LATE BLOOMERS - RED FLAG OR NEURODIVERGENT: 10 Dating Behaviours We Completely Misread

Episode Date: October 7, 2026

Your partner turns up late to a date. Red flag, or ADHD? They correct every tiny detail in your stories. Red flag, or autism? This week on LATE BLOOMERS, Rich and Rox play Red Flag or Neurodivergent, working through ten dating behaviours the internet loves to call toxic and asking what's really going on underneath.Most of it comes straight from their own relationship. Rox has forgotten their anniversary more than once (one year she apologised with a song on TikTok) and used to go eight hours without a text during songwriting sessions. Rich shuts down mid-argument, corrects her stories because "I don't need to be right, I just need it to be right", and admits he's disgustingly neutral when she's venting about someone who's upset her. They also get honest about a recent wobble where Rox felt Rich didn't fancy her anymore, and how one awkward conversation fixed it.The takeaway: neurodivergence explains a lot, but it doesn't excuse everything. A partner who listens, talks and adapts is the real green flag.Get our book THE CHERRY TREE THEORYhttp://linktr.ee/cherry.tree.theoryListen to the audiobookhttps://linktr.ee/CHERRY.TREE.AUDIOBOOK20% off Loop Earplugs: https://www.loopearplugs.com/adhdlove

Your partner shows up late to a date. Is that a red flag or is that neurodivergence? Your partner constantly corrects little inaccuracies when you're telling stories. Is that a red flag or is that neurodivergence? Today we are going to talk about 10 ways in which neurodivergency and red flags in dating can kind of intermingle and try and figure out what's what. Welcome to late bloomers where we are getting our lives together. Eventually brought to you by our amazing sponsor, Loop in Facts.

Are you ready to play Red Flag on yourodivergent? I think so, yeah. Are you? Yeah. I feel like this episode needs a bit of a disclaimer. Okay. Because obviously we're going to have a laugh. A lot of this comes from our early dating history.

Yeah. Some of our arguments and things that we see differently. the way we're going to talk about this is quite lighthearted, but some of the behaviours we're going to talk about could be very controlling, very abusive, so we're not making light of it. You need to have a kind-hearted partner that will talk to you. That's kind of a fundamental,

someone that doesn't scream, shout, shame, bully, hit any of those things. I mean, it's so funny, in it, whether you're talking about red flags and dating, whether you're talking about someone in the workplace. We obviously look through a neurodivergent lens, but they're still humans. You can have lazy neurodivergent people. You can have horrible neurodivergent,

but do you know what I mean? Like, it's still, they're still humans. Of course. And humans are complicated. Big time. Okay, so how we've done this, we've broken it down, into kind of five ADHD behaviors that could be red flags

and five autistic behaviors that could be red flags. So I think we talk through it and we decide whether it's a red flag or whether it might be neurodivergents. Let's do it. Shall I go first or do you want to go first? You can go first. Okay. Red flag or neurodivergent.

We need like a theme tune playing. I need a flag. It's like a game show. I need a red flag or like a rainbow. No, that's the gay one. What's the neurodivergent? Green flag. Oh.

Oh, green flag. What, neurodivergent flag? Have we got a flag? I don't know. Someone's. ADHD's probably half done it. Yeah. Anyway,

they're told them why it's wrong. Yeah. They're late to the first date. Only the first one. It feels like that could be multiple dates. Yeah, so they're late to your dates. Now, that, that for me specifically is like. Red flag to a bull.

Yeah. Because it's like what? what are you doing? So let's talk about it as a red flag. Why is being late to a date, a red flag? I think it's disrespectful of someone else's time, whether it's a date or even just meeting a friend or whatever. I just don't, I don't see it as.

This is, by the way, this isn't really me. This is like the red flag bit and then we'll do the new. This is my human nature response. It's like, well, they obviously don't care. They're not into me. it's disrespectful. Obviously if she was serious about dating me, she would be here at least on time.

I'd probably be early, which would make it seem even later. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. You're not getting there at 8pm. No. You're getting there at 7. I don't know if I'd be, yeah, maybe half an hour.

Yeah. So it's a red flag because it could signal someone is... really disrespectful towards you and just doesn't care. Yeah. Could it be neurodivergence? Well, let's hear it from your lens, because that has happened, yeah? More than once, yeah? Yeah.

Like the anniversary dinner brings to mine. I just think there's like different ways to be late. Okay. Expound. So you can be like. late because you literally don't care whatever like you're in your own world they can wait you don't tell them they'll wait for me just show up you're right mate like you don't say so like you just don't care like they'll wait it'll be fine and then there's another version of being late which is where

you have maybe made a mistake you've gone the wrong way or you haven't estimated your time correctly or you've trusted the trains and one's being cancelled because you kind of live in a fantasy world and you kind of text and say like you're so sorry you get there you're panicked you just I'm so sorry I really shouldn't have done this you might start crying like you you care so deeply that you're late and you hate the fact that you're late I think those are really really different yeah so if I'm meeting someone and they are late and they don't address it and they don't tell me and I'm just sat there, I'm likely to get annoyed.

But if someone texts me, like I met a friend last night, she's like, sorry, I'm going to be 15 minutes late. That is the difference, though. So where you went first, it was like super panicked. I'm so, so sorry, like crying. That's not necessary either. No, no, but that was just in the early days. I used to hate myself so much when I messed up. went the wrong way, got the time wrong, like, I was just a blob of mess.

You know, there's a middle ground, which I would do with you now, which I'll just text and say, sorry, babes, I got on the train the wrong way. Yeah. It's like, you know, is it ideal? No, is it fine? Yeah. So it can be a red flag and it can also be neurodivergence. I get it.

Right. You ready for mine? Your partner shuts down in an argument. and refuses to speak to you. Yeah. So red flag would be, I don't know, what's that thing they call it? Like stonewalling. I won't look at you, won't talk to you, purposely trying not to...

Like using silence as a weapon. Using silence as a weapon. My God, you could find corners of the internet that would say, this is a narcissist if they won't talk to you during an argument. So there is definitely a way to view shutting down during an argument as a red flag. And I probably used to. Yeah. Like you would have hated someone being late.

I found it very difficult if I was upset and wanting to talk. If you would just shut down and stare away, I would project onto that. You were doing it on purpose to hurt me, to shut me out, to not want to speak to me. but yeah what do you think the new divergent take is? I and again it probably comes back to communication like with the like with the whole being late thing I get completely overwhelmed in my head like I can't think straight let alone have a decent conversation

but I don't just shut down now I'll verbalise that I'll be like I can't find this really difficult can I have a minute. That's so true. You do, and we've kind of found that together, haven't we? Like, you need to tell me or else I'm going to keep knocking. Like, hello? Yeah.

Why you're talking to me? So I think, again, it could be either. Yeah. And to know which one it is, I really think it's the fact that I've said to it upsets me so much when you won't talk to me in an argument. And then you've said, this is why I'm overwhelmed. I can't find words. I can't even think.

if someone's willing to talk to you like that and then change their actions. Yeah. That's a blooming green flag. Yeah. Okay. Back to you. No. Oh yeah.

They forget your anniversary. Well, that happened. Well, I don't really think we don't really celebrate our anniversary anymore. Not anymore. I guess we would now celebrate our wedding anniversary. I think we probably will. Maybe. excuse to go out for lovely dinner, fine.

Yeah. But yeah, that used to be the sixth of June. Yeah. And yeah, you would forget every year. I remember one year you forgot and then you wrote a little song and posted it on TikTok. Oh, yeah. Do you remember that? I do, yeah, in the early days because I'd forgotten.

So what's the red flag reader that? Well, it's just like they obviously don't really think about or care about. our relationship, it doesn't like mean anything. It's probably the red flag. Yeah. Which it could be. It could be, yeah. But like with you, you forget why you, like, walked into a room.

Yeah. You forget where your phone is every day, multiple times. Multiple times. Yeah. I almost think if you live with someone and you see them forgetting and losing things constantly all day, every day. But you can't expect them to remember. That's so true. Dates.

Yeah. If you're with someone with ADHD and they're forgetting your anniversary, just move in with them. Like you won't then be bothered. No, because you'll see like, oh right, this prick forgets everything. Yeah. Yeah, I think, of course, it can be a red flag. And it's interesting, isn't it?

Because very normally in society, it would be like the woman that really cares about the dates and celebrating the man who's forgetting and doesn't care. of ADHD, you become the man because you just forget. And it's obviously not that I don't care and don't love you. I just don't often remember.

And I also don't, I just don't really, like, care about it. And I don't think that you do. I think if you really cared and you were like, really hurts me when you don't do something nice for the anniversary, I would find a way. Yeah, it comes and goes now.

I don't, I often don't even acknowledge that that's, that's the day. I mean, if I'm going to get gifts, maybe I should bring it back on the table. Okay, ready for the next one? Yeah. They don't want to socialise with your friends. Okay. Could be a red flag. Yeah.

In terms of they don't want to be friends with your friends or like integrate into your social group, go out of dinners, karaoke, things that you love. They could be rejecting you, belittling you, and be a very nasty, toxic person. Yeah, I don't think it's that, I don't think it would ever be I don't want to. I think it just takes time to become familiar with someone. And like that first meeting, whatever,

is a bit like, well, I don't know this person, cling by your side. Do you know what I mean? Like it's a bit, but now I don't think you've got a friend that I don't know. No. Really. Well, maybe a few songwriter friends I don't know and have never really met. But like other friends, I think I know all of them really well and quite comfortable.

Yeah. And good to hang with. Again, it's like if someone has autism, they're not going to just be the most social person. And they might struggle with overwhelm, not feeling safe. So to then judge that person It's like you don't want to meet my friends It's so funny when I look back on our early relationship How much I got so much of this wrong

By seeing your behaviours as red flags You stayed with me though Despite all the red flags It's my childhood Um Okay When they're away They barely contact you

This was difficult for me the beginning. Yeah. Like when we, like now it doesn't bother me in the slightest. But during the honeymoon period, obviously we were all over each other when we were together romantic nature walks and all of that. I do quite like some of us. I know, look, we were adorable, but we were sickening.

But then you would go away and it would be like I didn't exist. Like I'd go to a songwriting session. in London and I wouldn't text for eight hours. Yeah. That was really difficult for me to get my head around. So the red flag read of that is... Well, I don't know. I don't really...

It's just like what... I couldn't fathom it. And it was at the time, to be honest, I was struggling in a little bit of anxiety. So it was really like, was she cheating on it? She was someone else? How can you not hear from someone for eight hours? now it would be a week.

No, no, we speak to each other every day. It would be at the end of the day. You'd probably be in bed by the time you make first contact. Well, you say that, but I think I've changed loads, and I can tell you why I've changed loads. Yeah. Because you're completely accepting.

If I'm off on tour, you're like, whatever, love you. Yeah. So because there is zero pressure. Yeah. And I can't fail and I can't F up. Like when I was away on both of the recent Meet and Greet tour and the acoustic tour, I would video call you most days just from the car.

Just to check in. Hello. Here we are. Like, which is really interesting, isn't it? Like, I'm more comfortable now. It's no surprise, though, is it? When you take pressure away, it's the same with probably all ADHD. Yeah.

If you take pressure away, they might be able to do the thing more. Yeah. But yeah, in the beginning it was tough. I think that ADHD attention, you've described it before, as like a flashlight. Like whatever's in front of you is getting 100% attention. So when you're with your partner, it's them. When you're off doing something creative,

you're fully immersed in that thing. And you don't often think about others. Let's have a quick word for my sponsors before the next. If you are neurodivergent, you will understand the experience of the world, sometimes feeling too loud. We are incredibly lucky here at Late Bloomers to be sponsored by the wonderful loop earplugs, something that Rich and I live by, swear by, where every time we leave the house, especially if I'm dragging him out to dinner or to a rock concert. There are loads of different types of loops for every single occasion from taking a nap to,

studying, to going to a restaurant, to even going to, yes, a very loud rock and metal festival. We have got all of our favourite loop earplugs, including a kids range, on a special website with loop earplugs. And all of our listeners get 20% off. You can find that link in our show notes, or you can go to any of our social media bios and find the link from there. Okay, you ready for the next one? I am ready. What? They correct any tiny inaccuracies in your stories. That's interesting.

Oh, isn't it? So the red flag read of this is someone that's constantly criticizing, belittling, correcting, trying to make themselves feel bigger or more important than you by pointing out where you're wrong, stopping the flow of your stories or emotion. That's the red flag read. And I probably had that read for a little while. It used to drive me insane when you would like focus on something tiny, like tiny weenie that I had said wrong, but you couldn't drop it.

Yeah. I now I see it as neurodivergent, not red flag. Like that's just your little brain. You need right, wrong, black, white, facts, facts, fax, fax. I now sort of find it quite sweet. And I'll also do it because you would sometimes make a mistake. And I'll have to let me just Google that.

A couple of really important points. Come on. Number one, I can absolutely see that it would be annoying. Even now. I can see that it would be annoying. But, and here is the most important thing of all of it. I don't need to be right. I just need it to be right.

Like, so if when you say, I say something wrong, I would rather you correct my inaccuracy because I just like, I just like accuracy. I don't have to be accurate. Just it. It sounds lovely when you say it like that. Inaction, though, you don't love being corrected. Like, you might get to the end and be like, oh, okay.

If I was ever to correct you on something. Like what? Do anything explain to mind? It's really difficult because there's a million things in there, but it's... There's a million things in there. It's all gone completely blank. Do you think you're good at being corrected?

I think I would rather it be... Right. As I said at the start, I can see why it would be annoying. So would I be annoyed at the time? probably. Would I still rather be corrected? Sorry. You'd rather be corrected out of the two, however it might not you.

Fine, no issue. Over to you. Every story you tell, they have a similar story. I don't think you're like, this isn't huge for you, I don't think. What did Max call it? Two sheds. If you say, I've got a shed and then something goes, well, I've got two sheds. It's not that.

I'll tell you exactly what it is. And my friend Sean comes to mind. To me and Sean, as Sean I write all of my songs with for years and years, he's amazing. He's hilarious. We get on really well. We're quite similar characters. So he'll be like telling me a story. to be like, oh my God, like I did this last week

and then I went and got Botox. I'm like, oh my God, I did this. I went and got Botox. Like we like feed off each other and it might be Botox, it might be horrendous childhood trauma, but like we sort of do it and the other one goes, oh my God, me too. And for me, that is like bonding.

Like I love it. You like bounce back and forth between similar stories and experiences. But the red flag. read is like narcissists, you're making it all about you, as bringing that to you. When actually I think a lot of ADHD people, maybe bond in that way. It's like shared enjoyment of similarity. Yeah, okay. I can't recall that happening with us, though.

I can see it with you. I can't imagine you being like, oh my God, I went for a match and then got Botox. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. No. Yeah. So maybe it's when two people are like similar. But maybe would you have it with an autistic person? Um, wait, do I do it? I don't think I do. No. It's more me. Okay. Next one. Oh. Yeah. They don't often compliment or reassure you. Why are you giggling? Oh, this one's quite, quite. raw, isn't it? This one's quite recent.

Yeah. Do you want to share the red flag? Yeah, sure. The red flag is like they don't like you. They don't see you valuable. They don't find you attractive anymore. They don't care if you're sad. They don't care if you need cuddles. Like, just someone that doesn't care about you at all. And that's probably a red flag that you're not loved or the relationship's over. But there is also a sort of neurodivergent angle. This is, this just needs really good communication because I don't think, so recently for those that are listening, we've had, if we had a sort of similar, not quite that drastic, which just said then, but like, if it's like, you, in, in its purest form,

you would never, I think, turn around and say, Rich doesn't show. that he loves me. I think what you might say is there are certain things that don't come naturally to rich, which is how I would want to be loved. Like, because I do in loads of other ways. Practical, logical, logical support mechanisms 100% take so much care of like me in the house and the kids like, you're amazing. But for me, I love being cuddled.

I love being told you love me. I love when you're like, tell me I look hot. Like it sounds so. That's quite a recent change from when we were first together. Like we were going to do them tests again actually. Yeah. And physical touch was always like your thing. Yeah.

Which I've never been brilliant at. But then your other big thing was acts of service, which is probably why you were like, I feel so loved. He's doing the washing. I think you were our sorts of the best thing about Rich and you were like, he does the gould of cleaning and laundry and stuff. But now, as you've got older on estrogen, you love words of affirmation. Yeah, I do.

Also, just being made to feel like I'm desired. Yeah. I think that was our little, I won't even call it an argument because it was just me crying, being like, you don't fancy me anymore. Yeah. Like a school child. But so the red flag read we get, but I could see it as like neurodivergent through, autism like that does not come naturally. No. But the good thing is, is since we had that

conversation. Oh, it's brilliant. So you were like, tell me what you need. And I was like, I need you to tell me that I look hot and that you love me and have a cuddle multiple times throughout the day. And you were like, yep, okay. And it's like the rule went in. The last week, I'm back in the honeymoon periods. Yeah. Don't I know it. And that's why. I think the key to all these is communication. If someone is willing to sit and have a bit of an awkward or embarrassing combo and you're both willing to listen, you can get through anything. And I think this is really good advice for anyone listening, right?

Just because it doesn't come naturally to me and just because Rox has had to ask me to do it, doesn't mean it's forced. It just means it doesn't come naturally. I hate, I hate, and there's so many takes on the internet that like, If I have to ask him to buy flowers, then he's not even buying me flowers. It's like, girl, come on. Like, date a psychic then. Like, people aren't mind readers and we're all really different.

So I really, I don't mind asking, but I'm also, I won't ask every day. If I was to ask you every day. You don't have to ask me every day. No, no, I know. If someone was, oh, would you mind being nice to me or saying something kind? Like, that probably is a red flag. Like, someone needs to listen and adapt. Yeah.

Right. Okay. Next one. They are very intense in the beginning. Why are you staring at me? And the middle and the end. Yeah. I'm quite intent.

Well, intense individual. But I think specifically in the beginning, because, let's be real, at the beginning, I was probably your hyper focus, right? Yes, so red flag, let's go for pseudo-scientific internet pop culture, bastardization of psychological terms.

It would be love bombing by a narcissist would be, yeah, like they show up, they're really nice to you to try and, I don't know, what they're doing, to try and make you feel safe

before they pull the wool from under your feet. Yeah. What's that saying? Rug from beneath you. Oh, pull the wool over your eyes. Pull the wool over your feet. Is that what you said? Oh, babe.

Your sayings are getting better. You just, yeah. It's amalgamation of two different sayings every time. Pull the rug from under your feet or pull the wool over your eyes. Yes. Wool over your feet does not make sense. But yeah, so people could see it as love bombing. as a manipulation tactic, which by the way, is very real.

Like, I've experienced that and I'm not going to give it the whole like, that person was a narcissistic. Like, we're all complex humans. But I've had a particular character, like, really go so hard to, like, work their way into my life by being lovely. and then turning out to be not very lovely. And what is it for a neurodivergent lens then? What you said really, like that kind of hyper-focused,

that obsession, that number one source of... So you know what I'm like with golf at the moment? I do know what you're like with golf. So I'm like any minute, like, can we get to golf? Can I get some new golfware? Can we get to the driving range? When can I play in 18? Like, obsessed.

I've been this way for a while. A few months, right? That's what I was like. you were my goal. Yeah. And like you can't be somebody's golf forever. No. Okay.

You got one for me? Oh yeah. It's my final one actually. Love that. This has made me laugh. Okay, you ready for the last one? Yes. I love this one so much.

They don't instinctively or automatically take your side when you're complaining that someone's upset you. So, okay. This makes me giggle because it's so you and I love it. But red flag is like, if you say this person's upset me, you would want your partner or person who's dating to be like, oh my God, tell me more, are you okay? Let me cuddle you.

I'll go around and beat them up. No, not that, but you want them like on your side in a big way. And if they're not, it can feel like a red flag because you feel alone, like whose side are you actually on? Are you trying to make me feel awful? So like red flag take, right? But I just love it because I understand now. I'll come to you.

I'm like, this person's done this. I'm really upset. And you'll be like, well, to be fair, didn't you say this? And then they did that. So in a way, I can see, like, you'll logic it. I am, I am disgustingly neutral. Yeah, you are. I will try and objectively, even when someone tells me stories,

if I haven't witnessed it, I'm like, I wasn't there, so I can't pass comment. I wasn't there to see body language, tone. I understand that's how you've interpreted the situation. But I don't know. But I've come to love that because I'm quite hot-headed. Yeah. My desire was to just have someone go, oh my God, yeah, they're awful. Tell me about it.

Let's cuddle and make a revenge plan together. but I now know I'll come to you, I'll get it all out, and then I'll get back actually a really calm, considered, logical take that really helps me. It can stop you overreacting. Overreacting. And like, actually, yeah, I can see your point. And you're not doing it to make me feel alone.

You're always on my side. But actually, I don't know, life just isn't that black and white. And sometimes a hot head needs a cool head. And sometimes if they're in the wrong, I'll be right there with you. I just need to know. Yeah, like you're not, you're not neutral about my dad. No. No.

That's all we need to say about that. Anyway, red flag. Or neurodivergent. God, sorry, my brain is now just like thinking about my dad and being like, because I think, and I should not, we should not diagnose people, bad, naughty, wrong. But I think my dad is autistic. Yeah. But like.

But like the record collection in like. perfect order. He's like obsessed with nature watching. He's got those weird goggles. He's not emotional. He doesn't do eye contact. He doesn't like to leave his own house. Sure. But like we said at the beginning, it still wouldn't excuse some of the, some of the behavior. No. Sure. You can be a red flag and autistic. And autistic. And ADHD. And ADHD. I think he's aged. Oh, right. No, as in people. People can be red flags and they're under a version. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, what an inch I liked today's episode. Me too.

I hope you guys did, too. Yeah, if you did, give us a like, follow, subscribe all the other jazz. Let us know in the comments. Have you seen any red flags that are actually neurodivergent traits? What do you think about what we've spoken about? And we can't wait to see you next week.