Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: The R Train

Episode Date: April 30, 2025

Henry & Eddie bring you this week's weirdest stories and true-crime news as new body cam footage reveals details in the shooting of True Crime Author / Weezer Wife - Jillian Lauren, Lori Vallow reacts to her own verdict from prison interview, P Diddy lawyers claim he was too drunk to commit alleged crimes, Horror unfolds on the R Train as police arrest man caught abusing corpse on NYC subway, Texas man charged with placing marijuana filled easter eggs across city parks, Cousin Lovin' on the rise in the US, The Prettiest Butthole in Michigan Contest, Listener E-Mails, and MORE! For Live Shows, Merch, and More Visit: www.LastPodcastOnTheLeft.comKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Last Podcast on the Left ad-free and a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

There's no place to escape to this is the last on the left side stories. That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. Well, Henry. Oh me. Happy birthday week. That's me.

It's your birthday this morning. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Oh me? Happy birthday week. That's me. It's your birthday this week. Oh, yeah You're so excited. You look great. You look great. You don't look a day over 41. I'm 41 not yet. Not yet

You're gonna be 41. Yes, but I've been sick for days. Yes. Yeah, me too I think I gave it to you You did when we recorded the last Last podcast on the left because you got sick and Marcus didn't because I sit closer to you Yes, and I was coughing you were coughing and sniffling sniffling a bunch But I still came to work because I care about you and I care about this job But then he went to go to the sea. I Felt dead at this fear. Yeah. Yeah

Completely better. Yeah, what did you do all weekend? I laid in my. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm a great weekend completely better. Yeah, what did you do all weekend? I laid in my filth. Hell. Yeah, I watched I played bg3 and got a new girlfriend I did get a new girlfriend at Baldur's Gate Lays L as well Having sex with shadow heart. She's more kind of my emotional girlfriend. Yeah, Lays L and I are kind of she don't shit We're friends. She just around without like fucking she doesn't have a job. She's just collecting social security. No, no, she's working very well She's no she's not lazy as hell. That is a contraction Liza is a good Yankee name is her last name. Is it is there is Susan?

Liza Susan that's funny. Welcome to side story around. I know I remember my name is Henry Zabrowski. She is not Jesus Carter and it's better. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson who is breaking apart You can have one of my rats. I don't want the rat. Oh my god. I can't believe you don't want the rat I am at a low today. You're at a low I am I am That you're getting older are you sad that you're getting older? Or are you sad because you're sick? Or are you sad because you're fat? Don't hold it.

Every single layer of it. I actually feel nothing about the age. It's mostly that I feel like dog shit for days and I want to party so bad. I am in a party mood. I wish that I could go out there and have fun and I can't right now. Yeah, and it sucks I feel like a child on Thursday, bro Pn funhouse come on out

You're gonna see me struggle live on the one of the day the day after this comes out on LPN TV twitch.tv Slash LPN TV from 4 p.m. Pacific to slash LPN TV from 4 p.m. Pacific to sometime. We're partying for you. 4 p.m. to 8 p.m. 8 p.m. You're going to come in and I'm doing it all. I'm leaving early. I'm not.

I'm locked in for the entire four hours. It should be a lot of fun. Yeah, I'm not because P funks in town. I'm like, we should go see our favorite band on your birthday. I remember. No, we must work. I was. We must. We must do birthday. I remember. No, we must work. I was we must. We must do this. It was. We were going to hang out with George Clinton on your birthday. I know. Like

no Eddie Holden says we work and when Holden says go I am right. You promoted them and now he's above you. I am. I honestly I can't wait to quit Yeah, sorry guys he's taking over the seat he's coming here he's gonna talk no Eddie no There's no way I wanted to go hang out with George Clinton I Didn't want to know it's not true. I am excited to be part of the LPN funhouse. It was booked first Now this is and that is called that's called how it is, but we're not only am I excited for that We're in the next week. We're gonna be all throughout Florida. We're gonna have a lot of fun. Oh my god, dude I'm very excited Toronto, which is sold out in the Toronto sold out sold go screw. I think it's oversold Yeah, we're gonna have to kick people out. We have to kick people out or like at least I think someone's actually gonna have to sit on my back

Yes, it was gonna be very cool. We're having people come on stage Yeah, we're gonna have people who come on stage and just sit there and interrupt. I think yes. Yes, please throw shit at us Can't wait. Yeah, we're doing it's called the hurdle show. Yeah No, I want to see how hot you can get Tim Horton's coffee and throw it on Henry I get get up to I guess it's like 49 Celsius. I don't know what the legal hottest temperature is in Canada. This is but we can't wait to see you all. Yeah, we have a lot of we've a couple of well you tease the Florida thing but you didn't tell people where to go for a lot of Dale on the seventh. We're doing side stories at the Fort Lauderdale Improv

and on the eighth we're going to be Orlando at the funny moment the first show sold out. Yes second shows almost sold out So yeah, so if you're gonna stick in Orlando come Fort Lauderdale still has some tickets And then also I'm gonna be solo in Naples on May 6 and the entire weekend in Key West from May 9th to 11th Let's get into some updates first off. We got footage. Oh, we got the footage, bro Well, I had first of all, I just want to say I got really good feedback from one of the most precious longtime Fans of this show that is close to me and told me and I hear her I heard her and I'm absorbing her Yeah, and she said that she felt that we were coming a little hard at Jillian Shiner

Said we were kind of maybe insinuating some stuff about the then this is the wife of the bassist of Weezer Yeah, what's his name? His name is like stymie Shiner Steve Shiner Sean Shiner Shiner brother Scott Shiner. Yeah. Yeah, I love we sir. I love stiny shy stymie Shiner is my favorite guy Yeah, and his wife Shiner clock Scott Shiner. Yeah. Yeah. I love Weezer. I love Stiney Shiner. Stimey Shiner is my favorite guy Yeah, and his wife Shiner clock. I love her You know, we kind of came a little bit hard about you know kind of saying that she's like But honestly, I really looked into it and I talked with my friend and it's true Jillian Shiner was doing some really really great work within the true crime community. She was out there. What was she doing?

She did a book about Samuel Little, the serial killer, that she apparently was the one that got him to confess. Oh. And basically talk about the... He said he had a photographic memory, and he was painting pictures of the various sex workers that he had killed in the various decades that he was a serial killer.

We've never covered him, right? No, because there's really not a heck of a lot to the story. There's like we know that he's a very mean man, mad man. He's very big. He was a semi pro boxer. He also sounds incredible to me. But he was a many as a serial killer of sex workers. Yeah. Well, I mean, for the show, it's incredible.

But not enough. We don't know enough. Yeah. About it. We just know those things. then they all come from his mouth The Samuel Little is also one of the least dependable of them. Oh, okay, so we could have a what's his name again? The guy who lied all the time which one we did two updates on them that are coming out soon confession killer Oh, yes, Henry Lee Lou Henry Lee Lou. It's very very possible But Jillian Shiner was a really good she worked really hard now the reason why we talked about her is because there was a High-speed chase that went through their very fancy neighborhood in Los Angeles and she decided Eagle Rock really fancy now

It is okay. It's got some good guys if weezers live in there. It's got to be kind of fancy They got great houses. They'd really do have great houses a bit crunchy for me. It's a might. It's not my style But it now what we have seen is that we know that last week right before weezer headline Coachella They went and they this she inserted herself It seemed to be in the hunt for the this these people that were running from a high-speed chase that were armed. She herself was armed. She was in her front yard of her home while the police were looking for the suspects.

She had the gun out and she was gesturing with the gun. The police then apparently shot her in the exchange. We now have the body cam footage and when you watch it, you really can't see. She really was quite confident with the handgun and the police. And I'm just gonna put this out there for anybody. This is no longer a, I'm not trashing this woman. She seemed to be scared slash righteous slash,

she made a... She does not seem scared. She seems that she's very much in charge of her yard Yes, and she has the gun and she The problem is the police officers all go put the gun down put the gun down put the gun down over and over again You hear them communicate and then you put your fucking gun down, which is again. I'm just gonna say just No judge Brown a character You're just gonna want to be really careful

with when you have a gun and the police are there and they have their guns because the thing about police is that they're Jumpy and they are not ready. They're not ready. Most of them are not ready. They're not well trained Okay, so I actually got a reach out from as we talked about it because I said Maybe the cops were pulling it away Because we know that she was only injured because they open up fire on her. They shot a bunch of times. They're either Exercising her white privilege or horrible shots Because they shot like what eight times and one of the hardest parts is that she does shoot first

It does seem as if she pops off a shot as well. She lifts the gun They found a bullet casing of from her gun. Yeah, that was also expelled So this was a very bad scenario, but then I Prison for attempted murder of a police officer. There's right now There's the they don't know what to do cuz that's like, I don't know you shoot a gun at a cop You're trying to kill him, right? It's He I know we're trying to be nice to this woman Cuz you have a friend of a friend but at the same time she fired a gun at a cop

That seems like attempted murder. Oh, I'm gonna say that I must say it's a big old mistake But this officer that reached out to me said we should be lucky She should be lucky that they are so poorly trained because they are not supposed to just wing you Yeah, they are supposed to riddle you with bullets and the problem is that she wasn't We're sick got Henry sick everybody sick No, he's fine. I'm gonna be! Not me. No, he's fine! I'm gonna be sick for break. No, no, no, don't worry.

You'll love it! It's already passed. It's already passed. Stay patient! Yay! But she, uh, yeah, she got real lucky that they weren't well trained because she should be a corpse. Mm-hmm.

And, because they did, they definitely spray her with bullets. Yeah. Or sprayed the yard with bullets. And I tell you what, I feel like there's a couple other scenarios where if they did happen to spray everybody with bullets, it would have made things a lot more black and white and we actually maybe could have dealt with that. Do you think they knew who she was? I know that they knew that she was a rich lady in a yard packing a gun.

Yeah. In the middle of an active investigation that she was involving herself in and Technically normally what would happen they would either get you for obstruction, right? They go and they be like, you know They come and they they rile up rile you up most of the time when they get you for obstruction It's just to cool you out and a lot of times they'll just let you go A lot of times if you show up at a crime scene and start yelling and screaming, one police officer will eventually...

I can't wait until I get to do that. Me too. I can't wait. One day. Soon. Soon. I'm going to. Yeah.

And so they pop you in the back. A lot of times they'll, depending again, it might depend on what color you are, but they pop you in the back of a car and they decide whether or not they're going to press charges against you. Yeah. If you're just fucking up the everyday kind of investigation a lot of times They let you go a lot of times They just want you out of the way and then they get ready because it's hard to because it's hard to charge with obstruction

Yeah, cuz it's opinion. Yes, and it's got it's like a nothing burger charge. It's like that doesn't do anything Yeah, so they just kind of do it as an excuse to get you out of the situation She might get charged with obstruction because of this they might throw away minimum they might throw away the attempted murder and Give her obstruction to be nice if she gets no obstruction Firing a gun at a cop during a chase I don't know like that like might as well cause riots in this city. There was a date in January several years ago. We kind of see the same thing happen where the

police are coming across a group of people that are seem to be let's just say they were storming a house that was white. Yeah. And they said, hey, they, they scan the crowd and instead of doing probably what they would have done in any other aspect, unless of course they were told to not open fire on them ahead of time because it was all a setup. They also then should have probably killed all of those guys. Yeah. In order to set the precedent that you don't do that. But then it seems that that caused a lot of problems as we can see.

That's kind of a constant rolling effect ever since then. So it's interesting in some points where you don't want the police to use excessive force, right? Most of the time you really don't. Most of the time I'm praying for de-escalation. No one should get shot by the police if you don't absolutely have to. I don't want anyone to ever get shot by any cops or by anybody I believe police should have goo guns and net guns like legitimately that would be cool I don't really know why we don't know we have them for crowd control I think technically something like a giant staying foam spray would be really good for a bunch of insurrectionists in the trunk yeah cuz then it's like you, because then it's like, you don't necessarily have to kill them.

You just gotta kind of, someone has to come in, clean them all up and arrest them. Shotgun with salt bullets could be cool. There's a lot of ways to do it, Eddie. There's a lot of ways to discourage lots of different things without death. A gun that's just got like a big boxing glove at the end of it? Or just like a thing that just says like, hey, you look gay. You know what I mean? Like a speaker that just says like hey you look gay Yeah, I mean like a speaker that just hey you're looking gay It was is these guys may you yeah

It freezes up. I don't think I feel like there's a there's that but then during sometimes you wonder Why they didn't use excessive force and it seems to be another way for them to politically manipulate the situation. Yeah That's just my little opinion. What do I know? I'm a fat piece of shit. Amen. So let's go We have you know with your with your cough. You're a little bit of a weezer yourself. I Hope I don't have pneumonia I Am dying. Oh, well, she got released a you've old money. I have hold to pony a is definitely not the new ammonia No, yeah, she is released on one million dollars bonds. Okay, you only had to pay in 10% So she had a hundred grand cash, but I hope that this serves as a wake-up call

Yeah, and then she can get back to the good work Yes. Yeah, you get back to you know reporting on that true crime. She's facing attempted murder charges Very much so yeah, they're gonna no one's happy with her. I mean this is I mean Maybe she could pick up some trash. It's the highway or something. I don't I think that you're gonna have to charge her Unfortunately, I'm not into it. I don't think the cops are in the business of making it okay to shoot at them occasionally Like and then now that that new executive order got signed that police can call upon the military to come help them at any point It's gonna be interesting. It's interesting because they're already armed with all our old military So now the med they'll get the old stuff and the new stuff. That's really cool. Oh, yeah good for them

Also, we got another great update. So Lori Vallow was allowed to comment upon her guilty. Oh She got you know, obviously she got convicted of she's already been convicted of killing her children and Tammy Daybell this time She was convicted in the murder of the conspiracy to murder Charles Vallow her husband or ex-husband and She was allowed to talk on camera And it's the most horrible travesty. Ever it just think more like a webcam or know it's a real reporter they went to the there's a big irresponsible thing that I saw with this Lori Vallow trial that I don't

really understand where everyone started talking to the jury immediately. But this is how you get shit thrown out. Yeah, well, it's already happened, though. The verdict came in. But you can get your shit thrown out on appeal very easily if a juror slips and says something after the fact along the lines of, I heard XYZ, or I, one of them came out the first thing out of his fucking mouth.

This one guy, there's always one, there's always one, I I'm a little jealous of because I want to be this guy Yes, but this one guy That's doing this whole thing where he's like I thought Laurie was innocent I thought she was innocent the whole time and it wasn't until I told my granddaughter like he was like oh my god Talking about this thing and everyone's like no no, no, no, no, no, no, shut the living fuck up, shut up, because you can very possibly get the whole thing thrown out very easily. Yeah.

Because they're morons. It's also, it was just extremely, Arizona's got very loose laws when it comes to the jury. Yeah, and they also got loose laws with just locking people up. Yeah, because they had that whole crazy jail for Joe Arpaio life. Oh, I remember that. But Lori, yeah, Lori looks like shit.

She got an opportunity to put on makeup again that she made from a series, I guess, of berries and juice mixes that she's got. Yeah. It could be blood. Naked some blood. Her hair is looking rough. She's honestly, her face has kind of fallen a little bit. She's age is starting to show. But thankfully, she happily gets to go back to her favorite jail in Idaho. Yes

That's really what she was missing and good on you Lori. You fucking bitch, and I hope somebody shanks you in jail You fucking homicidal maniac. I mean it might happen, but I think is she in gen pop. I doubt it right? She's too popular. Well. She apparently is in a woman She says she gives a series of spiritual counseling to some women that are in jail. Oh my god I bet she is like a weird little guru. They all talk everybody got they got nothing with time Yeah, I can do nothing but hang out so they can sit and listen to her pontificate about her dumb shit ideas and they can All wait for Moroni to fucking pop him out of jail. Yeah, it's not like Anyone can get canceled when they're already in prison. It hard it was so hard. I think cuz they're even canceled

They're still going on tour from prison. Yeah, they're still putting out specials. She's an isolated high security Isolated highs. Okay. Yeah, so ain't no one really hanging out. She should do a podcast from jail. I'm surprised they don't let her OPN let's bring it here you so you would like it I mean in terms of that way I could make it but then maybe I could flip it on her. You should have you She's doing interviews. I'd have a hard time not doing it without screaming at her Yeah, cuz that was a thing you can just watching it. I'm screaming at my YouTube I'm watching and being like you fucking dumb bitch you put your specifically not understanding the things that they are telling you You're specifically not understanding things because you want reality to be your way and it's not you killed your kids

Yeah, I'm a sidle mania. It's so weird because when you get obsessed with things I think you love these people but then like when you actually start talking about him You just start screaming and get all red-faced. Yes Natalie is known as to this one Also speaking of we got a Diddy update. Oh yeah, lots of in prison stuff. But do you know that they did a new autopsy on Pope Jorge? Baby oil.

Baby oil? All in him. No! Ass? Not Jorge! Mouth? Oh no! All over his chest. Oh my god!

Cum residue on his butt cheeks. Oh my god, how are they going to make him into a mummy? Honestly it's going to be so hard. You've got to scrape all the stuff off first. Well you need oil in the Catholic Church to anoint. You gotta be anointing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and he was anointing to fucking Sheba and Mack. Man.

But yeah, apparently Diddy claims. Well, this is the new thing, his defense attorney, who they're already talking too much. Yes. The government came at Diddy with this absolutely Byzantine series of charges. I wanna say something like hundreds of charges. Yes.

They are now trying to say upfront that one of their big defenses in the trial I believe the trial dates set for like mid-may. It's starting soon. Oh, is it? Yeah, the diddy trial starting soon It's gonna be good. That's exciting. Are you gonna watch that one? Of course and but they're saying now according to His defense attorney he is trying to say that all of the years of all of the various parties, all the layers of all of the organization of the human trafficking and sex with minors in a group aspect and all of this shit, that he was simply too wasted to have planned all that himself. Yeah, too drunk to fuck.

Too drunk to fuck. Is what he says. And that's his defense. Too drunk to fuck dude. Too drunk to fuck. And that's his defense. And it's, I just don't think it's not a defense. Not for 25 years of rape. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like 25 years. I mean even one it's not organized. Yeah, of course. But you know, frat boys go to prison occasionally all the time. It's still rape. And it's like, they get full on he planned it. Millions of dollars was put behind it. Yeah, emails tax like plane tickets catering like think about just the

layers of that catering bar service. The DJ all these things that were at these parties just like any other giant Hollywood party. Yeah, so there was an infrastructure in place. The people that were all involved. Aston Kutcher's hanging out. His bosses from his record companies are hanging out. They all knew it was happening. Yes.

They all were talking about what's her name just came out. Was it Coco? Oh no. Ice tea and Coco? Coco said she went to every single one of them. No, Coco. Of course. But Coco don't say that. Coco is trying to one of them. No, Coco. Of course. But Coco, don't say that.

Coco is trying to make a point. I love Coco. Not the Mexican skeleton. No, I love, I like that Coco more though. Good, yes, that Coco. But Coco is saying that she was involved with all of these various things. She's never involved with all this shit.

Oh God, Oh, God. Jesus, Henry. What a good time for an audio medium for the you and I. Yeah, no, no. Full wheezer. I am dying. I'm fucking dying. I find it interesting.

He's not getting out of this. No. No one wants to go down with it. There's hundreds of charges. No one wants to go down with it. There's hundreds of charges. No one wants to go down with it. And it's, I actually think that now too, we're going to see even more. Ghislaine, Maxwell from behind jail is trying, she's trying to get out. She's trying to flip on whoever the last bits that she can flip on.

She should just flip on Diddy. Diddy is, this is where it's separate. And it's why Diddy got arrested versus why Epstein didn't. We talked about this a little bit. Yeah. Right, I guess in the end, Epstein got arrested, but it was, I mean, who knows how all that was gonna shake out before he killed himself

or was allowed to kill himself. Yeah. So told, told, possibly. Yeah. You know, Diddy, again, was in the expendable business of entertainment. And drug trafficking. Yes. That's expendable.

And human trafficking. Yes. Again, it doesn't matter. These are not crimes that they care about. Diddy was not connected to the intelligence community. That's the difference. Yes. Ghislaine was connected to the intelligence community. Prince Andrew was connected to the intelligence community Prince Andrew was connected to the intelligence community

Epstein obviously was a spy there's a difference between Prince Andrew and Ashton Kutcher barely Barely, but yes, and they are there's a difference like and speaking of Prince Andrew Virginia's you fray that was his main accuser during the entire Epstein saga, all of this, she just committed suicide and she had this sort of massive like fall from grace over the last like short period of months where she was getting she was starting to act really erratic. She claimed to almost be murdered in a bus accident. She said she only had four days to live after this bus accident. The bus driver was like, this is like, she's exaggerating.

She then went through a really intense divorce where she accused her husband of, of abuse. I don't know what happened. Domestic violence is all of this shit have obviously Virginia Jew phrase life was destroyed. Completely suffering from PTSD. Utterly utterly traumatized. Yeah. From all of the things things God knows what's going on But I now her parents are saying let's investigate the suicide. I just think it's more of an example of Why this all is all so hard for people to talk about? to lay their lives on the line to be whistleblowers for to lay their lives on the line, to be whistleblowers for,

it's extremely difficult, especially something like her. So I think that she's a nut, like this whole Epstein thing is still rolling and rolling and rolling. And now we're seeing the fact that, you know, like our president was his best friend and all the other connections that you have. We know that he had some connections to Netanyahu. You know, he had some connections to all the other connections that you have we know that he had some connections to net yahoo You know he had some connections to all these other things It's all fucking very bad and prince Andrew you told me she he paid her off They had it well they had a settlement okay a settlement and then prince Andrew was

Fucking stripped of all of his fancy shit. They took all it took his crown They took all of their scepter They took his little curled boots. Yeah. They took his thing. They popped his sweat glands so he could sweat again. And that was the whole thing with Princess Andrew. He said that he couldn't sweat. You couldn't possibly sweat.

That's what goes with Virginia Joufray described them dancing and him having him heaving on top of her. She just talked about the sweat pouring down his face. You ever remember scary stories to tell in the dark? Yes. You remember that drawing stories to tell in the dark? Yes. You remember that drawing of that lady with the long stringy white hair and that thing in that?

I don't remember, Rob, please find. That's Prince Andrew. Okay. That's like what she saw when Prince Andrew was heaving on top of her, right? This is literally, they have the same face. They have the same body. And they have the same- I have the same body and they have the same I was like that looks like me a prom But again, it's just another example of how this pain just keeps on rolling so

There they're playing whack-a-mole with them. We have no idea who else is there like think about who else we're not talking about I imagine that there are people within these structures that would surprise the living hell out of you That is part of what they were even saying about the diddy stuff is that part of the diddy stuff? That helps wrap it all in mystery is that there's a couple of people in there that you'd be like What of course it's like And it might be someone you really don't want it to be. Yeah, but if it is then it is like my hero chuck schumer Yeah Oh my hero that brave revolutionary chuck schumer chuck schumer hasn't gotten hard since jaws came out

Oh, no, he's hard. He gets hard when his tumors get hard Rob good luck editing this Sound like we're in an off-track bedding Doing my best We owe we have to do the episode guys We have to be we have to be recording oh wait till we do another one tomorrow that airs next week you gotta listen to it all again just choking and fucking wheezing by the way the trial starts on Cinco de Mayo

taco Monday buddy oh don't me I'm getting my tapas lined up yeah I can't wait dude I can't wait for that front row seat. Oh Man, well, I can't too drunk to fuck is not an argument diddy. I'm very sorry, buddy It's too drunk to organize like that's the thing like you have to be like I'm stoned a lot. Yeah, but I'm still your house. I've many opportunities to sort of clear up and make some business emails. Yeah Everybody wear white that's That's called producing yeah, that's what producing is a producer he has all the whole career is producing anything that he says trying to Escape blame doesn't really make any sense because he was so up his own ass with his own organization.

He was such a control freak and he was so obsessed with all of this shit. It was his real job. The sex stuff was his real job. The rest of it was the hobby. And then he was doing all of this stuff. And when you are that level of producer, the way do it much like the president and they're trying to say like they're delivering orders much like how did he helped kill Tupac and fucking Biggie now that this seems like it definitely was involved in some level but when you have that amount of money and that amount of clout when you do say dumb

shit like that enough go people that are making legit money and are legit important make it happen for you Yeah, so then yes, of course. They're all the foot soldiers to get with all the foot soldiers also to do the flip Do the flip I mean his little his little white boys flip I mean the white boy was the worst choice that Peter did he ever made? Yes that drug dealer anybody that looked like a character from the road trip films Yeah, not allowed to be my mule. You're not my main mule. I want my mule to be an Abuelita Yeah old woman Yeah, cuz an old woman to do the best, but you know what the best part about an old woman

Is that you can also give her a couple if you lop off the titties, right? Yeah, put a couple grenades in her bra. Oh, all right If you get her old enough not give a shit, she'll pop those two fucking take one for the shit Wow Self and everybody else involved. Oh, yeah, that's a good. That's a good mule take notes Alinsky Oh Yeah, no, but uh, I think man who would be the saddest person involved in Diddy's crimes? I get Biggie's mom Really sad to be the saddest one. Oh god, I would say the saddest person involved would be I don't care about the rest of the 70 show people, you know, yeah, you know, I'd really feels sad for who mace? Oh

Yeah, where's mace at that mace left? He became a preacher. Oh But now I actually wonder if mace saw what was going on and he was so freaked out He was like I need the Lord a lot of people do that. Yeah, of course general buck naked, of course He became a preacher after he stopped being a warlord. It's almost like an escape valve It's almost like a thing that they can do that's real easy Because they built a system for a bunch of people that have done a bunch of crimes against large groups of people to just do A Hail Mary pass and then just get good with God and then they get to just move on Yeah, well everybody else has to deal with all the horrible things that they did but at least they get absolution Eddie

So I think that's what's awesome about organized religion Yeah, and it's good and they they become leaders in the community and that's the best part about it They are allowed to do a lot of things and they get access to budgets and money and crew again. It's very cool It's very cool. There was um, you know, I this is a bad segue But speaking of sexual assault in New York this bad segue it's a bad segue but it is it is a fact there is a man charged this is the headline man charged with raping corpse on New York City subway you know you the reason why you felt I feel like if we don't tell this story it's like against the mantra of the show.

Oh, I agree. I agree. Now the man is not fun. No, Felix Rojas, 44 years fun has been charged with first degree rape over the disturbing April 9th incident on a subway train in Manhattan. The R train. Oh, of course. Truly the worst one.

It's like, Oh, you know, if I'm on this train you gotta do it. Hey, he's like on the M train is where you get murdered Yes, now in the New York City subway on the G train gate But that's consensual yeah, it's a good set you y'all But this guy so a guy died, so the story goes, a man died natural, natural causes on the train. He gets on the R train, one of my worst nightmares. Sounds like he had a heart attack or something on the train.

Yeah, it's hard living in New York. Oh, it is. But the guy, a man saw him, robbed him. No, it was a woman. A woman robbed him. After. Oh, the woman robbed after the R? Both. So the man robbed him.

Okay. Saw he was dead. Robbed his corpse. Didn't know it was a corpse until he felt, I guess, how cold his torso was. But he still took his money. Yep. Then said, I like this. And had sex with his mouth and his butt. Yes, right the corpse

on camera Then he left. Yeah, then he was robbed again by the woman. Then the corpse is robbed again Oh, see, I thought the woman robbed him first. No, no Oh, see, I thought the woman robbed him first. No, no No, no, no see so this is the thing is that New York's a hard city to live in it is in you know And there's the thing is everyone thinks everyone's a lunatic in New York We all you know people live there and then at any given day There's another 8 million visiting or coming in from Jersey and Long Island. No offense Rob. This isn't a long This is not an anti New York sentiment No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Open train sees a corpse and yes, I do believe there

Okay, how do I how do I walk? It was before midnight Wow This is the that's not good either. Yeah, it was 555 Yeah, Wow middle of the day the woman robbed him first the woman robbed him first. Thank God. We cleared it up Yeah No That's I mean if there's like a guy with his pants around his ankles a dead Thank God we cleared it up. Yeah, no, that's I mean if there's like a guy with his pants around his ankles a dead dead body with his pants around his ankles and like semen in his butt and then you go

rob him that seems worse than just robbing a dead body robbing a dead body. I almost don't see the crime. You know what's funny Eddie is that I'm almost with you. If he's dead. I've been playing too much Baldur's Gate. I've been playing too much Baldur's Gate. You got a loot. Yeah, he got looted.

He got looted. Yeah, now that's Gate. I'm playing too much Baldur's Gate. You got a loot. Yeah, he got looted. He got looted Yeah, now that's different right? Yes, certainly. It's hard to live in New York. It's hard to live in America right now Everybody's worried about money. I could see out of pure utter horrible Desperation you robbing a dead body for the money within it that is not again That is the that's just one crime that is just more of a sad state of affairs for the country. Right. Yeah. It's more the check in his pockets. I didn't hear anything. And then looking around, it's been like, but you know what I could do. Like, that's what I don't understand. It's I don't know if it's the been like, do you think that

it's a guy that he's had his eyes on for a while and he takes the train every day and he's been falling in love with him slowly but surely on the train like in a Gwyneth Paltrow, Bradley Cooper like scenario where he's been watching him come on every day and they take the same route every day and he's always kind of wondered what it'd be like to try to kiss him, try to be with him.

Maybe he was trying to bring him back to life. You know, no one ever says that either No one ever thinks that that like because it's like oh well if he's gonna so is that the corpse with the knee up? No, this is just the same man. He takes the subway a lot. Oh, well Lots of people take the subway a lot sure but they have him on footage. That's why well Yeah, he said he definitely has a bit of a Michael Che style about him I mean, I mean, yeah in terms of his dress. Yeah's oh, yeah, not his activities. No, no, no I mean, I don't know we haven't hung out with him a lot. No, it's been a while

But I don't think he's had sex with corpses anymore. I would highly doubt it. I don't know He seems like he's too successful for that. Let's ask Colin Jost These guys are like but it's it's just this idea of, you know, of course, everyone in the audience is saying, stop this, stop talking about this. But we want to know what makes somebody choose to do this. Side stories, lpotl and gmail.com. What would, what the circumstances that you would have to be under you randomly have sex with a corpse that you've just found

Yeah, I don't know. I don't think I don't think I could uh, I don't think I could ever happen even if it was My wife I Don't know buddy, I feel like we've walked into a whole area. I feel like we're in a Troubled zone here Your wife yeah, it's your wife mm-hmm It's your wife. Yeah, it's your wife. Mm-hmm. She can fuck me when I'm dead. I've Openly said it I said play with me up in a dress fucking sit on my face play with my corpse Yeah, and Natalie's likes, please stop. Yeah, I don't like this is romantic. Yeah, I love you. I love you

You hear that Julie? I Love you. He loves you so much. He wants you to play with his dead corpse Okay, and again Natalie says stop being Mormon stop talking about your corpse and it's like well, guess what you've inherited Yeah, cuz you're a wife. That's right. So you get a husband's corpse eventually asses to asses bust a bust Well, I'm really glad we covered this story because we learned so much and there was just so much to it. Yes. No, it's very, it's very important news. It's

weird. You know, because what do you not tell people? I don't know. You know, let's just say if this happens, you gotta like, I don't know. It just seems to me. Spread them like a. Yeah. Yeah. Just seems like a weird set of circumstances. Mm hmm. And that's what we that's what we investigate here. Yeah. Well, in Texas, people get arrested for much more victimless crimes. Of course. All every almost most of the crimes there. They kind of ignore the crimes that have victims.

Yeah, a man accused, I don't think he was arrested, of placing Easter eggs filled with weed all around his Texas town and then posting scavenger hunt clues on social media. He did go too far because it's still legal there. And they are the type of nerds and shitheads and fuckfaces that will arrest you for weed. They have nothing better to do all day.

They just sit all day and they can't wait to arrest you for weed, especially if you're of the Browner persuasion like this man is. Easter was on 420. Exactly. That's Pope Francis' fault. He could've just put the wheel here. Like this man is and Easter was on 420 exactly that is That's Pope Francis's fault. He could literally Is one job is to manage the calendar. Yeah, you can't do that Frankie whatever bro Can't wait to see your fucking robotics. That's fucking successor. Yeah Yeah, at least he won't make Easter on 420 Pope chat PGPT trying to fucking keep everyone stoned in front of their families

I'd say it was nice honestly. It was really cool to have a before 20 on that day. It was awesome It was cool. We had a part. We had a 420 Easter party you didn't come no But we there were children there and then you know so we didn't smoke as much But I smoked in the front yard good none of those are my children no fuck them Yeah, and if they want me to talk to them, I gotta be high Oh, yeah, he's key. Yeah, do you want me to engage you the trick you with your kids? I'm gonna be stoned yeah, so but yeah, this guy put that the problem is that he gave too many hints and The weed doesn't look bad. No, it doesn't it's like it's regs. Yeah, you know, it's regs

Was a fun guy officers found four eggs four eggs, and one was placed- They must've been really looking. In three different parks, and one was found behind a Motel 6. Listen. Ha ha ha. You know, it's just such a waste of resources. This is such a massive waste of resources.

A fifth egg was found by a man and his granddaughter at Winston Park the following day, and he brought it to police station What a narc? Yeah, what is this fucking shit, dude? It's like even your little girl even if she eats it. It's not gonna do anything to her She can eat all the fucking weed she wants. He's not gonna get fucking high man Look, I'm gonna try to really make this guy look like a criminal, but yeah, he's just got kindness in his heart That's a fun idea. This is a victimless crime. This is just fun The kids are yeah again, you can eat the actual weed and without it being cooked in fat

Yeah, it just fucking comes at your butt I guess if it's in parks children could find it and a child did find it and then guess what? The kid can sell it. Yes teaches them about Yes, it's about business it's supply and demand guess who's holding little Jeremy if this guy Looking for fucking green and guess who's holding. Oh, you better come check out my fucking my boy. Jeremy's got some shit You just got a roll by by recess. And then I go in there and I play kickball with all the kids and I get my fucking weed, dude.

That's fun as hell. Oh, he fucked up. It was in a drug free zone too close to a school. Ah! That's where he messed up. I feel like this guy should have done a little bit, but also I'll say to him, I think that he should have done more research about where to probably put the eggs. Yeah, police station. You know what also you do with something like this

I will say this to the people though. I hope that this tradition continues What I would like for people to do though is do this in a controlled environment Yeah, would you tell everybody that the within a closed group? I used to do this. Oh, yeah College when I sold weed we had Easter egg hunts We filled a lot of them with weed some of them we filled with trash some with the Xanax I think I put a little cocaine on one and then you know, we had an Easter egg Around my property see that around where I live. This is again. It is no It's if everybody knows mad with the guy who found most of the weed didn't smoke and then he sold it to someone at the

Party, I got really pissed off him. I don't even like him anymore. You see, you know what's funny though? That's exactly what I proposed to that little Jeremy. Yeah, I know. I know. I don't mind that. Now that I think about that, I don't like it. You give it away or you fucking smoke it?

Well, it's also weird to put that now I got to move all this weed. Yeah, like that's weird. You just give it to somebody. Yeah, or just fucking quit being a dweeb and smoke it. Yeah, man I'd have a panic attack breaking his grits up for any of her little wild thing get medicated if that's what your deal is gonna be Yeah, cuz guess what? It gives you a cool story and then also guess what it gets you to be a subject of a Ben Folds five song Breaking up. No the one that we remember the guy like Steve

No, the one that... you remember the guy like, Stevens last night in town. You know, I really love that album. Yeah, the rest of it, it does not hold up. Really? It's very, it's not for us anymore. I remember, I love it because of high school theater. But same. And we used to always, the cute girls

would always dance around listening to it. No, yeah, of course. So maybe that's why I love it. Of course you do, you remember those little girls. Shit. Now it's off the show shit Now it's off the show All right, here we go we got another one now, this is a this is just another good short and sweet one, okay Southwest flights we love them. I think you know, I hate Southwest. No, I'll never go on whenever again

I'd rather walk why I heard they um, I heard they they're getting rid of the far and away type seating. Yes They are getting rid of the strongest winds seating seats Bare minimum also greatest thing that ever happened to the movie I will never I always remember how long New York held on to not having the ticketed seats And it's like guys do we have to be the coolest city in the world always the dumbest shit

Just fucking let us assign seats so that we can show up when the movie when we want to yeah Cuz you would have to show up like an hour early A whole row for all your friends Well, and then they wouldn't show up late and then you're like people like let me sit there like I have my friend But I do miss the game a little bit Yeah, a little bit I miss the game is used to be a little bit more because then you get to talk to your neighbor But anyway yell at your neighbor. I also know Southwest is trying to rejuvenate itself

Now a woman this was on from Philly to Chicago She does him a class. I feel like this I can see this woman in my mind. Mm-hmm This woman took off her pants Yeah, and stripped down naked fully nude. Yes and short Took a full shit on a plane seat while it was landing. Hey, you know what? At least she waited to the landing. Yeah, you know, well, that's the time when you're Hey, you know what at least she waited to the landing. Yeah, you know Well, that's the time when you're surfing, you know, like you just like you never do bus surfing

You know and you to try use you're in the aisle and you try not to touch anything You just surfing you just trying to do it She was doing that but on her seat while the planes landed making that poop who I feel like it's something else Yeah, I'm just saying I'm impressed. She was able to shit while it was landing I think that you think she was holding on to the back of the seat. Yes I also feel like his point staring into someone's eyes very much so and I think that cuz you know what I do In this scenario what nothing? Oh, no. I mean, what are you gonna do? I? Like I'm a woman, please don't please

Yeah, and that's it. That's as far as I go. I would just stare forward. I would just not react. I'm just like Let this plane land let this plane land. All I want to do is exit this plane. That's it I don't need to you know what I'll live with it. I'll live with this woman's Cloaca sheared shit is that no that's not the woman I just saw another naked play you know ah god I just oh the lady ladies being naked on planes this is another Southwest flight from a month ago oh wow where she just stripped nude and walked around I man I don't know you're gonna spend this much money and fuck it all up yeah it's not like flights are cheap don't know you're gonna spend this much money and fuck it all up. Yeah, it's not like flights are cheap

No, and then you're definitely going to jail. Yes, people go crazy in the air and I just don't know about it Well, one thing that is certain is we know that alcoholic drinks have an exaggerated effect. Yes when you're in the air And people do tend to get real fucking lit up before getting on the plane Yeah, which is not it's like I find it to be one of the worst ideas possible And people do tend to get real fucking lit up before getting on the plane. Yeah. Which is not, it's like, I find it to be one of the worst ideas possible. You just get sick on the plane. Yeah. I ever tell you about the woman I saw who got like fucking hammered at the bar,

and I remember clocking her at the bar, I'm like, that chick's getting hammered. And then I saw her get on my plane, and then in the middle of the flight, she just attacked the woman next to her, just started scratching her, and then the poor, like, steward had to like hold her her down for an hour so we didn't have to land in some random city you know that's what's great flight attendant yeah oh honestly I was very impressed flight and then I was like hey man I ratted her out I was like she was getting hammered at the bar I saw her I was like I clocked that shit and she was getting hammered with that chick back there and like and I so I ratted him out and they know what they did 50 bucks United money you fuck

Fuckin 50 bucks stool page if the fuck you fucking Stooley United People down the river she was drinking with Dollars, you know, I get it. I get it. There's got to be some justice in this world, you know, she's it's just I don't get it I'll never get it. But hey, I'm also Serene it's so weird. I used to like I had to drink when I got on flights now. It's just like the burden. Well, I like a Truly favorite super hungover very early morning flight one drink. I'm pass out No favorite vibe in the world. Yeah favorite. Hmm, but you've been um, what you call raw dog in it lately

I do where I raw dog flights all time. That's wild. No music. No movies. It just sit there straight ahead Yep, why do you do that? I don't know. What do you think about? Oh So all sorts of things. Yeah, you just get angry sometimes Sometimes I get sad. Oh, okay. So they laugh. Oh, thank God Sometimes in my head I'm so I need if you just start laughing. It's Dogging it for two hours. You of a sudden you start giggling. Yeah, this is a funny part. This is a funny part right here.

I love this movie. I, just watching the flight, just watching the flight tracker. I put that on. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. They think we're making it to Phoenix. Go left, left. Shit.

No, I, you know what it is is that sometimes I don't want to choose a thing to listen to or watch. Sometimes I'm so weighed down by the burden of that choice, that I'd rather just sit there. And now I got your stupid fruit version game. I love my fruit game. So I do the stupid fruit game. It's good! It's good at not thinking. It really helps not think. I appreciate that.

One other thing I wanted to talk about. I don't know what the fuck is going on with this story I want to know what you guys say side stories LP o TL the gmail.com the Connecticut cannibal Oh, yeah, a man by the name of Tyree Smith. Have you heard of this man? No, okay, Connecticut Valley Hospital He was in I guess in a hospital for the Criminally insane or whatever reason one of those he was accused of hacking a man to death with an axe and Bridgeport and then eating part Of the victims brain and his eyeball his roommate his roommate. Yeah How was angel I believe that he was I have no idea what's going on I know that they're obviously this is one of those I hate stumbling into a thing where we're not talking

about Republican talking points here. I just don't understand how he was allowed to get out on conditional release. So he's released. They're saying he's stable, he's done, he's completely ready to go, not crazy at all. But he also got in this huge fight in prison and they had to remove him from being around other inmates.

Yes. And so he wasn around allowed to be around other inmates But still he's being released we beat a man to death and sucked out his eyeball and a chunk of his brain Yeah, and now it's just like all right. You've learned your lesson You get out there. Why don't you work for Chipotle? You mean like I don't know what this guy's gonna go do. What is the Connecticut? I don't think you should be a cook Unless He's amazing like what does he do? I feel like again, I'm fine with it's a conditional release So here watching it back in there in like a halfway house I just don't even know how the hell he was even allowed to have a conditional release because part of me

I really do believe in the idea of you must if we're gonna rehabilitate people if we're gonna let Halfway house. I just don't even know how the hell he was even allowed to have a conditional release because part of me I really do believe in the idea of you must if we're gonna rehabilitate people if we're gonna let people back on people to be Rehabilitated utterly and I want there to be an immediate portal for them to go into I love the idea of them having some form of Vocational training. Yeah within jail or Education or something like that that allows them to leave jail and do stuff Right be able to leave prison have a job be a guy. I honestly think a cook Yeah, barber like those types of skilled labors that don't require advanced degrees is extremely good Work for somebody but he was found officially

Not guilty by insanity So that's what I guess that's the real difference here And I feel like I'd love to actually have somebody explain that to me side stories lpotl at gmail.com Because I'd love to know Because what I've heard about getting and not guilty by reasons of insanity is that oftentimes it is way worse than going to jail well yeah because you have to be in a loony bin you have to go I guess the wrong thing to say I mean I think that it's appropriate okay that I think that you can call where they're going the loony bin I think you can call it it's

like a place for the criminally insane yeah like that that's type that type of place I guess the loony bins too cute To call it. So, you know who could get my mind is it's like Martin Bryant. Yes. He's in the looney bin. Yes. You know, I mean like he that guy's in the looney bin There's another guy. It was like all of those guys like people real supervillains Yeah are in the looney bin. This guy was like put into this scenario But what I've heard is that they can sort of keep you indefinitely like you are supposed to be there But it's like how can you tell when some guys like? Listen, it was a rough month for me. Totally not a cannibal anymore and it's like

How do you tell yeah, how do you tell well you got to put an eyeball in front of them? See if he sucks it up I'm gross. Yeah, I want a hot woman brain Roommates brain. Yeah, I mean brain. I don't think a brain would be the first part I should never eat a man's brain. No ever it's extremely bad. That's how's extremely bad. That's how you get one of those fucking crazy, what's it, the, those prion diseases. Like you shouldn't really be eating any brain, but if you are going to be eating brain, it needs to be very well cooked. We've had sweetbreads.

Sweetbreads is other glands. That's the- Oh, I thought that was brain. No, that's the thalamus gland. That's like these things. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Brain. This whole time I thought I was eating brain. No, I've had brain. When you're eating brain, they tell you it's a brain. No, that's the thalamus clan. That's like the these things. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I thought I was eating brain No, I've had brain they when they when you're eating brain, they tell you it's a brain. Oh, okay

I thought they were just trying to like skirt around it being you know brain and it's calling us me bread They were calling it. It's something else is just as gross Technically it is the thymus or pancreatic glands of certain animals. Okay. Yeah, so it is gross, but they are way tastier than brains I think brains are actually really gross. Well Now that I know I'm eating pancreas, let's have some poppers, man. Yeah, I love sweet breads. Yeah. I love sweet breads. So what is it? So brains are called fried brain? Oh yeah. So when you ordered brain, you were like, I'll take the brain, please? Yes, I've had lamb's brain. Really? Yes. I've also had a do this that was at a place in Atlanta That was at that the might one of my favorite places Holman and Finch

I've had we went to a place. What was it called meat? Animal animal that was a while ago. I think I don't even know if it's still around. No, it's gone It's gone that had stuff like that. I also like Brain is very classically served with eggs. Mm-hmm. So they make brain and egg tacos quite often, where they will cook up brain with eggs, because they're actually very similar. Is this, cooked brain is referred to as sweetbreads?

Specifically, calf or lamb brain? I mean, I feel like this is Google AI. It's just not the- We gotta stop using Google AI. It's a mixture of different, uh, sources here. Okay. All right. All right. All right Yes, mostly tummy. There's a lot of brain Yeah, it's a lot of brain people do a lot of brain because again, it's like I don't mind you using all the animal But you have to be it has to be very well cooked. Well, I hope this guy does no more crimes

You know what Eddie me too. Yeah, I hope that this was he's learned his lesson and he's over it You know and you know what bud if you're listening in you're in Connecticut I hear the pizza is great New Haven supposed to have the best using Bridgeport. So Take the bus over to New Haven and then what you do is get over there and That's where you should focus your eating habits on. Yeah pizza Yeah, Not people. Now, I wanted to touch on this real quick, just because we talked about Lori,

and there's a lot of stuff going on with our Mormon talks, someone's doing a lot of Mormon talk and stuff. Oh yes. But so obviously Utah, home of most Mormons, right? 80% of Mormon population. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. Apparently, I found this on FARC.

I love FARC. Love FARC. First cousins can legally get married in Utah. Congrats. Yeah, yeah. I know they've been fighting for that for a while. And, cause like, it's just so hard. Cause especially, you know what's great

about a first cousin? It's like they're made to be fuckable for you specifically because they're in your family Yeah, you're the puzzle pieces. Yeah. Yeah, but there are stipulations What the fuck is this? I thought this was America You could only get married to your first cousin in Utah if both parties are over the age of 65 So fucking gross. Or, or if both are 55 and unable to reproduce. Oh great.

So if you're 55 and sterile, you can marry your first cousin. So this whole thing is based off a bunch of shithead 80 year old pedophile senators that are all like, the devil's house and we can't make no web feed mongers. That's what we can't have. We can't have simpletons walking around with bat wings and four arms. I've known my cousin my whole life. I put my time in.

I am allowed. And normally my cousin and I, we stick to oral sex so that no procreation can be done because I agree, I don't want a child with a fin I don't want a child with a pterodactyl's protuberance allows him to whistle and create a sound that can cascade for miles what I need is the ability to fuck my so I mean that's the issue here right now y'all know me that's the issue here is we don't want no web feet. Yeah, so let's go once Let's just have an agreement once the I'm gonna say the vagina graveyard is empty of eggs

The ghosts are allowed back in the cemetery. You know what I mean? That's right. That's right Jam once I go once all the skeletons are out of that. Yeah ladies vaginal cemetery You could fill up all those caskets every divot with as much liquid ghost as you can make They are dead. Oh, yeah, they are they're not moving. I guess what's not though come. Yeah come never dice Well, I mean if you can't I mean, would he just be shooting dead sperm No, it's the opposite is that it's also interesting is that it's still pressure on the female cousin fucker To not have be able to have babies anymore. Oh, because this is definitely not about this is not Condomless sex with a cousin. Yeah, that's what this is about right?

This is about not having to worry about it, right? And so you could just jazz inside there a cousin. That's what this is about. This is about not having to worry about it, right? And so you could just jazz inside there. But the thing is, is that your cummy cum lives for forever. Tony Randall had babies until he was like 83. I mean, what? De Niro and Pacino just had babies. Oh yeah, absolutely. Of course their babies are half ghost. They come out with little gray beards. They're just going to fight. The kid's going to be 10 when they are. They are they come out with little gray beards. They're just gonna fuck the kids gonna be ten when they die

Well, that's the goal. Honestly in the end. It's by that point. It's fine. Then by that point, you don't want them around. Yeah You know in Utah you can also marry a minor. Oh That's so nice. They're not not someone who digs. Oh no a child cuz that actually comes from my I Have a joke about that. Yeah, you could be 16 or 17 years old. Here, you want a preview of a little of my stand-up? I had a little stand-up idea the other day. Oh, nice. This is what I decided to write.

Right, I have a couple stand-up ideas. Okay, let's do it. Ladies and gentlemen, coming to the stage, Henry Zabrowski! We're hitting the road. I decided to write this down. Every time I see young female teacher rapes, minor,. I think damn she got through all them leather vests leather vests like a miners protective clothing They don't have leather vests they got like jeans and like overalls and like, you know, like it's not a well thought-out

Yeah, it's not a well thought-out Setup I got through all the gut through all the soot. I think soot is a good one Writing it down. Yes. Yeah punch it up punch it up. Oh, but yes Um the the minor in Utah will need a parents or legal guardian to sign Oh and that's so that you can't even get that so that's got to be so that I mean good for the kids But that's finally some freedom senator Jen plum is actually sponsoring a bill right now To change all of that She wants it to change it to a minor can only get married if the age gap is seven to four years

So they can marry a 23 year old with a signed 16 year old a 16 year old can marry a 23 year old a 17 year old can marry a 23 year old with a signed permission 16 year old a 16 year old can marry a 23 year old The 17 year old can marry a 24 year old. Why are you telling me what to do? I'm pretty why is anybody telling me what to do ever why not 18? Just wait because that's when they're old and gross Eddie. You're right 16 is when they're perfect That is when you want a wife 16 is when they're perfect. That is when you want a wife. They're the most reasonable and that's exactly-

And they're great decision makers. And 16 year olds are also so interesting. They have so many thoughts to say, yeah, wow, this 19 US states is legal to marry a first cousin. Really? Wow. Okay. And in Vermont, Utah's not on the list.

Not in any, but soon to be be added soon to be added. Yeah, that makes 20 20 states We are people say that we buy man people say that we are fucking sliding into her fucking crevice, you know We're not for news on the list. Oh, yeah. Yeah, well, it's cuz we got hotter cousins here. That's right now Speaking of sliding into the crevice. I also want to give an opportunity to our people so we're about to wrap up today's episode and get some letters, but It's hard out there right now. Yeah Economically people are suffering

Especially deep within our rust belts in the Midwest So I want to give a big shout out to the listeners in the Lansing area. I want you to know, I wanna let you know, Saturday, May 17th, the Deja Vu Showgirls, the prettiest butthole in Michigan competition is beginning. Fuck, we missed it? There, no, 17th, dude. I know, but we were just there.

But it's coming up, no, but we haven't missed it yet. The celebrity guest host, Jason. I host Jason engagement party on the 17th Do you think I can blow it off my cousin Mitchell and melody they're gonna get married and they want me to come to a pool Party for their engagement boring ass and I shit, you know, they're they're very cute and they're very nice They bought me a coffee maker recently for almost no reason to put the cleanest butthole in Michigan see How clean could the cleanest butthole in Michigan be prettiest a prettiest prettiest butthole in Michigan competition It is Saturday May 17th over deja vu showgirls these celebrity guest hosts

Jason Vest and yiddy lunch. I never heard of them Rock oh, it's a and oh is yiddy lunch, I never heard of him. Who is? Um, not Kid Rock. Oh, it's a, who is Yiddy lunch? Interesting, it's a man. No, that one, that contestant was a man. Oh, okay, so it's a coed competition. I think that Yiddy lunch was. Is this a male strip club?

No, I don't know. There's a woman getting real close to that butthole with a camera. Well, that's just cause again, she is the person doing the footage interesting So this is giddy lunch, which I do believe he was on something. He's done a couple of these He did prettiest butthole in Michigan, I guess Last year. Oh, okay. So this is last year. They did at the deja vu showgirls Lansing I want to see who won it pink package is a five hundred dollars see the you have two level of tickets here

Obviously, we don't want to cut into our own ticket sales, but the pre sale ticket is only a $30 ticket That's just for admission, but you can get the pink package for five guests with $500. It's all about The whole show sold you have this you have to be a contestant Oh, you can be a judge for five grand five grand. You're gonna be a judge It is but the VIP seating allows you to get up close. It's sold out Wow, the pink package is so guess what you get you get also a meet-and-greet with the winner of competition now the reason why we're even talking about this is obviously Jodi Arias has one of the nicest but holes and all of True crime, but I wonder there's on a cheese and cheese incarcerated. You can't get there. And so Who do we think?

in true crime Currently, uh-huh what we put up for the prettiest but whole in Michigan in Michigan I don't even know who commits crimes in Michigan a lot of people most people mm-hmm maybe uh I know it's not in the Damakong Sioux who's that in defense of Lyman no yeah like I would say prettiest butthole in Michigan Bob Seger's niece Eddie Just a term Imagine all right celebrities from Michigan So my blairs got a great butthole Madonna definitely got a great but I don't know Madonna currently has a great but I bet you Now is probably more refurbished than ever verne Troyer is dead

I'm sorry, but he said but honestly though if it wasn't for Verne Troyer would be my number one stretch Everybody laugh Eminem Eminem's by them Eminem has a very beautiful butthole. I mean, I think Anthony Keats is child Shepherd Dax. How do you? Dax Shepard? Dax Shepard. I mean, how do you beat Dax Shepard? I mean, I, you know...

He is the prettiest asshole in podcasting. I imagine if there was one beautiful asshole in podcasting, Stevie Wonder. Stevie Wonder does not have a nice asshole. Yes, he does! He doesn't know if it's clean or not! Yes, he does! He has people who watch, and he's been doing it enough! We now know, right, Eddie, what did we learn from Motown? We went to the Motown Museum

Yes, and we learned that Stevie Wonder the guy that started Motown innocent guy He's very gorgon one of the most innocent people I've ever did anything not a single wrong on one thing He definitely he set up this thing where they had a house where the guy One of the guys that was on the crew would set would go ahead of time to the places the original Motown performers were going to perform live. Yeah.

He would draw up the dimensions of the stage. Yeah, like they had no living room. They would just perform in it. Yes. And so they would get everybody used to the stage. And one of the ways they taught young Stevie Wonder how to do stuff was that they would set up the stage inside of this house to the letter and show him this is how many steps it takes to get there.

Yes, 15 steps to the microphone. This is the steps to get to the chair. And so he's he would work it and work it to the point which started the conspiracy theories that Stevie Wonder could see, right? All this stuff, which I still believe he could see. I utterly believe he could see. But I think that's a part of it And I also think that you wipe your butthole for this long and you're blind

I bet you side stories LP o TL at gmail.com my blind listeners how cleans your butthole Yeah, I bet you they don't know no I bet you their buttholes are cleaner than anybody else because their fingers are more sensitive and they could smell it There's that the smell is is better than ours. I mean, I don't know And they could smell it. There's that the smell is is better than ours. I mean, I don't know Yeah, I don't do if I'm not still think that shepherd has the prettiest asshole in Michigan send your vote in oh Richard Kiel oh From the spy who loved me and moon raker man. You know, Jack White's asshole is a mess

No, I want nowhere near Chad is it that is a dirty dirty. Yes. I want nowhere near that asshole Chris Weber fucking and one same time though. I weirdly think that swish Elaine stretch My name she might not have that bad of an asshole from back in the day I think Elaine stretch probably was a wonder she was a in the theater. Unless she had the big old roids. Yeah, no. But hey. Oh yeah, look at that. Ladies who lunch.

Hopefully that lunch included some salads. Stritch me, baby. Let's get some letters. Number one, got a lot of pushback about our friend Captain Ron talking about the telepathy tapes. I do agree, I started listening to the telepathy tapes. Part of what they're saying is that they do believe that extremely autistic, non-verbal autistic

people can communicate telepathically. There is some, like, it's so hard because at the very end of the series, it's like some things are interesting. The idea that maybe close family bonds, we don't really, that can create some kind of telepathic communication. The idea that we don't understand when consciousness is, we don't know where it comes from. I still believe that that's a big question. We don't really know what makes us us and why we are us and where we come from as our, like literally,

where do our personalities come from. But then it starts going into the idea that nonverbal autistic people can predict the future. They can take it. What if some of them can? I mean, I hope. And then where were they? Where were they then? They were screaming and no one listened.

Exactly. But then there is also some people that, like, they believe that they can, they're talking to ghosts and they're doing, so it kind of goes off the rails a little bit. But you know, it's not, it's just- It's very popular. They're going to speak at contact. We should Go and watch we should challenge them. I don't know about that. I should be like, what am I thinking? Oh scan me scan me We've got the

Mummified Pope. Quick story. Yeah. Well, I was in high school. We took a class trip to Europe and one of our stops was Vatican City. It was the creepiest, most uncomfortable place I've ever visited. The combination of the giant walls surrounding the city trapping us inside, my Catholic guilt, even at a young age, I knew it was all bullshit, and the fact that every single person there seemed miserable, I truly felt sick.

The most interesting, surprising part of the visit was going down into the catacombs underneath the cathedral. There were grottos carved out into these walls where, I shit you not, the mummified corpses of the former popes were displayed behind glass. Cool. You're not supposed to take photographs down there, but I did manage to sneak one

because I knew that my friends back home wouldn't believe this wild tale No, I could buy believe that they attached it, but it's not here. It's in the other email I mean, I want to see it. So I'll show it to you. I want to see a dead pope. Yeah, I'll show you one I can look it up. Thank you in a month Show you another one. Oh, we're gonna have a 30-day pope. Yeah Another one man. There's one. Okay. Well, is it a money one right that's that's the last one that's the hot shit Yes, the new hot that's a hot new real hot new pope yum. Yum dead pope. Oh, yeah, watch out

Don't tend don't put him on the New York subway. Oh no. Oh because he's got a lot of time He's laying on his back. It's probably still take three guys to steal all the stuff off of his body Yeah, it would only take one. I call the armaca. Yep. I Want his little shoes. I love the little shoes. The little shoes are my favorite one. I love the little tiny shoes But yes a lot of people we'll talk about we'll stop talking about the Pope's in guys, yeah, I promise And then we have this last little story That's really got nothing to do with the show but okay it works. All right, let me hear it Ever asked the question. Could I fight that goose?

You know of a point of reference for how badass the goose are Recently a wild Canadian goose flew into an open-air tiger habitat at the Columbus Zoo. Okay, this happens pretty frequently air tiger habits had at the Columbus Zoo. Okay. This happens pretty frequently. There's always a mallard duck or two mixed in with the flamingos. In cases where native wildlife interact with predators, it usually results in some unplanned culinary enrichment, as the keepers would say. However, when this tiger thought they found a snack, they wound up with a face full of

feathered fury. The goose dodged swipes, and so they figured out to flap their attacker away The tiger ran the other way and zookeepers later confirmed there were no signs of the goose left in the habitat Wow a fucking goose Put that shit down dude goose fuck you up the tiger wanted nothing to do with the goose Oh, it's just a friendly tiger. No, it's not the hungry tiger We're not wanting to get, it doesn't understand what the problem is

with this fucking goose. I don't think he was trying to eat it as much as he was just trying to play with it. And then the goose came after it. Sounds like the goose was really escalating the scenario. Goose slapped the shit out of him. Yeah, goose literally slapped the shit out of him. Man.

That tiger's a pussy. I feel bad for the tiger. I feel like the tiger could have taken out that goose. Someone should shoot that goose in the head and feed it to the tiger. Come on. Let nature rebalance itself. Goose suck. Yeah, they are horrible. I hate goose. They got big shits and dogs eat the shits.

I hate goose. I hate geese. My mom hated goose. Yeah, I hate the goose. I hate all goose. Oh god, goose. Yeah, I hate the goose. I hate all goose. Oh god, Eddie. Wow, we've made it to the end of an episode. Happy birthday. Wow, it really feels like it. Happy, happy, happy birthday.

I am so overwhelmed with the support I've received over the years that I just want to say thank you all, you dirty fucks. Rob got you a birthday. He got me. Robert, you got me an eclair birthday Yeah, you fucking take that eclair yeah birthday boy yeah you take it it's got dookie on top Yeah, you fucking love you clear oh yeah, how far can you get it in? Oh? That's not far, but you know it's enough. Oh wow wow you're really you've eaten two-thirds of this already My god, I didn't think you really were gonna have any of it and they just now it's almost gone

I went from aroused Jealous to the porous, you know, I like porous Have a birthday man. Happy birthday to you Yes. Oh, yeah. God, it's all gone. That's a fully Claire down as a brows Not even a father's right of the left not even I thought it'd be like a goose I just got some fucking culinary enrichment. Yeah, so it's Henry's birthday. Let him know say happy birthday online Let him know send some pudding to the studio my tickets. This is something yeah

Tickets to buy tickets to the for Lauderdale show we're coming baby tickets to one of the things right before the report before His own YouTube channel. Yeah, I love every day knowing for right before the report the forum is on YouTube channel Yeah, I love every day knowing for a factor migrating things to his own YouTube channel. Yeah, you gotta laugh knowing for a fact that these guys Try and understand how the algorithm works you have for 15 years in the business. Oh also and you're gonna love the fact You're live on the fact. I can't afford report is the best It's a really great show. It's a reasonable show about world events. Yes, and then if you like this show, it's nothing like it But you guys will love the force actually seen is one of the smartest people I've ever met. Yes I love watching the foreign report. Yes, it's very very good

So check out their YouTube channel foreign report on YouTube go subscribe and all that shit The last podcast and left that. Buy all our tickets everywhere. Yeah, no, also last puppy benefit on the left. This has happened very quickly. We put this together. We are doing a benefit for the dogs and families and pets in general. I can't believe I'm like, I'm fostering a dog right before this event. Yes. We are going to, just a little bit of an example of what this is, we are, you come out to the Masonic Theater in Los Angeles at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery, May 23rd,

what we are doing is a, it's a benefit for puppies and pets and the families affected during the wildfires that had pets and puppies that needed, that were displaced. Yes, it's not just for puppies is for all dogs But we're gonna have puppies there for you to play with and so that's gonna be a lot of fun It's very long. It's very in puppies. It's it's awesome puppies. So this is like I mean this You're gonna flip out over this shit. It's only $40. It all goes to charity for an hour You get to just hang out with puppies. Yeah, and us and there's a food truck, but the food truck serves normal food. Yes Not dog food. Yeah, and then

We did not fully know that we were going to be doing this but we're going to be doing a full like show thing Yeah, we're doing a full thing. Hey, you know a whole thing there too. So and it's not the live show that we're doing Yeah, no, no, dog. This is gonna be there They're gonna talk about dog songs. Yeah, I think so you come out to this it is going to be oh Jesus you should have declared too fast Pops without borders is the is the people we're working with and also the Masonic Lodge in Hollywood forever Thank you all of all of you for helping us put this together We are gonna save some dogs. All right, we're going to it. Toto was buried at the cemetery

We're gonna save some dogs. We're gonna dig him up all four of them. He got Toto two Three seven and eleven are buried there. Yes. Also just remember flipper committed suicide of my birthday. Yes I forgot about this. Yeah flipper committed suicide and Henry's birthday. So Committed suicide on my birthday. Yes. I forgot about this. Yeah flipper committed suicide and Henry's birthday. So So always remember that and happy birthday Henry one less dolphin one less hat one less sad dolphin Yeah, I mean he was yeah, he was in a good mood. It'd be different. Yeah He was just dragging ass. Oh, yeah Happy birthday, buddy. I forgot to talk about the mud fossil stuff. We'll get into that next week Oh, yeah

Yeah, and the people who in Alabama who took their they were supposed to spread their mother's ashes But they just took the urn and threw it off a pier Such a good idea Be filled with crabs We love you. We'll see you on the patreon. Come see us Hell Satan, I see you all in hell. Hail you buddy. Happy birthday.

Thank you buddy. I'll see you in hell. Great. Fuck us all. I'm gonna die here. I love you Julie. I love you.