Leah on the Line - 101: I'M BACK!!! Life updates & dilemmas!

Episode Date: April 22, 2024

Hey babes! Welcome back to another episode of Leah on the Line. Thank you so much for all of your love and support on the podcast, it honestly means the world to me. I hope you love this one!Head to leahontheline.com to send in your dilemmas. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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It's getting closer to midnight. I tried to get closer to you. Hi, guys. Oh, my God. Can you believe it? How long has it been? Thank you so much. If you are returning, if you're a new listener, welcome. This is Leah on the line, your go to bestie, I should hope podcast. It's been a while took some time off but I'm here I'm returning you may have noticed that the intro was different I'll explain everything when we get into the podcast but I just wanted to start off by saying I love you and I'm so grateful if you have returned oh it feels so good to be back I have an explanation for you as to where I went we

have an update so much has changed so I spent. We have an update. So much has changed. So I spent the first half of the podcast just updating you on everything that's happening in my life. And then of course we get into the dilemmas. So I am so grateful for you guys being patient with me and for returning. If you have just found this podcast, welcome. You are equally as loved as all my babes that have been here since day one to the people that have just joined while i was away i actually had quite a few messages saying that they just found my podcast and obviously having this time off gave a lot of people a good time to really catch up so okay i literally have just been interrupted by my nephew

frankie who showed me his minecraft glasses come over here. One second. I'm going to get him on the pod for the first time. This is the first time I've ever had a child on the podcast. Oh, Jesus Christ. You're heavy. Here we go. Right. You speak into this, bubs. Hello. Oh, don't put your gob on it. Hi. Good boy. What do you want to say to everyone? Welcome to my glasses. Oh, sorry. Did I actually hurt your cheek then? That's it. I hurt my neck.

Oh, darling. You're showing everyone your glasses. They can't actually see. They can just hear you. So say whatever you want everyone to hear. Look at these glasses, guys. They can't even see your glasses. You have to describe them because they can't see them. So describe them. These are't see them so describe them

these are so good what do they look like these look like green world minecraft zombies and goodies yeah they're sick ain't they yeah all right down you get then honey okay sorry about that slight interruption to be honest that is where I've been for the past three months. I've been with my niece and nephews and my sister, literally just spending so much time with family. And it's been really good for me. I am such a family person. I love them so much. But yeah, this podcast ain't for you, Frankie babes. this is a little bit above your age demographic but um yeah I am so happy to be back it feels so so good and so right Leah on the line is officially back I love you guys and let's just get into the episode welcome to Leah on the line join me every Tuesday as I dial your number for the ultimate unfiltered bestie catch-up. Whatever it is, we will laugh together and guide each other along

the way. Head to leahontheline.com and follow Leah on the Line on Instagram to get involved. Love you. Hi guys. Oh my God. How dare I show my face around here? That's what it feels like. Listen, I am so grateful if you have tuned in today I've missed you guys so much more than you can ever imagine I have really looked forward to this moment to sitting down and recording a podcast episode again and I think do you know what it feels so good to be excited about it again because listen I'll be so honest I'm so in love with this podcast with our relationship you know me and you we're best friends for life we're sisters we're joint at our souls right but the podcast it my relationship with recording podcasts it got a little unhealthy okay and sometimes you just need to take a step back have a little break to reconnect

with yourself you know and that's definitely what I did I feel like it was really healthy for me to do that um I think basically to explain myself to anybody that doesn't follow me on social media I can only apologize because you probably had no fucking idea what happened to the pod um I didn't really plan to stop or take a break it just I've always had this feeling probably for about maybe six months the last six months of recording I had this which is a long time I know I had this feeling of like fuck fuck fuck like every time I had to do a podcast it was like fuck I've got to do a fucking podcast fuck fuck fuck fuck everything was really stressful it was so last minute it was like I just couldn't cope like everything was just a bit mulch um and I hated that I felt like that because I love this podcast I love it and when I'm recording I enjoy every second of it don't get me wrong but the thought

of doing it was really stressful like it wasn't like oh I can't be fucked it was just pure stress I don't know why it became really stressful and I hated that because I love this so I was just sort of ignoring that feeling and hoping it would go away and then when I decided do you know what I'm going to take a break it was I felt so much lighter I was like oh I'm going to take a break and I'm going to take a real break because I did this before I took a little break and then I started getting anxiety and I started oh my my God, people are going to stop listening. Like people are going to get pissed off with me. And so I came back before I felt ready to, which did no good for anybody, you know? So this time I was like, do you know what? I'm going to take a step back and I'm not going to come back until I feel good about it. Not when I

feel like shit, I'm running out of time. I need to get back, when I feel like, you know what, I can't wait to sit down and record a podcast. And it took probably a month for me to start thinking, oh, I'm quite looking forward to that again. Like I had a month off and I did not want to record. I just was like, I need to refocus, reshift my energy, repair the things that I'd sort of neglected in my personal life and recenter you know realign my chakras all that good stuff and yeah I'm with new management well they're not new anymore but they were new at the time and I thought you know what let me talk to them about it let me let me be honest about how I'm feeling. Let me ask for help basically. And we decided let's fucking rebrand. Let's rebrand this shit because I think I'm associating these stressful feelings with a period of time and I want this rebrand to feel new and I want it to feel fresh and positive because that's how I'm feeling right

now you guys and yeah so I was like let's fucking re-brand also um I was reflecting on like the things that I've been through throughout this podcast journey since I started there on the line and by the way this episode will get a lot more fun just stay tuned I'm just explaining myself um you know like I went through job hunting in London breakups moving back to Somerset new relationships you know like you guys have been through it with me and I was looking back and I was like I probably should have taken a break at some stage throughout all of because my life has really transitioned in the last two years I probably should have taken a little break at some point um and obviously I did um but probably not when I

needed to so yeah I was like you know what it makes sense that I'm feeling burnt out and I'm I feel stressed about it because you know it isn't the pod wasn't what I wanted it to be in the end or it wasn't in a place I wanted it to be in terms of how I was feeling behind the mic and I was delivering these podcasts and I would feel pressure and I would feel exhaustion and I would feel so tired at the end of recording an episode because I was doing it in the midst of a burnout and I was just like fuck like don't get me wrong every single episode I've ever uploaded I've enjoyed and I love it and I'm laughing with you and they're genuine but the feeling before and after is really exhausting so I thought you know what let me recent realign

um and fall back in love with creating content because it wasn't just in the podcast it was in this whole thing that I'm doing it was the whole area you know like TikTok and Instagram content like I was just like burnt to fuck and I was like oh my god I don't even know what I'm doing anymore like so yeah everything's all new we have new management we have new cover photo what do you guys think what do you guys think do we like the new cover art I'm actually loving life with it to be honest i love it i'm really really proud of it um yeah things are feeling really really good i have so much to update you on guys i have so so much has changed in three months so much you guys are going to be so proud of me for one thing when it comes to my health anxiety

i faced a big big thing um we yeah we have a lot to catch up on but I just wanted to start by letting you guys know what I was going through emotionally to take this step back and obviously it was quite a long break so I don't want you guys to think oh fucking hell she's gonna be yo-yoing up and down okay guys I'm gonna have another month off that's not what this is um I just wanted to change things and obviously you noticed we didn't start with the hello. Hi, everyone. And although that will always have a special, special place in my heart, and I loved our old intro, I just wanted it to feel new. It sounded like somebody was holding

a gun up against my head to do a fucking podcast like, hello. Hi, everyone. You know, like, sorry, are you excited or are you being held against your will do you know what i mean so yeah that had to go but spoiler love you bye we'll be staying forever okay we love the love you bye it feels good at the end of every episode it's such a good love you bye i feel like we leave on a positive note it's uplifting yeah that's gonna stay i love her i'm still in love with the outro but yeah oh sorry guys the intro had to go I just want things to feel new because I feel new I feel different I feel changed I have done so much what's the word I've just looked inwards a lot throughout the

start of this year like January 2024 to now I feel like I've really been focusing in on myself, what I want to do. I'm working on myself. So yeah, enough about me, guys. I've missed you so much. I hope you've all been okay the last three months. Welcome to any new listeners. We are going to have a great time over here at Leah on the Line. There is so much we need to talk about, so many dilemmas we need to get into. So make sure you are sending them in. Leahontheline.com to send in your dilemmas we need to get into so make sure you are sending them in leahontheline.com to send in your dilemmas i have some sad news guys the confession diaries has has passed away um r.i.p to the confession diaries but listen it doesn't mean to say that we won't do the odd confessions feature every now and then so yeah you guys i love you so much thank you so

much for being back oh my god God, I've missed you. It's been too long, probably. To be honest, I will be real with you. I was ready to come back probably three weeks ago. Like, come on, I'm so keen. Three weeks, I was like, come on, I wanna sit and record. But we were waiting on the cover art,

which got pushed back because I had an operation. I had an operation, you guys. So we will get into that. But yeah, we were way longer than we planned we was thinking we'd be back at the end of March it is now mid-April but either way we're back well it's not mid-April it's mid-April as I record this when this comes out we're approaching the end of April so it was literally almost a month longer than what I planned but whatever you guys I'm just so happy to be back I'm just feeling good and I hope you

guys are all feeling really good as well I've missed you so much I hope you've missed me to be honest like I hope you have I hope that when you saw me upload an episode it was a yeah rather than a well maybe we'll give her a listen to be honest no matter what your state of mind I'm just pleased that you switched me on um but yeah that's the boring part out of the way I hope you guys enjoy this episode thank you so much for tuning in and let's just get stuck in baby okay guys oh my god I genuinely feel like we have so much to catch up on I don't actually know where to start one thing I will say is I don't understand what it is hopefully that's the bloody end of it now but But you guys, my whole freaking family

have not been able to stay out of hospital since this year had started. I've been in hospital. Jamie's been in hospital. My mum's been in hospital. My sister's been in hospital. My brother was in hospital. I think that actually was at the end of last year,

to be honest. You guys remember when my brother got concussion? Did I tell you guys about that? I think that actually was at the end of last year, to be honest. You guys remember when my brother got concussion? Did I tell you guys about that? I think I did. Anyway, just shout out to the universe for protecting us all because thank God everybody is okay. But it's just crazy. Like, we've just all bloody had our turn in the hospital recently. So, you guys, if you don't follow me on socials, you may be thinking,

Babes, why are you saying you were in hospital so casually? I thought you had health anxiety. You know what? I will be so honest. I genuinely feel like this trip to hospital has been so good for my mental health, like for my health anxiety, being a hospital patient was so foreign to me like I'd never been in hospital before I've never been the patient you know and that terrified me I genuinely feel like that may be one of the biggest points about why my health anxiety is so drastic because it's so foreign to me you know like being in a hospital thank god thank god I can say this is so foreign to me, you know, like being in a hospital, thank God, thank God I can say this is so foreign to me. Right. And I know I'm so, so, so lucky to be able to say that,

but I think that was a big factor as to why I I've suffered with health anxiety. So you guys know, I, by the way, I'm not going to talk about this much to anybody that's kind of sick of it if you do follow me on socials you're probably thinking yeah I know shut up I will do an episode all about this so then the only people that have to hear it are just people that want to listen um so I'll do that um diagnosis of endometriosis and yeah it turns out I do have endo I told y'all I fucking told y'all um so I was right and to the bitch that laughed in my face when i went to see her like when i was at uni i went to the doctors right and i was like oh yeah like i get really painful periods i have

pain during sex like every symptom of endometriosis under the sun and she was like some you know some women just suffer more than others i said listen bitch no i I was like, oh, do you think maybe there's a chance that it could be endometriosis? And she was like, she literally went, no, like that. No. I felt so fucking stupid. I was like, oh my God, look at me acting like I know what I'm fucking talking about. How embarrassing. Like I'm so embarrassed because I was 20 at the time that was six years ago almost seven I'll actually be sick if we talk about that so anyway I've always known but no one's ever listened to me finally I basically asked to be referred to a gynecologist not basically I did ask to be referred to a gynecologist who put me straight in for an operation and I had my op which I can talk about for an hour so we'll do an episode about that if you

have any questions send them to me over dm um and yeah I do have endometriosis did technically did but I do have endometriosis they removed it all successfully they think which is really really good um also everybody says that your first period after your first like endosurgery is like agony but i had my first period and she was kind of a slay like i didn't actually know i was on my period i had no symptoms no like pain or anything which normally i can get pain for like three weeks before my period right i'm just constantly in pain all fucking month honey honey, I just went to the toilet, and there was blood, I thought, is this like normal, is this like what like normal periods are, like you don't

really know, oh my god, I swallowed so much spit there, sorry, things aren't really changing that much around here, are they, yeah, anyway, so I was like, that's crazy, like like I had my first period I had like a day of pain the next day but she's honestly fine so yeah I will do an episode all about that but how crazy is that Jamie was in hospital because I'm choking on spit guys Jamie was in hospital because he was playing football um and he got kicked in the kidney I think or need we're not entirely sure how the injury happened um but he got knocked in the kidney and he was in a lot of pain right so I was just chilling at home it was a Saturday and I get a call from Jamie and I'm like what the hell aren't you supposed to be playing football answer the phone I was like hey and it was his manager the football manager and

he was like um hi Leah Jamie what did he tell me he told me something totally different to what it was Jamie's done something anyway I can't actually remember what he said but he said Jamie's done this um so are you all right to come and pick him up I thought I don't bloody drive this is what I need to learn to drive so anyway me and my mum went to get him um and we went to the hospital I can't remember what they even said he did now but it was it was bad like they just diagnosed him they were wrong anyway whatever they said that he did but yeah and then we went to the hospital bearing in mind my brother is always fucking injured from football right and he damaged his kidney from football being kicked in the kidneys and I know that he had like a load of blood in his wee so I said to Jamie because he was like

oh genuinely I can't be like I don't want to wait in A&E I don't want to waste any doctor's time like because we got there and the nurse called him straight in looked at his back and was like I can't really see um anything wrong with it like it's not bruised like you look fine and then he came back out and he was like oh like I'm wasting time like people need the doctor's help more than me um let's just go and I said just quickly do me a favor and go for a wee and we'll see what the color of your wee is he went for a wee in the A&E waiting area called me in and was like you might want to come and see this called me in and I had a look at it and it was just pure blood mate it was just red literally red I was like okay um we're staying and so yeah we stayed

and we went in finally like go to your own like little room bit. And he's all of a sudden in so much more pain. I think from doing that walk, like it just was made it so much worse. I'm not sure. And he had like literal tears coming out of his eyes. I was like, fucking grow up, mate. I was like, oh my God, you got this babe. Like deep breaths.

Like you got that um inside I'm freaking out because I'm like what the hell like I can't cope I get this from my mum my fucking camera is just overheated which is stunning to be fair I am sitting in the sun we'll give her a break my mum I get this from my mum who when you're ill she hates it she can't cope because it stresses her out because she obviously she can't take it away she can't do anything she can't help so I get that from her in terms of like you'll just be like you're right don't worry about it but my mum will say that to me like as a kid like if I was ill my mum would be like you're right don't worry just just lay down you're right inside she's panicking but she on the outside it seems like she's just not bothered

but it's because she she's freaking out right so with Jamie that's what I'm like I'm like oh babe you're fine like we'll be just get them to see you like you probably just damaged it it's fine you just have to rest for a bit have some time off because that's all my brother had to do like he just had some time off he had a scan turns out my brother has a horseshoe kidney which he found out from that scan which is like one big kidney well it's not it's two kidneys but they're like joined like a horseshoe kidney, which he found out from that scan, which is like one big kidney. Well, it's not, it's two kidneys, but they're like joined like a horseshoe, hence the name. Anyway, that's just a side note. So then Jamie's waiting for a scan and they come and put him on a drip. And I was like, bloody hell, come on, like fucking hell, I want to get home at this point.

And then they say to him, so this will, this will last you about eight hours and i go eight hours we ain't gonna be here eight hours are we oh poor jamie i was like eight hours he was thinking eight fucking hours are you joking i just want to get some painkillers and get off you know um and they're like we might not be here that long and we were thinking phew thank god for that um and then he goes for this scan yeah babe they came back after a few hours like it had been about six hours at this point they came back and they were like um yeah you're not going anywhere mate you have holes in your kidney two of them actually like a centimeter big you have holes in your kidney two of them actually like a centimeter big or maybe half a centimeter i'm not sure basically he had holes in his kidney and yeah and we were like eight hours ended up there for five days we were thinking fucking i ain't gonna be here eight hours are we five days

try five days darling he was in hospital for five days so obviously I'm going up there every single day just to chill with him reading my book next to him um he didn't need an operation but they had to basically monitor it to check that it was going to heal on its own because if it teared I think they said like if it tore teared what's the word tore anymore he would need surgery and they'd have to drive him to I think it's like it's like an hour away basically to where they they do that so we were so stressed but yeah luckily thank thank god thank everything he just recovered really really well but yeah that was for like a whole fucking week basically and then as we're leaving the hospital we're like you know fingers crossed because i'd been in the hospital every day for a week obviously so jamie not me making it about me but you know we were like right fingers crossed because he was so glad to see the fucking fresh air fingers crossed next time we'll

be in this hospital will be when the baby's born i'm not pregnant you guys but you guys remember i told you my brother and his girlfriend were expecting a baby um so we're like right fingers crossed next time I'll be here is when the baby's born um no it was when I was in hospital for my surgery that I didn't know what happened it was I had three weeks notice and all of a sudden I'm in fucking surgery um and yeah basically everybody in my freaking family was in a hospital. And the baby has been born. And he is the most perfect, gorgeous boy in the world. His name is Zachary. But we call him Zach, Zach Attack, Wacky Zachy, like whatever, you know, whatever.

I just love him so much. I haven't been a new auntie to a new baby in nearly five years my sister's youngest is 10 and 5 this year so yeah it's like I was really young even though I was like 21 that is still so young but it feels so much younger than what I am now um I was 21 when my last what's it called? Niece slash nephew was born. So now I'm like 26. I'm at an age where like, I think about having children one day, not like soon, but like when I was 21, I definitely wasn't thinking about it. Now I'm 26. That's like part of your reality in your mind. So yeah, I'm like holding this beautiful boy and it's my twin's baby and it I think that is different if you're a twin let me know if you can relate but it's different it's not any like oh better or worse or like

anything like that like oh I'm closer to him because he's my twin's baby no it's just different it just feels different like I think it's because my twin brother is a dad and that is crazy because all of my siblings are parents now apart from me i'm literally the auntie that like just buys them whatever they want and like just has no responsibility but my sister calls me to tell her kids off make it make sense she brings them around they will ask me what to do they'll be like leah can we have some sweets leah can we go in the garden and i'll let you go ask your mom is that she there ask your mom she's literally there scrolling through fucking tiktok on her phone lazy bitch no i'm joking love her so much so yeah it has everything has changed i have had

a surgery for the first time in my life i had my endo diagnosis jamie has holes in his kidney my nephew has been born oh this is crazy his middle name's Lloyd and that's my brother's middle name as well and it's always funny because it's always funny it's funny because I've always said that I would call my if I have a girl if I'm lucky enough to have a girl or any children the girl's middle name would be Levain because that's actually my middle name a lot of people don't know that's my middle name but yeah that's actually my middle name it's also so many other people in my family's middle name um so I would love to pass it on to my daughter so it's quite sweet because my daughter would hopefully would have the middle name Levain and

my twin brother's baby has his middle name it's just I don't know it's just really sweet okay what else do I have to update you on my hair is a different color I you guys know I've had like almost black box dye on my hair for too long too fucking long babes and it is a nightmare to get rid of it is hell in there like once you're in the box dye hole you're screwed darling like yeah like it's over, you know? Um, and I've gone for like a balayage, but I'm in like an awkward stage with it because the roots are dark. Um, and the lengths are all these different tones. It's very warm, obviously, because box dye, it just goes red. Um yeah I'm basically just gonna get it as close to my natural color as possible it um my natural color I'd say is like a mousy brown it's very ashy it's a light

I don't know it's a really pretty color not gonna lie and I haven't had it since I was a kid I literally haven't had my natural color since I was about 14 um and I heard that once you go back to your natural color it's when you're stepping into your like best self and I'm in that process so I wouldn't say I'm going back to my natural color but I'm definitely going closer to my natural tones and shade mainly because I'm sort of over this dark box like it makes you look ill like it's high maintenance because I need to be tanned I need to have my brows tinted if my lashes ain't tinted it just I don't look well you know I look ill so I've wanted to do it for ages and I am slowly in the process of doing it I've had two sessions and I'd say it's I don't even know how to describe it to

be honest I don't I don't really like it like I don't love it I just I'm hoping this is like an awkward phase that I have to go through to get the desired color but yeah it's not my favorite hair I don't love it it's also very short we had to cut a lot off because um I'm trying to protect my hair health so you know we're trying to get rid of any dry shit hair that will just send up snapping anyway. So yeah, I'm going through a transition. Obviously, like I said, I took a break. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm realigning with my, I'm realigning my chakras and I'm just getting back to my core being of who I'm meant to be. You know, it's almost like my, um, Saturn return a few days early you know i feel like that's what a few days a few years early so i don't know what do you guys think of the ariana album by the way

what's your favorite song mine is actually the intro i'm not gonna lie i love the intro my favorite song keeps changing the boy is mine i loved but kind of over it now not that i don't love it anymore but it was my favorite but it's not my favorite anymore um boy bye again was a favorite but i've overplayed it not my favorite anymore and now i love the intro i think it's such a say how can i tell if i'm in the right relationship i love the harmonies in it if she's on tour you better fucking believe we're all going also jonas brothers they're in hot waters right now you guys they have postponed the entire European tour they literally made a video like what's up Europe we're gonna fuck you all over see you later we're doing bigger and better things see you in three

months like it wasn't even like we're so sorry I know it's such an inconvenience to anybody that's booked tickets booked flights we can only apologize we're so sorry they were literally just like um we are pushing the european tour back um because we have some really exciting things that we're working on right now so see you then i was like luckily i didn't buy tickets i'm not gonna lie but i'll be fucking raging mate because there's people that have like booked flights to places to go and see them, booked hotels, like, yeah, mate, I get it. Like whatever, maybe there is something more personal going on.

I kind of hope there is to be cancelling it because to cancel because you're working on another project is crazy. Like it's basically like saying there's things we'd rather be doing, you know? There's just things that we'd rather do than be there. if they were just like you know like we've got some personal things going on right now everyone would be like oh my god 100% prioritize your personal lives all the way but yeah I don't know so you guys I feel like we're all caught up I feel like that is

everything um obviously I will do my episode on my surgery and my experience with endometriosis from day one so any questions you have send them my way let me know if you want me to do a question box on my uh leah on the line story on that note make sure you follow it at leah on the line on instagram and at leah levain okay guys i feel like the best thing to do right now is go to a little break and then we will come back and do some dilemmas. So I love you guys. Let's cut to an ad break. Hi, it's Fido. Start the semester with a new phone and a plan full of data without breaking your budget. We have everything you need for an A plus year. Come check out our special back to school offers.

They'll leave you with more cash in your pocket for the stuff you love. Select plans even include data overage protection so you can go all out without going over. We'll see you next time. your side okay everybody thank you so much for listening to the first part of this episode i know that might have been a little bit boring for some of you if you just came for the dilemmas we are here baby it's dilemmas time i'm so excited you. I don't know how we've been coping without each other, you know. I'll speak for myself, shall I? It's been rough, okay? But I hope you guys are all doing good. If not, I'm here to give my advice, babe, because that's what we do around here. All right. If you want to send in a dilemma, leahontheline.com. Really easy. Click the button, send a dilemma, submit a dilemma. I think that's what it says. But okay,

let's get into the first dilemma for the first time in three months. Let's do this, baby. All right. Hello, lovely. So glad you're back and hope you're doing well. I love you. I'm so, so happy to be back as well. Thank you for returning. My dilemma is that my boyfriend is going on a last holiday. I would like to say I trust him, but it's been extended hard to. As his past relationship, he cheated multiple times. And this was a massive issue in our relationship as I was scared that I was gonna get hurt. Okay, I get that

because we have actually discussed this on the pod. Like if your boyfriend or if you were dating somebody and they cheated several times in the past like is that a red flag are you guaranteed to be cheated on do you know what i mean and i think the verdict we came to was no like you're safe maybe you know but we'll continue we'll continue on he has proved to me over the last year and a half that he would never cheat on me or do anything like that to me but But I can't lie, the whole lads holiday is scaring me and I'm just thinking the absolute worst. However, he went to Magaluf last year and he was honestly so good at messaging me and reassuring me. Okay, good, lovely, lovely. But I was a total mess, just thinking the absolute

worst and staying up all night okay there is more to this dilemma but i just want to pause because that is the worst position like i've been in them shoes where you feel physically sick you go fucking crazy like when you're in a relationship with someone that you can't trust you go fucking crazy and then i think when you're not in it or then you're in a relationship with somebody where you really trust them you realize oh my fucking god the way I used to live and I don't think it's your fault sometimes sometimes I do think it's their fault and it's difficult because obviously you're saying that he's doing so much to prove his loyalty and commitment to you but it's still there do you know what i mean so that's a difficult one because

like what more can he do the past is the past what more can he do at this point but fuck me have i been in them shoes and it is awful mate like when they go out and you just feel sick and and then you're waiting for that message and you're waiting for that text and then they finally text you and it's like oh oh my god i can enjoy my life again thank fuck thank god he still wants to be with me like oh god like it just it makes you mad to look back at i think eh you done that my mental health but you know what it is I can't pinpoint what it is that that puts us in that mindset or if it's them if it's us if it's just the state of the relationship if it's this the you know the stage you're in or you know being younger I don't know but either way it's really

hard because I find that in my experience I've never been able to snap out of that I'm in a relationship now where I don't ever have that feeling and thank fuck but when you're in a relationship where you do get that it almost feels like no matter how good you are, no matter how much they reassure you, no matter how good they are at communicating, you can't shake off the feeling sometimes. I know the feeling of staying up at night and you're stressed and you're worried and you can't, you can't relax and you can't, you can't relax until they're home or until the holiday's over and they successfully got through it without cheating on you. Do you know what I mean? Like, and it's almost like no matter how healthy we are, I don't, I can't shake it because even when I feel better, that's because you've sent me a lovely text or because you're home now it's not because I'm in a healthy state of mind do you know what I mean am I chatting too much but yeah if anyone can relate maybe okay continuing on um I have told

him I would never stop him from going on holiday as I go on girls holidays too and I do want him to go away and have fun but I'm honestly just dreading him going I have spoken to him about how I feel and he reassures me so much but I just can't stop thinking the worst we go away the week before he goes so that's the only positive out of this any advice would be amazing as I don't want to feel the way I did on his previous holiday love ya so I as I was just saying I don't know the fix because I've never found the fix my only fix was being with somebody different but that's not really the case and that's not why I was with somebody different it's just that I felt like that in the entire relationship and now I'm in a different relationship I don don't feel like that. And I don't know what the solution is. But I do see people all the time.

I actually saw a TikTok the other day about how she fixed the anxious overthinking part of her brain whilst being in a relationship and not having to leave. So it can be successfully done. My personal advice would be to find your self-worth in other areas of your life um that aren't him and your relationship so i would prioritize yourself every day in every aspect of your life so that when it comes down to somebody potentially cheating on you

leaving you not texting you back these things matter less because you matter so much does that make sense um that's just what I found in my experience the only time I've been really I've overthought so much and been so insecure in relationships is when I am just insecure and I'm just I don't love myself and I'm not important and I think when I when I was single I made sure that I knew exactly who I was I was proud of who I was um I knew I was good enough and so then being in my next relationship that's what I brought to the table and the thought of somebody not wanting to be with me or cheating on me doesn't make me feel like oh my god like it just makes I I don't think like that I just think I love you and you love me and we're together and I can trust you

and you can trust me. And I'm not going to think about it any more than that because there is no point. Do you know what I mean? And it's a hard place to get to. Don't get me wrong. But I do believe you can get to that in a relationship. I truly do. I just think it comes from within and it's so much more than just this little lad's holiday like it's about how you treat yourself how you talk to yourself how you look at yourself how you prioritize yourself so that like I said your self-worth isn't dependent on not being cheated on you know or how much you can trust your boyfriend does that make sense because I think when you understand you are beautiful you are funny you are kind you're sexy you're everything that that anybody could ever dream of

but more importantly you are everything you want to be and you're proud of who you are and you treat people kind with kindness and you're patient and you're loving of course we all have our flaws we all do we all have parts of ourselves that we need to work on and we're not proud of but as long as you can look at yourself and say do you know what i like myself i love myself i think that is where it starts in terms of trust in a relationship so i would focus on that um and it sounds like you have a lovely partner who yeah might have cheated in the past but you guys know I I don't hold people's past against them I don't believe in once a cheat always a cheat I do believe people can be an absolute prick all their life and then one day just change I do I genuinely do believe that um because what's the point if I don't believe that

you know what's the point in anything if you just believe people were just dicks for life, you know? So yeah, I just think we look inwards and we focus on ourself in this situation. You are so, so incredible. He is lucky to be with you, lucky to have you. He feels like that. So it's important that you see that as well. And yeah, I just think you've got a beautiful relationship you go on your holidays he goes on his holidays that's healthy that's amazing um and yeah show yourself more love because you you deserve that and you're amazing so yeah I love you so much babes all right let's do another dilemma okay Okay, I'm going to go for this

one. Interesting. It says, hey, Leah, I hope you're feeling better and I'm so glad you're back. I love you. I'm so, so happy to be back. I need some advice on how I need to play this. Okay, here's the rundown. I've been texting and having the odd call with this boy since i met him last april through mutual friends wow that was a tongue twister through mutual friends the texting had been a bit on and off but we've never actually gone on a date he always mentioned it but never planned it i was okay with this initially as i knew he wasn't ready but he was the one continuing messaging me and staying in touch okay so he's like you know we're not dating we're not going out um I'm not ready for that but he's messaging you pretty frequently okay that's it's giving head fuck all right

nine months pass and I decide enough is enough and he needs, no, and I said he needs to make up his mind. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely, you do that. I got aired and have been aired since that message. Well, then he made up his mind, didn't he? He did what you asked him to do and it just wasn't the response we wanted. You're like, listen, I deserve more than this.

So you either show up for me or you piss off and he's pissed off and you're like whoa come back oh it's a mood though we've all been there um I moved on and thought I'd rather be aired than dragged out any longer absolutely yeah um but I'm gonna be seeing him next weekend at our mutual friend's birthday do you know what i fucking love that shit i love this i live for these moments when you're gonna like be in the same vicinity as somebody like this and there's this like tension in the air and it's almost like it's beefy but it's sexual tension and it's like i'm gonna you're gonna think I look so sexy. Like, I live for that moment. Do you know what I mean? Anyway, how do I play it?

Do I act like nothing has happened? Give him the cold shoulder? I don't know. Let me know what you think. P.S. Deep down, I'd like it to work out still. So I wanna play it with that in mind. Oops, love you, bye. Oh, bye, oh boy.

Listen, what I wanna say to you is that idea of you want it to work out, we need to get that out of your head. I'm physically banging your head against the wall right now because we need to let that idea go. He's shown you. He's not into it. And that's nothing to do with you. It's nothing to do with being good enough. It's just he's told you he's not ready. You've asked

him look you know what stop fucking me around what is this and he's obviously been like oh fair enough i probably am a bit of a head fuck right now i'll leave the poor girl alone um and he's left you alone so i do think we let go of the idea of it turning into something if it's gonna it will one day in the future. Maybe now, maybe at this party, maybe this is the beginning. There's me saying, let it all go. And then I'm putting it in your head.

You're like, yes, it's all gonna blossom from this. But I would honestly just say, don't hold on to hope because he has not shown you a single sign that that's what he wants. Like, let's look at the facts here. He has not shown you any, any indication that that's where he's, his head's at or where he's going with things. So I think give your time and attention to somebody that wants it because you're absolutely gorgeous and stunning and amazing.

And this guy's just not into it he's just not he's not looking for nothing right now um it might be a laugh you may even have a cheeky snog at this party who knows and part of me hopes you like have sex to be honest like the sexual tension is gonna be crazy but i don't think play the cold shoulder no that you look like you care so much if you do that do you know what I mean if if somebody sees you and you sorry choking and you're basically just like you ignore them and you and you shrug them away and you you just look away she fucking cares so much I broke her fucking heart mate if you give him that hi kill him with kindness hey you're right nice to finally see you it's been it's been a while you're right you are so

fucking unbothered and that is sexy we don't look bothered we don't look like pissed off we're not pissed off why would i be pissed off i don't care about you why would i be pissed off you didn't affect me i didn't even check for a reply you know and if we're overly friendly it's like oh my god i literally aired her and she still fucking wants me no we're just gonna be really fucking polite and confuse the hell out of the boy. Hi, you all right? You all right? Just a lovely smile. Hi, you all right? And then if he starts a conversation, we can interact. If that's it, that's it. And if you walk past him again, you all right?

You all right? Yeah. Maybe even if you're both getting a drink at the same time. You having a nice night? Having a good time? Yeah. Yeah. Me too.

Yeah, good. Lovely weather, isn't it? Beautiful day. Beautiful day for it. Do you know what I mean? It's going to be good. It's going to be fun. But that's honestly how I think you should play it.

Just unbothered vibes. What you think? You broke my heart. That's really sweet. No, babe. That's what I'm saying. So that's my advice. Do with that what you will but let me know how

it goes how it pans out if you have sex with him um use protection as always love you guys so much good luck okay next dilemma help I don't know what to do and I don't know why it bothered me so much okay I was talking to a guy for two months we kind of know each other as we're from the same area but not very well but i've always fancied him he messaged me while he was traveling asking for some tips and i'd been as i'd been there the year before and then we just kept speaking from then okay so we we bonded you know that was we had a connection here we had such good chats he was messaging me all the time sending me pictures of everything he was up to etc so it was just like it just happened really

naturally i love that okay we were planning dates for when he was back and he was saying he was so excited to see me etc the day he is back literally the day he landed in london he ghosts me are you fucking all right i sent him a message saying what is the point in messaging me for so long while you're traveling and then you get back and ignore me he never opened the message i'm so upset because i was really looking forward to seeing him and built up an idea of him in my head oh no yeah we do that don't we um and us dating etc as he seemed so into it i don't know what happened i have so many questions i want to message him again but i know i shouldn't okay you know what my question is does this guy have a fucking girlfriend that's my question i would definitely be sussing out whether there is a possibility that he might have a fucking girlfriend that's my question I would definitely be sussing out whether

there is a possibility that he might have a girlfriend that's 100% something I'm checking out quick if we can write that off um I'm thinking there's a possibility that he's seeing somebody he might have been talking to multiple people um and he has decided that he's taking the other one a bit more seriously um and he's meeting up with her and he's exclusive now that he's taking the other one a bit more seriously um and he's meeting up with her and he's exclusive now that he's back in London and he's said to her you know when I get back from traveling we'll go on a date um and they're they're serious and they're exclusive so he's had to cut off what he had with you I'm thinking that there's somebody else involved because it doesn't make any sense otherwise if there isn't I don't understand because he wasted his own time like you the only person you've you fucked around really is yourself mate do you know what I mean by texting me all this

time sending me bloody pics of you and your travels and you get back and it's like ghosted are you actually okay i'm not messaging him again if i was you that's bullshit on the outside i'd say don't message him if i am you i'm messaging him because i can't i am just like that like sometimes i'll give i'll give advice don't message they don't care don't send an essay about how angry you are they don't even care i'll send that fucking message myself though do you know what i mean because sometimes you do it for you sometimes you just do it because i don't want you to turn around and say oh i'm sorry sometimes i just want to call you a prick and call you out on it even though you will feel nothing it makes me feel good oh what should you do um i feel like we maybe leave it okay what let me think what what do i think you should do is probably just no i i think you do have the right to message actually I think with the extent of your messages um compared to

now being ghosted I think I actually do think you have a right to send a message I do I think you can say like what was that you know like why why waste both of our time here? Or, you know, you, maybe you owe me a little bit of respect to just let me know why you've ghosted or why you're no longer interested. Like, surely I deserve that. Cause this isn't a very nice feeling. So maybe you can just say like, look, I'm not beefing you like I'm not trying to um have a row with you or anything like if you're not into it that's absolutely fine I'm not offended even though you are okay like as we all would be I'm not offended um I just think maybe a little bit of respect would wouldn't have gone amiss um and if you can let me know like

what what happened here i would genuinely appreciate that like maybe you could just do that because i'm sorry you're taking the fucking piss out of me you know what i mean are you taking the fucking piss out of me you want to talk to me for months on your fucking travels mate then you get back and you don't know do you know what what do you think is actually worse guys someone not reading your message or someone not replying someone reading your message and not replying what's worse to you because for me it's not opening my message are you joking are you actually joking you don't you don't even care what i've had to say like that's that's actually worse to me because if you've read it you were at least interested in what I had to say before you decided you didn't

want to reply you didn't even care what I had to fucking say before you already decided you're not interested in chatting you didn't open my message you prick so yeah I think just be polite you don't have to start an argument but just say say like, hey, you know, I do feel like you owe me a little bit more respect than that. Then just not open my message. I think that's actually really rude and insulting. If you're not interested, I'm a big girl. Like I'm okay with that,

but a bit of respect wouldn't go amiss. That's what I'm doing, I think. I'm okay with that. But a bit of respect wouldn't go amiss. That's what I'm doing I think. Maybe signing off with you fucking prick. Kiss kiss. You know. Because I wouldn't be able to help myself. Alright. Well good luck.

And remember this does not matter in terms of your self worth. Okay. Whatever this guy has decided. Whatever he's going through. Whatever he wants or doesn't want. It's not a reflection of you. You are are incredible and clearly way too fucking good for him and i think you dodged a bullet there let's be real unless he has a good excuse in which case it could be forgiven all right i love you so much thank you so much for sending in all of your dilemmas guys i have really really enjoyed sitting here and just giving advice, slagging off the boys,

you know. I just loved it. Now I've missed it so much. So thank you for joining me for this today. Let's wrap up the episode. But remember, don't turn off yet. I still talk for quite a while sometimes after this. So let's wrap her up, babe. Okay you so so so so so much if you have stayed to the end of this podcast thank you if you have been here for a long time waiting for the return of leo on the line it means the world to me that you guys have just been so patient and have been willing to just put up with my shit. Because you guys deserve better podcasts than the shit I was putting out where I was just stressed and panicking and just trying to get episodes out. You guys deserve thought through, thought out, planned episodes. You guys deserve guests.

You deserve the visual clips to return and you deserve a more dedicated committed host so that is what i'm hoping to deliver from now on so yeah let me know what you guys want from leo on the line i have so much planned so much i'm excited to do. But if there's anything in particular that you really love, don't hesitate to let me know. And yeah, I'm really excited. I feel so new. I feel so ready.

I'm just looking forward to being back. Like I've just missed it. I can't't explain it I've been so excited to just sit down with my mic and chat to you guys I'm recording in the daytimes now like these nighttime episodes were not it sometimes I might have to if I'm busy um and I want to make sure I'm always a week ahead of my pod I always want to make sure I'm a week ahead. So yeah, they may be late night sessions every now and then, but they're not going to be the night before anymore because that's pathetic. Like I literally record and upload at midnight. I'm recording and uploading in the same space of an hour. Like it's not okay. Like, so yeah, I love you guys so much please make sure you are following on socials

at Leah on the line and at Leah Levain to get involved with the weekly debate sending some messages I love to chat to you guys on dm as some of you may know um tiktok is just at Leah Levain now I'm not going to upload them on the Leah on the line account just because I don't feel like there's any need to have a separate account for podcast clips so they're just going to go on my personal account at leah levain so make sure you're following that for podcast clips and yeah i love you guys so much it's so good to be back um and yeah i think that's i think that's all for today the first episode of the return of leah on the line officially complete check in the locker i hope you all enjoyed it i hope it felt really good to be chatting again with your bestie oh you guys

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