Lateral with Tom Scott - 172: A full glass of milk

Episode Date: January 23, 2026

Iszi Lawrence, Abby Cox and Matt Gray face questions about rhythmic rumbles, solo Soviets and nonsense navigation. LATERAL is a comedy panel game podcast about weird questions with wonderful answers, hosted by Tom Scott. For business enquiries, contestant appearances or question submissions, visit https://lateralcast.com. HOST: Tom Scott. QUESTION PRODUCER: David Bodycombe. EDITED BY: Julie Hassett at The Podcast Studios, Dublin. MUSIC: Karl-Ola Kjellholm ('Private Detective'/'Agrumes', courtesy of epidemicsound.com). ADDITIONAL QUESTIONS: Sid, Emily, Hellen, Soham, Daniel Bohrer, Natalie, Iiris. FORMAT: Pad 26 Limited/Labyrinth Games Ltd. EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: David Bodycombe and Tom Scott. © Pad 26 Limited (https://www.pad26.com) / Labyrinth Games Ltd. 2026. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why was Sergei Kricholov described as the last Soviet citizen? The answer to that at the end of the show. My name's Tom Scott, and this is Latry. In the ancient times, before the dawn of group chats, there were three heroes fated to gather around a glowing orb of power, the USBC ringlight. Legends foretold they would embark on a noble quest to answer the riddles of a mysterious spirit,

armed only with their wits and whatever fun facts they googled on the way there. way there. Now the prophecy is finally fulfilled and the heroes stand ready. Behold our three valiant guests, verily, we have the fair Izzy Lawrence from the terrible lizards podcast, from the talk like an Egyptian podcast, from the new book, Doomsday Cows, and also with the greatest lighting I've ever seen on a video call, Izzy, welcome back to the show. I also have worked out how to buy cheap lighting from TikTok. Other bad shops are available. You have so many colours going on there.

There is pink, there is blue, there is white. I am a very pale woman. I need as much help as I can get. Tell us about the book. That's the thing that you were most excited about when we chatted before the show. Well, indeed. Well, it came out at the beginning of the months.

It came out on the 1st of January. It is a children's book, but let's face it, all that means is there's no kissing in it. There's lots of adventures, though. So basically I write historically accurate children's novels. So this is as good as you can get. It's set in 1086, as we know. That's the Doomsday.

Book was written. It's set in Chester. It's about a load of cows and a girl hiding them from the Normans. So if that tickles your fancy and what doesn't... What... How do kids like more than cows and qualitative surveys? That is what we want. And I tell you what, there aren't enough people called Norman these days, either.

That is true, there aren't. There aren't. So, yes, if you like your historical fiction, accurate and for small people, the doomsday cows is out with Bloomsbury Education. Good plug. Solid work there. Next, on our quest, we doth honour Matt Gray, who, when I asked how to be introduced, simply said, YouTube. Matt, welcome back to the show. Hello, thank you for having me back.

Always good to see you. You have a Mac behind you that is. is weird. I took a iMac G3 from 2000 because it looks really cool and it's got the cool CRT and it's an all-in-one thing but it is a useless computer these days because it's 25 years old. So I gutted it and I put a modern, fast, speedy, gaming capable Mac inside it but left the original CRT screen, which means it's even more gaming-gaping. because it doesn't have to do a big screen output.

It does it low resolution. Abby, who I was going to introduce properly in the moment, you look so excited by that. I am. That's just really neat. I'd offer to make you one, but it did take me five months, so... It's okay, and I don't want to deal with the tariffs. Thank you, though. Well, behold, for we lay down our swords

before the great Abby Cox, who, when asked how to be introduced, said, quote, don't ask me hard questions. Abby, what are you working on at the moment? Well, like every other time I've been on this show, Tom, I'm still writing my book. I'm still just doing my best. Is he?

I'm not saying anything. I'm just saying, I've had three books out since we first recorded. Abbey, what is the book you're working on? So it's about the history of corsets, but it's told through the lens of the lived female experience, but also using popular media and magazines and books that were written for women by women. So it's basically removing men from the conversation and actually trying to understand what's going on with corsets, you know, by those who actually wore them. You know, shocking, I know. And then all the twist and turns that have come up as each, every chapter I write, I go, oh, this chapter's going to be really straightforward.

It's, you know, nothing too weird or complicated. And then I go, oh, oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, this is bad. I would comment on that, but I have been removed from the conversation. You're welcome to come back in, Tom. I have opened the door for you. Come back in.

I'd have to say between everyone on this call, I think you have all written more books than I've read since we were last together on this. Well, good luck to all three of you on the show today. Our journey begins, as all great quests should, with a cryptic message. Let the Fellowship of Puzzledom approach question one. Thank you to Daniel Bora for this question. John Paul I was elected Pope in 1978. What two features were groundbreaking about that name? I'll say that again. John Paul I was elected Pope in 1978. What two features were groundbreaking about this name?

Okay, who knows their Pope names? Just a second, did they call him the first? I was going to say, isn't he the second? Maybe he's the first one to become Pope after the Beatles and yet use their names. It's going to be my brilliant. I was like, so there's going to be a Beatles joke in here somewhere. Where's it going to go right at the beginning? I love that for us.

But why would you call him the first if he was the first? Normally you don't number until there's been another. Like you don't get, like, I don't know, King Henry the first. Won't have been called the first when he was the first? I thought he was the second. I mean, obviously, I wouldn't be surprised if you would be called the first because you are the first one to be called. That doesn't seem like me as odd, but now you're saying it,

I'm thinking Elizabeth was the first wasn't called Elizabeth the first. wasn't called Elizabeth the first during her reign? No, she was just called Elizabeth and then... Yeah, or good Queen Beths. You only need to disambiguate when there's ambiguity. Or please put me out, I'm only a Catholic. But... Yeah, no, I don't...

Is that a weird thing? Maybe that's one of the weird, two weird things, then. Unless they count from zero, it is a zero indexed pope. Pope. Pope Ringo the zeroth, yeah. That must have been Paul, surely. He must have been Pope Zero. Pope Zero sounds like a Catholic sugar-free drink. Diet Pope as well. The Holy Water, you just, it's sugar-free.

Diet Pope's more for the girls and Pope Zero for the boys. Yes, yeah. Matt, you have got one of the groundbreaking features. What? John Paul I was called the First. Who's John Paul the Second? I'm confused now. I'm both intrigued us to the why, and also this is a continuing my streak of making a joke and getting it right. Also, Abby, yes, if there's a second, there will be a second, but that implies there was a first.

I know, but I thought his name was John Paul the second. That's why I'm confused. People right now are either in the comments of YouTube or TikTok being like, Abby's so stupid. And you know what, guys, you're right. Were you thinking the second was part of his name? No, I just thought that there was, that our part. Polish John Paul Pope, who, you know, Popemobile, we love him, you know, all that jazz. Before we had the German Pope and then Francis and now we have the Chicago Pope.

Which sounds like a TV show. Well, it probably will be at some point. It actually was. It was Chicago Hope and it was about a hospital, wasn't it? That's what my brain fired off there. Chicago Pope, it's fine. So, no, I'm just generally confused. But this was 1978, so I'm assuming this was the John Paul before the most recent John Paul. Yeah, it must be.

because there was definitely one before that, surely. And because this guy's called the first, and the most recent one was called the second. Is he the first one with a Pope-Mobile? I'm going to put you all out of your confusion and misery here. John Paul I was elected Pope in 1978. He died after 33 days in office. Oh, wow.

So that's why I was confused. And his successor was Pope John Paul II, which is the one that I think everyone here is going to recognise. Ah. JP2. I am not a terrible Catholic. So did they know? Did they elect him knowing that, oh, he's on his way out?

So we'll elect him John Paul I first, and then John Paul the second can come next? It's claimed that at the time he was just not aware that including the first was unusual. Because the predecessors all had numbers. And he was called John Paul. So he did, yeah, I'll be John Paul the first. He just... He gets to pick your name as Pope, don't you? Because the current Pope isn't called, I don't know,

Jeff, Chicago, whatever was called a forenote. You do his king as well. You know, you get to pick your name because everybody was saying that Charles III wouldn't be called Charles III because of what happened to Charles I was the First and, yeah.

But he went with it. But I mean, at least Charles II was like, jazzy. I mean, full of diseases, but... You've identified one of the two strange things. I think the more difficult thing to point out there. Okay.

What might be the other strange thing about John Paul I's name? My thought was, You said groundbreaking, and I, like, popes kissed the ground or something like that, but you just implied that it was actually his name that was the... It is actually the name, yeah. So the name is ground breaking.

Did they, nobody double-barrelled their name before him? Nobody doubled barrel their name before him. He was the first, well, it's not, it's not going to hyphen, he was the first pope to have two names. There you go. And ironically, an extra bit where it's, the third bit, which was called the first. Yeah.

So technically he had three names, if that's not what the first usually does. Oh, yeah. It was just John Paul I first. Yeah. Just to confuse matters. Well, that's a middle name's a Roman thing as well, isn't it? I don't know. They certainly mixed up their names a lot, the Romans.

So they added bits. Like Julius Caesar wasn't called Julius Caesar, for example, which is just annoying. Jizzle-Sizzle to his friends. Jezzer. Yeah, Pope John Paul I chose his name in honour of his two predecessors, John the 23rd and Paul the 6th. 20th. 23rd. There's a lot of Pope John's.

He is claiming that that is for his benefit. That is not for his benefit. He wanted to be number one, didn't he? And it wasn't going to be number 24 and number seven. That's rubbish. So he wanted to be number one. That's why he did it. And then he was like, I'm going to die now. I've made my impact. Boom. So yes, he was the first pope to have a double name and the first pope to be called the first. Each of our guests has brought a question along with them.

We'll start today with Izzy. Whenever you're ready, please. Okay. Here we can. This question has been sent in by Sid. The Parsis fled to India around 900 CE to escape religious persecution. According to legend, the king sent out a full glass of milk when they approached Sarjan City. Why did he do this and why was he impressed when they sent it back with an addition? So, I'll say it again. The Parsies fled to India around 900 CE to escape religious persecution.

According to legend, the king sent out a full glass of milk when they approached Sarjan City. Why did he do this? And why was he impressed when they sent it back with an addition? Go. They were thirsty. This feels like something from one of your books, Izzy. I feel like this is... Yeah, I was like...

I feel like Dave was like, I'm going to get everyone questions that fit their niche. Sid and I are kindred spirits, evidently. Okay. I'm going to have to start with a question, at least for the team, which is the Parsies fled. Now, is that like the family Parsi, like Jeff and Sanita Parsi and their three kids? Or is it like a whole race?

What scale are we going with on like group here? There was, they were, I don't know exactly how many, but they were a people, so refugees effectively. Okay. Okay, hear me out. It's an absolutely full-to-the-brim glass of milk. They managed to get it there without spilling any. And then it got sent back with even a little bit more, so it was kind of like surface tension over the top.

That is basically how the legend goes. Wait, what? I was doing that as a joke. It was literally that full. Yeah, it was full to the brim. Oh. Oh. Oh, okay. And they sent it back with even more in there. They... They... They added something.

I've got to be very careful of how I said. They did send it back with an addition. They emptied it out and they filled it with condensed milk. So then there was more milk per unit milk. They sent it back with an addition. Yo dog, I heard you like milk in your milk. So I put some extra milk in your milk. No, they added chocolate to it.

So it was chocolate milk. Did anyone see that unhinged, uh, unhinged complimentary, uh, video of someone who, uh, she cured her lactose. intolerance by drinking all the lactose. Oh my God, I saw this. That is dangerous. I mean, not recommended medically, but apparently over like the course of three weeks

got most of a nutrition by making up powdered milk with milk. So it was very thick, and simply drinking so much of that that the bacteria balance changed. And after three very bad weeks, when you said more milk in your milk, There were some descriptions in that video that I do not want to go back to.

I will say this to help you along. That isn't what happens. And nobody in this story, as far as I'm aware, is lactose intolerant. However, however, the king wasn't being as kind as he appeared. Ah. Okay. And it was the king who sent out the milk, right? It was the king who sent out the milk.

Okay. Abbey's said something which is quite close to the... additional thing. Oh, so another joke actually has led us closer to... Yeah. So far, you're just getting this through gags. Yeah. Abby said chocolate milk. She did say chocolate milk. It wasn't chocolate milk. But think along those lines. Banana flavor. Wait, was this chai? It wasn't chai. Oh. Okay. I was like, was this the beginning of chai? Chai latte.

Okay, okay. Hold on. If you're fleeing If you're fleeing and you're desperate, you're saying by sending out that milk, we still have lots of supplies. No, no, other way round. So they're arriving... Oh, right. ...to the city, and the king's like,

oh, you're here. Have this very, very full glass of milk. Oh, I had that completely the wrong way round. Okay. Does it have to do... Okay, so they fled for religious reasons, correct? That is... That is...

It's to escape religious persecution. And you said, what, 980? Yeah. Okay, so this is... after Muhammad. This is after Muhammad. But I have to say, I mean, you're fine as a Muslim drinking milk as far as I'm aware.

Well, I was just wondering if it has to do with Hinduism. Yeah, they've got a whole cow's thing going on, haven't they? We do have a whole cow. They have a whole cow's thing going on. A whole cow thing happening. As far as I'm aware, this is nothing to do with religious, it's not rude for either party

to consume milk. I'm going to have the same guess round the other way, which is they send out the milk and it's sent back as they know we don't need it, we are wealthy, we are fine, please admit us into your place because we are not starving, we are not needy. But why would he send out milk?

I have two trains of thought. The first one is, just a sec, if you are needy and you'll, if you've been very hungry for a long amount of time, milk might do bad things to your insides because there's quite a lot going on there. But I can't see how that's relevant. The other thing I'm thinking of is the king might have put some poison or something in it, which might also deal with your insides a little bit too much.

And maybe there's a way of testing for that with salt or sugar or something. If you're slowly moving a thing of full milk, if it's full to the brim, you cannot move quickly, right? Like, that's Wade Staff 101. It's not pasteurized milk, whatever it is. So it is, you know. Technical turn. Yeah, we all can just fill in the blank there.

So it would be a risk to drink it because it's not pasteurized. It's not fresh because it can't be that fresh if he's sending out a very full glass of milk. That means it has to be taken out very, very slow. I mean, I don't think they're that far from the city that they're trying to get in. So, and he says, sends about a full glass of milk. I want you to think of this milk maybe as a metaphor. In full, like, sorry, we have too many cows. Oh, what did you say?

In's full. The city's full. That's the metaphor. Okay, okay. So the milk is because there's too many people in the city. And he's like, I got too many cows and too many people in the city. And they go, hey guy, don't relax. Like, it's okay. look what we can offer to your milk and then they send back this thing and maybe it's a bigger pitcher for the milk

or I don't know, it's a thing. It's sweetened. Sugar. Boom! She got it. And for precisely that reason. So the Indian king, Jadevranah, welcomed the arriving Parsis with a full glass of milk

to communicate that his land was already full to the brim and there was no room for anyone else. And the parsy, responded by mixing sugar in the milk and returning it to say that they would assimilate to the local population like sugar dissolves in milk and that their contributions would make life sweeter.

It is said that this impressed the king enough to grant them asylum and there is a thriving Parsi community in India today. The parents of Freddie Mercury of the Rock Band Queen were Parsi. So there you go. Farooke Bolsara. Of the Rock Band Queen.

Of the popular beat combo Queen. I don't know if you've heard of them, guys. They're very new. But yeah, no, but I was impressed there. You got it. Both Abby and Scott together. Sorry, Tom.

Scott. That's okay, Lawrence. Apologies for that. But yes, Abby and Tom were bang on there. But, you know, Matt had a lot to say. So, thanks for me. Pain can hit hard and fast, like the headache you get when your favorite team and your fantasy team both lose. When pain comes to play, call an audible with Advil plus acetaminophen and get long-lasting dual-action pain relief for up to eight hours.

Tackle your tough pain two ways with Advil plus acetaminofin. Advil, the official pain relief partner of the NFL. Ask your pharmacist at this product's rate for you. Always read and follow the label. Thank you to Natalie for this next question. In 1958, guitarist, Lillard. Link Ray released the instrumental track, Rumble. Even though it had no lyrics at all, several radio stations banned it for being too offensive. Why?

I'll give that one more time. In 1958, guitarist Link Ray released the instrumental track Rumble. Even though it had no lyrics at all, several radio stations banned it for being too offensive. Why? Because it sounded like farts. Farts aren't offensive. They're just fun.

Is it because... In the 1950s, they were offenses. I mean... On the radio? I think it's because maybe there is a song, because you know, the 1950s are full of, like, filthy songs. And maybe there is a song, and it's just that song without the lyrics. So everybody heard all of the expletives in their head while they play this anyway.

It's the Soviet National Anthem. Which, to be fair, is an absolute. Absolutely banger. Banger, yeah. Izzy, you use your authoritative historical voice there to just say the 1950s were full of filthy songs. I just want to check whether that was true or not. I believe it probably was true, but they won't broadcast. Ah, yeah.

I mean, the thing is, there was in this country, and certainly there was the Chancellor. I can't remember who it would have been. The Chamberlain, something like Chancellor or Chamberlain or something, where every single play that was put out in theatre had to be looked at by the government to make sure it was appropriate. And as a result, this is why you have Peter Cook starting up his members club and everything else where we get wooden stand up in the UK from really. But, yeah, and so the way around that was to be as filthy as possible, but get away with it by it being really clean. So, for example, I think Mary Lloyd back in the late 19th century got taken to court loads because she would sing things really filthly in the musical, but then speak them perfectly.

Oh, I sit among the cabbages and leaks, you know, in the thing, whereas she was basically implying that she was having wheeves and people as allotments. But yeah, so there is that tradition in this country of being filthy without being filthy. So was this a song that was filthy without being filthy? It's not, I mean, it's rumble. It's not, you know, I play guitar, but I've never heard of Link Ray before. Playing the guitar doesn't necessarily mean I've heard of them all. Tom, can we have a geographic location of where this song was banned?

Was it a UK thing or a US thing? This was in the US. Okay. The thing I'm thinking of here is... Still censored. It could be musical. Like, this is a bit late. And I'm...

Jimmy Hendrix was around in the 50s, wasn't he? He said 59, right? 58. Because, like, the only offensive thing I can think of, like, musically, from a theory standpoint, is the devil's interval. But you wouldn't call that offensive. You'd just say it doesn't sound very nice, because it's just very clashing. Perhaps the phrasing could be better on too offensive.

Offensive may not be the right word. Band for... Being too catchy. Gets in everyone's heads, drives them mad. Is it like the first electric guitar sound on the radio? It was definitely a modern sound. Yes, and that's key to it. Oh, distortion then, maybe.

Perhaps rather than too offensive, let's go for too objectionable. Objectionable. Then it's going to be, so using guitar techniques such as distortion, or like pinch harmonics and squealing noises and... Yep, it's gritty and distorted. Absolutely right. And is that the reason? That's half of the reason. Oh.

Oh, is it the title of the track? Keep talking, Matt. No, Rumble. We've just been told the title was Rumble. But, yeah. Wait, was it like, a euphemism for... Yeah. Is it like on a matapaeic guitar playing where it's...

But it's called rumble, but it sounds like someone having sex. Ah. But rock and roll, the word rock and roll is having sex. So that's what it comes from. That is. You rock and roll is about... Is a euphemism for sex. So the facts is called rumble doesn't...

Right on the euphemism part, wrong on what it's a euphemism for. And this word is still used for that today. How have I made it to 40 without realizing that rock and roll meant so? I was poor, PJ and Duncan. They had a whole thing. Let's get ready to rumble. My hair's gone mad, just thinking about it. Let's get ready to rumble.

Right. And what does rumble mean in that context? When Michael Buffer, let's get ready to rumble. Let's get ready to each other in the face. Wait, is it? Think it would incite violence. They thought it would incite violence. Yes.

Absolutely right. This was the same year that Westside Story was winning the Tonys. This was when gang violence was a story across America. So when a song with distorted guitars, this new sound comes out, and it's called Rumble, some radio stations thought that it might glamorize gang culture or incite fights among teenagers. They had no lyrics to object to, but it's... it was still offensive enough that it was banned. I like that guitar-based music has been stigmatized forever.

As the token American in this group, I'm tired. Matt, whenever you're ready, over to you for your question, please. This question has been sent in by Helen. Amy navigates a space using letters A, F, P, and S. What is she doing and where does this take place? Amy navigates a space using the letters A, F, P and S. What is she doing and where does this take place? How much do you bet that Amy is he an anagram as well for AMY, automated monkey yacht or some... Unfortunately, I got to step out of this one. Oh, do you know it? I don't know it. I'm pretty sure I just

clocked it. So I'm going to do the, I'm going to do the risky thing of stepping back. Has it got anything? Before you go, has it anything to do with monkey yachts? I was about to say, were you the first person to invest in the Kickstarter? I'm deliberately not going to answer that question. Okay, so it is to do with monkey yachts. You're very welcome. Perfect. Yeah. Great. So it's navigating, which is always a problem, because believe it or not, despite my history background, I don't have a history background. It's geography, and I should know stuff, but I don't. None of this looks like. I mean, GPS has got, you know, G.

So we're AFPS. It's just like even better than GPS because it's as PS. So that must be even better than geographical. Oh, yeah, AF. It is positioning system AF, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to just like, okay, you keep cooking, but I'm going to throw out an answer.

Go on. Or just a concept of an idea. Does it have anything to do with gaming on your PC? Yes, it is in the world of gaming, Abbey. Ooh, I know nothing about games. I barely know anything, too. I was just... Oh!

Oh, no, I'm worried. Oh, have we got Tom back in the game? Well, I don't know, because if I say this, it matches so well, but I don't see how it could be related to video games or any sort of games. It's not necessarily video. and from the way I saw you react, Tom, you might be along the right lines. And Izzy, when you were talking about monkeys... Okay, yeah.

You were actually closer than you've been so far without realizing it. Okay, so I'm assuming Amy is a chimp, because the sort of thing you'd name a chimp. This has nothing to do with monkeys. Oh, you said monkeys. You said something else, is he? I said monkey yacht. Is it steering a yacht? Is it for steering a ship?

Is it like a simulator for like steering a ship? Something like a bosun's sort of like one of those weird navigational devices whose names are I was to get. Is it like NASA Space Camp in the 90s? A-F-PS, right Matt? Yes, what an earth could they be. Okay, so astral.

It's the first one astral. It is he not. Because the first thing my head did is like you've got four letters there. is that north-south, east, west in some language. It's not, and then my brain went clunk, and then I stepped out. It's not. It's not a clock.

Oh, see, this is too lateral for me. I'm thinking, no, why would you leave it anywhere else? It's not up, down, left, right. Wait, wait, it's, wait, is it not like starboard? Yes. Starboard's one of them. Port, starboard. Port, starboard.

Four and aft. Bang on. We have aft. Port and Starboard. So what is Amy doing? Who would normally use these letters? I just wrote the word ship down in big letters and the hope that that was the entire solution.

If it's anything more than that, I'm in trouble. So whoever is steering the ship isn't probably the person looking out, isn't the navigator. So whoever's doing, you know, either doing the sails or doing the rudder. Yeah, the wheel, which connects the rudder. So this is a game.

So no actual ship is involved. Oh. Is it just a game where you just have to maybe say, like starboards or port, or like that, just to move the actual thing with your words? Well, yes. Okay. So you just shout at the game like it can hear you.

It is a text-based adventure game set on a ship. Is this Starship Titanic? Is this the old Douglas Adams one? It's very similar. and Douglas Adams Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is mentioned here. In most interactive fiction using text passes, the convention is to move around the game using compass directions, northeast, southwest. Games that are wholly or partially set on ships sometimes allow an alternative scheme using nautical directions.

So A for Aft to the back of the ship, F for four, to the front of the ship, P for port to the left, S for starboard to the right. the online text adventure firmament uses this system. Infocom's version of the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy allows similar controls for its ship sections as well as standard compass directions. What put me off was I was thinking bow and stern.

So I completely wrote it off immediately because I didn't think four and aft. And the reason that you use that is because ships can turn. If you say north, north changes, depending on global compass directions instead of local ones. So you go with port and starboard instead of left, right, anything like that. It's always relative to the ship. That's the reason you use port and starboard.

Oh, because, yes, you won't use left and right because you don't know which way you're facing. Right? You're not, like, strapped into a driving seat. Left or right could mean left or right based on the shore, based on anything like that. Use port and starboard, because they are always locked to the ship. Thank you to ERIS for this question.

Yerke is looking at a screen, playing his synthesizer to a two-four rhythm. Sections above the keyboard are marked poles, group and frozen. What is his surprising job? I'll say that again. Yerke is looking at a screen playing his synthesizer to a two-four rhythm. Sections above the keyboard are marked poles, group and frozen. What is his surprising job? All I know is, um, I mean,

Polls group and Frozen could be exactly how we are right now. I've sort of turned into a beam pole. You know, Matt's trying to assemble his thoughts into a group, and Abby has certainly frozen in place with a sort of horrified expression on her face. So, yeah, two four rhythms. That's quite a simple rhythm, isn't it, Matt? Yeah.

Musician in the group. We've had two questions now that are music-related, and I'm quite musical. I do quite a musical thing, and I have, No idea for either of them from the off. Okay. Synthesers are normally computer-based or electronics-based, but Poles, Group, and Frozen aren't related to synthesizers in any way I can think of.

What if it has to do with the North Pole? Ooh. This is just dumb because Frozen, my brain immediately went to Frozen, you know, let it go, let it go. And I was like, wait. There's group singing. And Yerke sounds like a Nordic name or a Finnish name. It does. And a two foot poles, group and frozen.

Is this... Can't you go on holiday to like a Santa experience? Yeah, you can. In Lapland, in Finland or Sweden. Is this Yerkees, like in charge of letting kids through to different sections of the park where they're Santa? And so you have to... You've got the poles over in this bit.

You've got the frozen children. That's wrong. There's a group of children. I don't know. 2-4 is a mark. Yes. Boom. Are they marching the children? Oh, no.

No. It's that where the elves come from? They're marching the children into the workhouse to make the toys. That's where the bad children go. Good things you have worked out so far. Two four is a march, correct part of the world. The whole children and forced labour thing? No, that's not.

It's one of those Jetsu holidays where you think you're going for a good thing, but you end up working in the... Nothing based a jetty. two holiday. This is, well, okay. So,

so, Poles Group and Frozen, I mean, and a march. So what marches happen in Finland? The only, the only march I've been on recently

and it was weird was like, I went to Rotterdam when Santa arrives or Sinterclass, right? And that is terrifying because he has

all of his elves come off the boat first because of course they come, they come from this amazing country called Spain, right? So Santa Claus arrives from Spain with all the stuff to give to the kids, and they throw biscuits at you in the street. It's mental, right? They literally just chuck biscuits at your face,

and you've got to catch them in bags. I'm just imagining Spanish Santa arriving in Rotterdam. Ola, Buenos Aires. It's not Spanish Santa. It's very much. It's very much. So he used to have his elves, which are now, they're called Schwarzenepeta.

And in the past, Schwarzapetta would be in full blackface because they were obviously, you know, this is pre when, you know, everybody was fine with the transatlantic slave trade and everything else. And so that's where it comes from. It's worrying.

But now they're not like that, so they don't do that anymore, which is a relief well done. Yes. I'm trying to think, is it, Netherlands as well about it. It's completely unrelated to that. Okay, good. We've already established.

Finland. Finland? Finland? But they don't have a sort of similar Christmas thing? Nope. And you're right, we're up north. It's not like North Pole North, but we're up north. Does it have to do with the sun and solstice?

The words are Poles, group and frozen. Poles group frozen. Poles is probably going to be the biggest clue there. So there's two poles. There's two poles as a South Pole as well. So are they doing... Is it like there's a march that happens on the South Pole and the North Pole at the same time

except nobody lives in South Pole. No, we're literally talking sticks. And people do live at the South Pole. Not right at the South Pole, do they? Yeah, there's an Arctic Research base there. They're nuts. Yeah, they don't go out in winter, though. Okay.

Or ever. That is nuts. I didn't realize they were that far south, as it were. Anyway, sorry. Okay. Oh, you said it was physical poles. I was going to say because there's true north and magnetic north, but that's nowhere near it.

It's physical poles that people are marching with or something close to marching. Oh, batons. It's like cheerleading. Cheerleading is closer but not that closer. This is, in what maybe the biggest clue I can give you, a question in sport.

Sports with poles in include things like skiing because you get whipped with them. So is it to do with cross-country skiing? It is to do with cross-country skiing, is he? Okay. Right. Specifically cross-country. Ice. Frozen is ice rather than snow. Yep.

And group is people crying because it's the most horrific sports in the world. Is this someone live scoring the TV coverage of it based on what is currently being shown or what's currently happening? Yes. What? Live scoring implies, I think, something a little more musical than what's actually happening. You're nearly there. Camera changing. Oh, chanting.

You get fans chanting like a... You might, it's cross-country skiing. That's the last clue here. Is it to keep the rhythm, someone like banging a drum? One, two. Nope, this is just, this is just for the TV broadcast. Sound effects. Sound effects, keep going.

Is he doing folly? Yes, he is, Matt. Is it because they can't afford microphones? Yes, it is. You cannot mic up an entire cross-country skiing course. Huh. Oh my God. So he's literally just like making noises and like rustling his own.

coat and stuff to get... Well, it's all on a synthesiser. It's all automated sound effects. This is Yerke Ihalainen, who has artificially enhanced skiing broadcasts for many years. He has an electronic keyboard, which produces a soundscape with skis sliding,

ski poles hitting the snow, cowbells ringing, dogs barking, and he plays different sounds depending on the snow, the environment, whether they're going uphill, downhill, how far they are from the cameras, and whether we're seeing one skier or a group. I've not heard of live foley before

never mind in sport I mean you heard of foley before because obviously you know Ambridge what's what's that called The archers yeah They often use it to just emphasise This is why people For those you don't know

It's the longest running soap opera ever It's on Radio 4 And it basically is a load of farmers In the middle of nowhere in Well Midlands isn't it UK and in order to enhance Any dramatic scene There's usually a sheep giving birth

in the background or somebody like putting their hand in something and squelching just to give it that sort of like rural jeun-se-cois. And yeah, no, that makes... The reason for Foley is if you're on a set recording for audio or audio and video, the one thing you need more than anything else is good quality voice recordings. So generally you won't mic up anything else because that's a lot of effort. And you just concentrate on the mouth sounds and then you add in everything else over the top afterwards. So if you're in a noisy bar, the noisy bar sound that you can hear is normally

recorded elsewhere at another time. And it's the same with footsteps and fight noises. Yeah. When you see people acting in like clubb scenes, you know, for TV and stuff, you actually just have people talking normally with everybody else miming to know music and pretending to talk to each other. So I'll ask you to put the last piece of the puzzle together. Why does he have to do this for cross-country skiing? Why doesn't this happen for other ski sports for generally any sport. Is it filmed on a helicopter? Or like long-distance cameras?

Matt, you've got it. It is really easy to get telephoto images these days. Whether it's from a drone or a helicopter or just a really long lens, it is extremely difficult to get telephoto, well, tele-audio sound. It is much easier to get yurkey in a studio playing a synthesizer to cue in the sound effects. Abby, take it away. This question has been sent in by Emily and approved by me. In the 1800s, fabric from British mill towns was often laid out on dedicated fields.

What two natural benefits did this method provide to the production process? Again, in the 1800s, fabric from British mill towns was often laid out on dedicated fields. What two natural benefits did this method provide to the production process? I'm going to ask, Abby, did you say, fabric or did you say a fabric? Fabric. Okay. It's not like one specific type, okay.

Mm-mm. So it could be cotton or wool. That's all it's going to be. Yeah. No. No. Ooh, that makes it interesting. Is it hemp?

Silk? Not silk. If you're using hemp, that'd be probably for rope making or something like that. Could be, but also sacks and everything else. It's still an important fabric. If it's not, if it's not, it's not. silk is the only other natural fibre I can think of that's not possible. I'm trying to think what

sales are made from. Canvass. Canvas. Which is, I think, same as hebb, isn't it? I don't know. Okay. You'd lay it out maybe to dry it or to wet it? Or to smooth it somehow? Or to stretch it? All of the flat things. That's the 1800s version of Daff Punk Bobpet. Oh, okay. I was going for technologic, but sure.

Tendorine hooks are not done just laid out. Tendering is a separate thing. Okay. So the natural benefits being laid out in field is one sunlight, but then we're talking about mill towns which tend to be in the north and there's not much sun. So maybe it's not that. It's been sunny in Dewsbury.

I will add something to this. This is a very specific example, but this is not the only example. This is something that has been done for hundreds of years and was also just a part of the general laundering process. It's not just about fabric manufacturing. Is it bleaching from the sun? So just get your whites whiter. Or disinfecting? Sunlight's good at that. So yes, the sun's a part of it and it is about bleaching, but you still have a second one that you have to come up with. And it's not disinfecting.

No, the Sun naturally does that. Yeah, I mean, but is there something the sun does where it's to do with the way it dries, it sort of like makes the fibers go in a certain direction, makes it stronger or something? No, it's not, so the sun does its basic, like, sunbleach, right? Cool. We love that. Great. There's another benefit thing happening. Okay. That's also bleaching related? That is bleaching related, yes. And it has nothing to do with wool and has nothing to do with silk.

Cotton? Linen. Flax. Flax. Flax. Oh, I thought linen was a type of cotton. No. Linen's from the... Linen is flax. And so it's a reed. Much better at Wicking Way moisture. It's naturally antimicrobial.

I did another whole video about this, Matthew. Oh, that's cool. It's stronger when wet. Okay, so what are we missing then? It's bleached linen and it's just something else to the linen. But there's another layer to the bleaching. Something else is happening to help the bleaching. process. Is it, is it, because it's a plant and it's getting rid of the greeniness of it,

because it's decaying. It's, um, you're so close. Rotting effectively, but so you end up with just, it's not about rotting. That's, that's a part of the manufacturing process of linen. It's not about rotting, but that does have something to do with plants. Is it something to do with the plants underneath it and they're giving out like more oxygen or CO2 or something that's reacting with the actual fabrics? So you've got to put it on fresh grass in order for it. Oxidation. The plants are giving off oxygen. Yes. So it's oxidizing it. The whitening that you put in your washing machine is they're all oxidizers. Yeah. It's a natural oxy. Wow. So this is why like the answer is like the question is framed well, but that's why I wanted to add some more because

it's not just about fabric manufacturing. This is also a part of the wandering process. So one of the ways that you can naturally bleach out your linens after you clean them is by laying them out like in the morning on a grassy patch to let the sun heat up the grass and then the natural oxidization of like the dew coming up and the moisture and like the chlorophyll like helps naturally bleach out the fabric more. Is that a specific linen thing or will that work with everything? It works with like it's better with linen but it will work with cotton too. But you don't want silk to get wet. You don't wash silk and also the same thing for wool. You don't, wool doesn't need to get wet. Wool, if it gets wet, it can get fold.

It can get ruined. It repels water. So that's why it works for the plant fibers. Yeah, I never wash wool and I never wash silk because I don't own any. Which means we just have the question from the start of the show. Thank you to Soham for sending this one in. Why was Sergei Krkulov described as the last Soviet citizen? Quick guess at that before I give the answer for the audience? Was he like one of these people on like an island that got stuck?

And, like, you know, those Japanese people who thought that the Second World War never ended and he was stuck on an island and thought that the Soviet Union never ended. Very close. Was he on Mir? Yes, he was. He was on the Mir space station when the Soviet Union broke up in December 1991. Matt, do you know where he would have launched from? Kazakhstan.

Yes, that was launched. Bikon or Cosmodrome is where they launched. Yeah, so when the coup d'etat happened, he was told there was no money to bring him home. There was a re-entry... Is he Yugoslavian? Um, I don't... Well, no, he was Soviet. Well, Soviet, that was the point.

It's the other way around, isn't it, then? He would have gone up... I don't know if they had patches on their arms there, but he would have been up there with a Soviet patch on his arm, and then his country no longer existed. He was told there was no money to bring him back. Although there was a re-entry capsule available, no one would look after the space station.

He eventually returned March 1992 and his 10 months in space broke the record for the longest space flight. Thank you very much to all our players. Where can people find you? What's going on your lives? We will start with Abby. You can find me on YouTube.

Abby Cox, that's where I am. I'm also, of course, on Instagram, too. I am Abby Cox. And that's it. Matt Gray. I am at Matt Gray, yes, on all of the socials or search. Matt Gray is trying on YouTube.

And Izzy Lawrence. If you go to ISZI.com, you'll get all of my links and stuff to the books and the podcasts. And if you want to know more about this show, you can do that at Lateralcast.com. We can also send in your own ideas for questions. We are at Lateralcast basically everywhere, and there are weekly video episodes in full on Spotify. Thank you very much to Izzy Lawrence.

Bye! Matt Gray! Wee! Abby Cox! Woo! I've been Tom Scott, and that's been Lateral.