LATE BLOOMERS - IMPOSTER SYNDROME: 10 ways we convince ourselves we’re not enough (and how to stop!)

Episode Date: November 12, 2025

What happens when life starts going right… and your brain still whispers, “You don’t deserve this”? In this episode of LATE BLOOMERS, Rich and Rox talk honestly about imposter syndrome — especially when you’re a late bloomer who never expected life to look like this. From waiting to be “found out,” to secretly believing success is luck, not earned, they break down the sneaky ways self-doubt shows up even when you're thriving. They explore how childhood experiences wire us to minimise ourselves, why confidence doesn't automatically grow with achievements, and how shame can hitch a ride on success just as easily as failure. And most importantly — they share gentle, practical ways to catch those thoughts, build self-trust, and learn to stand in what you've built without cringing, apologising, or shrinking. Tender, honest, and funny in the very human way only these two do it — this episode is a reminder that you don’t have to feel like you belong to actually belong. You earned this. Now let’s learn to believe it.

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Imposter syndrome is quite a common thing for neurodivergence. Does it resonate with you? Across every single area of life. Common with neurodivergence, people that are late diagnosed, and are wonderful late bloomers, feeling that we're frauds, fakes, out of place. Well, on that note, for those that don't know what. imposter syndrome is, do you want to just quickly tell them? It's basically feeling like you're a fraud in your own life.

And very often it's in like your passion area. Yeah, okay. Which is so sad. So I know that we're going to have loads of listeners that want to run Etsy businesses, be writers, become singers, other things, start businesses, be parents for the first time and they're going to be beating themselves up. So we are coming to beat the imposter syndrome back down. Welcome to late bloomers where we are getting our lives together.

Eventually. I think, so although I reckon the majority of these examples are going to be about you and there are a divergent world with imposter syndrome, I'd like to share because I don't think that I suffer with it much, but there was a situation where I did. I think you should lead us off. Yeah. When did you have imposter syndrome?

When I was recording the audio book for Dirty Laundry, I can't even, right? So bearing in mind, I'm an author, I'm an author, and I effectively can't read. That's when we discovered that I can't read. And it was so embarrassing. I had a producer there, obviously telling me every time I made a mistakes by the end of it. Like I couldn't even read words like at and the like it was I was sweating and I just felt like a complete fraud like what are you even doing here rich get back to making silly little comedy videos or get back to the bank even yeah I remember watching that and yeah you don't suffer you're in day to day life you're very confident you tend to jump into things and don't beat yourself up in the same way that I like to um but that was I mean that was brutal to watch To the point you stopped watching it

I had to walk out of the room Because it was I couldn't do anything You had to get through it It was reading our first book Dirty Laundry And yeah you couldn't read You couldn't read a sentence

You would stop in stumbling Red in the face sweating And I could tell you were like Basically having a panic attack And feeling all ten shades Of Imposter Syndrome In one The reason why I think

think it was imposter syndrome rather than a pure inability to read is that the second book I was fine I know I know so it's not like I can't think you were thinking there's a producer two people record and they expect me to be able to read but that's when we kind of realized that you were dyslexic and obviously you'd managed to have strategies we think I'm dyslexic we're pretty sure I mean I think having heard that I think yeah Yeah. And me, it's basically, look, me is everything. Like, my entire life is an imposter syndrome.

So whatever, I guess music is the big one. So I am 41 years old. I have a career in rock music that's began in the last few years. And yeah, I'm probably going to score 10 out of 10 on these things. So let's get into it. These are the 10 ways that we make ourselves feel unworthy. because imposter syndrome isn't just one thing. It's the sense that we're a fake.

But all of these other kind of micro behaviours and thoughts go into it. And we are coming for every single one. So I'm going to start us off, starting strong with perfectionism. Yeah. So basically it's the belief that if we do something perfectly, no mistakes the best it can be, then we're good enough. Then we can feel safe and we can escape. imposter syndrome for that moment in time.

So I struggle a bit really like understanding this, right? But bearing in mind, I can only draw on what we've done together. And like I see it where if we were like launching late bloomers or start in ADHD love or writing the book, like you really see that everything has to be right. You obsess about the cover design, the branding, everything. and you will obsess, obsess, obsess, if there's tiny, you're like, no, we're not doing it. And that, that to me is like, can be a good thing. Yeah, I think there's a fine line between perfectionism and striving for excellence.

And you need to try and striving for excellence to use your brain and what powers you may have in this world to bring the best work that you can is a really good thing. when it gets destructive Remember when I couldn't send the book to the editor Because I was like, it's not perfect It's not perfect, it's like they're the editor It's not meant to be perfect Because they've got to edit it

And I was like, it's not perfect And it was that self-hatred Of being seen as not being perfect Of showing something that wasn't finished Or wasn't up to this weird standard in my heads And it got in the way I think I had to send the email in the end You were like, no, I'm not doing it.

It's not good enough. It's going to be good enough. Yeah. It's, so it's, is it, if something's moving you forward in an inspired way, that's striving for excellence. If something is causing rumination, self-criticism, refusal to engage in the work, that's where it's perfection. Okay, that makes sense.

So how do you would, like, so branding Lake Bloomers, for example, had you been obsessing of it, changing the position of leaves and stuff, and it meant that we just, just didn't launch the podcast, that would have been getting in the way. It's not done. It's not done. I need to get a designer to do it. I can't find the right one. It's when it stops your work.

And I think that affects so many creatives. I work with a lot of songwriters and have done for many, many years. And so many want to have their own artistic projects. I imagine so many of our ADHD listeners have got creative dreams as well. We know ADHD score so high on creativity. Yeah. But they won't let themselves do it because it's not perfect. That first painting, that first poem, that first song.

You don't put it out there because it's not perfect. Yep. Makes sense. Strong start. Strong start. Number two. People pleasing. Oh, yeah.

So people pleasing, huge for ADHD because we've been hated and judged our whole life. So we're like, let's just please the people. And then I'm going to be safe. Absolutely messes you up when it comes to work. because you can't please everybody and, like, grow and do your work well. Yeah. It's impossible. Yeah.

And I think, you know, looking at you, it's quite funny, right? Because we're probably talking about these where there's, it's fair to say, you've seen some growth in quite a lot of these areas over the last few years. Yes. And one thing that's funny is, I won't say the word you use, but like, If you don't like something or somebody's done something that works on your team that you don't like, you'll celebrate. You were like, and I was a bit, I'm going to say harsh, but we sometimes use a stronger word. But that's something to be really proud of because historically you'd have been like, yeah, it's great.

And internally thinking, oh my God, it's happened with haircuts with you as well, hasn't it? Oh, it's happened with so many things. Let's talk about it in the creative sense. historically I would people please tell everyone everything was great and I loved it because I couldn't upset anyone a producer, someone working on an artwork

my manager, everything's great, everything's great and it wasn't great but on my what I want there's no right or wrong whatever but like in that scenario but I'm stuck in this state of constant self-erasure I don't matter they all need to feel okay

and you end up with art that you don't like and then you're not going to put it out. So it's a waste of time. Don't feel good. Plus, you get really resentful. And that's how you end up not working with people who have in rows. So be a bit more of a harsh person. Yeah.

By the way, when I say harsh, I just mean telling the truth very politely. Well, and I think that's actually important for those that maybe struggle with this and try and do something different or act differently. It's probably quite important not to overcorrect. Like, I can probably be too. far the other way. And if somebody has tried and it isn't what you want, you don't have to be

like, it's rubbish. Oh, God, no. I mean, no, no, no. Not at all. Like, still be, still be nice. But in order to stop feeling like you're an imposter, you have to start trying to please yourself, your vision, not other people's. Right, you ready for the big number three? Go on. procrastination Yeah, okay And this is the type of procrastination that we look at

and we're going to say oh I'm being lazy while I'm not doing it but it is from a place of the fear of being found out to very often if you're suffering

with imposter syndrome you will procrastinate because you don't want people to see that you aren't perfect you aren't going to please everybody So it's like, and we look at it and we'll be horrible and self-critical and self-judgmental. But if you have been procrastinating on launching that Etsy shop, is it because you're being lazy or is it because you're so scared of it not working or being judged or it not being perfect? And that stops us from taking that next move forward.

I've met, since being with you, I've met loads of people in the creative industry. And I think a good, a good example of this is they've all got the intention to start TikToks, start like social media accounts and so many of them are like, I'll do it later, I'll do it later, I'll do it later, I'll do it later, and it just never gets done. And like for me, it's like, just do it, just post a video then. That's a huge one. I think whether you run a small business or you want to become an influencer or you want to show off your artwork. Social media is the best place to do it. It's free. It's of course not

without problems, but it's a great free cesspit of possible friends and people that may like what you're putting out in the world. But people procrastinate. I've got friends who I've been speaking to since 2021. Come and get on TikTok. Get on Instagram Reels. And they're constantly making a plan and then not doing it and procrastinating on it and I don't look at them and think they're lazy, I look at them and think you're so scared of being seen to try

or failing or being judged that you are putting it off and off and look at the end of day you just got to get in amongst it some of it might be a bit of perfectionism sprinkled in as well but like social media if I think about TikTok for example or Instagram Reels

or whatever platform you use or YouTube shorts they're brilliant examples of where it really doesn't have to be perfect to start like you look at some of our first videos from an editing point of view from a camera point of view from a they're rubbish yeah i know and look here's the thing i think we procrastinate because we want it to be perfect i think that they are so tied together, aren't they? So you procrastinate until you've got the perfect idea. Let's talk about songwriting, for example. I haven't got the right song to launch my project. It's not quite right. It's not quite perfect. Months go by, years go by. You still haven't launched. Here's

the thing. The first song I put out in 2021, the MF fame, sorry, has profanity in it. I wouldn't release that now. Because I've changed in those few years and I would do something different now. your most perfect effort today you in a year will have grown from so like just do it like you're going to grow

you're going to get better on the way you just have to accept but it may not be perfect okay number four this is crazy this is overachieving right

and this is yeah performing constantly for worthiness instead of believing it in your core. Go on, you're going to have to give me more. So you only feel good enough when you are number one, the best, setting records, the coolest thing,

whatever it is in your industry, you only feel okay when you're at the top anywhere but at the top it then disappears and that I'd imagine is dangerous for mental health like tying it to accomplishments and stuff I mean it's it's so dangerous and you know we see so many

famous singers and bands struggle hugely with mental health and it's so easy to look at them and think oh they're massive they're doing really well but they're struggling to keep themselves there, to stay relevant, to keep that record deal, to be the next hottest thing. Well, and again, I suppose that the thing,

I don't know if you're going to say this, I don't want to spoil anything, but like they believe that they have to still live this rock star or this, like, they believe that's who they are. Whereas the reality, let's be. honest is like everyone's an imposter. Oh yeah. Nobody's born a rock star or a doctor. Everyone's just pretending until they get the attention that they need.

Do you know what I mean? So cynical, but yeah, also true. I love that. Everyone's an imposter. Nobody comes out of the womb, an amazing video editor. Like our wonderful, Max, are a great golf player like you or a sub-passing and like me. We show up over and over again and we get there eventually. but I think this one has I've always been like massive big on the old failure

very very good at failing and quitting but in the last few years I have had a bit of success in music and first album went top 10 and in the UK and I remember feeling on top of the world and then when that kind of ran out I'm like I've felt very unworthy

I was like I need to do it again or get a top fight like unless you're beating what you've done, you're not real anymore. Yeah. So I've still got work to do. Oh, I know that you have and I don't want to jump ahead, but one of mine is self-criticism and you just explained yourself as a sub-passinger. So I think we've gone there.

You can give me a smack bum when we get there. Okay. Number five, oh, it's so good. It's so good. Self-sabotage, which is often sub-comer. Rejecting success before it can reject you. Which is... This makes sense.

Yeah, it's... It might be when you've just started something. You might have just sold your first thing on Etsy. You might have write your first chapter of a book. Maybe you've made your first Instagram real and it's got a few hundred views. And it's at that point, this feeling... And by the way, when we say it's subconscious, you will not be aware that it's happening. That's the most brutal thing of self-sabotage.

You'll go, I don't think I want it anymore. I don't think it aligns with my life. Actually, this isn't for me. And by the way, we can change direction in life. We can grow, of course. But is it coming from a place of fear? and also it's it's almost in a weird way you're going towards comfort right if you don't believe you belong where you don't know on the internet or whatever and then you go oh no it's not for me

there's like a weird sense of comfort that you're right like i didn't believe i was there i've just proved it to myself like i knew all along that it wasn't for me so it's better in a way to feel right and to quit than have the fear of failing a hundred percent and again you know I bring it back to me but it's it's very relevant after the album goes top ten I do a big sold-out tour doing things I could never like wildest dreams came true this year and and after that tour I quite strongly felt like I don't know if I want to do music anymore sorry to any of the 37 club it's okay. I've almost finished the second album. I'm not quitting any time soon, but like

quite serious, wasn't it? Like, yeah, yeah. And I, I just wonder whether was that some self sabotage in me because I deep down felt like I'll never beat what I've done. So it's better to quit now than fail at the next step. Yeah, yeah, I agree. There's also a bit, though, like of the one before maybe with you because you it's quite scary like to achieve your dreams as well like you you what you achieved in your last haul was probably all you'd ever dreamed about and more and you achieved it so like aligning yourself with the art it's like wow I've achieved it but I'm not what it doesn't feel well is you think you achieve your dream and then what yeah are you going to stop or are you going to set a new dream and then it's like great what was it

Yeah. Right. Anyway. Number six, I'll take the last five. Come on, baby. You can do it. Oh, you can. Unrealistic goals.

So setting a goal that is quite clearly unachievable, so you fail. So you're in a constant state of failure. Do you ever feel like you do that? Do you ever feel like you set yourself up to fail? No. Like I'm the other way. Like never, I don't think. I will be really measured about, and it will be practical as well. Like I'm not a bit of, I'm not a dreamer. I'm more of a analytical statistics strategy. You're the data dude, don't you? You like data and so goals are built on like realistic expectations of what's in front of you. They're built on maths and science and trends and stuff. And that's the thing. When you set goals that are aligned to that, you can't really be unrealistic because it shows.

It's like, oh, our next book is going to sell a million copies. No, it's not. No. Like it definitely isn't. That's dreamland, mate. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. That is so true.

It's so true. I think that I used to suffer from this really badly. I just want things popped in my head This is when I was like in my 20s I was at home I was at my dad's house My stepmom And I don't know what

I was obviously trying to Show off or get attention I don't know what I was doing But I announced at the dinner table That I decided That I was going to swim the channel Right That was going to commit

That's ridiculous To train in cold water training And I was going to swim the channel and I was going to, like, set a record. Now, bearing in mind, I wasn't swimming. Yeah. At all. I had no experience.

But not only was I convinced I, like, said it, set it out to everyone. This is what I was going to do. And obviously... Look, it would have been physically possible, but, like, knowing you, I'm not sure you're a channel swimmer, babe. No, it was an impossible goal to make myself feel like I was worth something. But actually, then, to just feel as another thing I've thought. failed out and another thing I've quit. I did look into doing some cold water swims but never

never made it. Yeah. So basically set like that's not to say don't dream. It's not to say don't believe in miracles or like epic stuff because awesome things can happen. If I was going on data, I never would have come back to music because well the data says you're too old and it's never worked the other five times you've tried it. So things can change. But don't don't shame yourself with a goal. Yeah. It's like me going, or what's your goal in music,

to win a Grammy? It will never, ever happen. And you'll constantly, you'll constantly suffer underneath that. You used to live in that dream a lot, didn't you? One day I'll win a Grammy. It was like everything to me. And now it's like,

I'd just like to sell out a gig and have a nice group of people that like the music. Yeah. Okay. So number seven, attributing success to luck. So when things go well, rather than, I guess, acknowledge and recognize the hard work that you've put in to get there, it's like, well, that's really lucky.

This one is a bit nuanced, I think, in my mind. So if I look at our ADHD love accounts, so I think they're like 5 million followers now across all platforms and this is double-edged I think like we work really hard all the time looking at all the data looking at what people want us to create listening to them

doing it like constantly constantly constantly working I can recognise we've worked really hard for that but I can also recognise that our second rubbish video went viral that was luck so like there's a bit of

both in there. Yeah, I think it would be arrogant of someone to be like, it's all me. It's the ability to see that it's multifaceted. Bit of luck, bit of hard work, bit of right place, right time. But the important bit when it comes to imposter syndrome is to say what you've said so easily, we work so hard. Yeah. So almost like we work so hard. So therefore, that's why it make sense that there's there's lots of followers in this community when you're suffering with imposter syndrome it's very hard to think that results are because of your hard work yep i i struggle with that hugely i put it down to luck or the spiritual forces of the of the universe i can't look at myself and go um i'm here because i worked hard it's strange it or it almost feels arrogant

to claim your hard work as any part of your success but of course it of course it does good fit like even with music with luck there's um i remember us having a conversation about your agents who are brilliant like the agents that you've got and you would very much be in a mindset of they showed up to my first show I'm so lucky to have agents which you were like that again this is a bit like the social media but now it's like they're lucky to have you but that's difficult for you to you're lucky to have each other

let's say because I'm just like I'm waiting to stop selling tickets and then they drop me I constantly feel like I'm not good enough it's imposter syndrome I'm not good enough

I shouldn't be here I need to prove myself I need to be perfect oh my God what am I doing doing this episode babe right number eight self-criticism I touched on this earlier

Miss subpass singer and like you've you've demonstrated it there without even having to explain it. You called Max a brilliant editor, me a good golfer, and you clouded your compliment with derogatory humor about yourself. I think you'd do it less, but you do, if you were to do it, it would be in the music world, not as an author or app developer. It would be as a music artist.

Look, it's tough. because I do think that I'm kind of a sub-pass singer. I understand I'm walking right into infoster syndromes, open jaws. But I do. I'm not like, and I... Oh, but I don't want to have young... No, no, listen, listen.

I'm a logical person. I have ears. I have eyes. I know the skills that I have got and I know the skills that other people have got. I'm not a great singer. I am a pretty decent songwriter and I'm a pretty decent

conveyor of feeling emotions, normally sad, recently, anger. But I'm not a great singer and I don't mean it as being horrible. I'm just like, it's a realistic standard of where I'm at. But what's interesting is that you identify yourself, you identified yourself as a singer. Stop doing that then. Do it as an artist or a performer or whatever.

all the things that you don't think you're rubbish at identify yourself as that because that's what you are. Pretty okay songwriter. So it's crap. Like we're supposed to be telling people how to get better and this is rubbish number eight. So I'm going to go straight on to number nine, all right?

Avoiding growth. I was great. I love this episode. Go on. So avoiding growth. Like all this time. all the things, you know, it's probably a concoction of everything that we've talked about before, but all the time you're thinking that you're imposter or that you're lucky or that you

criticising yourself, you are, that is time taking away of growing. So it stunts your growth. Yes. So all of the, this stuff, if you took all that energy and put it into developing your skill, whatever that is. That's a way better antidote for imposter syndrome. Like, it's so crazy that you're trapped in perfectionism, self-criticism. I'm too old. I'm too rubbish. It's not for me.

It's not perfect. What is the thing you're trying to do? Go and practice it. Now, listen, you've had a go at me on number eight. It's fair enough. I hold my hands up. And I stand by it. Big self-criticizer, but, yeah, who's been going to sing in lessons?

who's been trying to take the energy to feeling subpar and get better at 41 I'm in doing singing lessons so yes you can do you can do both

I think you can be self-critical and you can notice it and you can go I'm going to try and put that energy somewhere else it doesn't fix overnight yes there's a bit of a butt go on

your singing lessons were all the logistics around booking you the sessions were done by the team. Great that you're showing up. But all I'm saying is there'll be a bit of imposter syndrome

because would you have done it like you do therapy, you'll research all the things you'll physically book it, you'll physically turn up. Do you know what? I think there might have been some procrastination

had you not had the support or... I don't have imposter syndrome going to therapy. So I'm very confident being mentally unwell. My number 10 comparison yeah there's insane in there comparison is the thief of joy that's that it that's it that's it um i don't think you do this anymore you used to scroll social media see all the artists or singers that you would have wanted to be like and it just you just used to feel crap by the end

of the scroll yeah and now you don't really do you no i think the key to comparison is if you are are looking on social media and you're feeling ashamed or jealous, envious of what someone else is doing, it might actually be a bit of a directional flag. Like, hey, is that art project, that comedy thing, that whatever it is, is that something you want to do? And actually, if you then just focus all your time on doing that, you won't have any time for comparison. And actually, you'll feel proud and inspired by what other people are doing, because you realize how hard the actual work is? It's more fulfilling as well.

So I like, people joke about, have you seen this thing on Insta or this thing on TikTok? And I'm like, no, I don't look it. And it's terrible to say, but I don't consume any of it. Like I obviously create. You watch video game content of Lano, screaming in the other room. It's, it's, I'm glad you've got a passion.

I am, but my God, it is like, it's horrible. It's great. It's just, like, you just watch. He's playing video games, playing Caller Duty. You don't, you don't compare yourself to others. No. No. That's it.

That's it. Ten things. Hope they have helped. Yes. Hopefully you don't relate to too many of them, but if you do, hopefully there's some ways that you can maybe. I think if we had to sum up all. How do you move through all 10 is just do the thing? Be a bit cringe.

Don't be perfect. Be a bit messy. Just do the thing. Whatever it is. Yeah. Like everyone's out here pretending. Everyone's out of pretending. We're not social media influencers.

No. Two idiots with a phone. Stuff on our phone and put it on the internet. Too idiots with a phone. That should be the podcast. If you've enjoyed it, leave a comment, share, what else they do, subscribe, all of that sort of jive. If not, just move on. Just move on.

Let us know in the comments if you suffer with a bit. imposter syndrome and maybe one thing that you were going to do to try and get the thing done. Thanks for joining us and we'll see you next week.