Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: The House on Horny Hill

Episode Date: October 27, 2022

Ben 'n' Henry are back in the U.S. of A. to bring you this week's weirdest true crime news including a haunted house in Gainesville where no one stays longer than six months, real life Power Ranger save woman from attacker, Listener Stories, Hero of the Week, and much, much MORE!

There's no place to escape to. This is the last time on the left side stories. That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. We're back in the saddle again. We are in chairs, my friend. In the saddle again. Welcome to side stories everyone. Ben hanging out with Henry. Thank you all so much for coming out to our live shows all over Europe. You guys were wonderful. The food was good. The beer was cold and the people were awesome. You're getting better. Absolutely. And I gotta say I love this land. Other than God bless the USA. The immediate stress of again being under constant surveillance and the possibility of being blown away by the moron with a shotgun.

Also for the first time we got to be, we used a facial recognition to get us on the airplane there coming out of LAX, which was interesting. What? Yes. We had the, I didn't show any ID. They just said, show your face. And I was like, this one, they're like, yeah. And they're like, Mr. Kissel, go aboard. So I have no idea what's going on. I don't even remember that. Hmm. Interesting. Was I drugged or am I hammered from the plane? I do not know. But this week, man, there's one thing we have been missing in the Europa, Europe because they don't do spooky, right? Not nearly as much as we do. They're just spooky in general. They are. They got a lot of guys in top hats walking around. You don't know if it's a ghost or just a very pale man, which is

also kind of just a ghost, isn't it? As far as I was concerned, because a lot of times they look, the thing about, because you can see the Marcus's skin. Oh my God. He put right in. I actually, he really did because he's got that tombstone skin. That's what they all look like. They all look like ghouls. Absolutely. Of course. That's why Marcus loves his dirt. British blood because he's full, full British blood. Of course. And there's nothing better than a little dirt bath. We'll get to a dirty man here in a second. Well, as a matter of fact, we weren't going to lead with it. But anyway, long story short, the dirtiest man, he's 96 years old. They forced him to take a bath and now he's dead. Well, this shows. So it comes down to it. People will say that you're

wrong, right? How many times people tell me people tell me every day in email form, Henry, you're wrong. You're wrong. And guess what? You know what? Sometimes my wrong makes me right. Absolutely. Because your body is used to it. Your body just gets used to being flagrantly wrong for as long as humanly possible. Yes. The world's dirtiest man. He dies at 94 of a bath. So I mean, he just barely, barely made the meat, met the queen's age of 96. And I feel like, you know what's sad is because they put right here, you know, his name is Amuhaji. They called him Uncle Haji. Oh, and apparently one time he was because he lived in Desga. I believe I don't know how to pronounce that. This is a village in the southern province of Furs. This is down. I believe this

is in Iran. And he, a lot of complicated issues happening there. Well, he really did. And the sad thing is he said he didn't bathe quote because of emotional setbacks in his youth. I bet. Yes. I mean, that's why you got to soft pants. Absolutely. Because it's trauma that has now become you have to now treat your legs more kindly than your parents treated you. ABC always be cozy. So anyway, well, here to show you sometimes you're doing it right, even if they tell you you're doing it wrong. Absolutely. Every almost every single time, because he had a staunch dance, staunch dance. I do love it. Yes. He was a political position. He didn't want to have one. We talk about, you know what we talk about? Our global footprint,

very little global footprint, no water. He would actually do great in Los Angeles. Technically, this is Los Angeles's dream. No more bathing. You look at me. Oh, you say I'm a stinky boy. You are. Yeah. Well, how about me saving you enough water so you could have your avocado toast? Uncle Haji was a footprint. Okay. And he was against bathing, right? But it gets a group of people. They fucking forced him. It's fucked up though, because the first time they tried to force him, they put him in a car and apparently he's like, I will not bathe. I will not bathe. And then he escaped the car and then like, I guess he just turned into dust and they couldn't find him. He just crawled underneath a pile of leaves.

He literally rolled out of the car like Walter from the big Lebowski. I'm rolling out because he refused to bathe. And now again, did he die because he was 94? Maybe. But we also know for a fact it was 60 days after he had a bath, which also means soap shock, which also means he did have 60 days to get re-dirty. So I hope he died doing a little bit of what he loved. Think about this. You know what I mean? I take Wendy for fucking like the $95 trip to the fucking groomers, right? To clean a seven pound dog. You can just put her in the tub. It's a whole thing, right? It's just they get there and then all of a sudden, because now they do it right now, she's used to it. She doesn't remember. We don't have children. Okay. And so she's washed, right?

But the thing is, as soon as she gets home, she immediately starts to cover herself in dirt. Absolutely. Because she just wants to be dirty. She's a little uncle Haji. And you know, would you believe that Haji died unmarried? Which is... You know what? To be honest with you, I am a little bit shocked because there's a top for every lid. Then there's a tolerance. There's a garbage. There's a lid for every garbage can. There really is. And I could have seen him finding love. But again, I think he was deeply traumatized by, oh, I don't know what could have happened in Iran that would have been traumatic over these last 94 years. They took away his bikinis. Do you remember that?

I do remember that. A lot of work needs to be done in Iran. And thank you to Travis and Fernando for handling the conversation with Sina Ghaznavi so well on Abling and Stop Out. We're back to our normal schedule in the next episode. Six, six, six. But anyway, speaking of evil, let's get evil. All right. So we have a couple of spooky stories today. It's the Halloween season. It's so nice again. Oh, by the way, you know what I'm having trouble with? What? I got my big and tall Halloween costume. It ain't being delivered. Why? You have to, they expect you to go get it, but you're big and tall. Why would they think you would run to the store? You know what I got going on? What? I got a Care Bear costume. Right? That's very funny. I don't want the heart. Oh yeah,

I can see you raging hard with the Care Bear costume. It'll be funny. The costume is actually when I'm so hammered as the Care Bear. That's when it's fun. That's going to be funny. But yeah, these motherfuckers have refused to deliver it. They refuse to jump it over my fence. It's a four foot fucking fence. Just put it over there, but don't even get me going. Why won't they deliver it? I don't know, buddy. But anyway, let's go on. Are we going to do a tweet storm? No, I'm just going to, I'm shouting out my window. That's the real tweet storm. But they know for a fact, it's a precious Halloween costume. And I have the feeling they want to deliver it. They want to deliver it on Tuesday, the day after Halloween. And they're just going to laugh and laugh.

Well, actually, I am looking for a makeup artist. If somebody wants to hit me up at side stories, LPOTL, the GMEL, the comedy, the last minute makeup job. So if you ever ran a makeup artist, come over to your house. I mean, I don't fucking know. Fantastic. I don't know if you prove yourself. I don't know how you do that, but prove yourself and send a timestamp. I'm a makeup artist. Fuck. I'm done. But now it's going to be a little spooky. Okay. Because we've been here, it's been so long. It's been so long. And so this first part, it gets a little, technically, this is a little bit more in the sexual side. Saucy ghosts. Yes. Now, as we know, ghosts, they tend to reach out. I guess so in a sexual manner. I have gotten many emails over

the years, many emails from extremely horny women that have talked about having sex with ghosts. Right. And it seems to be a thing, right? It's a sexy ghost thing. We don't understand. They're out there getting plowed by these ghosts. I think it's because their husbands aren't cut the mustard. It's possible or the husband's doing so good that they want the sex to continue, but the husband's got to go to work. He's got to work in order to pay the bills. He's got to go to Afghanistan. Be an American hero or someone who works with oil. It's conning people out of their hard-earned resources. Really good work. So now this is in Gainesville, Texas. Which I like because usually we hear these stories about sexy ghosts rarely in Texas. So you know, this is a masculine ghost.

Got the big old belt buckle. You got the nice shoes. Selzbury steak. Every time you put one out, there's a little bite taken out of it. My question is this. Disgusting. I actually don't think that Texas is a very sexual place. Oh, Texas is a very dry place. I must disagree. Because the one thing we learned from Marcus's wedding is that the Texan dances, the Texan dances. But that's where they get their sexuality and their vulnerability out. The hats are too tight. I think that that's where they begin them. I actually am going to push back. I think Florida might be sexless. Texas, I think that they're doing a lot of very bizarre sexual activity. I think Florida have seen a lot more open tit, but less public sex. Right. Okay, anyway.

Well, what was your question? Ghosts. Great. Isn't one of the horrible things that we have as a human, in the human condition that we're forced to be stuffed into in our, in our meat vessels. Meat vessel. Yes. The need for sex, the demand almost for sex, the, the, the primal urge for satisfaction sexually. I don't mind being warning. Yes. But as a ghost, wouldn't it be nice for just get a little reprieve? I don't know. Because sometimes that ordnance is the last thing that makes you feel human. Tell me about it when I'm in a depression. That's when I know when I'm in a depression, when I'm in a depressive state, but I can still get it up. It's a light at the end of the deboner. Absolutely. Now this in Gainesville, Texas, it is a hotel where I believe

it was like a house he was letting out. There was a woman had a, by the name of Linda Hill, who was trying to get people to stay at her home. Now she, she'd rented out and she said the problem is that she couldn't get people to stay for longer than six months. That's the longest tenant that she had. That's a pretty long tenant, but okay. But the reason why was they all said the same thing. This house is haunted. And she said, all right, whatever. I don't believe any of you. I think all of you are a bunch of muckrakers. Sure. I think you guys are a bunch of finagallers. Absolutely. Right. And you're trying to get out of your deals. All right. So I'm going to stay in the house myself. And I'm going to see just how cool looking haunted this house is. And it turns

out very sexy version of house on haunted hill. It's the house on horny hill. So the house in question. Now this is in Gainesville, Texas. Now this was all uncovered by the WFAA news station down in Texas. And you know, the WFAA news station is doing some of the greatest ghost research of any news station. And I am just so happy that there's nothing else going on in the great state of Texas for them to focus on. Because let's be honest, this house on Denton street. There's a lot of stuff going on. I actually don't mind this one. I think that honestly, this is good ghost reporting. So the woman decided to move back into her home. And she said, whatever. All right. So we'll see what happens. And so one night, now Linda Hill, she's on the other side of the hill,

but still maybe, you know, you never know. She's still looking fresh, but she wants to take a shower. She wants to take a shower. Just imagine in your mind, okay, your Nana. She's not your Nana, but somebody else is looking at her. This is again, my gilfs are all over your Instagram because you fantasize about elderly women and having sex with them, which is nothing wrong. I'm trying wrong with that. We've all seen Harold and Maude. I'm trying to make the audience feel this. Okay. So you smell that old, that old shoe smell, right? Like you go like to grandma's house, but you think it's sexy mothballs, right? You're like, ooh, mothballs. That means those dresses need to come out. Oh, yeah. I need to rip those dresses off that woman because they'll

be threadbare because they've been filled. They've been slowly been bitten by moth. So maybe now there's holes in the dresses where I can see her breasts. Wow. And whatever fragrance the home shopping network is selling that year, which is always interesting saw dust. Yeah. And so she goes in there. She's taken a shower. She's all suds up probably with that orthopedic soap that keeps your skin on you as you should. And then all of a sudden she heard a voice as clear as day that said, looking good, looking good. And she said, she thought it was her husband saying, you haven't looked at me for years. Like she looked at her husband, right? Being like, Oh, okay. You're looking at me. Why'd you can't put you put too many with your mouth?

And then the husband's like, who the fuck you talking to from outside, right? Because the husband now cannot be jealous of this ghost. How do you fight the ghost? Come at me, ghost. The husband's way more like, all right, you fucker. Well, absolutely having fun with it. Again, she says she saw quote, a dark figure on the other side of the curtain. And as anyone said, yeah, whispered, looking good, which does make me think that this ghost, suave guy, nice dude. Well, regular. Well, usually the ghost says something a little more cryptic, like, get me out of here, get out of here. But just a nice looking good. Yes. But this is it kind of goes farther, right? Because she said the tenants, she now, once she heard it herself, she was like, all right,

I'll believe. And so she opened the house up. She called it the Hill House Manor. And she opened the house up to paranormal investigators. Should have called it the house on Horny Hill. That'd be mean. She's not in marketing. Come on. And so they put out, like they started going and doing ghost hunts. And they said they were picking up EVP of even more dirty talk in the house. Now was the dad just watching porn hub really loud in the basement? Or maybe he couldn't figure out how to work a Bluetooth. And it's just zipped zapping over several different speakers throughout the home. By the way, don't, don't worry. The Pope did just come out and say, nuns and priests watch porn. So we're, we covered that. It's fine. Good. Good. Good. They're the stars

of half of the goddamn stuff we watched. They want to be. But these ghosts kept saying stuff like, you know, Oh, baby. Oh, baby. Yeah. Yeah. Right. And then like they said, her one goes distinctly say, yeah, I like it like that. Wow. I like it like that. Oh, and it turns out that the house, so she did some research into like what, where did this house come from? It's a former brothel. Oh, okay. Former Bordello. So people be fucking in there when they live, but now that when they're dead, they continue to fuck. Well, it also sort of seems like a horrible, horrible conundrum because judging by what the ghosts are saying, they seem to be immensely horny, which tells me that they have not been able to ghost ejaculate, which seems like number one,

they get a ghost refund. Paxil. Paxil. Number two, you may get a couple of free drinks on the house. Yeah. Or your time is up and you got to get out of here. That really must how it feels if you're deep into like, you know, you're obviously you're medicating your mental health. But then like a lot of times you, you fuck for like a long, long time, right? Do you begin to feel like a ghost? Side story is LPOTL at gmail.com. Well, it can certainly haul you out a little bit, can't it? So there's a 19 foot well underneath the living room. Now this is where the lot of, there's a lot of speculation that that is indeed a portal to the other side of a series of horny, horny ghosts. Now we've covered a lot of horny ghosts on this show before, right? And it does come

up time to time again. And you guys, everybody obviously is not that impressed by horny ghosts at this point, right? Because they're everywhere in there and they are sexy. I do like the idea of going to like, if you went to the red light district in Amsterdam with like, and the idea is that if you went and then one was like, all empty, but it just had ghost, like, sex workers, that'd be fucking awesome. That'd be a lot of fun. Supernatural delights. Well, yes. How do you pay them? What do they want? That's the best part. That's the best part. They probably want something ghostly, like a ghost cake or something kind of old. Well, a lot of times they want their bones resituated to hollow ground. Ooh, much like the creation of Herman Munster in what I have to say

is a fantastic film, The Monsters by Rob Zombie. It ain't bad. He did humor really well. It was, and it really was not bad. And also Deadstream on Shudder was fucking fantastic. All right. The effects and stunt work on that movie was amazing. It's so good to be back watching horrors or watching my horror movies again. I got my little stories on it. I'm watching Terrifier 2 tonight. It's good. I'm going to get scared because we have to clean the palette. We do. After watching the new Halloween, which we have nothing else to say. We have nothing else to say. In drama camp, we used to, there was a term that we called, it's called save it for the bus. Save it for the bus. I like that. I will say some because we have friends. I will say something nice to say. There

was a kill that was very fun involving. There was a, there was a, don't ruin it. It's the only one that was good. That was the only real good. Hey, all right. Hi, I'm Jackie Zabrowski and I'm MJ and I'm holding from the page seven podcast and we're going on tour. That's right. We're touring all up in this motherfucking country. It's a fake cursing. So whatever, Jackie, just say the filthy F word already. Ooh, we will say the filthy F word when we come to your town. First up will be in Austin and Dallas, Texas on November 17th and 18th, respectively, or disrespectively. Good Lord. For ticket links and more details, visit last podcast network.com. That's right. Last podcast network.com page seven and wizard and the bruiser present release the whole cut. Wait, that's really

what we're calling the tour. Absolutely. Release the butthole cut. For more information, go to last podcast network.com. All right. So now I want to do, and this is an actual, this is truly creepy. This is a really good one. And it's going to take a little bit to roll up. All right. No, this is another ghost story. This is another ghost story for Halloween. This is a, this is a listener submitted story that is real. And when I first read it, the fucking hairs on the back of my neck, which you know how heavy they are, because the whole back of hair. So just like, I look like a horny little porcupine. Okay. Well, just before you do that, just really quickly, 30 second story that I want to tell everybody just about love, a college student rented a plane for a date and

then he died walking into the propeller. So you just got, I mean, again, be careful, be your head in the swivel because you're all full of love and using what love makes you, makes you distracted. Isn't that sad? And that's why it's, it's hard because you want to keep your eye on the prize, especially as a young man. And you know, now he's dead. Very sad. He made himself a ghost. Oh, and then maybe she could suck his dick. Oh, and they have to like, I don't know. We just don't know too. Get a Ouija board. Very sad story. Okay, here we go. Now, this story is not made up according to our listener. And I, and I do think it's interesting, but like, you might need to go through it. So I'm going to, I'm going to introduce a cast of

characters and then just make sure you're following along. Okay. Right. Now I'm going to, this is all the listeners written. This is all the listeners writing. Okay. I will only use first names in this tale to protect the identity of those involved. First names will be accurate as I've known this family my entire life. And if I start making up names, I will get lost, which is smart. All right. I like it. Sure. All right. I have to tell you, there's two stories I have to tell you first in order to get to the one that I'm writing about. Wow. All right. So here's the family. Now, this is the family that lives next door to his house when he grew up. It is Pat, his best friend. Okay. Pat's older brother, Jake, the younger sister, Allison, mother, Cheryl, father, Peter,

but they also had foster kids. Okay. Right. So they had a foster sister named Jennifer and most importantly, a foster brother named George. All right. So we got here, we've got three natural kids, two parents, two foster kids, starts part one, the house. Now this is an, I have no idea how to pronounce it. And you know what? This is cousin. We've, we've tried to learn in England, but when it comes to Massachusetts, they just make shit up. They make it all up. And so this is Tom and a dead language. It is Tom, Massachusetts. Now the house in question is the place I spent most of my childhood. My parents were childhood friends of Pat's and that turned into an early life and lifelong friendship ever since I was in diapers, right? Pat's family. Okay. So these two

families are best friends. And so he grew up with these kids right next door. There was always something wrong with the house as far as I can remember. There was always strange noises, feelings of being watched, seeing strange things where, where a common occurrence in the house. And his friend, Jake, unfortunately took the brunt of the, the brunt of the horrors during their childhood. Okay. This is the older brother, right? So the point that he had pushed a dresser in front of the stairwell door that led to his room on the second floor, because he's didn't want to see quote that old lady anymore. Oh my goodness. So what did she ever do to you? She was remember when milk was only 25 cents. Shut up. I don't want to hear about the depression.

And I do remember that. It's called the depression for a reason. Now I'll elaborate later on her instance. Now he was tormented by this old woman on so many occasions that he opted to move his room to a finished part of the basement. And that would prove to be a mistake. Hmm. The next few years were filled with night terrors, sleep paralysis, and shadow figures. Eventually it got bad enough that he moved out, he got an apartment, only to lose it all. His whole life fell apart. And he ended up back in the basement. And he said, he said, it's down to God. This is the writer. He said, he says, I saw this old woman one time, but it was enough that I never went into that basement alone again. I was looking for Pat

and Allison, and I figured they might be down in Jake's room. Upon entering the basement, I found it empty except for a few noises coming from the laundry area. Okay. Thinking it might be them, I started walking over. And that's when I saw her, an old rotten looking hag. And that's mean. Well, because old women are still viable. Yes. But I mean, in this case, it's a specter, it's a ghost. I mean, she might be a little bit covered in light bases, just in case she shows up. Very nice. Now, she was shaking while walking like something out of a ring movie. Well, she needs her old routine. Just moving really serially, right? And she had big yellow eyes and bony hands like a demon. She turned to look at me. Yes. And I bolted up the stairs as fast as

possible, never again to return to that basement. I could go on about all of the creepy shit that went on in that house. But for the sake of making this, making it on the show, I will end this section here with this. The house was a classic. You are get the fuck out. You need to get the fuck out of here. But they were all stuck because they were fucking house rich and money poor. Absolutely. That's a that's a that's when you hear the ads for reverse mortgages way way too loud in your head. Don't do it. Never do it. You're going to end up without a home at all. But I'm just going to say set some tea out for this elderly woman as he calls a hag. I think perhaps gauge how old she would be, gauge what era she most likely like best, turn on, leave it to bever.

Oh, you wouldn't be nice. Just do something for her once. Who's helping the ghost? Whopper. Whopper would have helped her. Okay. So the thing is around the time I was eight, they started adopting foster teams and there were plenty that came, got love and support that they needed and went off to college or work and make room for the next one. Well, that is fantastic. You saved a lot of lives and thank you for doing it. It's really wonderful. And it was a great thing they did and they helped a lot of good people. But then there was Jennifer and everything changed. So part two, Jennifer. Now I was about 10. They adopted Jennifer. Jen was the second to last foster kid that would ever step into Cheryl and Pete's home. She was 18, beautiful, smart,

heading in a good direction. She was always fun and sunny. And to be honest, my older brother, I think he had a crush on her as they were around the same age. It happens. It's projection. That is, that's peer and utter conjecture. Conjecture. Right. Now the only thing. Who's that? Here's that. Now the only thing she had going against her was living in that house specifically on the bedroom on the first floor. Now for some reason, that was the room that so many of the foster kids had had bad experience in with unexplained entities, a hotspot. She was there for a few years, always creeping us out younger than her, the other younger kids than her with the creepy stories that she had to offer about that room. About two years in, she made a classic move,

a classic dumb move, right? And she got a Ouija board and not a Parker Brothers mass produced toy, but an old wooden one from the local random flea market. Now not sure how many times she used it, but I do remember the last time it's like, I remember the last time like it was yesterday. Okay, cool. We were helping her do some spring cleaning a few weeks before she was headed off to college. Now she had opened a drawer on her nightstand, holding the board, staring at it, and broke it in half over her knee. Oh no. Then she threw it in the trash. Now Pat and myself both witnessed this and said nothing about it, continuing to help her clean the room. So the next foster would have a nice blank slate in the next week was very sweet. And I'm happy that she

was going off to college, much like Bo Jackson used to break a bat over here or his knee very easily, very easily. It seems like she did just the same. Now cut you a few days later. She found it under the mattress while flipping it. Now we, they found it, right? They were playing 007. Should we came to the room see what she's holding the Ouija board in her hands and it is not broken anymore with no tape or glue, right? And they're all freaked. We were, everyone was freaked out, right? And then because the, the older, more rational one, the Jen, she calms down. She says, okay, okay, it's okay. It's okay. I'll take it with me to college and I'll freak out my roommates, right? Jump ahead to the day she leaves. She blows up the car and heads out for Boston University.

Ouija board is packed in the car and she drives away. She never made it to her dorm. She was killed in a car accident on the way and the reason for the wreck was never disclosed. Very sad. She was a sweet soul cut short and it will never leave our memories, right? That's very sad. But this is the reason why he thinks this might have something to do with what happened in the house is the next part, which is part three, George. Now George was a beast according to him. He weighed in around 270, right? That's a big guy. Wait for it. It's coming for you, Castle. Fantastic. You're next. This is going to happen. Okay, great. Now he was, he was jacked, right? He was built like an NFL linebacker according to him. He was super cool. You know, he was like, his big thing was

made sure this family was safe. Nice. Good dude. Which is nice because big guy. It's why I fucking breed you. I remember that's what my mother told me a very long time ago with my size. I must protect the little ones. That's when I was thankful, right? Now, he was a nice guy to be around, but honestly, he was kind of scared to cross, right? Because he's kind of, he's really intense. Probably got some deep trauma in his life. Yeah, he was all fucked up. And he was family as far as we were concerned and us to him. Now he stayed in Jennifer's room for about a year and then the house finally took its toll. Now I remember the first day he changed. Me and Patrick woke up after a long night at playing 007 GoldenEye and 64 Rebellion. I remember that stuff. Remember that

when you were like, it's just like real life. Oh yeah, this is fucking crazy. It's like I've stepped into a room with Pierce Brosnan. A graphics ever going to get any better. I don't think so, dude. It was like Sky Fox. This is incredible. Crash Bandicoot. What? So we went down to make stairs. We went downstairs to make our favorite breakfast, a whole loaf of bread toasted with butter. Anyway, you get it. We've just spent time in England. That's all. Okay. Now we peered out the window to see George sitting in the garden, cross-legged as if meditating. All of a sudden he springs up to his feet, walks over to the basketball hoop, the kind with water or sand at the bottom to hold it down, jumps up, grabbed by the rim and throws up like a toothpick

across the yard. Cool guy. Big guy, right? Real scary. Now, needless to say, we were afraid of him for the first time and we ran upstairs in Patrick's room to listen to music for a little bit until the rest of the family was awake. By that time, he was normal, but we were still kind of looking at him like, all right, what's fucking wrong with you? We just threw a basketball hoop. But over the next two weeks, he was not himself arguing with Cheryl and throwing things around. Now, a few days later, right before dinner, he walked in the living room with a raw steak and slapped Patrick in the face with it. That's funny. That's funny. That's just funny brother stuff. That's brother stuff. That's good stuff. He said, do you see what they want me to do?

Do you see what they want me to do for them? Well, now that's scary. Then he just walked away and went to his room. It was weird and unsettling. Was it grilled the steak? Probably. Okay. I think that's where their problem is. I'm like, he thinks they're saying kill grill grill. We're hungry as shit. So a few days. I wonder if that's true. If you grill a steak and all the smoke that comes off of it, I wonder if that's like a steak for a ghost. I mean, that would be incredible. I hope that works for me. Yeah. A few days after that happened, the house was full and it was a Sunday morning. The smell of smoke awoke atlasen and she stepped to the top of her stairs as all of the bedrooms were on the second floor besides George. She ran to wake her parents and her brothers so

that they may escape safely from what is now a burning house. Oh no. It turns out that George, just a few minutes before, had poured a can of gasoline on himself and set himself on the couch on fire. And then he said himself on fire, right? No, this is in the middle, but based on the house. The family raised out of the second story window. They rolled out that it was a slope that wasn't so far off from the ground and the stairs were beginning to be engulfed in flames. Everyone made it out of the house. And as they turned the corner in the driveway, there was George. He had sat in the fire until this time. His flesh was smoking and melting off of his muscles, which made me cooked enough to eat. He was wielding two kitchen knives and he looked

right into Patrick's eyes and said, what's the matter, bro? Don't you love me anymore? Then he began stabbing himself in the stomach and the chest. Needless to say, this messed Pat up. Well, yes, because Pat says I do love you, but I would appreciate if you weren't on fire stabbing yourself. Dude, in the fire department, finally showed up along with the police officer and George immediately rushed to the first truck and tried to stab a firefighter. This is all while until he was blown off his feet by a fire hose. They had a fucking hit him with the fire hose. They stayed like fucking knocked him down and he got these good. They didn't know he somehow lived, right? He said if you use it now, now he's released, he's out. He lived, but there was an

article that said that this happened. There's an article that like, so there is proof. Yeah. And you could see the article headline is taunt in Massachusetts firefighters confronted by knife wielding man at fire scene. It was a 19 year old kid. His melt, his skin was melted off of this fucking face and he literally was still attacking himself. And just the idea was like that. That is from a horror movie. What's the matter, bro? Don't you love me anymore? And then sort of fucking stabbing himself. Dude, that is absolutely horrible. But I guess in the end, they subdued him and he spent some time, I guess he was like in, they moved him to another foster home. Well, I hope he's okay. And my goodness gracious, what a creepy tale that is indeed. I'm happy that

family was able to help out so many children, but it does seem like there might be a negative energy in the home and hopefully it's gone now that the house burnt down. It was very, very creepy, man. God, I wish I could live in a haunted home. Yes. A roast as dark as the night, perfect for fueling the cryptid research and mad ravings required for your podcasting. Don't mind the red eyes. He's just trying to warn you of the bridge. The bridge. Finally, from the caffeine-addled brains of Spring Hill Jack Coffee and Last Podcast on the left, we bring you Mothman's Red Eye Blend. Yes, delicious Panama beans. Go to lastpodcastmerch.com to order yours today.

Well, all right. Well, just one final story that's slightly lighter than that. Well, I also have another good scary story. Let's do one palate cleanser. Yeah. Yeah. There was a, there was a woman. You know what? You know what? What do you mean? One more. We can do one more. But there was a gal. They were going to evict her, right? Oh, yeah. And then this is also in Massachusetts. And she said, you ain't going to evict me. And then she unleashed a swarm of bees on the deputies. Bees. It's thousands of bees. Your weapons are useless against them. I don't know why this woman was being evicted. And honestly. How does she control the bees? Well, I think that they weren't being controlled.

They were just simply upset. That's my fucking dream, dude. That's what I'm going to do. I can't wait till I have caches of bees. And it's like, that's what a good trap, because people show up and then everybody freaks out. They're all like, like, run around and shit. And just naturally, my heart will go out to people being evicted because who knows why she was being evicted. But anyway, probably because of the bees, could be she donned a beekeeper suit and placed a tower of bees near their home's entrance. And that's a fucking, that's killdozer level. And then upon arriving, the deputies presented the scene and they were present at the scene and then Woods allegedly responded. Oh, you're allergic?

Good. Because one of the guys said, I'm allergic to bees. Release the bees. Much like Tommy Boy. Buddy, I'm allergic to bees. Oh yeah, let's get out of here. So neither. I'm the queen bee. I'm their master. Yes. According to the sheriff, Nick, uh, Kachi, he says, I support people's rights to peacefully protest. I support A.A. as soon as you start releasing the bees. Yep. Yep. Indeed. He says, when you put people in danger, I promise you, you will be arrested. So she was arrested. Um, no word yet. If she's going to be able to, uh, be arrested for the bees. Yeah. It turns out it's a massive crime. Massive crime. Yeah. Because of fucking cops, kid. Uh, in 2018, you need some kind of bee gel you could put on. In 2018, she was living in a tent

and said her health had worsened. So she needed help and she needed, she had cancer. Maybe she was part of it. Leave this woman alone. Yeah. I mean, just leave her alone, man. Obviously leave her alone because she can control bees with her cancer ridden mind. Absolutely. Woods said in a statement, that's the gal that released the bee. She says, the eviction process has clearly been weaponized by the courts to thwart my appeal, which has every chance of success due to, due to case law precedent. All she thinks about is her precious bees. Yeah, exactly. Because in the end she's just like, I just bees do what they do. I feel like I just released the bees. The bees are a cab. The bees attack the police. Well, she didn't do anything. She simply allowed the

bees to live their best life. That's what it's all about. It's about giving people an opportunity to succeed. And that's what she did with these bees. I don't know college. I think, you know, now that I think about it, if I could control one bug, it would have to be mosquitoes. Oh, yeah. Because if you could actually weaponize mosquitoes and send it because that would be incredible. I mean, I used to think, oh, maybe rats would be kind of interesting. Mr. Skeeters. Mr. Skeeters, the mosquito controlling man. And it was kind of fun because you're very big, but then if you control very small things, nano, nano mechanisms. Oh, okay. Science. Yes, let's get into one more creepy tale. Now, this is about the mysterious death of Henry McCabe.

Oh, now Henry McCabe. Nice guy. I don't know. Actually, we don't know. He's aged. He was 32. He worked as an auditor. So maybe he wasn't great. No, he's always yelling at people for stuff. And he lived in Miss Soda, Miss Soda. This must be Minnesota, Minnesota, Minnesota, Minnesota, Mississippi, Minnesota. I don't know. I don't know. I just don't combine those two things. What's that going to create? It's Minnesota. Okay. So he went missing on September 7, 2015. Now, as it goes, he was hanging out with his bro, him and his friend. It was Labor Day weekend. And him and his bro, absolutely William Kennedy. They were drinking at the club. Ted Kennedy. Okay. Yep. Oh, yes, you remember. You remember now, according to William Kennedy. Now, this is

weird because he said that he had taken his keys in his phone because Henry McCabe was doing a little bit of the, how do you say it weekend warrior? He's away from his wife and his kids. And so he's getting like, heavily hammered away from everybody. So he's taken the keys, so he doesn't drive home. That's what he did. But still, he was like, he couldn't handle his buddy anymore. So we let him off at a gas station. We've all been there. You got to figure it out for yourself. They'll be like, now, Henry, this is your night. Yes. And so Henry was around two a.m. He got dropped off at this gas station, which was the last time anybody would ever see Henry ever again until they saw his body. Now, the policemen, they did find Henry McCabe's body

in a lake, right? It was called Rush Lake, like the band. Sure. And it took the officials a problem. It took two months to find him. Well, that's quite a long time. Must have been cold. Yes. Yes. He disappeared. It was cold, right? Now, when they found him, there was no marks, no cuts, no wounds, no gunshots. There was nothing. I mean, he's dead. It was really weird. He's dead. It's always like, oh, there's nothing wrong. It's like he's dead. But he's somehow drowned in a lake that apparently was very difficult to get access to. He was actually surrounded by a chain link fence. Buddy, how many times have you been drunk and look back and are like, how the hell did I get here? I will say that that has happened. But normally there's like the cuts to show that I've done it. You

know what I mean? Where you're like, I somehow got out of this. How many times I remember this one time we were having fun. It was was one weekend in Tallahassee. And we had this Santa suit for Murder Fist and me, Eddie, and Palin, the other guy who lived with us, we decided to each be Santa for a different Halloween party at each night. But the night before Palin, he was drinking a bunch of Robotussin and he had the Santa suit on and he thought it would be funny to just roll down a hill. Why would you? Like, because he was like, oh yeah. And then he did the thing where he rolled and we're like, what are you doing, bro? And he's like, look, man, I'm not hurt. And it's like his arm was broken. You know, it's funny. I actually rolled down a hill in college as well. And that's

where I got my blood clot. Yeah, he's really fucked you up. But yes, so we don't know, right? So he asked his buddy about this. And he told the places like, all right, I dropped Henry away from me, right? He was being fucking he was in a quote, terrible state due to alcohol. Now, they found in his body, it was four miles away from the gas station. Okay, they found two months later. But this is where things get interesting. So he lived in California. So it was with his buddy, right? In Minnesota, hanging out. Now his wife was in California around 223 a.m. She received a call from him. Now this is like 20 minutes after William had dropped him off. They apparently had a bit of a harsh conversation. But then somewhere in there, he said, I got shot.

I got shot. And she was just like, all right, whatever. I think he said I had shots. I think that she just did. I had shots at like, right? Now he said there was weird sounds, right? Blah, blah, blah. We don't know what happened. They hang up, right? Then she gets another call. Now this is a clip of the voicemail that she got, right, that she left. She just let it go because they had a drunken argument and then he called again and she just let it go to voicemail. Yes, a mumbling argument. Now this is the audio. We've all been there. I, you know, so that's, that's your animals there. You got your cows, maybe there's, I think I heard a chicken. We don't know what happened. And according to the

reports, I mean, there's no farm. It's Minnesota. I don't know. They're full of farms. Who knows. They're full of something. He may have been trying to do something horrible to that cow. Who knows? So Harry became, they're saying that he died of alcoholism. They believe that he didn't even drown and he went into the lake. He somehow got up in the lake, was like going swimming and then died of, that's what, according to them, that's according to police. I know what people are saying here. How many animals did he have sex with before he died? There, there, there's no evidence of, there is no evidence. We played that one more time. I am pretty sure I'm hearing the moans of passion, but he had no marks cuts. There was no bullet.

Let's, let's play this. Oh yeah, there's a horse. Oh yeah, there's a, there's a cow, a horse involved, maybe a lamb. It's not a child's toy. I'm hearing a lamb. No, you're just hearing, you're hearing noises. Yeah, play the sour play. Yeah, let's, let's, let's slow this down a little bit then. It's slower. That's your horse. That's a long name. Here's the lamb. I'm getting a draft. Now I think there's a draft in there. I think you're just afraid to be vulnerable. You're afraid to be afraid. No, these are the moans of animals. Humans are animals. Yes, he's doing something to these animals and then I think he died.

I think he died like Festina cow. He was in a lake. They found him in a lake. He had no marks on his body. They don't know what to do. They said he was surrounded by the chain link fence, dense foliage with no creeks leading to the lake. They have no clue how he got in there. It's a little bit at least a lamby and it's just weird. It's one of those fun things, but yes, it could just be the power of alcohol. Another story involving lambs indeed. Wow. Well, you never know what's going to happen when you get a phone call from your husband at 2 30 in the morning. He's partied in Minnesota. No, don't pick up the phone. Oh, you think the message was pick up the phone? Yeah, man. No, then we would

have had the recording. I'm a husband that will be in one of these scenarios at some point in my life. You just fall asleep in fountains thinking that they're pools. I'm just saying you don't go to a field and do God knows what he was doing to a series of chickens in a coop. Pick up your husband. Something happened. Well, that's because it's revenge because she didn't love him enough. No, she was fine. She's on her. She was in California being like, why are you so drunk, Henry? What the fuck is wrong with you? You're saying that he went there and found himself a bunch of Monica Lospinskes? I think that he found himself a series of different things that he and then he pretended like there were people or maybe he saw maybe it was like the leprechaun

where the man looks at the fan thinks it's a beautiful woman. Maybe he looks like a cow. I think that you're minimizing because you're afraid. No, I just think that I think that you're afraid. We heard that we heard part of you that can't be afraid because you need to be the big strong man, don't you? You need to be the pillar, don't you? Everybody's looking be no, never be afraid to kiss on this. He's the one doing the scaring. That's what he says. He said at every flight we took throughout all of Europe. I'll tell you what to be afraid of, which is honestly very scary in Europe. It's different. All right. It's time for Hero of the Week. Oakland, California, it's known for fun, but also a little violence. Employees,

they were dressed as Power Rangers at a restaurant in East Bay. They sprang into action and became real life superheroes saving a woman who was being attacked. So lucky they didn't get shot in their Power Rangers outfits. Very lucky because they're not real Power Rangers. Indeed, they are waiters, but this is awesome. They said, quote, it was 8 p.m. on Friday, and it could be described as morphin time. That's according to Pruppkin. He says, when something surprising breaks out, you're not sure it's real, but they're just sitting there eating. God knows what. And all of a sudden, all the servers slash Power Rangers were moving towards the scene to help another victim. That's really fun. Yes. And the patrons started getting

involved in a way that was supporting and making sure everyone was safe. So there you go, Power Rangers. I don't know who you are, but because that is good. You need to hide your, I don't they have to hide their actual identities because it's like Zord get them. Zord on. So yes, I remember though. I remember it was a, oh, I love Power Rangers. So Mr. Pruppkin, he has all the evidence series. He's filming it and isn't that exciting. You know what's sad is that I wasn't ever into Power Rangers as a kid because I always viewed them as a, I was like, that's a cash grab because I was like, D-day Ninja Turtles. That's the genuine article, which obviously also was just a cash grab. No, TMNT was certainly not a cash grab. It was a very emotionally driven

film. And of course, the toys were fantastic. I didn't see that. I didn't see Power Rangers as a cash grab. I thought that they were pretty cool. They're mighty morphine. I like the creatures. I literally sat, I remember because it was, it was a switching. They were also a little bit too, I was just out of it. Me too. I was like 10, 9, 8, 9. And I was just like, this is just to sell toys. Meanwhile, I'm surrounded by turtles. I think I got pretty well figured out. All right. I got some, I got another creepy story for you. Heroes of the Week. Thank you. Did a good work. Save me next time. My story takes place in the late 1970s in the town of East Grinsted. Oh, love that. Which is coincidentally the UK home of Scientology. Fantastic. I was around 10 years

old at the time. We moved house a lot when I was a child, every three years or so. But this is the house I always returned to in my dreams. Anyway, on this particular occasion, I was lying in bed, trying to get some sleep, but feeling strangely uneasy. I'm not sure why I opened my eyes, but I immediately wished I hadn't. Looking to my left, I mean, it's too late. Okay. Looking to my left, just by the edge of my bed was something looking back at me. I wanted to stay, I wanted to say there was a face looking at me, but it was a proper face. This configuration was strange. Wrong. Now I've been interested in the occult and the paranormal all my life. I've looked into ufology and demonology alike, but I've never been able

to track down anything quite like the thing I saw that night, inches, inches away from my face. Oh, just inches. Was a bald, blue, domed head. Oh, lucky guy. His skin was like wrinkly leather. Staring into mine were four watery, piggy eyes. Two above each other. I love this. That guy, Henry, was trying to have sex with them. There was no visible nose or ears. I stared at it in horror. It stared back at me, its eyes glistening in the twilight, then perhaps sensing my fear. It smiled at me. Fantastic. Now it just smiled at me. It just smiled at me. What a horrible smile it was. Oh, weird blue head just seemed to split in half from where one ear should have been all the way around where the other ear wasn't, revealing far too many teeth,

heart pounding in my chest. Oh my. I scrunched my eyes and uptight trying to deny myself to what I'd just seen. These horrible eyes, these awful teeth, and then I stared open at them, and I dare not open them again. There was nothing else in the room with me. Oh my God. Now despite my fear, I didn't cry out nor run for my parents. In fact, I was strangely calm. Oh nice. I must have imagined it, I told myself. And I proceeded to try and imagine something else. Feeling vulnerable, I imagined things that felt strong. Jennifer Tilley. Things I felt could protect me somehow while lying. A phoenix, a dragon. The try as I might, I couldn't imagine anything as real as that peculiar entity as I had seen. Now with my eyes closed, I could conjure up

crude cartoony images in my mind's eye, but I was incapable of imagining anything three-dimensional, solid or real looking. I don't remember anything else about the encounter. And yes, I've never crossed a creature that description elsewhere, and the nearest thing was a dwarf-like blue creature that accompanied a group of grays in a movie version of Communion, which is true. I do remember that little guy. And they just threw it, honestly, I just think they had extra suits from another film. I think it's cute. It is cute. Yeah, you're gonna spend money, I guess. And when I first got on the internet in the 90s, I wrote to Whitley Striever about it, hoping he might be able to shed some light on the subject. But all I got in response was a non-committal people

right to me about all these kinds of things they've seen type reply. Whitley had a lot going on. I'm actually surprised he responded at all. That's really nice. I mean, it's a form letter, but it is interesting because he said it haunted him the rest of his life. This story really fucked with this person, like, for a very long time, and they could not handle it, and they kept trying to draw the face and tell people about this face for a long enough, which I do think is interesting. Maybe the problem there. Some things you should just keep to yourself, but it depends on what kind of social life you want to have. I mean, I also feel it's nice to, like, test a new friendship. No, I agree with you. Test a new friendship. They have to know who you are immediately.

Yes, I'm saying business meeting. Oh, yeah. Keep it down. Unless it's a pitch. And then again, because then you're a creative. That's true. All right. Guys, first of all, before I even get in my triple L's, sure, I know you got to remember, we got fucking release the butthole cut. You've got Austin and Elmo's 1117 in Dallas. The Dallas venue for the release, the butthole cut. It is going to be the south side music call. And then December six, it's Washington, DC, chicken, and miracle theater. And it's a miracle that Holden is still alive. Wednesday, December 7th, the Philadelphia punchline wrapping up for this year. They're going to be in Brooklyn, New York, December 8th at the bell house, which is awesome. One of the best venues in New York. We love it.

It's quaint. It's nice. It's intimate. I love the bell house. The Minneapolis, Minnesota Cedar culture center. Cause when you think Minneapolis, you think culture every day. That's December 14th and Milwaukee, they're going to be in the back room at the collective cut Tivo, where I actually filmed or had the, the film for hail yourself, America. And it was really sweet. It's a great venue. And then lastly, Thala Hall in Chicago, Italy, all the awesome to check out last podcast network.com for those tickets and live every day knowing that you're on Zillow looking for a house in Halloween town. Right. And you know, cause the thing you go and you visit there, man, but you want to visit there and you love when you visit there, but you're like, but am I really experiencing

Halloween town unless I live there? I randomly just put South Carolina into Zillow. You can buy it for $55. All you have to do is deal with guys name, tip it. The thing is, you can be away from everybody. I know, but you're with tip it. I know. Yes. Cause you're, yeah, you're looking at Zillow. You're like, oh, castle full of bones. I'm going to be like, well, how many bedrooms? Maybe like you're getting there and trying to figure out like, well, I've got a bog lake now. It's like, is that where my grocery store is going to be? You find your new up and coming. Cause now they're calling it Bola. Oh, Lake. It used to be, but now they were there re retrofitting. It's called Bola. They got a fucking cold stone, which is incredible. But

then you go there and they just turn you into ice because it's Halloween town. It's got to be all ironic. And stuff like that. And then you're going to laugh your way to the bank knowing for the fact that you're getting into the bottom of the housing market in Halloween town because right now they're experiencing a dearth, right? Because a lot of people are really scared of the violence. Okay. And that's like a people really, I mean, also the schools are bad, but also again, it's all about like, fuck the kids, right? You're there because the kids get murdered when they go there. Well, perhaps we should fund our schools outside of Halloween town, go to Easter town where everybody's covered in the blood of Christ. I don't know what they

do there, but it's been a very spooky episode. Hasn't it? It has been scary. Ouch. I've just been projectiled. I was thrown a projectile was thrown in my hand. It's a poltergeist. It's an orb. It's the cap of your water. I saw an orb. I forgot about that. I got to talk about that too. Wait, what? I saw it in the cemetery, took a picture of an orb in the cemetery. Oh, yes, but it seems as if people were skeptical because everybody fucking sucks. Yeah. It's because they don't want it to be cool. Well, I said I want their lives to be fun. So they're like eating them. I was there. I said, I didn't have a flash on the fucking phone. I fucking took a picture and fucking Marcus was standing next to me and they said they looked at it too and they were like

because again, they are closed minded. I agree. I said I'm happy that you feel like you saw an orb. I know that I did see what I saw. I know what I saw. All right, everyone, hail yourselves. I didn't see with my eyes. I saw after I took the picture have a wonderful truly from the bottom of our hearts. Have a wonderful Halloween. Enjoy it. Watch some scary movies, get together with some friends, eat some food, dress up and have just a good time. Go scare your fucking neighbors tonight. Please. This is the this is the time you can do it. Yay. I want to fucking go. I'm feeling so scary. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to last podcast

network.com.