Lateral with Tom Scott - 20: The rigged JFK election

Episode Date: February 24, 2023

William Osman, Dani Siller and Bill Sunderland face questions about statesmanly statues, parking perks and bountiful birthdays. LATERAL is a comedy panel game podcast about weird questions with wonderful answers, hosted by Tom Scott. For business enquiries, contestant appearances or question submissions, visit https://www.lateralcast.com. HOST: Tom Scott. QUESTION PRODUCER: David Bodycombe. EDITED BY: Julie Hassett at The Podcast Studios, Dublin. MUSIC: Karl-Ola Kjellholm ('Private Detective'/'Agrumes', courtesy of epidemicsound.com). ADDITIONAL QUESTIONS: Matt Jones, Ben Tedds, Jake Ng. FORMAT: Pad 26 Limited/Labyrinth Games Ltd. EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: David Bodycombe and Tom Scott. © Pad 26 Limited (https://www.pad26.com) / Labyrinth Games Ltd. 2023. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In printing terminology, what are also known as shrieks, bangs and screamers? The answer to that at the end of the show. My name's Tom Scott and this is Lateral. Our three guests returning to the show today have been chosen because they've developed a reputation with fans for creativity, quick wits and calmness under pressure. All of which will end in the next few minutes. First up, we have from Escape This Podcast, Bill Sunderland. I'm back. Did you miss me? We missed your character work.

Yeah, good. You've all been sitting there waiting for the return of Detective Mike Paper from episode one. Yeah, absolutely. And also from Escape This Podcast, Dani danny siller hello i'm going to win just i i know that's not how the show works i'm going to find a way you come in with so much energy in this show it's lovely thank you energy hostility hostility i'm against all of you lateral the only game show where everybody loses

and finally either keeping the energy up or about to deliberately destroy it, we're not sure, from his own YouTube channel and from the Safety Third podcast, William Osman. I still can't believe you invited me. To be fair, that's what I thought about your podcast when you invited me on as well. So, you know, it's done well for both of us. This show is all about answering some tricky lateral thinking questions, so thank you if you've sent some in to us via lateralcast.com. We do enjoy reading them all,

except for the one about the whoopee cushion and the cactus. With that in mind, here's question one. This is a listener question. It's been sent in by Matt Jones. A US TV network for young children had a daily feature to wish viewers happy birthday. Their names and ages would appear on a crawler text banner at the bottom of the screen. One day, every age happened to be the same. How is that possible? I'll give you that one more time. A US TV network for young children

had a daily feature to wish viewers happy birthday. Their names and ages would appear on a crawler text banner at the bottom of the screen. One day, every age happened to be the same. How is that possible? Well, if the internet has taught me anything, it's that there's a call-in or write-in feature. People will abuse it. So I'm guessing lots of people just put in birthday McBirthdayface age 10. I mean, you should absolutely see the lateralcast.com question submission form. It's a mess. Please, just don't. Just don't. So you could abuse it, but that wouldn't prevent actual ages. So was it maybe like a technical difficulty or a technical error? They were all just displayed incorrectly as the same number? I mean, because it's an interesting question, because how could that happen?

I mean, maybe just by design, they thought, ah, we'll just make everyone, we'll just pick all the 10-year-olds today. But there would have to then be a reason that it was important that everybody was, we've settled on 10, but they could have been any age. I've got a guess that is a sincere guess, so maybe I'll hold back on it just in case.

Oh, then don't do that. This show isn't about sincerity. Right. It's about bits. You are slightly over-guessing with 10. This is for very young children. Yeah. Oh, I think, Dani, you might have this.

Them being younger definitely fit with what I was going for, but that's still broad enough that who knows. If I tell you this happened in 2008, does that match up with what you're thinking as well, Danny? It does, yes. You've definitely got it. Let's let the other two fumble in the dark for just a moment here.

I'm so surprised, because my thought for a second was like, maybe it was like, it's the fifth anniversary of the show and we've picked a bunch of kids who were all born in the same year the show started and so it started in 2003 and now welcome look at all these show people who are the same age as our show it's our fifth birthday and it's your fifth birthday let's all sing the fifth birthday song

and then they sing just like william is about to do uh we can't do that there we go most of the viewers were between three and six so it's definitely my guess is some sort of production thing where it was either a conscious choice no or this this was accurate so it's accurate and it was not curated it just happened at all the birthdays with the same age didn't need to be curated oh this was that year you know you see it on facebook where they're like, for the first time in a thousand years, if you take your age and the year of your birth, it's the same as this year's year.

Oh, it only happens once a millennium. Oh, wait. Leap year. Yep. William just got it. Yep. Leap year would only make sense if it's young kids. Yep. So it was February 29th

2008. All the names that came up were four years old or one year old depending on how you count it. I love it. How is that not more obvious? I feel like that should have been immediately obvious. Why did that take so long? Yeah, it should have made perfect sense. What day is everybody who has their birthday

going to be the same age? Yeah. Thank you to Matt Jones, the question writer, who sent that in because he has young kids and saw it one February 29th when he was watching

the show with them. There you go. I was watching the show with them. He was watching it for himself. You can't. Yeah, no, look, there's a lot of jokes

that are there for the adults and the parents. They go over the kids' heads. Yeah. Yeah, there's just a lot of things that say you know four four years old four years old men then you know matt jones 32 we pause the show while tom scott thinks of a multiple of four i had to call me on it didn't you you had to say it i was doing the same thing, if we didn't do it now, the comments would do it, so. I know my four times table.

I just wasn't certain that 32 was on there for just a brief moment. I understand. It ended in the number two. I wasn't certain. So, yes, this was the Sprout Network in 2008, and all the ages of the birthday greetings lined up because it was February 29th on a leap year. We go to our guests for some of the questions in each show.

As ever, I don't know the question. I don't know the answer. The only person that does for this first one is William. Whenever you're ready, give us the question. In 1946, the team running John F. Kennedy's local election campaign persuaded a janitor called Joe Russo to run against him, even though he had no political experience. Why? In 1946, the team running John F. Kennedy's local election campaign persuaded a janitor called Joe Russo to run against him, even though he had no political experience. Why? I mean, even though he had no political experience doesn't seem to be

a disqualifier in this day and age was it in 1946 but but even then like surely that's what you want right if like if you are encouraging someone to run against your candidate don't you want them to have no experience you want to be like well you should run because you're terrible and we'll beat you like i feel like you feel like that's not a problem. And this is a local election as well. So it's not like there's high stakes here. He's not going for presidency. Did Joe Russo look a lot like Truman or something?

They thought it would be good exposure and good practice. Truman, 1946, is that right maybe just believe in yourself you'll be fine is it like a name thing like joe and john or something like that they want to separate him out from someone on the ballot in like alphabetical order it is a name thing but not that name thing oh see that's interesting because when you said separating out the ballot like i was going to talk about about the benefits and drawbacks of first past the post voting systems and all this. And the fact that, like, if you want to increase your percentage of the vote, you should fund parties for the opposite spectrum because then you split the vote on the right wing and then the left wing. But now, but if it's a name thing, we don't have to get into it.

And I won't go on my rant about australian voting systems and our superiority it was it was a very dirty thing to do oh it would have to be wouldn't it for that sort of wait was there another joe russo running were there two people with the same name and he was trying to split the vote or like two jay russos at the very least, like a John Russo, a Joe Russo, and then they got a Jimmy Russo and no one knew what was going on. Because many years ago, it didn't happen to be on names, but so many, many years ago in another life, in something that was a mistake because I lost a bet, I actually ran for election in the UK while dressed as a pirate and going under the name Mad Cat and Tom. And it's something I want to leave very well in my past, but...

Well, good to bring it up on the show. Well, it's that I checked with the pirate party beforehand. You know, the kind of pro... How do you describe it? Like free software kind of... Like piracy in the sense of technology and not the sense of like swashbuckling on the high seas. And I'd like quietly checked in with a couple of them beforehand.

Like you're not going to run anyone in that constituency, right? Because that would just be confusing. And they're like, no, absolutely not. You're free to go ahead and be a d***head. I'm like, all right, fine. You're free to go ahead and be a d***head. I'm like, alright, fine. I put my candidacy in. And then, a few days later, they decide to run someone, and they split

the pirate vote. Because there is one that says, Mad Captain Tom Scott, and there's one that says, so-and-so, pirate party. I'm like, you've screwed over both of us here. The joke doesn't work anymore, and you're not getting most of the votes. Oh, man.

But this is definitely a thing that still happens. Some of our political parties have very similar aims to each other. I think this happened like one or two US elections ago that they ran someone deliberately in one of the seats that had almost the same name as someone who was outgoing so that they could still keep all of his votes. Cash in on the goodwill and that is exactly why they picked the janitor okay he had the exact same name and they were trying to split the vote beautiful oh they were just trying to sneak it screw over another joe russo yep really so what there were two joe russo on the ballot? Yeah, they found him in a phone book. That really seems like there would be rules that would have to make them separate a little bit more.

True, but I mean, wouldn't that be even worse, though? Imagine if you were trying to run for politics and they were just like, oh, there's already been a politician with that name. Sorry, you can never hold public office. You can't really legislate against it. I mean, that's kind of how it works for actors.

Yeah. Yeah, but everyone knows actors are better than politicians. But like, I'm almost certain there will already be

both a Thomas Scott and a Tom Scott in like equity, the British Actors Union. So I would have to change my name if I started working on union productions.

I mean, I occasionally get emails for Tom Scott, the jazz saxophonist or Tom Scott, the new zealand cartoonist or tom scott the new zealand rapper because it's two of them just in the same small country there um what do they even do about tom scott the english rapper let's never even suggest that as an idea william give us a beat we can keep this beat people we can keep this beat going as long as we need to. Donald Kennedy's Democratic opponent for Massachusetts' 11th congressional district

was a popular local counselor. Although it's unlikely he knew about the scheme himself, JFK's campaign team convinced a local janitor to run a ballot paper in return for favors. The idea was to confuse voters with two candidates that had the same name. That's incredible. And presumably succeeded. In the end, the scheme wouldn't have been necessary. JFK won 22,000 votes, whereas Joe Russo's two Joe Russo's combined votes didn't even get 7,000. Oh, wow.

Wouldn't it have been better if the janitor had won? He could have campaigned. I'm going to clean up this town. And everyone would have been like, oh, good work. I love the pun. I would have cleaned up this town. Next question is back to me. Good luck, folks. There is a statue of Winston Churchill outside the British Embassy in Washington, D.C.

The positioning of the statue is very precise due to something about Churchill's background. What is it? I'll give you that one more time. There's a statue of Winston Churchill outside the British Embassy in Washington, D.C. The positioning of the statue is very precise due to something about Churchill's background.

What is it? Is it the pose positioning or the location positioning? That's a very good question to start with, and I'll let you stew on that for a little while thank you there is that um that famous quote that interaction where it was you know like oh sir you're drunk and he said and madam you're ugly but i always face to the east and in the morning you'll still be ugly but i'll be facing to the east like always i can only face the east and in the morning you'll still be ugly but i'll be facing to the east like always i can only face the east and so maybe that's like maybe that was the inspiration they

always have the statue facing to the east tom is the statue facing the east is that it i think i've got it i should have said i should have said before we started that i think i've got it and i should have excused myself in the question i didn't mean to just answer it correctly straight away so i've got the next question. Stop stealing my show, Bill. Welcome to Lateral, everybody. The means of production has just been seized by the question answerers. It's my show now.

Our show, Will. Our show. Don't by the people. I don't actually know which way it's facing. It's not strictly relevant, that. Every picture that I have ever seen of Churchill has him very regally sitting.

I don't know if he ever stood up in his life. Not once. Is it clear how much I know about Churchill? I've also seen a video of him going backwards down a water slide. That footage definitely exists

out there somewhere. Would you not make a statue out of that? That's it. That was his most famous position. So again, I nearly used the authoritative voice just to make it clear it is not true. But I nearly said, yeah, well, there's actually a water park in Britain that has the Churchill slide

that is in the... No, it doesn't. And a popular dance called the Churchill slide. And in the No it doesn't And a popular dance Called the Churchill slide And everybody retreat From Dunkirk Cha cha real smooth Churchill real smooth

Is he What's the pose Of the statue Is that relevant And then like Is it Because if the pose Is relevant

It's not about his like Like it's about his background. So it's not going to be him doing something Churchillian. It'll be him doing something little Churchillian, maybe or younger, like where he comes from or. It's a generic standing pose. He is standing up in this. OK, so maybe his physical position is more important than his pose. Oh, I'm foiled.

And what was he next to again? The British Embassy in Washington, D.C. The British Embassy. Is he on public property or private property? That's a really difficult one to answer without giving everything away. Yes. Oh, that's interesting. That's a good answer.

In itself, that's probably a massive clue. Oh, maybe to a smart man. Why would that matter? Did the British Embassy install it? It's there officially It's not a Like, guerrilla statue Is it a diss to the British Embassy?

Oh no, not very much One thing we know about Churchill is he hated Britain Just hated it So, okay Are we thinking, I can't remember was he hated Britain. Just hated it. So, okay, are we thinking, I can't remember where we've landed. Is it the physical location of the statue that we're referring to as specific? Yeah.

Rather than anything he's doing? Okay. Yeah, it's a statue of Churchill standing. Yeah, would it help to know where in DC this British embassy is? Not particularly, no. Okay. Does the British embassy like where it is?

I think they could probably move it if they wanted to, but they don't want to. It's quite a nice reflection of who he was. Okay. Is it just that it is in a place that is relevant to Churchill? Like it could be in a little rose garden because he loved roses or or is it but like it's something like that like it's not about like oh it's 20 meters away from the embassy because he always stood 20 meters in front of everybody but like

no it's in a place to do with his it's to do with his background it's actually just outside the gates what is churchill's? William, you know all about Churchill. Give me a quick rundown of his life. Churchill was a man who lived. Ah, the statue's alive! It's a living statue! I've

got it now, you're right! Is his back facing the embassy? Uh, no. His side is facing the embassy. Because he always looks to the east. This is hard. Is he halfway between two things or something? Ah, yes.

Danny, you're getting very close there. Goodness. What's special about embassies in particular? If you've ever seen The Simpsons, you'll probably get this reference. Oh, yes. Australia, America, Australia, America. They are foreign soil. Yeah, what is Churchill's background?

Is he half American or something? Yes, he is. He is? He's got a foot in, foot out? He's Australia or America, Australia or America? He has one foot in America and one foot on what is questionably British soil, depending on how you take the definitions,

because he had an American mother and a British father. Is this a thing that everyone in the UK knows? This feels like it should be such a well-known thing. I didn't know that. I had no idea about that literally I was in a thousand years I don't think I would have ever guessed that no I assumed he was British descent but no he's Anglo-American I like that and I like that it's a

nod to statue placement I think that's fun I like people doing fun things with their public art yes the statue of Winston Churchill outside the British Embassy in DC has one foot in America and one foot on British soil. Our next question comes from Danny. Whenever you're ready. All right, this question was a listener submitted question sent in by Ben Tedds. Thank you so much. In 1963, Heinz Meixner wanted to drive his girlfriend, In 1963, Heinz Meixner wanted to drive his girlfriend Margareta Thurau back home. In order to do so, he had to take the windshield off his rented sports car. Why? So once more.

In 1963, Heinz Meixner wanted to drive his girlfriend Margareta Thurau back home. In order to do so, he had to take the windshield off his rented sports car. Why? She was the world record holder for longest nose in the world. Just could not fit. Could not fit in there. And they just had to take the windshield out. I love it.

That has to be it. I think we've cracked it. Cracked the windshield. With a nose. Were they crossing a border? What? Would you have to remove a windshield for a border crossing? Well, I don't know.

I just feel like the names are very, like, one sounds, like, it sounds like some, you know, inter-country. Yeah, it does sound very European. And like 1963 was definitely before the Schengen Agreement. So that should... Is it a border thing? There are borders involved in this, yes. Oh, well done, William. The names were too explicitly...

There's a lot of focus on the names and how different they were. Can we get a lot of focus on the names and how different they were. What about- Can we get a recap of the names? That's interesting. The names are not that linguistically different as you think. I thought they were both kind of German. Heinz Meixner and Margareta Thurau. All right.

Oh, hold on. 1963. 1963. Wait, is this East Germany to West Germany or something? Like, are they crossing the Iron Curtain here You are in the right place Okay But why can't you have Yeah who barred having a windshield

On your car Is this pre or post Berlin Wall I'm not sure if 1963 the Berlin Wall was Built yet It was the 50s I think Oh boy Maybe it's like uh you can tell my certainty by the pitch of my voice is it like militarized was there sort of like like yeah if you were trying to get east germany to west germany it was very much impossible to get through um so why

is what what does a car look like if if it does not have a wind is there something that like like i take the windshield out of my car have i like made it look different does now look like a little military jeep and people like well that's fine let him through like is he smuggling her across the border he's got the right to travel, but she doesn't? That is correct. Okay. What's that giving you? Maybe he disguised it as a military vehicle. It would be one interesting rented sports car if getting rid of the windshield made it look military.

It is a rented sports car. And you remove the windshield, and everyone's going, where's the windshield? And don't notice the the woman with the giant nose next to you no no no hold on was this if this is right i bill i'm gonna i'm gonna take a leaf from your book here all right i want you to close your eyes and picture a thing all right here i go you've got a long, empty street in Berlin, all right? It's long, it's straight.

At one end of it is a checkpoint with a barrier that is just high enough that if you remove the windshield from your low sports car and you go full throttle, no one will be able to hit you or stop you before you blast through there, slide in your car under the barrier. It's a limo car. Come out the other side into West Germany. Come on, tell me, slide in your car under the barrier. It's a limbo car.

Come out the other side into West Germany. Come on, tell me they're limboing under the barrier. No way. That's ridiculous if that's the answer. Limbo car. That sounds like the answer. To more successfully limbo under this barricade, they also let some of the air out of their tires,

just to be safe. They gunned it through Checkpoint Charlie, made it as fast as they could. She pointed her nose downward to make sure it didn't clip the barrier. They made it by about two inches underneath. Complete success. Also, Margareta's mother was hiding in the boot of the car as well. Wow. This sounds like a very pop culture.

The Great Escape 2. How do they confirm this? Is this confirmed? Well, at some point, someone had to return the rental car. It was missing a windshield. That's just what they wrote in the insurance report. I have to get this car back to her nobody. He's so stingy. That's a what they wrote in the insurance report. I have to get this car back to her nobody. He's so stingy.

That's a callback. Yeah, that totally stayed in. Yeah, now you gotta keep her nobody. That's absolutely right. In 1963, Heinz Meikster took the windshield off his rented sports car so that he could help smuggle his girlfriend, Margarita, under the security barrier that guarded the entrance to West Berlin. Wouldn't you still get shot at?

They had some bricks in the car as well to hopefully deflect any bullets that might have come through. Oh my God. My last big question of the show then. In some parking locations, a driver may be required to use a cardboard disc to indicate their time of arrival. How did ingenious Italians find a way of greatly extending their allowed time without anyone helping them? One more time. In some parking locations, a driver may be required to use a cardboard disc to indicate their time of arrival. How did ingenious Italians find a way of greatly extending their allowed time without anyone

helping them? I just want to be clear that everyone knows how the cardboard disc thing works, because I know as a Britain European, but I don't know if you'll use them. I could probably use a bit more clarity. So the way this works is that there is a square thing you put in your dashboard, and a disc in there that spins around to show an hour of the clock. So if you park at four o'clock, you put this in your dashboard showing four o'clock. And when the parking attendant comes along, they're all right. They've been here since four at six o'clock. Now that's two hours. That's legal. And then, you know, they come along later. The idea being that if you want to change the time, like you have to keep coming back to the car and changing and coming back and changing.

Gotcha. Gotcha. Was it, in a previous episode, was it also in Italy where they did the seatbelt scamming? Yeah, we keep coming back to certain national stereotypes here. Italians, they just love to flaunt all the road rules. They keep taking the tops of their cars off so they can sneak under barriers and get free parking. I will tell you this was uh from an article titled uh 11 ingenious yet completely illegal italian inventions so i'm not saying that there's nine more questions in here but there's a theme so when they're saying ingenious it's like mischievous ingenious so they were somehow manipulating the time that was said on there

Or manipulating the parking guards To make them think that it was a different time than it was That'd be much better Yeah they just put a hypnosis spiral on there With some messages that blasted out Again I need to stop using my authoritative voice for this No no this is correct This is all true

They invented a time machine That's it and the best use of that is just to get out of small parking fines Yes That's the thing with Italians They're brilliant engineers but they lack vision Yeah I don't know I don't know if we can leave that in

Is that playful? Is that racist? I don't know It's both Tom It's got one foot In playfulness and one foot in racism, like a statue of Winston Churchill. Winston Churchill! I saw you set that one up from a long way away. I was like, yep.

Just let that one fly past. Like a German car without its windshield were they standard wheels like was this like a thing you buy do they look a little different was there sort of a government one normally get these i realize i'm asking this question to three people who've never seen one of these so it is it is just a cardboard uh envelope with a spinning disc and a little bit of that disc is is revealed to show the time you arrived that's like a little decoder ring yeah usually if you're a resident you get these either for free or you get them for like a nominal sum from every shop in town if you're a visitor

you you just pay a couple of euro you'll get a disc that's valid and i suppose like the first thought of how you could extend your time is you're just like, well, I know I'm going to be here till six. So I'll set it to, say, five, even though it's currently three. The risk being if someone arrives and see that you've set it forward, there's probably a hefty fine for abusing the system. Yeah. So they probably didn't just do that. How many disks can you have on your dashboard at one time? I mean, that isn't the hack they're using, but one at a time.

Thinking back, you said, William, you mentioned like, oh, how would I think to cheat this? And most of my cheating that I have ever done in life would have been in primary school. And so that would be things like, oh, you slightly blur the markings on something. So it's ambiguous. Like, oh, you slightly blur the markings on something, so it's ambiguous. Was ambiguity a thing? I saw an advert for a magnetic leaf that you just stick over like one or two letters on your license plate.

So it looks like a leaf has just fallen there as you blast through speed cameras, which feels like a high risk strategy. Like, it'll work until someone spots the leaf, at which point I'm pretty sure there's many laws they can get you under. I would think so. But I don't mind like the idea of, I like you could like smudge it. Also, like surely you could go, if you're supplying them yourself, right?

Like, because you can apparently get one from a store. So they're not like you get a new one every time you park and they're specific to that place i wonder if you could cheat and get one that looks like it's a cardboard one but in fact has like a little digital display so you could just be like it says three and then you could like from your phone just be like now it says four yeah i feel like i feel like that's too probably too complicated an answer. There's got to be some really simple... I think you were along the right lines, William, when you said this feels like something I do

or I could make. I can't remember what your words were, but this is that sort of hack. How would you fix it? You've got to update this clock without being there. How are you going to do it? I think you could, one, you could cheese it by like having the numbers, one number kind of peeking out

and putting the numbers sort of halfway, if that's even possible. I have no idea. Otherwise, man, without touching it, and there's no moving parts. I didn't say that. It's got a little dial. It's all moving.

My vision of it right now is cutting a little hole in the cardboard and, like, sticking a digital watch behind it so the digital watch hour display shows up instead. You're nearly there. Oh, wow, really? Really. The wrong word in there is digital. Oh.

Analog. Could you just stick it? It's a spitter, right? Could you stick a little clock device to it so that instead of turning a handle, it's just turning the little cardboard wheel? Yep. And your ticket is like a brick now?

No, it's just a cardboard thing. It's literally an adapted clock mechanism from an analog clock stuck on the back of the disc so that the hour hand is the thing that's rotating. So over 12 hours, it does a complete spin round and shows you the next time. I love it. How expensive are their parking tickets that it's worth destroying clocks for? You can get a cheap clock. I mean, I've bought a clock as I bought a radio controlled clock as a prop for a video before.

And that was like 10 quid. Like a cheap wall clock is well below the cost of even one parking ticket. That's interesting. This feels like something one guy did. Like one person did this. Was this, were they selling them? This is such an interesting hack. No, it's BuzzFeed.

What am I talking about? I know exactly what it is. There'll be no follow up information on it or anything like that. No, it's BuzzFeed. What am I talking about? I know exactly what it is. There'll be no follow-up information on it or anything like that. I do have a picture of it, and it is literally the clock mechanism off the back of an analogue clock, just rigged a bit so it's turning the dial instead. I don't know how you do that without accidentally making it so the clock mechanism was turning itself, but I guess there's just a lot of glue and parts and things making that work. To get around parking regulations, some Italians attached a clock

mechanism to the back of their parking disc. The last guest question of the show then comes from Bill. Whenever you're ready. Okay. This is also a question sent in by a listener. So this was sent in by Jake Ng. And here we go. On the tiny volcanic island of Manam Motu, off the coast of Papua New Guinea, nobody speaks of north, south, east or west. Why? So once more, on the tiny volcanic island of Manam Motu, off the coast of Papua New Guinea,

nobody speaks of north, south, east or west. Why? I'm going to do the backing out of this question thing because I think I know this one. I think I've done a video on it. Not this again. You can help me deliver

cryptic clues. This is something I've mentioned in a video. Sorry folks, that's the trouble with having nearly nine years of stuff about, folks. That's the trouble with having nearly nine years of stuff about weird trivia. That's the trouble with being really smart. I just know too many things.

These aren't useful facts. This isn't smart. This is just a brain that's clogged by, like, mental cholesterol. That's the dream! Can I remember the name of someone I've just met absolutely not can i can i remember like basic civil ways of greeting people no can i remember an obscure fact about papa new guinea absolutely that i would buy that shirt it's a picture of

like a big brain it just says mental cholesterol i mean you're the one with the merch store here mental cholesterol is a good subsidiary YouTube brand. I really actually do like mental cholesterol. Mental floss? No, no, no, no. Do light compasses not work on the island? Is there some weird volcano magnet thing going on? I don't actually know how magnets work.

No, you could use a compass if you so desired so it's just they've got some other navigation system is there a road that goes all the way around is it he said it was it was an island right yes it is a tiny volcanic island is there a road that goes all the way around there might be there might not be i don't have the i don't have it pulled up on google maps my first uh guess was going to be something along the lines of oh i don't know they're built entirely vertically they're a vertical city so there's no use for those other directions everything is just up down but circles is another way that that could potentially be a thing if everything is just built in circles then going in straight compass points, not particularly helpful. Not useful, yeah.

Is there, like, is there sort of city located on, like, one part and they don't really go around the island? I guess, I'm trying to think like what their alternative navigation would be if they're not using... Wait, hold on. I might, I might be... Bill, can you repeat the question?

I shall. On the tiny volcanic island of Manamotu off the coast of Papua New Guinea, nobody speaks of north, south, east or west. Why? Oh, pride comes before a fall here. I've got that completely wrong. Oh, he's back in the game. I'm back in the game because I've got it confused. Because there's a language out there where they don't use forwards, backwards, left, right. And I heard your question and I misunderstood it. There's a language where they refer to absolute direction. So in any context, you would just use the words for north, south.

Well, it's not that, but like for the directions. But that's the exact opposite of what you asked Yes, they don't say North, South, East They're like the anti-Churchill And they never talk about facing East Oh, that's me looking all smug And then being completely wrong That's arguably worse

Welcome to the lateral And we went through all that brain cholesterol yeah there was a whole tangent on brain cholesterol it's just melted away your brain is healthy again so do they is it the existence there's no existence of north east southwest or they just don't like the word i mean this is like stupid but they don't have a word for north or they don't use north yeah so this we are talking look if they were speaking english i'm sure they would be able to and they can you know compasses work if they're speaking english they could say north south east and west right but we're talking about like linguistically and traditionally there are no

words for north south east or west they have they don't use that system does it have anything to do with circling the island or like a like rotation around the island i mean yeah it it's pretty much coordinates i think william has cracked it they speak of like clockwise and anti-clockwise instead oh yes they are on a small circular island with a big volcano in the middle they you do want to describe what polar coordinates means as a phrase? Yeah, it's going in circles instead of like, the Cartesian would be like a graph you see in school that you're used to. And then polar is the version of that that starts at the center

and it kind of wraps around the center. So instead of going here, here, you go center, out, and around. So you have an angle and you have a distance from center so if you don't if you never go to the center you're kind of always skirting around the edge and so it would make sense to kind of talk about where you are on the circle particularly if you're on a volcanic island which is going to be a cone yeah yes and it's specifically they have four words they're they're they're versions of north, south, east or west, their use for coordinate wording is inland, towards the sea,

clockwise, counterclockwise. Those are the four directions in their native language. Specifically, and forgive my pronunciation if you're from Manamotu, alta, ilau, ata and awa,ota, Ilao, Ata and Awa. Inland, towards the sea, clockwise and counterclockwise. So they do great until they leave the island. Oh, they leave the island? You've got to build a whole new system.

But anyone who's visiting has to switch to theirs. Yeah. And you know what? When you travel into space, north-south doesn't make sense anymore. You know? Don't you get on your high horse, mister. It's true. So, yes, on the tiny volcanic island of Manamotu,

the inhabitants use the volcano as a centre point and they use their words for inward, outward, clockwise and anti-clockwise. The last order of business then. At the start of the show, I asked the audience in printing terminology what are also known as shrieks, bangs and screamers. Anyone want to take a shot before I give the answer for that? Can I say your mind? I'm aware that shrieks, bangs and screamers could also apply to several other things. Fireworks, say.

No, it's ghosts. It's when there's a poltergeist machine and the old man says, ah, you've heard the shrieks, the bangs and the screamers, have you? Yes, they've been here for a hundred years. And then you say, the old man told me about the shrieks. And they say, what old man?

There hasn't been an old man here since 1752. And you go, oh my God, tonight's the anniversary. I actually knew the word bang for this from computer science. You used to start files with what was called a hash bang. It sounded punctuation-y. Yeah, it is. Which one? If they're screamers i'm assuming

the exclamation mark is important yes absolutely right the printing terms for exclamation marks include shrieks bangs and screamers why did they have so many names i was gonna say plugging a fork into an outlet with that thank you very much to all our panel uh bill we'll start with you what's going on in your life what do you want to plug uh yes if you want to hear more of me and danny you can check out our shows escape this podcast where we make audio escape rooms and have guests come on and try and play through those and solve them or well let danny introduce the other show so that's where you can find me and i suppose you can find me attempting to solve fictional murders now at solve this murder our other podcast and william last time

you were on uh you used this section to plug turtles just the concept of turtles yes i won't i promise i'll do it okay my name is william i've got a youtube channel uh and a podcast you can find it if you go to google and type in turtles and search you'll you can just uh you'll have a very wide selection of turtles you can look at. I strongly recommend taking a look at turtles. Like, seriously, when this is done, go to Google, type in turtles, click on images, and just look at some pictures of cool turtles. I like it. If you want to know more about this show or you want to send in an idea for a question,

you can do that at LateralCast.com. We are at LateralCast on pretty much every bit of social media. And you can find video highlights on YouTube at youtube.com slash lateralcast. Thank you very much to Bill Sunderland. Thank you. Danny Siller. Always a pleasure. William Osman.

Crikey. I'm Tom Scott, and this has been Lateral.