgiving. Leaves are falling. Not here. Turkeys are dying. God, man, I hope they do.

I call it spank-skiving. You slap it, turkey. Oh, I thought you were talking about with your fucking wife. No, no, no, no. You doing that? How about you, with spanker? You guys spankin' each other? It's a little too personal.

Where's your gun, man? I think that- That's the opening of the show. I know it's the opening of the show That's when you get the personal stuff in because that's when people are listening I know well that that's what she's listening. Yeah, she's gonna end up at the end of the hour We'll talk about it whether she gets back there now. Spank's giving's coming back. Welcome to side stories. I'm your host Andrew Zabowski I'm sitting here with Ed Larson for a special

Thank you. I'm I'm so Hey, I'm Hey, I'm Wrong noise. I'm wrong me You can eat him for a special. Thank you. Thank you. We're on him. Ham, ham, ham, ham, ham. We're on noise. Ham. Wrong me. You can eat ham.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, spray Like a sickle. Yeah, oh that'd be fucking cool, man. Shimmer Tars are good. So Shimmer tar I don't know what a shimmer tar is. I'll show you. Thank you Oh

You want to see what's that with a shimmer Tars? Right? I think it's pronounced a shimitar. This guy. Oh, those skimitar. Oh, it's very, let me see what it pronounced. It's very Aladdin. Symmetar. Oh, okay.

Yeah, it is a cemetery. Yeah, sure, I knew that. Mm-hmm. Whatever, man, I'm not Aladdin. I'd rather a sickle. Well, sickle, you get more and one go. What I like with a cemetery is that you can kill a turkey while you're looking at the size.

Yeah, because that's my thing. It's get into it. You know, who's having a bad Thanksgiving? We're gonna have a great Thanksgiving. Oh, yeah, I can't wait. Or you know, who's having a bad one? Who's having a bad one? Dennis Raider.

Oh, Dennis Raider. Yeah, the BTK. Oh, BTK himself. Fine torture kill. I mean, that's what we do to turkeys. Yeah, tie the rope around him. You try the legs up. You keep moist on the inside. Yeah, and just like their namesake, I then come all over their feet. Nothing I like better.

But BTK we have a new little mug shot of him coming up and I tell you what he's a bastard. You know what he Look at him. Oh, he looks now. He's in a weird way. You say that. I know. It's because I didn't listen to the episode or study it. May it all. I don't think he looks cute. I do think that he could have used some. Do they not get your propition there? Propition. I think they I think they draw the line at Rogaine. Do you not think the prison should allow fillers and

he was bold when he was killing people, right? Yeah, but now he's got the old man thing, which I'm certain to get to, we get the flyaways. We go like, cause this picture of him is not flattering. Yeah, he kind of looks like Nick Nulti, but like worse. But Nick Nulti was working. He is not doing anything. I don't know what Dennis Raider's health plan is.

I don't know, honestly, he's looking like he's not getting enough sleep. How do you get caught again? His own hubris. What he did was he sent in a floppy disc to the police, essentially baiting them, saying, there's no way you can trace this. And guess what?

They could very much so. He did not understand it. Don't understand it was actually very easy to find out where he, what Lutheran church, he had saved these files to and what he had used it on and then they went right to him and they got him and then because he was in the process of planning several new murders because he had taken about, I want to say it was like a 10 year man. I might be wrong on that now, but he was taking about a 10 year gap between because he

had stopped for a long time. And then some other guy came up and said, I'm the BTAK killer. And he's like, no, you couldn't push me, because I am. And then the fucker got himself caught and look at his dumbass now. He looks like he just got removed from a shop right. Oh, he would have. Because again, he's got the super,

he's got the eyebrow thing where they're super evil because it's just the first little chunk. Yeah. Yeah. No, his eyebrows turn in the horns kind of. Yeah. Yeah. Well, he looks like shit and hopefully he's dead soon. I can't believe this. Why didn't we kill him? I think because he's not legal to kill them there. In my event, I believe Kansas, they don't have the death penalty. Look at it. Because life is worse. Look at it. We want you to stay alive in Kansas. Yeah, July 1st, 1994, Kansas Statue

to establish death penalty by lethal injection as a sentencing option for offenders. Oh, wait, I guess I brought it back. Kill him. I wonder why. I am not like, you know what? I may, I might be wrong, that's been a long time since we did the episodes

and I don't know if we really covered the trial part. I bet you he took, he like, because he basically said he was guilty. Yeah. So I believe when you say that you're guilty, if you're not convicted, like if you go ahead and like, give in, I think that they take that penalty off the table. Oh, because you, do you saved everyone time and so they're like, oh, you know, you saved the state money. Yeah. You so you know, we won't kill you. Yes. Fucking bullshit. Honestly, I, but yes, we know from my grandmother, the more evil you are,

the longer you live. Mm-hmm. We're gonna have Trump from another fucking 20 years, we're gonna have all these fucking shit heads. His sister just died. I mean, honestly, I don't care if they're nice, at least it's one gone. Yeah, more of them gone. You know what I mean? I can't wait. Each one of them for this fucking, someone to come and f***. Yeah, you know, but no one has the guts.

All right, I've been saying this for a long time. You get sick, you have terminal cancer, just wear s***. I can't even say honestly, I probably think that. You should probably think that. I can't even say, I can't even do it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, I like bleeping better. What a world are we in that I can't even say I can't even do it. I like bleeping better. What a world are we in that I can't tell everyone my Yeah, I know. You know what kind of fucking thanks Joe Biden. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're welcome. What? Get out of here. Get back to fucking work. I'm back on the train. Yeah, God, you're going anywhere else. So for Thanksgiving, first of all, we're spending Thanksgiving together. Yes, we're going to have a nice time. We've been, this is our like fifth together, at least. Trying to think, because I used to do the ones in New York

with my mom. Yeah, we used to go, no, we used to, those were some of the best. Yeah. I always remember waking up on the floor or your mom's living room. You slept underneath the dining room table. It was where we had to go. It was like 15, 20 people deep.

That was awesome. Your mom makes a famous stuffing that she has passed on to you. And then you have passed on to us. And I feel like that's one of my favorite memories of your mom. I'll make this stuffing. Yeah, yeah, I love your mom's stuffing. God, I love fucking seeing the pop out of them. I loved it.

Your mom's stuffing was the best, because the key is hamburger meat. Hamburger meat. Yeah, you just make it into a giant cheeseburger. You know, the sudden it's good. It's really good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, hamburger meat. But I use, sometimes I'll use lamb meat or some other stuff. Do you not put gizzards in your stuffing?

No, but I would. I think the thing with the stuffing is to remember to keep it moist. Yeah. You know, because a lot of time stuffing is too dry. You know, you drain the hamburger meat. Yes. You know, but you just keep filling it with the turkey juice.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you pop that shit in the oven and you let it get wha-ha. I love it. And wha-ha. I like it when it's crispy on top, but it's moist on the inside. I'm gonna make the mushroom burlis soup too, probably.

Oh yeah, like how you do that. Yeah. But you don't do it now, but you don't do a chicken stock anymore. You do vegetable stock. I will this year because some people refuse to eat it. But like actually, there's not gonna be any vegetarians other than your wife.

Yeah. And I'm not losing the onions. No. And she won't eat onions. That's how you keep her out of it. Natalie won't do onions. Yeah, and so I'm just main fight. Yeah, I mean, like, you gotta do onions. Cause I'll eat an onion like an apple. Me too.

I'll bite into an onion. I'll put that shit on chocolate cake. That's my favorite. I love caramelized onions. I like raw onions. I like sauteed onions. I like blended onions. I like onions.

Green onions. I had sauteed onions. So wait, I saw it was a, we did once we did it. It was a onion souffle. Okay. That was really fucking good. I made it for Thanksgiving for you. I was like, I'm gonna make it. I'm gonna make it for you. I'm gonna make it for you. I had sauteed onions, so wait, I saw it was a, it was a onion souffle. That was really fucking good.

I made it for Thanksgiving for one year, but I can't make it. In onions souffle? Yeah, dude. Maybe I'll make it. It's fucking good. Onion and cheese. I could do an onion dish for everybody, maybe. We ever made a souffle?

No. It's weird. You know, it's weird of like, I've been cooking my whole life, but there's still so much shit I've never made well I feel like you've made this distinction before you were a cook for a long time, but you weren't a chef Yeah, yeah, yeah, because a chef is like trained. Oh, yeah, look at that. I just turn this right here. Oh wow That looks great. Can't you miss my playground? What is it's vet life? He's got some hot onion souffle. Oh, yeah, I've seen some hot on you and souffle on fucking vet life. They're at some of that. Don't double dip. I wasn't chef for a little

while, but I was more of a cook chef. Would you call yourself a yeah, because you were a child? I was in charge of the kitchen. Every chef got fired because they either didn't show up to work or were doing heroin on the job. And then I was a cook and I just kept showing up on time and they'd be like, you want to be chef and then I was like, sure. Yeah. And then, you know, I came up with a couple recipes, but you did the black and blue burger. Yeah, the black and blue, the lamb burger. Oh, it's so good.

And the wings, I changed the wing recipe and I had the award-winning chili. We need to bring a new meat into Thanksgiving. I think that's what I want to try and do this year. You're talking about duck, but I want to do something that's like, I think that's what I want to try and do this year. You're talking about duck, but I want to do something that's like, boar. Oh, like a, oh, like a, like a, like a,

like a rare meat, like a rare meat. Because boar is out there. Yeah. We took him as for a while, Jeff. We took his crown of rights. We're sure. Yeah, we did crown of ribs. Jack and I, Jackie, his husband, Jeff and I were talking

for a while about having some new exotic meat at each Thanksgiving. We have like, can we look for it? Cause we're one year into a church, could be fun. That's a bird. Yeah, that's awesome. That's all right. We have like, can we look for, because we're one year at the Chatter-Rill. Off you go. That's a bird. Yeah, it's a OSF is all right. Yeah, but if you cook it right, you can do, I could do ostrich steaks on the grill.

Cause no one's gonna be using the grill. No. And so that's actually a really good idea. What if we got something like, what's our unthing else? Where'd we get weird meat in LA? I mean, there's, you got the farmers market. There's a poultry station.

Oh, yeah. That's where I'm gonna get the duck, maybe the goose. Maybe, oh, maybe I'll do a goose this year. Goose is weird. Oh, it's hard to cook. It's very tough. But I want some. Yeah, and you know what, I,

a dead goose is a good goose. Yeah, I'd say bring a live one over the house and we kill it as a group. Yeah, it's a shovel it. Man, that'd be cool as hell. We're not allowed to. Oh, alligator, see, I've had alligator and stuff.. Yeah, it's shovel it. Man, that'd be coolest hell. We're not allowed to. Oh, alligator. See, I've had alligator and stuff. Fair.

You know, it's like, I gotta make the tale. This alligator here, you don't eat the whole alligator like this. That's weird. I think it's wrapped in bacon. Have you seen this new guy? This Creole guy?

What's his name? He made a good fried turkey recipe. He's a big fat guy. I met that chef Paul guy, which is that? You know, the guy with his got his own spice, the big fat guy. I met that chef Paul guy, which is that? You know, the guy with, he's got his own spice, the big fat guy who kind of looks like Dom Delewies. And he's got, which I knew him.

Yeah, no, but I met, he came into the restaurant. I was working at New York selling his spice and I got to meet him. I got picture with him. He was in a wheelchair next to death. I don't want to describe it. That's no, that's all that guy. Chef Paul, yeah, I met him. You've met Chef Paul Prudol. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love the big guy. I like a big

fact. He was skinny and dying when I met him, but the, but I still got one in there. Also, I met the inventor of the shopping cart when I was a child. Yeah, I was it because he was cute getting guarded around the one. Yeah, was it because he was cute getting guarded around the one? But I'm here, sir. Yeah, I mean, yeah, this is your reward time for me. You stop there to snicker down the street over there. No, I mean, make fun of you.

You were just a big child. I was gigantic. Yeah. Yeah. Where's this guy, Cajun? He was also a gator. He's at a cater recipe. There's another guy that's going to. It's like, he's fun.

He's like a funny guy. He does a big on you down on a buy you now. Yeah. That and I fucking buy you shrimp oil. Yeah. Yeah, shrimps. I don't ever use shrimps all the time. Shrimp cocktail. I was had a shrimp craving last night, but I couldn't get I couldn't get my fix. I was fucking give you a shrimp. You want to look at her? Curious room. I can't. I'm fucking safe. I'm cockin' all those legs. Yeah.

It's about him, Peter. Um, let's talk a little bit. I wanted to, it's actually a great pun. It's all about him. It's by accident, but I think it was. I thought about it. I thought about it. I'm from North Korea.

I wanted to surprise you with a little of, because again, this is side stories, last podcast on the left. I've only done it one other time. I've only done it one other time, and we've never really done, like we covered Christmas true crime stories. Yeah.

And there has been a lot of Christmas based true crime. But mainly just because it's a sad time of year. It's a lot of pressure. Yeah. You know, because financially, a lot of times you see that the father is driven to do some crime against a family because he believes he's in some form of financial duress. And there's no way that the family itself could ever handle the embarrassment. Yeah, or they just put the Christmas tree too close to the fireplace. Everybody's dead. Everyone's dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Again, I don't mind it. It's Christmas. Someone's got to go. Someone's got to go. We're full. Right? I don't see a lot of things giving. I don't not normally.

I mean, people kill each other, but it's mostly like family's fighting and like one as a gun. Yes. And I got a good one that I forgot that was from, so I'll give a shout out to one of my favorite YouTube true crime things that I watch called the treading. Okay. Yeah, they're awesome. And one of the things that they cover,

you know, it's called treading. They do like, I saw this case a long time ago, but I completely forgot that it was Thanksgiving. And I just want to say, because they did a great little wrap up this on their YouTube channel. And it's about Joel Guy Jr. Now, if you look at this guy,

there's very little true crime content for Thanksgiving, but if you could see the, what this guy looks like with this COVID safety mask on. Oh, okay, yeah. You could say that this guy is, the word for him is clinical twerp. Yes, he is. Absolutely.

An absolute utter fucking nerd bitch. You still want to punch him even though he has a shield in front of his face. I want to punch him through the shield. Yeah, like, you know when you see something because he's got a COVID shield on, you know that type of thing where you want it, you want it to smash all over your hands

as you're passionate through his head because you want him to know how much you want to suck on your blood. I want you to know how much I want to punch him in the face. Yeah. Also, look, he likes to do nothing. No, no, I was. The whole bottom is underneath it.

I did a movie where it turned out, this was back and then when I first ever first, I've ever got COVID where I had the dog thing on the dog cone. Oh, okay. And that kept everybody else from getting COVID. That worked. Yeah. It was miserable to be inside of what it actually much. Well, it's yeah.

But it was this big dog cone like ice cream cone thing on my head. And that actually worked because then it just you just covered in your own spittle. You also sort of looks like the fan art of Penguin. Yeah. He is sort of looks like the fan art of Penguin. Yeah, he is a piece of shit. So Joel guy, junior, he was a forever child. He was with his parents that had rediscovered love, right? Later on in life. So his parents like they, he was sweet. He was the product of the first marriage and his parents or now his, his father and his adoptive mother, there was Joel guy senior and Lisa guy. They were a lovely couple.

Always. Again, I've talked to this time. I'm always nice people, but I always say this on the show. One time I do want to see a victim read out that was like, Lauren Brunensio, what a bitch. Hated a laugh. Hated joy. Darkened a room. It's time she entered.

You know, some of these people they gotta be all right. I feel that there's a lot of white wash and at the end, but of course, because now they're dead. Yeah, right? And we got there. You know, I pray you write a fantastic obituary for me. Oh, I'll do my best. It's gotta be funny. Yeah, it's gotta be fake. Yeah, trumped up. Oh, I'll do my best. It's gotta be funny.

Yeah, it's gotta be fake. Yeah, trumped up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's roasterous. Yes, but then a series of accolades. So close to maybe having an Emmy once. He was on the great series A to M. Unbelievable.

I'm still mad. I always remember when the ad of NBC came in that room and the final for the for episode M and he was just like, I'm biting for A to Z. We're gonna stay on the air. This is going to be the best year of our lives. And everyone said, I went, yes, yes, yes. We was, I found it was canceled on Twitter the next day. who was, I found it was canceled on Twitter the next day. And but I didn't kill him. And I want to say that that's, that should say, but I didn't kill him once.

Yeah, but you put a head out on him. Well, it's because I just, it was theoretical, it was more of an idea. It was what P did, he did. Whereas like, I'll give a million dollars. I just said it to a room of people, but he did do a room of crypts. Which is kind of got it.

It was kind of got it. It was kind of, you might get in trouble. So, Joel Guy, June, was a forever student. So he gained any, he did this thing where he, again, with the, you could see because his face looks like a parallelogram, he was really good in school and high school. School came to him really easily.

And he was put into this magnet school where he was, you know, for high IQ students. And I've seen this reads like, it's got a recent phenomenon where people talk about like the expectation put upon quote unquote, gifted kids and how it makes a lot of them burn out. Yeah, you know, but I'm just like, suck it up. Yeah. I mean, get out there. You're lucky. You're a lot, your brain works, but but I also understand it's hard out there for these children. They don't know what's going on. All right. So Joe Guy Jr. He went out there for these children. They don't know what's going on. All right.

So Joel Guy Jr. He went out there. He was told forever he was the best. He did well in school. And then as what seems to happen, the second that he hit a form of like a conflict or how hard life is he hit a wall and kind of just gave up. He started living in his parents house, which again, normal extended adolescence is normal. We're here now. So he's out there. He kind of gave him a forever student. So they kept paying for his classes. You started doing all these different degrees, doing, getting

like, but eventually his parents were like, so Joe, when will one of these become a job? You know, and he's like, no, there is, it isid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid nid was already for it because I do believe holding out for management. He is. Yes. And I do think that he, which I believe the teaching is a calling because I take hard job. It's a thankless job. Absolutely. The times and they don't pay you enough. They don't pay you the reason that you go through. Yeah. So Joe guy, he finally, he comes down to it there. They confront him. They did a bunch of move. His father, Joe Guy senior was laid off from his job, which happens. And he said, you know what, I did the math in Lisa, we're gonna retire as long as our son leaves. Okay. A person to go. He's got to, we got to leave. He's got to go find another job. They presented this to him the day that he was laid off. They went in, they had this conversation, they said, all right, you got time, but we got to get you out of here.

Like, you got to get a job. You guys in his 40s at this point? He's 28, but he just looks 40. He does look so old. He looks rough. Well, this is, I think during his trial was 20, 20, but still he started to. He looks bad.

Yeah. Right, he didn't look good. And so he's putting face. He is putting face. I think that's, I think a doctor maybe told them that as a boy. Yeah. But he definitely has it.

And he then decided that when his parents said, oh, you can't live here anymore, that it's time for everybody to go. And because he's so smart that he could plan the perfect cry. Oh, and he could've pitted on each other. He thought he was going to do this thing, he was going to set it up. So it looked like dad killed mom and a murder suicide. Everyone knows this is a good guy.

Well, the thing is murder suicide, he never see coming. You see, you mean you don't see, unfortunately, because you don't know what these wives are planning. But because it didn't told us too late. Yeah. But a lot of times you do see some form of sign. You'll see that the father is again, financial duress, changing behavior, getting rid of his thing, saying all these kind of stuff about the ends, canceling vacations.

It's always bad. Yeah. But he did none of that. Acid is groovy. Acid is great. I tell you that everywhere. But he didn't know that acid is groovy. Yeah, acid is great. I'm telling you that everywhere. Yeah. But he didn't do that.

So, but he figured, because Guy Jr. figured out what I was going to do is, is that because they're going to cut me out, but I believe that there might be some form of life insurance policy. The mother had a 500 grand life insurance policy. Oh, shit. But they said apparently it was a 500 grand if both were dead or missing. So was goal was either make them go missing or I guess appear in a murder suicide,

which I also think would fuck up the insurance as well. Yeah, I don't think that that was really good. You probably only get 250 for that. Yes, yeah. Yeah, they'd be like, well, I just gave a discount. You get the one. Yeah, you get the one. So it was a, he did the perfect crime.

He said he was gonna stab both the parents, dismember, dissolve their remains, clean, and burn down the house, and then frame the father for the crime. Done. Might as well already be done. Oh, but how are you gonna, there's no body. How are you gonna frame them?

Uh, that's the, I don't know. I think that he wasn't thinking clearly. I don't think he was, I don't think it worked out for him. And so what was this grade point average? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, see he out for him. And so, what was this great point average? Yeah, C's get a great. He's got a great, professional student. Like, what's your great point?

He did not do well. I don't think he did well. So, he went to Thanksgiving for the final time. So, now normally what people say about Joel Guy Jr. was that he was the most social of people. So, everybody would come over to the house. He, in his mouth, breathing way, would hide in the other room, playing his video games. Yeah, it is with these video games. Yeah, right there.

You're a B.U.C. You know, we're back and forth. Yeah, and if you do it in front of people, they just beat the shit out of you. Yeah, you know, it is video games, you know, and so Joel guy Jr. Yides in his room and he's just got he you know no there was like you know it's like Joel My not even had to have been there, you know, I mean like it ain't even noticed Joel. Mm-hmm, but this year Joel was ecstatic. He came out playing with the kids taking pictures with people So hey, but the weird thing is that he brought these big heavy Tupperware containers into the house filled with shit. Yeah.

Right. Which sure there was a bunch of murder tools that he had purchased over several weeks. So he'd been planning this for a long time. Okay. And so he decided, well, do I find interesting with family and Iulators and people who kill their families where they're like, let's give them one last Thanksgiving.

Yeah. That's not scarier. Because that's worse. Just kill them. Just do it. Just kill them kill them. Yeah, it doesn't matter if. Because that's worse. Just kill him. Just do it. Kill him. Yeah, it doesn't matter if you do it the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. Right.

You're already going to ruin Thanksgiving. I guess having even one more day is nice. Yeah, but you don't know. And now Thanksgiving's ruined for everybody. Yeah, that's true. Except for us. Mm-hmm. Onside stories.

Because we have the story. But everybody else is like, it's fucked because it's like you really are like, you're ruining this holiday. It's really, I always find that really strange where they decide to have this sort of, it's, it feels suicidal in a way, from the perpetrator.

But you're kind of being like, let me just have one last moment, where I'll remember everybody after, and then after this, I'm gonna complete the perfect crime and get away with it Scott free Do it during Easter. Yeah, Easter sucks. Fuck Easter. Yeah, man. Fuck that. Yeah, president's day. Oh The worst that's a good time to kill your family. Oh my god. It's so insulting that they put president's day right in the middle of black history It's like holy shit.

Um, but all right. So he decided it was weird. He had the big things giving and then he decided to complete his plan the next day. So his thing we was going to do was that I'm going to break the garbage disposal. Okay. I mean, break the garbage disposal. You're probably going to need that if you're chopping up, obviously. Well, he bought a meat grinder.

He bought a meat grinder. It's in the back of his car. And so daddy will have to crawl underneath the thing to fix the garbage disposal. And which is a common issue amongst killers that have never killed before, is that they don't understand that like, he thinks I'm gonna stab him one time.

Yeah. And he's just gonna die. Ed Kemper, big guy, bumblebutt, huge butt, right? Big, huge, huge man, right? His thing was that he thought he was so surprised when he first stabbed the woman that she didn't die immediately. He was like, oh, this is so weird. It's like you just kinda leak, right?

But you find out. So stabbing somebody's actually extremely difficult, which is what Joel Guijun, you're found out. So his father, he did the plan. He broke the garbage disposal. His father crawled underneath the thing. He decides to go and stab him. Turns out father doesn't want to go down that easy. They have a huge kitchen wide fight. So Joel Guy Jr. is like, I'm going to stab him one time, little pool of blood. I'm going to clean it all up, getting to make, you know, make sure it's all fine. Then what I'm going to do is when I kill my mother, I'm going to go and scrape,

and use her hands to scrape material off my father's face. So it looks like she was defending herself against my father, but then it's going to dissolve the bodies. I'm going to say, that you should have went to criminal school. And I think he was like in English. I think what do you, what do you do? We use that? Oh, yes, he was training to become a plastic surgeon, but he never got there. He like, he did, he did point. And so they fight. It was big awful scene. He fights it. And then the mother comes in. He fights the mother. Stab brutally murders the mother because she saw them. And then it was horrible. Like, yeah, multiple, multiple stab wounds, extreme rage killing. And in the process, he cut his own fucking hands open

and he had to go to the hospital and get stitched up in the middle of the murder and come back and take care of it. Oh my. It was a whole thing. So he, well, once he, he, and then he was trying to dissolve the bodies, doing all the stuff, but then it took several days. So he didn't have the gumption to do it quickly.

So there were several people that were calling looking for his parents, because his parents were really active in the communities and people again, beloved people. Yeah, and they were looking for it. So they, the police showed up on a security check of the house and then they discovered this fucking crazy scene. So they found out that they found a backpack containing this notebook, which I'm going to go into,

plastic bins with both parents as torsos and dismembered limbs dissolving in an acid-based solution of corrosive chemicals, which they describe by prosecutors as a diabolical stew of human remains, right? You poured a bunch of acid over it. His father were severed hands were on the ground. You didn't know what to do with him yet. And then he was currently boiling his mother's sever head in a, this is right after things came.

Yeah. And so again, you had all the stuff out. So she had her head boiling on a thing. I guess to strip it of its meat like really, really fucked. So he is a, it's, he's a, it's a maniac, right? They found him. Yeah. Got him dead to rights.

So he thinks he's also not just a maniac. He sounds really stupid. I, it's, it seems to truly be the issue with committing violent crime. As a lot of times, you got to be stupid just to get to that thought. Yeah. Because most of the time, you can resolve things with people, familial therapy. Or as we've said, multiple times already with you, be a man and fucking leave. Yeah. Just get in a car and drive. Be like, fuck you, mom and dad.

Do what I did when I was a senior and all I did was like, I was so ready to go and I played Billy Jules. I'm moving out. I'm dead. That was my rebellion. That was my form of fat boy like I am. Like, yeah, you see mom and dad. I mean, like that's where you do to get out of it if you want to. But he did. Yeah. Yeah, you'll see mom and dad. Yeah.

I mean, like that's where you do to get out of it if you want to, but he did. He decided to kill them, which is not. They're so much harder than getting a job. It's so much harder. It's like being cons half of fraudsters. I mean, like if you just had a career, it's going to be so much easier for you. Man, one of the restaurants I worked at, you know, all the fucking owners, they were, I used to watch them all steal from each other. You know, they were like,

and could you leave the office for a little bit? If then like, money be missing when I came back and shut, and I wonder what you do. I was too stupid to notice, but I just like kept my mouth shut, but they all, every person, there was multiple owners, they all stole from each other. I used to watch them all come in and steal money,

and I'm like, and I always said, like, if none of them stole from each other, they make the same amount of money. He would be doing good. That's why you just fucking just get the job. I know it's lame, but just get the job. But so the biggest red flag here. So he was like, I got this lined up, right? You very much I went to jail. But he had this what he called the book of premeditation. So he had a journal and he written in it called the book premeditation. And uh, it was great. And here's some of the notes. There's just some of the notes. Get killing knives, quiet, multiple, star, get carving knives to make small pieces.

Get sledgehammer, crush bones, bring blender and food grinder, grind meat, get bleach, denature proteins. So use acid to break it down to a sludge, right? Get plastic bin for denaturization process. Does not matter where they're killed, just get rid of bloody spots to prevent evidence of time of death, not the mattresses or couches, get rid of bodies inside house. There and my DNA already there. The words open up doggy door to provide entryway is then crossed out.

Says he needs to be blamed, not intruder. Stupid. Yeah. Should have tried for the intruder. I mean, I can't believe he planned and it like he's a moron just because you're in school. Doesn't mean you're in school. Doesn't mean you're smart. Yeah.

Right. Flush chunks down toilet, not garbage disposal because you're already broken. Get plastic sheeting for disposal process. Get hollow point bullets. Just in case scratched out will be seen buying bullets. Just use computer room gun just to make sure that there are bullets last resort. What? just to make sure that there are bullets, last resort, like parentheses. He's not alive to claim her half of the insurance money, all mine, $500,000.

And it's that simple. You know that. Now, it is on tango. Someone's finances when they're not planning to be dead. Man, everyone, the insurance companies love paying up. They love it. They love it. They love it. They're so excited to, especially with murder suicides. Yeah. Flood the house, covers up forensic evidence. Did anyone burn it down?

Hmm. Turn heater up as high as it goes, speed decomposition, bleach reacts with lumenol, just like blood douse area with bleach. Get a big sprayer. Lie trash compactor. That's my favorite in a note question. And a series of people put a note on the thing, we like, you know, even fucking no body gives times of death to alibi. Don't get rid of the body. If there is a forensic evidence on the body, his fingerprints and DNA must be removed. And it didn't work. No. Yeah, because he was all covered. He covered his father with his own

blood. He went to Walmart's first aid section. There was all forms of surveillance showing all the various places he went after the welfare check. He was pretty much immediately arrested. Well, they put him under surveillance for a while and then they got him and then they got him. So he's a job. But that's, that was like one of my big time Thanksgiving murders. I'd say that's a good one. That's a good one. Yeah. I feel, I mean, like what the fuck in any it? Yeah. Trial took four days. Guy Jr. was found guilty and sentenced to life in prison. He was also convicted of abusive accords. Abuse of accords? Yes, because he killed all the dismemberment.

Oh, okay. They go into gross dismemberment at some point, where they do a thing where they decide, where it's like, because it's setting off the hands flopping around and they're headed in the fucking... You already sentenced someone to fucking prison for life. Who cares if they cut their hands off?

I think it's not the fucking look at his face. Don't you want to fucking give this guy more charges? It's true. If I look at this motherfucker, I wish that a fashion police could set in Semedadeth. His chin looks like part of his neck. I just, it's the, and then his only friend in the world

that he was sort of like, that's also dreading dead. So they covered the, his one of his only friends that was like his roommate at the time, because they were paying his rent. So he was living separately and back and forth. Yeah. And he was paying his rent.

And this other guy, he was his whole life. So Joe Guy Jr. was kind of sexually obsessed with this other guy. And this other guy was this guy, yeah, he was just some guy I knew. Like he kept pointing, he kept telling me all the stuff that I knew about. Like he gave him this whole download of information

about the murders and he was like, he was just my buddy. That was weird. Yeah, never do that. So he told this other dude about the murder. He gave him a download of fucking, he needed to tell someone. Yeah, I guess.

Well, he felt he could trust this guy. Guess what you can, especially if you murder people. Nobody likes it. Never trust the first friend you get. No, I think that's just good advice for any child. I hate you, just don't, especially, you gotta think about it. Because also you don't wanna say,

think about what you're doing to your friend. If he is your friend, that person is your friend. Now he's in a comp. Now he's in a comp. You just did this, right? Keep murder on your own hands. Again, just like I work with with you, Doc. Yeah. Like, I don't wanna know about your murder, man.

Also, so many times I worked with people, and they like claim they did awful shit, and I just could tell they're lying. Well, just again, just keep, just like people lie about being in knife fights and shit. All the time. Yeah, people say weird shit like that all the time, like it's cool, but most of the time,

I feel like it's the guys that are not bragging about it, that have done it. Exactly. I think guys that are not bragging about it, that have done it. Exactly. I think that if they are bragging about it and they're stupid. But also that's how do we see this time and time again? That's how these guys get caught. Everybody wants credit.

So many people want to be known as this killer, as this criminal. I think it's because most of the time this type of criminality comes out of extreme mediocrity. So they got nothing else going on. So they are like a 40 year old bar back. Of course they're going to tell you about the one time they did murder. And technically that was the coolest thing they've ever done. Yeah. You know, but I had the other bar back who was like, had horrible shit done to him and he never

brought it up at all. See, that's real secrets. Yeah. You know, I think it, it's stuff happened to him. And he doesn't want to talk about it. Yeah, man. He wants to live his life. He's trying to have a job, trying to move on. So when he cut the tops of his ears off,

it's like punishment in a cartel. Like a doberman? No, like, yeah, just like the tops of his ears. Jesus fucking, yeah, and he always wore a big hat. Yeah. Yeah. Ooh, yeah. Ooh, yeah.

That's not good. Yeah, it was a tough one. And you're like, you're like, you're, oh, this wear a big hat. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's not good. Yeah, it was a tough one. And you're like, you're like, you're like, it's a, oh, it's great bar back. You know, it was good to hear anything. So you didn't get distracted. That's scary.

Yeah. Stay out of the cartels. No, stay away from them. Yeah. Yeah, I don't like them. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, yeah, yeah, all right. So 13 isn't unlucky number. It is. It really is. Now before we go Do you want to like believe will sclerosis 13? That's what a net fun shell. Your head was found in a pyramid of other heads. It's horrible. I don't know how to got there.

You want to tell the audience maybe one maybe one of your favorite Thanksgiving memories before we go. One of my favorite Thanksgiving memories. I mean, my favorite is obviously the, it was a beautiful November Thursday. I want to say the year was two, two thousand, four, maybe 2003. And I just met our buddy, Danny Bejrozin. Oh yeah, from Peafunk. We're gonna see Peafunk soon.

Very excited about it. Yeah, KWZ Peafunk. Yeah, and we had just become buddies and he was left in town and my mom had come and driven to telehaz to do Thanksgiving with us. This is when he was working in Hooters 2. Yeah. And he was stuck in town.

And so my mom had come and she was there. And then Tucci's mom and Tucci's aunt had come up to all do this really big things. One of our favorite friends in the world, Kathy Tucci is old, friend of ours. Yeah, but like and Tucci's mom and my mom like passed away early. And so it was an extra romantic time. And then Danny was like, I got nowhere to go. I was like, oh, come on over.

And then he brought Jerome Rogers, a very famous keyboard player who just got out of jail. Yes. And for bullshit charges. And, and then he brought his then girlfriend, Lady Kier from Delight. So that is Delight and Lady Kier is the lead singer of Delight and she was the one that danced around and the groove is in the heart. She sang it.

Yeah. She sang groove is in the heart. Yeah. She was in here. She was a sexy woman. She was a very sexy woman and they came over and we had the same side. She's dead, right? No. If she's dead, no if she's dead I'm

gonna be brokenhearted she's not dead lady cares alive and well maybe not well but she's doing fine I thought she died no she didn't die she's alive yes she's alive I'm glad I'm glad she's like who is in her heart I'm glad that she's alive I'm happy she's like, who is in her heart? I'm glad that she's alive. I'm happy she's alive. I'm pretty sure we didn't have to think she'd done. Well, they all came over and the dolphins beat the cowboys and it was a beautiful, I remember my mom used to make these historic apple pies. Oh yeah, they were like literally like a foot and a half tall.

Oh yeah. And then she dropped the apple pie out of the oven and then we all ate it off the ground because she started crying and then we told her not to cry and we all ate the apple pie off the ground. That's incredible. It was very sweet. We burned our mouths. That's a really nice story. Yeah, it was very nice. We did lots of weed and we had lots of fun. It was great. Well, she actually looks cool. Yes, she's very cool. I'm glad she's alive.

I'm not saying, oh, this is from while ago, but I'm still like, like, she's a, I'm glad she's alive. Yes, I didn't want her to be dead. She's wonderful. I was just clarifying. I think Jerome's still around too. Jerome Rogers is alive. Yeah, I think he's alive.

I don't think he was a, I remember, he's just not around anymore because he got the beatings. Oh, yeah, that's hard. Yeah, you can't really hit the road. You know, so it's... I mean, you can't. It just hit a little slower. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But he was great. You know what his famous thing is from the Humpty Dance. Yeah. He's the one who says, feel the music. That's him. That's his voice. Feel the music. That's amazing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he also, what's the Stevie Wonder song where they always everybody when he calls the guy. It's all about all. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, what it turns out he, he, he, run man, run like Mr. C see me. No, not that one. That's really good. Follow in. Oh, pretty. Let's live in the city.

Yeah. Yeah, this one's much shatter and slower from the 80s. It's a telephone call in a woman. I don't remember. I don't know. Is it Rob? Can you find this? What's it called?

No one knows. It's for the most famous ones. Yes. Stevie Wonder. I just usually don't listen to the 80s stuff, you know. I just call to say I love you. Yeah, he plays the keyboard on that. That's a huge song.

That's a gigantic song. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We made him think Skipping. Whoa. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He made the phone call on that. He made the phone call. Yeah, he, yeah. He made the phone call in that. He made the phone, yeah, he did that.

He played the keyboard on that. That's incredible. Well, I'm glad he's a live board. For Stevie Wonder. I just, I'm just glad he's alive as well. I mean, I remember he ran on some rough times and Danny had been working with him and then he was in a jail in Madison County

and just for like bullshit charges, like everyone in the music community did what they could to get him out and they finally got him out like Eric Clapton was writing letters. It was fucking crazy. Stevie Wonder was writing letters, you know, and they finally got him out. And then Danny was going to go pick him up and then when he went to go pick him up, I fucking I stole a bunch of like ribs and and chicken wings from hooters. And I left it outside for Danny for him to go pick up and give Jerome when he got out of jail. That's incredible.

Yeah. And so as soon as he got out, he just got the biggest play to fucking beans and ribs and wings. And he was, you know, he was so happy. That's amazing. Yeah. And I hope that someone out there can do the same thing for someone else. Yeah.

This Thanksgiving. That's right. All right. Live every day. Get someone out of can do the same thing for someone else. Yeah. This Thanksgiving. That's right. All right. Get someone out of jail. Yeah, get somebody. Live every day getting one person out of jail. Honestly. If you really want to do something nice, people do get out of jail on Thanksgiving. You could go hang out there with an extra plate of food.

I mean, first person released, you fucking handed to them. Love a criminal because sometimes I need it in order to get back into society, right? And then you can laugh yourselves with the other person all the way to the fucking back. Because guess what, man, in the end, I think that if you got love in your heart one day, you're gonna end up with coins in your pocket. That's right, baby. Right. So bring, bring, but you'll criminal that it's, you know, weed. Yeah. You know, that's the first.

That's the first thing I want when I get out of jail. But I mean, like in terms of that's the crime that you could really give something for. You know, like, hey, they did it on their time. You know, ripping the tags off a mattress. I think any crime, you know, for like full serial murder. Yeah. They get out and like, are anything violent can go fuck? I think it's a really good.

I'm with anything violent can go fuck, but like if they're a stole some shit, they just need some love. I completely agree. And I think thanksgiving, unlike Christmas, we can go fuck itself. I think Thanksgiving is really the time. But we love Christmas. For redemption.

I'm fine with Christmas. But we have a great time. You have a good time. I like, I'm gonna like Christmas this year. Yeah. Cause I don't have to go Florida. Yes. But you still like going home for Christmas.

I used to look like the holiday itself makes me sad, but we'll talk about it more. Okay. Well, I find the Christmas side stories. Of course. Yeah. Because I find that because I find the holiday itself makes me sad. Yeah, I think that I don't like false cheer. Well, I like the, I like letting this sadness take over my body. You see, you do, I fight and I rage against sadness. When I'm sad, I get tired. Yeah. Yeah. You got to let the sadness in cry it out. And then when you're done with that, then you feel like a new person. I hate all of that. That's why all the sad movies come out around Christmas. I'm a lock box. Yeah. All right. I can't I got fucking I got mother fuckers looking at me. Showing side of weakness. So think come back me, dude. It's a war out here, it's a podcasting. I am gonna have to write your obituary. This is the fucking war out here.

All right, these motherfuckers catch me slipping. And I'll let you know, all you haters and losers. All right, you come for me, you come for the king, you best not fucking miss. Yes, thank you, Rob. Thank you. Missed out of work on on. Missed not a war going on. There it's a very there's a couple wars going on. Nothing that involves comedy. Yeah,

you know, that comedians. Yeah, we all like each other. Thank God. We almost lost some. It's time for me. It's good for me to lay down my sword over once a while and this is why I keep the jackalope blindfolded. I think it's important to send yourself in that many ways. Yes, Christmas can be nice, can it? I think the anger comes from the mustache. If you had a full beard, I was angry before.

Yeah, I'm Mark Ruffalo, baby. Yeah, I mean, he's very peaceful. Trick is, I'm always angry. I'm a Mark Ruffalo baby. I mean, he's very peaceful. Trick is, I'm always angry. I'm the bowl. A Marvel quote. Yep, that's your only one I know. From Henry's Nebraska. It's the only one I know.

And great power comes with a great responsibility because the Spider-Man, the first one, because you could see Kirsten Dunst's nipples. Man, Kirsten Dunst's with the hottest women in the world. And then we're gonna ask how we're gonna... I saw her a cheese stick. Cheese stick. Honestly, if you're around, come to the studio.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come to the studio, we wanna meet you. We'll be classy about it. We won't bring that scene up again. Yeah, we'll talk about. You come over, you'll just like hang upside down from the upstairs. Just hope that leaves hits me with a bucket

of training swords. Well, great. So go and get Operation Sunshine number two. It is in your local comic book stores. It's out there and you can get out. We would love for you to go to your comic book store and order it by name. Yes, as a lover.

And if I can do a nice plug, yes, the 26th of November is I talked about it a lot today as my mother's birthday. Yes. So in the ILO is like to bring up. I made I talked about her a lot today is my mother's birthday. Yes. So in the ILO is like to bring up I made a movie about her a couple years ago with Travis Irvine called How America Killed My Mother. So good routine.

Go to it. Yes. That's French. That's how France killed my mother. I said America. And so if you go it's checking out it's how America Killed My Mother. How America Killed My Mother. Dotcom. And you can rent her by the movie.

It's my mom's birthday, so do it for her. I love you guys very much. And just try not to get too angry this thing. Try not to. Try not to. If you do, you do. Oh, again, Thanksgiving, I feel like Thanksgiving, it's just different Christmas,

it's gonna be a emotions run high, but we'll talk about this. Henry's not letting me buy a fresh turkey. He wants a frozen turkey. I'm not letting him buy the other turkeys, because the other turkeys have much more difficult process in the other turkeys. It's easy when you know what's going down, bro. We'll talk about this.

We'll talk about this. We'll talk about this. Thank you everybody, how's it going? How's it going. Happy Thanksgiving! Hail him! Yes. Him, him, him, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.