Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: The Slenderman Escape

Episode Date: December 3, 2025

Henry & Eddie return to bring you this week's biggest stories and true crime news - starting off hot with a full breakdown of the "Slenderman Stabber" Morgan Geyser's escape and eventual capture, the story of two Texas men who conspired to overthrow and enslave a Haitian Island, a Florida man charged with murder after killing UK woman seeking her own death, a Winn Dixie parking lot three-way leads to multiple arrests in the Florida Keys, Listener Sextortion Stories, and more! For Live Shows, Merch, and More Visit: www.LastPodcastOnTheLeft.comKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Last Podcast on the Left ad-free, plus get Friday episodes a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

There's no place to escape to this is the last podcast on the left side stories that's when the cannibalism started side stories yes oh shit man I was so good for months good about what my food oh that kind of good I've lost like seven pounds yeah i was just like you and i were so thanksgiving you're not supposed to be good i don't care about yeah obviously yeah sure whatever but it was like you and i eddie we just

were so good you're you've lost so much weight you look so healthy not right now though i'm i put i put some back on we did on purpose it's on purpose but eddie and i this weekend let's just say we went out for a thanksgiving bunch of shows yeah thanksgiving weekend can't believe that we braved our own holiday travel like we did this to ourselves it took a car we were gonna go i drove across three states you love it full john candy experience and eddie and i were both like we're gonna be healthy we're gonna be so healthy we're gonna do and then holy shit it's just impossible to do in ohio ohio happened to us yeah now i they big i expected it's been a while since the In Ohio, and I think that I've only really been to Cincinnati and Cleveland.

So I've never been to any other place. You never parted in Columbus before? No, no, it's a quiet town. Largely when we go, we've been in the middle of winter. It's like we're past. I remember Columbus being a place where I specifically watched hours of Chris Chan footage. Oh, you love that makes sense. Yeah, inside of my hotel room and didn't leave.

But this time, Eddie, we found so. much. There was so much. We ate such big fix. We went to Luigi's. Luigi's in Akron, Ohio is one of the better Italian restaurants I've ever been to. In terms of Midwest

Italian, because that's hard. That's a weird... Ohio's got good Italian food. Yes. The mob ran through there, and they left some good food behind. Luigi's was one thing. That was one thing. Oh my God. Well, we had it twice. Yes. Because we

at both because we had to try the pizza. We didn't have the pizza to first. We just had the baked platters. They gave us, since it was like 3,000 pounds of cheese a week, but they say something like a 300 pounds of cheese a week. She was bragging about killing us. Yeah. Yeah. And that was

incredible. I ordered the salad without cheese and the sadness on this woman's face. She was just like I was just like, all right, I guess I'll get the cheese. And she's like, thank you. Yeah, because you know why? It's four lettuce leaves and a slice of tomato. Without the cheese, it's not anything. And she knew that, but she didn't want to say that.

Yeah. But God, I'll just say the salt of the earth. I then went to a place called Fred's Diner that was in the middle. It was this little shitty little house that was about 15 minutes from where Jeffrey Dahmer was born. And you could taste it. Yeah. And I listened to like people. Oh, yeah.

I went and I got a little steak. I got a steak and eggs, right? And I listened to those old mean women behind the counter bitch at each other. They were tearing each other two pieces. One was turned to the others being like, I can't believe that Rita forgot to order the goddamn Pepsi. And we were like, what kind of bitch stack stare for them like this? And then I was like, but by then, I fell in love with them. I felt, I watched them.

I was there for like an hour. I fell in love with them. I invited them all to the show. And what happened? They didn't come? They couldn't come. But they had wagers was like, yeah, but don't worry. It's a really nice venue.

I saw Pantera there last year. And I was just like, that's what I fucking. Holy shit. Where am I there? Hard ass chicks, dude. Dude, this whole town, I just can't believe how much. You guys lied to us about Akron. Who lied?

Everybody. I mean, Cincinnati was trying to talk shit on Akron. I was in Cincinnati for Thanksgiving, and they were all like, why are you going to Akron? Akron fucking sucks, all this shit. I get to Akron. Lovely fucking place. We actually really enjoyed Akron. Yes, it's mostly habited by ghosts.

Yes. And it does need a bit of an alt scene. It needs a lot of things. Once it gets in there, though, the people are cool. and, you know, the shit there is awesome. A bomb shelter is a great place. That was an amazing place. It's not an actual bomb shelter.

Yeah, it's a store. We just, I'm sorry we're doing it this way, but guys, you've got to understand. When we do side stories live, hi, my name is Henry Soprowski. I'm here with Ed Larson. Hello! We get to see parts of the world that I, again, why would I go to Akron? The only reason why I'm going to go to Akron is if I'm in witness protection. But now I, like, want to go back.

I had a great time. I met Rosa over at Akron Coffee Roasters, which is truly beautiful. Had my first pour over. What's happening to us? And then we went to Columbus and we got Warios, which fucking filled my guts. Warios, fuck, was amazing. Dude, those places called Warios. They have, like, the craziest cheese steaks.

They got the craziest, like, pork roll sandwiches. This is how fat we are. We ate Luigi's and Warriors. Yes, I know. That's how fat we are. We need to find Mario. Yeah, dude. That's how fucking fat we are.

Man, the sandwiches at Warios, Rob, you would fucking... This place is like your enemy, dude. Because they, like, and Warios, I love that it's named Warios, and it, like, distinctly feed you food that makes you, like, destroy Plummers' lives. Dude, I just fucking... I had that fresh, cold-cut sandwich with the homemade jardina on it, and it had this, like, tomato butter. Man...

Damn. Dude, I just can't believe. We never... This never happens to us, really. Normally, I eat, like, shit. When we're on the road, I very rarely eat anything good. It's normally hotel. Hell, like Caesar salads.

We'll get maybe one nice meal. I try to go do better food than you get room service too much. Well, you and I, you help me go out more. Yeah. I just like convenience because I don't like searching for breakfast. Yeah, you hate breakfast for some reason. No, I love breakfast. You don't like getting up or going anywhere.

I don't like waiting for breakfast. The thing is, with you not going to breakfast, I can get anywhere because you can always get in as one. Well, that's the thing. As a solar traveler, you can go. get in a lot of places. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I also learned. Just go sit at the bar.

They always have it. They always got room for me. But we literally, I don't. I look like a big spender. Schmidt's sausage house. Oh, I don't even want to talk about it. Dude, that, that place was amazing. I'm like emotional that it exists and that we went to it.

And it's like, it's out of eight, it's like 1886. It's like a German restaurant out of the fucking, like it feels like you're in Germany. And then we shop at a cuckoo shop. We shop, we shop, we went to a cuckoo clock store. Yeah. And this is what Eddie and I did. We were like, we were so innocent.

We went to the Red Stable. It was a, it's a cuckoo clock store right next, and right in a little, little, uh, little Germany, German village or whatever the fuck. Hey, at least we smoked weed. Oh, God, I got so high. That was a part of it. So at least we were stone looking at cuckoo-clogs.

Oh, yeah, it doesn't need. Yeah, it doesn't need. Yeah, there's a workout to Baxter speakeasy for taking care of us in Akron as well. But yeah, what a fucking great time, man. I mean, I can't believe it. I had to go. We're going to be in Vegas this weekend. You, y'all better come out to fucking Vegas because we're going to have a blast.

if we live. Yeah, Wise Guys on Sunday. That is December 7th at 6.30 p.m. Wise Guys Town Center. That's the one past the airport. Not the cool one. No, not the good one. Yeah, we're not doing that. So remember that. It's not the good wise guys, but the rest of Vegas is really nice. I don't know about that. That's not true at all. Rest of Vegas is not very nice. Sometimes it's got this moments, you know. I like Somerville. I like Summerlin. I like, Summerlin. I like, I love Vegas. I'd move to Vegas. I know you would. You know I'd move. You look like a Henderson boy. Oh, what do you? That feels like a... There's a lot of land in Henderson. You can get yourself a very nice place. A lot of room. That's what I like. You just show my dick to the sand.

Spread it out, you animal. But yeah, thank you so much, Akron and Columbus for treating us very well. And we're going to come back now. Yeah. That's how good you were. I'm actually... That's how good you were. I had no intention to ever come back.

I had family, I didn't know, like new family, Julie's family, come to the show in Columbus, and they didn't hate it. You believe that? I can't believe that they didn't make the show. They were going to hate me. Oh, especially after what we did, because we were in Columbus, so we were in Epstein country. So those of you saw that show knew that it was going to get probably pretty dark, and it did. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And God, it was great. All right, so we have a bit of an update. Oh, we do. This is the only update I got from last week. We had that really great run-up that we were talking about, about using cloning to make babies of the horrendous figures of history and then charging different ways to kill them. Yeah. And one of the ways that we came up with, we thought it would be really fun, is that you take infant baby Hitler and you drown it in a bathtub filled with Jewish cum.

Oh, that's right. We did say that. I usually just forget everything that happens the moment I walk out the door. As you should. And honestly, that protects you. Yeah. So with the cum math came out, someone sent me an email about cum math. Is that a Hitler's baby picture?

That's him. No. You got to kill him. What a cute little baby. You tell me, you always had the hair. G-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-cac-cac-cac-cac-cac-cac-cac-cac-cac-cac-cac-cac. I just wanted at the end of a... It barely looks like Hitler.

I want it at the end of a bayonet. Yeah. So, according to this cum bath math, all right? So talking about bathing and cum, someone said this, right? Here's some cum math. You would need 48... All right, let me see how it's... 484...

Someone wrote this number out was... Someone literally wrote this number out really, really strange. All right, it is 484,532, 708 men to fill three... 320 gallon hot tub with cum, presuming they'd all come once. We don't need that much. It's a baby. You do. We just need a bucket.

Yeah, you could just, or you could have an inch of it and we can just hold its face down. Yeah, I need numbers for like a Tupperware bin, you know, like one of those, like something you put all your holiday decorations. So again, we just find out it is 2.5 milliliter per shoot and then we just do that math accordingly. Yeah. No, that's how we know. And again, then that's, it really just depends, but that's if you're not saving it ahead of time. Also, are these guys backed up or are they, you know, what's the deal? Like, any, this is all the information on here.

Because if you've been coming all week, you know, imagine you're going to have a little less in you. Who knows? Is that how it works? Sometimes. Catch me. Yeah. Catch me right time. What's Peter North doing these days?

I honestly think he's, I think he's worm food. Yeah, you think so. He's probably dead. He should be dead. I think Peter North might be dead. He came to death. I actually think he got shot in the head. No, he's out there, man.

Oh, he's on Instagram. Oh, he's on Instagram. he's looking great. Wow, only 3,000 followers? Yeah, he's following. That's not the right, Peter North. No, that is him. It says the one and only.

Yeah, that's him. Yeah, that's him. He's probably horrible. Yeah, yeah, Eddie. I imagine he's horrible. Definitely, well, he made a documentary. He was a retired actor, in quotes. Oh, that'll be interesting.

We'll see what's going on. We'll find out. Oh, he loves it. Adam Carolla's a good friend. Of course. It makes a lot of sense. That makes a lot of sense. All right.

Talk about someone who's filled with cum. Oh, you witches. Now, this, we have some truly wonderful stories this week. Did you not want to talk about Morgan Geiser? I guess there's not much of an update. No, I want to talk about it up to up. Okay, good. Oh, yeah.

So as you all know. Talk about, you know, coming a bunch. Oh, oh, she's a child. I'm sorry. Well, no, she's not child. No, she's not child. It was more just their last name's Kaiser. Yeah, I understand.

I understand me. Believe me, I understand. So, as you guys may have heard, Morgan Geiser last week, While we were away for Thanksgiving, we were, of course, it happened as soon as we were gone. Morgan Geyser was one of the Slender Man Stabbers. Now, this took place in May of 2014. They were both 12 at the time. It was Morgan Geiser and her friend Anissa Wire.

They basically formulated a plan to murder a young friend of theirs, Peyton Lightner, or Loutner, in order to please Slender Man. Now, Anissa Wire apparently was a person that brought the concept of Slender Man to Morgan Geyser. Morgan Geiser would go on to build on top of that delusion and would say, we can please Slender Man by killing Peyton. We'll stab her to death and then what we'll do is then we'll walk to these in these woods. We'll just walk into these woods and we'll go to, we'll be invited into Slender Man's mansions and become one of his proxies. Okay. One of his like little like helpers. And they were 12 at the time.

They were 12. Wow. And we now know that that, they were wrong, Eddie. No way. Yeah, Slender Man, shit the bed. People love a thin man. They really do. And they fucking, they'll, tall thin, he'll cheat on you.

Yeah, absolutely. Every time. Yeah. So, she was arrested. They were put into jail. So now, Anissa Wire was let out, I believe, in 2021. And she didn't, so the Geyser got sent to a mental hospital. Yes.

Yes, wire was leased and released in 2021 after seven years. Then, I guess it makes sense. I guess. Well, because wire did not actually do the stabbing herself. But she talked the other one into doing it. No, Morgan Geiser was the both dominant member of the pair and did the actual stabbing, but also brought Anissa along with it. Like, tried to sort of put the knife in Anissa's hands. The original attack happened when they went into a part.

bathroom. Morgan Geiser grabbed Peyton's arms, put him behind her for Anissa to stab her to death. Anissa choked. She didn't want to do it, obviously. She didn't, and so eventually Morgan took it up on herself later on. So they gave her seven years for that? Well, she's an accessory to murder. She was there. She was a part of this. And this is an attempted murder. That's fucking legit. So it's hard when they're 12. If you're where anybody dies and you're involved with the party that someone has, killed someone, you're in trouble. I understand that at 18 and over, but a 12... It's the same.

It's same rules. That's wild. Yeah, same rules. That's a long-ass time for a 12-year-old. They try to stab her to fucking death. So Peyton crawled as your life. They didn't actually succeed? She lived.

She crawled away. She got help from the road, and then they were arrested. So now Morgan Geiser was put in a mental health facility. Now, they said for a while, I believe that one of her parents had also suffered from schizophrenia. So they felt that Morgan Geiser was showing these symptoms of schizophrenia. She said that she experienced full-on auditory hallucinations. She saw color streams go up and down the walls.

And most importantly, believe Slender Man was real and speaking to her. So now she's been in this facility. Do you think she is crazy or she's faking it? This is a long, this is, I mean, this is, at 12, it'd be pretty impressive if you were faking it. Unless you heard all of the symptoms described by, one member of your family. 12 year olds are idiots, but also absorb and you'd be surprised

what they know what to do. They're great liars. Children lie like a motherfucker. They just don't know. They don't know. Morgan Geiser might have, obviously, I mean, let's just say at this point my diagnosis, she's cuckoo fucking bananas, right? She's all fucked up. Okay. She's all jacked

up. So Morgan Geiser is put into this mental facility. She's supposed to be there for 40 years. That's a long-ass time. Yes. For doing something when you're 12? Well, it's because of the way that she acted. It was because of the, it started with, you could tell that there has been some, like, obviously genuine concern, because they were technically innocent due to insanity. Yeah. So they got, like, released in this kind of conditional way to this mental health facility, and they were working with Morgan for a while.

And so way it started, it seemed, is that they genuinely believe she was very sick and they worked on it. Now, they seemed to slowly relax what they were doing with her inside of this. mental health facility to the point where she then got in trouble for receiving material from outside of the mental health facility, this book called Rent Boy, that is all about a, I believe, I know it features sexual sadism and murder and violence, right? So that was like the first thing being like, oh, and she said, oh, Morgan Geyser got really upset because they were putting all of these kind of parameters on what she could read and what she was going to do. And so someone from the outside, the first example

of a man from the outside of the hospital sent her this book, this disgusting, whatever this rent boy book is, right? And so she's reading this really morbid dark stuff and that was kind of like one weird thing. Who was the guy? I forget the name of the guy. It was just some other man. He's not a family member or a friend or anything like

that. He's just random ass like I forget the guy's name. But he's like a fan of horror or like a fan of her. He also was helping her sell her artwork on Facebook. So she's drawing all these sort of like Morgan Geyser's drawing these super morbid pictures and selling it. Got to fill that canteen. But it's

again, it's like I don't think it really works like that. It's another kind of an example of like, is she okay or not? And so you have these mental health evaluations. And one of the, I was watching a thing about this afterwards and it's hard because you have to take the sick person's word

as much as you can corroborate that they're okay. that they're better. But you have to take their word. So Morgan Geiser could have very much been giving them everything they want to hear for the last several years. So they gave her provisional release in 2025 to go to a group home. Which honestly I kind of agree with. I agreed and I didn't agree because this is where my thought process comes in is that I don't know if she knows if she's really sick or not. I don't know what she knows. And I think that what we're now seeing, my problem is that now

with what just happened I think she's a lot more aware than she says she is I think especially the behavior I saw in the body cam footage where she very much is obviously she was almost in charge of this relationship with this other person so now

we know that Morgan Geyser was in this she was in Waukesha right at some group home at a.m. November 23rd they call that she's left from this place she's in Madison right she's despaired from this home she cut her like she has one of those like locator

tracker devices on her ankle she cut it off with a with a scissor right no idea you could just do that and they ran off ran off with this unnamed man technically right didn't know

turns out this person is goes by the name of Chad Mecca that's like well there that's their legal name they now identify as a woman they go by Charlie okay um and this person is 43 years old Morgan Geiser is 23 years old this person began speaking with Morgan Geiser from within the group home and then I guess like

from outside that's the only thing that's kind of muddy is that I can't figure out where they met I know that this person was not allowed to visit Morgan Geiser at the group home which means they already could tell something was really weird about their relationship yeah this 43 year old person then begins to sneak into the window of this 23 year old uh Murderer, almost murdered, attempted murderer, probably, like, who know, the very now famous true crime case. Yeah. And it's almost like, in my mind, like, at first of my head, oh, my God, this person, this older person is manipulating Morgan Geiser. Like, that's the first thing I thought in my head.

That's what I, that's what seems like to me from an outsider. Cuts of the body cam footage. So they are, they're at some truck stop. So they managed to get a Greyhound bus ticket. That's not that hard. That's not that hard. You say manage. But that's, I mean, in terms of, like, that's all the money they had.

They then walked across Chicago. They ended up at this truck stop, middle of nowhere. Then they kind of just, I guess they crashed. And the police that came, and you can see the way that they're acting is that the older person, Chad, Charlie, is acting like a child. It's like, kicking the grass, doing those weird stuff. And Morgan Geysers, the strong one. Morgan Geysers hold him being like, don't let her go.

let her go i know i know every i did it i'm the bad one and she's doing this and you're like it's very very uh interesting so it looks like morgan may have fucking who been the ringleader in this situation god fucking knows they had made this sort of fantasy run they thought that they were going to go to nashville together they thought it was going to be i i guess they thought it was but they had no money and they had no particular plan and now we know that morgan geyser is back in jail they caught her, I believe it was the night before Thanksgiving. And this is

my problem, is that, first of all, I wasn't sad that she got caught, but I was like, yes, it's like Mike Myers. Yes. I was like, yeah, when I found that it happened, I was just like, oh, fuck, like my morbid true crime brain, and penis.

Yeah. I call that, my true crime penis got real big, right? Well, yeah, because we have a show to do. Yeah, and it was excited. Yeah. But then you look at this and you realize, like, oh, it was really quite sad. And I don't, and I don't think that Morgan Geiser ever should have been let out. You don't think so? I mean, she obviously tried to escape,

so obviously you're right. Now we know that she, I think that she's quite manipulative. I think, but also, I got to say, 40 years for a 12-year-old who didn't even kill anyone, I know that she tried, but it seems like a lot. It really does. I think it takes a lot for 12-year-olds make really bad

decisions. But I think it's different. I think there's a very big difference. between like accidentally not feeding your dribble and it dies. Well, that's, you know what I mean? Like, that's a harmless thing. But I mean, organized murder.

An organized attempted murder by two 12 year olds is more unusual than anything else. It's very unusual. It's extremely unusual. It is a very, very extreme case. So I could see why they wanted

to put her in there for 40 years. And I could also see why they try to adjudicate it. Like, you're also seeing, this is the system trying to let her out trying to like help and like trying yeah

but the problem is they just there's only so far you can't help so what do we know about the person who tried to help her honestly not a heck of a lot and they are I mean

how much trouble are they yet what's their crime I actually I have no idea I have no idea if they do get in trouble I mean if they paid for the bus ticket it could be trafficking

I mean Martin Geyser's an adult is a legal adult Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's legal adult. I feel like it's just that Morgan Geiser was still technically, I believe, under sort of like a kind of probationary I mean, they saw an anchor man on her on.

So yeah. Yeah, so she's going into jail. And then they're going to probably put her back into that facility. You know, they just chill out and like you just be, just do your rehab, man. Well, the problem is that I think that

she's kind of screwed up. Oh, yes, that's right. Morgan Geiser and this person met at a church. They were at a church together and she started doing the things telling this person they're treating me bad. They're not letting me do these things. They're abusing me. I think that Morgan Geiser's the manipulator. I think that Morgan Geyser, like, well, I think the other person's I'm going to call them a capital C creepozoid. Like for certain, like definitely a full fucking creepazoid. This article I found does say that chat mecca has a history.

of sexual assault. Oh, of course! So, yeah, you're not wrong there. Of course. Okay. Of course. Who else is climbing into the window of a famous stabber? Yeah.

You know what I mean? Like, literally thinking that they could do it. So obviously it's very complicated, but I think that Morgan Geyser is now going to, now they're going to be like, okay, well, now you stay in. Yeah. And now the other one's fucked. Good. Yeah.

The other one needs a fucking break from society as well. I think the other one could probably maybe I think the term is touch, not touch grass because they were sleeping on grass. I think they need a break. I think they need, I don't know what they need. Yeah. It's weird because

I'm so torn on this, to be honest with you. Well, of course, because we believe that we would like to believe that you can rehab people. Especially a child. Unless it's just they start killing too early and they're just bad, yeah.

A 12-year-old organizing an attempted murder is very different. It's very, very different than stealing. It's different than smoking. It's different than anything else. So I can see why everybody's a little confused. Yeah. Especially with dealing with Chad Mecca and now this new level. Go ahead and throw the book at that one.

Oh, yeah. They're going to. As far as I'm concerned. That person, I got no, I got nothing in the game for them. But I honestly still feel bad for Morgan Geiser. Oh, yeah. I feel very, I do, but then the problem was, see, I also don't know whether I'm cynical

or if I'm mean or stuff because, like, I was watching the footage of her being transported back because they had the body cam footage of her going back in and sort of the way she's going like, I'm so sorry, no, she's doing, it's the opposite. It's like, I hate to say it, but it feels like alligator tears. You know what I mean?

It kind of feels like, I think that you're putting on a face because you're going, I never should have left. I'm so sorry. she's like doing this thing and it's like I think that you're you told everybody else that you were getting physically abused in here. Yeah. So you're not saying the truth either. And what are you going to do out there?

Well now they're an adult. Yeah, but what are you going to do out there? How old Morgan guys are now? 20? I think 23. 23? Oh my God. I don't know what they're going to do. I don't, I feel like they need more help. They need even more, more and more and more and more and more and more help. I mean, they just added another 10 years at least. Oh, they got to to unfortunately looks like they got to cook some more yeah well an interesting detail also

she's apparently still talking to slender man oh that's the whole thing it's all like she's having these she's still having these like weird episodes and she's saying all this up i think that she's dangerous yeah oh wait if she's still talking to slender man she's definitely dangerous i think there's no question about that i think she's extremely dangerous and i just think it's sad also slender man's not real that's the issue that is the main issue right yeah there is no slender man is none, unless, of course, it's Eddie Redmayne. Yes, it could be, it could definitely be Eddie Redmayne. I can bet you right now that Eddie Redmayne's wearing a mask and he's zooming in.

Where has he been? I haven't seen him do anything. I bet you he's Groominor. Whoa, Eddie Redmayne. Any Redmayne. Any Redmayed himself is Grooming. Can we check his phone records? I'd love to find out because you know he would love to have a little girl killed in his name.

Oh, my God. It would really help him. You know that he would. You know that he would only make him stronger. It only make him bigger and stronger. just, God fucking damn it. God, fucking damn it, I knew it. He's doing good.

He's God, I hate him. I hate him. You do hate him. I hate doing, you at Maine. What are you doing? Oh, he's got, um, you know, he's only got stuff, he's only got one movie in production. Oh, no. Yeah.

Yeah, I think he's on his way out. I think you, I think you've, uh, wish he's into existence. Yeah, good. Yeah, I think so. Oh, I know. It's a Julia Roberts picture. Fuck! She's going to do great.

Yeah, it's going to be. great yeah he only gets stronger he's doing awesome yeah I know yeah good for you Eddie yeah well I can honestly I can't I can't regret him in that way but still he is trafficking girls I know he is

to his home and he's he's cutting their cliffs off and he's and he's turning him into mittens four fetuses little baby fetuses yeah we have that I know that I have that on tape yeah we know these things I have done on beta backs yeah Henry has his little

sparrows my sparrows my spiders. Right from North Lane. All right. you want to do this next story, man? Absolutely. This is the other one of the

seriously crazy stories all week. This one is as insane. As any other story I've ever read. But also, nothing technically happened. Okay. But bad. I mean, obviously crimes happened. But like none of the dreams came real.

Are you talking about wedding? No, I'm talking about going down. Haiti Way. Oh. This is such an interesting cool. I mean, not cool is the wrong word,

but like, it is just like wild fucking story. All right. We got two evil broccoli headed. This is like the straight up evil. No question about it. Evil fucking torpy rat face.

Little white boys named Gavin and Tanner. 20 and 21. Think about these fucking idiots. So Gavin Weisenberg. Geiser. Younger than Geiser. Think about it. And then, but also just shows,

this is the, you know what? This is the undeserved confidence that men receive. Oh, especially from Texas. Oh, yes. Because Morgan never thought she could take over an entire island. No. You know? And that's where she's thinking small.

Because these guys, Gavin and fucking Tanner. Gavin Weisenberg and Tanner Thomas. These two fucking wastes of life. If your name's Tanner, your parents really fucked you over. They really do. And I know some bad tanners, too, and some fucking shitty times. I don't think I've ever known a good one. No, I actually, Tanner's a hard name.

Honestly, if you're a good Tanner. Please write in. Sidesource L-P-O-T-L at g-Mail.com, and I want proof you're a good Tanner. Yeah, explain yourself because I don't believe you. All right, so these guys were indicted in a grand jury in Texas Eastern District for a horrific idea. So they wanted to do. Thought crimes. Well, they would more than think.

Well, yeah, oh, yes. They started to, they started amassing stuff. Very much so. They're going to probably face life in. They wanted to create an army of homeless men from Washington, D.C., that they were going to float over to an island next to Haiti. Yes, right, which I believe was called, like, Cavalais. It's part of Haiti. Yes.

It is officially part of Haiti. They thought that they were- Which is a goddamn disaster right now. I know. It's one of the worst run places, I mean, it's not run by anybody. It is a complete utter disaster If you were going to pull something like this off Haiti would be the place to do it Thanks Eddie

No thank God So these guys they really thought that they were going to pick So it was Gunave Island Right yeah So DC area they went to go work in the DC area Because they thought that they would They would build up a bunch of mercenaries They would turn homeless people into mercenaries

They would then sail them across the water To attack this island They then would kill every man on the island and then capture every woman and child to become their sex slaves. Correct. That is the plan. 26,000 people. Like that.

Yeah. Right? Easy. So these guys were like, oh, fuck yeah. Of course we're going to do this. We're going to buy a sailboat. We're going to get guns. We're going to get the homeless guys together.

By the way, your number's way off. 85 to 100,000. Easy. Easy then. Estimated residents. Because you know how easy it is to train. and organize the homeless, right? You're going to get them all together.

They love listening. That's why they're in that situation. First of all, I mean, they did their homework. They literally, sort of. They learned Haitian Creole. Okay. So first of all, they said, they say they learned Haitian Creole. I'd love to test them.

Right? So one of them enlisted in the Air Force and told them that, hey, listen, the reason I'm getting in the Air Force, Tanner did. He enlisted in the Air Force or he can go on. So he said, like, listen, it's going to help me get on the inside of I'm going to get training, right? Wisenberg, the other fucking idiot, he was up to the, well, Tanner, he was assigned to Ramstein, Air Base in Germany.

You've been there, right? Yes, I have been there. It's got a Taco Bell and a Kmart. Incredible. And then he got himself reassigned to Joint Base Andrews so that he could be nearer to D.C. So he said, quote, he could continue their project while he was in training. Like this idea that he'd go out and Jislay and Maxwell, a bunch of homeless people to become mercenaries while he's training

in the Air Force, which I've joined the Air Force to commit this crazy crime. But I've also heard that training, when you're in the Army or the Armed Forces, maybe I'm wrong, seems to take up the majority of your time. Yes. I don't think you're going to have... You're a little busy. I don't think you're going to have a heck of a lot of

time to groom the homeless people, especially with how much lice is on them. All right? So it's very, very hard. The other fucking piece of shit, he went and he, this was Gavin, Ugh. I even hate saying their names. Yeah.

It just sound like fucking shitty toe-headed children, like just in, they're going, my mother, mother, wow, our mother, I want cocker in milk, I want cocker in milk. You know, like that style of, like, these fucking shitty little algae-filled kids in every Montessori school, these kids got green skin, they're all dying, right? So Gavin, he goes, he gets enrolled in the North Texas Fire Academy to train and command and control protocols. He said skills he would need, of course, because he has to train in order to lead this armed coup of an island, right? Yes. Failed out of the school.

Immediately, six months later, two weeks after being dismissed from the school, he then goes to Thailand, which is where every low-rent white boy goes to in order to buy sex, right? Yes. So he goes there because he won't. I want to go there for the weed. I want to go there for the food. And the fights. With your wife? No.

No. They have the little fights. There's a fight. There's a lot of boxing. Oh, yeah, sure, sure, sure. That's where my friend Sonia went. She went to go train. Fighting?

Moitai. Oh, there you go. It was awesome. I told you. But so he was going to go, and so then they flew to Thailand. Our friend, Sonia. Please. I think Sonia considers me a friend at this point.

I agree. Yes. It's been years. Continue. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And so this guy was like, they wanted to go then train in a time. God, they look evil.

Oh, yeah, they're such fucking... The one on the left, especially. Is that, do we know if that's Tanner? Who gives a fuck? I believe, yeah, that's Tanner on the left. Yeah, wow. They both need a... He looks like Miles Teller if he got beat to death.

He needs a hammer in the center of his forehead, right? So they go, they went, they got... They went to go get Thai sailing school, right? They want to learn in Thailand, and they went to sailing school, and guess what they found out? I guess they didn't research it because they're fucking morons. They're bad at sailing? It was... It was too...

for them to join. In Thailand? Yep. Well, they think they're gonna get money here for them. They're 20. Okay?

They're morons. They're morons and they're rapists. Right? So that's the problem. So they go on. They're future rapists, right? Well, yes.

So it turns out during this whole time period, while they were trying to figure out how to put all of this together, they couldn't figure out how to recruit homeless men, they couldn't figure out how to train the army.

They couldn't figure out how to sail. So they just said, fuck it. We're in Thailand. Let's make some child pornography, which is what they did. Oh, they Gary glittered it. Oh, yeah.

They decided to just kind of get that going. They said it to just drop some of that in there because they figured, they got some time. You know, Kanye's always working on beats? Then's the same thing where they just sat there. They figured we could do our job. We could do a job while we're doing our jobs, right? And so they are, so the two trial, they're two now, obviously,

they're going to be going to jail. And they're going to be probably murdered in there. Now, they are convicted. They got two charges. It was for conspiracy to murder. or kidnap in a foreign country and production of child pornography. It's the child sexual exploitation material.

So they're going to go to jail. And then when they go in jail, the first charge gives them life in prison. Oh, yeah. Which is crazy. I mean, just like thinking of going to another country to murm and rape gives you life in prison. Well, just for like thinking and planning it.

I think it's cause of the written amount of... This shows how dumb they are. Yeah. is that it must be the amount of written evidence, like hard evidence that shows how much they planned it. You gotta use a chalkboard for these things. Yes. Yes.

You might want to do this with a whisper campaign. You know, I think it's a lot of that. It's the, it's him changing bases. It's him going to trying to sign up for the sailing school. Like, that's how they put all of that together. My God, these fucking idiots. Evil little idiots. And that's the problem, too, is that it's not even, like, think, think the fucking universe that they are extremely bad.

I mean, obviously it was already an unrealistic idea. Yeah. Just the idea was flawed itself. But also, so was America. You know, it was a little thought in somebody's head. It was a little thought, and then it just happened. So who knows? Yeah.

Dude, also, on a side note, fucking central Haiti right now is. under total gang attack. Downtown Haiti's not going well? Well, downtown Haiti Port-au-Prince, if you want to Port-au-Prince is like they're fighting back a little bit. The Kenyan army Kenya sent a bunch of troops to Haiti to help

clean up Haiti. And so, and like they're like fighting the gangs in Port-au-Prince right now. And so Port-au-Prince is like getting under control a little bit. Not really, but it's still mostly run by the gangs. But central Haiti the Kenyans haven't gotten out there yet

and the government out there and so last week they killed dozens of people last week and the gangs in the middle of Haiti killing a lot of women, a lot of children and they've completely taken over central Haiti now. Well, those two twin-year-old white boys

are going to really crush it over there. Oh my God. They would probably just get immediately murdered. Yeah. You think that when they're coming over, when they have the bad news bears of mercenaries all on their stinky tugboat coming on and they're all going, all these like men are just like they're probably going like water it's a beach you know

like they're the real punishment would have been like you know what go for it yeah let haiti deal with them nothing would have just eliminated them immediately the u.s. government yeah just being like yeah sure here here's a tugboat yeah go try yeah yeah go oh definitely go go ask go ask for barbecue. Yeah, go there. Go try to take their women and children. Yeah. Definitely. Go. Of course. Your untrained homeless people are going to do

fantastic against them. Oh, my God. This is fucking terrifying. Oh, yeah. It's very terrifying, man. But also, great story. It is a great story. It is a great. Unfortunately, it's a phenomenal story. But only the reason why it's truly good is because they didn't make it.

Yeah. You know, if they were going to do this, they should have taken a page out of our friend over here, Ryan Wedding. Oh, yes. He kind of accomplished this in a weird way. Wow, that's so funny. I didn't even think about it like that. Yeah, this guy, he's making the white boy turn different dream real.

It is weird how these two stories are kind of similar. But this is a guy who knows what he's doing. Yeah, he's not going to just murder and rape. He's just selling drugs. Well, because that's the thing. You notice. It's kind of the difference between the Nazis. in the mafia. Oh, interesting. You're just there to murder and rape. A lot of people

are not going to be super into it. Because a lot of times people are like, I'd not have to be, you know, like, because I know a lot of people, I'm not to yuck anybody's yumb. Some people are yeah, yeah. Obviously Tanner's very into. Super into it. But the idea is that like, you know, Nazis kind of thought that all the murder and the rape and all the torture would like catch on and ever be like, wow, yeah, this is awesome. You know, why they just do this. Yeah, oh, cool. And I think they didn't really register that most people don't like it. And it bumps people out. And the drug dealers, on the other hand,

if you can make money and you can help, I can help you make money and we all just make money. Yes. Seems like people like it. Yep. So Ryan Wedding, former Canadian Olympic snowboard. I love this.

He is not meddled or anything. He is now one of the heads, maybe, of the Sinaloa cartel in Mexico. What was that white rap group in Canada? Is it Snow? The Informer?

Yeah, is it Informer? I think it's just one guy. I think Snow is one man. Dude, talk about, can we have the no-informer version of this? That's what this is, man. This man kills the informer, dude. He is white as fuck. He went, he was, again, Canadian-

This is L. Chapo's cartel. Yes, Canadian snowboarder. He goes, I guess he's first arrested for, like, so I get, he does, I think was it 2002 Olympics? Yeah. And he didn't medal. He kind of gave it up, I guess. Well, you have to.

And you're at age. But I feel like a lot of people, you know, just certain things you can do. I don't know. I don't know if you've got to give it up. But then he gave it up for something way more lucrative, drug trafficking. And he got arrested in L.A. Yes.

Yeah, he did. But now he's down. They're looking for him. He is on the FBI's most wanted list as one of the heads of the Cinaloa cartel. Dude, it is, that's not like your local mom and pop cartel either. You know what I mean? This isn't the low level cartel. They're one of the most successful.

I guess that's a weird way to put it. No, it's not. The most successful cartels in history, historic cartel. Yeah, and he also is one of those guys where they keep raising the amount of money. Like the reward is something between like $10 or $15 million now. They keep raising it. And they're like, that's how you know how well connected. he is, it's 15 million, because

the fact that no one's like just getting that money. Yeah, no one's turning them in. For just a white guy in Mexico? No, he's running some shit. He's running some. He's really doing a good. They have no idea where he is either. They have like a picture of him at a coffee shop,

but they're like, he may be in the U.S., Canada, Colombia, Honduras, Guatemala, Costa Rica, or elsewhere. Dude, he's like, that's like half of the fucking continent. That's all continent. Man, and no fucking... Like, oh, he's in North America. No, but Columbia is in South America. Dude, and his nickname is El Hefe.

The Grande. They call him the Grande, and then, oh, yeah, one's bad. They call him Buddy. Oh, well, yeah. You know, that's not a nickname. Yeah, that's probably what he calls everybody. Including giant and public enemy are also his names. Giant.

Giant. To just be known as giant. Yeah, well, this guy, he is... Pam Bondi's looking for his. ass. Well, that means he'll be fine. Well, that means he's lucky. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He'll get away. But yeah, the fact that he's running this is insane to me. Because also El Chapo's son just like rolled over on everyone. He didn't roll over on him. Nope. This was yesterday, I believe. Yep. And then so no one knows exactly where this guy is.

Also, another Sonola cartel leader was just killed yesterday. El Pynchon. Well, that was like one of those because now we're just in a semi hot war, right? With Mexico, essentially, right now? Yeah, yeah, but I guess so. We're always are, I guess.

But I thought that we didn't do that for a long time and now it's like, because it's our administration's particular obsession, I believe that we are, we've really ramped it up. Yeah, we've ramped it up, and we've also ramped it up against Venezuela, but that's a whole other story. It's a whole other thing. But yeah, so this guy, he's out there.

They're looking for him, but it seems like he's just successful. Yeah. You know, and that is a sign of success, I think. Yeah. You know, because, like, you know, I worked with, I'll always remember, I worked with John Hawks on the Amy Schumer show. John Hawks, he played Saul. I love John Hawks.

One of my favorite actors in the world. And Deadwood. And he also played the guy who gets jerked off a bunch by Helen Hunt. Yeah, he's great at getting jerked off in that movie. Yeah, yeah. And he said that, I always remember because he's like, he didn't have a cell phone. He doesn't have a computer.

If they need to go get him, they go out to his. ranch. They literally, like, fax him at his ranch. They email him scripts to his little ranch. That's the only way that you can find him. That's the L. He's the L. Hefei, man. Yeah. That's the L. He lets things come to him. You know, Carrot Top doesn't have a computer. Or a phone. I think it's because he keeps smashing it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just it's a banana. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So they believe, the FBI believes wedding has ordered dozens of murders across the globe, including the United States, Canada, and Latin America. They say he's orchestrated the murder of U.S. federal witnesses to testify against him and it's gunned down in a restaurant in Medi and Columbia

early this year. Dude, this guy is legit. He must have been quite the competitor. But he didn't meddle. No, he didn't meddle. It was not a great snow. I mean, he was a great snowboarder if he became an Olympian. But how sad is that with that kind of stuff? You think about how like you train your whole life for the stupid

Olympics. It's the only thing you do. It's the thing you, that man's been snowboarding since he was a fucking child. Yeah. Right? And then you get the one time. You make it all the way. You beat every other snowboarder in Canada in order to get on the snowboarding fucking Canada Olympic team and then you don't meddle and it's like you did nothing. I mean, this guy's dad has to be proud of him. Well, yeah, the dad is, but nobody else is. That's got to be the most brutal feeling in the world. When you have done nothing,

you've done nothing but when you've won your way across the country. country and then you get to the last place where you got to win and then you fuck it up god i mean now he's one he's in the last place where he has to win this seems like he's won my motherfuckers living the life whatever's going on yeah he's a murderer and god knows every other thing he's done but honestly this is the best sports career i've seen since oj yeah like that's an incredible post sports career yeah so if you have any um who wasn't even better who isn't even better post-sports career than this. Than this?

Bill Belichick's dating a 24-year-old. I mean, that's horrible. He's doing, dude, his life looks so miserable. To be honestly. He's just, I can't even win college football right now. No, he's just, he's very distracted. Yeah. But if anyone has information on Ryan Wedding, uh, keep it to yourself.

Keep it to yourself. I don't fucking shoot you in the head. Yeah. I'm going to go, I'm going to go out here to an extra say. I have no idea where he is. Yeah, I have no idea. And if I did, his year, his year continued success. Yeah, we honestly, here's your continued success.

And honestly, in July here, otherwise, congratulations. El Jaffe. We'll be your podcast. Honestly, we'll be your Sean Penn. I will be, honestly, come here, we can talk about this. I can get you access to amazing people, David Desmountain. Yes. I can get you access to.

Who else can I get access to? I can get them access to all sorts of people. I can get them access to a lot of stuff. There's a lot of people looking for... I can't even say it. I know Bob Sackett's widow. Wow. Holy shit.

Stop bragging. Oh, man. Yeah, Ryan. Best luck to you, buddy. And we mean you, we're just... Neutral. We're not trying to get you caught. We're just talking about your story.

We're just literally, we're deeply impressed. Right? But I'm certain he's a murderer. We know he's bad. All right, before you guys all fucking terrorists or shreds, we know he's a bad guy. We know he's bad. We're just actually scared of him. We are genuinely frightened and sort of proud.

Just in a little bit. Oh, man. Live from your grave. You see, this is another really crazy slash sad story, but it's right up our alley. So I feel like we got to talk about it, the one out of Ocala. Is it an Ocala, Florida story. This story's fucked up. from the UK, traveled

to the United States to have a man from Ocala. Horrible place. Don't. If you're going to be tortured and murdered anywhere, voluntarily. Yeah, no, do it. No, it's really bad. Miami. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At least see something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just not even, there's nothing worth it.

Although they are building Akala up. It is, it is better than it used to be. Are you being paid by Ocala to say that? No, I just know that it is technically better. They're trying to port St. Lucie it and make it respectable place. Sure.

But this guy lived there. This guy's one of these. He's got a real long chin beard. That was the last picture. The old picture of him, they had, he's a real long, like, goatee. Guys who grow the goatee real long is a pretty interesting look. So Sonia Excelby, she was 32. She was from Portsmouth, England.

She flew into Gainesville Airport on October 10th. And then found this man, Dwayne Hall, 53 years old. She contacted him online and talked to him about murdering her. She was suicidal. And she was like, I want to, I guess she realized she couldn't do it herself. So she thought this guy would, she fetishized getting murdered. Yes. And she made him on a fetish website.

This is very, obviously, when we covered the Arvin Mivas, we covered the Arvin Mivis case. This is kind of a similar mechanism where she said, like, not only do I want to be murdered, I want it to be horrific, I want to be tortured, I want it to be a whole process. They spent a long time communicating with each other, kind of setting up the parameters for it. Yeah. And then she flew over here, met with him. He started to kill her. Started to do what he, they sort of had agreed to do. Seems like they had sex a couple times as well.

Well, or they, or it seems, who depends on... He filmed it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He filmed it and then deleted it, and then they were able to recover the video. Yes, so nothing's ever deleted, by the way. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, yeah. Yeah, and so they deleted it, and then he ended up killing her.

And then he stabbed her a bunch, and then he mailed the knife to his friend, and he got caught with all of it. Now, didn't she, we now know that there were some communications during the time that she was trying to maybe tell somebody I've changed my mind. Yeah, it seemed like she, like, but it was already too long. Oh, yes. It was already too far gone. She was already in there.

Yeah, she was already in there. This guy's a murderer because he's just looking for people to murder on the internet. But also the guy, technically, it's that fucked up thing that we covered with that case where they, like, at what point when you set up, like, obviously, side stories, L-P-O-T-L-G-Mail.com, we have so many people in the King community, and we know that there's so many rules. and like obviously in this the murder is a psychopath but you're in a scenario where you've been talking about it for weeks

and you're telling somebody word for word whatever I say you keep doing it yeah whatever I say you keep doing it and then you're now in the middle of it and you're saying I don't want to do it anymore to me I would be like if I was a guy looking to voluntarily kill somebody

I would really want to make sure that that was really really a certain decision. And I would be checking in all the time. And I would be giving them ample room to leave the situation. Because I, you know, again, I'm new. Yeah, you knew at this. But Excelby messaged her friend on Discord on October 11th.

She said, he made it clear that there's no way out unless I shoot him. I was questioning it last night. I thought he'd do it quick and not give my mind time to stew. so there was she was stuck for a while but her body was found in a shallow grave a week later and then I mean he's then sent the reason they knew that he did it because they found he bought a brand new shovel to dig the grave I mean you got to yeah and then they found a special day they found the sticker from the new shovel in the ground next to her in her in the in the grave and then they knew he bought then they found the shovel at his house with her DNA

on it. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he was just fucked at that point. But as he should be. As he should be. Yes, of course. Yeah, he's arrested of charge of first degree murder kidnapping credit card fraud because he took her credit cards, bought a bunch of shit, as you do. And he's done. He's done. It is, it's just a bunch of evidence to get him. Oh, yeah, he's done. He's definitely, he's a murder. Yeah. And she was, she wanted to take it back and he went through with it anyway and did it. Yeah, this is fucking horrifying weird case. I'm sure a lot more stuff's going to come out about this. Absolutely. It's just, I can't believe in this year of 2025 that this is still happening.

Actually, I was just reading about some old fuck that went and got, he was a part of a European suicide service and he went and he used it himself. It was like 92. It was like a doctor and they do it with like a medical facility and they put a hot shot in you and they do all this stuff. It's not the

the weird thing that just slowly stops giving you oxygen, like the tube suicide pod, though, is actually really, apparently really nice. Yeah, because it's nitrous. You don't choke to death. Yeah, you just click the button and you go to sleep. But yeah, because they put, uh, I forget what it is

the gas. It's like another type of gas where it's like it's, it's something that they oh yeah, oh, he's immediately as Robb is Google like this. Suicide pod. Help is available. Yeah. Help is available. Yeah. No, no, no, no. We're doing this entertainment. 988. Suicide

outline, of course. Always called to check in. Make sure they're okay. Well, there was three people living their best life in the Florida Keys this week. Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah. When you go ahead and you put the dick down in a wind, Dixie. This came in really hot off the pipe right before we got recording here, Florida Trio. Yes, Marathon Florida. Three people were arrested

after authorities in the Florida Keys say they were found having sex while heavily intoxicated in a Winn-Dixie parking lot in the middle of the day. You know, people say life ends at 40, but not accordingly of these guys. If you look at them, Sharon, Helen, I'm going to say her name is Sublinski, 45 Marathon, Sublinski, Marshall, Adam Lowry,

43 of Key Largo. Oh, what a sexy town. Michael McDonald-Howard, 59 of Marathon. They were all cornhole on each other inside of a car, Inside of a barking lot of a Windexie, and if you see the three of them, you know why, because the sexual energy is off the charge. Yes, the South did rise again. Oh, man, oh man. Now, my question is, were the boys kissing?

Most likely. I mean, it seems like it was- Actually, you know what? I'm looking at these guys. No. No. I don't think they were. You don't think the boys didn't start off the kicking of the night.

You know, honestly, these three, they all look like criminals, not to be a bad guy, a judgmental person, they all look like criminals, let them do it. You know, like, it's the middle of the day, buddy. It is the middle of the day. It's a middle of the day, and it's a private business parking lot. You know what I mean? In your, if they were in the driveway of their home. You're right, take it to a remotta.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't you want air, don't you want, don't you want walls? It just helps, you know, because it sounds like I'm going to. guess what they were doing. My guess her tits were out and she was jerking them off. And while sitting on another man, I'm guessing.

Or all three of them are in trouble. She's just doing this. She's got to do another side? If you're just sitting in the front seat watching, do you get in trouble? Side stories, L-P-O-T-L-G-Mell.com. I actually don't know. Yeah. And also, I will say they're lucky they did this set of Win Dixie and not a Publix because they would have thrown the fucking book at them if they did this set of Publix. To be honest, when Dixie, they told them to come back. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They were like, yeah, honestly, we have a sale. Yeah, check cola is really cheap today. Yeah, if you really want to, honestly, we've got turkey breasts. Come get some of our hologram ham. Yeah, it would be great. When you guys come, come on inside, we actually just made some holla. Because it's almost Hanukkah. And you guys must be celebrating soon.

Oh, man. They look Jewish? No, these people are not Jewish. Oh, wow, no. Yeah, no, not quite waspy names. There is nothing Jewish about these people. Let's check him. Yeah, no.

Oh, here we go. All right. Except from some letters, I think. I think we did this in the mail. I think we didn't know. I think we didn't know. Fuck yeah. Who did that one?

That one is from Peyton Prater. Thank you, Peyton. Thank you, Peyton. Very nice. That's fucking sweet. For those of you that sent in sad widower stories, we'll get to them, we promise. We're going to be reading them or we're going to go through them. I'm going to go through them and I'm going to make them bearable.

But last stream on the left, we will announce a winner of the foot dildo. It's right there behind you. We will choose the saddest widower story. Behind the sign if you can get it. Oh, okay. I see. Oh, you put it back in the packaging. Yeah.

We're going to talk about it. They're going to get that foot dildo. Well, then we have the other ones, the actual vaginas. Yes, and we did say... I think those are usable. The foot one, we already touched it a bunch. And so it's not like... We didn't fuck it.

If you're a widower, do not fuck any of these fake pussies. Why not? I guess it's probably best. Yeah. Let them fuck the fake pussy, man. You know what? All right. Yeah.

Oh, you win. Yeah, let them... What are you talking about? You win. They made them. We didn't... They're still packaged. I want them to.

I want them to. Yeah. Just make sure you follow the cleaning instructions. Yeah. Get a hose. Yeah. So here we go. I love this.

My father was extorted. Uh-oh. As I hearing about your extortion segment on side stories today, I figured I'd write about my dad. Ten years ago, I woke up for work and there was a Facebook message from who I thought was my dad. He and I were always a bit estranged. So I find a kind of odd that he didn't have messaged me at all, let alone 3 a.m. I figured he was just drunk messaging me randomly or worst-case scenario, something had happened to a family member. Little did I know it could be worse than that.

The message request was a video, and as I'm on the toilet, pushing out my morning poop, I hit play. All I could really see was a silhouette of a man in the distance in a room that appeared to be illuminated by a television screen. I figured it was supposed to be a funny video, he shared, but the figure started walking closer. I soon realized that that figure was clearly masturbating. I'm thinking to myself, why is this motherfucker sending me a video of some asshole jerking off? And then it hit me. It was my father. absolutely going to town on his penis

looking into a webcam. Apparently, he got some sort of message from a person or a pre-recorded video of a woman touching herself and inviting him to join her. My father, being my father, naturally obliged. After some time, according to him, the messages started saying

that he was caught on camera and if you don't send X amount of money to yada yada, they were going to share this video to everyone on his friends list. Little did the scammers know. My dad gave absolutely zero fuck about anything and said go ahead motherfucker I don't give a fuck that's what I said yep it certainly wasn't the worst shit I'd heard for my dad but I absolutely wasn't expecting to get

a video of the man beating on his dick that created me while I was taking the shit later when I asked him what the hell was that all about he explained it to me he couldn't stop laughing you have to be in my fucked up family to find the humor my sister and a few cousins also got the video oh no we still joke about it to this day. I guess they had cloned his account to make me think it was him sending it. We lost pops in August to asshole cancer that spread throughout his

body, which was fitting because he was an asshole, but he was a funny one. That was, that made me fucking laugh. That made me fucking laugh. Oh my God, how much he didn't care and how much the family

didn't care. I feel bad they had to see it. But still, like just, I just a little bit of bounce right off of them. I like that the guy taking it. If someone sent me a video of someone jerking off, I would immediately shut it off. But he's taking his shit and he's like, what is you doing? What is this? What's going on? What are they doing? Who's that? Oh, is that my dad? Oh, yeah, I'd be screaming.

I'd be screaming. I would have a seizure if I saw my father masturbated. But you know, you also, he wasn't a beloved father. No, I think that actually kind of weirdly helps. Makes it easier. Yes. Oddly enough. If it was like a good father, he probably would have paid the money. Yeah, you might have. Who knows? All right, here we go. Here's another one.

My grandmother has been hit with the scams hard in the past. Oh, another? Uh-oh. She sent computers to Africa because Mark Zuckerberg asked her to. She sent tens of thousands of dollars to these scammers. One saying that because she wouldn't give him money, he had to commit himself and now they won't let him out unless she sends money, which she did because she felt bad.

Anyway, when we finally figured out what she was doing, we put an end to it. She started getting messages saying that they had new. photos of my grandfather with other women and that they would release them to the public and humiliate her. My grandfather, whom is the biggest perverted old dog you could ever imagine. Oh, so she believed it. Yep.

Told my grandmother to ask the people to send them to him and he was excited about showing the public about how much action he was still getting. You see, that's fun. Again, dementia can be really, really fun. But

it could also be harrowing. We don't know. No. No. No, absolutely not. No. Oh my God. No, no, no. It was just the lady had already become a very fertile ground for scammers. So more people can. You got to be careful. Scammers put them in prison forever. I mean, I hate scammers more than anybody. There was a, I was just following a case last night. It was on 48 hours about a dentist that got, essentially got a, his assistant addicted to drugs. And then she started getting in a relationship with him. and then you would manipulate her by giving her drugs

and doing all this kind of stuff and there was something to that where at that very end they were going to go through the sentence and they couldn't really figure all what the crime was a lot of times it was kind of trying to figure out like okay if you go if she voluntarily taking the drugs

if you got to find this kind of evidence and it turns out he got this sort of type of murder plea which is he it's called depraved heart murder Where because of his actions as both a doctor and as a person, it's like some, it's not, it's like a, it's like a, it's a version of second degree murder. It's like this should be illegal, but we have to do something. We have to figure out how to do this.

And so he got like fucking book thrown at him 40 years. Like the minimum is supposed to be like 20, 25. That's how much they gave guys. But they gave 40 because he was a doctor. Because it said the same thing. You should, we have to make an example of you. Yeah, you should know better. Yeah, as a doctor.

These scammers are fucking crazy. I get texts all the time from scammers, and they've really, like, I hate how they, like, straight up prey on loneliness. Like, it's just always like, oh, how you been? Let's get sushi tomorrow and stuff like that. Those are the texts I've been getting. Oh, yeah. And it's just like, they're very interesting. They're all like, you go into Deirdre's tonight?

Yeah. It's really crazy. Just start sending pictures of your fucking balls, man. Oh, well, then I'm going to start getting the other one. Hey, but then, hey, cool. You know what? I just need to need to have, like, a crazy dick pick ready of someone else. yeah yeah I need so

you know you need what Robert Irwin Robert Irwin the chef the celebrity chef I showed you the penis before I thought you meant it I thought you meant the crocodile guy's kid I'm never talking to him because that's the same name of the guy who just won Dancing with the Stars oh yeah crocodile hunter's son oh never him no I don't even know he existed I'm talking about Robert

Irwin the fucking I'm talking about the chef with a huge fucking hog this is who everybody thinks you're talking about no not him that's a boy it's his child he's got a little penis God knows how little his penis is There's a little child I wouldn't talk about him I'm talking about Robert Irvin the man

You know what you need to have What? You gotta have What's his name's penis On your phone You gotta have fucking Lenny Kravitz Letty Kravitz's penis I'll keep that on my phone The wife wouldn't mind that

Well then honestly they don't let her see it Yeah Keep for yourself I bet Letty Klaritz's penis is beautiful It is Have you ever seen this picture? I don't want to see these actual penis It's right here

What are you talking? It popped out on stage. Oh, it popped out on stage? Yeah, it was on stage. Oh, man. Yeah, this is innocent. Hell, yeah, man. That shit fucking flew away.

Honestly, it popped out like a salamander's tongue. It just zips out. He looks like a giant evil butterfly. I love many crap. We all we do. And the ladies do as well because he's got a big old cranking hall. And it just zap right out. Yeah, even the blur is big.

Yeah, it wasn't, yeah. It wasn't going this way, huh? Yeah. Oh, I actually do think it is. I do think it is. You just, you know, you got to... You really got to wear more relaxed pants. Oh.

All right, go check us... Live every day, knowing for a fact, you can survive if you're in a roll of Thanksgiving. And you can laugh about it later on with your family knowing about how it was a lot to deal with emotionally. But you could also love the fact that it's probably ever going to happen again. Yeah. And that it's at that you can have beautiful,

cherished times with the family and still then celebrate Thanksgiving later on. Yeah, this is your last Thanksgiving funeral. I'm calling it. Yeah, I think that it's a hard day. It's a hard day already. Because guess what? Food gets cold. Food definitely gets cold. It's not, yeah, no, we're already busy on Thanksgiving. Super busy. Sorry to put it all together. It's hard to throw an event of that, of that nature. Yeah, it's the only funeral on Thanksgiving should be for the turkey. Yeah. And then I said, that's a fun one because we all eat it.

Yeah. We're going to be in Vegas on Sunday. May I. Come and hang out with Henry and I at Wise Guys Town Center this Sunday, December 7th at 6.30 p.m. It's going to be a lot of fun. We're having a blast. I got some stuff I'm going to give away because we've been doing the reverse Q&A's at the end of the show. Yes.

And we gave away some stuff this past one. We gave away a bunch of Dan Marino cards that Henry and I signed. But I got some stuff to give away at this next show. I'm very excited. So come on out. We're going to have a blast. It's going to be a great time. sold out too. No, yeah.

It's getting close. They're doing good. It's just, honestly, it's just out by where the people live. Yes. So if you're a people of Vegas? I want Vegas locals. I want the, I want people of Vegas to come on. Tourists are welcome, but I want the locals. Yes. I want you guys there. I want to

know you. We go to Vegas enough where you should be friends. George Knapp, get your ass out there. I want to see you at our show. Also, I got some stand-up shows coming up. January 4th at Oxnard Levity Live. That's a Sunday. It's going to be a hard one to get people out to So please come enjoy us

I mean it's going to be a lot of fun I got Holden McNeely and Jake Young doing a set Julia Johns and Carolina Hidalgo It's going to be a lot of fun That'll be a lot of fun And then on February 18th They're going to meet the punchline In San Francisco with Grant Gordon

Come check it out It's going to be a blast I love you guys And that's it That is it That's all we got baby So you're going to check it out Go check out all our fucking horseshit

Because the last podcast It left goes smack and Christmas is right around the corner, isn't it? You can really feel the pressure. We have to do some extra work. Get ahead for Christmas, so we take some time off. I'm going to blow my brains.

You love it. I do. I got more work for you to do. Yay. Bye. Hey, everyone. Yeah. Hail Akron.

Yeah. Oddly enough. Ha!