Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: The Mayonnaise Incident

Episode Date: February 9, 2022

Ben ‘n’ Henry break down this week’s true crime news: an update on the Pennsylvania Chupacabra, more on George Washington's teeth, a Mayonnaise Murder in Iowa, Book Burning Chaos in Tennessee, “Nullo Cult” members and "The Eunuch Maker" arrested for streaming live castrations, a new Hero of the Week with a VERY familiar name and MORE! 

There's no place to escape to this is the last on the left side stories I want to start today's episode with some hardcore hot takes because I mean controversy that really moves a needle I I guess so it moves the needle in some direction. What what hot take maybe we should do a pregame What is the hot take? I think that we need to stop Pissing on our feet in the showers to stop Athletes foot. What if you got bit by a jellyfish use cream? If you got bit by a stingray or jellyfish piss all over it have someone else do it Honestly, it'd be nice if you get a hot woman over to do it

Sure, I'm kind of tight man. So maybe a guy who could pump piss up his own butt Just kind of let the piss fall out of his butt onto the wound That's fun to do something else to do something to shake up sure in stratosphere something to shake up the bedrock of America Right, right. So the more so less Foot peeing in the shower. That's yeah, I don't know why that's always what people say people You know how many times my doctor's like you've been pissing on your feet today. Whoa, first of all, how'd you get my number? Right doctor is this and then he keeps asking me you piss on your feet today And then I'm starting to think I don't think this is about my foot health

No, not at all. Well, you know what judge Judy used to say don't don't piss on my leg and tell me I'm menstruating Oh Don't tell me I'm menstruating. All right. What is your hot take though? My head with one hit him with one. Oh, I think the Olympics have been pretty fun. That's a hot take Chinese propaganda this is side stories. I am bed hanging out with Henry I'm gonna say this they're not doing a great job of it because as soon as they pan out from the Olympic games Because you see the snow and then they pan out and they're like, oh, this isn't a nuclear war zone And then you're like that's real sad

So I don't think they are doing a great job of propaganda and why not just allow us to go over to China and collect all their gold Oh, Benjamin Manchurian candidate Kessel. That's they're like leprechauns That's what we need more leprechauns in the Olympics because leprechauns love their gold You're gonna get an angry letter from Peter Dinklage. Oh You're gonna get an angry matter He's gonna get it because Peter Dinklage does not like the idea of someone small going in the front of the bobsled and waiting It down like what John candy was guilty of in that other movie cool run-ins cool run-ins, of course He was in trouble for that because no one knows because they said that he cheated in the previous Olympics

And was because he put a little person in the very that was not a little person He just waited it down with some weights I think it was a tiny person in a weight costume in what I believe is called the toe of the sled That is true on feet, but it is important for you to I'm glad that you like the Olympics I'm glad you have some international flavor. I mean it does make you a Mandarin agent. I've been going crazy, bro I learned a lot about curling. It's super exciting. I watch it every four years. I watch them downhill sledding tobogganing and overall it's been a really good experience to go and scream at these random people

It's my favorite things about the Olympics is that Nordic ways of travel are them our competition to them We're like back in the day. That's how they used to have to get around. It's fascinating But I do agree with writer director Jeremy Gardner my good friend who made we made after midnight together He said he does not understand how we can have a game, right? These so-called games, right where you go Curling is there. It's a game you scrub scrub scrub. He doesn't understand how that's considered an international sport, but darts aren't Well, there are any more bar sports in the Olympics for me to get engaged I completely agree. We got boys. That's fine cornhole Cornhole would be huge. The only problem is only the team that hosts gets to

Introduce a new sport and I'm not sure if darts are really on the forefront of this game of the people's minds Who will fuck the fat guy at 4 a.m. Oh? No, that's a whole other game. I think that's the entertainment industries game Alright, we also have a couple of updates regarding what happened at the Golden Corral because making of gold those people wanted the metal and in order in a metal for fighting and We found out why the fight happened the right guess Like group melee and dare I say Philadelphia. This was as far as reasons go for a group melee It's done use a bowl. It's not it's not but I know no no no no

Standable to some degree. It is not it is not just some degree to pay This is literally the reason why the 40 person fight happened two people were in line for the stake the first person ordered their steak Well done. I'll have my well done sure which my well done. Thank you. You're a pedophile sure I mean absolutely although I will say this again If you were at Golden Corral, do you want the rare steak if I'm at are you a man Luger's? I'm getting you rare. Are we adults making love to adults? No, we're at Golden Corral You know right after we're always a child at Golden Corral. I mean the steak well done I have a problem with that. No, I do all a medium shoot for medium the other

It'll just all by the way, it's all gonna be well. It's all no it's all no It doesn't matter because the next person ordered it rare I'll have my second the second person got it right first because rare Yeah, takes less time to put together. Yes, then well done, right and the person that was like Guess what man? They fought over it And then two whole families got together it was there It was Romeo and Juliet all over again with again, but without babies having babies I do love a good fight in the Golden Corral. So there you go. I guess

Steak it really can bring people together or and tear people apart tear them apart Talk about another tearing apart sir. This is actually kind of wild in a way So we talked about last week again It's this Pennsylvania Chupacabra that was found and they are still running the DNA tests It's gonna take another two weeks for them to find out what this animal is They believe that it has it's cute. It's got big eyes Yeah, that it might be some cross between a coyote and a normal dog. They don't know what it is That happened. Yeah, that's what they're trying to figure out. They don't know what it is

You mean to tell me that dogs and coyotes could have been mating this entire time But there's not a bunch of dog odys out there I'm gonna put it this way kissle if there's a hole out there Love has been made to it and experiments have been done inside it. I just I'm my god God my god. I love dogs coyotes. They're kind of fun I feel like it could be a good merger Cute, but they are very bad for your dogs and you better you got to be careful with little Jerry Because they like little dogs. They do kill them and eat them. Yeah, you can have them

I'm joking Jerry's fine. Oh, whoa, so this thing they bring him in there and And this fucking animal escaped, but it's the way that it escaped that is wild Thursday morning last week They showed up the animals been like very nicely sleeping in a cage up until this point They came in trash is everywhere the room was ransacked the bars of the fucking cage were ripped open I mean said well, that is common amongst dogs many dogs They do destroy their holding pens whenever they're put inside right well must be very traumatic for the dog What are we doing people? It's horrible. It's really scary, but they made this different was that there were scratch marks Going up the wall to a window that was then ripped open this plastic lining to the window was ripped open and whatever this fucking thing

Is it squirted all the way out and that's what they're saying. It's really fucking weird. You know what I'm gonna name this dog Nicholas ooh if you can come up with a pun do it Nicholas Cage the rock This is this is came to know cuz he got out of the rock. We gotta get off of this This is according to wildlife works the crate was just demolished the hospital room was demolished He had clambered up on a set of shelves and he reached over and this was no easy feat Let me tell you he managed to stretch over to a window and these windows are high at the top of the what the walls are Not windows you look out of you know, right you the windows seals to force the window open and how do you win? Wow

Well, that is a scary situation for the people of Pittsburgh. You got a chupacabra on the loose But that being said if you do see it stop had it feed it have fun with it What is this so it says here right all right? We got guesses to everything what it could be So some people think it's an absurd greyhound. They don't know they don't know what it is But apparently there are many species of hair hairless dogs. That's fine. Yeah, there's the thing called a Zolo Which is a Mexican hairless so it could be some maybe a cross group to that, but there's another thing Zoro you only live once there. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Very good. Zoro That's you only live once. I don't think that was a Zoro theme. It's a Yolo. You only live that's yes

You are and yes Zoro Zoro only lived once It means yes, sure. Well, you throw I'm destroyed. I'm mentally destroyed But he apparently there's also an animal called the D-hole the what hole the D-hole the D-ho or the D-hole Well now No, that's the D-hole. Yep. So who fucking knows I never want to see a cock with four legs in a tail That does not sound fun to me I don't think that we're gonna be free until we see one. Yeah, that's really true Well, so what do we have another update George Washington's teeth are not wood not wood

The reason why is people maybe thought that they were wood for a period of time This is true is that they used to get stained so thoroughly because the ivory that his teeth were it's made of we would get Stained very easily so by the time he was wearing his teeth for several weeks They become black. Oh, black and then black as a doll size It's black as George Washington's teeth And so they're in his like he had problems his whole life if you notice on the dollar bill Lips are swollen apparently because his teeth the fake teeth he had would protrude like these very horribly made things Well, yeah, but they could have just it's a drawing so they could have just taken that out

You're right and he should fire that photoshopper. That's what they need. He's that Kim Kardashian man Who goes it makes his butt bigger? But then he did buy a bunch of teeth from slaves evidently no way to do that I guess that that's how they would they there was like a side hustle as that Enslave people would pull out their teeth and sell them which um, again, it's all about monetizing your hobbies Yeah, I don't know if that was a hobby I think that was a horrible situation that they found themselves in but nonetheless there you go So George Washington's teeth weren't wood and you wouldn't want to think that

Indeed they were bought by slaves. I am here to educate. We are Kate We're here to we're here to raise them up. Come on girls. Lift up your tits. Come on boys. Pull down your balls Good day. Come on guys. Pull them down lift them up. There we go. Well. What is this show really all about? What's our network all about? No, no, no, I'm sorry. Let's try to get what's our whole network all about come friendship. All right friendship I'm so this story is this goes this takes place in Logan, Iowa Now I'm not I'm just gonna tell you this and I think everyone could probably guess as soon as you get into this story Everyone involved is white

now this involves a situation that Stemmed from a mayonnaise incident mayonnaise incident a mayonnaise incident so Christopher Urm locker is 29 He lives in this place called Woodbine now evidently. He absolutely loves mayonnaise He is just funny. He weaponized mayonnaise. He weaponized many. He has just been convicted of first-degree murder in a 2020 killing of 30 year old Caleb Solberg So let's get into what exactly happened and what could only be said is the most Iowa murder in the history of the world I guess so because the only way I would say it was more Iowa is if you pushed a man down in a field and then rapes him with corn and

Then made him vote for Bernie Sanders String him up Yeah, you would probably against corn subsidies at that point so investigators have said the men were eating and drinking in a more head Bart everything sounds pretty good thus far. Well, it's never seven normal December 17th So, you know, it's cold so they're drinking they're getting drunk and they're a good Midwest time Now this is when url blocker put men in a url blocker again the man of who's convicted of murder He put mayonnaise on Solberg's food. No, they don't they really explain in what way he put mayonnaise on his food

I don't know whether or not he covered his food at mayonnaise or if he did like though the old like Dumber and Dumber trick where he put some mayonnaise inside of the sandwich. Maybe I don't know Can I just say this though as far as I'm gonna stay air quotes spiking somebody's food At least he spiked it with a condiment. He didn't put he didn't put a cockroach on it He didn't put his nutmeg on it more food He just put more mayonnaise on it and I guarantee you they're at a sports bar or any kind of bar in Iowa Any food that's being served is mayonnaise complacent unless he was complacent man It's either way

It's mayonnaise. There's sympathy for the mayonnaise on any food in the moorhead bar. Yes, especially in Iowa. Yes, I agree unless He was forced to suck the dick of who have a man whose last name was Hellman when he was a little boy You know, I mean like maybe that's where it came out of maybe there is some hit and rage here There's another side fight to this. So he went he put mayonnaise on his food And they erupted into a fist fight. So I think that Solberg may have overreacted I think her blocker and then of course we'll get to her blocker definitely overreacted But I think Solberg may have been one of those friends. You we all have friends

Then you we all know one friend who has a very hot temper and then we slowly kind of wean them out over their life Because if I put mayonnaise on your food, we would not physically tussle It would be like what like what? Why did you do this? Why would you do this? Yeah, because it's again, it's it's food. Um, I would eat it I think this man had a short fuse and I think he overreacted a bit with the mayonnaise And I think that you know, maybe you're trying to get a rise out of this buddy So they get into a physical fight. They leave finally Earl Bakker's off. Fuck you. Fuck you Fuck you, bro. And so the threats he then he's he called Solberg's half brother, which is gonna make see very Iowa

Very Iowa that he always have to hit the half brother Yep, so his half brother crazy. They are full. They are fully related by blood. Uh, he has no feet. Hello Come on. No prosecutor's seat later that night So they laughed and he was like, I'm a call your fucking brother And he went he called his brother, but I'm gonna get your brother because she got mad at me for putting mayonnaise on his food Which I don't really understand why don't understand why the half brother is being called in this situation But okay, but why is Earl Bakker the one who continues to be mad? He was the one who did the prank I don't know sobriety was not paramount either. No

So prosecutors the later that night Earl Bakker has been driving around all night stewing probably nipping out of a bottle Absolutely Solberg who is now currently digesting mayonnaise Now he's outside what he would be with this newspaper generously call a cafe cafe. Um a nearby Pizga or it's a road Yeah, sure. Sure. Yes. It's just on the fucking it's on the highway. Yeah, and he saw him outside the cafe He was like, oh, hey, oh, that's my friend who I put mayonnaise on the sandwich. Hey, buddy. What's going on? Is that what happened? No, he ran him down with this truck. Oh, he saw him on the street He hit him with this truck and then he doubled back. Oh

Ran over Solberg again doubled back oh ran over Solberg a third time and he said it to make sure Solberg was dead Interesting and then called bryer. He called the dude's brother-in-law to say but he called the dude's half brother to say I just killed your half brother. Are you half sad? Well, my god If it's definitely a good day if you're that half brother to put the phone on mute Because every phone call seems to be a mayonnaise or the fact that you just murdered my brother. So I block her Earl blocker. He's in court. He was fighting. He was fighting like two than he was about fighting about two the nail

He's fine for his life. Literally. He wanted to get the uh reduced He wanted to get the charge reduced to second-degree murder No, but the thing is it because he said it's because all right. Okay. Hey listen. All right. We could all agree I've overreacted you overreacted. Yes, but what he was trying to say was that I was drunk And I never intended to kill solberg right you ran over him Three times that's the problem because initially okay, I didn't you told your his half brother I did it to make sure He was dead and of course he smushed him like a like a mayonnaise packet there

You can almost see the mayonnaise all over the Iowa's road My thing here is I understand you're in the Midwest Being drunk in the Midwest is an excuse. That's what I was I grew up with. Uh, it's okay. You were just drunk It doesn't really translate to any other places If you guys row shambo each other and punch each other in the dick and balls and you get mad or some guy falls on the camp fire Hey, yeah, that's too drunk. You guys all get together in an efficient lodge And I'll start having sex with each other because all the wives are home. That's just drunk everybody's

But what is not acceptable by Midwest standard is being mean Like this to a friend and I think that so the drug the judge is like I hear you I hear you you're drunk That's fine. I mean it's not but it's fine You were there january 6th and we knew that was a long weekend for you Yeah, he was already incarcerated perhaps. Um, so he is now looking at significant amount of time behind bars Now the one thing about prison Uh, I don't know what the mayonnaise situation is in prison. I will say earl blocker That's christopher earl blocker

Bacher if he does do this stunt again in prison He will find himself on the wrong end of a dick and he probably wants to be careful and as we've always said on the show Keep your mayonnaise to yourself. Keep it's yourself. Um, I think I think they get government mayonnaise Which is just ziploc bags of Lindsey Graham's semen My lady bugs. He just you all get some we all get little kids You don't have kids the one thing about the mug shot of this dude He's got all I feel like alcohol was involved But I feel also like meth may have been involved because he's got the he's got the I've been scratching my face on that

Because I'm trying to stay busy face and I think I just don't know if alcohol was the Was the paramount uh, there's some nature's method there We're like, uh, which means there's maybe one or less of a chromosome that he needed To completely operate his brain. I think that's what we're looking at here as well He does not have the brightest look on his face in that mug shot. No, what are you in for? Well bad I was a bad joke started with a white white cream and they're like, yeah me too. I hated being born You're like, no, no, this is about 29 years after my first big white cream. This is the other one Um, that's what be careful out there hug your friends

And if your friend does ruin a sandwich or something like that, let it go let it go and make them buy a new one You can make them. Um, also, I do the one thing I will say I hate I think all of us agree. We're not a prank people No, so I understand Peer rate if you're super hungry. Yeah, we get mad. We get mad. Our friends are we had to acknowledge at one point We can't do pranks because everybody takes them personally. Everybody gets really upset So we just let it go and we're just not pranksters. So we're not going to know your friends They know your friends. So if you think

A spur-de-man is on a sandwich would not lead to a laugh I go fucking nuts with this one because you know, that's literally he ported be like laughing into the bartender Oh, he's gonna have a bad night now Washing the blood off his tires with a fucking hose. Oh my god. All right This is again, this is a comedy show and we cover a lot of comedy here And humor we do humor But the one thing we just want to really just say this out loud I want to say this out loud to our listeners and to anybody and this is just the truth

If you find yourself at a book burning It don't not good. No, you should never be around a book burning. These are not good things If they are a book burning unless it is to burn a real housewives book together as a group Even that I really believe it. I do honestly I'm I am of the mind that if you are destroying reading material of any way shape or form or this type of censoring You are destroying you are I am I have been Balls deep Nazis Oh, yeah, I have been

You did it you said it um, but you know, I uh, you know Not book burnings are not a good look and they are No, they're actually against every single thing that humanity should stand for so Absolutely The fact that there was a big giant book burning that was happening in one of the places where they barely fucking read They're a bunch of mouth fucking Oh, okay, I just agree with that this global vision bible church, whatever. Fuck these people. I hope they all fucking Someone should burn them. The people of Tennessee can read Henry. I of course. I agree. You just sound like bet middler

Whoa You're the first to say that to me But this guy uh, this is a guy I want to shout out, you know, because you'll say whatever you want about satanism I now know it's all about like everyone makes the meme with the guy with the black eyeliner and joking about satanism And all this kind of shit and how it's cringe, but this man walked into an incredibly dangerous situation This dude he walked into a group. He filmed himself with a bible into the book burning He threw it into the fire and started screaming hell satan pray satan. I'm keeping my darwin I got my darwin in my car like he was doing this whole long scheme

But his darwin But the guy was surrounded by a group of people that very quickly that were trying to hurt him And it is really this example to really show like that is a that is a way to do he put his life on the line Because if those people weren't filming and I really do believe that they probably could have really hurt him In one way she could have turned into a human burning. Yes, which is not good. So yes, this took place At a tennessee church as henry said and it wasn't uh, the books that they were burning. It's this church It's this church, of course the books that they were burning. It's also just so unbelievably stupid It's Harry Potter and twilight. They also burned tarot cards weegee boards

Which if you want to summon the fucking devil, that's how you do it healing crystals idle statues spell books And anything else tied to what they believe is the occult again as henry said Look around and if you're like, oh my god, everyone's screaming and it seems like we're burning books I'm gonna slowly get out of here reassess my life and realize this is not the answer. However, if you are an author hear us out flammable paper flammable burn this book sell every book with matches because now they just how many This church bought more Harry Potter than an elementary school. Absolutely. They bought more Harry Potter than a turf group in south london

They bought they pushed one of her books until like a ninth printing. That's all you have to do Go and buy like you just have to go and yeah So just if you're a controversial author be like hey when you try to burn one of my books It's like look how much gay sex is in my book and you see what they do Yes, look at my source reason here. You get yourself a second printing my friend This pentocastal preacher fucking psychopath greg lock. Dude's a fucking maniac Uh, he says they usually do community on wednesdays, but the lord specifically directed me tonight not to do it So this was the this was the lord's big plan. Oh, yes, of course

We know it was not so be careful out there and the man He looks like he's one of those guys who's cool for christ like I got tattoos, you know, that's cool Jesus had two tattoos as well. Whoa, and he shows you his palm and um, I just I the the man is the definition Of evil hiding in plain sight. So be careful with these people. Um, because again I'm sure many people went to this congregation looking for love for friends and next thing, you know They're surrounded by a book burning And you're like again, what did I do? How did I get here?

I would rather be friends with the guy who put mayonnaise all over my french fries because I'm gonna come down to it He's I feel like I do I will say I feel like mayonnaise is getting a bad rap recently And like but I feel like mayonnaise is an essential part of the sandwich experience, especially if you mix it I am saying more more often than not. We should be mixing mayonnaise with mustard diversity with our condiments What happened to de chanice? I completely agree with you. I believe I am the one who has been proponent Or a pooponent of great poop. Oh, also just lastly on this motherfucker. I don't even want to give him any time But this is and this brings me back to all of the maniacs that I had to endure as a child

He goes on to say this is the pastor. He says there's a mixed multitude in this tent. I hate that That's such a whatever. I ain't breaking bread with witches. You hear me. I got irish people We got german people. We got polish people. Yes, indeed every type of white You hear me? I ain't breaking bread with demons. I ain't breaking bread with freemasons I ain't breaking bread with occultism. I don't know apparently the man is not going to break any bread Thank god, bread now comes sliced. I just this man Is so far up his own ass and I am assuming we will cover him in some point in the future For him molesting a series of children. Anyway, don't uh, no matter what don't hurt art

Yes, um, no speaking of not hurting art. This is gonna this might be controversial to me even say this and tell me I because kissle. I know that you unfortunately. We're gonna be on the same page here So side stories LP ot l a gmail.com. Please let me know what you think. I want to know why My question is where's the crime here? Okay. Okay. Let's see if we're on the same page. I'm not sure I don't I I'm pretty sure all the stories involve crime today So there's no these this is there is a crime here, but it is weird when everybody's consenting What is what do we you know, how do you get to the center of this good point? Good point? So this is in north london the police raid what they're calling the sinister

Nullo cult right there are seven men after what appears to be a stream that you could have rented which was a pay-per-view event will go say event Where you see yes, where you see live footage of members of this group being castrated and not just balls And not just balls getting snipped. This is their goal this nullo group as they've been calling themselves Their goal is to become null nullos, which is they are trying to get rid of their penis And their balls and they want a fully smooth groin And they had a show where they had amateur doctors and vets, which is also weird to say

Um, their goal is to do it more safe now. They're trying to do it more safe So a lot of times they'll have a vet com a vet think about yeah, but that's the thing It's it. I know that the vets. I know they know how to snip they cut balls off half of their day Oh, look at all these balls They probably cut off more dicks and balls than any other human doctor But but don't you I know the only push back here again Do whatever you want to do with your life if you don't want your dick cut chop it off Whatever whatever the fuck you want, but um get a doctor. Why did they go with the vet?

They knew they needed a doctor to the point where they're like, well, at least we got a vet Couldn't they get anyone who at least took a youtube class apparently they do there's a mixture of this But it's interesting. So I just really want to know like so if everybody agreed to do it Why is it a crime? I don't know. So so please have arrested several men Um, there's a guy the ringleader who was nicknamed the eunuch maker Um, which is interesting because we actually covered a story in 2020 of two guys from the united states that had called themselves The eunuch maker. So I don't know whether or not this is copyright copyright infringement. Is this parallel thinking? Right, right. Is this Carlos Mancilla style ripoff?

Right, absolutely. Joe Rogan Carlos Mancilla. That was quite a feud back in the day where Rogan said you stole all my jokes So then Mancilla's like What it what it to go Titans clashing Oh to be on the sidelines Um, but these guys uh, the neighbor of the finsbury park apartment. They told us on it's like It is it's all very bizarre. They were police. I saw the flat for a few days They were putting everything plastic bags. It looked like computers and laptops Which is yeah, they were putting computers and laptops. They're we're trying to figure what this is now

There's there. These are extreme examples, right? Um, there's a guy that this group specifically what they call it's a smoothie They weren't a fully smooth groin. They want to put completely. All right, and there's apparently 10 to 15,000 Voluntary no lo's around the world. We've been covering this stories like this since they're all around table days And we know those stories existed well before we started talking So I understand if you want to become you know A kendall or something like that you're allowed to choose the issue that I think The law enforcement had was the live streaming aspect of it

I don't know one of the issues where they're like, I don't know if you can be putting this on Um, you know, whatever hub. There was a japanese artist that we also this is one of those that was definitely on round table Japanese artist Mao Sugiyama. There was a famous story of this was in 2012 They had their genitals removed. They froze them and then they cooked them They served them in a banquet costing 800 pounds ahead where people were famous This is famous when people came five people ended up eating his full dick in his penis and his testicles That he had sauteed with mushrooms and parsley and the rest of 200 people that arrives either got in a mystery It was either they got beef or crocodile

Crocodile meat. I've had crocodile one time. It's fine You normally would eat alligator not crocodile because in america. I believe most crocodiles are in danger Oh, is that well then I've had an alligator Yeah, but you know what I don't like to eat things that I think can naturally beat the shit out of me I feel like I could kill a cow. I think I could do it if I was really hungry Predators are not necessarily the most tasty of them. They're all they're all strong. They're too strong You need some nice fat But this is interesting. So they are this is the subculture of the Nolos. There was one guy named William

He's like his whole thing was that he's like when he joined the Nolos He decided to go ahead and not do it in the part of this is the group We went and he did it on his own Okay, good money probably like 50 g is to do it in a hospital because he said the risk of something going wrong is extremely high I also don't wish to look like frankenstein at the end of the procedure I mean, I don't want to be a total nerd but Frankenstein's monster. I'm sorry. I know that you've just lost your dick and balls today. It's been a day You've had a day. I don't want to be like. Oh, here comes the grammar, please, but it's frankenstein's

Actually dickless man. It's frankenstein's monster You know that this is another guy that makes total sense He was a castrated vicar, which is like thank god all of these guys just shouldn't be just fucking castrated If you're gonna be a priest if you're gonna just fucking lose your balls Stop being horny. It might make it easier for you to be honest if you can't use it anyway Get rid of it. Um, and then this guy who is named benedict after our nazi pope um, oh my god, nazi is uh again Just one of the attributes because you heard the story about benedict, right from 1980 when he was the head of this

Uh, he was the bishop of a place and he was just like, uh, look at all the pedophile priests over here He was the one who started the process of just being like Put him in Des Moines. Yeah, just be like spread him out Spread him out to the bullpen. You need to go back to the bullpen. He's like stop acting like this is minor league baseball Exactly, which is probably why he had to be one of the only popes in history to retire from people No, no, it was the shoes. It's gotta be the shoes Um, and now he's just like with this vicar said it's like it is nowhere near as weird and difficult to try and become a Unique now as it was 30 years ago. That's good

Now we have doctors who don't even blink when you say you just want to remove your testicles or just add a vagina I never saw this coming. Well, good. I want people to I want people to be as happy as this company You shouldn't see this coming. You're a vicar. You're supposed to be thinking about fucking garden shit So you're up there talking about how we all sinned and blah blah blah something about Easter Meanwhile the whole time you're like, hey, wouldn't it be amazing if I could put my balls on top of my penis? And then maybe when my asshole was I could put a vagina with clitoris so that when someone fucks my shit I also can come Is that his whole mind?

It really well, who knows what his mind is again. These are all consenting adults whatever they would like to do with their own personal bodies Uh, go ahead and do it now This is one of the issues that I think people are having when it comes to guests being made to sign a waiver Um, so that they would not be responsible if anyone felt that's the whole dude That's that's from the Japanese guy back in the day at the meal That's why he got he got charged for public exposure that dude didn't got arrested My thing is wait, it's public exposure. Even if your dick is in a soup apparently, so it's Japan. Okay, so it's just Come on

Come on, it could be free. It could be anything We're like, you don't know if it's a real dick and balls. It could be pork shaped like it. You don't fucking know You don't know, but my question is I don't know what they are unless they're also getting busted for it Like what's gonna happen is is that we're gonna say all this stuff about how consenting adults It's fine And then what's gonna happen is is that those laptops are gonna be opened up tomorrow when this show is published And you're gonna see how much child porn was in there, but I see we are they might be guilty of something I think this is gonna be another prime example of the laptop is gonna be episodes of always sunny in Philadelphia

It's always it's always The child porn is on the person who brags about having a penis and how he loves to use it for straight Only normal reasons. What would they do if they if you lost your ticket balls, what are you horny for? You just watch my little pony stop. You just watch the wheel the wheel Anything. I mean, I really who knows, but I feel like These people are allowed to do as they do I guess seems like these are the last people that would have child porno On their laptops because it seems like they don't want to use their penises for anything

Other than food unless it's like a sober drug dealer So he never I mean but that idea maybe the idea is that maybe because then they can actually control the flow of information If they're not made super hard by all of these fucking these torture videos of children And then they can just be like, yeah, you take them. Oh, yeah, I watched these already. You're not good I don't like these ones. It's what's good. You should it's a good one. You like this one But he's not like horny about it. He views it like a businessman Sounds like you should be reported in the jail

But so the six people the other thing that makes me feel like again all consenting adults the people are in their 30s 40s 50s and 60s 70s and 80s. Um, it sounds like they're just running a great radio station 30s 40s 50s and 60s These are not spring chickens and if it's 60 years old You're like finally I can cut off my cock and balls and you've been wanting to do it forever It's like just do it. Who cares do it safe Because there's a lot of gender fear in this like I can feel the gender fear waving off it But it is really strange to also just be like, yeah, it is your fucking dick and balls. I don't really get the big deal

I don't I don't really understand why you can't just just do whatever you want Also, is there a reason why they're I was trying to find out and was looking at other articles as well Not just this fantastic daily mail, which is all the trash Oh, we made but they call it a cult and I don't know what the cult doesn't a cult have to have like These are a list of beliefs. This is a sort of yes What's your like the cult here how we know if it's a cult is if they uh restrict your Communication if they change your name if they change your terminology if they change the way you speak if they withhold you from talking to friends and family Like that type of thing they destroy all your familial connections

So it sounds like a lot of these people are actually operating in society apparently two thirds According to them two thirds of nullos Don't tell anybody that they don't have any genitals Interesting. It's a personal choice. That's weird. It's very interesting I mean we've talked about this quite a bit mainly the thing just because our penises are so important to who we are as people Only just because I'm horny so often that my penis is like a central figure in my life a lot Well, it's like that song. I've grown accustomed to your face and I've grown accustomed to your head And it's just like I know what to do with it. Life is so hard. I'm still figuring out so many things

Everything else is hard. I know how to I just know what to do I don't But when my if I saw everything easy now to be fair if I saw a picture of me and I'm just I mean I'm in the ether right and you're like you're gonna come and you're gonna be a physical form You're gonna be a human being and then show me a picture of a eunuch and a picture of a big old cock and balls I'd probably be like well that one looks smoother for the water and swimming sure I'm gonna show I might but oh that one easier goes down a pipe. Oh, yeah, that one's kind of funny Oh, he'll be a championship skater. Sure. So it's like I'm not even in love with it, but I'm just saying I'm used to it

Yeah, I can't have a shake-up like that right. Yeah, not right now. No, no not in this economy No, the midterms coming up I need to fucking focus. I really need to think about who I'm not gonna vote for this year Yes Well, let's uh, this is another story real quick. Uh, I what I love about this next story So again email side stories lpotlgmail.com to yell at us about everything Um, this one is interesting because again, this is about grave wrapping. There's this is melburn This is and they're really looking for these guys and they're really upset about these people desiccating graves

And it's now happened two nights in a row where they found these mausoleums pried open They seem to be directed. They don't know why they are doing it, but they are of specific graves Okay, people are digging up and removing the heads from they act the skulls from and besides just like it being cool Would you I guess a part of it? I don't know man. It sounds like you know, I don't get uh spirituality and in religion are two very different things and I feel like Ask Demi Lovato every day. I ask my wife Demi Lovato. Um, I feel like You're setting yourself up for a haunting. You're setting yourself up for some bad karma

It's a bad idea to go and steal a bunch of skulls. However, let me take this moment to plug our patreon We did have a chance to interview king diamond And uh, he is the king of all skulls the king of all wonder and music and he is just awesome So check out that patreon interview at some point that'll be up there in the very near future So yeah, these people just stealing a bunch of skulls from a graveyard I guess it's what you do, huh? Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, they're there The thing that pisses me off the most is all the damage that's been done to the coffins because these coffins are not cheap

And they need to be you gotta be respectful because yeah, these people have families You are just asking I will say if you are a who knows people that are a magical practitioner And who has done his own bullshit you are If you are doing this for magical ends You are spiritually cruising for a bruising while desecrating graves It is not a it does not hold up well in the universe people don't like the idea of you Dicking into someone's final place of rest if you believe in something like that So it is interesting and they're trying to pin it on satanists, of course

They're trying to say it's satanist and satanist, but I also don't think they understand how lazy we are Um, and it's very difficult to go dig up a bunch of graves most of the time to be honest With like our good friends, um, like my friend Taz you runs rest in pieces in Richmond, Virginia Which is just like you can go buy bones You can buy this shit. I can get you a bone sure you can go and get this shit and and have it in your house Yes, is it a little bit more difficult to find a human skull? Yes, but you can source it I'm sure you don't have to go seal it unless we're trying to do some form of necromancy And then just fucking good luck finding a deodorant that'll cover it

Never underestimate the goofy nature of youth because I think this is just a group of kids So the crimes they were linked to as satanic ritual candles. There were crucifixes and letters to satan that were found in the cemetery We used to do this all the time. It's just fun. It's just fun It was like it was like the video that marcus showed last night on the stream where he said the idea of they like This sex dungeon and then they went and it was just like four panties on the wall And it's at the church of fornication on the wall They do say police are baffled, but they don't believe that satanists Are the uh are to blame because there's a lack of evidence. We'll have fun in graveyards, but really be careful

And uh, don't steal there's just no need to steal the bones leave the bones alone Even though I understand of the graves fuck on top of the grave. Yes. Don't disturb the graves. Have you got there? Have a picnic amongst the graves. Yes. Do the grave rubbings. Those are really fucking cool Yes, just don't destroy the graves because would you I guess in the end you wouldn't know again I also say that too. You don't fucking know you're dead, but you don't know What kind of psychic reverberations you can create also sometimes sometimes you just ruin some good old-fashioned Historical art and again, that's the theme of the episode. Don't destroy destroy art All right. Well, I think we're almost up to hero of the week. I think we are. Yeah, the only other small thing was a

Home depot employee was arrested for swapping store cash with counterfeit bills for years, but good friend Yeah, whatever. Yeah, just like it. Fuck it. Home depots fine. Oh, no, I got the story to end it out today. All right Okay, I'm going to read you this police breakdown this guy talk about having a night a night Okay. Okay. This comes from martin county. Um, this is of course in florida So here we go train versus vehicle versus house. Oh my god 38 year old bradford whites old port st. Lucy told martin county sheriff's detective said he couldn't find his car After leaving a martin county bar early this morning Right. Um, so he stole one in good faith

to locate his own So he stole the car just like hey, I got where's my car? I well, I bet it was dude with mo coca-cola. You got it. It's cause you drink you drink a lot You're a felon now You've stolen a car, but you know, it's like I'll just fucking leave it right where I found it They won't even fucking know it's gone. No one's gonna notice. It's five o'clock in the morning They're definitely gonna get up to go to work soon. Um, he's then said quote-unquote yada yada yada like this is what he did He he won't he doesn't know the details

But he said that the somehow he ended up in this new car His this stolen car on the train tracks, right? He ended up on the train tracks, right? And then um, he said somehow the car stopped dead the car stopped dead He couldn't get it going. It was stuck on the train tracks. And so he he left, right? And then as he left apparently within seconds, he said this The train got the car got hit by a train Which shot the car it catapulted it into the front of a hole. Oh my god, everyone was sleeping Oh, no, they said apparently they they freaked out everybody was like, oh, you know, obviously because a driverless car

Went through the front of your house propelled by a train. Meanwhile the dude He was just at this fruit stand nearby and he said he vandalized the business Which probably ever go like fuck these lemons. Oh life gives you lemons life give you lemons make lemonade You didn't you all you realize you also need fucking water and sugar for that right? You're just pissing everywhere. Yeah, and then um, he tried to steal a forklift Um, that is a night. Yeah, and then what he said that in the end He saw a police car coming down the street like literally not for him They no one had called the police yet. Um, and he said he

He waved down the car himself and told the deputies was going on to let them know He's still looking for his original car Well good for you what a night in even better morning What I am laughing at and it all slowly comes back Slowly comes back and what a god you're gonna do the Advil My first question. Oh You guys have like a Pedialyte or something Henry Henry Thomas. That's the the least of your worries buddy. You remember what happened last night

Do you remember anything? No, I remember me telling everybody the truth about lemonade All right, let's do hero of the week Well, this week's hero of the week, it's uh, well, this was actually given to my brought to my attention by Henry Thomas There's a brown ski. Thank you and uh, I know and I finally really helped it because you know how many people like send in things being like Send in my cousin who's like bravely fighting cancer like sometimes like can you shout out like my my This doctor that saved me and my family went out and said like but and then I read these I just delete them Yeah, right because this is hero of the week. This isn't about nonsense There is a uh a plow company in in the southwestern michigan. Now you think about a plow

You think what's it's what's the name for a plow herb herb the plow Buck johnson buck johnson the plow not anymore Betty white out that's the new name of this snow plow. They named it after betty white So now one still again the hero is not really betty white. It's the snow plow that someone named betty white It is indeed the snow plow betty white out because as we learned in um, philadelphia Snow plows are heroes and in order in order to be a hero you have to use them So they're gonna use it. So the agency started accepting suggestions. Not in philly though. Not in philly. That's right Hey, no, they are they are just cars in philly. That's right. The names aren't painted on the vehicles

But they will all have to be entered into the department of transits live online snow plow tracker Where this is from the article. They say where fans Can follow them as they clear the stay roads now. I think we are going a little bit crazy when it comes to the term fandom I don't know if snow plows have fans. I don't know anyone who watches snow plow television But I don't know everybody. So I don't know everybody. Maybe there are fans So they are gonna have the betty white out to cheer on and it's a really wonderful thing Gordy plow erin burr and derrick sleeter are among other celebrity inspired names on this list Which also includes edgar allen snow

He died in valkyrie And clear apathria That's the dumbest shit clear. No, that's the dumbest shit. A pathra pathra. That means nothing So now Because of this new snow plow betty white out This is just a who's who of who could get the snow off of our streets Whether it be gordy plow erin burr derrick sleeter Edgar allen snow clear apathria

Or betty white out either way. Yeah, sounds like a sexually transmitted disease It also sounds like something you say if you're taking a liquid dump and you're not at the bathroom clear apathria, please Um, also the runner-up was a cat Uh ginger the cat now ginger the cat is a cat burglar klepto cat And uh, she would steal from locals. She would steal all their toys and stuff and then kind of kind of give them out To different things. I talked him out of that for the snow plow. Yeah, you just have you know I just have you know as the audience and so what I also like to do is here's a big old general Shout out to doctors

You got it. You got it nurses. Thank you. Shout out to you guys Thank you for being out there and not doing experiments on people in concentration camps Absolutely not. All right, let's get some letters here. Oh, first of all, we want to say I'm sorry. Uh, Our our intrepid researchers and uh in ourselves were fooled by someone who put in that astral projection story last week Uh, and apparently was from the show beyond belief But that show is fantastic and it counts and it counts. Do we know was it beyond belief or was it beyond belief? Was it too build? Was it too? To believe or was it not to be believed? I don't know. Okay. That show was fantastic though

But yes, so apparently that story is fake, but I have another or it was just right recycled Recycled another astral projection story that I'm going to make you fucking here. I love it. There you go So here this is uh, also apparently I was wildly wrong in my idea of identifying cdc trucks People have been really very upset because they say apparently people protest them And they get really mad and try to attack them and and destroy the trucks, which is what you can I think we did mention safety as one of the reasons sure. Sure. Yeah, I think that was mentioned I just was being curious boy curious boy. Right. All right. Here we go In regards to your inquiries about what kind of people the cia recruits so I can give you some insight

My father and grandfather were both in the cia paramilitary. My grandfather was part of these oss Uh, which we talked about last week in our first episode of our mk ultra series Now my grandfather worked in the oss and was later an original member of the cia He was also a Manhattan lawyer worked for a giant chemical company and was the headmaster of a boy school in long island Which I know I mean a lot of people that were really connected We're going to talk a little bit next week or this week about the idea of how many very famous people were a part Of the oss julia child carl young Uh, they he liked to have celebrities in julia child's by the way. I don't care who how many people she's killed

Because she is just a delight. No, she fought the nazis. She is a wonderful And she's like my she's like six seven she big lady. It's a real janerino. Yes and play my song Now my family has a ton of crazy stories about both of them But my favorite one is that my grandmother said that my grandfather used to leave her For the city to go into his law office on let's say a tuesday with a coat hat briefcase whatever And then he just wouldn't come home For like 10 to 14 days sometimes. Where'd he go? Don't know and then some weekend he just waltzed in the house as if he was coming home from work

Obviously, this was disturbing and stressful to the family environment and my grandmother died of lung cancer and alcoholism So it is difficult I don't know if we can blame the cia for that It does drive people to stressful the stress reducing behavior like drinking smoking good point So my mom's favorite story is when she and my dad were returning from their honeymoon in a capoco in Mexico Which is also apparently which is apparently a very suspect trip for different reasons So my mom saw her newly minted father-in-law at the dallas airport She grabs my dad and it's like

Hey, look it's your dad My dad grabs her arm turns her away and starts walking her away and says no, it's not you didn't see him You didn't see him. No explanation was given while that's okay. I love that kind of shit weird Um, but apparently her dad died of a really rare kind of brain cancer as an unknown member of his five-guy team Um, and then one was found shot in the back of his head in Mexico City One had a quote-unquote heart attack on the new york city. Um One was suicided to a gunshot in his head, but then he had a literature mark around his head around his neck So that's good. That's great. It's that's fun. All right. Well interesting. Here we go

I'm gonna see this. Let's see if this astral projectory stories work Okay, let's see. I mean it's got one of them's got to be real, right? I have a very similar story to the one you told about the woman who was seemingly astral projecting herself into the home of Another woman who then thought she was the ghost now. This didn't happen to me directly But my older brother and my mom My dad is a pastor when I was younger he would go on missionary trips fairly regularly and leave his family Meaning me my mom and my siblings behind back in Arizona On this particular trip. He was in Kenya and he was gone for several weeks

One day about two weeks into said trip my mom and my older brother were at home watching tv in the living room When suddenly in walks my dad in full view of both of them in his tidy whitey's His home leisure suit of the cob choice. That's how my father was too. Sure Now he turns makes eye contact with them and smiles as they stay seated He keeps walking out of the room and into my bedroom, which mine used to mine you does not have an exit My brother and my mom both get up and follow him, but he is nowhere to be found Keep in mind my dad was not and still is not dead and was literally on the other side of the world when this took place Cool

This is about 20 years ago and to this day we still get still gets brought up from time to time Of course my parents being the super fucking christian dingbats that they are believe it was a demonic taunting of sorts Whoa mockery of a man of god used to try and scare his family while he's out doing his work I never heard of a demon in tidy whitey's walking around No, I've heard of a couple one was one he liked to he liked to really pay close attention to the boys as they clean themselves before competition Okay, and then uh I've got a lot of ideas myself

But what I've landed on and what makes the most sense to me is astral projection If memory serves me right this occurred at about one o'clock in the morning a quick google search of time zones were revealed That at the same time was about 11 o'clock at night in kenya meaning my dad was most likely asleep It could be that he missed his home and his skid marked on his so much That he literally took himself there and his sleep and was visible to my mom and brother Isn't that nice? All right. Well, there we go any other tales big thing is don't touch a monkey

Why not everyone just said just don't touch monkeys if you see a monkey out there Can you hug one don't touch a fucking monkey even if you even if you have good intentions you can't touch it Yeah, here apparently, um, the all of these All of this is referred to the cdc truck that crashed and unleashed all those monkeys macaques an other old world native to africa and asian monkeys can be naturally symptomatic carriers of the herpes disease Am I right her that is that this group of monkeys was a seizure from a private owner and needed to be held at a quarantine facility Until they figured out what to do with them

Um, so to touch on why the truck wasn't labeled again and the driver driver was hush hush You just have to be careful. You just understand that just but don't touch your monkey If you see a monkey out there unless it has been brought to you by some kind of safe monkey institute Don't touch your monkey. All right. Well good lessons all around today. Don't put manners on your friends foods Don't touch a monkey and uh, you know never destroy art never destroy art. There we go three lessons Live every day knowing for a fact you're not driving to a book burning Um, just like wake up knowing that you're not going to do it. Even if it's on your even if it's on your schedule You'll just laugh knowing that like, huh?

Can you keep a schedule? It's been really upset. Can you keep a schedule or are you burning that as well? I don't know. I don't know. I think you should I think if you go to a book burning You're never allowed to hold a piece of paper again ever again You shouldn't be allowed to you should figure out how your iPad works and a lot of times You're not going to have one. I imagine oh iPad burning Oh, that was a lot of chemicals a lot of a lot of pollution and then love the fact that you are an enlightened human being That knows that there are you know, there are things out there you may not to disagree with But they have to continue to exist because you cannot destroy art. No, you cannot

All right, everyone. Thank you so much for listening and uh, yeah, I guess that's basically yeah Keep on supporting all the show. We got the comic book coming out in springtime very soon Uh last comic book on the left. You can one look that shit up that out soul plumber check out the coffee We got some weed news coming for you soon ish Trying to get into that flower game. Yes getting that going Yeah, and we're wide now on all platforms and the transition has been um We're doing it as fast as we can and as good as we can so there's a lot of moving parts So thanks everyone for your for your patience. Seriously. Everyone's been fucking awesome. Our team is crunching out everybody

And you guys have been very patient And thank you for all Yes, we'll be on all your your podcast. Um platforms Platforms I don't know what happened to me. All right, everyone. Thanks for listening. Hail yourselves. Hail satan My god congratulations for likeness. Yes, that's what I mean. It's on you This show is made possible by listeners like you

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