Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: The Moscow Murderer

Episode Date: January 5, 2023

Ben 'n' Henry breakdown this week's weirdest stories and true crime news including the suspect arrested in connection to the Moscow Idaho murders, an artillery shell found in a French man's anus, Florida man has sex with neighbor's dog / destroys Nativity scene, Scientology News (Where are the Miscaviges?), Las Vegas UFOs, Drunk Michigan man poops on PT Cruiser, Hero Ghost Dad helps son win lotto, Listener E-Mails, and MORE!

There's no place to escape to this is the last time on the left side stories. That's when the cannibalism started. Side stores. Yes. Now we're sounding young. Now we sound young. You know what? Yeah, I feel young. Yes, I feel so like, oh, my 90s girl is showing today. It's not you're further away from the 90s than ever before. No, no, I mean my attitude. Look, I got my belly out.

No, you don't. I got my head out the sun. You actually can't physically have your head out the sun roof. I can because I'm a walking meme. Yeah, but I'm nice. I can get a yellow pages. They make those anymore. I was saying I was feeling young earlier.

Yeah, I'm again because that's I feel like that all of 2023. I want to re get back that energy. Do you remember I was doing it? That's why I'm doing my dry Jan playing Callista protocol like a child. I think that that's really important. Embrace the child without touching a child. It's a great game. Embrace the allegorical child within like just be that pixie cutting girl.

And then she got the tank top on. You can see my nipples a little bit. Imagine if you found out I went through a pixie face. Oh, you just look and you just see my little belly button hanging out of the top of my Janko Smith. That's me now, dude. I don't care what anybody says. I'm young again.

I'm a little girl. I had some Janko friends, but I never had a Janko phase. Welcome to Side Stories, everyone. Ben hanging out with Henry 2023 first episode. Hope everyone had a fantastic vacation as good as humanly possible. Mine was fucking horrible. All right. Well, we have some updates from 2023.

A Christmas gift indeed given to the world as 28-year-old piece of human shit. Brian Christopher Coburger was arrested. We got him. He is the suspect in the killing of the Moscow University slain. We did it. We didn't do anything. Yes.

We did absolutely nothing. Accepting the bag. What are we accepting? I mean, what do we even come close to doing? Just our, I learned a lot from, I watched the Andrew Callahan, this place rules, I believe his name is the documentary on HBO Max. And what Alex Jones pauses all the time, it's like, it's an info war. It's not an actual physical war.

It's an info war. It's a war of words and data points. It ain't an actual physical war. As I was trying to back away his pedal out of it. That's what we did. We brought the info war to this guy. We really didn't do anything like that. I did play a Callahan's interview with Alex Jones on top.

And I didn't realize what he's a great entertainer. And I did have to retract. I had criticism for him, but then I didn't realize he's so good. No, no, no. And then they cut to really good. I love Andrew Callahan. Yes. He's very funny.

Let's get into this motherfucker. All right. So this guy has been picked up again, a legend. No, we don't, it doesn't matter. He's jerking off in front of PO's. He actually is such a prime example of an Uber douche. This man studied criminology. As a matter of fact, can we say one of his teachers was someone

that we actually spoke with. So now we know that he was, he got a PhD. So Brian Coburgers, 28 years old. Coburgers. He traveled from Washington State University possibly to do this crime. Again, we don't know, but probably yes. Well, they say he was about 1.2 miles away from Idaho at the time of the crime. Yes.

It was very quick. It was quick travel over there. We know that we got his DNA from some form of either 23andMe, some kind of generic DNA compositor. That's what they said, where they found it. They separated his DNA from within the house. They found it and they tracked him with the footage of the white Elantra. Absolutely.

They tracked the Elantra. They picked him up. What we now also know is that he was a PhD in criminal justice, or he was at least attempting to be a criminal. And one of his teachers was Kathleen Ramson. A woman that we interviewed for our Patreon series, a fantastic woman and one of the icons in criminology. He also had a teacher that he met with only via Zoom.

And she said he was one of the brightest students she'd ever been with. But again, she didn't know how big he was. She didn't know how much he weighed. She never smelt him. She never had any actual interaction with him. And she only taught him over Zoom. She did recommend him for a PhD program. However, many people within his personal life say he went a little strange

and of course severed ties with many of his close friends. So this is not an example of this man was so brilliant. He was about to become the greatest criminal mind of all time. It never is. No, he's just a loser asshole like every single one of them. Well, we know for a fact he wasn't going to get caught in his first crime. As far as we know, so he worked under Kathleen Ramson that we also know has one of the most of all of the various researchers that we know

has a very intimate relationship with Dennis Rader BTK. Now, there's a lot of rumors flying around, but whether or not that did Coburger have any sort of conversations with BTK? We don't know. We know for a fact that BTK is very particular at who he speaks to. You have to fill out all his forms and you have to go through all of this rigamarole because how could you possibly sit at the knee of the master? Oh, absolutely.

Without being able to pass his many verbal tests. He does make you solve puzzles. He does. A man who tied himself up took pictures of his flaccid penis being tied up with the Polaroid. Couldn't even stay hard, failed at that. Although the one thing that Dennis Rader did give us was Detective Popcorn with the hot dog squad.

And I thank him every day in my prayers. When I do my prayer to Bezos, every night I sit in my knees and I say, oh Bezos, the power of Soros, please, please give me another crime that could give me a character as lasting as Detective Popcorn. I think about it every fucking day. Well, this guy is not going to provide any characters. And I was fantasizing as I went to bed about interrogating him. Oh, yeah.

And I feel like because he's so far up his own ass and he wants to be like the riddle, I would almost just mock. I mean, obviously true talk. We all know this is horrific for people died, right? Oh, yeah, of course. But in the mind of this person, I think that he thinks that he was about to go cause another 9-11. And he didn't.

And he wasn't even able to do the thing that he wanted to do, which is, again, as Henry said, get away with murder as his father drove him across country. They got picked up twice, which is interesting. Very interesting. They got picked up for tailgating, which I'm technically like the Adolph Hitler of tailgating. Well, you had your comeuppance later last year.

Yes. And then, of course, they also got caught for speeding. But if you are a father right now and you're driving with your son, ask him what's up. Yeah, what's up? Check in. Check in. This is a good time to check in with your vacant-eyed.

I want to say, because it does look like Brian Coburger definitely went to the Adam Lanza School of Mugshot Modeling, which is, I mean, must be very exclusive. He's got that crazy face. He's got what's called a turtle vest put on his body in his picture, which is how we know that he resisted arrest. He showed his dick to a bunch of officers. He freaked out when they went to go get him.

I think that what's going to come out, we know there's some other information that has come out. It's that he went to Reddit. He was an active Reddit user. He would go and he would post surveys for his classes, which I then learned is actually pretty normal. It's pretty standard. Yeah, that would make sense.

I mean, if he's collecting research as a social science. Yeah. So you need people to fill out those forms, and that's how you get your data. Ananimously. Right. Yeah. And so that he can do that, right?

So Brian Coburger was doing that. It does seem much like Dennis Rader, which I can see why people are making the jump immediately, not just the Catherine Ramsland connection, but also the fact that Dennis Rader went to school for criminal justice, whatever the term. Criminology or something like this. He went for criminology.

We know Ted Bundy went and took a couple classes in criminal law. I mean, he took a couple of classes. Yes. I'm just saying these guys, or it fits the MO, of shithead fake Riddler. These guys that think that they're going to become super villains. Right.

And then the actual process of becoming a super villain is very difficult for them. One of the funniest, well, one of the funnier details is evidently, so after the murders, again, trying to really outthink everybody with this stupid mind, he wore gloves at the store. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. It's like that's not, again.

It's too late, dude. The fingerprint is inside of you. It's called the human genome. Yeah, dude. And you cut your finger. You cut your finger while you were doing the act, and then it got all over everything. And it's obviously how anybody feels

about giving your DNA up to a private company. It is a complicated issue. I agree. Great. I completely agree. But when it comes to catching serial killers, it seems to work really well. Well, don't even give him the credit.

He's not a serial killer. No, he's not. Well, technically, well, he's a spree killer. He would put, he would put him in a spree killer. Wouldn't a spree killer require a second location? Isn't he just a simple, not a simple one? Let me hit the boards. Hit the boards.

I mean, I'm going to hack the mainframe. Does being a spree killer. I believe you have to go to a second location. So I think he's a mass murderer because mass murder is three or more. So again, obviously very serious here. But in this guy's mind, he really wanted to be the next big thing, which is, of course,

a colossal piece of shit. Yeah, he at least, you know, he's got a goofy ass head. He looks like a guy you chased out in the street going, Brandon, hey, Brandon. You know, like, he's a pretty, you know, at least that's what I like. Anybody that looks sort of like, I believe, it is from Always Sunny.

Oh. He looks like, is it Daniel? Oh, the weird brothers, the twins. He looks like Glenn Howerton from Always Sunny. Got you. Well, that's a compliment. Obviously the mass version of it. Yes, indeed.

Of course, that is Dennis and the thing is with this guy, I don't believe that he, there is no storyline, much like Eric Harris and Dylan Clebold of him being bullied. No, he had a normal child. He had a normal life. He's the one who was a complete asshole. Ben Roberts, he's a graduate student in Criminology and Criminal Justice at WSU.

He says he was always looking for a way to fit in. He says I had honestly just pegged him as being super awkward. And you know you're super awkward when you're super awkward in a room full of people who want to study human death. I mean, like when you're the one who stands out in a criminologist class where everyone else is like, shoot me, how many stab wounds would it take to the brain in order for me to understand

that the illusion is going to come out of the left ear? You're talking about your family and your friends. That's me, dude. That's what I want. I would love to. But you fit in. I know. That's what I'm saying.

I know, because again, I'm fun. I'm fun and curious. Well, he's so curious about the wounds. This is what he had to say. And perhaps this is why some of the BTK characteristics are being discussed. This is what Ben Roberts said. He says one thing he would always do almost without fail

was find the most complicated way to explain something. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He had to make sure. He had to act like a genius about every single thing. Yes. He says he had to make sure that you knew that he knew it. It's like the cereal boxes. Oh, God.

Yes, it's very, very similar. And apparently, according to a breakdown of the difference between serial killers and spree killers, if we want to get into these reductive arguments about human behavior, it's about time period. And so spree killer is about doing a series of crimes up to three murders in a seven day period with no cooling off period.

So I guess technically, it might be. Yes, serial killers are about flurries of activity over periods of time. So hopefully the people of Idaho in Moscow can breathe a little easier and now get along, get on with the morning process and hopefully some justice is served here. But it's just, it's another example of just,

you never fucking know what asshole is a mile away from you at any given time as you go through your life. And you're just like, I'm going to self-improve today. And then there's some moron sharpened in a knife looking at a picture of Jennifer Lopez and just going out. And I mean, it's just scary. This really strikes at the heart of fear. You just never know anybody.

You don't know who your lover really is. You don't know who your best friends are. You don't know who your family is. All right, well, let's not get crazy. But I actually got some good, I do got some good like gossip on him. So I got a letter from someone who I went to high school with Coburger.

I went to school with Brian Coburger growing up. I always got really weird feeling about him like something was off. He was awkward and quiet, but he had a bad temper. Now I do love this because obviously now in hindsight, every single thing can be sort of like analyzed. You talking about the veganism? This is not the veganism, but that makes absolute sense.

Because also, I'm meaty, I didn't do this. I'm meaty, I didn't do this. No, because a meat eater knows you gotta fucking let that meat rest. All right, now being a desperate 18-year-old, see, he didn't interact with, he was listening to interact with a dude very much. But he said that he was out of weed.

He was 18 years old, he was out of weed, right? And he hung out with Coburger. Because Coburger said he knew someone who could buy weed from. He said, we can go, I know a guy, right? I'm so happy it's fucking legal in California. But also, again, remember, that guy who ever tells you, I know a guy, you just stay here, I'm gonna leave with the money, never does.

He knows no one, he knows you. And you gave him your money. And now he doesn't know you anymore because you're gonna cut him off. But he said he went out, he said, I can get this guy, I can hook it up. So he went to a local mall, I gave him the money. He went off to, quote, unquote, neat with the drug biller.

Now, when we went and got back to my car, he said that he had been robbed. And we had to leave. Oh, he was robbed. I was, I was just, I was some kind of Asian, like, oh, I was robbed, right? And then readily, he was acting erratic. I doubted he was actually robbed, but I was scared.

Which I do, I could see why you're scared when someone does those type of ostentatious lies. It's kind of freaky. Yeah, it's weird because it's like, why are you doing this? I was watching this, some YouTube video of a cop that had then been put, was put into jail for 440 years for serial rape. I forget what his name was, but hearing him,

he was caught red-handed. He was an older police officer that was the guy that was the serial rapist. He was caught at the window of his next victim, like, trying to get in. And he was like, what I did was not scary. Like, he kept saying this thing. I did not frighten that woman.

It was like, well, someone, you were the one. Seems frightening. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So someone who says those kind of lies to me, it freaks me out, right? So I was scared. I got this kind of off feeling about Coburger. Now, I agreed to take him home and the whole time, he kept saying that he was happy I was there with him.

And I can't believe that we're friends now. We're friends now. And this was the first and the last time we ever hung out. And probably the third time we ever even talked our entire lives. I dropped him off at his parents' community where he was just recently arrested. Now, he asked me to come hang out inside.

But there was something in me telling me to get as far as fuck away from this dude as I possibly could. Now, at the time, I thought he was maybe, like, on hard drugs or pills. But now I'm not sure what that around behavior was from because, again, nothing in city has happened. But this is not the only story I heard.

Just the feeling you get around people and you got to trust those feelings. It's that shit. It's all that weird. I hate that because, I mean, I get it. We've all had messy periods, right? I've been a person. I've been an unreliable person at times. Oh, I bleed.

Every month, every month. Dude, your periods are heavy. Whoa! My God. I think that we need to call a hospital or a military base. Yeah, exorcism. Like, there's something going on inside of you that's trying to come out. I was like, I was first concerned, but you were so...

Doctors said I'm not supposed to bleed down there. Yeah, you were just normal about it. You were just sitting in it. Well, what are you gonna do? Well, what are you gonna do? So, yeah, so just lastly, he seemed, he had OCD tendencies. He made all of this. Hey, some of us do.

Some of us do. Some of us do. Some of us are crazier than others. Well, some of us are hyper-vigilant, and our vigilance makes us so good at podcasting that other people can't compare. Yeah. And that's me. No stone unturned.

No page unturned. No stone unturned. Absolutely. Again, you can't just abandon your messy friend because sometimes they are just fucked up right now and yeah, maybe they're inhalants. They're doing some inhalants. I don't think that this was a friend abandonment

situation. No. I think this was a man who was lied to about getting drugs, and then he was stolen from, and then the guy thought that that was gonna make a bonding friendship. Yeah, I think that, yes. But that's, because I remember like,

usually when someone steals from you, that it's the end of a friendship. That's normally the end of a friendship. But he thought that was the beginning of it. Well, it's because he said he was robbed, and then he thought that they were trauma-bonded by his fake robbery. Yeah, but he, I don't know.

No, no. Anyway, so yes, the, it's just strange that he would be, to continue with the animal thing, the vegan wore the long pig. We are. And if he truly did care about animals, he would not kill the long pig, which is human being. Whoa, very deep.

Well, you mentioned war, and I want to kind of lighten it up a little bit. Yeah, because war is our lightest topic. Well, going back into 2000, 2022, just for a second, this story dropped, and we just have to cover it because we cover all rectum stories. And it's, honestly, and again, it's about bringing the war home.

Because the one thing in America we don't see, the only time we saw was 9-11, right? When that war showed up at our doorstep. But guess what we did? We said, hey, we're going to give war to everybody else for the next 20 years. Absolutely. It's the gift that keeps on giving here in America.

World War I, what a fun one that was. Hey, man, it was the first one. There was a dude. He was super old. He was going through a, he was going through the security, or I'm sorry, he was going through a French hospital, right? So he was in a French hospital. Yeah, the French hospital, it was partly evacuated

after they found an old school, what appeared to be artillery shell from World War I in the guy's asshole. Oh yeah, that is a, wow. You know what's kind of funny is that I, wow, I did not see the size of the object. It's huge. Holy fucking shit. That's like the size of a loaf of wonder, Brett.

It also kind of looks like a dick. Oh yeah. So it's sort of worse. Yeah, but how in the living fuck? I guess when I saw the story, he never looked at the picture. Yeah, it's huge, right? That's an artillery shell, bro.

That was back in the, well, back in the day when we used to do that. Wait a second. So not even the tail wasn't sticking out? I assumed that he thought it was going to stop it from going in. So he's 88 years old. I almost give him some credit for this. He went to hospital, St. Moose in Toulon.

And he was like, I got this, I got this old little paraphernalia in my butthole. My back hurts. Yeah. That's how I'd started, but excuse me. It seems I have a bit of a goose in the bank. Yes. And so the emergency occurred from 9 p.m. to 11 30 p.m.

On Saturday evening, it required an intervention of bomb disposal personnel, the evacuation of adult and pediatric emergencies, as well as the diversion of incoming emergencies. So work. But it is, it's full of what appears to be human shit after it was removed. And again.

What I do love is that bomb disposal experts, they arrived, right? And this is according to the New York Post. So, but it is funny because they showed up, you know, obviously everyone freaks out and they're like, why'd you call us? Right. This couldn't even, this could barely work.

This thing's filled with human shit. You're immediately upset. It's like, why'd you call us out here for this man's antique dildo? It's eight inches long. Dude. More than two inches wide. So I mean, we're going to put up the picture.

We're going to put up this picture because I, I cannot believe. And I'm actually going to disagree with the New York Post reporting here because this sentence does get under my skin a little bit. It's believed, quote, the pervy patient. Oh, you know, leave the guy alone. He's 88 years funny.

He just wants to have a good time. Remember the guy that fell on the last one? He said he fell. You remember that one? Maybe he did that too. Maybe he had a tumble. I think that this guy literally was just like, no, I was having sex with World War One.

And then it went back into my butthole. But of course he fought. He is the greatest generation in World War Two. So why not get back to your roots? One doctor declared an apple, a mango, or even a can of shaving cream. We are used to finding unusual objects inserted where they shouldn't be.

But a shaving cream. But a shell? Never. I guess that's my thing, right? Oh, I thought what's nice about dildos and pup hugs is that they have the rounded edges. Well, that's not actually a give you. Isn't that what gives you the pleasure?

And yes, the girth, the girth and the filling does. But I don't really understand because it feels like, especially if you look at that back end of this thing, that has to hurt, right? Because I don't think he thought it was going to go all the way in. I actually think he thought the back of it was going to make sure that it didn't penetrate the final wall there. It's bigger than Wendy.

You know what I mean? It's bigger than my dog. Well, but it doesn't weigh as much as your dog. Yeah, Wendy's seven pounds. It's an eight pound. It's an eight inch. It's eight inches. It can't be eight pounds.

Look at this fucking thing. It looks like a thermos that you give to a construction worker if you're a sweet home-making woman. Well, isn't that nice? And of course, what a fun way to drink coffee that would be. And lastly, in 2022, just to end it all, a man had sex with his friend's dog in public before destroying a church nativity scene.

So there you go. Hey, man, the last box on your bingo card of 2022. And you know what's nice is? Yeah. You got bingo. And what did you win? Nothing but gout. Nothing but gout.

The guy was his name. We have to say his name. It's Chad Mason. Yeah, Chad Mason needs to be named out loud for having sex with the dog. And what kind of dog was it? The golden doodle. Well, I'm OK.

The golden doodle. You're not kind of in a way. It was weird to say like. He's not even. He's like, he's just a normal looking guy. So again, he's too normal for that. Yeah. What is going on?

There's Chad Mason. I'm just happy we're in 2023. Well, he destroyed it. I agree the nativity scene destroyed the nativity scene. Well, why? I mean, why would you want to do that? I don't know. Because people work really hard to set those up.

I was just in Florida for a too long of a period of time. And I really do think that you could look at. You could look at the nativity scenes and you could see how much fun they'd be to wipe out with your car. Well, right. Yeah, that's not fucking the dog. No.

I think fucking the dog is really how we're stepping over the line. Yeah. I mean, the nativity scene is certainly a long second when it comes to crimes. I mean, that's just a series of different kind of mannequins. It's just mad. I always say, just leave things alone.

But anyway, speaking of not leaving things alone, Henry Scientology, do you want to talk about this? Dude, it's all the rage, man. It's back in play, dude. Everybody's ready to go. Look at your Siali beat cancer. She's no, she's dead. Look at this other O.T. 8.

Yeah, man. No, she beat cancer. She is in a digital prism with LRH right now. OK. And then also Whitney Mills, an unfortunate O.T. 8 Scientologist that set herself on fire. What? And then when it didn't work, she committed suicide

by hitting, by shooting herself in the head because she was diagnosed with cancer. And according to O.T. 5, you've already beat cancer, friend. That must be a pimple inside of your ovaries. And it's not good, man. But it's, again, because in O.T. 5, they believe that you were past physical disease. And when you get to O.T. 8, technically, that's

when you can see through objects. You could astrally project. You don't want to suck dick anymore. You can fucking have the craziest, thickest rope shot into the back of the egg sac of a full fucking uncut trout, if you want to. Because you're in charge of your body, not the lame stream media.

Well, of course, Tom Cruise does do his own stunts, which is kind of cool. So he is truly a testament. If anybody actually succeeded because of Scientological Training, it's Tom Cruise. Now, Scientological Training, obviously, like anything, sure. Perhaps someone might get encouragement,

but it's really the belief that you're going to cure your own cancer. That's the problem. Also, David Miscavige. Oh, we're going to get to it. David Miscavige has been, they've been looking for David Miscavige. He'd been trying to serve him three different subpoenas

for labor trafficking. So he's going to go, now, this reminded me much of the Nexium case with Keith Ranieri. Is this possibly where they're going to, I mean, obviously, these are serious criminal charges of human trafficking, which also Governor Abbott and Governor DeSantis should be charged with for what they're doing with the migrants

being sent all over the country. But what do you, I mean, is this literally how they're going to try to get ripped apart? I actually, I really wonder, because they've been doing this process for a long time. So now, what the crimes are is that it is, I believe it is two or three members, former members of Sea Org that are suing Miscavige

because the basic word they're saying is, we gave you years of free labor. You trucked us back and forth across kids. When they were kids. And you trucked us back and forth across state lines. And so now it's like an FBI thing. And so David Miscavige has been just ignoring these people and shuttling between these various homes.

And for a while, they were kind of wondering, oh, did he go by the way of Shelley Miscavige? And go up, because right now, Shelley Miscavige, if she is alive, which we think she is. Why don't you was found, right? Well, there's rumors, the rumors of her death have been greatly exaggerated. It's never good when your wife has to give secret messages

like the leader of Al Qaeda. She is technically on a vacation away from her vacation. She is in Twin Peaks, California. Good. It's like two and a half hours north from here. Is there really a Twin Peaks, California? Yes, it is. It's between two Peaks.

Yep. Fantastic. Got him! Yeah, call it Clitoris, California. That's where the snakes go. Oh, nice. But she goes, and her job is, she works for what? I believe it's the CST.

I believe it's like the Council of Scientological Training. I forget what it actually stands for. So she is involved in Scientology. If she's not a total prisoner, she is there archiving LRH's final writings to be hidden in an underground bunker to be safely stowed away from the thermonuclear war that LRH said was going to end all society, right? It's the easiest prediction you can make.

Yeah, man. He did it as soon as he was going to. He did it. Kobe! Like, you say that one last one as he died. As soon as the nuke was created, they're like, that's the end of the world. Yeah, of course, man. That's the easiest prediction you can make.

It works. It works. But they found him because they knew for a fact that David Miskovich was going to be at a New Year's Eve party in Clearwater, Florida. He went down there. Well, it wasn't so much a party. It was a, because I actually find it weird that there was a,

I was on the YouTube channel growing up in Scientology. He covers it in a lot of detail. A part of what he talks about is the fact that normally, a New Year's Eve or Christmas or when they do these big functions. Sure. It's David Miskovich coming up being like, we are doing nothing but expansion. Bigger numbers than ever before.

Yeah. We solved crime in Colombia. We stopped prison recidivism in Mexico. Like you say every year. Every year, I know. That's a nonsense. It's not real. And, but this year, it was smaller.

It was intimate. And it's way more apparently like he's trying to bring in things. He's bringing things close, which is not very good. To 600 of his closest trained members, like all these like high level Scientologists went down to Clearwater for this New Year's Eve talk. I think they handed him the summons. I'm not quite certain, but at least we know that he is now in Florida.

And, but yes, David Miskovich is back alive. Shelley Miskovich is still probably alive. I can't wait to get deeper into this, but I do think what's interesting is that with the OTA when Whitney Mills, so Whitney Mills, she got diagnosed with cancer. Right. And, you know, they don't really like,

they don't believe in a lot of formal medicine Scientology. They really think that you can think your way out of it. Therapy, pharmaceuticals. No therapy. Yeah. They hate therapy. They hate pharmaceuticals. They think you can fix it.

And some pharmaceuticals can be effective. We don't want to throw the baby out with the bath water. We don't. It's not about that. It's just they don't like it. And they just don't like anything. So they apparently, the police went to go investigate her suicide. And when they went to talk to Scientology,

they found out that Whitney had called saying she needed to ask the D of P for what they called an assist reference suicide, right? Detective Hippolyte. This comes from raw story. They contacted the Church of Scientology, right? And they said that, like they said, well, D of P refers to director of processing.

And then a quote unquote, an assist was a Scientological method of healing that was quote unquote, not physical, right? So like, oh, so you weren't trying to assist her suicide. They're like, no way. No. So it's the equivalent. This is the sort of thoughts and prayers. Scientology version.

Oh, Kissel, no. There's tech. So yes, this is what you did. I got a meme that said it. No, this is tech, bro. There's a whole system here. So what they said is like, OK, obviously, you're sick. You're sad.

You've got to overcome your depression. You've got to do a locational. And what that means is you've got to do a locational, which means walking around. That's what it's good about. Just shitting the playground. Pretty much. You walk around and you point to various objects

and you order to distract yourself. You literally go, no, they're doing that. And pain. That's a bullet to board. Burger King. That's the moron character for Mankerman. Yes. And you do that, right?

You do that. That helps release. Try it next time. Try it. Look, coffee can. Child. I pointed at you. Kissel, you're eviscerating me right now.

It's this spit on meme. Spit on me, boy. What is wrong with you? I'm just a 90s girl. 90s girl. That is not even what 90s girls were all about. Step on me, bitch. Whatever.

I'm a whore. You're not doing good if you're a kid. That's not what children are like. Okay. And then a whore to do a PAB-6 is what they also referred her to do, which involves getting proper food and sleep, daily walks, listing out all of your incomplete situations.

Chemotherapy. No, because that's for cucks. This is better than that. Because guess what? You get to do it by yourself. You don't need these shape-coded institutions, baby. I'm just very surprised that some of the smartest people are also the dumbest.

I think about that with Steve Jobs all the time, where I think he just changed to like semen shakes. And he's like, this will work. I'm drinking my own cum now. And it's like, no, Mr. Jobs, you need to work with science. He ate like papayas or something. Something very stupid. It was like one fruit that he ate all the time.

It was a fruit. And it was just like, he's like, this is going to work. And then all the Dodgers are like, really not going to work. And then I think he could still be alive today. But he's like a genius theoretically, but then also a total freaking moron. Yeah, it was all fruit. He was a fruitarian, which honestly sounds like a fun

newsletter and a local gay scene. It really does, doesn't it? That's fantastic. Very classy. Keeping it cool. So when it comes to auditing, Scientology thinks that they do it the best. But I think we know who does do it the best

of the federal government. Our fucking boys in black and white. If they end up... I love my IRS guys. I don't care what anybody says. I don't care what anybody says. I want to say this on camera and on microphone. I love and support the IRS.

That's fantastic. And I will lie right along with you because... No, that's not a lie. This is the only way that I can rationalize. I love the end of the year. I think we should pay taxes like different than at the end of the year. Because then it's like, here you get sledgehammered

to beat and beat. What if I just go like... But I'm more tired. Instead of me paying taxes, what if I just go be a cop for a month? Oh, free cop services. Yes, military. If you join the military one month out

of the year, no taxes. Well, I still... It depends what kind of military service we're talking here. But it's really pretty brutal, usually. I would actually really prefer... I think it'd be due... I'd do well in the lunch service.

Yes, indeed. So anyway, we'll figure out what's going on with Scientology. Is this the beginning of the beginning of the end of a very least the reign of Miss Kavich, because I don't think that Elaran Hubbard... I don't think that he would really like

the way Scientology is being disseminated these days. I would think he'd be very disappointed. Yes. Because honestly, he always wanted his son to take over. What happened to his son? He got full to unrolled. Like, as his son did take over with... You wait, there's going to be a very...

We're going to be doing a Scientology update very soon. Is his son still in Scientology? No, his son died a long time ago. But LRH's son was in charge, and then it all fell apart for him. Then his grandson now writes slam poetry about it. Actually, I like it. Like, he does good.

Like, it's very evocative. But basically, he talks a lot about his father's perspective of LRH, and about how open LRH was with his own son and family, about the quote-unquote like OTO black magic angles, that he would not tell anybody outside of his family. That's how we know all the Jack Parsons stuff. Right.

That was because, at least from this outside of Jack Parsons' world, was that he actually told his son, like, he gave him all the books of Alistair Crowley, and was like, this is the real shit. This is the stuff that's behind this. And then with Miss Kavage, I think they got it a little bit away

from the spiritual angle of it. We got into real estate. And went into real estate. And then all the hue and the labor, and then, you know, spraying people with the hoses, slapping the guys. Well, I was thinking about that. What was it?

Was it Thoreau, the My Scientology movie? Yeah. Where they had Miss Kavage, the man. I believe it was a reenactment, where the guy just comes in and freaks out, and the guy's like, that's exactly what he would do. Yeah. Because Miss Kavage is like 5'4", which is scary.

Dude, you gotta be a tornado if you want to get the kind of respect if you're under 5'5". I know. I know. Jerry, my little dog, the beagle chihuahua, Fernando can attest. He's scary.

Yeah, man. That's why I find that when I wear boots with a little bit of a heel, I'm nicer. Uh-huh. Fly from your grave. One of the most exciting things about a new year is that you have no idea what ventures are in store for you. That sounds really menacing,

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Oh, is this, yeah, it's sort of cute. It's kind of cute. We'll lighten it up a little bit. Well, this is a little bit more of a consumer beware. Consumer beware. So there's a, what's your wallet, bitch? What's the point of license plates? Where do I carry her from?

So a 45-year-old dude, he was reclined in his seat. He decided to put on the autopilot on his Tesla. He was going 70 miles an hour. Turns out that the cops wanted to make a traffic stop. But the Tesla's like, fuck you cops. I'm a Tesla dude. I don't give a fuck. It's not good.

And it led to a, so it led to a police chase on the Autobahn. Yeah, man. And he was asleep, right? Yes. And so his car went into police chase mode while he was asleep, which is incredible. It's pretty cute. I also just, that wake up of the, I didn't like that gun,

one gun in your mouth. This is Germany. So they become a lot nicer these days. So the cops, they rolled, but they looked by the car. They finally got up to it. It's 70 miles an hour. They looked and they were like, oh, that driver's asleep. Police said this strengthened the suspicion that he had left

the controls on autopilot and fallen asleep. It does turn out though that this guy may be committing a crime because he was absolutely fucked up on drugs. No way. But I also feel like if we're going to have autopilot, this is what it's for. Well, that's the whole, this is this crux, right? We're now, what we are seeing is that, where, you know,

I don't want to go into any sort of musk or Tesla fucking, I don't want to talk at all about the- You don't want to talk about how fun the midlife crisis is that he's trying to make everyone go through. I don't want to be a part of his world. And it's just another person who's just like forcing me to be a part of this fucking shitty little world. But a part of it is that, it's just the frustration

we're all having. It's that he promised this idea that we're going to have these cars that are essentially going to make us dinner and fuck our husbands. And guess what? They're not doing it, right? The cars are not like, we're not there yet. And also human beings are unpredictable.

Yes. And it's a, we're a little bit not, we don't fit into a lot of the algorithms. Because sometimes, you know, I don't know if the algorithm says like sometimes, you know what, truckers? They jerk off while they're driving. They have to. And guess what?

They're not paying attention. And that's these X factors. We'll talk about this shit. I actually don't know if they can jerk off when they're driving. That's an 18-wheeler. It's like multiple shifts. How long do you need to do it?

Now how many fingers, man? I could jerk off with two fingers in 45 seconds. A female truck driver? No, me. A man can. All you need is these two. All you need is these two to create a little like hallway for your penis.

And all you need to do, you just got to get the little area that you got to get it going. Especially if you're driving. We're working with different utensils. I'm just saying, if you got, there's things out there, the Tesla's can't figure it out. And this is what we all want. But again, remember when they were trying them in Pittsburgh?

Because Pittsburgh is one of the big robotic centers of the country. I know. And they're sending all the Tesla's out and they're just killing people and shit, which I do think is like, you know, in its way very funny. But I also know that like it's bad for it. It's bad for the car.

Like just electronic vehicles, like in general, like it's bad for it. But I don't think Tesla, which is the data company, I don't think they're going to be the one to perfect it. I do remember when we did our show in Oakland, I believe it was the Fox Theater. Someone stabbed right outside of it. And we got into a self-driving car the next day

to go to San Francisco to fly out. And the guy's like, look at this. I don't have to touch the wheel. And then we went over a bridge and he's like, doesn't work over water. Yeah. So it's a hoverboard. You're going to want to touch that wheel though.

Because while you're driving in the autopilot, because Cena has one and he showed me, you need your hands on the wheel. Yeah, because it's deeply unreliable. It doesn't do it. And the car doesn't go to jail. No. If you kill someone, there's not like a Tesla prison.

No, there's not. And the Tesla's like, let me out of here. He's like, no, you go to jail. That would be kind of cool, because then they can get the death penalty and then you could take them for parts. You can trip them for parts afterwards. I think that's the plot of the next Transformers.

Whoa, is that, yeah, is that Cars 9? Oh, all right. Well, let's move on. I have some good UFO footage. Dude, there's been a bunch of UFO stuff. You said that you don't like the one over Wisconsin, though, huh? I, well, the one over Wisconsin, I thought was pretty,

but I feel that it's plasma. Okay. I think that it might be plasma, but the one over our favorite city on the face of this goddamn, plenty of beautiful Sin City. The land of every type of height, never type below you can get in your bucket. Ah, Sin City, oh, I'm away from home.

But when you get down there, you never know what you're going to see on the ground, never mind in the skies, right? Human vomit on the ground. Oh, yeah. UFOs in the sky. A detachable titty. Unidentified poopy objects on the floor.

Now, if you look at this, so if you see this UFO, all right, now look at this thing. We'll show the footage of this. Now, oh, okay. Oh, Las Vegas can't wait to be back in your bosom. I did just watch the David Copperfield show, and I wonder if this is part of it, because he does sort of have a magical UFO type segment.

So he controls all of the sky? So he's some kind of Gandalf who controls every layer of sky. After you, if you do get a chance to see Copperfield do it, he's really bitter and old and kind of angry, but he's wonderful. That's what makes him good. Yeah, that's kind of what I loved about him. No, this is over Sapphire, Las Vegas.

Have you ever been in Sapphire? No. Is it good? It's like, it's a pool club, wink, wink, wink. Oh, this is the club Sapphire. Yeah, club Sapphire. Have you ever been there? I don't do any of the pools.

They're full of piss. They're absolutely disgusting. Yeah, be careful. No one is sober. Where are some shoes? And no one's going to the bathroom. No, no, they are. They're all just smiling and they're up to their navels

in the water and you're like, well, you've been in there for seven hours. It's your turn. But if you look at this video, now this was filmed above the Sapphire, Las Vegas, it is a series of colored lights. Now, as you notice around it are the actual lights of the strip itself that are glazing on top of it.

So it's not from the strip. There is some form of weird, I don't, it looks amorphous. It's fun. Could be plasma. Right? But what they're trying to say now is that it might be the, well, of course,

It's certainly not a Southwest airline because those didn't take off. It's all. Leave them alone. No, I've gotten it enough. I don't, they have not. No, fuck this. And Americans still owe us be quite a bit of money

because they left me stranded in Dallas for Christmas and Christmas Eve. Very bad holiday. Yeah. Now this, what they're saying, now meteorologists, of course, they got to fucking figure out a way to keep their precious fucking jobs.

Yeah. So they'll say whatever the fuck it is as it gets us to all like, okay, Mr. Meteorologist, I guess that makes sense. Right? Because he says that it's not spacecraft, but rather,

now this just comes from, this is from KLAS in Las Vegas. He says a rare atmospheric weather event happened called light pillars. Now the National Weather Service, quote unquote National Weather Service, what does the country have to do with weather?

Because the weather belongs to Mother Earth. Okay. So first of all, got your fucking ass there. Right? So it says light pillars can be seen when certain atmospheric conditions combine with cold or weather,

resulting in reflective light seen in the clouds. Now listen, this is what this fucking nerd says, right? This is a long pillars of multicolored light streaking the sky seem like the perfect backdrop for impending alien

invasion. But in reality, light pillars are a common effect that can be found all over the world. Yes. So the meteorologists are just trying to explain exactly what happened there.

So there's nothing wrong with that. It's good to get answers as opposed to living in a world of lies. They do come from above, not extra tread cereals, but tiny crystals of ice that are hanging in the atmosphere. Ice is very thin.

Like me, I'm a meteorologist. Ain't nothing but salads. That's not true. Meteorologists are weak blood. Meteorologists are other beautiful women or very fat men. Yes.

And those are the only two. And I thought so. My favorite. The only two I trust. Absolutely. You better be over 275 of your man and under 75 if you're a woman. Now, when ice drifts down to the air,

it falls closed horizontally, right? At the top and the bottom are the faces with more area. Ice is very reflective. And so when light hits those wider faces, it bounces around and reflects. Yeah. It sounds better if it's just a UFO.

So anyway, that's exciting news. And no matter what, if you are in Las Vegas, you're tripping fricking balls. At the very least, you've been up for three days and you're hammered. You look up in the sky

and you see some kind of fun like that. It gives you another date on that. You know what? And you know what you do? Always videotape it and go, what's that, y'all? What's that, y'all? What's that, y'all?

What's that, y'all? What's that, y'all? What's that, y'all? And that's how you know, you know what you saw. Absolutely. Well, let's come back to Earth. Let's go to Kalamazoo County, Michigan.

Ooh. This is- Kalamazoo is probably my favorite name for a city. I love Kalamazoo. It's a great name. It rolls right off the tongue. And what kind of zoo would it be? Who is Cali-

Cali-ama? And that's why we're here to unpack it. Absolutely. So a conservation officer with the Michigan Department of Natural Resources, it sees this guy, right? And he's all hammered. His name is Joshua Salas.

He's got a PT cruiser. And the guy is like, okay, well, I better go see what's going on over here, right? So- Ever been in a PT cruiser? Yes. I don't mind the headroom. It is.

But- The Maroon 5, of course. Yeah. I'm not a- I- We had an old- The PT cruiser came out and sort of like, what if we go back to the 20s phase?

Yeah. I think people were doing Flappin' again. There were Flappin'. Yes, Flappin' was happening. And yeah, the Zoot-Zoot riot. But again, if you are in a PT cruiser, whatever it takes, and I'm not dissing the car,

because I could imagine it's cozy, to be honest. Well, I- Do you have them made new ones? I feel like, yeah, I feel like there are new PT cruisers, but I think mostly they give them out to like- I haven't thought about them forever.

They give them out to those little towns where they have- They keep all the sex offenders in like a trailer park. No, that's not true. Is that wrong? No, no, no, no, I'm sorry. No, that's not true. Am I offending the PT cruiser? I think that's the new Elantra. The Hyundai Elantra is probably going to take a little bit of a hit,

because we don't have the car material. Oh, yes. Yes, very much so. No, I think that the PT cruiser is a masculine car. Absolutely. Fantastic. So- Yeah, they're still making them. The man was-

The man in the vehicle, he was parked there. He said he was there to listen to the owls, and he wanted to be left alone. But then the dude noticed an open, tall container of natty ice. And then the guy was like, Well, buddy, you're in your car. What's going on here?

And the officer asked the guy, How drunk are you on a scale from one to 10? And the guy said, I'm at a five. I love this guy. He says, I'm at a five. I'll be honest. I'm drunk.

That's a five? Yeah, he's five, right? So then the cop starts doing sobriety tests, which again, he already gave you the answer. No reason to take the test. Yeah, you're very involved. He's just like Jeffrey. The answer comes first.

You know, what is DUI? So partway through the sobriety test, the guy drops his pants to his ankles and takes his shit right there and his PT cruiser bumper. Hey, you know, hey, that's his car, right? Yep. Hey, you know, you're a lot.

That's your, that's your car. It's your home. That's your dog. You do what you got to do with it. But this is why this guy was close to becoming hero of the week, because on the way to the place where they're going to detain him,

and maybe he was to the hospital to get a blood draw, the guy says, the officer starts using his GPS. And the guy says, Man, I'm the drunk one here. And I, I have to give you directions on how to take me to jail. You moron. Yeah, talented.

So there you go. His life's going to be like fucked. Yes. Because of this. During the blood draw, the man also mentioned that the nurses were not drawing his blood, but instead quote, it's all beer.

Not going to lie to you. Jesus, beer, natural ice. I think that he is, he is going to go to jail. Yeah. You know, that is, but again, a lot of our heroes in America, they were revolutionaries. They really were.

And they're the ones that, they're the ones that sewed the flag. Betsy Ross would have done that. Betsy Ross definitely would have drank in a case in Natty Light and fucking shat under the PT Cruiser, because she had a suck George Washington's dick. Right. And that's a fucking main soldier right there.

She's fighting for fucking America. She doesn't give a shit. Her pussy made America. And you say, you say Natty Light, but my friend again, this is Natty Ice, which is, I can still taste it from college. Look, as I looked up, as I typed in the word PT Cruiser,

look at what the fucking algorithm did. It's set up right here. Christ, this is the first thing the article pops up. Chrysler PT Cruiser Mania. Could it happen today? Now it says right here, this is the most, it did a PT Cruiser write this? These days, the Chrysler PT Cruiser is largely mocked.

In fact, it was recently featured in the Grand Tour for a showcase of the worst American cars ever made, a sentiment many share. But when it launched in 2000 for the 2001 model year, people literally lined up for their chance to own one. And it cuts through these PT Cruiser festivals. Look at this group of monsters. I don't remember the PT Cruiser festivals.

Look at this PT Cruiser festival. Look at this guy with a surfboard. He's putting a surfboard in there like, I was like, no man, you're not going to the, you're going to the Diabetes Clinic. It's very bizarre. It's like MAGA meets windsurfing. Why do they like the PT Cruiser so much?

I don't remember the PT Cruiser. I don't remember the phase, I guess. But yeah, good it happened today. I, again, it looks like an old timey mob car. And it's, I don't hate it. I just, I don't, it's kind of like, and I'm not going to diss one of our best friends in the entire world, but Subaru,

I won't buy it for political reasons. Oh wow. Because you're coming for Marcus's Steve. I'm just saying that it's good for Marcus. It is good for Marcus. He likes to haul, he likes to go hiking. Yes, and it's good for Marcus. See that?

Same thing with Tesla. It's good for people who have Teslas, like Sina. Well, I see, this is his, this is his bless your heart. Right, this is his thing that he says these things. Like, as he's saying, like, I'm not insulting you. It's like, I'm not insulting you. It's good for you. It's good for, oh, that's good for you.

Oh, I love that journey for you. For you. Yeah. Yes, there you go. Oh yeah, here we go. So I'm attributed to the skates. Stales the client of the Chrysler PT Cruiser to the fact that it received a few updates.

And it could haul far less than it asked to. After all, the PT Cruiser could only handle 865 pounds. That's like less than Magnus Magnuson. As in people in it? Yes, it can't haul more. It can't haul more than a thousand pounds. You couldn't take all of it. You couldn't take Murderfest.

You could take me, yeah, me, Eddie, Holden now. No, Holden, yeah. Yeah, but you could have got like, yeah, you could. Literally couldn't do it. No, you couldn't take us. We just sit there. What a dump. What kind of car is that?

This episode's brought to you by PT Cruiser. Like, we haven't read the ads yet. Could it happen again? All right, let's do Hero of the Wing. It's a Hero of the Wing. A man won $40,000 in a lottery. After psychic tells him, his dead dad wants him to buy a ticket. Hey.

So isn't that exciting? That is fine. A psychic informs a man from Maryland. Well, he just made himself money. So a professional psychic informed a 55-year-old resident of Washington County that his departed father wanted him to start purchasing Powerball and Mega Millions tickets. And the guy says, my dad was an avid lottery player.

The man claimed that the psychic also gave him a set of numbers that were reportedly passed down from his father. But when those numbers failed to produce results, he resorted to purchasing quick-pick tickets. So, okay. So his father also sent numbers from hell. He did not know it. No, no, no, no, no, no.

He did. That was a misdirection. So now the man won $40,000 thanks to a ticket he bought at the Bronze Road Corner Store for the Mega Millions drawing on November 18. I know my dad told me to buy that ticket, but I'm just going to buy one more ticket. Yep.

Seeing now the fact that my father lost most of our money, gambling on the lottery. Well, he says, we're at a point in our lives where the kid's student loans have been paid off and we no longer have a mortgage. Yeah, it's a perfect time to take that money, rip it up, put it in a toilet and flush it. But he did win $40,000.

He won $40,000. That's not the lesson he should have learned. No, absolutely not. And perhaps he could stop there. But it's nice that he has a little bit of income coming in. Also, just... Did you see that story with the football guy saving the people from the fire?

Now, did the psychic tell him to buy a lottery ticket? Yeah. So also, running up 120 million years ago, they found a dinosaur that ate a mouse. Did you see that? I don't know. No, I didn't. So they found out that this... From a ton of other things.

Crataecois period. It's called the Crataecois period. It ate a mouse? It dinosaur wolfed down its last meal. It was a mouse. That's the fucking... That's so stupid. But they thought that this didn't eat...

They thought that the dinosaurs didn't eat other animals. They can eat whatever they want. Yeah, that's one of the things that's annoying. I think they were... They were not carnivores. Yeah, they were carnivores. Why do you think they had those fucking teeth? Well, they just... They can chomp it. Also, now we know that horses can eat ducklings.

Yeah, of course. We've seen the footage. We've seen that they do eat weird shit. Everything eats meat. I mean, some don't. If it's hungry enough. Some plants don't. If it's hungry enough. No.

Whoa, Vita, fly traps. Absolutely. Our bugs? Well, you always say we'll be eating them soon, but I don't think so. You ain't even gonna know that you're eating it. No, look. Former Nebraska QB Tommy Armstrong Jr.

helped rescue neighbors from a burning house. Oh, well, that's awesome. Okay, thank you, Tommy Armstrong. Fantastic. All right, let's do letters. All right, now, right before the break, I asked the question of, like, what's the, like, most dangerous lawyer job? Right, like, what is it?

Oh, man, we didn't even cover that story of the divorce attorney who got shot by the fucking dude who was, like, unhappy with the proceedings. It happens a lot. Scary. And the thing that came back was how dangerous it is to be a divorce and family attorney. Woo!

A lot of fucked-up shit happens because people, like, one letter here, we said we've had people regularly threatened to shoot our building up. We've had people try to hack our payment processors so they can intercept and deny their wife's payment so we would quit, right? That's one thing.

A client who claimed to belong to a biker club, long story short, her case was set to fail from the get-go due to her threatening her former husband and his kids. We did not win her case. About a week later, she showed up with two Ben-sized goons and demand to meet with my boss. I buzzed him to let him know,

then walked the client and her goons back. My boss had his 38th special on his table, and once they saw it, everybody acted very polite and professional for the duration of the meeting. And that fucked up. That's kind of cool. Um, there's that one. There's another one that was, like, in family laws,

like, really family laws fucked. Oh, dude, it's the saddest one you could do. Well, because again, we've said a lot of times, the most dangerous time to leave in an abusive relationship is, like, that's the most dangerous time is when you leave. Well, just when you leave, yeah. And then that process can be really fucked up,

because now they're flailing, especially if you're dealing with, like, a quote-unquote, sadistic narcissist. Well, we talked about that psychopath for our Santa Claus serial, for our Santa Claus killing episode. He wouldn't let it go, right? Like, wouldn't let it go.

And now that you are let go, they have become, because they're so used to, like, being this, like, ultimate power center in their own lives. They don't understand how somebody could defy them, right? Right. I've been a paralegal for 15 years, working in my current job for the last 12. We handle a variety of cases,

a pretty even mix of family law, litigation, personal injury, and criminal defense. Our criminal clients are by far the sanest, most pleasant, and easiest people to work with. On the opposite end of that spectrum, we have the clients going through divorces or custody battles. The links people will go to and the harm

they will inflict on their children to get what they want, just to get back at their exes soon to be exes is appalling. We've had couples wipe out hundreds of thousands of dollars in life savings to litigate their divorce simply because they want to inflict the most harm possible on their former spouse. And a lot of matrimonial attorneys really love

getting, like, almost personally involved in the back and forth, negotiating, which means they love to write long, scathingly aggressive letters and act catty in general towards the opposing attorney. My boss finds this hysterical. And so he loves to fuel the rage of these types of vicariously aggressive lawyers

by writing ridiculously nasty letters back to them. We have successfully snuck Darth Vader quotes into at least 10 letters over the years. As for divorced custody cases where the other side just didn't get an attorney, those are almost always a nightmare if the other side is a husband representing himself. I've had to call the police a number of times

because irate men barge into the office demanding to see their wife's attorney and then get loud and threatening violence when they were told that said attorney is not around to meet them, right? Pro tips for screening clients. If they have enough money to hire a lawyer but the case has been going on for over a year

and they still don't have a lawyer, that means they are probably such a colossal pain in the ass that their prior attorneys abandoned them. You see this a lot in divorce and post-divorce cases where there's animosity between the couple. And again, it's always on the kids. They're always, like, dividing these kids back and forth. That's why, again, I mean, but I guess,

get divorced, get divorced, don't kill your spouse. But it ain't the best thing to do, just get in a car and drive to fucking Mexico. Yeah, I don't know, people just, I know it's emotional, but it just could be cool, man. It's hard when divorces are the single most brutal thing. I know. It's moving in divorces

and you got to do both at the same time. But of course, that's why there's great music for it. There's great music for it. If you're going through divorce, there's great tunes. Whether you're a male, female, there's great artists all around. They've got divorced tunes, little red wine, you know, you'll get through it.

Just sometimes you have to sleep it off for like maybe even six months. Just sleep. I just understand you're getting out, man. Just move on to the next person. Just get out there, if you're not fucking, start getting railed at the VFW. Take it from me.

My longest relationship is now puffin' followed by Jerry. Well, hey, they're dogs. But guess what? They're dogs. And you don't make love to them. No, I do not. I do cuddle Jerry, though, and puffin'. I give him whatever he wants.

So you gotta live every day known for a fact. If you're single, don't worry, all right? Because getting married is hard. You gotta be ready for it. Absolutely. All right? You're gonna love the fact that you can get out there. You mix it up.

And when you do finally found that special person, which everybody does, including the person we didn't cover, the guy that boiled all the puppies together in a crock pot, and then murdered two teenagers, he was married twice. Yeah. So anybody can. You know what I mean? You can find your person.

But you have to really, you know, I'd say, laugh about how low your standards can get. But then raise them back up. Because those standards should be locked tight, right? You should sit up. You should have a list. A list of attributes that that person must fulfill before they could possibly cross the lines in a coochie.

Yeah, I don't. Because you ain't crossin' that line in that coochie unless you got a ticket, my friend. So be open but guarded. Come on. There you go. I think it's gonna get like a golly net. Like a bar.

Like a bar. Yes, like a bar. But you know. And also want to remind people, last podcast. Yeah. Go get these tickets. Release the butthole cut. Page seven was in the freezer.

They had a wonderful little run right before the break. And they are back out there in San Francisco. Yeah. Friday, January 13th at the independent. And Sunday, January 15th. They're here in the welcoming bosom of Los Angeles. Sweet. Hey, the bourbon room.

I heard a couple of people that went. And they said they had fantastic times. It's very fun. They put a lot of work into this. They did. They are singing a lot of songs. You know what? It's them.

That's them. That's them. They're more gelical than we are. They are. They are way more gelical than I've ever been. That's why it takes everyone. It does. All right, everyone.

Thank you for listening. Hail yourselves. It's Satan. Congratulations, everybody. Look, I'm gonna feel better, right? I was feeling a little sad before. But what I'm gonna do, there's a light. Big kiss on.

There's a camera. You're so stupid. All right, there's a microphone. A microphone. There's a computer. There's a lot of mail titties. Yes. This show is made possible by listeners like you.

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