LATE BLOOMERS - THE BIG ADULTHOOD PANICS: 10 terrifying truths no one told us about growing up

Episode Date: October 1, 2025

Growing up was supposed to be freedom, fun, and finally having it all figured out. Instead, adulthood turned out to be overdrafts, dodgy landlords, endless to-do lists, and the creeping horror of back pain that won’t go away. In this episode of LATE BLOOMERS, Rich and Rox pull apart the 10 biggest adulthood panics — from money meltdowns and career crises, to family drama, social pressure, health scares, and that 3 a.m. voice asking “is this it?”  With honesty, humour, and more than a few rants, they get real about why no one actually feels like they’ve got it together, and why maybe that’s okay. Whether you’re drowning in laundry, dodging wedding invites, or just wondering when life is supposed to get fun, this episode will make you laugh, wince, and feel a little less alone in the chaos.

Did you think adulthood was going to be freedom and loads of money to do whatever you want? And then you realised it's just one big panic. It's a trick. It is a trick, isn't it? Today we're talking about panic at the adulthood, why adulthood is actually awful. But we all have to do it. Welcome to late bloomers, where we are getting our lives together. Eventually.

Don't be like that. Sorry, no. They can't have a miserable episode. No, it's not miserable, but it is a bit rubbish. We all thought that, like, to me, when I was young, I thought adulthood, I have my own place, my own rules, my own money. I mean, that's all true. Yeah, but it's just stress after stress after stress. Yeah.

You entered adulthood at like 17. Yeah. So, to be fair, you've got probably more of a store. Actually, I don't even know if I'm there now. I don't think you are. Not true, true. Do you mean? No, I'm being kind of dragged there slowly, kicking and screaming.

Yeah. We're going to talk about the top 10 adulthood panics and our experience and how we're trying to make it through in the hope that our listeners might relate, might feel better in their panic. Or trapped in childhood like Peter Pan. I think Peter Pan had it right. I say it same. Live in Neverland, don't grow up.

Same. Vibes. Okay. You start then. Number one, big adulthood panic is money meltdowns. What do you mean? Have you named all of these? Yeah.

Right. Money meltdowns. Yeah. So what's just the stress of finance? Yeah. Awful. So you can lead us off. Becoming a dad at 18.

Oh, I had no money. Like, I was 18 in the November. Sear was born in the February. So I had three months. Well, I didn't even have three months. It was three months before. Sear was due. And, like, I had an entry-level job at that point in the bank.

I was a cashier, I think. So, I don't know, back then, not that long ago, but 22 years ago. Jeez. I was earning, like, 700 quid a month. Okay. And I had rent to pay, had a car to upkeep. And I had, like, baby food and formula and shopping. Like, don't underestimate when you live at home.

having food in the house. You've got to buy that food. That's ridiculous. I should just be there. Do you know what I mean? Like it was for us growing up, it was just there. Food was just there. I know it's brutal.

And it's well expensive. You have to spend money just to survive. And you have to work to earn money to survive. It feels brutal. For me, money meltdown has just been a consistent from adulthood, from uni to now. my gods, just I shouldn't have had the options I had. It's like I've lived in my overdraft, until you, I lived in my overdraft,

constantly getting late fees, credit card debt, other debt. Like I could, I could just never, ever get out of it. And any time I got out of it, I then just got straight back into it. And honestly, money was one of the bigger shames of my life. Because people just don't talk about it when you're in debt. it's so you're so embarrassed I think no one can escape it so like for me I would worry about the prospect of not having enough money you actually worried about not having enough money or being too much in debt you were like actually experiencing it and I remember I remember when

we were first together before we went on our first holiday you got a letter through or something to say your credit card limit is increasing by a thousand and the actual words that came out of your mouth was I've got an extra thousand pounds to spend. I'm like, no, no, you don't. That's not your money. I know, but you have to learn that. Credit card debt and overdrafts isn't your money. It is debt. And I don't know if I figured it out. I just, I get paid a small amount per month on a debit card. I don't have credit cards anymore. No. And I won't have them. So like, you just have to figure out your own boundaries. Number two, career crisis.

So, again, for me, just being in a job for 20 years that I hated. It was funny, like, we went on holiday recently, and the day before coming home, I was like, this feels amazing because I'm like happy to go home. I had a lovely holiday, but like I love my life, I love my home for so many years, that would have felt excruciating. like depressing it would have felt like the day before going back oh my god like i'd try and cling on to the holiday as long as possible by going to bed as late as humanly possible like it was such an awful feeling but like but i was trapped there because i needed the money to for all of the stuff that we talked about in the last one like food survival rent and i had kids like i couldn't oh it's different if you've got kids

Like you have to provide Like you have to There's no choice So I had to work a job That I hated So you Stayed in a job That you hated for 20 years

For me it was more about Just changing jobs And never finding I would have looked at someone like you And being like so envious That you It looked like you were doing adulthood Really well

Like when we met And I just had this checkered history of like, I've been in a pub, I've worked at a record label, I've been a songwriter, I've worked in a random bank as an assistant, I've had a graphic design job freelance, I've worked for a magazine, just like this checkered past of like 20 different jobs that I might have done for a few months or a year and then left. Like, I could never settle. And I hated the thought of like, oh, you need to find your passion in life. So I was like trying to find it. But then you just end up feeling like behind and useless and having no money i would imagine a lot of the people

listening to this can relate a lot to what you went through changing jobs it's funny when you say you need to find your passion in life because i can't help but laugh your passion changes frequently like so how that's why your jobs change i don't yeah and maybe maybe that's okay that like your jobs change i don't know i feel like i had to grow up and try loads of different jobs and then meet you therapy get drinking under control i had to do a lot of that before i could stick i've kind of stuck to the ADHD side of things for a few years and music now for a few years so i feel like i have found a bit of it's against the grain though like it works for you but that's not what you would ever read as advice like it's okay to change jobs

every year but you we just wouldn't would you know but we all find our way whether you've been in one job for 20 years we had 20 jobs in 20 years we do find our way yeah next was it me yes you oh wow love and loneliness wow so 20s and 30s we had my god really different experiences yeah we did um so like for me it was dating over and over again always thinking always thinking that I had found the one always. I think you do in the beginning of a relationship. And then breaking up after about a year. And, you know, in your sort of teens, in your early 20s, you can kind of get away with that. Like, oh, you're a young person. That's just what you do. But as you get to your late 20s, early 30s, and all your mates are getting engaged and getting married and having

kids and you're still in this groundhog day, you just start to wonder, is something wrong with me, and it, yeah, it actually was. I did actually need some, like, therapeutic help to understand. But it's just, it's just horrible. And like, each breakup, each breakup for me got worse and worse. Yeah. As you're packing your bags again, moving out, saying goodbye to someone you thought you'd be with forever, saying goodbye to their parents, who'd often become, really really close honestly like with a breakup before you

I was honestly done I was like I'm just going to be single forever that would be lonely though right yeah and I was lonely I did 18 months no dating no anything 18 months celibate

and I didn't get in any trouble I didn't start any relationships I'd have to leave I was so lonely I didn't I had to go through that time but man it was tough what about you we better not break up then bubby hey no thank you um mine is well different to that so but i can relate to it to a lot so i was married at 18 first divorce 25 got with my next partner at 26 didn't get married straight away we were together

for a while before getting married so i was with them for seven years but i think I was only married for like just over a year because Lily was at my second wedding as like a little bridesmaid walking around and then I met you what a year, a couple of years after that? Yeah. Something like that.

But what I can relate a lot to I like it's sorry, you get me get my words out properly. I'm thinking and thinking that you know what I'm thinking. Friendships I really can relate to loneliness but mine's a bit like an oxymoron it's like chicken in the egg like I would love really deep friendships but I haven't got the time patience or willingness to commit to that so like we just went recently went on holiday with my brother and I'm so close to my brother

like it's such a lovely special relationship that we've got and I and I see low I see people with friendships like that but I haven't got I haven't got the willpower to build a friendship like that so are you saying you feel lonely now like with friends um like sometimes like not I like like my own company I like watching movies but I think like the holiday spending time with my brother who I deeply love it was like maybe I am craving a little bit of like a close bond friendship you know well you got your golf buddy I've got and you can ring your brother more. It's tough, isn't it? That loneliness in adulthood. It would never happen because I'm really selfish with my time as well and I can never

be bothered to do anything. But not because I'm miserable because I love being at home or pottering around a garden. It's just, it's another example of why adulthood is quite a tip of. It's rubbish because you run out of time to actually deal with these awesome things. Right next family drama. You are the expert at this one, right? you literally entitled your second album family drama my EP your EP yeah but like expectations estrangements in-laws like as you get it was it was you know for many it's not but as you're a kid it's quite simplified when you get older there's just more nuances and more complications as a kid that's just your family yeah and very often I'm not saying you think

They're perfect, but you kind of do. Kids see their parents as the ultimate mom and dad. You don't know any different. You don't know any different. So that is quite devastating as you get older and you start to realize there is no perfect parent. And maybe you had a slightly less than perfect experience. It's when you become aware of like, wait a minute, what, they did this. That's not okay.

You know what? The moment for me that messed me up the most with family drama was becoming a step-parent. Yeah. Because I'd always, I lost my mum when I was 22, so I haven't had her. So, like, she was loving. She was amazing. A lot of the way I am now is, like, quite similar to my mum. But I didn't have a close relationship.

My dad, he doesn't know how to be close emotionally. he could go months without talking to me and that was normal I think my family drama has ended worse than yours and we'll talk about yours like in a minute but yeah I've like lost my dad the last couple of years tried to get in touch

I think he's blocked me now so it's like you never think about that as a kid that one day your parent will have no interest in speaking to you it's like is very strange Mine is a bit different like parents for example I think I went for a stage when I like gained awareness

and my mental health got better I would really like or also I suppose I come to realise that there was no deep emotional conversations between me and my parents and it was like I longed for that for a while when I was during the therapy

process. And you know, I remember having conversation with mum about, mom, you don't ever ask about me, like how I'm doing or how I'm feeling or whatever, all the stuff that we do with the kids. And it's like, why don't I get that? Yeah. I'm now more at peace. Like, and, you know, I still get on. I spend time with them, but it was, I had to go through that realization is that that's, that's just not going to happen. It's not in their wheelhouse. It's not even particularly their fault. like that's how they grew up i know their parents and they wouldn't have had any conversations about crying or emotions and stuff like that so like i get it like it's it's it's fine um but that that was a bit of a learning curve for me the other thing when it comes to family with me is

i've let go of this like expectation you know like this weird rule that family's family that means that supersedes everything, behaviours need to be forgiven, all of that. I'm like, no, there's people in my family I don't like or want to spend time with. I just don't. Simple as that. There is no, I've like let go of all of this weird expectation. Yeah, I think that's a big thing of adulthood, is figuring out what does family mean to you. And like, yeah, for some people it's letting go of,

those strange rules that by the way for some families that's going to work family is everything family number one all best friends like i'm in a way quite envious of that i i love it in one degree um but i it's dangerous because it like it almost excuses people treating people like it can it can but then we're family and we're family with the kids yeah and you know what it feels like to put us first and us be number one and also for us to be super happy. But I guess I agree with that, but it's, it's letting go of the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the family equals unconditional love. Like, I get it with the kids because they're, my kids, I'll unconditionally have them. But if there's other people in my family, if they

treat me badly, that's not, it's not unconditional. It's on the condition that you treat me with respect and kindness and care. Otherwise, that's it. Yeah, it's big. Mm. Ugh. Yuck. Right.

Next one. Health scares. Right. Which, again, when you're young... You're invincible. Like, you feel invincible till 30? I think it's fairly recently that I, like, have started to feel a bit older. Late 30.

30s, yeah. Yeah, okay, maybe it's late 30s. And it comes at you quick. My, on a smaller note, my eyes are starting to go. I need to get myself to the optician. Mine too. I'm like squinting at the cards. Yeah.

But we're middle age now. Oh, shush. You're 40 this year. I'm 41 this year. Yeah. I noticed it in, it's like when you're young, you can, I don't know, have four hours sleep on a sofa and wake up and be fine. You can't.

I need like eight hours sleep. I have problems with my back, problems with my tummy, obviously with born female parts, the perimenopause, staring down the barrel of that. And it's like... Sleep is one for you. Like you are a diva when you haven't had enough sleep. I am a diva. Yeah, but I've really like struggled with fatigue and tiredness.

and then I've got like gluten intolerance and back pain and then you're looking at moles and having to do smear tests. It's really, really scary. I remember taking your blood pressure. Yeah. And your blood pressure was like in the higher level. And I just remember freaking out. Yeah.

And we were, you had to quit vaping. We were in the gym. Yeah. We've got to get back to that. Yeah, yeah, okay. Okay. All right, number six. Right, you know, at the beginning of this episode, I was like, maybe you're not fully adult yet.

Okay. This one is what I'm sort of referring to, where you sort of are a bit protected by it. Yeah. The never-ending to-do list. So I'm talking bills, taxes, cleaning, appointments, car MOTs, shopping. And it's like, you do the shopping. It's like, wicked, that's done. Six days later, you haven't got any food.

You've got to go shopping again. It's like never end, laundry. Cleaning. It never ends. So I will hold my hands up and say, I don't take the lead on that in our household. Yeah. But that doesn't mean it's not a panic.

Yeah, okay. Because, just because I'm not very good at it doesn't mean that I don't know that I need to be involved and it needs to be done. Yeah. And I sort of do try my best, but it's... Bills and stuff you probably never think about anymore. Well, only because you help me set up direct debits. Yeah.

And then cancel loads of stuff I didn't need to be paying. I couldn't be, no, I couldn't be like on top of regular letter. Who's sending letters that you need to open and pay a bill? So I just, I've never grown up in terms of admin. you have again from a really young age I guess from 17 when you moved out you were doing a lot of that stuff yeah and and I'm fine with it when it gets to me is when like we're really busy we've got when I was in the bank although I hated it what I did have was there was a set time every evening and weekends where I could do all of this sort of stuff it was like say it was

regimented that's the time that do it with our jobs. job so weird and wonderful there's never it's like when we are busy or going for a busy period it's like oh god i've been flat out this week i haven't done the shopping we haven't got like there's been points where we've got one bit of toilet roll like between all the bathrooms and it's just like moving around and it's like oh my god the cardboard innards to wipe no what what what have you never No, I have not ever done that. Don't tell me you've, no, you haven't. Right, wait, you've run out of toilet roll, ripped the cardboard and used that to wipe. I haven't ripped it. Shut up. No, wait. Wait, I should clarify, I can't be the only one that's ever done this. Not for

number two. So for number one, if I'm on the loo and I'm caught short, no toilet paper. but the roll is there I'll just take that off and I'll wipe with that What do you do with it? Put it in the bin Don't you're judging me so hard I'm sorry I can't help it

This is involuntary This face is involuntary You don't even wipe after wheeze You say men don't even often wipe after wheeze No, just let it drip Right so you're letting it drip Why is me using the toilet roll worse Than just dripping in my underpants

Look, listen, I told you, that was involuntary. I'm sorry. I've just never heard it before, and I can't imagine, like, why would you, okay, all right, why would you choose, I'm going to be a bit gross now, why wouldn't you just, like, wiggle and shake? Why would you choose to get coarse cardboard and wipe that? Would it not be better to not wipe? It works. It's surprisingly absorbent. Okay.

All right. Your go. Okay. that's crazy having responsibilities like kids or pets or being responsible

for others and buying toilet roll you you started early with being responsible for others you was a little tween or teen

yeah what was that like was that a panic of course it was a panic it was it was I love my kids but it was

horrendous I have no money like there's no guidebook well it probably is a guidebook I didn't have the guide book you didn't read it I didn't read it I like it's so it's so stressful

but you've done it and then you've done it again when I done it again I was earning more money I like I had a house I was on the property ladder I was yeah I mean I must have been 28 maybe which is probably average to me there's probably something wrong with me but I'm like 28 is still so young

to raise another human Yeah but I mean it's not as young as 18 No it's not So like yeah it was it was really really hard And that's probably that's probably the biggest level of stress It's being responsible It's easy to go without or Use the cardboard in the middle of the toilet roll

To wireboard or do stuff like that It's easy to do that when it's just yourself That's maybe suffering but you do not have there is no room for error when you've got kids that's why you stayed in the bank I guess for 20 years yeah um obviously I didn't have that I have avoided that responsibility um my whole life come in a step parent that's different because the responsibility is really on the mum and dad and you're kind of a sort of bonus parent that sort of fits in yeah the kids have got their own awesome moms that they've got their own relation

with, so you're sort of like, you're just bonus. Although, I don't know, I did, I did really care about their like emotional development and I definitely did read the parenting books. Yeah, all of them. But yeah, getting a dog, getting rocket, that was a wake-up call for me because we had him from puppy and I was doing the 3am wee-wee wake-ups. And like, for those first few months, I was a shell of my former centre. myself um wasn't like yeah and i was like what have i what have i done like i've given up the

freedom that i've held onto for 40 years for this little pissy puppy but the piss missile the piss myself but you do it and i don't know for me and i just nothing like having a kid but for me that was my first little being responsible for something and rising to the challenge and now i kind of loved the responsibility of going for walks training and making choice fed. It kind of, it helps you almost feel more adult. Yeah, I agree.

Well, we've got three more left. Okay. The housing hustle, so renting, buying places, living with people, maybe flat mates or whatever. Like, it's just,

and this is another one, this is a bit like food in the house that you just expect it to be there. Having somewhere to live, that's well hard. It's so hard. And there's some, that's like, on average people spend like 50% of their income on where they live, whether

it's rent or mortgage. And that's just brutal. Did you say 50%? I think so. I bet it's more than that now. Do you reckon? I bet it is now. And the UK it is anyway. Just, you know, if I go back to first time I moved out, I was living in like university halls. And then it was trying to like rent accommodation. And then it was like spare rooms, my own flat, missed pay. getting evicted. I've had an absolute shocker. I ended up all my woes and mishaps in my mid-30s going from spare room to spare room. Well, this is interesting. This is a bit like the money. You know, like I used to worry about the prospect of not having any money where you actually was living in the world of not having any money. It's a bit the same as this. I like, I would worry about

paying the mortgage paying the rent but I always did because I was in a job that I hated whereas you were actually out there getting evicted and no places to live I had a bit of an added level of pressure though because my parents moved to Spain when I was 18 so like if I couldn't afford rent

well two things I had a kid so I had to and I didn't have anywhere to go if I couldn't so like literally no choice Yeah. But yeah, even now, you know, we moved, we were renting for a few years and then last year, it's the first house I've ever been a co-owner of at 40 and I'm so happy about that. But even now, like you see the money go out and you see how much goes on interests and how much you're paying off. It's absolutely just sickening.

So, yeah, that's a big old panic. number nine is social pressure so watching what everyone else does what your peers do so like at school you're all like experience in life at the same time your exams your first partners being on the football team whatever it is you're very like level

and then you start to go different ways at 17 you went and had a kid and I went to uni and then at uni some of my friends came out and got a job that they've still got some of them married their partner from uni or a lot of them got married at mid-20s and you witness

other people living maybe what you think is the right life or the normal life and there's a lot of pressure to follow that path I'm so interesting though because I always see it as like I never followed the path

I'm a failure you did follow the path you got married, had kids and had a job and it still didn't make you happy so it's like what is the right path to follow I do I don't think there is one No. I think I'm a bit of a weirdo with this one though

because I don't I don't struggle with this. I don't care what other people are doing. Do you really not? No. I love that. I think that's really healthy. It's like you don't look through Instagram and see people celebrate and stuff

and think wish that was made. I don't look through Instagram. I look at Instagram because it's my job, but I don't consume it. I love that. And if I look at TikTok, it's people playing video games or dog training videos. I guess that's it.

If you were married with a, kid at 17, yeah, you never went through that phase. I guess maybe it's more people that don't get married or don't have kids. So for me, never having kids as a woman, that is seen as like really going against the social grain and you can feel very weird. But you've got to find your own way. I'm going to end on the worst one. The worst one? Sorry, guys. I hope this hasn't been too much of a downer. The existential dread. Just everything's worrying.

And it health, death, war, time flying. How you get, like, none of that, I didn't think about any of it when I was a kid. Now I think about all of it. No, you're a kid. And, like, you just wonder what you've got for dinner. And can you stay up and watch TV and school and who's friends with who? It's pretty awful. I think the world at the moment, I don't know whether it's horrendous or it's because of social media.

And the news, maybe we were more ignorant before social media. It's just, you know, I open my phone in the morning and it's like World War III and then there's an attack and then somebody's died and then, oh, Taylor Swift's engaged. You're like hit with, but you have the same like emotional reaction to all this stuff and it's just. It's like numbing, isn't it? I'm at a point now, though, when I'm like, oh, man, my kids are in this world. I know. That's horrible. But that's part of the responsibility is, like, there's little people you're responsible for living in a world that feels very broken.

And then also, time flying. Like, I've become, it must have been the last few years. I've become much more aware of my age and kind of impending demise. Because I will think about stuff like the summer holiday we've just had, right? you said how fun you had and your brother was that we had loads of family there loads of your family there and it was brilliant and i'm like cool how many more of those do we get to do probably only 30 that we would enjoy and that's if we live till 70 yeah god forbid we go sooner but my mum was dead at 52 so i'd have 12 more summer holidays left so i like count how much i have

left and that as time goes so much quicker as you get older doesn't it do you know that's actually true yeah because it's i do know it but go and explain it so obviously time is time like an hour is an hour but as you get older time speeds up because of the proportion to the rest of your life so simple example if you're one a year is your whole life so if like between one and two that's like 50% of your life but between 50 and 51 that's 2% of your life so the perception of time is like because it's such a small part of your the whole time you've exist it speeds up it makes so much sense because I remember being young and at school and like a school year felt like forever and a summer holiday felt like forever forever's now it flies by and you look at your calendar

you'll see you in October and that's six months away but then all of a sudden it's goes and the years just go and that's only going to get we're 40 so that's only going to get quicker and quicker I'm not yet so welcome to adulthood um we haven't made you feel too depressed with that one adulthood sucks but also it's good because some of it's good isn't it some of it's good you can just go to a theme park if you want and you can eat dessert for dinner you can't and you can buy a new hoodie yeah and drop dead if you want So if you enjoyed it, give us a like, a subscribe, follow. We love having you here on the podcast, and we hope to see you next week.

Next week.