Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: The Leprechaun Flu

Episode Date: April 6, 2022

Ben 'n' Henry break down this week's true crime news including updates on the truth about airplanes, IF smaller animals are better at falling, last week's Swiss family suicide, a severed human penis found on the streets on Boston, government documents revealing the physical effects of UFO encounters, Lucky Charms linked to hundred of sick consumers, a New Orleans neighborhood watch-man ties down burglar with BDSM knots, Hero(es) of the Week, Listener Stories, and MORE!

There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk on the left side stories Me happy Make me feel this way I want to say thank you to the people of Boston because number one down we had such Wonderful series of shows there Honestly some of our best crowds Jamison a little Bud Light sniffed again. It's very much so and I want to say number one I want to say thank you to Boston. This is the least amount of verbal abuse. I have received. No one called you Polish I wish no one was like a gremlin that they were scared of you're you're being kind for the people of Boston

But I want to say congrats, but I will say big ups to the guy who tried to fight the police in The top half of the Chevalier theater that guy just took off his shirt and chew Boston fashion We were in the middle of the show. It was the second show. It was awesome All of some we heard this like what sound like an independent celebration right up in the top area, right? We were hurt people go whoo whoo whoo and apparently some guy was yelling and another guy in Boston fashion being like well If you're yelling you can't yell alone here. It's Massachusetts. No, you can't they went he started yelling Then he was just like oh, yeah popped off the shirt And that's how you know things are about to get slippery

But then he was removed by security and that is that is unfortunate I wish you didn't have to get to violence, but also when it comes down to wow really good work Absolutely horrible job. Welcome to side stories everyone. I am Ben hanging out with Henry Henry is currently holding a butt plug It was given to him by an audience member. You like it. No, I hate it Honestly, it's a lot more. I actually thought butt plugs would be more stable than it might not be the best quality butt plug No, it might not be don't say it has Henry's face on the portion that would be sticking out of the rear if you were looking at it So it's very soft if you are someone who was into the butt play don't forget to plug away and have a good day How can you get this in there? Well, my friend it requires a lot of lube. It requires a lot of patience

It requires a strong mindset and will so this is gonna take you a second to stop winking This is gonna take you a second his eyes Indeed this is gonna take you a second to get used to but I do believe that rectally you could fit that Within a week's time. So anyway, thank you so much for the gift from this wonderful audience member I'd really like to think of my buttholes more stable than this. Yeah, I mean your butthole might not be able to facilitate a Plug, I think you could slip right out of there. I don't know why your butt could also be the easiest to peg Also, the most difficult given the bone structure because you have no meat. It's the hairs. Exactly. That's the worst part I have guard hairs like a Tom

Okay I'd have to really shave it really have to shave quite the hole to get you through there But honestly what it comes down to if I love you I better be doing that Absolutely Updates. Yeah, we have a couple of updates to get to today and then we also don't worry everyone We have a penis story. So don't worry. Hey come now a lot of people woke up today. They said oh my god Where's the boys gonna have a penis story today? I'm so depressed and sad. It's hard to be a nurse or a doctor It is or the pilot that works for Delta. That's also a massive fan. That makes me a little bit worried, but that's okay

I actually learned a little bit about pilots as well from a fan that I really had to be very worried because Mostly drunk these days. We got stopped the last time we were about to go it wasn't this trip It was on the way to Chicago where a hammered guy sauntered up to me online waiting to go on to the plan He's like, hey, so you're playing it's going through. Oh god good for you The last slide had to get cancelled because the pilots showed up hammered. It's just like oh good. Thank you. It's this often Again, all they really have to do is take off and land two of the most important things the plane can do But once they're in the air if they can get it up there, you're gonna be fine again until they have to Body checked by facts. Yes. Here we go

You guys have joked on several occasions about how airplanes and jets mostly fly themselves Yes, this is directly from a letter. Okay, this however is terrifyingly far from the troop. Whoa, hold on a second I'm not gonna sit here and have my phobia of flying come back to me I was told this by someone who was in aeronautics. They'll say whatever they say that once they're in fan They're in fantasy world. They live in roads. The air is fake road and not real politics was fantasy Um science, please God aeronautics still there has to be some truth to this world I mean, I am one of those I always get afraid that if I think that the plane will forget how to fly that it will stop It's not an animated plane with a smiley face on the cover. It's not Thomas the tank engine got to believe in it

everybody applaud applaud the plane make sure the plane works and goes up in the sky you were officially an elder loom elder millennial clapping at the end of the movie or when the plane lands Again, unless the turbulence is really bad in which case maybe it would warrant a clap other than that I don't like clapping like that even that makes me super suspicious because I think it just means that I y'all thought we were gonna die Yes, and I don't like that either so unfortunately these jets need to be programmed and reprogrammed constantly during flight in an aviation Specific type of coding language to do everything that it quote-unquote does by itself for each and every turn descent Ascent approach departure. There's a saying in aviation that goes garbage in garbage out

Which jocularly references the incorrect coding of the flight computers when the plane accidentally turns away from the airport on approach To instead of fly back on course and starts descending towards the city as opposed to going in for a landing The captain might roll his or her eyes and say garbage in garbage out while reprimanding the first officer for their shit job at Programming that leg of the flight which means they almost killed all of us No, no, no, that means they almost killed all of us in one move I'm gonna disagree with this letter that I'm just going to assume you wrote to yourself because I refuse I Seriously refuse to believe that they have to code every time they take off take a left or take a right I don't know. Maybe I'm putting too much

Maybe I'm not giving them enough credit I don't know but I just believe that seems like the Wright brothers didn't even do that much work and they barely got that plane off I mean, it was just that was just like a log with a fucking old-timey mod lane engine attached to it I was told that the heat that there is a high there are planes That are as good as roads your whole bedrock has been shut I'm not allowing it to modern-day jet pilots are actually half pilot half computer programmer Each aircraft requires about two weeks 12 hours a day plus study time of training essentially just to learn the basics of that Specific computer system for that specific airplane. So you we can't just jump in

Wow, this is really scary. I'm not finishing the rest. No, I don't I hate it Honestly, it's very frightening. I hate anything. It happened. It's a lie. It's just all based on human I guess that's true though. You go right back We have like we have the lovely people who drive us especially when we have the long trips when we have to go in between various venues And you go blissfully asleep. You sit back. I do I have the feather that goes but it's not a feather It's a little piece of beef jerky because Marcus always gets me a little beef jerky Um, but you have to you have to treat the the jet pilot with the same amount of trust that you give the sprinter van driver Why do you think a sprinter van driver is even more capable or trained than a pilot?

I actually don't trust the sprinter van pilot nor the Driver of the sprinter van nor the pilot This is why I fall asleep because they say if you're asleep in an accident occurs you bounce around your body So relax your cliff Burton and cliff Burton got thrown out of the bus because he wasn't properly secured That's metallica for those that don't know and then they were super mean to every single basis that took over after him They were they were emotionally upset and they couldn't access their emotions until they went into the group therapy It's absolutely disgusting what they've done with that documentary some kind of monster, but the thing is Falling asleep is a powerful skill. It is faint or fight

sleep You're talking about you do that sleeping goat thing. I really do. The goats that pass out. I think the plane starts to go down What are you gonna do? Like your options are Cry I just get drunk. I think it would loot. Well, I can't I can't loot. I can't get me those impossible meatballs You'd be amazed what they can do now with this impossible meat. I had to tell my head some impossible meat on the plane It was incredible You are so cruel so from queen. You mean this isn't me. Oh, he says it means this isn't me You lie to me. I'm falling asleep. That's all I'm saying. I am like, oh, anyway. Well, thank you for that horrifying

Yeah, I'm upset. Um email and you just started you walked right into that. I Again, maybe I was lied to for my own self-interest, uh, and it's keep you I think lies are important if they help that's why I am a massive advocate a little white lie here or there Got it. Can you imagine a world where everyone told you lie to me a little bit? Also, no one knows what their truth is because it changed. I mean other than the bedrock things that we have which, you know Makes us human beings of of somewhat reliability But your truth can change every day every day because sometimes oh, I love this beard. I might wake up tomorrow and say I fucking hate this beard. I'm sick of this beard. Oh, yeah, because you drank too much because now you're an out

You've been an alcoholic and everyone's mad at you about it And then you have attributing all the wonderful feelings you have when you're drunk to all these people going Eh, well you need change. You ruin everything, you know, and then be like you ruin me being an alcoholic for myself It's very sad. I feel like if you do need help you should reach out 1 800 no drinking No, fan. Yep. Is that good? Is that a good reliable phone number? Do you have any other updates for us? Yes, I do. Um about small animals being able to survive from any height when they are dropped. Okay. Um, the answer is no No, and how did this maniac decide or figure this out? I pray to god he didn't just throw a bunch of squirrels off of an eight-story high rise

I apparently you can you know the smaller the animal The harder is if the longer it takes for them to reach terminal velocity. Maybe I'm maybe I'm incorrect That's smacking on the ground their head explodes. That is the peak amount of speed pretty or you're an engineer Tell me if I'm wrong like if you hit peak speed a large creature can hit speed the terminal velocity Faster than a small tree makes sense. And so if it was 9 11, let's transport there 2001. Oh, wow I'm so excited. What a beautiful Tuesday morning. Good to see you Henry. Just another day Oh We have to let's jump. I'm hitting the ground first

Because of terminal velocity. No, why not? Eventually depends on how long though. All right, maybe I'm oh my god. I'm so sick of the corrections I'm so sick of the corrections. Well, it's fine. I'll take it. I'll take it at the same time I shouldn't be I I shouldn't be sick of the corrections I love to learn and I feeling up and coming in hot recently being mad about the corrections and I'm not that matter It's inside stories lpotl at the gmail.com. Tell me if I'm getting elementary school physics incorrect that Kissel and I would eventually reach the same speed depending on how long the fall is that have you would reach terminal velocity faster than me Yes, but because we are on the we are on the top of the world trade center

Do you remember how that existed elder millennials? That if we jump from top of that it would be such a long fall that eventually we would reach terminal Vol we would reach the same speed and then we would not be able to go faster like you can't go faster than me once we both hit terminal velocity Right, then we are splats, right? Then we are nothing. We're like same thing with a tiny dog I might be correct about this But they did that if I that's why sometimes a dog can survive a two to three story jump Or something like that because I do have message people saying like they had a dog that fell So type of thing and they did live they did get injured obviously dogs and babies

They also talk about how chihuahuas especially because they have weak little legs. They can break a leg jumping from 36 inches Right, but they're not hitting terminal velocity speed by the time they hit And then a big fatter dog a big redheaded big fat drunk dog would hit far above find an elite Tiny little blonde dog, right before it hit the ground, right? It would hit that for but when they are saying once someone told a harrowing story about like they had a dog A little tiny dog on the roof their rooftop party don't bring your fucking dog to a rooftop party Please don't they thought that it was like oh my dog could barely make the bed You know like you know that's bigger than whatever the lip was like a four foot lip around the thing

And then flock of birds took off from the top of the building and they watched their dog go Like run across the party and jump and then just be gone like the spider man itself off the thing where they're like obviously that is That's natural selection. Absolutely. It is keeping it, but also the same time Don't don't trust your tiny dog to know because the thing about a tiny dog and you jerry too same thing Their confidence is unwarranted. Absolutely completely and utterly insane. I don't know. They don't know what they're doing It is just if It's a mark zuckerberg level of confidence and at some point they are going to ruin this world But I do want to quote again as I sometimes do from Billy Madison the principal mr. Madison

What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I've ever heard At no point in your rambling incoherent response. Are you even close to considering? Even close to anything that could be considered irrational thoughts. So good job I love it. So anyway planes or dogs can fly and planes can't evidently I guess so so scary and then I've one more update before we get into the stories This is about the swiss family that committed group suicide. Oh fantastic. Yeah One family gone A swiss listener wrote in so the family was living in montreux in canton vaux

They were apparently very much into conspiracy theories to and on stuff as well survivalism and lived in assembly What they used the word is autarky in semi complete autarky ever since the pandemic which like I guess they went And they they can just completely live on their own. They're completely self sufficient when it comes to the pandemic Obviously, I absolutely hated it every second. Henry not enjoyed it. Marcus didn't really change that much. No, but preppers loved it See, I'm right I'm right and then they got to eat all their rehydrated and dehydrated food They got to finally shit next to their children in buckets the way they've always wanted to

They've been bragging about how they were going to make them do that eventually and they finally had a reason I'm not saying it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, but at some point the doomsday people God, I hate it when they get something right. I hate it because it's never good. No And so what they said is these people The so it was the wife the mother sister There was the mother the mother sister and the father and then one of the children jumped off the the the balcony and lived And died And the sun lived the sun was in critical condition now

He's still in critical condition and the apparently the aunt that she had a job outside She was the only one with the job, but she was never actually even registered as a citizen of montreux This is a very honest. It's very liberal very liberal over there and which is good But in some ways but in some ways shape or form you end up in a splat We don't know what you are because we're gonna have to fucking we're gonna have to scrape up all your goo And we're gonna have to ask various people you you recognize this goo. You recognize this goo Um, but yes in the morning of the incident two gendarmes. They presented themselves indeed in regard to the homeschool situation The mandate was addressed to the father a 40 year old frenchman

They heard a voice who said who's there and nothing else and so the gendarmes went away because again We were correct swiss cops. They cannot force your door open even on a simple pretext. No knock warrants They need to be banned here in this country. Unfortunately. We're going the other direction with it and that ain't right So interesting. So the update is that they are swiss and dead Fantastic Well, also that the conspiracy theory culture is actually uh much like here has gotten massive in switzerland I yeah, when you mentioned q. I was like, that's right. It's pretty international

Okay, well, they know even less about fucking shithead. Absolutely. No even less about him It gets dumber and dumber and dumber and dumber shit rolls downhill For many people if you're like an alex jones fan, he's the smart one. Yeah, and it gets worse from there Well, what else do people have in common? uh, jen books. Oh Hey, what's up, everyone? How you doing ben kissle here with henry sabrowski Yes, me man. Yeah, bro. Henry sabrowski is smoking some of that sweet last podcast in the left Babe go out there and purchase yourself some. I hope you enjoy it. We have sativa. We have indica and we have a hybrid

And I have to tell you for my personal experience. They are wonderful Super tasty live resin. You really get the delicious weedy taste, which is what I like and three different experiences You go to your local vape store and get it. Absolutely. Thank you all so much for supporting the show We absolutely love you can't wait to see on the road and get that vape Put it in your brain and have a good time And if you want to set your favorite weed store, give them a call and ask for them by name last podcast on the left It's weed. Hail yourselves everyone. Hail satan This is kind of an interesting story. Now, henry, I know that you're a mini detective

Obviously with a slime squad and things like that. Oh, yeah, this takes place in boston on handcock street Which is quite apropos. We're really close to there. Yes, we were just we just missed this whole this whole mystery was unfolding while We were there 7 30, okay, put yourself in the, all right. Listen, put yourself in there. It's 7 30 morning. It's boston You've been up all night Yeah, you've been up all night harassing a bunch of sports players that are way more skilled than you But you think that you know better because you've had 10 schlitzes and in high school you scored 30 points in a game Yeah, and you tell it to everybody you're from boston, right? All of a sudden you take a step

What is this black? Is that some kind of deadwood? It's a severed penis Yes, indeed. It appears like it was left out in the open for many hours on handcock street. That was this past wednesday Uh, according to uh, the source they say they followed the blood trail to a nearby address where they found a man bleeding In addition to removing his penis. He had stabbed himself several times But this took a while for them to find this guy. I would assume so because it's a trickle of penis blood Which can't be the most amount. You didn't chop off your leg side stories lpotl And you know how much blood comes out of a severed cock fantastic. I can't wait for next week's emails already So he stabbed himself multiple times

He cut off his johnson and then the ems took him to the hospital for care Please have declined the comment. All I know is they said he's emotionally disturbed. What and I believe it I'm you know, hey with your brother. Yeah, how many times you look at that penis and you're like, oh, you get me in trouble every day Every day the penis you need to oh, you got to go you find there was a 3-1-1 complaint that was made about the severed penis I love this. This is a text send it in so this is a minute thing. So this is how it was labeled Litter at 36 handcock street. This is not litter stickers bars or litter Rappers are litter. This is again a severed human penis This is what I was saying when we did the q&a's in boston that the audience is funnier than the comedians

Of course, that's always the way it is. It's so funny. But like yes, this is this is the the copy There was a severed human penis on the ground in a vicinity at 34 handcock street. No pun intended Please send someone to remove before a dog picks it up thinking it's a chew toy. Hey rascal. Come here. What do you got there? Yeah, oh My penis is that my penis honestly because Wendy does go for The most disgusting thing on the street. Of course. I don't know why it is. It's because they like wet viscous somewhat solid things which that is shit puke severed dead animals severed penises anything that is

Disgusting for you. They're gonna love it. I love it. I don't know why I had to pull Wendy off a dead bird this morning Take you to look at this penis Henry. I'm gonna say no, that's fantastic. Let her have her fun It's a grower not a shower, but overall as far as severed penises go. It's bigger than bobbitt's It's a huge cock. It's a pretty solid ding dong for you having it because you ever see the footage you ever saw You've seen what uh, john bobbitt's penis looked like it was very weird It was it's weird because it's also the cop didn't want to touch it because he didn't want to be gay Remember that like it's so dumb, but this thing is like yeah, he was definitely a shower I I would have been a lot less upset if I was him. He should have looked down at penis and said he's like

Well, at least I did something goodness life. Absolutely. He's got an oddest tool size tool Although he did not cut the balls just the kek in any way if you're this guy Um, I guess you wake up kind of upset Yes, what do you have to do to kill yourself? Is he like superhuman? Is he like living like, uh, kenny from south park? Can he not die? I just don't know. Maybe what if there's some way when his penis was been like, come on, buddy Come on, come on. Can't we go on vacation if you ain't gonna take time off for crazy work? Maybe it's time for me to go on vacation. So you're thinking the penis severed itself Yeah, and he's just like well, all right

I'll let you go and then he cut it off kind of expecting the penis to crawl away and go to like a royal Caribbean or like some place to go out of town over the local travel agency But then he just flopped there and he's just like, oh, well, I'm a lot far gone than I I'm a lot more far gone than I thought it was Absolutely several hours. I guess, you know That might be one of those situations where you look down Oh, we all are complicit when it comes to seeing something horrible and just being like, but I gotta go to work Oh, absolutely New York City You have to walk by

situations that any rational person that would stop and help Shatter their life But you gotta go. Yes, of course. You guys should do you gotta work. You look down You're like, I'm gonna register that as a severed penis, but then you have to overcome that Oh, yeah, you're just we're like, no Couldn't have been you're in the big city. You're in the big city. I've seen fucking go. I've seen whole-ass corpses You've seen a corpse. Oh, yeah Well, I saw some a guy it was one of those things we were on the train

And it was a guy there who looked like it was asleep and then some guy hits him and he just Just flunked over and then you'd be like, well, hopefully he's just real asleep. Welcome to New York City I love being a performer Well, you know what you should love Speaking of well, are you gonna talk about pizza? No, I wanted to talk about UFOs. Oh, yes Because this is this is quite interesting from the pentagon audit the pentagon But there is a 1500 page report that came out because of foya. It took quite a while But thank you for everyone keep on sending the foya requests

They have to they have to give you the documents and they sent some UFO ones What came out is exactly what I talked about in the live show is they're about their fascination One of the things that I took as a key here was a fascination with the physical Evidence of when somebody sees a UFO or anomalous event An anomalous they actually can get physically ill right this there one report that came out as one of the 1500 That was released was called anomalous acute and subacute field effects on human and biological tissues And this is significant because of the theoretical weaponization Yes, so it's like human observers by anomalous advanced aerospace

Systems this is how the way they they phrased it right and they said that this thing this was prepared for the di a It was it warned that this object that that's why these objects may be a quote-unquote threat to us interests Um, so things that are basically what it sums up is that people have had exposures to anomalous vehicles Especially airborne and when close proximity they might have some kind of injury that is related to what they also then have come to believe Is called an energy related propulsion systems, which means they didn't know what it is Yeah, um, they're just saying it's some kind of energy and what it does these are the injuries it lists Heating burn injuries a radiation burns damage to the brain and enough to impact people's nerves Um, but this is from the report

Sufficient incidents and accidents have been accurately reported and medical data acquired That's due support of hypothesis that some advanced symptoms are already deployed and opaque to full us understandings Just again saying that is code for we don't know what the fuck it is and one interesting thing about the document Um, this is according to the acquisition threat support report It sets out how to categorize a now anomalous behavior with encounters with quote ghosts yeti's spirits elves and other myth mythical Slash legendary entities classed as an a n three Again, where's our money going? There has to be yeti studies happening. They are they are looking into it

I think this is this is far healthier than drones as far as i could sir You know, it's all about how they're allocating the funds I mean if you're gonna, if you're gonna spend my money spend it on put poltergeist crop circles spontaneous human combustion Alien abductions. There is an x-files and other paranormal events. There is an x-files manned by people far less Fuckable than david decovney and jillian anderson. Well, of course, i mean, who knows? So, who knows send us your tinder profiles if you work for the x-files within the use government I'd love to see what you look like. Seriously, louis. Uh, louis. Elizondo. He's probably the an example of one of the hunkier ones Well, yes, that's interesting. He's more thick with two c's

Yeah, it does really and mostly what you do have to understand about these reports Is that what i have learned about looking through cia release documents is that? They collect everything so right it does seem like they are pointing out like this comes from i'm reading article from the sun Which means we're still in the pocket of like making fun of the phenomenon keeping it light And they are trying to still throw shade on this idea that like Well, so when he says that you do that the u.s. Government is dealing with encounters with ghosts yetis spirits and elves and other mythical legendary entities That is called an inside baseball roast. That's a rose. That is them showing see We collect all of this stuff and yeah, it's just because we're interested in it

It's not because we're pointedly looking at anything We're showing you all of this wackadoo stuff so that you could still think it's all wackadoo Well inside of it what we're really saying is we're collecting every single piece So they are they are talking to people That have experienced abduction events unaccounted for pregnancies sexual encounters experiences telepathy and perceived teleportation Like so but it's more than me like hey, it's not like we think it's real It's just a part of the net we cast out and what we get back Well, and perhaps it's just uh them trying to get a contract for their nephew that they can't relate to and they're like

Here's five million dollars go investigate the yetis seriously Please come back to our family. I wish my daddy worked at the da. Well, there is a lot of money in this so whether you believe in the phenomenon or not The fact is there is still a lot millions and millions of dollars being spent There was a government contract awarded to bigelow aerospace advanced space studies. Yeah, robert bigelow They got 12 million bucks. Oh, yeah, that was that was the original group That that is the thing that we've been kind of talking about and now they are trying to say They are going to create a more official version within the pentagon But we'll see because they really don't I I still feel like they are hesitant

Because the stuff that's coming out really just shows more and more that it's it's fucking wiggity It is man. It's cool put it in a box and it's this stuff as we talk about during the live show Living in the gray is a good time too. I think so. I think also think that that's what reality is We are in a part of a we are in a consensus reality So I feel like that there is a lot of there's a lot of blind spots in there where weird stuff can pop out But if you just look at they show here, it's a it breaks down from a series of written Abduction accounts that they have collected is 129 of them and they talk about a lot of it's a lot of shit So but I like you know, there are some that are more

Like common than others. So the big ones are what you when you talk to them These are the ones that ping all the time which is electronic effect on vehicles Which we've already seen we've read about this countless times paralysis Perceived time loss, you know the idea of missing time all of this is like has been talked about it again and again And it goes down to the most rare Which is induced feeling of calm Surrendering sounds great. Why is that the most rare because aliens don't make you necessarily feel that comfortable? I want that they're not a concierge

At a four seasons. I feel like they could be If they wanted to be if they wanted to be well yelled. Yeah, well speaking of elves This is a little bit different, but I do want to mention this. This is a this is a side story's alert I'm not sure if you have this story Henry Lucky charms Might not be so lucky after all the FDA is investigating the illnesses linked to lucky charms like what be very careful Um, well, like is this calm? Is this new or is this saying like long-term ingestion of lucky charms causes? What this is a recent investigation hundreds of consumers have reported they've become an ill after eating lucky charms

So maybe at general mills somebody was upset. They took a dump and that's the new marshmallow flavor Is this a current thing or is this people have been saying April 5th 2022 my friend this is happening right now Be this why this is why you guys got to start eating more got him flax I eat angels pass. All right. It's all just fucking it all it's just it's whatever it's colon blow It is the most accurate name for a serial ever nature's path and I just think it's disgusting Yes, so general mills is to believe to be is believed to be making people sick Consumers are saying after they eat the lucky charms. They vomit and they have a bunch of diarrhea So be very careful more than 400 people flooded the website. I was poison.com. Why didn't we buy that?

Oh, we should have definitely I was poison god damn it and they've all said they had their lucky charms And they just started horkin and shit weird man That's not good. No, it's not. I don't think that's good at all. Put the charms down, man This is not just about diabetes no more You just need to not get whatever the fucking that leprechaun flew the leprechaun flew. Don't do it That's also very racist against the irish. Come on. I want to say I might have been a party to that at some point When it comes down to it that's I feel like what this what this all is. Yes, all of this is about being allergic to leprechauns so the fda it's currently collecting samples which that's kind of a fun day and

They're taking it to general mills and general mills. They might have to do a recall And apparently this isn't the first time 140 people from july 2021 to march 2022 reported via I was poison.com that they got sick while eating lucky charms So there you go the luck of the irish not on your side if you eat lucky charms And I think that's fantastic that they're going to get what they deserve for exploiting the leprechaun come on Do you think that this is about they have to become like the the lucky commanders? Is that? I think we can keep lucky charms the commanders of obviously that's the former

Washington football club and that is the worst name of all time the short it can only be called the commies And yes, they should have been the war hogs war hogs. Anyway, that's I'm now I'm getting my blood boiling. Whoa. Yeah, I can see and I can feel it Um, this next story is all about how like when we we've never maybe we have Misunderstood btsm in the past right like ideally maybe now we're way more like into we understand We've always been searching for the answer Yes, and then when it really comes down to it Like there are people obviously that they express themselves really healthily and they love this and they bring some community and love But I'm going to say about how it can also be used to stop a crime

I think this is absolutely a fantastic use so Eric Hernandez. He's down in New Orleans Yes, and he's down mid-city New Orleans when it comes down to he's proud of his home He's proud of his neighborhood as he should be and he's out here And he's doing a little bit of neighborhood watch and they happen to all talk about there What's the difference between neighborhood watch and just being a perv? You have to but it's what hat you're wearing and if you're hard because I know I love to watch the streets I watch my streets, right if I see that I don't know you have to you have to everybody has to you should Look out for your neighbors. They look out for you. It's fucking. This is what you got to do

So Eric Hernandez what he was doing is out there watch neighborhood happen to see this guy That has been going around they believe they've been having problems with people breaking and entering into all their homes And he was like he sees this guy sniffing around a house trying to get in the door He says that something's got to be fucking done about this guy, right? So he goes and he gets him and guess what? It's taking a long time. He gets the cops. He gets the guy. He's gonna call the cops We know what comes down to it cops here these days the stress. They're busy, right? I don't even know what it is. I'm not sure what happened

I think it's also because it was in a poor part of town and they didn't want to go and that's really sad, right? It's well, but it took too long for the cops to get there So somebody had to fucking hold this guy down So Eric Hernandez says I'm doing it myself and he tied him down with what is considered to be a series of Shibari knots that like he's a fisherman, right? And so he got tired down with these knots but everyone's saying oh, this is bdsm Knots absolutely tied down with but I think that also he's a fisherman and I when it comes down to side stories lpotl Gmail.com if you're a fisherman who likes to get spanked are you?

A sub first a dom first or are you a fisherman first? I actually wonder yes I mean obviously when it comes to knots fishermen have to know how to use knots But I think they're quite different knots than bdsm knots But anyway, so that he called the cops at 108 and they're like okay And then the dispatcher didn't tell the third police district officers of how serious the situation was Wow, we'll get to it. It took 51 minutes and during this time this dude started swinging a radio at the neighbors Almost nice and classic almost like you know, you don't hear about radios too much No, and then Hernandez said now it's time for me to step in now

It wasn't the most difficult person to tie up. He was five foot five and 140 pounds So he was this guy you can just see him like this little guy Why are you hitting us with a radio? What is happening man? So he says he did struggle, but he wasn't a very big guy and then he says I am a fisherman So I know how to make knots. I'm a fisherman now Hernandez He might actually have to be careful here when it comes to his weight and I'm not pretty I'm not being holier than now But he's five foot eight and 300 pounds. That's me man. That's my size. That's what I was when I was the coolest I've ever been well a little bit different there, but five foot five 140 versus five foot eight 300

I mean that's and as a fisherman. That's the violator. Yes That's true. That's America. That's the real heart of America right there. Yeah, and so he tied the dude to a post And it appears that Hernandez used shabari ties. That's her saying like yeah, he's saying shabari So I feel like on one hand because I looked up shabari and they were like, oh, this is a fisherman's knot And the other one was with a naked woman And so I don't know whether or not if it's just men who fish or women who fish Either they get horny on the boat and they figure out like I could tie old grandma to the boat and then we could we could Put spank around something and have a good time. Absolutely. And of course the fish if you're arthritic

It's nice because the water sort of creates the motion in the ocean for you. You just have to lay there like you're What's it called? What do the Mormons do? Soaking soaking and what was the other one did because it's their soaking is that There's you stick the dick in and you leave and then they go you can have a friend jump up and down on the bed What is that fucking called? I forget what that's called. There's a term for it Well, there's six episodes all about it That people can listen to listen to our Mormonism series. It is fantastic But according to John Gunnar Guilfelsen, they're the owner of happy kitten ropes Yeah

Yeah, I mean honestly, this is a good time to sell ropes They say that the Japanese rope bondage shabari It is made for situations just like this one I think it's made to make you different for is it not made for sexual reasons? Or is it just the binder person? Guilfels says shabari originated from hojo juzitsu A method of restraining captives and a form of torture. Whoa. Um, so yeah, it looks like the guy That's uh, he was arrested there

And I have too much hair to be tied up. Yeah, I like I get hurt. I like you pull out all my hairs I don't like that. No, I mean if I had to really torture you I would do I would bring my flex seal out and just put it on your body and rip it off Like like you're the 40 year old virgin and you know that scene was real. I know I saw that I saw that instagram video A roast as dark as the night Perfect for fueling the cryptid research and mad ravings required for your podcasting. Don't mind the red eyes He's just trying to warn you of the bridge the bridge Finally from the caffeine addled brains of spring hill jack coffee and last podcast on the left

Bre bring you moth men's red eye blend. Yes Delicious Panama beans go to last podcast merch.com to order yours today I think we're ready for something listener. Are we ready for hero the way? Are you ready for the hero of the week? Why not there was also a pizzeria with a whole series of violence occurred at well that one was like the pizzeria was strange because The woman was with the sea like it was the partner of the 65 year old owner from idli and he went missing And then they just thought like they were going to define him apparently this is there's a sexual There's a sexual component. Is there it's about like Something wrong something wrong between the partners and then she killed him and then went and looking for him

And they couldn't find it and then what happens is that she said that they were having sex with each other And he was choking her over having sex and then she decided like oh, I got a fucking I did self-defense But she said the main problem was is that the way he got discovered She asked her a local friend in the neighborhood to help her drink a trench for gardening And then the guy said oh, how big you need it? She's like it needs to be seven feet long three feet wide three feet deep And it was like that's person size And then um, then she turned out like when the cops came he called it was suspicious and she was like Yeah, I killed him in self-defense, but like oops. I meant to call you last week

Indeed much like when you make a pizza you overcook it. Oops. Oh, no, you should be able to get that pizza for free That is a good point. All right. It's time for hero of the week. We got some good ones this time I got two actually I got two We are on the way Number one is bob humphries. He runs a nonprofit organization called big guy's little it's called I'm just i'm too immature for this big guy big guy little's world sanctuary. Yeah And he provides homes for chihuahuas who are abandoned And there's a hundred of them and he hangs out with them and everyone loves him

He just lies down all the chihuahuas jump on him Yeah, he says he says quote my long-term goals include finding a unique experience for those in need across the country Where they can live out their days without fear of being euthanized Kenaled or even re-homed the only exception would be is is if they're healthy enough Both physically and mentally to undergo the ladder. So he's helping out a bunch of psychotic chihuahuas Someone's got to love these someone's got to love these little these little crazy people somebody somebody does and Uh, you know, we know what happens when the chihuahuas get loose They just go to Beverly Hills. They go to Beverly Hills

Chihuahua warrior. They roam the streets of Detroit. They they injure they will eat live cattle Oh, yeah, absolutely. They're like they're land piranha. Absolutely, but I love a chihuahua's I want to have like five of them. That's what I would have I agree with I like I like the small dogs versus the big dog I want to get a big one. I love them all Speaking of big there was a fella in Tallahassee, florida Uh, that's my fall gate Alma major. There's a place Uh near the residential area alligator point 375 black bear it fell in the water and it was saved by this fellow. I'm not really finding his name

But that's gotta be dangerous right to save a drowning bear Yeah, well his name is adam and he knew that at this point He had to keep the bear from drowning and he helped the bear and then he brought the bear back to shore And then he says it's a lot easier to drag a bear in a four foot of water than to move it on dry land lull raffle And he saved the bear and now the bear is doing bear stuff and having a good life So his name was adam warwick. He's a biologist. Wow. He's with the florida fish and wildlife conservation commission And he said I wasn't sure what I was going to do. So I jumped in it was a spur of the moment decision I had a lot of adrenaline pumping when I saw the bear in the water

I would be very scared and he said he wanted to keep him from swimming in his deeper water because then you have Sharks versus bear in the water that's fucking metal Indeed, I should bears were loose. Yes, because the water aspect. Yeah bring them on land. Good luck. I'll get exactly Yeah, man. I'm sure it's fucked. They are gonna do All right, here we go. Here's some listener emails. They are all vagina centric Fantastic. So I asked um our incredible audience who I love so dearly I just you guys are just so you're on it when I asked if you could taste your butthole, right? Right I've got a lot of good great responses

But there really would have came down to is like a lot of people have said like I didn't know about the butthole But I can definitely taste with my vagina And I was like Is this why they do the flavored condoms? I don't know. Interesting. So here we go I can't say that I tasted anything from my rectum, but I've been able to taste through my vagina I went through a phase when I was interested in naturopathies. So when I had a yeast infection I decided to treat it with a garlic tampon, right? Because garlic is said to have antibacterial properties must be Italian Is it a vampire? What are you doing? No, and she died if she was a vampire. Oh my god

So I took a nice big clove. I threaded it with a string through it so that I could retrieve it later There is no way that this is healthy. I don't know zero way. This is I don't know I don't know and I put it up inside me as deep as I could A day or so later I began to have the taste of garlic in my mouth Is if I'd eaten an especially pungent pasta or tzatziki. I don't think this means her pussy can taste I don't know everything tasted and smelled of garlic and it was pretty awful. It's because you got a garlic in your pussy I said she tasted with her pussy I guess the heat of my body or the acidity of my lady parts released some of the oils of the garlic

Yeah, but that doesn't mean she's tasting it and she says I imagine that garlic in my rectum would be similar I don't know. I don't know. She said she removed it and a few days later to taste begin to subside Good. Also never do that again. I cannot maybe I'm wrong. That'll be another email That's how the show keeps on going. It's your vagina. Yes, but just I feel like shoving food-based products up there Is going to lead remember that one chick who put a goddamn potato up there Thinking it was going to stop her from having a baby, but it just gave her a bunch of tumors It does don't do that. Absolutely. Honestly, also, uh, I don't know your penis tastes nothing You can dip that in a milkshake. You can cover it bean a butter and nothing possibility. It's not a straw

Um, hello in the recent most recent side service you were asking about tasting with your butthole Well, I have no experience with the annual part of it I do have some examples of tasting with the other parts of my body I work in a med spa where we give vitamins via IV fluids Many of my clients and myself can taste different vitamins and that have a strong odor vitamin b complex is the main one Additionally, I've had experience of tasting with my female reproductive organs while getting my iud replaced The doctor sprayed a numbing spray on my cervix I immediately had a strong cherry fruit crunch taste in my mouth

The doctor asked if I could taste anything without me saying anything And while he told him I could he told me the numbing spray was the same kind they used in the dentist's office So it was flavored. Oh my god. I don't and I can't stress enough I have no experience with tasting things with my booty. I can personally vouch for tasting things with my baby maker Wow. Well, that is just fantastic. I don't know if they need flavor spray for the vagina It sounds like it could lead to perhaps an infection or something and this is also very interesting Now, this is about with with ALS. We brought this up that that man Oh, Lou Gehrig's

I looked like cool son and I actually had some people actually reach out and say that that really meant a lot Because it's nice to hear that they can hear that they're there your family member when they're in a coma a lot of times They can hear you near there like that's why it's very they the con the question of keeping them alive is very Difficult and you have to listen to their final wishes. They're certainly not brain Damaged they are fully. I would also say if I can't move my body It's definitely going to be on there. You fucking kill me Well, you already have the you have the pact with Natalie, which we will allow her to do Without prosecution, but you will be smothered by her booty or her booby. So here we go

Now, this is like yes This is saying this is both ALS tasting with your butt choosing to die all grouped together in the most recent side stories But this this story involves all three. It's sad, but it's interesting must be sad My dad was diagnosed with ALS and dementia and 57 years old. That's so sad I went from a super he went from a super healthy cross-fitter to a frail completely changed person in the span of a year and a half It's very scary at any point. You can just get this thing. I hate it. It's very scary Yes, um as a part of his ALS treatment his doctor recommended coffee enemas Uh, and it's actually proven to help ALS patients. So he was all over sure the dementia took away any filter that he previously

He didn't really have anyway. So we got to hear all about it I guess one day he was feeling a little crafty and thought that he could try using vinegar to see what would happen He told us that he diluted it 50 with water and gave her a go And his eyes got wide when telling the story at this point He then proceeded with and I could taste it in my mouth You know and that's that is just true and you know last few months of his life were sad and incredibly difficult We were surprised by his great attitude and the things he taught us including the fact that you can in fact Taste with your butt

And a year and a half into his battle with ALS he exercised his right to die with dignity We have a program here called medical assistance and dying or made for short and it was a beautiful experience And of course when it comes to that the reasons behind Um Legalizing right to end life treatment so you can still get the will. Oh, yes And you can still be in right sound mind and body. You can be there to be part of the transition Decisions that one has to make but if you commit suicide, you don't get the family gets totally screwed No, absolutely

And it is nice to be a part of that process because you know how many times families are torn apart In the end of life world everything's already sad and you're forced to make all of these hardcore decisions You have to spend a fuck ton of money and I have all of these various like industries that are built on your grief And you're also not allowed to talk about death that's got the stigma So no one wants to sit and have the hard conversations of what you need to do Which is why we've done it now. I'm already bought. I got to get my grave site already My parents already told me don't worry their funeral will cost nothing What does that mean it will cost 10 grand. Yeah, of course it does 10 grand because you can't just throw them in the trash

Don't worry your father and I already have a cremation is worked out. It was like great. It still costs money Why are we gonna go on vacation get a little vacation get the little urn, man. That's gonna be like 10 grand right there It's a racket. They're going in a shoebox But I have some nice shoes So it'll be really really nice mom these are my favorite jay. This is the box with my favorite jay Why do I sound like You changed you changed 10 years from now when your mother Hopefully we all get 10 more years with our folks. We got maybe 20 more

Absolutely. I'd love to have 40 50 you really pump them up give them the robots I don't want to see what my mom would be like with the power of an exoskeleton. No, she needs to get weaker He does not need to be physically strong So live every day knowing for a fact that the the end is coming and I know that that is maybe frightening to you It's kind of reassuring as well. Do it do whatever you need to do to survive care of yourself You want to love Being with your family every day you're above the fucking dirt right because you don't know what comes next You don't know whether or not you turn into like maybe you reincarnated into Ann and Nicole smith's fucking butt plug

Who knows you can be the luckiest boy in the world or maybe you turn into a dumper? You don't know you don't know what the hell's gonna fucking happen to you So I say you had to love it now live laugh love now people Now is the time and yeah, sure it might be a hacky Corporate even message. Yeah, but when it comes down to it you ain't gonna laugh when you're in fucking hell Oh, you might as well fucking get it over with now. You never know who's down there probably some great comics down there Absolutely. All right everyone. Well, thank you for listening. Hail yourselves. Oh, yeah, we got a lot wait before we do the wrap-out You saw that well, let's do the wrap-out. We got z2. We got that coming up so much coming out

Um, we have got our show at rhyman theater in Nashville all of LPN is going to be there It is June 18th by your ticket. We can't wait to fucking see you live It's going to be so much fun. Everybody's coming out of the woodwork for that one. It's going to be really really great Uh, and then we have uh in late april. We are going to be in buffalo, new york And then we're going to be in pittsburgh. Yeah, that's my oh, yes my home way from home. Can't wait to see Northfield, Ohio april 30 northfield, Ohio. So actually we're doing great in buffalo pittsburgh great northfield We kind of thought we were going to be booked in cleveland Um, but it's also it's a little bit of a drive but

Make have fun have a weekend with it. I don't know what's doing it. I don't know what people can do there No idea make up make something fun to do Come to northfield come to northfield. You don't know what fun you give you could meet the love of your life for northfield She's they're waiting for you. They're they're waiting for you because no one comes through town You know what I mean? They need an outsider to show them Let's not let laff is lock on the outside. You know that's something I'm gonna take and they could scoop you up out of there They could take you to the big city Cincinnati, you know, like, oh, they can get you out there. Maybe even as far as Toronto Whoa, all right, everyone. That's out of america. Hail yourselves

Magustalations See you on the road and thanks to everyone who came out to boston and to mash and took it y'all were wonderful It was a nice time. It was a nice time. It was great This show is made possible by listeners like you thanks to our ad sponsors You can support our shows by supporting them for more shows like the one you just listened to go to last podcast network.com