Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: 'Tis The Season

Episode Date: December 11, 2025

Henry & Eddie bring you this week's wildest stories and true crime news as family annhiliations ramp up for the holiday season, A Wanna-be Nazi loses standoff with police in Stamford CT, The Arizona man rescued from near-fatal quicksand mishap, A Dispicable Utah father facing multiple charges after forcing young children through harrowing torture hike, "Hopeless Situation" in Austrian Mountains forces man to leave girlfriend behind to freeze, Michigan Mother & Stepfather Accused of Torturing, Murdering Pregnant Daughter and cutting out her baby, Police wait six days for suspected thief to naturally pass stolen $19K "Octopussy" Fabergé Egg, The Scottish Widow who found soles of dead husband's feet in his belongings, Listener E-Mails, and MORE! For Live Shows, Merch, and More Visit: www.LastPodcastOnTheLeft.comKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Last Podcast on the Left ad-free, plus get Friday episodes a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

There's no place to escape to this is the last podcast on the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. Oh, shit! You know what? I'm disappointed in us about this weekend.

What do we fail at? I thought we killed Vegas. We did nothing but crush. But, you know, we completely. forgot to talk about. What? Polanka confirming the fact that Frank Sinatra has a big hog. Oh, of course Frank Sinatra has a big hog. But, you know what? Also, it was crazy that I did not know that Paul Anka also confirmed

Joey Bishop had a vagina. Oh, really? Yeah, you know Buck Angel? Oh, it's interesting because the bishop is the chest piece most likely to fuck. With the slit in it. Yeah, that's the penis. It's got a cleft in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's got a little just like a, just like a, would, One would call the openings of a female vagina. But it also looks like a penis head. Yes, sure.

The bishop. Truly androgynous in a way. Wow. So Joey Bishop, that's what they cut it out of the interview. I guess because Polenka at that point was starting to drool out of the side of his face. And one drop of blood was coming out of his fake left eye because he did that to copy Sammy. Yes. And so when that starts to happen, oh, they know Paul's got to go to sleep.

All right. because obviously Paul Anka, he's been up to up, because now he's doing... He put it in his documentary? That Frank Sinatra has a big penis. It's your documentary. Don't talk about... How big is the dick that you got to talk about it in your own documentary? I think that Paul Anka might have a bit of a hanka for Frank Sinatra's.

Maybe he did a little yanka on that. He might have. I think he must have, and he absolutely did. Oh, look at him kissing him. Again, the biggest revelation. Joey Bishop, trans icon, nobody knew that before. It's amazing to even think about, and I wish we could have seen it. Yeah.

Dean Martin, horrible flatulence problem. They used to call him Dean Farton. I know that. I heard that. And also, the alcoholism was exaggerated. It was exaggerated, but he did die early. But, hey, because that's what a real man does. Welcome to side stories.

Do you know Dean Martin once bought my mom 10s? Scotches. What, just to get her away from him? She was at a Dean Martin show. Yeah. And he's like, and she's like, he asked her what she was drinking because she was all hot and by herself. Was she? Yes. And then back then yeah, oh my God, my mom was real hot.

And then, uh, you got to see these old pictures. I got to send them to you. You're going to love them. How hot are we talking? I mean, he's pretty smoking hot. What? Yeah. Your mother? My mother was smoking hot. Yeah. And then the Polish said it. Eventually that babu does change, doesn't it?

There's some about that. Where did Babu come from? But yeah, he sent her 10 scotches one night. Well, what a great story. You know that she was lying to me my whole life. Which is very possible. I love your mother. It is very possible she was lying to me.

I know she's lying to you. She went to Vegas by herself. Yeah, no one else is there to witness the story. I know she's lying. She had to have been lying. Yes. She bet a man named like Saul Lanka. Yeah.

You know, like, there was somebody else. She didn't say nothing about A-Jah. I'm just saying, oh, yeah, it was, it was Dean Martin. Yeah, Dean-Mutton. Dean-Mutton, like, yeah, that, oh, everyone loved that greasy guy from Cleveland. I'd say my mom looked most like the chick on the bottom to the right. That's really, you're giving your mom a lot of credit, but I'll see those pictures.

I'll send them to you. All right. My name is Henry Zabrowski, sitting here with Ed Larson. We just came back from the fucking best city on the face. of the planet, Las Vegas. But I did have fun. It is the only on the city in the union. Las Vegas, Nevada.

What an amazing time we had. And we just wanted to just say straight up, we got literally 10 tickets left for our Portland shows. Go and buy those tickets at last podcast and left.com. They will be then completely sold out and we will finally, finally mean something to our families. Please. Please.

Oh, yeah, actually very excited for Portland. Yeah, it's a great city. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a bunch of friends there. My friend, Ellie's there. You got people coming to the show? Oh, yeah. I got people come to the show.

Portland's one of the best cities. Another actually really fun city. I hope you have enough cops left. Usually we don't sell out. And I'm like, yeah, sure, whoever wants to come. No, no, no, not this time, Eddie. No, wow. This time we got almost no room.

Well, I hope so. I hope we'll be okay. I hope so. Either way, they could stand outside in the cold. Couldn't give a fucking shit, Eddie. Couldn't give a fucking shit. No, it's not true. I love her family.

I love our friends. All right, so we have a bit of a update. I actually got a very, first of all, love it when someone gives this credit, so thank you. Someone said that they actually appreciated our coverage of the Morgan Geyser story. Thank God.

I was really worried about it. Same. Really very, very, very worried about that. But I got a very interesting message. How many hate messages do we get? Just a couple. Okay. But it's normal.

The normal amount, just normal, because we're still trying to figure out kind of where, we're, like, we are, when you listen to side stories, I can't really stress enough. You're listening to two nearly mid-40s white men. I am mid-40s. You are now, officially.

And we are, we're trying to learn and get involved and not be too scared of different things. Yeah. But if a little girl stabs another little girl a bunch of times, we unfortunately have to talk about it. No, no, no, no, that's not the problem. The problem, honestly, because people felt that you were very, you were old. almost too considerate of Morgan Geiser's feelings. A lot of people kind of agreed on the other side that Morgan Geiser, because one message I got was very interesting about the idea of kids learning to be,

like we say the words manipulative inside of these sort of social homes, but really it's adapting to having no power in a situation in which they're surrounded by authority figures. They're already troubled. They're going to naturally do certain things. Just what happens. But one thing I found that was interesting. did not know because we were saying one thing that freaked us out about Morgan Geiser was that she was let into the halfway home out of the insane asylum essentially and still had visual delusions

and spoke with Slender Man it's not good especially the halfway house it's no no no no no but I did not actually understand that that is a part of the therapy so they don't fight delusions I got this from an uh this is a mental health workers guy right this someone who works that they do any, this is a bit of a clinical context to what we're going on. And I thought this was really interesting, is that when people have audio and visual hallucinations is a part of a schizophrenia diagnoses, a part of what you're trying to do is create a grounding sensation within those delusions. Okay.

So they say, they're not just trying to get the conversation to end. You know, yeah, he's real. I got to get the lunch. Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. You and me both. Oh, I just talked to Genghis Khan this morning. He's great. Right, all right.

Well, see, I got to go to those kids. Soup's on. I don't even get that one of the time. I like that thick soup. I like that thick insane asylum soup. But no, it's, what you do is you can't just say the delusions aren't real because it makes them like kind of inversely dig in more, which is something I... It's like when someone's dating someone horrible and you tell them they are horrible and

they just runs them into their arms. I think that's a simple, that's a good simple way to put it. Or it's like when I have OCD diagnosis, what they learned was is that instead of self-send soothing during moments of high anxiety, just feel the anxiety. How could we don't wash your hands if you're OCD? Because I'm going to fucking punch you in the face.

I'm going to fucking attack them. I do wash my hands, actually, until they bleed. But that's different. It's called being a traveling comedian. And so this is what they do. When you have photorealistic things, they create this thing. So reality testing. So they gently

explore discrepancies between your visions and reality. They say stuff like, does that really make sense? Or like, oh, okay, like in a gently prod, right? Then it's safety planning, ensuring the belief doesn't lead someone to act in a way that endangers themselves or

others. So you can, as long as Slender Man's just hanging out, and just being stuff like, being like, I actually think that a smashing machine was fine. You know what I mean? Like, that's fine, right? Like, you can have a rational discussion about your

critical response to smashing machine, I think it was fine. Yes. I think it was entirely fine, right? Then there's harm reduction, helping the client manage the delusion rather than eradicate it. Because that's the idea, too. It's harm reduction is that it's very difficult to get rid of full-on video and audio hallucinations apparently. Even with medication, talk therapy, it's extremely difficult.

So basically, you have to figure out a way to create it so that they can just kind of have them and move on and be able to talk about it. And they call it functional stabilization, which is coping strategies, dailing living skills, like all of that stuff. So I did not know that you can then, that's really what they're seeking. It's not total cure in order to be moved in one of these facilities. Also, the fact that when she was, she got released for attempted murder at 23, that's very common. That's actually pretty much a boilerplate like age in which something like this happens. That's what I was concerned about. Yes, but they do because it was an attempted murder.

but now we're seeing that it was a bit too premature but that so we now know everyone's going to go right back into it they say essentially the oh this is a really interesting term the presence of a delusion doesn't define risk behavior does so it's all how you

behave you behave towards the delusion do you think that like you know in these kind of cases like obviously we're not going to do this but like the best way to keep someone safe would be just like remove their fingers because then they wouldn't be able to stab anybody.

Side stories L POTL at gmail.com. Is that a good way to stop? Is that a good way to... Someone stabs someone a bunch. Can we decrease recidivism? They're not going to stop. They're not going to stop stabbing people. I think they're going to bite their tits.

That's what I think they're going to do. I think they're going to bite their jugular. I think they're going to use their fucking teeth. I think if you got rid of a murderer's hands, they just... They still have the hands. It's not the fingers. Palms. Yes.

Again, can still use things. Yes. Palms is enough. Palms is definitely enough. Have you seen Bruce Lee? Oh. He's all palm. I miss him.

Me too. Whatever happened to him? I think that he got sick. He was cursed. He was cursed because he gave away his ancient Chinese secrets. That's the truth. He gave away his ancient secrets. And he was cursed because of it because he gave us, what was it, Jiu Jitsu?

Not Jiu Jitsu. What was his thing? Jik Kundu. Jit Kundu. He made his own karate. And then when he did that, that was a problem. Yeah. Because guess what?

Pioneers die with the foot. footsteps of others on their back. Before him, Nunchucks were just a chain. And he put the two sticks on the end. Yep. It was just, Nunchucks was just what I did when I poisoned the convent. Well, that's an update. All right, here we go.

I'm just going to go, because the Dubai update thing is just confirming that that crypto scanner got caught up to a bunch of pieces. Yeah, and they put them in concrete. And now they found the concrete. and I guess they broke up out their concrete. I would have loved it. Just bury the concrete. Well, they did, I think, and then they found the buried concrete.

I mean, after the fact. Leaving the concrete. I mean, I would have loved to hear about, like, obviously, we would never hear about this, but, like, thousands of years down the road that someone finds the concrete that opens it up. It's like, huh, pieces of people. Oh, my God, yeah, they'd be like,

oh, in ancient times, they used to make people into a salad. Normally, when now this is how they knew this was an important person of the 2025, since that he was they were no they always turned them into an abrosia salad oh man i didn't know he had um he'd already been arrested for being a fraudster good yeah and then he got he got out and then he went to duby to do more fraud that's what happens he can't fuck around with these guys you get one chance what did you teach me about drug dealing eddy it's not about if you get caught it's when you get caught yes all these guys same thing if you get a chance to get out and you've made it you made

You're nuts. You stay the fuck out. All right? You don't need that other score. I really think I got caught at the exact right time. You really did. And I honestly say thank you. Yes.

I thank you for what happened. Yes, I know. But my friends, they had a rough for time. Yes. So they were treated horribly by the Florida police. I love you guys. I love you both. I'm sorry.

It happened to you. You didn't deserve that. All right. No matter what you did. Put his name. He's got a career in a child. Go, yeah, yeah. Oh, you don't want to.

You don't want to know? Keep it in, but bleep his name. Well, at least he's not this guy. So this is a new story that I found. And again, there's just something about homemade Nazi uniform that makes me laugh. Yes. So a man, open fire on Stanford Police in Connecticut of all the places. And he had an hours-long standoff.

I'm surprised there aren't more Nazis than Connecticut. Why? All the whites up there. You'd be surprised. Connecticut's a lot more diverse than you think it is. There's lots of poor whites up there. But there's also a lot of people that aren't white. I know that.

Shockingly. Shockingly, actually, where there's more, to be honest, more of a president of this, is in our humble Northern California. Oh, Northern California is littered. It's kind of made for it. They love it over there. Yeah, lots of trees that they could take and make crosses out of. So here we go.

These fuck are right. So apparently they got called the police got a search warrant and a home, right? Because I guess there was a complaint. The incident on December 2nd began when a state marshal, it came to this home in Oakland Avenue, it came to evict this guy. Yes, that's what the problem was. Of course, right? It makes sense.

It's very, very upsetting. It's very, very upsetting. But I'm going to say this guys, no matter how, whatever bad things happen to you financially, in the real estate world, there's no reason to go Nazi over it. Yes. You know? I hate eviction, especially this time of year. I think it's the worst thing in the world that anyone could do.

But as soon as a homemade Nazi uniform comes into play, suddenly I don't care. So it starts to be like, suddenly I don't give a shit. Yeah, as a landlord, I'm like, oh, maybe you need to get the fuck out of there, right? And so the lady, the dude came out. So the cops came, Jed Parkington. Joe! Jed Parkington definitely, that's exactly what he did. Yeah.

He parked in that house until they shot him in that, until he shot himself in the head. And so first of all, he sent his wife out, like a real fucking coward. He sent his wife and dog out. See, I thought it was nice. Well, I don't know. He could have. It was iron battery. He kills him.

He's lucky that they didn't light up on the fucking wife and all the kind of shit. Because he had parking dog. They let him out of the house. Parking. So they cops came. They see. He knew he was going to have a standoff. Oh, no.

He's like, wife. Honestly, this is the little credit that I'm going to give this man. And he's like, wife, get out of the house. I'm going to shoot all these cops. You don't want to be around for this. He's been wanting to do this since he was 18 years old. He's been planning. Yeah.

So he came to the door. He was wearing a. uniform shirt and a utility belt with items attached. He had explosive devices because he had grenades on him and a giant swats to go. And he sent the wife out, right? Because then he said

he pushed her out the door and they heard him saying, take her someplace safe. This is not going to end well. This is not going to end well. And so she pushed her out. Because I feel like even as a wife. The worst thing you hear in a standoff. But I would say

as your wife, right? I I was really, I think Coco Chanel said this, the idea that when you leave the house every day, remove one accessory. Yes. Right? Because that's fashion, right? I think I'm a wife. If it was a good wife, you know what you say to your husband? Do whatever you're going to do.

Take that swastik off. Okay? I'm not dealing with this. She sewed it on. I'm not. No, oh no. He did, I know. This is Jed's plan.

And Jed got the Nazi insignia. He finally's been waiting on it. He purchased it on. eBay a year ago? What if it was embroidered? Oh, he's not... Then it's in there too deep. This man bought a Chinese made swastika flag, my friend.

Oh, yeah. Absolutely. This man's not doing it. This isn't a patriot. Yeah. You know, this guy's buying it from over there. Impartial China. Yeah. They love our little peccadillos, don't they? They love what we got going on over here. So, he then barricaded himself inside.

He was, they thought he was armed. He was. They brought in a hostage negotiation team. And so what they first tried to do, which I believe they, which I do think, it didn't work, they did put just a tater-tot hot dish on the front stoop to get it come out, right? Because you can't fucking refuse a tater-tot hot dish. No. And then, oh, you bastards! But he said something about how tater-tots are the Jews of the potatoes?

Whoa. Which I did not know. Yeah. And I didn't think about it like that. Well, if you take the top of a tater-tot and you put it on top of a potato, it kind of It looks like a Yamaka. Interesting. That's a fat person thought.

That's a fat person thought. And so he said no to that. I guess then they said stuff like, you know, oh, can't come out here. We all hate the Jews out here. Like, I don't know what they try to get him out. I don't know what they, how do you try to get this guy out? You're like, oh, great swatska, buddy. Yeah.

Man, that's what's got. If I had a swatska, that'd be the one I'd have too, buddy. Like that's like, how do you get him out? Yeah, this is just normal swatat. Not swatica. Just listen. I wish it was. I wish we could be.

All right, but, you know, everybody gets touchy about exes over here. All right, buddy? So he had his hostage. They called in the hostage negotiators, but he's his only hostage. That's very normal. Yeah. He's just holding a gun to his head in a house. The hostage negotiators just come out there and say, no, don't.

I mean, honestly, I know that the whole process. I'm surprised they didn't light up the house. It's because they're trying not to, Eddie. But he was lighting the car up He shot up the cop car Honestly Eddie Anytime when they do this and they actually manage to Not shoot up the house

I'm pretty proud of them I am proud of them but I'm just very surprised It's way more normalized house I feel like they were in their Ugh It's a hard thing to say They were in their rights to shoot up the house They tried to breach the house several times

Using these devices So the first thing they did was they sent in a swarm of drones Because they're trying not to get anybody killed They're trying to save the guy They are like so the drones come in He shot out all the drones which is the funest way to die It's first thing he said first thing he's done that I like all about how fun is that? You got your fun little swats A gun you got to finally use all your big guns the cops are finally here

It's all happening It's like when Natalie got to go to epic universe. It's like it's all Happening now. It's like I get to do it and so he's shooting at drones That's the coolest thing an old man ever gets to do Future ski shooting. Yes. And then he did the same thing that all old fucking bastards

loved to do too and he put a gun in his mouth and blew his brains out. And then they sent it another drone and saw it. Yep. And then that drone's traumatized. Yeah, that poor drone. Its whole family got killed by this guy.

This is like the worst version of batteries not included I've ever seen. So yeah, another Christmas miracles wrapped up. This is not going to end. Wow. I was right. That was like the last thing you said. I was right.

Live from your grade. You know, the one thing I'll say, he should have saved to Christmas. Yeah. Because then I could have covered it. Yeah. You know? What are you going to do? I don't know, Eddie. It's the season.

It's the season that holds yourself hostage. Absolutely. We just covered a family annihilator, which seems to be a running topic that we do around the Christmas season here. We got a couple stories that seem like they line up pretty well. We had an exact almost copy

of our buddy, Ronnie Jean Simmons, that we just covered in Arkansas last week where a guy killed his entire family. It's another family annihilation in Arkansas about a mile from where Ronnie Gene Simmons lived. That's interesting. It has been interesting.

So a mile. Just now. One mile? That's the same town. I mean, I guess. It's just like there. I walk miles. So it just one mile is the same town. You bragging? Yeah, I'm bragging. I'm out here. I'm walking two to three miles.

Ooh, boy, you don't even know. Cutting up this turf. He's hocus ain't fucking. They're working, dude. They're earning their money. Walking a full 45 minutes. I'm tired. There was another drone story. I'm just going to talk about it briefly because I'm just, there's so many connecting stories in a weird way this week. And there was a drone story where a guy was hiking by himself. A lot of people

hiking in ways they shouldn't be hiking hiking by himself on like a 20 hour hike and he fell into quicksand which is very rare. We were told again, this is now like a meme but we were told as kids that quicksand was gonna be a thing.

Yes. And for this guy it was. And he got stuck in the quicksand. He had his two little hiking poles and he kept trying to push himself out and then it couldn't, it wasn't working. And then his knee got bent back and it was touching his foot and he was stuck in the quicksand and he was fucked and then someone heard him screaming because he was in like a little gorge and they sent in drones, they found him, they pulled him out.

That's why I use a treadmill. Yes. That's what I use. I go to a treadmill. I stay inside. I don't go out there. The idea of falling into quicksand and then ever going outside ever again. Can you imagine that?

Like, because that's such a, because like, that's such an anxiety-inducing idea for the rest of time then. Yeah. I would hate, as a, do you think he's ever going back to R.E.I.? Like, he's like, these poles are done. Effective. Fuck, these pools. These poles almost killed me.

Like, you hit him outside the REI just being like, they almost killed me. There were a polar anchors on me. Oh, yeah, that's it. He needs Sinatra's disapiding cock to pull him out from the sky.

I, uh, can I blame him. Well, yeah, I mean, he's walking in a gorge and like, you know. I am watching this rescue procedure. This is not where humans should be. Those rescue procedures, that costs how much How many thousands of dollars that cost? Oh, he's paying for it.

You don't think you... No, you pay for these rescues. Do you? Oh, yeah. Remember when we were on top of the hill, a mountain in Hawaii? And I was like, I was scared, and he's like a 70,000 for a copter ride. We're like, let's keep walking. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah, I remember that. Oh, we'll tumble down. Yeah. But yeah, there's two other crazy hiking things that happened. Oh, my favorite one is this one because this is the... God, just father, just angry, angry, angry, angry. It's an angry father. This fucking needs Salt Lake City

Moran father. You know that he was a fucking evil Mormon too. An Utah father's facing child torture and abuse charges after he took his three small children on a long, strenuous hike during a winter storm

in big Cottonwood Canyon and they had to be rescued. You know, you think nice dad's out, taking the kids out for a walk, you know, they're going to have a good time. They're going on a hike. We're going to the top of the mountain.

The kids were two, four, and eight. Get the fuck up! Get up! Put that roadblocks down. It's filled with pedophiles. We're going to the peak of the mountain. We're going to kiss God on the mouth. Micah Smith, 31 years old, was told by his wife to please do not do this.

Please don't. Please, please. And he's like, this is a once-in-a-lifetime thing. And she said she was scared. He told her, you shall not pass. He, like, started quoting Gandalf to his eight-year-old. I'm just like, her eyebrows are frozen? Literally, he was filming her asking if she was going to freeze to death.

This guy is such a scumbag. And then he left all three. He left the eight-year-old in charge of the other two and fucking laughed. Yeah, man, how to? He had to fucking go. And I guess he had a secure help. Well, yes, because the two-year-old died. And then he gave it CPR and it came back to life.

And then the other kid, when the other kid was dying, he started giving that kid CPR. He had the eight-year-old push it on their fucking chest and shit. And then he goes and he totally redeems himself. In prison when he kills another pedophile. Yeah, that's the only thing he could do. But think about how, even as a, you know, just as a dog father, right? You know, like I just have one. You got to give one medication.

You got the other one and's fighting for the food, right? It's like the whole thing. So I could see. yeah of course when they're all dying you got to put the eight year old to work especially if she's still functioning like that's easy to do you go who who who bring one kid to life

yes who who who bring another kid to life little snowman honestly this father crushed it in a way he brought the kids six and a half miles which is more than twice as far as I walk

and you heard how a tire and Eddie is it's like I mean 3,000 feet elevation the rocks are shifting thorny bushes, this guy brought his children to die.

October, he brought them at night. They got caught in a downpour of snow, hail, and rain. When they did not return, they had to go look for them. He said Smith and his children took sheltered around 8 p.m. that evening under a large rock with an overhang. Smith said he gathered

logs, sticks, and rocks to make a wind screen and put pine needles down and try to use his body to keep his children warm. And the whole time, he's like, God, fucking Your mother's going to be so fucking angry with me. Oh, man, I'm going to have to do extra time at the temple this week. Oh, wow.

My secret underwear is frozen in my chest. Yeah, man. This dude fucking, they gave him no bail. And the deputy said the defendant's intentional and selfish act left his children in grave danger with one of them dying and being revived multiple times and will never fully recover. Wow. He has been charged with domestic violence. Uh-huh. And then he was told to leave primary children's hospital for trespassing.

Yes. After he interfered with his four-year-old sons, he was tampering with the equipment that was on his face. That was a month before this incident happened. And when that happened, when that happened, when that happened, he dumb Mormon. He told the police, I'm going to hike to the top of a mountain. A month ago, he told them this. Yeah, he was trying to kill themselves. I think his brother, though, was sticking by his side.

He says, Mike is a good dad who loves his kids and loves taking them on adventures. Yeah, it's because he's, no, he was trying to kill them all. I think he was trying to kill them all. This is another one. This isn't an adventure, by the way. No, that's not an adventure. No.

An adventure is going to an amusement park. An adventure is, we went fishing. Me and my dad went, we went fishing, and we went fishing. That's a wonderful time together. I didn't take a two and a four-year-old climbing 6.5 miles, 3,000 feet in the air And guess what, bro?

They're just going to slow you down. Yeah. And this guy is like, he's, you know what it is, though? Is, again, this is another Salt Lake City story in which I am more than certain they're cutting the religious aspect of it out of it. Because they always do that. They always kind of cut the fact that there's a large unspoken. That they're praying to some mountain that B, that Bridham Young was on top of or something. Just this idea that he has some special communication with a Mormon offshoot God.

Well, good. You can go have that communication with Chad Daybell now. Oh, they will. oh don't worry they fucking will they'll have a lot of notes to compare well there's also check this out on the other side of the world

there's a dude facing manslaughter charges after leaving his girlfriend at the top of Austria's highest peak 36 year old is now facing three years in prison so how so what is the actual circumstances of this

did they get caught did he just dump her he they went they they they climbed 12,460 feet she did not have the proper gear he's an experienced climber she is not they get to the top she's got like felt shoes on

you know they're not like it's like when we went on our hike and both of us were wearing sneakers and the guys like oh you sure you want to wear those and we're like we didn't know what told us anything yes yeah yeah but this was very different because they went together and he fucking she gets cold he doesn't know what to do with her

he then leaves her to go get help when she then freezes the death, of course, because it's negative 20 Celsius. So he's just like, just chill out. Yeah. Literally. Just chill out.

Stay right here. I'm going to be right back. You know. Here you go. Here's your iPad. Yeah. What is he doing here? Yeah.

Apparently, he's very sorry about how things turned out. What? Hey, that honestly, as y'all know, as y'all ladies know, having a guy apologize. Who? Marry him. Yeah, man. Oh, my God.

Oh, shit, girl. Yeah, he's doing the work. Yeah. He's putting into work. I'm starting being Quentin Tarantino right now. He's putting into work, girl. Man, I love everyone running his ass through the fucking dirt this week. What you're talking about Sahn?

What you're talking about Sond? Me, Quentin Tarantino, geez, son. I'm doing this. This is a direct reference to Quentin Tarantino very confidently speaking with Jamie Fox and Samuel Jackson, and the press coverage for Django Unchained and he is he's unjacked out of his mind and he loves

talking like a black guy but I do in some way I do feel like he felt in that moment that he was black he was wrong yeah he just made this movie about slavery yeah and he was amongst a very powerful group of black people and he felt very much in he was feeling himself

yes he really was he really was man I really honestly I'm at the point now where I don't even care if that 10th movie comes out. Cook, honestly, so far, I am an unapologetic, full-on Quentin Tarantino fan. I love every single one of his movies. I love every single one of his movies. I hate the man himself. I never want to hang out with him. Ever.

Isn't that weird? I'll never meet him. I'll never want to meet him. But I've now learned that about celebrities. Yeah. I don't want to meet him anymore. I never want to meet him. I don't want to hear their thoughts.

I don't want to be in their personal sphere. Just give me your stuff. go away. Quentin Durantino that 10th movie, even the last one, he was thinking about making a movie about a movie critic and I was like, you're so full of shit, buddy. Yeah. You need to go walk away. That's what you're going to end all this on? You need to touch grass.

I think that's the term that he, I think that's the term. I think he needs to go out there and he needs to fucking go, he needs to go walk away from seeing himself on a camera. He's working on the sequel to Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, because you know, everybody wants to see that. Well, it's a TV show. Oh, my God. David Finch was going to direct him.

Who cares, though? It's going to bomb. I think it's Honestly, I think it's going to fucking bomb. I think it's going to not be very good. But, you know, what are you going to do? Yeah. Well, so we got, what do we got here? We got this people who cut the baby out of somebody. Well, this is a really brutal story.

And then we got the other guy who cut up his wife. See, everything's like weirdly, again, it's Christmas season. Yeah. As we're heading into the holidays, you notice, the stories do tend to get more grisly. It's hard out there right now. This is a, I'm just going to go through the details of this story. I don't know everything. Natalie's fully ensconced in this.

Okay, good. It's still very much developing. Natalie and I both have our separate true crime stories going at all times, right? So, like, when I was... We can't take this from her. No, I don't want to. But also, this is the... She was...

I heard this from the other room, but I was like, what the fuck? And she's just like, yeah, this is a grisly one. Because, like, I was all two and two. Guess who just filed for divorce? Who? Wees the Weezer-Basis wife who got shot by the police. She filed for divorce? What? She filed divorce on him.

He's not supporting me. I shot at the police and he's not supporting me. The fact that he said nothing. Yeah, because he was paying for your court fucking money. That's what he did. You fucking crazy person, Jillian, Lauren, files with divorce, it's fine, it's fine. It's all good. I know that she wrote a really interesting book about Samuel Little,

and she's done quite a bit for, you know, awareness of, you know, all that kind of so really good investigator of true crime, but she is a... I mean, he's going to get out... Scott, clean. It's got free here. No, she won't. He's not going to owe her anything after this? No fault state, my friend. No fault state? Oh, yeah. Like, no fault, like including shooting guns and cops. It's got nothing new to the divorce. I would say it does. We'll find out. We'll find out. Actually, I don't know. Side stories, L-P-O-T-L and Gmail.com. What are the type of aggravating circumstances during divorce can actually affect? Because she's going to be in prison. California's, no, no, she won't. No, she got let off. She was probation. She just went to go do a treatment program. She got no time. She shot at the police and got shot by the police. They essentially decided to call that even.

Attempted murder of a police officer? She shot in the sky. White lady did well. It's going to white lady power. She's got a little about white lady juice. So she used it. But these people did not use their white lady juice. This is the story of...

Those cops are lucky they weren't in the garage. Can we keep moving? Oh, yes, here we go. You're right. Courtney Betholome. That is a really funny Weezer joke. Thank you. In the garage

I feel safe Nothing happened To morris That's great song Yeah she hates that song In backyard I'm shot Cops

Yeah it's good Save it Gotta give it to weird out So this Both of these people Could have used a little bit of chill Courtney Bartholomy 40 And 447 year old

husband Bradley, Bartholomew, decided to become evil personified, according to the Wexford County prosecutor, Johanna Carey, by murdering her daughter. So it was Courtney Bartholteamue's daughter and removing the baby from inside of her while she was still alive. And then did the baby live? It's not very clear if the baby lived or not. No, the baby died. The baby died.

She was supposed to give birth just a couple days after. So were they just excited? They were looking for her. Is that what you're trying to say that she was, they're excited? I'm just stating facts. I'm not saying, I'm not giving them any kind of, these people are moms. You know, you don't think they had a, you don't think they had a straight motivation? Yeah.

You don't think so? I don't know, other than them just taking the baby and leaving her for dead. I don't know what the fuck the plan was. All right, here we go. So we go, autopsy real, the body was parked. So what the child was due to give birth to three days. The same day the body was discovered, authorities. arrested Parks' fiance

Richard Valor and Kimberly Park. So everybody tried to kill her. So her mother and her stepfather, her fiancé could fucking Lord and his sister. And I don't know why. I mean, even if she's the

worst person on earth, you don't do this. Even if she's little Hitler, you don't do this. You know, like it's crazy. Courtney had posted a video on her Facebook page in the same day as her daughter. This is all from People magazine, by the way. This is what they cover now. And it was due to give birth with a caption that read, my alibi of where I was the night my daughter came

up missing. Right? So that's what the mother posted. She then, in the video, which featured only black screen with audio, her 14-year-old son said, this is the, this is her brother. She gave me my med to about 840. I don't remember a lot, as I just said, but she was there when I went to bed. And she was also there when I woke up the next day. I know that she never goes out and about when I'm sleeping just because she doesn't like to drive at night. So she thought that she could pressure a 14-year-old into giving her an alibi. Yes. On Facebook, and it didn't work.

Yeah, man. Yeah, but they're all now going to jail. Everybody's going to jail. They're going to jail hard. But you know what it is, is that, well, like, again, there's no discernible motive, but the reason why we try to pick it apart is because we do try to find some semblance of like, what's going on

that? What's a little bean brain thinking about? What's that little kind of a little nugget in there thinking about, right? ping pong and back and forth with their little ideas, you know? And it turns out a lot of times, once you find them out, it doesn't help. Yes. Which is kind of sad because we're just interested. But cops always say that, don't they?

In every interrogation, they're always like, we're here to find out why, because we want to know. We want to help you. We want to help you. We're so genuinely curious, curious about why. And why almost never seems to affect the court case. No. also we don't hear about when they actually do help people oh no well I you know

we're obviously we know that police officers are having the have a hard job they also a lot of times abuse their power oh yes absolutely but we also know that they cops do help but that's their job is to be helped their job is to help and not thank that not be thanked that's what their fucking job is yeah you're paid to do it they get paid

that is their fucking job they serve the community They're supposed to go out there Unfortunately, it sucks for police But it's also the truth Their jobs are to get shot And to do things to protect us And because, and they're not supposed to have judgments about their own activity

They're supposed to go out there That's what the thin blue line was supposed to mean For all you cucks that fly that flag I have no idea what the fuck that shit means There you go That was very well said Yeah, that's very well said Uh yeah, so fuck these people

Yep All right piece of shit Well yeah obviously she's not a nice A piece of shit Yeah she's not a nice lady rub. I mean, there's nothing nice about it. It's a really, honestly, the most disgusting crime I've heard of in a very long time.

Congrats. You know, I'm still there with Yosef Ritzel. I'm still there with my buddy Yosef Ritzel hanging out, fighting for him, fighting for his standings in the most gross crimes of all time. Right from your grave. Also, there's

the story of the man who swallowed the Faberger egg and then shed it out. This is another, I am angry again. I'm re-angered about this story. And the reason why I'm angry about the story is because then they still have the fucking nerve to charge full price

for that fat brujet, I guess, and it's come out of another person's asshole. Yes. Oh, yeah, it's definitely it's still at $19,000 value. That is, to me, because we discovered, remember it was a piece of jewelry. I believe it was an Australian story. It was a piece of jewelry. A man ate this like... This is in New Zealand.

I believe that's just something that happens over there. They got too many snakes. That's the problem. too many fucking snakes. They know they can swallow stuff. Yes. So that was a New Zealand's full of birds and that's why this guy swallowed an egg. Yeah.

He's like, oh, I'm a paragraph. It was the Texas man who swallowed the earrings. That's what it was. I'm sorry. Texas and Australia are pretty close. Yes. So anyway, but this guy, he swallowed the Faberche egg. It's a tiny egg.

Yeah. It's a real tiny egg. But you're still going to charge me. You mean to fucking tell me because they say the same thing. When they did 700 grand necklace that the guy shot out, they're all like, we clean. it impeccably, absolutely every cubic millimeter. You can't drop the price at all. You're lucky you fucking got it back. There is absolutely shit in that thing. Look at that tiny thing. It's as big as a

fingertip. There is absolutely shit in the crevices of that Faberge fucking egg. 19 grand for that little piece of shit. I'll give you $1,200 for it. Not even. I'm even doing that just to not insult their fucking asses for your stupid ass egg. I don't even get Faberger eggs. I don't even understand what they serve for and what they do and I know it's a Russian thing. It's the octopusy egg. This one's limited edition

dude. Oh, it's, yeah, that's right, because they built it off of the movie octopussy so they wanted to, it looks like the egg from... It's a fake egg. No, fuck the octopus. It's not real. It really is. It's a fake thing. Yeah. The whole thing's fake. It has an 18-carry

yellow gold octopus nestled inside when you open it. That's fucking horse shit. What are we doing here? Yeah, and it's got white diamond suckers and black diamond eyes, the octopus. I think that Faberjeet eggs are a hate crime. Yeah. I think that anywhere there's Faberjeet eggs, they should be melted down and that money should be given to the poor. Absolutely. Faberjeet eggs are the single most useless thing I could possibly imagine.

Covered in diamonds. It's a necklace. Fuck it. You could rock it. I couldn't give a fucking shit. Also, I hate these eggs. I hate Faberjeet eggs. You know who deserves some credit here? The label makers. the label went through this guy's body and came out and they were still able to read it. The price tag. Oh, you're talking about the paper price tag?

I'm very impressed by the paper price tag. I'm actually now realizing that's a fucking hilarious photo because it's just a man with his rubber-gloved hand fingering it because it's just in a napkin. Now I'm realizing what this is. It's in a napkin with a rubber and is frenchly. That's definitely shit. That's this gross rubber-fingered glove

Just one rubber finger pointing at the Faberjeet It's got fucking shit residue all around it 19 grand suck my dick So also they're not sure if the guy swallowed other stuff So they're still like watching him shit every time He's still shitting in buckets And if I was him like Who knows what I ordered next?

I don't know I accidentally I might have small in several bracelets Well, if I know This is fucking pervert Just hanging out all day Yes, look through that one There might be a stud or two in that loaf

Ah, yes Smet it, why don't you? That had to destroy his asshole, though, right? Like the diamonds? His whole intestinal tract Yeah It made it through, though It shows the human body

It's a lot stronger than we think of us I mean, it's just gonna come out It's a tiny egg It's shaped like an egg. Every time I think of a fabric egg. I always think of like a huge fucking thing. Well, they do make big ones. Yeah, but this one's only three inches tall.

Yeah, which also makes it even more of a waste of fucking time. All of this stuff is just so, I'm not into it. I'm not into the whole just like charging money for the sake of charge of money because of the thing says it's a thing. It makes me angry. Honestly, if you sell Faberjeet eggs, you

deserve this. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And the idea of you stressing I watched one of the most upsetting body cam videos I've ever seen which was a man that was a security worker at a spirit Halloween

who had a gun for some reason young man tackles the shoplifter then proceeds to dog walk him across the parking lot with the gun to the back of his head and then shoots him point blank in the chest

what brutal video the guy starts crying guy starts fucking crying. The guy who shot him? Yes, the security officer loses his mind, right? Because he's a child that should not have had a gun. Yeah. You should not have had this gun.

There shouldn't be a gun in a spirit Halloween. No fucking reason. And it's not a real business. Like that's what I think about is when people steal from these companies, it's like, that guy, like the second he got out the door, he should have let him go. Yes. With the Faberger eggs and shit, it's going to rip through this man's intestines. It's going to come out.

But the idea of, like, sitting and watching this man shit in a bucket as the stuff slowly comes out of him is just this, of like, that's where we get to as real tale workers. So, real tailors, like people that make just over minimum wage have to go watch a man shit in a bucket until the precious items of their boss come sliding out of him. Fuck you. I'd just be like, you send a guy from Faberge. if you want somebody to watch, to deal with fucking loss. Is Faberge a business?

Yes, it's the label. It's like what it's called, I believe. I believe there are companies that I don't, maybe I'm wrong. I believe Fabergeet, it's kind of like how champagne comes from a certain district. Yes, but anything can be called champagne.

It is a brand. Yes, so yes, there are specific Faberjeet eggs. And then there are things that are come from that look like eggs that are made. are not necessarily Faberjay eggs. Fuck these things. Yeah. They're worthless.

So this idea of anybody stealing anything and then you being on the hook for doing anything because like that officer also turns out the security officer from the Spirit Halloween. His mother was the district attorney. And he's not about to, he's going to have to go to trial. But he definitely got charged for it with that second degree manslaughter because he also poured pepper spray all over this guy's face and then shot him point blank in the chest. Jesus Christ, man. For stealing Halloween mess.

It's been a fucked up year. Even the Spirit Halleons are closing down and becoming Spirit Halloweens. Save it for the clubs. There's also Spirit Christmases on the East Coast, which are like... No, we have them here. We do? Yeah, we do have them here. I saw one as I was driving the other day.

They're kind of sad over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little sad. Yeah, the Christmas spirit. Yeah. Because it definitely feels like... It's a big divorced energy. Mm-hmm.

In there. Yeah, you got to get in there and get something to get up something to make your kids happy when they come by. Yeah, because if not, only sees pictures of your new girlfriend and you're like, your love sheet.

So I bought a Faberjeet egg for my new girlfriend. Well, you know, Christine, it's our first Christmas together, so. Yeah. It was kind of a big deal for us, so.

And I've kind of had 15 Christmases with you. So we're not going to be around. You know what I mean? Yeah. We're going to go fuck. I know this is a real important year for you, but we're out of here.

We're going to leave and go fuck. So, try not to become a school shooter, okay? We have one more story that I'm just going to touch on for two seconds just because it's wild. Distraught widow handed bag contained dead husband's belongings. Yeah, which is fell off a ferry. Very nice to do.

His socks were in the bag, but apparently inside of the socks with the bottom of his feet. And she's like, oh, my God, this is the fucking worst part of him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the part I hate him the most. This is so sad. This is the grossest part of my husband. Anything else I would have, oh, I would have been so happy. Yeah, so she got all his stuff back.

And just the bottoms of his feet? Yeah, she was like, oh, this bag fucking smells. And she's like, oh, his socks. And then she put his hand in the socks and it was just like meat. It was just meat on the bottom of the socks. And then her father came and like, did he put it in souls in here? Oh, it's just his soul. It's just his actual souls.

Wow, that's horrifying. Yeah, he had been on some new medication that kind of made him uneasy and he'd fell overboard. Did they make the bottoms of? his feet loose. Oh, he was like waterlogged. Yes, because it took him a while to find him. Jesus, fucking Christ. Because she didn't realize he'd fell off the back

of the boat and she didn't realize that he had been gone until it was been a while, so it took him a while to find him. What's going on here? What do you mean? How did they fall on off these boats? Oh, he was like sick. He was on some medication that he was actually a really good swimmer, but he was like all fucked up on medication that made him like uneasy

on his feet. Isn't that ironic? Yeah. And then he felt, isn't it? It is ironic. It's very ironic. A little too ironic. He was like a diver. And then he fell off the boat and, yeah, they found it. Wow, that is. Well, they found some of them.

Yeah. Well, they found all of them and then gave back part of them. And you know, that's the thing about Davy Jones's locker. Yeah. As that sometimes she keeps what she wants and she gives back what you can take. Yeah, she said that his feet were attached to the bottom of the socks, his soles and heels. What happened to Mark? Did no one realize his feet were hanging off at the mortuary?

To be honestly, what, this might be really shallow question. What brand of sock? Because actually sounds really durable. No, no, these are good socks. What did it say what the socks were? Scotland socks. Sockland. Side stories L-P-O-T-L at Gmail.com.

I imagine it's wool. I'm going to guess wool. I don't think wool's going to hold feet in it. So if anybody can tell me, what do you think is the warmest, most thoroughly, cushiony, Scottish brand sock that these feet could have been in? kept them so warm they didn't want to leave. All I know is I love my bombas. Tell me about it.

For some reason, this sentence just makes me want to hurl, dude. All right. My 87-year-old father had to come around and tie up the bag of Mark's feet and take it outside before the funeral home could come to collect it. Yes. Oh, like it was slippers. Yeah. Well, you know, here is no dick and the nickname. Oh, yeah, it was his nickname slippers.

And this is how we have fun here, folks. We have to, you know, when it comes down to, you know what the side stories is all about, whoop, you know what's really about, whoop, whoop, woo, gone. Remember that? We did it on the cruise. That's what happens to white women. Whip, and gone. And, you know, I just, what we discovered here at side stories a long time ago, if you ain't laughing, you're crying.

All right, so that's the thing here, yeah, we make a light of it. But when it comes down to it, we're all going to fucking die. So on the pipe for all of us, and I just hope that when I go, The laugh is just as good. So every day I live trying to make sure that my final moments will be as hilarious as possible. They will. I love to put myself in scenarios that I don't need to be in. What they say is for the plot.

And then I know that you'll laugh when you read my obituary and you see, oh my God, podcaster dies stuck in log flume at cheese festival. That is the goal. All right. Oh, we got a lot. Listen to stories, but we just did a fucking full hour of just... Aaron, I got to listen a letter. We got to do at least one.

Here you go. Do we have a sting? Yeah, we got a new stinger. Who's it from? This one's from Zach from Dead Animal Assembly Plant. Oh, I love their Christmas album. Yes. Yes.

But, yeah, here it is. Check it out. Are you ready? Yes, I'm ready for some listener. Be males right now. For listener emails, listen to go shirt. It's a listener male experience. Yes.

Yes. Yes. See? I like it. Very Rob Zombie. He put you in it. Yeah. That's nice. It's nice to hear my voice. But I will say very Rob Zombie-esque. Yeah. Very, very cool. Very good work. Dead animal collection service.

Very good. Listen to them whenever you can. Assembly plant. Dead animal assembly plan. We listen. Don't worry. We always listen. We know everything that's going on. One of the big things, one update I wanted to give. was, first of all, we maligned tanners because tanners are bad. Yeah, I got a tanner that reached out to me and said that we were right. Yes, many tanners did, but there is one tanner that is good. Okay.

And it did, someone pointed out to me and it's true. And it's Tanner from love on the spectrum. So because Tanner was a very sweet man on love on the spectrum, but I will say Tanner, unfortunately, voted for Trump. Oh! Family voted for Trump. and Tanner is a He is literally a Trump stand

Oh so it doesn't matter Nope To see it's funny He has no idea why He just thinks Trump is funny He thinks it's his grandma So that is the reason why he's doing it I don't blame Tanner

But they are definitely voting for him In that house You ever see Tanner 88 No no no no no I normally avoid autistic pornography Right he's not a lot to do pornography Tanner 88 I don't know if, are the, are severely handicapped people allowed to shoot pornography?

Side Stories, LPOCHL at g-mail.com. Yeah. Yeah, I think they are. I mean, well, I haven't seen it yet. We'll find out. I mean, you don't know if you've seen it or not. No, I don't want to see it. No, but you could have watched it.

If so, no. I'm talking about visibly. I mean, everyone who's in porn is just like, oh, oh, I'm coming. You know, how are you supposed to know, like, what's wrong with them? Let's get on the next letter. Now, this one is the deafish enthusiasm. I'm going to read this. I'm reading this, and I do think it's interesting.

But, again, I will not apply any form of... How do I say this? I support your need to do death play. But I will say, if I found out my sister was doing it, I would be extremely fucking concerned. You know what I mean? It's like one of those where, like, when I meet a stranger and they explain to me about death play,

I'm like, oh, fascinating. We'll talk all day. But if I met a fan, if I literally, I'd put Jackie in insane as out. Yeah, I'm not a kink shamer, but I am like a kink, keep it to yourself.

Just advisor. It's more just being like, you don't want to be careful with that. So here we go. So a long time listener of the podcast and lover of last podcast. All right, great. I love to decide stories episode,

the woman from the UK being murdered by that beard face in Ocala, Florida, and wanting to answer some of Henry's questions about negotiating a murder. Okay. First and foremost,

I'm an absolute freak. play heavily with kinks that are regarded as edge play. Edge play kinks fall into a category of kink where they could result in serious harm to myself up to death. Auto-assassanophilia is the hilariously long and double-assed word for having a finish for putting one's life at risk. I do a lot of play around breathing restriction, drowning, extreme beatings, another ridiculous shit

that I won't list for the sake of brevity. I am hyper-aware of the risk, and I make a lot of choices to mitigate harm, there's really only so much you can do. You're going to get hurt hanging from a wench just by your tits. That's for certain. In case of our Ocala friend and his UK visitor, the fact that there was no out for the person, even when they were attempting to end the scene,

leaves the realm of BDSM and enters into just straight up criminal activity. Yeah, that's what we talked about it. Yes, I've had sessions where I've negotiated more than I can handle, and I've communicated that, and the sadist I'm playing with will always end the session. But are they real sadists then? A negotiating one's death is tricky business. I negotiate with scenes with the awareness that my death is a serious possibility. Funnily enough, I was enjoying a session with a friend where they repeatedly choked me unconscious yesterday, and I'm still here to tell the tale.

Every time I went out, a bell dropped from my hand, and they immediately let off my neck. I'd come back to in seconds, and we were able to determine each step if I wanted to continue going or stop. It doesn't matter how fucked up the play. or the risk profile, a consensual BDSM encounter requires a way out, and check-ins. Even if that check-in is, yo, you're still alive. And that is just the truth, which is, yeah, but obviously the man was murderer. Yeah. And she has to be murdered, and that is hard.

You know, when I was a stupid child, I used to, like, me and my buddy. You did stupid child thing. We used to choke each other out. And I remember we stopped after one of us. passed out and we thought we'd kill the other one. We're like, oh, we should probably not do this anymore. Yeah, we shouldn't do this all the time. Yeah, let's just start smoking weed instead of choking each other. Nitrous, dude.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we definitely started that as well. So much easier. Obviously, oddly safer, I think. In a way. Yeah. But I'd be real careful out there. Yes, absolutely. All right? Nitris for choking each other. Just make sure, right? Because I get some people like a little squeeze here and there. Absolutely. It frightens me.

Yeah, make sure you're holding your bells. I'm a gentle lover. Yeah. I'm a gentle lover. I do little nibbles, little spanks or I'm gentle yeah no chokes no chokes I don't like choking someone I get scared no no no plus it's just mean right I guess and people

like it though Eddie people do like some people that's the idea is they like it because it feels mean it feels mean yeah it's not mean I guess God I feel like I can't even say anything right now you're very vanilla but I get it it's fine very vanilla I'm extremely vanilla too yeah but it's okay

you're taking it back it's newly revolutionary in the world of Polly and all of these things. It's newly revolutionary to just have standard sex with your wife. Yeah. It's coming all the way back around. All the way back around. We're back to being perverts. Wow. Oh, we're the weird

ones. Oh, yeah, just straight up, how gross we are just having sex with our wives. Yeah. Sometimes I just hold her. You know, sometimes I just hold her, we'd like, we'll put on music and we dance. Oh, I hate, ew. You know, we'll do that. Sometimes, like, we'll slow dance the two of us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we have a nice time.

You don't make each other throw up? No. You don't beating her anymore? No, no. For sexual purposes? Absolutely not. Oh, hey. Absolutely not. Everything changes, huh?

I got our Christmas stocking, and I'm trying to fill the whole thing. Still crazy after the only years. Go check us on Patreon.com slash last podcast and left to watch us do this. You think I should put the bottom of my feet in our Christmas stockings? Honestly, if you want to surprise her. Well, I see if I can get my dad. Yeah, they're still solid. All right, we go and I'll be on the left for all.

your social Instagram needs. Keep it good and dark for Christmas time. And you're going to go up to YouTube. If I wrap my dad's urn and put it under the tree and give it to my wife, just be like, I didn't want it anymore. I thought that maybe you should have it. Will you please save it for her birthday? I think that's actually the case.

Save it for her birthday. So only she can get it. And go check out YouTube. Go check out our new show. LPN TV, Vampire the Mascarate. LPN RPG is the best shit. we've made in a long time it is going there just know that we're about to have make a bunch of announcements for i'll just go out and say it we got a second season of hoopagoo yeah gogoo yeah gogoos

coming out we have um you might be hearing whispers of another show that you guys have been asking for it's coming out back again in 2026 yield tears of a clown in a way oh wow you know go check it in a way and then say the title of the show yep it doesn't work like that it's so i can we somehow get out of it if things go wrong but who knows and And they're not going to go wrong. I got the doggy. And we got Champ in hands. Champ's here.

Champ wants to wish everyone on Merry Christmas. It's not time yet. A champ wants everyone to come to Ed's stand-up show at Oxnard on January 4th, right, champ? Yeah, you do. Yeah, he does. You want everyone to come to Oxnard Levity Live to come see me and Carolina and Julia Johns and Holden and Jake.

It's going to be a lot of fun. Please come because I promised them money. And I don't want to lose money on the show. That's your first mistake. It is my first mistake by booking. my friends and offering them money. But yes, also, I'm going to be in San Francisco at the punchline on February 18th,

right before Henry and I head off to Alaska. We got side story shows in Anchorage almost sold out. So if you want to come to the Anchorage show, get your tickets now. And Fairbanks, there's plenty tickets to Fairbanks. Come out to Fairbanks. Come out to Fairbanks. Seriously. We're going to be there. There's going to be no light, and we're going to hang out with you guys, and we're going to have a good time.

And I can't wait. And then, um, I think that's about It's errone. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I wanted to say my friend had a very horrible thing. Here's a PSA. My friend's house burned out. And it was a very close friend of mine.

I love them greatly, Chelsea Riggs. You know, here's something. It's more of a PSA for everyone. I didn't realize this is a thing. It was an electrical fire. And apparently, we're all supposed to have smoke detectors in our addicts and no one has smoke detectors in our addicts. Other if you have an attic.

I don't have an attic. Yes, you do. We all have attics. You got an attic. You got one up there somewhere. You got to crawl space with wiring. So what happens if you don't have it? Their attic caught on fire through the bad wiring, and they all almost died in their house burned down because they didn't even know there was a fire up there.

That's frightening. Yeah, it's very terrifying. It's very scary. I can't. It's a definite put a smoke detector in your attic. Anyone who's got a home that you know, it's an easy Christmas gift. I'm glad we saved this actually very real. tip for the very end.

Yes, yes. This extremely important tip for some people feels like, which I didn't even think about. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So this could totally just happen to you. I'll buy your smoke detector, Henry. This is on me. This one's on me. I'll get one for Marcus. Wow, okay. I'll make sure

our house is dunk and burned down. So this Christmas, whenever one's Christmas trees are all fucked up and dried out and got lights on them, make sure you got all your smoke detectors. We're running and going because it's a really bad time for all this to happen. It's never a good time for your house to burn down. But at the same time, please...

Unless you got a body in there. Unless you got a body in there. Yeah, you know, if you're looking to annihilate your family, it's actually pretty great. If you want to help out my friends, there's a go-fund-me, just Google, support Riggs family after house fire. And it happened in Tallahassee, Florida. You don't have to do anything to help them, because we're going to help them out here. But if you feel like it, please, it's just so tragic. And you ever think about this, you always read about it, but then when it happens to someone you actually love,

it gets a lot of crazy. After the fires, I had several friends that lost their either newly purchased homes, their life savings was gone. It was, it's extremely brutal. And the United States of America is not the kindest country right now. And there's not a heck of a lot of safety nets for people.

So we are unfortunately forced to take care of each other. Yes. Yeah. So one day, GoFund me won't pay for all of our medical bills and house fires. but today that's what's going on. Well, until GoFundMe becomes private health care. Yes.

Which very well could happen. Ah, yes, my GoFundMe PPO. Ah, yes, yes. And then it's all you only get, and you only get it if you complete it. You only get it. That's what's going to happen. If not, they get it, they get it, they'll take the money. Oh, well, I love all you guys.

Take care of yourselves. Try to take care of yourselves this very complicated season. Hail Sweet's sake. And hail Chelsea Wrigs and her family. Thank you.