Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Who Killed Tupac?

Episode Date: October 4, 2023

Henry & Marcus bring you this week's weirdest stories and true crime news starting off with Henry's unexpected Bigfoot adventure, the Suspect arrested in the shooting of Tupac Shakur, a major snafu at Disney's Typhoon Lagoon, a youth pastor turned 'failed' family annihilator, Japanese Robot Wolves, Texas man accidentally shoots grandson at wedding, an unlikely pair of heroes, Listener Stories, and more! 

Hey there dudes and do-dets, time to wax up your boards and go catch the big wave over at the LPN beach like it. Bingo! One night only at the Balboa Theater in San Diego October 20th, come and check out all of the cool cats and the crazy dogs. And LPN, every show, the entire network, each one, poll-sating and grinding in front of you for your entertainment pleasure. We're all gonna catch the big guna.

And I'm talking about that big greasy guy. I'm talking about a wave. G-E-W-C-E-W-E. It's C-E-W-E. Just so you know, it's gonna be inside of a way. Kiwi, Siri! It's Siri! Just so you know, it's gonna be inside of a theater. So when physical wetness you experience is your own personal body heat or the sweat of one of the performers, come and check it out.

I'm certain if there's a podcast flavor you need on your tongue, we got the spoon for you. Beach Blanket Fingo, baby. Come on, guys. Let's do it! There is started. So I stored. Giants of Candahar won't leave our soldiers alone. The giants of Candahar won't do it because you know why Candahar and Afghanistan. Maybe that's where Candahar is. Oh, I thought that was in Queen. No, yeah, they're going after them.

You know that Jack and the Beanstalks reel? Did you did? Did I know that? I didn't have knowledge that it was real. I have never seen proof that it was real. Because you didn't do enough reading. Okay. You're ignorant.

What was I supposed to have read? For the fact, right, that the saying, well, let's just say the, what is now, I will say, is allegorical knowledge hidden inside of the Jack of the Beanstalks, right? The FIFA fofoam, I smell a little bit of an Englishman, right? It's actually been revealed by a little interview I saw that talked about how like actually that speaks to the fact that the lineage of the giants that had existed in prehistory, right? In DNA is still up and out in people's fucking guts.

Okay. And so what that means is that giants, current giants, continuing to live, continuing to breed, continuing to hunt, going after our boys in Afghanistan what they can do is smell the lineage of these so-called giant hunters, right? They can smell it and it's about how DNA has a voice and it was put in there by Jesus fucking great.

That is real. That's all of this today. That's fine. I also noticed how when you said the word giant, you pointed at yourself. Yep. Giant again and again, point of writing yourself. I don't know if that was subconscious or just a wish. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast.

Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. The last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. Welcome to the last podcast. So I'm gonna love that, ladies and gentlemen, this is side stories. My name's Marcus Farx. I'm Henry's a prosecutor. Oh, hey, you know you're the mom- Yeah, I'm a little Henry's a prosecutor. I'm so, I'm so subtle. I'm so subtle.

No, I don't wanna be big. Yeah. I don't mind being petite. I'm telling you, medium is wonderful. I fucking love being medium. You know, I'm still just like, because when I sit, I sit big. Right, like my body slides to sort of like a,

I would say close to a Hershey's kiss. Like formation, I sit big. I noticed that when I sit between people in a car, right, and I sit in the back seat, because guess what touches them? My sides. My tip, my tip flaps. I've actually come in a contact with your tip flaps more than I probably have your four

arms. I mean, yeah, I mean, that's, I see my tip flaps are, I'm very tip flap forward. You know, and also it's hard because you're going to reach around me if you're going to be touching me, you're getting some because weirdly about again, losing a bunch of weight, which you guys probably know if you have lost a lot of weight after being a bigger person, right, is that because I have the curtain, I have two curtains. I have a top, I have a mezzanine curtain,

which is the Teddy wrap around porch, and then I have the belly curtain, sure. All right, because again, and what that does, the belly curtain at least protects my dick and balls. That's nice. But yeah, but I am big. I tell you who is big. So dick and balls. That's nice. But I am big. I tell you who is big.

So I can, and he's around. It's got him big foot. A big foot's around, big foot's big. So some big foot is around. So this is, I have heard you, I've heard you make this statement thousands of times. He's watching us right now. He's watching you fuck through your mirrors.

Right, he's watching you. Like, I'm gonna say, have you heard about frogging? Frogging. I mean, Frogging in relation to relation to Bigfoot well the term frogging Okay, it's people who break into your home. Okay, the people who break into your home And then make your home their home without you knowing that they have made Living in their homes right shit. That's where Bigfoot is Bigfoot's in my home right now. What masturbated? Watching you and your wife.

Been like, I don't need to be, I don't need to be with one. Because right now, I come from you alone. Right? Yeah, right. Here we go. I'll bring back to my story. So I was traveling to go to, I went to my,

I didn't know if I should say the town. Right? Well, let's just say a town in Michigan. Michigan, a 700, right? To the town of 700 people. And so we went to go see one of Natalie's in-laws. It was so good. I have a nice little vacation. You know, we drive up. You drive from fucking Detroit through the worst parts of the fucking. You just drive through frackingville. Yeah. You know, to get there.

And so this place, like we show up. we still, these like bigfoot cutouts everywhere. We're like, oh, well, maybe, you know, because what you discover is if you've traveled this great, beautiful nation of ours, is that a lot of little towns that are dying, they're trying to rebrand. They're trying to rebrand. They're trying to bring tourist dollars in. But I've always wondered about the tourist dollars. It's like, how much can you possibly bring in two grand?

Well, this time, I mean, for them, that might change because they talk about how like, this is the town, this is a type of place that the every business in the town shuts down in December and open in again in April. That's a bad the winter is. And they all say the same thing like, well, you know, they ain't got enough money or food stashed away by December. You are really going to be fucked by a string time. And you're like, well, you know, the ain't got enough money or food stashed way by December, you are really going to be fucked by a string time. And you're like, holy shit, it's like pioneer time.

Oh, it's like the cricket in the end or the grasshopper in the end, that old story. You don't know that story? No, it's because the cricket or the grasshopper, he spent all of his summer just playing and paying the other guys in nerd and nerd nerds win that's what we've learned but the end worked hard already put away enough food for the winter all the equipment time maybe game time for me grasshopper to eat and the wait time maybe there should be a safety net for bucks all right and this is about is about, honestly, this is about the UBI. Yeah, I, okay.

So yes, this might be about the UBI, but it might also be about the end. It was able to protect himself and was able to prepare for the win to do golf. He was honestly voiced, and he was probably voiced by Woody Allen, okay? We know that for a while. And so we show up in town.

We see these big footballs. And I'm just like, oh, me and my guy knew basketball team, you know, high school mascot. Like, oh, maybe that's how they're rebranding. Yeah. But it turns out, there's a town of 700. The guys from, I believe it's finding bigfoot or following bigfoot.

One of the, it was a Discovery Channel show. They have arrived to town. And it's like, kiss is here. I guess not anymore. But back in the day it's like kiss is here. I guess not anymore. The back in the day. No, kiss does it. There's still a draw.

The entire town, including the mayor, was at this like, I they went to the city hall where they had a big ol' like, like, we know that big foot has come to this town. And we are here too. I guess fuck him like get him arrest him. We are here to find big foot Not because it is easy but because it is odd and so they it just it made me are we were in an episode of shit's Creek Yeah, and so we walked around and everybody I mean it was like a cartoon, the buzz, the buzz everywhere, like we walked in a thrift store, did you hear the big foot, I'm reassuring, Tom.

And it's like, honestly, you know these guys are, fucking everybody's wives. Oh, the big foot hunters. Well, because that, what do I know about George Eosukellus? He comes to your home. This is real, he'll come to your home. It is definitely, fuck your girlfriend, but he will look at her.

Like he will be like, yeah, nice. He doesn't want to go into a hotel. He wants to stay in your living room. He is eating your food. The whoa, it's aliens guy is there. He is his underwear. And it's now Tuesday. He's arrived on a Thursday evening.

You're like, what are you doing, George? And he's like, well, you know, actually, I got a gig, I got a gig and me and Chester Delaware. Like, you know, two weeks from now. And you got a gig and Manchester Delaware, like, you know, two weeks from now and you're like, he's showed up like he's causing Eddie. He's just living in your home now. You're not getting rid of him. And so these guys don't understand the fucking virus that they have just received.

They received a cryptid virus. And so apparently then all the tickets were sold out, which is like, the tickets, tickets to what? You had a buy a ticket to go to the city hall just to watch it. Number one to watch what? The man say big foot is here and we are going to do something about it. I'm going to find him. I don't know what they're going to do. I'm an ik ben iron big foot. If he was, if he was, but then there was a whole craft fair, right? They went to a craft fair. There's a craft fair. There was a whole thing, but then there was a whole craft fair, right? They went to a craft fair.

There's a craft fair. There was a whole thing, but then there was a full three hour big foot hunt and an undisclosed, quote unquote, undisclosed location with, I mean it, like 150 beats. So it's like Andy Coppin with the cookies and milk. Is that everybody? You have got into a bus and went out of town to some undisclosed location. And my one thing about this town is that it's they're not much there's not much going on there.

It's not there in the summer time. They've got like tourism, right? They people come for whatever for the for the lake or whatever. The lake, yeah, of course, but the rest of the time it's hunting. How many of these I've seen these big magellas, the big hunter. These Michigan boys, they are fucking thick. Yeah, and they look like they got the chin beard. Yeah, they got all of the stuff. Like, wait, they don't do a whole lot of exercise.

They do a lot of sitting and a lot of drinking. They got big. They're big. These guys are going to get shot on the fucking head. You just open season and all big galutes. Yeah, in the middle now Michigan, which is open season and all big galutes. Yeah, in the middle now, Michigan, which is, it's mostly big galutes. I would imagine so.

I haven't been up to the Uper because this is upper peninsula, right? No, I don't know. It's something like that. It's something like that. It's really strange to like, like, because of, you know, Nelly's grab, I was like, this is trash.

Like, she hated this. Wow. Because again, I was like, just so you know, this was a big hit. This is going to be double next this. Wow. Because again, I was like, just so you know, this was a big hit. This is gonna be double next year. This is about to become a big foot town. I mean, does she, but what does she want the town to be instead?

She just want the town to be just a regular ass town. Just get it out of here. And I also, like, you keep saying, this is the second time we've talked about this and you keep talking about how the mayor showed up. I just, like it was a big deal that the mayor showed up. It's a town of 700 people. I grew up in a town that's half that size.

The mayor is just some guy. He's a guy, he's just a guy. He's some guy who has a, in my town, the mayor was also the high school principal. It was just the seriousness of the, what they're basically saying is an emergency, like is a big foot, this big foot waves are coming. And we got a, we got to protect you from this big foot wave of his big, this fucking,

his quasi-petronic penis. You know what I mean? We know for a fact he's at a quantum level, he'll fold up inside of you. They're afraid of his huge cough. Oh, yeah, so it's basically the mayor's coming out against big foot like the weatherman has to come out I get the hurricane against the same that Santa Claus is coming But all the kids and Santa Claus is coming. You go watch. I got to make sure to get to bed It's the same thing the mayor coming up Yeah, I'll wait for Santa Claus. Oh fucking night

You're coming this goddamn Jewish. You know, man, it's just the importance of it. And now, them understanding, I was like, it's just what we seen, the folk monster, right? Whole tourism world built around it. Oh, yeah, fucking in West Virginia. Moth man. They're just hoping that this is going to be because SpaceX was supposed to

come to town and then they built a holiday in Michigan. And then they pulled it out. Oh, and then they all places. Did they finish? Did they finish the holiday in or was it one of those that they just there? Do you now have like this husk of a building that has sheets of plastic blowing in the wind? It's a crow apartment building. You know, I mean, it looks like it place where a bunch of children died. And now they're crows are there to take their souls to the purgatory. Yeah, good. Yeah.

Good. But that's really it. I just know that like you got to be careful. You got to decide. I think it's important though, as a little town, and if you're a person's in a little town, you want to do something like this correctly, position what cryptid you want to be involved in. Yeah. Because that's it now. now has now it's on the sweaters. It's on the magnets.

It's on the socks. It's now your, your, it's your old identity because they've eventually, because people from neighboring towns, they're like, oh, that's I'm kind of big foot down. But that's the thing is there any other towns that have attached an identity besides, you know, there's plenty of Sasquatch towns, there's plenty of big foot towns. Of course, we know point Pleasant goes for the Mothman. But like, is there, I've never heard...

Or one main? Portland, Maine, but is that again a big foot town? It's a cryptid town. But specific cryptid towns, like, there's no like, Tupacabra town. Well, I bet you find one. I bet you. A Tupacabra town in Texas.

Looking it up right, the fuck. Maybe, I mean, I know I don't know if they're a Puerto Rican like chupacopartons either. You don't know. You've ever been you got to ask around next time you're in Puerto Rico. I've been in Puerto Rico a few times because chupacopper strikes Texas town. Yeah, but that's just a town that says that a chupacopper came. But Quero is becoming a chupacoparton because it just because there was one story in which they said a chupacabra came. But Quero is becoming a Chupacabra town. Is it just because there was one story in which they said a Chupacabra came? And now you're saying it's Quero, and now you're just...

You're fighting me and you don't even know. You literally don't even have the facts. And this is a part of, this is a proper media. All right, because he's fighting me even without the facts. I'm not fighting you without the facts. I'm fighting you because sometimes you might get a little fanciful.

No, it's called entertainment. Okay, so this is Quero Chupacabra. You look at the ship. All right, all right. Let's get into it. We got other stories. We have plenty of stories, but let's get back to the Quero Chupacabra in the future. And let's see if it is becoming a Chupacabra town.

Side stories, LPLG, mel.com. You know what the fuck I'm talking about. Tell me about your fucking crypto town because I know that there are other cryptotowns. Yeah. Because again, it's about search. There's everyone's desperate for an identity for some reason. I don't know what goop like horseshit got to every one of these little like cop troller next.

It's been like, you don't need branding. No, you need jobs. Like this place needs jobs, which is kind of what they're trying to figure out how to do. Of course, but yeah, when we're talking about a cryptid time, we're not talking about, you know, you have a legend of like a goat man, or you have something that has nothing to do. It's got to be a town that has branded itself as a cryptid time,

but has not chosen a big foot, a sass watch, a skunk cape, or any other various hairy creatures that may or may not be time travelers. Who knows though? Send me your pictures. All right. This first story, I mean, the big thing that we got out this week, it's an update on an episode that we did many, many, many years ago.

Hell, it's one of the biggest true crime stories of the 90s. I mean, it's massive. It's probably the biggest true crime story in music history. There has been an arrest made in the two-pock murder case. Thank God. And it was gumby. Can't believe he's real. No, man, it's fucking key fee SD key fee D. He's a guy's name's Dwayne Keith Davis. He's a guy that we talked about extensively in our two-pock and biggie series He was one of the few people that was present at the murder of both biggie and two-pock and this guy's been saying for years That he was pre I mean he had a memoir in which he admitted he said explicitly that he was in the car of the had the gun that shot two pockets.

He had no there. He said that it was the other guy or land. Yeah. So Orlando is Orlando. He was in Orlando's been dead since like 98 or something. So it's really easy to play him a dead guy. But he would say that I gave him the gun and he's the one who did it. Now my question is is that when I first saw the news, look, what changed?

What, we don't really, it seems that we have no information on that. I've been looking, I've been reading through, because it's like, again, he's admitted it multiple times in various different, like levels, like he said, like either he's at a complex and then he for a long time, he used that as like his rep, right? Because I was the one who killed DuPak for a long time in order for people, I guess, buy him hot dog. Like he was like, and people were like hanging out with him thinking he's super cool. Oh, I think I read that he said it on a podcast that he let a couple of extra detail slip. Good Lord. Because this guy, I mean, he's, he's also added a lot to the story of the years and then taken it back. He's definitely made it like a big

crime drama where he said that he was once in the room where puff daddy explicitly offered him a million dollars to kill Shugnite and Tupac Shakur. And nobody, I mean, it might be false, Provoto, like, I'll give a million dollars to anybody who can't let him. Yeah, he was just like outside being like, I feel like it does sound like, I killed him. Oh shit. That's the, oh shit. Have you not heard of hyperbole?

That's why again, every proper commentator needs my comedian white flag. You know what I mean? But like, no, no, no, no, it's like a medic. It's a science, it's a tire, it's a tire. But I, because that's kind of what we believe at the end of our series to when I remember, we talked a little bit about this that it seemed to us way more of a theoretical.

I would give someone a million dollars if they can handle this thing for me. Yes. And because he began to believe that he was the godfather of a bunch of crypts because he was kind of using them for security, even though technically even when the hell's angels were used by the rolling stones, they were in hell's angels. They were some other version of a biker gang that called when the hell's angels were used by the rolling stones, they weren't hell's angels. They were some other version of a biker gang that called themselves the hell's angels, but they actually had to work security before like he just hired a bunch of criminals essentially to work for him very much so.

And then they, and I'm gonna tell you what, it's not smart. No, because they don't have tight CVs. And I mean, there's not a lot of reference pulling. Let's just say there's a lot of reactionary behavior. Yeah, there is. And that's what happens, seems to have happened the night of two-box murders. You know, there's the whole thing. If you know the story, there's a big fight at the fight.

You know, it's a, I can't remember the two boxes that were fighting, but there's a big fight at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. And this guy, Orlando, who's key feed ease cousin, he crazy. He's crazy. He gets beat up by two pock and chug night. They leave and, you know, Orlando and key feed and one other guy, I think, you know, they give chase. They find them, they find two pock and chug night stopped at a stoplight, talking to some fans, talking to some girls, and you know, someone pulls out a gun and just empties the casings, empties the whole clip,

into Tupac's car, killing Tupac. Yeah. And that's the story that we've known forever. But now the question is like, what is it that the cops have that they can use to finally arrest KVD? I wonder what it was. We don't know like, how could it be DNA? Right, because it was a gunshot.

I don't know. Maybe there's a witness cooperation. Maybe there's something that came out, but well, I guess we will find out soon because he's not getting out. So they got something. But they're keeping it pretty close to the best. Yeah, we have absolutely no idea what's going on.

But hey, it is interesting that these things do actually get wrapped up over time. You know, like this was such a big story for so long that like because biggie, the guy who killed biggie, that has never been wrapped up. I don't think they've even come close to a biggie thing because the two-buck ones pretty good, but biggie, they're just like, you don't know. And again, it just shows how hard it is when they investigate these types of incidents, where it's like they wanna pin on,

the boyfriend, the wife, somebody super connected deep in who has an actual motivation. Motivation is such a slippery thing if it's just like, I heard a theoretical call to arms from a music artist. You know what I mean?

That's where, it was all kind of teed off by him hit, doing hit him up. Like two pocket hit him up and then they're all like, oh, now it's for real. But it's like, it's poetry. Yeah. It was just music and everybody's freaking out. Yeah, two pocket was a theater kid.

Let's not forget that. Like he was two pocket was that we set it on our series. It's like, it's that whole like, be careful where you pretend to be. Cause you and you are who you pretend to be. you and you are who you pretend to be. Exactly. You are who you pretend to be. And two pox started pretending that he was, you know, this guy who was going out, you know, dealing drugs, shooting people on the head. And he was not. Two pox was a theater kid. Let's not forget his famous scene and nothing

but trouble. He was great. Oh, the world say. Yeah. I love that. Fuck. No, it's great. Oh, the world saved some. I love that fuck up. No, that's great. But yeah, Tupac was a theater kid. He was a poet. He was an intellectual. And that's why you got to be careful who you pretend to be, right? And that's why I pretend to be huge, dick, incredible comedian. That's it. That's all it takes.

That's it. You can't even see the terror in my eyes. No. No, not at all. It, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no That's this whole story controversial opinion. Is it I want to make sure I'm gonna look at this skeleton Right, we got a skeleton looking up from behind us didn't take it with honestly. There's great new set deck for a spooky time period Looks wonderful. I want spookyer than a thing that turned fun Literally blow your fucking guts out Because you had too much fun now

First of all We want to say our thank you to our sponsors at Disney. We'll never, we would never be smurred. You're good name. Not at all. We specifically want to thank our sponsors at Walt Disney's Typhoon Lagoon Water Park. Can we just like pause? And you know, we're like, we like to think our sponsors that. And then we see make sure that we get past this. Um, but so here we go. This happened in the typhoon lagoon. Uh, as soon as being named, the typhoon lagoon, um, thanks to this next story. That was a loose pun.

No, I don't want, cause I don't want to blame the victim. Uh, now, just be right. No, I'm not blaming the victim. I'm just saying what happened as a result of this incident at the humonga cowabunga slide. Oh, God, it did make a humonga cowabunga. Now Disney ride causes serious, gyneological issues for a woman after water slide, quote unquote, wedgie. I would put it to super wedgie.

Yeah. During a 30th birthday celebration, this shit's fucked up. So this was on a water slide, it's 240 foot, 214 foot drop water slide called the humonger cowabung. And this woman went down, she seemed like a normal nice lady, right? It was her 30th birthday. They were, you went down the slide and apparently as she neared the end of the slide, her body bounced up causing you because normally what they do, and I've ever done a

water slide. Yeah. Let me tell you, yeah, Wet and Wild. That's what I used to go to. Wet and Wild in Arlington. Love Wet and Wild. I love it. I think it's a chain.

I believe I've done, there was a couple of those. Yeah, the six legs took them over and they were quite the same after that. But yeah, the Wet and Wild in Arlington, Texas across the highway from six flags, it's fucking incredible. Love wet and wild. My thing is, I don't like being wet all day. You know what? I don't like chafing.

Yeah. Cause I get all chaffed and then you're walking. I don't know if you can, if you don't know chaff, like proper summer chaff is a big little boy. Yeah. Like it was hell on God dammit. New nothing about it. I was, yeah, but on the other hand,

just, well, I don't know, remember how much of a piece of prey I was at all times. You didn't experience that because you were the larger boy. Why a charm? Yeah, you had charm. I had charm. I might laugh, you know, people would be like, I can't, I can't rape him.

Yeah, I've been too funny. I don't want to destroy that. No, I might laugh, you know, people would be like, I can't rape him. Yeah, I've been too funny. I don't want it to destroy that. No, I had very little of that. For me, it was just, it was constant danger all the time. You're in constant constant. You're so small, you're so weak. You're in constant danger constantly. It's a tradeoff.

Hey, but on the other hand, no shaving. Hasn't affected him at all. Not even close. No, until she was going on the slide. She goes through her fast. So they tell you before you go on the slide, you're supposed to cross your legs. I guess to avoid this very thing. Yeah. But apparently her body lifted up. She had become airborne. And then she came down hard back on the slide, which I guess

made her legs pop open. And then she just went, just just just just just just just just down for the rest of the fucking slide, just like pop it up, pussy, pop it up, pussy, pop it up, pussy. The water and her bathing suit was forced violently inside of her. And she experienced immediate severe pain internally. She stood up and she blood became rushing from between her legs. It fucked her up. And I'm not blaming the bathing suit, but this is also why I don't wear mesh. You don't wear a mesh. No liner. Really? Yeah, man. I go European.

Yeah, man. I'm full of invariant. But see for me, if I don't wear the liner, that's where I feel the shaving. I feel the shaving amongst the side. You say shaving. Yeah, it's shaving. Shafen. No, it's Chafen. It's you never experienced it. You don't know. There's another thing. I have experience. The facts have not been presented in the case. All right. He's another example of hearsay. I hear say. All right. You have no idea. I'm calling the legal team. I have experienced chasing. It is chafing. It is chafing. It is not chafing. I will not allow this because the emails, just the fucking emails we're gonna get. God, I took my blood pressure medication. Sure. And a beta block.

Yeah, of course you did. Just to feel cool today. I always got to start chopping it up, huh? Yeah. So she went like, so basically it turns out, severe impermanent bodily injury, including severe vaginal lacerations. I don't know what this means, a full thickness laceration,

causing plaintiffs bowel to protrude through her abdominal wall and damage to her internal organs. She got dushed almost to death. I think what that means is that it ripped open her insides and her, it ripped open her abdominal wall Like it just the the pressure of it was so great that her abdominal wall opened up And damaged her internal organs hence the you know blood rushing from her vagina at the moment that she stood up and Screaming in the screaming just the constant screaming

Oh, and she gave because it it's different for men, right? Cause it's like, obviously we can get fucking ripped up pounded on the balls for a while. Bad things can happen to the butthole. Real bad stuff can happen to the butthole. However, the butthole is far more airtight than the vagina. I'm always clenching.

Yeah. Cause you and I've learned about that because again, and it helps against surprise. Helps against surprise. So what kind of surprise? And he's kind of surprised. And he's kind of shocked if you're clenching it all time. Yeah, it's like, well, that's male cagals.

Yeah, that is male cagals. Yeah. Hard and you make it bounce. Yeah, I do. Of course, I know about getting hard making it bounce. Of course, I know about that. You're gonna close the butthole, right? I hold it up, you can let it lift it up.

And then you're supposed to do. Have you done that, Pina? You ever done, like I know that it's a Tnacish D joke but he talks about lifting and doing the one being this push up. But penis push ups are real. It's nice. I like to do it's a TNACED joke, but he talks about lifting and doing the one penis push up. But penis push ups are real. It's nice. I like to do it for fun.

Do it for yourself. Do it for yourself. Make your fucking boner stronger for your goddamn wife. Right? No, much of, I believe that much of a person's day should be spent. But I mean, of course you must do your work. You must do your job. You must feed yourself and your family.

Sure, but much of your day should be you must feed yourself and your family. Sure. But much of your day should be devoted to amusing yourself in one way or another. That's a good one. And one of the ways to amuse yourself, speak of being a scope flap. Without touching it. Hey, because again, that's our one true right is men. It's the one thing we're allowed to do without an impunity. This knee obviously has not commented on this.

No. And because it really is hard, because I think that's also the nature of getting your pussy blown out of it at Typhoon Lagoon without fun, get involved. Like I feel like Disney's like not like super into it. They're not going to, they're, well, they're going to downplay it. They're going to say, they're going to do the whole like, yeah, this is what it's something that happens on a water slide. They do. That is the main statement they're saying is that like technically you can get injured on anything. You know, that's like the style, like,

you know, in the world of theoretical injuries, like you can literally get injured by anything and that's kind of like their stance. So we're like, yeah, of course, yeah, of course I'm trapped in a fucking anxiety lock. All day wondering of a bolt from an airplane's gonna fall off and just pierce me in the fucking top of the head. Yeah, right, but that's just called unchecked.

Oh, CD, that's just living. That's just living. LIVIN, man. Oh, it's just white knuckle in your life. That is. But I guess that's really it. They're trying to get 50 grand, which I guess is enough.

I think that's low. I do. That's quite low. 50 grand is quite low. I guess that's just the, that's just medical expenses. I mean, crazy. If they love to, maybe she's one of those Disney people, you know, those people who really obsessed with Disney,

people like, she's allowed. I, we got to stop attacking people just because, I mean, like they're spending a lot of money on Disney there, but they, you know, Oh, I mean, I'm not attacking. I'm just saying she might, she might be one of those Disney people. That's gonna be bad though, because then she's not gonna be able to go back because every time she's gonna go, she's gonna, oh, every time she's gonna be, she's gone any right.

She's gonna feel it inside of her pussy. But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but I don't think it was no point where it was. No, because even childbirth, you're supposed to come. No, you're in second, I feel good at all. It is a fucking water cannon up through the other side that lacerates your insides and it rips open your abdominal wall. It's horrific pain. There's nothing about it that is pleasurable. What I do like is that there's one man in the top.

It's missing the clitoris entirely. It is, it really is. It's not considerate. But if you, there's one guy that keeps commenting on the actual like article that we're looking here for law and crime and he just keep doing, he's just doing random. They should name it the Heiman popper. They should name it the internal organ blaster. The cookie, the koochi crusher. We like, this guy is, they love them during Thanksgiving.

Man. Oh God. All right. Well, that covers it. You got to be careful. Or again, cross your legs. Where everywhere. Always cross your legs.

Next story we got here, we have, and then this is a nice story that kind of dovetails a little bit with what we talked about last week or the last two weeks on last podcast on the left. Of course, you talked about Jeffrey McDonald. Talked about good old fashioned family. And I later go to oh, and we're like, does like your grandpa used to make you just got to go down then. Yo, we get in a victed time to eliminate everyone. Jeffrey McDonald was of course successful in eliminating his entire family. Is successful the term? Yeah.

What is his goal was to eliminate his family. He achieved that goal. So therefore he was successful. It's all about whatever matrix and metrics you got working for you. Killed his wife, killed his two daughters, but guy in Kansas, attempted family annihilator. And that's how sad is that? Kansas attempted family annihilator. And that's how sad is that tried to kill his wife and five children because he was afraid of being evicted from his home.

And guess what? He was also a children's pastor. Oh, yes. Now this guy is in children's pastor is far different than youth pastor. Oh, yes. Now Matthew Richards, 41 years, fun. This comes from Fox News.com. He was charged with five counts of attempted premeditated first degree murder in one

count of aggravated arson. So what he decided to do is that I guess a fiction was happening that day. And he, I guess, which is we get, we, how many of these we've seen. Guys, let the wife in on if you're having financial problems early, right? Because yeah, it's embarrassing and it sucks. It's a whole thing, but dick can help. Somebody can come and help. They can handle it.

They can handle it. All right, we're here. They've already slopped out five screaming worms for you. You know what I mean? They're there. It's too late for them. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

You've already because of your Christian upbringing, you have a baby. Slammed or what child? You're just fucking quiverful on that shit. You're just fucking common and common and common. You done it. And guess what? That's your responsibility because you came too much.

You came too much. Yes. And so the, I guess that he was sliding into deeper and deeper financial problems and that eviction became imminent. And then he thought again, which we've heard the story time and time again, that he wanted to save the children and his wife from the embarrassed. They would just be sad. The egg on their faces. Like because again, kids don't know that they're broke. We were broke.

We're like, you know, middle class or whatever. But it's like, we didn't, nobody knows as a child that you're broke. I think some kids know. But yeah, there were kids that I grew up. The kids without the kid without a door, you knew. Yeah, I put it again. They're alive.

I mean, they can go do shit. Right? He said, he told police that it would be better if they all died. And then rather than his family find out the truth. So what he did was he stabbed each member of the family. He stabbed all of the kids. He stabbed the wife.

And then he tried to burn the house down to try to cover it all up. But again, if you're, I mean, we should go, I don't know how many times we find yourself in this position where I'm not trying to give it advice to a murderer, but you got to finish the job because it's not sticking. He just lightly, I mean, he did do some damage to internal organs. He did do some damage.

Yeah, he's got a lot of people, a bunch of people, but his, I hate to say his heart wasn't in it. I would like to think that it was. I would like to think heart wasn't in it. I would like to think that. I would like to think that. His heart was not in it. I think he just tried. He, for some reason decided this was the right decision. It's funny, because you say the heart, it's like kind of mixed, kind of mixed here, because

I wonder if it's either the heart is not in the right position, right? Where you, you're not quite certain, or you're literally just bad at it. And you want to do it, and you think you've done it, and you've half-assed everything, and you're literally just bad at it. And you want to do it and you think you've done it and you've half asked everything in your fucking life. And I think about the finances. You already fucked up all the finances. Now you're fucking this up as well. And so you look like a fuck up. One of Richard's children called 911 because watched it because like again, this is what they, you taught his kids right. Weirdly. And they, they called the cops came right away. They, he set the fire trying to stop it, even though he tried to call to it.

And like everybody has lived. Now what I do love, again, when they hit, when you get into the bios after, like how many people to always talk about, I love this. I love it. And so, the first thing is to say, is biography on his Crossroads Christian Church website.

He's a big kid who loves teaching little kids about Jesus Christ. Do you mind if I read this biography in my best church lady voice? I might. This is the voice that you hear at every Southern Baptist church, every woman who just loves her entire congregation. Oh, yes. And she just loves Matthew so much. I love Matthew. I'll

Matthew so fun. He has been married to Stephanie since 2003 and they have four boys and one girl. Yep. He and his family have three rules. One love God. Don't do love people. Excellent. Three love sports. Especially the J. Hawks and sporting KC. Matt and his family have been at Crossroads since August of 2016 and look forward to many more years helping teach and reach those in the Showny area. You know, it's joke like. And of course, what is the immediate statement from the actual pastor?

Our church family is shocked. We're sick and we're saddened by the events of early Saturday morning involving our former children's pastor. Former. Former. Former children's pastor. Yeah. Because why is it always the children's pastor? Well, the children's pastor is a different breed than even the youth pastor.

The children's pastor is always is the one that has to tell the kid like that has to tell the kids the hard truth. Jesus dad for your sins. He killed Santa Claus and a battle with the death. Like is it that? Like is it like as youth pastor mostly youth pastors for my Remember just kind of finger bang a bunch of people. Youth pastors can finger bang a lot of people amongst all the different Kinds of pastors. I would say that per capita youth pastors do the most finger banking. But a children's pastor, they at least when it came to my, you know, when I used to go to Sunday school, and I had the children's pastor, the children's pastor

has the very delicate and very difficult task. And this wasn't just a Simpson's episode of introducing the idea of hell to like a seven year old, like a six or seven year old, they have to introduce that. Well, I always remember that like when being described by a priest though, see, I still feel like in at least the Roman Catholic, you know, I mean, at least he's got a uniform. He's not just some fucking guy, right? No, it's just some lady. I for a while eventually took some time for? You know, it's just some lady. I, for a while, eventually took some time for me

to understand that he's just a guy. Yeah, but like, at that point, you know, like he's got an obficious position, but him just tried me like, well, you know, God watches your every single move. If you touch yourself, God writes it down in a big book. And then he thinks about it, no, he does just get matter and matter about it.

So you say something to me. Tell me, you fucking. You fucking church. You're so less. It's okay. Tell me. You see, I'm hearing what a watch you do it. Watch your count. Rosaries. But like that idea of you are, I remember it because I was already paranoid. Yeah. Even as a little boy, I was paranoid. And I remember just thinking every time being like, oh my God, he's fucking watching me. Yeah. He's watching me right now. I don't know.

I'm like, I just mean like, he's in my brain. Like he was fucking sore, George Soros. Well, we did even, well, we had it almost, it almost, it's a different type of fear that we got because you got it from this like official priest, this guy that you only knew as a priest, but we got it from like Mary Helen who works the bank. You know, it's like it's people that you know that you see all the time that are telling you,

it's like, well, children, do you know that if you lie, you will go to Helen, you will burn in hell for all eternity. And the devil is going to torture you until, well, forever, it's just never gonna stop. Cause you know how long it takes for school to get out. You know how long it takes to get to three o'clock in the afternoon so you can go home and play with your toys. Well, it's gonna be that, but it's gonna be forever

and you're gonna be burning the entire time. And that's if you lie, and if you touch yourself, that is a mortal sin. And you will be sent to hell. So do not children. Whatever you do, do not touch yourself. Where's the issue? I actually really understand where the issue is. But it's very, it's weird because it's fucking terrifying. Of course. Well, that's why, you know, we, we was talking about like, with it. And there's also no escape from it. You guys, you guys got to do confession. Yeah, we had Mary's.

Yeah, you had, we had nothing. Yeah, you were, you did it. You lived with it. But the problem is that then it put us in a tiny room with a man all, all he did was listen to children secrets. So at least you guys, I do feel like in that way, you guys got out of that. Yeah, we did.

We did. Yeah, it was all, it was, it was an existential threat from the outside, but from the inside, like this was like, oh, there's a man there. Yeah, they're, oh, now there's an actual man. Yeah, we had insane internal torture inflicted upon us, but y'all had actual external, physical trauma. Yeah. Yeah. Not me though.

Again, deflon. Can't get me. Can't suck that dick. I will let it happen. No you won't. All right. Well, I guess that this guy's going to be fucking hung out to dry. I don't know what it's going to be.

You know, with this fucking guy. I'm your friend. I got a new story. I love this fucking story. I from North Ray. Um, I got a new story. I love this fucking story. I love robots against robots, right? Robots against robots. Any kind of robots we're going to use it because we remember when we last night we were driving and we saw the little delivery robot and it blinked and we, oh my god, and we

both like we were in the middle of a serious conversation and all of a sudden I went, oh, the robot robot robot. It went like, it went, it went, it went, it went robot robot robot robot. It's like a smile and then doing shit. Yeah, I was still like delivering at something to somebody, but it was smiling and it was blinking. And it made us both very happy for a little bit. Yeah. It was nice.

It was nice. But I don't mind. I don't, you know, I'm the one that is not fully anti the robot movement. No, right? I believe that also. I'm not fully anti the robot movement. No, right? I believe that. I also, I'm not fully anti the robot movement either. I think that we can combine, we just again, be very stern and firm with our robots. So they understand we raise them hard from the very beginning, right?

But these guys in Japan, they're doing it very, very well. I look at this shit. I love this. Now, these were here. Japan is like, there's several layers of issue here. Yeah. Japan is unleashing terrifying robot wolves to fight off bears that are attacking the elderly. Yeah. I just just a lot of them. All of this makes sense, though. Oh, yes. Now this was a, they have this thing. It's a, it's a robotic scarecrow that been using it. You call it in Japan, they call it the monster wolf.

They're initially used to stop wild animals and shooting on farmlands. But it's this, it gets it's sort of in this countryside. Now monster wolf was first recorded. You, a use of monster wolf was first recorded in autumn of 2020. Now they originally, they were supposed to be there and they were supposed to watch and keep crops from fucking with, like, to keep animals from fucking with crops. Yeah.

And also I would like to say that robot is a pretty loose term here. It is a, it is a rumbo with a giant scary wolf on the top of it. And it's got a blink and light for a tail. And it's literally, if you could hear it, it's going, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, just put it to Roomba. Yeah, man, and don't complain if it works. That's the whole thing. It's a W. You just gotta take it. So apparently these rural farming villages, the big issue is that people are, which seems to be common, we, you know,

it happened in the town that we were talking about, did the beginning of the episode, it probably happened in Rochester. It's like the younger people, the population of the people, they are a leaving. No, there's just no jobs. There's no jobs, There's nowhere to go. And they're leaving these rural,

yeah, super boring, they're leaving these rural little villages. And they're leaving the elderly there. And then apparently, bears, then take the opportunity to attack the elderly. To areas that's like, it is very strange. So now they're using these things to attack the bears. They give you, if they have a constant patrolling robotic dogs around villages, it will protect the

old people. Right. So you do trade off. You do trade off. You have safety. But then you are left with like all night long and just like, thank God for these terrifying wolves because they keep the real bears from our people. And then obviously this is like a blue zone. You know, there's like one of those places where these people all live in 105. No, yeah. You know, so they're still just like just taking up and like, can't I die? Let the bears take me.

And then they're like going to the wolf, been like, let the bear in. Let it end all of us. I'm sick of living. I won't die because of how healthy my lifestyle is, how naturally I work in a physical way every day, how my stress level is low and how I can squat. Like you need to help me. I can also just see the fuck. Like, do you of them all all becoming like a happy family?

Now what we need is other robot animals around the wolves. Okay, to be with them. So you're gonna get, do one of those things where it's like you bring in the cats to get rid of the mice, but now you have a cat problem. And so you have to bring in something else to get rid of the cats, and now you're wanting to bring in,

so now you're wanting to bring in something to get rid of the robot wolves. now you're wanting to bring in, so now you're wanting to bring in something to get rid of the robot wolves. Yes, that you can just turn off. I would, then I feel like I'm killing them. They've helped this town. So you want to chase them away. I just wonder if the bears will get used to the wolves. They probably will.

The bears will eventually figure out that the wolves can do anything. You can just walk up to them and just push it over. Now get over, yeah. And get over and it's not going to really do much. Hey, really, that might happen. That really might happen. Yeah, I think it's gonna happen.

I mean, yeah, well, okay, well, let's get there. But for what cost of virtual, we get to it. Sure. Oh, I have another, I got one more story. Okay, this is a good one. This came in right under the line before we sort of recording. What is it with, how many kids have to accidentally get shot at a wedding?

Like how many children this is half an hour. A man that was officiating a wedding thought it would be fun, right? Because I guess what he decided he wanted to do is that his name was Michael Gardner 62 years old. He said it in Texas. Oh, let me see. It is Lancaster County. Yeah, Denton.

OK. OK. So he decided that it would be fun. He's going to officiate a wedding. Why not start it by scaring everybody? Is it he thought he wanted to get everybody's attention by pulling out a gun at the reception and firing a bullet in the air?

I don't know what for. If this isn't, I don't know. And so as he was pulling, he had made his own blank, again, inadvisable. I don't think it's something you can learn with a YouTube. Fucking video, right? And as he pulled it out, fucking shot, child. Immediately shot a child.

Didn't kill the child. No, he did not kill the child. It was his 12, It was his grandson. Oh, yes. And they're like, it has the chief deputy band Houchin said, there were, he was going to fire in there. Yeah. And as he did that, it slipped and it went off.

Yeah, of course. You know, I'm like, and I love his comment afterwards. You know, it's just kind of neglectful to take a gun out that has blanks and fire amongst people. Well, this happened in Lincoln, Nebraska. Oh, yes. This is like Nebraska. It's from Odessa, Texas. Oh, wow.

Oh, he brought Texas to Nebraska. And Texans, if it's the right type or the wrong type, they're going to bring it wherever the fuck they go, especially if they're from Odessa. Odessa is a, it's a town. Oh, I can't. It's, Odessa was in that featured largely in hero stillborn. Really? Odessa was like, where are we we're all going?

That's right. I forgot about that. Yeah. Odessa's been in a lot of pop culture stuff. Yeah. I think it's, I wonder why if I don't know if it's just because of the name, it's a pretty name. It's a cool name. And it also like it's an oil town and it's also gritty and dirty. Like it's got actually it's got this great bar called woody's that

is fucking absolutely wonderful. I don't know if it's still there or not. We used to go there in college. But yeah, Odessa just has Odessa, Texas sounds like a location. That sounds like somewhere you're going to go to. But once you get there, last time I went to Odessa, Texas, I went to one of those fucking parking lot carnivals, and I went on the spitty ride and I threw up. No, buddy. That was my last fucking time in Odessa, Texas. I'm done. I'm done with, I need, how do I put it? All fingers before I go on a ride. But before I enter into anything in which my weight is suspended anywhere above four feet above the ground, that was my last parking lot carnival. I think

I'm done. Apparently, Odessa, Texas was the, that is the hometown of the, the so called it's Claire Bennett played by Haley Panean Terries, whatever got to meet. Hearing here is reborn. I don't know if she was even, I don't remember. I think that she was like, they couldn't get her. And then she used somebody, she kind of like a blonde wig on or dead body was like face down in it, but she was the famous safe cheer. Oh, safe the cheerleaders, safe the world, yeah.

And so we were all in heroes report headed towards Odessa. I don't want a Milano Dessa. I had some good times in Odessa. I'm not going to relate. I'm not going to Milano Dessa, but I think anyone that lives in Odessa is going to, I think they're going to agree. It's a rough, it's a rough place. It's a real rough town and it does not surprise me that a man from Odessa brought a gun

across state lines. That's the thing. That's the thing. You know that you say that. Yeah. Yeah, he brought a gun across state lines into Nebraska because it, well, that's the thing. I also don't know if he planned ahead of time or if he made this blank in his hotel room before because he was thinking about it on the drive up. It's like again, because he, I guarantee you, he brought the gun because he takes the

gun with him everywhere he goes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, because I do understand if you you want your own little I mean, I don't know It's a wedding. What do we you know what point do we feel that we're gonna defend the wedding He also prepped enough Thinking that this was a fun Thing to do well this is gonna be is it's like instead of like the like the Instead of that to do what this is gonna be is it's like instead of like the like the ting ting ting ting ting ting instead of that

ba ba ba ba ba ba ba yeah he's gonna fire a gun in the air and make everyone think and immediately shoot everyone's cortisol levels through the fucking roof I think he's it and keep in there for the entirety of the night even if you like guns is it a comforting noise? no

like I mean you don't like guns well no I like we are for your neutral with guns I'm neutral yes I that guns. Well, no, I like your your neutral with guns I'm neutral. Yes. I that's a much better way to put I'm neutral with gun But I don't I like to shoot guns. I love gun attitude. Yeah, I feel like it's an extremely Inducing noise for most people it is yeah, cuz it sounds like you're about to everybody's about to die Yeah, you know, and that's like not again You're already experienced and once it's called the death of fun. It's called a marriage. Yeah, you know, and that's like not, again, you're already experienced it once, it's called the death of fun, it's called a marriage,

can't you? No, marriage's actually extremely nice. It's very nice. It's extremely nice. It's extremely nice. They said, but you know what I mean? No, of course. It is a sound that makes you believe

that violence is imminent. And it is not a sound that is conducive to a wedding. It's not. Yeah, I don't buy don't associate guns with love. No, no, no, unless, uh, if you paint it pink, her breast cancer. Yay, guns for breast cancer.

That's how we flip it. You know what he should have done instead of that, you just give him like a little. Yeah, I love you, this is, oh yeah. Instead of that, you just give him a little... Yeah? Well, I love doing this. Oh, yeah? What if you cracked yourself up on? What is this, Mary?

What's this extremely funny bit? I do a fart thing. A fart machine. A little fart machine, is that what you're saying? Yeah, sure, yeah, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far Sort of loose my mind right now, but just You're right. There's many other sounds any other noise Even it was like a coughing old man even if you brought up a car a man who just go Which actually I think most weddings are announced actually I think that was used at one of my cousins wedding. Yeah, just

my. Yeah. Or a fart. Or a fart. F**k a fart. Feel loud in the microphone. Turn off. Guess time first. He hits. It's time. I could feel tripples kicking right down first me. Yeah, you know, I can't believe my Big enough you to film a child You best get used to that Oh, no, I'm having an abortion Yeah, this is the best wedding I've ever been to I'm I'm just trying to make things a little cute I'm just trying to make things a little cute. It's true because a man, a fucking dumbass from another dumbass from Texas, fucking another

fucking shit ad giving us all a bad name shot his 12 year old grandson at a wedding reception. Wait, don't worry. They're getting Tesla. Oh, no, sorry. It was at the wedding. It was at the wedding. So, yeah, I'm certain the reception went off without a hitch. I'm sure it did went off without it.

I'm sure it did. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure you're arrested for child abuse. So yep, there we go. There we go. All right, let's time for a hero of the week. I got two.

I'm going to do two real quick because the first one is in the, how is this a crime? Southampton's happy hot dog man is in court for the 10th time. Now, most of the time, if man's in court for 10 times, and he's called the hot dog man, it's because he's been showing it to a bunch of children on the school bus. Or just anyone in general. But he's actually just selling hot dogs.

And then again, not a euphemism. Ian Krueger, he was known as the happy hot dog man. I just wanted to do this because they're keep us to them because he's just rolling up his hot dogs. So you do need, I guess, a license. There's a hot dogs, which I, you know, I remember that saying what? What saying? You ever see him when you're flies down?

Sometimes I say, you got a license to sell hot dogs. I've never heard that in my fucking life. Never said that. That's such a weird queen thing. I've never heard that. You don't hear that. Okay, maybe it's regional. Maybe it's New York. But I've never, not a, a, a, you heard cows burned doors open. Interest. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Rural. Rural. Yeah.

I was about licensing. Bindled. I'm getting them a downing. Yeah. It's a, you know, and you do have municipal laws. Yeah. And this guy, because that's the thing, is it truly breaking the law if the crime is unjust? I won't, he's saying with the laws unjust because he is saying. I'm still thinking about that fart machine. My mind's still a little, but he's a little scramble. It's the same sound from Texas, Chancellor. He's apparently, he would pull out a sawtock heart.

The biggest issue was that he was putting in, I guess, in where pedestrians are supposed to be. I'm blocking, I guess blocking an exit or something. And that was like, why they put it into a crime, you know what I mean? And but this guy's basically saying, I need to pay off bills. I'm trying to sell these fucking hot dogs. People are coming down on me. And so people, he's like, I want to work with my hands.

I want to pay my own way, because it's in British, right? So Kruger told the court to his financial situation is improved and he's been working at organized events, right? He was working, honestly, he was making 12,000 pounds a year. It's not bad for hot dogs. And it's just hard. It's like, they're trying to tell him, we set down these regulations for a good reason

for the protection of the public. And he's just like hot dogs. What about hot dogs? And so he was saying that now he's sort of making, he's making a, and he's getting political for him. Of course he encourages getting political. He is making it. He's like, again, it's not about the hot dogs. It's about the letter of the goddamn. Yeah, the api-o-og man. Api-o-og man. Api-o-og man. Yeah, he's a, well, that's the thing the judge said, it's disappointing that you're doing this. He says you're a good man.

You're obviously a good man. You're a good man. But it's disappointing that you're coming down here again and you're in front of me with this hot dog bullshit. And he was like, you're taking my cold again, and you're in front of me. Yeah. With this hot dog bullshit. And he was just like, you're tight, but cool, from my cold wet hands. Because I mentioned he's slopping around side of the wall. It's gonna be dirty dog, it's gonna be dirty water dogs.

And so that's one hero of the week. And the other one is we covered this a long time ago. A little bit on side stories about old stone man Willie. It's time for him to finally get some rest. Okay. The oldest mummy in the US, it's finally got a proper burial. Wow.

Stone man Willie, he's been on display and a funeral home for 128 years now. He was a petty thief. They said the only thing they knew about him is he was dirty Irish. Right, that's what they say in here, right and he died in jail due to kidney disease that was brought on by alcohol and then I guess the MUMMified him because he was a more tissue was experimenting with new involving techniques sure You actually look really good his hair looks great. He technically has more hair than me

He's got a nice that's pretty good as hair antique remain intact. His skin has become literary. And it has been it is a defensive any funeral home and they finally decided that the almonds funeral home and he's been on tour. He's the honestly he's been on tour for something like 100 plus years going around people show him and straight up like Elton John level. He keeps going. They have identified his real name, which would be inscribed at the bottom of his tombstone. They're going to finally, they gave him, he, when he got arrested, he gave the false name of James Penn because he was found inside a local boarding house with a gold watch, razor and money in

his hands, all of which he had stolen. And then he died of gaschritis. And now they're finally, he finally gets a chance to go to sleep. That's nice. He looks like somebody, but I can't put my finger on who. Yeah. He really does look like somebody. Yeah. He really does.

I think he looks like a fucking stone man, Willie. And I think you've seen Stone Man, Willie in many a neighborhood before, because if you look at him He just it looks like a man who works at enough so he has been enamels. So why is he finally going in the ground? He's done. Okay finally decided he's done. But why I think because they made enough money on him like that like Elton John Yeah, he's entire team is allowed. They're gonna allow him to die They're just gonna allow him to finally go under. But say, honestly, though, the funeral director does correct the bill here because he is weed will not refer to him as a mummy. We will not. We refer to him as our friend, Willie.

All right, P. Willie, enjoy your final rest of the place. The purgatory. He's gonna be in the Forest Hills Park. They're going to bury him October 7th. And if that's not spooky, I don't know what is. Because I guess at this point it's too late for him. He's been a ghost for far too long. Yeah, I mean, he does look quite spooky. He looks like someone who died last week. Yes.

It's been handled. It looks bronze. He really does. Which is pretty cool, honestly, for him. For 128 years old. Yeah, he looks in the hands are quite haunting. Yeah, he definitely, he's got Mitch McConnell hands. He's got those like, hey, I'm happy, grippy old man, weird, gnarled, knuckle hand.

This picture is actually one of the most disturbing pictures I've seen in a long time for some reason. I've seen some horrible, horrible things, but for. Yeah, we used to do the Wonderland movie. Yeah, but for some reason, this picture of this mummy, haunting. I just see, I think you see what's gonna happen to you. I see myself in this casket. I think that you do.

I know. It's gonna happen to you. I can't wait to turn you into a little mummy. The impermanence of life. No, it's right there right in front of us, staring every day when I look at the mirror, yeah, don't be afraid. It's listen to emails. Bioshacking changed my life.

I love this show and was recently listening back to some old episodes, specifically the transhumanism series. I wanted you guys know that getting an implant literally changed my life. One day in high school, I decided to go cliff diving and I fell 40 feet because I couldn't stick the landing. Long story short, I ended up messing my neck up to the point where I had migraines for eight years straight. Fortunately though, in 2023 there are implants that you get for your spine and I got one.

So I'm under the people who biohack themselves, the process is not pleasant. I'm sure you remember studying the whole skin ripping from fat thing. Oh yeah, remember all that. But the results changed my life. I now have a battery. My lower back with leads. They go up my spinal canal to my nerve endings. It constantly sent pulses and interferes with nerve signals to reduce pain. The biggest adjustment was learning how to charge myself. I have a wireless charger that I hold over my device. A lot of surgeons do these procedures nowadays. Heck, there's even a market for where people go to school

so they can be an advocate for you should you ever need assistance 24-7. And that's where these new jobs are. They're in taking care of transhuman people. That's where we need transhumanism, towns. Yeah. Wow. And there'll be a lot of rose mcgowen. That's what I hope.

A lot of girls, you can see their nipples a little bit. They're like, these are actually radars. They're actually helping find parking. Yeah. And it's like, it's like right now, like I said, the economy in Lubbock, Texas is all based upon people feeding each other. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there can be actual towns where it could just be a bunch of transhumanists fixing each other.

And that's the whole self-sustaining economy. Look, I got Apple Pay and my dick and bolts. And you're like, wow, cool. He's like squatting over. Every time he goes to like any story, just like you'd think he's worth his tap. You know, he has to do the full like tap down. Ah, but then he has hydraulic frog legs.

So he has no knee. That's all I want. All I want is an exoskeleton, please load. Come on now, come on, universe. Give me that exoskeleton. You might have it. One day, I might need it. Not. All right, so before we go, we got a couple plugs.

Oh, we got October 11th. I'm going to be in Atlanta. Next week, next week, come check it out atldonorparty.com. I'm going to be hosting a dinner party where the food is going to look like people, but it's only looking like people. And it's not just a bunch of meatloaf and different shapes. He does it, no. It's of meatloaf and different shapes. He does it. No It's actually other types of things. I know I'd imagine so we do have a vegetarian option because You know me and we don't really enjoy so but I think it's like squash

Sure pumpkins nothing's it's supposed to be really good nothing's human nothing nothing's human go to ATL Donner party dotcom and then also come and check out the LPN Beach Blanket Bingo. We know it's October. I've been in a lot of messages saying like you understand this could be a Halloween theme. We didn't realize when we booked it at the time because we were just thinking San Diego. Yeah, we were just thinking San Diego. So we had no idea that it was going to be a week before we were more on. So what I was saying is,, we were working on that while we were doing the sub thought. Yes, yes, we're in some remind frame. So what I would say to you is like bring a constant fucking let's go crazy.

Jumpy and beach playing a bingo. We're going to do a thing at the you'll see. We're going to incorporate some Halloween spooky stuff into it. Come down to the Balboa theater. Some day I'll go check it out. October 20th. And I think you're going to like it. I think you've got to like it. Yes. You know what I bet you guys in the beaten at that Donner party thing? Some frog legs.

Because frog legs look a lot like the tendons of fingers. Hmm. I like frog legs. I love frog legs. Live every day, wondering when you're going to get your frog legs. I'm hoping it's soon. I thought that I had an analogy to frog legs where I would hallucinate when I ate them

because that happened to me like three times. It's okay. But I ate frog because that happened to me like three times. But I ate frog legs that get a lot of, like a couple of weeks ago. No hallucinations. I was very happy about it. Love when your allergies change. I think it's extremely remember,

you know, love when your allergies change because they do it in a dime, because look at him. For some reason, he tripped balls when he ate frogs legs. He's got, it's his British system. These things happen. He's got stuff inside of him and you just got a laugh Again, haha, cuz again if you're not laughing Every day is gonna be fucking nightmare. Yeah, alright, so put a fucking smile on your goddamn face

Blaster it on and you get out there and shuffle your way down with a goddamn funeral home and challenge Oh, so man, Willie, we're going to party together in hell. Thank you guys for listening. We'll see you fucking this week. See you next week. I'll see you. I'm the fuckers.

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