Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Toying with Turtles

Episode Date: May 22, 2024

Henry & Eddie bring you this week's weirdest stories, true-crime news, and a SLEW of Side Stories Updates but first - Ed expresses his new desire to own a Tortoise, THEN Serial Killer Robert Pickton in critical condition after jailhouse shivving, Suspect arrested in connection to Steve Buscemi NYC assault, Another "Murder For Hire" Plot gone wrong, Listener Stories, and MORE!

Hi, did you know that you can watch last podcast on the left and side stories on our patreon right now? Yes, that's patreon.com slash last podcast on the left. But over on TikTok, you can see the hottest, tightest, funniest clips from the show right there. It's TikTok. TikTok. It's at LP on the left.

It's the same as our Instagram. You already follow the Instagram. Why don't you go follow TikTok? But it's on TikTok. Yeah, because... Seal is...believing. Yep. So just go check it out. Watch it. Go send our podcast to China! I love TikTok the Crocodile. It's my favorite TikTok. That's the only one he knows. I love TikTok the crocodile. It's my favorite. It's the only one he knows. There's no place to escape to. This is the last on the left. Sign stories. That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. Yeah. Oh my God. Is he making a Napoleon series? Yeah. We, everyone wants it. Everyone's been clamoring for it.

But the last movie was awful. He's going to put the nap in Napoleon. Ready Player One was okay. Ready Player One was fine. It was fine. The book was actually that the Ready Player One is one where the book was worse than the movie. I did hate the BFG. I hated the BFG.

I hated the BFG. Also, I hated that book too. I hated that, my least favorite old doll book. Hated that book. But it was stupid. I didn't bother at War Horse. Yeah, why would you? Horse doesn't know it's at war.

Yeah. If they would have tied a gun to his face, I would have been into it. That's a Warhorse. Yeah, why would you? Horses knows at war. Yeah. If they would have like tied a gun to his face, I would have been into it. That's a warhorse. What we saw in Stupid Warhorse is a horse based historical war drama. When I wanted to see a horse with a missile on its side, machine gun on the side of its face, a lance on its dick. Yeah. So that anywhere it was fighting, it could fight you. And then it could also, let's say you're one of these people we got another letter about this week who want to have a friendly relationship with an animal as if it's possible, as if

you could date an animal. Please stop sending the letters to my audience. I love the audience. So send us any more. We won't talk about it anymore if you stop sending them, but it's just seen it's just so interesting I guess it must be it's interesting to me, but I'm saying a real war horse Yeah, it shows up to kill it kills and has a mind of its own It has been trained to kill it is not just being written by a soldier and then it becomes a war horse

How bad is the other side that they can't shoot a horse? You're fighting one horse. It's the war horse. I feel like that's the easiest thing to do. You just aim. It's so much easier to kill than a human. Poison oats. Yeah. Done.

War horse doesn't know. Can't detect for poison. It's not a fucking poison detecting horse. More like snore horse. Thank you. All right, here we go. Welcome to Side Stories. We needed to find our inn. My name snore horse. Thank you. All right, here we go. Welcome to Side Stories. We needed to find our inn.

My name is Henry Zabrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. Ooh. Oh, Eddie. Ooh. What's wrong, Eddie? Too much ham. No.

Ooh. You did eat a lot of ham before the episode began. I'm sweating. And what I do like is that you all think it's a bit, you think that Eddie with the hand is just like, oh what a fun lark, you know, but no, the nitrates that flow in this man's blood is real. Like I feel like the nitrates that you're eating, to be honest, I want to see what studies come in, side stories LPOTL gmail.com. I think that the nitrates Nitrates I think that nitrates might actually destroy microplastics

You know what cuz I suck on plastic all day and nothing happens to me all day And I'm just like trying what about these weak ass turtles, dude? Yeah, I'm sucking out of a straw right now I ain't dead one turtle dies 12 years ago ago and we all got to fucking sit here with these. Don't do this. I don't believe it. No, no, we can't. I'm sorry. I'm not bringing up. We're not doing a straw thing. We don't care really about the straws. It's just one of those. If you own a beach restaurant, have paper straws, paper straws, paper straws. Yes, yes, yes. No, I know. You live in Wyoming. Thank you, Rob, for putting up the pictures of them pulling the fucking straws out of the turtle's nose. We know. This happened 15 years ago. Eddie likes animals more than me. It's one turtle long time ago.

I don't know. I'm just saying that what I wanted to really bring this back to is about how we can defend ourselves against microplastics in a way that turtles can't, because turtles can't eat hot dogs. No. To fight against the microplastics in their little, in their little bloods. And they can't go. Yeah. Like they can't go. Like it's like, what else, how do you get the nitrates? You get it from hot dogs, it's probably in, you know, hams, any smoked meat, it's gonna have nitrates. Yeah. Probably in you know hams any smoked meat. It's gonna have nitrates Yeah, and I think that's the key is to eat a smoked meat that is made out of assholes and cartilage And that will eventually that will that natural base poison could have attack the super unnatural plastic poison now, right?

Well, what we're talking about turtles, I agree with you by the way. Um The but we don't need information. I need a quick one She's got nitrates baloney canned meat, which is sad corned beef of course telling me makes sense Mm-hmm. I like can't can meet just like fatter. It's like a fat all fat version of can't eat That is a weird al parity group I technically it's a weird song that is a weird out parody group. I always, and I always thought an all fat cover group of Pearl Jam, Pearl ham. We B S and a scone gossard. It'd be a lot of fun. It is very cute. But the idea of the concept of fat is kind of all over the place these days. You don't mean because I'm still fat. I lost 100 pounds. I'm still

hungry. I know it pounds. I'm still hungry The dog but you know continue with a hog, but yeah, so turtles, okay, we all know I'm doing the sign of the cross. Why Rambos on his way out? Oh, this is sad This is sad Rambo is on his way out, you know, why are we doing this? I just I'm talking with Julie and I we'd like you know, he's on his way out and we're like, alright What do we do after Rambo? Obviously,'re going to take a break from having a dog, but we are toying with the idea of getting a tortoise. Side stories, LPOTL at gmail.com. Talk him out of this. I want to talk him out of it.

I want a tortoise. Like I want to, I want to one that's going to live to like 120. You're going to be way dead. So who gets it? That's the thing. I'm gonna will it to somebody with money. I mean, I don't have kids I'm gonna leave my money to the tortoise. Oh shit You know, well, you can get a you can buy a tortoise for 150 to 500 dollars. That's cheaper than a dog Well, you shouldn't be paying for a dog. Anyway, Rambo was 120 bucks You have to get tests and stuff like that, but I tried I got him from the pound Yeah, and it was still a hundred like There's like a fee in there. Yeah. Yeah. That's about the same. But a turtle is a big fucking, you don't view a turtle

is just something you eat. I mean, I'm not going to eat this one. These tortoises, they're different, man. They're different. They're friendly. They got attitudes. They fuck. I don't want it to watch. I don't want to watch it Fuck well, I mean I'm not gonna debate. I'm not gonna sit there and watch it Fuck another turtle we're gonna bring another turtle over and you're just gonna watch it. Fuck you can just play like John Tash and the body turtle. Yeah. All right. Yeah, but look at these guys. They're screwing. You know, I see I see him hauling ass on that other turtle. Yeah, I see him wrecking house Yeah, no look at the look in his face. I see his cum-based face.

I know that he is a, that is a father. That's a turtle father. I want a 100 pound tortoise living in my backyard. I think this could be like life-changing. I mean, you know, anything for content, you know, I don't care. It's not my life. It's not for content.

This is what I, I think this is, I've always wanted some kind of exotic pet. Side stories, LPOTL at gmail.com. And I.com This is the one I could take care of ask Eddie train Eddie Tell me I would love to get your response about whether or not him having a Galapagos tortoise Yeah, is going to be amenable in North Hollywood. Yeah, because it's like walking around people love them I've seen I've seen like two of them walking around what in the living fuck you talking about You've seen a giant Galapagos tortoise

Walking around you haven't seen there's like two in Hollywood. No, I have not Yeah, there's a guy who like hits the stick on the ground that follows the stick Where can you buy tortoise in earth Hollywood don't source this robbery No, no, yes, you can get yes Endangered animal Rob Yes, the Petco, but these are reptiles. Yeah, he wants an endangered animal, Rob. They're not endangered! They're not? They're not endangered!

They're not, I don't think they are, but they're not endangered, you know? There's a guy in Brooklyn who I used to see walking a tortoise around all the time. These guys need attention. So much better than Brooklyn. This is so much attention you're going to be asking for. I'm keeping them in my backyard.

You don't think that people are going to look over? I mean, I still feel like people are gonna try to eat it. No, not my neighborhood. Everyone's Jewish. It's not kosher. Is turtles not kosher? Absolutely not! I'm looking that up right now. It's a shell though.

Are turtles kosher? Absolutely not. I'm looking it up right fucking now. According to kabad.com.org, turtles are not kosher. You're right. Yeah. Thank you. Good work. Good coverage. We learned a lot today. So please email SideStoriesLPOTL. Let me know. Talk me into it. Talk me out of it.

Talk him out of it. No. Why? Because I feel like if the... I feel like a turtle... Is a low maintenance pet. But what are you getting back from the tortoise love hugs? I don't think reptiles experience love and express love the way that a dog or cat I think tortoises are the one smart reptile

I'm gonna get this. I'm gonna hear about because you've never had reptiles before because I think it takes a time a little turtle But it takes a type a reptile person's kind of a type turtle in a tank I don't know if you have enough trauma to be a reptile. I'm not getting snakes. I'm not getting spiders or scorpions But I feel like we got to try it out tortoise. I want old as fuck. I'm willing my money to it You're just going oh, it's gonna be one of those tortoise is gonna be walking around in your various dolphin jerseys Yeah in an empty home for a long time Some intern from LPN from the, in the future, max von barren is going to have to go and be this turtles assistant.

Yeah. All right. Well that I like. Yes. That's the plan. I like most. I not having a child. No, of course. And it's going to live past the intern Way past. I like this. Now actually I'm more into this. I like this idea. As soon as it became a burden on someone else, I liked it. No, that's why I like it so much. That's interesting. Because it's gonna be like 40 when I die. Wow, that's really fucked.

You know, and so like, it's gonna go for, these things could go for. Hundreds of years. Hundreds of years. I could fuck with people forever. I just feel like that answer for responsible But we'll find out how do you keep your name alive? It's the cocoa thing No, see at the way your name my name on the turn

You think the way we keep our name alive is by making content for the internet looks with 80 and 150 years up to 250 years I feel like it depends on what you feed it I don't know if you let it have I can't just hang out or you drink Monster Energy drink. I'm gonna sit. I'm gonna get a barrel of lettuce. I'm gonna sit on my back porch just Getting turned around Hydrated tortoise can go months without food or water. If the temperature is low, if you said the feed at Christmas, if you send a turtle to the studio, I'm going to be really mad. I'm not sending it here. No one do this, but I

could already see it coming. I don't know if you can you mail a turtle? How long can they live without oxygen? I have to get it mailed to me. How long can they, how can a turtle hold a turtle can't live without oxygen. Oh, you can't send your quarter to the USB as it does not ship turtles. Oh, you fucking cucks. All right. This has been, I will see. Let's see what happens. Side stories. LPL turtle. Please write in. Let me know how much you love it. They're all going to say they love it, but I feel like it's... Let's see what the response is.

Honestly, if you have one and it's a burden, it's your duty to tell me. It is your poo poo to tell him what's going on. Build it a little pen. Yeah, you will see. You know, I'm having trouble growing this grass. No, I know you're... The turtle's perfect for it. I think it's just going to eat the grass.

This is one of those where I don't want to devolve into this situation either. I got to know this is the last time we're talking about this. But I know. Yes. And this the horses. I'm a paralegal at a law firm that handles a lot of criminal defenses. This happened like five years ago. I don't remember how we ended up getting referred to this dude, but well, he was real into horses.

He had sent several inquiries to nearby farms asking him if he could possibly have a quote unquote romantic relationship with into horses. He had sent several inquiries to nearby farms asking him if he could possibly have a quote-unquote romantic relationship with their horses. When the farms understandably responded with hell no, he decided to plant homemade tire spikes all over their properties, which damaged several cars and some farm equipment. Guys, this isn't Romeo and Juliet. Okay. It's a horse in a field.

Leave it alone. I'm not, I don't want to talk about it ever again. You can't date a horse. I don't care what the horse says. Yeah. All right. But the fun, you didn't get to the best part of the, oh yeah. So the dude, he goes to jail. All right. Because obviously they, if they rested, they rested him when they arrested him, of course, what they find in his house, lots of unexploded homemade explosives. You know, that was just his, that was his future thinking, I guess. He decided he wanted to kill everybody who wasn't a horse. So he goes to jail.

I mean, just because you have explosives, does it mean you're going to blow something up? What are we going to find in Ed's home? I mean, when I was younger, I mean, I collected fireworks. You know, I loved an M80. I still feel like it's again when you look at a 250 pound 15 year old with a collection of M80s It's very different than a man who wants to fuck a bunch of horses that had got a bunch of explosives in his home Explosives and fireworks are different. Yeah in my mind. But an M80 is an explosive not a firework

It was and they were not actually even that fun We're in a good time, you know, all right, but they just they just pop. So well at one point, so this guy calls the law firm after you got arrested. He calls the law firm. At one point during this initial meeting, my boss asked this horse fucker if he had a preference as far as male or female horses. Dude gets super offended in response with, response with females. What? I'm not gay. So that's you know, we kind of, that's a little bit of a response to last week when we talked about the guy poo pooing in the toilet and then the man next to him offer him

$300. If you put your socks and your poo poo and I can have some of your socks and your poo poo. And I happen to call it a bit of a gay exchange because it was man-on-man poo-poo exchange, but then it turns out actually the act of scat play That's outside of outside of sexual orientation. I don't know It is it just to me. They're saying it's not this is a question side stories LP OT L and gmail.com then if it is not a gay interaction Between two men that are wanting to eat and play with each other's poo poo right and what is that so you gotta

eat shit or you flip it around does it have to be with anybody so it's like if it's lady if it's a sis hat version of that again it's just it's just poo poo play alright are you are you eating Amal's shit or George Clooney's shit? shit. No shit, of course. Yeah because not gay Amol shit Yeah, even though George Clooney ain't good for you George Clooney still a man. Okay, there's no way he's not He's still smoking cigars. He's still eating fucking shitty airport pizza Everyone's in a blue moon a mall liquor industry, but he's hot He's the head of cost of mingles hot men does not make them less gross

Yeah, women actually also means the most of the time they're grosser no way yes No way not women are always grosser in the end, but not with their eating habits their eating habits are very very controlled Yeah, yeah, I'm all shit for definite. George Clooney, you know that poo-poo's liquid. I don't care what anybody says. He's had too many liquid poo-poos for me to carry. He is not. He looks handsome, but his butthole is the same as mine. If you put his butthole on a fucking camera and you put my butthole on camera, you're not gonna say, I can guarantee you, you're not gonna see any difference between his asshole and mine yeah but the rest of his ass is gonna look a lot better that's not what I'm saying

come out of she comes out of the hole it's not about the fucking but it's not about the cheeks around the fucking hole it's about the hole itself yeah we're wildly off topic there is no topic so far I have a lot of stuff. There is no topic There is I will honestly say we I normally say we have a lot of show today We don't Today there is less show, but I do think that what what is here is extremely important, right? We got also an update on eunuchs, which I was really appreciated This was good one when we are children our bones grow until our bodies hit puberty in the first big surge

of testosterone or estrogen hits our systems. No, but boy is castrated. I have to remember with eunuchs, it just balls gone. Not, I always kind of thought it was the penis too, but the penis is there. I think it's left there so it could be for the, it holds the room together. Yeah. I think they can piss. You can't piss, but we've talked about this. You can't aim. Yes. No, no, it's just like, you have no body. I mean, it's the room together. Yeah. Yeah. I think they can piss you can't piss but we talked about this

Can't aim. Yes. No, no, it's just like you have no body. I mean, it's just leaking out. Yeah. Yeah, you're making it's a spray Yeah, there's nothing if you're lucky. I'm what I would do then it just like streams out But the way I would then shit is that I would wrap my arms around the toilet tank face towards the AC Slater it the tank face towards the tank. Oh, AC Slater it. Dick mound towards the bowl, right? That's what I would do. Elbow on top. Elbow. Yeah.

Got my Bible out. Yeah. You ever think about going to church? I have and I lost my balls. But they say apparently it is true that you can, Unix do get up, they do become freakishly tall. They were, some have been reported around seven feet. When they're're cut when they're kids when they're cut when they're kids If they're cut as adults, they don't get freakishly. They don't get the cool stuff

Yeah Yeah, Unix also tend to gain weight more easily than intact men and many Unix would get very fat Especially later in life and a lot of times they were used as guards because their size given the very intimidating appearance But it was probably not muscle. No, no, they're good for like, if you shoot a bunch of arrows at the queen, they'll soak them up. Yeah.

At a second. And also, did you know the sun isn't real? Oh, yeah, it's so annoying, these things. This is one of my new favorite ones. This is one, I just heard, of course. It drives me crazy. I love anybody that if you have to deny the very basis of reality to get through your day, like you're totally free. You're totally free.

You don't have to adhere to anything. I don't know. I don't know. I think that somebody like this in their head because it's all about like we view them as insane Broken. Yeah, don't want to hire him. Don't want to talk to him But in their mind, which is the only thing that counts baby because realities all up here dog They're freer than you'll ever be you're a sucker for thinking the Sun's real. Now, I love this. I love this.

This came from an email. They said it's a simulation. I looked this up and there is a community for this. It's a community for everything. My coworker thinks the sun is fake. He is an otherwise normal seeming 40 something grown man. We work in tech and frequently have quote unquote customers who come in for our help and he's begun talking to them about this

belief system He believes that the Sun has been replaced by simulation to cover up either the real one getting further away Or to cover up some form of government wrongdoing exactly if it got further away the year would be longer No, but they don't want us to be worried. He claims that the outdoors is a little later. It is, right? It's cool. It seems like a little later. It's still kind of nice out. It is kind of nice. It means it's probably going to be hot until December. Now, he claims that outdoors is not as bright as it used to be, even though there might be cataracts. Yeah. And then even sunflowers are facing away from this simulation. Haven't heard that yet. Quite. He has photos of cows under trees instead of out in the sun supposedly showing how they

can't be fooled and don't want to be in this quote unquote fake sunlight. He has taken photos of the sun compared to older photos he took of the sun. He claims that they're different. Maybe the reason why the outdoors is not as bright as much just because he's been staring at the sun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Directly. And he's destroying his eyeballs. Oh, for sure. It's very possible. Not real.

And his real son. There's this guy, his name was Cooper and I won't say his first name, but my buddy, he was just like notoriously, you know, an idiot. Like he, like, he did a- What's dumb about this? I mean, he, well, he, this guy I'm talking about, he like, he got his car, you know, spray painted coupe mobile on the side of it, but it was, it just was like coupe mob, which is like he was lucky,

because they couldn't fit all of it, because he did the spray painting, and he used actual spray paint, but one time he was just like, you know, I could tell the, I could tell the time just by looking at the sun, and then everyone was like, you can't tell the time by looking at the sun. And he's like, I tell ya, I tell ya, at the sun. And then everyone's like, you can't tell the time by looking at the sun. He's like, I tell you, I tell you, and then my buddy was like, if you could tell the time within 10 minutes by looking at the sun, I'll

give you $50. And he's like, all right, all right. And he's like, and he just looks up in the sun and he's sitting there and he's like, my eyes, my eyes. Oh, I love a moron. I mean, I love anybody that just take it out of the workforce by their own themselves. Yeah, dude, look at this. It's all over demand and it's, this is why we got to keep tick doc is cause it, it spreads such vital information. What about the sun is not real. The giant TV screen that is over us happens at night It's that easy I do I love an absolutely insane Conspiracy theory new one to which I love what Trump's dead replaced by an actor. That's a new one Trump is now an actor That's Q now. That's the Q space

Jesus they can't even trust themselves anymore. No, no. Why would you? Why would you? I wouldn't trust me if I was them. Yeah. I'm like, Oh, I've been lying this whole time. I know. I know. It's not working. So this guy who's an actor is just going to trial to trial. Loving his life. I guess. I mean, hey, it's hard out there. Only 30% of the city's working right now. Yeah. I mean, there's no acting work in the city right now. And so that guy should be thankful themselves I'm pretty certain it was that you know, they have that like There's now obviously, you know Alec Baldwin did his bullshit Trump and then now there's that new guy in SNL does Trump He's good. I like him and they do a couple other there was and then obviously a dome in this is the best Trump

10 time and Tamanic does the best Trump of all of them. And Tom and Taminic is the best Trump of all of them. Yeah. But you know, they have that kind of like off-brand guy that's on Instagram. That's sort of like that Trump impersonator that kind of goes around. He goes like huge. That's like all he does. China. Like you just like an old guy who sort of looks like Trump.

Oh, that's the guy. Oh, really? It's not him. It's not Matt. Fred. This guy's like, yeah, he doesn't even put on a costume. Yeah, this guy's gonna be put on costumes anymore. He's convenience No, he played though. He played the Masonic also mad friend the day after us. Yeah, he's barely very good I don't know anything about him except for the place the Masonic and that barely is on center of life

He's just some Instagram thing. I thought he is he on Saturday life. No, he's not he does tick-tock Oh, he just something on there. He's next. He's talking. saying something. Yeah, um good for him. Good for my friend. Go for him. But like it like what he's doing there Oh I got another update one more update before we get into the update. Mm-hmm because we got some stories now apparently We talked about the mystery pooper at the Northview Cemetery. Okay Got some information that maybe there's some inner turmoil going on at the cemetery besides just the poo poo. Okay.

Because what I learned, number one, is that it's very interesting. Poo poo with TP in public spaces is actually a lot more prevalent than we thought. Of course it is. A lot of times homeless people will use... They gotta go. They gotta go. And then they'll go to a cemetery or some place and it's oftentimes what you see is like, they will use TP, which makes a lot of sense. Right. I,

I first I thought that was a pointed revenge scenario, but apparently no, not if you're using TP, then you're just going, you're just trying to not get poo poo in your clothes. Right. So it's not, that's not passion. No, that's not a political movement. No. Yes. But the, uh, the, a poo political movement, no, the Google reviews show that the cemetery also works yes thank you five stars come to

see the live show it's just like this come see side stories live we're not supposed to announce it yet we're having two new dates soon I don't know what we're not allowed to say but they're going to be in Philadelphia and I think it's once gonna be in Chicago yes come see those yeah come we haven't we haven't even put that out. We both I just did

Yeah, there's nothing you can do about it. But next week if you're on the patreon Come see there's more than there's more of this. Yeah, so the bad reviews apparently there You're saying that the cemetery groundskeeper of the North you cemetery is an asshole who chases people out and he screams at children Right and that apparently this poopoo revenge is against this one Person so all the bad reviews are accurate. I mean screaming at children doesn't make you a bad person I know I mean, I think I mean what are the kids doing in the cemetery? Yeah, that's what I want to know I mean, but I like kids in the cemetery, but what are they doing? Yes, they can't be knocking things over. I don't want fucking Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn running through my cemetery.

Yeah, I don't want you roll, like, getting your jellies and your jams all over my tombstone. Yeah, put some shoes on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, don't come in here. Don't bring your skimity toilets in your Pokemon Go in the cemetery. Okay. Honestly, that does sound like fun. And Gurney does, is a, Gurney on staff is a Pokemon Go person. Honestly, I feel like she even got to this job by following a Pokemon to this office And she got this job like a Pokemon bits and people say but you know what hey, where's my where's my deal? Where's my ad deal to be the live Pokemon Pokemon? Are they all them Pokemon so the monsters go Pikachu's?

It's not real all right, he's Mickey Mouse Yeah, I don't know who fucking goes off the fucking thing. I'm off. I'm off the topic. The guy you go down here. It's a psycho gym. The guy that runs the cemetery. He comes flying down the dirt road in his big boy golf cart screaming and yelling. No pictures. No pictures. I try to calm him down by telling him you catch more flies with honey, but he doesn't care. He has some bizarre God complex about the place. He literally told me that he can make up rules as he sees fit. After some back and forth yelling, he said he'll show me, gets back in his big boy cart,

and takes off. I think screw this. I got the picture I wanted. I'm outta here. I don't have time for crazy. Only problem, Jimbo has blocked the only exit with his big boy cart. I told him to call in the police, but he doesn't care. He's not moving.

It's not until I tell him I'm calling and reporting myself as kidnapped do they have a change of heart and he moved his big boy cart Imagine a God complex of a poorly maintained cemetery. Don't be scared off by this lunatic just in it Apparently they it's not a pot. It's not a private cemetery. This guy's like this this fucking guy Is that like the cemetery is his own little city, but you know who that city belongs to the dead? Yeah, it belongs to you dog But belongs to the state. Mm-hmm unless it's a private cemetery and apparently it's not it's a public cemetery It's a public cemetery. Well, it's a private cemetery, but it's open to the public is what it is

But either way, you know, I don't like anyone who goes to mo too far overboard, but it's good that someone's watching it I mean, yeah, but I'm saying it's good that someone's watching it. I mean, yeah, but I'm just saying, also, this is how you get people protesting you. Yeah. By poopooing where you were. So you think people are pooping on purpose to piss this guy off?

I would, now I know. Now I know too. But isn't it like, is it worth it? Cause like, shitting and pissing on a grave is like bad. I wouldn't do it on a grave. I'd do it on a pathway. But it's a gra- oh, a pathway. Yeah, or under a tree.

I'd do by his office. Yeah, by the office, that's- You go where all the farm equipment, right? All the lawn equipment is. Yeah. And just take a fucking shit outside of that. Yeah, that's what I would do to protest him. But then I also want, I have to make sure it's only him.

Cause I don't want to do it to people who don't deserve it. And no toilet paper. You don't want to make it easier to pick up. No. Yeah. You have to take one for the team. deserve it. And no toilet paper. You don't want to make it easier to pick up. No. Yeah. You have to take one for the team. Oh no. I'd probably leave one little poop

if there was like one of those like Confederate graves. Oh yeah. But I'd put that, I would put that all on top of it. But they're all buried in a mass grave. There's that one that I went to, I saw Richmond, Virginia, that giant pyramid of the Confederate graves. It, it's actually very interesting It's very intense looking the pyramid. Yeah, but you still like the same time. I kind of want to knock it over

I feel like it's bad, but it's against like everybody gets angry. It's actually cool monument But it is a cool monument, but what are you gonna do? They got to put them somewhere? You know just grind them up and feed them to fucking dogs So how would you would you shit in a bag and then like throw the shit at his area or would you go shit in that moment? I would show up. I would dress as a skeleton. I would pre-shit.

Oh, interesting. I would shit at home in a bag, they put it in the car, bring it with me, and then throw it out the window. Something about me with getting over Rather than getting over there. You get caught mid shit, he can push you over. You're very vulnerable. I can't get knocked over physically.

Your balls are up. I physically literally can't be knocked over. Don't say that into a microphone because now people are just going to try and knock you over. They've already tried. Everyone tries. They can't get me. My center of balance is so precisely balanced.

Tree stump of a man. They can't get me. I'm too low. I'm too low. So as soon as I'm in a squat position, and I'm shit Might as well be a gargoyle off a church shit. Yeah, you're kind of you're like our sack Thomas. You can't come at me Yeah, yeah, I'm the I'm I am the fridge When I'm shit mm-hmm remember him yeah refrigerator Perry way in Perry. He didn't kill his family right no no no he ate him I think he's still alive.

That's extremely sad. Or did he die? There's no way he's alive. I think he's alive. Yeah, he's alive. He's alive. Where is he at? Manu Paul died.

No. And they did a celebrity boxing match. Oh wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh wow. And that's really what he's known for. That's nice. That's really, really sad. All right, we can get to some news I guess I mean I think the first thing that we're required to talk about is Robert Picton got stabbed so Robert Picton

famed of the famed serial killer of last podcast in the left we have we covered him in very very Explicit detail back in the day for those of that don't know the bad guy from last action hero, not the fancy one, but the, the ripper, the one, the one in the, the, the, he does, he does. Um, Robert, William Pickett and Tom, he does sort of look like Tom Noonan. Yeah. Uh, but Tom Noonan kind of actually is more attractive. Yeah.

So Robert Pickett is a piece of shit. He was known as, as the pig farmer killer or the butcher. He did this whole, he worked out of, his crimes were out of Vancouver, Canada. He looks like he was convicted of, technically of second degree murder six times. To charge with 26 murders, he was confessed to 49 murders of sex workers in the Vancouver area. And then he fed them to pigs on a local farm. And they're saying that then they fed and those pigs to human beings in the various area. Robert Picton, who has been in various forms of isolation, here is a picture of him smiling, covered in blood, loves his life.

We know that they ran a independent rock venue. I believe it was called the Piggy Palace that they all did, which it was like a biker. Very green room. It's very green room. It's extremely green room. He is a moron. How you could tell Robert Picton is a moron is because there was a bunch of this undercover video is still one of my favorites where you have an undercover cop trying to get him to confess in a room to a bunch of crimes and Tim talking to Robert Picton and the undercover cop is acting like a criminal

He's going I you know how I fucking is with these fucking guys Okay, he just has a word fuck over and over again, but Robert Picton buys it hook line and sinker tells him a bunch of stuff But the looks like Robert Picton who had been I believe in solitary Because they hide these guys a lot of times. Well, Canada's different. I feel that it's still not that different. I still think that high profile criminals like this, a lot of times they hide them. I know with Carla Homolka, they hid her when they released her.

Paul Bernardo is very much like a Gary, like, outspoken prisoner. Robert Picton also has been an outspoken prisoner. He has complained about conditions in his jail. He's a real bitch. And now it looks like he's gonna be dead soon. So hopefully after this, I got stabbed with a broom. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A guy made a broom stick shiv to get him with. And I have a sinking feeling by the time this is published, he will already be dead. Yeah, I think so. So it seems like it. He's so old, got stabbed by a broom. I mean, how long can you fucking live? I think that we have found that that vicious people who don't feel anything live for a very long time

You know a lot more about this guy than I do obviously. Yes. Um, you know, you call him an idiot and Devils advocate if you get away with killing Maybe 50 people. Are you how stupid are you? It's very easy to go after people that don't necessarily have a network of humans that are directly watching them. So what we call, we talked in the last podcast a lot of times called the less dead, the concept of the less dead,

which is something like sex workers or gay men during a time period when there is a lot of homophobia. So what they do is specifically go after victims that no one is quote unquote, quote unquote, no one is looking for. Even though then you found out with Robert Picton, there were many social workers looking for some of these women, but it did because a lot of times, especially depending on what police jurisdiction you're speaking to depends on their attitude about sex workers.

Cause some of them view in some probably in some backwards way or not that they are quote unquote cleaning up the streets of the crime of a crime element. That's like the worst part of the thought and the other part of the thought is they just don't want to go and prosecute or try to investigate these types of crimes because they just assume sex workers disappear, sex workers move on. I'm not going to give all these resources trying to investigate whether or not the sex worker was murdered because it doesn't matter for me to do all this work to quote unquote find out that they have moved. So it's really sad. He specifically went after a transient population that was very, very vulnerable. And he pulled it into a backwards area that was also extremely reticent to cooperate with the police

That's also what helps is that because like Canada ain't better than us No, you got a lot of white trash up in those hills Yeah You got a lot of fucking bullshit those hills where they could go run up there and the police don't want to deal with it because They're kind of using they're kind of used to them kind of policing themselves I've heard both things about Vancouver that it's wonderful and horrible. It is. I haven't been there ever. Hastings Street is rough East Hastings, the area where there's like it is pretty pretty rough but Vancouver otherwise is an absolutely beautiful city they just they just allow

their their homeless to do heroin and they help them get it. Okay. I think they help they don't get it but they help them make it which I think is on one hand good. It is good. Yeah you can't get it, but they help them make it, which I think is on one hand good. It is good. Yeah. You can't. So it's like they got needle and they get outreach, which I think is good, but also it's just, the problem is just really intense. And it's in Vancouver is the most like human blood I've seen. Okay. Casually. You know what I mean? Still New York for me on that one. Yeah. I just saw, yeah, I've seen puddles. I saw puddles of blood and she was hilarious Get a tarp though for the ending I puddle some blood

But that's a that's a story Robert picked in I hope you don't rest in peace and see you know Yeah, there we go. There we go I hope you don't rest in peace and see you now. Yeah, there we go. There we go They um, they caught the guy who punched Steve Buscemi in the face man What is going on? I think well Bethany Frankel got punched They say that they that the person that punched her had no idea who she was. Yeah. No, I don't know I don't know necessarily know Bethany Frankel. No, I only know them I think honestly because I'm like one degree away from Bethany Frankel and I don't think I'd know what her if she said hi to me. Yeah, probably not but we're Steve Buscemi Could he really not have recognized Steve Buscemi? Oh, well, you know guys who are going around punching people in the street might not be I mean he was 50 years old. She's saying you don't think he had an IMDB Pro. He's yeah, he's unhoused

Oh, yeah, so you didn't think that he was like, I think he's a fan of the arts He's not going to the Lebowski con. No, he's not he's not a little basky con but man Like you it has happened in New York City is a 9-eleven firefighter Yeah, he he like super Chevy is like of all of the people to punch in New York City He is a legend to New York City. Oh, this guy's going to go to Rikers and get fucked. Oh yeah, dude. He was a full on 9-11 firefighter. He's going to get picked this weekend. Oh yeah. He volunteered for 9-11 and he also was a guy that like, he was a fireman. He's stuck in the same neighborhood forever. He was a local theater hero. His

wife just died. He's a very- Then he like famously was with Forever and Always Good too. very sweet man Apparently and it's difficult same thing the guy came for Rick Moran as they throw the book of these guys They're gonna fucking Michael Michael Stuhlberg who was also in Boardwalk Empire he he he got hit in the head with a rock. Where's New York? Where's Killian Murphy? We have to be careful because if they are slowly but surely punching every single cast member He's not in boardwalk empire. I thought Kelly Murphy wasn't no he's in the weird Peaky bond is oh, I can't believe I fucking oh wow I confused the two it's like Peaky blind He's blowing us. I got halfway through the first episode and had to turn it off

Yeah, I don't play the black keys in your weird period drama I feel like that's the thing that bothers me They stole that I think from Scorsese and then it's been kind of going on ever since when did he do it long time ago? Back when was cool there. I feel like it was like a time period York had like a newer flavor But it was still a score. Yes. I feel like there was a lot more Just like a straight-up black Keys song that they threw in. I've never, I know, I don't, I'm always like, play period music. Oh yeah, Knight's Tale, that's where it started.

Knight's Tale. But Knight's Tale was like a teen bop film, that's why they did that. I didn't bother with that fucking piece of shit. It wasn't for us, I mean. No. It was for good looking people. Yeah. At the time. You know how back in the day there was movies for good looking people? That was one yeah

That's how I felt that's all about the American pie films like these were for handsome kids. I like the first one I lay were fine, but they felt like it's like this is for more attractive children than me There was though you know when you go back and look at it. There's like that revenge porn scene though. Yes Oh, it's really fucked up. No. There's a lot of stuff that we were raised with it turns out It was like super time. I got porkies It was bad my father's favorite film if I watch porkies and now again the cops would come it's just you know What it is is that it's just not as it's just not funny No, no, and he does the thing where he sticks his dick through the hole and then they fucking they torture his dick

And but at least they do they get revenge. They talk is they torture his dick. Yeah No, no, no, no. Yeah, uh, there's different values now. Yeah, definitely. So I'm glad we're better We're just different shout out to you Steve. We're all rooting for you. It's not like your face is gonna get any uglier. No, sir No, no, no, no, no, but this will help. I think it's gonna help people pay attention 9-eleven more It always slips my mind and all of a sudden I'm like, oh fuck, I didn't get any gifts for anybody. What about my 9-Eleven shopping? I didn't even get, I have to stop forgetting this. I need to send a Google cow reminder.

Ain't no party like a 9-Eleven party cause a 9-Eleven party don't stop. Fly from your grave. You got a story? Ain't no party like a nine 11 party cause a nine 11 party. Don't stop. You got a story? Yeah. Um, these three women, Baldwin County sisters, they're all charged in a murder for highwood plot. Baldwin County, Alabama to murder for hire plot. Yeah. They, these three sisters, they're not all from, uh, Alabama. One of them lives in nice Phil, Florida. But they all, I know, I know, I know. Nice Phil always cracked me up because of how much it sucks. But they all, they tried to hire this guy who was, he was married to, he's

married to one of their daughters and he had like hit her a bunch. And then, and then he like, he got her all fucked up and like sold her for sex. Horrible dude. He should be murder for hired. Yeah. He's got a guy who is like asking for an assassin. Yeah. Bad guy.

But these three ladies got caught trying to hire someone to kill him. They tried to hire another woman to kill him outside of the courthouse in front of everybody. Wow. Cool. And then the woman's like, what are you talking about? That's like risky and shit. Yeah. Might be going to be good. to kill him outside of the courthouse in front of everybody. Wow, cool. And then the woman's like, what are you talking about? That's like risky and shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, might be gonna be good. And then so they kept like hiring her

and she kept like going and almost doing it, and then finally she just goes to the cop and like, these chicks are trying to kill this dude. This is the thing. And so now they're all gonna go to jail and that guy's fine. This is the thing, guys. Ladies, some things you gotta do yourself, all right? You can't always outsource everything. Everything can't be a task rabbit. But they're gonna know they're got to do yourself. All right. Can't always outsource everything.

Everything can't be a task rabbit. But they're going to know they're related to the woman. It doesn't matter. If you are coming, if you're just coming for revenge anyway, especially against somebody who's like selling your daughter for a bunch of sex, right? You want to handle that. It's going to have to be on you.

You're going to have to go in there. You're going to have to pull Liam Neeson. Yeah. You're going to have to train. You're going to have to go in there. You're going to have to pull Liam Neeson. Yeah. You're going to have to train. You're going to have to go to go to the John wick school. I was just at the LA county fair. They have all thing with the John wick school. There was like the CIA gun training area. I went to go look at it. It was fun. You didn't do it. No, I mean like you have to go and it's like a thing you pay for and go do. That's what I'm saying. I want Natalie to ask me to wait. She wasn't

around. She wants me to go to a regular gun class first Right, just like learn or shooting at a fair. This is the bullet This is the hammer. Can we film it? No, yes, I want to I want to but this is the John wick training where he goes around he shoots like things pop up And you shoot yeah, I love watching him do that. That's what these ladies need to do Yeah, all right and then also or To be honest, you got to let the courts handle it in one ladies need to do Yeah, all right and then also or To be honest, you got to let the courts handle it in one way because you got to try to good and then see I mean

They're like the court they are I might as well have killed themselves with a dude They might they might as well have right they might as well have they're already getting in trouble for already are So you might as well have already done it Yeah Cuz you're not gonna be able to figure out how to buy a hitman. Buying a hitman, I do think is much harder. And finding a reputable hitman, we've talked about this for years. Impossible.

It is impossible. It is always a police officer. Or if you find, the problem too is that if you find somebody that is, look at what Diddy did trying to undercut himself. Oh man. Diddy tried it too. Diddy underpaid his mules. And this is the main thing I want you to talk about.

This is a big thing, Rob, and I want you guys to keep an eye on this. If you have drug mules, pay them handsomely. Yeah. Because if not, like they're the ones with the secrets. So the drug mule- They're always gonna want more though. That's the other thing.

Yes. I bet he was paid well. Don't, again, I would say if you're gonna mule, the only person you can trust is yourself. Yeah. You got to be your own mule. You got to be your own assassin. This is really about you taking agency for yourself and your actions in your life.

That's what Diddy didn't learn, correct? That's what these three ladies didn't learn, correct? Which is, you got to put yourself in the scenario. Also mules, you can't trust a mule. You can't trust the mule. Yeah. You got to get yourself a drug donkey. Donkey will carry anything except for meat. I'm still saying a mule. If you're going to use a mule needs to be a very old woman. Yeah. And you fill her body with, with cocaine. No fillable. Someone who's just about to die. That's the key. Well, they, they fill They fill dead bodies with cocaine all the time.

That's, yeah, that makes sense too. But I'm just saying a very old person who's already on death's door, you can use that and be like, don't you want to live a fun, happy life? Someone who's doing it for extra money not because they need the money. You need someone who needs it, they're doing it for a retirement job. They're not doing it because they need the money. When do you think cocaine will be legal? Soon? It'll happen. I think that, uh, I think a lot of other stuff has to change. We just got,

weed is getting scheduled, getting scheduled down to a schedule three. Maybe it hasn't happened. Yeah, exactly. I'll believe it when I see it, but that's the closest we're going to get that that has to happen first. We'd has to become federally legal first. How it's not is insane to me. We're gonna make so much money It is a fraudsters season 3 is coming back. It looks amazing very big deep dive I've never seen seen a work so hard into the war on drugs, but you're gonna talk about how like apparently they're super How do you put it? they're super, how do you put it, miffed at how the drug war went down.

And they are not letting it go. Because of how many trillions of dollars have went into, quote-unquote, fighting drugs, which really was just a smoke screen for a lot of various intelligence agencies and private military people using drugs as collateral against small groups in various countries to manipulate their governments. It's a lot going on. It's a lot going on.

It's pretty heavy. We did a cocaine episode of Brighter Side recently and seen it came on and it was, it got, which I thought was just going to be us telling old stories. This ended up being really intense. It's very intense. And also I was talking to some, we talked to talked about your 25 year olds accidentally after our show on Thursday His wife's house his employees came. Yeah, we said same thing to them you fucking go and you get those testing strips It's not lame. All right, cuz people die back and forth to get those testing strips. Yeah, you tell your bros

It's what you got to do out there right? Be careful get in our kind put in your fucking systems do it ahead of time Do Narcan when you wake up. That works Yeah I'm not fucking don't listen to me for medical advice. I'm just saying So I can don't die out there. Don't ruin Vegas for everybody else All right, here we go. All right. Let's look you got the killer whales struck again We are at yes killer whales are downing super yachts again. I don't know why. It's a learning behavior. It's all the same spot. It's the same gang. They must know.

They have just become Spain. They hate those boats and they are like we all do. And so they're coming for him. And it's very interesting. Since 2020, they've been ramming vessels and there's no sign of it slowing down. It's a learned behavior That is very very interesting and I wonder what they get out of it They just probably hate them in their area. They probably just yeah, they hate having them around and they're huge I you know, they're just squirting Horrible chemicals into their home. It's always yachts, too It's always like a boat that can handle because it's something really really big because I imagine those are the things that are really fucking with The environment there versus a tiny little boat has an outboard mode. Oh no, no, no.

The out, the tinier the boat, the more chance you have of getting it. They're not attacking like like giant. Oh, they're not. It's the small boats and smaller and they're like good at like, they know we're like to disable the propellers and shit. Like they're good at it. That's awesome. Yeah. No, it's really fucking cool. It's also scary. It's terrifying. They've going boats. They've sunk five sailboats and two fishing boats. Damn. Oh, I thought they were going after super yachts. They also have been hitting up yachts, but that's what they've been. That's the main thing. So they're great, but they're still going after the regular the regular hoy-polloy as well. They're attacking us as well. Yeah, they're saying there's a there's one of them is like the leader is like a woman a woman orca and

She is their leader and teaching them how to disable the boats and they're just making sure that you properly. Yeah, sex it. Yeah They they all right. Yeah, it's a Some experts suggest that she may have suffered some type of trauma that led her to start attacking boats. So she's like Eileen Warnows. That's fascinating. I will see. They're going to probably have to cut open a lot of brains of Orcas to figure out why they're doing that. But, and they might, maybe they got different rules over there. Do you think they're hunting these orcas for fucking with their quote unquote super yacht territory? I mean, I, maybe I don't think the Portuguese are, but I wouldn't put it past the Spanish.

Why? They seem more dangerous to bow. Wow. Good work. Yes. We're not going to Barcelona. I love to go to Barcelona. I love Barcelona. You have men. I want to go get all the naps Yeah, I would love to go just for the naps. That's my favorite part I want to have olives I actually think Spain is fine. I never you been no, how do you know? I'm just saying I just don't know if Spain is like Evil no, I don't think it's evil. I know they had a dictatorship issue Yeah, but I think we wrap that up. I don't know they got a queen or something. I'm fucking I think I would say they would disappear You over there. Well, I think didn't know why would they I'm the fucking I would be

the pulpo Lord Nothing. I love better than a nice fucking grilled pulpo. No, Spain is not a dictatorship. No. Spain turned this into democracy after the death of Francisco. Francisco Franco. Oh, wow. Yeah, good for them.

Good for them. See, it's nice. See, we're learning stuff. Yeah. All right. Let's do some listening to letters. A, B, S, come. Those are three letters. There we go. Alright. Mark Hayden. Now we talked a little bit about exclusion zones, which I thought was very interesting about like why Mark Hayden from the Snowtown Murders, he's paroled. How the fuck do they handle

this guy? Like they're let him out there. He's an extremely dangerous human being as far as I'm concerned. Is he dangerous? I think that anybody that was involved in that crew is extremely dangerous. By the way that they thought of crime as being... How do you put it? Bland. Glimness is a symptom of antisocial personality disorder that makes you not fully ever understand how serious a thing it is that you are doing.

And in that levity, quote unquote levity, or that idea of like you're relaxed about your actions, you do a lot of fucked up stuff. Because you can't understand that you're hurting people. You just don't. You just are a glib, you are just fun about it. You know what I mean? But this is how it usually works.

In this target in case of Mark Haidt, he's wearing a monitoring device, it will transmit his location. Software like what my company makes is set up to track that device's location plus other intercept monitoring setup for this person, wiretaps, monitoring network traffic. It's a lot of work. And the same software law enforcement can set up what we call geo fences. A geo fence is basically a shape drawn on a map and the software is configured to send

alerts when the target interacts with the geo fence in a specific ways for examples alert can be set when the target crosses a geo fence boundary the targets devices activity outside the geo fence or as activity outside the geo fence for a certain amount of time the targets devices activity inside the geo fence to set up and put a code an exclusion zone Because they set these little exclusion zones There are other little areas that they can't go to that it pings When they show up to with the little ankle monitor that they're on so I guess that's how they do it And it just requires a lot of money. Yeah to watch them do that

So what's going on with him? Nothing. Let's get a job. Nope. I don't think he's allowed to have a job Well, then what's the point of letting him out? I think that he gets government mandates. I believe. I might be wrong. I might be wrong. But I do get some kind of stipend. I think for his age he might get some form of Social Security, but I don't know if you get that if you're a federal... You get that if you're an actual, if you're a con. Who knows what the laws in Australia are? I mean, I don't know. They're very similar. They're similar and not similar to ours. Yeah, I would imagine this guy, he has to get a job. Otherwise, what's the point of putting him in society? I Think that I don't know actually I don't know I think actually is probably a massive issue

Sounds like I got a message from a Cassie the person who was a model on an owner of fem scat com The person who was a model on an owner of fem scat.com Okay, and we talked about the idea that they were looking for Consentually sourced poopoo No one wants to deal with non consensual poopoo. All right, it's bad to do It's actually considered bad pool to go and just take poopoo. That's just been left there They actually considered that rude to take poop that was left behind the whole point of the Reference to the veracity of the $300 poopoo don't flush socks in the poop water story. That's 1 million percent true

Okay, can I ask you a question you take a shit you forget to flush you go back in the bathroom and Someone's in there taking your shit. I'm suing you're mad. Oh, yeah, I'm calling the police really why That's my property. That's not your property. You left it there finders keepers. Yeah, I believe my iPhone and you take it as bad. Yes But you but if you left it in the toilet who cares I'd ask questions So we can do yeah, all right. Thank you. Thank you. It's good. Holy tracks in my opinion I've made dozens of custom videos themed around this type of encounter So we can continue. All right. Thank you. Thank you. Get back to my opinion. I've made dozens of custom videos themed around this type of encounter. So if people are willing to pay 300 bucks to watch me on video, pretend I'm being asked

to not flush and leave it for them, then people are certainly paying the same and more to have it happen in real life. Many people's partners indulge the fetish with the semi regular walking out of the bathroom. I didn't flush sort of arrangement and just let him go at it you know how you and Julie do mm-hmm you know she loves to play she loves when you poop and leave it behind yeah a lot of them just say they don't consider it they don't care whether or not it comes from a girl or but or not they just needed to they do prefer if the poop comes from somebody who they consider hot yeah and they want to see the perk the picture of the person who's pooped in the back, of course

So I now I think that we've covered this yeah No, we've covered it twice today horses and poop can now be I think that we did it for this episode Yeah, and I think that we'll have more things to talk about next week. It's the craziest thing We always talk about but then people say I think we hate it. We don't want to hear it And then the letters just come in Explaining to us to talk about it more. Yes, they do mixed reviews We get a boo-boo and horse fucking it has to just I you it has to start and stop with you guys All right, because we're only as good as you and also go check out the New York Post or boy

Devil has got a an article in the New York Post about doing real life, trying to take back the narrative on real life superheroes. He's an interesting human being. We released it. Yes, we did. It's on Patreon. He's an interesting human being and you should go read it. It is interesting. I don't normally send people to the post, but it is very, very interesting is what his

perspective is. I think it's about giving his whole thing is about giving people the opportunity to train, to defend themselves. Cause we need it. And as I do find that interesting. So one thing I'd like to say before we go out is that I lost an old friend named Regan Davis, who was the man, the child at the time when I was 18,

he was 20, he literally taught me the basics of improv. He passed suddenly. He was a good man and he was a wonderful father and it actually made me very emotional. And he sent me, like when he had passed suddenly, he was only two years older than me, which is not frightening at all. But I got a message from an old friend that was in my first ever improv troupe And they sent it to me and it was a documentary about when we were 18 years old We got the or we tried to get the Guinness World Record for longest continuous improv show It was 36 hours long and I got this this this blast from the past

Piece of me when I was 18 before I I met you, before I met Holden. Like, and it was very emotional to see all of us as children. It's just weird to look back. You were so innocent back then. I was very sincere. You were very, very sincere. Yeah, I was hardcore, you were sincere. It was funny how it's like, I feel like it's

It's flipped, yeah. It's like 22 years ago, but it was like watching this and it's like, but I just wanted to give a shout out to him and his family because they are just like, they were the best. What's going on lately? I also lost a friend, a very close friend, Jeff Schoenberg, also involved in improv. He used to run the clubhouse out here, passed suddenly from diabetes. I mean, he's been sick for a while, but they're both great men, good dudes. I feel that there is a- I'm going to love it by their communities.

This is a wonderful time for assholes. Uh, I think that assholes are eaten up right now and they are really doing well. And I think that, uh, the last five years have aged all of us, some of us more so, but I feel like I definitely aged about 10 years in the last year. So we'll see. I feel like that's, I think we're under a lot of stress. Yeah. I think as a, as a crew, we're under a lot of stress as a generation. Yeah. And one thing I know about my buddy, he was trying to get a kidney for a very long time. So I think if you're a healthy person and you got no friends or family that

care about you, think about giving away one of those kidneys. Honestly, and Eddie, I really think that you should get away some of those that you have hoarded in your home. Yeah. Well, those are mine. I know those are your backups. Yeah, those are mine. I know they're your backups. I don't even know if they're good anymore.

I mean, I mean, a couple of them have a sheen to them. Every day I get home, I open the cooler, I pour a six pack in there. You stay bubblin'! Yeah, the kidneys in the barrel. And then also, big plug, come see us in contact in the desert. This is gonna be so, I'm so excited for this trip. You're in town, this fucking thing is already getting out of control. Eddie's about to do, you're going to be doing standup.

Yeah. There's a standup show, which is Friday at eight 40 PM. I'm going to be heckling you. You are not going to be able to get that material. You're not going to be able to get through any material on that show. Well, I'm just going to talk to you from the stage. This is going to me that I'm just not even going to do material. And then I'm just going to talk to you about aliens. We'll see what happens because it

might have to be alien based material. I don't know. I don't think they care. Well, if you're heckling me, then it's going to be alien based material because otherwise, you know, I'm not going to sit there and try and fucking you. Yeah. I'm going to do as you're talking. What about the fucking NHIs? Yeah. So yeah. Shut it. Tim Crawford presents a night of cosmic giggles. This is good. Contact in the desert. It's all week and 40 PM. It's on Friday, May 31st at the Renaissance Esmeralda resort at the Coachella Valley, California. this guy looks what a barrel of laughs I'm gonna be doing my panel. You're gonna love this. It's a serious look at UFOs. We're all gonna learn a lot and then Sunday We're doing our live podcast with Dave Foley

Which I believe I'll say that Well, we just call it. We're just gonna say Dave Foley is gonna be there. He's gonna be there He's gonna be in the room. Anyway, someone just make him come All right, cuz I told him not not jerk him off at least honestly jerk him off I think he's actually going through a lot is if you don't bring him over to the fuck if he's single jerk him off Please bring him over to the panel because we're going to talk. We just lost them as a guy immediately Talking comedy, but we're not talking comedy. We're not talking kids in the hall We're not talking about it Saturday night. I think that I care about none of it. Yeah, not a bit of it

We're only talking UFOs and I can't wait. Yeah, man Can't fucking wait. This is good. And then we're doing everybody. Yeah, we're doing two sets as last podcast and then we're going to be around the fuck. We're going to be around the entire festival. Run around. Hi, we're going to go see some shit. I want to see Darcy Weir's movie. He was so cool to talk to that. You haven't seen it yet. No, I haven't seen it. I'll send it to you. It's good. You're going to see a lot. We're going to fucking just be there. Honestly, if you are, if you're even on the fence, I was just talking to a couple of people. I saw the red fair that are that had a booth and they were talking, they were going, if you're on the fence, I really think that this thing is going to be wackadoo central and it's going to be a lot

of fun. And also I do think it's going to be very informative. The first ever I'm, I'm excited about George Knapp and George Norrie being on stage together for the first time. This is my version of the traveling Wilbur is I'm going to be there with my fucking coast to coast fucking all my gear on going like that's free for all pass holders that have talked about the fucking rations George. What about the tactical flashlights that I'm going to be unstoppable. It's so funny because they have all like explicitly said to Henry to just stay away from him.

I want, he will acknowledge me. He's got to acknowledge me on this trip. It is going to be unavoidable. I'm going to be nice and I'm going to be very charming. But George Norrie, let me smell a mustache. Come on, George Norrie. Let me suck on them nipples. Come on, George Norrie. You're not getting in there now. You're screwed. Hey, Andrew, tell me if you feel, if you wanted to suck me until I came out of the back of

your mouth, I wouldn't argue with you. I can't wait to experience the mustache kisses of a fellow ufologist. What's Thomas Jane doing? He's going to be complaining about room service. I think that he's going to be having a good time. I think he's talking about UFOs too. I think he's going to talk about how that no one watched. What was the movie with him? Was that Stephen King movie? Punisher. No, Punisher. He did have the weak Punisher. Yeah. But I'm not bringing that up.

No. Well, I mean, the other one was worse. But the guy with the guy who dies. Oh, I missed the best. I fucking love the man. 1922 was also very good. Yeah. Thomas Jane. Hopefully he's talking about his movies. He's a deep blue sea. Yes. Huh.

You might have some weird ideas in the back of his head. Never listen. Try not to listen to actors if you can. Yeah. I don't or at least don't give him too much credence because actors, they don't know they read things. But you are an actor. Have I acted quite a bit of time? I would say I'm a performer and an entertainer. I'm a wise man. I'm a husband. I'm a lover. I'm a Polish fucktard. Is that a term? All right. I'm ready to hang out with you, Tim Crawford.

You're coming from you. Also, I didn't get to how engineers make a dude and still suit that act worked. I'm going to cover it next week. So go to Pantoron.com slash last podcast and let's see us talk in person. You can watch her face flap around. We have fun with it. Go to twitch.tv slash LPN TV. Go and see all of our stream shows. Good put's coming back very soon. Go to tick tock. Go to at L P on the left.com. I don't go L P at tick tock L P on the left. I don't know. The hoopa goo goo games coming soon. It is on Twitch. I really can't wait. The brighter side game show. Our first game show. I can't wait to show you guys this. We've been working hard on Madman Roller. And you're going to live every day not thinking to send a letter to Sides stories LPOTL about horses and dating horses or dating any other animals. Yeah. And about me owning the tortoise. You're going to love helping Eddie not have a tortoise. You're going to talk him down. Or to have one. And you're going to have one for sale. Also message. And you're going to laugh thinking about how you're not sending emails about people eating poop or people dating animals anymore. Yeah. And we're going to come up with new topics and everybody's going to

Then it happens. It's just if it wasn't so compelling. It really is. If I didn't, if it but I swear we're going to see you impelling. This last week, we didn't. Last week, we did. Did we not? I don't think we did. I don't remember anything.

The moment I walk out of my try not to think. I don't want to know what I said. I don't want to know what I said. I believe last week it was me saying I wanted to knock Merrick Garland's glasses off his face because they didn't know who he was. Okay, fuckers. So go to last podcast on the left. See us on tour.

We're coming out. Denver was incredible. We can't wait to see you. Seattle, baby. June 8th. All right, fuckers. Hail Satan. Hail Tim Crawford.

Hopefully he didn't do anything too bad. Yeah. Yeah. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.