Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: The Axe Effect

Episode Date: January 26, 2022

Ben ‘n’ Henry break down this week’s true crime news: A Murderous-Murdaugh Family Update, UK Boy loses nipples to Body Spray mishap, a Real Life Weekend at Bernies Situation unfolds in Ireland, a Stalker armed with Body Spray gets served instant-karma, a Glitter Assault in Florida, The Dog saved by a Sausage Drone, and MORE!

There's no place to escape to. This is the last time on the left side. Oh man, we lost some legends this week. Yes, we lost again the boots for the M&M. That was sad because now she's wearing sneakers. All M&M's are gay if you put them up your butt. Melt in your hands, melt in your mouth, not in your hands, and in your butt. They should actually not melt inside of your butt until they are properly squinched by the muscles of your butt because then it would show proper quality control. Well, it's 98 degrees, it'll melt up there, it'll go right, you'll get a sugar rush, which would be fun. I think in the UK, your butt hole is actually only like 94 degrees, or it's like 20 degrees, something Celsius, who gives a shit?

I don't know. Last week, so we lost Louis Anderson and Meatloaf on the same day. It makes chubby men across the world nervous. Yes, it was a scary day to be a large man. No, number one, if you're over a certain BMI, COVID can kill you. Meatloaf, despite being the most powerful rock tenor in the world, couldn't beat it. In a musical theater sense, he was about as tough as they come. He was. He rode that motorcycle that one time that was put up for him in Rocky Horror Picture Show. He was Eddie. I love him in that. He meant so much to me. Also, to see him as a fat sex symbol in that film. Because the hot redheaded was obsessed with him sexually.

Do you think that's what happened in Rocky Horror Picture Show? Eddie was the hunk. He was the hunk to Columbia. The hot one. The hot one. She was really into him. Louis Anderson died. It happens. Louis Anderson died. I don't think it was from a slip and fall, and I tell you what, in their name, I ordered enough Chinese food for five people Friday night. That's such a nice in-memoriam. It was the old school, man. I got the extra silverware. It's been a while since Night Horse was out of the stable. I fucking patted it down. I got all the different types of dumplings. And the whole time, just thinking, I think Louis would smile.

I think Louis was looking down from comedy heaven, hanging out with Robin Williams, laughing and laughing, looking at you, slowly killing yourself. Those are the side stories, everyone. I am Ben, hanging out with Henry, and I told the joke on Topap, but I'll tell it again. Turns out Louis Anderson really couldn't live without me love. Here we are, everybody. It's 2022, and the humor is fine. Come on in. Wow. You brought the Twitter to the podcast, and it means a lot. I didn't even tweet it, dude. I sometimes have thoughts, dude. Sometimes I have thoughts, and I say it's not too good for Twitter. Why would I give this content away for free?

It doesn't deserve our gold. Twitter should get literally, it's only when I'm shitting, and I'm sick of looking at shoes. Do I go to Twitter? Absolutely. Well, speaking of shitting, I'm sorry to all the Packers fans out there, and that's what we want to commit to most of the episode, too, is the... The fall. ...is the NSC playoffs, and it's been really hard for the Packers, and I'm sorry that they lost, and I want to congratulate everyone for Dry January. We're almost done. I did have some beers on Sunday, which you're allowed. Don't beat yourself up. It's more about...

It's you. ...altering habits and those sorts of things, so you got to have a couple of beers sometimes, but congratulations to anyone who did Dry January. We're almost out of it. We're almost out of it, and also I guess the Packers didn't want it enough. No, they did not. They didn't work hard enough to get it, and they really should have put more into it, and I can say that as a 37-year-old man with plantar fasciitis from inside of my home, and just be like, you didn't... You just are your losers.

It was zero degrees. You're a bunch of losers. They were supposed to win. The fans were cold. Not anyway. But you know who's not a loser who's figuring out his shit? I mean, he is a loser, but he's not a loser so far in the scenario. I watched the new 2020 in the Murdoch family. Oh, my God.

Last night, I tried to see if there's anything new or whatever, and right now, I think they said something like, Alec Murdoch is charged with something like 43 criminal charges right now. Like, he's not doing good, but my main thing... Well, actually, Henry, he wishes it was 40. He's charged with 71 charges right now, and those include that he stole more than $8.5 million from clients, but again, still hands completely clean when it comes to everyone around him dying.

No one seems to care, but he stole a couple of bucks. Where there's smoke, there's smoke. There's no other way that goes, you know what I mean? But I was looking for where's fucking Buster, right? So the young son's dead, got shot in the head after fucking not being good at piling in the boat, right? Well, possibly he murdered it. I don't know. He did.

He may have killed that girl. He did. This family is bad. By negligence. Yes, they're all bad. They're all in bread and need to go. Mom shot in the head. Thank God, so she won't have to deal with the embarrassment of there,

when they go bankrupt. Oh, it was the best thing to ever happen to her. The embarrassment is so much better than being... It's so much better to get shot in the head than to be slightly embarrassed for eight weeks, and then work your way back out. For a South Carolina aristocratic family, I think that's true. And I would have to say, if I was in bread,

I would want it to be sourdough, because they're gonna have to eat your way out of it. Love some sourdough. It is really hard to eat yourself away from the extra chromosomes. It really is. Because a lot of times, you just kind of build on top of the chromosomes. And it's almost like the chromosomes being there, that extra chromosome, it seems to become more noticeable when you put on the weight.

Yeah, it really, that is the case. So, yeah, he's got 23 new charges. Oh, yeah, every day. Yeah, they're all based on the schemes that it seems like he started in 2011. Oh, yes. It's pretty basic. Promise them that you're gonna turn their money and flip it, and then you don't type bullshit.

But Kissel, I've been looking for Buster Murdoch. Yeah, where is he? Where is Buster? He's the one that might be implicated into that hit-and-run murder that happened years before in 2015. Oh, yeah, he's also a mess. Buster was the one who gave the other son the ID so that he could buy the booze that would allow him to take all his clothes off and kill the girl.

Well, hold on a second. Let's not throw the baby out with the bathwater. That's what a good brother does. Sure, sure. A good brother gets a fake ID for his little brother, so I'm actually gonna sn-I'm not gonna put too much shade on that. You sign off on the future of this ID, though. You know what I mean?

You have now-this ID now has a new future, and you are-you are 25% a part of that new- I give it to my brother, and I say, no-no murder. No murder. By cheap beer, cheap booze, nothing over 10 bucks, and no murder. It was-that girl died because of natty light. How does that feel? How do we all feel now?

Well, that's how you're supposed to go as a team. Three guesses. Three guesses to where Buster is right now. Okay, three guesses. Where is Buster? Florida. No. Okay. Number two is he. He's a South Carolina aristocrat kind of on the run for his own reputation.

I am going to say he went to Hawaii. No. Okay, number three, I've got two relatively kind of exotic locations. Pretty solid because Lori Vallow went to Hawaii, but Hawaii also is a Mormon enclave. So Buster's-so we're dealing with a fucking moron. Where has he just been sighted?

Your favorite casino. Mandalay Bay. Circa. He was at Circa in Las Vegas? What was he doing at Circa? He was-doesn't the-you know what I'm going to say to you, Buster? It doesn't seem like odds are on your side because your father's in prison, your mom is dead,

your brother is dead. No. Your brother may have killed someone, you may have killed someone. Maybe gambling isn't in your future. Maybe he thinks maybe this time we'll go all the way to the top. This time I'm going to flip it all around

and I'm going to change everybody's the entire world's future. No, yeah. Picture of him at Circa. Somehow he has friends. I don't know where he found friends. Maybe just because Vegas, you can meet people like- But if you grew up with him,

you think this is the time to break it off? Yes. Worst case scenario, Buster goes to prison. Best case scenario, he gets all of the money. I don't know because they are now all going to come looking for it. Buster probably has a little private trust. I bet you he has a little Buster trust that they're like he likes to his model trains,

give him money for them. These guys were lightweight little fucks. Okay. They had South Carolina money. That's money, money dude. South Carolina is old rich money. These guys were probably in the- and this is a lot of money,

but they were probably under $10 million worth as it grew. But he already owes 8.5. He already owes 8.5 and they're going to come looking for everything. They already have a civil suit cooking. They're coming for the money first. But the question is

are they going to come for Buster? Man, I'd come for fucking- I'd come for Buster. I'd come a whole series of different things depending on how well he did at Circa. The ginger look I'm not into though. He looks like shit. Okay, well no need to be gingerist about it.

He looks like shit. He's the only one that's out. He's the only one not dead or in prison. As if it couldn't be any worse for this disgusting family. Some of the victims include a state trooper, family friends, and an immigrant living in the country illegally.

So he had a bunch of people. Anyone is a victim in this to be fair between friends, state trooper, and an illegal immigrant. He didn't even see color, did he? He said, I will scam anybody. I will scam them all.

Anybody who can give me money, I will take. Isn't that nice. Obviously we'll have no clue. I don't know what's going to happen. Hopefully he goes down. He's still not been charged for murder for his wife and his son. I don't even think they're going to have to

if he's just going to be in prison forever anyway. I don't know. It just shows it's the only thing that anybody gives a fuck about this country's financial crimes. It's very, very sad. Because you know I don't and I do feel bad for his wife. Alec Murdoch's wife is just so like,

I just make pancakes. I never prove that I'mowned somebody for my stuff. I just have to be polite. We need somebody to help. Appreciate somebody to help. What does it mean? I'm looking at you gr полностью.

Are you an person, are you老師? I look at you gr and you know, you're sociable. Do you? How's it going if you don't have a teacher? Do you?

And you promised your job- I do that. I know all this. But I wouldn't say it's your fault. finds a diet. So now Jared has the new prison diet. We got to send Jared to like war and he could have like the Afghanistan diet

or wherever we invade next, maybe Ukraine, perhaps we'll have a nice little ground troop battle there. Jared Fogel finding ways to stay in shape. And he says he feels better than he ever has before. So isn't that nice? Isn't that nice? I like how the comment here, this is from the New York Post.

Subway Jared Fogel speaks up for the first time from prison. I royally screwed up. That is his comment about what he did. You're a child trafficker. He looks like he has cancer. I'm looking at him. He looks, he looks bad. He looks, this is not good.

Well, look healthy. You don't get a lot of sunlight in prison. And then there's only so much. He is having a good time. What is even happening? How are you, I just realized he only got 15 years. Yeah, he'll be out in 2029. Oh my God.

It's gonna be a fucking run on that man. I think it was mostly, mostly fantasy related. And then going in there and talking to a woman, being like, can I have your kids? And then believe it or not, she was offended. And she said, let's, that's charges. Oh, God, if he comes out and he goes for,

he's gonna get a job at Quiznos. For my Quiznos, I can't handle it. You wait. We need, we need it to stay pure. OJ Simpson, you know, he tried to root on the Buffalo Bills this weekend. He put on a post on Twitter, OJ, Jared Fogel, Casey Anthony.

He was trying to be part of it. He was a part of it. And there's gonna be like a suicide, like a dumpy suicide squad. Oh my God. It's gonna be all of them. It'll be the DT. Casey Anthony, Jared Fogel.

They all started golf, merch company, where it's all about like providing clothes for golfers because golfing does seem to be the number one sport for pedophiles and human traffickers. I think a lot of human trafficking happens on the golf course, because you already have the carts. Well, there's so much time to scheme. So much.

It's all scheming. There's not that much time to scheme. Basketball, you're coming and going. You can't really be like, when are we gonna pick up the kid? Then it's like, oh, onto defense. You can't do it, but golf, yeah, all day long. Only like a hundred people are good at golf. The rest of everybody's just trying.

They're all just trying and failing and hanging around. I do not, I cannot hit. I cannot hit the goddamn golf ball. All right, well, let's move on. You're too far away. Speaking of not being able to hit the balls, it means nothing. I don't even know.

It does mean something as you're playing golf. It's crucial. It does, but it was not a good segue. I don't know why I went with it. This story just seemed to be like, I wanted to do this one first because it's innocent. And it's like right up there. And you know what this reminds me of my childhood?

It reminds me of how fun it used to be in high school, the one I'm in. You didn't have a good time in high school, I don't think. I had a fantastic time in high school. You did, okay, good. I'm one of those opposite people. Some people had the worst times of their life in high school. I didn't have a horrible time.

I had a good 50-50. Been a lot of fun. I really enjoyed, because I did drama. And I was the drama president. Sure, wow, drama president. Well, I got, yeah, I had different privileges. Politica, political. I was politically connected.

And the vice president did all the work for me. And she was really upset about it because all I did was wear like a, I used to wear a beret. And it was fun. It was, I was a figurehead. But this story is really fun. A schoolboy loses both nipples after classroom dare involving two cans of lynx.

Now, lynx. I already disagree with the, I disagree with the headline. He didn't lose them. He didn't wake up and was like, where is lit nipple? Not one, where is Barry? Where is Gary? That's what I named my nipples.

They fled the country. Maybe they're looking for another tit to reside on. Now it seems that what lynx is, is some form of it is what we in America call ax, body spray. And they have the same thing. It's called lynx, right? It's a magnet for pussy into women.

Apparently according to the commercials, women love the smell of covered up farts. They don't though. Because you can smell the fart through the mountain. It's called like mountain lightning, whatever it was called. Yeah, you could still smell it. So this is what he did.

The boy who was not named, he was in his school, he was in his changing room. When someone arrived to him, and this is obvious, this happens in high school. This happens, how often does this happen? Someone showed up and said, hey, bet you can't empty these two cans of lynx onto your nipples, right?

Well, for those that don't know either, I mean, well, I think most people have experienced an ax body spray, but it's got a nice chill to it. It's chilled. It gives you a little pep in the step, gives you a little morning, a little morning wake up, kind of like those smelling, little smelling pellets that Patrick Mahomes always uses.

And the military uses as well. Absolutely, you gotta be aware, you gotta be strong. But what they did was, is they went up to him, they were like, okay, he's like, yeah, sure, mate, I'll do it. Sure, mate. They sprayed the emptied two cans of the lynx onto his nipples, which I can't even imagine

the smell in that room. Smells good. And then after they did it, his nipples were all covered in the substance. The guy came up to him, he said, at first I thought it was just code. Like it's not really a big thing, but then it's sort of a bird,

and then you're like, you're waiting for it to finish. And then all of a sudden, the guy, his buddy walked up to him and licked his nipples. Like he flicked them most in there, and they just came off. I love it. He said, it was fine. It was all fine.

Then the boy was actually freezing my nipples. He flicked both my nipples. And that's when the nipples, they fell off. Now you ever seen a war? It was exactly like that. It was like raw exposed skin, right? Well, there you go. Now I will say, Henry,

it seems like you have the accent wrong, because naturally this was a German boy that said these nipples, unless they're being clamped to make me come, are no good to me, let's get rid of them. Because the guy added, as a German, I'm just sitting there, my nipples are gone, I'm just chilling.

And then people are like, your shirt is bleeding. That's what he said. He said he sat there and then his shirt just started weeping blood. I think it's like these nipples are certainly just accessory to some male body. Yeah, hey Bismarck, your nail, your nipples, your shirt is bleeding, your nipples are bleeding.

Yeah, what I'm doing is getting rid of excess blood so I can shimmy through a pipe and get out of this concentration case. But he's still on the lamp. Still on the lamp. But he said he added people, he said people who reacted with disbelief. Yeah, true.

And then he said, because at the time, I guess this happened a couple of years ago. And now he shows them all times, he ain't got no nipples. I got no nipples. Be fair, he's got the areola, the lack of nipple. It seems, it's not that noticeable. Well, you're the type of person

that likes having your nipples played with during sex. Do you want someone to touch and grip on your nipples? No one wants to hear me talk about this. Yeah, people get a pull and tug in your nipples. Sure, you can tear them apart. What about the ones that used to feed Puffin and Jeremy? First of all, Jeremy, he's not Jeremy. He's not gonna shoot up the classroom.

He's not a song by Pearl Jam. Jeremy, it could be sure. Jeremy could be sure, Jeremy. But you don't get the side nipples like that fucking Dana Carvey sketch. You remember that when we got them, they lost the show? I feel you're paying. No, I understand the importance of a nipple

when it comes down to sexual fun. But he says, the guy, I gotta love this German guy. He says, I put myself in this position because I accepted the dare. Yep, buy the ticket, take the ride, man. Yeah, he says, now that I look back on it, it's just stupid. It happened.

Now I've got no nipples. That's how it goes, man. But it's a great story. Be very, very careful. It's very worth it. Well, speaking of fun stories or glittery stories, I actually kind of think if I was gonna be beaten up by two people, these two gals would be kind of fun.

So in Florida, these two gals, they're 27 and they're 29. That's Caitlin O'Donovan and Sarah Franks. And they look extremely scary. Don't have sex with them. Okay, so they showed up in it. Well, they honestly, I think they're kind of fun. And then when it comes down to it, I like,

I like, you know, see who I'm surrounded by. I like a woman that's like got a little bit of edge. That a little bit of edge. You don't know what they're gonna do. They seem, the thing is, for being almost 30, both of them, they look too young and they seem mischievous. And they seem like they have the souls, they have the same soul as the character who played Orphan

in the film Orphan. Because it just looks like they're full of deception and lies based upon how happy they are in their mug shots. So you can always tell how comfortable someone is with their own crime and devious nature based upon how much they smile. So the two chicks, they break into this guy's random ass apartment and then they start throwing

a bunch of glitter all over the guy's head and torso. Yeah, oh yes. It's three o'clock in the morning. It's in Florida, looking at them right now. They are hammered beyond belief. They are. Who knows what. And they thought this was gonna be super fun.

So the guy, he suffered some injuries from the glitter attack. The Charlotte eye, ear, and nose throat associates warn that even a tiny piece of glitter gets in someone's eyes, you're gonna have a scratch cornea. It seems to be the real crime here, I guess, was because at first it said felony.

I was like, what the fuck are you charging of a felony for throwing glitter at the dude? Number one, I guess the glitter was in a container. Well, that's the problem. But also, they broke into the house. And I do think the glitter must have exploded because that's why they were warning even a small shred of glitter

can evidently make you blind. So it makes me wonder why are, why is glitter so prevalent at children's parties? Do you wanna have a blind child? Not that there's anything wrong with that because they have super hearing, super smell, and super ability to taste. They always, they immediately get those powers too.

And so you wanna be blind. Did you see Shaquille? Well, you probably didn't because you weren't watching the exact YouTube channel that I was about Shaquille O'Neill at three o'clock in the morning last night. No, I wasn't there with you doing that. No.

Got into an elevator at three o'clock in the morning, Shaquille O'Neill, big guy, right? You know who comes in with him? Who? Wonder, wonder, Mr. Wonder. Mr. Wonderful? No. From Shark Tank?

Stevie Wonder. Oh yeah. Stevie Wonder could see some shapes. And then Shaq said that he didn't say anything, right? Cause he's like, yeah, Stevie Wonder. And so Shaq was very quiet. And then Stevie said that he looked, and then Shaq said that Stevie looked at him and said,

we're a big man. And then Shaq said, he can see. He's a big man. No, he's a big man. And we actually got an email last week. We talked about this. People do see shades. They do see shapes.

They do see some stuff. Like you do get little bits of light depending on how blind you are. And Shaq is a very distinctive shape, isn't he? Yep. I guess so. But he's a big boy. When it comes to fucking glitter,

glitter, the real crime is that it's permanent and it's there forever. Forever and ever and ever. No one has ever been fucking, I've never heard anybody blinded by glitter. I mean, email side stories, lpotlgmail.com. If you want to tell me how your cousin died at Pride from glitter, I don't think it's going to happen.

If you have one of those like poppers to be like, hey, I'm going to ruin your house. Thanks for having me over. Happy New Years. You put your eye right up to it. You pop it. That could lead to some blindness. No, trust me, okay?

No, that could lead to some blindness. You're a really good doctor. I'm glad I came here to this outside. I think we're at a van outside of the fucking 101. Yes, indeed. Either way, be very careful out there when it comes to glitter and when it comes to, may just lock your door at night

because these women in Florida are going to break into your house and spray glitter all over your body. And then you're the asshole. Also, do your best, do your fucking best to keep an unstable woman happy, okay? Just go out there, get her a muffin. You didn't even know these women. A muffin. No, I don't know.

Get them a muffin, just, they don't even, they just want to be thought of. That's really what it comes down to. It really comes down to attention. This next story is such a side story story. It's wonderful. This is such a side story, it's perfect. Write down the pipe story.

I don't know how to pronounce any of these things, so we'll just deal with it. This is in, this is in Ireland. So this is Celtic, so I don't even know, or Gaelic. I don't know how you call this. So it's Garde, Gardei, investigating after a man's body used in a parent attempt to claim pension. It's weakened at Bernie's,

but it's during the Dublin public roll, right? I love it, you know? I mean, I feel like if they take the corpse all the way to the courthouse to get a couple of dollars, give it to them one time, one time. So these two guys, these two entrepreneurs, this is in Carlotto, these two entrepreneurs, they said that they were trying to collect a payment,

a pension payment on behalf of an older man, right? But they told the guys, they were like, hey, listen, no, you can't just claim it. The guy's gotta be here, right? Sure. And so they went, they went, put their thinking gaps on. And they're like, okay, okay, maybe we'll figure this out.

The man who was at the post office, he left and he returned a short time later with two other guys, right? Okay. And one was in his 60s, right? It must have been the guy that was getting the pension. And then there was another younger guy, the two guys and they had this, they were there together,

these two younger men who they understood, they were trying to get the pension payment for the third man. And then they were looking at him, they were like, we think he's, they're propping this guy up. Right. Like in a chair. And then-

Maybe he's just drunk, it's Ireland, maybe he's just hammered or something. Who knows? Who knows? But the woman who looked at him and be like, there's something fishy going on here. I'm gonna go and check with my manager before coming back out.

And when she came back out, she just found this dead body sitting in the chair while the other two fled. Well, I guess the, yeah, the body couldn't, couldn't flee. Maybe they wanted to though. Maybe they died of embarrassment twice because what a horrible situation that this 66 year old man now deceased,

found himself in- They don't know. They don't know how he died. Which isn't that nice that they start getting pension at 60, must be earlier than 66 anyway. I don't know. They checked, they honestly, it's nice that they try to take care of their elderly over there.

They got really upset. They tried, they're trying to find the guy now. The guy name was Peter Doyle, right? He's a deceased man. He's in his late sixties. He was a resident of Palerton Road. And they said, oh, and they described the deceased as he's a decent guy.

Very well regarded and liked and caused no offense to anyone. You couldn't make up what happened. Oh, it's unreal when you're looking at it. As a rational person, whoever did this, they were not rational. You can definitely make up what happened. It literally is a movie. It's a common trope at this point.

Yes. It's been done in countless films. Countless films. I mean, you're gonna burn the most famous, but of course, Christmas vacation, a whole series of other ones where you're like, no, they're not dead, they're just sleeping. The vacation.

Clue has a great scene where it evolves then. Oh, yes. But it is really interesting to think. Like, they really thought about it literally. We talk about it this on the show, I think, quite a bit, both last podcasting here about how we are a lot of the times as civilians, we are trained by movies.

And we think, like, oh, this happens. It's like the old days of rom-coms where you just find out the woman's work schedule by pretending to be her boss and you call in, you get a work schedule, and then so you can meet cute with her and show up in front of her work, accidentally, or show up where she eats.

Well, I don't know about that. No, that's stalking. It's stalking. I've never heard of that for a premise. That happens. It happens. I didn't like this idea of, like, having a body and going this far,

because how much could the pension be? I mean, it's got to be some pretty good money, at least enough to get hammered for the weekend. It's Ireland. You want to have a good time. Dublin is no joke. It's a little bit pricey. Can't wait to go there at some point

in the very near future, see all you wonderful Irish people. But what I like about this story is Carlo Mayor Ken Murnane, he was apparently right there. He's like, I go by that place all the time. It's a busy-ass post office. Normally, there'd be a queue at the door.

I was absolutely shocked to hear about what happened. I can't believe anyone would do something like that. What if he wasn't, though? What if he wasn't shocked? And he was like, oh yeah, that happens three times a week. Oh yeah, they're always coming here with a dead body, trying to get the pension.

And the whole time we say, hey, get a job. Why don't you bury that body and I pay you $10? Well, why can't they just get it one time and then they can help with the burial of the man? Because it feels like they really do. I guess it's a pretty aggressive cutoff, the pension. It is, like once you're dead, they really, I think maybe give us a couple of weeks extra.

Why not? No, they don't because when it comes down to it, it's always people drinking, rubbing alcohol, trying to get it. And I don't know why. I don't know why it can't just be someone who really needed it. Cause I'm sure these guys did need it,

but not like a single mama nine needs it. Well, you never know who they were gonna be giving that money to, perhaps they were gonna take from the corpse and give to the people who are alive. Or again, most likely gonna go spend it on bangers and mash and blues. You know how much money it caused like a fish and chips over there.

That's obviously actually the only thing you can afford to eat. Fantastic. I can't wait to go over there. I can't wait. This story seems like it could be Irish, but this is in Maine. And this is another situation that I have to assume alcohol was involved in.

I don't know why I'm assuming it was involved in the Irish story, but I think it was. There was a Maine dude. He was just walking around on Friday, right? And you're like, well, what's, why is that a story? That's how that gets to the news. Who cares? Well, he was holding something in one of his arms

and it was his other arm. Yeah. The man was not identified, but he was just walking around. He's like, I got an extra arm here. And wow, I can't believe that's so weird. That's not, my body's not put together right. And then. It sounds like he was in shock.

It was an after, cause it's getting first thing in the morning. This must be very fucking intense. Yeah. His arm was sawed off at the shoulder. Ow. Public workers who were in the area stopped to help. They called the police.

They applied a tourniquet. Thanks. Get a bandaid. That can maybe help. Well, and you know who did it? It was Arborus. Those are people who take care of trees. Yes.

Isn't that exciting? So in Arbor, these are almost heroes of the week. This is a workplace accident. The thing is, this guy, do you have to show him, like that's got to be scary to see during the day as it's just squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt, just a blood shooting out of you. Like it's Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

And you got your own arm in your hands. That's got to be really trippy. You know exactly how heavy your own arm is. Yeah. According to Marianne Brenschik, she's the director at the Lewiston Public Parks. This all again, as Henry said, happened at 9 o'clock in the morning.

This is what she said. She said it couldn't have been better guys for that kind of situation regarding the Arborus. She goes on to say, I really hope it made a difference for that guy. I think it did. Because otherwise, I'm pretty sure you bleed to death. Yeah, but also, yeah, he must have been in shock.

And just the idea of also being like, thank God, the Arborists are here. Oh, they're here. Because also, what are they going to do? What are they going to do? They are. Look, they're going to put sap on it. I don't know.

They did apply a tourniquet. And I guess, yeah, if anybody knows how to deal with somebody whose arm is completely sawed off, it would be somebody who works with chainsaws for a living. Yeah, absolutely. They know what to do with the chainsaw, their heroes. They also, they do plant a lot of trees as well.

They don't just destroy. They also bring back a little bit of trees. They do. That's what they say anyway. So, and they're not going to bring the guy's arm back. That is gone. That's gone forever. And the man will never be able to take drums.

There goes his NASCAR career. Maybe. But then again, what is it? ACDC, who's the drummer? Def Leppard. That one guy, one arm. That one guy. You know what I will say when it comes down to it?

Yes. Do I love that you go out there? Like the guy who learned how to shoot guns with his feet, right? You lost your arms. You're trying to come up with something. You know what I mean? Like the guy who became the national meddled arrow guy.

He was an arrow shooter with his feet. I remember that. And it's like, what are we thinking? Marcus Parks lighting a match with his feet. A match with his feet. You can do so much. Why are we bragging? Get into tap dancing if you don't got arms.

Don't take a position from somebody who needs to have arms. Like what if you get arms but no legs? OK? You get arms but no legs. You go into the arrow shooting competition. You get beat. But the guy who's only legs, no arms and has legs. How does this happen?

Well, I guess you're not good enough if you're only arms. Like when it comes down to the very much in the very essence of competition that if you get beat by a man who's only feet and you are only arms in an arm based competition, I guess you deserve to lose. Well, but if you're doing arm wrestling, but one person uses their feet, they're going to win. Right?

Yeah. So anyway, legs are stronger than arms. Legs are definitely stronger than arms unless you miss leg day and then you have two huge strong arms. But then everyone's going to make fun of you. But then honestly, a lot of times though, those muscles are fucking ornamental. One of these guys, you just see all these fit guys.

If they use the real muscle. They say, yeah, they got the punctures. They take the they take the pills and they take the HCH. And then it's HCH, it's still a real muscle. Real strength requires gumption, real strength. No, gumption is something detectives have. Gumption has nothing to do with strength. You got to do your whole body.

Yeah, but that is nothing to do with gumption. That's not that's not the definition of gumption. Gumption is stick to it in this that relies. You can't like gumption is like I'm fat, but I still married this woman that is very attractive. That's gumption. The only exercise I need anymore is I flip a bag, 75 pound dog food down the street.

That's it. That's the only thing you need 75 pound bag of dog food. No, I just get I throw it out. I put it in a dumpster, leave it out for all the raccoons to build and from by the restaurants around the corner. That's great. I can't wait. I'm getting around to feeding the squirrels again,

feeding the squirrels and they are loving it. They are. They honestly, they do like it. But we do have to be careful because they do carry plague. Yeah, but who cares? Well, I guess when it comes out to you, if you can get one plague, you might as well get the other. So in Maine, this dude's walking around with his arm

in his arm. I mean, this is the end of the story. There's nothing else to the story. They just have to attach the arm. They had to attach the arm. I don't know if they did or not. But and then in Florida, this is a different kind of story. But in Florida, dude, this guy is this guy, Logan Smith, right?

He's 18 years old. He had this idea that he's going to go mug and try to murder a jogger. He had been stalking this guy for six months. For months. Because apparently he has some sexual fantasies. But dude, I'm looking at this Logan Smith guy. He's crying in the mug shot because he got his fucking ass

kicked because the man that he tried to mug or was a karate man. So he just fucking got his ass kicked. Like he just woke up today and was like, I've been stalking this man for six months to days the day. He finally gets to beat this shit out of me. I don't know what this man thought was going to happen.

Well, apparently, so he'd been watching this guy and had built his, followed him on his route, which is why. If you are a jogger, I mean this. They're a Dahmer-esque, right? Isn't this telling Dahmer? It does. You need to change up your route. I do it all the time.

I don't go to the same ways a lot of different times because you never know who's fucking watching you, all right? Because they do. They'll put a fucking make on you, dog. Well, yeah, OK. They want to find you. They're trying to corner you. Always have your head on the stool.

There's only so many places you can run, though. I mean, you know. That's why you got to have backups on a backup. Keep a plank with a nail through it in the back seat of your car. Well, what if you didn't want to live life as if you were being stalked by someone who has been planning on murdering you for sexual favors? Be a fucking victim.

Well, then be a victim. Well, that's what happened. So yeah, this guy, so it's really fucked up. He had a mallet and an axe aerosol on the ground. So what he was going to do is, again, axe two different stories with the shit. I don't know why. I don't know. He hid behind a thing about a light pole.

Do I look like a lamp? Do I look like a lamp? Honestly, I don't know why he thought he could do the lunatunes defense here. I don't know why he thought he could hide himself like he's Wiley Coyote. All right, he placed the mallet on the axe aerosol on the ground next to him, right?

And he was waiting for the dude to come past, come past. And then he jumped at him and he had a clothing row built around the guy's neck, right? He put it around the neck because I guess his goal was to immobilize him with the fucking robe tie. And then spray his eyes with the axe body spray, I guess until he was immobilized or he smelled so good he went to sleep.

Yeah, I mean, all you're going to do, again, as we've learned from the commercials, is attract a crowd of beautiful women who can't get enough of the smell of more oil. They're so blinded by their sexual flourishing, the sexuality is flourishing inside of them that they have to help you commit this crime. Yeah, because he was so, this is so stupid

because he was going to bump him with the mallet, it didn't happen. Because the guy immediately fucking kicked him in the chest and beat the fuck out of him. But he said, this is also why I don't like this Logan Smith guy besides just the attempted murder and rape of this man. It's, he said that he got the idea

to commit a crime from a horror movie. That he said, I watched a violent movie. All he said was I watched a violent movie and I decided I was going to kill this guy. Which is horseshit. I've never seen axe body spray in any horror movie. Maybe like a douchebag character uses too much cologne and then they die first from Michael or Jason or Freddie.

And then just jumping out at someone from the bushes, that's not enough of a plot for a horror movie. No, it's not. It's really not. And so that's why I think that he's trying to get play, trying to see if he'll get people to like write about this and talk about this because he did the thing of being like, it was the movies that did it.

It was the movies that don't make. Oh, he didn't know fuck himself. Oh yeah, because then he said he further planned to place the victim's body into his closet where the defendant stated no one would know, even though he lived with his parents. And then he said he was going to play with the victim to fulfill his sexual fantasies.

Again, it is very, very dumber ask, highly recommend if you are this boy's parents, get him a real doll or something. He looks like he's going to have a horrible time in jail. He already has a very weepy face. And yeah, it's a good thing that this guy was able to overpower him. Otherwise he would be in this boy's closet,

stinking of axe body spray to cover up the smell of deterioration. Oh yeah, and what I like here is when you go right to the, I just like the comments on this article because some of them are really fun, because one is just, the top one is, once more we see would be in a Democrat can lead to. And then it's pretty good.

Well then someone says, future Republican congressman, I don't know how they got any, I don't know why they got political with this. In cells equals in cells. Whoa, you gotta be, whoa, be careful there. Wow. All right, let's move on to hero of the week,

shall we? This is a really good one. This hero of the week, this is cute. This is cute as fuck in hell. It is, the donkey named Betty White once again. Yes, finally, yes. Donkey on the hook. I have never been, I was at first,

not of Paul, at first confused, but like, oh, we're just gonna name this donkey, names Betty White hero of the week. But at the same time, each week, it's my hero. It really is, isn't it? I know, it's just incredible. But this week's hero of the week

is actually not the animal, not an animal, but you know what it is? It's tiny sausages. So there was this dog, Millie, Jack Russell Terrier, unbelievably cute dog, right? It's very cute. It got cut, it got caught rather in a couple of mudflaps and it's like it's a dog

and it maybe isn't the smartest dog on the face of the planet. I don't think so, no. So cops and firefighters and the Coast Guard, we're all trying to get this damn dog out of these mother truck and mudflaps. And the rescuers were like, this dog is not coming. So what did they do?

They said, perhaps attaching some sausage to a drone. Daddy, do you want some sausage? Daddy, do you want some sausage? Perhaps attaching a sausage to a drone would, because of the scent, would entice and tempt Millie out. This is the thing, man. I love our sweet Wendy so much. She has a hard time being off the leash

because she doesn't listen. Crazy. Listen, she's too, she's been too supported. All right, she has been- The brains are not that big in these little guys. You know, let's be honest. She has not, she has been enabled to a point where she does not really feel the need

to pay attention to her name. And this thing is that these tiny dogs don't understand. It's also the thing about tiny dogs is that a lot of times they write checks that their bodies can't cash and they want it, they want to appear much bigger. So the thing about this puppy is that he was just like, I can handle this fucking flood.

Sure. Everybody loves me, right? Everybody takes care of me. No, I'm Millie. I'm Millie. No one- I'm Millie. The dog can't even comprehend

that anything wrong could happen to it. So what happened was Millie, she slipped, she slipped her lead in Havante Hampshire. After the frantic public appeals, she was spotted again, as Henry said, in the mudflaps. Now, the danger of being engulfed in the tide is very real. She resists in efforts to encourage her to safety. And then finally, again, they were like,

what does Millie like? And they said, little sausages. Sausages. Yeah, we obviously. Sausage. So Chris Taylor said, it was a crazy idea. Again, not that crazy, but nonetheless. You know what's weird?

You know what's really fucking weird about this whole story? Same way they got Gis Lane. She was hiding in that fucking Airbnb for so long, they just eat. Gis Lane. Gis, do you want some sausage? Gis, do you want some sausage? Gis, do you want some sausage?

And she's just like, if is it connected to a billionaire, please? I can't wait, Prince. We don't really cover that story too much, but we will at some point, maybe at some point, that'll be a big podcast episode, who knows. But Prince Andrew, I can't, Prince Andrew dude, watching that fucking elitist bitch.

Did you hear? We'll get back to the hero of the week in a second. He needs to get hit by a fucking car. But did you hear about his teddy bear collection? Did you hear about that? No. His grown man, he had 71 teddy bears. And the first job as a maid,

you have to put them in specific places when he wakes up in the morning. And then you have to put them back in the same spot every fucking night. He was in his fifties when he was doing, and anyway, the main is discussed. What is this, Baron Trump trying to keep him from killing a maid?

You're a prince. I mean, he's inbred, he's inbred. I actually like Baron only because he's six foot seven and he's very awkward, and I can't imagine how horrible that was for him. I don't know if I like him, but what a fucking waking nightmare. Who knows what he's like in real life.

He's gonna be too extreme. Who knows, he could be a total fucking nightmare. He's gonna own our whole network one day. Probably who the fuck knows anyway. All right, let's get back to the good news and not those disgusting pedophiles in power. Okay, so Chris says it was a crazy idea. He goes on to say,

one of the local residents of the beach where we were flying, they supplied them the sausages. And I think, oh, you know where the sausages came from? Aldi, which is a nice little German grocery store. That's actually really nice. And strangely enough, the woman who offered the sausages,

she cooked them up and then they attached them to the string. So they gave Millie like really good food by my standards. This is what happens with little dogs. Her whole life is so well-curated. Because it wasn't even raw sausages. Nobody times we have to take- Millie wouldn't have done it.

We get the farmer's dog for Wendy. I don't even know if we still do the fucking advertisements for a farmer's dog. It is the most shishie, like it needs better meat than I eat is in this fucking food for the dog. And Natalie stills like better warm it up for her. And she's been like, no,

she's gotta at least be able to rough it on some level. It's a dog. She doesn't understand. So this dog had to be, it had to be cooked. The sausages had to be heated up for it. And they're old sausage. So you know they're good.

I mean, that's cheap and bad quality, but they are good. So Taylor goes on to say, if we hadn't gotten her away from that area, the tide would have come in and she would have been at risk of drowning. It was something we never tried before. The sausages were the last resort.

As we couldn't reach her by kayak or by any other means. Because Millie was hungry, it worked. It was that nice. And she's been learned away in danger. And now she is, they said, we certainly could consider using sausages again. Every dog in search operation is going to be different. But if we were in a similar situation again,

we'd employ the same methods to lure the dog. Hey, I tell you all, come for sausages as well. Won't you give me one now? I'm a bit of a drone operator. Like you ain't missing. Funny enough, so the sausage worked. Millie ran away again. And then she was finally reunited with her owner.

I just feel like it's a lot. After being spotted in the inland from the marsh. So she's just a crazy dog. But anyway, is it a Jack Terry or Jack Russell? It's a Jack Russell. So yeah, they don't think before they run a bunch and then they run and then they find themselves in the middle of trouble.

And then again, as I said, they get treats and then they don't learn a lesson. Nothing because what are you going to do? We can't hit it. You can't bop it. It's a fucking sweet little dog. No, it just goes on living. It's fucking absolutely deluded life.

Like every single thing in reality bends to their will. Much like honestly, hopefully they're owners and they're men. Yeah, Emma Oak says she's relieved. She's relieved. She says relief just poured over me into your point. She says Millie's a rescue dog. She's quite timid.

She loves being at home more than anything. And now she's back doing what she does best with just sleeping. She just sleeps in eats. She says she just sleeps in eats and looks at you as if to say, I'm resting. Leave me alone. I'm resting, leave me alone.

This dog just countless man hours. Now I'm actually kind of mad at Millie because that's dogs for you. I'm resting, leave me alone. It's like, you were just dead. You were just dead. You don't even know you were alive. The entire infrastructure of the police department

just saved you. I'm resting. I'm resting. That's true. Well, you know, that's the way we got here. We got here. Immediately got to a development. Sausages, you are hero of the week.

Yep. All right, here we go. Some listener, here we go. I like this, this next story. The way that this was prompted was because they said, a lot of my friends make fun of me for this story. Okay. Let's see if they're right.

The story takes place at my college boyfriend's grandma's house. So my college boyfriend's grandma's house. Grandma's, okay. We stayed there during quarantine. He was out doing whatever. So I was left alone in the house. I went up to the garage to take a rather large dab,

which instantly decapacitated me. Yeah, okay, sure. So I stumbled back to the bedroom, kind of blacked out in the bed for a bit. It was very important to note that I always curl up as close to the wall as possible. And I did that when I laid down. And I remember coming to just slightly feeling

like I had been worked up sexually. Oh my. I was very foggy still. And I honestly thought it was a wet dream. There's gonna be something strange going on inside of me. Not to get too descriptive, but it felt penetrative. Is this, so this is a girl, right?

Yep, I guess. I didn't know the girls had wet dreams. Somebody's getting cummed on. Somebody can get cummed inside, right? But there was nothing there. Well, that's all of this. I remember climaxing in a way I have never before or since.

Not hard, just weird. Okay, so it is a boy. I don't know. Okay. No, climaxing can be the other one. So I do. But he said hard. I don't know. Okay.

I know, they came hard. They came hard. Okay, I'm just gonna assume this is a woman and they can have wet dreams. Okay, she's a goat. That's what you said. Yes. I'm a go.

Oh, you're gonna go. I'm a go. I'm gonna go. Okay, got it. And it was sort of a shock that took me out of the fog and realizing I was now at the edge of the bed, my legs hanging off of my feet on the floor. I sat up and it took me a bit to process what just happened.

I wasn't scared, but a little disturbed. And I didn't tell my boyfriend because I knew he'd get weird and upset about it because he was a dick. Whoa. Whoa, I guess so. I mean, who cares if you have an old gas and what do I do?

What does that do? Good job. Yeah, honestly, maybe the ghost makes you calm better than he can. What do you even do? But when I finally did about a year after the fact, he was predictably irritated that I had some sort of sexual experience without him.

Weird, that's just, that's what he says. Weird. Forever, man. He should have fucking, he should have learned how to fucking get to that cliff with that ghost in the way Benjamin Franklin did. Sure, why not? Gobble, gobble.

Have fun with it. No, honestly, the guy seems like a total psychopath. Yeah, it's dumb. The guy's stupid. I'm sorry for that. If you dream that you, if you had a dream that Natalie cheated on you and then you wake up and you're mad at Natalie

or the inverse, it's like, you can't be truly mad. It's a joke if you are mad. Yes. You have to get over it. It's just a bit. You have to get over it because it is not real, right? But it was interesting. So here we go.

Here's another one. Oh, that's the story? That's just the story. She came. The guy was, the whole fucking email was about, she came when she was asleep and her boyfriend was mad at it.

Cause a ghost did it and he couldn't do it. We have an entire show. Folks, folks, folks, we have an entire call in show coming up on series. Dude, this is why I can't wait for that story. For example, that email, maybe, well, call, call when we start to show up. But maybe not.

I don't know if that's a good story or not. Our entire call in show is going to be like this. It is good. This is our, this is the show. That's okay. So I'm just going to get used to it. So that's the expectation. She went to bed.

She fucked a ghost. Her boyfriend got mad because it wasn't him. And we'll talk about the merits of this for 20 minutes and get to the end of the show. Fantastic. All right, great. So what we'll do. Got a really good information

about how the proper way to dispose of a body is to wrap it in chicken wire and wait it as it goes down. As it goes down. So that the body actually, the bones stay within the chicken wire. It floats to the bottom of a cavity or a something of water, any sort of source of water. Sure.

And then the animals of shit can eat and pick all the meat off the bones while sitting inside of the mesh cylinder. So there's a tip. Makes a lot of sense actually. Yeah. You can really think about it like that. But then it would be,

so the only thing is then at all times the corpse will be together in a skeletal, skeletal remain. Yes. So if they find that, it's like we really got it here. Yes. But if not, but it won't,

bits of it won't float up. Right. Independent. From. Interesting. So you know, so put that in your back pocket. Put that in your back pocket. Be better than Carla Holmolka

and that other douchebag. Aren't they the ones who kept on fucking it up? Yes. Yeah. They did not know how to dispose of a body very well. They listened in. So here we go. I'm a cashier.

So I have to keep the volume pretty low when I listen to your show. And I like to think of myself as someone with very imagined of mind. But what I heard, I did not imagine. I wanted to tell you the story because I can after the life of me find a satisfying logical answer

for what me and my coworker heard. It was a normal Tuesday, about 628, I think. I was just getting into my groove and I was listening to the Bonnie and Clyde episodes. Nice. And all three customers that were there were within eye shot. They were all looking at my,

looking at my makeup, no one walking in front of the candy. All right. The coworker was down in the sexual health area just out of my eyesight. But I could hear him moving, right? All was peaceful. Then all of a sudden there's this rumbling

like thunder off in the distance. It was compared, it was honestly clear outside when I heard in the most terrifying spine jerking, pant shitting voice. I can see you. Jesus. Right behind me. And it was so close.

I froze to the spot. Terrified that a customer stuck behind the counter. And it was so slow. It was so slow and menacing. I was literally unable to move until a customer walked up to the counter. Everything was normal around me. So I just kind of rationalized it,

saying maybe I was hallucinating. Right up until the customer asked me if I had heard someone. Did you just hear someone say, this is the customer saying, did you just hear someone say, I can see you. Orphan was just in his head. And I was shocked.

I'm couldn't help but nervous laugh it off. And I checked him out and he laughed. And the other two customers, they didn't hear anything. I guess it was almost out of my head again. All right, when my coworker ran up to me and asked him, I had heard someone say, I can see you. Or was it just in their head?

Now there's no way anybody could have snuck behind me. And there's nothing but a wall that leads outside behind me. I've never been so terrified of my life. I have a deep fear of people who I do not know, being in places where I'm supposed to feel comfortable. The motion detectors have been going off in our ceiling. We thought it was squirrels.

And now we don't know who to call the exterminator or the police. The Ghostbusters, it sounds like. That's scary as fuck, but who knows about that? I can see you. I can see you. Well, when you're back there, if you could pick up a little bit, that'd be great.

If you could maybe just help me mark some of these. There's been a sale. There's been a sale. But yeah, well, that's what we'll end in for listener pasta. I'm not saying we're listening to boss, it's separate. Maybe not. This is separate, these are emails. You fucking know what I fucking mean.

Absolutely they do. And I'm not mad about it. No, you're not at all. I guess have we thanked everyone for coming out to Texas yet? No, we'll do it. Thanks, thanks for everyone who came on to our teahouse shows. Yeah, we're just wonderful truly. And then this weekend,

we're gonna be blabbing in Washington, DC in Philadelphia. Richmond, Virginia, yes. Yeah, Richmond, Richmond, Virginia. We can't wait to be with you guys. And in DC, I am ending Dry Jan a day, officially a day earlier, because I need to have whiskey in Washington, DC. We had so much fun there.

We're very, very excited. Big ups to our friends. It's so good to all the people we met in Texas. Very excited to be back on the road. So cliche name, but that Texas case is no joke. It really is very, very good. Tex-Mex, it does hit different there. It's so good.

It's really good. And I just wanna say, can you believe how much I live to make people laugh? Every day. I live for it. Some people, they say, oh, do what you love, and oh, it's difficult to do for the rest of your life. And it is.

It is, but it's not as difficult as doing what you hate. Yeah, doing what you hate's much worse. So every day I love for the fact I wake up, I don't have to work at the office anymore. If you're at the office right now, you're great, good work, you're crushing it, but I wasn't in good fit. I got fired from all of those jobs.

I was bad at it. I was bad at doing the expense reports. I was bad at booking travel. I don't know if you could tell about this about me, but I don't have an eye for detail. Great. I'm not really locked in there. And so that's when I laugh.

Just thinking about how much I make others laugh. Right? You laugh? Well, it seems a little self-engrandizing there towards the end. But you know, during these times of struggle, we do like to make people laugh. And that is one thing that Mr. Bob Saget,

he gave a great presentation on the red carpet when he said some people think we do it for ourselves. And of course, there is that aspect. We do it for ourselves. There is something we love to make people laugh and make people smile a little bit, make them think and make them smile and forget their worries. And that's why, to my honest,

this whole episode is all about thank the comedians. Because you never know. You'll never know when these comedians that you love will be gone. And you got to think of them. You know what that is? Give them your money now. Like I see, like when I, again, you hear Saget,

you hear Norm, you hear Louis, you hear the loaf even. Like when I hear my parents are aging and then like you realize they're like, I have no grandparents anymore. Like I understand it is all happening, right? It's starting to happen. There's something about the celebrity class of the people that we watched growing up.

And like the idea that Norm is dead now. And like, you know, it's just crazy. It's time is a brutal, never-ending steamroller. You know, one of our friends had a chance to hang out with Norman Lear. And then, like he's 98, he's all gone. So I'm 40 now. And it seems like at this point,

it has begun starting, unfortunately, three years ago. And no, it just seems like every, like we just talked about everyone's dead. Everyone's just going to die now. Well, the thing is it's worse is now we're getting a really dark territory. How many of these comedians I've heard tell me, wait till all your friends all die in a group.

Because that's what happens. All your friends just die in a group. You're like, why are you doing this to me? Why are you doing this fucking to me? I don't. What a good way to end. Anyway. What a good, come and see us live.

It's gonna be so much more entertaining than us breaking down how everyone's gonna die soon. We also, you know what I meant to say, February 1st, we go wide. Yes. Remember that, that's next week we go wide. It's on Spotify. It's on Stitcher.

It's on all the bullshit. But wherever you want it, you can get it. We're really excited. We're opening up with a big fucking series next week. And we are gonna fucking rip it out. Yep, I got a couple of shows in my sights that will be taken out, if you know what I mean, with ratings.

Oh, good. Very good. Now with bullets. All right, everyone. Thank you so much for listening. Can't wait to see you all on the road very soon. Take care of yourselves truly. Hail yourselves.

Hail Satan. Magusta lechons. Be free. Be well, my friends. Be free. Be for yourself. Yes. Be and be good.

Be and be good. Sorry, that's like, every single time I'm trying to get it out of an Uber and go into the airport, it's always I've been like, you'll be free, friend. You'll be free. Well, it's always embarrassing when you're like, you have a safe flight too.

And you're like, they're not safe. That's Brian Regan. That's a Brian Regan. Is that right? Yep. Good for you. Oh, he's still around. He's still alive.

There you go. All right, goodbye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.