Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: X-Mas Redemption

Episode Date: December 22, 2022

Ben 'n' Henry bring you this week's weirdest stories and true crime news including scientists discovering the snake clitoris, Ontario Bigfoot sightings, the Human heart found in a Tennessee Department of Transportation salt barn, Hippopotamus “swallows” a two year old boy, then tosses him back in Uganda, Earliest known narrative has been discovered in Turkey; man holding his penis surrounded by leopards, tales from an online creep hunter, listener stories, Hero of the Week, and MORE!

There's no place to escape to. This is the last time on the left side stories Yeah, I'm ready to get When you got to do is he's cutting at the wrong angle, what do you tell him he's got to come in with a Slash in motion. You want a man when he wanted to make a slash in motion? He needs to bring a slasher motion close to his chest. I've learned so much about knives Oh knives. I think you're about cutting down Christmas trees. No, no, no, never. That's manual labor I was watching a show if you get paid for it during this time period right dude Christmas time period I'm looking I was looking for something to watch that's not like necessarily just like Christmas really

I just need something to watch that is not of the holiday. Sure It's not necessarily just my murder movies, which I love in true crime, blah blah blah the struggle is real I have discovered the show that I have no idea why it was not a national phenomenon. You don't know why no What's it called? It's called knife or death knife or dad hosted by Goldberg on lifetime Oh my goodness Goldberg dude, you got a look at this fucking show dude. Hey Shh, there's this guy did every single time he cut anything. So it's like you basically you go home It's all the guys from Forged in Fire. Oh, they put them in motion. They make them do these obstacle courses No, dude, it is incredible

It's each episode always has like one guy who looks like Steven Seagal Oh, he thinks that Steven Seagal is the ultimate fashion icon is some guy who looks like a pirate great There's always a miniscule woman that I feel like they put in there Just so like look see we put a woman in there strong like both and they they oh it's very difficult for them because you got to Have a bigger frame. Oh, but it's all about chopping logs chopping ice chopping a rope, right? You do these things you also chop accuracy, right? This is one thing. It's got it's got turn it I mean, it's the best show I've ever seen a lot of chopping going on. It's a chopping show There's a whole world of chopping. Do you know this? I do know the entire blade sports. Of course

I know all about him. This is where we need to go into dude It's quite difficult look to forge the blade yourself. No, I don't think we're capable of doing not in blade sports Some blades words you can buy a competition. Oh, that doesn't count wait We can get into it because it's like darts. It's a thing that it's for men who look like us We can really like it's incredible, but I love this fucking show because it's just every misfit from the forge and fires universe Uh-huh put him in action to do all of these fucking knife shit, and it's so funny because none of them can move Well, they're all they're all diet each one of them's got diabetes foot Oh, and they're like every once in a while you'll have one martial arts guy

But this is my I'm gonna put this question to the audience sure what it's with Martial arts guys and getting real fat, but then continuing to wear the geese The ghee is just it's a it's a dress for a man It is that's really all it is It's like it's because martial art guys have to drink a lot of booze because they're not a lot of fight because in martial arts You're like not even your weapon. Yeah, but you're not supposed to use it I was on a YouTube hole of Steven Seagal that man can move and I don't care what anyone says Oh my god welcome to side stories everyone right and hanging out with Henry. Yeah, Steven Seagal is actually back in my good graces

I'm not sure if he was ever out of my good graces even Seagal law man He's one of the most fantastic docuseries of all time is a good television show But he is currently we the fraudsters just did a whole series about why Steven Seagal is like a bad person Oh, but also they he went but I saw the movements that he was doing. He he's just a very fun I wish that you can see he does these like his arms are like tight to his breasts. Mm-hmm He runs back and forth. It's economical. It is economical it's really exactly what he does well anyway, I hope everyone's doing well out there You should watch knife or death man. I will just nothing. It's pure. You know why it's pure because you know what's pure knife

You don't have to fuck. I don't know politics in it except for the man who's wielding it Except there was one man that was like kept talking about how there he's in a war and he's preparing for war But the whole time Natalie and I are watching it thinking like well Maybe if he get out of his system with the knife sports that might actually really help him This might be a good way to take all of that free-floating rage and put it into something constructive like chopping All right, well speaking of those two horrendous things when used in the wrong hands the Moscow Update just for this week. They did say that it was possible. Of course, Moscow Absolutely devastating

There is new and there's new evidence that a white Hyundai might be involved But again cops are like well don't just go hunt down everyone with a white Hyundai. What do you mean? They're like like herby? Are you saying the Hyundai did it not herby the lovebug? No, Hyundai the hate car No, it's going out there and he's good. What if that's what it is? What if this is a maybe he doesn't understand because he's a car and it can't think but he sent in He did it as an anti-semitic attack not knowing that none of those kids were Jewish Well, of course that would be horrible on every level no matter what so apparently the surveillance footage could potentially be important as The Moscow police announced that they were going to be looking into the occupants of said white Hyundai who may have quote critical

Information it was seen speeding the night the four students. Oh, we're killed near the gas station So who knows that's something that we can lead to the conclusion of that heinous heinous crime, I don't know I think just be looking for Panera like discounts I don't know that one Hyundai cuz sometimes I wonder like oh, yeah, sure the cops are doing their job Blah blah blah, but I actually wonder sometimes if they put out those APVs for a white Hyundai It's just because they're looking to buy one And then all of a sudden now they can get one that shows up

They're like it was a part of a crime scene so we get a discount Well, that's the thing will it do for the white Hyundai what it did for the white Bronco No, of course with OJ Simpson You can't buy a white Bronco any longer as a matter of fact the Bronco discontinued after that because it got a bad rap Have you seen those next the blood speckled ones were actually really quite compelling well a little on the nose I felt but of course That's the world that we live in right a little on the nose Do you want me to start with because again?

It's a week to the horde fucking holiday that is Christmas. Do you want to start with a ghost story? Sure? All right, let's get let's get creepy with it I have a bunch of creepy stories today. Okay, some of the other stories We do have a story of redemption that I wanted to share with everyone about how like sometimes Christmas miracles do happen And we will get there. We will talk about a Christmas miracle like this story out of Australia where scientists found clitoris is on female snakes That is what I'm exactly what I was seeing up. Thank God, which is just like finally Intrepid scientists ate enough Serpent pussy

That he knew because again it took a couple incel scientists to just kind of just do the stick in the hole and not understand You got to go all around it. Yeah, finally understood because you know where the clit is. It's the whole tale Oh Suck on a whole tale of a snake. It comes and comes and comes and comes and it'll get a marry on according to Megan Fullwell, she's a doctor there Yeah, she says there was a combination of female genitalia being taboo Scientists not being able to find it and people accepting that the mislabeling of intersex snakes So evidently people have been looking for that clip for a long time, you know

I I need to be assigned to we always put scientists on a pedestal. I love science But then it's like what do you do? Yeah, I look for the clit I look for the clit and it's like get out of here Scientists you're some kind of weird snake purve with what they didn't discover It's but then there's the one guy who found snake balls because I know snake balls are inside of the snake Yeah, he's just like yeah, we're looking for it It's in its guts and she's like great great. You got it What is the is it okay? So are you supposed to give a snake pleasure is that what they're saying that this is this is where the pleasure center of the snake is

Well, at the very least they can receive pleasure. So snakes have two individual clitorises, but did clitoris work like that? Like it does for humans. I think that's why they call it the clit So the double walled organ is composed of nerves collagen and red blood cells And of course it is right there on the underside of the tail So they're having a good time when they're walking or slithering around. Do you think they're always lightly masturbating? I mean it sounds like it, you know these gals rub on everything Absolutely, and that is just that that's the jelly of the month club of animal news It's a gift that keeps on giving it really is all you got to do is I wish my penis could be activated by me crawling on the ground

Yeah, miss full well said she started looking for it because the literature she had read about snakes female organs She didn't like it enough. She says it just didn't quite sit right with me So she was reading the book on on clits makes there's gotta be a clip gotta be a reason and this I mean I'm just happy they all out so they just flip the snake over and rub its belly until it starts twitching back and forth So they just like I actually I guess that's the thing as I'm just kind of lost as to why we spend like not not to be in What does it matter? Why do we spend the money? Like why do we spend the tax money to look for the clits? But I this is a tax related thing I guess it long as it's not when they got a fund somewhere unless the most perverted zoologist in the world is paying for the study

The government is paying for it. No, this is the kids to lose kids solution to to find every clit find every Do you have like a trophy? Do you have like a trophy room in your house? Absolutely This is what she has to say again miss full. Well, she's a scientist She says I know it the clitoris is in a lot of animals and it doesn't make sense that they wouldn't be in all snakes Um, so she's she really did some detective work here I tell you what she says I just have to look to see if this structure was there or if it's just been missed So did the snake now evolve a clit which is next step world domination what I've never

I've never seen a snake Licking another you know what I'm gonna look at up. There was there was a look at this is what I'm looking up Do does does a snake well with their big snake tons a snake eat another snake? Explosive yeah, let's see what the Google says on that one you're probably bringing a porn hub. No, I don't I'm hoping Snakes, but I'm gonna say vagina. Oh, wow. That's very classy and the results are No, no, they just says they have clitoris, but again, but why do they why well this gal says there was this double structure That was quite prominent in the female that was quite different to that of the surrounding tissue And there was no and there was no implication of the penis structures

I've seen before so this is the pacification of the American snake They used to have ding dongs and now they have clitoris Okay, cool. All right, cool. So we now found ourselves into these the the gender studies were well until now She says scientists believe snake sex was quote mostly about Corrosion and the male snake forcing the mating. Yeah, right. So they're saying that instead that the snake woman Can choose to feel pleasure and that it's actually up to the snake man or whatever it is However, they they divide it up. They need to figure out how to please their snake wife Well, this is interesting. She says but now with the fighting of the clitori

We can start looking more towards seduction and Stimulation as another form of the female being more willing and likely to populate this with the male They're gonna such a lonely woman blind date. This is such a blind date snake edition. Why can't I find love? I believe every snake's got a boyfriend. What can't someone come? I wish all had a clip phone and she talks about his clits on snakes. Who wants to hey, you can't have Fun meals with that. I know a lot of ladies they know a lot of ladies that are snake people I know a lot of people that are snake people a lot of them are very sexy So actually I feel like in the end she might be getting boofed a lot

Yeah, she also understood like she's like maybe while she's getting like with the machine She got that click suck a machine on and when she got something up inside of her She's got two other people slapping on the face with snakes. Maybe at some point. She's like I wish snakes could feel like this Yeah, she's just very surprised people didn't find it earlier. Also lastly according to associate professor Kate Sanders She says miss Falwell's work provides quote a fresh perspective It is a fresh perspective on the clitoris of snakes. So you didn't think we were gonna talk about that this morning Actually, I did because I knew because it was part of the article But you didn't realize that how much it was gonna change the world. I know and we know when I read it last night

Hi, I was just like it's good. She says this discovery shows how science needs diverse thinkers With diverse ideas, whatever you need to move forward All I know is is that the search for the snake clit was fine, but it is gonna be a hell of a time finding a tiger clip Yeah, because you're gonna have to really dig through a lot of apprehension Yeah The beady-eyed scientists from America Now let's take a look at this Christmas ghost story. Yeah, that sounds good, but this might take a little bit Let's let's walk through this. All right, Christmas ghost story indeed. No

During the first Christmas of the pandemic my mom's older sister barb passed away and barb didn't get COVID though What about barb? What about barb? But 10 years before that she had suffered a bad head injury and she was trying to text on a flip phone while driving and she put Her Saturn in a ditch. That's a problem. Okay. That's I'm sorry barb. Yes She was discharged from the hospital after week or two and despite being a little banged up She seemed fine, but every time she came to visit after that she seemed more deranged than the last time Hmm. She used to be pretty boring and mellow, but after the accident she got louder. She was boisterous Most disconcerting was how over that time she became very

Handsy. Oh, so every time I'd see her she'd give me like a big hug They'd like tell me I look like a movie star kiss my cheeks over and over like like Even those when I was a teenager I'd feel my arms feel my arms and ask how often I worked out She'd all this sort of a loud friendly way though, but it made me uncomfortable Well, that is called ants. That is called ants and we just discovered they also have clitori Yeah, honestly scientists just break through just broke through your aunt barb has a claim. Absolutely Um, and you just tell uncle George it's time for him to get the burrowing Now her relationship with her husband quickly spiraled after her accident and they got divorced then came a series of increasingly creepy boyfriends

Sure. Anytime I saw aunt barb with these boyfriends. She was super affectionate with them, right? It was like making out getting real horny with it. One Thanksgiving it was subtle But I swear she was rubbing her boyfriend's dick under the table. Hey, it's well life doesn't end at 40 No, it doesn't sometimes it begins after a car accident and then your sort of ability to know like is this appropriate Is it not appropriate is deeply damaged and now you're jerking off your boyfriend underneath the Thanksgiving table freedom That's what you're saying is pure freedom. That's great years later Anyway, she passed away suddenly from an embolism was the week before Christmas My parents had split up around that time too

So mom went out to aunt barb's house to put some distance between her and my drunk shithead dad And also to deal with aunt barb's affairs or whatever, right? Um, so I had never been to aunt barb's house before so they went it was a big black gray Victorian house So as soon as it got there, I felt like I was walking to the old spend the night in dead relatives haunted house like trope, right? Oh, of course. That's a classic trope. Yeah, sure Spend the night in dead relatives house barb. Yeah, who had a big clit and would always rub my arms We know we don't know how big the clitoris. Oh, it was big after the accident. I think it grew at seven inches Whoa, like the Grinch. Yeah, the Grinch. Oh, all right. No, no, literally. I know how accurate that feeling was

Now I've always been interested in the paranormal But even though I've always wanted to I've never never truly believed I've never witnessed anything resembling an unexplainable phenomenon Until that first night. So once I got there, I helped my mom clear out all the get the guest room side of plates asleep Um, and then I did a little Christmas decorating to recapture some semblance of normalcy And if that was done, I was ready to grab a shower and go to bed now I'm decorating the dead person's house is a little macabre for the holiday season I mean, it depends on how much and barb like Christmas and he said that he came kind of a hoarder Um, and so, you know, just thanks to disperse it up. Sure

After my shower, I went back to my guest room. I was wearing only a towel Oh my I threw the towel onto the dresser and I let my cock flop out Right while I dug through my suitcase for a pair of basketball shorts. Wow. Yes And that's when I heard something strange It was a metallic kind of creaking sound. Now look across the room by the window and saw one of the slats of the blind Start to kind of droop down In the middle now I stood there. Uh-oh horny white and naked right

Naked yeah wet and looking at the window for a long time trying to figure out now Like how part of the blind could be bending itself. Sure, right? Maybe it was bent before maybe it was cock It was his cock hitting it. I don't know now I got an intensely creepy feeling like I was being watched I moved through the window to slap the blind straight when suddenly it snapped back into place Like someone was peeking through and then let it go. Oh peeky blinders. Oh, yeah speaky Blowing there you go. Now. Nothing about it really made any sense

I was on the second floor and the window was closed regardless. I got dressed real quick. I was freaked out Uh, but not so much that I couldn't rationalize it as a way, right? Right, so I went and smoked the bowl went to sleep then in the middle of the night I woke up groggy kind of high right I had a massive heart on which big heart. It isn't unusual for me. I woke up I wake up rock hard all the time braggart braggart indeed But of course at some point it does become more uncomfortable than others Sometimes I wake up and my my penis does wake me up, but and I I'm like go to sleep go to go to sleep. Take a rest

This time I had a sensation that's naked. You look at yeah. Oh, yeah Yeah, yep. Now. I woke up from an elusive erotic dream I thought maybe I woke up some erotic dream and I couldn't quite recall my basketball shorts were pulled down Around my thighs and I was slowly grinding against his sheets or at least I thought until I felt a weight Pressing down on my crotch. Oh, what about somebody was leaning on it. What about barb now? I wasn't grinding into anything I was laying on my back and I could feel the sensation of something moving up and down the shaft of my penis Like a hand. It got pumping me up and down up and down. I was dangerously dangerously close to climax

Terrified and disoriented. I kicked off the bed sheets screamed to the top of my lungs. What the fuck stop jacking me off I can't believe snakes have cluts. All right. My mom is a night owl and she's still awake in the next room watching law and order She heard me scream and came pounding on my door. Cory Cory, are you okay? Now? Why would the mom be involved here? I mean, this sounds like a documentary. I've seen it seems like he's overreacting The weird sensation immediately released my dick and I sat up soaked in a cold sweat Right on my mind rapidly grasping in every possibility and make sense of what had just happened I told her it was okay. They just had a nightmare and I was going back to sleep She went back. She left me alone as I lay there in the guest bed. I couldn't shake the feeling. I just gotten jacked off with my dead aunt

I stayed the rest of christmas getting terrible sleep, right? But I had I had no more strange experiences thankfully She's not your aunt in the afterlife. She's just a hot chick with a brain issue Honestly, the dude said I never spent a night there since we're getting fear of getting jacked off by his aunt again Well, what's the problem here? It seems like this man got molested. He did not he was that is molested He was going through puberty. It sounds like he's an old man in this. How old is he? He's like fucking 25 He's like 25. That's male puberty. It happens later. He felt someone touching his penis Right and the thing is the key is listener if you're listening. Did you feel acrylic nails? Like I want to know what did it smell like? Did it smell like cinnamon and spice?

Did you have this? Yeah, that bed bath and body works like that bad bath. Yes, indeed and beyond in many ways Did it did she say I just run on pumpkin spice latte and jesus? Like did you hear that stuff because a lot of times aunts will run on pumpkin spice latte and jesus They do they really do. I thought it was a fascinating story because you just never know And we've covered how many different stories of people having sex with ghosts, but it's the first time I've heard incest Yeah, and that all needs to be ashamed of yourself You know, you wonder if you get some sort of brain damage here in life. Does it follow over into the afterlife? Or did she just want to have sex with her nephew?

So you mean to say that you think that do you think like Rudy's a senator in heaven? I have no idea that when he dies and all of a sudden he's like Rudy Rudecker. Yes And he goes up there and he's like let me tell you something about microscopes No, I think he's gonna stay the same. He spoke at my university couldn't understand a goddamn word. He said he's a colorful man He's an interesting fellow and that story is again a lie. Well speaking of children. This story is interesting involving this hippo Again another story of Christmas redemption. So this it took place in a district of Uganda Right and this kid's walking around he's two years old He gets eaten up by this hippo and evidently he did not taste very good

Because then the hippo spit him out and he was still alive Which I actually think is almost offensive. If I was the child's mother, I'd say you're not gonna even like it No, children are filthy. You don't want to get no, but this is a goddamn hippo, bro I find this interesting because most of the time when you cover an animal story, you're always like you imagine the animal As making decisions like they are like a director of a film like you think that an animal knows what they're doing Well, they do know what they're doing, but I find it interesting in this story that you don't see that the hippo I don't know how I got myself into this position He understood that he was making a mistake

And that he was about to do something rash that he could not take back like that horrible story about the fedex driver Who killed a seven-year-old girl that he hit that was fine. Oh, that's very bad Yeah, but you know the hippo was better than the fedex driver Yes, as he understood as he was swallowing the child. He was like, hey, let's think about this Clarina, what's his name? What is it was the hippo name of himself? Brian listen. Hey, think about this Brian. All right. We kill if we eat this kid All right, we're gonna be on every fuck unless In all of Africa. This isn't African. This is in Uganda. Yeah, it's like we're gonna everybody's gonna be coming for me

I'm gonna have to deal with all these questions and shit. I'm gonna be fucking someone's gonna try to shoot me in the back of the head I've like saved this kid. If I just spit him out, they think I'm saving him Well, also, he didn't just spit him out willingly a dude saw this attack and this band's actually a runner-up for hero of the week He saw the attack and he started throwing rocks at the hippo. That's terrible. But no, you're not supposed to get you're not supposed to get Involved with nature. Yeah, but this is involving a human. So I think that you can know man. No, he's not a documentary No, you're supposed you can't get involved. That's what nature's supposed to do Anyway, one of the rocks startled the hippo, which is just kind of funny to think of a hippo startled to the point where it puked So the hippo got so scared from the rocks that threw up the kid

And then the Uganda police said this is the first of this. This is the first such kind of an incident We're a hippo straight out of the like Edward and attacked a young child Do you think the cop showed up and they said you've gone to be kidding me? You've gotten to be kidding me. Chelsea Handler did that. That was the name of her album Yeah, everyone who's that isn't that funny how funny she can be there That was so the um, the boy did have some minor injuries and he was vaccinated for rabies Because I don't know if you know this but apparently snakes have glitz and hippos have rabies I actually didn't know that but I know that hippos are the most dangerous land mammal. Do you know how many people they roughly kill per year?

Uh Take a guess. Why don't you take a guess? Why don't you take yourself a fucking guess a single hippo? No hippo in general a big hippo multi hippo A hundred and fifty five hundred No, yes, they say and they weigh between 28 to 7,000 pounds 28,000 to 7,000 you better be able to reason with these guys And uh, they kill yep, so they're actually the most dangerous land mammal according to lock lockrin trail He's an ecologist

He says their bite strength is around three times greater than that of a lion. Yeah, man They have bigger heads and your teeth. Yep, and he says that is why they're so dangerous They cause substantial trauma to the human body through crushing force. No, it's really being crushed is one of those Fates that I want to avoid Yes, I fell of all the ways I could die. I'd rather drown. I'd rather be set on fire than be crushed man Well, because I figured out this the other day There's the two options of biting or being trampled Well, I was just we were at disney having a good time

And but it was like they got everyone's like really mad because they didn't like that I brought up the fact that two separate people had committed suicide off the top of the uh parking structure There's some like everyone's all sad. He's like, oh you're bombing everybody. Well, somebody has to remember them Um, but the thing is is that I feel like that what's scariest for me This is such a great christmas conversation is the minute that you spend alive At the bottom of the on the ground after you've jumped because it takes a second you don't die immediately Well, how high was it? Was it three or four stories or four or five stories? Yeah, you're gonna want to go You gotta go at least 20 at first if you don't hit at first if your head don't pop like a melon

Mm-hmm. You're alive for a second. Yeah, and the legs kind of shoot up You have to go like I thought I could fly yeah No, never and it's really very sad kissle that you and I'm sad that you made that joke Yes, indeed and it disgusts me. Well, disney is a sad place and of course I understand the backdrop of it's small world Yeah, you're streaming down your face your business has been demolished You don't like but you know what I you know, I'll say and maybe this is kind of controversial. I'm glad they didn't kill their families first

Is that I agree? I think that's refreshing I completely agree with I completely agree with that. You know who's back from christ. You's back for christmas. Oh bigfoot, baby Bigfoot for christmas. Okay. Oh, I love that hallmark movie only one for christmas is bigfoot and then bigfoot shows up Because he's got that fucking dark matter penis and you can fold it into tridimensional space now This is really good new footage. I wanted this because we did last week We talked about the the UFO bigfoot invasion to pennsylvania in 1973. Yes So I can go so much fun, but this kind of came up. It took about synchronicity. There's a good real good real good

You this isn't real good bigfoot footage. All right. I don't want to show this to you We're gonna show it. Oh, well, you know, we'll probably put the snippet or whatever. We'll pop it up in there You're so we want you to see it, but like look at this man This is as good that like this is pretty good Okay, now this came from the Rocky Mountain Sasquatch organization Rain, this is Ontario, Ontario, Canada. I was shown by a boater, right? And as you can see I'm gonna do I'm gonna show this little clip right here So you can see it now. Watch this right now. It's like a beautiful water. Very nice trees good foliage Yeah, recently we have seen a lot of photos and videos of bigfoot in the area

Here is one of the latest bigfoot sightings captured by some boaters I'll play it through and then I'll zoom in on the subject and then play it again So let me get a better look at the Sasquatch like subject on video It appears the boaters are going closer to land Here now, I'll show you right When I replay this again, I want you to notice Look at this motherfucker He's doing the moonwalk. Now he's going forward. Look at that fucking bipedal one arm.

Is that you? I know you were in Canada, you may go to Canada It kind of does look like me a little bit Yeah, I love the Canadian people He's doing that backwards walk. It's difficult to get in and out there. Look now he's going forward again This is they're doing this. He's not doing this. The bigfoot's not working back and forth No, the bigfoot just walked there, so he but he definitely presented himself to the people in the boat That's a fucking that's good fur. You could see the musculature as you get closer. You can see the musculature

Oh, that's not a person. Yeah, there's no way. No, it's it is something. It's solid. Look at him. He's got the blonde strides I think we're gonna agree it's something Absolutely, and I want to believe that indeed that is I'm actually really surprised because I figured that of all of people that would be receptive I'm receptive to it. I just don't want my people to be hunted. Oh, and also we need to leave the bigfoot alone So that's the thing with the bigfoot. No one wants to no one really wants to shoot the bigfoot. That's all they talk about it In the south they want to shoot the bigfoot. No everywhere. The author they talked to JW and he said they're fucking he wants to kill Everyone wants a corpse Everybody wants one corpse, but we don't know how many they are there are but I like your one might decimate their population

I want you to notice the camouflage color of the bigfoot. They're grass in a foliage on the ground This comes from the singular for singular 40. No, no, it's foliage. Right. He's same color nearly the same color This is comes directly. This is a quote from rms. Oh investigator Kelly Shaw Yeah, now just amazing camouflage, right? Just great color for the environment, right now. He's saying it straight up I'm not seeing it's bigfoot. It just looks like bigfoot. Okay, so I didn't watch saying it No, no, I'm saying it's not all right. I'm saying it looks like it I think it walks really fluidly if someone set this up It looks like they would have practiced because the fluidity that it moves it reminds me of patty

And you remember the bigfoot the original the original the og so this week In honor of christmas Fuck me. Fuck. You're crazy. We discovered the snake clit and Bigfoot this is I feel like we are finally we're gonna are changing things might be changing Things are really change a real bigfoot or out in canada, which again makes perfect sense If I was in can't if I was a bigfoot canada nice cool weather Good fish good water. Oh, absolutely. You got the fucking they don't have they there's got lots of open land Except the one thing about canadiens and then the canadian land areas or they have filled a lot of their

Empty space with of the oil digging Like industry there's a lot of oil there which went to stir bigfoot homes Absolutely. Well, let's come back to america for a second salt, right? You want it In order to salt the streets when it gets cold. Oh, I think you're gonna put it on food No, or that as well, but you want to season the streets also in mcqueen Tennessee There's a salt barn, right? All right now And this is just a place filled with salt with salt

Okay, and they found a human heart and everyone's like well Unless this salt has become sentient and grew a human heart Who the fuck does this belong to so they just there was literally just a separate human heart There's just a rogue human heart Um t dot workers were just combing through and just doing what they do with the salt and then they're like This is a weird shaped rock and then they found out it was a human heart Davis says I've got 32 years in law enforcement. I do have to say this is probably the top There's a picture of the salt. Uh, he says I do have to show a picture of the heart

Well, and we can click on the link here. Uh, he says I do believe this is one of the Well, let's see. He says I do believe this is one of the top five Most bizarre things he's ever seen. So this is in the top five. Actually, I feel like our episode should feature the other four Yeah, what are the what's the other weirdest thing he's ever seen at the salt house? I don't know barn Uh, the salt barn salt come from How do we get water? What are you talking about the ocean? Do you know? Rocks break apart the ocean breaks rocks apart and then leaves in salt. Yeah, what the fuck man Also, by the way, salt bay tries to squeeze his way into talking with messy after the world cup. What a fucking bitch salt bay is

He's not good. It's the steak is horrible Restaurant in new york bombs And there's one here that's super expensive. Anyway, no, they don't show a picture of the human heart But the mystery here is everyone's like Anyone missing a heart Did it fall off the truck? Good. Well, this I wonder I wonder if a side story they'll potl a gmail.com Can enough of a body dissolve in salt? Can it be put in there and then have his head is

I feel like it's the opposite. I don't think it preserves it. They preserved if it gets put in salt I think it kind of pickles it. That's what I thought. Hmm. Well, did someone just throw how they know it's human They said it's a human heart According to davis. He says somebody somewhere knows and we're seeking information I always reach out to the public if you happen to have any idea or just an inclination So go blow up the phone lines there and just be like, ah, no, it's not mine. It's not mine Last time I checked out was alive. Yeah, he says we are just going To keep doing that until we feel really good that there's no other remains here on the seed

That means nothing. So they're combing through all the salt to be like is there a leg in here? Yeah, yeah, obviously now It's like where's but this is my other question Where is this salt going to is this all street salt or this is street salt? Okay. No, no, this is not I mean, maybe salt babe would use it at his restaurant Um, but no, this is just your run of the mill nasty ass street salt. Okay. All right I don't realize it got that cold in Tennessee. But what do I know? Well, you got the mountains, man You got the blue ridges. You got the brown ridges, which is what I get if I don't wipe properly Then you have the um, you get the though the blue the blue wind of magunka

Yes, indeed. Have you even been a part of the blue wind of magunka? I live it every night when I go to the restroom Davis is appreciative of the t-dot workers who acted on an uneasy feeling and called police Is what he says he says they did act out of suspicion and and my hats off to them Actually, one near for was one of those things that they're in the office and one of them here keeps hearing that bump bump Bump bump. Oh the telltale salt It's the beating of that terrible Oh my god, they're like stop it. Terry stop it. You know, like dammit, Terry You're the best salt worker we've ever had the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation

I think they're mad that they found the salt the heart. Well, it's just not a fun day Everything to all to be honest with you. It's probably fun I mean they did something different because it's not just piles and piles and piles of salt Yeah, so the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation determined it's an adult male And uh, they don't know because it was broken Oh Love is difficult. Well, we're awful Indeed so anyway, uh, don't uh, I'm happy they got it before they put it on the street

And then you run over a heart on your with your car and I don't know. It'd be kind of fun Fernanda and I were talking right before performing is that I also have a um I I have that intrusive thought all the time of hitting pedestrians Like we're imagining what I thought it's called driving safely But it's one imagining them jumping into the street and me like a hit nobody be aware when driving I know but it scares me. That's not an intrusive thought an intrusive thought would be you actively trying to hit them You that's actually you that's you attempting to drive safely. Yeah, but if I there are people I want to hit I know that's

That's why I thought it's just good driving when I'm behind the wheel. It's like I'm god himself No, I choose who lives in I've not even bringing up your personal life. It has been a difficult week All right, I need to get out of this year. I need to get past Christmas. Okay, but it were not my fault I have to get past this fucking holiday. I fucking absolutely hate this holiday. All right, but I'm with it I'm jolly as fuck. All right. I am as I'm with oh, I'm reinventing myself All right, look at my hair. I do like it and I got my hair Look, this is what I another thing that I've been saying that no one believes that I have more hair And then it appears that I do because my hair is very light. It's very clear

And then when I put another color in it, you could see that the hairs are there And I don't sound like a ranting person at the bus stop until I find myself in this place Absolutely. Well, you'll enjoy this people like you've been around for a long time. What handsome leaders at least 11 Thousand years Did you see this carving of this dude told in his dick? Oh, yeah, it's the first ever they could they understand It's the first ever narrative the first ever narrative that they think that they have caught Is this carving that is of a it's in turkey. It's 11 thousand years old It's a carving of a man holding his penis while surrounding my leopards

And they think it's the oldest known depiction of a of a like a scene They said it's engraved together to depict a narrative according to alem ozegadan Alem perfect. Oh, so got it. Yeah, that but this is what's so interesting So a man holding his cock with two leopards on either side Do you think he's defending himself against the leopards using the power of his penis? It could be one of those so if those are the two leopards that he's trying to side behind right because they talk about the side between They talk about that story of like you know the tool sex with yeah, no no no It's the ones you feed spiritual each man has a duality to him

And the penis itself might be him saying it's the questions It's the two leopards going do you fucker don't fucker fucker don't fucker And you've got the penis in your hands and you're wondering you're looking at the two separate leopards Me like which do I listen to the one that knows that I'm horny as fuck or the one that knows That woman it might turn around and fucking set my whole life on fire. Well researchers again. I think they're Inferring a little bit. Everybody's very horny right these are there's a lot of like Like pent up sexual absolute. Well, there's some of the horniest people out there So researchers say the scene depicted quote

It reflects the complex relationship between humans The natural world and the animal life that surrounded them during the transition to sedentary Lifestyle, but also what if they just drew a bunch of cats with a dude holding his dick They might have and then we didn't see at this point that there were like big tits on the leopards that have been cut off by time Because I don't think I like if you're just like they always put so much into art I think that you're doing you're actually you're in your own way as you always do you're accidentally very wise Because it's true. It's that idea of like is it allegorical or was it just the only two things they could draw guys like cool

Yeah, I don't know and then his buddy knows how to draw leopards. He's like draw some leopards around him. Yeah, I don't know No, no because but again if they don't come up if scientists We they have to come up with these stories, right? I obviously think that there must be There must be some way to tell this but I do we don't know it's outside of our paid grade Right, even though because it's actually much lower than ours because scientists. They don't get paid as much as much money Ding dong by the way, no, it's it's healthy big hog But it's this you know, they have to come up with these stories to get funding So they have to say it's a part of a big story

But it might be because I do believe in the mysteries of ancient people So they they might have been more close to us more psychic understanding of the universe I don't know. Well, I think that they were to be honest. I mean not to be uh, because for a turtle There's a lot of uh energy in the air that wasn't there back then. I think people before twitter We would actually know we would know. I think our communication was better in 5g Oh god Good good good. I think I did five five g's. All right. Um, do we have a uh, do we have time how long we've been doing this episode?

Okay I wouldn't do this. I might save this Yeah, save it because I have a really good scary puppet story and then it's good. I'll save it because it's okay This is too good. This is too good. I got a good scary puppet story But I'm gonna wait because I already did my big foot also on top and I think I'll cover this story But there's a facial recognition story involving the Rockettes that I think is very interesting because basically long story short This mom who is a lawyer. She has a lawsuit her company does against msg She was kicked out of radio city musical because she wanted to go watch the Rockettes using facial recognition id

It's we were like ma'am. You got to go and it's very fucking And it's been a slow it's been we've been talking about it for 30 years I mean like the fact that they saw her go in the lobby and we're able to catch her in that moment of time Where it's like as far as I'm concerned with theater employees. I'd be like, I'm not fucking kicking somebody out I don't really I don't give a shit that you know, you're suing my boss boo. Exactly. Well, we're I'm not gonna say doomed No, we're not. Let's look at civil liberties every now and again. Can we look good? Okay? Anyway, let's do hero of the week

So this week's hero of the week. It's a gal. She is a woman and she's very nice She's the manager of a minnesota liquor store and she uh, she saw this dude walking around and he had boxes for shoes Oh, that's nice. Okay. So she took the boxes away. Nope. She gave him a retro pair of jordan's which isn't that nice It's the what uh, can I see what colorway? Uh, you know what you there? Let's see here. They're these they're nice shoes They're just good old fashioned jordan's. No. Anyway, it was like and yeah, I think this is a retro. What is this? Well, that's what they said. It's retro. Yes That might be a fucking descent. Oh man. Well, it doesn't mean he was wearing that's sad though

Because if you really want to give him something like a Upsie you want to give him an imp like an air jordan one or three? Yeah, it doesn't I don't think it matters That's got good resale value. This is I don't think he has a etsy account. So it doesn't really matter Anyway, she's not going to move any high beast needles at all. Okay. Well, anyway, that's sad So her name is talia thomas and uh, she's locally known as ace And she said it was a split second decision. So he's like, bro, you got uh, you got boxes for shoes That's awesome. Here's a pair of jordan's which isn't that sweet. I will I all kidding aside I think that's nice. Yes, indeed. I attempted to give a homeless man who was walking barefoot on a

150 degree day a pair of sandals, but uh, he said my my feet were too big Yeah, but that's perfect and this actual that's way better for than your feet being too small Also runner-up here of the week is snoop dog and willy nelson They snoop dog told a story about how they were playing dominoes and amsterdam on 420 And uh, it was the first time that snoop wanted to stop smoking But he didn't want to stop smoking because it was with uh, oh willy nelson and uh, he'll smoke you under the table Yeah, so uh, apparently it was uh, tom brady was giving this conversation And uh, why was tom brady spilling somebody else's story? I don't know. Why are we listening to this easter island looking motherfucker?

Why why do we care what tom brady says? Well, he says snoop was the most stoned. I know get back to football He's he asked snoop. What was the most stoned you've ever been your whole life and snoop responded with willy fucking nelson Oh, sure. Sure. Sure. And it was amsterdam on 420 and they said they just went to his hotel room They were just playing dominoes and getting stoned and I cannot even I mean that just must have been Plumes in there, man. And you just pay that money. That's also what I've learned too. If you're traveling internet You just pay that cleaning bill. Yeah, they just smoke and said yep He was like snoop said it was me and him playing dominoes 101

He's whooping my ass and I'm just getting higher and higher and higher. He just keeps on passing it to me And I'm like this old motherfucker is out smoking me. So will he still got it. It's incredible I love snoop and I love willy and I love it man. I got I want to see him before he dies I don't know if I will well snoop is the no, no, no, it's snoop. We'll see before he dies I'm saying well, we will man that up and smoke tour dvd. Remember the dvd said. Oh, yeah, dude. Very fun Anyway, that's where music was music. That's right. It wasn't all this mumbling. Okay. Everyone's name wasn't like little Little bips. All right. They were they real names like snoop doggy dog In three names just like lee harvey oswald and that made him a real american

Well, is the uh, he kills a lot of fresh beats Same thing with rachel rey. Okay. Now. Here's a listener email I am very excited by this. I want to reach out to this person. This is fascinating I'm a professional online creep hunter like the subject line states. I find acms What are with acronym for adults contacting minors and I'm not talking about coal minors, right? No, indeed not You could call a minor a real minor and because again, they work so hard. You're gonna go with this pun You're just gonna continue on with that pun And we're almost really good

Really good minor or minor. I just it's a different difference in the wordplay. We're so close to break really good Um now to clarify work for a non-profit that seeks to help kids stay safer online So I'm not just logging on all vigilante casey jones street justice style, which is sweet though You should casey jones. We work with law enforcement and everything's legit now As you can imagine I run into stuff like the riverside cop story fairly often We talked about this story last week where the cop that was a recently made cop in virginia He quote-unquote seduced a girl online that was way underage He came he visited her pretending to be a teenager when he showed up

He killed her family and took her off Jesus Christ really fucked up Uh, when I'm pretending to be a teen and talking to acms. I'm often getting love bombs complimented Blah blah blah these people also seeking validation most of the time. I Do you think I'm handsome? Is it big? Do you think it's really big? Am I hotter than the boys you go to school with and of course I always say yes with some string of emojis What's troubling is that some of these people who are reaching out to minors online or in positions of power You know like teachers coaches cops the list goes on when Henry and ben were talking about how they might deal with having kids Ben mentions giving them a playstation now as a gamer

I totally support this but also literally anything that has a chat element as a place where grooming occurs Basically where I'm saying is that bad people are online? I think most people know that that's a given but the best way to prevent your kid from being abused online Is to make sure they feel like they can come to you if something happens Ensure that they know that it's not their fault and talk to them about online safety Which can essentially be boiled down to not talking to people they don't know online Even if they think they're a kid their own age often it's not usually they have bad intentions So sometimes terrible should happen. Anyways, this isn't meant to scare parents or whatever

But mostly just to inspire them to start an open and safe conversation with their children You know what's inspiring me? We need a whole movement of bringing back Disconnected gaming. I mean the game cube just again game cube. We're just you and your buddies You can only play with the people that are in the room. I think they will get there I hope so because now you have to be online. I think there's going to be a lot right rollback at some point Well, yeah, we kind of discussed that on on last top ad as well. There's the children I do have faith that they're like fuck it. Yeah Stick of social media like their lives are already 24 hours monitored. Yeah, they suck it. They hate they it sucks

They want it. I know that most of them want off the wheel. Yes, indeed. Um, and I got one more story to be manipulated I grew up in Salt Lake City. No, I'm not a Mormon quite opposite I'm actually a goth chick now as a goth chick in Salt Lake you learn all the local haunts and spooky places to hang out We know for a fact, there's a massive like goth and punk community in SL I'm also gonna say it's not opposite I can see Mormons getting kind of gothic. Well, of course. They also believe that they're going to go Own their own planet. You know, it gets weird. Yeah Now many hangouts that we go to are given due to our local history the gilgul gargle the gilgul gardens

Which they've been to which is like it has that like sphinx and shit. It's really in Salt Lake City. Yes. Oh beautiful Man, I climbed up that hill to go to the Mormon Museum Kate Bush Kate Bush Uh, but man, it's fucking beautiful. It is. It can't be nice, right? And of course, there's memory grove Now usually originally intended as a military tribute park memory grove includes several wonders such as a headstone walkways meditation chapel tanks and of course a fabled favorite The remains of a witch's cabin when I think meditation. I think tanks I mean that's when I sleep the best. Mm-hmm when I'm no when I'm in a tank. Nice

regular old dukakis no Originally intended as a all right. So one night on my youth We decided it would be cool to go check it out like three o'clock in the morning like you do thinking that we might get in trouble We agreed that instead of going in through the main entrance at the front of the park We'd park in the adjacent neighborhood and hike down through the back. Okay. This is a bad idea Oh about entering the wooded area. We quickly realized that there were many people there watching not just any normal people They were dirty, disheveled and dressed in tattered clothing not only they look creepy, but they also behave very strangely Like many steep hikes this path is broken into switchbacks

And at the end of every turn there stood about two or three of them They stood motionless said nothing only stared intensely due to the narrow width of the path We were forced to shuffle past them in a single file almost brushing against them Finally when we reached the bottom We hustled into a speedy walk distance ourselves only to find out that there were more There in the park We saw several of them down on their hands and knees lapping water out of the creek that runs through the park Stopped drinking to watch us walk by with that same intense stare not still not saying a word

Our speedy walk turned into a jog at this point But we because we were determined to get the hell out of there as we at last reached the front gate Once we were out we started to relax even smile at how fucked up the situation was so did that really happen? Whoa, it wasn't that point however that our smiles were quickly wiped off our faces And our fears were confirmed as a fire truck with its sirens blaring drove by and we heard them the people from inside the park They all started howling They howled Howl all right very good

It's good creepy. I hope everyone has a very creepy holiday season We're gonna put this 2022 you're gonna put it right to bed and we'll take a fucking pillow and i'm gonna I want to just put 2022 in a fucking casket. We're covered in dirt right we're covered in dirt We're dancing on top of the grade. Absolutely. We're free 2023, man This is the year it all turns around. There you go. I'm calling it right now Fernando. It's definitely not but i'm not doing anybody Well, 23 Michael Jordan. Maybe that's good. Maybe that's a good sign. Yeah About a lucky number in some way. Yes people like so. Yeah, or it'll be some other fucking year and god knows Yeah, maybe i'll lose the ability to use my legs because i wasn't able to use my arms for half this year

All right, everyone. Well, thank you all so much for listening. Hail yourselves satan magustalations beautiful holiday season Yeah, and i hope you're out there and you just you love the fact that it only at least christmas is only once And so it's done right and it's just one fucking day just one day you just got to get to that fucking day itself It's what it's the lead up. Yeah, it's a lead up right and then you can just you can you can laugh knowing that hey, you know i'm not gonna kill this year i'm not gonna kill this not going this is the year I Know i do one of those shadow puppets

Instead of killing my family i'm going to show them all of the wonderful shadow puppets i can make and we'll all laugh and laugh and laugh And yeah, they'll wonder why they'll wonder why you've done this You wonder why you've barricaded the doors and you've covered yourself in kerosene But it's only just because you want them all to know how serious you are about the shadow puppet show You're going to do because if they don't all just sit for a fucking second and watch this show You're gonna mulliate yourself and the entire fucking build you want to live like the mom from hereditary. That's that's I really think That's one way to floss another fucking holiday season in the goddamn casket. We'll talk to you next year. Yes. I see you next year

So you remember next year we got next week. We have off. It's christmas break everybody's fucking leaving So we're coming back and you'll we have such a big thick Fucking series coming up when we come back Oh, no, no, you're gonna be like, what is this milk? What's up got a milk? It's not very thick usually. All right, everyone talk to you soon. Bye Hell's I don't help me This show is made possible by listeners like you thanks to our ad sponsors You can support our shows by supporting them for more shows like the one you just listened to go to last podcast network.com