LATE BLOOMERS - 10: THE ENERGY CRISIS: Why Neurodivergent People Are Constantly Tired

Episode Date: October 14, 2026

Are you tired all the time, even when it feels like you haven’t done much? This week, Rich and Rox unpack ten everyday things that can drain their neurodivergent batteries: masking, disrupted sleep, sensory overload, basic self-care, hyperfocus, social hangovers and the effort of feeling everything so intensely. Rich reflects on the exhaustion of pretending all day at the bank and why losing his routine has made looking after himself harder; Rox explains why everyday tasks rarely feel automatic, her brain switches on the moment she wakes up and an exciting plan can become an exhausting commitment.It’s really about the effort other people don’t see, recognising when you’re running on empty and giving yourself permission to rest. Along the way, there’s a dispute over bedroom boundaries, an unexpectedly deep dive into golf balls and a shared decision that the next activity should probably be a nap.Get our book THE CHERRY TREE THEORY  http://linktr.ee/cherry.tree.theoryListen to the audiobook  https://linktr.ee/CHERRY.TREE.AUDIOBOOK20% off Loop Earplugs:  https://www.loopearplugs.com/adhdlove

Are you neurodivergent and do you find that you are tired all of the time? Yes, because us too. Today we are going to talk about the 10 reasons why us neurodivergent legends might be tireder than our neurotypical counterparts. Welcome to late bloomers where we are getting our tiredness together. Eventually brought you by our amazing sponsor, Loop Earplugs. How tired are you today? I'm always pretty tough. I thought it was just getting old though, no?

I mean, it could be as well, just old age. Yeah. Well, mid-middle age. Mid-age. But specifically, we do notice that people that a neurodivergent tend to struggle with tiredness and fatigue more often. So we've kind of broken down the 10 most common causes. Disclaimer.

Yeah. Guess what? We're not doctor. Are we not? I don't think so. You'd look lovely in a doctor's uniform. You would need to go into a hyperfocus. It's six months you'll be a doctor if you wanted to.

No, it takes seven years. All right. I do year one and then I drop out. Yet we're not doctors. So this isn't medical advice. If you are struggling with chronic fatigue, go and see an actual doctor, doctor. Or a doxia?

A doctor. This is, maybe we're doxias. Yeah. Maybe we're idiots. Maybe we're idiots. This is like 10 lighthearted things that we all. struggle with that can add up to being really tired.

God. What? Come and then. Ten things. Right. Number one, masking is actually a full-time job and takes up loads of energy. Oh my God.

That's so true. Because I'm like less tired doing this job that I do now because I don't have to mask as much. There's still some bits. Obviously in the bank, I was so exhausted just because I was so exhausted just because I I was pretending all day. Like you had to put on this like happy, encouraging face and wear it. And it's heavy.

Like it's called masking. Like we're literally putting on a mask and it is heavy. And, you know, I noticed that with you even like doing a Zoom call or like having to have a meeting. Like it can take a lot of energy. Yeah. Same for me. I'm trying to get better at it through therapy. But that kind of, I don't know, like pretence of like doing.

the right thing engaging. For me, it's like looking like I haven't got ADHD. So trying to like be on top of the washing and stuff. What I don't really understand though, because I would say I don't mask in front of my family. But like say that I was thinking of our holiday recently, there will be periods of time where I'm like just peopling. And that like, is that masking or not? Because I don't know. When we were on holiday in France. Yeah. No, you weren't masking, don't. Right. Because you were like, I want to sit here.

You're being too loud. I don't want to play that game. Go and get me a drink. Like you were, sorry, I shouldn't mock. You were being very direct. You were very unmasked. And you'd also be like, I'm going to bed now. So you got to drop in and out.

I think masking is when you don't get to drop in and out. You just have to do it. So you might be tired by pretending to be sociable. That would be more yours. When do you do? When is like pretending to not have ADHD. Like when do you have to do that though? So if people are coming over, tidy in the house, trying to stare at my calendar to not forget things.

Also probably a bit people please their energy, but I'm getting way better. But not being your weird, wonderful, wacky, wild self. Yeah, that's a lot of double-y. So basically just be weird and you'll get a little bit more energy. Okay. Like it. Okay. Number two, our sleep is effed up.

Oh, mine, well, in the last week, it's been brilliant. But for the last six years, it's been bad. Mine is just, well, there's two reasons for it. One is heat and two is space. So you can sometimes sort of breach. Breach is not the war. It's not enemy lines. Let me finish.

You breach the middle line. If there was a middle line in the bed, you breach over it. And then I'm like, oh no. Wait. I haven't got any space. Sometimes cuddle up to my husband. I'm in love with. No, I'm not talking about cuddling out.

That's different. Breaching the boundary. I'm talking about you'll go to sleep. You'll be asleep. You'll be like really close to me. And I'm like haven't got room to keep tossing and turning. So you need to be able to move. You need to be cool.

You need to have space. And for me, it's a lot more mental. So if I'm, I don't know, like rabidly Googling something or learning something before bed, I can't switch off. Or there's a business idea. I just can't get to sleep. I'm also quite a light sleeper. So when I wake up, if I wake up in the middle of the night, like I don't get to just go for a wee. Like this morning I woke up at six, even though we were trying to have a lion because it's been a crazy week.

I don't get to do that. If I'm up at 6 for a wee, my brain just like, cool, we're awake now. Let's start thinking about loads of things that don't matter at all. I will say, though, since you started taking your progesterone stuff, yes. Your sleep has been a, like, really good. HRT has helped my sleep massively.

Yeah. But yeah, so neurodivergent, I guess for you, autism, it's like temperature, body, comfort and space. For me, ADHD, it's the, hyperactivity in my brain. Silence as well really messes me up sometimes. Like I sometimes usually have to have the TV on. Yeah, you do.

You like marvel to go to bed and then the gunshots make me jump and wake me up. So it's a difficult one to navigate that. Not guns, really. There's a variety of different weapons, not conventional pistols, though. Well, in Captain America. I'm going to go on to number three just for the sake of time. no autopilot. So we effectively have to manually like start ourselves up every time.

So for me, I can talk about this. Starting a task, stopping a task, switching a task. It can be as something as small as cleaning my teeth in the morning. It's not autopilot. I don't just do it. I'm not used to it. It takes a huge amount of energy. Yeah.

And that could be showering, baffing, picking up clothes off the flocks. Like all of those basic tasks that people do on autopilot take mega energy from me. This is really aligned with habits as well, isn't it? And I would say this is definitely a you thing rather than a me thing. I think I can do things on autopilot and can have habits and don't really need to think about it.

Don't take any energy. Not socialising, not small talk, not networking. Like if mine are the basic tasks of life, yours would be the basic social expectations of life. Well, that's very aligned to like masking. Yeah, that's true. That's true. You do have an autopilot. Like, you could do the launch.

Like, if I see you doing laundry, I'm like, oh, God, Bubby, you have to stop. You have to be so tired. You're like, I don't love it. But no, I'm not tired. I could do four loads, whereas I could get halfway through one load and, like, be physically drained and have to sit on the floor. Well, I always, I think the best way I ever put it with you, it's like even, let's say, maybe not cleaning teeth, but I'll just use that. It's like you're, not like you're doing it for the first time, but it takes that amount of mental energy to really think about it. Right, I need this, this, this, whereas I can, I can forget I've done it because it's on autopilot.

I would love that. I just, anytime I'm doing one of those tasks, I can feel, like I've had a cartoon energy bar, it's, just being drained so quickly, which is a shame because it would be really cool to take care of myself a little bit better. Okay, number four, sensory input can be exhausting. So this could be like anywhere, it could be sights or sounds or smells, but because so many of us are more sensitive to those kind of things, it can absolutely drain your energy, like almost you're fighting against that sensory input? 100%.

What do you think of when I say that? What's an example of? If somewhere's too loud, I'm better at protecting myself now. So if I start to feel a little bit uncomfortable, I'll just leave that area. So your party recently. I went upstairs when it got a little bit too loud for me.

And that I think, but if I had to stay there, I would have been exhausted because it would have like been a little bit uncomfortable. Same with a music gig, but like, we obviously wear the loop here plugs for that. Yeah. But yeah, like, because you're thinking about that sensory bit that's like, I'm not, I'm not saying I don't go into like meltdown, but I do, it requires energy. It's like, oh, same with Sear. When they're here, they always like music playing.

And I don't when I'm talking or whatever. So I'm like, can you tell me? Same for me. If it's got lyrics, can't focus on anything else. And especially if you haven't chosen the music or you haven't consented to hearing loud music. Yeah. It's like an assault on the senses. And yeah, it's tiring.

And obviously, if you go out in the real world, you go to the shop. Yeah. And you're hit with bright lights and loud noises. It's just like being jolted all the time. And that can just make a trip to the world. a shot, feel like you need to lay down for the rest of the day. And not many people understand that. Is that way you would say yours was primarily like just? Yeah, being out and about is quite tough. Like I love to be at home. Yeah. And actually I make a massive effort to make the house

really sensory friendly. Yeah. Low lights, warm lights, candles, calm music. That's really important. But yeah, like going to a superstore is. it can be a bit panicky for me and be tiring. Okay, number five, we can actually be bad at basic self-care, like eating and drinking enough water.

I think this is for different reasons. I can talk from a sort of ADHD perspective. I don't have the executive function to cook meals every day. Just don't, I'll more likely be snacking, so you're probably not getting the right energy. I might not even know when I'm hungry. I'll leave it till the last minute. I always forget to drink water. I'm more likely to drink a can of monster. Yeah. And so we're not, because of what is

up with us, we're not good at getting the very basic levels of energy, which is like food and hydration, which makes it all worse. I think for me, a really big one for my autistic brain is actually it's loads harder for me naturally to do the basic self-care stuff doing the job that I do now because there's like no routine. When I was at the bank, I was up early. I had a shower every morning. When I got back, it was like, right, it's time to cook dinner now. This is eating time.

Like there was real compartmentalization of my day and it really helped me. But when you're on the internet or recording podcasts or whatever, there's no like, routine, what time I get up changes, what I do during the day changes, what time we finish changes. It's like there's no defined structure and I struggle with that. Yeah, I can see that and you also struggle with certain foods like they people laugh at autistic people in the beige plate. You love a beige plate. Yeah, I do, yeah. Like carbs and chips and burgers. So even on that level, you're probably not getting the nutrients or the fibre that, would probably help with energy. Right, before I get on to number six, a very quick word for my

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Are you ready for number six? I literally am ready, yeah. This is so real for me. And recently, I think, it's become real for you. Hyperfocus borrows and can in fact drain tomorrow's energy. Okay. So obviously, you know, from my perspective, I can lock in on something for 12 hours. And it might be finding the perfect.

shade of green trousers, or it might be a creative project. Yeah. Or it might be yesterday at the music video, like being on for 12 hours, like performing, like you're locked in and you're like pulling from this what feels like endless energy source. But it's just tomorrow. It's just like that, whatever it is, is it dopamine or whatever it is chemically, you do deplete it. Yeah.

And then you're going to need a day. in bed, even as simple as if we're planning to go away to celebrate an anniversary and I want to research the hotels, I could fall into a two-hour hole of reviews and pictures and drain myself from that and just be like so depleted. So wait, what have you, what have you seen me do that? Oh my God, I can't speak. Like the, that electric mower. Oh.

Oh, the electric mower. What a purchase, by the way. The amount of time that you put into like... Sorry, not electric, like robot. The robot moor, sorry. It's not mere electricity. So, like, your ability or your enjoyment of hyperfocusing on things has become more. Do you find that draining, like if you're looking at loads of golf stuff or...

I spent an hour and a half yesterday researching golf balls. And how did you feel, did you feel you were borrowing energy? Did it deplete you? Did it energize you? Yeah, I think so. What is weird for me, which I haven't often had, is you sort of, when you like snap out of it, it's a really weird experience. It's like, where was I?

Yeah. Yeah. That's weird. Because it's like, whoa, hang on a minute. I've got to just do normal things now. This is quite jolting. I love it because I've noticed you've unlocked that ability or it's probably always there, but maybe it's some masking stuff.

You definitely do hyperfocus now. And yeah, when you come back to the real world, it's like, oh, it's like almost a bit head foggy, a bit disorientate because you've literally been in this other world. Yeah. Wow. So cool. Okay. Number seven, socialising gives us a hangover.

Oh, yeah. Yeah? Yeah, it does. I have got nothing else to say about that. And it can be, it could be a day, two days. I guess it depends on the level of socialising that you've had. And probably the level of masking within that socialising. I think that's the thing because I can socialise.

There's a few people that I can socialise with. and really enjoy it and really be myself and not be that tired as a result. But like you just said, depending on the level of masking or how familiar I am with that person is how tired I'm going to be. I'm exactly the same.

So actually you can socialise and not have a bad hangover if you're not masking. Yeah. But if there's like anyone outside of like safety circle, like even, it could be family or friends. Like, you don't always want to be... 100% cap, yeah. You know, like, we have to sometimes show up for other people.

Let's say it's someone else's birthday. Yeah. You have to maybe, like, gear up the old human mask for that one. Mm-hmm. And it takes it out of you. There's a price to pay. And sometimes it might literally be like a day in bed. I've seen that meme that was like socialised for two hours last night, time for seven days in bed.

And it's like, yeah. Like, it can drain. you that much and no one, you wouldn't understand that if you didn't experience it. Yeah. Like, oh, don't be, don't be, went out for dinner and now you need a day off. Yeah. It's so strange. It is mental how much it does affect energy.

Other people's energy as well. Like you're being assaulted with all these like unfiltered energies. That, I mean, that's what I struggle with. Yeah. When people talk at me and I'm not interested in what they're saying. at all. And I'm like, yeah, yeah. Whereas with close friends, you'd be like, sorry, mate, I'm bored now.

Do you mind? You see that? There's TikTok videos at the moment where someone starts talking and are like, well, mad boring, I'm going to go. See? Just please don't do it at family barbecue because I would be left picking up the pieces. Yeah. Okay, number eight, maybe quite similar, but emotions,

strong emotions really drain our battery. Yeah. You love a strong emotion though. Yeah, but you know after I've had some kind of emotional meltdown? Yeah. What's the phrase that? You've said you're emotionally hung over. You've said that before.

I sound bruised. Oh, bruised. I'm bruised and broken. If I've gone through it, let's say we've had a row or I've been upset with something to do with my dad or a big episode in therapy. I'm just drained, like emotions because I feel them so intensely, so deeply. It just takes it out of me.

And I need to go and have a light out. I can't human for the rest of today. Sorry, I felt an emotion. It's like insane. What about you, though? It's also just on you. There'll also be a bit of, you'll be tired because you're very empathetic, aren't you? So you will, if you're with someone that you care about

and they're going through something to be, it can take its toll on your energy levels because you'll sort of, you'll take a lot of that. You can feel it with them. If someone's sad or going through something, it could, yeah, showing up, really showing up, being there with sort of body mind and spirit can do one on you. What about you with like your emotions?

Because, you know, a myth about autistic people is that they're not emotional. Yeah, that's not true. You don't show emotion in the way typically people would expect on your face, on your body language, but inside you feel incredibly strong emotions. Yeah. Is that tiring? Like, can you think of a time recently you felt something really strong and that's been?

Yeah, definitely. I mean, the most glaring one was when I used to struggle with anxiety and I used to be all up in my head and very like racing, heart and stuff like that. Like after that had passed, that was knack. Like, he was just knackering, just walking around like a zombie everywhere. Yeah. But yeah, like, you know, if we've, if we've had an argument or a difficult conversation,

like feel a bit, a bit tired, a bit emotionally bruised. Yeah. Low energy, definitely. You also struggle. A huge energy drain for you is. I don't know whether it's emotion, but it's like if a relationship is not on good terms or there's something unsaid or, and it might be work or a friendship or family, something difficult is going on. And you haven't mentally processed it. You actually can't sleep. You can't do anything. You're processing 24-7. And that, I've seen that, like, wipe you out because you're just trying to logic it out, trying to find the solution. Well, yeah, that's just not getting the rest that I need because it's all encompassing really, yeah.

Okay, number nine. Penultimate. Penultimate. We often don't notice tiredness or other bodily signals until it's too late. So, you know that thing where you're like, oh, should I get you some chocolate? Yeah. Because you'll want it later and I'm like, no, I've just eaten. I'm full.

I won't want it later. And you're like, you don't have the ability to like, understand that you'll be in a different state. And I'm like, now I really don't want it. You buy it anyway. And then I'm like, have you got to cream egg? It's that. But for tiredness, like we can often just show up, keep doing the thing,

drink your coffee, force your way through. And actually like miss that we might need a day off or an early night. It's almost like missing bodily signals. and I think you actually do do that too. I don't think we're very good at like... Yeah. I... Do I do that?

You did it yesterday. No, that was about the food. That wasn't the same thing. That wasn't the same thing. I had a really big breakfast. Someone was like, do you want subway? And I was like, no, I'm not hungry. I didn't know at that point it wasn't going to get here for three hours, in fairness.

When I was asked if I wanted subway, I was like, no, I don't want any subway. three hours later the subway arrived and I was hungry. So I'm not sure that was fully my fault. I, maybe I do it. I've definitely agreed to work bits and bobs that maybe I shouldn't have. I think you, I think though if you were, I think I'm the reason that to challenge you around baby, you're not going to want to do that here.

like if you think about that. Like, so I don't know, it's quite nuanced that one for me because I think I do challenge you when you say, yeah, but it put it for this time or put it for that time. Like, I don't think that will happen. Yeah, that's true. Maybe you're a bit better. I really struggle to ever imagine I'm in a different state than I'm in right now.

Yeah. So if I'm like firing on all cylinders, I'm like, book it. Let's go on a two week tour. Then I'll do a podcast. Then maybe we do that. Yeah. But then I get there and I'm drained. and like past you has made those decisions

and it's like, oh my lord, and you just have to push through. Yeah, we definitely do both do that. We definitely spoke to each other. Like, what have we done? It's like energy management is so important, I think, when you're neurodivergent, knowing you have a finite amount of energy.

It's liable to be drained more quickly on certain random tasks than kind of neurotypical people's energy. So don't spend it every, like protect it or spend it where you want to spend it. Yeah. Ah, okay, number 10, I just think is like the culmination of all of these, but it's so important to talk about that burnout affects us more often.

Now, burnout is obviously, it goes beyond tiredness. You've lost the ability to have a day in bed and recover. Yeah. And very often a social hangover, I get back from tour or whatever, like a day in bed and then you're raring to go. In burnout, like your body has benched you and you don't get to decide when that energy comes back. And if we are not like vigilant about whether we like where we are who we're with and what we're doing, because effectively that's burnout. It's not busyness. Yeah.

It's masking and faking it. I've really believed that. pushing ourselves too hard will end up like I've been a few times like put on your ass for a few weeks if not more do you think you've ever been burnt out I don't think so I mean I think maybe maybe back when I was at the bank towards the end when I was struggling a lot of anxiety I think that might that could have been yeah could have maybe been partly The only thing recently, and it wasn't, it wasn't, but it was just a busy period of time. But it was the worst I've been in recent memory is when we moved house.

And there was so much going on. And I was all going on. I remember just making an announcement to the family. Like, I'm at my capacity. Please do not ask me anything. I'm being asked too much of. Please leave me alone. because I was going to explode.

But I don't, that was just, that was a finite period of time. So the house, it pushed you like close. It was very stressful, but you maintained the ability to get up and to function. Whereas I think when it slips from like super stressed into burnout, you lose,

yeah, kind of lose the ability to get out of bed. You lose the ability to mask. Yeah. And that's, quite horrendous. Yeah. It's really strange.

My view of burnout, because obviously my worst year was last year. And I look back and I'm like, was it burnout? Was it stress? Was it perimenopause? Was it a friend passing away and triggering grief?

Was it what was kind of... Maybe of everything. Can't like put it down to one thing, but that just deep, chronic. tiredness and it can really make you feel like your life's over but it's not you will bounce back but definitely think about your energy levels. I like that episode. It's made me really like quite tired and I just want to go and have a like lovely afternoon

nap. What do you think? Let's do it. Let's go nap. I love that. This is late bloomers where we are going to take a nap. If you've liked it gives us like, share, follow, subscribe, all of that stuff. Let us know in the comments.

Do you struggle with tiredness, burnout, chronic fatigue? Have you got anything that helps? We'd love to read your tips and we hope to see you here next week.