LATE BLOOMERS - RUDE AWAKENING: How Rich’s adult autism diagnosis changed everything

Episode Date: January 7, 2026

This week on LATE BLOOMERS, Rich and Rox finally talk about the moment everything shifted. Rich has been diagnosed autistic as an adult.For the first time, they break down what the diagnosis unlocked. All the years Rich was called rude, blunt, quiet or detached. All the childhood rituals and intense interests that made perfect sense in hindsight. All the internal emotions he felt but never showed on his face. All the moments Rox misread him, thinking he was miserable, uninterested or distant. And the strange relief of finally having language for traits that were there the whole time, hiding in plain sight.From masking to overwhelm to years of being misunderstood, this is an honest, funny and emotional look at what adult autism really feels like when you finally get the answers you’ve been missing.

We have had a rude awakening in our house. Rich has been diagnosed, autistic. Finally, today we're going to talk about it. Why is it taken so long and loads of other stuff about what it feels like to be diagnosed with autism as an adult? Welcome to late bloomers where we are getting diagnosed. Eventually. Yeah. You were late as well though, weren't you?

You know, of course I'm going to be late. I'm late to everything. I, it just blows my mind that we joined the internet. So convinced that you were neurotypical. In fact, our first social media biography was Rock's ADHDAF, rich neurotifical. We done loads of videos as well with my neurotypical husband, wasn't it? Oh my God, it's all. It's all a lie.

To be fair, though. It was kind of our audience that put it on your radar. Yeah. Well, Sear did first, and then the audience, and they were like, he's just the emotional support autistic for the ADHDer. You were peer-reviewed. Anyway, I've got ten questions here. Okay.

So I'm basically going to be interviewing you. So it's so strange to have the shoe on the other foot. Yeah. I'm now the non-autistic partner. Well, personally, like, so happy because I know what it means to you. It makes sense of so much stuff. It makes my life easier. I mean, we've been treating you like you are anyway, and it's made a big difference.

But on a sort of professional level, it's quite a shock, isn't it? Because we're known as the ADHD, people stop us in the street. Oi, ADHD TikTok, ADHD people. Yeah. What are they going to say now? do we need to change our username? Well, I've got my own socials where I do talk more about the autistic experience. But yeah, maybe.

Have you got any ideas? Are we all D-H-D-Love? Yeah. Wow. That's weird, isn't it? Oh my God, stop it. Wait, let me get into it. Go on, do it.

So, what was the first moment in your life where you ever thought, hmm, I wonder whether I might be autistic. I think it was definitely after we started ADHD love. Because you sort of just are immersed in the neurodivergent world. But I still don't think I was putting the jigsaw pieces together and thinking, oh, I think I'm autistic. I believe Sear one day was just like, you're well autistic. And I was like, what?

And we're like, well, yeah, well, basically the same person. And that got me sort of thinking, oh, we are pretty much the same person. And for those that don't know, Sears your eldest, they were diagnosed at 11, 10 of 11? Yeah, okay. Yeah. So it was sort of then that I was like, I wonder.

And then it just became a longstanding running joke. Like we mentioned it in some of our live shows that we've done. And the whole audience was like, you are autistic age. Like what are you talking about? which again baffles me because it's like they don't really, they don't really know me. So how is that coming through in a little short video clips? You're giving off the bat signals. I remember someone once calling it having an ADAR.

It was like a gaydar, but for autism. Yeah. So they obviously have an ADAR and they just knew, I'm pretty sure, you know, obviously recently been through the assessment process, but I'm pretty sure that they could just peer review it anyway. Like neurodivergence sort of flock together, don't they? They just sort of, and actually if I think about all of my best people, other than you, or not all of my best people, but a lot of people that I'm drawn to,

I'm thinking like Henry, who we built W with, or Beth, yeah, who works with us, Dan, an old friend. Like, they're all super autistic. Bit like, bit weird, but my weird. Yeah. And it was like I was drawn to those people. Oh. So sweet.

So sweet. So, has now officially being verified as autistic, as autistic, changed how you see yourself in any way? Um, oh, that's really tough to answer. I don't. the first that the gut reaction to that is like no it hasn't but i think it has like it it does

make me just sort of wonder and explain a lot of things historically about not necessarily how i acted but like how i felt in certain situations um so it's just it's just sort of made a bit more sense. It's difficult, right, because before I was diagnosed, you know, recently I was like, I think I am. I pretty much am. But like, he's hearing those words, does sort of, yeah, maybe make me a little bit more compassionate towards myself and stuff like that. From the outside looking in, and obviously it is quite recent, I've noticed you being more autistic. Is that okay to say? What do you mean? I think maybe there's like an inner acceptance happening or, oh God, I can be this way. I can say I want to leave earlier. I can say I don't

like it here. Quick example, like on your birthday weekends, you were just so direct, so honest about what you needed. I'm tired now. I've had enough. I do not want to go there. I don't want to go for breakfast of everybody I want to walk the dog on my own. Just out and out, like, more yourself than ever. And I do think that's quite common. I sort of went through a bit of this and I've heard people talk about it. The posh word I think is skill regression. Yeah, someone commented that on my post when I announced that I was autistic.

And apparently that's really common. that you can finally allow it all to come out. It's like a grand unmasking. So, yeah, lovely, we welcome it all. Looking back on when you were younger, are there any parts of childhoods that make a bit more sense now or you think, oh, my God, that explains that?

So a little bit. So I have struggles with remembering my childhood So it's not all crystal clear, but there are some, a couple of things that really spring to mind. So a lot of people won't know what I'm talking about with this, but you're just going to have to listen to it anyway. I had VHS tapes when I was like 12, 13 and used to record favorite movies or whatever. There was a code you put in and it would record the right channel at the right time. and my they came with stickers in them of the alphabet so you could instead of writing on the front of the tape you could put stickers and they were and they were all perfect all of the films they

were perfectly and I used to I used to like have a bit of a meltdown if I needed a certain amount of letters that I didn't have like I would almost need to go and buy another tape just so I can get the stickers to make it to make it perfect so there's that and they were all really specific and no one could really touch them. The other thing is, you know, like my in adulthood, Avengers Infinity War, I've seen, I know probably a thousand times, I reckon I watched Ace Ventura Pet Detective about 500 times as a kid, like I knew every word, probably still do. So sweet.

So I had my like comfort movies even back then. Yeah. And I guess little things, which I wouldn't have ever thought were different, but I was I had friends, not loads of them, but I also really liked to just play in video games on my own. And I've always liked films and stuff, so. I mean, you're remarkably consistent because you can tell me you were doing them three things now and you like playing video games, not friends. We like a routine.

You like watching the same film over and over again and do not mess with your organizational system? No. I mean, I wouldn't. Perfect partner. I don't want to organise anything, so exactly. I'll leave you to it. Okay, what is a myth about autism or something that is believed or that you used to believe that isn't true for you, almost something that would have made you think, well, I'm not autistic. I think, and this might be a misconception, it might have just been my sort of warped understanding. understanding of it, but often people will think, or I certainly did, that there's like a lack of emotion with someone who's autistic. They can be quite like matter of fact and direct and not

really over-emotional and stuff like that. The thing that is real is they're felt, they're just not really expressed in the same way. It's all very much. internal and you don't really, well, I certainly don't, you have to really practice on how to verbalise, vocalise show. So you do feel the emotions. It's not like we're robots. It's just sometimes a little bit robotic when it comes out. I'm feeling a little bit overwhelmed. Do you know what I mean? I've heard that a few times. Yeah, something that springs to mind of So there's loads of things, but you got some good news at CrossFit. We've been going to CrossFit for a few months.

We haven't spoken about it loads on the podcast because I'm so scared I'm going to get bored. I don't want to taint it. So that's what I'm going to say. But you were given Star of the Week because you're done something fantastic. And once I said, oh, rich Star of the Week. And you didn't react at all. what I would kind of see as not giving a shit, complete blank face, nothing. And then a few days later, I don't know why, but it came back up in conversation.

You were like, that made me so happy. Like, I'm so proud. That means the world to me. And I was like, you literally were like, sat there and said nothing. Well, I might have just said I got star of the week. Yeah, but with no excitement. And it's that. And I'm the other way, I'm like super expressive hands and eyebrows, depending on when the last Botox has been, smiles like, I'm all over the place.

So I can sometimes in the past, I've read you as rude or unemotional. And it's not true. It's all going on internally. So I think, yeah, that's a great one too. I'm desperate to impress at CrossFit. I really try hard. I wait until they're looking at me. And then I've been like, I've got to do it really well now.

Don't say that in case they have a list. listen to it. Yeah, they know now. Okay. What's something that you used to feel a bit rubbish about, give yourself a hard time about, that actually now you're able to explain with the autistic diagnosis? I think it is, um, but this is going to sound well wrong.

but I can I can be perceived rude by people right and I'm thinking of one particular relationship which is Mark who we who manages us I can be super direct and I always knew before my diagnosis even though that we thought I did I always felt loads of guilt because of like I don't think he really understands how I'm coming across it's going to work his feeling it's going to upset in blah blah blah blah blah and like now because i'm not rude i'm just i say what i was in my head like i ask him questions i question everything the need for accuracy is insufferable probably well you're not rude but in the world that we live in sometimes i've called you rude like yeah yeah you're not rude but it's really easy to read you

as rude because you're not sometimes giving that social softness. I guess I can give myself a bit more grace. So I think what I'll do is not pour on the self-gilt. If he gets upset about how I react, like he can tell me that and I can explain. The same way as I get annoyed about the washing and the clothes situation here, I'm allowed to get frustrated about it. but also can give you grace for something that you find it's really difficult.

Like both can be true. It's nuance. Very smoothly, very smoothly, very smoothly, sailing us into the next question. Oh, look at that. How do you think your autistic traits affect our relationship? So since my diagnosis, I have thought about this. and I wouldn't want to upset you but I'll be really honest like it's not it's not meant as a criticism in any way

go for it because recently and I would say in the last probably year maybe longer you've been acting as if I'm autistic right so there has been accommodations you will be validating of me if I get overwhelmed or stressed or when a plan changes like you're brilliant I think about maybe the three or four years before that and our life, because of the jobs that we do, was all very much like I was probably making allowances and like for your ADHD,

but maybe, and you weren't to know, so it was not your fault, but some of the ways that I was, you'd never criticise me, But, like, do you know what I mean? It was, like, expected that I would be neurotypical, like, and be able to, do you what I mean? I mean? I mean, I can think of something straight off the bat and, no, I was critical. Absolutely was critical.

It just makes me feel guilty now, but I'm not going to go into that too much. That's what I didn't want to happen. No, no. I can have a bit of guilt, babe. Like, when we would meet people in the street. Yeah. Boy, TikTok. Why, ADHD. Sometimes, sometimes them. Very polite. And they'd come up and they'd want to chat or they'd say something or they'd want to have a hug. And you would just stand silently and look what I perceived at that point as miserable. And I felt so much times like, I'm so alone. I'm being left alone in this conversation. Why aren't you helping me talk with this stranger? Why aren't you saying hi? It's so rude. And I had. go at you. I was like, babe, you need to smile more. How many times of autistic people being told

they need to smile more? I said, you need to smile more. You need to engage. You need to be more polite. Yeah. So I was critical. And like looking back now, I'm like, no, that's like you saying to me, you need to be more on time, more organised, more tidy. But we didn't know. But I think that is about, that's about my understanding as well. So, and here's the thing, right, for anyone that watches this podcast that might see us in the street, come and say hello. Like, that's not don't want to anyone to feel like we're not immensely grateful but like you'll get two modes of me if i'm just meandering down the street and someone stops me to say hello i'm like cool with that if i am going to the cinema or nandoes or we're going to a meeting we usually

haven't got much time to play with because rox has held us up at home so like i don't want to stop and talk. But I'd say now, I think, rather than, rather than be forced into something on an interaction I don't want to be in, I would be like, wouldn't be rude, but I'd be like, do you mind guys? And actually, you're a bit better than now as well. You'll be like, sorry. If you're feeling bad or whatever, you'll be like, sorry, I feel rubbish. I'm going. I actually turned down a selfie. That's because it was in a toilet, wasn't it? Yeah, but I still, old me, would it be like, yeah, sure, let me just wipe my arse. And then I'll smile.

But she asked me for a selfie in the toilet and I was like, no, sorry, I'm in the toilet. I'm going to the loo. That was a big victory for me, okay? So don't love. Okay. So yeah, it's affected us in the way that you've felt, I've judged you by neurodifical standards of politeness, empathy, social engaging, social energy. Even, and this is probably our biggest challenge, we don't really have challenges. in our relationship, but if we were going to force one in, it would be the fact that I need

order around the house and you're not orderly. And I think there seems to be more of a balance now where you maybe take more into account my needs as well as me taking into account your needs. So you will be like, I know that he needs it orderly. So when he says to me, can we sort out wear again shelf you don't really huff or like anything you'll be like yeah even though you don't want to but i know i'll be like i'll do it with you and stuff like that we just it works but there's even with stuff like that it takes a huge level of understanding of the other person to just not lose your shit at them yeah it's so true but i think that's where it's really helped me because I'm able to understand, you know, we're all just inherently quite selfish, aren't

me? We see the world through our own lens. So before maybe going on this journey with you, it's like, well, I struggle with that. I've got ADHD. You need it to be perfect. Can I just chill out? It's like, no, person, their mental health is better and it's really clean. And that's, if you've got an autistic diagnosis or not, like that's a really big deal. But even knowing the autism, I'm like, I get to be like, he's not having a go at me. He's not shaming me or controlling me. He's just asking for what he needs. Yeah.

It's pretty cool, isn't it? Yeah. It's pretty cool. Okay. What do you think is the hardest part about being your type of autistic, because, of course, it is a very big spectrum in the current world that we live in. What's your biggest struggle?

So, I need to really be careful how I word this. I think what, how I feel, yeah, of course, I get sensory overload if I'm in crowds. I don't like it when a plan changes. But actually, Like, I'm all right. Like, there's real struggles, and they are real. But I'm lucky enough to have a supportive partner.

I've got, I had a successful career in the bank, and now I've got a successful career doing what I'm doing. And when I think about some people, the struggles that they have with their autism, like, you know, there's people out here nonverbal. They'll never get a job or never be able to, live by themselves, always need permanent care and support. I'm not, I almost feel like fraudulent when I talk about my autism.

And, you know, my personal view, might be an unpopular view, when Sear was diagnosed, because I've got the same flavor autism as Sear, right? And just before they were diagnosed, they used to diagnose Asperges. now they just put it all on the same you're on the autistic spectrum and you know it is a spectrum but my struggles aren't as bad as some others and like that I just need to be really respectful of that I think it's a really really wide spectrum and obviously there's loads of reasons why they changed asperger's and I think there was a quite a dark history in terms of where that name came from yeah um and

And it's going to be a subject that's going to, people are going to feel really strongly about. But I think that it just says a lot about you as a person that you're able to understand your, like, privileges in this world as well as understand that you're on that spectrum too. It's just in a different way. I think as well, you know, similar with ADHD, not from a actual physical differences point of view, but you know the old debate online about whether it's a superpower or a disability it's it's like I can look back and see where my autism has really helped me in my career in business in making sure ADHD does exists but with ADHD you can also look at it as it's so amazing for your creativity and stuff but you wouldn't have said that when you were sleeping on the street

and you couldn't afford electricity and you've been drinking yourself. Like, it's the same sort of thing. Like, it just needs to be handled sensitively and with respect, I think, as well, you know, there's something about you brought up autistic people that need full-time care, that are non-verbal.

You're not going to hear them on a podcast or see them on a TikTok. Like, they don't get to have a voice in the conversation. I think that's why it's so important. Yeah. To bring it up. actually that that is a really, really important experience of autism that sometimes we don't get to see.

Yeah. So it's good to learn about. What's something that you wish people understood about your flavour of adult autism? I think it's just, I mean, I think it's the same. I don't want to brand neurotypical people. I feel like an ex-smoker. I feel like I used to be neurotypical and now I'm, clearly that isn't true. But you know what I mean?

I don't want to be insufferil about it. But it's, I think back to when I was in business and a lot of people that watch this will have jobs, they'll have bosses and just. that the expectation to just tow the line is so big, like you just have to be normal in speech marks. And there's just no allowances for people that don't want to speak up on a call or process things differently or need time to reflect or, yeah, I just wish there was more. Maybe there is. I've been out of the corporate world for a while now,

but there certainly wasn't when I was there. I think the expectation is too high for neurodivergent people to be normal or neurotypical. Yeah, and you're lucky if you get accommodations. Yeah. You're not considered as part of the normal group. You add on a bonus. That's so true.

Like, if you're a boss that makes an accommodation for your autistic employee, you like want a medal. Yeah. And it's like not an expectation. it's above and beyond. Whereas it needs to be the norm. Love it.

What supports in your life have made the biggest difference to you? What do you mean? What supports, so accommodation, things we've done at home, things that you use, like... I mean, I think you are the person that provides all of

the support and actually gives me the confidence to speak up about my needs in front of other people and whether things are too loud. And I think, but I think the biggest one, which is so vital for me to just operate on a day-to-day basis, is given me time to reflect. I'm a thinker. I'm always in my head. Even if we have an argument, right, you'll have the presence of mind to allow me space to really think about what's happened. What have I done wrong? Let me understand what I've done here to upset this other human being. And because if you don't give me that, time is such a useless argument.

And I just won't back down because it's like until I know I'm not apologising. So give me time and then I'll apologise. And I always do. needs to be crystal clear. You need to understand the logic, the chronology, the time frame, my experience, your intention. You work it out like a maths equation. And if it comes out that you have said something that upset me, you will come back and say, sorry, but you need to work out every part of that equation.

And one thing I would say, that equation isn't, I don't want it to be misunderstood. that isn't ever me trying to prove why I'm not wrong. I just need to understand everything. Yeah. And I will embrace, if I'm wrong, I will be like, I've messed up there. Because I'm also human as well as autistic. So you just need a bit of a bit of time. From my point of view, it's, yeah, allowing you to say,

I don't want to go, I want to leave early, I need my loop here plugs. you've come to more gigs with me this year than in our whole relationship and a big part of that is you've got your earplugs and you can say I'd like to leave after half an hour it's like we understand

how to look after you in a gig environment and now I've got a gig buddy and we also we don't go and stand in the middle of the crowd there will be locations where to the side back or whatever We aren't in the mosh pit. Oh, God.

So, final question. If you could go back to a young version of you that didn't know that you were autistic, let's go back to 18 because you were just become a dad, you were in an entry-level job, cycling in and out. what would you say to that version of you through a sort of like autistic lens I find questions

like it's well difficult I remember the last time I can't do that because I've got all changed the future Oh wait But okay I won't go down that I can change the wording if you want me to Okay so how do I put it in the real world I live in a fantasy land where everything is possible.

Like, is it just like, what do I wish I'd have known? What do you wish you would have known? You don't have to go back there. I'm not going back in time. Yes, thank you very much. That's just unrealistic. What do I wish I would have known? I just, I wouldn't, I wish I'd have known that I was autistic.

that's the first one, but the reason is because I wouldn't have had to try so hard to blend in. And it probably, you know, there's some other reasons for it, but it probably would have meant that I maybe would have drunk a little bit less alcohol because that's what I needed to do if I was always in public spaces and parties and stuff that I would have just gone to less parties and given myself grace, of just allowing myself to do things that would be considered weird or out of the norm.

We embrace the weird. Yeah. Guys, this has been the late bloomer's podcast. If you've enjoyed it, give us a like, subscribe, a follow and all the other stuff and we really hope to see you here next week.