Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: The Return of The Gimp

Episode Date: May 17, 2023

Ben 'n' Henry bring you this week's weirdest stories and true crime news including Lori Vallow found GUILTY on all charges, Bo Jackson sniffing a Porcupine’s butt to cure "terminal" hiccups, The Return of The Somerset Gimp (and the History of the UK's public Gimp Problem), Also in the UK, a man calls police on neighbor over farting and burping, The Vatican investigating a possible "miracle" in Connecticut, a speedy McDonald's Drive-Thru breaks new record, Kentucky pet cremation service owner arrested for NOT cremating pets, Listener Stories, and MORE!

There's no place to escape to. This is the last time on the left side stories. That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. Which are you going to roll my arse? I think it's really, really good. You can't say, wait, say Brito. Wow. You can't say Florida. No, I can't roll my arse. I don't know. I literally have no clue. I can taco my tongue. No, do you think maybe you have some form of tongue paralysis? No, I can taco my tongue. I can do something that only about 10% can do.

Yeah, I'm doing it right now. I'm doing it better than you are. Oh, you're doing it better. Yes. This is also a radio show, but I like the silence. A little moment of silence. You can hear the clicky clack of the saliva in his mouth. It's like a little home for a taquito. That's too small. As far as I'm concerned, it's too small of a taquito. I watched a YouTube video of a guy who was addicted to taquitos. That's called being a fat fuck. He wasn't as fat as you would think. Well, this is us. Yeah, I'm addicted to Mexican food too. No, but he, all he eats is taquitos. He said in 2018, the first time I took,

the taquito does touch his tongue. I mean, I had like a brain. It was like, So what do you mean by taquito? Cause there's talkies. There's talkies. I think talkies. Yeah, that's different. I'm thinking taqui. I'm sorry. But the taqui is a derivative chip form of a taquita. I feel like that is a whole, like the letters we're going to receive. No, that is just on that one statement. Can you, the fattest thing you could ever do? Sucking sour cream with a straw that is a taqui. Oh, honestly, that's not a bad idea. I bet you it tastes good. Oh, yeah. Cause it would pick up the dust. Yeah, because that was one of my favorite

things at the creek. We're the taquitos. Oh, they were very good. But they really just were a vessel for sour cream and guacamole. Cause I still am like that with, I'm not big on taquitos. And you know what it is? Cause I like the fresh meat. Isn't it weird how when you cube something, it tastes different to tomato. I don't want to bite into a tomato, but you cube that tomato. You give it that Taco Bell treatment. I love a bunch of cube tomatoes, bro. You just like, yeah, you like, but I like the texture of it.

So I don't like a tomato. Like I don't eat tomatoes. So I could put you at the end of like a sous chef line and you'd be fine. Like just eat and just like, so if you were one for me, one for you. Yeah. And then you would just eat the scoops of cubes. Honey, this is what I did when I worked the line as I was a sous chef at Wendy's. You were a sous chef at Wendy's. Yeah. What's up everyone? Welcome to side stories. Ben hanging out with Henry. Also, we have to sing happy birthday. Chris Watts, the family in the island.

Oh, he really do. I think about him all the time. And you know what? There's been a big deal because Chris Watts saying they're not going to give him any special treatment for his birthday. So happy birthday to you. Yeah. Mr. President. Happy birthday. Chris, we're thinking of you. You know who I'm also thinking of? Who is that fucking bitch?

We got her. Lori Vallow, guilty on all counts. No reaction. She heard them and then she went her new mug shot. You showed it to me. We're talking back and forth. Piggy tails. She immediately put the pigtails on. She is moisturized, unbothered in her lane.

Does not care. Moving forward. Already thinking of the branding opportunities. Yeah. I know life can be hard for women. It is. But I'm going to say this. I think she's going to have a great time. I think that she's going to live her best life because without a doubt.

Yes. People will flip for her. She will have her own mini cult in prison. Who knows? Yes. And she will also be getting her speaking of tacos. Her sour cream is going to be very well consumed without a doubt. Like it's in prison. Like, you know how like in man prison, you have to fight the biggest guy you see?

Do you think there you have to eat the biggest clit? Like you have to fight. All the girls got to show clits and then who ever got the biggest clits? Like Queen of the Rock. Look at the difference between the shows. Oz. Orange is the new black. Yeah. It is different.

The biggest problem in orange is the new black is the toilet is overflowing. How can we have sex in the shower? This is a very complicated issue. In Oz, everyone was getting reamed in the E until they bled and cried. It was also, it was television. And it was made to, yes, it was television, but Oz is all about how scary prison was. I've watched so many prison shows and I'm sorry. Lady prison.

Sign me up for a day. We're going to sign me up for a day. God, that's just the emails. First of all, we already get enough emails from jail that ask for your hand in marriage. And I don't even know. Number one, distance. My specialty. Yeah.

Number two, I don't think they do conjugal visits anymore. I actually thought that they could put their butt up against the hole in a wall. Like a Japanese game show. It doesn't work like that. Smells like a felon. Smells like armed robbery. This girl. Yeah.

Guilty of granted. Thought of. Nice. Incredible stuff. But Lori Valle is going to jail. They're already saying, actually, there was some reaction to her going to jail already. People are saying that she's going to be checked pretty hard. I was reminded because I watched the, we watched so much footage.

I was basically a juror. Guilty. It's what I screamed every time I was watching. The worst juror possible because throughout the trial, you were screaming guilty. Guilty. And then you thought she was guilty. Which I didn't as well. I really don't think we should ever be on any juries because we have a thing called

opinions. We do. We do. But she, she was going to get nonplussed when she was told the verdict. They're saying she might get checked in jail. But on the date, I was watching Dateline. They had a whole new hour, 20 minute recap of a bunch of stuff that they got from the trial. Dateline treatment.

I love it. You know, I love it. Keith Morrison is being like, I'm bad. It's the most incredible thing I've ever. Look, he's so funny. He's just a funny little guy, funny ideas, mixed little quips. He's the only voice I want to hear postmortem. Oh, yeah.

I said to that article, well, Tom Hanks said, I want to work in AI after I'm dead. No, you're dead. You're gone. Stop taking my jab. Cause you don't have Tom Hanks and I are competing for this. Every time you should have been Japan. God, you would have been an incredible Japanos.

If there was just one voice that, that was all consuming Keith Morrison. Sure. He's the best. I love his voice. He's also, he's got the dry sense of humor. He's very curious. He is. But if you watch that again, I forgot.

I just forget that Lori Valor had such a, like people believed her. Oh yeah. The cops. Mainstream media. Fucked up that case. So. They did. Thoroughly.

So thoroughly. They all just looked at this. They were horny. They looked at this woman and they're like, there's no way this beautiful woman could possibly be a murderer. They just let her get away with apps. They let her get away with multiple murders, five murders. Like her, uh, uh, coordinate was the interrogation footage

of when she's going in after Charles Valo was dead. And she is just saying these like funny stories about how like, oh yeah, you know, my daughter had to threaten him with a bat because he's like a monster. You know how that is. Like she's like joking with the woman and then the police officer. It is unbelievable how far she got. I need to just tap some of that pure white woman confidence.

She is just that power that she had and just roll over people. Everybody just thought that she was great. Well, also we have central part 2.0 going on in New York city because they need more drama over a city bike. I watched some footage of that. The power of the white lady tears. I didn't know nothing. That's, well, that was a very interesting case

where a woman started crying because she tried to steal somebody's bike. And then people were like, you're stealing her bike. And then they're like, no, she's stealing our bike. Anyway, what I'm saying is the fake tears can go a long way. Well, she wasn't, it was the opposite. She was not crying. She did this thing where she acted like all of these stories about this so-called abusive husband

that she's really, really afraid of and how he held terror over her whole family. She's laughing. Like it would be like a relatable story. Like it's a Jim Gaffigan bit where she's doing that. Nothing more relatable than that. Kill my kids. What?

Kill my kids. What was that? What was that? Is it the little Jim Gaffigan voice that first comes out? Kill my kids. Oh, that little Jim Gaffigan voice. You got to stop telling me to kill my family. And so it's a funny and ingratiating style. That was a brilliant bit the way

that Jim Gaffigan came up with that. So there you go. Chris Watts also working as a custodian, which is a job too good for him. Oh yeah, you're back to Chris Watts. But so Chris Watts, Lori Vallow. The Chris Watts is going to be in jail. Lori Vallow is going to be in jail for 100 years.

Chad Daybell's fucking trials, not till 2024. Wow, they really separated that. Well, and it's very interesting because the defense was trying to throw him under the bus. But Lori never took the stand, which shows in some way, she's keeping kayfabe. She believes on some level. She believes it.

I guess it ain't kayfabe. The way I, in my mind, she rolled into prison, straight up thinking Moroni is going to arrive. He is going to crack open the top of this room. He's going to save me. I'm the goddess. I'm the one with the kuchi with no hoochie. I'm the one out there just like, you know,

like messing things up with Idaho with my two perfect Niners. Well, she's going to have a lot of hoochie because as we also learned from those fantastic TV shows, Pruno, which I really want to try prison wine. You keep bringing this up. You seriously bring this up. You're supposed to make you go blind.

Why lightning? Side stories. He'll potlgmail.com. I actually would really appreciate your best recipe for Pruno. If anybody has made. Well, it's whatever the prison kitchen. I want to hear some toilet wine recipes.

No, no, no, no. We're going to do a full taste testing with Ben Kissel. Can't taste any worse than this fucking rock star. He is obsessed with Pruno. He's brought it up again and again and again. You, but you just so we need to this storyline. Let's give the people what they want

because they want you to try Pruno. They want to see you throw up. Pruno in the studio. It's too late. It is now. It's just not side stores. L potlgmail.com functioning business. I'll give you the Kissel's home address

and I'll tell you where to go to help him teach him how to make toilet wine on his own because he just keeps making toilet soup. But it's not great. Oh, Mama Sita. Well, anyway, speaking of soup, this is a story that has no criminal intent whatsoever. But I just think it's funny.

I want to tell you about it because you know very little about sport and I like to watch my sport program. I go on programs because I like the drama. What I like about sport is I like when they're trying really hard. I do too. And I like all the hustling. I like the music.

I like the snacks. I like all the dynamism. Same here. I like team groups. I completely agree. It's all functioning well. So you do like sports indeed because that's exactly what I like.

That's why I call them my programs. So Bo Jackson. He was a sport athlete that was so good, so athletic, he broke his own body with his own talent. Bo knows sports, but Bo Bo don't know hiccups. He has hiccups and he's had them for a year long. Can you imagine? This is one of the greatest Americans.

Bo Jackson is one of the greatest Americans to ever live. He is. He truly is. And the fact that hiccups can even come for him shows that it... It can come for anyone. Think about it. Because think about how strong his diaphragm must be. He used to go deer hunting by hand with a knife as training.

And he made his own arrows. Like he's like, I'm not a huge hunter, but if you are going to hunt Bo Hunt, and make your own arrows, then you are a man. If you go like Donnie Trump Jr. and you have some motherfucker take a sedated line in front of you, you're a shithead.

You're a shithead. You should typically be professionally kidnapped. If you've done that weird tourism, big hunting thing, you should happen to you. A bag should go over your fucking head. You should be put in a trunk. You should be dropped off in the middle of the forest and let a bunch of rhinos come after you

with a bunch of tactical rifles. We need to remake surviving the game, but instead of iced tea as a homeless man, or, no, it was tea, yeah. You need to get one of these, yeah. Just scoop up Governor Pataki. You're bringing up Governor Pataki also a lot recently. But anyway, no one even knows who that is.

There's a former governor in New York state. Bo Jackson, he has the hiccups, has had him for a year. His remedy has gone so far as smelling the ass of a porcupine. No, this is clickbait. No, it's not. No, they got us. It's in the, nobody.

It's in the New York Post. I hate to sully them. I never want to question them. I don't want to question their integrity over there, but if you actually listen, because I was excited when I saw the article, I stopped that in my tracks. It said Bo Jackson smelled butt of porcupine to stop hiccups.

I was like, got me. Congrats. Here's your click. He was on the show. McElroy and Kublik. I don't know what that show is. Yo, you don't know. No, I don't know McElroy and Kublik.

I don't even know that that was the show. It sounds like, hey, it sounds like the lowest wrong defense attorneys in Oklahoma. I'm sure it's like, no, it's Kublik. What is, what is that? I don't know. What kind of name is, it's the name of the show. So it's McElroy and Kublik.

And they were saying, they were talking to Bo Jackson and he says, I'm getting medical procedures done at the end of the week. I think I'm ready to try a remedy. He says I'm, he's been at the hospital. He's like, doctors are poking me, shining lights down my throat. They're probing me every day.

Yeah. So he says that he's had a lot of different things, but the sentence he said, which is why they're doing this. He was joking around. As he said, I don't joke around on Kublik. He's, I guess not because it has become a viral story somehow because he says, I'm busy at the hospital,

sitting up, doctors poking me, shining lights on my throat. Right. They don't know why I have these hiccups. So that's the only reason why I wasn't there because he was supposed to be at the, some hall of fame presentation. He was busy with the hiccups. But he said, he said everything.

He's like, Jackson was emphatic when he asks, anyone come up for the reason why he has hiccups? He says, hell no. He says, I've done everything. Scare me. Drink water upside down. Smell the acid of a porcupine. A funny exaggerated bit that he just said.

When I think of Bo Jackson, I don't think of humor. No, he's actually very serious. No. Yeah. That's the problem is that you, we are all looking to him. Times are so tough. And we're already looking at him for some sage advice.

And we don't know who else has terminal hiccups at this point. Sage. But you know, I've heard the way to really do it. If you, if you want to truly solve your hiccups, that's what you got to do is get yourself a hold about 20,000 drones. And you're wanting to really want to police the mountains of Afghanistan.

Because I heard Barack Obama didn't have hiccups one time. I don't know what that means. I didn't even know why that, why he brought up the drone wars. Everyone's like, oh, 90% of the people he killed were innocent. 10% weren't. I think. And that's also why.

That's also why. And that's what we give our manager. Absolutely. Yeah. That's also why I'm pro smoking. It only kills 10%. That's it. That's it.

So I've done everything. Smell the ass of a porcupine. But this is like, when I read this, I was like, yes, great. What is this treatment? Excited to get to the bottom of it. Then I looked up into it, immediate like, I'm a fucking moron.

I then reread the sentence. And I was like, oh, he's not joking. Bo knows sports. Bo doesn't know hiccup. Bo also has some issue with punch lines. Also, I saw on Shark Tank, there was a hiccup straw that is supposed to cure the hiccups, which I'm thinking about getting for Marcus,

because perhaps that can help with the diaphragm. You think that'll help him? With the diaphragm. You just want to show up with a bunch of hiccup cures to try to fix that? Hey, buddy. I mean, give me money. These guys, I swear to God,

I'm not even sure if he's gone to a doctor. I think he's just, you know, wizard in the middle of fucking skin row. Well, I'm going to confess right here. And I don't, because Marcus doesn't listen to side stories. So you know what we're saying? Well, he just hears it all day long in his head, even when he's asleep and stuff.

But I've been sending him messages faking being a doctor. And I have manipulated his genitals and his body many times, him not knowing it's me because of various costumes. And I just, I got a fetish for it. I'm just, this is me. I'm coming out. Great. Uh-huh.

I love seeing unasked for perinipples. I love it. I love watching a man in a tiny, I love the tiny front dress girl forced to wear. I love that feeling. I love a sick man's bottom. You know what sentence you don't get to say unless you're a doctor.

All right. I want you to go put this on. I'll come back in two minutes. You can say it, but then you come back a lot of times. No one's wearing the outfit. Well, it's like one of those weird like, I got a tie made porno's or something. Go put this on.

You want to be a maid? There's a little maid outfit, but it's not a maid outfit. It's never known. And a maid's don't dress like it. They just in sweats and a shirt. Yeah, they want to clean, but they're not cleaning those videos. Dermatologist last time I was in it, did ask my permission to see my backside.

That's nice. He was like, so is it a way to, if we take a look at your backside now? And I was like, well, yeah, you have to. That's you must. But I was like, let me fluff it. I bring up my little comb so I can fluff the hair. Do we have any stories about murder?

I don't know. All right. So speaking of uncommon desires, there is a man. We've covered here several times and we've got, we've learned so our audience has educated us in a very, actually very appropriate way. Talking about the Somerset Gimp. Yes, this is out of the UK, I believe.

Yes. For those of you that don't know, we've covered this a couple of times. The Somerset Gimp has now been, he was arrested this year, finally, by a man named Joshua Hunt. And what he does is that he arrives in a latex suit and he rides around on the ground and he makes a bunch of sexual noises.

Now we ask, but randomly here in last podcast and left, we ask all the time, how is this a crime? How is this a crime? And it turns out like doing that against somebody's will is not nice to do. It's not good to do. It's not nice, but how is this a crime? It's just not good to say someone doesn't,

isn't consenting consenting to you, writhing around the ground. I actually have some footage of him here that I ever showed. Did we ever show this? Here, I'll show this to you. I mean, I've seen the Gimp many, many times. If you look at this, this is the actions of the Gimp. So you can kind of see why people were freaked out.

So he's like rubbing himself on the grass here. I'm going to go again with how is that a crime? He's making a bunch of noises. Well, this is where the crime comes in because you see as he stands up. Is he like Context with somebody? This is 2018, no, he stands up and you can kind of see he's like fully erect

and he's grabbing at his dick and ball. I mean, not in this kind of flagrant way. You're supposed to be shamed of it. She's filming him. Whoever that is filming them. He's asking, he's doing a performance. He's very hard. And but you can see, so people were traumatized with this.

He said, I read this one article that kind of goes deeper into it. It's called Unzipping the Gimp about why people saying that they're now afraid because they're afraid to say, but. So the Somerset Gimp was just arrested again last week. He was just arrested again. Same thing, rolling around the ground,

grunting, rubbing himself, going again. Sounds like a podcaster. He was arrested. But if you can get it, right? If you can get paid for it, then again, you're consenting, everyone's consenting and it's fine. He was arrested on May 8th. The woman was driving home alone in Bleedon.

I love to live in Bleedon. Absolutely. And she was there. Their heavy flow days are so much fun. The heavy flow festival in Bleedon is off the chain, but you will get blamed for something that happened in a dream. Absolutely.

Just so you know, it doesn't happen. But they will get mad about a tone that you say at the right, if you go to the hot dog stand, they do get mad. Well, and of course, their neighboring town of Chunkerton is really, that's for a, that's for a flow that has a little extra carp in it. So anyway, this woman who was driving, she was left terrified after spotting this guy

in the latex suit as we just saw, he's rithering and crawling on the ground. But again, he's not, he didn't touch anybody. He's freaking people out. Yes, but you are allowed to. You're allowed to be weird. We don't need to debate this. This isn't an Austin tagline.

This is way more about people. They're saying you have to be careful. He's a nuisance. We're seeking for consent here. We're seeking for consent, but this is not the only dude. He's fucking leaves. He's actually, and no one has to leaves.

I've seen Fern Gully. And a lot of those leaves have full song and dance numbers. I never saw Fern Gully. Did you really see that? It's boring. I haven't seen it all the time. Robin Williams is great. Oh yeah.

But this is not the only guy. So what this article opened my mind to is that, like, Somerset Gimp is actually a dude that is, there's been several of these types, right? So there was one guy that this was, who was arrested for a bunch of things in the early 2000s, by the name of Akinwale Arokbieki, right? Who was in London.

They, I believe this term is racist. So I will say, but his nickname was Purple Aki. Okay. That's what they called him because he was very dark skinned. Okay. But this guy is fucking weird. This guy was a guy that was people said that he came out and said,

people are just upset by the way I look. He was six foot five, 300 pounds. I understand. He said people were scared by me naturally. But what he was doing was going up to young men. They made him what he had to. They made him. Yes.

This is one of the things that he would do is that he would go up to young men that he'd see and he'd be like, seems like you're working out a lot. Right? Maybe like, you know, and so, but he'd ask to feel their arms and he asked to feel their chest and he asked to feel their leg muscles. And after I like, okay, it was kind of like you as a doctor.

It was, I mean, again, I'm a paid comedy doctor. You've arrived to the comedy doctor. You want to experience this hilarious, often misinformational sequence with me, but at the same time we leave with a bunch of great memories. Patch Adams, which of course, by the way, Patch Adams, the deleted scene of the person dying with cancer being like, please get the fuck out of here.

I'm not in the mood for a clown. That was just the real life scene. Yes. That they couldn't include. I'd be fucking livid if my doctor tells me I'm dying with a goddamn clown nose off. I'd be like, I don't have time for this. Show me your breasts.

But the, he would feel their muscles, but then he would do this. Then eventually he was doing it without people's permission, but he, his thing was, was that he would like to do what he called the reverse piggyback, where he would ask, man, be like, hey, I want to see how much you can squat. I'm 310, right?

Like he can squat me, right? And so he'd go them on and he's like, but I do it my own special way. So what he liked to do was get it up on their, on their backs, backwards, with his face in the ass, dick and balls on the neck. And he'd be like, squat me a bunch. And they would find that to be,

he would then be sexually aroused in the process of it. See this is, you know what, also position he is in. Perfect position to power bomb. Yes. Give him the Sid Vicious. Give him the Vader bomb. His dick is right in your face.

You grab him by the little dips. Then they got you for murder. No, he doesn't die. I feel like if you do, you have to be really careful. But there's a cut. So there are some people that wonder whether this is very, very strange. This story is-

Not that strange. It just went off for a long time. I'm trying to get rock hard by having a bunch of dudes pick them up and having their, get his dick. I think the reverse piggyback is just as strange. It's strange. It's just strange. Because then they had to put a muscle touch band on him.

So they were like in a court said, okay, this is fine. So we're going to do, we're going to issue what they have here. It is a sexual offenses prevention order. Okay. Right. So they said, no more touching muscles. You can't touch people's muscles anymore

because you can't be trusted. What about rubbing your dick in other people's faces? They were like, the thing was it's like, they viewed the touching muscles as the gateway drug. Okay. To the reverse piggybacking. Got you. But he was also attached to a manslaughter.

He was attached to a couple other things. But then he just kept doing it. He kept touching people's muscles. He was then found, he was in 2015. He said that he was there doing shit in 2016. He was doing shit. So he's been around recently in 2023. Adobeecky was convicted at Huddersfield magistrates court

of driving without reasonable care for other road users. So he was driving around, but this guy's really fucking. We'll be careful. I would say it's a tough place and I feel bad for him in some ways that he was born in this place that he has to live because if you really search for muscles, he's in the UK. It's soft.

The world's strongest man I saw. There's a lot of UK guys in there. Yeah. You're just talking about the general guy. I'm talking about the general. Yeah, yeah, sure. Because the American male, at the very least it's lard, which you can pretend to be muscle.

It seems honestly that that is way more of a protective measure for them. If he was in Hermosa Beach, he would be living his best life. If he could go to Muscle Beach, he would just be one of them. He would just be one of them because then also, you know what you need to do when you are working out? You need someone to come in and rub their muscles,

otherwise they get too tight. See again, consensual, it's all great. Well, I know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he needs to go to a place. Weaponize his skill set is what you're saying. He needs to go to a place where people would need that as a service. But it's the transgression that seems to make him the most aroused.

It's the same thing as like the difference between, it's a restaurant or we're force feeding you because you're a prisoner who's on the starvation diet. I don't know if those are the two specific sides of the spectrum. I've never heard of that situation. Oh, yeah. And they say, oh, we're going to force feed you. Yeah, they do it for starvation diet.

Well, yeah, that's you're trying to keep you from killing yourself. No, but this torture. What? It is torture. I feel like we've just wanted to a series of topics and you're just saying a bunch of just like very loose conjectures. But yes, I do agree. He should use his powers for good.

And go to a place where they're needed. Yes, I do agree. Muscle Beach. This is not the only guy. There's another guy. There's three of them. There's another guy. Now, this one's kind of, it's also interesting.

Are they part of a union? They must be. This is, it's all like, I guess it's the subs of London because this guy called the spit man. Oh, this is bad. This was an urban legend. Now the spit man was a guy that became, people were talking about this.

There was a guy named the spit man. Not good. He's down. I was like, well, I don't know. Again, this falls into the weird houses, the crime thing because the spit man would pay. There's an urban legend. It started as being like, oh, if you're a young man,

the spit man will pay you money to come and degrade him. Great. I'll do it. I'll be right back. Spit on him, piss on him, kick his dick and balls. And so for a while, everyone thought that this wasn't real. But then vice has come for, it is 24, 2015. They had a documentary about him where they dug into it

and they have footage of the spit man. I'm going to show you. I cannot believe. I cannot believe that vice filed for bankruptcy after they were doing such unbelievable documentary work. This is important. So this guy, they tracked down to a young man and they wanted to get footage of what he experienced.

And if you could see right here, I'm going to show you this footage here. Okay. Now what this is, is a young man was paid this amount of money and then he taped. Good money. Because I guess guys decided he wanted to do it, right? So we'll see here.

Is that the footage? I'm watching the footage. Here we go. The phone booth seems to be. Here we go. All right. So here. Oh, this is so.

Vicy. Okay. You can see here. The man's dick and balls are out of his pants. Right. And then he is full on tap dancing on his penis. So the guy is not an insubstantial amount of the guy that is getting paid is the guy who's stepping on this other dude's cock and balls.

Now that's great. Now the spit man came forward and he's paying apparently because this guy says he's like, anything you want, bro. Yeah. They're broke. He say, well, yeah. He sport your father at three minutes of dick torture.

Five pounds for three minutes of work. And I was doing the math really. That's a hundred bucks an hour. Basically. To step on his dick and balls and really mash them up. That's what he's looking for. It's just interesting to see that there's a bunch of these guys. I will say the guy who is getting his balls slammered on is getting a deal as well

because you go down to the hustler club in Vegas, you got to pay like a thousand bucks. So he is getting a deal. But those girls are experts. They're also above the age of 18. Because I don't believe it was children that he was. Yes. No young man.

But I don't think that means a child. It's 15 to 18. No, a young man is 18 to 35. This is 15 to 18. That's what they were saying. Oh, yeah. He likes him. He likes a petite feet.

I can get you a petite foot. I know you can. Because again, we know how to get it properly. Well, you know who probably is the most. We can get it above board. Most petite feet in Hollywood. Roberto Bonini. Why?

Because you won the Oscar. Sure. Well, he's saying he's got long feet. You remember the way he walked on all the chairs. I'd say he had long thin feet. I would say if you want to get tiny feet and you want it to work out in your favor legally, little person.

Maybe. Or honestly. I can't have it mash up. Mash up your dick balls by a little person. We've been to, well, you've been to more than I, but I have been invited to a couple of Hollywood parties that I haven't been invited to. But I have noticed that the actor,

you are big for actors. No, I tower over many actors. You do. They're jealous of me. They see, they look at me and they're like, how does he do it all? Well, I don't know. How does he have that?

How does he have so much back there? And crush it the way that he does. The average shoe size of an actor is eight. And that is a tiny foot. I'll look it up. And that's all you need. So I think the guy is, that's where he's missing the mark.

If you, he just wants tiny feet. It doesn't, you can find a 35 year old man with very tiny feet and pretend. Yeah, but I don't understand why these pedals don't. Well, it's cause they like, again, the whole issue is they like when you're upset, which is the sad part about it. Because again, if it was all above board,

all of these guys can do whatever they want. You could reverse piggyback all night long if you got the quarters. Out of all the people we've discussed from the UK in our GIMP segment, cause we know we, we do our GIMP segments. And I don't want to, GIMP news. I don't want to step on Kudlik's angle.

Cause I know Kudlik loves it. Kudlik, it has to be. Kudlik, I don't want to get anywhere near him in his hiccup news, his dark news, or his GIMP news. Kudlik, the first GIMP we covered is the most innocent of all the GIMPs. He doesn't touch anybody. He just rubs his ding dong in a pile of leaves.

You already tell, I've already had a bunch of people tell me that they don't like it. So this is it. No, I don't like a lot of things. I don't like so much. You should see the things I don't like. I don't like that I just spilled my water. Unbelievable.

But I'm not filing a lawsuit against it. You can't because it has no lawyer. And I did it. Well, anyway, I want to tell you this story about miracles, Henry, because you're demonic and you're what everyone thinks Hollywood is. And it's really hurting the brand. Wait, you think that everybody thinks that I'm Hollywood?

I don't have any connections. Well, in our friend circle, you work. No one will call. You're as close as I get. I'm dying to be Hollywood. They won't have me. Close as we get. You can hold off a couple of months.

There's going to be like some strikes. No, I know that's the best when I come in. That's what I'm strongest when no one's working. Yes. Possible miracle at a Connecticut church. It's being investigated by the Vatican. No, they're not investigating the rampant sexual abuse, but they are investigating this potential miracle.

It's one of the funniest things I've ever read because it's one of the fattest things I've ever heard. The miracle took place at Thomaston St. Thomas Church. So basically, according to Reverend Joseph Crowley, Because this is in Connecticut. This is in Connecticut. According to Reverend Joseph Crowley, pastor of St. Maximilian Kobe Parish,

which includes St. Thomas, they said the Holy Communion has multiplied in the back room. It's so dumb. Crowley said God duplicated himself in the suburbarium. Suck me. Fuck me. You fucking liar.

The suburbarium seems like where a lot of kids go to cry. And so he said, after communion, God provides. And it's strange how God does that and how that happened. So basically, long story short is, they got more bread. They thought they had. And they said it's because God doubled up the communion. In no way did somebody just accidentally put the double dose of communion back there in the suburb room.

No humans would ever purchase this many Christian wafers. If this is a miracle from God, fuck you so bad. Fuck you. This is what you did. We could have used so many other shit. There's so much other shit you could have handled. David Elliott, he's a spokesman for the Archdiocese. He issued a statement, reports such as the alleged miracle

in Thomaston require referral to the Dicastory for the doctrine of the faith in Rome. It's really, if you look into the Dicastory for the doctrine of faith, if this is a weird Vatican, so fucking mysterious and evil. They have, it's from the 1500s. Now what this does, I mean, I would love to. I don't know if this series would ever stop.

Is it a lot? We have talked about doing it, but truly, it's just thousands of years of history of hot garbage. But if you look at what the Dicastory is, it started as this, I guess it's supposed to defend the faith of the Holy Roman Catholic Church. Well, they say the Dicastory is composed of two main sections, one for discipline when you're naughty,

which handles cases of sexual misconduct. Yeah, the spank brigade. And the other doctrine which it oversees is, quote, safeguarding faith and morals and protecting their integrity from errors. So their job is to go and say, like, so when every one of these fucking po-dunk pieces of shit calls up the Vatican.

Hey, the Vatican ate po-dunk. Where is that American here? This is Connecticut. Hey, Connecticut is wrong. So they go, so they got to call these guys and they got to come check it. So partially what they have to do is that they have to- Get a look at-

Because the process of deciding if something's a miracle or not basically is more connected to whether this guy, this so-called Reverend Joseph Crowley, I mean, that's his name. So-called, I like to see those papers, right? Basically, they have to name him a saint. Or the miracle happened by way of his prayer to a saint for a specific prayer.

Do you have any idea? That is like winning Top Chef. That is such big street cred. If your priest is a saint, that church is going to be rolling in cash. That's all they care about. And of course, let's not forget that's the main. The last new saint was in 2018 by the name of Oscar Romero. What did he do?

He was murdered. He was a Salvadorian archbishop associated with social justice and regressive theology, right? So they, but I do believe they have to- Well, I thought you had to have a miracle. I, that's what I- That's why I wasn't a pope was a saint because he didn't die when someone shot him.

Yeah, which is like- So it was 50 cents then. Most popes haven't died. Yeah, 50 cents. Ultimate saint shot five times. I don't even see what the actual miracle was. Well, this is- Well, they declared a martyr.

They said that he was a martyr for his beliefs. Yeah, but that's not a saint. The miracle was the healing of a Salvadoran woman named Cecilia Maribel Flores, whose husband prayed for the intercession of Romero when she had life-threatening complications for a Mississarian section in 2015. So it has to happen after he's dead.

So in order to be remade, the miracle has to happen after they're dead and that they are used as the conduit for said miracle. And then they just decide whether or not that you've done that. Right. But they guys sit around and they put their dumb hats on, they sit and think, real hard, be like, and then they just decide.

Michael O'Neill, he's known as the miracle hunter. Sounds like he's looking for a TV show. He said, I'd be highly surprised that they were able to have evidence to declare it truly is a true Eucharistic miracle. Truly had nothing to go on. They would in fact release a very generic statement so Michael O'Neill, the miracle hunter,

is saying to Mr. Crowley, perhaps you're a liar. Well, he's going to look into it because again, there's no way to prove it. He said that some of the most interesting miracles have been when it seems to be connected to the Eucharist, which is what they call the communion wafer, so that they bleed. That's a very common miracle,

like the idea of them bleeding. Oh, the blood from the statue, the lumbablood. Then the bleed crying blood, crying tears, crying statues, crying that type of style. There's some funky stuff that happens with statues, but I'm not sure if it's miracle related. Marcus and I have talked about doing a series on miracles because they are interesting

because they're very famous one where people went, they saw Mary in the sky. This is, I believe this was, because they could go the unbelievable, as soon as you look up miracles, they're like, when Jesus turned water into wine, show me the footage. Well, also, I think that's absolutely adorable

because there was a funny little bit about that that a performer did about Jesus just wanting to make his mom happy. With the apparition, the Virgin Mary, there's people flying, there's the Shroud of Turin, which also found out to be a hoax. Yeah, that was a hoax. They did just find,

one interesting thing is with all the research they're doing in Jerusalem, they did just find some new little tablets, but I don't know. Anyway, according to O'Neill, again, he's the miracle hunter. He says they got a bunch of good testimony, but there's no evidence,

and that's why they're looking for guidance from the Vatican. Well, yeah, of course, because they're- But this is all about bread. It just would spit the stupid wafers, and they said that they went in, and they were like, it's a miracle. God wasn't as many in there before, but now there's more.

It makes no sense. What do you mean it makes no sense? It means that God, God from above, gave them more wafers. Because isn't that nice? It's a waste of his time. It is. And this is a waste of my time.

I actually think if this is a miracle, if it is proven to be a miracle, I have less faith in God than ever before. Yeah, because you could have- So that means you can do anything. Well, just go- You can literally do anything. They're starving people all over the world.

You could fix. You could- Climate change. Make a stop. You do it. Yep. You're God. Yep.

Uh-huh. Are you invented all this fucking rigamarole? You know what's interesting? Rolling sconce in. You know what's interesting? In 1996, when it comes to the Eucharist, they found that there was traces of heart tissue, and they found that there was some blood.

Oh, yeah. That's the whole, that was the idea of it. That's the miracle that it's called the transubstantiation, improve of it. Yes. And that was also in La Nixta and Socorro. In 2008, 2013, they found, yeah, heart tissue. And then in Buenos Aires, they found some blood.

And then in Mexico, apparently they also found some blood. But I actually think that just means there's something wrong in the factory where all the kids that make the Eucharist are bleeding. Yeah, it sounds like, yeah, someone's fucking literally trying to mop up some secrets. But that would be good if you do work in a fast food joint. There's a bunch of blood in your burgers.

Just be like, hey, miracles happen every day. Miracle, harmony. Our Lady of Guadalupe was also in massive. This was the miracle I was thinking of that was, you know, a giant vision of the Virgin Mary, basically saying, come colonize us. That's how you know it's worth it. That's how you know it's real.

She looks just like the queen. Look, you imagine King Charles trying to be like, now your country is my country. I'd fucking just gotta beat his fucking ass. He's one of the few people like I wish it. Well, they did it on fear alone. They did it all on just a pressure. It's like, truly like psychological warfare.

Yes. Because I was reading a little about that because they're, I forgot where it was, where it's like, you realize, I was like, when they went, when they went Spanish, the capital S Spanish went to essentially colonize Mexico. It was like only like 500 of versus something like 75,000 people. And they just managed to do it just by like, look at what we got. It's beer.

You know what I mean? You're like, what? Like that's what, that's what it took. It's magic. It has a very sorted past with slavery as well. It is. Yes indeed. Well, interesting.

Let's move on to farts. Henry, this story I know was really particular to your heart. Thank you. You, when you mentioned it before the show, and you said, well, we got big news today, breaking news. Let's do it as our lead. It was a slow day. So let's just hop right into it.

It was a, it's definitely a slow day. Oh no. I mean, this, I think we've been, this, we got miracles. Three gimps. Three gimps. A man reported his neighbor to the police because he wouldn't stop farting. God. I'm sorry.

I know the good fences make good neighbors, maybe good underwear make good neighbors. In this case, Edward Riley, 44, was reported to the police after he bombarded his next door neighbor, Simon Joinsen, for months with abusive and disturbing behavior. Mostly Riley would break wind and burp. I mean, there were other factors here. That's what it is.

Is that it was one of those. He would break, he would fart and burp at their adjoining wall. Right. So this is very much like office space. Yes. Where it's like they're right there. So this is, this is the worst departments where you hear your neighbor do everything. Yes.

But, and he covered his door. He barred his door. So the guy couldn't open it. And then he kept shining flashlights through his window into his face while he was sleeping. So I feel like the farts and the burps obviously that made the headline. That's a lot. Well, it's kind of funny though. It was, it's kind of funny in its own way.

Riley, he's from greater, greater Manchester. So in that nice, he further threatened Mr. joints it on several occasions saying that he would burn his house down and adding out, put your fucking head through the floor. But the thing is, if he burns down his neighbor's house, he would burn down his house as well. Mutually assured destruction. It seems at this point.

Yeah. He has allowed this conflict to boil over. Yeah. There's something going on. And I don't, this is bigger than farts and burps. This is bigger than farts and burps. Yeah. Cause most of the comments, I was looking down the, the end of the article,

everyone's like, Oh, it's more, he didn't go. It's not for the farting and the burping. It's for threatening to burn his house down. Yeah. But that is why he got it called the cops. It would burn his own house down. I get that's the thing is that it makes you sound extra crazy. Yeah.

It's when I used to start punching myself in the face to enact crazy on the streets. Yeah. They call him the neighbor from hell. I'm looking at him, skinny little weird guy. I have full of farts. Yeah. Eddie, they say, Eddie is always getting away with this bad behavior and he does whatever he says he will do.

He's definitely got a smug little smile on his face, like he's full of gas. Apparently he's got a shit. Yeah. That's what he kind of looks like. He does. Look, apparently the guy that keeps getting farted on, farted on. He's the father of one. These guys get all mad.

Yeah. He could look at Marcus if I can hold that grudge to this day, buddy. It's changed his entire personality. The father of one says he could hear the farting through the walls, but again, that's just a neighbor. That's you get that. You got to get a new house, but it's a lot. There was also a bunch of parties and stuff like that.

He was in general. He was a bad neighbor, but the burps and farts are the funniest part. Well, and I guess I could see that really putting it over the edge because it is very rude. I mean, I, I, it's a smell of somebody else's farts. Well, it's more about, you can't smell them. It's through the wall. You're just hearing it. Yeah.

It's everything else. I think the burps and the farts added a sort of an air of, uh, of disrespect. Well, that's the problem. That's what he said. He says, like, it's the disrespect because now you've decided, oh, um, someone for you to fault upon. Oh, I'm just some fault. I'm some diaper boy for you.

And meanwhile he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's just like, oh, we'll not stand for this. And then, you know, the more you hear this voice through the wall going, I stop it now, stop it. That's how you're like, it comes to wish ones. Yeah. It comes to wish ones because you hear, as soon as you guys begging you to stop fart and stop burping, you're obviously, you're going to double down.

You know, it's really interesting because the more I hear about this, the more I understand that Mr. Riley just wanted to win this war. He very much. So just trying to drive this to a head. It all started when a mattress was placed in the wrong bin area. I hate, I'm so, I, yes. And then once that happened, Riley went inside, began coughing loudly. And then you could also hear him burping.

Yeah. So I think the neighbor put his mattress in the wrong bin area. Riley said, you know what, not in my house. Now you're going to get the burping fart treatment. And that's exactly what happened. He definitely, it was overkill. Yes. Well, Riley has a 19 previous offenses on his record, the majority of which

involve breaches of a restraining order against his ex-partner, who he fathered a child with. Seems though, none of that really surprises me. Well, he's like a horrible person, but he's a bad guy. So that's why he's not, that's why he didn't become, at first when I read it, I was like, Oh, this will be hero of the week. Oh, no, he's an asshole. No, he is an asshole.

But you know what his sentence is? It's going to do 15 rehabilitation activity days. You know, I bet you that's, I wonder what that would constitute to rehabilitate. I don't know, not farting and burping in people's faces. For 15 days in a row, and then you're fine. He was also sentenced to 24 weeks in jail, but dated activities. Yeah. Rehab, rehab, ability days.

You can go, you can pick up garbage on the highway. And then he's got to give the guy 128 pounds. You know, that's not too bad. That's probably a pound for each fart and each burp. Maybe. I mean, it seems, I would hope that there was more, but my issue is that I don't think that this is going to end for them. No, if he doesn't move, this is going to escalate to some form of murder.

Oh, we really could. Riley also, there's a picture here in this Metro UK article of him who took, he took a selfie in bed without the shirt on there. And it's a horrible, I hate those selfies. You know, the selfie when you're in bed like that. Well, that, that is just the face of someone that has. Farts and burps. Who is farts and burps?

Absolutely. To a criminal level. Cause that's what this is about. Like, is it really is about that? Same thing with all these gips. Is that like, just thinking about sub until it's illegal. It's such a funny, crazy idea. I'm such a fucking terror bottom that everybody is scared of me.

Cause that's got to be, cause then what they need is some kind of power top. You need a pure top to come in there and fix all of the gips. I think, well, I mean, I think the one guy can be properly loved. I think this bit man is a, most people are doolies. Sub and some are, yeah, sure. But he's, these are, these are men that like I don't be done to them. Is it sub to jump on someone's shoulders, cock first? I don't know if that is.

I think that it's, it seems neutral. It seems really acrobatic. It does take a lot of core strength to even get into that position. I couldn't get in that position if I wanted to. And then it is frottage. That's the term as well. Frottage. Frottage, which means to rub yourself on someone against their will.

Right. So it does seem, it's a little bit of that. And then once you're in the position of always been feeling my muscles. I'm liking this guy's kind of whole swerve. Now he's kind of flipping it. Then it becomes kind of dumb behavior because it does seem fairly dominating. Put your dick and balls in somebody's shoulders. Right.

There you go. There you go. Um, well, all right, let's do hero of the week. There's got to, there's another story about a dude who ran a local, uh, pet cremation service, but he was arrested because a bunch of dead animals were found in his car. That's a thing I do. When I was reading that, I was just like, so I guess he obviously you're,

you're not doing what you're getting paid. But you're like, that's so much like, so you're just going to put a bunch of corpses in your car versus doing your job, but I don't rid of the corpses. It took place. I feel like don't you want to get rid of these corpses? It took place in a town called Paduca. And, uh, yeah, the owner is a pet cremation business in Paduca. Multiple charges have been filed.

This is when procrastination, procrastination. This is another one. These are all cry. These are only like, if you take any one of these things to a certain extent, does it become a crime? They're all like, good, good, good. Procrastination is fine. As a matter of fact, it's a way of life.

He owns a business called pause to remember. I guess he didn't have, maybe he didn't have the actual cremation set up and he was lying about it. Well, pause to remember is really sad. It is sad because I think he's supposed to give them back their bones or something. You're supposed to get the ashes. Anyway, in his vehicle, they found eight deceased animals. Do you remember when we had that issue?

We've talked about this before with human, human, what's the term? Mortuary scam artists where they're getting the wrong ashes. Oh, they, well, you do. And that's kind of problem. Everyone does. It sounds like what it is. Well, that's very controversial. I'm going to say most people don't.

No, we've, we've received emails. They, it's the same fucking kiln, dude. It's very difficult, but you, you are trying your best. You try your best, but you are doing, you are checking as many, you're getting, you're really screwed. Buddy. You're sweeping the crumbs out of there each time. Continuing on with my burger conversation.

When you were working at McDonald's, you grill six burgers at a time. So what I'm saying is with the cremation, these bones are touching each other. You just like, you've just said so many things today that most people, most people that are involved in any one of these professions are going to be like, absolutely not. I don't buddy, people don't care anymore. Once you see after your 10th corpse, you're just like, let's go. I am not going to malign the mortuary scientists because they take it very seriously.

They take the job very seriously. Yeah. But just because you take it seriously doesn't mean you're not colossally fucking it up. But that's different. Ted Kaczynski took it seriously. That makes no sense. They've found eight animals in his car. You just saying this thought doesn't end, doesn't mean you're correct.

It doesn't mean that it's over. But yes, he just left the bodies out there. He's doing some kind of ashes Ponzi scheme that he doesn't make any sense. I just don't understand why you just do your job. Well, it's harder to just, it's harder to run this scam versus doing the job. It's not a scam. It's just laziness. It's pure laziness.

They just, you know what you're going to be found out because that smell is. All right, let's do hero of the week. So there's two different heroes. One is the Kansas McDonald's that just broke the record for the most amount of people ever served in a drive-thru in an hour. What? This was in Kansas McDonald's. Wow. And they got through 356 cars in one hour.

Whoa. Breaking the informal record for speedy drive-throughs. No fucking way. Isn't that something? Cause how, and that's a lot. That's a lot. 360, what was it? You guys are questioning it.

356 cars in an hour. Is it going to be like that time when they gave the guy, what was the thing that they gave him? They gave him like a hundred McDonald bucks because he worked there for 50 years. I just read another story about someone like that. The guy like didn't take a day off and they're like, here's a fucking plaque or something. They not going to get any bumps for this? Or is it just, it's just an informal record? It was 1975.

Did they say anything? Did they get anything? This is the best they've ever done since 1975. But what do the kids get? What are the people who did it get? Did they get any bump? Did they get any sort of prize? Does it help at all?

Well, they get to be here all the week. And you know what? And that's the gift that keeps on giving. They say Bravo, El Dorado McDonald's. This is true heroism. People looked it up. According to Bob Lane, he's the McDonald's owner. He says, we looked it up and the best we could find was 300 customers served in an hour.

That's not even true. It's just serving to hamburgers. It's been different if they were serving it to like first responders or something. Well, maybe there was some first responders in there. This was an El Dorado, Kansas El Dorado. Also the name of the porn star in Stevens point, Wisconsin, which I believe is still open. Go get the severed torso that they still sell also honorable mention.

There's a sheep that thinks it's a dog. That's good. And we love a trans sheep. There you go. Sheep dogs, owners who lives in Entre Rios, Argentina. Can be heard laughing and exclaiming in Spanish. Careful, Rolo. You're not a dog.

You're a sheep. That's very true. I love all of that. That is completely viable. The heroes really are the drive-thru workers across this great nation of ours. 356 in an hour. That's a lot, dude. It is.

And you guys, besides, you know, as we've talked about the mailman, the food delivery people, people in drive-thrus, they're really ones fighting on the front lines for this country. Fighting for America's soul. Feedin' our people. Mail people, mail female, mail man, mail female. Man, all types. Every different kind of people need a trick. Although that job is going to be automated very soon.

That's why they got to keep putting this news out and say, look how fast we could be though. Yeah. So we can keep them. Look how fast we could be. It's not automated yet. That's not an automated McDonald's. Those were people that did that. You know what they need to do each time? Put a piece of poetry in with the food.

Something entirely human. I think they do do that. What's only a thing a human do? Show a teddy. Show some dick and balls. That would be funny. Put a little practical joke in there. Compliments.

Give people compliments. Just show people. Or are you going to razz them? No robot can deliver this much sass. You're going to razz them a little bit too because sometimes people like to go to places like Conters Magoo and they're like, hey, you dumpy fuck, you want some chips? Yeah. I don't like it, but some people like that.

See, we have what's supposed to be Dick's Last Resort, but there is one in the UK that's like, I'm going to at least put it this way. Dick's Last Resort, at least there's like jokes in it. They attempt. They attempt. There is one. I want to say it's called like Frenchies or something. It's in the UK and they throw the food on the table.

They throw the food on the table and they just call you like fat bitch. It's really like, it's like not good. People said obviously not, but it's very like ours at least has like a touch, a touch of artifice. Like there's something that there, there is a bit of a performance. There is something about that though. Speaking of subs, not just the food, there is something about being like you like that. Did your mother do that?

I don't want, I don't want my mother was just like Karen's diner. Karen's. Yes. That's the UK. Oh, that's UK. That's the UK. And it's just like God awful. Like it just doesn't look good.

It's blowing up on Tik Tok. It'll wear out. Things like that tend to wear out. There was a viral video of a staff member at a Brisbane branch asking a 14 year old girl if she was filming the waitress for her only fans. Yes. We just think you have to call the police. Yeah.

That's the problem. You're just pretty rough. But I do. I, you know, what are you going to do? You pay. You get what you pay for. You got to be careful when you go in there. Also, you want to make sure that the partner that you're with at the time knows that they're

going to be rad. Oh yeah. I got several letters. My gal was about to knock that mother fucker out. Oh yeah. Cause it literally she was like, I'll have a cell. He's like, Oh, the girl's drinking. She's like, I'll kill you.

What if I fucking kill you? You're like, all right, all right. We're just gonna just try to cool this out. It's what they do. And then people wearing their stupid hats for 20% off. There's something very sad about it. It's fun and games. If you like it, it's fun and because also we forget some people have very serious jobs.

Oh yeah. It's funny to break it up with like, no one ever calls me a fat bitch. So now it's on my hat. Like I get it. That's what I always miss. Every day I wake up. No one's called me a fat bitch today. We do it all day to each other.

I do it to myself in the mirror and every, it's a run, a running loop in the back of my brain. It's called being a comedian. Here's going to listen to Raymond. All right. Sucking on toes. Now I listen to side stories and I heard your conversation about sucking on toes that are dirty.

I may be able to provide some insight. Now I've been embarrassed of my feet my whole life. They're sweatier and smellier than the average woman and my toes are long like an alien. Just recently I started dating someone who's into sucking on toes. Something I've been naturally opposed to my whole life. And he turned us out. It's awesome. If someone tries to suck on your toes, you let them take them, pick you sit down.

If he wants to go for it. That's your question though. Yes. There are always a few test licks. You should never just shove a penis in the mouth, right? Toes are no different. Me as someone who gets their feet paid attention to, you have to be pretty good about keeping those guys clean for expecting any upcoming coitus.

All right. Good. Everyone's got the thing. I don't care. Okay. Everybody does. Everybody does. I see several emails of people talking about pranks that they were unduly punished for.

One was a group of, which I did like all of the guys got together and pretend like it was a huge fight going on. That's great. And then they went and it was two backpacks sitting in the center. That's hilarious. But then they all got suspended. The two kids that had the backpacks. Leave them alone.

These kids are fucking ridiculous. That is, that's a real, that's what God should be stopping. Well. If he's going to be stopping, one thing. Yeah. There's some speculation. You might not be real. Sometimes I sit and I ask God, why can't you stop every wall there ever was?

But then he showed me his bank account and then I understood God's making a lot of money on that wall. There's a lot of money to be made. And there's a little bit of questions about, you remember, we asked the woman who dresses a clown and she murdered her new husband's for me, like, and kind of what happened and why she got such a crazy plea deal. And the thing that would happen is that straight up just fatigue, just what they call like wanting to prostitute her to fatigue.

Yes. That it's been going on for so long and the DNA was really spot. They didn't have any DNA in like, in like true hard evidence. And you've been going through all of this process and it's really just trying, truly just trying to wrap it up after so long. Did you hear about E DNA? I think it's E DNA. It's in the air.

What? DNA in the air. It's what a bunch of people who love bugs, they like look into what bugs have been there from the air. What? It's fucking weird. What does that mean? Brother, it's like a whole nother thing that's going to lead to a bunch of people incarcerated.

Yeah, everybody, everything can be really found out. Yeah. That's why I say, keep it clean. Keep it clean. You could love one thing that you learned today from Henry Zabrowski. Right? Keep your crime scene clean. Keep your crime scene clean.

No evidence. If you have time to lean, you have time to clean. So again, you're sitting basking in the glory. Laugh. You're like, you're laughing about how you've just killed your whole family. Right? But guess what? Take that moment of clarity that you have from just nutting all over the corpses that

used to be the people that you love and just think myself like, all right, what do I do from here? Right? Because you know what I'm learning about getting older. You know what I'm learning about getting older is that every single fucking decade goes by and I think, and like, you know, you do something for a decade and you think that's it. I'm going to be doing that thing forever. But guess what?

Change does come. Don't it? It does. All right. All you can do is live. You can live. Live, laugh, love. You can live.

You can live. You always do it in the wrong order. It happens every time. It's different. Okay. Cause I've actually seen. It's just triple L's. Live, laugh, love in many different orders.

Love, laugh, live. I've seen many different orders. That's true. But then you can just live that. That will turn your life post family in prison. Being a janitor, celebrating your birthday. Or maybe not in the way that you want. And you have to learn sometimes beggars can't be cheasers.

Indeed. All right, everyone. Thank you so much for listening and thanks for supporting all the show. You're on the last podcast network. Yeah. We're strong and mighty and we're doing the best we can. We're doing the best that this. This is it.

This is it. We're a higher function. We are the number one second tier podcast network to ever exist. That's our goal, is to ride that B rating for as long as we can and we're never gonna give up. Celebrity endorsements? Not needed. Don't need that, fucking.

We're just weighing us down. Alright, we don't need big time advertisers. Bud Light. Who cares? Oh, you like Post Malone because he doesn't talk about fucking people cutting open wounds and tits and fucking them until they come inside of them. Oh, you're mad about the content? Posting might.

He's looking a little skinny these days. I do love my posting. He is. Look at it. I do. I do feel like you could eat more. I know. And then I watch his live performances.

I think he's pushing himself too much. He's smoking too many cigarettes. It's bad for the singing voice. I feel old when I see him because I do the same thing. I'm like, but I'm like, watching him smoke and sing and the whole time I was like, is the whole God is vocal cords? Because I know how I fuck with me. I had to stop.

I stopped smoking truly just because I was stopping getting insured to movies because of my blood pressure and because of my fucking voice. Yes. But you know what? He's young. I love to smoke. He's still only like 25. I know.

He's got like another six years of killing his body and then from there all you do is just like not smoke as much within you just you only do when it's fun and then or then you do a bunch of actions that you know are going to hurt you and then you just feel that pain. Yeah. All right, everyone. Thank you so much for listening. Inhale yourself.

I think we all learned a lot about getting older. Yeah, we did. Every day we get older. Magustylations, everyone. It just doesn't fucking stop. And it goes faster and faster and faster and faster because think about, man. I used to have an incredible body. No.

And I have real it is really been difficult keeping the poundage off man. This is good. You're you're looking good. Looking good. Unbelievable. I'm getting back in the gym. Yeah. You're getting into his buddy gym.

Yeah buddy. Okay. This show is made possible by listeners like you thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them for more shows like the one you just listened to. Podcastnetwork.com.