Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: The Alux

Episode Date: March 2, 2023

Ben 'n' Henry bring you this week's weirdest stories and true crime news including a series of updates on the "Santa Cruz Cookie Monster" Adam Sandler (who happens to also be the Times Square Anti-Semitic Elmo), The Alex Murdaugh Trial heating up as Murdaugh himself takes the stand, Mexican President claiming blurry photo shows an ‘Alux’ aka Mayan Elf, the North Carolina trio who kidnapped and tortured a victim with barbed wire and various weapons, Hero of the Week, Listener Stories, and MORE!

There's no place to escape to. This is the last time on the left side stories. That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yeah. It sounds good. It's really good. And I'm glad that you're here with me today, Kissel, even though we all we have to be. Yeah, contractually. But no, but also I love to be here. And I love to be with you. And I think that's important because as you may or may not know, I was recently diagnosed with what my doctor called the highest blood pressure they had seen in a year.

Yeah, that's not that. That's not even that bad, though, because this is Los Angeles. This is the home of the Gandalfini. Oh, sure. Sure. Isn't that bad, but I understand. But back in the day, they used to let it go under the rug because it came in Gandalfini. He understood what he needed to do. You're really talented. I'm very good. Yeah.

But that's why what I wanted to do is like, obviously, the last couple of weeks have been a little bit more heated. We've used these fucking balloons. I'm already getting heated. It's been a lot. I know. Just saying the word balloons. Balloons should still be you should be thinking of birthday parties and fun stuff. I don't. I don't. It just makes me mad. So what I want to do is I want to just like, I think throughout the next month, so I'm going to try up here at this medication and try to show them I'm doing the work.

Good. Good. So I'd like to do this. This is diabetes medication? No, no, no. It's blood pressure medications. What I'm going to do is like, I'm going to bring all down. I'm going to come because what you're seeing now is a new Henry Zabrowski. This is a new relaxed Henry Zabrowski pan flute vibes. Henry Zabrowski.

So if we could just start before I start yelling, can we just calm me down a little bit? Because I'm already done. Do you want to play a pan flute? Okay. Here we go. This is not relaxing. This makes me feel like the white man is about to go steal my land. No, no. You don't know what's coming.

I do. And can you feel the peace of being an innocent Native American before the ships arrive? I think this is sad. When you sit and you, oh, you have plenty of corn because you haven't given it up on some random day in November anymore. Mayes. Mayes. You are, I'm zen. I'm zen.

I, I'm not you. No, no, don't, don't send it to somebody else. Don't send those vibes to somebody else. Send it to me. They're looking at a pirate's funeral and they're throwing somebody right into the water. I'm calm. Yeah. I'm vulnerable. I'm here with you.

Kissle. You smell different, but good in a way. Yeah. Familiar. I smell, I used my three in one shampoo, conditioner and body wash. It's three in one. I feel myself. I feel my blood cooling.

I feel myself calling me. Okay. Now shut that off. Shut the fuck it. Shut that off. Where do you go? So I just want to make sure that we got this. Welcome to the side stores, everyone.

Drones attack Russia from all sides. Can we just play the, play the song one more time? The chaos erupted in Russia overnight as drones foamed multiple regions, sparking an explosion in an oil depot and the deployment of fighter jets near St. Petersburg. That's according to local reports. The strike took place around two AM. I'm just glad we got him. All right.

Now shut the shit. Shut it off. Absolutely. Shut it off. Um, but we have a lot of updates today. Number one, we came at hard. We came out hard as we always do at a nine year old girl last week. No, she was the hero of the week.

She was. Killing a bunch of bad bugs that were killing us. The lantern flies. But then we said, then I made a remark about the genocide of the trees that were required to get rid of these, these bugs, but I did not understand that the trees were also invasive. That's right. Because you trusted the tree not to be bad because of Lord of the Rings. Whoa, weird.

See, it's you say that because I still feel like ants can be horny and unpredictable. No, they're very predictable. I literally can't move. I was thinking of the giving tree. Ants can move, that's a whole fucking end of the calm music, please. Can I have the calm music, please? Ants absolutely can move. Yeah, but they don't want to.

They don't want to. They don't want to. They're a rooted, they're a rooted tree people. It requires a lot of energy and they need to be sure of purpose. Like I am today. Yeah. Remaining calm. Yeah.

This is like all of my friends are changing like this. And I don't know how to feel about it. Do you think that this is, do you think I have changed a little bit? I think that you're trying to, but your body, it's like, it's like when Bruce Banner, the Bruce Banner, they said, how do you turn into the Hulk so quick? And he said, I'm always angry, which means he's constantly fighting the urge to be the Hulk. So I think this is probably unhealthy.

I mean, well, my blood pressure was 170 over 110. My blood was literally was 170 over 110. Everyone else, like what's the number? What's the number? Yeah, what is the number? We're calming. Thank you. Yeah.

We're such a good. Wow. It does work over time, but again, it does seem like my entire family has been massacred and I'm just sitting there with one tear dripping down my face as somebody litters on the highway. Calm after. I don't like that. Again, I don't believe in family annihilators and what they do.

I think I'm, again, I'm anti. You don't believe in Murdoch. I don't believe in him. No, I don't believe in him. But I, you know, but the calm you must feel right after must be very interesting. Yeah. Good blood pressure for a man is 120 over 80. And yours is 170 over 120.

I'm back in though, but that's why. Wow. That's why I'm calm. All right. So as we go, that's well before again. So apologies. It's actually even worse for you because 18 to 39 is supposed to be 110 over 68. And you're within that range.

I'm calm. So it's actually supposed to be 110 over 68. It was just 170. I'm calm. No, what happened? I don't know. I don't fucking know. What could possibly be?

I don't know. What could possibly drive my blood pressure to a full ceiling? I don't know. All right. I'm not sure. No, listen to the music. Your family is dead. Smile.

Ah, finally. No more bills. Once you're in prison, you're completely free. It is amazing because that is really high. So much higher than it's supposed to be. I will put this, you know, only person currently must have higher blood pressure than me is Adam Sandler. Why?

Not the comedian. Oh, okay. So we covered last week the idea of the cookie monsters, a cookie monster on the Santa Cruz wharf, right? Not a real cookie monster. Yes. Not a real cookie monster. No.

One of cookie monsters helpers was on the Santa Cruz wharf and he was harassing people, the police. You do not want to run into the brownie boys. No, you don't. Because my friend, those are not brownies. They are not brownies. No. It is a sheet.

Yeah. But the Santa Cruz police officer, they said, we talked about last week, don't engage the cookie monster. But it turns out that this is not the only time this cookie monster has been out of pocket. I actually don't think that that's shocking whatsoever. So we, we brought up the Zionist Elmo. Yes. From last week.

Absolutely. From Times Square. Turns out it's the same motherfucker. It's the same guy. A man by the name of Adam Sandler. Wow. And what I love is that every one of these articles. Yeah.

All these, I'll unpack it a little bit, but the, all of these articles have to go way out of the way saying not the famous comedian Adam Sandler. Right. Not the guy from punch, drunk love or happy Gilmore. You like, I don't know, but also rage filled men taking it out on a society. Well, punch, drunk love, of course, was a character that Adam Sandler plays. He's notoriously calm. As a matter of fact, he was ABC always because he, before it was cool and I still don't think

it is cool, but that's why he wore sweatpants the first time on the night on the tonight show, because then he said, they never expect to see you in a suit and he opened it up. He opened it up. But so this man, he did what we did. You, you struggle in New York city. Yeah. You work so hard and they say, we spit on you. You talented fuck you.

Oh, you think you can handle the five boroughs, bro? He made it. He did so well. Unlike the naked cowboy who was still fucking stuck there without clothes. Absolutely. He made it all the way to the West coast. All it takes is practice. He was able to change character.

Yes. So I am almost proud of this really bizarre, probably extremely deviant man. Oh, I don't know what's going to happen with this guy. He started his career as a aggressive cartoon character on the street. You notice, he never goes, you never trust, never trust these clean cut guys, never trust these Sesame Scries because like, I want to, I like a little edge, be a Muppet. You never hear a Muppet doing these things. Well, I suppose that's true, but the Muppets are so small.

I think it might be more difficult. These guys are also small. Yeah, they can be. I guess so. But yeah. Well, he started as Adam Sandler. Now this was, he was, he's 59 years fun currently and he is, he was known as Adam Sandler in New York city, where he was the asianist Elmo who went to the attack who

told people various charming statements as fuck you. I work for John Gotti. Right. Fuck the so-called blankety blank. A string of different various slurs. Oh, absolutely. Oh, I didn't know S was for that. You know what I mean?

Like, Oh, I don't know. Jay stood for what? Well, of course the man was impassioned. Oh, perhaps it was because of course he was portraying a character that. Was created by someone who also had a passion. Oh, yes. For younger children. But anyway, what I'm going to say is this, when it comes to the Elmo character, don't

you sometimes don't you? And isn't it happy to see him behind the scenes because the longest time you see, oh, I'm happy Elmo. He's a real Elmo. No, he's just like, and isn't he just like us? We talked about this. He's just like us. He's just, he's a guy.

He's just a person walking around inside of a giant felt costume, trying to get your kids onto his knees. Can you imagine if they did a room Raider style raid of the inside of his outfit? I rather die. The amount of fart and semen and shit. You needed to take a scanner because the cum will be visible. Yeah. I don't think you're going to need to get the black light.

He's going to be filled with common blood and shit because this man has been at this for a long time. So this back when he was 50. So he was Adam Sandler and then also known as Dan Sandler. There's Danny Sandler. Did he have to change the name because of Adam? I'm pretty certain that when he got out, when he was essentially, cause he was arrested, right?

He attacked a woman in San Francisco. This is a couple of years ago in 2014. He attacked a woman saying, I'm going to tear your throat out. Everyone got mad because again, he didn't get the Sesame Street pass that day. No way. That's not even, no character would say that. Maybe big bird. If you had a series of, if you had a seed necklace, technically snuffle up a guess is the only

wouldn't get away with it because he doesn't exist. And he's sad. Yes. I know. But this wasn't the first time. And then we know he was the Zionist Elmo and he yelled at a bunch of people, but he then he also did a little bit of an extortion plot against the Girl Scouts. I don't really know.

So he said that he went by, he goes by the name of Sam Lerner. This is according to the CBS news. He attempted grand larceny and a misdemeanor stalking as a part of a deal with prosecutors, right? So he got off with the attack to people because he planned to, I guess, tell the world, he told the Girl Scouts Association saying, I have information that none of the world doesn't know, basically saying that you sell your Girl Scouts to be had sex with across the country. And he's saying, I'm going to bust it wide open.

Me sweaty man covered in felt I have a hard on for the hot topics. And I'm out here on the streets of America. He's deciding, I'm going to tell everybody the Girl Scouts are selling not just cookies, but the actual girls themselves. I actually think he might be onto something. Is it possible that he saved just one girl's life? I actually, because if he did, yes, he did threaten to take somebody's throat out of their neck, which is not that good.

Side stories, LPOTL, achievement.com. If you're any sort of the legal representation team of the Girl Scouts, we love the Girl Scouts here. Of course, the Samosas. Samosas? Samosas. We don't really think this. We don't really as a network.

But at the same time, I don't know. There is a group that allows girls to go door to door with sweets. And as we know, the creeper, the pedophile, maybe sometimes they have a sweet tooth. I actually want to put it on that child and cookies. I'm going to more put the Girl Scouts peddling these cookies on me. You're doing this to me. You make me buy these cookies. They shake you down.

They're mostly guilty of more aggressive cookie selling tactics on the street. I don't know if it's human trafficking. Well, I think that's the thing. There's two different kinds of shakedowns. Give me all your money, man, or please buy a cookie. It's for the Girl Scouts, mister. Push the girl out with the lazy eye. It's fine.

Get her. She's got kind of a limp. You go ask that weird man. I do think that was just the theme for the lethal weapon parody. Yes. That's right. It is. Very, very good.

Loaded weapon. We didn't make that up ourselves. So anyway, so now what's going on with him? He's been arrested several times. So he's done this a couple of times and they arrested him for that. Does he wear? Because when you're arrested, you have to have clothes on. Does he just sit there without the head?

Have you seen a picture of him unwashed and I got to find this guy. Is he nude under there? No, he's dressed. The only way to describe him is if he looks like Emo Phillips. He does. On creatine. He actually looks like he's got a protein, a protein based EO film. He has a page boy style haircut.

It is, to be honest, truly strange. It is a otherworldly style haircut. Yes. He looks like the, if you've seen the, He looks like the guy from, what's it? He was, they've got the fucking hat. You're talking about Shrek. You're talking about Prince.

Four Lord. Four Lord. He also looks like the owner of the Raiders. Have you seen that? I actually am surprised. I did not think he was going to look that way. I didn't know what he was going to look like, but I didn't expect the full hair.

No, he definitely looks, you know, he looks almost like a person. You walk by that person. He kind of looks like a host of the view without makeup. Oh my goodness. That show really tells it like it is. Wow. They go there. I can't believe they go there.

He was also arrested in Cambodia in 1999 for running. It was a live porn website that he called, I don't know what the content of it was, but it was called welcome to the rape camp, which is not good. That's not good either. Um, so yeah, he's a pervert and a criminal and, uh, they don't know what to do with this guy.

I mean, he's got a little satchel. I noticed, I guess the satchel is for, cause he still was like, he'll spend his day getting paid as Elmo and Cookie Monster. And I guess apparently he, he does kind of like, he can ingratiate himself. Yeah. And then he starts talking like, Oh, okay, it's cooking out.

So he's kind of funny cause he says like funny jokes. We actually got a message from a listener that had a run in with the Cookie Monster. I mean, he's got jokes, dude. Oh yeah. As a matter of fact, Tom Brady, there is some speculation he wants to get into stand up. Thank God he could get some Cookie Monster material.

He fucking better. Yeah. I think he needs a lot of, he's like, uh, do people see me? Hey, is it Tom Brady or is that one of the guys from Easter Island having sex with supermodels? We're having fun here again. That's just light roast comedy, right?

Um, but this is called, according to a listener, um, my family and I were in the wharf and Santa Cruz this weekend. We were pushing my daughter along in her stroller when an old beat up Saturn pulled up in a spot in front of us. A large man jumped out in a rough looking Cookie Monster costume. The chest piece looked like it had been dragged through sand before it was put on. And the arms, a lighter, dirtier shade of blue.

He asked if my daughter wanted a picture with him. We declined as he walked past, as we walked past him, he left us with some advice. He said, Hey, don't use condoms. My first kid died in one of those. So technically he's got parts. Like he's got, he's got some funny things. He pulls you in and then all of a sudden you find out the real thoughts.

Well, I mean, he's grabbing a chin. At least he was an anti-Semitic. I, if that's the bar, then where are we at? It's the bar for him. I mean, if that's the bar, then I don't know. Or is he very pro-Semitic? He says, I forget his Zionist. He said a lot.

He was saying, he was saying some anti, you know what? I don't know. He was being a little bit of a Don Rickles. It seems like everybody was getting a taste. Everyone was. He really is a troubling character. And he's going to commit some other major crime at some point in his life. Yes, indeed.

Well, either way, did you hear about this guy? He was a, this Michelin chef. I just saw this, this Michelin chef, his name is Guy Savoy. He got knocked down. They took a star away. What? 69 years old. That happens every year.

Yeah. Well. Yeah, it happens every year. Technically, that's not even news in the world of Michelin. No, you have. I thought you got it forever. No, absolutely not. You have to keep it up, bro.

Ask Gordon Ramsay. Ask him. Find him at his home. And he will tell you. What's the point? The singular effort it takes to be a Michelin star restaurant. Simply extraordinary. He's just going to, he's going to yell at you.

What the hell? He's going to strike your neck. Gordon Ramsay, like every day he's pushing, he's got five television shows. I wonder what his blood pressure is like. I bet it's fucking immaculate. Dude, there's gonna be. Because he gets his fucking blood changed out every fucking week. I mean, well, I'm sitting here.

Can we please just, I'm sitting here. Oh, obviously it's not. Relax a little bit. It's definitely not. This guy had. It's not subpar what I do here. No. I work hard and I'm an excellent leader.

People look up to me in a way. And yeah, they are entertained by me. Right. I should take peace and solace in that knowing that some people view me as a bright spot in their day. That is nice to hear. Isn't it 20 French restaurants? They've been downgraded. Yeah, man.

One star. Well, a lot of people say COVID had something to do with it. Yeah. COVID had a lot to do with a lot of fucking shit. No 170 over 120. It's supposed to be 110 over 68. I, it's. I'm actually surprised how unhealthy is LA that that was the worst in a year.

No, it's called I have. It's called my. It runs. I feel like that should be the worst in like 10 years. No, no. It runs in my family. All right. Hypertension is a thing.

Yeah, I know. It's a thing. Again. I don't yet fully have it. I'm on a trial medication here. And what this is going to do is is that this, I, I, I, I just sit. She's a bump in the road. But what does Gordon Ramsay know?

Right. What road to somebody else and a mountain to him. It's a pebble. Because he came all the way from the dirty bogs of the United Kingdom. He did. And he didn't know how good he was going to have it in America. And all his like lizard meat and eel tripe that he pulls out of the various dirty rivers inside of England.

And he made them into incredible art. I know. I know. He saved English cuisine. And technically when we go to Europe, it really is quite tasty. Definitely improved. And I want to put a lot of that on the TV presence of Gordon Ramsay. And the pressure that they all feel to catch up.

And that other guy Hollywood something. Paul Hollywood. Paul Hollywood. He blew us. He doesn't like that one check though. Cause she's old. Yeah. Cause she was a fucking old bitch.

Mary Berry fucking suck tiny mouth, little fucking skeleton. I don't need to yell. I liked Mary Berry though. I don't need to yell about it. All right. I like crew better. All right. There we go.

Very interesting. You see, this is nice. I feel like this is a good way to always make sure keep me in play because don't we want me to be around for a long time. Absolutely. We do fucking pieces of fucking shit. Well, speaking of not along for a long time, speaking of updates as well. It's a slower episode today, but we'll get to know.

No, no, no. There's nothing slow about this. No, we're present news week. Yeah. No. We actually have some other great news. Well, the Japanese sphere was dumb. That didn't end up being anything.

Yeah. Did you have even watching the Murdoch trial at all? I want to say this. I also love when you get into a South Carolina law firm and all these, the court cases, because like they all say his name different. I like motor. I like motor. We know.

Take a look now. Oh, yeah. Take a look. Where's that blue shot down now? I feel like it should be Murdo. Well, it's because I could see the dough murder. No, but it's Murdoch. It's murder.

But you know what it has brought us? What Nancy Grace is back on national television. She's loving it. And I'm proud of her. She is. She's doing so good. The commotion here. The shrimp and grits are fascinating.

She really is back. She really is. She's a little fucking bulldog. Alec Murdoch has figured out. I also want to clarify something because we've been covering the Murdoch family trial. Look on law and order. Like it's law and crime. I believe in YouTube.

They get it. It's really good. Great. Great roundup on it. I have been kind of saying seriously. They know, which is great for us because then we can yuck on it on top. Exactly. But Alec Murdoch, he is not in charge of the entire state of South Carolina.

He was a DA in a small county, but that's kind of why he got allowed. He was allowed to take control of as much that he did. He was a huge fish in a very small pond in a small lake that is South Carolina. Yes. And he tried to act like that when I saw his like, because he put himself on the stand because he said he needed to clarify something. That's what I was going to say. It was interesting, right?

The dumbest shit I've ever seen because he's just, he has this trick where he's crying and letting the snot. He's letting it all fall out. And I think he thinks that that's going to make everybody else like, oh, he would never debase himself like that. Meanwhile, like he was, he was, his brother did a whole testimony, trying to like humanize him, telling him that he shit his pants at work. Alec Murdoch would shit his pants.

He's just like us. He's just like us. As a matter of fact, he's just like me. Uh, John Marvin Mordo, John Marvin Mordo, he discussed having to clean up the bodies from the crime scene of his nephew. And he says, I saw blood. I saw brains. I saw pieces of skull.

I saw tissue. And when I say brains, I'll tell them Brian, please. He says, when I say brains, it could just be tissue. I don't know what I saw. It was just terrible. Well, he also then bad. What he did was the classic. So he's a very smart lawyer in his own way, even though he obviously, uh, he fell off.

Yeah, but he told the police when he arrived, he's like, Oh, I went back to the kennel to check on them. It was, you know, long story. You got to really watch the footage. But whenever you go home and you have to check on the, you have to check the kennel for your family. Maybe something's wrong. Well, he, it's a whole thing where he made up a lie to the police about how he's like,

I just thought I should go to the kennel and see what's going on over there. Asked to go and home because he said he was getting ready to go visit his elderly parents that were dying, blah, blah, blah. Be the hero. He said he was being, he was getting ready to be a hero. He was being a hero. Weird. In the trial, he was like, no, no, I never went out on kennel.

I never went out on the kennel. And they were like, but you said in this sworn testimony, we have all this footage of you. You were there four minutes. We now have the video footage that shows that you were definitely at the scene of the crime, four minutes before they believed that we were believed to be murdered. And Alec Murdoch was like, well, he'll now, he'll say, oh, that's what I said then. But now I'm saying it like this. And I was like, that's the most brilliant way to say I'm lying.

And you're just like, no, no, no, I said that then. Yes. I was a different guy. I was, he was like, I was in a cloud. I was in a cloud of oxy. I could never. And we was like, but he knew the exact moment to lie about, which was the moment that would put him at the scene of the crime.

But he would not know that his son was going to have a bunch of footage that would like prove that he was definitely there. And of course that was, I don't want to blow it here, but that is the end of nope. It is just a cloud of oxy. And it's devastating our rural communities and our urban communities. One of the things I thought was interesting was they figured out when he threw the cell phone out the window, because you can tell when your car slows down and they're like, it's slowed down just enough for him to roll down the window and throw it out.

But I'm actually going to say this. If I'm the defense, I'll slow down right now. I'll slow my car down. I always, I just want to sometimes it's kind of fun for me to see how slow my car can get before it does not begin to move forward. But it is just so interesting that to remember everything is a tracking device, including your vehicle. Again, just keep your head on a swivel.

Eat that body. I watch bones and all. Timothy Shyamalan Ding Dong does a really good job of being skinny in that movie. And it's really important. You watched a movie with your arch nemesis. I actually liked Timothy Shyamalan Ding Dong. I think he was good as Paul in the Dune films. I think he's a good actor, but he is very skinny.

And he's got a tight little raccoon face and they love him. He's very handsome and bones and all was very good. It was very, very, but again, it's gross. You got to be careful. Yeah. So anyway, check out John Marvin's testimony because he was really much more involved than I expected. Well, he's found all the bodies first.

He's trying to do damage control the brothers. I don't believe him. I mean, obviously who knows. I'm going to come out and the brothers are defending them. Yes. Well, one of the brothers is defending them. The other one has walked away and is not to put one of them has decided to remain neutral. The other brother has decided to say this scintillating story about how Alec Murdoch

shit his pants and how that's supposed to make him just like us. What a cooler conversation. Yeah. Honestly, I like him better after hearing that. Um, now you know who's definitely shitting his pants is the president of Mexico. Yeah. Why now? Have you seen possibly be going wrong in Mexico?

What I love is something happened in the last couple of years. Obviously the wheels are falling off in a way, but it's exciting too because our leaders, I know. And what is the president's, the Mexico's name? Um, let me look at them up. Your leader, he's one of them. Yeah. You said he's our leader.

What? What is his name? No, our leaders in general. I'm just talking to people in general because we got Biden, right? Biden. He's talking about balloons. Even though I want to fucking someone to just, ooh, I'm a jack. I'm a jack.

I'm up. He's just trying to tell you what this is. What's going on out there? President Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador. All right. He doesn't. He is not joking when he published and he showed a picture of what he believed as what is, I believe is pronounced an alush, which is an elf at a recent press conference.

Oh, he showed a picture as if you could see, it looks like an owl looking weirdo cool picture. It's awesome. We know that right up Elf to me, bro. It looks looking like an elf to me, right? And then we know that South America has any like talks a lot about gnomes and little people. Um, but this is a big deal. Um, when the president of a country comes out and he says, look at this picture of this elf. Three days ago by a train engineer, because they're working on a high speed rail right

now in Mexico. And it is he's saying that the people saw this in his, his comment. Well, honestly, I love, I want to do it in Spanish because it's just so much. It's not so much better in Spanish than it does in English. Really good. I'm trying. I'm sorry. No, Fernando says you're doing okay.

It's weird because it's like, it's just, I don't know if it means that like everybody's going goofy and it's bad. Yeah. But I kind of like that our leaders are showing their ass. They're like spooky butts a little bit. Yeah. You know, um, in, in, uh, 2022 there was 86 murders per day in Mexico. No, no.

Yeah. Do you think it's the alooche maybe that was like responsible for like a couple? No, it's cause they're not dealing properly with the alooche. Now the alooche, if you believe. Yeah. Wow. It seems like corruption and crime is really. It's a very, very big there.

Now they, they are the, they are the little people of the Mayan belief system. Um, they believe that they are obviously they're dwarf like creatures around three foot tall. They're somewhat akin to goblins. Um, but they are, they're mischievous. I mean, they want to be worked with. And apparently, um, what you want to do, there's a, there's a story, right? No, this is come, this, this comes from, I think it's, I forgot what this is. X, Y, U and beyond.

I'd come. Oh, fantastic. Now the average farmer of a villager, they would leave a small figure beneath the oldest tree on their land or in a house, especially built for the alooche, which is known as the Katal alooche, right? The farmer, he takes food and drinks to the spirit on a daily basis until the clay figurine it disappears. Oh, wow.

Boy, the farmer knows the alooche is alive and will now protect the farmer's land and the farmer for a full seven years. After seven years, the door to the alooche home must be sealed off during the day. And you got to trap the alooche because then you prevent him becoming evil because freedom makes him the evil. That's what we know. Cool. You know, on an, on any average day, there's half a million homeless people in Mexico.

Can we play the music a little bit? So maybe we should talk about that just a little bit. Talk about that. It's more about what are we learning about other cultures today? Right? What are we learning about other cultures? Because the most well-known of the alooche myths are around around there. So there's the Cancun, Nizook bridge between Cancun and Playa del Carmen.

Right in the early nineties, when construction began in the bridge, the structure, it fell. They were disastrous. Yes. And the construction engineers decided they called them a Mayan shaman because they believed that they had angered the alooche. Oh, you don't want to do that. And they had to go in and they did a ritual and the alooche allowed the construction to continue.

Interesting. Yes, indeed. They made a little house for them. You see this here. So right here, right underneath the little patchway, they made a little house for the alooche so they can live there. And it's nice because that's a housing issue. Well, that's great.

I'm so happy the president brought that up. Reuters has an interesting article about migrants who tell of mass kidnappings in Mexico before crossing into the U.S. Again, none of this has to do with the Elton people. Also, they say if you go to one of the places, I forget what it's called now, very famous resort in Mexico, you might get kidnapped. Margaritaville? Oh, that's Florida, baby.

Yeah, he said that great. Thank you so much. I think it is interesting. I do think it's interesting, but then there's, I did find out that apparently that picture was also put up in February 21st in 2021 in Manchester. And there was another, that same photo was also used in a different source, Nueva, Mexico claiming that it was a witch. I could see the witch.

I totally see the witch. But the president of Mexico, he does identify as Christian. But his paternal ancestors, they were indigenous. All right. So they did believe in the alooche. He says that they believe in alooche. I didn't know how widespread the belief in the alooche is. Side stories, LPOTL, Aegema, all the companies tell me.

Because we know, again, I don't know. I don't know how scared we are of elves. I don't know how, how much we're dealing with elves on a day to day basis. I feel like elves, they're trickster, but they're not nefarious. Are they? The elves isn't going to go and kill you when you're asleep. It's just going to put some funny in your shoes. They'll steal your child.

They'll make them into a changeling. Yeah. Yeah. They'll do that. I don't know what else they do. I mean, I know elves are like very white. So he did lie about that. Because yeah, he said the photo was taken three days ago by an engineer.

I think he did know. Maybe he shouldn't have called the press conference for this. I think that he, I think we can, we could put it to jump in the gun. Yeah. But I also think he was excited. I think it was an elf. I think that it's better than slapping his wife. I agree with that.

He's, he's doing better than Dana White. And if you want to watch the worst show on television, watch his slap show for five minutes. You keep talking about this. You know what you need to watch? What? The world's strongest men, they got them together and they're doing strength competitions on history channel.

They had doing a whole show, right? It's back? The show's back? It's a new show. Okay. Where they're doing challenges to each other, but they're also showing us how much they eat, which is my favorite.

And then Nat watches and she literally almost threw up. See? Yeah. Because she can't watch them all fight. It keeps the viewer skinny. Well, that's the thing. I like that they're like that. I like that they're all swollen and crazy.

Oh man. I watched a documentary on sumo wrestlers and they have good fat. It's only, it's not, it's not inside their veins or then it's not inside their, what do you call it? Organs because they eat at night and they eat sushi and rice. I don't know. No, I'm telling you. And that's why they, that's why they lose weight and they don't die very young.

Well, I can find that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And if you watch that though, then they do, they have health. It's healthy fat. I know that they eat healthier food and they just get bigger. They get bigger.

Yes. Absolutely. I don't want to go. I want to see sumo wrestling. Oh my God buddy. Oh, this sounds awesome. All right. Well, let's see.

There was a sumo wrestler life expectancy. According to the, it's between 1665. Oh, it's quite young. Yeah. It's a big young young side. It's difficult to be that big. Yeah. Nearby residents are, well, this story is from Madison County, but do you remember that

show? Bridges of Madison County? The movie Bridges of Madison County. Yeah. There was a movie called Bridges of Madison County. Yeah. It's that fuck movie where the woman's husband goes away. That's how it always is with you.

Horny fucking wives. The husband goes away. All you do is get railed by some fucking photographer in the middle of fucking. Oh yeah. Sure. He's Clint Eastwood in the movie, but in real life, it's never Clint Eastwood. That's one of the differences between men and women. I've never met a photographer and then everyone we know knows.

No five or six. Yeah. None of them. I've never been like, Hey, I want to take your picture. Cause I know that if I respond to someone and it says, Hey, I want to take your picture. I know I'm going to end up in a fucking dog cage. Fucking bounds. My feet bound to my hands.

Chaburama. So in Madison County, North Carolina, residents are really shook because there's this horrible kidnapping case. Oh, this is a whole story. It's really bad. I feel like this is, I want to get into this deeper because this is this, this story is really fucked up. It really is.

So basically a Cheryl Ramsey who works as a home nurse across the street. She says that there would be somebody actually held their captive is absolutely shocking. See, she says it's so close to the house. The whole barbed wire thing being tied to a chair and crosses being cut into them. This is like bad news bears. It does, you know what, I would put this as far as bad news bears, especially with the cutting of the crucifix into the guy's face and stuff like that. It's not good.

No, the three people being charged is James Angel, who looks like his head was born all wrong. Well, these kids all look like. They all look like exactly who you think would kidnap somebody tie them up with barbed wire and new torture. But why is his head so strange? I think it is head strange because it looks like you have a lot of brain in there, but I got God.

God misses mark on him. I thought that God didn't finish his job on that one. Well, where did he? We just don't know. I don't know because I don't know. Oh God. So anyway, that's horrible. Yeah.

It's a horrible story. Yep. Yeah. You got to be careful, man. Don't get kidnapped. That's why I wanted to get the whole thing today. I'd love to be a main note. First of all, calm it down today.

Right. Come a day. Come a day. Come a day. Isn't that the Kuma? Isn't that blood sport? No. The fighting?

No. Come a day. That's why we have to. I know. It's not a word. Come a day. Come. You just sound like someone trying to get laid in Sedona.

Sedona. Come a day, sir. All right. Calm down. First of all, kiss. Oh, hey. You're killing me here. All right.

Because you're so scared. Being off the charts energetic today. I know. And I need you to fucking roll at the living fuck back. You hear that? I have to piss so bad because of the blood pressure medication. But I'm pushing forward. All right.

Because knowing that I have to go to the bathroom means that the medication is working. And then yes, it might be aggravating and keeping me up all hours of the night because I have to go to the bathroom and Natalie's away. She left me to go set herself on fire again in a field and she left. And so it's just me with Wendy and she's looking at me like, why do you keep getting up to go to the bathroom? And then she's got to go down and use the fucking bathroom. Oh, I know.

Jerry does that too. It's aggravating. I will have her up. She's got to get up. And that doesn't make me frustrated. It is frustrating. I can't even tell you. It doesn't.

It is frustrating though. It doesn't. That doesn't make me frustrated. Okay. It makes me frustrated. Because I am a nude. How much piss is in these little dogs? Colmate.

Yeah. Honestly, I don't even think she is pissing. No, she might be faking it. Well, warrants, uh, once, uh, warrants show that investigators recovered a multicolored butterfly knife, a fixable blade hunting knife, a sawed off Hatfield shotgun and a semi automatic hardwood reported the victim had cross symbols cut into his face and body while tied in barbed wire. And they were also beaten with guns and a crowbar.

You know what? Truly, honestly, that's very bad. I think they overdid it. Yeah. I think that these people are very stupid because that's very overdone. There's no reason to go to that extent. Yeah. The victim, he managed to escape and run to a nearby house for help.

And then the house is a rental property that he was out in. And then there's several house houses there that you can, you can rent out. And I'm not sure why they included that. I don't really know why they had a real estate. I don't know why they thought that I would be eager to have real estate next to where the kidnappers like bound a person in barbed wire. It seems like that would affect the housing in the neighborhood. I feel like that's going to fuck with all of the real estate.

You know what I mean? Cause you'd be like, Oh, where's that? Yeah, that's a good pizza hut over there. Yeah. It's about where the group crimes happen. The group crimes. Yes. And the thing is that a group of teenagers, they're the worst.

Yeah. Well, there you go. That's not good. That's not good at all. We're fucking right. You hear the thing about physical labor means more sperm. Yeah. I read that briefly.

And I was like, yeah, who wants it? No, thank you. I don't need more of that fucking, those, those horrible little gremlins inside of me. Just earlier today, I was wishing I had more sperm. What man has ever cared? Yes, the thing is, I think about, well, some people want to have children or they were they're like obsessed with it. There's still like eight million of them.

There's so many. All it takes is one. That's what I'm saying. One. One big one. You need one good one. The problem is that sometimes it's a real driven one. Think about David Miscavige.

Oh, yeah. Three out of four, right? Yeah. He was the most aggressive little one. Oh, we finally got some Scientology hate. That was nice. On Twitter. Did you see that?

We got a bunch of Twitter bots coming at us. It had pictures of us with the word hate. Yeah. No, it is. It is a little heroin. Which looks like some kind of metal band. I know they made us look so scary. They did such a good job.

All right, everyone. Let's do Hero of the Wing. Yeah. Hero of the Wing. Okay. Another fantastic episode. Oh, wow. All right.

I actually think about how common it is. I think a lot of times people say- No, we're doing a good job. I need this this weekend. You know, it's been raining and it's just been a lot this weekend. Yeah, I think that this is all about us making the audience feel calm. I agree. Because it's important for you to make sure that your blood pressure doesn't hit a point where the doctor laughs at you.

Right. Because you almost wonder, does that help your fucking blood pressure? No, probably doesn't. If a doctor does this funny little fucking smirk talking about how bad your blood pressure is. No. It's one of those. It's funny about how they think that their bedside manner is helping you, but it doesn't. As you look around and you see plumes of smoke and friends and family dead.

Oh, just the horrible realities of war. Just relax knowing that your blood pressure is still probably better than yours. Yes. I think that Zelinski's blood pressure is currently better than mine. I didn't quite realize how bad that is. All right, everyone, let's do hero of the week. Let's see here. So we've got the public gave names to snow plows in Madison, Wisconsin, and they are hilarious.

So we're all right. So again, honestly, I'll take it after like last week was genuine and we still fucked it up. So now that we have these are plows, right? We're just talking about the names. And the snow plows are hero of the week. And the snow plows are sure that makes that fine. But then the people who name them. Okay.

And this is in Wisconsin. In the end, the funny names of these plows are the hero of the week. So one, one of these salting trucks is going to be named Salty Miss Prime. And then that received 1600 votes, 1600 votes for that one. A smaller agile bike path or plower will be named snow be one Kenobi that received 1900 votes. And I think you're really going to enjoy this. There's one that's just going to be named Seymour pavement because it's a city loader slash plow. I'm calm.

And there's another one. It's a dual wing plow truck. It's going to be dubbed Dolly Plowton. That sounds like a gay porn name. Yes, indeed. So there's so many fun words that you can call snow plows. There's another one that's going to be called Snowdeum Clearide, which I think is probably. It makes no sense.

Well, no, it's about sodium chloride, which I believe is a salt. Snowdeum Clearide. It's very stupid. There's another one called Clearopathra. Clearopathra. Again, it's still sound. These are roller derby names. There's another one called, and this is too long, scoop.

There it is. Yeah. That's, that's actually too long. It's not a name. It's too long. Um, the in honorable mention should certainly be given out to Kino freeze or Albert Brine's Dean, which I actually don't understand that one. So anyway, there you go.

Another perfect hero of the week. Isn't it nice? The public gave names to snow plows in Madison, Wisconsin, and they are hilarious. I'm just glad it wasn't just like eight off Hitler. Right. It's just like, wait a minute. I just want to have really high a toe. Yeah.

You remember him more like, we call it higher snow. Now that actually works. That's cute. That would actually work. Yeah. Yeah. Funny edgy stuff. That's Wisconsin for you.

Jay Leno. He survived two explosions this year. I know. That was crazy. I'm going to do a little bit of a, a little bit of a letter. I'm so upset. I got a piss. So bad.

A couple of weeks ago, I was invited to a housewarming party. Some friends had been trying to introduce me to a different group of friends for quite some time. I hate that shit. Why? Because guess what, man? That's nice. Let's just put it this way.

Unless they were trying to offload him. You never know. Because again, why are we trying to mash these groups together so much? Because friends to me are sometimes also situational. Friends to me are sometimes also situation specific. Right? Like I got one group of friends. Like I got that one group of friends that I go out to eat fancy with.

Right? Another group of friends that I go to kill a drifter with. Well, it just depends. But now I'm on medication now. Right. So I don't do that. It's just the mutual things that you guys both like together to do. With like, you know, and then certain walks of life, college friends.

Yeah. And then you got your new Scientology friends. Everybody's going to mix. Right? And then when you really think about when you mix friends groups, it's my piece of advice right now. You got to fucking make sure really think about. I mean, where everyone can just kind of be cool.

What's the purpose of the mix? Just to get the just to have more friends. It's garbage. You're being selfish because you're ruining it for the other friends because they're now going to meet this guy. Oh, Brad's known you sit for when you guys went to barber school. Oh, I don't care. I'm again.

I'm calm. Yeah. See, some friends have been trying to introduce me to a different group of friends. It was one of those. It was one of those. You are cool. And these people are cool. I'm pretty sure you would all would get along really well.

It's good. This is human interaction. It never works. It does work. Party was really fun. The party snacks were, they were killing. And after a couple of hours of mutual friend, he took off. Now it's just me and I'm hanging out with all these new people.

I was playing. This is that. That's the issue, right? Well, great. Now I was playing with one of their cats. I got two of them. And the cat was batting off the strings of my hoodie sweatshirt. And I headed into the kitchen for seconds.

I was loading up my plate and I felt a slight tugging at my hood. And I thought it was a second cat on a shelf. Right. You got to brush it off as cats everywhere. I don't know where you went. There seems to be a lot of cats and open food is the Andrew Lloyd Weber's house. Yeah. Right.

And out of nowhere, there was a much stronger pull at my hood. It felt like someone had grabbed my hood and gave it a good heart. Yeah. And then released. It was hard enough to pull me back a half step and I felt it against my throat. I whipped around expecting to see a person that was completely alone. Oh, intriguing. Meow.

It's a big cat. I looked around for this cat. Oh, no. But there was nothing. I opened all the cabinets and tried to see if I could find anything. It felt like something that you do is a prank to someone. So, but okay. Right.

But also for the people that don't really know this guy, he's just now rummaging through their entire kitchen. Oh, he's just digging through saying, a cat's grabbing me. A cat's grabbing me. Yeah. Right. So if there are few minutes, I rejoined the party. I wasn't sure what to say.

Hey, people I just met. I'm pretty sure the house that you just moved into is haunted as fuck. Great. Right. Has anyone else been mildly assaulted by unknown forces or is it just me? And again, this is where your problem, bro. This is where you make friends. That is exactly the type of thing.

Yeah, sure. As I have shown, sometimes it does make you a kind of like a person that might be kind of like divides the room. Off-putting. Sure. But again, that means you're not my fucking people. Right. Well, we went to that house.

Why are you bringing me to this group of fucking strangers? Blood pressure. We went to that haunted house in Brooklyn. Remember that? Your buddy had it. My friend Natalie Sanders. Yes, indeed. That was awesome, bro.

It was really sweet. Right. So it seemed a little too on the nose. So again, the reader said, the listener said, I saw I spent the rest of the party glancing over my shoulder and trying to catch a glimpse of anything in the reflection of the windows. Maybe I'll bring them up when I get them to know them better. You better because you're not going to be able to get to know them unless they know the real you.

And that's you. You're an off-putting person. All right. Who gets haunted by ghost cats. That's you. Well, that's me. What's the story here? I love the taste of blood.

I love the taste of blood. Why? Because I like it. I like the raw meat. I like raw. I like the taste of blood. That's me. All right.

And maybe these people can't handle it because, yeah, sure, whatever. I feel like you're the reason these Michelin star restaurants are getting demoted. Exactly. I am the reason why. Because we hold them at a higher fucking value. What was the story? What's his, what was the email? That he got his, his hoodie pulled and he thought it might have been some cat.

But then in the end, he thought it was a ghost. There you go, baby. All right. That was the whole email. Someone sat down and wrote that. If it was the stuff about flirty goofy, but then a lot of this stuff's really weird. A lot of these other emails are really weird. I like talking about like how goody, good, like goofy took a really like long time with

my 15 year old girlfriend and was touching her body and stuff. That's not good. No, that's not good. You know, you should write it's Walt because we can't help. He can't help being a little too goofy. But I'm saying it is in his character guidelines to be a flirt. Yes. He should be touching.

No. Unless again, you're a full grown man. Yeah. And if you're super into the goofy play, goofy can. All right. Well, this has been great. You know what really fuels me here? And now my blood pressure.

Spring Hill Jack coffee. And we're about to have a brand new line of Spring Hill Jack coffee. It's going to be coming out. We haven't, we haven't rolled any of it out yet, but I'm drinking those beans right now. And I got to tell you what. Oh, man, I want to jump off a bridge. But it's actually, it's in a fun way, in a way to sort of celebrate life. And it's maybe not just because apparently all the salt that I eat is going to have to

get out of my, I'm going to have to leave it and not eat it anymore. I can't eat the meats that I want to do. I don't know what it is. All right. Cause I am pretty healthy. But if you want to really see us in person, come check out classy night out at the pack theater March 8th. We're going to be out there.

April. We're going to be doing side stories. April 8th. We're going to be at the fine arts theater of Beverly Hills. It's me and Kissel. Do inside stories live. We're going to have some guests. We're going to see a little screening of a little short film I made or do all that kind

of stuff. But you're mostly going to see Kissel at his, watch his soft clothing in person. And that is at the fine arts theater in Beverly Hills. Go to getitmade.com slash disaster man. The name like that. We're going to have to show some disgusting videos. Oh yeah. It's going to be disgusting.

Yeah. We can't, we, I don't want to be in a fine art studio. No, I hope that they never asked us back when we're done with it. So make sure you live every day knowing that no matter what the fuck it is that you like to do, some day some, some panty waste, like, oh, some scooch of a doctor is going to tell you that he's got to quit everything that you love. All right. So until that fucking day comes, you better laugh, laugh for me, laugh for me, go to the

go eat as much salt as you can, can you can consume. All right. Laugh for me. Enjoy things for me. Cause I'm not done yet. I am going to be one of those people who's going to continue to eat capricole because I found Oh, Domingos and Van Nuys. Oh yeah.

Holy fucking shit. And I just found this shit. I literally just found this. That'll raise your blood pressure right there. I'm just saying that just the amount of fucking mortadella I can't have. Can we just have that? I'm just one last time to get this out so he doesn't die. Love yourself enough.

Do the 90 minutes of cardio need to keep your fucking blood pressure at a manageable level so that you too are not going to have to really think about that milk you're drinking every time you're drinking because that's what I do. I drink my fucking milk every day or I used to but I'm drinking oat milk. Just fucking garbage because it's thin and it's not as good at milk. And yeah, I might be lucky, but I'm also fucked up because I hate oat milk. I just know what your blood pressure is because maybe we'll do when we do our little call-in shows on series, maybe we can do a whole thing.

What's your blood pressure? Well, my goal is I want to do it because I have all the medical issues that people emailed us about. Yeah. And I want to have a doctor in to help us talk about it. So maybe what we could do is hook me up to a blood pressure machine while we're doing the show to see if it's spiked. Are you a doctor in the Los Angeles area and you think that you want Dr. Drew's lifestyle?

We can break you. We can break you. We're going to launch your career. Absolutely. We're going to launch your career in the files. Yep. I don't know what the hell else you're going to end up doing. I don't know what Dr. Drew does.

No idea. He officiated my friend's wedding. It was quite bizarre. All right, everyone. Thank you so much for listening. Hail yourselves. Hail second. Begustulations.

Hail me. Bye. Hail me. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.