LATE BLOOMERS - THE LAZY LIE: Is it laziness or ADHD? How to spot the difference

Episode Date: August 26, 2025

Is laziness real, or is it one of the biggest lies told about ADHD? In this episode of LATE BLOOMERS, Rich and Rox tackle the “lazy lie” head-on. They explore why being called lazy never motivates anyone, and why shame only fuels procrastination, anxiety, and self-doubt instead of getting things done. From homework left to the last minute, uni rooms infested with flies, and dodged coffee duties, they swap hilarious and raw stories that show how “lazy” is almost never the truth. With banter, and brutal honesty, they pull apart the difference between actual laziness (vibing on your phone while someone else makes the coffee) and executive dysfunction: the invisible ADHD struggle that looks like laziness but feels like quicksand. If you’ve ever called yourself lazy, or been crushed under the weight of that label, this episode is for you.

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Get back to doing what you love. Kalea. Order online at Kalea.ca. This product may not be right for you. always read and follow the label. Do you think that you are lazy? Have you been called lazy by teachers, parents, or someone else? Today's episode is for you. This is called the lazy lie.

Why being shamed by others or shaming ourselves never actually makes us more productive. This is late bloomers where we are getting our lives together. Eventually. I well thought you were lazy when I first met you. But that's, I don't think that's my fault. Like, how could I not think that you were lazy? I love that. We're starting like the anti-shame episode.

Definitely not lazy and you're just straight in. Look, honesty is the best policy, I think. Why did you think I was lazy? Well, look, when I say when I first met you, that's probably not completely true. When I first met you, you were, you were great. You were obviously trying to make a good impression. Big time. Within the honeymoon period.

Oh, yeah. And it was when you moved in. And it was like, wow, all of a sudden, everything's really untidy. And Rocks never cleans up after ourselves. So, like, I was a bit, like, particular, wasn't I, with how the flat looked. And I could do the kitchen. And within an hour, there would be crumbs everywhere on the surface. So, like, small things.

But I'm like, what? Why is she not cleaning up after herself? So, yeah, I just thought you were lazy. The question I've asked myself, my whole life, well, let's get into it. Let's do it. Maybe I am, lazy. Maybe we all are a bit.

Listen, everybody can be lazy. Yeah. Okay? But I do think ADHD is in some neurodivergence have a particularly tough time with being labelled that. So, the myth of laziness, why do so many ADHDers in particular get labelled lazy, my parents and teachers, and then later in the workplace, partners. And why do so many ADHDers call themselves lazy

that do you remember when we did that quiz where we asked everyone, we polled everybody at our live show? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. We basically asked people what's a word, a core belief about yourself? And it was lazy. The number one result was lazy.

Yep. So it's like an epidemic in ADHD is that we think that we're lazy. And I guess just thinking out loud, it's because you struggle with the things that many people find simple, right? Could that be a reason? Yeah. I mean, if you take it back to me being a kid, for example, as a teenager, leaving my homework,

to the last night. Very easy to look at that 14-year-old and go, my God, they are so lazy. Why are they leaving it till the last minute? In fact, I think it's probably quite normal to see that as lazy. Not clean in my room. Lazy.

It's always seen as from outside in, it is a choice you're choosing to annoy everyone else. It's really interesting you say about the bus thing because I'm not sure I agree with that fully. I do agree with the room though because I done my... Sorry, the bus, the homework. That'll make sense in a second.

I used to do my homework on the day that it was due on the bus to school. And that was because I was lazy and I couldn't be bothered to do it. But cleaning your room, I've heard stories when you moved in at university that you had a fly infestation because the towels had been on the floor for ever that that can't be lazy that you wouldn't choose that would you like no no i wouldn't choose to stay up all night doing essays but that was the only time it was i didn't understand it i'm just teenager freewheeling through life but it was the only time i had the anxiety was enough to get me to act.

Maybe that's the difference, right? So I could have done my homework earlier. I just couldn't be bothered, whereas you sort of need that urgency, panic, dopamine to get it done. Oh, I wish I didn't. It's a horrible way to live, spiking your own adrenaline.

Yeah. It's like your self-medicating stimulants by the use of crippling anxiety. Although it must be horrible for you, it can be quite handy for like me working as with you in business. Because if something needs to be done and you go, I'm going to do it, it's due like now, I know it will be done really well. That's interesting.

Yeah. And that's not lazy, is it? Like those hyper-focus, anxious, induced hours. So, yeah, it's really easy to look at an ADHD kid and see someone that is lazy. What happens then is teachers, maybe parents. start calling you lazy. So it's really common for ADHD is to have had written

on their school card either wasn't focused or was a bit lazy or has potential but didn't try hard enough. So it's never seen as like is something going on for this kid it's always seen as this kid

is choosing to do it to annoy us. So as a young person if you are getting that feedback a lot, you're lazy, you're not trying, you've got potential but you're not focused, you start to believe that about yourself. And then not only are you being called lazy by everyone else around you,

you will start echoing that in your own heads and call yourself lazy. And that's why when we did that poll... Everyone's sitting there thinking that they're lazy. Everyone chose lazy. So it's absolutely horrendous. It's running rife through the ADHD community. People just walking around believing

that they are lazy and actually that doesn't help anyone because calling someone lazy or calling yourself lazy is just shaming yeah and i don't know why people think shame is going to get people to change yep like it just makes it just makes it all worse so this episode is all about trying to make our listeners realize that they are not the laziest person ever but sometimes they might be actually dealing with, like, legitimate other things going on in life? So some of our listeners might be a bit lazy sometimes, probably all of them. We can all be lazy. I'm definitely lazy sometimes and you...

But how do you figure out, right? What is lazy and what is like an actual ADHD challenge? Well, funny, funny you should say that. These cards I've actually come a bit prepared. heard today. So laziness versus... Wait, are you going to define laziness? Yeah, and I'm going to define executive dysfunction, which is actually a lot of the real reason why ADHD people, neurodivergent people, will struggle with things. But there is a difference. Okay, so what is laziness? Okay, I'm going to read from the card because I don't want to make any mistakes.

I love that for you. Lazy, a lack of willingness or care. You have a choice. You could Could act, but can't be bothered. How was that as a, did that, yeah? I mean, what hit me was, read the first line. A lack of willingness or care. Like, I've never known a group of people care so much as ADHD is. Not about everything, though. Let me go to executive dysfunction.

Neurological difficulty in starting, organizing, completing tasks not willpower about brain process like planning, time perception and working memory. This is huge. This is so huge. And some of our listeners may have heard of executive dysfunction. Some may not. But there is such a big difference between the two.

And like, so if you're being lazy, you are vibing. You're like, I can't be bothered me. You're having fun. You're enjoying doing nothing. thing, executive dysfunction is, I need to do this thing, but my flumbly-wumbly-tumbly-tumbly-tumbly-tumbly-tumbly-tumbly won't organize the steps and show me what I need to do. And it's, I love how it mentions working memory, it's stuff falling out of your brain, it's not being able to visualize the steps. Oh, welcome to my life. You said that before, by the way, and I think it's the best explanation that I've ever heard,

which is, if I was lazy, I'd be enjoying myself. Yeah, not sat there, anxious, self-shaming, self-flagellating, calling yourself lazy in your head, wondering why you can't do it, like... Self-flagellating? What does that mean? When you're whipping your own back, flagellation. I think so. It's not, like, rude or something. That's not... Okay, fine. Do you want to play a game? what kind of after saying self-flagellation and you saying is that rude i'm now worried yeah we'll

google it after we'll cut it out if it is what game is it lazy or is it executive dysfunction you can do the theme song is it lazy lazy yeah or is it executive dysfunction should we change executive dysfunction to just ed is it lazy or is it ed or should we say Is it lazy, lazy, lazy, or is it ED? That has got a better ring. I should be a songwriter. Right, so I'm going to say a thing. Oh my God, I'm excited, okay.

And you're going to tell me whether you are being lazy. Right, caveat rules to this game. I know that you would be. you have got to be 100% honest and true to yourself. Okay. Yeah? Yeah. So, number one, an important email.

I've got an important email to send. It's past the deadline. We're a week overdue now. Talk to me. Are you being lazy or are you struggling with ED? Lazy. Do you think so? Talk me through what's happening in your mind.

Stupid idiot, just send it. What's wrong with you? Why you're always making your life harder for yourself? It would take five minutes if you just sat down. Lazy idiot. I don't think that's, right, okay. You might be thinking that after you're late and you haven't sent it for a week.

But put yourself in the position where you've got to send it. Like you're trying to psych yourself up to send it. what's going on? Can't figure out how to word it so I've come across correctly I've obviously got to apologise for the fact that I'm late

I've then got to actually deal with what's in the email then deal with the consequences of the reply I know I need to do it but it feels like hitting a wall like I yeah

I've hit a wall where I can't just open my laptop and send the email. So that doesn't sound like lazy, does it? That doesn't sound like you're having fun whilst not sending the email. Does it? Not having fun. No, you're not having fun. Is that executive dysfunction?

You have to go, E, D. It's E.D. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Well, we have to mutually agree on the answers here. I don't, I'm not like all seeing or knowing. But like, I'm not having fun.

I'm not like, I just can't be bothered. I'm really struggling. By the way, this isn't a real email, but I'm so invested. That's like method acting on email. Okay, so that's ED. Lovely. Okay, we've got an empty fridge. There's no food in the house.

We need to eat to survive. And the shopping needs doing. And you don't do it. Are you being lazy? Or is that executive dysfunction? Lazy. Okay, why is it lazy? You have to eat.

I could order a delivery from the supermarket. But I have probably chosen to go and doomscroll my phone and not do what a sensible adult would do, which is just like... Which is just what? Can the meals for the week, do the shopping, go to the shop, just do what a normal person would do? Okay, so let's dig into that then. So really quick, again, to say, oh, I'm lazy.

Let's think about the steps involved. You mentioned them there, but it's not just going to the shop, is it? So what do you need to do when you've got an empty fridge? Well, need to decide whether I'm shopping for just. just that day or for the week. Just that day feels a bit easier to like process. But then I'm wasting time by either going to the shop or the delivery. I know it's more sensible to do like the week.

So then I'd be thinking about what meals do I need to plan, breakfast, lunch, dinner. Is it for kids? Is it for us? I need to write a shopping list. I maybe need to consult some recipes. then I'll be tempted to like just order like microwave meals but I don't want to do that because I're trying to eat healthy and I know that I feel better when I eat healthy

so then it just gets like honestly sounds so silly but I get so overwhelmed at the thought of what I need to buy on a weekly shop and then there's all the other things do we need toilet roll do I need washing up liquid do I need to go upstairs and check in all the bathrooms and then it just feels like an impossible task. So I don't do it. So it doesn't sound like lazy nest, does it? Don't know. Is it not? No. So that is another ED. Ed. Because I'm not having fun. I'm really struggling to get into my head. I've called myself lazy my whole life. I'm working on it. I've been in therapy for years. We talk about ADHD all the time. But deep within my bones, I still feel like my struggles a laziness. I can't get away from it. Let me give you a nice

easy one then. Okay. When we wake up, so picture, I'm going to get you to really picture the scenario. Yeah. We wake up. It's nine o'clock in the morning. Yeah. Rockets just jumped on the bed. Yeah. And is attacking me in a love bombing me. Yeah. It's your turn to go downstairs and make us coffee. And you look at me with little puppy dog eyes. I've got a puppy dog on me and you look at me with little puppy dog eyes and ask if I were to make the coffee. Laisiness or ED? I think quite confidently I can say this is lazy. I agree.

Lazy, lazy, lazy. The first one I've got right. The reason, right, I think I'm just learning what laziness is. Go on then. So I don't get overwhelmed or panic or anxious about making the morning coffee. No. And we do take it in turns and it's lovely when the other one does it. I actually find joy in doing it.

you as well. Yeah. But I know there is the occasional morning when I'm like, Bowie coffee and I try and like switch the agenda. If you say yes, which you're so wonderful and you often do, I grab my phone, I'm having a little scroll, a stretch. Like, I'm having fun when I dodge that job. Yeah.

Loads of fun, knowing there's a coffee on the horizon. An iced coffee coming away. I'm having my little morning scroll. A dog that's urinated. when he gets back. Because you'll have taken him for a week. So that is lazy. So I can clearly see that in that moment,

it's like a kind of cheeky, fun, trying to get away with it vibe. Whereas writing an email and being so anxious and hating myself, that's not lazy, that's struggling. Yeah. Planning the meals for the week. That's struggling. Yeah.

That's, I think that's quite helpful for me. I don't know about the listeners, Yeah. That's helped me. Yeah. And we can all do that, by the way. I do that as well. So I wouldn't consider myself lazy. But if I'm woke up in the morning, I'm like, I can't be bothered to make coffee. Yeah. You know how to do it. You often do it to me. I do, yeah. And then I will often. I don't even, I just look at you.

I know. You give me puppy dog eyes and I'm just, and I go and make it. You so cute. Okay. So we figured out that. there's a difference between laziness and executive dysfunction, so important. And actually, I love that question when you ask me more, what's the process going on? Because if that process ain't, I'm having fun and I'm vibing, you aren't being lazy. You might be struggling. And all the reasons that I thought you were lazy when we first met, right, was about untidiness. And there is a difference between looking at an untidy room and going, can't be bothered to do that. I'm going to play Call of Duty or sit on the bed and scroll or whatever instead and sitting

at the doorway of that room going, I don't know where to start, what goes where. If I clean the room, do I need to do all the skirting boards with a scrubbing brush and stuff? That is different. Overwhelm and struggle is so different. It is. Well, there's a willingness to do it. You just can't figure about how to start. and then you sit in self-shame cycles. No, thank you. We don't want that. So talking about self-shame cycles,

it is so important for a few different types of people to realize that shame never works. And in this context, that is calling someone lazy. You need to try harder, what's wrong with you? And that can come from a partner, that come from a parent, a teacher. And yourself. don't forget that you're like usually the worst critic and it can come from yourself and i think

the key here is that shame leads people into avoidance and not action so i'll talk about the ADHD are talking to themselves now sitting there going you're lazy you're useless just do it what's wrong with you that is not going to help you it's going to create a vicious cycle where you're just in these avoidance and then anxiety and it's not going to make anything better. You're not going to move from calling yourself lazy to thinking you're the best person ever. It doesn't work like that. But you can just turn down the volume on the self-hate a little bit. And if you are needing to send an email, needing to book a doctor's appointment, needing to clean a room, you get to understand it's tough for you because of ADHD, because of

executive dysfunction, you get to ask for help. You get to ask a friend to body double you. You could use dubby. We have a body doubling app where we have a hundred people every few hours coming to clean their room together. There's things you can do. It's way better to get support than shame. And then from your point of view, like for parents, obviously you parent and neurodivergent with Sear. Well, I can say really easily that the one thing that I, do that I never used to do for both you and sear when I thought you were lazy when we first got together I used to huff, eye roll. There would be like little micro behaviours. You did from me that says to you, you said you were going to do this. I'm not happy. This is ridiculous. And that

them added up caused so much damage to you, doesn't it? So Anseer is Probably both of us. Yeah. One as an adult and one as a child. You could see this same pattern happening. But leaning in with curiosity, asking what's going on for them? Are they struggling? Do they want to talk about it?

Like what's going on? A bit like I did with you when you were like, I'm lazy and I'm like, what's going on in your head right now. Oh, so good. Now, let me play the role of a nasty boomer that doesn't think ADHD is real. by being encouraging and inquisitive you're just coddling that person needs discipline they need to know that they're being lazy you're making it all worse well you want me to respond to that yeah to the boomer yeah right not all boomers are nasty no sorry i've had a bad experience like roxy i know that she is talking about someone very specific in her life um oh my god you've caught me well but

surprised there. Like, what do you want me to be confrontational? Like, I don't know what you want me to do here. Because there's, like, I'm not sure I'm going to change their mind with a sentence. Just try. So if someone was like, they're never going to learn to stop being lazy if you're always asking, oh, what's going on for you? Well, I would say from experience, obviously you're entitled to your opinion, but from experience, when you alleviate, reduce shame. game, reduced criticism, their stress levels actually come down quite a lot. And it has a real positive impact for them to do the things that they're struggling with. When you treat it with discipline or criticism, they get activated and they actually make more mistakes. So like,

Rox has not lost a wallet in three years. When we were first together, she lost one weekly. I love it. I'll go wheel you out to say that. Give me a heads up if you're going to act like a nasty boomer on the podcast again. It's important to say because so often kindness showed to ADHD as or people with neurodivergence is labelled as coddling. It's not understood. It isn't trying to get someone to be okay, not doing something. It's trying to encourage them to do the thing via kind means. because shame doesn't work. Like, I think you've often said it before.

Like, if you want the thing done, be nice and understanding. Yeah. And the thing will get done. Well, everyone's a winner there. And, like, you know, people that are like, oh, it's just they just need this. They just need that. They need discipline. Cool.

Go ahead. Like, good luck. Good luck. Yeah. Like, it's not going to work. So you tell me who's right after you try that for 10 years. It might work out of a horrible sense of shame. shame and anxiety, but that will lead to burnout and chronic illness and self-hatred.

What we're really looking for in our kids, in our partners, is for them to, like, be self-confident, be able to ask for help when they need it, and also understand that voice in their heads has a big impact. So if you are a parent or teacher and you're constantly calling someone lazy, just knowing that's going to play in the loop of that kid for the rest of their life. Even though, be honest with yourself, even if you're not constantly calling them lazy, if you're constantly rolling your eyes or huffing, it'll be just as bad. Being nasty, the negative feedback. Yeah, 100%. So, final thing to say on an episode about being lazy is just to remind everyone listening

that there's probably so many things in their life where they are so hardworking and where they show skills that are unbelievable and so valuable very often missed because they're so used to being down on themselves. Yet you might struggle with cleaning the bedroom, staying on top of laundry, buying shopping for the week. Sure, let's look at that through executive dysfunction. But when you're hyper-focused on something, you can work for hours. You can work harder than other people.

And when you are doing something creative, we know that ADHD has scored super high on creativity. You can think outside of the box and you can be an amazing ideas machine when you're in competition. You can push yourself further to do things and push yourself to the limit. And often with empathy and people and connecting people, you'll be working the hardest in the family to keep that lovely and keep people together. So just to remind our lovely ADHD is that not only are they not lazy, but they probably work really hard in some other ways. Big time. Thank you so much for listening to this week's Lazy Lie episode of Late Blooms,

if you've liked it. Like, subscribe, share. Share. Yeah, do everything. Do it all. Do everything. And we shall see you next week.