LATE BLOOMERS - THE DELUSIONAL DIARIES: How wrong we were about basically everything

Episode Date: December 10, 2025

In this episode of LATE BLOOMERS, Rich and Rox open up the vault on the beliefs we were 100% convinced were true… and turned out to be absolute delusion. From teenage confidence that made no sense, to “I can definitely handle this” addiction logic, to dating fantasies, career myths, people-pleasing lies, and the stories we told ourselves just to survive — we unpack the wild, hilarious, and sometimes heartbreaking things we genuinely believed. It’s raw, it’s ridiculous, it’s shockingly relatable — and it’s a reminder that being wrong about your life doesn’t make you a failure. It makes you human. And very often, it makes you free. If you’ve ever looked back at an old version of yourself and thought, “Oh God… I really believed that?” — this one is for you.

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Have you ever had a really strongly held belief that aged like milk and you realised you were totally wrong? The older I get, the more delusional I realised I actually was. 100%. It's only going to happen again as you get older. This is the delusional diaries where we're going to confess five of the most ridiculous things that we both believe to be absolutely true that turned out to be false. Welcome to late bloomers where we are getting less delusional. A day at a time? Eventually, well.

Oh, eventually. Oh, you... Sorry, I just... You changed it. I know, apologies. How are you feeling about the delusional diaries? Do you know what? Like, weirdly, I'm quite looking forward to this

because although they were cast iron beliefs, I think that maybe in talking about it, it just shows maybe a little bit of maturity. Yes, I also think it's funny to look back, see ways in which human beings can completely change, change course, change beliefs, and I'm sure in 10 or 20 years that we will look back and think we're delusional now.

Can I make one disclaimer about today's episode? Go on. So I love you. Yeah. There is no judgment, no shame. Okay. But when you're sharing some of your beliefs that you had, I'm going to take the Mick.

That's okay. Like, I'm going to laugh at you. I've written your card upside down, so. Oh, God. and mine. Both cards upside down. Right, okay, there we go. Listen, that's fine.

You're ready to get into it? I'm ready. Do you want to go first? I'm going to go first. A belief that I held throughout my teens, 20s and early 30s was that I am the life and soul of the party. Now, we know how that turned out. I actually had a substance use disorder problem.

I think sometimes those things go together. And that, like, you weren't pretending. You believed that was your core identity is you were the life and soul of the party. 100%. I was so proud of it. I was always the friend that you could ring up on a Tuesday for a big night out.

If you're in a pub, I'll come and meet you. I was always, if I went out on a big clubbing night, I was always wanting to go to the after party. I'd always be the last to leave. Like, hardcore life and soul. I was always be buying shots for everyone, getting everyone else drunk, spending money on credit cards

to keep everyone kind of like well lubricated. Well, look, this is a weird one, right? Because factually, you believed you were the life and soul of the party and you probably were. But I guess where you went wrong is you believed that that was like, a personality of yours.

But in fact, it was just you were pretending. No, so I was the life and soul of the party. It's just that there's a lot of crossover between people who are the life and soul of the party and people who are, in fact, alcoholics. I think like every addict I've ever met when you hear their past stories, they were the life and soul.

I remember, I mean, this is maybe not life and soul of the party. this is maybe a bit sad and embarrassing. But I remember one night I'd been out drinking with friends. I must have been about 29.30. And they'd had to go home early. And I was just like, oh, that's so boring. They had worked tomorrow. I didn't care.

Life and soul. We'd done a few shots. And I was walking home and I met two randoms on the street. Just ran. You didn't know him? Randoms. a guy and a girl who were off their face on certain substances. And I was like, come back to mine.

Oh, my God. So I invited them back to my house and we had like a party. And I'd only met them that. Like, that is a bit sad, isn't it? Well, yeah, I think so. And unsafe. And unsafe. Those things happened all the time.

The amount of people I invited back to mine or there's like this after party thing where if you're in a club and you want to go to an after party, you're sort of asking around who's hosting who's hosting and you end up in a completely random house often in East London you show up at like 2am all right mate cheers and then you're like doing all sorts on the kitchen top

you're drinking you're bonding you're talking about deep life stuff until I don't know 2pm the next day isn't it funny oh lord but the thing is there's two things that's funny oh lord is one you said you used to think that people that went home early were boring you are now that boring person.

That's how wrong I was. We both are. And the other thing is like, I've seen social media clips like video, short videos about this, about like I used to go to strangers' houses at three in the morning and take God knows what. And now I'm scared if someone looks at me wrong in the supermarket.

I know. Like it's so funny. It's like you have this total disregard for your own health and safety. You just want to get on it. So yeah, that was my first delusional. belief. What about yours? Right. My first one is, I'm ready to be a teenage dad. So, little, little caveat. Love my kids. Me and Sierra are incredibly close. I was not ready to be a parent at,

well, Sear was born when I was three months into my 18th year. So you made the decision at 17? Yeah, I'd done the deed at 17. Sear was conceived at 17. and like the thing is right this isn't I don't want this to be about how difficult parenting is because it just is like I think most people know that um what the the delusion was is that is that I was an adult at 18 but and I believed it I was like I had a job I was a bit forced into it because my parents moved to Spain so like I had to survive on my own two feet I didn't really have anywhere to go back to. So some of it was done to me. But still, regardless of that, I had a core belief that I was like, I was it at 18. I was an adult. So you'd been working, so you'd

have been at the bank because you've worked there from like 16. Yeah. So you'd been in the workforce for a year. And is it during that year, you were like, I'm a fully fledged adult. Like, did you just believe there was no more, wow. Yeah, I was like, that I'm really, really, and you know, you start believing your own BS, don't you? Like, I used to say I'm, like, really mature for my age and stuff. Like, when someone says it, you're not, are you, like? A 17, you're a baby. But I don't think anyone that, everyone at 17 thought they knew it all.

Everyone at 13 thinks they know. You don't realize how much of a baby you are until you get older and look back and just think, oh, mate, like, I still think of. see as a as a little baby they're 21 yeah but you see that all the the sort of emotions and all the work they've still got to do and their view on life there's a load of growing still to do yeah but when we were that age i'm going to change mine actually i'm going to change it from i'm ready to be a teenage dad to i'm a 17 year old adult like that was my belief i'm a 17 year old adult. And it makes sense your parents went away. So you were just trying to find a home. I need to

settle down. I need to build something. So it makes sense. But when you, when you were thinking about becoming a dad, was there any apprehension or were you reading parenting books or were you just like, I've got this? Do you reckon I was reading parenting books? I imagine no. I can't. How were you not, though? I've read one book in my life. Oh, right, yeah. Which is Clive Woodwood's Guide to Winning after he coached the England World Cup rugby team to victory in 2003.

That's it. And Homer Simpson's Guide to Life, actually. How did you know how to raise a whole human and, like, support their mental health and physical development? I didn't. I didn't even know how to support my own mental health, like, let alone a kid's mental health. Oh, my good. So you were a bit wrong, looking back now. Very wrong.

Very wrong, yeah. Okay. Here's my next delusional belief. My 10 one-year relationships that have all gone wrong and nothing to do with me. That is interesting. For those that don't know, I am, we were always going to work, because I am lucky number 11, that age old saying that everyone knows.

Listen, I had 18 months of celibacy and therapy to sort out the muddly mess that was my intimacy issues before you. So I think it's more to do with that and less to do with number 11. On your point, so genuinely, like serious question now, no judgment, no shame. You literally thought it was all 10 of these people. people's fault that the relationship came to it. Yes. Rather than yours.

Yes. Wow. How old were you when you realized that maybe this is a me thing? So it was my last breakup before you, before going celibate. So you know if you go celibate after a breakup? Like, it's been a pretty bad one. Yeah. So I would have been, it would have been when I got sober.

So when was that 33, 34? So everyone else, I think here's the thing about destructive patterns in our life. Like, we are so good at not seeing them. And we are so good at blaming other people. So, like, the first few I went through was just, oh, they got a bit boring. They got a bit judgment. We were never going to work. We disagreed it.

There was always a reason why, or I've fallen in love with someone else. I couldn't bear to look inwards because my sort of. of fake false self-esteem relied on it not being my fault. So it's so much easier to blame the other person. Of course, yeah. Rather than going old on a set, 10 relationships have gone wrong. I'm the common denominator. Yeah.

Like something needs to be done to me. To me. Like, and it shouldn't be just getting in another relationship. So, like, that, I can't believe that I never realized I was part of that. But that's just the naivety and stupidity of youth and being defended against your own shortfalls. So wait, we're five and a half years now, right? Yeah. And what's, so I'm your longest?

Yes, yes. By how long? So I had one that went almost three years. Oh, wow. So it was like, year, year, one was almost three years. then there was a gay relationship I had that although we were only together for a year we were in and out of each other's lives for a decade because that's just a women loving women thing um so yeah even though I can say they were one year they was often intermingling

mixing going back right yes it was a crazy time and it turns out it was in fact my fault and that I had some pretty deep-seated um sex and relationship issues and tidiness probably so I'm joking I'm joking I couldn't but I think it's just funny it just goes to show that like if you are ready to face your own pattern whether that's relationships friendships work look back is there an emerging pattern may you need some help with that yeah okay uh so my next one is gambling wins will make me happy so for those that don't know, I had quite a severe gambling problem lost so, so much money. But also, like, in the period of losing all my money, I had individual wins that could be quite substantial.

Obviously, with a gambling problem, I lost all of that money. But your brain, my brain played tricks on me that that feeling that utopia when you hit a big bet comes in or a big feature comes in and you win thousands of pounds it's like that euphoric feeling is going to bring happiness but it's so fleeting and short lived it's like i suppose the best the easiest way is like a sudden rush of just pure dopamine energy like pure happiness but then it's gone almost immediately and you chase it again. That's why you never win. For every rich gambler,

there'll be a thousand rich bookies. Are there any rich gamblers? I think there's no happy rich gambling addicts. There are professional gamblers that can do it for a job that study the markets, place the bed, probably don't even look at the sport. There's no emotion attached to it. just transactional.

So you really, really believe that the next win would make you happy. Obviously, within that, you were hiding it from your wife. Everyone. Everyone. You were losing loads of money. It was coupled with drinking, getting out of control. You had some wins and then you lost it. Like, did you really, really, really believe a win?

because you'd had wins and it hadn't made you long-term happy. So how did you hold on to that belief? Well, I guess the same way as an alcoholic when they wake up, hung over and feel terrible. They still believe that drinking again is going to make them happy again. Like, that's the answer. And it was, you know, I used to, even when I'd run out of money or I had no access to funds, I would lie in bed and daydream about what, of things would need to happen on the slots to make me a millionaire.

And I would literally play it out and live in the fantasy that it was going to happen. That you would win a million pounds. I'd retire. I'd be happy. And obviously it's never going to. I mean, the bookies don't help because you see I like this person with a 20 piece bin has won three and a half million pounds. And I'm like, well, I spend.

So much time on the slot. Surely that's got to be me at some point. And it didn't end up in correct. It sent you into GA. And now you can't play the lottery. No, I can't do anything. Can't do anything, which is a really good thing because it probably saved your life.

But unfortunately, you were very wrong. I was your wrong year. Before I get into my next one, I'm just going to take a very quick moment to talk to you about our wonderful sponsor. I recently got to take Rich to a metal gig. And I hate screaming music. Like self-identified hater of screaming heavy music.

And I really wanted to go and see architects who are playing at the O2 and they are quite a screamy band. Yeah, they are. Old Sam Carter has got the screaming vocals. And I asked Rich if he wanted to. to come, fully, fully assuming that the answer would be no. And he said yes, as long as I've got my loop earplugs. So the fact that we have loops as a sponsor to our podcast is the coolest thing ever

because we rely on these to be able to go to gigs. I'm not even lying. I was at the gig, had my loops in. I was fine. I took them out every now and again to just listen. And I was like, oh my God, I would be leaving immediately and put it straight back in. So this isn't like we really do use them. I know, it's so good. We actually have an awesome website alongside loop earplugs where we've got some of our favourite products. So for

example, the ones that Rich used at the Architects gig are the experience. So that's really good for concerts and festivals. So you can still hear what's going on, but it's taking the sound down to protect your ears. We also have the quiet range. If you're taking a nap, if you're in a library, amazing. And we have the engage, which is my faves, if we go out for dinner, and I don't want to be eavesdropping everyone else's conversation. I use those. So check out our website. It is linked in the show notes. It's also in our bio. You can see our favourite products. And of course, get 20% off. Right. So my next one, delusional belief, you ready? Yeah. I am the nicest person alive. Wow

What do you mean Like I'm so nice So giving I put everyone else first Never have any boundaries Never have any needs You need me I'm there

You ask me something I say yes I'm so nice You hurt me I've forgiven you instantly Look how nice I am I'm so nice So not embracing your dark side

The dark side that everybody has In total denial that I can be a rageful, vengeful, lustful, jealous bitch. Yeah. Which is so normal. But I was so, I don't know, like, so scared of those parts of me, so scared of being seen as a bad person. Why, though?

Why were you scared, do you think? I don't know. I don't know. It's a really good question. I just think I'd learned that if you're the, nicest person ever that's how you're safe that's how you're liked um i definitely saw in my parents like my dad was very lived in his shadow self my mum was very much in her light self by the way neither of which is healthy because you need to meet in the middle um and i think as i got older i just

kind of aligned with my mum like well i'm going to be the nice one right yeah um but then all of all of those bits of you that's repressed they don't just go away probably builds up resentment and stuff if somebody if you are maybe on a deep level annoyed of someone but you have to be the nicest person in the world that that could sort of just lead so many of my friendships relationships have probably ended because I've shown up I was showing up I'm the nicest person alive I'm a people pleaser I'm displeasing everybody because I'm not showing up authentic I'm putting like a fake smile across what's actually going on and then you end up having rouse, being passive aggressive, leaving the relationship randomly and people going, I thought

you were happy as Larry. And all of that like repressed anger, like I used to be super like this and then something could trigger me and I, even you saw it in our early years, I could like lose my shit. Yeah. It would happen maybe once a year and I'd be like screaming at something. And it would be, because it's like all being so repressed. But, you know, when you look at me as a sort of substance abuser and going in and out of relationships, whilst also holding the belief that I'm the nicest person ever, like, no wonder, I was a little bit mangled and wonky up in the kind of brain department. Like, all of those things don't go together. Now I know that I'm not in fact the nicest person ever and I love it. I don't think anyone is.

No, of course. says they are that's a sure way to know they definitely are what are you hiding yeah um so my next one like i used to wear it as a bit of a bad badge of honor like this hyper independence and not needing anyone and he used to genuinely believe that that was a that was a strength um obviously since then i've really worked on being vulnerable asking for help asking for support where i need it. And I think what I've realized is, because I know loads of people that say that they're super, super independent. By the way, I'm not bashing independence. It can be a real strength. But if that's, if it's to the point where you're like, I don't need anyone, then

it's limiting, isn't it? Like, you're only going to go as far as your capabilities, rather than unlocking strengths of others and stuff. You used to say that. You know, even in our early days, you'd find it very difficult to be vulnerable or ask me for help or share something. And you'd push yourself like, no, I'm going to do it. I can do it alone.

There was a strange badge of honour. It was almost like, no, I don't need you. I don't need help. I don't need to cry. I don't need anyone, just me. But the sad side of that is because you would live alone you hadn't been alone but like deeply on a deep level you'd lived alone for like so long you'd just kind of got used to it it's really interesting because i see slight shades of that in sear

they're getting a bit better now but they were like very much as a teenager i don't need anyone and it's like oh my god yeah that's wow you're very similar in that belief somehow forming even not just personally even professionally i would be like that i'd be like i i can just do it Like nobody will do it as well as me. And I think about now what we do for a living and knowing where my strengths are or where I'm rubbish and you, your strengths are what I'm not very good at.

And like we dovetail quite well, don't we? Like, and what can you achieve when you do ask for help or admit that you're weak in some area? Yes, though. you know, earlier you mentioned your parents move country when you were 17. You were obviously also victim of child abuse and you hadn't had any help with that at that point. You kind of had no choice. It was either develop hyper independence to like stay alive and get through it or the outcome could have been really bad.

So in a way it was like a survival mechanism that then became a badge of honour as a way. of like getting through but now you do need people and like you you love it and you love being on teams and having cuddles and having help big time yeah not with the laundry or stacking the dishwasher I do try and help with the dishwasher

but you you don't like the way I do it I think it's I think it's a ploy I think like you do that intake I reckon you stack it badly on purpose so I never have to stack it again it would be genius right my next delusional belief was that therapy doesn't work.

Wow. Which knowing how much I like revere it and need it and how much it's helped me in the last couple of years, I can't believe that I ever held that belief. I can, so let's be honest, that's your dad, right? You're probably, probably. Yeah, I remember he used to say, He said something quite insulting, like, therapy for middle class, whatever.

Middle class brats. It was just after my mum had died and I was thinking about joining her, shall we say. So I signed up to therapy and he said, screamed it at me as well. That's for middle class brats and some other words. So potentially, potentially I had a slightly warped view. But it was actually, it was that therapy that put me off. and so I went to therapy struggling my mum had died a couple of months ago and I was not doing okay and my dad was just trying to sleep with other women and I was in the house it was just

it was a complete disaster we went to therapy really looking for help and really missing obviously my mum's presence and ended up with some bloke who in the first couple of sessions was like you would have been just my type man. It was your age. And it's like, and at the time I was like, oh yeah, you know, I was all bravado. But that did so much damage to me. He was, I don't know, like sexualizing me in a way when I was there to get help with feeling like I didn't want to be here anymore because my mum had just died of cancer. And that, I think, just broke my trust that I was just like, that guy's disgusting, I'm never doing therapy again, F that, I'm going to just go and I'm going to go and move to London and find my way in

drink and substances and other people's beds and that was my 20s. I guess it makes sense though because, you know, that therapy, somebody's belief about therapy is often going to be aligned with a person, the therapist, and they're they're human, there's some rubbish ones, there's some good ones, like... This is the crazy thing with therapy, and we hear it so often. I've tried therapy, it didn't work for me. No, no. That therapist or that modality didn't work for you, and now I understand that that guy was

unethical. That's not about therapy as a whole. That was that guy, and you want to be aware of that and understand what's ethical and what isn't. But the therapy that I'm in now is amazing. It's like game changing and to think that I would have dismissed that. I've tried that. That doesn't work. It's probably a purve. Like, no, there's different experiences. There's different types. So do your research. Know what works. Yeah. My next one is quite funny. And I reckon a lot of our audience may well resonate with this. We certainly get a lot of comments about this sort of thing.

So when I was, how old was Sarah been when they were diagnosed autistic? Probably like eight. And I still believed I was neurotypical. Like even when we started ADHD love, most of the titles were like my neurotypical husband. Hold on. So what's the delusional belief. That I'm not neurodiversion. Like, so I have to be, like, I'm currently going through the diagnosis process, right? I have to be a bit careful with this, but we know. Everyone who watches this knows, you know, like, everyone knows, apart for me, for a lot

of years. You were definitely peer reviewed by our audience, and that's what put it on our radio. I don't know how we missed it. But I think the fact that Sear was diagnosed, you and Sear is so similar. You always have been. So I guess the delusional belief is my kid is autistic, not me. Yeah.

And the thing is, all I would just encourage for people, because we get, and this is the comment that I'm talking about, like a lot of people's children are being diagnosed more than maybe the millennials, than we had. And if your child has been diagnosed neurodivergent, I'm not saying you are. I'm just saying,

have a little look. Have a little, have a little peek in there. And you might wonder, I think it's so funny, though, that you've lived your whole life viewing Ceres autistic you as neurotypical, not that you would have used that word. Look, I get it, though.

Like, in my defence, a lot of it was, I had to mask to such a big degree just to survive because my parents moved that, like, so you live that mask for that long, it really suppresses. Like, I've been more autistic since being with you doing the job that I do and leaving the bank than I ever was for 35 years. So many people talk about that. It's almost like a regress, it feels like a regression when you can finally be safe. you were 17, no parental support, becoming a teenage dad, no money, having to work

at the bank, there was almost no room to understand yourself, no, you just had to get on with it. And I think a lot of people will resonate with that. Out of survival, you had to force a life that maybe wasn't suited for you, but you had no choice. It sounds really funny. It's like I didn't have time to be autistic back then. I didn't have the option. Like, I know that clearly isn't true, but that's how it felt. Like, I haven't got time for that. I think people will resonate with that. Okay. This is my last one. You ready? I'm ready. This is a bit more recent. Being a successful singer will make me happy. Okay. So you are a successful artist singer.

Let's not have an argument about that. No. But let's just say you are. Okay. And it doesn't bring you happiness. Is that what you're saying? So momentarily, yes. But I lived my whole life from when I started properly writing songs, which is my early 20s,

up until maybe this year, believing that if I could just make it in music, find a fan base, release an album that did well, play a gig that sold out. I'd be completely fulfilled and happy and all my problems would go away. That belief kept me going. It probably kept me alive, actually, for some of the dark years, holding on to that belief that I just needed to get there. Even when I got sober and I got therapy and I found you, the love of my life, that never changed. I was still chasing it with everything. I need this one thing to happen. and then I'll be happy. And then this year, it kind of did.

I've got a top 10 album, crazy Thank You 37 Club, a sold out tour, played an unreal show at Kentish Town Forum in London. Don't get me wrong. Finding out it was top 10, Mad's happy. Well, I think what's really into, just tell me if I'm wrong, but there's a big difference between moments of joy and happiness. Like, and that's probably the distinction that you never used to be able to make. That's it. So it brings me moments, short-lived moments of joy.

Up on stage singing, sorry, I'm late, with everyone singing along. Amazing. Finishing a new song, so much joy. Having a success in an album, so much joy. But then it goes away and then normal life starts again. And I remember after the album and after the tour this year just thinking, why do I feel the same way the same way that I did

and not even the same way because there was nothing desperate to chase anymore I'd achieve my dream obviously some people have bigger dreams mine wasn't it was to do that and then it's like oh and I'm exactly the same other than these few moments of joy

I'm exactly the same and that was quite hard to deal with after two decades of chasing and believing, I'd finally be happy. Yeah. Actually, I still have some mental health difficulties. I still have the problems with my dad. I still have a sort of a slight depressive tendency with life.

It doesn't, your core self and issues isn't fixed by success. It's probably why there's quite often mental health struggles in that industry. In big celebrities or big touring artists. we all look at them and think they must be so happy. I would argue perhaps the opposite. All right, my last one. Yeah. Therapy is for the weak.

So I used to believe that. Oh, Lord. I can do this quite quickly. Like, and all I would say is I'm going to align this quite a lot with men because I reckon a lot of men will share this, share this view. It's like a weakness to go to therapy. It simply isn't true. it's actually a strength, I think, going to therapy, being vulnerable, talking through, like,

you end up so much stronger than you were. Why did you think it was for the week? Where does that come from? Well, I guess it's probably very much aligned to my hyper-masculinity, hyper-independence, all of that sort of stuff. It's like, I don't need any help. Why am I going to need some douche telling me about my family? blah blah blah blah blah like whatever boring I'll go through the motions and then I love it some dish telling me about my family

that's just it's so good but you went you actually went through a lot of the abuse you went through as a kid and it changed your life didn't it and our lives the kid's lives the knock on effect of a parent that goes to therapy is generations

of happier people so I just want to say dad's in therapy to me are the real heroes of this world and it's not i still don't think i don't think that therapy is magic and i align a lot of my growth to me but i didn't know how to and that's what the therapist it made me more aware of myself of my triggers of my traumas of my characteristics and it just that gave me the tools to work on it is it work on that muscle and keep working and keep practicing and keep being vulnerable and keep being honest and yeah you just you just get better and better and better and better at it i love it i love that that is one of the beliefs that aged like milk um we really hope that you've enjoyed this

if you have like follow subscribe whether you're listening or watching we love to have you here please let us know in the comments what are some of your 100% these are correct beliefs from your teens or 20s that have turned out to be completely wrong. We'd love to hear and we can't wait to see you next week.