Leah on the Line - 105: The friendship is DRAINING & I found a hidden phone in his bathroom!

Episode Date: May 20, 2024

Hey babes! Welcome back to another episode of Leah on the Line. Thank you so much for all of your love and support on the podcast, it honestly means the world to me. I hope you love this one!Head to leahontheline.com to send in your dilemmas. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello hello hello hey guys happy tuesday happy tuesday happy tuesday how is everybody how are you guys let's do a little check-in how are are we feeling, on the scale of one to ten, how are we feeling, I'd say I'm like, I'm pretty good, right, if that's a fucking delivery, as I've started recording, it is, it's gonna, do you know what delivery it's gonna be, the fucking sofa, okay, never mind, he's gone, basically we're waiting for a sofa to be delivered, and I have put off recording, because they were supposed to come at two o'clock and I thought I don't want to be recording when they get here you know it's now free no sofa so I was like I've got to get this podcast recorded got things to do things to do right so I'm recording and I guarantee you now the fucking sofa's gonna arrive when I'm recording but it's fine it's not the end

of the world you guys I can't stop doing American accent. Oh, it's making me sick. It was Australian for years, actually. For years, I couldn't shake the Aussie accent. I don't really do an Aussie accent anymore. You know, I feel like we could bring that back. You guys know me. It's what I used to always do.

I used to do that for uni because obviously like back in the day I was Michael Finch and Shani Grimm and obsessed I still do love Michael Finch like his food content I live for it I love when I see a Shani video come off my view page she's so nostalgic to me I just love her and I was so just obsessed with them and their slang like bingy what have you done and I say that at uni and no one knew what I was talking about because I don't know about any of you guys right I've never had friends that watched the content that I watched I've never ever ever in my life been friends with anyone that watches youtubers like never all my friends were not on the youtuber hype like all through school all through college all through uni after uni like there's no one that i've ever had a friendship with that used to watch them whether that's michael and shani whether it's zoella whether it was sophia and chintz like

no one in my circle ever watched anything that i watched and it was kind of sad because i dreamed of having like girly sleepovers watching like our fave youtubers and stuff but I never had that I also I'm in my like I really am desperate to make new friendships era like I I just feel like I don't know I don't I don't have like a bestie like I don't know I get jealous I get very jealous when I see guys and girls like hanging out hanging out, like, besties, and doing all bestie things, and having so much in common, you know, because, like, all my friends, I love to death, but I don't have, like, a friend where we have, like, a ton in common,

and I feel like I'm really missing that from my life, someone just to really connect with, you know, so if any of you guys are listening and you feel like we have a lot in common hit me up because I'm I'm really in my um looking for friends era I promise I will love you out and to love and to hold but what was I talking about oh yeah let's do a little let's do a mental health check-in today. How are we? I'd say I'm pretty good at the moment because I get very stressed when it comes to my work and how productive I'm being, how successful it is. And at the moment, Touchwood is doing very well and I'm enjoying it a lot. feel like I found my feet again and that is oh god it's such a game changer for me when I feel like I've fallen off and I don't know what I'm doing I'm not enjoying

it oh my god I'm like a two out of ten I can't bear I can't bear even getting out of bed I can't enjoy anything when it feels like it's in a good place, it's, I feel so light, I feel free, I feel excited, like, I feel, like, so motivated, like, I'll just be out and about, and I'm like, oh, I've got an idea, like, blah, blah, blah, and I'm, like, writing things on my nose, like, and when I'm in that headspace, that's my best self, that's what I've learned in the last couple of years, so, yeah, I'm really good at the moment, and I'm really grateful for that, um, but, yeah, there's some things stressing me out, But yeah, there's something stressing me out, guys. There is something stressing me out. I'll be honest. I feel highly stressed, but I don't know.

It's one of them things. I don't think I'll ever not be stressed about the future. I think because I just don't know. I don't know where I want to be. I don't know what I want to do. And, like, I think I'll always feel like that. At least until I'm settled down with maybe children, you know. But even then, even then I'll probably fucking feel like that, to be honest. Oh, my God. So I did that. I listened to Call Her Daddy with Megan Fox, right?

And she talks about this personality test oh my god we haven't even spoken about this it's called like the Enneagram Enneagram oh my phone listen to this right I've got one of them phone cases that stick to things and I put it on the table listen to the sound when I try and pick my phone up off the table it's well annoying my phone literally gets stuck to everything but they are fucking good anyway so let's have a look Enneagram I don't know how you say it but it's spelt e double n e a g r a m it's a test and it's free right it's personality test I think there's like a hundred and something questions like it's quite long but it's literally like a

um likely not likely not at all like you know what I mean one of them you just click your answer and my result was called the individualist which I thought was so interesting okay so I'm gonna have a little read and read it out to you guys so I got type four okay and it says they may be labeled the contemplator the individualist or the romantic these individuals are usually in intro perspective intro introspective and i don't know what that means creative sensitive and expressive on the downside they can also be prone to mood swings and struggle with criticism me me me me me me me me me me right you guys you guys are probably nodding if you know me if you've listened to this for a long

time you probably feel like i feel like you guys know me quite well you're probably thinking yeah that's that's leah um okay so let's have a little read um what is wings okay type fours possess a distinct set of positive personal traits emotional depth and empathy allowing them to oh my god to connect with their own feelings and their and the emotions of others creative expression and innovation including out of the box thinking authenticity which encourages them to express their true selves in a genuine and honest way introspection i don't know what that means like at all and self-reflection a keen eye for aesthetics and beauty it is i cannot deal with the fact that i choke on my own spit in every episode. I can't. Seriously.

Right. A desire for personal growth and learning. A need to find meaning and to be seen as special. Why are you actually like calling me out like that? Okay. Literally embarrassing me in front of all my friends. Okay. Here are some.

What? Some factors may hold them back. as emotional sensitivity perfectionism which can lead to excessive self-criticism a tendency to withdraw disconnect and isolate i do that i'll get into that okay because i'm interested in if anyone can relate um a tendency to withdraw challenges with routine repetitive tasks especially when those tasks don't offer any creative license yes like obviously before i did this for work i had lots of jobs right um mostly in hospitality and i loved when my managers would let me do like design the new menu design design the new, obviously like not many, the menu boards, like go and write this on the board and go and design this and go

and like rearrange the fridges and do like anything that involved like a keen eye or creativity, artistry, design, anything that involved that. When they said to me like i don't know count do a fucking stock count go in the fridges and do a stock count i was i'd be like there is just no way in hell i can get free this like i can't i can't bet it's hell in there being in that stock room i'd sit on the on like the barrels and just be like oh i'd rather be rearranging this fridge and counting what's in there do you know what i mean so yeah resistance to change yes oh my god we were speaking about this recently weren't we i swear i get like i weren't we? I swear. I get like, I won't voluntarily switch up my life. Like the only big changes I've made, like, I think we literally were talking

about this two episodes ago, but like me going to uni and stuff or like me moving, like they're never me just going, I'm going to take a risk here. Like, it's always like, oh, I got a part in a show. So I'm going to move to London. London like do you know what I mean so back to the tendency to withdraw disconnect and isolate I have this fucking thing where I decide that no one likes me and therefore I just will shut down and I will hide in my bedroom where it doesn't matter because it's just me in that room and I've done that my whole life like when I was a little kid I would I have three siblings but I was like they all hate me like everyone hates me like me me me look literally grow up and I used to just take myself alone all the time all that I was always alone like I had no friends really and I had

friends at school but obviously you guys know I had no friends really and I had friends at school but obviously you guys know I had quite a difficult experience at school so like I would come home and I just wanted to be alone and it's not even because I loved my own company it's just because I felt I don't know like I just always had this feeling this is quite a deep podcast I always had this feeling of just like no one is like me. No one gets me. No one wants to be around me. No one enjoys my company.

And also I have this weird thing where I kind of don't enjoy other people sometimes. Like I don't know, especially when I was younger, I always felt like I don't enjoy people's company. Isn't that strange? And I don't think that came from a content place of like I like being alone and blah, blah, blah and I don't think that came from a content place of like I like being alone and blah blah I don't think it came from a good place I think it came from like a lonely place of like not understanding the world and like what the point was and like I was always such an over thinker and everything was so deep and heavy even when I was so young that life was just way easier for me to be alone isn't that kind of

sad I didn't mean for this to get so deep but it's true like I've just always been like a bit of a loner um yeah like I've never longed for that social life like I don't know I haven't and I don't feel like I miss I'm missing that either I miss the emotional connection with people when I get too lonely but I don't miss the socializing which is interesting I think the only time like I was really close friends I don't know if you guys remember Hannah right shout out Hannah I was really close friends with a girl called Hannah when I lived in London and she was like the only person who I really enjoyed her company like we could be together for six days straight and not get sick of each other like I we could just be sat in silence we had that like sister relationship but to be honest even my sister like I can get sick of her company and I'm like right I need to be on my own like

I've had enough of you now do you know what I mean respectfully um and I'm like that with anyone apart from boyfriends like it's not that I don't want space because I really enjoy space especially in relationships I think it's very important but I don't like I could hang around my boyfriend for a week straight and not be like oh my god I need space like you're doing my important but I don't like I could hang around my boyfriend for a week straight and not be like oh my god I need space like you're doing my head in I don't get that with my boyfriends boyfriends plural boyfriend but I just mean in relationships I don't get that feeling however most of the time if I'm around anyone for like a week straight I need a break I need to be alone and the only friend I feel like I didn't get that with was Hannah um but we don't really talk anymore no beef or nothing like

love you but yeah she still lives in London and I don't um she's also like a crazy party chick these days and you guys know can't relate but love love her and yeah I've always really struggled with that emotional connection and I guess I'm enjoying talking about this now actually I wasn't planning on talking about it but I am enjoying opening up about this because I just know there is people like me I know I just know there is that we I don't know I don't I don't feel like I am the same as people it's really weird I just I've always had this feeling of like I feel very different in a in a very lonely way is does that make sense not in a like I'm not like other girls not like that not in a cool way in a lonely way quite a sad way and I

had that since I was so young yeah since I was really really young I used to my most people my age would be going out hanging out with friends and I would isolate myself completely on my computer every single time I'd play sims I'd play have a hotel I would just be on social media they have a hotel I would just be on social media doing Justin Bieber research like I just was in my own world and I loved leaving the school gates every day knowing that my socializing and I felt I don't know I always felt like in school I was just pretending and when I could leave when I left the school gates I didn't have to pretend anymore I had this from like all the way up until like year 11 all my all my life growing up really and I loved the feeling of getting home and shutting that door behind me putting my key in the door closing it behind me and being left alone my brother would come in get changed go straight out go play football my

sister wouldn't even she wouldn't even go to school that day because she was a rebel and off the rails but she's on the rails now so nobody worry so I wouldn't see her for a few days straight to be fair and yeah I just love that I could go home and play play on my computer and and be left alone and I had an empty house for hours and my mum would come home at like half past five. I'd cook dinner or she'd cook dinner. And then after dinner, I would go upstairs into my bedroom and go on my computer again. And I don't know, I've always been like that. I'm still like it now. I've always, always, always been like that. And yeah, just let me know if you, if you can relate. Cause I know,

I know there is people like that so when I did this test I found it so interesting because oh my god can I relate um which is really quite contradicting to the idea that I grew up doing musical theatre because I wanted to be left alone however I also wanted to be centre of attention and be on stage. But on the flip side of that, I was always so shy and I didn't want the main roles because I didn't want centre of attention. And I didn't start doing the main roles until I was like 17, 18. So, yeah, I guess it does make sense. I was such an individual, lonesome... I don't even know if I would say that I was content in it. It's a really weird thing.

And I do definitely want to talk about this with a therapist. But it's lovely to talk about, to be honest. I'm enjoying this. Yeah, I don't know where it came from. And it doesn't even feel like, oh, oh yes I'm alone like I love it I love this it makes me so happy it makes me feel more like relieved like oh thank god I'm alone do you know what I mean and yeah I don't think that's a good thing because it means that I really struggle in social situations like a lot but yeah I know there's a lot of people that can relate so when I read this there was a

certain part let me try and find it and it says um okay basic fear that they have no identity or personal significance basic desire to find themselves and their significance slash to create an identity which is so interesting and I can 100% agree like I I think this also ties in with my fear of death is like the whole concept of like what the fuck is the point like who am I we just we are born and then we live and then we die like I don't get it and I've always spent my life trying to figure it out I think and yeah I just think I really recommend doing this test because everyone around me has done it and they've it's all been very accurate very very accurate so yeah let me know any of my type fours out there

send love because it's lonely out here. And yeah, basically, I've, do you know what, this is actually such a nice conversation to have to like, maybe we should do an episode talking about, you know, because I feel like a lot of us are the same age. Looking at my demographics, a lot of us are the same age, like give or take a few years. And I think this tends to be the age where we start to be aware of who we are, the traits in ourselves that we like, that we don't like. Like one of the traits that I've realized is I love to be right. And I hate that. So I'm really working on that. I think that's a really ugly trait to have. And I don't know where that came from. yeah like I love being right and I will like listen I'm being vulnerable

okay I could see a spoiler for a tv show not say anything watch the tv show with all my family and friends and I'll be like oh I bet I bet this guy is kind of like I don't know I bet this guy is kind of like, I don't know, I bet this guy's gonna get killed and then like leave a note to the girl and I know that happens because I saw a spoiler but I'll pretend I've just fucking worked out. Why am I doing that? Literally, why am I doing that at my big age? Why I doing that because I want to impress people like what is that anyway I noticed that a few years ago so I stopped doing that I stopped doing that but yeah I noticed that about myself and I feel like we're all we're kind of at that age now where we start to look at ourselves and think do I like myself what is it I want to change what is that I want

to work on what is it I'm proud of what is it that I love about myself what is that I want to change what is that I want to work on what is it I'm proud of what is it that I love about myself what is that I want to spread you know amongst other people what what um energy do I want to carry what impact do I want to have and yeah I think it's it would be really cool to do an episode about that and just hear what you guys have recognized and acknowledged about yourselves and what we can all relate on like these things that are vulnerable to admit you know like I am a fucking loner and I don't like being in company you know so I feel like it would be really cool to do an episode about that let me know if that's something you guys would want any ideas you'd have for that episode anything in particular you'd want us to touch on but yeah oh I really enjoyed that we definitely need to do an episode about this so

yeah also everyone go and do that test enneagram enneagram i don't remember how you say it but yeah i love you guys let's just get into today's episode shall we stop rambling leah welcome to leah on the line join me every tuesday as i dial your number for the ultimate unfiltered bestie catch-up whatever it is we will laugh together and guide each other along the way. Head to learontheline.com and follow Lear on the Line on Instagram to get involved. Love you! Okay, guys. So, this is an interesting weekly debate.

It is definitely tied into one of our dilemmas and I'm hoping it helps her. tied into one of our dilemmas and I'm hoping it helps her. But I also felt like it was a really nice thing to discuss and something I don't actually think we've discussed here so far. So let's get straight into it. My weekly debate for you is, do you fully heal from a toxic slash narcissistic ex? Like, do we ever fully heal? You know, know like do we ever get to a point where it's like I'm the same now like I'm healed I consider myself healed you know let's have a little look because I've never really thought about it to be honest I'd never really thought about because I think obviously we we get over it we heal we move on and we get over it, we heal, we move on and we get over it. Do we fully, ever fully heal? You know, and that's something I started to question and I thought, I don't know,

let's have a little read. You can heal in a sense, you forgive but you never forget and you take it into future situations. Yeah, see, that is what I was thinking when I thought, you know, do we ever fully heal? That is what I was thinking. So in my experience, I don't, I think healed is an interesting word. It doesn't hurt me anymore. You know, I've healed in that sense. Like, you can't hurt me. The situation doesn't hurt me to think about, to talk about, to reflect on. It doesn't hurt me anymore you know I've healed in that sense like you can't hurt me the situation

doesn't hurt me to think about to talk about to reflect on it doesn't hurt but I would consider myself forever changed not drastically you know but I don't think once you've been in that relationship I don't think you're ever really the same again I think like this girl saying you carry it whether that be that you can be more easily triggered because you've been here before um whether it be because you have you know learned a huge lesson and you don't want to make the same mistakes so for me in the in my situation um and of course I'll get back into your guys responses I was in a situation where I would just take the fucking blame for everything because I just wanted peace and I would apologize yeah okay you're right I'm sorry like let's just move on blah blah I love you love you and then I they would treat me like

shit and have secrets and lies and I'd just have sex with them because I wanted to feel validated. And all of these things I've learned from, healed from, pain-wise and emotionally. But in my future relationships, I'm in a situation where if it's a situation where I'm like, normally in that relationship, I would have just apologized and said, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Now I actually struggle to apologize, even if I'm in the wrong, because God, I'm being very vulnerable in this episode because it brings me back to a time where I was what I look at as weak and sad and I feel sad for that girl because she was so weak like somebody would treat you like shit they would gaslight me and then tell

me you know like you know you know a typical gaslight like they you'd come to them about something they've hurt you with you to call them a prick or whatever then then you end up being the one apologizing because you called him a prick rather than it be about the fact that it was actually being a prick do you know what i mean so where i can look back and see how i was gaslit so bad and always was made out to be the bad guy and always was like oh okay you're right i'm sorry and then what they did to hurt me was never the issue now in situations i find it hard to apologize because I'm like wait a fucking minute I see me apologizing as me just being quite weak and me backing down that's what it feels like if I have to apologize it feels like I'm backing down so I'm always I'm almost a bit more defensive

of myself now like I'm almost a bit like I over read a situation like hold on what exactly is it you want me to be sorry for are you sorry have you how are you holding yourself accountable because before I hold myself accountable do you know what I mean and then when I realized that I was like okay well now I'm the opposite now I've got a new issue and it took me a while to work on that I I did. So I guess it's a difficult one. Because when I think about it and I think about healed, I think you don't care about that person anymore. Like you're sweet. You're fine.

You're happy. You're content. But it changes you. It does change you. And sometimes in ugly ways. Like it did me. I couldn't apologize because I used to fucking over apologize you know um with therapy yes without therapy no absolutely you guys know I'm a big big advocate for therapy we love therapy um I've been split from mine three years and

genuinely it's affected my confidence ever since. This is the thing. They affect your confidence. Narcissists, they want to knock you down so that they can get a way of treating you even worse because your confidence is on the floor. So you're not going to walk away from someone because they've made you feel like you're nothing, you know? That's what they do, babe. They knock your confidence down. And that is so hard to build back up. It's so hard. If somebody knocks your confidence down that low, it is so hard to build it back up. I think there will always be triggers. Yeah, I can actually get that, you know. So yeah, I'm healed, but doesn't mean that you could say something. And it will just bring me fucking back. Doesn't mean I'm going to respond in a bad way. It doesn't mean that you could say something and it will it will just bring me fucking back doesn't

mean I'm going to respond in a bad way it doesn't mean that you know it's going to affect our relationship but you triggered me and I've got to work through that in my mind um it's hard because you kind of expect your next partner to treat you just as badly it takes a long time but years on I'm engaged to someone who treats me like a princess oh I love that I think you never know until you experience a healthy relationship after and see what's normal yeah I know someone who has only been unfortunately only been in really unhealthy relationships and she we were talking the other day and she was like I don't know what it's like to just have like a nice boyfriend and we were just saying like how sad that is and and then I think the day that you are with someone lovely which she will I wonder how that's gonna feel for her

because she might be like what is this what are your intentions here? You know? Um, so yeah. Um, I'm struggling to get over it six or seven years on. Um, I feel like you've, you feel the trauma the most after you get into your first healthy relationship. Yeah, this is the thing. I think your first healthy relationship is like, whoa, girl, I feel really lucky that my first ever relationship was like super healthy like it was the most healthy balanced relationship ever so I feel so lucky that I've had that because I can't imagine having your first or only experiences in a relationship as the toxic narcissistic exes you know um not properly in my opinion going through that changes you so much yeah it changes you it does I think it can take such a long time to feel your self again to get that spark back your confidence

as some of you said it can really change you for like forever like you are forever changed not necessarily in such a bad negative way like it doesn't mean like oh you're never going to be confident again like not like that I just think it changes you whether that be the tiniest bit I do think going through relationships like that or breakups like that anything it does change you you look at at people differently, you're, you're more guarded, you're more cautious, you, you're, you're more protective over yourself, you know, and like, okay, let me give an example, right, you know, them relationships, and so, I'm sure so many of us can relate to this, you know, the relationships where you're fucking crying in bed next to them, and they're just like, oh my god, can you stop crying, and you're just crying

in bed, and they're like falling asleep, they're like, and you're just sobbing next to them and they're just like oh my god can you stop crying and you're just crying in bed and they're like falling asleep they're like and you're just sobbing next to them and then you wake up in the morning then they're like morning babe i slept like a baby you know them relationships and then say you was in a normal healthy happy relationship years on i just use the word normal i hate that word sorry and let's say you have an argument and you're crying in bed, right? That can also just be like a pretty, I don't want to say normal, but normal response to an argument. But it can trigger all those nights next to a narcissist where you sobbed your fucking heart out. Why won't you treat me better why won't you love me properly you know and it can feel so much worse because you've had that experience crying in bed next to someone because

you've had that experience being in an argument with your healthy boyfriend healthy relationship and crying next to them in bed you're just crying because you've had an argument and you're upset and that's that's painful that doesn't mean that they're not responding properly you know hopefully they aren't just fucking ignoring you and it can feel worse because it's bringing back oh my god i've done this before i've been here before you know and you you can punish your new partner because of the pain that you're carrying from your previous partner do you know what I mean I think that that is what we're talking about when it when I say can you be fully healed because you can just carry that you can just carry it and not even a lot um about myself when I realized I I I was so scared of ever letting anyone treat me bad again

that if any little thing came up that felt like how I felt before I would be so like nah fuck this I'm not doing it no no fucking way no one's ever treated me like that again and I was emotionally unavailable and emotionally guarded for a while and it took me a long time to like realize that you can just be upset you can just have an argument you can just disagree you can just miscommunicate and it not be a situation of they are a narcissist or really nasty like it can just be like we're just not seeing eye to eye in this in this conversation do you know what i mean so yeah in that sense i do agree with a lot of you guys to be honest the response looking through like scrolling through is a yes and no yes you can heal because

you can love again and you can be happy again and you can have healthy happy relationships but also you are different and you are changed and you do feel pain um and things do feel heavier and things do have more weight to them than they did before that relationship. So yeah, yes, you carry that trauma, whether that be 0.5% of that, you can carry that trauma, but you can be happy, you can love again, you can be loved, you can have healthy love, you know. So that's the verdict, I think. So I love that weekly debate. Thank you guys so that's the verdict i think so i love that weekly debate thank you guys so much for responding with all of your experiences i'm also very sorry that you you can relate um to weekly debate this week like the the toxic ex narcissistic ex it is scarily fucking common like it is scary you know but yeah this is to healthy happy love for

all of us another great debate guys thank you so much for your responses love it loved it had a great time i have some good dilemmas today i'm so excited to get into these so let's not waffle any longer i have chatted absolute shit so far this episode. So let's cut to a little break and then we're going to get into some dilemmas. Let's go. Okay, this one, let's just, I don't even know, to be honest. This is one of them ones where I'm going to be like, I don't know okay so let's get into it all right boyfriend of four years back in November found a snapchat conversation between him and another girl he claims he didn't know her and it wasn't him messaging her

and his account had been hacked I'm sorry who are you you, Justin Bieber? Who's hacking you? Who's hacking your account? Who cares that much about you? Do you know what I mean? Fast forward, and last week during the bathroom cleaning session, I found a silver iPhone hidden that isn't mine. I love how she includes the colour of the phone. It was silver, which is a real red flag.

Who has a silver phone these days um he denies even using the phone and said he just wanted the sim card from it but why hide it is enough enough all right listen this is like this is just strange to me what do you mean you needed the sim card is it an old phone to be fair I don't know is it an old phone and if that's the case fair why is it in the bathroom though hidden you said you found it hidden the fact that it's hidden is so strange to me like I guess there's one place you're not going to go rummaging around looking for things and that's the bathroom you only go into the bathroom to do something to have a shower have a bath go to the toilet brush your teeth like you're going in for something you're not you're not rummaging around anywhere because there's no

like drawers i mean that there is sometimes you know but i guess if you're going to hide something the bathroom's not a bad idea because like you're going to be rummaging through drawers in a bedroom and the kitchen and stuff like that whereas the bathroom you're going in you're going to be rummaging through drawers in a bedroom and the kitchen and stuff like that whereas the bathroom you're going in you're going out so it is suspicious that it was hidden I'd like I'd like to know where like I kind of wish you said where you found it like was it so bait that it's like well that doesn't just fucking and end up there by accident do you know what I mean like it was in a behind a tile in the fucking bathroom do you know what I mean so I find it strange very strange however it's one of them awkward things where we had a dilemma like this last week where you cannot prove it so you're just left with your brain

thinking the worst and there is no reassurance in that the reassurance does not exist here because no matter what all he's going to do is deny deny deny and then there is no at peace do you know what i mean there is no oh well that makes sense do you know what i mean so it's difficult i think the snapchat you know i I'm sorry, are you actually dumb? Like, you think I'm that stupid? I've been hacked, I've been hacked. Who's hacking you? Who is hacking you, first of all?

Second of all, it's just bullshit. Like, you was obviously Snapchatting someone. I'd respect you so much more if he was like, yeah, I'm out of order. I shouldn't have done it, blah, blah, blah, blah. Then you're more likely to be able to work through something if you're honest i don't think people get that like you know what i mean sometimes yeah you're gonna tell me the truth if you've cheated on me it's most likely over yeah don't get me wrong however if you're like yeah do you know what

that i you know i did this it was wrong i shouldn't have done that but there was no cheating involved i you know you're honest with me now let's talk things through be honest just fucking say it with your chest like be honest with me and we can talk things through i can't stand when they just lie and the most blatant lies like you're a fucking idiot i've been hacked literally that is so insulting the fact that you're just bullshitting me, oh, I wanted the SIM card, like, okay, well, tell me what you wanted it for, like, it needs, this, your, your reasons need to make sense, okay, you wanted it for a SIM card, okay, let's just entertain that for a second, what's on the SIM card that you needed, okay, well, let's see, where is it then, you know, where's the SIM card, what have you got out of it of it and let's see let's see whatever this is that you got oh I wanted contacts or I wanted pictures off the phone

whatever okay well let me see that you you went ahead and did that let me see that let me see the evidence if you want me to believe this story let me see the evidence oh well I don't know how it got in the bathroom well you'd better think about. You better come up with a fucking good enough reason why it's hidden behind the back of the toilet, you know? So I think if you're going to tell me a reason of why this phone's there, why the Snapchat thing exists, it needs to make sense to me. And if it doesn't make sense, I don't believe it. So, because I just think the truth just makes sense. Like, even if it's weird it makes sense so if it doesn't make sense to me it's bollocks so yeah that's that's how I feel it needs to make sense if it's not making sense I feel like he's probably full of shit so in that case I would just go with your gut and what you

truly believe if you believe that he's telling you lies or if you believe that he's a decent guy and he's telling you the truth go with your gut if you feel like do you know what i can't be dealing with this shit like these secrets and these lies and the things not making sense sense leave like you're you're way too good to to be second guessing things all the time and it's an unhealthy unhappy place to be where you second guess the most minor things because it starts with this it starts with the little snapchats and it starts with the secret phone and then all of a sudden it's like you don't believe a word they say you know like oh I'm just popping out here well that's probably bullshit because everything in the past was bullshit you know what I mean so yeah just ask yourself if this

is if you believe them and if you don't then it doesn't need to because I always feel like in these situations right it's so hard to walk away and I know so many people will be able to relate to this right if you've not got solid proof that they've like cheated or like really truly disrespected you if you don't have solid proof you you can look back and feel like you overreacted and then you have regret so like say you find messages but or no not messages because that's proof say you like for this example like the snapchat situation it's like there's just a conversation and your gut is like you fucking liar you cheating little rat and then you're like do you know what i don't want to be with you like it's over like you're a liar you you're a cheat whatever and you end it and then you feel sad and then you feel

like I miss him like I just want to be with him I'm upset and then you can start going maybe he was hacked you know I didn't actually see the conversation that was even had it might not be he might have even done anything really wrong and it's so easy to convince yourself that you overreacted in these situations but you always have to remind yourself that it doesn't matter if they cheated or not if you got it wrong or not it's just a case of you don't want to be in that situation where you don't believe your boyfriend and you can't trust your boyfriend whether they did anything wrong or not their behavior is the reason that you have all these doubts so stick with that and remember that you just deserve to feel like you can trust someone and feel like somebody is all about you and if you don't feel

like that that's enough reason to walk away whether they've cheated or not so yeah that's my that's my um insight on that one but keep us updated we'd love an update on that one. But keep us updated. We'd love an update on that one. Okay, next one. Hi, my lovely. So happy you're back on the pod. I was binging all the old ones so I could get myself through work whilst you were away. I love that so much. How many of you guys are binging old episodes during the break? Let me know. I'd just like to get your opinion on something and hopefully some sound words of advice because you're basically a therapist at this point. hopefully, some sound words of advice because you're basically a therapist at this point. Oh my god, do not hold me to that, okay? So, I'm in a group of seven girls. The only time all of us ever get together is for a night out, which is usually for someone's birthday and never anything

else. Of course, there are separate friendships within the group and we all do things separately. I try to keep up with everyone and never want anyone to feel left out, but one of the girls in particular is always so hot and cold with me, even though I make so much effort to keep up with everyone and never want anyone to feel left out but one of the girls in particular is always so hot and cold with me even though I make so much effort to keep up with her. I invite her to any plans and she never wants to come or makes any effort but then proceeds to moan and complain that she feels like she has no friends and that no one cares about her. She tends to delete whatsapp, remove herself from group chats every so often and what i feel is a cry for attention then we'll come back as if nothing has happened it's so frustrating as i don't want any negativity in my life but she constantly makes me feel like i'm a bad friend and even makes comments like this isn't what a good friend would do or i can cut

people off so easily you know and i thought we were friends when she see when she sees me and some of the other girls out together that she'd been invited to but didn't come I just wonder whether it was even worth trying to maintain the friendship anymore when I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells and can't tell her how it's really making me feel on the group nights out we have she's the nicest person to everyone and always says how she wants to see people more but then never does I just feel like the friendship only ever weighs me down instead of lifting me up like it's meant to what would you do how would you handle the situation sorry for the novel but i just need an outsider's point of view instead of asking around the other girls constantly and getting

nowhere lol always look forward to hearing your voice love you bye oh i love you so much that's a really difficult one i I was actually talking about this with my mom the other day about the friendships that just suck. You know what I mean? They just suck and they just drain and they just from you and you just, oh, you know, we, we've all experienced some friendships. Okay. And they're difficult. I, my opinion is this girl has some issues, whether that be rejection. I, you know, at the beginning of this episode, I was saying I isolate myself like fuck. And that's because I feel like no one likes me like my, my, I do what she does, but not to friends because I don't really have like the group to do that for me to even do that with but I wouldn't do that

anyway but like I don't do that with friends but I can do that and it doesn't come from a place of nastiness laziness not wanting the friendship I think it actually really comes from deep insecurity and feeling really lonely and that doesn't make it okay it really doesn't it doesn't mean that what she's doing is healthy or you should accept it I just want you to think about what she might be feeling because I don't think she's doing it to be difficult and I don't think she's doing it for trouble I feel like sometimes we we do things for attention when we feel like we need to feel validated and we need to feel loved and it can be negative, it can be toxic but it comes from a place of deep insecurity and my impression is it reminds me of like when I was quite young and I would just feel like oh like I'm

I'm the odd one out and I've got no friends and whatever like I had this awful mentality um and I think genuinely this girl is just quite insecure and feels like no one likes her maybe deep down or at least she feels like she isn't as important to the rest of you or maybe she just has maybe she has confidence issues or whatever it is it could be something deep deep down that she feels like when I push people away and then they you know people push people away because they want to feel wanted it's it's very toxic but it's very common people do that I've definitely experienced people that have done that with me they push you away because they want to see that you give a shit. And actually it's just really

toxic and draining. So I feel like she's not a bad girl. I would just, again, this doesn't mean you have to put up with it. You have every right to disconnect from that friendship if you want. If it's sucking the life out of you, I would 100% understand that. But what I would probably want to do is talk to her and just give it one last like let's just fucking lay it on the table I know you're doing this because of xyz I my personal opinion is that you retract isolate and withdraw because you feel negatively deep down and our friendship's suffering because of that and you don't need to push me away um and you can say like it's it's hard for me to be friends with someone like this you know like i

love you i you mean a lot to me i love your company but it at the moment it's it's quite difficult i feel like i'm on eggshells i feel like i don't know where i stand with you you're hot and cold and that's uncomfortable and i don't think it's coming from a bad place i I don't know where I stand with you. You're hot and cold and that's uncomfortable. And I don't think it's coming from a bad place. I definitely don't think you're a bad girl. I just think that it's not healthy and maybe it's something you could be a bit more aware of and work on. At the very least, I always say this,

we should be able to acknowledge the very least our most toxic traits in ourselves. And sometimes someone has to hold a mirror up to you and say look I love you deeply deeply and I'm not saying this to be horrible but what you're doing is is having a negative impact on your relationships people love you people adore you you're isolating and I don't want that for you I want to be you know I want you to feel included I don't want you to feel alone. So if you do feel like, oh, fuck this, like no one wants to hang out with me and blah, blah, blah, all the feelings that she's getting, just talk to me nice.

Talk to me nicely. When you feel isolated and lonely, rather than going, oh, fuck this, and then removing yourself from the WhatsApp chat, message me and ask if we can hang out and go for a coffee. It will fix your problems without causing any more, you know? So yeah, I just think sometimes people, we can get really wrapped up in our own life. And you think like, not, I don't mean this in a really horrible way, but sometimes like, as people, we think the world revolves around us because obviously like your life is your life you are the main character in your life right you are only aware of your feelings what you're thinking what your what emotions you're going through right that sometimes somebody has to remind you like they don't know what you're feeling like you could say to this girl none of us know what you're feeling you know what you're feeling

you know that you feel left out so you leave the group chat but we don't know what you're feeling because you don't tell us we just see you leave the group chat and you've got to understand that from our perspective you just seem like you're you're being a bitch and throwing a tantrum and don't want don't want to be in the group chat and that's causing the problem rather than you know when you feel distant come closer to me I'm your friend I love you I care about you you know you don't need to withdraw you don't need to retract from from anyone but definitely not me um and if having like a good chat that's full of love doesn't help then yeah you know sometimes you do just need to withdraw from people if they if they just suck and suck and suck the life out of you you know but that's that's my perspective on that one love you babes all right let's get

into this one hey gorge so happy to have you back i hope you're doing okay i missed you so much oh i missed you so much okay i'm newly dating and i need some advice about this new guy i'm seeing he's a little bit older for context i'm 29 and he's 35 and we've been on a few dates he seems lovely very normal and down to earth and there's been no obvious red flags so far beautiful we seem to be on the same page in terms of non-negotiables like getting married having kids etc which is great i broke up with my ex two years ago and i'm just getting worried that it's affected me more than i thought my ex-boyfriend used to have me blocked on all social media as he said he didn't

like arguments over social media and he didn't like feeling controlled if there was something i saw that i didn't like wait a minute so he had you blocked when you were together so he yeah you was together and he had you blocked and his reasoning was because you're gonna kick off if you see things you don't like what basically I'm gonna do what I want and you're going to like it. So it's better off if I just block you. He isn't even trying to bullshit you. You got to respect it. No, I'm joking. You do not have to respect that. I know it sounds crazy, but when I was in it, he made me feel like if I wasn't with him, I'd be alone forever. See, this is what we were talking

about at the beginning, guys. They take away all all your confidence he used to put me down all the time and i lost all confidence in such a short space of time i also found out he was on hinge and tinder a week after he made it official with me and he said it's because we we'd had an argument and he wanted to show me that he can't be controlled all i'm saying is i'm so glad he's an ex when i tried to leave he would make threats manipulate me spread rumors about me to my friends and family it was such a low time in my life and I felt like I couldn't physically function without him I was so reliant on him and I was obsessed with making him happy yeah do you know what so many people listening to you

have been in this been in your shoes so you're not alone okay i can't believe how easily i fell into that kind of relationship but i felt like he was the prize and everything he did or said had to have been right and i had to have been wrong the final straw was when my mum passed i'm so sorry and the day of the funeral he messaged another girl saying he wishes he could be with her instead of supporting me crying like a little bitch do you know what you need to think about people like this karma is is gonna get him trust me now yeah what a vile vile person to say that to you your mum's passed he's messaged another girl saying i wish i was with you instead of my girlfriend crying like a little bitch he what goes around comes around okay he's gonna have a sad little life and you are gonna go on

to a beautiful better happy life full of love and and positivity and success and abundance and he's gonna just go to nothing because what goes around comes around what a piece of shit i hate him i hate him okay carrying on um where do i get to okay anyway i've done a lot of self-work the last couple of years and i finally started dating again i'm so happy for you i feel like i'm so quickly slipping into the mindset of he must be the prize i'm here to make him happy and I should be grateful that he's even entertaining me I'm so sick of feeling like this I really like him and I don't want to end it and I'm so scared of self-sabotaging I don't know what else I can do to get over the way I've been treated in the past have you got any advice on ways I can try and manage my thinking or even try oh sorry even just a bestie pep talk, I'm struggling a lot to process it all,

I love you millions beautiful girl, and thank you in advance, I just want to wrap you up, and squeeze you so tight, and give you loads of kisses on the cheeks, you are so beautiful, like that is, I just feel like you need that, like you found a lovely guy. I'm so happy for you. I'm happy that you've had two years. Did you say it's been two years? Let me see. I broke up with my ex two years ago. Yeah, so it's been two years.

I'm really happy. I think that's an amazing time to be alone and just recover from the fucking trauma and abuse from your ex. Fuck that guy. Fuck him, fuck him, fuck him. Right? We hate him.

We all hate him, don't we girls? Yeah, we hate him. Right? So I think you need to work on how you view yourself. Because the way that this guy treated you is nothing to do with you nothing to do with you you this this behavior from guys like him he is insecure he feels like he's nothing he is the one that knew you were too good for him right that's why they do it because they can't possibly keep you if you knew you were

too good for him so they have to make you feel like you're not good enough knock your confidence below ground so that you stay with him and put up with his behavior because if you knew how amazing you are you'd leave that's what they do right you need to understand that the way he treats you is not a reflection of you it's nothing to do with you what he what he did to you is nothing to do with you you were just unfortunately a victim in that situation and you are beautiful kind funny forgiving patient like talented intelligent all these things and he's just a fucking prick right and I'm so happy for you that you're not in that anymore I'm so happy for you that you've had two years being single and I'm really thrilled that you found somebody who makes you feel really good no red flags okay

what I say to you is take it slow be careful because I worry that another guy would hurt you again and how that would affect you so just take it slow um and you can communicate that with him and just say like look my last relationship was really awful and I'm really scared of being made to feel like that again so you know forgive me if I'm a little bit slow or a little bit cautious um and if if he's a good guy he'll respect that what I want you to do is work on your self-confidence and do things that make you feel good so that you don't depend on anyone um it took me a long time to get there in my life and I I can actually say I'm there in terms of I live my life for me my relationship used to be my life like if I was in a relationship it was my life my boyfriend was everything it was my number one my whole world and now you guys

remember if you've listened for a long time my mum always told me the five things you should prioritize in your life your relationships your your friendships your family your career and yourself right and they should all be equal or none at least close close enough right it shouldn't be a case of my boyfriend is above all of them or you know my career is above all of that because i need to sneeze oh oh my god i'm gonna sneeze again oh so disappointing don't you love sneezing isn't that the best shit in the world um because it's dangerous otherwise because if that one thing gets fucked up you feel like your whole life's over right and it took me a long time to get there to the point where everything is important to me now i make time for everything and therefore

it's not like this one thing in my life whether that be my career my relationships my friendships whatever it's not my world to the point where if you took it away from me I'd feel like I'm nothing and I've got nothing left you know what I mean like I've got all the other things that I'm filling up that I fill in my cup you know so I would just do what you can to make sure that you love all areas of your life um so whether that be make sure that you are prioritizing yourself your self-care your your nights the things that you love to do like for example for me I love sitting at my dressing table doing my skincare you know lighting a little candle if

I'm feeling a little bougie putting my headband on and doing my skincare sometimes I'll sit there for an hour and do some skincare at the end of the day or my favorite thing is making my iced coffee and sitting down watching a bit of youtube in the morning having a nice slow morning and having my me time that's important to me and I won't sacrifice that and that's that's one thing that's that you know is is a big thing in my foundations in my stability so that again if something gets taken away from you you've still got these little things right like I will always wake up and have my moment with my coffee and no matter what's going on in my friendships relationships family life whatever that you can't take that from me. That's mine. And the same with your family. Make sure that you have your things that you like to do with your family. Make sure you prioritize them. And

same with your friendships, same with your career. Like, make sure that you're focused on all of these things, as well as the men in your life, the relationships that come into your life, you know, so that if somebody's treating you bad, it's a lot easier to detach from your self-worth because you've got all these other things in your life that fill in your cup, you know, if you are obsessed with your relationship and it's your whole world, when they you like shit it's it's all that matters you you're sobbing you're on the floor you're nothing because all that matters all you need is that partner to come and validate you again come and apologize tell you that they didn't mean it take it all back and then you've got your life back again and that is that is the most

draining unhealthy position to be in and we have all been there at least once I'm sure of it so I would just say get excited about this and make sure that you know how incredible you are and your relationships are just part of your life and he is not the prize you are the prize always just remember that you are the prize and you know he's the prize to you and you're the prize to him it doesn't have to be like oh well you know he's fine for me or I'm fine for him you're both the prize that's that should be relationships you know like you're the prize to him and he's the prize to you but it doesn't mean that if it doesn't work out you're nothing it just means it didn't work out and that's it full stop it doesn't matter it's not reflection of me, of my worth or him or his worth.

It just didn't work out, full stop. But you're still you. You still have your coffee every morning. You still go on your Saturday night runs. You still go around your mum's for a Sunday roast every Sunday. You know, like all these little things that are you, that no one can take from you. Build that up. Build up the foundations that make you you that no one can take from you. Build that up, build up the foundations that make you,

you, that no one can take from you. The things that make you, you, that make you feel good, that make you feel happy, build them up and, and protect them and prioritize them. That's what I think. I love you so much. You are amazing, like so incredible. I want you to go look at yourself in the mirror and do some affirmations and remind yourself that you're you know detached from how your ex treated you detached from that that's not you and that's him that's all him you are incredible and you don't you didn't deserve that and make sure you look at yourself and you and you can look at yourself and say I didn't deserve that and that that's that I didn't deserve it. Full stop. Yeah, I was in it. Yeah, that happened to me. Yeah, I went through that, but I didn't deserve

it. And that's that. I'm incredible. I'm beautiful. I'm kind. I have so much to give. And whoever I do decide to give that to is the lucky one. Okay. All right. Love you so much. Okay, guys. That was a proper pep talk, wasn't who else needed it raise a hand me we all need it every now and then do you know what I mean okay guys thank you so much for sending in your dilemmas if you have a dilemma that you need some advice on leahontheline.com I'm here for you let's wrap up the episode oh my god guys did I actually tell you Sabrina Carpenter reposted my TikTok I don't know if I said that I can't remember my brain's all over the place basically I did a TikTok where it was like

oh she's probably cheating on me me and I did the um this is espresso we hope you love it Coachella now he's thinking about me every night oh and I did her Coachella um choreography as a joke I did it took me about 10 seconds just filmed it in my bedroom when I had workmen around and I was stuck in my bedroom and I just posted it because I needed to upload I hadn't uploaded much in the last week so I was like I'll just pop that up you know it's funny it's relatable um it is currently about to reach 2 million views it's a 1.9 mil I'm mortified I'm sorry literally me in my bedroom in a baggy t-shirt can I just say like now he's thinking about me like getting on the floor in my bedroom that a baggy t-shirt can i just say like now he's thinking about me like getting on the floor in my bedroom that is a total mess and looks so jumpy like oh my god i love you sabrina look i was i was absolutely buzzing to be honest i love sabrina you guys

know i was i've been talking about her a lot recently i'm a new fan but the thing is people get quite protective don't they which i can understand because i remember when i was like obsessed with justin bieber and everyone hated him everyone used to just like beef him so much like especially you guys like everyone was like and we hate him we hate him we hate him he's such a loser such a loser and then he started to like blow up in terms of like mainstream music like it was when he started doing like where are you now that like mainstream music like it was when he started doing like where are you now that i need you and like he went into the charts and everyone started going oh this music is actually really good i was protective over him i was like i have loved him

since 2009 since me plus you am i'd say do you know what i mean no you don't get to just hop on now that he's really fucking famous. And I'm doing that with Sabrina Carpenter because I genuinely, listen, I can't help it. I didn't know her. I've never seen her before. Not really. I don't think so. And yeah, so now I'm a huge fan

because I've just discovered her. And I get it. People are very protective, which, you know what? I get it. You should be. You should be. I wouldn't want to share either. I hate it when you've been a real fan of someone since they were in sticks.

And you get them out. You get them out of the sticks. And now they're performing at Coachella. And now you're just one of 10 billion fans. I get it. But yeah, that happened. So I was like, I get it. But yeah, that happened. So I was like, brilliant. So that's exciting. What else do I have to tell you? I'm going away today. I'm actually going away today for that caravan weekend that I told you guys about. This episode, I actually have recorded over two days because my house has been pure chaos. Like everyone comes in unannounced. Like we've had workmen in then my sister shows up and then my brother shows up with a baby and I'm like so happy to see you guys but like I got things to do up there and trust me I've got the loudest family in the world so it's

actually taken me two days to record this episode so I'm actually going away today but it's fine um I'm really excited to be honest i'm actually really looking forward to it something different so yeah i really need to book a holiday as well i'm thinking i might do that i shouldn't i'm in my saving era but i need a bit of sun the sun i need air i need air oh anyway i hope you guys all have an amazing week this week it's a beautiful tuesday it should be sunny weather app says it's going to be sunny today so hopefully it's a beautiful day here in the uk to my uk peeps let me know where you guys are from actually let's have some chats in the dms everyone send me a little dm let's have a little chat um head to learontheline.com to

submit any um dilemmas and weekly debate ideas or just hop in my dms either way love you so much and i hope you all have an amazing week and i can't wait to speak to you next week all right guys i'll speak to you on tuesday for a brand new episode i love you Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit Rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers.