Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: The Henry 200

Episode Date: July 21, 2022

Ben 'n' Henry bring you this week's weirdest true crime stories including a fresh Murdaugh Murder-Family update, the woman who bought her husband a sex doll replica of herself, the Oklahoma man who killed friend for "summoning Bigfoot" on noodling trip, the Vicar caught having sex with a Vacuum, a former Papa John’s employee in Indiana kills two of his coworkers and tries to fuck the corpse, ALSO in Indiana, a pizza man saves 5 kids from house fire, a surprising Hero of the Week, and MORE!  Flowerhead - Pondering My Orb (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXb6QLCaLxjvucwNlQuS2gg) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0

Hey, everyone, big news from the boys of the last podcast on the left. Check out the last comic book on the left. Our most sinister comic anthology. It now has a volume two. Please preorder now at Z two comics.com. We have an even bigger stable of artists and talent and writers and everyone that we did for the first one. Although the first one is fucking amazing and it's still available on Z two comics.com. But we're asking you to go pre-order number two Z two comics.com. You're going to like the way you read. Thank you so much. Hail yourselves. Hail Satan. There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk on the left. Side stories. Side stories. Yeah.

Oh, man. Pennsylvania is still there. Pennsylvania. You were in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, home of John Fetterman. How was it? You know, it's Pennsylvania. But you know, the spirit of the people. Did you eat it, Geno's? No, we're not in Philadelphia very different. You're being racist against Pittsburgh. Did you eat it? Did you eat it? Bobby's? That's incorrect. Actually, I ate it. Priminis. Priminis is fine. Is it only made with children who were premature? What? Prematurely born. No, the Waffle House hires a lot of ex-cons. They should. Absolutely. I'm glad that they do. Ex-cons. I love them. I would hire nothing but premature baby adults if I had a restaurant because they get things done faster. They know

exactly where they belong in this world. Is this why you're anti-abortion? Excuse you're trying to get the fetuses to work? That's correct. So you're looking for the anti-abortion. You want a fetal work system. You want to put these fetuses to work. Fetal workforce. Fetal workforce. That's actually kind of fun. Fetal strike force. That's what we need to send over to the Ukraine. Absolutely. Of course. We're always pro-choice here on the episodes and of course in real life there. I'm happy we opened up with that. You did this. Fantastic. Fetal workforce.

You started it. Folks, welcome to Side Stories, everyone. I am Ben. I just didn't even. Yeah. Again, oh God. Whatever you are going to do with your guts, I don't give a shit. But I was telling the stories because this is an unidentified home that Natalie and I spent time in because legally I want to be covered on this, right? We went and we. Are you about to spill the beans? It's fun. He's about to spill the beans. So we set up a fun retirement party for Natalie's mom and it was a big family reunion. She was a nurse. She saved lives during COVID. She needs an award. She needs an award. She

does. And a round of applause. The award she got was her freedom. Oh, fantastic. So now she doesn't have to be a nurse anymore, but you know, big ups to nurses. We always celebrate them here because we are going to need you when we're 80 years old. But listen, absolutely. So we went to go. We went to doubt this place that we then found out afterwards. It was like way outside of town. We found out afterwards that it was supposed to be exceptionally haunted. It's not only just exceptionally haunted, but it was haunted with some form of demon like activity. Would you have rented it out? Had you known it was full of demon

activity? Yes. Well, you missed. We did an open lines on serious radio. Thanks to everyone who called in. We did an episode on summoning this week and a woman did call in and she said that a demon had been attached to her since she was 17. She's not 34 years old and she doesn't seem to enjoy it so much, Henry. It's very difficult, but this man, we'll get into this story. Let me unpack this little bit. So we arrive at this home, right? And the owner who was at first, he seemed to like fire. I thought he was just letting us in, right?

Wait, he stayed? No. So let me tell the story. So we arrive and he's there, right? And we're like, okay, cool. It's fine. We start like sitting up for the party and it's cool. And we're, you know, doing stuff, you know, and he's just like, ah, Mexican food. And we're like, yes, sure, sure, sure. And actually, he's not leaving, right? And we find what we're like, he's not leaving. We see he's not going to leave when we're like, so he's in the living room with you guys. And so we're, so that's fine. Again, it's his house, right?

It's not fine. I know it's technically your house. If you rent it for that time period, it's your house. Kissel, you're talking, but this is the monologue I did, but I'm trying to be fair because it's a story, right? I'm trying to be fair, right? Because at first you're like, all right, it's your property. You're going to do whatever you want. But then he says, he's like, you're going to love what I'm going to do tonight. Oh my God. And we're like, what do you mean tonight? Because we thought that you'd be gone by the time the party came, right? Because you got to go.

Because you rented out your house. But he said, it's like, I like to do a little thing where I am trying to turn this into sort of the Downton Abbey style environment. We're like, you mean, you mean like indentured servants with people that were born into money for no reason? Like, but that's not what we're trying to celebrate here. We're trying to celebrate a very hardworking woman. That managed to make it through COVID. Downton Abbey. It's like, it's like white fiction. It's very scary.

But I hate it. I hate it. I absolutely hate it. They don't talk about the atrocities. Yeah, I hate the classic cosplay of it. I hate it, right? But then he shows up. So he puts on, I swear to, so we didn't ask him to do this. He puts on a full tuxedo. Oh, right. He puts on a full tuxedo with white gloves and proceeds to hand and serve people

of the party. And all of Natalie's family members do very surprised. We're like, why did you hire a butler for the party? We knew that you were Hollywood elites, but I didn't know you needed to bring your butler. Like, did you need to do that? Oh, so you were kind of getting in some shade. They were throwing shade. No, they were very, honestly, they weren't. That was, that's an exaggeration, but truly we were like... But you felt a little self-conscious as a Hollywood elite. You were like, I don't want to be here

with a butler either. No, we just didn't want a butler. We just didn't ask for a butler. We didn't hire a butler. What do you do? I buttle. But the entire home was filled with these kind of haunting pictures that he would start to explain one by one what the pictures were, the newly photoshopped picture of his brand new fourth wife. She wanted to be a part of the tapestry of the home. So she started including herself amongst the pictures that he had purchased that he said looked like these and the spectral woman that he saw in the backyard several times. So you started

telling the story. Okay. We're like, okay. Are you sure this person is alive? I've always been. You tested his blood. You like poked him with a pin with a little pin. I held up a mirror. Okay.

I held up a mirror. I asked him to breathe on the mirror and then I think he was looking it for cocaine, but it wasn't there. But then he started to describe the demonic activity in the home from person to person because I think at first you might have resented it because we said like to our, to the family like, so the house is kind of haunted and they're all like, oh, very young brand, you know what I mean? Like, you know, they were excited for us, right? Sure.

But like, oh, we did this on purpose. We're like, no, literally all of this was accidental, but it's awesome. Okay. And so he starts talking about the demon activity in the house and he's just like, but I've cleaned it. We're like, what do you mean you cleaned it? He jerked off in the corners of every, of every room. No, no, no, no, no. He then did this speech at me. This is like with the whole family.

He's like, I believe in God more than any man has ever believed in God. I don't know if that's even possible. Normal man can't believe in God the way I believe in God. I believe in God the way Jesus's disciples believe in God, because I saw the devil right in front of me. And conversely, that means God is physically real. So he's holding like hot pockets. What's he serving to the family? Our Mexican food that we purchased, we brought in Mexican food, just like that Mad Max Pittsburgh. We love it. It's incredible, right?

So he was just giving people chips and talking about God. Yes. And then he was like, he's like, cause I told that demon. It came in this home and I told the women in the name of Jesus Christ. Whoa. I'm like, this is a mixed family. We're all like sitting there like, whoa, okay. You know what I mean? Cause you know, like it's, it's mixed between lapsed Catholic and Satanist. Well, it's a good thing that he was there then.

Sure. And he, he kept saying these things. And then we found out that I guess he was arrested for punching his son in a fight in the front lawn. But that was, that's after the fact. That's after the fact. We found that afterwards, after we left all the children alone with him for a while, not like that. Cause he said something like, oh, you know, oh, it's fine with me. He punched his son and you know, if you're family, you're allowed to fight a little bit. You have to fight. The father eventually and the son have to fight to see who's strongest

to see who wins mom. Well, absolutely. I think everyone goes through that rite of passage. Well, that's really a horrible story. Cause he kept saying like a demon used to come through and Throw streaks of blood. I thought this whole, this whole home, there's streaks of blood ever. It's the blood, everyone drinks, drinks of blood. And then I went and I put on my shirt one day to go to work and I found one single solitary

streak of blood on my shirt. And I said, demon, you can't strew blood about this home all you will, but you will not strew blood upon my clothes. No, absolutely not. It's difficult to get out. Cause it also sounds like he might have murdered a bunch of people in the home under the guise of this demon. He's infested with the demon. And then should you guys spend the night there?

At first we were, but then he kept asking, you're going to spend the night. And then what I was really afraid of is that we'd go to sleep because the upstairs room was the, it was the, again, I don't want to point out the specific house. It was an unnamed first president's room. And we were up there and there was a big portrait above the bed and I was telling Natalie, cause you know, if we lay down in bed, you're just going to see those eyes for the first passage. You're just going to see his two human eyes because he did say his payment up front was to watch us make love.

Well, isn't that fantastic? And a compliment to you in many ways, no, that is the first president. No, but we'll have to beat that out. Well, we'll have to beat that out. Yes. Cause we're going to have to make sure that this stays anonymous cause I'm not trying to get, I'm not trying to get this demon's ire. And I mean, a physical man that could try to find me, try to find me and attack me. So you got sort of like honey trapped into a situation where then this man got to live

the fantasy of being the butler. And then what do butlers get to do? Again, you get to watch the main man and gal have sex with each other. He also kept saying, it was like, well, I know how it is. I see we've had Hollywood types in here before. And I'll tell you one thing. What is it about you? You're not allowed to investigate. Cause when you saw me had short shorts on, when I first walked in to help in the things, yeah, I was dressed a tiny bit like me. I was just like, I had a shirt on with like a naked woman on it and tiny little shorts.

What is it with short shorts and your t-shirts that make people think you're a Hollywood type? I just don't think that's Hollywood. What is that Hollywood about? Look at this. Feel this leg. No, I don't want to feel this leg. Feel right up here. No, it's good. It's. Feel my balls. I don't want to feel your.

Suck my dick. I don't want to suck your dick. Um, I don't know because I guess it is because, well, you know, because he grilled Natalie at first, what she did for a living. And then you have to give it up and then he asked me. He's supposed to leave. But he was really, he was supposed to leave. But he was telling me he's supposed to leave. Same time though, five star service.

And if you need a butler, no, no, no, no, no, he's there, but no, it's an invasive service at, at best. It's a one star, five star means that I'm comfortable with what you're doing. Lovely home. And you have to go if it's an Airbnb. He did help me find the spoons. I'm really, this man is a psycho. He, but the one thing I will say is, Also, how could you find the spoons?

He just never took a break. Like he never went and sat down. He bottled the entire night staring at the whole family, looking at them up and down, wondering if they, enough chips, enough dip, like, and we're like, well, you don't have to ask all the time. At some point, I thought like, wouldn't you want to take a break? You would think so. It's like seven hours long. Yeah, absolutely. It's a long retirement party, by the way. And what we were like, then it, it cascades into the night.

Fantastic. It was called actually, it's a party. That's why I've never wanted to be wealthy or I don't feel, I mean, it's nice to have some money as you get older, but I don't feel jealous of wealthy children. Oh, no, no, no. Because number one, you can't listen to CCR, Fortunate Son, you know, it doesn't matter if you're the actual son of a senator. It doesn't work for you.

Also, being waited on. It's weird. It's nerve wreck. It's really strange. It's like any type of like very fine dining thing. It always makes me feel very uncomfortable. Yeah. Like it's a lot. And it's also they're judging you.

They're judging you. And it's just because you've got like, and I just trying to try to live my life, you know, I just trying to be a, I want a robot butler so I can yell at it. And I have a robot. The idea is robots. Those are the only people who should need the quote unquote serving class. I'm not for the robot overlords with the weapons, but I wasn't a hotel and I did order beef jerky.

And then the jerky for the lonely man. It's like a robot girlfriend. It kind of is. And then he wore a little robot tuxedo and he took the elevator by himself. No, I remember that. I remember looking at him do it and I was like, are you going to be safe than a robot? And then he went to the elevator and then it sucks a little tube and going down. Now that's a robot.

So perhaps robots in tuxedos as a waiter or butler that might work. Well, I also, there's certain details that I have left out because it would be truly incriminating, but if you knew the actual details behind some of these things, you'd be extra surprised about what we'll talk about it off mic. What is this airbeat? You went to an Airbnb and it's revealed. It was revealed to me. It was like, I had no clue.

You're in Pennsylvania. But he kept saying, don't you dare investigate here. And it's been like, I didn't bring my year. You didn't mean I'm not that on brand. You didn't mean like, I didn't like, I had a ghost box in the room. I did bring the ghost box with it because we thought it would be kind of funny. But then once butler owner was there, I can't then go like, where are you ghosts? Come and face me, ghost.

Come get me, ghost. It's a retirement party, ghost. Um, no, that's for the best because I'm sure there were some older folks there and we don't need to spook them to death. No, they were all very interested. They're the ones the most because ghosts are about to be their friends. I know. And they like to, they like to see who are they're about to meet.

Um, well, speaking of friends, I want to mention this story because well up top, let's do one thing that we miss. Of course. Oh yes. The second we put out an episode, right? Of course. This douchebag. We got to go to beautiful South Carolina.

I just want to talk real quick about the details about Alex Burndock again. They are now again, they didn't actually charge him with order of his wife and son. They haven't yet. They're debating, charging him with it. Teaser trailer. They're seeing how it tests. Okay. This is a teaser trailer.

They're trying to see. They said their evidence is about to be presented. I don't know. Well, you know, in a perverted way, isn't the grand jury just a, it is a test. Yes. It is literally the test market for crime. Yes. And this is one of the, so here's one of the details, why it is strange.

Here's the detail. All right. So apparently when Maggie Murdock and Alex with the very end, I don't know if this might be a surprise to you, Kissel, but things were going a little rocky. Their relationship wasn't great. And so at the time, she was about an hour away. They were rough patched. They were at their family's beach house.

Oh my God. On a distance. Isn't that nice. They're out there. They're on the bed. So she was out there and she said. So the reason why they were murdered, they have this. They've just presented it is that she got a text from Alex Murdock.

Want to play a game? Might as well have been. Seven days. But he was like, hey, uh, my dad's super sick and I could totally need some help. You really should come see my father before he died. So this is, this is the dad of the murder suspect. Yes. Okay.

And then she was like, okay, well, what we'll do is like maybe I'll meet you at the hospital and he's like, no, no, no, no. This is a lie. Straight up. He's like, dad's at home right now. You should come meet me at the house. I'm going to kill you. That's what every single time you see the three little bubbles and she's like, all right,

I guess I'll come meet the property. But she just straight up said like, she texted her friend, Alex is being fishy. He's definitely up to something. I'm going to get stressing about how I needed to go there and meet them at the other property with the horse stables. And then when she met at the window to the dog, perfect place to murder your estranged wife. Also her son, Paul, cause that's where they were found.

They were found the side of the dog kennels because Paul is out there taking pictures of the dog that he was currently dog sitting for his friend. And that's where they were found both gunned down. But I definitely think you can see Murdoch doing like a Oswald, like he jumped up from behind there. Bow wow. I'm just a little puppy and blam, blam, blam, blam, blam. Or maybe he was dressed as a dog and he thought that they were looking at them.

Maybe that's how he set it up. Maybe. He was dressed like the dog. Paul's friends also in it. I'm going to find out who brought the dog because then we can find out whether or not Alec Murdoch. Big red. Clifford.

Yeah. What if he was dressed as a dog to be dog sat and then he's in the pen, they're in the kennel looking in on him, laying there and they're like, well, that's a real weird dog you got there. Paul, then he's like, got your bitch and then jumps up and starts shooting the family. Well, I mean, we have proved that wealth doesn't equal intelligence. So it's possible that he did pull a shaggy dog, acted like said dog in the kennel. The family comes around and then he gets the jump on him or there was an actual dog there,

beautiful, distracting. You pet the dog, belly rubs during that time, bam, bam. You hit him in the back. Look how much weight he's lost in jail. Isn't that something? He's looking so good. He's looking so thin. Jail food is not the best.

He'll get away in prison once he gets to the canteen food. He's so thin. He looked years came off of his life or whatever it's because he could finally confess all his crimes. You know what's so funny is that he just didn't have to do any of this. You know what? Like he was, I don't understand it. Like it was like with the Glein Maxwell thing, I watched another thing on her.

It's like no crime. You're a socialite. You just don't, all you have to do is not do that and you can do anything you want. Just coast. Just live your life. It's very bizarre. I don't understand. I feel like the same way about a named billionaire who's just fucking with his own stocks.

It's just like the thing where like you are just, just live your life. Just live your life. Come up with the fun ideas. Also, we talked about this on top of it. You know about Elon Musk's father, right? Oh, yes. He banged out his stepdaughter and had two kids with her. He knows that you are disgusting.

When he adopted her, he knew she was going to be a good wife. Oh my God. That's just horrible. Give him the candior. Tell me that. Absolutely. Well, hey, now for our next guest, it's me, oh, it was Alec Baldwin. When we have somebody who's truly excited to speak to today.

I still remember the look on his face, a smile on his face when he held up Woody Allen's new book. I don't know, buddy, it's not for us. It's not our generation. And Alec Baldwin, God knows, he really brought some powerful people down, didn't he? Well, speaking of powerful people, sex, love, and what makes you the most powerful? Guns and money and sugar, sugar. Being in a good relationship.

Sure. That's why I guess that's why I reign supreme overall. There's a couple. And then we're having some issues. The husband said, I have a huge libido and I need to fuck more. You get it. You know what I mean? Sometimes you've got to figure it out as a marriage or you've got to figure it out.

The center of a marriage is a working agreement that you're partners, you're a team. So you've got to figure it out. Absolutely. So the wife said, hmm, you've got a big old libido. It's one of the reasons I like you, but I can't take it all the time, right? Because she's busy. Maybe she has to go to work. It seems like she takes a lot of pictures.

It seems innocent. Yeah. They seem like a fine couple, young. I don't know why they needed to do this, but it's something that they wanted to do. So instead of finding another gal, which a lot of people would, they got 1800 bucks together and they got a racy replica of the spouse and they named her D. Now it's a sex doll. And there's something very sweet about it because it looks just like his wife, although

I'm going to say he did inflate the bosom a bit more. He did. And if I was the wife, I would say, oh, you want my tits to be like that? Is that what you want? My tits to be like, so this is a sub tweet. That's what I would say. Pointing at the breast being like, so you seem to give this one big old floppy's and I have little norms.

Yes. Indeed. So Callum is the name of the husband and he's in the constant moods for sex. And Shar is his wife and she was, she said she was struggling to keep up with her already husband. Yes. But then he said, guess what? Which is honestly the most key thing as a husband.

You're going to say, yes, okay, honey, you have so much problem. We have, we have libido issues. We have different sex drives, you know what I mean? So what every husband should always do, offer to bring a third woman in as a threesome. Well, no, this isn't a woman. No, no, no, no, that's where it started, Kissel. It started with him floating this very, not a, definitely not a minefield constant to his marriage saying like, why don't we just bring somebody else?

And so, but she did a good job of like, she was like, let's hold that thought. Yeah. Okay. So that was your first mistake. But thank you for your input. I think she did good being like, but what if we swivel if you need that much? What if you have sex with a spatula with a pussy on it? Absolutely.

Where they brought in a plastic entity that is a silicone, it is a 90 pound trunk of silicone that to be honest, does that really satisfy your sex drive? Well, it seems to because they were looking around for a sex dog and they couldn't find the right one. So yes, I think that it's like speed dating, I think you have to look at a sex doll and like which one makes you're like, we'll go up and then what's when makes her Vigine get a little bit. Oh, that's exciting.

Her vagina has got nothing to do with her vagina is already taking a vacation two weeks out of the month. No, not with Char because they're doing three ways. I, again, how, how much of a participant is Char? No, Char is the woman D. How much of a partition is, I mean, her full name, Dirty D. Okay. That's her fucking full name.

And I, she's, okay, again, I'm not shaming the doll because I want dolls to get filled with as much come as I could possibly withstand. Well, there has to be a limit, but I am going to say that this might be a, and I don't mean this might be insulting. Wow. It might be a cry for attention. What do you mean? It might be a fake thing.

You went, you think they went to the media with this because it's another doll based story because we've had other doll based stories that then we're also revered because remember that woman was a part of like a reality television show that she ended up doing this quite a bit for attention. The last woman, the woman who had the doll, because I want to dance with somebody. And then she bought that doll. Well, don't forget. Her mother made the doll.

Paul Abdul danced with a cartoon cat. No one's complaining then. So why not have sex with a doll and dance with it every now and again? That was a euphemism for interracial relationships. I know. Char, the wife, she says, there were so many to choose from, but we eventually found D, who we think looks just like me. It's fine.

Of course, there's something to that where, of course, she wanted, she felt like it wouldn't be as weird if the doll looked like hers, so then she could almost be having sex with herself. The doll doesn't look like her. A little bit. It does. It just has a head and blonde hair. It doesn't actually look like her.

No, it does. I actually view her as more attractive than the doll. Of course. Yes, no shit. She's a human being, Henry. She, all human beings are more, well, anyway, this sex, yes, she's more attractive than the sex doll. Fucking goddess.

You know what's really disconcerting is the damn feet on it. I don't, I don't like those. I don't like. Those are weird. I actually would feel more comfortable if it was just stumps. Yeah. I'm not exactly sure. I'm sure you can get the Vietnam vet version of Char, who has nubs and who was.

You're not getting the lieutenant, Dan. Oh, please Lord. So Char again, the wife says it was the best decision and has definitely improved our sex life. She says it's great because Callum has high sex drive and I'm not in the mood. He's got D there. Yes, we know. But guess what?

If you fucking asshole, the very end of the article, the more Char and Callum are only fan stars and they make 80 grand a month. So this is fucking season four of their, yeah, dude, this is their season four arc. Well, it's better than adopting a duck. Oh yeah. If they're fucking a duck, that's crime. They have 2000 subscribers. I would not pay.

I'm sorry. I'm not going to pay to watch somebody have sex with a doll because you're not watching two, then you're just watching a man with his weird old hairy buttocks go up and down. Oh yeah. I don't want to watch a man have sex with a sex doll. I don't want to watch a girl have sex with a sex doll. I think that's a little weird. It's all about presentation.

To me, it's all about you got personality. You got an angle. You fucking on that grind. Show me. Yeah. Show me. Like come on. Like cause what we say in show, we would say when we're telling, we're writing scripts

all the time, right? Yeah. Show don't tell. Right? Show don't tell. If you're going to read some with Dirty D, with your marriage, it's about to explode and then eventually it's going to turn into some form of real true crime story. They're making 80K a month having sex with each other on camera for only fans.

But guess what? What happens? Right? What have we discovered? Right? We're friends. Yes. We're coworkers, but sometimes we have to.

Yes, you're touching me. No, because it's just hard to remember if they could all see if the people at home could see. If you get on Patreon, you can see how I'm engaging with Kissel in a human fashion. Right? I'm engaging. I'm touching. I'm bridging a gap.

I'm bridging. Right? And I think, you know, how hard is it when you monetize your friendship, monetize your relationship, and we don't even come inside of each other that much? Not too much. Or if you have to come inside of each other every day, it is going to, eventually you're going to get, like, if it's on the clock, if it gets a thing. It becomes a job.

It becomes a job. I agree. You don't want to mix your pleasure with your work. Well, either way, the wife says, we've never put her away in a cupboard. She should. So there you go. She better, because guess what? She's making eyes the whole night.

Also, can you imagine? You're just at a random person's house. You open up their cupboard, which I assume in the UK means closet. They just say things a little bit wrong. And then you're just like, oh my God, there's a sex doll in there, dirty D. And then you're like, yeah, that's my, that's my little cum gal. I better be prepped. I better, I'm saying this right now.

Okay. Just, this is just, if you know me, if you want me to come over, I won't even stop me from coming over, but at least introduce me. If I'm going to come in there, don't act like it's not fucking there. You know what I mean? Like don't, because if you do, that, that it's going to be more haunting for me. At least like, if you act like, you remember in the movie, the boy, oh yes, with the doll, one of my favorite movies, that boy was, the boy was pretty good.

I love the boy. You know, I like that. I love the ball. I like Dead Silence better though. Dead Silence is a more superior movie, but no spoilers. Technically they're different genres. Uh, okay. Like one is remaking orphan.

They're doing her, they're doing like a sequel, literally a requel or something like that. She's looking, she's starting to look more of age. A little bit, but she is young. She is still young. It's, uh, there are two different genres because you have the genre of the, there is a haunted dummy, haunted doll, and then there's doll, porcelain doll as child. Different genres. It's a different genre because one is, no, if it's that different of a genre, I think

they would be like, well it's because of the ending is different. I hope so. I hope so, Henry, because it's a fucking movie and they all can't have the same. Side stories, LPOTL, the gmail.com, if you can remotely understand the micro subgenres of haunted, ventriloquist, dummy versus you're talking porcelain doll treated as real. You're talking Chucky versus Annabelle because of the, but it's the same genre. Well, it's kind of reminds me of House of the Devil, right? Where he serves up being like, you must watch mother, mother is up in the attic.

Yes. You're good. Remember what? Don't disturb. One is like a haunted, one more is like an evil and bad babysitting story. Yeah. And one is, that dummy's bad. Oh, it's a villain dummy.

You know what I mean? I think you're really splitting hairs there, Ebert, but I think it's fantastic. Bye from your play. The Disgrace Land podcast tells the insane true stories of music's most famous on their darkest days. It's at night when they're wearing their sunglasses out of the club. Brittany Spears, who's a pop princess and generational icon. I don't know if you know her.

She was locked into an unconventional conservatorship for 13 years by a man she feared and distrusted like we all do. It's our family or the Beatles own Ringo star being targeted by trigger happy extremists. Apparently he wasn't triggered that extensively because one of the members of his band was triggered the most. Now, this is not the music history you've heard before. This is an uncensored, immersive look at the lives and true crimes of the biggest musical icons in modern history.

To hear these stories and more, follow Disgrace Land wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, what's up, everyone? How you doing? Ben Kissel here with Henry Zabrowski. Yes, me, man. Yeah, bro. Henry Zabrowski is smoking some of that sweet last podcast on the left, babe. Go out there and purchase yourself some.

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Hail Satan. Well, also, we mentioned somebody a little bit earlier and we talked about noodling. That did come up in lines as well. It's kind of funny how there are synchronicities that we've dealt with on last podcast on the left and on how like we'll be researching a project and kind of like the best one was when we did the JFK series, the week that we drove crazy JFK one, when we first started the Spotify deal like years ago at this point, that day as we released the episode was also the day that Bob Dylan released his 18-minute JFK record, which was hot garbage, but you

won like a Nobel Prize for it. And it was just, I mean, I, he's that day. That is you. You gotta be kidding me. Go down to him. We had a big hit. That's pretty good. We had a big hit.

Had a hit. You're a good, you got a good Bob Dylan going. I don't know what happened. I don't know why he lost. I was in a bit of a, he always ran a hard tap today. I was in a Bob Dylan. I wasn't in a funk, Bob Dylan funk, but I was in a Bob Dylan hate movie for the, for a decade or so.

It happens. And then I did listen to the old stuff. Oh, I love it. It's fantastic. So he was very talented. I also like when he went electric. I just don't know what happened. Just got old man.

I guess. And that's why we're committing suicide. We're 55. Come on, bro. Yeah, no, get no cobwebs on me, bro. Well, you wait until you're 55. No, I'm going to be fighting. I'm going to fight every day against death.

Well, speaking of fighting, this is why we don't go camping together or go fishing together. Well, this, this is a very complicated story. It's not that complicated. It's actually immensely not complicated. Every story we've talked about is more complicated than this. A man says he killed his friend because his friend summoned Bigfoot Oklahoma sheriff says, no, it is a little bit more complicated, you think, because there's some family line to it.

All right. So a man by the name of Larry Sanders, see, in coincidence, he murdered his friend, Jimmy Knight. He was a troubled man and he went out, noodling with his good old new buddy, Larry Sanders. And of course, noodling is when you go fist fuck catfish in the mouth. Now, I don't really know the process of noodling from what I can imagine. So what they do is they use their fingers as you could see, you put a bunch of bologna in your hand, you see my two husband tools up, right, you see it right here, right?

You're looking at these two right here. You can see it in the patron, right? And then they go down the water and go, I don't do the come hither, you know, I don't think they're not, they're not just big clitoris, they're catfish. Water is wet. So you go in there, right? Squish, squish, squish, squish. And you're trying to catch a catfish with your hands and you should have pulled up

in the boat. No, you don't catch it with your hands. You have bait in your hands and the catfish technically catches you and then you pull it out. It's gonna hurt. And then you're like, look at my glove. It's a catfish. And then I guess you rip your hand out of that catfish's mouth.

It's a dune, man. It is. Lido too. I don't know the reference, but I'm sure it is. I wish you'd heal me. I wish you'd understand me. That's for Holden McNeely. It's true.

That's for him to be pained with. So you go and you lift up the, right, whatever, right? It bites you. Then you lift it out of the water. This is horrible. Get a fishing pole. Yes. It's not my way to do it.

Sure. Get a fucking net. But this is just how they get catfish. It's called noodley. It's more about the process of things. Okay. So they go out there. They went a noodlin.

And then apparently at some point, things went south because then what resulted in what they say is a 45-minute scuffle between Jimmy Nighton and Larry Sanders. You took my catfish. You took my catfish. Hey, man, that's my catfish, man. Well, so he beat him and then strangled him to death. And according to this man, Jimmy Nighton, they said they don't know whether or not drugs or alcohol were involved yet.

We know alcohol was. Everything was. And he said, Larry, he claimed, he believed that Jimmy Nighton, did he believe it? Yeah. I mean, he must have. He claimed it. He beat him to death. Well, you can do that without believing anything.

But he believed that Nighton, he tricked him out to be on this Lake noodlin, right? Because mostly if you're an old buddy, because what we find out is they had recently reconnected over Facebook. They had known each other a long time. Okay. And I guess, so Larry claimed that he had just gotten out of jail. Okay. So he's out of jail.

He wants to go noodling. He wants to go. Absolutely. But Jimmy. Some catfish. His buddy said he wanted to help him acclimate back to society after being in jail. So you go in the middle of nowhere and you go interact with fish. Again, let's go noodling.

When you tell me, if you sent me a text, be like, Hey, Henry noodling, 7 a.m. We go with a string cheese concert and we would noodle. That's how they dance. That's our only fans post. That's us noodling each other. Right? Yes. But it sounds like you're sucking dick next to a creek.

He said that he believed actually that Jimmy was trying to feed Larry to Bigfoot. I don't think that. And so that Larry had to kill Jimmy. I'm a little bit upset that first of all, this is Bigfootist. They're blaming Bigfoot for doing nothing. Well, we know. Big feet are not known for eating humans. I don't think they eat Bigfoot's.

Bigfoot's are omnivores, but mostly if they were going to eat a creature, they probably eat a squirrel or a bird. Why would they just eat the goddamn catfish? They probably eat the catfish. You're right. You're absolutely right. So this man's story, if I'm in the jury, it doesn't hold water. I would say, yeah, we all know Bigfoot's real.

We all know that. We all know the first one. We can start right there. We can start right there. They like veggies. They like berries. They might not even be from this realm. They're not going to kill your body.

Also they're not coming out of the hiding unless you got a snap and pussy or bussy ready for the offering. We've all seen that footage. We know this for a fact that Bigfoot is made horny by strangers and people lost and people in tents, which is honestly never get him anywhere near the border. Anyway, deputies arrested the man on an outstanding warrant and also booked him again for murder. But we'll see if this holds up. I mean, it's a little bit like it was a lot of...

He's going to go to jail for murder. We don't know that though, because we actually don't know. He murdered the man. Well, it may have been self-defense if the Bigfoot was indeed attempting to consume him, eat his flesh and send him to hell forever. So we just don't know what the jury's going to think. If I'm the defense attorney, throw it out there. I mean...

That's what I would say. Just throw it out there. That's the only thing he has. It's literally the only defense attorney. Have you seen the Bigfoot? Have you seen the scat of a Bigfoot? Take a look at his Bigfoot cast. Let him know how large the Bigfoot is and then say...

You want to do one of those? Yes. We can go all the way back to the original footage of Bigfoot. Tell the story of Bigfoot first. Look at this boar being tear apart by this bear. Imagine a Bigfoot three times larger than that bear. Imagine what it could do to that man. I don't know.

And indeed, indeed, if he had not killed his friend, he himself would be Bigfoot lunch. The only thing... I got him off. I just got him off. Yeah, I don't know. I don't think the only truly good thing that could come out of this trial is if Bigfoot shows up for jury duty. And he arrives.

I would never do that. I would never do that. And then he's like, I guess he probably wouldn't even be admitted. No, I don't... He's too close to the case. He doesn't have ID. You need to have ID. Also, you need to have an address for them to mail you the notice that you have to show

up for jury duty, which then you can't ignore if you really are smart with them. So maybe it's up the county clerks to finally learn the location of Bigfoot. I'd say they can send a summons to Bigfoot's home. Well, we know for a fact he's down there looking at catfish, wondering if any other boys are going to come and noodle him. Wait a second. Am I now a witness to murder? What if he's just there waiting on the catfish coming up, and then he watches these two old

men beat each other, and then they're like, one guy beat the other guy to death. And he's been like, I guess now, do I need to go to the police? But that will definitely hurt my family. And then they're brought in. They're brought into this mess, this true crime mess. Oh, that's horrible. Absolutely horrible. The Bigfoot doesn't deserve any of that.

Listen, unexplained witness. That's what we call our movement. Yes. Oh, unexplained witness. Just trying to flip Bigfoot on to have him, like, testify, right? Oh. But it's all about, like, can't we save him with, like, is he willing to step forward? Is he willing to, like, worry about being a whistleblower?

He shouldn't have to, because what's he going to do? He can't go into witness protection. He's a Bigfoot. You can't just move in and be like, I'm an emissary Bigfoot, and I am your new neighbor. It's like, you know, you're a Bigfoot, dude. We saw you testify in the trial. Can you just tell people he's, like, a Chechnyan basketball player? Because I feel like he's one of those, you never know who plays basketball.

I am George Mirison. I've told you that before, and I'll tell you again. All right. Well, either way, we'll see if that story holds up. And no matter what, he's going to have a great time telling you to jail, because, you know, for a fact, there will be some prisoners who believe him. Of course. I mean, it's definitely a fisherman's story.

It is. Oh, I wonder if he thought, I wonder if he thinks his friend was, like, ten inches taller, and he was this big. Oh, big. Yeah, I remember. You should have mounted him there. Anyway, don't kill your friends while noodling. Please don't.

And don't blame it on the goddamn Bigfoot. Or just noodle. Just noodle. Just noodle. Have you already out there? You're killing something that's alive. Doesn't that help you a little bit with the urge to kill? Now, this next story.

This is all about you. This is all about you. You did this. I didn't ask for it. No, you didn't. I didn't want to be involved. But you are. Now, we're a retired vicar.

What's a vicar? What is a vicar? It's an even more fake version of a priest. Oh, is that right? I thought it was, like, a janitor. No, it is a religious position. Oh. More often in the UK.

Oh, I didn't know that. Right? They would call it a vicar. I'm going to share with you the exact... Here, now we're going to get really fascinating. I guess you're going to just say church leader. The definition of vicar yet is a church leader. Oh, okay.

And the church of England quite a bit, it said. And then it can also be in the Episcopal church. So that's pretty good. But none of it really explains why he was fucking a vacuum in public. Oh. He was at an Asperger's convention as well. Wait. Oh, what?

What's his name? John Jeffs. 74 years fun. I guess. They found him. I guess it's like, they say found. They found... They asked, like, found as if they was a treasure map leading to him.

Yeah, it's not what the legend of Curly's goals. No, no, no. No, no, no, no. There's the name of that movie there. The legend of Curly's white. Yes, indeed. Billy Crystal, he's always so funny. John Jeffs, 74.

Now, they found him. He was naked, a part of a pair of ladies stockings. And then he was caught with the appliance. He wasn't naked, though, because if you got socks on, that's close. Okay, so they attended a talk about Asperger's syndrome. They said that... Okay. I'm trying to figure out exactly where they brought this.

Okay, here we go. So they all went to this place. It went to where they were holding it. It was at his church. This is a nice event. Okay, sure. And it was like, it had like an office area. And they said they were walking through.

It was a Christian faith-based group that they were working with called Parents Talkin' Asperger's. Right? I mean, I think that's fantastic. It is. Now, the court, they said here that he was in his office at the Baptist Center in Middleton, Cheney, in September of 2020. Okay, so he is in his office. This is his zone.

Okay. I'm looking right down the pipe at the King. Interesting. And saying, is this an excuse? It's not an excuse. I'm just saying it's his office. It sounds like my defense when I do the live show about how well your eyeball shouldn't be seeing me, because that's what makes it public.

Well, that's a bit of a lark. Yes. But anyway, I'm just saying he is in his office. But they said the witness walked past the office and he said, the thing is about vacuuming. Oh, the door is open. Yes. Oh, yes. Yeah, it was open and the vacuum was on.

Oh. And they saw Gene walk past. He's maybe vacuuming now. He was vacuuming his balls. Because he walked past, the witness walked past and they saw Jeff's with the lady stockings on, completely nude. I bet you know what this is. This is one of those, you close the door, it doesn't latch. Right?

Like I kind of see a little bit. This is how my dog Jerry escapes all the time. Yes, yes. And is he in a fucking vacuum? And so he probably tried to close the door. Maybe, I don't know. And then he was so furious. Or maybe the vacuum was on.

They went and they saw him thrusting into a Henry Hoover. Which was the name of the vacuum. Interesting. They call it a Henry Hoover. Of course. That's what Henry's nickname is at a buffet. Lol raffle. You get it.

So the person that walked by, you just walk him by. I wonder what's going on there. Maybe I should look right. Oh, tiddlywinks. They said that Mr. Jeffs was standing between two chairs. Yeah, man. Thrusting his cock into the Henry Hoover. I just have to say, it must be immensely painful.

Because unlike the sex doll, there's no silicone around it. It is just a plastic, rigid tube. Yeah. This man is so horny. And I think a reminder that vickers need to marry. And find love themselves. I don't know if marriage will fix this. I don't know.

Because they said it was the hardest part. Well, we'll actually kiss. You'll see. So he said he's got an otherwise clean record. Clean record. Obviously because he loves vacuums. Absolutely. So he's always vacuuming that record.

Oh, he's got probably one of the cleanest cocks around. But Jeff, so in a mitigation, they went and asked him. And he said that he threw it out there. He said he's still coming to terms with the loss of his wife. Oh. Because I guess that. You can't find her. Because nobody sucked like Meredith.

And then he lost his wife at a young age. So this is not even a recent loss. So he's upset about losing his wife a long time ago. And then he's had a lot of pain because he's been ignoring his health and his diabetes is not medicated. Well, that's not true. That's why. That was his excuse.

Because his blood sugar was low. So he had to have sex with that vacuum. That's crazy. So because of that, he was given an 18. Yeah, sorry about blood sugar is low. He gives you give me a cookie because if not, I'm going to start coming inside the refrigerator. Yeah.

I'm going to have sex with all of your appliances. Please God get the blender away from me. I could never resist. He was given an 18 month community order. And I'm just going to say when it comes to that, I don't need him around. Like this is one of those where it's like, you better do public service.

No. What if you stay inside? 18 months. Stay inside. Private service. Private services. You need, you know what you need is to learn what privacy is. Yes.

And interestingly enough. Because it's not even wrong him fucking the vacuum, right? It is wrong. Well, no. Objectively no. Because the vacuum can't consent except for the fact that you can't see the battery vacuum. Because it's automatically smiling.

If you can see in the picture of the back. The Henry 200. Yeah. You can see he has a little smile on his face. It's sort of like, it does look like he's asking for it. Well, I mean also the Henry 200 does sound like a dick sucking machine. I have man. It's unfortunate for you.

But he was ordered to pay 845 bucks there and then European money. So you can transfer that over however you want. And then the victim, interestingly enough, he got 200 bucks. So he saw this guy fucking a vacuum in between two chairs and he got 200 bucks. I don't know if it, is it worth it? I feel like the vicar could have went a long way and have just give that guy 20 bucks. Straight up. He'd be like, hey, listen.

Listen. Hey, listen. All right. Here's 20 bucks. Want to spend? She's still good for another. Come on. Come on.

She loves it. Look at her face. I don't know. She's non-binary. That is absolutely. Look at that little face right here. Come on. You can't resist.

Reminds me of my ex-wife. Oh, it is sad. Because she was married to a vacuum for five years when he was 20 years old. Again, not illegal. Also, there's a man in Indiana. He's 60 years old. He was accused of dismembering his dead girlfriend with a chainsaw. So everyone mourns differently and this is horrible.

Do you think that is, that's about mourning? I don't know. His name was Edward Bagwell. He's been charged with abuse of a corpse, which I would just charge him with like the murder. You know, it's always like they always add like abuse of a corpse. It's the murder, really. Well, actually a good example of it is in this ex-Papa John's employee, he killed his co-workers and then attempted to quote, have sexual intercourse with one of them when I was dead.

Right? And so what they tried to do is- And also, that's not sexual intercourse. It's fucking a corpse. It's necrophilia. It's not sexual intercourse. Yeah. I really didn't like that.

They called it upside down frown time. Originally, and then they cut it and then they tried. That's actually sexual intercourse is where they landed, which is really incredible. So he was 20 years young and he was a former Papa John's employee. Now, I don't know if Papa himself sent him to do this. I hope he didn't. I'd like to see Papa actually make some claim separating himself from this. Absolutely.

But he came forward and he had, he murdered two people, Haley Smith and Dustin Carr. And apparently he'd showed up late at night asking for his old job back. There was a bit of a scuffle. He really wanted to work for Papa. He really did. And then he murdered these two people. Jesus. And he volunteered to the police that he had tried to remove the clothing of the dead girl

and have sex with her, right? So you killed this woman then. Is that what you're telling me? Yeah. But the most important thing is that it's also made me horny. But he's saying, what we're seeing is the reason why they do stuff like add the aggravation to the corpse and all kinds of stuff is that in his plea deal, because he pled guilty and he to serve two 65 years sentences to run concurrently.

Okay. And in the plea, he got rid of the necrophilia charge as well. Oh. So he used that because they use the necrophilia charge to add an extra. I don't know if that's true. Side stories, lpotlgmail.com actually wonder, because I feel like they do use some of that to make it harder on you in the process. So you can plea out of having sex with the corpse.

I mean, it'll be good when they pull his papers in prison, when he didn't have sex with the corpse, because otherwise your corpse fucker. Oh, what's your corpse? That's probably what you're made fun of quite a bit. I mean, I don't know if they asked you to do like an AMA in jail when they do something like that. But I feel like, no, that's under duress. I'm not talking about after they find you out to be, when they pull your card and they

find out you're a necrophiliac. It's not like they're then like super curious. I think that they treat you differently. They probably treat you like a necrophiliac. But again, you're still not the lowest on the totem pole. So I mean, you know, look at what happened with Dahmer. They did let him get killed, but people were scared of him. Well, I'll eat your dick off.

And they're like, hey, it's in his track record. Because it's trial molesters, the very bottom, very, right? Then bestiality, right? If you're there for fucking a bunch of horses and you're in jail, they're going to be mad at you, right? Like how'd you get here? Well, everyone loves a horse. Maybe dog.

Yeah. If you're like a serial dog rapist, right? You're not going to get a bunch of extra meals at Chow. Yeah. But then like, I say that's the next step up is necrophiliac. Yeah. All right. Well, also, that's just, I mean, that's just taste levels.

Also, when it comes to Edward Begg, well, that story I mentioned briefly in Indiana, the 60 year old accused of dismembering his dead girlfriend. Apparently he found her dad. And then he was all hopped up on meth because he was smoking meth all night. It's in Indiana. There's not a lot to do. And then he saw her. He found her dad.

She was 61 years old. And then he, then he took a chainsaw and cut her apart. So he's trying to do the whole like, I don't know. She just like this. Yeah. It's kind of bizarre. Yeah. I mean, it sounds like he does it.

It sounds like a lie. Well, the, no, because the autopsy says that this woman died of a heart attack. So I think he was just so meth. You know how they like to clean. She just went right to cutting it up. He was, I better clean this up. Oh my God. I better clean it up.

So yeah, he used an electric chainsaw to cut off her legs and put them in a bin. Cut off in her torso in another bin. And this was also very early hours of July 4th. I guess it's time for me to take this in my own hands so that I don't get charged by the county. Or maybe it's cause you don't want the coroner to see your girlfriend's boobies. July 4th, 2022, July 4th to be forgotten, perhaps. It just, it seems like a lot of horrible things happen.

Oh yeah. This July 4th, I had the one of the best July 4th I've had in years. I sat alone with Wendy in the dark and I ate about $50 worth of Chinese food. Night horse. He came around. I had to watch Uncle Sam on the last drive-in. Oh, fantastic. It's fun.

That's a great movie. Uncle Sam. Absolutely a fantastic horror film from back, I believe in the early 90s. Yes. Fly from your grave. A roast as dark as the night. Perfect for fueling the cryptid research and mad ravings required for your podcasting. Don't mind the red eyes.

He's just trying to warn you of the bridge. The bridge. Finally, from the caffeine-addled brains of Spring Hill Jack Coffee and Last Podcast on the left, we bring you Mothman's Red Eye Blend. Yes, delicious Panama beans. Go to lastpodcastmerch.com to order yours today. All right. Well, I think it's time for Hero of the Week.

I believe it is. Hero of the Week. All right, folks. We have one runner up. Now, this is going to be a person so everyone can be happy. His name is Nick Bostick. Oh, so this is your dude, runner up. This is your runner up.

Second place Hero of the Week. Nick Bostick. He is a Domino's Pizza delivery driver, and he is indeed an actual hero. A house is on fire. Maybe because the pizza was so good. And he said, dang, that house is on fire. Bostick said it looked like hell if you could imagine what hell looks like and we can. I can.

I mean, hell, it's on HBO Max right now. Kind of a funner version of hell though. Yes, it is. You know, it gets relatable. It's funny. It's like an office comedy, but it's also kind of silly. All of a sudden, he sees this house is on fire and he realizes there's occupants inside. So he says, I took a deep breath.

I ran down there and I closed my eyes, led with my hand and used my ears to sense out where the child was crying from. I snatched the baby up and put her in my arms. Dude, it was wild. I saw the video of this because they have the body hand footage from the fire department. Also, he did it. Yes. No, this is a classic. I don't want to get to, yeah.

I'm not going to do it. It just seems like civilians are taking a lot of, they're doing a lot of the risk. It seems that to me across the board, it's happening quite a bit where there's a lot of people where it's kind of on us to save each other for some reason, where he saw the fire go. One of the kids was like, my brothers are inside. He ran in. He got two of the kids out. The kids were like, there's the babies inside. And so the body cam, you see, it's like, it's a move.

It looks like fucking unbreakable. Like where it is a Domino's delivery dude coming out of the burning home, like flame behind him with a child like in his hands. It's a miracle. It really is. So police body cam video capture the moment Bostic ran from the burning home carrying a six year old child. And according to Nick, he said, and for thanks for that, they're moving him to crazy bread. And I really want to say, like, you remember who was the other was the Wendy's employee with a guy that worked there for 45 years? I think that was Burger King and they gave him some snacks.

Yeah. That was sad. But this man probably does need a movie made based upon him, Nick Bostic. And if you are Domino's, and you know, this is a capitalist society, make some money off of this. This man needs to be in every one of your commercials. And it just goes to show you that indeed delivery drivers are the fabric that keeps this country together. Nick Bostic, if you're out there, if you're a listener, side stories LPOTL gmail.com, we have a hero's welcome for you. Well, a hero's runner up.

Yes. Yeah, I guess you don't get anything. No, not for runner up. Yeah. But he gets to know first of all, he's going to get laid a bunch. Second of all, any burns he has, you want to know how I got this? Even if that's one of your pizza cheese burns. It doesn't matter.

Yeah, make it up. If you have a scar, make up a story. So who won? If that's the winner, it's going to be, oh, it's somebody bringing down the Trumps. Oh, is it? Oh, what's happening? Is it somebody out there? If we beat Russia, oh, kiss all this inflation down.

There's an alpaca, an alpaca. There's an alpaca who thinks she's a dog. Now, isn't this fun? So alpacas, now some people eat their meats and I don't eat their meat because I think they're super cute. You should eat an alpaca meat. Okay. So it's a two year old alpaca and her name is Annie. And she was rejected by her mother.

And so she was bottle fed every two hours by owner Danny Burns. Now this made the alpaca think I'm a dog and she's not. So Danny just gave them as an addiction because Danny loves alpacas and I hope he's not doing anything wrong with them. But Annie grew up in a very luxurious life as a family pet and even so funny. Well, at least I don't fuck alpacas. We don't know that. So Danny's a father of three and he brought Annie everywhere and she lived in the house with the three dogs and two cats. However, she has since been barred from the house.

She was chewing on cables and reading profiteroles at Christmas. That's kind of not hero behavior because you're like, you're ruining the home. She was even opening the door with her mouth. But she prefers to socialize with the three lab or doodle dogs and believe she is one. She loves to relax on car journeys and she loves to stretch her head out the window. Recently, she actually churned a traffic cop. Wow, that's not difficult. Now, tell me what's the alpacas name?

Annie. Now, Annie, much to human name, Annie, the alpaca, if you're a listener. Email, side stories, LPOTL, gmail.com. We have a hero's welcome for you because you are Kissel's choice. Not the man who didn't save those babies because God knows those kids could grow up to be. Would you kill Hitler if you had a chance? Great. It could be little Mussolini's.

We don't know what those kids were. We don't know. He could have actually ruined us all. Maybe God has a plan. I'm just getting there. I think it's fantastic that the kids are alive. However, again, are they an alpaca who thinks they're a dog? Probably not.

No. The dad there remembers she was in her house for six months getting bottle fed every two hours. She was eating everything, doughy soldiers, ribbons, bits of plastic. She's a nightmare. I just can't. I can't fight against that anymore. I'm just going to let it happen. What was that?

Profiturals. Profiterals. What the fuck is a profiterals? That is a pastry. That's cute. It's an alpaca thinks it's a dog and it eats pastries. This is the content you want, right? This is the content you've asked for.

This is the content you've... Yeah, I'm just letting this happen. I'm going to let it happen. I'm not fighting anymore for you. You know what? Much like the US government does, I'm putting it to you. If you don't want Kissa to choose an alpaca that thinks it's a dog as a hero of the week, you've got to take it in your own hands.

Absolutely. You've got to be a hero. That's what I'm going to say. Make the news. If you want better heroes than the news. One guy saved a bunch of kids and he only got to run her up. Anyway, she wants nothing to do with other alpacas. She hides when she sees them and she has a superiority complex over them.

You know, Annie is kind of a bitch, but isn't that fun? She thinks she's a dog. You know what? It is fun and it's simple. It's simple. That's what I like about it. That's what we need in today's era. Some simplicity.

You can't even go noodling without a big foot trying to kill your friend. We just needed... You know what? We need to bring back... I think every third person should get a lobotomy. This town needs a lobotomy. We just need to get back to simplicity. I agree with that.

Here we go. Here's some listener emails. Fantastic. Here we go. Now we were talking last week about stunt corpses. Yeah. I love this. I actually got a lot of good people who were really into it.

I got a couple of offers to make a death mask. Please hit me up. I would love for you to make my death mask when I die. Hopefully you're around when the time comes. Do you make it when you're alive still? You do it right before. Oh. I think.

Or you do it. Maybe I'm wrong. I think that you might do it in the moments. It might be difficult over the moments after you die. I don't want to sit through makeup right before I die. It's like, uh, get off of me. I feel like it's back in it. It was more an old practice when people used to have elongated

weights where people would go like wakes and people would have the viewing times for a long time in somebody's house. We've got some interesting responses from a mortician. I like this one. You guys were talking about coroners reconstructing a shotgun suicide victim's face. That's actually my job. Oh my.

Coroner's medical examiners will determine the cause of death and sign a death certificate. And then they give us the bag with the person in it. Okay. Now once we get them, well, let's us to see what kind of shape they're in. Not good. No.

In some cases with gunshots, the damage is minimally superficial. So it's easier to cover the area with wax and put makeup over it. Okay. And in the case of someone's skull being blown apart, I would strongly recommend to the family that they don't view him. I think so. Families are aware of the kind of condition their loved one is in.

Maybe you don't have a sugar coated, but maybe you don't have a sugar coated, but maybe you should not be right rude either. Right? You know, like, hey, like, she's the difference here. I like the way they put this. The difference between, um, well, you know, his face is blown apart. He's all fucked up versus saying, having personally viewed him,

I would recommend that you remember him the way that he was. Sing him now will not bring you any comfort. Oh, she's good. That was like some jiu-jitsu right there. You know, I don't think I need to see him. You're right. You're right. Because it is harrowing, right?

I insist on seeing the body. Who would it? No, God damn it. I need to see the body immediately. You would be surprised. We all try to clean it up as best as possible. Oh, man. And have the family sign legal paperwork saying that we are not

responsible for any trauma that you incur. Also don't hork on the body, please, when you see it. Straight up. Generally, after viewing the body, families will opt for cremation or a closed casket. In a conveyor belt guys case, like the guy we talked about with he scraped him up. Oh, my God.

You may bury a mostly empty casket for the ceremony and symbolism. Why? Why? It's just how it is. Isn't that also super expensive? Here's the thing. People really like the ceremony, obviously.

I think it helps people with closure. It's a part of that. It's bringing people together. They get to symbolically say goodbye. I believe I want to be like in a tomb. I want no one to see me. I want to be like enshrined on a piece of land and then you have to come find me later on.

You want the Han Solo death. You just kind of want to be frozen in some kind of strange thing, their metal or something. I want to be a questionable antiquity in the future. Like who lied here and why? I just feel bad for all the grave robbers in the future, opening up all these corpse cases, which is a casket, all empty. Nat and I talked about this.

We have our own land. I'm going to buy a backhoe and dig up a bunch of holes in the land and put caskets in the land, right? But put like a mannequin, dress it up to look like Osama bin Laden and want to look like Jimmy Hoffa. And I act like I have all these bodies. So eventually someone comes in, digs up all the land, and then they find out it's a huge prank.

That's a really long prank. I'm hoping to have a long retirement. Okay. And so, again, the family really wants an open casket. And if it's at all possible, I would begin by gathering pictures of the decedent. I would then try to rebuild his skull with as much of the existing bone as possible and then rebuild the bone with plaster

or mortuary compound. And after that dries, you would rebuild the skin with clay and cosmetics. Obviously, there's a lot more that goes into it. This is the short version, but short anecdote about a family who wanted a viewing when we advised against it. A lady had been dead for multiple days to the point of insect infestation.

Oh, mama. But her family insisted that she must have died overnight. They demanded that she have a public viewing. And multiple feudal homes refused. My boss accepted the case. Long story short, the visitation was filled with comments of, what's that smell? And Granny smells really funny.

Listen to your funeral directors. God. Yes. I mean, I am very torn on the open casket. Oh, I mean, the only way I'd have an open casket is if I could fly out of it. Yeah. I mean, I do think, you know, it is important to be close with

death to realize how permanent it is. Yes, you should see. It meant a lot to me. Like now that I've been to a couple of funerals is great. Oh, so fun. I love it. I'm mixed on that. I'm mixed on the open casket.

Well, to me, it depends. I think the one thing that really helps me, and maybe this is personal, but at least it's like, that is my loved one. I'm seeing my loved one in front of them. I'm saying goodbye. And I'm saying goodbye to them to their face. And it's nice.

But it's not their face. It's a reconstruction. But also sometimes it's helpful to see that whatever they are is no longer there. And that it's nice to know that they have passed on. You know what was interesting when my opa died? That's my German grandfather. Yes.

So we were sitting there. And then they say, OK, there's all in German. And then everybody left. And then they're like, you can stay. And I was like, I'll stay. And then they slowly lowered it down. And then you can hear the fire. And they creamed him right there.

And so you heard him like burn it. Did they send him straight to hell? Yes. Literally, that was basically it. And then I think my aunt ended up running out of the room screaming, I don't know. And people weren't thrilled. Yes.

But that's the way it works there. And in Germany, because they have so much death, you only get the land for like 20 years. Yeah, yes. And then they're going to kick your ass out. They take you out. No, in New Orleans, they do the same thing. Is that right?

What you do back in the day, they had licenses that you could buy to keep your body there in perpetuary or whatever, in perpetuity. And so you go and look at it. And you can see markings on the graves of the ones that have to be. They have to maintain the graves forever because an investment somebody made in the 1700s.

Dude, that's cool. That's kind of cool. I'm done leasing at death. I'm just done leasing. I don't want it to fucking rental. Here we go. This story comes from my mom. She passed away in 2017, but she was an ER physician.

And she had the most brutal gallows humor I've ever witnessed. I would imagine. And she was the most badass person I've ever met. But this is one of her favorite stories. OK. My mom grew up in a little suburban town in Long Island in the 50s and 60s. Long Island!

Her little sister was the only big girl in their neighborhood. And because of this, a neighborhood boy, Ronnie, used to stalk her when they were in junior high in high school. It ain't right. Ronnie thought it was hysterical to come to the house, ring the bell, and ask in a creepy, giggling voice, is, is she home? I want to take her out on a date.

Right? I don't know, Ronnie. And he'd wait on the soup just giggling like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And his amazing joke until he got bored, then he'd go home. He did this all the time to the point where it went from some mean joke to just weird and eerie. My mom said that whenever she answered the door

to tell him to get lost, you'd have this unhinged, self-satisfied look on his face that she would think to herself, this kid's going to be an axe murderer one day, because it would be like, yeah, yeah, gotcha, gotcha. Right? Cut to about 10 years later. It was the mid-70s. And my mom had made it out of Strong Island

and safely into Manhattan. She was hanging out with friends one night when one of them points to the TV and says, Daddy, isn't that where you're from? It was breaking news report about the brutal murder of a family of six, a photo of the little neighborhood boy who was all grown up, was on the screen. Sure enough, creepy little Ronnie DeFeo,

who was her neighbor, killed his parents and all his siblings in their house down the block. And my mom's sleepy hometown of Ammoniville was on the map. She would always use to say she was just disappointed in herself that she guessed the crime but got the wrong murder weapon. All right. Well, that, of course, the shotgun that was used in that case,

that's one of the worst. Rifle. Rifle, but of course they say the children are in bed. They didn't wake up and who knows what the hell happened. Well, now there's a story that maybe the sister helped and then he off the sister. Yeah, there's like one of those theories. And also it's weird about what loud noises when you sleep

actually cannot be even like pulled into your dreams and shit. I've slept through an earthquake here. Oh, of course. I got a text from Eddie being like, are you okay? And I was like, oh, no, what did I do last night? And then, and then he was like, no, there's an earthquake. I was like, I didn't feel anything. Yeah, I feel good.

But guys, I want you to come check us out. Ed Larsen and I, speaking of, we are performing at the Pac Theater in Hollywood, Los Angeles, July 26th. Come and check it out. Tickets are $10. I'm going to put out there with Classy and Out. Come see it.

I don't afraid who else is on the show, but it's going to be a cavalcade. I love it. Of amusing bits and banter. And it's a beautiful little theater. I love it. It's a nice black box theater. End of it.

I love it. You'll be able to smell it. End of it. And also this week, we are going to be at San Diego Comic Con. Comic Con. Come check us out. Friday, we have got a really fun panel at 10.30 in the morning. We're with David Desmalchian.

Can't wait for you. Come check it out. It's going to be fun. We're going to be talking our comic book, last comic book on the left. We'll be talking about the second volume, talking about comic books in general, and just being creepy.

Can't wait. It's going to be so much fun. That's right. So we'll be on a panel Friday, July 22nd, 10.30 a.m. to 11.30 a.m. It is in room 10, room 10. And then also we'll be doing a last podcast on the left, signing Friday, July 22nd as well from 12 p.m. to 1 p.m.

And then Saturday from 11 a.m. to 12 p.m. So they're just a quick little time there, but we can't wait to see everyone at Comic Con. And then we don't have a show there for the first time because we just want to enjoy Comic Con. We get to just hang out. I can't wait to see all the fun costs. And this is going to be a big one.

Oh, yeah. This is going to be very big. We'll be walking around. Can't wait to see you. Truly. If you're there, come say hi. It's going to be a lot of fun. And then, you know, we got a European tour.

I think we got ads running on that. I'm not going to roll through all that fucking. Yeah, we got it. You know, like, can't wait. It's been good. Feeling strong. Absolutely. Feeling toy.

Sure. Yeah, man. Live your day tight like me. Mm-hmm. All day long. I just think about my side body. Now it's bikini season. It is, baby.

You know, it's good. One thing that's weird about doing chest exercises is that sometimes it just makes your tits bigger. I know Biggie, a pro wrestler. He has the biggest tits. But it's because he's one of the best bench pressers in the world. That's the problem, though, is that it does.

It just moves the muscle behind the tits. And then you become more and more like Dolly Farton, which is what I've been calling myself on my own. So I love your big tits. Absolutely. Oh. If there's discharge, you got cancer. Call a doctor.

And then if you got cancer, you know what you can do? You got to laugh about it, because it's really difficult. And again, to celebrate Julia Johns, who actually was just diagnosed with breast cancer. I am loving you. This is great. This is absolutely drowned right now. Oh, God.

Oh, God. It just fucking... It's been an interesting... It's hot in here. Minute. It's hot in here. But Julia Johns, our wonderful friend, one of our oldest friends, she is...

She's just got diagnosed with breast cancer. She got a double mastectomy, but now it turns out that it has spread and she's... But she's good. She still got it. She had to do chemo. But check it out. Go follow her on Instagram to go see information

for a giant party that is happening in Los Angeles. So if you're in Los Angeles, our friend Mindy Tucker, who is one of the best photographers in the business, is doing shots. If you come and you donate to Julia Johns Cancer Fund and go check it out. It really means a lot. And you can find her on Instagram.

And hey, Julia Johns. That's J-U-L-I-A Johns. And just try not to... And that's with an H with the Johns. I just... Yeah, you know, like, don't flame her. You know what I mean? Don't rip her shreds on there.

What kind of pervert doesn't have the H and the Johns? John Stewart. Yeah, but that's a made-up name. All right, everyone. Thank you so much for listening. We hope you're doing well. Hail ourselves. Hail Satan.

Magustalations, everyone. Hail me. See you at Comic-Con. Comic-Con. Can't wait. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them.

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