Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: The Too Tall Bandit

Episode Date: December 10, 2020

Ben 'n' Henry break down this week's true crime news: Paul Hellyer & disclosure, The Owl's Night Begins, the Too Tall Bandit, the Volga Maniac, and MUCH MORE.Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0

There's no place to escape to. This is the last stop. On the left. Side stories! That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories, yes. Okay, Kissel, before we begin today's episode, what I'm going to need you to do is, number one, I'm going to need you to acknowledge your place in allowing HUD to be the slush fund for the secret space program. Well, you know, it's not... Acknowledge? HUD, okay. How is it in urban development?

I want you to acknowledge, number one, your knowledge, what you know, what you have known about the fact that there are several large slush funds inside of HUD that allow us to fund a secret space program. Well, it's not that secret. You just write about it on the Internet. It's secret to some! But you know what's very interesting? You think HUD is the biggest program when it comes to space programs, when it comes to nukes and nuclear energy? Nuclear?

Nuclear? It is the Department of Energy. That is the most powerful department in the United States government. Yeah, they invented the light bulb. Isn't that interesting? I'm saying that there is a slush problem, and I'm going to keep saying slush. I know, because you're hungry, and now I just want a 7-Eleven slush. Money is sliding out of our creases. Like, let's say I went to sleep with a bunch of Werther's originals kind of jammed in all my different fucking cracks.

I know that. The thing is, when you're fat and you lose a bunch of weight, you don't know... You become filled with cracks. Your whole body just becomes a series of ass cracks. Absolutely. You know where there's in there? And yeah, maybe each one's melting and turning into a slush of butterscotch. But that's slush of butterscotch.

You know what that's going on to do? It is secretly funding the secret mouse program, or the mice around me just licking up the extra Werther's juice coming out of my crumb. So we have to start this show, but in this analogy... No, I will not start the show. In this analogy, you're HUD. Wow. All right, everyone.

Welcome to Side Stories. I am Ben, hanging out. Follow the money. Follow the money hanging out with Henry HUD Zabrowski. It's not just the HUD. It's also the mortgage and loan system. If you look at the FHA, follow the money. I watched a whole lot of shit this morning about the secret space program.

I'm actually very happy that you did, because I'm extremely excited to talk about this. The Chinese, they just put their flag on the moon. No! Whoa! What's next? The thing about it, when the Chinese put a flag on the moon is the one thing is that they get to flag Henry later on, then they've got to go put another one up there. You are absolutely ridiculous today.

So space, now that we are settling things down here on earth. You know, having to get settled down. We're finally really just wrapping stuff up in a bow. We've got so much shit figured out here in America that it's finally time to start tackling the problems in space that we have to do, health care on the moon. We did so good here on earth. We protected the environment. Everyone is fine.

Nothing but net. Nothing but net, it's time for us to go explore the outer realm. So let's talk about some of the extraterrestrials, and apparently Henry, you were telling me, we've got some two very high level, we know about the Canadian dude, Helier, I believe. What was his name? We're going to talk about this, Paul Helier. Yeah. This is in the world of boggling news.

This is one of those stories because obviously we've been talking about. Oh man, I just today I was waking up and I was like, I could go for some boggling news. You've got a pile of it. I could really. A pile of buckets of it. Yeah. But we've been unleashing our soft disclosure, right over the last year or so. We've been talking about how UFO news has been slowly but surely coming out in the open.

Somehow it feels like it's either a massive distraction attempt. Sure. Or think there's just no government anymore. So shit is just flying out of people's pockets. Well, that is interesting. Also, I do have to say this joke. I don't want to say it. It's just being, it's just driving up inside of me and it's going to come out of my throat

right about now. Soft disclosure. Yeah. Jeffrey Tubin. He had more of a hard disclosure, didn't he? And now we can continue on with the show. When does the Tubin discussion end? I wanted it to be done now, but then I brought it back up and I did this to us and I'm sorry.

I said pulling a Tubin on my regular day to day with no audience. It was just remember because the day before he was on TV and we're like, we got to listen to this guy. He's a smart guy. Even then the next day he was jerking off on a kid. He's a fucking filthy bus station pervert in a second. That's his whole year. But when it comes to the private and public sector of space, that's what's so interesting.

You got SpaceX and then we have, you know, like China, we have the US government. We have all of these different private and public sectors coming together. What's going on, Zabrowski? We truly have no fucking clue what's going on. This story took me straight. This reason why I started talking about the secret space programs because this story took me like one of those fun rabbit holes. All of a sudden I'm in front of Ben Carson and HUD asking where the ultra terrestrials

are. To be honest, if you're going to hide extraterrestrial truth behind one person's eyes, it's Ben Carson. This is what I'm saying. This is why I think it actually tracks. So this story came out yesterday. Finally a story that came out before we did the episode so we could talk about it. This comes from the NBC News.

This is one version of the story. Former Israeli space security chief says extra terrestrials exist and Trump knows about it. Okay. Now this, this comes from, I mean, I don't know how to, like, it's both like, I'm certain that the audience at home is like, oh, Henry's going to be so excited about this news. He's going to be fucking ripped up hard for it. No, because you can't win with your people, Henry. No.

This is why you phone knots. I don't know whatever you guys want to be called anymore. Disclosure, all it does is ruin people's lives because it's, it's your ruin in the mystery. You know what we're going to call you? Disclow horse. Disclow horse. Disclow horse. Disclow horse.

But you guys are so horny for it. And then whenever it happens, but then you guys all get mad and then you're like, well, it can't be real. It's like, I don't understand how to win with you people. I won't believe it because the government saying even though the government is the one that has the secrets in the first place and I'm trying to get the secrets from the government, but I don't believe the government. I'm going to blow my freaking butt off.

But yeah, this story, Soft Disclosure has been more like the story of like when you, when you get a girl home for the first time and, and you know, in high school or something. I don't know if there's a school phenomenon anymore. And then you're like, so excited to see the boobies. And then when you unleash the boobies, it's just tissues. But guess what? That's the seed from Animal House. You've already come.

Which is actually kind of a problematic scene. And then you can use the tissues to wipe up. So it's actually kind of a nice gift if you think about it. Wrap it up. And so my question here is though, but I'm going to get into the story. Can I just ask you though this, because this is the question on everybody's mind and I don't like to mention Donnie Trump, but do you think he could even keep the secret? Well, let's, let's unpack it.

Pack it, please. I guess it comes from the article. A quote unquote galactic federation has been waiting for humans to reach a stage where we will understand what space and spaceships are. This is according to Haim Ished. I don't believe it's spelled Haim like the girl band. I don't believe it's pronounced that. I believe it is pronounced another way, but I'm not sure.

He's an Israeli fellow, right? Yes. He's the former Israeli space security chief, which we know that he is. I have now researched enough to see that his name has come up. It has been spelled Kaim, C-H-A-I-M, and other, uh, reportings. New York Times has him in 2010 saying that he indeed was the space security chief. So no stolen valor here. He really is.

Okay. He is an elderly man. I believe he is 87 years young and he is writing a book that it will be coming out. I have no clue. It is available over in Israel. Okay. That is called The Universe Beyond the Horizon. Conversations with Professor Haim Ished, which is, I guess it is available in Europe.

So this is kind of a teaser for it. And according to Ished, he has met an entity from the other side, which does ring true with the story about a man named Paul Hellyer, who was the, he technically is a Canadian entrepreneur, politician, writer, and commentary. He was the, he's the longest serving current member of the Privy Council of Canada. And he was the transport minister and the senior minister and the cabinet minister of national defense. The minister of national defense.

Who also said he's met an alien. And of course the minister of national defense, you think, oh, it's Canada. That must be a joke. You have any idea how many people are going there and trying to steal their poutine? Do you have any clue? Non-stop. They're still bowing down to the queen. Sure.

But at the same time, Canadians, I don't mess with them. That's why I've said this. Again, we need a wall on the northern border. These fucking moose are not turning themselves into furniture. Absolutely not. And then you got to do it. But all right. So this story is, so this is, this is the words of Mr. Ished.

Okay. The unidentified flying objects have asked not to publish that they are here. Humanity is not ready yet, even though he just did. Yeah, he just published a book. Yeah, he just published a book. He says that they are seeking to understand the fabric of the universe, right? And that they have an underground base in the depths of Mars where there are American astronauts and alien representatives all working together.

Okay. Right? There is an agreement between the US government and the aliens. They sign a contract with us to do experiments here. Who? Probably President Eisenhower. Okay. If this story is true, right?

I thought it wasn't Truman's something to do with the bomb there and all of that. He didn't want to meet with the grays. They creeped him out. Okay. Ished added. This is the truth. Eisenhower looked more like a gray than Truman, so perhaps. That makes sense.

Eisenhower knew a deal when he had one. Eisenhower was a great president. Ished added that President Donald Trump was also aware of the extraterrestrial's existence and had been on the verge of revealing information but was asked not to in order to prevent mass hysteria, which you know he's great at. Yeah, I'm not sure if that's what he doesn't want to do. They have been waiting until today for humanity to develop and reach a stage where we will understand in general what space and spaceships are.

Okay, this is my question then, Henry. I know that we've gotten technology. We're doing pretty well with tech, right? I think so, anyway. No. But people, as a biological form, are using this tech, and I know TikTok quite well because of Travis Morningstar from Abling and Stop At. They're using it to show pictures of dead babies, perhaps.

Oh, kiss them and kiss them and act like they're alive. Yeah, they're using it to show just absolutely horrible footage of them singing songs so they have no right singing. It's a weird six-year-old woman with no teeth, she's showing her breasts and wiggling to some weird country song about how she'd rather die than give up her baby. Just fine, just totally fine. Yeah. So how far away are we?

I mean, what do the aliens want to see from us? We're six months out. We're six months out before the aliens are like, they've matured enough now where we can talk to them, unless these aliens are just as dumb as we are. I believe they're waiting for season three of Oroville. From Seth McFarlane, which as I said, it was a huge gift for them. They're so excited. They could finally be at a meal like, these aliens coming to take my fucking acting work.

He's very successful. He's incredibly successful. So, okay, let's talk about this story. This is now again. So this is the second time a former member of a very high, a highfalutin part of another country's government that has said not only the alien exists, but I've met one. I've had lunch with one. I'm dating one.

Like they're essentially just, they are saying that we have been in bed with aliens and have been working them for a long period of time. Ultra terrestrials. I don't want to offend anybody. But what it does is point towards every single cockamamie, piece of shit, alien literature. I have been forced to fold, not even forced. I've done it to myself. I've folded so many, so much content into my mind.

We actually asked you to stop many times, to stop reading about UFOs. It's derailed whole shows. It's ruined whole series. It can't derail this one because technically you've created the rail, which is this conversation. It's capitalism. That's what I've done. I've made my own pipe. This guy, it is weird to have these topics all kind of floating to the surface.

And this goes straight to the secret space program. It goes back to the same idea that there is a whole other system, that these people are all serving. Right. That is got aliens and humans talking cats. They've got the Jellicle division and they can't even, you don't even expect them to reach a deadline because they all keep committing suicide to go to fucking cat heaven. See, I like this.

You're not, see people talk about the globalist agenda. It's a catchphrase. It's been so politicized and watered down and God knows what it even means. It means Jewish people. You are taking this to the next level. You are saying it's an intergalactic agenda, which I think now there's something there that I might have to investigate. Straight up.

This is basically saying that there are space Jews and they're on our side. Well, thank God for that. Why is it? And I don't know. Maybe this is just me in the audience. You can think for yourself. I trust the Israeli man more than the Canadian. Just because I feel like Canadians are more fantastical in their thinking.

Yeah. They believe in gnomes. And there's the one time they tried to elect a unicorn and that was like a whole long story because they're like, it's just glued on. And another guy came in and I tell you what, if you really want to put a horn on a horse, I'll show you what you got to do easier in there. They'll just argue about what they needed to do and how they wish they weren't there, that they were in their cabin in the winter, you know.

Meanwhile, the Israelis are very serious. Very serious. And I don't think that they're not just, they're not making, they're not having fun like that. That's why let's start to impact this. Number one, is this a sigh up? Because as much as I want to say that this is real, I- It's NBC News, I mean- I won't let myself say it.

Well, he has said the words. I mean, Shed has said the words out loud. I'm not saying that it's necessarily real. But let's say that he has now said these words. Let's say if it's not totally real, there's one option. It's some kind of sigh up. What would be the outcome or what would be the end game of the sigh up then? Just to keep people confused?

Either keep people confused, position Israel on the quote unquote side of the agenda that would end up having all of the most crazy exotic weapons to ever exist. Man, I love rowing in this quicksand. This is very intense. But the idea is they have, we have connections to the aliens. And technical we have is one of the deepest pockets in R&D that can possibly exist. We are trying to figure out how these orbs work. We're trying to figure out how to move through matter.

We're trying to figure out how to project the mind into a physical space. Like literally make you think a thing and then make you appear where you're thinking. Where are you? Where are you right now? Horsey sauce. Oh, I miss Horsey sauce. Oh, yes. I'm at Arby's.

You went straight to fucking Arby's. Went straight to Arby's, my friend. I miss dining in restaurants. You can dine in at an Arby's. COVID's not there. Oh, it is. The beef doesn't kill it. Imagine if beef is what killed it.

I mean, I would be fine. And I would be fine. You're gonna throw beef at it. But so that's one, right? Or let's say. Okay, sigh ups. That's if it's all fake. Let's say it's real.

Okay, and because that's what my first reaction to was like, you know, Trump would never be able to keep his fucking mouth shut. That's what I was thinking. But Trump's also a pussy. Right. So in a way, if you really did show up, right, and all of the CIA guys, because this is also a part of the Psyop, right? Right.

What if the intelligence community openly talks about aliens and all of this shit? Like this is like a thing, but it's been such a long running fake bit to have control over stupid presidents. Right. Now it has become real. This has been going on since Bill Clinton was on the Tonight Show. He actually jokingly was like, I'm going to find out what happened. But then he was, uh, he, he cigar popped, uh, Monica Lewinsky.

It was not, he was too busy. I guess he was, it's not easy being president. He had to pull off some steam. I guess so. He could have been much nicer to her and we're team Monica Lewinsky and her purses are lovely. Got one for Jackie. One year. Good for her.

She was crucified by the media. But Bill Clinton is weirdly connected to all this because he actually exposed a thing called the one of the memos of understanding between the various branches of our intelligence community where they chose. They basically said, we can only pro we will prosecute, uh, people that sell drugs under the guise of the CIA. If we could say that they are official like agents of the CIA. So what they then did is that, oh, so what you do, you just outsource it and then you

get all of your contractors and whatever they're, they're, they're the people that they use. I am happy that all the contractors are aptly named like black water. You know, everything is so horrifying and scary. They are self aware and isn't that important. I just think that they, it's more that they, I think that they like to be scary. And of course, Donald Trump, he can keep a secret not to get too political here, but don't forget when Putin killed a couple of our guys over there in the Middle East, Trump

didn't say anything. Yeah. So he can keep secrets and you're right. Maybe he was just completely and utterly scared shitless. Let's say you're, you're fat boy, Trump, you're sitting in the fucking room. You are not good at this job. You're watching your Fox and Trace. You got your soda.

You're very, very scared. You're super, super concerned about getting reelected. You are, um, you're surrounded by the virus that you let rage throughout this whole country. You are germaphobe yourself. So you are in a prison of your own making. And so you're, you got this juicy intel to all those aliens, but then all of a sudden one walks in the room. Oh my goodness.

You can't even handle an Hispanic person, what is he going to do if someone walks in the room? It's like a full on reptilian. It's been like, what if I make all of your nightmares come real and then you can just show you, he can show you your inner hellscape and then you just have to deal with it. And I don't know if he show you your inner hellscape, but then your uncomfortable feelings fill him up with energy and power. And the more he makes you uncomfortable, the more, the stronger and stronger he is.

I learned a lot from watching this playdian girl on Instagram who's got a fucking wild only fans. I was looking at that shit. She can not only, she does light work, but she also fucking, there's not, she's got a lot of jobs going on. Well, you have to have a lot of jobs in this gig economy. And I just want to jump, I want to jump 50 years into the future right now for anyone listening in the year 2070.

I know a lot of times people can be time canceled where they said something maybe in 1981 that no longer holds true. Time canceled. I have decided that I'm going to stay this right now humans and aliens. They should be allowed to marry. They should be allowed to marry. They should marry. And they, we, you can have, you can have hybrid babies.

Have a hybrid baby. I'm that brave. Oh, I'm with you. I'm, I'm, I side you with, with the, with the, um, we call them Ella babies, the Ella babies. Ella babies. I want the Ella babies. I want them, I want you to, to multiply.

And I also think that we should have a playdian senator. You know what, Henry, just got just a round of applause, that was us slapping our tits together. All right. So good thing we got ourselves covered for 50 years down the road, but once you open up the creaky dungeon door to the story, you start to see that it, there, there are weird strings that attach this all the way down to this idea of a secret space program that is not just really about this, the secret space program that is being used to create

an entire separate civilization. So what if there is indeed a world where aliens are working with the US government and is really a government? That's why it's just us. I don't know why they think it's just us, but let's say that this is all real and you are somebody like a Jeff Bezos, that not only because this is shit that's too hot for the president to know. This is stuff that's outside of the president's purview, but let's say you are a person like

a Jeff Bezos that probably has multitude of serpentine connections deep within these pay to play guys. All of these are contractors. Like look at Harold Putoff, he started working for the Tom DeLong because he started fucking paying them. He paid all of these old school fucking intelligence, like shady ass motherfuckers who just work for you. So let's say he has all these contacts.

Sure. You know they are working on alien R&D and they are already working on some form of Martian. They have a base in the middle of Mars is what they're saying here, but you don't know if it's real or not because also I'm not even talking about real real. I'm talking about physically real. There are some of these. I think that there are when they say that there is a base in the center of Mars, I think it's quite possibly that it is a psychic projection base where it is not physically inside of

the planet. It's like a workspace where they psychically project themselves. Well that's a nice way to say we work space. That's closed. We work closed. Well I think because of the lack of money. I think that's actually a wonderful thing. You know we're obviously telecommunicating to work or telecoming to work or whatever

the hell it's called. Why not? Telecom all the way to Mars. Sure. What's the difference? Quote-unquote euthanauts, maybe the people that pilot these things aren't even here. That the orbs are just projections that they're on mine. But as I was to wrap up, Jeff Bezos has all these connections.

He knows that this fucking new technology is coming down the pipe. He knows all the secret shit. So maybe there is a way he looks at this rock that we're all forced to be on by gravity and he knows he's been pumping it for as many resources as possible like the other people just like him that have just been endlessly farming our planet for resources until it's an empty husk and then what they now know is that they have the technology to live in far space and they will say fuck you to us and they will go up into space and they will leave us.

They will create a breakaway civilization. If everyone's a billionaire then isn't no one a billionaire. And then what do they have to do? They have to hang out with each other? I don't think these people particularly want to hang out with anyone let alone a fellow billionaire so I think they might be their own hell. I think they might be creating hell. They're going to go up there with literal slaves.

And if you look at this stuff, there's another website it's rocketlaunch.live. I was reading all this stuff. This is pretty crazy. This is talking about all the various rocket launches that we've shot over the year and if you look up this concept, this one was like the way to filter it the classified payloads. You look at this shit and you see that we have these classified both private and not just going up into space all the time. We have no clue it's up there really.

So just some of the list here for those that want to go to rocketlaunch.live, it really is interesting. So we have things like Chinese government. Then we also write the next day SpaceX launches something. The following day it'll be Astrospace launching something. Then we have the Russian military launching something December 13th. This is happening pretty much daily sometimes twice a day. And some of these names for these launches one is called Magneto which is very scary.

And the other one that I this is like the most ominous name ever for a for a scientific rocket launch. It is The Owl's Night Begins which sounds like it's some bizarre fantasy film technically what the hell does that mean? And that's a launch by Rocket Lab. That's like one of those where we're going to fucking have to hear about it for years because the owl is the symbol of Molok which is the symbol of Bohemian Grove and they have like literally that's such a conspiratorial bird.

That's interesting. The Owl's Night Begins that's a rocket lab launch December 12th at one o'clock in the morning. I believe that will be out of New Zealand. It's a rocket launch to a dedicated mission for the Japanese government evidently. So this stuff it really and we are getting to this tangible. This is no longer just a fantastical sort of science fiction plot point. It's happening.

It's very real. And I wonder if if Elon Musk just put that car out there in space to go park it in a future parking space. He's doing short term parking. Yeah. He's just doing short term parking. And I don't think that's right. Honestly, I feel like we should all be allowed that then.

We should all get one car in space. We should all get one car in space. We should all get one car in space. A freaking star which I think somebody else probably bought that same star boat. I want a car in space. I want a car in space. I want a toilet in space. Although, oh my God, well that's a dumb thought.

But if there's no gravity, does the poop, how does that work? That's actually kind of scary. I guess. Yeah. You could just shit everywhere. Probably make you constipated though. I'm not a fucking, I'm not a fucking electrician. Who does this work?

So there's a lot of stuff going on with space and who knows when they're going to decide to end it all. All right. We're just looking at a, we have no fucking clue what this means. To me, I mean, obviously you could just say it's the crackpot mutterings of a man on his deathbed, which it might be. It could be. It absolutely could be.

Why is that? Because I guess when you have no more Fs to give, you're about 80, that seems to be the going age or the average age of the people who are really talking about disclosure. Does their age, you know, the elderly haven't had a great run in the past couple of years. Does the age make it like, because back in the day would be like, better respect him. He's been around for 80 years. He's done it. He's wise.

He's wise. But now you realize like, does he have some disease? Is it a mental breakdown? I don't know. Is it a mental breakdown? Or early onset Alzheimer's? I don't know. Or is he telling the truth?

But we own the pipes that send the internet to the rest of the world. Sure. Like we own those physical pipes. They are physical pipes. We basically run space for the most part. I believe that we have a lot of competition with China, but we run the communications in lower space. We own, as the United States, I mean, like we own all of these things.

We got lower space. We got lower space. Okay. So what does that mean? Like we're in this place where they own all of the angles around the story. What if, and it's another hypothetical, Heimshad sits around and the CIA goes so far as to dress a person as an alien to meet these guys. Isn't that what the Phoenix mayor did as a lark when the Phoenix lights happened?

Yeah. Yeah, he did. He did an offensive piece of comedy that he should have been canceled for. I do love that this is your like Jimmy Fallon blackface moment is you being like, well, he dressed a man up as an alien. Fife Simington. Fife Simington, the greatest name of any, I believe mayor, but what do you think about that?

Isn't that great? What do you think? I really do think that at some point you could literally show up with a guy dressed up as fucking klax or that we've talked about for years and he's like, ah, yes, excellent plums here. Never had a plum like an earth plum. Still obsessed with the plum lady who very well may have been an alien. Never forget the human connection.

I do think the audience was right that we have become so hard that we just didn't hard end that we just refused to accept the love of a plum. I get hard. I sometimes get too hard to sleep. I'll wake up from a dream with completely hard and then I can't sleep. So that's the great thing about this alien story or the UFO story or the just mysterious going ons in outer space. We know it's happening.

We know this has increased because we got the technology and who knows what the future holds, all I know is strap in, strap on and have a little fun. Come on and get gaped and get wise. Well this is a story that I have to talk about because it reminds me of an old stand up comedy routine I used to do. You remember those days? I love stand up because you stand there and you do it upwards. And you feel the love of the audience or you just or the hate inside that drove you to

do it in the first place. Just always so much love that drives people to get into this entertainment industry. This is the headline mask to tall bandit. Rob's another Southern bank in a string of 16 suspected heists. This is one of the issues that you'll never understand when you're of normal size. I'm average. Yeah. You know what that means?

You blend in. You can get away with anything. You will hide in plain sight. I'm six foot seven. This guy was six foot six. This man doesn't realize he's in top 1% tile of all humans with that size. You're a fucking supremacist. So it makes it super easy.

You're a height supremacist. No. What I'm saying is this is actually very dangerous. You're called the top 1% of humankind. No. Because of height. You freaking putts. Yes.

No. You've really made me go there. You putts. Wow. Yes. Because he is. Six foot seven is 1% of 99% of people are smaller. You're the Bernie Sanders of height.

I'm going to. Oh no. Bernie Sanders was against the 1%. I am so. Bernie. That was about economics. That was not about height. He wasn't talking about height, but he may have well have been because we can't get

a freaking break around here. So this guy. Yeah you do. You guys get all the chicks and you get to play sports. Oh my freaking lord. If you have any idea how difficult it is on the human body to play sports, the pressure that goes into it immediately setting everything up. Everything I did until this very moment was a failure.

Because I did not play sports at a level that would have made me millions. You mean to tell me you suffer from your potential. You suffer from your opportunities. No one expected you to do anything. And the fact that you are doing something means that Henry, I read them. That's what I'm saying. I was supposed to do so much more. No matter what.

Everyone's like, oh wow. Yeah. You're a great broadcaster. That's the other comment that you used to do. Just one of the greatest broadcasters of all time. But why didn't you play football? That's the other comment. You remember that when the janitor came up to you and said, if I was your head, I'd

play basketball. And then you'd say, do your punchline. You'd just be a taller janitor. See? That's another bit. I actually did have some great stand-up bits. At some point, we'll probably do them again. So November 27th, it was Black Friday.

But this guy is like, those Jeals aren't good enough for me. So he decided to go and strike a United Community Bank in Attawa, North Carolina. Again, the dude is six foot seven. He's a white dude. He's roughly 40 years old. He's roughly 200 pounds, humble, fricking brag. And I just want to tell this guy one thing. You do this to the six foot six white man.

You know what's going to happen? You're going to get somebody innocent arrested because there's eight of us, there's eight of us. There's plenty of you. No. There's Dirk Nowanski, me and this guy. Yeah. But they're all so much more successful.

This guy's a bank robber. He should play basketball. But what I'm saying is anyone who is six foot six in North Carolina, be careful because you're about to match a description of a serial bank robber and you're going to get incarcerated and you, I fantasize or what's the opposite of fantasy nightmare nightmare. I have nightmares about being in solitary. You know how big those are seven by eight or six by eight. I'm six foot seven.

I couldn't. I would be in the tomb. Do you ever think about the crimes that you did that forced you to be in solitary? Apparently my bank robber in North Carolina. I don't think they put in necessarily in solitary. No, they won't. Not until he gets arrested. Although he very well will be looking at some extremely heavy car looking at some extremely

heavy time. This is what the FBI wrote. They say in each robbery, the suspect is heavily disguised with a mask, coat and gloves. But me talking, which can't hide your six foot six, what if he's two guys? That would be incredible. The FBI continues. He is armed with a black handgun and often jumps over the teller's counter, which I have to say.

Good work. Maybe he does play basketball. Maybe he does play basketball and the FBI, I'm going to say this. What a poultry sum the FBI is offering to catch the six foot six goon, only 15 grand. Wow. He's only a robber. He just takes money. Yeah, but you're going to go have little people start lassoing everyone who is six

six. I can't wait to lead a bunch of you around like an elephant line to the stocks. You can only push a man so far before that man becomes a monster. Yep. It takes us a little bit to take a sensible man and make him do unsensible things. So we don't know who this guy is. We're going to keep you up to date. But if you are in North Carolina and you happen to know one of my people, the six

foot six and over, this guy, no matter how much he freaking masked up, you can't change that. This is North Carolina, right? This is North Carolina. This is my advice to our listeners in North Carolina. If you're above six foot, I'm going to say just be careful, right? If you're above six foot three, I say you voluntarily go to the police station and tell them it's not you.

Not me. Well. And the way you do that is that you go. I would say do not do that. No, no. Definitely do that. And the way to, the way to always prove that you're not a thief is that you do, you are like an officer, it couldn't possibly be me, I'll show you, stick them up, stick

them up. Um, but you are actually giving advice where a lot of times police officers will stick them up to you. Sure. Stick them up to you. Yeah. So I think a mistake that you're making here is cops usually not because they're lazy as a profession, but humans are just a little bit lazy.

Cops oftentimes will just be like, Oh, whoever approaches me, we're just going to be like, so you did it. And then we're going to yelling it, but then they're going to get you in the interrogation road and you're right away. But see, then they might just be able and what, what is, what's the alibi? I was shooting at home playing video games all alone. I was jerking off behind the fucking bowling store. Here's the jerking off behind the bowling alley.

Here's a picture. Okay. And so what I'd say is several afternoons in a row, be careful, take several pictures of yourself with newspapers and then go in there and be like, this is not me and it will not be me. Well, you will not arrest me for this. You might get arrested for the public masturbation. I don't think you can jerk off behind any public building.

I think technically if you bring a little like one of those, you know, those Chinese like the folding like things, the folding boards that you just get dressed behind, like, you know, like if you're like getting into what are those camera ray or some, there's some specific name for those. It's like those fold out things. Hey, you just bring one of those. Then you're not private. I mean, your privacy.

Once you go to a little square. Is that true? I just feel like you recommended side stories L P O D L at gmail.com. If you're a lawyer, if you bring a curtain outside and form it around yourself, can you jerk off outside? You know, that's actually a very good question and we will have to get that answered side stories L P O T L at gmail.com. Thank you so much in advance for your unbelievable expertise.

Don't do what Henry said. Never go to the police. Just don't talk to them at all because whenever you're talking to the cops, things aren't going great, whether you be a victim or whether you be a perpetrator or whether you just have to go and get your license renewed. It's never fun. Trick is, again, you can be arrested for your words, but if you pent a mime, they can't got anything on you.

I wonder if that's why the French enjoy that so much. It's the safest form of- Because of their crimes. You think the French are nice. My God. I love the French people. But they are very strict. There's nothing stopping a mime from sucking your dick against your will.

Well. Because next thing, you know, because he acts like, oh, he's chasing a fly or something. Right. But then next thing, you know, that's happening. Yeah. I think you don't buy that and you're already getting your dick sucked. So you might as well just go with it. You've paid money to see a mime.

Well, we have a dick-sucking story here in one second, but it looks like Henry, you want to go to Sweden and then we've got this great Hungarian story. This one story I want to talk about real quick is that the Volga maniac was a serial killer in Russia. It actually got captured. As you're going to say this, he's been wanted for about eight years from 2011 to 2012. He murdered 26 elderly women in a style very similar to the Boston Strangler where he would act as a, he basically dressed in a, he was a plumber, but he would say that he was there

to fix the pipes. Oh my goodness. But it doesn't end so well. No. But then he would mercilessly strangle them with whatever object he had around the house. If he would have made love to them, that would have been so much better because a seven-year-old gal, she has a plumber fantasy, sure. He did make love to some of them.

That's why there was DNA samples for left. Well, that's not good. Okay. No, it's not good. I didn't know we were in a not-good story. But he confessed. But he confessed. I just wanted to say that out loud just so you guys know we're covering this.

Eventually we'll cover this, but it seems that this man, Radik Tagarov, he was, he was high, but there's very chilling CCTV footage of him basically going inside of an apartment building and trying doors and seeing who would respond. He had like a plumber's uniform and a bunch of shit. So freaking scary. Very scary. He turned after 10 years of doing a true crime show is keep the door locked just in case. Richard Chase, for some reason, that just sticks in my head where he would try to turn

the lock. If it was locked, he said, God says, don't go in there. If it's not locked, they just walk in. Also, the simplest thing you can do, just a little lock. A plumber's never just showing up to look at your toilet without you calling the plumber first. It's actually difficult to get a plumber. Oh, it's so much harder to get a plumber than you would imagine, and it tends to be

an emergency situation whenever you need one. All right. So I guess that's, you know what? I'm going to say, not to step on any famous actor, director, toes, but that was good news because he is arrested. He is gone. Also, an update, apparently, because we were discussing on, I forgot what episode we were talking about, the idea of putting balls in a butthole and what would that be called.

And we said, boy, oystering and grape nutting, but apparently, another term for that was called dogs in a bathtub. That is fucking disgusting. And I'm not talking about it, and I hate it, and you're gross, you ever sent that in? Disgusting. Dogs in a bathtub. I believe it's like, so you could, if I ever see a text from anyone on anybody's phone that's been like, Hey, let's go put some dogs in the bathtub.

And then I'm going to look at them and say, do you have dogs or are you going to go put your testicles in somebody's butthole? Which is also fine. Six and one half a dozen of another. Well, anyway, let's move on just quickly here. We have a Swedish woman, she was arrested for allegedly holding her son captive. This is very fritzel, fritzel-esque, although I don't believe there was nearly the sexual abuse because that fritzel story is fricking disgusting.

It's also called the devil's inch. The balls in the butthole thing. Thank you. Thank you for the update. So a Swedish woman was arrested. She held her son captive for nearly 30 fricking years, talk about making a little edgine of your own. The dude is now in his forties.

He was found in a basement. He was in somewhat of a wounded state. According to his cover with sores and piss and he was a 40 years old, 40 years young. 40 years. 40 years and 20. Honestly, I think we can say 40 in his case is the new 70 though. He's not doing well. Yeah.

He was on the floor in a blanket. He was toothless, unable to speak and covered in sores and injury. According to the prosecutor, they say he is now in the hospital. And I know that he, and she says, and I know that he needed surgery. So well, they took him out of school when he was 12. Oh my goodness. And then I guess he was forced to just be home. And we've seen this.

I don't know why. I'll never understand it. I don't know why this happens so often because again, just like, don't you want to get rid of your kids? I don't. It really is. Get them out of here. I don't know one.

And this is, I guess, why I'm surrounded by relatively good people. I don't know one person who has a kid now who isn't already plotting for them to be out of the house. Just get down. It's just like literally brand new children that are like 18 years, 18 years. You got wheat, but they're already planning on what they're going to do after that kid moves out. But apparently the social worker that found him had worked with him in the past and she

said that she hadn't seen him in about 28 years. So I would, um, at some point, don't you got to do a house check? I mean, at some point, I feel like you can, I guess you can legally pull your kid out of school, especially for religious reasons and you can just kind of, if they were home schooling him, I also think the neighbors should see him every now and again. And this is Sweden where they like thank burglars for showing them how like vulnerable their stores are. I did not know that.

I don't know why that's my Swedish accent. But anyway, this is according to a police spokesman. They say, we are looking, we are looking into how long the sun may have been imprisoned. But we assume it's been a long period of time. And you know what? I know to assume makes an ass of you and me, but in this case, they might be onto something. But apparently he acted like he recognized a woman, which must have been such a sight. And then the first time she apparently was rancid, filled with pests and shit and all

sorts of it. And then open up and then you see like a toothless, diapered, 40 year old man who's like, oh my God. Oh, it's so, honestly, it reminds me of the film Tusk. He might have well as been just turned into a walrus, this poor man. He is still 40 years old. So he's got a long life if he can hopefully they have, hopefully it doesn't have Stockholm syndrome.

And hopefully they can like get him treated and medically clear to be alive. They wanted to put him on Masked Singer, but he was just like a dead giveaway. Because every single time he'd go up there and he'd just hear it, you know, it just immediately go, um, I think the talking radish is the kid who was stuck in his parents' basement for 30 years. You nailed it. Well, very, very appropriate. Henry, thank you for that.

So anyway, there's this story. Maybe we should cover real quick. Do we got time? Sure. First of all, um, we did get an update from people that said that they knew the people that removed the original monolith. And we got wrong. The thing that we got wrong was the, the leave no trace when they, when they were overheard

saying leave no trace when they were tearing down because they shot, they actually shot video of themselves tearing down the monolith in Utah, was that that is a, we're dumb and we're not outside people. So we can't be, I'm just not, I've never been an outside person. I was stunned today when my phone freaked out on me and was like, don't leave your house. And I said, phone, can we just not, I'm not going anywhere. But the, basically the term, uh, comes from, uh, in camping, you're not supposed to leave anything behind in any trace.

So what this basically said, he removed the monolith, this person, this comes from a viewer, this comes from a listener email. He cited and leave no trace, leave no trace principles such as tire marks on the desert ground and people shitting everywhere because there's no bathroom. So he said the biggest problem with the monolith is that when, when the one that was in Moab, people went to go find it and then they were stuck out there for hours and they had a shit. So it got filled with human shit. They made a big mess out of it, which is why a lot of people were upset.

But these monoliths are now popping up a lot of places. And apparently there's like an artist who, uh, he's the most famous artist. He's capitalizing on the global fascination. He is selling a monolith for $45,000. Don't, um, so buy it. That's not a good for $45,000. I think that you could make your own model. Yeah.

His, apparently the dude's name is Maddie Moe. He's taking credit for any of the metal monoliths found to this point, but they did post sales. He's just saying bullshit. Yeah. Yeah. If you look at at Sylvan Slacks, S-Y-L-V-A-N, Slacks S-L-A-C-K-S, they, uh, they basically said straight up, we didn't want to remove the Utah monolith where they wanted to do it to save the sanctity of that part of the desert.

Yeah. They're talking about big horn sheep and doing all of that stuff. Yes. But the, we don't know. There was another one pop up and then there was another one torn down by a bunch of MAGA morons that fucking tore it down, like saying a bunch of slurs about how we don't want Mexicans or aliens in America, that was when they tore down a monolith and put up a cross. I guess that's a proper extension of that kind of, uh, short side of thinking.

So yeah, don't buy one for $45,000. Don't do that. I guess. Don't tear one down. Why don't you just enjoy it and stop shitting where it is? Just shit a couple of feet away. Or if you're going to shit, do what you do with your dog, pick it up, which is disgusting, you know, and no one really wants to do that.

But I, these fucking little mouth breather, little pieces of fuck that tore down the other one. It makes one of the mouth breather, but isn't that how you're supposed to breathe? Yeah, I do it with my nose. Well, but, and that isn't the mouth. I chose to breathe out through my mouth if I need a cooling, refreshing, meditative breath. I've been trying to do that lately.

It doesn't work for me. There's something about inhaling more oxygen that somehow gives me more like, just I inhale the world like Kirby. Life from your grave. All right. I'm sure of the week I have, this is my personal favorite story of the week, because it shows what we call the worst human trait, hypocrisy, hypocrisy. We're going to go to Hungary for this.

Insert your jokes here. Oh, aren't we always in Hungary? You guys get it. Fuck you. Joseph Sausser. He is just. Shazer. It's S-C-A-J-E-R, which I think stands for, I guess it means full of shit in Hungary.

Oh yeah. He's just a total schmuck. He's an anti gay Hungarian politician. He resigned from the European parliament this past Sunday after being caught. And when we say anti gay, this is a man who is doesn't, I mean, this guy is just brutal as far right as you can get when it comes to, I mean, this guy would go out there and be advocating for tiring gay people, which they have done in Africa and things like that. You can, this person is really despicable.

He was caught by police after fleeing a 25 man orgy through a window. So he was fucking 25 dudes. The cops show up and he jumps out of the window, quote, a private party. The police found him. Well, they keep saying like, there's something up the term about attended a 25 man orgy. Yeah. You just showed up. So no, it's like attended sounds like, I mean, there might have been an invitation.

There must have been. It must have been kind of fancy. I bet you there was. And hors d'oeuvres. Like that kind of thing. Those would get messy. But when does the orgy begin? Well, as soon as he shows up, apparently, the police found schnauzer, schnauzer, whatever,

and 24 other naked men at the gathering, including diplomats. This man, again, just to clarify, I don't give a shit. I hope he has so much come inside of him. It requires a pumping. This is the best part. Yes. Yeah. I love that.

He's gay. I love that. He is fucking get fucking get fucked covered and come slurp up that all the jizz fucking love all the balls. Sure. Make other people feel good. Have a good oystering time yourself, but much like the bathtub, but much like Roy Cohen here in the States, this man was actively tried to harm the very community.

Obviously, he enjoyed being a part of the police. How do you as the number one, you are organizing this 25 man gay orgy? First of all, because that's got to be a really select and you know that it's not the only right wing member that was in that party. Probably. I imagine if he is invited, there must be other people that must be okay with it because how do they all stand the fact that he shows up? Like, can you still get hard for it?

I guess you men are were easy. Well, it's a little tricky though, because even with Roy Cohen, he would go and eat a lot of the gay diners in the East Village and people were, they were like, you got to get him out of here. But he just kind of sat there very quietly, very meekly. And they just sort of allowed him to exist. This is according to the police. They really don't mince any words here.

The newspaper quoted the local police as saying, quote, we interrupted a gang bang. Yeah. I bet you they didn't arrive at intermission. Yeah. They showed up in the middle of the gang bang. Yes. Of course, this guy, he fronted the Fidesz, I'm sure I'm butchering all of this, but he fronted Fidesz.

It's a in the European Parliament. They wanted to rewrite Hungary's constitution to, quote, protect the institution of marriage as the union of a man and a woman and 25 other men and just a bunch of fun or derbs and and lube and enjoying themselves. This guy also only one one man should be married to only 24 other men. That's it. I've said it before. I'll say it again.

So this guy, he was so freaked out, he climbed out of the first floor window. I love this public prosecutor office said, a passerby reported to the police that he had seen a man fleeing along the gutter. He was able to identify the man. The man's hands were bloody. It is possible that he may have injured while fleeing. Narcotics were found in his backpack. The man was unable to produce any identity documents he was escorted to his place of

residence where cause he's lucky because then he identified himself as what he said. He was an E M E P, which I believe is their version like basically saying like I'm of your government. Yeah. He had a diplomatic passport. He said that he was present to quote the private party and apologized after the police asked for my identity. This is him.

He says after the police asked for my identity, since I did not have ID on me, I declared that I was an M E P. The police continued the process and finally issued a verbal warning because he just transported me home. That is cute. They were just like, shame. How dare you? We are in a pandemic.

You cannot have 23 men. Yes. 24 men. That's too much. But that's what I love about European police is that they're not really shaming him about the gay orgy part is that he just broke COVID protocol. This is what he has to say. He says, I deeply regret no, not being anti-gay, no, not the 25 man gang bang.

He says, I deeply regret violating the COVID restrictions. It was irresponsible on my part. I am ready to stand for the fine. And this guy is such again, such a piece of shit hypocrite. He says, this matter is quote strictly personal to him. And he says, I ask everyone not to extend it to my homeland or to my political community. Meanwhile, of course, he has been extending his worldview on every one of the people who don't live up to it.

And the man, if you see a picture of him, he is the scariest. I am horrified of this dude and you can imagine the things he was up to. Oh God, I just don't know how you fuck this guy, guys. How you fucking this guy? They might all be down with the clown, bro. Same thing with Lindsey Graham, man. Why are we fucking this guy? Well, apparently he has a very nice boyfriend, our associate that we know from DC has flown

with him multiple times. And evidently he's a very nice man. Oh, apparently I've heard he's a laugh riot. But guess what, man? We got to, maybe you guys should cut him off until he starts being real, until he starts being real. All right. So there you go.

A little hypocrisy talk. And let's go on with someone who is not a hypocrite. As a matter of fact, let's do hero of the week. It has come. Finally, the time has arrived where Guy Fieri can sit atop the table, sit atop the throne that he always belongs to, which is hero. Everyone wrong. Guy Fieri is better than the United States government.

He has raised more than $21 million in seven weeks to assist unemployed restaurant workers. Yes, it's kind of sad that we need Guy Fieri, but we do. And thank God for him. So Fieri started the restaurant employee relief fund. This is awesome. He is giving roughly 43,000 people. They're receiving $500 grants. He has also produced a documentary restaurant hustle 2020.

So he is doing all of this. I will say what a good cause, which is people and business. Unfortunately, his new, I don't like the at-home version of the Triple G. I have said this. I think maybe I was talking on kind of fun, the Rassling podcast, but I don't even know how to bridge this subject with Guy. I love that he has a son. I love that his son is involved.

No problem. No problem. I like it there. I'm glad that you were there with your father. I just, I can't. I can't do it. I don't know why I just children and that just ruins it. I don't like any child involved in anything.

I don't like it. So I, hopefully things get back to normal. Give your kid a spin off show. But have you seen what they are doing with Triple G? Well, but again, the only thing is Triple D, Triple G is holding that song. I like Triple D. Triple G is doing the one where they are making their own meals. He's having the contestants make their own meals and then try it themselves and then describe their, their dishes to distance judges.

Triple D is doing this thing. By the way, Guy, you're still the hero of the week. You're the hero of the week. Yeah. But of course, this is, this is media and everything is horrible. As fans were allowed to critique. I, you know what? We are every now and again allowed to critique and we love you, guys.

We love you. Continue to watch it. But Triple D, they're doing the thing where the viewers submit. So then they're showing that kind of the production side of it. It's been like, it's maybe just because- And maybe the tension. I'm missing that everybody being nervous about Guy being there, his star quality. I'm missing the hunch.

Well, I don't tell you one thing. I'm missing all of the different rib stick and meals that we could see. And Guy, he is, you know, he is classic guy. He has not changed. And he's helping the people out very much because I forget what it was, but he had a piece of, he had a piece of bacon in his hand and he asked the guy, he says, where does this come from? And he says, and don't say the pig, because I bet you he's heard that a thousand times

before when he's holding bacon, be like, where does it come from? And they're like, it's your pig. And then he has to be like, I hate you. But he said, don't say a pig. And then the guy say where it was locally gotten from. Wow. Isn't that nice? Hi, Fiatty.

Thank you so much for helping out people. And God knows, man, again, we know so many folks are suffering out there right now. Oh my God. And if you're in the restaurant business, this is a Henry and Ben promise. We will eat double next year. I swear. Every restaurant I go to, I don't even got to eat it, but I will order double just to help.

I also, I'll do this. If you're in LA and you got restaurants and we could possibly like take meals out of like, I want to support your fucking restaurant. I want, I want to buy meals from the good places around LA. Have you got good shit to sell? Let us know. Cause we would love, love this sample, some of this. We're trying to keep as many of you guys open as humanly possible and I'll fucking

$80 minimum order. $80 minimum order. Well, to be honest, I mean, that's just postmates now in general, because I died to fucking at least a 40% tip because, you know, when it comes down to it, if you're coming to my house, if I can afford you coming to my house, I'm going to tip the hell out of you. I tip a lot. And then also there's a, there's a strange charge that I found grub hub has added. I don't know where, I don't know where it came from.

You just can't look at it. That's why I put it on the credit card, not the debit. I don't look at it. But anyway, thank you guys. Guys, seriously though, send me, send me these recs because I would love to support the fuck out of you. Like a big old bra and you're, and take these sweaty breasts that is your food, your big old floppy, heavy breasts that are your food.

I will support them with my hands and my mouth. That's very nice of you. Wow. Never say you're not a humanitarian. I'm a humanitarian first. Yeah. I'm a humanitarian. I'm a humanitarian.

But it's everything I'm always thinking about how to support the girls. They absolutely. And boys. Absolutely. Sure. All right. Well, let's get to some emails. Here's a listen email.

So in your episode about the Crystal Skulls, you guys mentioned Caratop. I live in Las Vegas. I used to work late off due to COVID, what a time to be alive. And we're fucking, I wish I could fucking pay for a meal from you at a restaurant called Jing in downtown Summerlin. Summerlin is a fancy suburb, suburb-esque area of Las Vegas. In case you didn't know, in downtown Summerlin is actually, is an essentially an outdoor shopping mall.

The reason I'm telling you this is because Caratop is a very frequent, regular Jing. He is there multiple times a week. I also find his appearance to be off-putting, but to each their own, I mean, he's just a man of his own making. Absolutely. You got to stand out in this crazy world. I haven't necessarily met tons of celebrities, but I live and work in Vegas. So it happens.

As far as celebrities go, Caratop is definitely pretty cool and normal. He usually comes in alone and sometimes with one or two other people and always sits at the bar. You really wouldn't even notice he's there or who he was unless you were looking for him. This is just a story about Caratop being a human being. But guess who also is a very frequent regular at Jing? Who?

OG Simpson. He's there multiple times a week. It's Caratop and OJ Simpson at the same restaurant just hanging out. They're just like two ships in the night. What do you do? A true question, what do you do when OJ sits down? Because I have had a situation. You move your blonde wife to another table.

You go away. You go to the farthest possible table. But we all think we're going to confront somebody, right? I've done this before, because we're in the entertainment world, sometimes people do things publicly and are like, that is really stupid. And then you see them at a party and the only thing you do is like, hey, you know, you never know, thank you, thank you, you keep, you do me over here and you know where the bathroom is.

Mr. Penn, Sean Penn. Wish you the best. But when OJ sits down, I feel like I would want to say something. Well, at the very least be like, no, not like take a knife away. Like something has to happen. Unfortunately, I remember when he was staying at the hotel that we were staying at for my wedding and I remember not knowing it until thankfully we had already left because I know for a fact that if I had saw him simply because my own fucking shit had nature, I

would have ended up either taking a picture of him and I know it would have ruined everything. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, he's out there in St. Pete's. Great place. He goes to Vegas and he goes shuttles back and forth.

Wow. Well, of course, Vegas is where he got into a bit of a kerfluffle, which is why he ended up in prison because you can kill a white woman, but never steal a trophy. Never steal your own trophy. That will get you incarcerated. All right. Well, there's one more. Here's one more little letter.

A good friend of mine was working security on the last night of the festival, the Oregon County Fair. Oh, dude, I miss county fairs. Okay. They got into this security in the last night of the festival and it ran into the early morning hours. She was working on letting cars in and out of the festival when the medics came by with a man on the stretcher who was covered in human excrement.

He seemed agitated, but a medic in full PPE was holding his hand and talking him down. My friend asked one of the other medics what happened and they said that a woman had come to them freaking out because she had been using the toilets and heard something sloshing around her. These are not your regular porta-potties. These are what are called the six pack and are generally, and they're basically a structure of six toilets built over a large hole in the ground where all the waste is gathered. So there's one swimming, one swimming poop for him.

And we're basically a structure of six toilets built over a large hole in the ground. This is supposed to be a more environmentally friendly method of waste disposal. I'm not sure how deep it is, but it's right by our stage and come Sunday night you can smell them from pretty much far away, from pretty much far away. Anyways, the man had lowered himself into the six pack potty hole and was down there just waiting around and talking to himself. Poor members are actually used to hearing stories of people trying to hide down there as a means to stay in the festival overnight.

Wait, hold on, who is performing? If they got Leonard Skinner back from the dead, I would leave as opposed to stay in a shit filled porta-pottie overnight. How good is the next band? Some people gotta see Rush, because I don't know who will be at the Oregon Country Fair that is so in demand that you couldn't see. I love that Tom Sawyer song too, bro, but you know, there was no line to get in. You actually didn't even have to stay in the shitter.

I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna confess that I ain't here for the music. That explains the dookie hanging from your head. I'm here for the brownie canyon. That's what I like to be. So that's where the chocolate's made. This man is literally in Hog Heaven. He's swimming around in six amount of, six toilet amounts of shit. So they're used to hearing these stories of people trying to hide down there, but this

case was different. Medics and sanitation had to lower a ladder and convince him to come out. When asked what he was doing down there, he simply said, I wanted to live in a world of shit. I guess he's the only one really enjoying 2020 that comes from our, from our listener. Yeah. Well, good, good. For him, I guess.

Wow. Wow. All right. I don't even know how I would react. If I'm taking a dump and I hear someone talking, I guess I think I would not say anything. I think I would leave. Are you done yet? You're done yet?

I could use some. You got any more? I think I would leave and then shut the door and then like somehow compartmentalize it in a way and never think of it again. No, it would become a shuttering memory that every once in a while you'd like, you would be in the middle of a pleasant day or let's say one day you have grandchildren or like, you know, you're sitting out on your, yeah, I would say your, your, your big sprawling ranch style home.

Yeah. But some dead horses around cause I forgot to feed them and stuff. No stairs. No stairs. Who needs a stairs? You just sit there and you just imagine your life of success and you just imagine the pupil coming up from beneath the toilet bowl of just the blinking eye of him in the smiling mouth and I'm saying, you done yet?

And you think about it forever. Got any more? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. No, it would hit you. That memory just comes and wallops you when you least expect it and that is the day you die.

That is the day that you die. All right. Well, thank you all so much for listening to this week's side stories. We hope you enjoyed it. And you know what, we went from dookie in the ground all the way up to space today, didn't we? And we covered it all. We covered it all.

We covered every spectrum. Humans covered in shit. Yep. Aliens covered in shit. Yeah. I don't know about that. Imagine. That's what I'm saying though.

You're an alien and let's like, you're just like, what do they do? What did they do? They shit and they eat and they fuck. But that's what they say a lot of times, the aliens, they, they think that we have an understanding of beauty, Passione and emotion that they don't, which is why they have the hybrid program with us. And what they said is that they need us to mother their children. How many times they gesture, I was watching Carla Tucker, who's this woman that been abducted

many times. And how many times they talk about the hybrid program, the grays would have a baby and like, just press it at a woman's tits and like milk, milk, milk. Well if you want to watch people who are a little bit different than that, watch the documentary on cubing on the Rubik's Cube. It's very interesting. Felix and Max, very cute couple there. I have no fucking clue how you got there.

Yeah. Well, I did. I just want to recommend it. It's a beautiful, beautiful little documentary. It's about five minutes. Well, cubing. So live your day knowing that you got to, you got to live your day knowing that there's something up there.

And guess what? Something down there too. It's not looking up for you. It's not looking up for you. No. And down there, it is looking up for you. But it's giving you an old look at him. You got to laugh.

You got to laugh knowing if you're shitting on a man inside of a toilet, do it with some passion. Yeah. And just once then being freaked out, absorb the news, there's a man watching your whole dilate and shit on top of him and sell it. There's no light down there. Maybe if they would just put like a sign on one toilet, be like, guide down here and then you can make a choice if you're like, all right, I'll go shit on this guy.

Yeah. I would call that sort of like a troll toilet. Yeah. The troll toilet. Because you know these concerts. He's the toilet troll. Yeah. You got to do something.

And do something. I don't want you to laugh. Just laugh. You got to love. You got to love knowing for a fact that you're harder in tax dollars or being mushed around in several different back to slush, what they're trying to do. The money that you pay, the good money that you pay is equal. The 1.3 trillion dollars in taxes is equal to the money that DOD loses in a month quite

often. They just lose that money and it's going into a slush fund in order to pay for the giant spaceships that they are going to use to leave us behind. And the only thing you can do is laugh sometimes. You absolutely have to laugh the Department of Energy and HUD. Follow the money, I suppose. All right, everyone. Well, thank you all so much for listening.

I hope you're hanging in there the best you can. Hail yourselves. Hail to the titan. My congratulations, everybody. Hail me. Indeed. Hail me. I'll just honestly be down here.

I will. You know what? Because you told me you were down here. Yeah. I respect that and I will poop on you. You know what? Honestly, I have a lot of poop right now. You've got to pee.

Beggars can't be choosers, you freaking monster. I was born telling that I could be anything. You imagine just be like, thank you, not very good shit. That's not good shit. I was like, fuck you, motherfucker. Fuck you. Hey there, buddy. Don't forget there's plenty of Last Podcast Network merch available over on LastPodcastmerch.com.

We got shirts for all of your favorite shows like Wizard of the Bruiser and Page 7 and No Dogs in Space and of course plenty of stuff for Last Podcast on the left. Go to LastPodcastmerch.com. Thank you.