Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: The Secret Sauce

Episode Date: September 16, 2026

Henry & Eddie bring you this week’s weirdest stories and true crime news as allegations against a Buddy’s Burger employee have the boys questioning their trust in the fast food industry. PLUS! The Burbank Butt Sniffer gets 170 days behind bars, a Minnesota drug dealer’s customer loyalty program backfires, an MMA fighter claims he can take on a chimpanzee, a Florida woman settles a dispute with a bucket of poop, a hotel guest discovers a stranger sleeping under the bed, Listener Emails, and MORE! For Live Shows, Merch, and More Visit: www.LastPodcastOnTheLeft.comKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Last Podcast on the Left ad-free, plus get Friday episodes a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. Happy day, everyone.

Mitch McConnell. Fid with life and a smile for everyone. Quick hungry, get the chicken bones. Go, you have to shake the bow. Look at him go! He was born. Decisions, man. Rough decisions, man.

Lead a stitch. Oh, I sure hope he finds a nice island girl to sit down with every party. Now, thank you so much. Really great work. Mitch McConnell has made it back to work. So have we. That is honestly one of the hardest things to do is after a long vacation is to get back in the saddle. I know.

It's so hard. So hard, especially when your vacation is in the afterlife. Because that has to be so hard to be wrenched from the warm light of God and be forced back to life every day in order to, I guess, I don't know what he's going to do. Because he's just going to go, I guess he's just sitting there. He is sitting there with that stupid green. I think they put popsicles in his mouth, so his grin stays. No, it's because there's a term called, I think, it's the lights are on and there's nobody home. Yeah.

That's where we're looking. Now, welcome to side stories. A few sandwiches short of a picnic. You're right. He is because he can't eat solid foods anymore. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. I'm Henry Zabrowski. I'm doing, buddy.

And this is a huge, huge day. We didn't think Mitch McConnell would dare, I'd say, spoil our fun. Yeah. But no, he is out and about, he must, my, my full theory is that he has an illegal Santa Ria witch held hostage in his base. basement and that each day she prays to Iku, the Santeria god of death in order to, I guess it's like, because I feel like they're taking life away from AOC. Oh, you think that's what it is.

I think they're, or one of them, they're like saturating, like they're doing a, I think, in D&D, I believe it's called a life drain. They're doing a life drain on who's looking bad? Oh, who is the guy that was from Maine that got all the Gatians? Oh, oh, the Democrat With the tattoos and the Iron Cross That's who they're getting That former Nazi guy

They fucking they're sucking the life form out of him Because he's not looking good And so I think that's what it is And they're giving it to Mitch Because Mitch is in a form of suspended animation He just looks like he's happy to be here Which I think is just the sign of pure dementia And the fact that he was brain dead for several days

And I honestly don't know if he can make a decision Who is that stupid health secretary or no he was he ended up being like homeland He was a black guy he was a he was a brain surgeon Oh the guy that died did he died the guy died of COVID Herman Kane Oh Herman Kane yeah yeah he specifically came out of he's wearing Mitch McConnell's skin Oh he wishes he was a black man Mitch McConnell can't do anything but you know he's just like he's like well I can't make sure that we keep feeding that wonderful

Santoria witch in the basement all her paella all her delicious rice is get her some pernell get her some rose part he just looks like he's full of eggs he is full of eggs toad eggs

he is just a if he's anything he is an incubator yeah he's a host he is a host at this point but you know Mitch McConnell all smiles back at work and I just got to say, I'm happy for him. Because there's one, you know what it is?

I think he's only happy if he's either subjugating or shit in a bag. Yeah. And he gets to do both now. Yeah, even though he looks like a shit bag. He is a colostomy bag. Yes. But with the ability to change our lives. Oh, yeah.

Did you see the good news, though, other than Mitch? What other good news? My girl, dude. My girl won an Emmy last night. Rosa Parks? No, Sally Field. Oh, wow. Sally Field looking fucking hot, dude, up there winning for the creatures movie?

Who gives a shit? It's got Field, man. We're playing, dude. I don't know if we should be. I love Sally. She looks at her. She does look beautiful. She is gorgeous as ever.

I love you, Sally Fields. She's saying she's looking hot. She is a beautiful woman. She is a beautiful woman. She is a beautiful woman. And we wish her luck. She's got the most wonderful smile in the world, and I can't wait to see all of you.

God help us. God help us. He wants to strip elderly Sally Field down. He wants to strip her down, and he wants to see her nude grandma buddy. I don't know what it is about Sally Field that just gets me all Randy. God, Eddie.

Let her just enjoy this. Let her enjoy this moment. We don't have to do this. her. This is going to get back to her. She's, I hope so. Yeah,

don't worry, there's some guy on Netflix who wants to fuck you. Gee, we're both on Netflix. They like me. We're co-workers.

This is a Netflix show. They really like me. Oh, maybe I need to behave myself now that we're co-workers. Exactly. Oh, you gotta do the old-fashioned.

I take it all back. You need to send... Rob, edit that out. Yeah, great, Eddie. Yeah, that'll be where that covers it. Edit everything I said about Sally Field out that's derogatory.

You didn't say anything derogatory. You just were talking about seeing her naked body. Yeah. But I do think that what we could do is probably send a note through administration. You think so? You think I could call Ted Sarandos and be like, hey, I really want to have lunch with Sally.

We will never meet Ted Sarandos. And just know that if we do meet Ted Sarandos, it's not our fault. Yeah, it's just like, yeah, we'll meet one of his people to just slowly shoot us in a kneecap. Yes, no one is going. We're not getting anywhere in there. We are a podcast acquisition, friends. I love you, Sally. Come on the show.

Yeah, bring Sally on the show. We'll talk about Lincoln. I'll buy you whatever lunch you want. Anything you want. You like Zanku? Oh, my God. I bet she loves Zanku. Oh, I know she loves Zanku.

Who doesn't? I like Zanku. Well, yeah, either twice a week. I don't know if I like it as much as I just eat it because I know it won't kill me. I think that's honestly to be, that's most of the things I eat. Yeah. We got updates. Yeah, we do.

We got updates. Another guy who's got a bad diet. Burbank butt sniffer. Now, he got put in for his longest jail sentence yet. The New York Post is saying that LA is weak on crime. Please, the California Post, Henry. I'm so sorry. Don't insult them.

I'm so sorry. But they are saying that the Burbank Buttsniffer, who I believe got was 170 days. Yes. When the maximum for him to get would be 180. Yes. So they are calling his week on crime here. But I think our problem here is that Calise Crowder is being very present. residential where he's seen a lot of loopholes in the system.

He has begun to, he has understood that if he keeps it at just a nose length away from sniffing butts, they can't seem to actually put him in jail for an extended period of time. And so this is the biggest, this is so far the biggest, uh, the book got thrown out. I didn't realize 40 arrests. Yeah, buddy. That's a lot. He has, this is what we're seeing here. it's because I was joking with our wonderful friends over at Matt Seneca.

I was joking about the idea that someone should fart in a bunch of diapers and given to him as like a mella, like a, like a, like a, like, you know, like a methadone. Oh yeah? For like his heroin, right? So he could just smell, he can pick it up, he could smell it and he can kind of move on with his day. But I think I'm now understanding. He likes the thrill of it. But I think besides just the thrill, he loves to sneak, I also think he's understood now that this is the crime he can continue to do.

Yeah. And this is, as long as he keeps it at butt sniffing, this is the most he'll get. And so he'll, he's taking the time because guess where you'll sniff butts that are the most sniffed butts in the whole world that'll be easy to get at is prison. Yeah. Right? Because it just smells like butts in there. It is a lot of butts in a lady butts. But he's going to be in a butt-like center. But I think if he closes his eyes because we know now officially that women's farts are worse than men.

We know that for fact. According, except for mine. Except for yours. And I didn't get any challenges. I called out all of women and no one even said... There was some challenges, but I'm not reading them. Oh, really? No, I don't care.

You didn't tell me about my challenges? We are creating the facts here, my friend. We're creating the facts here. I don't care, dude. I don't give a fucking shit, dude. But no, that's why I was like, I feel like a man's farts in jail, because of even more jail than prison, would equate to a woman's farts because of the diet in there. Also, I have to say, the California Post decided to change.

his name from the Burbank Buttsniffer to the California Buttsniffer. That fucking honestly, it does not ring. No, and also fuck you, dude. Fuck you. It is not a California problem. It is a Burbank problem. Well, the last time was in Glendale. He's extended. He's extended in the Valley. It is a San Fernando Valley problem.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, but also the San Fernando Valley Buttsniffer also doesn't really make sense. Yeah, the Burbank Buttsniffer is the best name he could possibly have. That's where he's located. That's where he wants to be. Understand the only reason why he's not in Burbank sniffing butts is because we, side stories, has pushed him out.

Yeah. Okay? He wants to be sniffing butts in the neighborhood. Yeah, because Burbank's got some of the best butts to sniff in all of California. Incredible voice actors. Some of the finest gun shop owners you can imagine. Yeah, there's lots of makeup people. There's so much buck to sniff out here.

People visit from across the city here. There's a good variety of different types of diverse butts. He has access here to different levels of also. So, like, monetary classes of butts so you can kind of experience all different types of things. He doesn't want to be in Glendale. And because of Raffees. Because I do think that Raffees in Glendale, which is truly one of the best restaurants in the city, that is also, like, it's a lot of meat. It's a lot of cruciferous vegetables.

And I think that a lot of people, it does affect their bowel health. Yeah, no, there's lots of farts in Glendale. I think there's more farts in Glendale than there are in Burbank. Flopholes are very farty food. Absolutely. exclusive reference, though. Rafis. Rafis is fucking good, dude.

Get your ass to Rafis, man. That's what the Burbank bust differs says. First, Eden, no, the Burbank butt's never like, Eaton Glendale, share the love in Burbank. By the time you get to Burbank, he'll be ready for me. Fully fermented. You know, but we here obviously know that it's a crime, and I'm glad that they did what they could.

He's obviously going to do this again. Oh, yes. No, he has figured out his place. Buttsniffer is going to be sniffing butts until the day he's fucking a dead butt sniffer. The way I look at it is the people in California, the lawmakers in California, have an 170 days to make a law. They need to figure out. They need to figure something out to stop this motherfucker. Because in one place, because, I mean, we're not going to stop talking about this subject ever.

So my question is, and what level does it be? criminal. And on what level is sniffing butts? Can you apply that to a helpful thing? Yeah. No, I'm asking. Like, if sniffing butts on some level, like, does it help medicinally? Like, I mean, like,

in terms of, like, can a doctor sniff your butt and tell if you have cancer? No. A dog can, though. A dog. Yeah, yeah. Dogs know, well, they have like the diabetes smelling dogs and stuff like that. Like, if your blood sugar starts dropping, they'll start barking at you and stuff like that. So if there's no

applicable. Tootsie used to do that for my mom, but she was bad at it because my mom died. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Tutsi was just going like, she was more rooting on her death. Now, I, this is a whole thing here because if you can't apply butt sniffing in a practical way, there should be a law against it. You know, I don't even know if they, do they even make potpourri anymore? I haven't seen Poverie around a while. In the 90s, you couldn't get rid of Povery.

I just don't think you're going to the right places. Yeah. I think that Poverry is still a thing. I mean, Pierwood imports is. out, rat shops out people get popery. That little old lady that runs that weird little gift store sells popery, I'm pretty certain the one that's like right down the street

from here. Oh, okay. I think she sells potpoury. I don't think it's as popular as it was. Yeah. Because it was really popular with women that survived the Holocaust. That's what I think it was like. And it was always in a big dish. And I always wanted potpourri, but I'm always worried about like my dog eating it. Yeah. Yeah. As you should, because

dogs will eat it. Yeah, popery yeah. Pupory's gone. I think potpoury is stupid. Yeah. Get a candle. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, you fuckers. And if that's classist, I'm sorry. Get a fucking candle. Do you think if someone has

like a really nice smelling butt, the Burbank butt sniffer like moves on? Or do you think he likes it? No, he wants, I think he won't stink. He wants stinky, right? Yeah, he has to want stinky. You're not sniffing butts do not get stink. Yeah. Right? If he wanted to sniff heads, yeah. He'd be smelling nice things. If you wanted to sniff titties. Titties don't have a smell

But it's not going for like us He's going for like No he's going for ladies Yeah he sucks Yeah yeah Which is a piece It makes them a very big piece of shit You really think it'd be better

If you went after men Yeah Because then we could fight him But I feel like women could fight him Yeah but they won't win He's a you know He is a big guy Women are trained

You've been also women will Women want a fight Yeah I mean I would love if someone Roundhouse kicked him While he was down there And fucking stomped on his head But I don't think that's happening

I bet you think Aft for assault instead God, imagine that, and they get like 250 days, and he's in there for 170. And then you got to freak it. Because the thing is, you've got to prove you sniffing your butt. Yeah. And that's really hard without See, the thing is

What do you need to prove? A man sniffed your butt? What he really got in trouble for was when he did the peeping Tom stuff. Yeah. That was what he actually got, because there's a law against it. And again, it's a silly name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's another example of a thing that is a silly thing to call something. Yeah. It is a little too silly

for what the crime is. No, peeping Tom is just too. It sounds cute. Yeah, it sounds cute. Sounds like a character from the Smurfs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. We've talked about this before. I haven't talked about that. I think I've talked about this about this. It needs to be salacious viewing. Salacious

viewing. Salacious viewing. All right, we have any other updates at it? There's one other update. The guy who the grandfather from that horrible family that had the 16 kids. So the House of Horrors that we talked about how I think

you remember was the Sider family with Elizabeth and Gary Siders the second. They both, they got both married when they were teenagers. They had 16 children inside of this house. 17 now. Now 17. We one of the kids got out. They were all rescued. Remember they were arrested with their grandparents, Gary Sider, Sr., and they all looked like different breeds of Chihuahua. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? So we got deer heads. We got Appleheads. We got the stuff. And unfortunately, Gary Sider, Sr., the father, he has just been now, the big update, is that he's been ruled incompetent to be a of the trial. What you do think is interesting

because they just, and I love the terms that they use, they said that Gary Sider, Sr. has been unfortunately affected by dementia, and there is no fixing that. Well, it's just like...

There's no restoring him. It's such a weird thing, because, like, just because he has dementia doesn't mean he committed these crimes for decades. Yes, it does, or it doesn't matter.

Either way, he's incompetent to stand trial. So they're just saying that he can't stand trial because he has the same brain capacity as Karmie. Yeah. And he has the same eye placement. He's got the apple-headed. He looks like an apple-headed thing. It's such a weird thing because he did it. Well, we don't know if he did it or not. Right now it's like because when it comes to competency... He's been there for decades.

But when it comes to competency, he could also technically be a victim. Do you think so? No. No. But he could technically be a victim as well. I just think what the problem is is that at a certain level of like side stories, L-P-O-T-L-G-Mail.com, you know when we love our lawyers when you write is in and describe things about the court because there is something that the idea is that he has no idea what's going on. That's what

they're saying. He has no idea what's going on. His eyeballs are looking into two different time zones. He legitimately is a paperweight. He is Mitch McConnell. But Mitch McConnell's a senator. Here's the thing, if they're trying to keep him safe, a safer place for him would be in jail

or in a mental asylum, but they're putting him out into the streets, which is basically a death sentence for a guy like this. Sides. L-P-O-T-L-G-M-E-L-G-M-A-L.com. There's going to be a lot of people that are going to say the opposite. I do see what you're saying, Eddie, but I also will say if he is, like, he is just, they've decided that he was not a part of the current crimes who are dealing with, which was the maltreatment of the children that were in the house.

So technically, I think the way it also works is because he's not the direct father, and if he was not doing anything to the kids, because now we kind of realized, because at first the whole thing was Gary Sider's Jr. and his two fuck and his and his father were fucking everybody, right? They were fucking the daughter. This guy's grandpa from the fucking Texas chainsaw house. He could also just have been there. That's what they're kind of saying.

This is what this is intimating is that he was just there as a paperweight. Yeah. Staring off a toot at the sunrise and the sunset at the same time. And he didn't actually fuck or suck any of the children. Okay. And if he's not fucking sucking the children, there's not really a heck of a lot of crimes you can do there. Because if he's not directly responsible for the children, if the other two are there that are directly responsible and it's about the kids' malnourishment, then they would be on the hook.

And then he'd probably be considered a victim. This diagram really puts it into perspective on how many kids there are. Yeah, it is a great, it is a bad family. It is a bad, a whole, it's a bad batch. It's a bad batch of DNA. All of those kids are absolutely fucked. They're all going to just be, those are all the kids fueling Roblox. Damn.

We are. There's a lot of kids. kids here. A lot of kids here. When you just put it like that, that's fucking horrifying. It's a whole army of degradation. When I look at this sea of broken people, all I just think of is, I think we're going to be fine. Yeah. So, oh my God. Yeah. I don't even know where to start with this. You can't. You can't. You can't. The audience needs to look at it. The audience needs to go check out

the quote-unquote family tree. Yeah. And so you can really see how non-diversified it is. Yeah, and it's going to be These kids are fucked These 17 kids Yeah, I think so Oh my God All right, let's move on

That just got sad It did get sad Real fast Live from your blade Did you find Mitch in D.C. Where you were just there? I was looking for him I was smelling up and down

I was looking for the slime trails How were your shows in D. My shows were great I had a wonderful time It sold out all but like eight tickets the DC lounge. It was unbelievable.

DC improv in the lounge. Had a great time. Everyone was fucking cool. A bunch of people came to the show that are coming to our show in Norfolk this weekend, which is really cool. I love when people double-dip. We need to sell tickets to Norfolk. Yeah, no, there's going to be people coming out. We got it.

It's almost sold out. It's getting there. It's got its problems. We need people to come out to the Norfolk show. We've got to come out there. All the other shows are actually going to do great. We're going to sell out pretty much every one of our other shows. This weekend we got Norfolk on Friday, and then we got Raleigh on Saturday.

And then we're going to Brooklyn and Hartford and Redway and Portland and Burlington and Iowa City and Columbia. Side stories is fucking hitting the road. We're back. Come and get some shows. Some of them are already sold out. So check it all out. Get tickets while you still can. Get them.

Well, you can. Now, all right, I want to first do this story just because it's a funny picture, Eddie. All right. I like that. So this was, I believe this takes place in good old fashion West Virginia. Okay. Which is where we're headed to sooner. In that area, we're going down there, and I can't wait to meet a bunch of guys that look like this.

We stay out of the West. A modern-day Confederate general. Okay. Who really wasn't that? He was a former high school principal by the name of Eric James. If you look at this picture, he looks like Forrest, Buford, like, the great-grandfather that was in charge of the KKK. Yeah. He put a bit of what seems to be.

a pen-shaped video camera inside of the girls changing bathroom inside of his high school, where he was in charge. Now, he was the principal. The only reason why to cover this is understand is that the war of northern aggression did seem to affect some of us in both superior and inferior ways. And I have found on this day the 28th of September, that I'm. They should fall into the absolute hallowed grounds of a little girl's bathroom. That's why.

And I did put an observatory measuring device inside of the lavatory area of the girls changing rules. And my first thought was, does this increase liberty? Does this increase the whole the North has of its aggressive tactics over the free southern states? Man, I think men should just stop being principals. No. I wish I could fire a cannon. But instead, I'm just looking at the poopie hole of a little girl. Because that's what I like.

A gentleman, it is time for us to join force. And we will raid the poopie hole of this little girl. Fall back and forth. Put down your gunny sacks. Put down your hard tacks. biscuit, and we will Mullets up. Put your...

Bayonets forward. I rush into the poopie hole of a little girl. I have talked to Peter Thiel, and we are putting flock hammers inside of the urinals. Flok, much like the bald eagles that liberated this very

country. From the tyranny of British, British gruel. The flock cameras, we'll bring us to stay morning. It's like, how does someone have too much facial hair, but also not enough? He somehow chose.

He created the only way I'd put this. It is a brush that can hide the front line of General Lee's is on his chin. Is he just like thin little fence? No, he wants to look like one of the statues they refuse to pull

down. I just, like, what is so important about your upper lip? I think it need all that space between your nostril and the little hairs. You know what it is, Eddie? You know what I've just realized? What? Guess what he didn't shave? South part of his upper lip. Yeah. Guess what is shaved?

The top. The northern. Eliminate the north. Well, I'm right here. The illustration of the Mason-Dixon line. Here above my trembling upper lip. Because all my lips wish to do is kiss the tender brown poopie hole of a 15-year-old girl.

Do you know the colors of the lips? Oh, a little girl are the same on the bottom as they are on the top? Look at the top of my lip. Look at the top of his lip. Look at the top of his lip. It's a poop. I get dust from the poop holes. And there'll dust from the poop holes here at the bottom.

Here, look at the bottom of my mustache. My mustache of northern aggression. Oh, man. He looks like he just hangs out in the high school gymnasium a little too long, you know? He just every day covered in wool. can't wait to just he was so excited for Mitch McConnell to die

just so that he could fly the fucking flag at half-mast And he was robbed of that Mitch Yeah he's you know like Reenactors? He's like an actor An actor He's in the Civil War

Yeah he's still there He is in the Civil War He's teaching it to his children Like it's at high school Like it's still going on Yeah They definitely have a picture of Jesus Christ writing

A Tyrannosaurus Rex Yeah, he's trying. In that high school? You know what I mean? Like, that is definitely a place where they talk about, like, how black people were dog people from the stars, right? You know, they got really deep into that, and you know it's like that. You know that they got a lot of talk, they talk a lot about the beauty of Norway. Mm-hmm. And they wish they could go. But I do not think this is a question we'll stand.

So I think he's going to go to jail for a while. It seems that he is going to, he's being held in a $100,000 bond, which is not enough. No. It's not because you only need 10% to get out, right? That's it. Yeah, so he's only, he's got 10 grand. The only way I will. 200,000.

What I will need to do. Instead, 100 in the one I was looking at. Yeah, this other one I found says 200,000. So maybe it's somewhere in between. Either way, that's too little, because all he has to do is dig up some of my buried confederate gold. Because you know he has some kind of generalese. fucking, what is it, the bedpan. He's got something like that

and then he's waiting to sell. There's another guy that looks just like him in the news. Oh, yeah. Except he wasn't interested in little girls. Or maybe he is. I don't know. Probably. Holy little man of the most autistic fortitude and jaws. The poopy hole of a little girl. Ludinville dog breeder hit with 10 charges,

including animal cruelty and bestiality. Now, we haven't chosen to cover bestiality in a while, okay? Yes. And the reason why we're even covering this is because it's Amish people. Yeah. And if we weren't covering it, we wouldn't cover it if it was just normal people. The reason why we're covering it is because the man has truly, like, it's cause of the facial hair. It's the same thing.

The same thing. Except he took it to another level. He has no mustache and below, his beard starts below the sole patch. His face, including me here. See, the other guy, he's in Virginia. this guy he's like he's more Georgia he's like he's no he's Ohio yeah I know I know but I'm talking about his facial hair see his facial hair looks like he's some with Amish guys I forget it means something it means something to not shave the lip or to shave the lip or like something

it means I don't know what it means but this guy's haircut because he's got full bangs Amish love bangs and they love they love that full bowl cut they get a bowl cut and then his beard looks like a tongue hanging off of his chin. All right. So the Amish men grow beards after they're married. They continue to shave their upper lip as to not grow a mustache. When the Amish community was formed in Switzerland,

mustaches were associated with military service, and the Amish shave theirs to indicate their commitment to passism. Interesting. Well, that's great. Who gives a fucking shit? Yeah, who gives a shit. Thank you, Rob. That's how your fault.

That's not your fault. that we didn't write it. You didn't, yeah. It's just fake shit. It's just dumb fake shit. You know, it's just Amish people. Because they're friendly. That's basically what it is. Just making up fucking rules.

They're not friendly, okay? The Amish have a distinct issue with child molestation. They have distinct issue with drug trafficking, drug trafficking and human trafficking. We will eventually do an entire exposure of the Amish community. That is my goal.

Yeah. To do a big series on the Amish community because it is from, because the Mennonites it's another example of a religion that's taking it way too far back. And I know a lot of people that are Mennonites that got out and I'd love to hear from U-Sides Stories L-P-O-T-L-T-L-G-Mail.com because it is a fascinating thing. It's like what we were learning about Jehovah's Witnesses, where they're actually, I'm going to say

this in a gent, maybe, generally. It doesn't matter. I don't think they listen. They're way more evil than we thought they were. Jehovah Witness? Yeah, Jehovah Witnesses are like way more evil on the end. inside. I thought they were just stupid, but it's evil. Well, it's because another example

of like, just like the Mormons, where they have that layer of ambition slash, they think they're better than everybody else. So the Jehovah's Witnesses also have an entire end game for our civilization that doesn't include us, just like the Mormons. Yeah. So it is fascinating.

Did you see the arrest, the body cam footage of this guy getting arrested? No, what did they do? Does he not yell at the camera? I thought they, Because, you know, Amish people, they're not supposed to get their pictures taken because it means their souls get taken. Well, his family was blurred, but they were a part of it. The cop showed up and he's like, you take that demon, you take that demon device away from my face, English. Sir, you admitted to me personally that you had sex with these dogs.

That's my dog. That's my dog. It was bleeding. It was bleeding from its chuchy hole. I was giving it a baby I thought it was my wife Do you think that they fucked the dogs Because they thought that it would be better than fucking just women

That they would be cheating I don't understand Why anyone would want to have sex with a dog That's good Eddie I just don't get it I'm really glad I'm glad yeah if you even thought for a second That it would make sense

A dolphin We'd have to fire you What about a dolphin No nothing that doesn't have human genitalia. Okay, I thought you were going to say ears. No.

Because a human can lose its ears and they're still fuckable. You're right. You're right. Totally viable. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Human can lose pretty much most of its parts except for the holes and still be viable. You can still be, in terms of, like,

have some sex appeal. Yeah. Like, there are people, when and women here, this might get me off on a tangent, that have no arms and no legs, that still probably you'd consider, like, hot. Yeah. Why not?

Here's he, Susan Terrell. I have no idea who that is. She was in flesh and blood. Oh, okay. We're covering for our movie stories. Yeah. And Susan Terrell, that plays, she's Jackie in flesh and blood. Yes.

Okay. She's my sister in flesh and blood. You know what I mean. The soused prostitute that is filled with child. She's great in that movie. Susan Terrell, she lost her legs. And not after this movie Yeah, not on an accident

She lost her legs by disease They had to chop her legs off Well, that's still kind of an accident But that's not on purpose But she was still pretty attractive From just the nubs up Of course Why wouldn't she be

She's always been a beautiful woman I'm just saying it's possible Like in that way I think that's great This is a whole new chapter for you I'm not, it is not a new chapter It's not a new chapter of my life I'm just saying that facts are.

That's what I was trying to get back. That's why people shouldn't have sex with dogs. Yeah. They're just saying having sex with a person with no arms and no legs is better. Can I ask a difficult question? Great. Now, these dogs that were molested by this man, eventually they're going to have to be adopted. They do, yeah.

Would you adopt a sexually abused dog? Do you think that it's going to be like in poison ivy? Or it's just going to be all fucking traumatized. I was going to seduce the family. It's definitely going to be traumatized. There's no question about that. There's actually, this is a big deal amongst the community of people. What are you supposed to do?

People do rescue the dogs and people do adopt the dogs. I would absolutely adopt the dogs. Do all these dogs go to the same person? Like, is there like an abused home for dogs that are abused sexually? Side stories, LPOTL at Yemil.com. Unfortunately, I just something, it's a question that popped in my head. And as someone who fosters dogs, I believe. I imagine they wouldn't tell me.

I do believe they'll tell. I don't think it's on the foster to necessarily tell me that someone molested that dog. It's done to your business. I think it's none of my business. But it could be because the dog might have traumatized behavior because of it. So that's the only thing. You might have to deal with helping to fix a dog's traumatized behavior. They all have traumatized behavior.

Not my dogs. Every dog I've had has got deep trauma. Ernie's got deep trauma. My dogs are aggressive. Yeah. They don't have trauma. See, my dogs are sweet, but they got trauma. See, my dogs don't have trauma.

They just know they're better than other dogs. Yeah. I know someone did something bad to Ernie. I think someone threw Ernie. You're doing what my mom does about my dad. Yeah. You know how many times I had to deal with on vacation? My mom saying stuff like, you think your father was gay.

Well, I didn't ask you. I told you. Do you think your father was? was molested, that's why he was sexually frozen. It's like, mom, I'm blow my brains out. Okay? If we talk about this one more time, I'm going to fucking commit suicide on vacation. It's like, I'm just saying it was just, he lost interest in sex.

It's like, I don't, I'm going to fucking throw you, I'm going to throw myself off a cliff. So I don't know. But it's not like she's, again, there was something to do about that because of my father. If she was a cigarette, you probably would have loved her. He really would have loved her because then she'd be gone in four seconds. But this is, yeah, that's why a lot of uncomfortable questions we've just raised. Side Stories, L-P-O-T-L-T-L-Com. I'm leaving that to you.

Yeah, let us know what you know. Because you know, I know you're going to be upset. Everyone's going to be upset. I'm upset. Eddie's upset. Yeah. I'm not. Just want you to know that this is, you know, that we're really just covering it because we're

making fun of the way that guy looked and we really entered into a bunch of different discussions. And I think that this next story is also a great example about why we had, why, why, we even do the show. Is this a nice one or a sad one? What do you mean? So this one is, what do you mean? This is a, I think it's a really funny story. Okay, let's do it. And I think it's going to bring up an interesting conversation. All right. So, an MMA fighter, they are a person by the name of this, this young man, I believe his name is, Cole Johnson. Cole, Col Johnson. Yeah, he's 1 and 0. He's a new fighter. He's a new fighter. They've been putting up this thing.

Apparently, they've been putting up 500 grand, possibly, for him to fight a chimp. Yeah. Now, there's a lot of people, obviously, are going to disagree with this. So, first of all, the guys saying... It was supposed to happen on September 11th. Which, to be honest, is such a missed opportunity. And I'm angry that it didn't happen on September 11th. I feel like the fact that it didn't happen on September 11th, it shouldn't happen.

Yeah. And then it should only happen on September 11th. Because this is my view. If we are currently in a world where the White House lawn can have a UFC match just like bulldozed into it. Yeah. I think this man can fight a chimp for 500 grand. And I think the reason why that is is because I think that we have all, we've passed the Rubicon now. I think we're on the other side to another part of the American experience.

And I think that there's a way to find out if the chimp consent it. Yes. I think there's a way to find out. a chimp that wants to fight humans that obviously wants to fight. We know that there's aggressive chimps, right? We know that they turn aggressive at a certain age, right?

They're not supposed to be around people at a certain age. Cole's already asked for certain factors like, can the entire ring be surrounded by people with tranquilizer darts to save his life? Right? But, you know, I feel like... The chimp's life. The chimp's life.

Yeah, from the chimp. I feel like if you're going to do that, they should also shoot him if he's winning. I agree. So I'm with you. I'm with you. There's no way he's going to win. If there's darts for the chimp, there should be darts for the man.

We are paying money to watch a chimp rip a man to shreds. Yes. That's what this is about. So he's not going to beat the chimp. There's no way he's going to beat the chimp. So basically, Cole was in an interview where he said that he could fight a chimp and he really believed that he could beat a chimpanzee.

He's jacked. He's really big. I'm not going to say he's not huge. This guy doesn't have a chance against a chimpanzee. Here's what I have. We probably should have talked about this a little bit beforehand. He's come out and said the whole thing was a publicity stuff. Yeah, sure, of course. Yeah, yeah.

But we're past this. No, no, now I want to book this because I think that we, I feel that if this is a thing, we as a country can demand this now because of where we're at. We can say that that chimp is allowed to rip that man to shreds and we can all buy tickets to watch it do that. And I think that that's okay. But the chimp does need to consent. And the chimp does need to know it's going in there to fight the other man.

And I think that there's a way to communicate it to the chimp. You think so? And I think that there's a way, again, I might be wrong. I think the only way that you could fight a chimp and it'd be okay is if it's a wild one. That's or it's... You have to go, no ring. You go into the jungle and you find one. Oh, that's unfair.

No, to me, that's the only way it should be allowed. Can't a chimp be trained to fight? Yeah. That's what I'm saying. But train chimp, but train a chimp to fight. Now you're talking about the plot of the first planet of the apes. It gets wrong. Give them a shot.

We have yet to train them. I know that we made up guns, right? We made up guns and we figured out to use them ourselves. But should we not now train apes and chimps to use guns? and to train them to fight because we can give them that back we should give them that back they're coming straight for you

yeah I'm not yeah you're not gonna teach them out of fight no and I'm not gonna be anywhere near them you know that's not where I'm going until they start spread and then we start getting dumber and then they take us over five generations from now don't they like rip your nuts off first that's saying anything that's hanging

yeah they're gonna rip your face off they go for the nose the eyes the ears choose your hands your fingers your toes Yeah, they try to... But, you know, the thing is, you would probably put a helmet on the chip to try to, like, keep it from biting. But here's the thing. Cole Johnson has come out and said that this was never going to happen, and he's redirected all of his fans that were going to buy tickets to this to support the Jane Goodall Fund. Honestly, I get, Eddie.

I think that's truly wonderful. Yeah. I still think we can do the fight and give all the money to charity. Yeah? I mean, obviously. Do the fight and give all the money to charity. If you're going to do the fight, you've got to put it back into chimpanzees. I know I'm going to get a lot of flack on this.

I'm just saying, of all the things, I think that we should, I'm fighting for the chimp. Yeah. Give the chimp the opportunity to kill a human with impunity. Give it the opportunity to do it. But then it's going to get a taste for blood. Yes. And then it's going to kill them again. Yeah.

That's the problem. No, because the thing is, other MMA guys are then we'll continue to challenge him. It won't be other MMA guys. It'll be his keeper. Or maybe it'll be Baron Trump. You never know. How funny would that be? Oh my God, if that's how he goes out.

God, that'd be so much fun. It would more likely be one of the other brothers who go and poach all the time. They're going to die of a drug overdose any day now. I hope so. So let us go to another story. We'll see how this goes. We'll see how this plays out. There's a story that I'm not really against.

I don't want people to just hurt random chimps. I'm saying I want a chimp that can consent. Yeah, you just know that the chimp doesn't have a chance of getting hurt. Yeah, of course. No, the chimp is going to win. Yeah, it can't. it hurts. Yeah, you can clock them a couple times in the head. Yeah. It might get

if this fight did happen, which is not, I imagine the chip would be sitting there, the guy would punch it once, and then he would just get ripped to shreds. Yeah, that'd be awesome. Yeah, until we see it. And then it would just be horrifying. I guess. It's like when you rent faces of death, you know, and then you're like,

oh, I can't wait to get home and watch this. And then you put it in the VHS player, you're like, oh. Dude, I just bought the new 4K. Of faces of death? Yeah. How old are you? Yeah, I bought it. You bought the original? Yeah.

They made it into 4K? Yeah. It was like VHS's back in the day. Yeah, dude. They can't make that in the 4K. No, dude, it was fucking awesome. I think I did it. I forgot who did it.

It was not Terror Vision. It might have been Severin. It might have been Severn films. It was great. Really? Yeah. Crazy. I just like having stuff now.

Yeah. You just, now you have a collection. Yeah. At this point. It's Vinegar Syndrome. It's Vinegar Syndrome. Oh, okay. They're great.

Vinegar Syndrome. go check them out You didn't accidentally buy the new shitty movie, did you? No, I made it through about halfway the new shitty movie. I watched half of it. Yeah? Yeah, it was not good. It was awful.

It seemed awful. But also, it was one of those with the new one. It was that movie just, you know, it went into slasher world, and I'm not big into slasher's unless it's Halloween. We'll talk all about that, that. Yeah. Live from your play. There was another story that came out on September 11th.

That is, to me, I like this story. I think this is a, uh, No one gets hurt type of story. Oh, nice. But it's interesting. There is a drug dealer in Minnesota. He recently got caught. His name is Andy Salencia.

He was 27 years old. He got caught dealing mushrooms and weed. Lots of them. Yeah, big pounds and pounds. Like he was doing weight. Yeah, yeah. But he had a, he started, he was, he's young. He started out.

He's a new drug dealer on the block. But he had a customer, a customer loyalty card. So this is objectively funny. Which is an idea that I had when I was selling weed. This is an idea. Obviously, I never followed through with it. And I didn't follow through with it, not because I was scared to getting caught because I, you know,

I just don't follow through. You didn't feel those feelings. Yeah, I said yeah, I just didn't do it. No, no. This is the issue. And I'm going to say this to all of our drug dealers above the board and not, is that it's awesome. I think it's really amazing. The problem with doing it is that if you're in a legal place, it puts it

in writing. and the second That's why it's like what you do with this This is my advice to drug dealers Do this program because it's really fun Yeah Name the card something else Oh yeah

Name it Sandwich pretend yourself all of sandwiches Flower shop even just like a I think that's what he did I think that's what he knows It's like it literally is weed It's the flower daddy with him holding all these It's an AI things with him holding

Wheat Plains And a fucking mushroom It is very silly and fun I don't like that it's AI. No, I mean, what do we expect? I don't know. Here's what I think about this guy. I think this is a hiccup in a man who's going to make millions of dollars in his life. I completely agree, Eddie. I think that he's got a great future. That is an American, a true America. I think that he had a good idea that turned out to be a horrible idea. I completely agree with you. And I think

that he's on, I think he's going to, there's a hiccup, he's going to serve his time, he's going to get in a little bit of trouble. Also, don't like that his bail is more. more than the high school principal. Oh, really? Well, that's like an exact... I don't enjoy that. It is an exact example of where we consider certain crimes in this country, which is hilarious that your people are still being busted for fucking selling weed just because he didn't

give the government. They're fucking vague. Yeah. Yeah, it's more tax evasion than they're like madden them from doing anything bad. That's all it ever is. And it's butt hurt that the war on drugs is over. Yeah. So Andy Salencia, I think, you know, don't worry about this.

You're going to be fine. You're going to do a little time. Nothing crazy. You're going to get out. When you're in there, brainstorm. Apply these ideas. New businesses, all right? Do some reading.

Do some research. I can see you making a fuck ton of money. You've got good ideas. See a gap. Yeah. See a gap. Fill a gap. Right?

Like one thing I was thinking about, it's a place that is stools for women with BBLs. Oh. What you can do is a little stool park for women with big asses, right? Or something like I'm just to spitball. Where are you going to put it? Not in Burbank. No.

Don't do it in Burbank. Oh, my God. Oh, my fucking God. Honestly, though, if police want to catch him. We're opening Big Bud Park. Oh, we should do a fucking thing. Big But big butt park. Big butt park and we all go and we set it all up with fake butts and then we film

them in the act and then we hit him with a net. Oh, my God. I'm going to put a dress on holding and a fake butt on them and just have them walk through. I just have some bucks. guys. Oh, wow. Oh, I feel a bit of a rubbley. Just a bit of a rubble in my tummy. I just ate some fresh greens from the soup. I bought them from bombs. I ate a bunch of fresh tomatoes. I bought them from the bad store. Bought him from a place to take CBT. I went and got all the stuff. I'm feeling super gassy. That'd be great. Yeah. Have you ever been to Buddy Burgers in Austin? No. Do you know what the special sauces?

No. It's cum. Apparently. Oh, yes. These guys got arrested for putting cum on the burgers, isn't they? Yeah. You know, I always feel like that's a breach of trust that I won't ever get back. Yeah. The idea of like hurting my burger. Oh, man, I just, I couldn't help but like the cook in me, like the chef in me can't help but feel really bad for Buddy's burgers.

Yeah, that they got fucked Because they, no one's ever, I'm never gonna eat there Oh, never in a thousand years Never in a thousand years when I eat there And they like they obviously They hired this guy, they didn't cross their T's Dot their eyes How do they how do they do that?

How do you make sure the guys like to come on the fucking burgers? I bet he has a record And they probably didn't look for it Like a speed record for coming on burgers If he had never come on anything I got caught before then it's okay But yeah, no, they're fucked I don't think he did, Eddie.

Yeah. Why is his dick out in this? Yeah, his dick outs a couple times. He's taking dick. He came on alipinos. He showed his dick to people he worked with. He started posting it all over Reddit. That's a big issue there.

Yeah. In terms of you're trying to cover up your crimes. Because it's a pretty large social media website. Yeah. And Buddy Burger, they're doing their best to put this down. But it's not going anywhere. Yeah, no. They even, they're responding to the, um,

to the Reddit. Because you know who's going there to now work? People who come on burgers. Oh, they're going to be. It's going to be hard for them. Well, now they just go stealth. They're going to have to go to Torchise tacos. He always was stealth. But yeah, Torchies tacos. Yeah, they're on their way to Torchis tacos.

I don't like Torchies burger. I'll never eat there now. Torchies or Buddy burgers? Buddy's burger. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's so many good places to eat in Austin. These guys are fucked. They need to change the name. That's the only chance they got. Also not eating burgers in Austin.

Yeah, no, there's no reason to. The Fusion Asian food. Yeah, oh, that was so good. That was one of the best fucking things I've ever had. I wish I remember what it was called. It was like Asian 66 or something. Yeah, fuck it. That place was great.

It was one of the better Thai restaurants I ever went to. There's beef fucking, um, everything. Yeah, but Buddy Burger, their response in the Reddit thread was, was thank you for your assistance and making us aware of this. We are actively working with the police to ensure this individual was held accountable for his actions. This individual was a new hire who was terminated mid-shift from Buddy Burger. on September 1st, 2026,

when an employee complaint of indecent exposure was filed and addressed immediately. People who already ate those burgers, man. Yeah, no, no, no, no. Here's the thing. How many people ate gum burgers? It doesn't. You think so?

Oh, yeah, because you can only come so much. Yeah. I think that probably a dozen people ate burgers with cum on them, yeah. And, like, there's no way to find out. No. Nope. Absolutely not, because they probably, I mean, who knows? Unless you're somebody who eats a lot of cum,

you might not know. No, I know, but there's no way to find out. Like, who? Great am I, yeah, like, I'm not even, I'm saying that seriously. Especially if you pay cash. They're not going to be able to find out who, who ate these cum burgers. This is a big thing. This is about Bitcoin, isn't it?

This is bigger than this, huh? This is about the blockchain. That's what this is about a non-animity. Nom-animity, right? That's the problem, right? They want to know who's doing it. It's the cock chain. It's the cock chain.

I, unless you, because I've never consumed ejaculate. No. So I don't know. I don't know the taste of a jack-o'clock. I can assume. I bet you would know the moment you had it. I mean, I'd know it if I saw it, like, you know, flying to the air. I definitely smelled it a bunch.

Yeah, that's different. It helps so. But if you mix it in with the sauce, the donkey sauce or the buddy sauce, whatever it is, which already sounds like cum. Yeah, buddy sauce does sound like cum. Buddy sauce sounds like what you make when you go on a fishing trip with your old friend that you haven't seen 20 years. And you don't let your wife come.

Yeah. Poor buddy burger. Making some buddy sauce. They don't know what to do. They're swinging. They're just like, they're like... No, they're screwed. Yeah, they're fucked.

Yeah, dude, they're fucked. They should close down and remake it into another name. Yeah, they should literally just close the restaurant for a fucking week, make it a new sign, put a new sign on, and just try to start anew. Yeah. Oh, my God. Is this one of the cum burgers? No, I just, it's just a big sloppy burger. Just another burger from there, but it does look like...

But it does. It does look like a mayonnaise on or something. This does look like a cum burger. It's just got got got minced on. It looks like it's got cubs. It just looks like a burger. You would never know. You would never know.

You would never know. If we weren't talking about cum on hamburgers, I would go like, hmm, man. If I saw that, I'd be like, yum. But now that we know, that's the problem, Eddie, that's the exact fucking problem, is that now that I know that there was come on one, I'll never be able to eat it again. Because my first thought, it was like, mm. Because I love mayonnaise. Oh, my God.

Now the once. star reviews are piling in. Yeah, they're coming now. Oh, yeah. That's how it is. As soon as they hate you for one thing, they're excited to jump on to hate you for everything else. It seems like people liked Buddy Burger before this incident, too. Like, they were, like,

they were, like, doing okay. Yeah. They're fucked, man. I wonder for he was for McDonald's. Oh, yeah. Oh, just like, Buddy Burger's getting too big. Send them in. Yeah, you always... All I need you to do is spend a year or two in college, my friend. He will be here waiting for you on the other side.

Like in Goodfellas. Then Ronald McDonald picks him up from jail. Oh, man. That's a good kid. That's a good fucking kid that you was there. That's nice what you done, huh? Hey, don't worry. We'll take you to you.

Oh, my God. Don't worry. You still? Hey, let me a guess. Here's one. You been jerking off in jail? Ha, ha. That's all like the...

This is on the Reddit. WTF, ew. I was at buddies last weekend. I was there on Sunday the 30th. buddies fired him on the first. I know I ate cum. Yep. Or maybe. Or you just ate some ball hair. Man. Because I bet you he couldn't

come a lot. No. Unless he saved it. Oh, no. Buddy burgers put up a post recently with a new restaurant coming soon. Oh, no. Guys, what are you doing, guys? Opening soon. Opening soon. You've got to change the

Purpidge. Change the Purpidge. Change the Burbage. Coming before. Opening now. Oh, he also worked at an H.E.B. grocery store. Disgusting. This isn't good. You know, a lot of people fraudage and do weird things at the grocery store. We've covered that over the years.

I think there's a freedom inside of a grocery store for certain behaviors because there's a trust. Yeah, and you should wash your vegetables when you get home. You're right. If this teaches you anything, wash your vegetables. Wash your cheeseburger. Wash your cheeseburger. Wash your ribs. if you get a bunch of ribs, give them a good wash

before you fucking talk into that. Dim sum, just because of what it rhymes with. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Rim come. Yeah, or dim cum, yeah. It's been great. Dim sum the other day. Yeah?

It was fine. I love dim sum. You know, I wish it was better. All right, so we have a lady. I can't even fucking believe. So angry. No, the stuff I had. There's been good stuff.

Yeah, of course the stuff you had was bad. And San Francisco's good. This Florida. woman allegedly threw a bucket of shit on a neighbor. I mean, what is this even mean? They shared a trailer, and this woman, her bathroom broke. And she thought that her neighbor,

who that she shared a trailer with, I guess it's like a wall in the trailer, she thought she was fucking her husband. And she had this big bucket of shit because, like, her toilet wasn't working. And then she went over to her house and threw the bucket shit on her. He was like, stop fucking my husband. I think a lady's got a lot more issues to deal with than her husband's infidelity. She's mean looking.

She looks like the lady that kills. people for the cartels. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's mean-looking lady. That is a lady, that is a mean-looking lady who you know has got rancid poops. Yeah, this happened in Miami. We all know the plumbing down there. Isn't it the best

sometimes just because of, you know, it's swamp. It's hard to get rid of it. You know, that kind of thing. Is it? Oh, yeah. It really is a problem with pooh-poo's and Pee-P's in Miami. Some places, if you're in a bad enough area, it starts rising. Side story is L-P-O-T-L-L-G

dot com. What's your poo-boo problem in Miami? There are schools that are sinking into the marsh. Like, there are places that are sinking into the earth in Miami. Wow. Yeah. I know. We're going to lose it. When we lose Miami is when we're finally going to do some weird things about the climate. Yeah, because no one's going to say

shit when New Orleans goes. No, because they're all like... Yeah, we saw how much they didn't care during Katrina. Nope. Yeah, and then so, like... But, yeah, New Orleans is going to be first, then it's going to be Miami or Charleston. If Charleston goes, I bet people flip out more. unfortunately. That's horrible.

Yeah. Charleston can go. Charleston can go. Not New Orleans. I was, oh, New Orleans is a wonderful place. I don't enjoy Charleston. Well, last time I was in Charleston, we were driving, and then the water, the ocean came in like three blocks. And then we were driving, I'm like, oh my God, what's this?

Like, oh, it's the ocean. They were all casual about it. And then I'm like, what do you mean? They're like, yeah, the moon's out. I was like, what do you mean? What are you talking about? Moon's always out. Moon's always out. Yeah, the moon's just there. It doesn't go away. Yeah, like the moon's out. So the ocean comes in Norse City. You're just saying stuff. That's a person just saying stuff. That person has

a level of, maybe I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong, but it sounds like they have a sort of ancient view of the powers of the moon. Yeah. Well, this is bad, Eddie. Yeah, well, she's in trouble. She's in jail, too. There's another guy right down the street from her in Dural. This is an interesting story. He was arrested in a hotel room

for hiding under someone's bed the entire night. See, this is interesting because it sounds like he was sneaking. It sounds like he was in Assassin's It sounds like he didn't do anything to these people. No, he was just sleeping. And he did break, he did break an entry. He was kicked off the property like earlier in the week.

It got, came back, got kicked off again, and it came back, snuck in through the back door, went under the bed. These people checked into their room, slept the entire night with this guy below them. So this is, okay, I'm going to say, again, this is another controversial statement I'm going to make on today's episode that we will have reverberations of for years. Okay. My view here is because he didn't rape and murder them, he was just sleeping, which means he was just trying to find a place to sleep, maybe hiding from somebody or maybe just literally looking for a place to sleep. Yeah. The fact that he didn't touch them or their things while he was asleep or while they were asleep to me shows the man was just trying to sleep. He is charged with burglary.

He has, he should, because he's still breaking and entering, I guess. But that's not burglown. Unless he did steal stuff from them, we don't know. He could have stole some stuff. They didn't say that anything's missing. But even just the fact that he didn't be caught, this is how damage this show has made me. The fact that he didn't suck on their feet, the fact that he didn't jerk off onto the blankets, the fact that he didn't fucking just stab him to death while they were sleeping.

The fact that he didn't hold, like, with a woman at knife point while he was raping the father. Like, there's so many things he could have done. And he didn't. And to me, that shows restraint. I think this is like a person who. obviously is suffering from deep mental health issues and has no money. And, but also, thankfully,

has enough impulse control to not do something so fucked up. He just wanted to sleep. He just was trying to sleep. Yeah. But also, this is one of those fun things that, like, what I love is, like, you know how many times you're, like, in a hotel with your loved one or with your wife?

And she'll say something, like, I don't know how you deal with this. Like, sometimes, like, something, like, what you think something scary is happening, but then you as, like, the guy in the scenario in our scenario and our CISD scenarios, we're very much like, don't worry, I'm certain everything's fine.

And then, like, we just stay scared and we let them go to sleep nice. So I can see this style of thing. See, I just get up and look really fast. That's what I do. I always... And assume that if someone's there, they'll just kill me because I'm defenseless.

Yes, exactly. So I assume that the wife at some point was like, do you think that there's somebody sleeping under the bed? And then they looked under the bed and there was someone there. Do you see, well, I would go, but that's easy. Husband, you know what you do, though, unfortunately. You have to fight them. No, well, no.

The first thing you do is deny. And say, no, baby. No, you're wrong, baby. Don't worry. Everything's okay. We're just trying to go to sleep. Why don't you go get a soda? You know?

And then you're like, hey, buddy, come on. Get out of here. Come on, get the fuck. I scare my life. Let's get out of here. But I feel like if you looked at it, but then you look under the bed. But you never really look under the bed because if you were to look under the bed, Eddie, guess what you'd see?

The monster. Yeah, the monster. In this case, there was one. Yes. Yeah. But that's got to, and that would, where maybe things could have went south. But because everybody went to sleep, everything was fine. And I will say, not violent.

Not violent. He's not violent. And that's my only thing that's a saving grace for him is the fact that he's nonviolent. I don't know if he's been prosecuted for the crimes. It seems like he might have. He definitely has a record. Yes. So he didn't murder these people.

And to me, that's a good sign. Yeah. Improvement. As improvement. Yeah, he's just crashing. That's all. He's just sleeping. He's just dreaming.

You know. No one's under the bed. They didn't need under the bed. Okay. Now, I want to do a quick recap of today. We got the guy who, we got, we got, we got the, the old man who got, who is too, you can't stand trial. Mm-hmm. All right.

The eyeballs are too far apart for him to be competent enough to do crimes. That's right. And then we got the, the guy, the Confederate general who, school principal, who's looking at little girls. Yeah, funny beard, funny, a little mustache. Then we got the guy who's breeding and fucking dogs, the Amish guy. No mustache. Funny beard. Yeah, we have the guy who wants to fight a chimpanzee, Cole Johnson.

Clean-shaven. Who actually turned out to be not too horrible. Not even that horrible. Not even that horrible. And then we had the next guy after that. We had the drug dealer with the card. Yep. And then we had the lady who threw shit at people.

And then we had the cumburger boy. And then the guy sleeping under the bed. Who's your least favorite person? Comeburger boy. Comeburger boy is the worst person, right? Comeburger boy is the worst one of all. Is he worse than the dog fucker? Hmm.

And the old man, I mean, we don't know what his crimes are. The old man could have old school, like, deep-seated crimes. Yeah, he killed somebody in Korea. Yeah, no, the old man's probably the worst human, but he's, you can't even punish him anymore. He's a ghost. He can't, yeah. I think Cumberger Boy, only just because that is a sacred trust one has with their fast food restaurant. Yeah.

That you won't hurt me in this process? That you won't become on this. You know, the Confederate General videotaping the girls peathe holes. I hate him the most. But I think the worst crime is the Cumberger. In real life, he's the worst guy. Oh, and the Buttsniffer, of course, too. Like, butsniffer's already kind of into another level.

He's been good for us. In real life, he's been great for us. We print money on the Burbank Buttsniffer guy. That's fucking huge for us. The Confederate General High School Principal is the worst person. The Cumberger guy is the worst crime. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

For me. And so that makes him the worst person. Who deserves a worse beaten? You know, I think that you could very ostensibly give a whale hardcore on both. The thing is, is that the Confederate general guy is going to just get worse. I do feel like you could beat this behavior out of Cumberger Boy. Yes. I feel like you could beat the behavior out of him.

But that would require, like, taking him just to the brink of death. Yeah. And it would acquire a pointed series of lessons. You have to put a tube in them and shit. Yeah. That's a big Paul Verhoeven thing too, you notice, right? What, tubing? Putting tubes of a guy's butts.

It is, isn't it? It's in like three movies. Yeah. He likes things like that. Check out movie stories. Check out movie stories. It's over on Patreon. We're covering Paul Verhoven films.

Do we have any new listener mail or are we keeping the old collective soul one? Because people seem to love that butt rock one. I got another one. I got another one. Let's keep it. We got so many. I feel bad if we don't play some of these. Well,

I want you to randomly bring the collective soul one back one day. Yeah, sure. Put it on a cycle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got you. Yeah, keep that one. Don't get rid of that.

And keep that reggae one, too, because I want to hear that again eventually. We can make a little album for you. It has to go on a cycle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. Here's a new one. Yeah. This one is from Colt-Berkett.

Let's play it. Here we go. Sad stories. Chal the race list of mail. Sad stories. Grace yourself. for a horrific day. Sad story.

Harry and Ed and L-P-O-T-L. Sad story. Shout out to Marcus and don't forget to Hail Satan. That's fun as fun. Hell Satan. Thank you, fellas. God, I love the rock ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, they mean it.

I love the rock ones. Those are our people. I think, you know what a good idea would be? We take all of these listener email tracks. fucking make an album on Spotify. You were talking about this. How do we do that? I don't know.

I don't know how we do that without just stealing money from people. You know what I mean? Like that's the problem with it. Spotify, no one makes fucking money. But any money should go to the people who wrote the song. So I have to source all the people who wrote the song. This is what I've learned that's hard about that. Yeah.

Is that I have to then find all of their information. Each one of them has to create an account in which we can then link all of their bank accounts. It's the only way I'm doing this. I would do it fully legit. Because I'm not taking money from people. What if it's dollars on the dollars? Whatever money we make we put towards some kind of great cause. I said, we would need in writing agreement from the people that wrote the stingers that they're totally down for the proceeds to all go to charity.

And absolutely I will do that. If you have heard your Stinger on the show right in and let us know. How about that? Love that. Yeah. This is something that'll happen never. Who knows? But who fucking knows?

We make shit all the time. We got plenty of. People love these things and so do I. Yep. Let's hear some bullshit. Now, I want to get into a little bit about Scroats. So I brought up the concept of the little scumbags and Scroats in Dublin's. Right.

My wife and I, Natalie and I were harassed in the street. They were really funny. But I brought it up and it is a big fucking deal. It's a big deal over in Dublin. It seems to be a lot of the people, a lot of the emails I got was talking about how there's like economic issues, and the major major city centers. A lot of these are kids from people that are obviously, like, you know, like kind of what we were talking about,

how their parents are on drugs, and now they're obsessed with it. You know, now they go out there and they take their pain out on people. And largely, they just rough people up, yell things, and run away. They are children. The Gardy, the Irish police, they really don't want anything to do with it. No.

And so I got a lot of good information. Who the fuck wants to fight a group of kids? No one wants to because it sucks. But this is, it is interesting. So, let me read up these letters. I hope you enjoyed Ireland, Henry. Sorry our youths traded yuda one of the local customs, saying anything mean they can think of of your attire.

If it isn't a sports jersey and work pants or match and track suit, it is, in fact, illegal. Scroats are the city thing, and your bartender wasn't lying. The violence right now is targeting immigrants. A lot of it is stirred up online. And if you recall Twitter, I will dead name it, until Vivian Musk

inherits her father's fortune, exactly. All right? Exposed all the origin countries of its users briefly. The accounts are Irish far-right groups were all based in America and England. Where I am in Ireland,

county latrum. People would probably talk about their attire, but they'd have a pint with you still. And the teens are so nonscroty that when I asked my boss if the youths ever get into fistfights at lunch while waiting for us to make them food, he could not comprehend what I was asking.

I'm from Halifax and Canada or teens fought in our library every damn day. Right? Now some fun things to yell at Scroats. Your ma's your da and your da and your da sells Avon. Get the fuck. Yeah. Or if you must fight,

you can open with, that's a funny way to spend your teeth. I live in Marina now. My only permanent neighbor is obviously a former scrote. And they do not grow out of it. He once told him, he was going to beat the bricks off of her for following him in the night. He didn't mean it.

He's just a scrot. So that's the thing. So they talk about the scrots and they say that basically everyone said the same thing. You literally just don't say anything to them. You just move forward, right? There's a lot of... Keep following you and throwing bricks and shit? No, if you could really just go through, I think it was really funny that they all talk about having one comb.

One thing that there's another turn that they're called yep bros. Okay, yep bros? That's because they go, yep. Yep. At each other. Yep. Oh, wow. It is literally just what they do.

And we visited Kong. I feel like this is a part of the Warriors. It is. We also visited Kong, Kong. Someone brought up and they just want to know, why in the living fuck, are they obsessed with the movie The Quiet Man? My mother.

The John Wayne film? It's his only Oscar. Dude, I just, so my mom out of nowhere starts, no idea about the, never heard of the movie The Quiet Man. You never heard of it?

No. Why would I? I don't care. Yeah. Right? Out of nowhere. My mom's like, do you think that this is where the quiet man was made? I was like, what are you talking about?

She was like, the quiet man. It's John Wayne's best movie. Everyone loves it. Yeah. And I was just like, I have no idea. Next thing we know, we're in Kong, which is where the quiet man was filmed. And my mom is going to all of these places like it's where the godfather was filmed. Like she's next to tears.

Be like, this is the ball! But John Wayne came out of the ball. I was just like, this is the weird. The whole town is obsessed with the quiet, man. I mean, it's great your mom got to see it. No, I know. It's just very funny that it's an entire town based off this like one movie. You know, imagine if you went to the town where like Nightmare and L. Street 4 was filmed with your mother and you were so excited everywhere you went.

You're like, this is the town square. You know, it's the same thing. It's true. Yeah, because you're one little more question. someone saying here is that we should send the scroats to Alligator Auschwitz. Oh.

They're an alligator alcatraz. Well, it's closed now, so there's nowhere to send them. No way. Oh, Nelson got out. Kurt's nephew. He's back home with his wife. No fucking way. It's almost like you didn't commit any crimes.

It's almost like you shouldn't have been there in the fucking first place, but that's amazing. Yeah, shout out to Nelson and Kurt and everyone involved in all this. So, yeah, so just no, go out there. someone who wants to give a shout out to the park ranger that went after Eugene Horsch. Okay.

Just listen. We covered the potential crimes of R.C. Horsh. And we're going to probably do an entire episode on this. I mean, you have to. It's too crazy. That's why I haven't covered a little more. But I did think it was interesting.

Someone called out, like, the National Park Services. Just when you know, I listened to the Side Stories app where you talked about Eugene Horsh, not much to contribute other than I'm a National Park Service Ranger. stationed at Independence and HP. I know the Ranger who went after him initially. His name is Keith Manchester, and he actually got her pretty bad,

and he's been off duty for a while. So I know it doesn't mean much. Just wanted Keith to get credit for being a great guy and a great ranger. That's fucking awesome. Because he went completely out of his way to make sure that something was done. Hell yeah. That's amazing.

Well, these are the stories I'm just going to keep for now. This is what I'm going to do, and we've got other stories. I'll get into it next week. All right, great. So just live every day, every day, knowing for a fact that if you're an island, then you want to keep your head up.

All right, if you're going to walk around with a pretty lady, you might love the fact that you get the attention of a bunch of little boys. Yeah. Right?

And you just kind of laugh at them. Because, yeah, they might be mad. They might be mad that you got a cute little lady on your hands and you're wearing a bit of a pink shirt. All right,

they might be saying things about you. Right, but you got to remember. Right, you're the man. Right there, little boy. Come see us this weekend in Norfolk. I can't wait to see you. We'll find you... Coming down in Norfolk,

Send your scrote. Send your scrote. I don't actually know. Send you someone who can legally buy a bear. Friday, Norfolk, Saturday, Raleigh, North Carolina, the Martin Marietta Center. We're going to have a lot of fun. We got a lot of shows coming up down the pipe. Brooklyn, Hartford, Redway, Portland, Burlington, Iowa City, Columbia, Missouri.

Me personally, I'm going to be in Milwaukee with Logan Metz on September 27. Well, that's going to be an entertaining evening. It's going to be nice. October 4th. my first show at the comedy work sold out. We got a second show. So go and get tickets to the second show. That's going to be a fucking blast.

That's my birthday show. Come fucking party with me. And then in L.A. on October 14th on a Wednesday at the Stray Theater is Slambers Comedy Bash. I'm going to be hosting it. We're having a lot of fun. That's great. You're hosting for Amber. Give her some time to work on some material.

That's right. She's going to close out that fucker. And then San Francisco, St. Louis, Nashville, Rochester, Albany. Go to 80unes.com for tickets. go and check them out we'll see over on you can see on Netflix I see any Patreon

certain movie stores are you see over there on Patreon also go to check out a new YouTube channels Bloodbath 77 doing very well go check it out up there on

on the YouTube over on LPN TV it's on YouTube that's right YouTube all right I hope you see on your Hells Aiton

Hell Sally Fields yeah wow yeah wow Eddie to really masturbate yeah about Sally Field. You ever see the Irish film The Field?

No. Yeah, I heard the whole thing as if there's grass on it. That's when you play the ball. Bye, everybody.