LATE BLOOMERS - NOT ANOTHER MATCHA LATTE: Why self-care trends are making us feel worse and how to actually feel better

Episode Date: June 4, 2025

Self-care is everywhere. From matcha lattes and five-step skincare routines to cold plunges and pastel journals, the internet is overflowing with advice on how to look after yourself. But here’s the problem…most of it doesn’t work for people like us. In this episode of LATE BLOOMERS, Rox and Rich pull the curtain back on the performance of self-care and ask the big question: what does it actually look like when you're neurodivergent, overwhelmed, and barely keeping up with life? We talk honestly about our own struggles — including Rich’s emotional pizza binges and Rox’s battle with cleaning her teeth — and unpack why so many self-care trends set us up to fail. We explore how “care” became something we perform for the internet, why aesthetics can be damaging, and how toxic productivity has snuck into even our bubble baths. This is not an episode about doing more. It’s about doing less — with kindness. It's about brushing your teeth, sending the email, and drinking some bloody water. If you’ve ever felt like you’re failing at self-care, we want you to know: you’re not alone, and there is a better way.

Bettering your business takes working with the best. With the James Hardy Alliance, you gain access to leads, training, networking and support from the number one brand of siding in North America. Achieve new levels of success by joining the James Hardy Alliance today. What the hell is actual self-care? We are going to talk about the myth of self-care that we've all seen on Instagram with the green smoothies and the bubble baths. We're going to talk about the challenges that neurodivergent people might have with self-care. We're also going to talk about some of our self-care challenges and then give you a couple of tips that are actually going to help you with your self-care. This is Late Bloomers where we are getting our lives together.

Eventually. Self-care then. We're definitely not gurus of this, are we? We're like... But we're probably best qualified to talk about maybe some of the pitfalls. I think I am for sure. So self-care, me, is absolutely still the like insta version of self care.

Yeah. So it's me buying expensive bubble bath, body oils, the new net sponge and setting up an impossible routine that I'm going to fail at and then end up beating myself over the bat quib. So like my self care just ends up with these momentary, aesthetic, impossible goals that I fail at and then end up feeling worse.

So it's not self-care at all. I love that we're reflecting on this a little bit because of what it will mean hopefully is that I never have to endure one of those smoothies again. Do you remember what I'm talking about? This was one of your like all or nothing. We need to be the healthiest people in the world. Do you want to tell it or should I?

I'll tell it. I'm not ashamed. I'd seen online someone mention like a magic smoothie that basically contained a hundred percent of all your like vitamins and minerals. Let me just stop you there. You'd seen online or you would hyper focus and obsessively researched how to make? That one.

Yeah, okay. So someone hadn't made it, but they'd made something almost and I was like, well, is it possible to make one that is? So I researched, this was in the days before Chachi BT, so I researched heavily how to make a smoothie, got my best effort and then decided that I was going to make one for the family every morning. And to be clear, just to make, and what was the criteria to have a hundred percent? Of all vitamins and minerals.

Nutritionally perfect drink with everything that you would ever need in a whole day, is that? Yeah. Right. And it was disgusting. Yeah, I can say it now. Yeah, okay. Because I was being polite at the time, but it was. Oh, it was disgusting and loads of effort as well. Right? Like, and that's probably why it was loads of effort. But I think that sums up how I, and I hope other ADHDers, get self-care

wrong. We try and do something impossible, something that's an aesthetic, something that if I reach this impossible thing and make this impossible smoothie, then I'm looking after myself. Actually, it's the total opposite. That isn't looking after yourself. That's just another hyper-focus that's going to be a flash in the pan and you're going to feel worse. And especially with ADHD, I suppose, it could potentially set yourselves up to fail because it's unachievable for anyone, let alone somebody who struggles with maybe organisation and shopping for the ingredients and blah, blah, blah, or whatever it is. So it's just like setting up another thing for you to fail at. It is, but I feel like no one ever talks about it.

And online, if you think about self care, what we see online, it really is like meditation and yoga and breathing and like bubble baths and matcha teas. It's, it's such an aesthetic and it ends up being like an aesthetic that we try and aim for. And it's got nothing to do with actually what is the best way to care for ourselves. Well on the maybe the more masculine side of social media, I see things where you've got guys, I mean it went quite viral, a guy like dipping his face in ice water at like four in the morning and then going for a gym

run and stuff. I'm like, whatever, mate, what are you talking about? You never tempted to try it. No. I love that about you and I'm also slightly jealous. So that's the self-care myth. It isn't matcha lattes and five step baths and dipping your face in ice water. So if we're thinking about self-care and ADHD, self-care, neurodivergence in general, we have to literally wipe the slate clean, right? Because one of the hallmarks of neurodivergence is issues with executive function.

Yep. Simply put, we are rubbish. Because sticking to routine. Doing the daily tasks and sticking to routine. So stuff like cleaning teeth, doing laundry, showering, like the most basic of self-care tasks we are often already facing challenges with. So the last thing we need is a five-step bath routine or a 20 ingredients movie. Like that isn't for us. Yeah.

Do you know what I mean? It's going to be hard, right? So I think about some of the simple things that are achievable, like, let's say, taking a multivitamin every day. That will make a difference. Sleep makes a difference. And then maybe rather than planning in exercise, like choosing to walk every day rather than get a bus or whatever. Like the station from us is probably 20 minutes walk. Like you could make, that would make quite a big difference actually.

But it's really hard in the moment because you're probably late. You probably haven't got time to watch, you know what I mean? Yeah, 100%. It doesn't work. So if you're thinking about the average ADHD is day, you might wake up in last night's makeup, you might be struggling to shower, you might be struggling to clean your teeth, you might be running late to get out of the door. How the hell do you try and put self-care on top of that without just making it another thing to do, another task to like fail at? So like what actually is self-care for somebody that

is neurodivergent? Well, what is self-care for someone that's neurodivergent? Because I reckon you have, you've come on quite a long way, I reckon, from where you were maybe five years ago. So it's something that is going to make your life feel a little bit nicer. Something that future you is going to thank you for. So for me, if I've had an email that I have needed to send for weeks and I've been putting off because of anxiety, self-care is being kind to myself, finding the time, maybe asking for some body doubling help and sitting down and send an email.

It's not sexy, it isn't the matcha latte or the bubble bath, but that is going to make me feel infinitely better. I think being kind to yourself is quite a big one as well because we know that there's a lot of negative self-talk in the neurodivergent community. Right. I think you've hit on something mega there. When we talk about self-care, we never talk about the conversation in our own head. So as an example, I decide to make the 100% RDA smoothie every day. I do it for six days.

I then fail and then I'm then beat myself up. I always fail. I always quit. I'm lazy. What's wrong with me? That isn't... Nothing about that is caring for me. Yeah. Nothing about that is caring for me. Yeah. So understanding that if you are beating yourself up about your self care routine, it cannot be self care because every part of that has to be caring.

Whether you're doing amazing, whether you feel like you're failing and giving yourself things that are actually achievable. I just feel like that breaks the whole thing, doesn't it? And celebrating wins, even little wins. Celebrating little wins. So I think we have to redefine it, not as the Insta version, matcha lattes in the bath doing breathing techniques, but small little things you could do every

day that just say to yourself, you matter. Exactly how you work matters. So it might be self-care to ask for a body double to fold the laundry. It might be self-care to send that email. It might be self-care to rest in bed. Self-care can also be resting. So yeah, let's just throw out the Insta version. I think there is that resting is like, because you've had quite a up and down relationship with resting. And I can tell you, if you are in bed are in bed scrolling your phone, you're not resting. But like you sometimes do intentional rest where you'll listen to a podcast or whatever and you'll like do things that help calm you down,

isn't it? Like- Yeah, I think if I go for a walk or have a bath and I try and not do scarl, that helps. But like also sometimes just a bit of like numbing out on the phone if you're stressed. I know no one would ever say that self-care, but like I'm peacing out for an hour. Yeah. But I think listening to a podcast or something like that, you feel noticeably different, don't you? I think. Or reading or something. Yeah, I do. I do. But again, it can't be an... I don't want it to be another task. I need to lay down and read

a chapter because then I'm just going to feel rubbish. So it's just like, we've got a roll of it. Whatever is the kindest thing for you that day. So we've kind of spoken broadly about the Instagram myth of the aesthetic of self-care versus actual self-care. Can I ask you, what is your genuine self-care challenge? What do you struggle with in taking care of yourself? Two come to mind, so I'll mention both and you can choose which to quiz me on. But two are really obvious, but they're quite different. So one, I've got a... I struggle with my relationship with food.

So I can go either healthy and feel great. This is probably everyone. I'm probably speaking for the entire population here. But I am one to eat my feelings. Right, so if I have a particularly tough day or whatever, I will smash a bag or a pizza and inhale it. And the way that I eat, I eat too fast. I don't chew my food enough because I can eat. More than most people I know, I can eat, can't I? Like, more than most people I know, I can eat. Yeah, you, for a long period of time, were eating double dinners.

Yeah. You had two dinners, you'd eat till you felt sick. I honestly think, as someone that's kind of witnessed you for many years, I don't think it is most people. I think you definitely skew to like, there's something interesting going on with food. And the other thing is probably just linked to hyper-independence. So, although this can be classed as self-care, I think,

but it's sort of not in the way that I explain it. It's like asking for help. If I'm struggling with things, I'll just get on with it, rather than, you know, a big act of self-care can be asking for help or verbalising struggles and stuff like that. And I don't. Typically, I would say more so physically nowadays than mentally. If I'm struggling mentally, I'll verbalise it.

It might take me a bit longer than some maybe, but I do. But physically, I'll just ignore it. So let's start with food. Yeah. And that's like one of the most basic areas of self-care. And that's never spoken about online. Yeah. In a bubble bath and a match of teas.

We're never talking about basic three meals a day nutrition. It's also really similar for people with ADHD that might struggle with cooking or remembering to eat. Hello. So what would it look like for you to practice self-care with your eating on an average day? What does it look like to be lovely-care with your eating on an average day? What does it look like to be lovely to yourself? I think broadly is just making slightly healthier decisions for what I eat. So, you know, pizza, processed food, I think, is something that I feel bad about, but not feel bad about, feel bad after eating because

it makes me sluggish, it makes me like a bit head foggy, I can feel bloated because I eat too fast too quickly. So like what I don't think I'm ever going to be have the perfect diet because I love my meat and savoury stuff, but I can choose rice instead of bread, for example, or, you know, like little decisions just made, like tailored towards whole food. What's super interesting though, you said you're an emotional eater and that's so true. If you get stressed or you feel sad, you'll go straight to ordering pizza or McDonald's or whatever. In that moment, when you are ordering a pizza and you know it's going to make you feel momentarily better, is that self-care?

If you're doing something that's going to... I don't think so, because it's like, that's the equivalent of, in in my mind like having a beer to feel a bit better it's not feeling the feelings it's sort of a bit of escapism. I've thought of an idea by the way. Go on. So maybe I can just because I will get it if I'm like struggling or whatever I don't want to cook who wants to cook who wants to cook when they're happy, let alone struggling? So maybe I just change my takeaway order. So go Nando's instead of Domino's. Stay away from chips and garlic bread. So it's a tiny little step. Also, dare I say, we've just done an old bit on it's the conversation.

It's also how you speak to yourself. So you can be quite horrible regarding your eating habits to yourself. So it's also bringing in a bit of self-care there. So if you are having a horrible day and you order a Domino's, there's no need for the shame or the guilt. Like it's okay. And you can start again tomorrow. So I think some of that being nice to yourself juice is needed and like you can definitely struggle with that. I agree, but no, I agree with that sentiment. The point around allowing myself a day, that's something I struggle with. I think it's my addictive personality.

If I have a cheat day, I then really struggle to have a healthy day the next day. So it's best if I try and minimise them, I guess. That makes sense. And then your other one is, and it's definitely self-care, asking for help and not having to struggle with things alone. you have got loads better on the emotional side. Do you see that as an act of self-care? What physical? Well, yeah, I don't. It's difficult, right, because. Some of it is not really intentional.

Some of it, if I'm feeling like bad physically or whatever, like, it's not, it's not me proactively going, I'm not going to ask for help, I'm going to deal with this alone. It's me going, you'll be all right. Like you'll be fine. You're not, do you know what I mean? It's not, it's not because I don't feel the need necessarily. It's subconscious. The voice in your head says, you'll be fine. Don't worry about it. Get on with it. Yeah. That's probably not the most caring voice. Yeah. It's a bit dismissive. Yeah, I guess I wouldn't say that to kids. No, you'll be fine. Get on with it. Yeah. So yeah, it's funny. We keep coming back to the voice, the part of self-care that nobody ever talks about.

Okay, so my self-care challenge. Go on. I love it because I smell of BO and I haven't cleaned my teeth today. Do you actually smell of BO today? Love that. I must have forgotten, it happens to me a lot to put deodorant on. Like I did my whole bath routine. Yeah. Forgot the deodorant. So then I've just wasted, because I like a bath to last me a few days.

Yeah. You've wasted the bath slot. Yeah. And you go into therapy later as well. I know, but we don't get close, so. Right. So I'm going to choose my number one self-care challenge. And I can't believe I'm saying this on the internet, it's cleaning my teeth.

And it's so embarrassing to say this out loud. But I've really struggled to clean my teeth twice a day. I'm going to be honest, I struggle to clean my teeth once a day. You never clean your teeth twice, neither do I. Yeah, but you clean every day. Who are these crazy people that clean their teeth twice a day? I gently... Do you reckon they exist or do you reckon that's like a thing?

They exist. Do they actually? They exist. Have you seen it though? Or is it just... Yeah, I've had friends. Right. I've had well-adjusted friends.

Right. Okay, so maybe you even struggle with teeth cleaning if you're once a day. No, I'm not going to twice a day. I'm not doing it. I'm nuns a day a lot of the time. I like how we're laughing at this because it honestly makes me feel like a terrible adult. I don't think you need to feel that.

That's the voice, isn't it? I know, I know. I need to be caring. You know, I think I did it twice a day as a kid. I think I probably fell off radar when I went to university when I was like 18 and I'm now 40 and I've never quite got back on track. I've bought expensive electric toothbrushes, I've bought special toothpastes and I've had special flossing water. What special toothpaste?

Like different flavours of toothpaste to like try and, and it will always work for a few days and then I just, I fall back and it's just rubbish, right? Like if I can't even figure out how to clean my heaven teeth, how am I going to be making matcha lattes and bubble baths? Like I've got it so wrong. I've just got it so wrong. What I'm doing at the moment, for anybody that doesn't know this, we have an app called Dubby and part of the app is free. So if this might help you, you can a hundred percent go and try this for free. There's basically like a something we call nudges. So you'll get a little notification and then it makes a gorgeous to-do list and you can click done. So I've added, you know, like a to-do list is normally crazy tasks. Yeah.

I've added clean teeth and it's on there once a day and I get notified about it. Love that. And then I go on and I click. I have noticed you've been going clean your teeth before bed every night. Four days in a row. Boom. So there is a chance this is going to stop working. But I'm trying.

What else is on the list? Is that it? I also have taken multivitamin. Have you been doing that? I have been doing that. Wow. I haven't. Have you not?

No. Sorry. So yeah, I think self-care for me and you, and I think it's probably a lot of our listeners as well, is trying to eat alright. Trying to clean your teeth and shower and speaking to yourself kindly in the process. So just to think about if you're listening to this and you are someone that falls into the trap of matcha lattes and five-step bath routines or put in your face in ice water at 4am and then going to the gym. We would

like to bring you a slightly different method and we're going to break this down into two parts and it's just something to go away and think about. So first up is to simply ask yourself the question, what will future me be most grateful for? And I think with the caveat of go as basic as possible, because that would be easy to answer. Well, future me would love me to go to the gym 10 times a week and have one of the hundred percent nutritional smoothies. Do you know what I mean? It would be easy to flip that. Maybe that's the wrong phrase then.

I think the phrase is, or what's the minimum you can do for future you? That might be. Oh. What's the minimum change? What is the minimum? What's the tiniest thing you can do today that helps you tomorrow?

And you know, for me, cleaning my teeth and sending that email I feel so good when I clean my teeth I feel good tomorrow and if I send that email I can stop the anxious spiral that I'm playing out over and over and over again in my head. Mine's water. What do you mean? I've just just popped into my head.

I'm rubbish at drinking water. Yeah, you are. I don't think I've drunk any water in two days. Don't pipe. I must be functioning. There must be water in food, otherwise I'd be unconscious, I think. So I think that's it. I've got my new Yeti bottle.

We're not doing any promotions for Yeti. It's just that was free. I'm going to drink promotions for Yeti, it's just that I'm free. I'm going to drink two of them a day. There's two litres in it, or nearly. I can't feel it, sorry. What? You haven't drunk water for two days, I'm now worrying about you. There'll be water in my coffee. Oh my god.

I had a Guinness Zero yesterday, there would have been water in that. I joke, no it's not very No, it's not very good. It's nothing to me. See, so those faces don't help me communicate well with my inner voice. This is self care, not partner care. This is up to you to be kind about. So God, that's even more basic. Isn't it crazy?

Yours is actually food and water. So like yours is survival care. Well, you're not even in self care. This is like stay alive. I think they're the same thing. Because I'm clearly surviving what I am drinking. I think you can go three days without water. Is that right? Right. So I've got a day left. No, there wouldn't have been water and food and stuff. We had a stew for dinner.

Can you stop saying there would be water and food? And we're going to fill your bottle before we record this podcast. We bought it downstairs today. So people listening, let's take this back to basics. This is now survival care. What? No, right. I'm not messing. Yeah, but, but although not drinking water for two days is bad, I bet a lot of people

struggle to drink enough water. So that could be a really basic thing that because you feel great afterwards. That's maybe why I'm a bit tired today. So self care is out, survival care is in. Okay. Are you drinking water and are you eating something that resembles food? Haribo don't count, fizzy drinks. We know what we mean. So are you feeding your body with healthy stuff?

Yeah. That is survival. Yeah, that's huge. That is survival. That's the one. Yeah, that's huge. And then for me, cleaning the old teeth, washing the old pits. I don't know if that's survival care. No, because you can survive without teeth. That's like community care.

Yeah. Because it's you that's got to deal with the bad breath. Yeah. Like for a people pleaser, I'm not doing very well if I'm showing up stinking. You do feel better if you're clean and teeth cleaned and stuff though. I love it. Mentally. I feel great. I love it. If I'm bathed, smelling good, deodorised, teeth cleaned, I'm like

top of the world. I just can't get there. So we've got survival care, we've got community care. And the final, most important part of all of this is to just reiterate that self-care is also the voice in your own head. If all you do today is speak to yourself in a more caring manner, you are practicing self-care and all them matcha-la-ay yoga people. La-tay. You can't keep saying la-ay. Did I say la-ay? La-ay. You said it a few times in this episode. Giving away from Saf and to me. Yeah. You usually take them into account for me for mispronunciation.

I do. So I've opened myself up to that. Right. My inner voice right now is saying we should probably come to the end of this episode and I need to go and drink some water. Yeah, let's go and get some water. Thank you so much for listening. Good luck with your self-care. Be nice to yourselves, please, and you're already winning. Also, please drink water. And drop us some messages in the comments around what you're doing for self care.

Please let us know. If there's anyone out there struggling to clean their teeth, I would love to hear, because that's gonna- Big time. Make me feel better. And if there's anyone that hasn't drunk for two days, you might die, so please go and drink water. If you've enjoyed this episode, give us a follow, subscribe,

like if you haven't, and your matcha latte drinking, yoga doing, five step bubble bath enjoyer, honestly truly I'm envious of you. And for those people that do soak their face in ice water at four in the morning, I apologise, you are not weird. You're loved. Yeah. See you next week.