Leah on the Line - 124: My boyfriend is going on trips away with a female work colleague!

Episode Date: October 21, 2024

Hey babes! Welcome back to another episode of Leah on the Line. Thank you so much for all of your love and support on the podcast, it honestly means the world to me. I hope you love this one!Head to leahontheline.com to send in your dilemmas. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This message comes from BetterHelp. Can you think of a time when you didn't feel like you could be yourself? Like you were hiding behind a mask? BetterHelp online therapy is convenient, flexible, and can help you learn to be your authentic self so you can stop hiding. Because masks should be for Halloween fun, not for your emotions. Take off the mask with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P, dot com. Acas powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.

Céline Dion. My dream, to be an international star. Could it happen again? Could Céline Dion happen again? I'm Thomas LeBlanc, and Céline Understood is a four-part series from CBC Podcasts and CBC News, where I pieced together the surprising circumstances that helped manufacture Céline Dion, the pop icon. Celine Understood. Available wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere.

Acast.com Hello! Hi everyone! Happy Tuesday, happy Tuesday! Happy Lear on the Line day! Guys, as you're listening to this, I will be in the blazing sun, baby. I'm so ready for this. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,

go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go you're listening to this, I will be in the blazing sun, baby. I'm so ready for this. Guys, remember last week I was like, yeah, I'm feeling a bit ill. That illness, I thought I'd seen the peak of it. Absolutely not, hun. It was, yesterday was hell. Today's half hell. Like, it's rough out here. It's really rough and you know what? there's something in me that like when somebody's got like a cold or something and they're like I'm like, oh just get on with it. And then when I've got a cold I'm like, oh

I don't know what it is. I think it's think about this before but like growing up like when you was ill You just got on with it. Like my mom got stressed. So rather than like What's the word like? You know when they like overly they're like oh darling like let me make you some soup. No no no my mum was like right Well, you're gonna have to have the day off school there, didn't you? So now I think that's why when somebody's ill I I've I lack that empathy Obviously like if they're really ill I feel a huge amount of empathy but when they've just got a cold I like can't imagine how bad they're feeling and then I'm like oh god

yeah no sometimes the cold is really bad. I took a covid test because everybody was like it's covid it's covid it's covid because there's like new strains around and stuff but it's not covid. Um so yeah whatever it is it's just hell um yeah, I hope you're all doing really well. I am ready for a vacation. Isn't it funny because Americans, like a holiday to you is like Christmas. It's like, it's a holiday, it's like happy holidays. If you said happy holidays to me, that means like we're going on fucking holiday, babe. We're going on vacation.

We're in the sun. So I'm really looking forward to it, Tuesday, where will I be on a Tuesday? I would have been there a few days now, hopefully I'm looking tanned, hopefully I'm looking gorgeous and stunning. I'm hoping and praying but guys, my skin skin when I'm ill I always break out. I guess like your immune system's low I don't know what is but yeah like It's bad, and they're so painful right now I don't know what it is, but my skin is just not loving life, and I I get so insecure about my skin It's honestly making me want to go back on the pill because I've really struggled since coming off the pill. I've been off my pill for like a year and a half. I think it'll be two years

in April next year. I think it was around April I came off. Yeah. And ever since and I've seen everybody say like sometimes it can take like six months post pill for your skin to start freaking out and I think that genuinely happened to me and I'm really struggling I feel like I need a whole new skincare routine but I don't know what it is because now I'm thinking right it's obviously hormonal so do I go back on the fucking pill I honestly don't know what to do I have polycystic

ovaries so it's a symptom of that, it's like acne. So I'm like, is it just that the pill like helped my symptoms of PCOS so that I wasn't breaking out? Because I struggle with my skin. I've always kind of struggled even when I was like young, but never like this. Like usually it's up and down and my skin will be looking flawless like, and I'll be like, I'm not wearing makeup, I look stunning, I'm natural beauty, I'm a natural beauty. And then the next day I'm like, whoa, okay.

But it didn't really bother me as much because I knew clear skin was around the corner again because it always come back, do you know what I mean? Like yeah, the breakouts come but they go. But this time they're just, I feel like I'm having clear skin For a day or something and then and then it's gone again So yeah I'm really stressed out about it. So what can you do for hormonal spots because it's really causing me some insecurities and I know it's silly because

I've never in my life looked somebody else with spots and and felt like it takes away any of their beauty because it doesn't I've never in my life looked at somebody else with spots and felt like it takes away any of their beauty because it doesn't. But if you know, you know, like I think it's more the feeling of like not understanding where you're going wrong. I do think I need to just like dumb down my skincare routine. I think I've overcomplicated it and I was just using too many products so I feel like I want to just use like a set. You know.

I don't know. I'm just gonna have a little look into what I should do. But yeah. I'm struggling, basically, you guys. But apart from that, apart from being ill, I feel unprepared for this holiday. Like, I guess because I had like my week in the way of my family and then it's been my mom's birthday this week,

I feel like I haven't had time to really think about my holiday. And now I'm like, shit, do I have enough clothes clothes like do I have some of shit anywhere under my bed? Like I feel like I've been living in tracksuits for so long now. I'm like I'm gonna be in the Sun I haven't prepared I haven't prepared for this but you know, it's a nice problem to have I'm feeling so lucky and grateful to have a holiday around the corner But yeah, you guys, I am feeling good apart from the illness. I'm feeling good.

I'm excited, feeling positive. What is stressing me out is where I've been so ill. I haven't been able to film. Like I genuinely, like yesterday, I couldn't even get out of bed. It was really, really bad. So I haven't uploaded a TikTok in like four days and that causes me stress.

It shouldn't. Like you should be able to just take a fucking break but for some reason like I just start panicking like crazy but I just need to relax you know. It's like the constant pressure of like you need to film, you need to film, you need to upload like you're gonna fall off, you're gonna fall it's like just chill out and relax take a deep breath do you know what I mean? Is it that deep? No. But I hope you're all feeling really good. Thank you so much for clicking on today's episode and joining me. I'm so happy to be here with you. Books I'm taking away. So, Wild Love I did not, could not finish. I've

probably only got a chapter or two left and I can't bear it. I can't pick it up. I'm not, I'm not enjoying it! I'm not! And so many people love that book. But I just felt like it's fucking boring! Like, if you've read it, Wild Love by Elsie Silver, one of her newer ones, it's the new series. It's just kind of stupid. No offence Elsie, I love ya. Okay, Chestnut Springs will always be some of my favorite, favorite books, the first three in particular. But there's just, Wild Love is so bizarre to me.

Like, he donated sperm at a younger age, right? Because he just wanted some money, fine. This daughter shows up at his house and is like, you're my dad. And he's like, I'm willing to love you with everything I've got. Hey? Like it would be so much more understandable to me if it was like oh I had a one-night stand when I was young, blah blah blah, I didn't even know you existed, like I'm ready to adapt to fatherhood, whatever. But like it just

seemed so unusual for somebody to just show up and be like you donated sperm, here I am and he's like wow I'm like I love you like a daughter like literally instant. No, no Justin, it was just like wild and the storyline is just wild like the reason she showed up at the door and all of that it's like and then his relationship with the girl in the book the whole love story just feels really like boring Visually in my mind it's boring. So like yeah, it was a torturous book for me I'm not gonna lie I hate I hate having negative reviews on books, especially when I know writers have worked so hard on it

But obviously like so many people love this book as rated very highly on Goodreads But I'm just not understanding the hype, to be honest. But then again, I do have unpopular opinions when it comes to books. My favourite out of the Chestnut Springs series was Flawless, that tends to be everyone's least favourite. My favourite in the Twisted series was Twisted Hate, that tends to be everyone's least favourite. So, you know, take what I say of a pinch of salt. Don't not read it because I didn't like it. I am now reading Wild Love. No, sorry, Wild Eyes. What is it called? The orange one? Wait, let me check. I can see it. Oh, fucking hell, I'm actually having to get up now. Wild Eyes, I was right. Sorry, I had to get my dog off my lap then.

Come on, baby girl. Get comfy. Good girl. Yeah, I'm reading Wild Eyes which is the second one in this series and I am preferring it already. I don't know if it's like I've lost my spark with reading but I'm not picking it up as much, like I'm just not... I think about the book and I think oh I'm loving where this is going, I can't wait to see where it goes but then like the book's next to me and I'd rather like just do something else so yeah maybe it's just because I'm in a little bit of a reading slump but when I'm on holiday hopefully I'll just be able to smash through them so yeah I'm taking Wild Eyes and I'm taking The Idea of You this was recommended to me

by my friend Megan which I am aware is now a film, so if I like the book, you guys know I loved that about reading the after series, that there was a series of films to watch after, so that was very exciting to me. So reading the idea of You I'm ready for. Also, there's gonna be a film of, is it called The Housemaid? Everyone recommended that book to me and I've not read it, so I feel like I need to, especially now that there's a film coming out, because I don't want to not be on the hype, you know And also, I don't know if I dreamt this but did I see that they're making a reminders of him film? The Colleen Hoover book or did I make that up?

Either way, I'm absolutely here for it. And if we're going on a Colleen Hoover movie Journey, can we please please I'm begging make ugly love and if we're going on a Colleen Hoover movie journey, can we please, please, I'm begging, make Ugly Love? Because that, that would be the most incredible film. Like imagine Miles the Pilar, like, are you kidding? I would love that so much. But anyway, enough book talk. I love you so much.

It's gonna be a great episode. We've got a great weekly debate today. It's not really a weekly debate. It's more a question that I just wanted to hear all your answers to. I thought, you know what, let's fucking go. So yeah, I love you so much and let's get into the episode. Welcome to Leer on the Line. Join me every Tuesday as I dial your number for the ultimate unfiltered bestie catch-up. Whatever it is, we will laugh together and guide each other along the way. Head to leerontheline.ine.com and follow learontheline on instagram to get involved. Love you! Okay you guys, so this might feel like a negative question but sometimes I feel like it's good to laugh at our own trauma. Okay so my question for you is what is the meanest or worst thing your partner slash an ex has ever said to you?

Now I'm hoping most of these are going to be exes because they've been mean, you know. So let's just have a look. I just know it's going to be brutal. Okay, that he better not come back from uni to find that I've gotten fat. that he better not come back from uni to find that I've gotten fat. Do you know what babe, you better just not come back from uni. Full stop. How fucking rude. Rude is not the word, that is absolutely vile, disgusting. I better not come back from uni to- oh stop there. Yeah, you better not come back from uni to- stop there! Yeah, you better not come back from uni love. That's it for me. How rude. What a prick.

During a panic attack, he said, call your mum because you're winding me up. Wow! Oh, call your mum you're winding me up. Oh my god, what a piece of shit. What a piece of shit. Oh my god, what a piece of shit. What a piece of shit. You're lucky you have me because no one else wants you. Oh my god. Wow. Who do you think you are? These people are insane! Lots of people want me. I'll have you know. I hope that's what you said.

Really? Take a look at my DMs, babe. I think they'll disagree My ex said a lot of mean things. Oh, okay that one. I'm actually not gonna read out That's actually vile. I can't even read that. I'm so sorry That I'm clingy for wanting to hold hands in a night out. Oh my God, if you want to appear single, just say that. Oh, some of these I actually can't even read. I'm not even joking. You're not my number one girl right now, but you're in my top three.

Wow. That's really really that's really big thank you. She says I did stop seeing him after this. Okay good girl. My ex told me that he would cheat on me if I went away with work for six months. I quit my job. Do you know what the way these people can manipulate is actually insane? I'm so upset that you quit your job But I'm so happy that you said my ex Okay, and also Fucking cheating me then you piece of shit. Do you know what I mean? Okay, I made my ex tell me he didn't love me anymore when he broke up with me so that it would feel real.

Oof. Do you know what? I understand. I actually understand. I've spoken about this before but when I was going through a breakup like the relationship was falling apart for so long and it wasn't until he said the words to me like the sparks just gone that I could literally completely let go because I was like why don't want to be with you then? It's like no matter how shit the relationship is I was willing to hold on until you literally admit to me that you don't feel for me what I need you to feel. Do you know what I mean? So I do get it. Someone said he asked if I put on weight.

There is never, never a good reason to ever ask somebody have they gained weight. Have you put on weight? Fuck off! Do you know what I mean? Has your dick gotten smaller? That's so weird, has your dick got smaller? Imagine that! Wow, I hope you get hit by a big red bus.

I don't know why he clarified the colour. Very bizarre. She's put laughing emojis so I like that we can laugh our trauma together but that's insane what a freak my ex told me he likes girls with blonde hair and blue eyes I'm brunette with green eyes oh perfect do you know what once I always remember when I was with somebody this was a long time ago, I was like, have you got any like fetishes? Like what's like your fetish? Like thinking like come on, like what can I deliver?

He went, I've always had a bit of a milk fetish. Can't help you there. I was like, oh, haha, okay. Not what I was expecting, but brilliant. Um, so many are about weight guys, I can't even read them. Um, told me that my surgery scar on the front of my neck was lumpy and he didn't like to look at it. What the hell? What the hell? What a weird thing to say. and he didn't like to look at it. What the hell? What the hell?

What weird thing to say? Um... When I asked if I was more important than his ex, he said no. Wow. Am I more important to you than your ex, yes or no? No. Oh. Okay.

Um... Wow, okay, some of these are actually insane My ex texted friend text his friend saying he couldn't wait to go out and get some pussy Brilliant That's brilliant. Okay glad I Cleaned his whole flat and did his food shop and then he said I only ever think of myself Honestly make it make sense. What weirdo Told me I was insecure because my ex best friend would would flirt with him in front of me

Oh, you love it then he loves it Called me a slag bitch embarrassing Forehead the list goes on. Forehead! All right, forehead. Fuck off, literally! So fucking rude, so mean. Um got a lot of swearing from me today, sorry. Can you blame me? Um, my ex said he wished he had a girlfriend with bigger boobs Luckily, my husband loves them Wow, it's like that girl that sent me a question in the question box the other day saying how are you so confident with your Small boobs are on your boyfriend. Just looking for advice

Okay, I Oh, it's hilarious. Okay. I met my ex on a train for a day and the first thing he said to me was, were you in a rush? Oh my God, imagine you spent hours getting ready. But yeah, was you in a rush? Huh?

What makes you think that? Why do I look like I'm in a rush? I spent a long time doing this. It's a messy bun babe it's in the key the keys in the word messy idiot Wow okay so many about weight guys I can't there's no need to have a fucking panic attack about it. Brilliant thank you, cheers, glad you said that. That's really helpful. Wow, the price I paid for my car could have got me a boob job. Huh? Honestly, what is it that boobs? One minute I was looking at getting you a ring, the next I realized I wanted to be with

someone else. Oh. Brilliant. Well I'm glad you've realised. Good job you didn't get me the ring. Idiot. It was a chore to see me and I lived about 45 seconds walk away from him and another one seeing you as a chore.

Brilliant. My boyfriend said he can tell I've lost weight as my belly doesn't stick out further than my boobs. For context, I'm a 30 double J. My belly will always stick out further than my boobs because I'm a fucking A cup, okay? No, there's nothing wrong with it. So many about weight, it's insane. Fuck off. These people are so insecure, that's why they

come for us, innit, with our bodies and stuff. They're insecure. How dare you. Oh my god, I'm a ten up front and a four on profile. What does that mean? Like your side profile, or you mean like, I'm confused, like online? What? Do you know what? People always say to me like,

oh, you're like better looking in person. And obviously I'd rather it be that way around, like don't get me wrong. But I'm like, are my photos ugly then? Like am I ugly online? I'll just that just feels like a compliment an insult Sometime we have got no ass brilliant So many about boobs guys, what the hell

Constantly telling me to shut up. Honestly being told to shut up is genuinely so disgusting to me. Like shut up That that one's bad to me. Like if somebody tells you to shut up He also asked me to put a paper bag over my head during sex because he was bored What the actual fuck what the fucking flippin' fuck? What the flippin' crap? Have you seen that guy that does the impression of um, what's his face? Charlie in the Chocolate Factory as granddad in the film, in the Willy Wonka film when he's like, oh I've won a golden ticket to the Chocolate Factory and he's like, what the flippin' crap? I literally feel fine! What the flippin crap I literally feel fine what the flippin crap but at the beginning he's like

I'm probably gonna die like this afternoon I love that video it's so funny ummm called me an ignorant bitch or when I got ready for our five year anniversary and had the cutest dress on made such an effort I walked in the door and he went you're not going out

like that. Are you? Sorry, I'm a god Yes, I am and now I'll be going out alone. Thank you. Oh my god guys. I need water wait This is actually not fun trying to podcast when your sinuses are just like not having a good time Okay, fantastic. Let me think of some for me because I've had some mean things said to me. Okay, I was on a date with a boyfriend, okay, we were not seeing each other,

we were in a relationship, quite far into it. I'm like, can you take a photo of me? Bear in mind, I did not have confidence getting my photo taken at all. Like if you asked Jamie, when we first met, I did not like my pictures being taken, which was difficult when I really wanted to pursue social media content creation full-time. But Jamie really helped me, and now, like, I'm very confident, most of the time, with him taking my picture, just him, to be fair, or like other content creators.

But before him, like, I was very insecure getting my picture, just him to be fair, or like other content creators, but before him like I was very insecure getting my picture taken, I always just felt like I was very fucking ugly like compared to people on Instagram. So it was always like I had to feel really nice to say it. So he takes a photo of me on a date and I was like oh like that's not a nice picture and then he goes yeah it's not and I was like what oh, like that's not a nice picture. And then he goes, yeah, it's not. And I was like, what? Like you're supposed to say, oh, it's beautiful. Let's go again. What do you want to do differently? Do you know what I mean? That's what Jamie does.

He's like, babe, you're fucking blind. Like you're perfect, but we'll go again. We'll go again. Like that's Jamie, right? But this experience with someone else, he was like, put it this way. If that was your Tinder profile, I would have swiped left. How mean is that? There was absolutely, we're on a date by the way, there was absolutely no need for that. There was absolutely no need. I also got threatened with if I don't start having sex with him more

That he'll go get it elsewhere That's nice. So Listen, we've all been there. We've all been in them relationships or been dating people and People have said things to us that I genuinely don't think we'll forget do know I mean and some of the ones that I've just read Break my heart. I cannot imagine what that did to your self-esteem and your confidence, especially the ones I couldn't read out loud. But I do think there is power in just laughing about it and understanding that like nothing they've said is true and it is all about them, do you know what I mean? Because a nice

happy confident secure person does not project that energy onto other people because they don't possess that energy. You're an unhappy, insecure person, full stop. Do you know what I mean? So yeah, very fun but brutal weekly debate slash question. Oh, it is awful, but yeah, I love you so much. I'm so sorry to anybody that's heard some brutal shit in their lives, but look at us

now, hey? We have an update on a dilemma. I'm very excited. Let's get into it. Okay guys, the update. Who's ready? So, you guys remember, it was the episode with Jamie when we said that she sounded like she'd been love-bombed because the communication

stopped, she had to beg him for phone calls, you guys remember? We called him Mike, okay? Hey Leah, thank you so much for your response to my dilemma, I've got an update. So this is regarding the issue about Mike, my fast-moving and long distance almost love-bombing relationship, which then suddenly changed. So, I had another conversation with Mike and it went so much worse than before. I asked to have a phone call to properly talk to him after him leaving me on delivered for 24 hours after I told him I wouldn't send him nudes. What the fuck? He became arsey and said, well I think you have some explaining because apparently thought it was rude that I didn't reply for 10 minutes The gaslighting is insane Wow

Sorry, how about 24 hours mate? Anyway, he wasn't listening refused to phone call three times and we were going to meet up a few days later But I was so done at this point. Yes. We love you I wanted to handle this well and at least break up on call I would have preferred in real life, but he hasn't managed anything important not over text He refused to phone call and I was exhausted so I ended up breaking up with him over text. Oh my god I'm so proud of you Since he's since he's tried to be friends and still meet up basically. I think he wants me without the relationship expectations

Oh, and he said he hopes we get to the stage where he can help me set up a dating profile. This message comes from BetterHelp. Can you think of a time when you didn't feel like you could be yourself? Like you were hiding behind a mask, at work, in social settings, around your family? BetterHelp online therapy is convenient, flexible, and can help you learn to be your authentic self.

So you can stop hiding. Because masks should be for Halloween fun, not for your emotions. Take off the mask with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp.com ACAS powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Céline Dion. My dream to be an international star.

Could it happen again? Could Céline Dion happen again? I'm Thomas LeBlanc and Céline Understood is a four-part series from CBC podcasts and CBC news, where I pieced together the surprising circumstances that helped manufacture Celine Dion, the pop icon. Celine Understood. Available wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Baby, I do not need your help. Okay, literally.

That is honestly always the way of people trying to let you know that they don't care. Listen, hopefully, you know, I might be able to wingman you. Fucking hell, I get it, you're not bothered. You don't care if I get with somebody else. All right, whatever, try and keep telling yourself that. Let's see what happens. I said to him that I can do that myself, thanks. So he can grow up, I think.

Anyway, love you and thanks again. So proud of you. So, so proud of you. I think you handled that so well. Like, you tried. You tried to do it gracefully over the phone, at least if not in person, and you wouldn't have it. So there you go.

Good riddance, baby girl. Love you. Okay, next dilemma. Hi Leah, I know you get this all the time, but I need your help. I've been here since day one. I love you, thank you so much. And I've sent in dilemmas before, and you've been a huge help. Oh, fantastic news.

Okay, so I reconnected with this guy who was now my boyfriend of six months. For the first few months, everything was perfect. It was exactly how I dreamed for a relationship to look like. He was so thoughtful, caring, understanding and made me feel so loved. For about a month or so, we've been arguing left, right and centre. I can feel he has a short fuse with me for some reason and whenever I ask him about it he says it's because he's tired from work and apologises. It's just not good enough though! Do you know what I mean? Oh I'm just tired. Sorry.

Alright then I'll just accept it shall I? But recently it gets to the point where I do question what happened to the person I fell in love with. He doesn't try to understand me anymore like he used to and things just seem different. He's adamant there's no one else and to be honest I believe that bit but I'm left wondering where did it all change. The thing is whenever we argue over text and then I see him in person he just acts like everything is fine. When I mention that things feel different he's confused and says nothing's changed for him. I wish I could just speak to you in person

as you're like the best friend I've always wished for. Oh my god, I love you so much. I love your energy and I look up to yours and Jamie's relationship. Oh babe, don't look up to any relationship. That is one thing I always wanna say. I feel so lucky to be in a relationship I'm in, but you should never compare your relationship to somebody else's because I could do that as well.

I could be like, oh you know, like, me and Jamie aren't there yet, we're not engaged, we don't have our own place, we don't have children, blah blah blah. There is no need to ever look at another relationship and aspire to be it. We also don't ever know the truth, do you know what I mean? And I've done that myself, so please don't do that. Please give me advice. I know it sounds silly, but I don't want to break up. I just want him to be like before. Love you, bye. Love you. Okay, listen, it's hard.

I do believe that you can go through bad phases. Me and Jamie have done it. Like me and Jamie have been through a phase that I genuinely didn't think we'd get out of. It was like constant bickering, constant disagreements. Like I'd never been in a relationship where it's got bad and then got better again But we came out the other side a million times stronger and like I look back at like that phase of our relationship And I'm like God. I can't even imagine us being like that now

So I genuinely I'm here to tell you that you can go through bad phases in a relationship And I know people say all the time, but I don't really believe it. I didn't believe it. But now that I have lived it and like I Feel so strong in my relationship. I have no doubts in my relationship. Look watch it all fucking go to shit tomorrow Now I'm joking. Oh god, please don't. And I do genuinely think it's it's quite normal to struggle. You're adapting the way you've lived your life, the way you've learned to love, the way you communicate with somebody else's way that they've learned everything. And sometimes it takes learning, it takes adjustment, it takes time because sometimes it comes from insecurities, sometimes it comes from like he's saying he's tired and stressed, whatever right, whatever the reason, you can get out the other side of it, there can be a healthy relationship

and I know a lot of people listening to this will probably be relieved to hear it because I don't think many people really admit when they've been through a tough time in their relationships and stuff like yeah I never heard anybody talk about their own experience in their relationships and stuff. Like, yeah, I never heard anybody talk about their own experience in their relationship saying like, oh, we was like that, but we're genuinely so good now. So I'm here to tell you that that can happen and that will happen if it's the right relationship. So I feel like he needs to do what he can do because it doesn't just go away on its own. you both need to work at a relationship. People say it all the time, relationships take work, marriages are successful for that huge period of time because they've worked at it, they've worked hard, they've

gone through them phases of just not getting on and I guarantee people that have been married for years and years and years and years have almost broken up. I guarantee it. They might have even low-key broken up. Do you know what I mean? Relationships aren't easy. Not the whole time. Not from beginning to hopefully never end. Do you know what I mean? But do you know what I mean? How many times did I just say do you know what I mean? So what I'm saying is, it's very normal and I truly believe that relationships aren't supposed to be plain sailing the whole way through. Don't get me wrong, I also don't believe it should be very hard. Like, god that sounds so contradicting, but what I'm saying is it shouldn't feel impossible. It shouldn't feel like, okay this is not

fucking working. Like I think in your difficult stages there should always be that underlying feeling of like we're gonna be alright. It took time, it took feeling more secure with each other, it took falling more and more in love with each other, it took communication, it took patience, it took lessons and you have to both want it. It can't be one sided. And then I think it just happens and it just stops. At least that's what happened in my case. Things just fell into place and things just settled and things just started to make sense and you learn,

okay, how do I communicate with this person? Taking a look at myself, what am I doing and how might my actions and words be perceived even if that's not how I mean them to. And both people need to be banging love and to want it so bad that it doesn't feel like you're fighting for your life in the relationship but it feels like, you know what, we're going to get through this together and we're going to be alright. Do you know what I mean? And then you can be.

Don't get me wrong, sometimes relationships, it could be the other side where it started great and it very quickly changes and then you realise, okay, this ain't right and you just know in your gut that it's not right. I think There's there's that saying I always try and remember and I can never remember but something about like intuition is so loud Anxiety is like an unsettling niggling feeling that's anxiety and and over thinking in doubt, but intuition is loud and overthinking and doubt, but intuition is loud. So if your mind and your stomach is telling you like this is not right, we're not gonna get through this time, maybe he's not right for you. But if it's like, no, I know he's my person,

I know for a fact he loves me enough to work on things together, then I believe you can. I think it takes communication and rather than him just saying I'm tired, sorry, like that's not good enough, you need to say, your apology I appreciate and your reasoning I understand, but that doesn't mean that there's nothing

you can do about it. You have to try because it's making me unhappy and if we want this relationship to work, you need to do what you can do to make me and have to try because it's making me unhappy and if we want this relationship to work you need to do what you can do to make me and you but make me happy and I'll do the same for you, you know. So good luck, I love you, I do believe you can get through things and also I do believe that sometimes things just aren't right and it will fall apart. I think give it time Communicate try maybe set a time limit of how long you're willing to feel like this for before you decide

It's not right. I mean you walk away, you know I love you. Good luck. Keep us updated with that one. Okay next dilemma Hi Leah, I desperately need your help and advice on this situation Which has caused me to lose my mind over the last few weeks. So basically, I've been with my boyfriend, we're 19 and 20 for reference, for about 8 months now, and we're very happy together. He's a great person and truly makes me feel so loved and appreciated.

There's only one little thing bothering me. I know that he has one ex who was his first girlfriend and they broke up about three, four years ago. I don't know why exactly they broke up, only that they didn't end on the best of terms and that she apparently was still quite attached to him. I've never really thought about her until I saw her saw that her birthday was still in his calendar and while they were cleaning out his, while we were cleaning out his room, I found a lighter with a picture of them on it together. My boyfriend immediately deleted and threw everything away but the seed of doubt was

already planted. All of this happened when we had just started dating though so I thought maybe he just hadn't thought to throw it out yet and I only found the lighter stuffed in a box whilst deep cleaning anyways. I tried not to think into it too much and overthink the situation until this happened three weeks ago. My boyfriend and I were just leaving a restaurant when we bumped into his ex. On top of it, she was with her best friend, a girl that I know from back home

and practically grew up with. We ended up speaking to them for about 20 minutes and I honestly have to say that his ex was being very kind and considerate of me. But the situation was still awkward as my boyfriend was mainly talking to her and not really involving me in the conversation much or holding my hand or anything. No see I believe in that situation you're not silly you're aware that this is awkward for both for both girls involved okay but you your priority should be with your girlfriend and how she feels.

Yes, your ex is gonna feel extremely uncomfortable. She's seeing you and your new girlfriend. You should be holding her hand, arm around her, talking about her, involving her in conversation, going that extra mile because you know it's awkward. You're not silly, you know? From what I gathered, they apparently still see each other every now and then because they grew up in the same town and have mutual friends, which I didn't know prior to this.

After we said goodbye to them, my boyfriend and I didn't really speak about the whole situation much at all. I obviously went to do some Instagram stalking and found out his two best friends and the ex still mutually follow each other, which means she pretty much always knows that my boyfriend is up to as they post him a lot. The whole situation has just made me overthink so much, especially since I don't have an ex so I can't tell whether it's normal or not. I keep seeing- sorry, I keep having intrusive thoughts that my boyfriend would rather be with her and probably still loves her. It doesn't help either that he told me that his ex is still attached to him. I don't know whether I should tell my boyfriend about these doubts or if I'm just being a crazy jealous bitch lol. Thank you so much Leah,

I love you lots. I love you. I definitely think you should talk to your boyfriend about this. The only person that can make you feel better is him. I think you definitely should say to him that the way he acted in that conversation of the four of you wasn't very nice and he should have been more aware of your feelings than that and should have made it clear that you're in a happy relationship. I think that's important and I think I definitely don't think you're in the wrong for saying that. Don't get me wrong you don't need to batter him about it like it doesn't need to be like a why did you do that why did you do that. But you are valid in your feelings and putting them across is fine. If he argues it, why are you arguing it? Literally what, why? A normal response and what I'm hoping from him would be, okay

babe I didn't think about that, you're right, and if we are ever in that situation again, which fingers crossed we're not, if we are, I'll be so aware of that next time, I'm really sorry babe, I didn't think about how that was making you feel. Perfect, thank you. Obviously I'm expecting a little defensive, well I didn't do it on purpose, that's just awkward. I don't care if it's awkward, it was already awkward, so your main priority should be my feelings there, sorry, but it should. It was already awkward. So your main priority should be my feelings there. Sorry, but it should. Okay.

And the intrusive thoughts like, oh, he obviously still wants to be with her. I would probably wanna know why they broke up. I'm not gonna lie. I think that's probably an important piece of information because if she ended it, that could help. But if he ended it, brilliant. that definitely makes us feel better, right? He didn't want to be with her fantastic. Do you know what I mean?

If you but if she ended it then that's a bit tricky, but then she's saying he's saying that she's saying That she's still attached to him. So that's Four years. How are you still attached to me after four years? You know what I mean? Like, are we still in communication? Do you talk to her? I just, I have a lot of questions and I would have no qualms, is that the word, in asking him these questions?

I don't know if that's the word. I don't know if that is the correct phrase, but whatever. I would be very comfortable asking these questions. I just think, look, it's really awkward for me. I've got questions, I've got doubts. It's making me insecure. The way that you treat me in that conversation has added to my insecurities.

The way that you're telling me she's attached to has added to my insecurities. So I'm gonna need some reassurance. I don't think that's fucking crazy for me to ask. You know? But yeah, let me know what he says, ask him all your questions and then come back with the answers and I think we should discuss further. You know, I love you. Okay, let's do one more. Oh my god, are you ready for this? Help, my boyfriend goes on

one-on-one nights away with another girl. What? Okay. My boyfriend works for a smallish company where previously it was only him and a lot of middle aged or older men and women. Until now, recently, oh sorry, until now. Recently, they have just hired a new girl, similar age, very pretty, seems nice enough. And my boyfriend and her are working very closely. Of course they are. They both work in the same team and as they are both the youngest in the company they seem to work together on a lot of things and sit next to each other in the office. Fuck. This also includes being sent away on work trips, events, nights away on their own. Oh no, no, no. As you can imagine this makes me feel physically sick lol.

It also doesn't help that we are in a long-distance relationship, so while I may not see my boyfriend for weeks at a time, he is obviously seeing her every day catching up etc. Fuck yeah. My boyfriend is reassuring and says there's nothing there and he is just friendly with her. However, he has commented on stuff She's wanted to me e.g. I was wearing a cute new waistcoat and he recommend he recommended what the hell I meant He commented that's nice Sarah where where's those a lot to work? She's not really called Sarah by the way. Okay good Why why do you even notice what Sarah's wearing? That's my question. And also, um,

you're gonna bring it up. He's going to say like there's nothing there. That's what's difficult. Like, obviously, I want you to reassure me. I don't want you to turn around and tell me to piss off. But also, you're gonna fucking reassure me whether you're cheating on me with her or not. So that's why it's so tough. But then I was like, wait, so you know it's what she wears to work? Yes, that's what I'm saying, babe. I don't know, like he is reassuring about it, and I know I literally- it literally can't be helped. But like, what am I supposed to do? I can't exactly ask him to leave his job.

No, this is the thing, what the fuck can you do? But it's also driving me insane, knowing that he's chatting to her, seeing her every day, going on work trips, when I barely even get a chance to see him myself. This is really affecting our relationship and I'm honestly considering whether being with him in this situation is actually really negatively affecting my mental health as I have found my anxiety has been absolutely awful since it all came about. I do trust him but I have also a gut feeling that if anyone of the opposite sex spend enough time together on their own and were both relatively nice and good looking, then naturally it would turn flirty. Please help as I'm honestly so

lost. At first my boyfriend was reassuring but has now just started to get irritated with me when I ask him about it or get upset about the situation. What would you do? How would you react from a very anxious girlie? Do you know what? That is so, so difficult because like you're saying, what can you do? You can't ask them to quit and you wouldn't. We can't get her sacked and you, well you probably would but, what can you do? He, and also what more can he do? Let's think I Think I'd like to meet her. I think if that was me and Jamie worked extremely closely with a attractive young girl. I would want him to say like babe I get it. It's really awkward and if it was you and another guy I'd feel exactly the same

Why don't we all just get together? You can meet her. You can exchange numbers. You can become friends. I would like that. I think that's the energy I'd want. If we're forced into a situation where there is a girl uncomfortably close, I think that's what I'd want.

Because listen, I don't care how secure you are. It would bother you. Surely it would bother you. And I've always said this, you know how you said like, oh you know, if you're good looking and you spend all this time together, surely it's bound to get flirty. In my first ever episode, my first ever weekly debate was do I believe in male-female friendship. I said yeah sure, but best friends, I've always said like no, I genuinely just believe you would, someone would have low key feelings, sexual attraction, you'd at least snog when you were pissed or even have sex when you're drunk. That's what I

believe when they're really really really close up are forced, this is forced, well, forced proximity. Okay? It would make a great book. But I just feel like, it's a really difficult one. Cause I totally get it. I totally sympathize, is the for your feelings and I genuinely feel like my brain would go to the same place. So I feel like the only thing that could help is him and the example I gave because like I was saying we can't do

anything about it. We can't make ourselves feel any better. Sure we can do everything we can to not overthink. Does she have a boyfriend I want to know? Is she straight? You know, like, is she a threat? Because, I don't know. It's really hard. This is a really hard one and I do not... I just, I do not know how, how you would be able to cope without him just doing more. Like I always say this, like when somebody has a valid reason to feel insecure in your relationship like you do, I just think your partner needs to just go the extra mile.

I just think we should expect that from our boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever. I just, I truly do. And if that was me and if I was working, going to the office every day with a young guy who Jamie would say is like, you know, he's an attractive guy, he's your age blah blah blah and that's how he felt about the guy I'm working with. I would instantly be like, what can I do to make him feel better? That would be my first thought, not just like, babe, there's nothing there, don't worry about it. No, literally there's nothing there.

And now he's starting to get irritated with you, which I kind of understand because if we're constantly asking questions and he's genuinely doing nothing wrong, I get it, that it would be like, oh, fucking hell, babe. What can I do? What do you want me to do? But also, it's like, why are you getting defensive? So the boy literally cannot win,

so we do need to sympathize for him in this situation as well because he really can't win, but there is more he can do. I do think bringing the two of you together would help. Are you invited to the Christmas party this year? I would hope so, you know? And I think just communicate that, like, look babe, I'm sorry and I know that if there is nothing going on here, then this is unfair and it is exhausting for you and I can, I am sorry, I don't like how I'm feeling and I don't like that I'm putting this on you, but I really hope you can understand, and I hope you can imagine how you might feel

in a similar situation. And is there a way I can meet her? I feel like that might help. I don't want this to get in the middle of our relationship. I love you. I do trust you. It's just niggling at me, and I'm sorry, you know, because like we're saying, it's not his fault.

He's been forced into this situation. It's truly not his fault. He can't say, no, sorry, I'm not going on a work trip, I've got a girlfriend, because that's very unprofessional of him. So, sympathize and empathize with the fact that it's not his fault, and he's not doing anything wrong as far as we're aware, but you aren't unfair for asking for extra reassurance, because it's unsettling,

and it's not nice, You know? Alright, I love you. Keep us updated please, I'm begging you. And yeah, just try and get out of that little head of yours. I think we can drive ourselves fucking insane, you know? Wouldn't hurt for him to tell us that he thinks she's not attractive and not for him at all and you're the only beautiful girl in the world and the only woman he sees, and she might as well be a boy to him. That, you know, that wouldn't hurt

to get that energy from him. Like, babe, I don't fancy anyone apart from you. You're literally the only girl I ever see. I don't even see other women. I don't even see them. I just see them as like robots, you know? That would be nice, but instead he's like, oh, lovely corset you know, that would be nice, but instead he's like, oh lovely corset,

Sarah wears that. Seriously? Fuck that. I love you, I'm so sorry. Okay, let's wrap up the episode guys. Okay, wow. Some tricky dilemmas today. I really truly wasn't sure on where to go with a lot of them. It's really difficult to give advice sometimes because sometimes I'm just wrong. Like sometimes, very rarely I'm wrong. No, but like I don't know these people so I could just be like, fucking, he's definitely cheating on you like break up with you but at the same time What if he is? It's just unhelpful isn't it?

So I do try I am trying to look on the bright side of things where I can But we also an outsider's perspective is definitely important Okay, sometimes I'm blinded by love. All right. Sorry if sometimes my love is a bit brutal, a bit of tough love, you know? But, I love you, I'm here for you, we're best friends for life. Just know that no matter what, I got you back, okay? We're in everything together. I love you so much, I hope you all have an incredible week this week. I miss you already, I can't wait to come back and podcast!

No, actually, I can wait. Give me a bit of time in the sun, I can wait. Ah! Alright, I love you so much, have an amazing week, and I'll speak to you on Tuesday for a brand new episode. All right. I love you. Bye! This message comes from BetterHelp. Can you think of a time when you didn't feel like you could be yourself? Like you were hiding behind a mask? BetterHelp online therapy is convenient, flexible, and can help you learn to be your authentic

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